Pavilion of Dreams

The Pavilion Theatre in Glasgow

is one of the very last bastions of variety theatre in the UK.

It is a beautiful theatre. It is ideal for a comedian.

People feel it's their theatre, and the artists too, you know?

It's a friendly, friendly atmosphere

and acoustically, it's magnificent.

I think you can sum the Pavilion up in one word...

entertainment.

We follow the making of the latest Pavilion panto,

the Wizard of Never Woz, which has a distinct Glasgow theme.

Instead of Dorothy coming from Kansas, she comes from Govan!

-REPORTER:

-'Is this your favourite bit of the job?'

Eh, I prefer locking up.

Some days it's great, it's good fun. It's...

It's variety.

No two days are the same.

Morning, ladies! Morning, boys!

Morning.

I think we give the people of Glasgow what they want,

and not what they need.

Some of the other venues round about

tend to give them what THEY think they need.

We like to give them what we think that they want.

It's the man on the street that keeps us going, nothing else.

We put on product, people come and see it,

and at that, we're successful.

We don't have great demarcation in here.

Everybody's everybody here.

I've got my two boys.

One takes care of the technical side...

one's the accountant.

I do, kind of, other stuff as well,

front of house, IT, computers, that kind of stuff.

Predominantly accounts.

Anything financial, they have to come to me to sign off on, so...

When we both turned 16, we got told,

"You're going to work, by the way."

And that's it. We've both been here since.

It's a good climb up here.

We've always been asked, "Can you put a lift in?"

Basically, as a listed building, we can't.

This is...one of our royal boxes.

This is the biggest one that we have.

As you can see, the viewing's not the best, but...

if you're wanting to show off, this is where you come.

It's more so everybody in the theatre, as you can see,

can see YOU...

as opposed to you seeing what you're actually coming to see.

Since the Pavilion opened its doors in 1904,

it's been unashamedly a variety theatre.

Coleman! Coleman!

You go and tell your boss I'm Dorothy Paul's mother and I'm mad.

There's a story about - before my time, of course -

that the men who used to come off the yards,

the shifts in the yards, they always had a bag of rivets.

They came to the theatre and if they didn't like the turn that was on,

they threw rivets at them.

I'm glad to say, I've never had any thrown at me.

When you walk onto the stage, you're standing on the spot

where so many great comedians have already been,

already softened your audience up for you...

They're attuned to variety, they're attuned to comedians.

The great Lex McLean,

who practically made this theatre his very own,

Francie and Josie...

All the great comedians all lived here at the Pavilion,

so it's a great tradition.

Come tickle me here in Scotland! What about you, sir?

Have you ever been tickled in the Trossachs?

LAUGHTER

You deliver a line and then hopefully get a laugh.

That laughter is right on top of you.

You can actually feel it hit your face, the warmth of it.

It's like a... It's like a blow-dryer,

and that's incredibly exciting to a comic.

-How's Sharon?

-Ah, she's grand.

She's trying to lose a few pounds for her holidays.

Oh, God, that's not easy for her.

She has an overactive, em...

-Thyroid?

-..knife and fork.

'I think you can sum the Pavilion up in one word...

'entertainment.'

Entertainment, that's what it's about.

The horrible 'E' word, actually.

A lot of theatres don't like that word.

And the Pavilion is pure and absolute entertainment.

There's not many places of entertainment left

for what I call the ordinary working people.

At one time, there were something like 18 theatres in Glasgow,

when I first started as a boy.

And now, there's only one variety theatre left in Scotland

and that's...and that's in here.

I'm sitting here now

and I'm impressed all over again with the theatre.

They just don't build them any more do they?

They just... They build theatres, but they're big square boxes.

# I'll cling to a dream

# From afar... #

This theatre is one of the best I've ever performed in,

acoustically, for beauty, for...

..for the audiences.

APPLAUSE

Entertainment-wise, the Pavilion audience are very well educated

and if it's a piece of pish, they'll let you know.

The Pavilion has stayed true to its audience

in providing genuine variety theatre in Glasgow,

with panto being a regular part of that.

Tickets for the panto went on sale back in February,

and it's clearly a popular show.

The Wizard of Oz...

It's probably one of my favourites to do...

because it's...it's...it's kept in the Wizard of Oz,

but we call it the Wizard of Never Woz,

so we can make it from Glasgow.

RADIO: # Clyde One #

'On the M8 heading eastbound,

'traffic slow-moving at Junction 22 Plantation...'

Clyde One Jambusters, the number is 0845 900 1025.

'And that's the latest from 102.5 Clyde One.'

I've never been in a pantomime before.

This'll be my first panto.

I've been in a lot of musical theatre. This'll be my first panto.

I'll be Dorothy in the Wizard of Never Woz at the Pavilion.

I'm actually really terrified.

He's a big gentle soul, you know.

A bit like myself, you know,

and he's nervous, like myself.

Once you see the costume... It's a beautiful costume, you know,

and it looks fantastic, and I feel like a lion, you know.

I feel like a lion.

Well, playing the Tin Man, panto-wise,

I usually play the... stupid character

because it's not a long journey for me.

I'm horrendously nervous. I'm a nervous person.

Sometimes I wonder why I do it.

Eh...my part in the panto this year is Strawsuit Bob,

as opposed to Shellsuit Bob that I play in River City.

It's basically just the scarecrow,

and it's the second time I've played the Scarecrow,

so I'm quite familiar with the role, but looking forward to it.

I mean, I shoot a scene here on River City,

don't know if it's good until it goes out,

but there, especially with a Pavilion audience,

they're a unique audience, you know if you're doing a good job,

they'll let you know if you're good or not so good.

This is my very, very first year in panto.

My panto debut at the Pavilion this year,

and I am playing the Good Witch Glinda.

I think by the time opening night comes around,

I think I'll just be so nervous that it's going to go OK.

I'll be looking forward to the curtain coming down

and it's all over.

The Pavilion first put on this panto four years ago.

The scenery was then stockpiled in their prop store,

along with decades of others.

I never throw anything out, because I always think,

"Oh, we'll use that the next time."

In terms of the scenery, we're making a lot new,

but we're using some from before from Wizard of Never Woz,

and refurbishing it,

and the plan today is working on the waterfall,

Robbie's working on the haunted village,

these two don't look as if they're doing anything,

they're being lazy. I think they're just here for the camera.

Oh, I've got the fun job.

-I get to play with toys all day.

-HE CHUCKLES

But mostly, I source unusual props for the production, you know,

as well as create illusions.

I've got, like, an...effect where the scarecrow gets crushed

and then stretched, so in the next scene he's about seven foot tall.

The idea of the waterfall

is actually to project the image...of the wizard

onto the waterfall.

Sounds...sounds good.

Whether it will work or not is a different thing!

-BLEEP

-off!

-BLEEP

-off!

You just create a world of magic in here. You know, it's....

This, this thing here...

The fairy comes out of this at...Christmas.

It's magic!

Allegedly...

-Two coats, I'm giving it, Iain?

-Aye, two coats, aye.

Did you give it a good stir?

-Aye.

-Up from the bottom, yeah?

-Aye, it's well stirred.

MOBILE RINGS SONG: "My Generation"

Hello?

Give me a... I'll phone Alan and see what he says.

OK, all right, bye.

We do everything in-house.

Other people farm things out to this one,

and they don't get the... the feel of it.

We keep the ticket sales in-house, we do all the promotion,

and we do all the building of the scenery and costumes.

So, you're in control of it all.

Do the green outline, and let's get this all done,

cos you're spilling it everywhere.

As well as planning all the magic this year,

Chris De Rosa is also performing on stage.

This'll be my fifth panto at the Pavilion,

so I'm really, as always, looking forward to that as well.

And I get to be a villain, which is probably the best, you know.

I play this character called Egor, who is one of the witch's sidekicks.

The role I'm playing in panto this year is the Wicked Witch of the West.

It's kind of done like she makes the balls, but I fire them,

quite literally, because I'll be throwing fireballs at the cast.

HE CHUCKLES

Which is quite good fun,

cos you never know where they're going to land.

Perhaps she's going to be a bit less scary than she was the last time,

and more a bit of a daft witch.

The Wicked Witch has got two henchmen called Dumb and Dumber.

I know I am either Dumb, or Dumber.

And I'm, eh, Dumber.

I'm not sure why...the reason why I got the Dumber part,

but every character I play is a daft, dumb,

big glaikit, stupid-looking guy,

so I don't know what he's trying to tell me.

They don't...

generate much personality apart from stupidity, usually.

And I think I've no worries about creating that on stage.

In previous years, the Pavilion has held open auditions

to find young dancers to perform in the panto.

This year, Iain has taken a more direct approach.

They're all better than the usual couple of hundred we were getting.

They're all dancing the same way,

they've all been taught the same way, so it makes it easier.

All these dancers are students of the choreographer Robert Hamilton.

Robert's dancers are completely different. He's really hard on them.

I thought I was hard with people, but he really has a go at them,

but he gets the best out of them.

I would worry about that big boy. I don't like him.

-What age is he, anyway?

-16.

Unless we have a big boy in each group,

you're going to be stuck with a costume that's meant for a girl.

That's all I would worry about with him.

I think he's brilliant.

Aye, he is good, but it's just the costume.

I mean, the boy can dance, there's no doubt about it.

With Iain's decision made,

it's down to Lynsey, one of the choreographers,

to break the bad news.

Do you think that's right, putting all the ugly ones in the same group?

Which group was that I was talking about then, eh?

HE LAUGHS

Only kidding.

I think this year you'll see flips

and things that you don't normally see in panto,

and I think the Wizard of Oz or the Wizard of Never Woz...

We need that kind of difference in the dance.

People love dance now,

because they see it so much on the telly.

And bringing it live to the theatre is great.

Unlike most theatre managers,

Iain makes it his business to get involved

in almost every aspect of putting on a show.

He paints the sets, he builds the sets...

He's lighting the pantomime...

..he writes, he directs...

..he's doing the publicity...

And he's always got new ideas. Try that, do that differently...

Right, we want to change this wee bit...

Put in this line here and there... His mind never stops.

His hand's in everything, so it is,

from backstage to front of house to the box office.

I mean, he controls everywhere, so he does.

Very often, and this is not an exaggeration,

I'd go down, and say, "Where's Iain?"

"In the toilet." "Oh, I'll wait for him."

"No, no, he's cleaning it."

And he's down there... "They didn't do it properly."

Back at the prop store,

Iain and his team take a delivery of wood,

but it's up to them to unload the lorry,

as the driver's not allowed help them.

Says he's not allowed to touch it.

-BLEEP

-arse.

-He's saying the company won't insure him to touch it.

-Aye, I heard it.

Allergic to wood.

Aye, carrying it!

Next time you see this, it'll be the yellow brick road.

Watch this space.

When you think, the things in here start off like that,

and that's how it goes out,

and you see that on the stage and you see a whole set of it together,

it's just... It's a world of magic in here.

Coming through here is Aladdin's cave of costumes,

you can get anything in here.

All sizes, all shapes, dating back to probably the early '20s,

right through until panto costumes.

I throw nothing out,

and in there is a room full of animal costumes, up the top,

all different giraffes, just stacked full of costumes.

And going through into this room here,

and this is more period costumes,

it's great to be able to come in here and say,

"Well, we've got costumes like that."

'Is it easy to find the ones you want?'

No! Never.

One of the few things the Pavilion doesn't do in-house

is the design and manufacture of the costumes for the panto.

That job falls to Iain's long-term collaborator, Antony Johns,

now based in the midst of Blackpool's Pleasure Beach.

A crazy place to have an office,

right in the middle of the hub of the park, on a roller coaster,

is where the wardrobe department is. Fantastic!

We're changing all the dancers' costumes

because they're doing them as the Munch Bunch...

-PHONE RINGS

-..sort of a more street cred...

Sorry, phone's ringing as ever.

Hello?

I'm changing all the dancers' costumes,

cos they're going to do it more like a Diversity-type group.

I'm working on designs for that to go with these,

so we can interact them all together.

We're going to start refurbing the Tin Man,

which is a fantastic costume,

but when it's all done, re-painted, re-glossed and everything,

it'll look brand new,

so that's what the girls are working on now.

This is all the fabric, so it's tonnes and tonnes of it.

And this is where you get inspired

to do all the costumes that you're doing.

I've got Michelle McManus's costumes to do.

I've already started on it and now I've got to do version two,

because there was a slight problem.

That's showbiz.

The development of my costume has been a bit of a drama actually,

cos, initially, I was put into a trouser suit.

Iain wanted her to be a modern fairy, but...

Michelle is of a... voluptuous size...

Michelle's like me, she's a big girl.

As you can tell, I'm not a natural athlete.

Well, I'm not a girl. But, you know. She's big.

I thought flared trousers, loose top, top in the middle, belt in,

so I did the trousers, but because they didn't fit her...

So, you get those awful measurement sheets,

where people might fib a little bit.

It didn't look good on her.

I just was... I just looked awful in it,

and I had to go back and speak to Iain, who was lovely,

and I said, "You know, Iain, I'm the fairy godmother.

"Can we put me in a ball gown? Can we put me in a dress?"

And I thought, will I alter it? Will I add bits in?

No, we'll make her a new one.

And now I'm going to make... I've just bought the fabric...

I'm going to draw the drawing in a minute, of a dress...

So, this will take up to 15 metres of fabric

just for the dress, and then I had to...

Because I wanted it sparkly...

another 15 metres.

That's 30 metres of fabric she's wearing.

-I don't think Iain's going to like the bill for this one!

-HE LAUGHS

It'll be this colour, with that over the top.

So, she's going to sparkle and be a pretty fairy.

So, I'll do big sleeves and make that a zigzag there,

for the jacket over the top, that breaks it up a little bit,

and then I do an empire line there...

and she's got her quirky top hat,

with the wings on the back and a rainbow.

This is Michelle's hat, that we're creating at the moment

to make it a bit more modern,

and then we're going to put fairy lights around the edge

so it lights up as well,

and then she'll have a wand that lights up.

Oh, Jo, did I tell you about a wand?

No? Right, OK.

So, it's trying to make her look more modern than a...

Cos otherwise, she'll look...she'll just look like a ginormous puffball.

So, er, trying to slim her down as much as I...

Well, she will! I can't help it.

She's a big girl, bless her.

I remember, I think I was about four or five, in my first panto,

and it was my mum, and my gran, and my aunties...

Panto is, in many people's case,

the only time they will ever go into a theatre.

My mum said that my eyes were like saucers,

I'd never seen anything like it.

Obviously, it's mostly kids that come to see it,

so you just feed off the energy, cos they're totally hyper,

Glasgow kids with all the E numbers and sweeties

and diet Irn Bru and Coke and that, and they're just hyper,

all the kids are hyper, so we feed off that as well.

The jaw was to the ground, I couldn't understand what was happening.

It was just all the colour and the magic and the...

"Really, it IS behind you! This baddy's coming behind you,

"why can't you see that he's coming up?"

They want to enjoy themselves, they want to trust you,

they want you to take them by the hand

and perform a fairy story

that maybe they remember from their childhood

or some children are experiencing for the first time.

One of the most exciting things, I think, of your childhood,

and weirdly, probably one of my very first memories

is going to a pantomime.

This is where we fly all the scenery onto the stage and off the stage.

-Bar going out!

-OK.

We've put a bit of tape around the rope, so we know when to stop,

when the...whatever it is we're flying out,

is at the position we want it at, you know.

It means I stop it at the top of the break there.

And that's you.

We're just emptying the bars, you know,

so we can get some room for the pantomime cloths.

There's probably about eight full cloths.

Because they've been lying in the workshops for a few years,

the folds and that get stuck in them,

so they just need time to stretch out again.

This is probably the job that takes the longest, you know,

when we're bringing the rest of the set in,

so getting it out of the way sooner rather than later's better.

These don't look anything special just now.

It's not until you light them they start to take shape.

These...eyes are all great.

These all light up, UV.

This is the one for the haunted forest.

So, it needs to look evil at times,

but also be friendly at other times.

Aye, aye, we've got some of the back cloths up,

and the mid-stage cloths up, if you know what I mean,

so we're now going to the front ones the now,

but...you can decide what you need.

All right, see you later.

A normal cloth in the old days

would take you anything from four to six weeks to paint,

would take about £6,000 to...

Time you took the time and the people working on it.

You can actually turn a cloth round now,

do the line drawing in a day, do the colouring in a day,

print it in a day and get it back.

You can get a cloth printed for about £2,500.

We do things oversize, you know?

Things become bigger than life.

They're not... I say to the artist, "Don't do it in proportion,"

because that wee worm in proportion would...would be tiny.

So I say, "Make everything bigger."

Make animals and things bigger, a wee bit like Disney would do it.

Make the animals bigger than life.

I think to get the magic of panto,

you've got to make these things look bigger, you know.

As opening night draws closer,

it's time for the choreographer, Robert Hamilton,

to rehearse Iain's chosen dancers for the first time.

The main thing tonight is to get the kids introduced to each other

and get a feel for what these kids are going to be like as a group.

They all come from completely different walks of life

and trying to gel that together can be quite hard work.

Hello.

'I think the thing I hate the most is...lazy people.'

It's very difficult to work with children,

but it's really difficult to motivate kids

if they have a...natural laziness within them.

One, two, three, four.

Out and pop, out and pop!

OK, so, not very good.

Mark, I want you to go dive, row,

then you just need to do the same as the girls

but you don't need to hit it like that...

Uh huh, smash it to the front. So, that happens on eight.

Girls, this happens on eight. No, don't just do this, girls.

Look. Eh. Eh. Eh.

Out, in. Out, IN, out.

Six, seven, eight. Out, in... Girls, look.

Flick it out.

IN, out.

The work involved putting this together is tremendous. It's huge.

There's 25 kids.

Four different groups. Five reserves.

There's... It's a lot.

They've got to learn so many different routines...

Wait. Wait. Jump, jump, ha!

Bum, bum, bum.

Guns. Head!

It's going to be a learning curve for the kids,

which will make it a learning curve for myself.

So, what count do we do this on?

-ALL: Eight.

-Eight!

Come on, girls, you're here.

You need to waken up!

One and two and three, four.

It's a bit poor, because you're not getting tight.

'I think it's important that the kids are encouraged,'

with it being the first rehearsal tonight,

but I do think as well, at the same time,

it's really important to lay down a few rules from the beginning

so that opening night's not a nightmare.

Side, side, side, side.

Ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

Move. Ha. Ha, ha.

Boom, ha, ha.

Eight. One.

Four!

Boom! Ha. One, two, three, four...

Day one, Robert tells them what he wants,

when he wants it and they will do it.

And the kids appreciate it, I think.

I think kids nowadays don't have that discipline in walks of life,

they don't have it in school as much as they used to

and they don't have it in general terms,

so, in...something like that,

Robert is disciplined from the word go.

It's great, cos when they come into the theatre, it's fully disciplined,

they're as disciplined as the adult dancers,

probably more so than the adult dancers.

Back at the props store, the final touches are being made

to the scenery and props for the pantomime.

I'm making the witch's broomstick.

Making it a wee bit more magical than a standard broomstick.

Trying to make it light up with these neon things,

so that it looks a wee bit more mystical when it goes to blackout.

Just watch the drips, Robbie.

That was...

That...um...

-I'm not going to get this

-BLEEP

-opened, I can tell...

Just working on the waterfall.

Should be ready to run any moment now.

Well, a couple of wee adjustments...

Couple of Munchkins with mops, it'll be brand new.

HE LAUGHS

Last time we had something like this, it was for...

We had the Chippendales at the theatre.

So, we had these showers,

and it was barrels on top of the...

the thing that had to be filled with water.

They went into the shower, took their tops off, and girls went crazy.

So, the boys were instructed,

lukewarm water, put it in at the interval, and that's it.

So, the Chippendales were all...

Every night, first ten nights everything was great...

I think one of them became a... MOBILE RINGS

Always happens. One of them became a pain in the backside,

so Davey and Laurie, who was the production manager at the time,

decided they would get their own back.

So, instead of hot water in the barrels, it was freezing cold water.

And the Chippendales shrunk. HE LAUGHS

The flames are going the wrong way.

This is the bottom.

Your flames are coming...

..that way.

Do you know what I mean? Up to the top.

Aye that's the...that's the cut-out. That's the cut-out.

I know, it's just you've complicated it with what you're...

Right. OK?

'I've probably done every job in our theatre,

'and I think that's probably why I can hound everybody,

'because I can do their job if it comes to it.'

No, that...that needs a dry brush of just straight orange over the top,

once it's finished, you know.

A wee bit of red just straight, you know.

Very...

Just to bring the colour out in it.

-And leave some round the outside for green.

-Aye.

Yeah, nine years Robbie's been...

suffering here. ROBBIE LAUGHS

-'Is it that bad, Robbie?'

-No, no, no, no, no. No, not at all.

-Oh, it is. Trust me, it is. It

-BLEEP

-is.

It's bad.

'So, are you a wee bit of a control freak?'

Absolutely. Absolutely!

All the time. I ain't going to deny it, yeah.

Yeah, I'm...I'm in control.

He has the charm of a charging rhinoceros.

I know people say he's a monster and all that.

Yeah, he can be! He can be really tough and a bully...

Do you want to see the bruises?

If you want to mess, he'll mess with you.

And he'll more than mess with you. He'll meet you more than halfway.

When I'm here, I'm in control and I'm....

Yeah, a pain in the arse at times but, you know, here...

We're still here, the Pavilion's still here and, I think...

it's not being big-headed, but if I wasn't a control freak,

then I don't know if the Pavilion would have survived.

The key to the Pavilion's survival is its audience,

and knowing what they want to see.

It's hard to know what shows are selling out there,

to be honest with you.

Every show's a gamble.

Some of the other theatres have got bigger stages,

so we've kind of lost out on some of the bigger shows,

but I think we get the better shows.

Here we go. Row G for golf, seats nine and ten.

We have a returning audience, so they...

Obviously the shows that we get,

we get quite a lot of people coming back to see the same shows.

That's what people like, as well, cos they're always saying

that they like that the Pavilion's still old-style,

and they love coming to the building.

It's always feel-good shows.

Every show that they do, if you ask any Pavilion punter that walks out,

they'll always tell you it's an amazing show,

they've had a fantastic night,

they all got up, they sing along, they dance

and it's all kind of stuff that they know,

so they cater for their audience really well.

It's a nice theatre, this. Very nice, aye.

And they get great entertainers in here.

Even Ken Dodd was in here a while ago,

-and he's about 82 years old!

-HE CHUCKLES

They're better than any audience anywhere in Britain.

Well, that means anywhere in the world.

They're the most warm-hearted and generous audiences.

They're ready to laugh. They want to laugh.

They have wonderful chuckle muscles,

so they want to, really want to... They want to be tickled.

It has an atmosphere it's...

The people feel it's their theatre.

Their ownership consists of turning up to see stuff.

That's where they're the major shareholders,

they come and they see the plays,

and I have seen plays where people have queued round the block.

I don't see that in too many theatres.

Went to see Ken Dodd. A legend.

Well...he is.

He is a legend.

One of the greats.

People don't realise that people like me,

they don't pay me any wages.

Yeah, now look at that shocked expression there.

Shocked, horror.

No, they don't pay.

We always come in on a gamble.

You see, you come in on a gamble.

You get a share of the audience you pull in.

I get my share, and Iain Gordon gets his share.

I think his share's too big.

But he does get his. He demands his share, believe me.

He is the secret of the current success in the last 20 years

of the...of the theatre, and it not being dark.

The expression "being dark" is when it's not being used,

and it's in darkness,

but Iain has done a great job.

I used to say that if it hadn't been...

If it wasn't for...Iain Gordon,

you wouldn't have a Pavilion Theatre, but actually,

I think the truth is, if it wasn't for him.

you wouldn't have light entertainment any more in Glasgow.

With six weeks to go, the choreographers, Robert and Lynsey,

have come into the Pavilion

to agree on the music for the dance sequences with Iain.

Is this in it? He needs to get that in it.

MUSIC: "Gangnam Style" by Psy

That's the one that I wanted for the Munchkins.

How long do you want that to be, Iain?

I'd say we're looking at a couple of minutes, really.

There's loads to do. I mean, this is also the first time

that me and Lynsey have choreographed together.

MUSIC: "Bom Bom" by Sam And The Womp

They're...they're quite similar, in terms of beat.

You could easily put them together with that in the middle.

I'm working with the children,

and Lynsey's working with the professionals.

To join the two together will be the first time

they'll have joined together, and that we've joined together,

it's my first time working with Iain...

So, it's a lot of first-time experiences,

which is going to make it a big challenge.

Fairy comes on and goes, "Blah, blah, blah, spell!"

So, when she does the spell and everyone appears,

you just want it... You want it full pelt?

I think for it to be successful, there has to be a main person

to keep track of the story plot and the visual.

I think that's what's good about Iain,

that he's very strong on what he wants,

and makes everyone stick to the story plot,

and I think that's what's going to make it successful.

'What's left to do?'

Eh, write the script! HE LAUGHS

No, I've not seen the script yet.

Probably don't really get to see it

until a week before it, if we're lucky.

I'm sure we'll get it in the next few days.

As far as I'm aware,

we get our scripts three weeks before rehearsals start.

As yet, we haven't got the script for the panto.

You could give them it a year early,

and they still won't look at it until about two days before they open.

I tend to look at a panto and I say, "What is my audience, first of all?"

My audience is anything from five years old to 95 years old,

so you've got to cast something for everybody.

Shebahn is younger, the kids know her.

Johnny Mac is probably the 35 to 40-year-old mark.

The older audience remember Jimmy

when he played a young boy in High Road.

So, I think the secret is getting something in for all ages.

And that's why they're all in there.

They're all in there for a specific reason.

A big part of any pantomime is the music.

Today, Iain is going through the script with the band.

They'll just go, "Hey, Munchkin!"

and do more of the dancing, and just prance about.

-Straight into the bom-bom thing?

-Yeah.

So, we're just waiting for one other person, who's usually late.

We'll get him to come in and out the door about four times.

HE LAUGHS

We'll tell him the first time he's not smiling enough.

Then we'll tell him he's smiling too much.

-Then we'll just tell him he's a fat

-BLEEP.

THEY LAUGH Sorry.

KNOCK AT DOOR Yeah?

Come in.

Eh, could you do that again for filming?

Could you just open the door, right, to thingy,

and then just kind of... "Oh, how are you doing, boys?"

Stand by.

Action!

Hello!

-How are you doing?

-All right?

Nice to see you. Nice to see you, guys.

Was that all right, or do you want to...?

Nah, I think we're doing it again.

-Too cheery.

-Aye, too cheery.

Right. Stand by. And, action.

Hi, guys. How are you doing? All right?

-You're

-BLEEP

-late.

LAUGHTER

He goes into the pit in November, and comes out five stone in January.

THEY CHUCKLE

What he does is he feeds himself up the now, so he's got plenty stamina.

First one's Over The Rainbow.

There's a video sequence that goes along with this.

Next on that page is the River City play-on.

Strawsuit Bob.

Let me look into my crystal ball...

That thing that you've got, Ray, "Oo-oo-ooh!"

Oh, right, yeah.

Next page. Just tell me if I'm going too fast.

We'll do a wee thing here with Michelle McManus,

where she goes, "What does Glinda like?" or something,

and they say, "A glass of wine and a fish supper,"

and she never appears, and then she really shouts it,

"A glass of wine and a fish supper," and she appears.

Uh huh. Yeah.

She'll be a wonderful fairy. Can you just see her?

She'll give it.

She's going to give it. I just know she will.

As a little girl, Dorothy Paul had to be my idol.

I'm glad if I have, in any way, sort of inspired her,

then that's what the older professionals are for.

We should all be doing that.

I'd never heard anyone famous with a Scottish accent.

-Look at the state of me.

-LAUGHTER

A cheeky so-and-so there says,

"Are you making your first Holy Communion?"

And I couldn't believe that someone like...

with a Scottish accent, that spoke like me, could be SO famous.

And if you look at the Mrs Brown's Boys as well,

that was in the Pavilion years and years before

it ever got picked up for telly.

I literally walked in off the street to this little bald poison dwarf...

..and said, "Look, I've got this show,

"and I think if you give it a go,

"it'll take a million at the box office."

The week before we opened for the first time, it was panic stations,

because he rang me on the Wednesday,

we were opening the following Tuesday,

and he rang me on the Wednesday and said,

"This isn't selling. I mean...I mean, there's NO sales."

"We've got about 80 for the first night and about 70 for the second."

So I said, "Well...

"do a two-for-one and comp it out."

And we did.

And then on the Wednesday, about lunchtime, he rang me and said,

"Just to let you know, we'll do 20,000 at the box office today."

And...and it was a hit.

And thus began...

..a beautiful relationship.

Mrs Brown did more bringing people to theatre

than any show that I've ever done in my whole life.

Mrs Brown's a phenomenon.

When we had had a TV series and it was a hit,

and all of a sudden it was a number one show,

and everybody was talking about Mrs Brown, Mrs Brown, Mrs Brown...

We came back and we played the Pavilion.

Because, A, that's where we started,

and, B...we owed them.

We owed them big time.

So, after weeks of preparation,

Iain arrives to rehearse the cast for the first time.

I've got the biscuits. That's the only thing that's important.

No script. No anything. Just the biscuits.

Nice to see Lynsey early.

This is the first time I've ever seen Lynsey early.

We're off to see the Wizard!

First day at school, here I am.

-All right, how you doing?

-'Looking forward to today?'

-Aye.

Oh, yes, you'd better believe it.

-'Do you know your script?'

-Easy, mate.

I think the words were, "Familiarise yourself with the script,"

and I have familiarised myself with it.

It's a wee bit new for me, cos I'm the newbie.

They all know each other.

MACHINE BEEPS

Access denied.

Well, I guess I'm not going to get to know the cast then.

Now, this place is busy this morning, eh?

They're all here for us, you see.

Getting ready for the pantomime.

See you later.

Oh, don't do an Anneka Rice on me and get a bum shot.

That's not very Christmassy, is it, terrifying people with my bum?

This is what's called bonding together. Bonding together.

I'm genuinely nervous this morning. First day of it all.

I heard you on the radio!

This is Susie, stage management. This is Iona, wardrobe.

I'm Iain. I'm the boss.

What's that? What's that?

It's what we call a script in the business.

Everybody turned their phones off?

First thing, yeah? Phones, all off.

Put them back on again two weeks on Friday.

As Iain lays down the law with the cast,

next door, Robert and Lynsey start work with the professional dancers.

'How's the dance department today?'

We are very well, thank you.

We've been working really hard. Aye, it's looking good.

So, exciting stuff.

"Come on, everybody!"

Come on, everybody! This is not Emmerdale.

We've no time for singing or dancing or standing down the pub.

You lot have got poo... dung, even... to shift.

HE SHOUTS: "Come on, you lot!"

-Just be busy on it, you know?

-Right, OK.

"Come on, you lot!" You've got...whatever.

Blah, blah.. "You've got dung to shift! Poo!"

Right? THEY GROAN

"Dorothy! Dorothy, where are you?" And you'll meet her....

See, where are they useless farmhands of mine?

-Here I am!

-HE HUMS TUNE

-..to sing this song.

-Nothing like that.

Will you stop singing that song?!

The song goes... HE HUMS DIFFERENT TUNE

-I'll get you the song.

-OK.

-LAUGHTER

One, two, three, four, five, and seven.

The boy needs to make it look like he's...leading the girl.

Bam, bam, bam-a-bam, and look at her and drop.

I'll just walk straight up to her and...

-Chest up, take your time with it.

-..and say...

That's it, you're nearly having a lion's roar there,

to get that you're the lion later on.

-FORCEFULLY:

-I'll

-just walk up to her, and

-I'll

-say...

-I'll

-just walk up to her and say,

"So, you think you can steal my wee Toto away?"

-"Dorothy!" And "Ah!

-BLEEP!"

-Panic.

Well, well, take that wee dog away!

HE GROANS

You are nae use, you. You've got nae courage!

Just throw him...throw him back up.

That's it, that's it. Go on, Lynsey!

Up, and back bend!

Aye, well, youse say I've nae brain, but I can think,

and I think things might not be as bad as what you think.

That's what I think.

And I think I'm right about what I think.

What do you think?

You're no' paid to think.

That's quick. "You're no' paid to think."

Dorothy, you see...

They say I've got nae courage, but YOU'VE got courage,

and somewhere over that rainbow,

your dreams will all come true.

OK.

Wonderful.

Right, see you two weeks on Wednesday.

THEY LAUGH

Call Dean Park's agent, get rid of him.

HE LAUGHS

It's like your first day of school. Again. That's what it's like.

My friend, Michelle.

We share a pencil case.

We're going to have to hold hands when we go into the playground

and go to the toilet and stuff.

Oh, I've not done my nails. Can't zoom in there.

I've not done mine either.

It's always the same at this stage.

It's just a building stage at this stage.

You know, you just build it up in sections, put it all together,

music, costumes, scenery and all the rest of it.

This is only a small part of it.

First scene's went well, man, aye. We've...got through it.

No mess-ups, we know our lines, everything's been good, man.

-It can only be downhill from here on in.

-Exactly, exactly.

As with previous years,

the success of this year's panto is critical to the Pavilion.

Unlike other Glasgow theatres,

it's not a registered charity, council-owned,

or part of a large entertainment group,

and so far, Iain has been unsuccessful

in applying for any grants or subsidies.

I see every other venue in Glasgow getting funding.

Some to the tune of £10 million a year.

I don't know where they spend their money, to be honest with you.

But, yeah, I mean, our box office pays the bills.

The customers pay the bills.

Most theatres are subsidised for failure.

You will get a six-week rehearsal period now.

If you blow it, who cares?

You get a bad crit in The Herald, and that's it.

Nobody bothers. Nobody loses their job, the theatre doesn't close.

Here, if they get it badly wrong too many times,

the theatre would have closed.

I get angry. When somebody asks me, yeah, I get angry.

But I don't... I don't...

I forget about it within half an hour and move on to something else.

But it would be nice to get funding.

We could maybe do something within the auditorium.

We could do with spending two months next summer scaffolding it,

and do the ceiling.

Cos you're...you're keeping the fabric of the building

for years to come in Glasgow.

But I don't...

They'll never come round to giving the Pavilion anything,

-the

-BLEEP!

-HE LAUGHS

It's the end of the first week of rehearsals,

and Iain turns his attention to the singers.

# You left me broken down

# Think that I'd come running back

# Maybe you don't know me

# Cos you're dead wrong

# What doesn't kill you makes you stron... #

I can't get there. It's far too high.

Oh, is that right? OK. Let's take it down.

Michelle'll give you a wee...

# What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... #

Is that still too high?

There is some range in that song, I have to say.

# What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. #

If you record it on your iPhone,

I'll sing that verse so you've got it at home,

-so you know that it goes up.

-So, it's...?

# The bed feels warmer

# Sleeping here alone... #

'Yeah, theatre's very tight at the moment,

'like all businesses at the moment, theatre's...suffering.'

'There's some lean months throughout the year.

'So, panto keeps you going from that, it funds other things.

'Refurbishing the seats, putting new carpets in,'

doing the dressing rooms,

making the place a bit better stage by stage,

so, yeah, panto...panto funds...funds everything.

Underscore it underneath the dialogue, and give you a definite...

# Somewhere over the rainbow

# Way up high...

# There's a land that I've heard of

# Once in a lullaby. #

And then she goes, "Dorothy!"

"Yuk!"

Yes, Johnny, yes you're fine with...

Oh, I think we should hear it!

Yeah, yeah, fine. I think we should see that and hear it.

-Oh, let's hear it!

-Come on, Johnny!

# Slide some to my elbows

# And to my fingers if... #

HE MUMBLES

# Slide some oil to me, girl

# Whoa, that feels good! #

-APPLAUSE

-Aww, thanks!

# If ever a Wiz, a Wiz there was

# The Wizard of Oz is one because

# Because, because, because, because, because...

# Because of the wonderful things he does... #

The cast have just come in this week. I mean, I've done a full...

full first half of the show in less than a week.

# You gave me the will to carry on.

# No, we've come a long, long way... #

And I think there's just been so much energy

with the new people in the cast coming into this production

that have just energised the old ones that were here,

so we've went out the door yesterday thinking, "God..."

Four o'clock yesterday, we've said, "That's great, we're ready to go."

And we could have put Act One on the stage yesterday.

And that's unusual.

So, let's hope next week's the same.

# ...all this time. #

THEY CHEER

With time running out to opening night,

Iain moves the rehearsals onto the stage of the Pavilion.

We've not done anything like this with the cast?

We've done it in the rehearsal room, but never on the stage.

-Right, OK. We'll run the track and then we'll stop and start, yeah?

-OK.

'What's today about, Iain?'

Eh, about getting the cast onto the set.

First time they've really seen it. Act Two.

So, it's getting them on,

going through all the safety stuff with them

and letting them run it, and letting them see what they've...

what comes alive from the rehearsal room to here,

cos it completely changes it.

It also lets the crew see when there's cast about now, you know.

See what works and what doesn't work. And then we panic.

One, two, three, four, five, six, and grab that hand,

seven, eight, and then I come into you.

Should we start like this, Lynz?

Yeah, hands up.

OK, we all ready?

Yeah!

OK, here we go, folks!

Right, here we go.

MUSIC: "Good Time" by Owl City and Carly Rae Jepsen

# It's always a good time... #

# We don't even have to try

# It's always a good time. #

Applause, applause, applause!

End positions.

Always a good time. Big finish, yay!

THEY CHEER

We're sharing a dressing room together, so try to get...

I know, I know it gets...

Are you two sharing?

-Aye.

-Awww!

We asked for it. It was in my contract. I asked for it, aye.

-Aww, that's the sweetest thing ever!

-Aye, golden handcuffs.

-CAMERAMAN:

-Your dress looks amazing, Michelle.

Oh, does it look good?

I think it's me that looks amazing, possibly not the dress.

I think it's the way I'm wearing it.

Today's not just about song and dance.

There are also safety issues for the cast to consider.

..and there's a pyro coming off behind it,

-if you know what I mean. So, pyro and...

-Cue on.

-Yeah?

Because we'll...we'll have to check that you're nowhere near it

-before we fire it.

-Of course, no problem at all.

So that's it, nice wee poof.

Let's get to Emerald City. We've not got far to go now!

# You're on the road tae nowhere. #

You've gone far enough.

Well, thank you all very much

for blowing away the poison from the field of poppies,

but your pathetic huffing has been all in vain,

cos I've still got some here. Ha ha!

Here, is that a poke of chips you've got?

Poppies! Sniffety-sniffety-sniff.

Get it right up your beaks! Ho ho ho!

SHE CACKLES

Boom.

I says a poke of chips.

How do I mistake that for a poke of chips?

-Joycey?

-Aye?

-You saw that there?

-Aye.

This big bit of white tape round about it.

Everybody needs to watch these pyros.

You shouldn't be anywhere near these corners. Right?

The band for the panto aren't in view of the stage.

In actual fact, they're set up right underneath it.

-The forgotten threesome down here.

-HE CHUCKLES

Everybody, do we feel detached from the panto?

Yes.

Camera in the circle, and it gets fed down to that monitor over there.

We can see everything that's going on on the stage.

Step out the road! Let the dog see the rabbit.

Dean, it's got three rings there.

Dean's noise wants to be the loudest at the start.

It wants to be a really big DONG...

And then Shebahn's was meant to be ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong,

cos she was a girl.

And then Tin Man was supposed to sound like an empty oil can.

Seeing as he's a Tin Man.

But it says bell out of order, please knock.

Yeah, but, that's the funny bit about it.

That's what's funny.

That's another bell.

DRUM CRASHES

No! That's a snare drum.

TINKLING

Here, he's doing it again.

No, it's... See that wee effects pad you've got in front of you,

with three million different effects on it?

DRUM CRASHES

Yeah, that'll do the now.

This is the time when you start to doubt yourself,

if you've ever told anybody anything,

when you have to repeat yourself about 20 times

and they suddenly go, "Oh, that's what you mean!"

DRUM CRASHES

So, after months of preparation and weeks of rehearsal,

it's finally opening night,

and as the audience take to their seats,

the Pavilion cast and crew get ready

for their first performance of the Wizard of Never Woz.

Hello! We're half ready.

-CAMERAMAN:

-Are you decent?

-Yeah, we're decent. In you come.

Welcome to our dressing room.

This is sexy Aunt Em.

Hi, there.

Try and control yourselves at how sexy Aunt Em is.

Hello.

Just, eh...we've rehearsed for two weeks without an audience

and now it's time to get that extra person in the pantomime,

the audience, and find out if it works, if we're funny.

Everything's went smoothly. Hopefully it keeps going.

With an audience, it can only be better.

The audience at the Pavilion is always great, so I'm really excited.

Hi, wish us luck!

This is when I want to go home now.

I want my mammy!

-I'm here, son.

-I want my mammy!

Do my mics look OK?

Be good.

Have fun, see you later. I'll be watching you!

# Somewhere over the rainbow

# Way up high

# There's a land that I've heard of

# Once in a lullaby. #

I'm quite nervous actually, yeah. Yeah.

As you see, I've got a lovely array of wigs here.

I've got some tooth putty here.

And, basically, I just dry my tooth...

It basically just sticks on.

I can do it.

-Right, where is Leo?

-Oh! He's in...

I'm here, I'm here, I'm right here!

Get me out! Get me out of here!

HE SCREAMS

Come on, Biggy, get up!

-Watch yourself. Watch yourself.

-Oi, you, watch my kilt there!

You watch it, you.

I'm here, I'm here. Hello, everybody!

ALL CHEER

Throw him in the Clyde!

-'How are you doing?'

-Terribly well, terribly well.

Sitting back, listening to other people working,

it's the most pleasant experience in the world.

What does she like?

Glasses of wine and a fish supper!

DRUM ROLL

Eh?

I said...

glasses of wine and a fish supper!

TINKLING, MAGICAL MUSIC

Did someone mention glasses of wine?

Yes, several times. You're pure well late, by the way.

No, I am not! I always appear sharp, on the hour.

Aye, with a wee glass of wine or two!

That's us.

Even though I know the script inside out now, still,

my head's still jumble-mumbled up.

Aye. The stakes rise a wee bit when the crowd are in.

# Get 'em up, going down

# Ease on down

# Get 'em up, going down

# Ease on down

# Get 'em up, going down

# Ease on down

# Get 'em up, get 'em up

# Ease on down the road. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I'm sweating, man. Oh!

This theatre's important to me. No other theatre's important to me.

We don't owe anybody a penny. We own the building outright.

There's money in the bank to get us by the bad times.

You know, because there is bad times.

'Are you worried about the future of the Pavilion at all, Iain?'

Em...

No. Yes and no.

Eh...

That brought a tear to my eye there. Probably about me.

Don't know why I did that, eh?

Yeah, I worry about the theatre.

I think because it's...it's... For so long it's been me, me, me.

I'm handing a lot of stuff over now

to Scott and Jamie and Marie and all these people,

so they do a lot more than they ever did,

but I would worry about it without me. Which is...

..maybe wrong, but maybe right. I don't know.

Just because I've done so much over the years,

and I tend to do so much on a daily basis,

and maybe I should give a wee bit more out to people to...

..delegate a bit more, and a bit better,

which I probably am doing now more than ever, you know?

But I would worry about it, yeah.

# All this time

# We've come a long, long way

# I waited a lifetime for today

# I've waited and I've waited

# All this time

# When everyone else said I was wrong

# You gave me a reason to be strong

# And you gave me the will to carry on

# All this time. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-What a voice you've got, man!

-Me?

-You're phenomenal, man.

-Oh, shut up.

Voice of an angel!

Bring me the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West!

But, if we do that, we'll have to kill her!

Bring me her broomstick and I shall grant your request.

Now, go!

Good boy...

You're a hot dog!

I'm very hot. I'm sweating!

Your face is all red.

That's it.

It's got to be the hardest job I've done for a while.

And I'm not getting any younger.

I don't think we should stretch him.

I think we should shrink him.

Eh, no, no. I don't want to be any wee-er!

I would actually rather be taller. No!

Shrink him! Yes!

Come on, Egor.

Is that me done?

Dorothy's blonde, what the hell?

Should've had that mince and tatties.

If we're keeping bums on seats and do the right thing,

then I'll be here till I snuff it.

They'll probably carry me down the centre aisle

and into the boiler room and burn me, you know?

That'll be the right way to go, you know.

# Ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho

# And a couple of tra-la-las

# That's how we laugh the day away

# In the merry old land In the merry old land

# In the merry old land of Oz. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd