Episode 1 World's Craziest Fools


Episode 1

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to reckless teens, in a mixture of clips, animation and funny phone calls.


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Transcript


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The following show is full of fools doing very foolish things.

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Although nobody involved was seriously hurt,

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you should not attempt to repeat anything you are about to see.

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Last year, Mr T went on a mission.

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He scoured the globe to find the world's craziest fools -

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those people with a lack of common sense, a terrifying

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disregard for health and safety, and whose favourite question is,

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"What's the worst that can happen?"

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And you loved it, but now you want more

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and you want them crazier and even more foolish!

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so, once again, Mr T has delivered an array of the world's least

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talented people!

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This is the...

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People of Britain, last year I gave up my valuable time to teach

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you how to stop being fools.

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I gave you rules and I shared my wisdom. Did you listen?

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No, you got even stupider!

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I look around and what do I see?

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More fools crashing cars, more fools jumping off roofs,

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more fools blowing up buildings.

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So now I'm back and we're going to do the whole thing again!

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And this time, people of Britain, you'd better pay attention

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because I'm not coming back again!

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The food sucks, it rains all the time, and everything is so tiny!

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I said my piece, let's start this show! Grrr!

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Cars have been around a long time, almost 20 years.

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I think it's time we learned how to drive them properly,

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don't you think?

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The United Kingdom of Great England.

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Here comes a taxi driver dropping off a passenger.

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Did he get a tip? I'll give him a tip.

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Never ever pick me up.

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You pick me up, I'll pick you up, then I'll drop you, hard!

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The USA.

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There's an old saying, "If at first you don't succeed,

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"destroy everything."

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It's not a great saying. Let's never say it again.

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How tall is this bridge in Argentina? I'll tell you.

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It's one inch lower than the height of stupidity, that's how tall it is!

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Here's a big truck looking for a good parking space.

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Perfect!

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The owner of this house obviously ordered a truck full of stupid,

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express delivery.

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This is Belgium. It's like Holland but four times as big.

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That's the good news.

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The bad news is they've got lots of dumb drivers over there.

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Look at all of them going the wrong way!

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Seems like only one guy knows what he's doing!

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Congratulations.

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Some people like off-roading. That's OK, but off-wheeling ain't a thing!

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Cars need to remain on their wheels at all times!

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Hey, come out of there! Oh!

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Yeah, get away, get away, get away, get away!

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You all right, kid?

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Don't worry, this guy was OK.

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This is what I call a no-point turn.

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No points for you, sucker!

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Here comes another fool.

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Oh, my God!

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Over to Canada.

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What do you get if you drive a big truck on an icy road

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halfway up a mountain?

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You get an appearance on World's Craziest Fools.

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I don't know if they get World's Craziest Fool in Canada.

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Thinking about it, it's probably best they don't.

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Don't worry, he's OK.

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Coming up next on the World's Craziest Fools,

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we got more of the craziest fools in the world,

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and that is how this show is going to continue!

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If you don't like it, switch to something else!

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The following is a true story.

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In 1992, a suspicious-looking package was delivered to the

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Territorial Army Centre in Bristol.

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With no record of where the package was from,

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the TA eventually decided that they should call the police.

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The police soon arrived and took stock of the situation

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and swiftly made a decision.

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They decided that this was not a job for them either, so called in

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the army bomb-disposal experts.

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When the army arrived, they evacuated the area, sealed it off

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and proceeded to carry out a controlled explosion

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of the suspicious-looking package.

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It was only after the device had been made safe that it was

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discovered that the suspicious-looking package

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was, in fact, a parcel full of leaflets on how to deal with

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suspicious-looking packages.

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The Territorial Army, the police and the army congratulated

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themselves on a job well done.

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Nothing beats working with your hands, but these next folks are

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so busy with their hands, they plain forgot how to use their heads!

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It's fools with tools! Watch and weep!

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The Netherlands in Holland. This guy has built his own shed.

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Looks like he did a pretty good job to me!

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He just forgot one thing...

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Oh!

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..a thousand screws!

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Oh!

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This guy is about to use a jet hose to clean his car.

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He clean knocked himself out instead!

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Here's a good rule for DIY - look after your wood

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and your wood will look after you,

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disrespect your wood

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and your wood will wait till you're not looking.

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How many fools does it take to change a light bulb? Three.

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One to remove the light fitting,

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one to get hit in the head, and

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the third to call the electrician to come and do the job right!

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The United States of Canada.

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These two guys are supposed to be working

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but instead, they're playing a game of catch.

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Don't worry, he's OK.

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Spain.

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This guy's trying to bypass employment laws by hiring

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a cat as his assistant.

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Bad idea.

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Not only are cats unsuitable for a workplace,

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they don't work well in a team!

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Germany.

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This man's seeing what happens if he knocks the bit of wood over.

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The house falls down!

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Curiosity and stupidity are not a good combination!

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I want to give you a lesson about gravity.

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And that was the lesson about gravity.

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It ain't no good for bananas and it sure ain't no good for you!

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Here's some fools who didn't listen and suffered!

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LAUGHTER

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Oh...

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Oh...

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Watch this.

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Oh!

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Watch this!

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Ow!

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You see this? This is a telephone.

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It's for important things, like calling up your mamma,

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or ordering pizza, or giving the OK for a commando team to attack!

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It's not for ringing up busy people and wasting their time!

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Listen to this!

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Delta Team is ready to launch.

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I repeat, Delta Team is ready to launch.

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Call me when the target has been liberated.

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It's not easy working with machinery.

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Here's some clips of people who tried and failed.

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I call it heavy duty fools!

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PHONE RINGS

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Right! No!

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I said liberate, not assassinate!

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Get out of there as fast as you can and never call this number again!

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Hoo-ha-ha! Hoo!

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We are back in Canada

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and we are about to witness a large container getting smashed.

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I have a container like that delivered to my house every morning!

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It contains my eggs I have for breakfast!

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This better not be my container! I need my eggs!

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I have a cement mixer like this.

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I use it to mix my eggs and make an omelette.

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These Spanish guys are turning it into a merry-go-round.

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They won't be merry when I go around to visit them!

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Puerto Rico. This is called a rolling roll.

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They use it to test if cars are any good.

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If this car was any good before, it sure ain't now!

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We're in Portugal

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and it's this guy's first day at construction school.

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Day one is learning how to drive the JCBs.

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I don't want to see what happens on day two!

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That's wrecking-ball day!

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Most people don't know that the T in Mr T stands for truck.

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Here's a truck smashing into the side of the road in Russia.

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I hope it wasn't delivering my eggs!

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I don't mean to go on about my eggs, but if anyone sees them,

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please get 'em to me.

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Put a stamp on them and send 'em to Mr T, USA.

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Anyway, here's some bad stuff about to happen in Poland.

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Back to Portugal and the JCB driving day at the construction school.

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That's it, you nailed it!

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Here's your certificate. Now get out of my face!

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Every year, millions of people all over the world get married.

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That's a nice story.

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What ain't such a nice story is when everyone has to spend

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the next 50 years looking at their stupid photos!

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Here's some rules for wedding photo fools!

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Mr T's rules for wedding photo fools.

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It's good to have complementary interests.

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If one of you likes watching the TV, it helps if the other is a TV.

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Some men will try to get lucky with a bridesmaid at

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any wedding and sometimes a polite "No, thank you" just won't suffice.

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Be aware that not everyone will be pleased with your

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choice of partner, but try and make sure you've reconciled any

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differences before the big day.

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When you jokingly refer to it as a shotgun wedding,

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be careful who's listening.

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When the priest says, "You may now kiss the bride,"

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the words "you" and "bride" only refer to the groom and bride.

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It is not a free-for-all.

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It is traditional to carry your

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bride over the threshold of your new house.

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don't mistake that for riding her like a unicorn

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on a magic sheepskin rug.

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Oh, hi. You just found me multi-tasking.

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Coming up next, it's some fools within the family environment,

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or, as I like to call it, family fools!

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"Dear Diary, today I mostly worked out."

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Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

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Oh, my God!

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And now it's time for a word from our sponsors.

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Mr T is proud to present a new

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product from T-Industries.

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Concrete owners...

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..does your municipal area sometimes feel like a fool magnet?

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Do you use your valuable elbow grease trying to remove

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fools' elbow stains from your delicious concrete areas?

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Try new Concrete Fool Repellent

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from T-Industries.

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One quick application will

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leave your nice, shiny,

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concrete area fool-free for up to 24 hours.

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No more hard-to-shift face fluid...

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..no stubborn groinal stains.

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Concrete Fool Repellent does exactly as the name suggests -

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it repels fools from their beloved concrete,

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from T-Industries.

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Also try brand new Handrail Fool Repellent for repelling

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fools from your handrails,

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also from T-Industries.

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T-industries, making it all better

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since the 1980s.

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This is a tennis racket.

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Grrr, I hate tennis! WHACK, SCREAM

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Back in the '80s, I won seven Wimbledons in a row,

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but they disqualified me because I used my bare hands.

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That's why you won't see any tennis clips on my show!

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But I've got plenty of other sport fools, like these!

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First up, Australia. What do you people call this?

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Football? This ain't football!

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Football is where you put on a helmet and attack someone.

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I don't know what you call this.

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We're going to have to come up with a new name for it.

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Let me think about it. I'll get back to you.

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It's recording.

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This guy's trying to throw the basketball over his shoulder

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directly into the basket.

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Is he going to do it?

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Slam dunk! Nice work, Kowalski.

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You're back on the team.

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Sport ain't about winning, it's about taking part!

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But more importantly, it's about winning! Take a look at this lady.

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She'll do anything to make sure she crosses the line first!

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What's wrong with this game of volleyball?

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I'll give you a clue - there's no net! Also, there's no court.

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And no spectators! This is some bad volleyball!

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Softball. People call it softball until they get hit.

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Ow!

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Then they call it really hard-ball!

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I'm still thinking about what to call this. How about stupid-ball?

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Argh!

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All you have to do is hit the thing through a couple of sticks

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and knock an old lady over!

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-Seems pretty stupid to me!

-Argh!

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I like golf, but this shot is going to be tricky

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with that buggy in the way.

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The tree also is a hazard.

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Hazard one, meet hazard two. Problem solved!

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OK, I'm bored with stupid-ball.

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Let's watch something else.

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Not everyone can be good at sports,

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but some of you even struggle with more basic things,

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like driving cars, or opening doors, or wrestling bears!

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That's why I've decided to help you out by setting up my very own

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teaching facility.

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I'm calling it Mr T's School For Fools. Sound the bell!

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Class is about to begin! Hmm!

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Hello and welcome to Mr T's School For Fools.

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What is history? History is the past.

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Everything that happens, that's history.

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Me telling you what history is, that's now history.

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Here are some famous examples of history.

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First up, footage from The Titanic.

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So that's how The Titanic crashed.

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Next up, the Battle of Hastings.

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So as you can see,

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as long as there has been history there have been fools.

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We need to learn from them so we don't make the same mistakes.

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This entire class is now history. Class dismissed!

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When people have a long week, they go out dancing and let their hair down.

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But these fools are letting more than their hair down.

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They're letting us all down!

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Looks like someone's breakdancing lesson hasn't paid off.

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Unless that's what they've been teaching him to do.

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If that's what they've been teaching him to do,

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those are some bad lessons.

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Are those my arctic camouflage trousers?

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You better not split those trousers, fool.

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They've been with me through some tough missions.

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If it wasn't for those trousers, I would be a dead man.

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Why can't these fools use their roof area for something more worthwhile,

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like having a barbecue or growing some plants

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or looking after a beehive?

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If what you're doing is less worthwhile

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than looking after a beehive,

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you should be doing something else!

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You've heard the phrase "dance like nobody is watching"?

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Sometimes it pays to recognise that people are watching - and filming.

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Some people call this jazzercise.

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I've got another name for it - ugly.

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It's just plain ugly.

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This guy thinks he's good at getting down.

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He is! Look at him!

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But I like his style.

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And the crowd love it.

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What a showman.

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There's a fine line between breakdancing...

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..and breaking.

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Who are these people?

0:26:050:26:07

I want names and addresses

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and photo IDs!

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One visit from Mr T and all this stuff will stop.

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I am serious.

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I want details.

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Are you people seeing this too?

0:26:190:26:22

I'm not sure that pizza was a good idea. I think it was a bad pizza.

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What kind of mushroom did they use on that thing?

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Look what's going on here.

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I've seen a lot of jibber-jabber in my time

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but I've never seen it coming out of someone's feet.

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If you can't use your feet properly,

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take them off and give them to someone who can.

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Ow!

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MUSIC STOPS

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"Oh!" Are you going to keep going until you break something, Alex?

0:27:090:27:13

Have a clue!

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You are not going to be the great, great dancer you think you are.

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Your mamma just said it all.

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You're good,

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but you are not going to get up to those little Asians' level.

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Listen to your mamma, fool!

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It's true! You're just destroying your body.

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Little Asians?

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Time flies when you're having fun.

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Today's show was three hours long,

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but I bet it felt a lot shorter, right?

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Sadly, it's over. There's just time for my final thought.

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They say, "Too many cooks spoil the broth,"

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but they also say, "Many hands make light work," so maybe you

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should just ignore what other people say and live life your own way.

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Your way pretty cool too. Take it easy out there.

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So long, suckers!

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# Well, I pity the fool

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# I said I pity the fool

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# You know, I pity the fool

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# I said I pity the fool

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# That falls in love with you

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# And expects you to be true

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# I pity the fool... #

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Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:300:28:32

Comedy series in which the A-Team's Mr T tracks down the world's craziest fools, from dumb drivers to reckless teens, brainless builders to silly sportsmen and bungling burglars to crazy cops. The show is a mix of clips, animation and funny phone calls... and is not for sissies.


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