Kelly Holmes: My Marathon Story

PAULA RADCLIFFE: I've run my fair share of marathons.

So many miles that I've lost count.

But I love them, I've made them my career.

I've put in hours, days, weeks and years of preparation

over my time, and I know exactly how tough they can be.

-COMMENTATOR:

-Her Olympic dream is over. What a sad sight.

I know some people run them for fun. Others, like me, run for a time,

a medal, and even a world record.

-COMMENTATOR:

-Watch the clock, she's going to smash the world record.

That was just unbelievable.

But my competitive running days are over,

bowing out at my favourite marathon last year.

A truly magical day, and one that I will never, ever forget.

Running your first marathon is always a daunting task,

and I remember my nerves.

And this year, a close friend and former team-mate of mine will run

the iconic 26.2 miles on the streets of London for the first time.

She's also a double Olympic champion.

She's Kelly Holmes.

Ahead of the challenge, I've come to Kelly's hometown in Kent

to talk about how preparation is going.

SHE LAUGHS A big marathon.

Paula, this is your bag.

We'll also reminisce about the great success she had in her career

and, of course, those two golds at the Athens Olympics in 2004.

-COMMENTATOR:

-What a performance!

You've won it, Kelly, you've won it!

But also, we'll talk about the hard times, the times away from the track

that people don't see, when it all got a bit too much for Kelly.

It got to the point of self-harming, which is

something that, for an ex-military person, you don't

think you're ever going to get to that point of despair.

I know that, having personally gone through lows as well as highs in this sport,

and knowing her as the person she is, Kelly can conquer anything.

And that includes the London Marathon.

-Hello! How are you doing?

-Good, thank you.

-Good to see you.

-Nice to see you.

-Yeah, you too.

-Thanks for having us in Tonbridge.

-Yeah, welcome.

-So, this is the track where it all started for you.

-It was, yes, many years ago.

-Did it look like that then?

-It was a cinder track, Paula.

-Of course, they all were then.

And this posh building wasn't there,

it was a hut on top of a hill, that's what we always used to say.

-But the wind always was...

-And the fields, I guess.

And the fields, yes, lovely place, actually, to train.

I remember the first day because my mum dropped me off on the hill,

and she said to me, "You'd better...

"You'd better stick to this one this time."

Because I used to do all these other sports and give up.

-But you did stick with it, anyway.

-Yes, I did stick with it, I know. Gosh.

Your mum brought you down here, like, "Please stick at this one, Kelly."

But it is important you get the chance to try out all the different things,

to find the one that you're really passionate about, isn't it?

Yeah, definitely. I think...

I was quite fortunate, in a way, that I got given the opportunities

to go to clubs.

It was all part of Mum, I suppose, Mum and my stepdad

and my nan and grandad, because we used to live next door to each other.

Because they were the ones that took me off to cross-country more,

to be honest with you. And I hated cross-country with a passion.

Cold, wet, wind, mud, something... "Really? You're mad!"

THEY LAUGH

But I remember that, and I'd be a shivering wreck, you know,

and crying.

They would be the ones putting the...kind of blanket around you,

with the flask and everything.

And actually, when my mum brought me down, it was

because my PE teacher, Debbie Page, who's still the PE teacher

at the same school, 37 years on, I have to say,

she was my biggest inspiration.

My mother then brought me down after a phone call from her,

but it was almost that whole thing of having that support.

You look back, and actually we're probably quite fortunate

that we have been given the opportunity.

I'm just like lots of different children,

I grew up in the council estate up the road and, you know, you

never know if you're going to get opportunities in life,

because things cost money,

so, you know, I was just fortunate that this was quite close

and they saw I had a potential, I suppose, the school,

and my mum wanted me to do something positive with my life,

so coming here was a big step to that.

Was it like you had your school life and then athletics life?

-You almost felt like you were a different person.

-Exactly that.

I mean, I was not good at school, you know, academically,

I wasn't good.

I suppose sport almost made me feel good, as an individual,

it gave me an identity, because suddenly people see

you're good at something and want to be part of your team and things.

I've still got the same friends now, to this day, that I had back in

school. And I remember Kerry, Lara and Kim, when I watched the Olympics

in '84, the year that I got inspired to be Olympic champion,

watching Seb Coe win gold medal in the 1,500m,

I remember going back into school in the summer holidays

and saying to Kerry, Lara and Kim, "I'm going to be Olympic champion."

And they turned round to me and said, "Yeah, you are.

"Because that's the only thing you're good at."

THEY LAUGH

My coach, Dave, he was great, because he tried to progress me

in the right way as a youngster.

And I think that was why I was successful at, probably,

English Schools. And then also, when it's kind of the unknown

and you're a bit mad, you just don't care, do you?

So I just used to run, really. Didn't really think about it.

But then the last English Schools, I won,

and then I went into the military. And Dave was so upset that I was going, because I think

he thought I could be a really good senior international athlete,

and he was devastated that I was joining the military. But I did.

So, did you stay in touch, all the time you were in the army, with Dave, then?

Yeah, I stayed in touch, and it wasn't

until I actually got back into my athletics, so 1992, you remember

Lisa York, who was a great runner, 3,000...

1,500m and 3,000m runner?

-COMMENTATOR:

-And Lisa York takes it on.

Lisa York from Great Britain with a very, very early run.

And at that time, I was sitting in my barrack room, in the Army,

and I remember watching the Olympics and just thinking,

"Oh, my God, it's Lisa York.

"I used to race against her, I used to beat her in some things."

And that sort of ignited my passion, I suppose,

and my dream to get back into running, you know, properly.

-And the following year, I went to...was it Stuttgart?

-Mm-hm.

-COMMENTATOR:

-Kelly Holmes, full of confidence,

for the second semifinal, for the women's 800m.

That was a great championship, but I got brought back down to earth

because I had to fly back to barracks,

and I'd forgotten I'd changed all my guard duties, so the night I got back from Stuttgart,

when everyone else is celebrating at home, I'm guarding the barracks at two o'clock in the morning

with my weapon and my helmet on and the fog coming down, thinking,

"I was actually at the World Championships earlier."

-COMMENTATOR:

-Paulino, from Kovacs, from Rainey, from Gurina,

-from Holmes.

-Well, I thought she ran a great race there.

You must have kept training the whole time you were in the Army.

The training I was doing was really with the soldiers, you know.

Because I was a physical-training instructor by then, so a lot...

It was military training, so my boots, you know,

your backpacks on and going over assault courses.

And actually I think the benefit of that was I was really strong.

So I knew how to run,

and running was always part of military training anyway,

but I think because I was so strong, as a female,

so when I came back into athletics, I was just a powerhouse.

And I think that's probably why I done so well early on.

-COMMENTATOR:

-Rogachova and Podkopayeva,

and Kelly Holmes is going to hang on.

And Kelly Holmes gets silver!

I've got a lot more to prove yet.

Just need a good winter-season preparation

and go for medals again next year.

-COMMENTATOR:

-I think Kelly Holmes should be very,

very pleased with that.

She is an absolute heroine tonight.

She couldn't have done any more than she did.

And Ceplak gets the gold, Martinez the silver,

and Kelly Holmes gets the bronze.

Kelly Holmes, striding out.

Kelly comes home to take the gold once more for England.

By gum, does she deserve it.

2002 was a good year, but you had a little bit of a rough few years,

didn't you, before we came to 2004 and Athens?

2003 was the World Indoor Champs in Birmingham.

I came second.

And then went to the World Outdoor Championships,

but before that, I had the worst,

literally the worst period of my life, and I think it was the whole...

You know, when you're in sport,

and if you really believe in it, you live and eat...breathe it,

really, in a way, but you contend with normal life,

you know, emotions are the same, you know, you want to be good

and get knocked down and whatever you go through.

And I got really bad depression in that year.

You know, to the point where I...

You know, it got to the point of self-harming,

which is something that for an ex-military person...

I only left after ten years and, you know,

good-standard international athlete,

you don't think that you're ever going to get to that point of despair.

-You know what I mean?

-Hmm.

-But I think I've had such a kind of turmoil.

-I never would've known until I read about it.

-Yeah.

And I was thinking... If you kind of feel...

Could you not have come...? Could I have come and talked to you?

But you were so good at hiding and, I guess, closing yourself away

that that kind of makes it grow inside a little bit more, does it?

Yeah. I think the thing is you kind of, you know, try and deal with everything yourself anyway.

Because, you know, it's like...

Whenever athletes are doing really well,

the last thing you want to do is be the whole...

"It's all going wrong for me." Because everyone's got to stay positive, ain't they?

And you try and stay positive outside.

So, you know, I'd...being in the blooming pool again

and I'm just, "I'm going to get there!" Cos I had the World Championships coming up.

You know I mean? And one side of me was like, "I've got this World Championships."

And the other side was tearing me apart, you know?

And even... I didn't tell anyone. You look in the mirror and you don't want to even be there.

You're in a bad state, but I still had this whole thing

that I could be Olympic champion.

That was my saving grace,

because I always believed I could be this person.

But then, equally, I was just in this emotional wreck and turmoil.

And so... But then two weeks later,

I won a silver medal at the World Championships.

And I stood on the rostrum, like, crying inside thinking,

"I've got this medal," but also crying inside because of how I was feeling.

-But I didn't tell anyone.

-APPLAUSE

It's only over the years that I've obviously got more confident in just talking about it,

cos I realise actually that sometimes if you are in the public eye,

you've got a platform to actually have people listen to you.

And I didn't feel ashamed of what I've done, it's just me.

And there's so many people in life that...

one, don't have the chance to talk too much about it

or don't want to talk about it.

And I'm just saying we've got to stop the stigmatism,

cos no matter who you are or the industry you're in,

there's so many people that suffer

at all different levels for whatever different reason.

And if I can talk about it then,

hopefully, other people will start to talk and say,

"Look, you can actually ask for help."

I never really thought that I was ever going to be a person that would get to that point,

but I clearly am, and it's just part of my life.

And, actually, it makes...

what I did in Athens even more important to me,

and more, kind of, you know, I just feel, "Oh, my gosh!"

Literally, cos I hung in there and I managed to do it.

Two laps of the track.

Less than two minutes of running.

Concentrate, put yourself in the right place,

react and hope it's your day.

GUN FIRES

CHEERING

A huge roar goes up. It could be a race to get to the front.

There are three or four frontrunners in this.

Jearl Miles Clark looks as though she fancies it.

Cioncan likes to get to the front, Ceplak does, Maria Mutola sometimes.

I don't think she'll do it today.

And, in fact, it's Jearl Miles Clark who's gone through that first 100 metres quickly.

Kelly at the back as we'd probably expect,

letting them go through that first 200. There's Cioncan, she likes a good pace as well.

But Jearl Miles Clark has gone off very, very quickly indeed.

And this...in the Olympic final

means that I think we're going to see a quick time.

But the main protagonists are towards the back.

Mutola is taking it easy and so is Kelly Holmes,

last at the moment, but she won't stay there for long.

Look at the gap between first and last!

Kelly Holmes absolutely dead last,

but I think that first 200 metres was very, very quick indeed.

I think it was 27 seconds and I'm sure Kelly was closer to 29.

-BELL RINGS

-She's giving Maria Mutola

a bit too much of a lead.

But 56.3 for the leader,

which means that Kelly Holmes and Maria Mutola

are doing the right thing sitting off the pace.

I think Ceplak's in trouble there as Kelly Holmes goes past her.

Kelly Holmes is tracking Maria Mutola.

Jearl Miles Clark has run a fast, fast race and is beginning to slow

as Kelly follows in the wake of Maria Mutola!

Now, remember, Kelly Holmes

was leading in the Olympic Games in Sydney with 50 metres to go.

Can she do a bit better this time

and be leading from 50 metres to the finish?

Kelly's in a great place there but Mutola knocked her!

Mutola won't let Kelly Holmes past, she wants to control this!

Miles Clark has the lead. Kelly Holmes attacking on the outside!

What has Mutola got left? Has Andrianova got anything?

What about Miles Clark?

Kelly Holmes fighting for the gold medal

with her training partner Maria Mutola!

Kelly Holmes bringing it home for Britain! Can she get there?

Come on, Kelly! One more...! Come on, Kelly Holmes!

It's gold! Kelly's won the gold for Great Britain!

What a race! What a performance!

Well, you see my face. I mean, the shock as I crossed the line.

I never once thought I'd win the 800.

You've won it, Kelly! You've won it!

Kelly Holmes is the Olympic champion!

I just never even thought about being Olympic champion at 800.

It was never my dream. I just happened to always do 800 and 1,500,

because that was based on whether I was fit enough to do...

or strong enough for what one.

And that's how I picked my races, to be honest, over the years.

So when I went to the 800,

I just kind of worked out that I could win a medal if I ran 1.56.

And my training alluded to that.

-Uh-huh.

-You know, I was just doing pace...

pace work all the time. And I knew I could run 1.56,

I just had to run efficiently and not get knocked over, whatever.

So then when I actually won, you know, again I won...

everything I'd lost by the thickness of the top,

this one I'd won by the thickness of the top. And I remember celebrating.

I still remember it, even though I've watched it a million times,

I still actually remember the whole process. Because I remember saying to myself, drop my shoulders,

relax my shoulders on the last bit, cos normally I was really tense.

People get tense and their breathing goes and, you know, their form goes.

And I remember just saying to myself, "Relax the shoulders," cos I'd practised it in training.

And I took that one vital step forward.

So I started to celebrate, but in my head it was like,

"I couldn't have won the 800!" And I felt really embarrassed.

I was thinking, "Is it going to be shown like that?" And I remember this photographer on the inside,

a British photographer was jumping up and down going, "Kelly, you've won!"

And I kind of look at the screen again. I'm looking and... "I've actually won it!"

-So that real...shock.

-CHEERING

And I was just thinking, "I'm in the shape of my life here,

"I could actually get another medal in this champs." I didn't really think about the gold,

it was just, "I can get another medal."

So can Kelly Holmes do it again?

The women's 1,500m final gets under way.

I think having that mind-set at the right time is critical as well, isn't it?

Not switching off when actually you could,

and staying real focused on everything that you've done.

-And now the race just starts to pick up.

-BELL

Yevdokimova doesn't let Chojecka get past.

Kelly Holmes has got to get a bit closer.

Well, I hope the tiredness of the rounds of the 800m and 1,500m

aren't catching up with her.

She was very clever the way she was able

to bounce off the other athlete on the inside there.

They're coming in now, just approaching the three-lap marker.

3.12. So it's still a fast pace, but it's not a suicidal pace,

it's not a vicious pace.

And Kelly Holmes now needs to just dig in there.

There are a few too many yards and little gaps opening now.

Can she run as controlled as she did in the 800m?

-Here comes Kelly Holmes!

-There's a lot of pushing and shoving there.

Tomashova doesn't seem to have much, but she's going to go with Kelly.

Kelly coming on the outside, looks so easy!

Has she got enough in the home straight? Chojecka tries to move out.

Kelly looking around to see where the danger is.

There doesn't appear to be too much. Now she's got to push on.

Now she's got to kick for home!

Kelly Holmes going for two gold medals!

It's going to be an historic second gold!

Kelly Holmes for Great Britain wins the 1,500m title!

What a performance!

3.57.91. A personal best to boot!

You are the double Olympic champion, Kelly Holmes!

That is the greatest performance

in the history of British distance running,

the history of British athletics in the Olympic Games.

The 1,500m, honestly, it was...just like a relief.

I felt like when I crossed the line, this tonne of weight just went off my shoulders.

It literally felt like that. It's almost like, you know, if you go back through your life

and it's like a movie. I was like, "Oh, my God!" All those things that happened and I had done it.

It was almost like... I couldn't believe it, to be honest with you.

CHEERING

You achieved the British record tonight, you ran 3.57.9...

-You didn't have any idea, did you?

-Did I really do 3.57?!

-BOTH LAUGH

-Fantastic!

BRITISH NATIONAL ANTHEM PLAYS

Personally, I just believe in fate and think that everything that I went through,

the fact that I stepped to it, you know, I could get it right.

And probably maybe that was just a...you know, a sign to say, "We've put you through...

"put you through enough now, you deserve to get it."

Surely, we're going to call her

Dame Kelly Holmes tonight after that performance.

I was with you in Athens and I watched your heartache.

And this is a very disappointing picture to be looking at.

And Paula Radcliffe's stopped on the roadside. That's enough.

Her Olympic dream is over. What a sad sight.

I don't know what's gone wrong. The crowd in the stadium are trying to give it...

But that is the end of an Olympic dream for Paula Radcliffe.

That really just got to me so badly.

You know I mean? And I felt everything.

So when I was then preparing,

that was sort of in my head, the whole thing of...

you didn't get the opportunity to get your dream.

Obviously, I wasn't able... I'd had the injury too close

and, again, didn't talk about things that I probably should have talked about,

and wasn't able to finish the marathon.

But I remember then watching you win the 800,

and I was trying to decide whether to come back and do the 10K or not.

Even though it wasn't the right decision,

I wasn't ever going to be able to even finish the 10K.

Just over nine laps to go and Paula is having a hard one here.

Oh, and she's stopping. Paula Radcliffe has stepped off the track.

Well, we said earlier it was a brave decision of her to run.

She ran a brave race there. Was it a wise decision?

Well, only Paula can answer that one.

I still don't regret going out and trying to do it, because...

-You never know.

-Yeah, it's like I got the answer.

Otherwise, I'd have been sat in the stands thinking, "I wonder if I could have managed to get round."

The fact that you did that was just massive. You know, hats off.

And, actually, I have to say, on the plus side, you took so much pressure off me before the Games,

because you were, like, in the paper all the time and no-one wanted...

No-one was interested in me. So it was quite cool. So thank you for that.

There is Kelly Holmes!

CHEERING

MUSIC: Lola's Theme by Shapeshifters

Sports Personality of the Year 2004...

Kelly Holmes.

APPLAUSE

And now you're embarking on a new journey, with the marathon.

-BOTH LAUGH

-Paula, this is YOUR bag.

I'm just...dying for this marathon.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

So, this is a nice place to come and train and put in some miles.

Yeah, it is nice actually.

It's only sort of part of a route that I normally do,

but Dave, my coach, and I used to come down here

and do reps around to get off the track.

That was quite good. And, actually, it was nice that I got off the tarmac,

-cos I found that pounding on the roads hard.

-And that's what I think

you're going to find will be your hardest thing,

it's not going to be the fitness to run the marathon,

it's going to be your muscles just getting used to the pounding of that distance.

-My legs ache thinking about it.

-It's good.

So shall we see how your legs have recovered from that run? Let's go.

I'm just not a long-distance runner, I literally know that.

You know, cos even when I was training

my longest run would probably be like an hour on a Sunday

or a recovery run, but it would just literally be...

-You say that, but it was a quick hour.

-No, only when I'm with you.

-Only if I had to go out with you.

-No, believe me....

-you ran fast.

-You just sprint!

-BOTH LAUGH

Cos I'm up on my toes so much and the way that, you know...

I was speaking to one of the physios and the doctor says...

He actually looked at my hips and he says the way my hips are actually twisted

-is allowing me to do what I did as a middle-distance runner.

-Yeah.

You know, the power and that. He says, "Now you're trying to do longer stuff,

"it's changing you biomechanically, so you're sitting back more

"and it's actually now putting so much pressure on your hips."

And that's what I've had problems with, my hips.

And the neural tension, like, all my nerves have been inflamed.

I had to go to the hospital. I had an epidural thing to try and calm it down.

And I've really, really struggled with that, you know,

just trying to up a bit of mileage,

because it's not for the willingness to do it, knowing I have to do it,

but then, you know, when you're in pain for five days after, you're just like, "Oh, my gosh!"

But now I've opened my mouth and I'm doing it, I've got no choice.

And you've got a big motivation to keep you through it

with the motivation of that target, which is a huge target for charity.

£250,000 for five charities.

But that's one of the... Yeah, that's the driver.

You know, I think when you've got something as a driver,

that's what's keeping me going, that's why I have to do it now.

I've done charity for years and I feel passionate about that,

so if I can actually do more for them, great.

And the personal challenge.

Cos, you know, in life we have...

I always have to have a challenge,

otherwise it wouldn't be me. And I chose this one.

CHEERING

I tell you where it came from, really,

was that I went to watch some friends last year.

And I remember going down on the Tube and going up and it was so exciting.

Everything about people supporting everybody that's running, their loved ones being there.

You know, you're running around London trying to spot the people.

And then actually the faces on everybody racing.

You know, this is everyday people

who for whatever reason have got a drive to run at the best marathon there ever can be.

You know, iconic city, just a fabulous, fabulous backdrop for it.

And I just remember feeling so proud, you know,

proud to be British and proud to sort of be there.

And I thought then... You know, I've never said I'll never do one,

but I've never really wanted to, let's face it.

But then I thought, it's Olympic year,

if I'm ever going to have a challenge, maybe that would be then.

And it was only in January that I really, really thought, "OK, let's do this."

So January the fourth, I put back on my trainers. "OK, let's go."

So I went for an eight-mile run and thought, "Oh, my God!"

And then I just thought, "Do you know what? OK, I want to do one last big charity push."

I've always given back and I always will,

but I think if I can just do one massive, massive push, let's do it.

So...I decided I was going to do London, Paula.

I've tried to bring five charities together

and that's why I'm going through the paces of the marathon to bring them as much.

The same as all these other people that have got their charity tops on,

-it's a real bond.

-Can you fit them all on your vest?

-I'm trying to think.

I'm trying to do this chequered thing. See a brightly coloured chequered thing.

And then have my name. And on my back, "Leave me alone, I'm dying."

No. "Cheer me on." They will be cheering you a lot though.

But, I mean, talk a little bit about your foundation.

Well, the first reason why I started those charities is cos I realised

that being in a sport that was very high-profile,

we were quite fortunate with our careers after,

the opportunities to do other things.

And there's a lot of sportspeople that don't, so they give up...

You know, they're the same as us, committed, dedicated to their career and they finish sport.

And actually a lot of them were going into depression

or to areas where they really felt like they didn't have an identity any more.

And I kind of felt, "Well, I wonder if I can help generate something

"that guides them back into something else."

Given my own feelings around how I felt about myself and stuff.

And then actually what I really was passionate about

was helping young people believe they can be someone given the chance in life.

Because if Debbie Page hadn't said to me, "Kelly, you've got to get a grip and start doing something,"

I could have been anything. I may never have been an athlete,

and I certainly would have been in trouble.

So I think sometimes it's kind of having that one person that can tell you you can be good.

And when we work with young people in areas of deprivation,

where actually their lives feel like they...they're not having one, really,

if we can make that change, for me that is so powerful.

And we've helped over 200,000 people around the country.

And we've got about 450 athletes that we've helped transition.

-And 100 of them work on our programme. So I'm quite proud of that.

-You should be.

It's been nine years now, so... You know, coming in.

So, yeah, I'm really proud of that charity.

We're watching a sport that we love,

that I think we both believe is an amazing and brilliant sport,

it's going through a lot of turmoil.

I honestly do believe that kids today coming into the sport

are probably in a better position than they were back when we were getting into the sport.

People say, is it good or bad that it's all been exposed?

For me, it's good. I mean, you know, if things are hidden under the radar, or whatever has happened,

I mean, how they got away with it for that long I do not know, but it then makes things have to change.

You know, you've got to be able to stand there and go,

"We won't ever tolerate this sort of thing in our sport again."

So, in a way, it's a positive. A lot of people coming in

-should think that there potentially could be more of a level playing field.

-Uh-huh.

You know, so actually then you're in a better place.

For me also it's more the fact that, you know,

sport should be what sport is about, creating role models,

you know, seeing success, feeling good about yourself.

You know, having achievement. You know, when you see people...

I just remember as a kid, you know, watching the Olympic Games.

I was 14 years old and seeing the passion on people's faces,

it gave me goose bumps. It's why I wanted to be Olympic champion.

It was all about the fact that I saw these massive achievements.

And then you see the flag flying and you see the tears as they're standing.

And for me that's all I knew as a kid, you know,

I just want that to be believable for other children all the time,

that they're supporting their heroes,

they want to emulate them, they want to kind of be, you know,

that is their driver in life,

to use sport as a way of increasing confidence

and the ability to be someone and be proud of yourself.

You know, that's what we need to get back to.

MUSIC: Nothing But Love by James