The War Widows of Afghanistan Our World

is under way in Sierra Leone Tory woman who has left hospital. Now, it

is time for Our World. Foreign troops are leaving

Afghanistan, marking an official and 213 years of war. Tens of thousands

have lost their lives. This is the story of the women whose husbands

were killed, from Afghanistan and the UK. Their husbands all fled the

Taliban, but their experiences of widowhood are dramatically

different. Without a husband, in conservative Afghan society, women

are left almost powerless. Despite their differences, they all

tell of love and loss. I'm always doing things in memory of him, so I

am always skimming over the edge that he is actually not here,

because if I think that I do go to pieces. And they speak of their

hopes for the future. I remember saying to him, look at this police

car in front, that is because your father is a hero. I hope that is the

one memory he has. This woman is from eight traditional

Pashtun family. Like most Afghan women, her marriage was arranged by

her parents. She remembers her engagement with her mother.

After their wedding, the couple moved to central Afghanistan, where

Tajbibe's husband worked as a translator for the American army.

Seven years ago, PashtunTajbibe's husband was shot to death by the

Taliban. Thousands of miles away in the UK, Jackie is redecorating. She

shared this house with her husband for over 20 years. He was killed in

Afghanistan 2008. I remember when I first met him, I was 21 and he asked

me out for a drink. And I said, no. I felt so self`conscious. He was

very good`looking. Then it was somebody's leaving party, and he

asked me out and I said yes. He said, I would have kept asking, you

know. Jacqui and Gary lived in Nottingham in the East Midlands,

where they raised their five daughters and ran a family business.

His wallet, all the letters that the girls and I and his friends had

sent. He was a reservist in the Royal auxiliary Air Force, which

meant that he wasn't permanently in the military, he had a full`time job

as a sheet metal worker. He had his own company in Nottingham. In

February 2008, he was deployed to Afghanistan. I remember Gary getting

into the car and getting all his kick, and closing the door and just

heading off to the gate. I said, Gary! He said, what? I said, have

you forgotten something. Me, come back and give me a kiss. He came

back, and this gave me a peck on the cheek, then started running off to

base again. would be doing an office job and

would be in note danger. In fact, he was helping to maintain security at

airfields. He was killed on his way to Kandahar airbase. `` he was

killed on his way to Kandahar airbase.

in the north of Afghanistan, nearly 300 miles from Kabul.

not approve of her speaking openly about her life am a sushi won't show

her face on camera. She was married when she was 18. Her husband was an

illiterate carpet weaver, but once he had a family to support, he

joined the Afghan army. He was five when Lee was out in

Afghanistan. This is a little book, Lee made it for Kai, to explain

where daddy was going and who he was going with. It says, sometimes my

dad has to go out with the army and work in hot places. For their two

children, army life was just part of growing up. Their father had been in

the army since he was a teenager. For a long time I didn't let Kai had

this after Lee had been killed, as I didn't want to confuse him. But now

he is ten and he understands. He gets it out himself and shows

Brooke, and it has loads of great photos in it. Really glad we did it.

Nike and Lee lived together on his base in South England with their two

children, Kai and Brooke, who was just seven months old when her dad

was killed. He had been to Iraq before we got married, but I think I

was quite naive, even as an army wife, where they go and what they

actually do. I guess you don't want to think about that side of it. One

of my friends said, how are you going to marry a soldier? But you

can't help who you fall in love with, and that is just what he did,

so... At least 13,000 members of the Afghan security forces have lost

their lives in the fight against the Taliban since 2001. Over 450 British

soldiers have been killed in the conflict. 2009 was one of the

bloodiest years of the war for UK forces. On the 10th of July, eight

British servicemen lost their lives in a single day. One of them was

Nike's husband. `` Nicky. I have been for a walk, and I saw two cars

go by each with a man in, and I just knew. I lived at the end of a

cul`de`sac, and they went all the way down. I just walked up, the

whole time thinking, Lee has been hurt. I was crying and shaking,

thinking, he has been hurt. They asked me to pass look to their

colleague, I just knew. I said, you have got the wrong one, there is

another Lee Scott. I guess I don't go back in my mind there very often.

It is all a bit of a blur. Nike's husband was killed when his vehicle

hit and Ayew de, and she had to break the news to her five`year`old

son when he came home from school. I told him straight, because I didn't

want to confuse him. He said, daddy has got hurt, and he has died and

gone to heaven. He can't come home. I can't really remember, I was

crying and he cried, but I can't remember him asking anything more.

It was just silent. We cuddled. It wasn't until the next day that he

asked my friend some questions. What was heaven, why did my daddy get

killed, why didn't my daddy duck, was my dad not a good soldier? In

northern Afghanistan, this woman's husband was killed by a mine. He

died in 2010. She hasn't found the words to tell her two children yet.

In Afghanistan, women pray every day that they should not receive sudden

news of a death. But for Tajbibe, the news she had feared came one

evening seven years ago. Her husband was shot by the Taliban on his way

to work. She only found out what had happened when his mutilated body was

brought to her house. I sent this on the 10th of March,

2008. I wrote, you either of my life and I can't wait for you to come

home. I love you. I miss you so much. That still hasn't changed.

Gary was 51 when he died and, at the time, he was the oldest British

serviceman to be killed. His vehicle hit an anti`tank mine

and his body was brought back to the UK five days later. Gary's which are

`` repatriation was on the 18th of April, 2008. I thought, I'm not

going to cry when they take Gary's off because I can cry as much as

they want afterwards. When they brought his coughing of, `` coffin

off the plane, I don't think you could ever be prepared for the

emotion because all of a sudden it's real. That was Gary. I was never

going to see him again. And the girls just went to pieces. Ever

since we were told about losing Gary, I never felt that... I just

felt as a mum this was the time I couldn't do anything to help them. I

couldn't make it better. I couldn't say it was going to be all right.

All I could do was put my arms around them.

husband came home. The plane flew over, we watched it flyover,

thinking, this is not how I picture this. Even though we'd only been out

their six`week but we were talking about how when they came home I

would lose some weight, I would wear this, will we meet them? And I just

remember thinking, this is not what we wanted. This is not how I plan to

welcoming you home. Actually, I don't know who it was but one of the

guards at the `` dads shouted out, welcome home, boys! I always

remember that. In northern Afghanistan, she want to

see her body so she knew he was never coming home. `` his body.

The first few months was like, this still feels like he is on to but the

only difference was the phone was ringing. `` on tour. It was really

weird, I have to keep telling myself. I think the first time it

proper heat he was when I made myself go to the medals parade when

the boys came home. I had to see, the hardest thing ever, but that he

wasn't there. All the boys were there but he wasn't there. I had to

do that. Nicky says that since Lee died she

has been well supported by her family and the army in the UK. Lee

had put money aside for the children and, with his army pension,

financially her situation has not really changed.

Back in Afghanistan, four Tajbibe life could not be more different. ``

for. Tradition and culture dictates that we do is should only marry

their husbands's relatives. Tajbibe's relatives disowned her

when she refused to marry within the family.

Without a husband, Tajbibe had no way to support her children. Her

baby daughter starved to death. She says she doesn't know how to access

government support. Tajbibe now earns $1 a day doing

laundry and baking bread. That's it. Or boy. There are days

when you do think about it and it comes in the most unusual things. We

will be passed in a wall that I can still see part of Gary's Cats every

put the plasterboard. He had run his hand down there. And on most days I

would go past it and kind of touch this little mark, because this was

like his physical market in the house. And of course I got rid of

the plasterboard. So, like I say, it comes in the most unexpected things.

Like a bit of plaster. That could have you completely hard can. ``

heart Rogan. Jacqui's children are grown up now. Life without Gary has

been hard but she has been able to stay in their family home. The

widows in Afghanistan, that is often not possible.

For young women, being a widow can seem like a prison sentence. Widows

in Afghanistan are seeing as a bad omen, often subject to gossip and

rumours. This makes it difficult for them to find work outside the house.

This woman in her mid` 20s is not allowed out of the house without her

mother. Instead, she weaves carpets, just as she has done since

she was a child. Remarriage is not an option for many

Afghan widows. If they choose to marry outside their husband's

family, his parents could take custody of their children.

After Lee died, Nicky's life changed dramatically. 15 months after his

death, she moved away from the army garrison and has now been ``

remarried. The focus is her children. I wanted to be in the

garrison because I felt like I still needed to be part of that

community. Then I think it gets to the point where you then realise

that it's not fair, seeing welcome home banners and people should be

able to put them up and welcome people home and I came home from

school once and said, Thomas's dad came home from Afghanistan, why

didn't my dad? And I thought, I don't need this. There are other

ways to remember that daddy was in the army and we were part of that

life. Nicky has set up a charity, dedicated to help them `` dedicated

to helping the Tilden and women of those who lost their lives. `` the

children. Foreign troops are now leaving

Afghanistan. Despite their differences, each of these women are

finding a way to make sense of their husband's sacrifice. And the walkie

14. `` war he fought in. I remember saying, look at all these

people, look at the police car in front. This is because your dad is a

hero. I hope that's one of the memories he has because then he will

know he died for a reason, for the country.

I get asked, are you mad with the military? Argued that with the

government? What about the people in Afghanistan? I'm not angry with any

of them. For the people in Afghanistan, I don't hold them at

all responsible. I think they are as much a victim as anybody else,

really.