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This programme contains some strong language. | 0:00:03 | 0:00:07 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:00:18 | 0:00:21 | |
Hello and welcome to the Sarah Millican Christmas Television Programme. | 0:00:36 | 0:00:40 | |
Merry Christmas, everyone. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:47 | |
People always talk about the good old days of TV at Christmas, | 0:00:50 | 0:00:53 | |
don't they? "Oh, it was so much better then. | 0:00:53 | 0:00:56 | |
"25 million people sat down to watch the same programme." | 0:00:56 | 0:01:00 | |
That's because they had no choice. | 0:01:00 | 0:01:02 | |
It's like saying the Blitz was popular. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
In the days of one TV, your mam could stop you watching | 0:01:07 | 0:01:10 | |
too much telly on Christmas day, couldn't she? | 0:01:10 | 0:01:12 | |
Now you can disappear into the toilet for half-an-hour | 0:01:12 | 0:01:15 | |
with your iPhone. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:16 | |
"Are you watching telly in there?" | 0:01:16 | 0:01:19 | |
"No, Ma, just had too many boiled eggs this morning." | 0:01:19 | 0:01:22 | |
I like to combine certain sweets with particular shows. | 0:01:24 | 0:01:26 | |
It's a bit like finding the right wine for the right meat, you know? | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
For Strictly, I like Quality Street | 0:01:29 | 0:01:32 | |
cos then I can make my own outfit out of the wrappers. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:35 | |
That justifies both tins. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
For News at Ten, I have After Eights. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
And for EastEnders, I like Jelly Babies | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
because someone must die! | 0:01:47 | 0:01:49 | |
When babies are born on December 25th, | 0:01:52 | 0:01:55 | |
they are often given names like Noel and Holly. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
I'd call mine Rennie. | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
They still have The Snowman on every year. | 0:02:03 | 0:02:06 | |
I worry, though, cos it first came out in 1980. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:09 | |
Given what other celebrities were doing back then, | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
you half expect to see the boy | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
with a snowy handprint on his pyjama bottoms. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:15 | |
As tribute to The Voice, when carol singers come to my house, | 0:02:25 | 0:02:28 | |
I turn my back on them. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
They put those Christmas lectures on as well, don't they? | 0:02:32 | 0:02:35 | |
As if we need more things to fall asleep to! | 0:02:35 | 0:02:38 | |
I saw one called How Climate Change Affects The War Between Plants And Animals. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:42 | |
I didn't even know there WAS a war between plants and animals. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:46 | |
Plants are at a disadvantage really, aren't they? | 0:02:46 | 0:02:49 | |
Given that they're food. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:51 | |
Well, garnish! | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
Thank God the telly is so good at Christmas. | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
It has to be - | 0:02:58 | 0:02:59 | |
you've got relatives, alcohol and carving knives in the same place. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:03 | |
Wallace and Gromit should work for the United Nations! | 0:03:04 | 0:03:07 | |
I think the ultimate Christmas special would be Dr Who | 0:03:08 | 0:03:11 | |
turns up in Downton Abbey | 0:03:11 | 0:03:12 | |
and teaches Mrs Patmore how to do perfect roast potatoes. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:15 | |
Then flies, with the Snowman, | 0:03:15 | 0:03:17 | |
to Albert Square where he rescues the Queen from a fire. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:20 | |
And puts the whole story in a Kirstie Allsopp snow globe. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:23 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:03:27 | 0:03:31 | |
Oh! SHE CHUCKLES | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
Oh! | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
I don't know how long that's been there! | 0:03:38 | 0:03:41 | |
Looks all right. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:42 | |
Save the rest for New Year's Eve. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:48 | |
My friend said... | 0:03:51 | 0:03:53 | |
My friend said she'd bought herself a Christmas scented candle. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:57 | |
I said, "Why? | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
"Christmas at mine smells of feet, sprouts | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
"and nine people in a warm room for ten hours." | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
Considering the amount of farting that happens | 0:04:06 | 0:04:08 | |
watching Christmas telly, you're better off never leaving the room. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:11 | |
That way, at least you stay acclimatised. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:14 | |
Does anyone here do Midnight Mass? | 0:04:17 | 0:04:19 | |
To me, it sounds like a particularly harsh | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
Christmas WeightWatchers meeting. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
I bet Midnight Mass is just full of drunk people | 0:04:24 | 0:04:27 | |
cos it's after pub kicking-out time, isn't it? | 0:04:27 | 0:04:30 | |
"They'll have wine." | 0:04:30 | 0:04:32 | |
"Can I have chilli sauce on my communion wafer, please?" | 0:04:34 | 0:04:37 | |
Christmas is the only time of year you can shit on the roof | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
and blame it on a reindeer. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:45 | |
Setting fire to the Christmas pudding is a tradition. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
Something your dad always wants to do. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:54 | |
And if it doesn't light straight away, he says, | 0:04:54 | 0:04:56 | |
"I know what'll help this." And comes back with a jerry can. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
"I know what I'm doing. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:02 | |
"I did this last year in the OLD house." | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
I don't have any grandparents any more. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:10 | |
It's a shame you can't get a rescue one, isn't it? | 0:05:10 | 0:05:12 | |
There should be, like, a Battersea Dogs Home for nans. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
Their motto could be, "Grandmas aren't for life, | 0:05:18 | 0:05:21 | |
"they're just for Christmas. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:22 | |
"And possibly birthdays. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:26 | |
"This is Ethel. She sometimes snaps. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
"Not good with children. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:32 | |
"Barks at the telly. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:34 | |
"Partially house-trained. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:35 | |
"Used to be one of a pair." | 0:05:37 | 0:05:38 | |
AUDIENCE: Aw! | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
With a lot of people living overseas now, it's quite common | 0:05:40 | 0:05:43 | |
for the family to watch their young relatives open presents on a webcam. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:47 | |
There's nothing like seeing their little faces light up, then go dark, | 0:05:47 | 0:05:51 | |
then freeze, then wobble a bit, then turn it off. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:55 | |
If they really loved me, they'd be here. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:58 | |
Christmas is when people send their news via a round robin. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:03 | |
They're only really fun if you know the couple well | 0:06:03 | 0:06:06 | |
and know what really happened. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
"Ian continues to be a handful at school." | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
Borstal! | 0:06:10 | 0:06:11 | |
There was one I got from a couple I knew who had gone on holiday, | 0:06:13 | 0:06:16 | |
argued the whole way there | 0:06:16 | 0:06:18 | |
and didn't speak for their two-week break. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
And their round robin said, | 0:06:20 | 0:06:21 | |
"Michael and I had a wonderful time in Antigua, | 0:06:21 | 0:06:24 | |
"we got a lot of reading done." | 0:06:24 | 0:06:25 | |
But, for me, Christmas is all about watching telly. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
And you know what's changed the way we do that? Sky+. | 0:06:30 | 0:06:34 | |
Although my mam still refuses to pause live TV. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:37 | |
She thinks she'll be behind everyone for ever. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:40 | |
Like, she'll be forced to live in the past. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:44 | |
Once upon a time, there wasn't enough good telly. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:47 | |
Now there's too much. | 0:06:47 | 0:06:49 | |
I've never seen my boyfriend look more worried | 0:06:49 | 0:06:51 | |
than when the planner says we've got 3% left. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:54 | |
We've got all these programmes recorded that have been there all year. | 0:06:56 | 0:07:00 | |
We're clearly never going to get round to watching them. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:03 | |
It's important to be self aware, I think. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
You're never writing that book, it's too late for kids, | 0:07:05 | 0:07:07 | |
and you're never going to watch BBC Four's The Story Of Jazz. | 0:07:07 | 0:07:11 | |
We should have an amnesty. | 0:07:13 | 0:07:15 | |
I've got a documentary called How To Build A Bionic Man. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
I think I was just lonely. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:21 | |
Can I have your permission to delete that? Yes! | 0:07:22 | 0:07:26 | |
Thanks! | 0:07:26 | 0:07:28 | |
It's always gratifying when deleting something frees up a surprising amount of space, isn't it? | 0:07:28 | 0:07:32 | |
The Olympic opening ceremony was 8%. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:35 | |
I broke my own world record. | 0:07:35 | 0:07:37 | |
Christmas adverts are brilliant, aren't they? | 0:07:39 | 0:07:41 | |
I loved it when September came around so I could start watching them. | 0:07:41 | 0:07:44 | |
My favourite Christmas advert is for Disney perfume | 0:07:46 | 0:07:49 | |
because you can't beat the great smell of duck, can you? | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
Would you like a little squirt of me Mickey? | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
I'm a bit uncomfortable, actually. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:01 | |
What is that? | 0:08:01 | 0:08:02 | |
Oh! | 0:08:02 | 0:08:04 | |
I love Phillip Schofield. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
They say for men's hair, it's good to have a bit of salt and pepper. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:11 | |
Phillip Schofield is all salt. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
I don't mind a high sodium diet. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:16 | |
I'm not the only one. Everyone has a crush on someone on TV. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:22 | |
A psychologist told me | 0:08:22 | 0:08:23 | |
that it's often a person who reminds you of your dad. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
At least, that's what I put my attraction to Samuel L Jackson down to. | 0:08:25 | 0:08:30 | |
The giveaway that boys have a crush on someone on TV | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
is when they put a cushion on their lap. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
My boyfriend did it during Springwatch once. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:41 | |
I thought, "I hope that's for Michaela Strachan, | 0:08:43 | 0:08:46 | |
"because I don't know if I can compete with a stoat." | 0:08:46 | 0:08:48 | |
A friend of mine fancies Bruce Parry off Tribe. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:55 | |
She says that if she dated a bloke who was that comfortable in a jungle | 0:08:55 | 0:08:58 | |
she'd save a fortune on bikini waxes. | 0:08:58 | 0:09:01 | |
Gordon Ramsay's an attractive bloke but he's always frowning, isn't he? | 0:09:03 | 0:09:07 | |
You'd worry that his sex face was the same as the one he pulls | 0:09:07 | 0:09:10 | |
when there's not enough seasoning in a risotto. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
A friend of mine fancies Phil Spencer | 0:09:14 | 0:09:17 | |
and uses estate agent speak whenever we're watching him. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:20 | |
"He could see a knickers reduction opportunity with me. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:24 | |
"He could flip me for a profit. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
"Ooh, he could knock my hallway through any day." | 0:09:28 | 0:09:30 | |
Yes, I love Christmas. | 0:09:41 | 0:09:42 | |
I bought a chocolate Advent calendar this year. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
I came home from work the next day, my boyfriend looked really guilty. | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
I said, "What have you done?" | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
He said, "I've just eaten a fortnight." | 0:09:50 | 0:09:52 | |
You can tell what social class you're in by the kind of eggs | 0:09:57 | 0:10:00 | |
you have on Christmas morning. Eggs Benedict - posh. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:04 | |
Poached eggs - trying to be posh. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
And if you're common as muck like me, Easter eggs. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:09 | |
Oh, this must be my present from the BBC. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:14 | |
Oh, I love opening a present. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:16 | |
AUDIENCE: Ooh! | 0:10:16 | 0:10:18 | |
I love opening presents. Let's do that. | 0:10:18 | 0:10:21 | |
Oh, it's Phillip Schofield! | 0:10:23 | 0:10:24 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:10:24 | 0:10:26 | |
Merry Christmas! | 0:10:26 | 0:10:27 | |
SARAH GIGGLES | 0:10:32 | 0:10:35 | |
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:39 | |
Hello. Merry Christmas, darling. Oh, don't do that! | 0:10:39 | 0:10:42 | |
I've loved you since I was 12. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:44 | |
Merry Christmas, and thank you so much for being on the show, | 0:10:46 | 0:10:49 | |
lovely Phillip Schofield. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:50 | |
Yours is the only show I wanted to be on. | 0:10:50 | 0:10:53 | |
Oh, really? Yeah. | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
Oh, apart from like This Morning and The Cube, | 0:10:55 | 0:10:58 | |
and Dancing On Ice? | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
Yeah, yeah, apart from all of those. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
This is a really big moment for me. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:05 | |
Cos we've never met, have we? Our paths have never crossed. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:09 | |
No, and even now, we're separated by distance, which is unfair. | 0:11:09 | 0:11:13 | |
This feels like this might be a legal thing, though. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:16 | |
I've got a question for you. Holly or Fern? | 0:11:18 | 0:11:22 | |
AUDIENCE: Oh! | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
That's a tricky one. That's a very tricky one. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:26 | |
We had such a brilliant time with Fern, that was marvellous, | 0:11:26 | 0:11:30 | |
and we clicked. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:31 | |
And I thought no-one could ever replace her, | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
and then along came Holly, who is just such a delight to work with. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:37 | |
And I love going into work every morning to see her. | 0:11:37 | 0:11:40 | |
I meant as a table decoration, but OK. | 0:11:40 | 0:11:43 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:11:43 | 0:11:45 | |
Yeah, you can compare two women if you want. | 0:11:55 | 0:11:58 | |
Now, you've done a lot of testicle examinations on This Morning. | 0:12:00 | 0:12:04 | |
Is there any chance an enthusiastic amateur could come and have a go? | 0:12:05 | 0:12:09 | |
Yeah, definitely. You're on the list. I've got warm hands. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:17 | |
You're quite the Silver Fox, aren't you? | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
Do the curtains match the carpet, or... | 0:12:21 | 0:12:24 | |
..do you have a bit of Just For Men down below? | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
I'll answer you honestly, as decently as I can at Christmas. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:35 | |
And that is, look at that, | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
and look at those. | 0:12:37 | 0:12:39 | |
AUDIENCE: Ooh! | 0:12:39 | 0:12:41 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:42 | 0:12:44 | |
Oh, no. I'm quite warm. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:50 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:50 | 0:12:51 | |
So am I. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:53 | |
You once received some pubic hair in the post from a fan. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:57 | |
Yes! Has that gone grey now, too? | 0:12:57 | 0:13:00 | |
Because it shouldn't because it isn't. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
So that WAS you? | 0:13:06 | 0:13:07 | |
I have actually written to you in the past. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:14 | |
I wrote to you a number of times, when I was sort of 12, 13, | 0:13:14 | 0:13:18 | |
when you were in the Broom Cupboard. Going Live! kind of era. | 0:13:18 | 0:13:22 | |
I sent a photograph of my bedroom once to you. | 0:13:22 | 0:13:25 | |
Cos it had pictures of you. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:27 | |
And you sent it back and wrote on the back, "A true fan," | 0:13:27 | 0:13:30 | |
and then signed it. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:32 | |
But the point is that you sent it back. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
AUDIENCE: Awww. | 0:13:34 | 0:13:37 | |
Do you know, bizarrely... | 0:13:37 | 0:13:40 | |
I have a vague recollection of that. No, shut up! | 0:13:40 | 0:13:43 | |
Even if you're lying, that has made me very happy. I never lie. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:58 | |
Mm-hm. | 0:13:58 | 0:13:59 | |
Probably the most recent one, and it was a long time ago, | 0:14:00 | 0:14:03 | |
you did a show on Radio 2. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:05 | |
Yeah. Well, Radio 1. Was it Radio 1? | 0:14:05 | 0:14:08 | |
Oh, it's because I forget that Radio 1 exists now cos I'm 38. | 0:14:08 | 0:14:12 | |
Must have been Radio 1 back when I was allowed to listen, | 0:14:12 | 0:14:15 | |
and it was your birthday and I sent you a birthday card | 0:14:15 | 0:14:19 | |
and in the card it had a hamster, like a cartoon hamster, | 0:14:19 | 0:14:22 | |
and inside I made out, hilariously, right, | 0:14:22 | 0:14:24 | |
that the card was from the hamster. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:27 | |
And you read it out on your Radio 1 show and then afterwards you said, | 0:14:29 | 0:14:32 | |
"Remember, you don't have to try to be funny!" | 0:14:32 | 0:14:36 | |
Do you know what? | 0:14:40 | 0:14:42 | |
Bizarrely... | 0:14:42 | 0:14:44 | |
..I don't remember that. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:47 | |
This is my best Christmas present ever. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:50 | |
What's the best Christmas present you've ever received? | 0:14:50 | 0:14:52 | |
When I was really little, my mum and dad stayed up late | 0:14:52 | 0:14:56 | |
in the weeks and weeks leading up to Christmas, | 0:14:56 | 0:14:58 | |
and made me my own zoo, a handmade zoo. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:01 | |
My dad was really very, very clever with his hands. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:04 | |
He was a brilliant craftsmen. I wish I'd kept my zoo. | 0:15:04 | 0:15:07 | |
I'll make you a zoo. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:09 | |
All the animals will have proper hair and everything. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:14 | |
SARAH CHUCKLES | 0:15:20 | 0:15:22 | |
Do you ever think about making the competition questions | 0:15:25 | 0:15:29 | |
in This Morning a bit, | 0:15:29 | 0:15:30 | |
A, harder, | 0:15:30 | 0:15:33 | |
B, ridiculously easy, | 0:15:33 | 0:15:35 | |
or C, Lionel Richie? | 0:15:35 | 0:15:36 | |
Definitely C. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:44 | |
What do you do when a guest doesn't turn up, | 0:15:45 | 0:15:47 | |
like, if somebody's stuck in traffic, or for whatever reason | 0:15:47 | 0:15:50 | |
they don't arrive and you need a guest, what do you do then? | 0:15:50 | 0:15:53 | |
Well, after we've tried to contact you... I was going to say, | 0:15:55 | 0:15:58 | |
I am normally really close, Phillip. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:00 | |
I've seen the smears up the studio window. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:06 | |
Have you seen the lower ones as well? | 0:16:07 | 0:16:09 | |
You asked for that. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:16 | |
Are you a bit tempted to have a few drinks | 0:16:16 | 0:16:18 | |
when you're presenting This Morning? | 0:16:18 | 0:16:19 | |
Cos most of the audience at home has, haven't they? | 0:16:19 | 0:16:22 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:16:22 | 0:16:25 | |
I've never started the show drunk. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:28 | |
I've never presented a show drunk but we've finished it drunk | 0:16:28 | 0:16:31 | |
a few times because we've had wine-tasting things in the show | 0:16:31 | 0:16:35 | |
and cocktails... | 0:16:35 | 0:16:37 | |
But aren't you supposed to spit those out? Well, no! | 0:16:37 | 0:16:39 | |
That's just a... That's just a waste. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
Have you trained your bladder to match the ad breaks on This Morning? | 0:16:46 | 0:16:49 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:16:49 | 0:16:52 | |
Yes, you have. Cos you're quite the giggler, aren't you? | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
You're quite the giggler on the show. Yeah. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:57 | |
Thankfully, I have very, very strong pelvic floor muscles. | 0:16:57 | 0:17:00 | |
Oh, really? | 0:17:00 | 0:17:02 | |
I was going to ask if a little bit of wee ever came out? Never. | 0:17:02 | 0:17:05 | |
Never? Not once? Not ever? I don't think so. | 0:17:05 | 0:17:08 | |
That's good to know. It has done now. | 0:17:08 | 0:17:10 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:17:10 | 0:17:13 | |
I'm wet through here. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
Oh! | 0:17:15 | 0:17:17 | |
Oh, if only you were here! | 0:17:17 | 0:17:19 | |
Now, why don't you present This Morning on Fridays? | 0:17:21 | 0:17:24 | |
Can you just not be arsed? | 0:17:24 | 0:17:25 | |
It was because Dancing On Ice, when we started doing Dancing On Ice, | 0:17:29 | 0:17:32 | |
the rehearsal's on Saturday, did the show on the Sunday, | 0:17:32 | 0:17:35 | |
and so I never saw the family. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:37 | |
So it was because I got a day off for the family when they were younger. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:41 | |
And then they grew up and I just kept the Fridays off. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:44 | |
Do you watch, like, on a Friday, or, like everyone else, | 0:17:45 | 0:17:49 | |
do you just skip it cos it's just Eamonn and Ruth? | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
They're lovely, but they're a bit sort of substitute teachers, | 0:17:56 | 0:17:59 | |
aren't they? Just can't keep control. | 0:17:59 | 0:18:03 | |
Is Gino D'Acampo really Italian? | 0:18:03 | 0:18:04 | |
Because the accent doesn't feel real. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
He's from Sheffield. | 0:18:07 | 0:18:08 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
SARAH LAUGHS | 0:18:10 | 0:18:13 | |
Now, you host The Cube. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:15 | |
How good are you at doing intricate tasks in a box? | 0:18:15 | 0:18:18 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:18:18 | 0:18:20 | |
I'm very good. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:27 | |
That's good to hear. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:30 | |
How often on Dancing On Ice do you think to yourself, | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
"Oh, go on, drop her." | 0:18:34 | 0:18:35 | |
It depends who it is. | 0:18:40 | 0:18:41 | |
Do you have a favourite moment from Dancing On Ice? | 0:18:43 | 0:18:46 | |
Oh, I think definitely Todd Carty. | 0:18:46 | 0:18:48 | |
Oh, that's my favourite one as well! Is it? | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
Yeah, we've actually got a clip. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:51 | |
Brilliant. Let's play it for everyone else. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:54 | |
# Help me if you can I'm feeling down | 0:18:54 | 0:18:57 | |
# And I do appreciate You being round | 0:18:57 | 0:19:03 | |
# Help me get my feet Back on the ground | 0:19:03 | 0:19:07 | |
# Won't you please, please Help me | 0:19:07 | 0:19:11 | |
# Help me Help me. # | 0:19:11 | 0:19:16 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:19:16 | 0:19:19 | |
I never tire of seeing it. | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
I love the way he just styles it out when he comes back out | 0:19:25 | 0:19:28 | |
and still does the ta-da at the end. | 0:19:28 | 0:19:31 | |
But there were two guys who were just off set, | 0:19:31 | 0:19:34 | |
he came out and fell over | 0:19:34 | 0:19:36 | |
and they just picked him up, turned him round and pushed him back on. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:39 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:19:39 | 0:19:41 | |
We had Pamela Anderson, who was on, and she was a lovely lady, | 0:19:41 | 0:19:46 | |
but a dreadful skater. | 0:19:46 | 0:19:48 | |
She provided me with one of my most extraordinary moments. | 0:19:48 | 0:19:51 | |
She did a huge lift, she was lifted by her partner, | 0:19:51 | 0:19:55 | |
finished the routine, turned around... | 0:19:55 | 0:19:57 | |
This was in a rehearsal by the way, | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
so sadly there's no footage of this. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:01 | |
And she turned around and skated towards me. | 0:20:01 | 0:20:03 | |
And they were out. | 0:20:03 | 0:20:05 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:20:05 | 0:20:07 | |
It looked like the airbag had gone off. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:15 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:20:15 | 0:20:16 | |
You always do family shows, | 0:20:21 | 0:20:23 | |
do you have to get all the swearing out beforehand? | 0:20:23 | 0:20:26 | |
Oh, fuck, yes! | 0:20:26 | 0:20:27 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:20:27 | 0:20:29 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:20:29 | 0:20:32 | |
You've seen the show, you know what we do, | 0:20:37 | 0:20:39 | |
this is excellent news. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:41 | |
Now, I always loved you when you were in the Broom Cupboard | 0:20:41 | 0:20:43 | |
and doing kids' TV. Do you still talk to Gordon the Gopher | 0:20:43 | 0:20:46 | |
or did it turn nasty? | 0:20:46 | 0:20:48 | |
It actually ended really rather badly. | 0:20:50 | 0:20:52 | |
We don't speak... Yeah, we don't speak to each other any more. | 0:20:52 | 0:20:55 | |
He's in rehab. | 0:20:55 | 0:20:57 | |
See, cos I haven't seen him on the telly for a long time. | 0:20:57 | 0:21:00 | |
He must hate those bloody meercats, mustn't he? | 0:21:00 | 0:21:02 | |
Yeah. | 0:21:02 | 0:21:05 | |
Now, I've got one more Christmas wish. What's that? | 0:21:05 | 0:21:09 | |
MAGICAL HARP MUSIC | 0:21:09 | 0:21:11 | |
Yay! You're in the Broom Cupboard! | 0:21:13 | 0:21:16 | |
Ta-da! | 0:21:16 | 0:21:17 | |
It's been a long time. | 0:21:21 | 0:21:23 | |
Did you get my Christmas cards? | 0:21:26 | 0:21:27 | |
Yes, I did. Here we go. | 0:21:27 | 0:21:30 | |
It's like being in the Broom Cupboard again. | 0:21:30 | 0:21:32 | |
Here we are, here's a lovely card. This one's from Sarah. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:35 | |
Yeah, they're all from me, love. | 0:21:35 | 0:21:37 | |
Oh, that's the special one, the one with the glitter. | 0:21:37 | 0:21:41 | |
You see on the front, underneath the Merry Christmas? | 0:21:41 | 0:21:43 | |
If you have a look at the front there... | 0:21:43 | 0:21:45 | |
In the shape of a heart? | 0:21:45 | 0:21:47 | |
Yeah, I did a potato print of my vajazzle for you. | 0:21:47 | 0:21:51 | |
I just sort of lowered meself onto it. | 0:21:56 | 0:21:59 | |
It's a lovely shape. | 0:22:03 | 0:22:05 | |
That's the compliment I mostly get! | 0:22:10 | 0:22:12 | |
But there is still something missing. Hang on. | 0:22:17 | 0:22:20 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:22:23 | 0:22:25 | |
Perfect! | 0:22:25 | 0:22:27 | |
Is that the way you want me? That's the way I want you. | 0:22:28 | 0:22:32 | |
This is the best Christmas ever! | 0:22:32 | 0:22:34 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:22:34 | 0:22:36 | |
Thank you ever so much. Phillip Schofield! | 0:22:43 | 0:22:47 | |
It's my pleasure. | 0:22:47 | 0:22:49 | |
And Sarah? Oh, yes? | 0:22:49 | 0:22:50 | |
Ha-ha! I'm coming in! | 0:22:52 | 0:22:54 | |
Mwah! Thank you. Merry Christmas. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:59 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:22:59 | 0:23:02 | |
After all that excitement, | 0:23:08 | 0:23:10 | |
I need to talk about something gentle like a Sunday night drama. | 0:23:10 | 0:23:14 | |
Why do we like soothing dramas on a Sunday night? | 0:23:14 | 0:23:17 | |
Because we want to be reminded of good times gone by, | 0:23:17 | 0:23:19 | |
like Friday night. | 0:23:19 | 0:23:22 | |
Downton's a Sunday night favourite. | 0:23:22 | 0:23:24 | |
In Downton times, a lot more people died of things they shouldn't have | 0:23:24 | 0:23:27 | |
because they were too repressed to say what the problem was. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:31 | |
They'd have to say, "I've got a problem with my finger." | 0:23:31 | 0:23:34 | |
"Oh, let me take a look." | 0:23:34 | 0:23:35 | |
"It's, um... It's up my bum." | 0:23:35 | 0:23:38 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:23:38 | 0:23:40 | |
"It's touching something knobbly." | 0:23:43 | 0:23:45 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:23:45 | 0:23:48 | |
Then there was Mr Selfridge. He invented fitting rooms. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:51 | |
What an arse. | 0:23:51 | 0:23:52 | |
The lights are too bright. | 0:23:54 | 0:23:55 | |
Though they are good for plucking your tache, especially in Marksies. | 0:23:55 | 0:23:59 | |
The curtain is never wide enough | 0:23:59 | 0:24:01 | |
but it means you can show the girls walking past | 0:24:01 | 0:24:04 | |
what a happy woman looks like. | 0:24:04 | 0:24:06 | |
I'm looking forward to the spin-off, Miss Selfridge, | 0:24:06 | 0:24:09 | |
where skinny girls stare at you and ask, "Is it for a present?" | 0:24:09 | 0:24:13 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:24:13 | 0:24:15 | |
Now, we couldn't have a Christmas show without talking about | 0:24:17 | 0:24:20 | |
one of the biggest shows of the year, Call The Midwife. | 0:24:20 | 0:24:22 | |
CHEERING | 0:24:22 | 0:24:25 | |
It's all about a group of midwives. | 0:24:25 | 0:24:27 | |
There's a posh one, a tough one, a very young one | 0:24:27 | 0:24:29 | |
and an older one who pretends to be young. | 0:24:29 | 0:24:32 | |
It's basically the Spice Girls on gas and air. | 0:24:32 | 0:24:35 | |
I love it when the midwives say, "I'm going to need hot water and towels." | 0:24:35 | 0:24:38 | |
I always think, "I'd be stressed and fancy a bath, too." | 0:24:38 | 0:24:41 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:24:41 | 0:24:43 | |
Those women are all very cheerful | 0:24:44 | 0:24:46 | |
considering they live on a bomb site, | 0:24:46 | 0:24:48 | |
have too much sex and all the men are bastards. | 0:24:48 | 0:24:51 | |
No, hang on, I'm thinking of Geordie Shore! | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
And there are a lot of bikes in it. No, that's Geordie Shore! | 0:24:54 | 0:24:58 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:24:58 | 0:24:59 | |
This is at the time when a man and woman | 0:24:59 | 0:25:01 | |
had to have a chaperone when they went out on a date. | 0:25:01 | 0:25:04 | |
A chaperone was there to hold your handbag | 0:25:04 | 0:25:06 | |
while you went off to get fingered outside. | 0:25:06 | 0:25:08 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:25:08 | 0:25:10 | |
"I'm not putting it on the ground. It'll get dirty." | 0:25:17 | 0:25:20 | |
Call The Midwife wasn't their first choice for title. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:25 | |
Others they thought of were Game Of Moans, | 0:25:25 | 0:25:29 | |
Nuns And Nunnies, | 0:25:29 | 0:25:31 | |
and Sorry About Your Carpet. | 0:25:31 | 0:25:34 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:25:34 | 0:25:36 | |
How do they measure how dilated the woman is down there? | 0:25:36 | 0:25:39 | |
Is that why rulers need to be shatterproof? | 0:25:39 | 0:25:42 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:25:42 | 0:25:44 | |
I think I've got too smutty a mind to watch Call The Midwife. | 0:25:47 | 0:25:50 | |
The other day, I nearly spat my tea out | 0:25:50 | 0:25:52 | |
when one of the midwives complimented a mother on her lovely curtains. | 0:25:52 | 0:25:57 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:25:57 | 0:25:59 | |
You know what? Because it's Christmas, | 0:26:00 | 0:26:02 | |
I think I'm going to call the midwives right now. | 0:26:02 | 0:26:05 | |
Please welcome Judy Parfitt and Helen George, | 0:26:05 | 0:26:07 | |
also known as Sister Monica Joan and Nurse Trixie Franklin from Call The Midwife. | 0:26:07 | 0:26:11 | |
Hello. Hello. Welcome to the show. Thank you. Merry Christmas. | 0:26:21 | 0:26:25 | |
Merry Christmas. It's lovely to have you here. | 0:26:25 | 0:26:27 | |
What I would like to know is, before phones, | 0:26:27 | 0:26:29 | |
how did they call the midwife? | 0:26:29 | 0:26:31 | |
Was it like the Bat-Signal but with a fanny in the sky? | 0:26:31 | 0:26:34 | |
It'd be tricky, though. How would you recognise it? | 0:26:36 | 0:26:38 | |
You'd be like, "Is it? Is it a flower? I don't know what it is." | 0:26:38 | 0:26:41 | |
They used to have carrier pigeons. Carrier pigeons? Yes, yes. Really? | 0:26:41 | 0:26:46 | |
And it would just say, "It's coming out!" Yes. | 0:26:46 | 0:26:49 | |
Put it in a pigeon and send it. They'd send the pigeon. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:52 | |
Right, OK. That's good to know. | 0:26:52 | 0:26:55 | |
Sister Monica is obsessed with cake, knitting and astrology, isn't she? | 0:26:55 | 0:26:59 | |
Yes. I totally get that | 0:26:59 | 0:27:01 | |
apart from the knitting and the astrology. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:03 | |
They're good things to be obsessed with, aren't they? I think so. | 0:27:05 | 0:27:08 | |
What do you think is the best thing about living in the 1950s? | 0:27:08 | 0:27:12 | |
What was the best thing? | 0:27:12 | 0:27:13 | |
I like the fact that you can eat white bread and you don't feel bad. | 0:27:13 | 0:27:18 | |
I eat white bread and I don't feel bad, love. | 0:27:18 | 0:27:20 | |
You were allowed to have boobs, back then, weren't you? | 0:27:22 | 0:27:25 | |
Pointy boobs as well. Very pointy. I felt very left out. | 0:27:25 | 0:27:28 | |
How do you get them into a point? Tissue paper. Really? | 0:27:28 | 0:27:32 | |
You don't just roll them? Like... | 0:27:32 | 0:27:33 | |
..until they eventually fill the end of your bra. Just keep on. | 0:27:35 | 0:27:38 | |
"Come here, you've got warm hands. Keep rolling." | 0:27:38 | 0:27:40 | |
Just a bit of sellotape on the end of the nipple and just pull it. | 0:27:40 | 0:27:44 | |
AUDIENCE GROANS | 0:27:44 | 0:27:46 | |
No? | 0:27:46 | 0:27:47 | |
It's just a suggestion, you don't all have to try it at home. | 0:27:48 | 0:27:51 | |
I'm not very good with babies. | 0:27:51 | 0:27:54 | |
How long do you have to hold them | 0:27:54 | 0:27:56 | |
before you can ask if somebody else wants a go? | 0:27:56 | 0:27:59 | |
I'm not good with them. | 0:27:59 | 0:28:00 | |
And they're heavy as well, so you're kind of ugh. | 0:28:00 | 0:28:03 | |
They're lovely when they're quiet. | 0:28:03 | 0:28:05 | |
When they're quiet and haven't shat themselves? | 0:28:05 | 0:28:08 | |
And they haven't pooed. | 0:28:08 | 0:28:10 | |
We have naked babies on set all the time doing the birth stuff | 0:28:10 | 0:28:13 | |
and they just poo everywhere. It's like that yellow curry. | 0:28:13 | 0:28:17 | |
Yellow poo. | 0:28:17 | 0:28:18 | |
You've just put me off curry for life. I know! | 0:28:18 | 0:28:22 | |
And people will say, "Oh, you've just got a little..." Ugh! | 0:28:22 | 0:28:25 | |
Curry poo on your face! | 0:28:26 | 0:28:28 | |
You obviously all know how to hold babies. | 0:28:28 | 0:28:31 | |
I've only ever held one baby and I'm not very good at it. | 0:28:31 | 0:28:34 | |
I hold them, you know, like that. | 0:28:34 | 0:28:37 | |
You know what I mean? Out like that, by their feet. | 0:28:38 | 0:28:41 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:28:41 | 0:28:42 | |
With the skills that you've learned on the show, | 0:28:44 | 0:28:46 | |
could you deliver a baby right now? Oh, yes. You could? | 0:28:46 | 0:28:49 | |
I mean, it's not me. This is entirely made of cake. | 0:28:49 | 0:28:53 | |
Absolutely. No problem. | 0:28:53 | 0:28:54 | |
But only with hot water. | 0:28:54 | 0:28:57 | |
Yeah. And towels. | 0:28:57 | 0:28:58 | |
No modern technology. A cup of tea. | 0:28:58 | 0:29:00 | |
A cup of tea! And like a big stick to bite down on. Yes. | 0:29:00 | 0:29:04 | |
Judy, surely playing a 90-year-old nun, | 0:29:05 | 0:29:07 | |
is that the easiest acting job ever? | 0:29:07 | 0:29:09 | |
Absolutely. I just get up, no make-up, | 0:29:09 | 0:29:12 | |
no hair and I'm away. | 0:29:12 | 0:29:14 | |
Just put your outfit on and you're done, aren't you? | 0:29:14 | 0:29:17 | |
There's only that bit, isn't there? | 0:29:17 | 0:29:18 | |
And it's like a face-lift. I really want to be a nun | 0:29:18 | 0:29:21 | |
cos it just pulls your face back, it's like a... | 0:29:21 | 0:29:24 | |
It doesn't pull MY face back! | 0:29:24 | 0:29:26 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:29:26 | 0:29:28 | |
Maybe you haven't got it on tight enough! Exactly. | 0:29:28 | 0:29:31 | |
I'll practice, yeah. | 0:29:31 | 0:29:34 | |
When you auditioned for the part, | 0:29:34 | 0:29:36 | |
did you have to display any midwifery skills at the audition? | 0:29:36 | 0:29:41 | |
I didn't audition, darling. | 0:29:41 | 0:29:44 | |
AUDIENCE: Ooh! | 0:29:44 | 0:29:46 | |
You were just given the part? Of course! | 0:29:46 | 0:29:48 | |
They just knew that you'd know what to do? | 0:29:48 | 0:29:51 | |
Well, I apologise if I've offended you. Well, I should think so. | 0:29:51 | 0:29:54 | |
I just assumed people had auditions. No? | 0:29:54 | 0:29:57 | |
I auditioned. You auditioned! She's young. | 0:29:57 | 0:30:01 | |
Well, that's because, you know, they wanted to make sure | 0:30:01 | 0:30:03 | |
that they definitely liked you | 0:30:03 | 0:30:04 | |
and you'd obviously just muscled your way in. | 0:30:04 | 0:30:07 | |
If filming isn't going to plan, | 0:30:10 | 0:30:11 | |
do you all just gather round the gas and air | 0:30:11 | 0:30:13 | |
and have a big puff? | 0:30:13 | 0:30:15 | |
Oh, what a lovely idea, we must do that! We should do that! | 0:30:16 | 0:30:20 | |
Have you ever had a go on it? | 0:30:20 | 0:30:22 | |
No, it's not real! They don't plug it in. | 0:30:22 | 0:30:24 | |
Oh, it's not real! It's acting, isn't it? Shit! | 0:30:24 | 0:30:27 | |
Helen, you practised the medical techniques on your husband, didn't you? | 0:30:28 | 0:30:32 | |
I used my dog because I didn't have, you know, a prosthetic doll to practise with, | 0:30:32 | 0:30:37 | |
so I'd come back and sort of... She's a Yorkshire terrier. | 0:30:37 | 0:30:40 | |
She's kind of baby-sized, | 0:30:40 | 0:30:41 | |
so it just seemed like the natural progression. | 0:30:41 | 0:30:44 | |
So your husband was the pregnant lady? | 0:30:44 | 0:30:47 | |
Yeah, on his back with his legs up with a blanket over. | 0:30:47 | 0:30:50 | |
It conjures up the most extraordinary picture. | 0:30:52 | 0:30:56 | |
So he had the blanket over, his legs up? | 0:30:57 | 0:31:00 | |
He delivered a Yorkshire terrier! And he had a Yorkshire terrier? | 0:31:00 | 0:31:04 | |
It was very successful, yes. | 0:31:04 | 0:31:07 | |
Did you hand the Yorkshire terrier back to your husband to cradle? | 0:31:07 | 0:31:11 | |
I wrapped her in a blanket and she looked like ET. | 0:31:11 | 0:31:15 | |
That is adorable. And clearly a very good way of practising. | 0:31:15 | 0:31:18 | |
Your husband didn't mind? | 0:31:18 | 0:31:19 | |
He probably minds that I'm telling you. | 0:31:19 | 0:31:22 | |
Do you enjoy leaving the young ones to do the delivery of the babies? | 0:31:22 | 0:31:25 | |
You get up to quite a bit of mischief. | 0:31:25 | 0:31:27 | |
Do you enjoy that part of your character? Yes, I love it. | 0:31:27 | 0:31:30 | |
What's your favourite bit of mischief you've got up to? Eating cakes. | 0:31:30 | 0:31:34 | |
Everybody else is working, just in the corner snaffling away? Yes. | 0:31:34 | 0:31:38 | |
I think I could do your part. | 0:31:38 | 0:31:41 | |
But I mean obviously I'd have to audition! | 0:31:41 | 0:31:43 | |
Helen, I didn't know this, | 0:31:53 | 0:31:55 | |
you did backing vocals for Elton John for a while. I did, yes. | 0:31:55 | 0:31:59 | |
Do you have a song when delivering a baby? | 0:31:59 | 0:32:03 | |
You know, like, Circle Of Life or Tiny Dancer or something appropriate? | 0:32:03 | 0:32:07 | |
Like I'm Still Standing Because My Fanny's Too Sore To Sit Down? | 0:32:07 | 0:32:10 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:32:10 | 0:32:12 | |
Oh, excuse me. This is very odd that the phone has gone. Hello? | 0:32:12 | 0:32:17 | |
Now? Really? I think this is for one of you two. | 0:32:19 | 0:32:24 | |
Apparently someone's about to drop. Yeah. Shall we? | 0:32:25 | 0:32:29 | |
We should probably hurry up. Absolutely. Do you want to help us? | 0:32:29 | 0:32:32 | |
Oh, really? Yes, come. We'll show you how. I'll give it a bash. | 0:32:32 | 0:32:35 | |
And then you can hold a baby. Oh...great. | 0:32:35 | 0:32:38 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:32:38 | 0:32:41 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:32:48 | 0:32:50 | |
Ooh! | 0:32:50 | 0:32:52 | |
Oh, sweetie, you're doing very well. | 0:32:52 | 0:32:54 | |
Now just remember to breathe in and out. Where's Nurse Sarah? | 0:32:54 | 0:32:58 | |
She should be here by now. | 0:32:58 | 0:33:00 | |
I'm sure she'll be here soon. Oh, calm yourself. | 0:33:00 | 0:33:04 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:33:04 | 0:33:07 | |
Someone has called the midwife. | 0:33:13 | 0:33:16 | |
I must get to Nonnatus House at once for the...baby thing. | 0:33:16 | 0:33:20 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:33:20 | 0:33:22 | |
I'm not an expert. | 0:33:22 | 0:33:24 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:33:27 | 0:33:30 | |
Oh. | 0:33:30 | 0:33:31 | |
Oh. Ah... Ow! | 0:33:31 | 0:33:33 | |
Oh, you bugger. Oh, you bugger. | 0:33:33 | 0:33:36 | |
No wonder Victoria Pendleton's so grumpy. | 0:33:36 | 0:33:38 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:33:38 | 0:33:41 | |
I'm coming, I'm coming! | 0:33:43 | 0:33:45 | |
Shit! Cobblestones! | 0:33:48 | 0:33:50 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:33:50 | 0:33:52 | |
Ooh! | 0:34:01 | 0:34:02 | |
Cobblestones! | 0:34:05 | 0:34:06 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:34:06 | 0:34:08 | |
WOMAN SCREAMS | 0:34:08 | 0:34:10 | |
Nearly there! | 0:34:10 | 0:34:12 | |
Yes! Yes! | 0:34:12 | 0:34:15 | |
Yes! | 0:34:16 | 0:34:18 | |
I've arrived! | 0:34:18 | 0:34:20 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:34:20 | 0:34:22 | |
MUSIC: 'Call The Midwife' Theme Tune | 0:34:22 | 0:34:25 | |
Right, I'm here. How may I assist? Sarah, where have you been? | 0:34:31 | 0:34:35 | |
I don't know, but I'm going back, flower. | 0:34:35 | 0:34:37 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:34:37 | 0:34:40 | |
Well, you're here now. This is Mary. She's doing very well. | 0:34:40 | 0:34:44 | |
Everything is as it should be and she's four fingers dilated. | 0:34:44 | 0:34:48 | |
Four fingers? | 0:34:48 | 0:34:50 | |
Does anybody else really fancy a KitKat? | 0:34:50 | 0:34:53 | |
Argh! | 0:34:53 | 0:34:55 | |
That's one for you, love? OK. Anyone else? Bounty? Twix? | 0:34:55 | 0:35:00 | |
Penguin? | 0:35:00 | 0:35:01 | |
We need hot water. That's a good idea, cos I am parched. | 0:35:04 | 0:35:07 | |
I'll have four sugars in mine, flower. | 0:35:07 | 0:35:10 | |
Perhaps you'd better just stay with the father. | 0:35:11 | 0:35:14 | |
What's he doing here anyway? This is the 1950s. | 0:35:14 | 0:35:18 | |
We couldn't afford another set, love. This isn't BBC One, you know. | 0:35:18 | 0:35:22 | |
Hello, love. What's your name? Joseph. | 0:35:22 | 0:35:25 | |
Mary and... | 0:35:25 | 0:35:29 | |
Joseph? | 0:35:29 | 0:35:30 | |
And if you have a little boy, what are you going to call him? | 0:35:30 | 0:35:35 | |
Keith. | 0:35:35 | 0:35:36 | |
Let's get you out of here. | 0:35:38 | 0:35:40 | |
Don't forget the cap, the way your wife did. | 0:35:40 | 0:35:42 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:35:42 | 0:35:44 | |
Argh! | 0:35:44 | 0:35:45 | |
We're almost ready, love. One big, last push. | 0:35:45 | 0:35:50 | |
Argh! | 0:35:50 | 0:35:51 | |
It's looking angry down there. | 0:35:51 | 0:35:54 | |
She's going to be off her cello lessons for a good while. | 0:35:54 | 0:35:58 | |
That's it. There we go. That's it. There we are. | 0:35:58 | 0:36:02 | |
There we are. | 0:36:02 | 0:36:04 | |
It's a boy! | 0:36:06 | 0:36:07 | |
BABY CRIES | 0:36:07 | 0:36:10 | |
I have witnessed a moment in history that will change the world for ever. | 0:36:10 | 0:36:14 | |
For today I have witnessed the birth | 0:36:14 | 0:36:17 | |
of the baby Phillip Schofield! | 0:36:17 | 0:36:19 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:36:19 | 0:36:21 | |
MUSIC: 'This Morning' Theme Tune | 0:36:21 | 0:36:24 | |
Thank you so much for coming on the show. | 0:36:30 | 0:36:32 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, Helen George and Judy Parfitt! | 0:36:32 | 0:36:35 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:36:35 | 0:36:37 | |
That's it for tonight. | 0:36:45 | 0:36:47 | |
Unfortunately, we haven't had a chance to talk about all the repeats that are on at Christmas. | 0:36:47 | 0:36:51 | |
We haven't had a chance to talk about all the repeats that are on at Christmas. | 0:36:51 | 0:36:54 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:36:54 | 0:36:57 | |
We haven't had a chance to talk about any Christmas spoilers, | 0:36:58 | 0:37:00 | |
or children, as I call them. | 0:37:00 | 0:37:02 | |
Or the Sherlock Christmas special, | 0:37:05 | 0:37:07 | |
where he figures out some of the biggest Christmas mysteries | 0:37:07 | 0:37:10 | |
like who gave you the secret gift at the office Christmas party | 0:37:10 | 0:37:13 | |
and when will it clear up? | 0:37:13 | 0:37:14 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:37:14 | 0:37:16 | |
And the Christmas Grand Designs | 0:37:16 | 0:37:18 | |
which is just going to be people eating sandwiches in a caravan | 0:37:18 | 0:37:21 | |
cos their house isn't finished. | 0:37:21 | 0:37:23 | |
The Queen's Speech. | 0:37:23 | 0:37:25 | |
How come she gets a Christmas special but never makes a series? | 0:37:25 | 0:37:28 | |
And we haven't had time to talk about the Embarrassing Bodies Christmas special, | 0:37:28 | 0:37:32 | |
or as I'm calling it, Jingle Balls. | 0:37:32 | 0:37:35 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:37:35 | 0:37:36 | |
Good night and Merry Christmas! | 0:37:36 | 0:37:38 |