Episode 2 Fast and Fearless: Britain's Banger Racers

This programme contains strong language.

For the last 35 years, on Sundays and bank holidays,

thousands have descended upon the site of an old cement works

in Essex...

to share their passion...

for crashing!

CRUNCH!

SERIES OF CRASHES

Banger racing.

The rules are simple.

Be the first to get round the track 15 times.

No hits allowed to the driver's door.

But other than that, anything goes.

Oh, no!

Competing comes at a price.

I've basically broken every bone in my body, apart from my spine

and pelvis. I've broken all my legs, top and bottom.

Collarbone, jaw...

skull.

The list goes on.

-Drivers not only race but build their own cars.

-Where's Phil?

I don't know how he's wired the car - I didn't wire it up.

You can cut in like that.

-It's a family affair.

-It's definitely passed down.

Everyone you know, either their dad's done it or their uncle's done it

or someone in their family has always done it.

And the drivers often start young.

-How did it feel?

-It feels lovely!

I'm inspired by Nigel Mansell, Formula One driver.

He says there's no friends on the track.

Go on, Alf, pull your finger out, son. Go on.

The driver is unbelievable, the hatred.

Once we're out there, it's time to go into battle.

This is going to be a day none of us will ever forget.

TYRES SCREECH

CRASH

What do you think people think

a banger race is, generally, like the general public?

Well, they think us dirty, filthy, horrible, no-brainer,

thick-as-idiots scum!

Really.

"Oh, banger racing - yeah, that's a gutter sort of motorsport

"and all that." But it's not really.

There's a lot of good drivers in banger racing.

Them that haven't had the chance.

And like me, when I first started, I didn't want to be doing it,

but it was the nearest thing I could, at the end of the day,

get to a little bit of motorsport,

because it was in me blood and I wanted to do it.

That's me.

All right? That's my first banger race I ever won.

-Stephen, come and have a look at this.

-You had hair there!

THEY CHUCKLE

-"Bill the Skill."

-I've never seen you with hair before!

LAUGHTER

63-year-old Billy Brown dedicated most of his youth to banger racing.

He's got a full range of wigs, hasn't he?!

THEY CHUCKLE

-How long have you been away from racing?

-20 years.

20 years, I think it might even be longer, could be 23 years, yeah.

Yeah.

ENGINE REVS

Now Billy has found an excuse to get

back behind the wheel for one last race.

I've been prepared for this, in my head, for about eight months.

It's a one-off meeting.

Every year, the best of today's generation of racers

compete in the Olly Moran Memorial race.

Good luck to all your favourites.

Good luck to each and every one of them.

But this year, for one time only,

the young racers will be joined by some of the most celebrated

drivers from the past, who are suiting up for one final showdown.

This one is particularly special, I think, because there's so many people

that haven't raced for so many years

that have suddenly come on board.

It could be a nightmare on the day, cos there's people haven't driven for 20 years,

just driven down to ASDA shopping and things and gone to work.

These old champions will have to test their mettle.

I've lost sleep over it. You think what you'd do, and...I'm nervous.

Yeah, nervous about it.

They will renew fierce rivalries

and search out old enemies as they head out to war for the final time.

This will most probably be the last opportunity that

I can ever pay back some of the debts that I owe...

And if the opportunity arises,

I will put a hit in that will make their bells ring!

SEAGULLS CRY

-Oh, Bill, how did you do this?

-That's how I done it.

-It's too tight.

-I just thought...

-That will slip like anything.

-Hold that exhaust there for me.

-Right.

-Mind my fingers.

The exhaust's in the way now. Let me go that way, then. See what happens.

It's two months till the big race.

Nearly had it, then.

Bill "the Skill" Brown and his mate Phil "the Bear" Wise have just

started to transform an old wreck into Bill's race car.

How do your powers compare in state of readiness?

-Well, Bill's never ready.

-I'll be ready about an hour before the race.

He'll tell you he's ready about a month before the race,

-but he never is. Put this one on, Bill.

-I can't reach it.

I'm too relaxed, I'm in a coma, I think. That's what it's like.

-I don't get...

-He might be, on the 20th.

-I don't get...

LAUGHTER

It's a buzz, winning a race.

In this meeting, if I was one lap out and there was one of the people in

front of me, the old movements would come back again if I can catch 'im.

He would get launched, and hopefully we'll take the flag,

but reality is I don't think I'm going to get anywhere!

I just think I'm going to get kicked from pillar to post!

Bill is coming back to drive for his old banger team, The Condoms,

whose HQ is a garage in Gravesend, Kent.

Here, unpaid drivers spend their evenings

and weekends working on their bangers.

-What kind of men are these?

-Oh, true grit.

Yeah, yeah.

You want them on your side in a war, put it like that!

You can't believe, once they're in one of these vehicles,

how much they change. I think they get possessed.

Most probably henpecked at home,

and it's their excuse to get in a car and smash someone to pieces!

Circulate it up the pipe.

Condom's HQ is run by Steve Davies, also known as Captain Condom...

..who oversees the creation of the banger racing cars.

What they are is a normal type car that everyone takes their kids

to school, goes and does their shopping,

just a run-of-the-mill motor.

They'll do 10 or 15 years of their life,

and then we purchase a car for as little as possible

and start the process of getting out everything we don't need in it.

For safety, all glass and mirrors are removed.

Non-essentials like the dashboard

and passenger seats are also stripped out to reduce weight.

Watch your fingers with this.

The car is then fortified with a roll cage

and metal plates on the driver's door and foot well.

If a car had its own mind, I think it would

like to end its days of being driven around the road

by going out being a racing car, having thousands of people watching

and then it goes to the Promised Land after doing that.

ENGINES ROAR

MUSIC: "Black Math" by The White Stripes

Most banger drivers are in their early 20s.

Although their cars are designed to crumple on impact...

they all get whiplash...

and are sometimes knocked unconscious.

Competitors are nearly all retired by their mid-30s.

-So you're looking forward to going back to this, then?

-I'm loving it.

I'm absolutely loving it, I can't wait.

The adrenaline is pumping now, we're whatever months away from it, like.

We're two months away from it.

Wherever we go, people are asking how we're getting on

with the cars, have we got any more people in it?

They talk about this meeting coming up, and the main thing

they're looking forward to is seeing pink and yellow trade paint again.

The reason why up to 60 retired drivers

are expected to return to the circuit is to renew

a 25-year-old rivalry between the pink of the Condoms

and the yellow of the Suicide Squad.

TANNOY: 'These are the best in the business, ladies and gentlemen -

'the Suicide Squad!'

Years and years ago, when we started, we was all individuals.

But you had the Bexley Suicide Squad Team was actually a team then.

They were racing. They used to kick us from pillar to post.

Oh! What a hit by Wilshire!

Oh, I say!

They was bullies. And they used to win everything.

And then I got friendly with another couple of guys, ie Steve...

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the Condoms' Steve Davies!

-Hello, Paul? All right? Steve here.

-He said, "We're putting a team together."

I said, "Yeah, I'll have some of that."

'And the Suicide Squad is in real trouble here...'

I wasn't prepared to sit back and let them smash me up -

if they smashed me up, I'd smash them up back.

A team upset!

As the Condoms began to fight back against the Squad,

the rivalry became more and more intense.

Oh, my word!

At the centre of it was the battle

between Captain Condom Steve Davies...

..and the Squad's star driver, Steve Taylor.

'Taylor...'

-20 quid, I'd give for one.

-You could afford to.

I was making a living out of it!

No good to me, to race and come second or third.

I was that competitive, I wanted to win.

I don't care what anyone says,

"I got a third in the stock saloons,

"and that's all right."

That's a load of old bollocks.

People go out there to win.

OK!

In the world of banger racing, the Squad are legendary.

When the Squad turned up,

people beat themselves before we'd even turned up because of the name.

It makes you, being in that colour, it makes you.

Makes you a better driver, a better thinker...

Well, the Squad I don't think has had no rubbish drivers.

-You put a stop to me twice.

-Did I?

-You said I hadn't proved myself yet.

-Did I?

The Olly Moran race will be the first time anyone has seen

the Squad drive since they disbanded 15 years ago.

You've got all the old farts really, coming back,

who was good in their day.

How capable am I?

As soon as the gate closes and the flag goes down, I'll tell you,

see if I've still got a little bit.

The reassembled Squad have signed up 19 drivers for their showdown

-with the Condoms.

-You've changed all the leads again...

I ain't changed the leads, I was waiting for you...

The Condoms have managed 13.

He hasn't got 'em.

-They're not on the shelf.

-I ordered some in the week! I asked ya!

I asked ya last week to order me some leads.

The way the stories are going at the moment, we are

a little bit outnumbered,

but whenever we've took the Squad on, it's always been

if there's ten of us, they'll be 30 of them, so we're used

to being outnumbered and we can deal with that accordingly.

At a normal meeting,

banger races can drive whatever model of car they like.

But for the big race, the veterans have insisted that everyone

has to drive a specific model of car from their era.

I had never driven the new Granada,

so Bob and I swapped cars for the weekend.

After a day like I've just had, it was nice to get some peace.

Strong...

..powerful...

..and made in their thousands...

Granadas were the weapon of choice for the veteran banger drivers.

You'll never believe how good the new Granada is until you drive it.

Do you reckon that's going to stay on there, then?

But by choosing a car that was discontinued in 1994,

they've made life hard for themselves.

20 years ago, when you were building these Granadas all the time,

day in, week in, week out,

you had all the gear from one car to the next.

Because we ain't raced for 20 years, we beg borrow and steal odds

and sods what we ain't got. Makes hard work of it all.

But at the end of the day, it's payback against a certain team,

and I can show my aggression, hopefully.

Before they show theirs.

So every nut and bolt I do up on this vehicle

is another nail in their coffin!

Grown up with the Granadas around me,

so I know everything about them, really.

I can relate to them 30 years ago.

Bit of nostalgia.

We're both near our sell-by date.

That's going to end up in a crusher.

And I'm most probably going to end up in an 'ole in the ground,

but the thing between the car and myself is I'm just going to go

and feed whatever it is in the ground

and they're going to be recycled into something that the modern day

or person who's getting born now is going to be using as a utensil.

Or someone's nice new washing machine.

I'm just going to be rotting away, smelling!

So if anything, that's going out with more dignity than me.

One, two, three, four...

five, six, seven, eight,

nine, ten...

OK, jogging on your toes. Chin down.

Both of them, Roy!

Yeah! Nice and relaxed.

When I count, I want you to make them legs move nice and quick.

Get ready... Let's go, 12!

One, two, three...

At 64, Roy Rawlins will be the oldest driver in the Granada race.

I haven't really got any older.

I think like I was a young man. I just look older.

-Come on, Pop.

-One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,

-nine, ten!

-Good - even at your age, you can count!

Roy only quit banger racing five years ago,

then immediately took up amateur boxing.

Work, come on - your mummy's harder than that. Work!

My father flew Lancaster bombers,

and my grandfather was a boxer in the '30s,

so I guess we've got a little streak in us that goes,

"Come on! Come on, world, do me!"

-Really hate me.

-I fucking do hate you.

-Good.

LAUGHTER

It's what Brits do, I think.

We're an island and, for years, we've been defending ourselves,

-so it's like, dig deep, dig deep.

-That's it, last ten!

Come on, keep going! Come on, keep going! Good, that's better!

That's good! Have a breather, well done, Roy. Good man.

'5-5-5 -

'Roy Rawlins, the race leader...

'Pow!'

Roy has never been part of the Condom/Suicide Squad rivalry...

He was seen as a maverick who drove for himself,

his number more important to him than the colour of his car.

I'm very fussy about colours.

People go out in colours they're not entitled to,

there's terrible rows about it.

Technically, if I went out in pink and didn't ask them first,

they'd smash me up. They'd smash me up anyway, as it happens, but...

-But it's just a colour, you know?

-You don't want to belong to a group?

I just basically don't give a toss!

It's seven weeks till the Olly Moran and Roy has left things late.

With 240 drivers in the race, Britain's supply

of Mark One and Two Granadas has dried up.

But his son Ricky has found one in a back garden in Kent.

-It's got an engine. Is it worth getting out?

-Yes.

-How long has it been there?

-I reckon ten years.

Ten years, that's all.

You won't recognise it in seven weeks' time.

Little bit of TLC, bit of WD-40, it'll be brand-new.

Look at that lot - Ford Granada, it's a legend!

Best car for racing we ever made.

Here she comes.

Oh, God!

Roy runs a haulage company from a south-east London trading estate.

-So what kind of men work here?

-Real men.

This is where you find banger racers, really - small industry.

The country is made up of small industrial estates,

fellas like taking things to pieces and putting them together again and getting their hands dirty.

That's how they start, really. MOT failures - what are you going to do with that? Scrap it?

No, let's have a little race around the yard.

No, don't want to do around the yard, that's dangerous.

Let's build a little track, we'll have a run round the track.

Yeah, that's a good idea. I suppose That's how it all started, really.

-What car was that, red and blue?

-Spice Boys.

-I know, it didn't matter.

-Custard, orange...

-Or blue.

You ain't good enough for yellow and red. You can't go in yellow and red.

Roy works on the same industrial estate as Steve Taylor,

-the Suicide Squad's star driver.

-Are you looking forward to it, or what?

It'll be a good day, I think.

I'm right looking forward to it - all the old faces,

-all the old names.

-Yeah? I've had sleepless nights, Roy.

-Shut up!

-On my life!

-No way!

-You know I wouldn't do it,

I'm shitting myself.

Steve is one of the most successful banger drivers of all time.

The only man to have won the world championship three times.

But as his comeback has got nearer, he's begun to get cold feet.

You seem quite reluctant, really.

I don't know, I finished racing, I finished on a high.

It is a young man's...

I don't care what anyone says, it's a 17 to 23, 24 thing,

then it's time, I think, 25, get out of it.

Hold it there. Lift it back up again.

These days, Steve runs an MOT garage with his son, Dan,

who's worked with a friend to get a car built,

so all his dad has to do is show up on race day.

You were like a kid when your dad was a champion?

Yeah, this'll be the first time I've actually seen Dad in a banger.

Think he give up in '92, so that makes me five, maybe.

Missed everything. Obviously, them years, you don't remember anything.

Just missed out on... well, all of Dad's years.

Everyone says how good he was, but I can only see that in a video.

Never actually seen him on the track. And...

I think I'm more excited than the old man, anyway!

-That's all right, isn't it?

-Do you want a mirror on?

No, only practising, isn't it?

With six weeks till the race,

Steve and his car need a test drive.

I'm not going to get through there.

It's the first time he's got in a banger in 20 years.

-Dan was saying he'd had to adjust the seat belt.

-The chain? Yeah.

-Put it right down, init?

-Why's that?

Cos that's as far as it goes.

Dan was saying how you're a bigger boy, now...

Yeah, put on a bit of weight.

For the test drive, Steve and Dan are coming

to Arena Essex Raceway, where the big showdown will take place.

Today will show whether he still has the driving skills

and reflexes to compete with younger drivers.

I'm going to throw up, nervous, sick.

And it's only practice! God, strewth!

-All right?

-Yeah, that'll do.

Turn the immobiliser on, Dan?

Yeah.

Oh...!

(Fuck!)

ENGINE ROARS

Because the stretches of racetrack are short, drivers need exceptional

coordination to get the power down into the turn at the right moment.

-How does he look?

-He looks all right!

First time round, it's all right!

One of today's younger drivers is joining Steve, to help him

summon some of his old magic.

'In second place, a long way behind,

'it's number 17, Steve Taylor!'

'And now we've got four laps to go, one mile,

'for the world championship title.

'17 is closing the gap!'

'And 175 leads...

'And Wyman spins out in front of him, and Taylor has taken the lead!'

'Steve Taylor, can he win the world championship?

'He's got one lap to go!'

'Here he comes now!'

HE LAUGHS

'Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we have a new banger

'world champion - it's number 17, Steve Taylor, he's done it!'

You feel the adrenaline rush out there, it felt very good.

Felt really...

young again. Took 20 years off of me.

It felt real good.

'The new champion of the world, at the banger world champs,

'Steve Taylor!'

CHEERING

Cheers!

HAMMERING

These letters, this "Kamikaze",

I wanted that in the bamboo...

Tied together, how they tie with reed or whatever, don't they?

Yeah, with a little bit of plant leaf.

There's now three weeks until the Olly Moran race.

The bodywork on Bill's Granada is finished

and it's having its paint job.

As long as it's Condom colours,

the drivers can add their own personal touch.

-You want to do the bamboo part across here...

-That's it.

-With that, there.

-That says, "No guts, no glory."

That bit round here.

No problem. Do you want drips of blood running off of it or...?

-I'll leave that with you, shall I?

-Yeah.

So I'm doing the shock absorbers there.

The outsider Roy is way behind. His car is still a wreck.

Only when we put it on its side, we went, "My God,

"look at the state of that!" Didn't realise until last night.

There should be a plate that holds this back axle on. That's fell off.

The bolts that hold this in have just snapped off, got rusty

and snapped off. They're going to be a dog to get off now.

It's just, er... It's not well.

Luckily for Roy, his two sons are mechanics.

They've happily agreed to help their dad finish the car.

They let me do things like this, a bit of gardening.

I'm banned from the welder now. I'm banned from the cutting guns.

Too many little accidents, I think!

I think it's because I'm getting older.

But they're good kids, basically, they're just like, "Dad,

"go and have a rest, we'll do the car, don't worry."

But...I'm quite happy with that!

SPEAKERPHONE RINGS

With the race approaching, Bill is reaching out to his kids.

He's trying to get hold of his daughter, to ask her

to bring his grandson to see him race for the first and last time.

-'Welcome to Orange answerphone.'

-No-one wants to talk...

When they see my number come up, "Don't want to talk to him."

Bill has been divorced twice and has difficult relationships

with his four grown-up children,

including the mother of seven-year-old Hayden.

Do you get to see much of Hayden?

Not as much as what I'd like.

I want him to turn up, really,

I want some nice photograph with him and everything,

so he can look back through the old photo album later in his life...

..and say, "That old bald-headed bloke was me grandad!"

He used to throw these stupid cars

around the track for a labour of love!

'And Billy Brown wins it on the home straight!

'An astonishing bit of driving there, and here he comes now,

'for your applause...'

I haven't been the best of fathers...

I was heavily into this banger racing.

'455, Billy Brown, in charge.'

You know, I never used to cuddle them

and kiss them good night and things.

I'd stroll in bloody drunk.

I didn't do half the things I should have done with them.

I should have been socialising with them, really,

and playing with them and really enjoying them.

And with him, I experience all that now,

and it's a fantastic feeling.

It would be nice, really, before I die,

that the record is straight with all the...

with the girls, my older two children,

who I don't see any more and...

..with the other two, really.

You know, I might get injured. We have lost people in it.

And I just...

If you go to the grave... well, I won't know nothing,

because you're not around, but they would have horrible thoughts of me,

and I didn't really want them to have horrible thoughts of me.

ENGINE SPUTTERS THEN STARTS

ENGINE REVS NOISILY

With just 48 hours to go, Roy has pulled it out of the bag.

I love it!

'And it's 555, Roy Rawlins in the lead.'

CHEERING

-How are you doing?

-Grab hold of that, son!

Around at Steve Taylor's garage, the veterans of the Suicide Squad

have begun assembling to fill up and fine-tune.

The Granadas and their drivers will soon have one final lease of life.

But with the showdown looming,

Bill the Skill is showing signs of pressure.

All we've done, we've put a picture of the vehicle on Saturday.

We took a photo, put it on Facebook.

Then he's wrote, "Oh, he's going in."

Billy Batten's car, bless him, all ready to go.

First comment, Roy Rawlins, "He's going in."

In banger slang,

"going in" means slamming another driver into the race wall.

He's going in. You're going in.

On all of it. No-one's got the hump with it.

They deliberately...

want to hospitalise me by the sounds of things, so...

It looks like I'll have to have payback with him, then,

if he feels that way.

Is it actually, at times, a serious business, this?

Yeah, it was a serious business.

The rivalry was unbelievable between us, the hatred.

Really HIS hatred.

Once we're out there, come Sunday,

it's time to go into battle, I think.

He said on the Facebook, "He's going in."

I said, "No, I thought he'd have respect,

"because I'm an old man," you know what I mean?

-I haven't raced for 20 years now.

-Oh, leave it out!

-I ain't going to give no respect to any old man.

-Well, no, I won't now.

-That is Rawlins, 100%.

-I've bit, then.

Yeah, you have, and he's done his job, hasn't he? Yeah?

He's put something on there, he's wound you up,

and it's got you all jittery, you know, and he has done his job.

If you can't cut it, don't... you know, get out of it.

I'm telling you. You've got to learn to take it on the chin.

I'm telling you, it's going to get worse on Sunday.

8am, race day.

The Condoms have been preparing for this moment for months.

By nightfall, all their hard work will only be fit for the crusher.

-Are we all ready to go?

-As far as I know, we are, yeah.

It sounds that way.

Right, these are all the spares you take with you.

As it is a contact sport,

the drivers need spare parts to patch up their cars in the pits.

We are obviously going to need, if the batteries go down...

Bill is leaving nothing to chance.

-Bill?

-Yeah?

-Ten minutes.

-Yeah, I'm there.

Righto.

HE SIGHS

-So, what is that you are packing in there?

-My best overall.

Jenson Button's overalls.

Jenson Button wore these at China in 2004,

and it just happened to have my number on them.

But they won't just be famous as Jenson Button's overalls -

they will be famous as Roy Rawlins' overalls as well, won't they, now?

They will have doubled the value!

Snug as a bug.

Let's go and have a giggle.

We're going out there, boss.

Right, rock and roll.

That's us.

Tell you what, people must think, "What the hell is going on here?"

All this mob coming down the road.

You get all the pink cars, like this, arriving all in one go...

you start to put the domination into other drivers.

They look up and they see us out in force

and they think, "Oh, my God,"

so you partly beat a lot of drivers who will look at it that,

"I ain't tangling with them today, they've got force around them,

"and if I hit one of them,

"I'll have half a dozen of them pouncing on me."

Someone could get hurt, especially with the rain today.

The cars are not going to stop as easy as that.

The circuit is going to be...it's going to be like a skating rink.

There's a few old boys out there, not just myself.

You never know, like, you don't know what medical condition

and a nice wallop in the wrong place and it's triggered something,

and then next thing you know, they've had a heart attack.

HORN BEEPS

-You're looking older, son, you are.

-I am older!

-I'm younger now!

THEY LAUGH

-All right?

-Hello, Roy.

-Good to see you.

-Just get on with it.

-How you going? All right?

-Nice to see you. How are you doing? All right?

How are you doing, son? All right?

-There you go, son. All right?

-How are you, eh?

-Good to see you, though, son.

-Happy days!

-All right?

-Long time no see!

-I know, yeah.

The biggest draw of the day has arrived.

Yeah, are you ready?

Steve Taylor and his legendary team from the glory days.

Felt like throwing up this morning.

I don't know if it was whether I had had no sleep or...

They want to smash us up as much as we want to smash them up.

We'll smash the smithereens out of them.

HE LAUGHS

The return of bangers veterans has attracted a crowd of 10,000,

the highest attendance since their era.

'Please leave your message after the tone.'

Hello, Alice, it's Dad.

I've been told the queue is really bad by the tunnel...

Bill still doesn't know if his grandson is coming to see him race.

But people are queueing up to see Steve.

Where's the pen?

-I'll get a fag.

-Gillian!

-He's a bit of a celebrity, isn't he?

-Yeah. I didn't realise.

Everyone was stopping him and saying, "Oh, Steve,"

from years ago, and it feels good.

-You proud of him?

-Yeah. Oh, yeah. Very proud of him, yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,

the new champion of the world...

number 17, Steve Taylor! Good morning, Steve.

Also coming out of retirement after 20 years

is race commentator Rob Porter.

Fingers crossed that we have a good sporting day,

lots of good crashing, no-one gets hurt,

and everyone goes home knowing that they have witnessed

the greatest spectacle ever in the history of banger racing.

APPLAUSE

-Nice to see you.

-You're looking well.

Alongside the legends of the past are the best of today's drivers.

240 Granadas will be divided into six heats of 40 cars.

The first six in each heat will then make the final.

After that, any car still moving

will fight to the death in the Demolition Derby.

The day is here now, so we know what we've all got to do -

we're all against the yellow. You all know your separate heats.

Concentrate on the yellow. If the hit ain't there, don't waste it.

If possible, we need to get a few cars into the final, yeah?

-Yeah, cheers.

-All right, then?

-See you in A&E.

-That's it.

LAUGHTER

Maverick Roy isn't part of any team.

He is driving solo with his boys as pit crew.

Mm, this is for real.

It is... I'm getting a little bit nervous, but you are supposed to.

If you don't go out with butterflies, you ain't going to do any good.

Haven't read the papers yet. I might get a chance later.

Roy is in the first heat along with Bill.

That's red-hot, that starter motor. It must've been...

But with ten minutes to go until his heat starts, he has a problem.

You need a starter motor.

It's probably flattened your battery and all.

ENGINE STRUGGLES

We've got problems. It's burnt the starter motor out.

Come on, then! Get in the car!

See if it will go, Bill.

Turn the key on, eh?

-That's it, you've done your starter motor in.

-Oh, fuck's sake!

Despite being so well-prepared,

the one spare part Bill didn't bring was a starter motor.

Roy Rawlins!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Bill's grandson Hayden has made it to the arena.

This is his only chance to see his grandad race.

Right, how the fucking hell is this wired? Where's Phil?

How has he wired it?

Today, when it matters, the fucking thing won't go!

The fucking jack is up there, the car is here.

I've been blocked in and I'm not lifting a jack.

Full rolling lap, right? Full rolling lap, just play safe, yeah?

Nothing.

HE SIGHS

Nothing.

Good luck to all your favourites.

Good luck to each and every one of them.

If Roy doesn't get through this heat,

this will be his last-ever banger race.

He must pre-empt the other drivers' moves to avoid getting caught

in the crossfire between the warring pinks and yellows.

OK, here we go! 15 laps, old-school Grenada banger racing!

Top six to qualify!

And Tony Wade got the first hit in there, for pink on yellow.

Oh, my word! And another huge hit!

Oh, Wyman gets his revenge on Wady!

Three yellow cars in bits down there on the...

Oh!

And here comes another one to join the party! Oh, no!

This is going to be a day none of us will ever forget.

Oh, no, I need the fucking spanner.

Oh...

Two laps to go now.

Quite a hot race developing for sixth place, Sharon.

Top six to qualify.

And there is three of them together now,

racing for the last two places

as Randall gives Rawlins a tickle.

Chris Worthington is the winner!

And as for Roy Rawlins, well, the former racer

who has now turned boxer he has qualified for today's final.

Argh.

Just one word...

epic!

A sixth-place finish guarantees Roy a place in the final.

The pinks and yellows destroyed each other.

But these wrecked cars could still race again in the Demolition Derby.

This one here, from the looks of that, might be able

to straighten the drive shaft and the wishbone.

Pull the back out away from the wheels.

The one that's on the back of the vehicle,

that's bent the wishbone big-time, and the shaft is handing out of it.

For the pit crew, this is their moment to shine.

To use their mechanical skills against the clock to get

a wrecked car moving again.

Fucking hell, I'm up for this, my old son.

Bill and his crew have finally fixed his car.

And the organisers have allowed him to race in the next heat.

Last one - I'll never, ever race again, will I?

Joining him is Captain Condom, Steve Davies.

And their arch rival, the Squad's Steve Taylor.

You all right?

Now, this is the serious stuff and that, you know. He's my enemy now.

And I'll be his enemy, so this is when the business starts.

We're out going looking for yellow now.

Let's go and see if I can squash a few.

This could be something special. There's 77, Steve Davies.

The business, the Bexley Suicide Squad's number 17, Steve Taylor.

Are we going to see pink on yellow?

Davies and Taylor have made it clear they'd love nothing more

than to do each other in this race.

-For your dad, he wants to impress you more than anything. He ain't got to.

-No.

-He knows he ain't got to, but he wants to.

-He'll be all right.

Make you proud of him, but it's crazy, because you already are proud of him.

-He could put himself in on the first bend, and you'd still be proud.

-Yeah, definitely.

Later than expect it, Bill's grandson, Hayden,

will get to see him race.

Captain Condom has given Bill the role of wrecker, which may mean

sacrificing himself to take out as many yellows as he can.

It's time to go racing.

ENGINES REV

CRASH

Billy rams! Oh!

TYRES SCREECH

Some psycho-blitzing going on down there. Oh, Davies has lost it.

Billy Brand's still going well. Oh, no, he's gone.

CRASH

Christ Almighty!

Bill has taken out three Squad cars...but now he's a sitting duck.

17, Steve Taylor. He sees Billy Brand.

CRASH

Oh!

And Taylor just goes straight through Billy Brand's rear end.

With a dead battery, Bill has no choice but to bow out.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Davies, still running.

And Taylor is still running.

Go on, Davey boy!

Go on, Dad!

With three laps to go, Steve Taylor's in contention,

but his legend status makes him a prize target.

Weeks is in on Taylor, and Taylor is taking some stick.

-Go on, Steve.

-Come on, Steve.

Our man, Davies, look.

Captain Condom's still in the hunt.

But on the penultimate lap, he runs into heavy traffic.

# The trouble started

# In cell block number four. #

And when Steve Taylor runs out of track...

Taylor had nowhere to go.

..it's open season.

CHEERING AND SHOUTING

# There's a riot going on

# There's a riot going on, yeah

# Up on cell block number nine. #

LAUGHTER

He was behind me, and I see him, so I reversed him

into a car coming down the straight, and the other car blew him away.

So I got a little bit of payback.

Although Bill and the two Steves didn't finish, the star

of the heat was another veteran, the Bear, who drives for the Condoms.

You like that?

As well as making the final, he took out five yellows

and delivered the fatal blow to Steve Taylor.

Well done, Bear, you done it.

They know, look out, he's got into the final. That's two.

-Fucking loved it.

-Mr Grise enjoyed himself.

For wrecker, Bill, his plan to hit the yellows worked a treat.

-Did it look good, though?

-It did, yeah.

I said, if one's right up me arse, I'm gonna hit the fucking brakes

from the off, and the other should fly straight past me.

And that'll the other geezer behind as well, which caused me to spin out.

The other two went past me,

and I had a lovely shot on them coming out the bend.

So I went for the head-on.

And then...

And then I sat there for a little while, because the oil broke out.

But we stopped every yellow car. Fucking the bollocks!

CAR HORN

Hayden, come here a minute.

Get on there.

-See that, what does that say?

-Hayden.

-Yeah, who's that then?

-Me.

Is that you? Yeah, course it is. Champion!

Dan?

-Dad, he's told me he doesn't want to go out.

-He'll go out, he'll go out.

With a sprained wrist and a broken prop shaft, nothing can persuade

Steve Taylor to get himself up for the Demolition Derby.

I have hurt my wrist, it ain't just a sob story, and I'm feeling...

I'm hurting, so. I'm 50-odd.

I can't wait to get home and get in the bath.

Can't wait. Never again.

After all the six heats,

not one of the 19 Suicide Squad cars have made the final.

Seven of the Condoms have qualified.

But Captain Condom has made a surprising decision.

It's not worth us going out in the final,

the cars that we've got through to the final,

it ain't worth going out to do that,

because we ain't here to win races - where here to squash the yellow.

We've come here to war with them and if they're not out there,

we can't war with them, so we'll go in the race where they are where we can war with them.

With no pink or yellows in the final, the veterans will be

represented by the oldest man in the field, 64-year-old Roy.

It's sad, really. This could be my last ever race...technically.

I might come off and get in the DD, but it's doubtful.

Last ever race, all them years.

HE GROANS

So, here we go, folks. This is it.

31 cars on the track for the big boys in the world of banger racing.

There's the green flag.

And here comes John Nichols and straight into Roy Rawlins.

They are absolutely flying round the track.

This is fast.

Roy Rawlins, he's taking a right pasting out there.

And then coming back for more.

On his tenth lap, Roy succumbs to retirement.

And Boxer Jack has done it!

Jason Jackson wins.

The best of today's generation won the event.

But Roy didn't go home empty-handed.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Can you believe this? You'll never guess what it's for.

Best Entertainer, in that race.

That's it, my banger racing career is finished. Where do I go now?

I'll get a buzz out of people getting a buzz, if you like. That's like...

No-one's going to cheer and clap when I go to ASDA for my shopping, are they?

I'm sort of, I'm left outside now, I'm like...

I'm done, I'm finished, I've retired, it's all over.

Horrible feeling, I've got to tell you that.

Horrible feeling, but you can't turn the clock back.

In the Demolition Derby, the wrecking continued

till every car of every colour was silenced.

In the final reckoning,

it was generally considered to be the Condoms' day.

They seem really happy with what was going on.

So what they had a better day?

But over the years, we've always been one step ahead of the Condoms.

Always one step ahead, best team ever, Bexley Suicide Squad.

Best team ever.

Last word?

Last word... You know, don't you? You got me there, didn't you?

I really wanted him to be there and that, and...

And I loved him being there, it's lying there in the heart, like.

Fantastic feeling.

He managed to see his grandad go crashing, really.

I couldn't say go racing.

I don't even think I done three laps out of the whole meeting, really.

Because I know one of them was just the Grand Parade.

That was the one lap I actually completed.

I'd climb in a race car tomorrow, really.

It will never, ever die.

When that old lid goes on the old coffin, mate,

I'll still be thinking about it, somewhere.

If there is somewhere like, you know.

# Take me riding in the car, car

# Take me riding in the car, car

# Take you riding in my car, car

# I'll take you riding in my car. #