Sales David Meade: Make Believe

I know he is trying to work me out, but I am trying to work him out.

I've got to remember, it's not my TV show, it's his!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello. Good evening. Hiya!

Hello there. Hello, good evening, welcome.

Thank you so much for coming. Tonight's show is all about sales

and for that reason, I have filled this room

full of mobile phone salesman,

car salesmen, even insurance salespeople.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for our salespeople!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

My job is to make this audience believe that

I can sell anything to anyone, so I hope I have not oversold myself.

But, before we kick-off,

let's take a look at what's coming up in tonight's show.

I will be taking to the pitch with Mr Darren Gough.

Absolutely crackers!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And I will be doing some blind bidding in an auction house.

You'll get your husbands and wives, and sons...

My husbands are none of your business, Brian!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But before any of that,

I think it's only fair that I put my money where my mouth is.

My mum always said that something is only worth what a person is

willing to pay for it,

so I thought we'd try a little game along those lines.

-Let me introduce you to...Tilly the teddy bear!

-AUDIENCE: Aww!

How nauseating!

This, ladies and gentlemen, is Tilly the teddy bear.

Tilly has a camera in her belly button, so that

when anyone catches it, we'll know who she's got.

We're going to toss this out into the audience

and the third person who catches it will be my subject.

The tossing begins now. Who has it? That's person number one.

Anywhere you like. That's person number two.

And, you...well, sir, I want you to look at Tilly's belly button

for me and give her a big wave.

-Give her a big wave. Say, "Hello, Tilly."

-Hello, Tilly.

This is going out on the TV, you know!

So, I want you to take a look at that bear and I want you

to, in your head, decide how much you think Tilly is worth.

Because, remember, an item is only worth how much a person is

willing to pay for it, so I want you to decide, in your head,

how much you think that's worth.

And just to check, you've no idea what's about to happen

and you didn't know this was going to happen, you didn't know

you'd be talking to an inanimate bear tonight.

It's a regular Saturday night in for you anyway, I would imagine!

So, sir...OK, that seems to be resonating with your friends!

-Actually, what was your name again?

-Eric.

-Eric.

Give Eric a round of applause as he makes his way up.

-Everybody say, "Hi, Eric."

-ALL: Hi, Eric.

And turn Tilly around everyone say, "Hi, Tilly."

ALL: Hi, Tilly.

This is like the weirdest AA meeting you've ever been to.

So you have a price that you want to pay for Tilly? I need to ask,

when you look at Tilly, do you see this as a quality item,

-a cheap item?

-It seems quite good quality.

Eric, Tilly has got a backpack.

If you could just open up that backpack for me,

open it up and inside there should be a little receipt.

I want you to unfold that for me and give it a little read.

-Before you do that, how much are you willing to pay for Tilly?

-£19.80.

-£19.80.

-Yes.

Is that some date of birth in the family or anything like that?

-No, it just seemed like a good quality bear.

-A good quality bear.

OK! You must be really good craic on blind dates, Eric.

Go ahead and slowly unfold that for me and it is a receipt.

-What's the name of that shop?

-David Mead Make-Believe.

Very fine quality boutique! It's receipt number one.

-How much is the price on that?

-£24.80.

-£24.80 and the price that you thought of was...

-£19.80.

-OK.

I can't help but think that this is partly your fault.

It is stapled at the bottom.

Unfold the receipt the whole way down for me.

What does it say there, what does that line say?

It says celebrity discount £5.

-And so what does the total price come to?

-Total price £19.80.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Give him a huge round of applause. £19.80

Good job. Eric, thank you so much. Let's hear it for Eric!

CHEERING

Is it really possible for me to sell snow to the Eskimo and if I am

so good at sales, is it possible for someone to sell me anything?

I had to find out, so, to the auction!

I am fascinated by the sales process and how some people seem to have the

innate ability to sell anything to anyone, so I want to take some

participants to a huge auction house with tens of thousands of items.

They're going to pick any items they like

and it's their job to try and sell them to me.

I am going to guess how much they want to sell that to me

and if I am wrong, by even a penny, I give them every cent I have.

I have chosen three people with different levels of sales expertise.

First up is Tony and for a salesman, he is surprisingly honest.

Been involved in sales. A very successful salesperson, I used to be.

That's why I'm teaching now! Because I wasn't!

Next up is Brian Cox.

No, not the scientist, the super-confident salesman.

Reckon I could sell fridges to the Eskimos, as they say.

Last, but not least, is Jane

who is more than a little doubtful of her own abilities.

I did once have a job in a shop.

I think I was possibly the worst shop assistant on the planet.

I couldn't sell water to a thirsty man.

I have brought you to this huge auction house, full of all manner

of paraphernalia and I want you to pick any item you like.

Before we start, I want to check,

you've no idea what you are going to pick?

-ALL: No.

-OK, you really can choose anything.

I am kind of partial to auctions and buying things

and for that reason, if you don't mind, I'm going to give this

to the most trustworthy person in the group.

If you can hold onto that for me, just put that inside your pocket,

so that I don't buy anything because my wife will hunt me down.

So, take as long as you like, go ahead and pick something.

So they're going to wander around this huge auction house.

There are tens of thousands of items.

They'll pick an item and try and sell it to me,

using their best sales pitch.

My sales people will secretly decide on a price for their chosen item.

If I pay a penny more, then they win.

Brian, here, thinks antique feathers will tickle my fancy.

I've bought what looks like a modern version of an old-fashioned

quill set. It's going to be a seller.

Tony, here, thinks there's cash in the rock 'n' roll dream.

It's not the object, I am going to sell him the idea that he

could be up there in front of 10,000 people, big arena,

-and have that adoration that he craves.

-Let the pitching begin.

Build the picture, you're out there, Odyssey Arena there's 10,000 people.

-I hear a lot of booing.

-You make your first sound.

-I am feeling good about this, Tony!

-This is the key to it, yeah?

Tony, I think I'm going to make you an offer. OK, Tony,

that is my bid.

Tony, this is your bid. I will put it in there, keep an eye on it.

Make sure I don't mess around with it. So, Brian, go!

-David, what I have to offer is a beautiful quill set.

-Fascinating.

-You make a letter, invitation, people get it...

-Come on, sell it!

You get your husbands and wives...

My husbands are none of your business, Brian.

Brian, that was fascinating. I think I am ready to make you an offer.

So, if I am off by a penny, you get to keep my money.

I just hope you don't mug me for it on the way out.

Your bid is in the bowl. So, Jane, go!

This is a fairly tatty, elderly wooden box.

OK, Jane, so in a sentence, why should I buy it?

It has been loved and it's sitting here not being loved.

I'm willing to make you an offer.

In it goes. Right. There we go.

OK, folks, you've done a really interesting job.

Keep a good eye on these, please, and these are your sealed bids

but, before you open them, I want you to write down

the sum of money that you are willing to sell these items for.

Go ahead and take a card and pen each. Write it nice and large.

I'll look over here so I can't see. We'll start with Jane.

How much did you want to sell it to me for? £15.

Well...here we have

five, ten...

and £15. And we'll come over to you, Brian.

Let's see how well you did. £52.

I am going to open this up and this time,

Brian, I want you to count it yourself for me, please.

If you place that down on the table and this, is my sealed bid amount.

Five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 30,

35, 40, 45, 50, and one...

Unbelievable!

Sorry, Brian. £52!

Now, Tony, what did it go for?

£150. Tony, in case you think there's any funny

sleight of hand anything, I promise there isn't, go pick it up yourself.

-How are you feeling? Confident?

-No way could you have got this.

50...

100...

-120, 140, £150.

-£150!

Impossible, absolutely impossible!

Yes, it would be impossible to get £150 for that guitar!

-One more thing, I gave you my wallet, didn't I?

-No!

There's CCTV in this building! Can I have my wallet back?

The reason I put elastic bands round it was to make absolutely

sure you didn't have the opportunity to switch or fiddle with it.

I put a wallet within a wallet so there'd be no funny

business and inside that wallet there's a shopping list in there.

Would you go ahead and take that out for me please?

This is a little shopping list.

Would you open that up for me and read it out for me, Tony?

-Folks, you could have chosen anything...

-Dear, oh dear!

A guitar, a trinket box and a quill.

That was my shopping list - a guitar, a trinket box and a quill.

My budget was £217. Hold on to that for me.

We have 15, plus 150, plus 52, five, six, seven...

I think that comes to £217.

You could have chosen anything in the entire building,

-anything at all.

-How on Earth did he do that? I would say it's impossible,

but he's done it.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

There we have it, folks.

It does seem that it's possible for anyone to sell anything to

anyone and we've some of our budding auctioneers in the house tonight.

Let's hear it for our bidders.

CHEERING

One of the most interesting techniques that salespeople use

to sell things to people is the celebrity endorsement.

I can assure you, I am not a celebrity by any

stretch of the imagination, but celebrities are often linked

with products to make those products seem more attractive.

I want to see if I can try a little experiment with endorsement

based on that. And I'll do it with...this gentleman here

who's trying not to get picked.

Yes, that guy saying if I don't look in the eyes, I'm invisible!

-What's your name?

-Jim.

-Jim? Ladies and gentlemen,

give Jim a round of applause.

-Jim, do you think you're swayed by celebrity endorsements?

-Not really.

Not really, OK. I want you to think about a celebrity,

any celebrity in the world.

It's got to be someone in the public eye, someone if you were to name

their name out loud, everyone here would know who you're talking about.

-Right.

-I don't want you to say it out loud,

I just want you to think about that person.

My job is going to be to try and work out, looking at you, Jim,

who you'd like to endorse you as a human being.

-So think about it, Jim.

-Right.

-Have you got someone?

-Yes.

What's interesting, is when I ask people to do this,

they always choose people who are a thousand miles away

from their own self-image, so, Jim, looking at you,

you're very clearly a fit, young, able, sophisticated, man-about-town.

I would also say you are going to choose someone, let's face it,

you're fairly pumped for a guy who's 35...38?

-Older than that.

-But you used to keep probably an awful lot

fitter whenever you'd more time, I would say. I would also say you are

very driven by, if I take a look at some of the products you buy,

that should tell me a little bit.

That actually is a very expensive watch, so this is someone who will

earn quite high and be known for quite designer goods.

This shirt, actually, is pretty high level designer.

It genuinely is. So I would say...

I am going to take a bit of the guess on this...

Would you turn around for me? Ah! OK, turn around again. Is it...

-It's not Peter Andre, is it?

-It is!

Let's hear it for Jim, give him a round of applause. Is it really?

-It is.

-Really?

-Honest to God.

-Genuinely was?

-Genuinely.

And do you know what, Jim? You are the image of him!

Ladies and gentlemen, Jim. Give him a big round of applause.

Back you go.

CHEERING

So, there you have it.

It looks like celebrity endorsements may have some bearing on whether

a person will buy a product, but one of the more interesting

things is, you know those deals, 50% off, 50% extra free,

buy one get one free - how important are they in your buying decisions?

I want to see just how far I can persuade someone,

but not in the shop, on the football pitch.

I have come to London for a kickabout on the common, or

what I call footballs on plinths!

And my star player is Darren Gough, famous England cricketer who also

scored a hat-trick by winning Strictly Come Dancing no less

than three times!

Listen, I am a cricketer, a dancer, a radio presenter,

but my first love is football, but people always recognise,

obviously 20 years of playing professional sport for my country

and then doing a dancing show where 15 million people watch,

so football seems to have been kicked into touch.

Or in this case, the footballs are under a paper bag.

Sales people and organisations use a huge amount of stimuli to make you

do things - buy one get one free,

50% off, even colours, shapes and the locations of items in-store,

so I want to play, as a mentalist, with some of those techniques today.

As a sportsman and a dancer, it's all about the moves,

but the question is,

will Darren tackle my techniques or will I control the game?

All right, so, really simple game, Darren.

I am going to make one of these bags more attractive than

any other. You're literally just looking at brown paper bags,

footballs on plinths, and you can kick any one that you like.

I want a good kick. I don't want a girly kick.

-I want a real man's kick here.

-Right.

Because, as you can tell, very macho here, very macho.

-So, have a think about it? Have you got one?

-Yeah.

OK, go ahead and kick the ball that you like.

-Ho-hoo! Good shot.

-I've never kicked a ball through a paper bag before.

-How do you feel after that? Adrenaline up?

-Yes.

-OK.

-Think I have got it in the groin, though!

-Want me to rub it for you? I am here for you.

-No, I am all right!

I would need to invoice you, that's the thing. Why choose number three,

because you had no stimuli here at all?

-They were all brown paper bags.

-It was in the middle.

-OK, all right.

91% of people, when asked to do this, would choose number three,

the first time. But I don't want you to feel bad about that.

The fact is, your job is a bit more difficult now,

because first of all, we've got one less bag and second of all,

I am going to introduce these.

What we have are a few little special offer cards.

We've affordable, we've got expensive and we've even got free.

OK? I will place these in front of three of them

and I am going to put that one there,

that's the free one.

I am going to put expensive, that's that one there

and affordable over there.

At the moment, we have one that's been left brown

and three are now more attractive to your eye.

Whenever you are ready, go ahead and kick the bag that you like.

Come on, you can do it! Come on, Darren! Come on! Wow!

That's impressive. You've doubled your distance, there.

What you've done there is you've kicked away the affordable one.

Why did you take away the affordable one?

Because cost has to come into it. I am not one of them

who'll just go out and spend £300 on a pair of jeans.

-It has to be affordable.

-Yes, me too. We're going to do the same again.

Three remaining, but this time, I am going to do it slightly differently.

Can we have a couple of stickers, please? Make this more interesting.

I am going to change it around a bit.

We've got two here - 50% off and 50% free.

So, would you rather have a good price, get more for your money?

Think about it for a second because I'm going to place this here -

50% off and this one...here -

50% free.

And, if you don't mind, I am just going to change my mind.

So, we've got 50% off, 50% free

and still we've got that hideous ugly, brown bag with nothing on it.

Totally unattractive. We've got three bags remaining, Darren.

Are you choosing to kick these on the moment?

-Just now, in the moment.

-Go ahead. Kick the one that you like.

Come on, come on! Come on, Darren! Wow! That was amazing.

We're down to only two bags left

and I am not going to change a single thing.

One is very interesting, very attractive

and one is fairly ugly and hideous.

Most people won't choose to pick one that has got nothing on it so,

when you're ready, do you know which one you want to kick?

-Yeah.

-You do know?

-Yeah.

-Locked on pretty solid. Firm.

-Yeah.

-Fixed.

-Yeah.

-Line yourself up.

Whenever you are ready, go ahead and kick the ball you like.

Wow!

Now, you chose the one that was the least interesting,

that had very little on it.

Was that because it felt that you thought that I thought that

I was going to try and make you do something?

-It stood out to me. I like that bag!

-OK. Thanks for coming.

Thank you so much. Do you want to go ahead and kick the last one?

Go ahead. Well, actually, do you mind if I do the honours?

Yeah, you kick it.

I don't want to show you up, that's the only thing.

I don't want you to kick it, but if you could just pick up

the paper bag for me.

We have a solid cannonball.

Go ahead and pick it up for me, I don't want to touch it.

-Ohh!

-Do you feel the weight of that?

If I'd have kicked that, I'd have broke my foot!

I would have had no foot left.

And what's more hilarious is we've absolutely no insurance!

Absolutely crackers!

I could have kicked a cannonball, not a football, a cannonball!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

One job in sales that's the hardest than any other is the cold call.

Hands up, who has had to make a cold call?

Hands up who's had to make a cold call?

Cold calling is the most difficult job in sales.

You're contacting people who don't want to hear from you

to convince them to buy products they don't need,

using money they probably can't afford and you are doing it

when they're trying to put the tea on.

So that's my job this evening.

I am going to set up a cold call and I need someone to help me.

-AUDIENCE: Aw!

-Tilly's back!

The third person who catches this will be the person who comes up.

Three, two, one.

That's throw number one,

so if we can have throw number two, please, sir.

You're going to make throw number three.

Whoops!

Tilly is lying like roadkill on the floor! I think it's closest to you.

-Madam, what's your name?

-Lindsay.

So, Lindsay, there's no need to grab Tilly by the neck.

Ladies and gentlemen, give Lindsay a round of applause.

CHEERING

What's that, Tilly?

No, I don't think it's fake tan, I think it's legit.

-Lindsay, have you ever had to make a cold call?

-Yeah.

-We would do prospect in the evenings and things.

-How was it?

Sometimes, the people just don't want to know you at all.

This evening, we're going to set up a cold call and you

are the person that I am going to try and sell something to.

What makes this different to any other cold call is I am not going

to tell you what I am going to try and sell you, but what I am going to

try and sell you is written on the blackboard that's hanging up.

Am I allowed to look at it?

Yes, a little later, we'll bring it down and see how close

Lindsay's choice is to what's scribbled there.

Would you like to take a little seat for me? Lindsay, everyone!

CHEERING

So, I will take Lindsay through a sales call and in this call,

I am going to ask a series of questions.

My job is to hone my script so that at the end,

the final product that she names, is the only

product in the world that she could consider buying.

I think that you can't not buy this product, Lindsay.

During the course of the sales call, I'll ring my bell a few times

and at that point, name any random product that pops into your head.

-Are you ready for the sales call?

-Yes, ready to go.

DAVID CLEARS HIS THROAT

PHONE RINGS

-Hello.

-Hello, this is Davina from Meade Enterprises.

-How are you this evening?

-I'm good, Davina. How are you?

You're taking great joy in calling me Davina! All right!

Sorry, one moment please.

HOLDING MUSIC PLAYS

I put Lindsay on hold.

Lindsay thinks I'm very busy. I am actually in the bathroom.

Hello, Lindsay.

I'm sorry, I was talking with my manager there

and we've got some amazing offers and deals for you today.

I need to ask you at this point, what's the most exciting

product you've ever bought?

BELL RINGS

-Name any product in the world.

-Wedding ring.

-Wedding ring.

OK. And did you buy that?

You know that's not how it's supposed to work?

-I bought the wedding ring, he bought the engagement ring.

-Right.

You got the best deal there on balance! Number one, wedding ring.

OK, I want you to think of the last item you bought, that you were

so hugely disappointed with.

All right, think about whatever that product is.

Don't name that.

BELL RINGS

-Quickly, another one.

-My belly button bar!

LAUGHTER

Belly button bar.

Sorry, Lindsay.

HOLDING MUSIC PLAYS

It turns out that Lindsay is a pervert!

OK, Lindsay, I want you to think about the last time you spent

a huge amount of money. The most expensive thing you ever bought,

whatever that is, I don't want you to say that, not that product.

-Any product in the world,

-Dog.

-OK, dog.

So number one is wedding ring,

number two is belly button bar, number three is dog.

-Can I change my mind?

-Yes, you can. Not dog?

-I was going to say sofa.

Right, OK. So we'll scribble out dog. Just to be clear, you went from

-dog to sofa?

-They're both grey.

Do they come in, let's say... 50 shades?

RAUCOUS LAUGHTER

So we've went from wedding ring, belly button bar,

you wanted to change your mind from dog and then you went to sofa.

GONG CLANGS

That is the cold call over.

Imagine for a minute,

you've got a final product in your head that you want to buy.

-So your partner... Is that husband, I assume?

-Yes, Stephen.

If Stephen was here right now,

what would he have said you should have bought?

-Bought him a new car, probably.

-But there's literally no chance

-of that, you are too stingy.

-He can buy himself one.

You be like that! OK, folks.

At this point, I will go ahead and get the blackboard down please.

Lindsay, would you stand up here for me?

Just to recap, you're thinking of the target product in your head

that no-one in this world knows about. You never said it out loud,

-no-one in the crew could know what this is. Proper secret.

-Yes.

-OK, it just popped into your head, sitting at the table.

-Yes.

-OK.

So you went from wedding ring, to belly button bar,

you changed your mind from dog and then you went to sofa.

OK. So, folks, what we have here is a beautiful blackboard.

Lindsay, I took you on a cold call,

but it was really important for me that I tried to, before I

started this, to get a sense of the type of person that might take part.

And I thought maybe,

there was a chance that they might want a ring of some sort.

Then, Lindsay, I started to think that maybe

they might want some sort of piercing.

Then, Lindsay, I thought there might be a chance that they would

want to buy a dog!

But then, I had a sense that they might change their mind around

about there and end up looking for a sofa, a grey sofa.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Lindsay, the only product that mattered was that final target.

You haven't said this out loud, no-one knows what this is.

-For the first time out loud, what's the product?

-House.

-A house!

-Let's hear it for a Lindsay! Huge round of applause.

-Oh my God!

And sorry, husband, no new car for you!

Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for Lindsay!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Back you go, back you go!

There you have it, folks. What do you think?

Am I really the best salesperson in the world?

Can I really sell anything to anyone or has this all just been

make-believe? Thank you for watching.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd