Meet Kenny Everett: 1973

Well, here's something you've never seen before -

a dead as a doornail Top Of The Pops studio.

Usually raving like mentality itself, but today, it's sort of dead

because they've just finished.

Here I am to tell you about, well, where people do things

and what things are. This is where Pan's People dance,

you see, a nice, big, clear area.

Now, over here, we have where all the sound comes out of

so that everyone knows when to dance and all that.

That's the sound machine there, you see.

See, looks like a very old television set.

Over here, we have psychedelic lights what flash on and off

and give the impression of psychedelia.

Over here, we have, if I can get to it, area A, B, C.

When we're doing it, you see, somebody shouts "C!"

We all rush like mad over to here and say, "That was fab, wasn't it?"

and into the next song.

More flashing psychedelia. There's a Camera Two.

Now, what else do we do? That's about it, really.

As I say, it's usually raving but it's unraving today

because we've just done it and we're all terribly exhausted,

aren't we, Two?

I think he's passed away. Never mind.

Right, now then, by the miracle of television,

we are going over now to an interview with me

so let's miracleise.

Do you think that Top Of The Pops people overdo the special effects

and don't concentrate on the groups enough?

Whichever answer won't get me fired,

or, no, not at all.

A little psychedelia never hurt anybody.

I think it's wonderful in small doses

and that's what they give us it in, so that's all right. All right?

You don't think that groups mime too much,

that you can see that they're miming

and that makes you know that they're not doing it properly?

What can she ge talking angout?

No, Engelbert Humperdinck sang live on today's show

so that disproves that.

How does it feel to be interviewing one of Britain's top DJs

here in the Top Of The Pops studio?

-I'll tell you when we know.

-Oh.

Mind of her own, she's got.

What type of music do you personally like?

The last movement of Mendelssohn's violin concerto. No, seriously!

Up in my hut on a hill, we have a lot of chance to listen

to some really fine upstanding, God-fearing music

like Mendelssohn and the Simon Park Orchestra, but mostly everything.

I like a lot of things. I like Simon and Garfunkel

and Stevie Wonder and Mendelssohn and Tchaikovsky,

except he's a bit common, Tchaikovsky, don't you think?

Hmm.

What you get your ideas from for your zany effects?

Tony Blackburn.

Copy them all down every day

in between his schmaltz with your granny spot.

All that stuff. Mostly out of my brain, what there is left of it.

How long does it take to do Top Of The Pops?

Half an hour, usually.

Except if you make a mistake.

Sometimes we make a mistake, like last week I forgot to say,

"And here is David Bowie," and then I said it after the next record

when it was somebody else, so they had to stop the whole show.

God, it was drastic, dreadful.

They had to pay everyone twice. That's why I'm wearing rags.

They can't afford to pay me. Look at this, look at that. Mean.

Tony Blackburn gets all the suits out of props, you know.

He doesn't pay for them, not a penny.

Do you think people really want to listen to you going on every...

-Of course they do, darling!

-Really?

How many people do listen to your show?

Well, my mother, Mrs Elizabeth Cole of 7 Primrose Close likes me,

and...I don't know.

They took a measurement a few weeks ago.

I think it was 16 degrees Fahrenheit

but we have a jolly time on the wireless.

You're leaving now, aren't you?

Oh! Yes, I'm going stereophonic, you see,

so that I'll be coming in one ear and out the other, as usual.

Is your show going to be very different then?

You'll be able to see it coming out of your radio like a green mist.

What do you think of commercial radio yourself?

I think it's wonderful. Buy it today!

It affects the mind, you know.

It does, in one ear and out the other.

I think it will be a good influence.

I think Radio 1 needs a boot up the beeb.

Oh, sorry about that.

I mean, waltz with your mother, really.

-What do you really think of Top Of The Pops?

-"Really"?

Really deep down, really?

Well, has anybody ever been fired twice from the BBC?

It's, you know, it's Top Of The Pops, what can you say?

It's loud!

Nice...

And you have to meet the groups as well.

You have to fight your way through tons of hair.

"Hello," they say, "I'm so and so." "Who are you?" I say.

They say, "I'm number one." I say, "Oh, sorry, dear.

"Don't hear about you up on my hut on the hill."

"Never heard of you," I say.

Then next week they're out of the charts and I'm still here.

I was last week.

Do you think Radio 1 will have to compete with the new radio station?

No, no, no. BBC compete? No, no, no.

When the ratings go down,

slap on Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddy singing Springtime.

That'll get them going.

Radio 1, it will be going for ever, unless they close it down.

-Do you think they will?

-What, close it down?

-Yeah.

Don't know. I don't know.

If Tony Blackburn keeps on going about waltzing with your mother,

I'll go and kill him myself. Steal his teeth while I'm at it.

And the next question, right in here, please-ah!

Here we have, ladies and gentlemen, a wonderful questioner - on the left

or is it right, depending on which way you're looking?

She'll ask me a really wonderful question, really deep down from the bottom of her throat.

-What effects can you get out of Top Of The Pops?

-Ding!

We can sort of turn things peculiar.

Can you turn something peculiar up there, please?

HE GIGGLES AND TITTERS

And even peculiarer.

Ooh, I like that. Ooh!

That's divine, could you... Ooh, I do feel ill.

Stop taking the pills. They can do that sort of thing.

Can I go to normal, please?

Could you just increase the tan a bit? Just give me a little tan.

See? South of France? Don't spend a penny.

Doodly-doo... Oh, that's better. Thank you. I like being normal.

And then there's the other perks, like you get to meet the stars.

The stars, yes. I was talking to the Simon Park Orchestra today.

Wonderful bunch of ladies.

And then Elton John, who throws a fabulous party.

And all them, so free records and stars,

what more could one ask for?

I mean, for what more could one ask, being the BBC. Doodly-doo.

The tea is terrible though.

How long does it take you to do your own radio show?

About... About a day, really.

And then another day to edit out all the naughty bits that they'll never accept,

and then another day to edit all the naughty bits together,

erase them, and you end up with a few reels of tape

because they are very mean with the tape here.

Very mean with the tape. Very mean.

Have you ever done anything terribly wrong, like smashing a camera?

Yes, I joined Top Of The Pops!

No, I haven't smashed the cameras.

I'll do that before I leave.

I think it should be live though. That's what I think,

because then it would be fab and there'd be real mistakes then.

Wouldn't that be exciting? Real mistakes.

I used to do that on Ready Steady Go, which we can't mention,

and that's quite exciting because a lot of people used to watch

-just to see what went wrong.

-Why can't you mention it?

-And it did, a lot.

-Why can't you mention it?

Mention what?

Mention what, what's she talking about, mention what?

Why did you install a £13,000 studio into your home?

Well, it saves coming to London and we live about 220 miles away

so that's 440 a week.

That's, in a year, 440 times 42... 52 weeks in a year?

Ask Noel Edmonds, he's good with sums.

But it saved me all that travelling and I like fiddling with tape.

It's my hobby. I like fiddling...with tape.

My hobby, that is.

Why don't you just move to London, or do you like the country better?

Yes, the country's lovely. Lovely stuff, it is.

All grass and stuff and trees, it's wonderful.

London's nice though, in contrast, so when I do come to London,

it's nice, but if I was in it all the time,

I don't think I'd think it was nice a lot.

But it's the nicest city in the world, I think.

Thank you very much. >

Thank you.

Well, it's just been so wonderful!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd