Episode 1 Snog Marry Avoid?

# When I grow up I wanna be famous

# I wanna be a star I wanna be in movies

# When I grow up I wanna see the world, drive nice cars

# I wanna have boobies When I grow up... #

Half the fun of being a girl is

experimenting with our styles, but some girls are sending it to new and quite frankly scary extremes.

With make-up that's more at home on a drag queen than a beauty queen,

these girls don't need a makeover, they need a make-under.

And celebrities are no exception.

Welcome to the original and the best make-under show.

This is POD, your personal overhaul device. Hello, POD.

Hello, the Frost, you're looking very lovely today.

Why thank you, I make an effort for you always.

-Just as long as it wasn't too much of an effort.

-Anyway, back to business.

-What is your mission?

-I'm back to transform the make-up mad girls of the UK into natural beauties.

-You're going to help me.

-I will help you, if you're a little nicer to our girls.

Forget it, Frost.

This time round POD has no mercy.

You are a sadistic little computer, aren't you?

Yes, now get on with it, Frost!

Coming up on tonight's show, POD gets her lens on a nudie rudie...

I love the naked body, so why not go out half-naked?

..Has a close encounter with a cyborg.

I like the idea of being able to transform myself into something

that you wouldn't see on a daily basis.

And she's the giggly Essex girl who found celebrity

in a very famous house, met an Ordinary Boy,

got married, got divorced, then got some extraordinary large boobs.

It's Chantelle Houghton.

Tonight, two girls and a spiky boy will experience the magic of a make-under.

-So, are you ready for our first girl?

-Ready and waiting.

Who have you got for me, Frost?

First up is a very pretty girl, you're gonna be quite horrified

because she doesn't quite understand the word "clothes".

We'll see about that! Loading background data.

# It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes... #

I love the naked body so why not go out half-naked?

Most people can't, so if you can you might as well flaunt it.

The more naked, the more better.

There's been so many times when I turned up at her house

and it's unbelievable, it's unreal.

You just think to yourself, I can't handle this.

I love my blue outfit, it's my favourite.

These were like old tights, and this is a bra that I attached to feathers to.

This is the chain outfit.

It's not really an outfit, it's just jewellery to be honest.

There's nothing to it really.

I love it.

I don't know what she's doing in the bathroom.

I don't know what she's doing in that bedroom.

And I'm thinking goodness gracious me!

Perhaps she's lost the plot a bit.

I wear concealer, foundation, black eye shadow, gold eye shadow,

eyebrow pencil, lip liner, eyebrow gels, eyeliner, two blushers, eyelashes.

Tonight I'm gonna put on two pairs of eyelashes on each eyelash.

And then tan. I tan again and again, about five times before I go out.

I'm actually caked in make-up.

I look so fake it's great!

My eyebrows, to keep them in place, I get hairspray.

My white contacts.

A bit spooky, but I like it.

All-over body glitter, every girl needs it.

And I'm ready to go, I'm gonna scare all those men!

She will be the girl that everyone has to have their eyes on.

She'll be like right, I'm gonna wear this, even if it's showing my naked body.

I feel so sexy, happy, and I can walk around naked!

I'm a wild child!

I just want her to realise she's beautiful without all that crap.

-Hello.

-Hello.

Can you talk me through your look today?

-Do you wanna see it?

-I'd love to see it.

-So here we go.

Wow!

So that little outfit, has that got a bottom in it, or is it a thong?

It started off as like French knickers, and then it kind of withered away...

What you mean, withered away? Your knickers don't wither away!

-Have you cut them away?

-I'm not gonna lie, yeah.

You've cut them away, they've not withered away!

Are you excited about the make-under, or nervous?

I'm really excited, actually.

I think you're gonna really suit it.

Right, you little firecracker, I wish you good luck in POD,

and I'll see you on the other side.

-What the hell?

-I am POD.

-Hi, POD.

-Who are you?

-I'm Mickayla.

-What ARE you wearing?!

I'm wearing underwear with feathers stuck to it.

Did you kill many blue chickens for that bikini?

I did actually!

-Don't you like clothes?

-Not really.

Who is your style icon?

I love Victoria's Secrets, their huge wings, and their underwear...

Pause, loading, Victoria's Secrets, looks like Big Bird has been

plucked, shaved, basted in Ronseal and wrapped up in Bacofoil.

Tasty! Resume.

POD can see a lot of orangey brown flesh. Is that your natural colour?

I'd like to think so, but no.

-Is there anything on your body that is real?

-Some bits are.

How about the bits called breasts, are they a bit fake?

-No.

-Really?

-Yes.

POD does not believe you.

It's true.

When was the last time you looked natural?

13.

Accessing data. What are the differences between then and now?

-I was wearing clothes.

-And?

I wasn't orange.

And you were very naturally pretty.

OK, POD.

Aside from the need to get dressed, why have you come to POD for a make-under?

People don't see me, all they see is a person that's dressed like this.

Whose fault is that?

Myself.

POD can help you change that, Mickayla.

But before I do I need to run the public analysis part of my programme.

I asked men only do you want to snog, marry or void this girl?

POD, it's not funny.

Nor is looking like a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken!

-What do you think they said?

-I'd say half of them said snog, half of them said avoid. Pressing snog.

-Play.

-I'd probably avoid her.

Avoid, she looks like she's been around the block.

I would avoid her like the plague.

You are almost 100% incorrect.

-Oh.

-95% of the men we asked wanted to avoid you.

-Oh.

Next I asked the public, how old is this girl?

Don't ask them that!

No, POD, no!

I'm not answering this one. POD will not be refused!

-22.

-Play.

About 26 years old.

She just looks quite mature looking.

I think she's 19.

I think she's 26.

A massive 50% of the public think you are 26.

No, they don't!

POD never lies.

Having heard what people think of your look, do you now see that you need a make-under?

-Yeah, I do. I need it really badly.

-Are you ready for my verdict?

Yes, POD has the power.

Correct! I have decided you are a naked chicken drumstick lady

who needs my "for POD's sake, put some clothes on" make-under.

Urgently.

-Yeah.

-Let the make-under commence.

Oh my God!

-Oh my goodness me.

-What do you think?

It's just really different.

Does it feel different wearing clothes?

It feels nice and warm.

-I look really young.

-POD things you look much younger and fresher without all that slap.

What will your boyfriend will think of your new look?

I don't know. I don't know what he's gonna say.

-What about the public?

-Don't know.

Previously the majority of the people we asked wanted to avoid you.

Let's find out what they'd say now.

Oh God.

-OK.

-Play.

-I'd marry her.

-I'd snog her, because I like that look.

I would snog her because she's hot.

Hot like hot sauce.

Now, a huge 90% of the public want to give you a tongue sandwich!

A tongue sandwich!

What would that taste like?

Scary!

Here's how I achieved your look.

Use lighter eye make-up to bring out the colour of dark eyes and darker skin.

Pair block colours with bold prints to create a playful, modern look.

-Will you keep this more modest, natural approach?

-I will.

-Do you promise?

-Promise, POD.

What do you think of your old look now?

I think I might have to calm it down a little bit.

Has POD succeeded in this make-under?

POD, you have succeeded. I am very happy with you.

POD is very happy with you.

-Goodbye, Mickayla.

-Goodbye, POD!

Oh my God!

Look at you.

You look amazing, come here.

The fact that she was wearing clothes, because she's got such a pretty, beautiful face,

you zoom in on her face, it makes her look good.

I love the look, it's great.

-You happy?

-I'm very happy.

I don't know how long it's gonna stay for!

Make sure you keep this look. Keep it. Feminine.

I just love Mickayla's new look and I can't wait to see if she keeps it up later in the show.

For you girls out there I've been on a quest to separate beauty fact from beauty fiction. Watch and learn.

You know how annoying it is when you've been in the salon for ages, paid loads of money

for a pedicure, or been sat at home for hours doing it yourself

and then you walk out and your toes gets smudged.

Very, very annoying. Well, I've been given

a tip that we're gonna try out now to see if your nails stop smudging.

What you do is after you've finished doing your nails, which I've just done,

you get some oil and drop it on each toe, then you wrap your toes in clingfilm.

Very sexy.

One toe.

Two toe. Now, there's only one way to test it out properly, let's have a dance.

After that serious mum dancing, which I will probably regret

for a very long time, let's see if the toes survived.

Toe one...

perfect.

Foot number two, not one single smudge.

Perfect pedicured toes.

Next into POD is a lovely girl called Chantelle, who I think you might recognise.

I'm Chantelle and I'm living the dream!

My life has changed so much from being literally down here to up there.

Fake tan, hair extensions, nails, make-up,

all that sort of thing, that's what screams me.

It's not the type of dress that you'd wear to your new boyfriend's mum and dad's dinner party.

I've had breast implants, and fillers in my face.

Just to fill my face out a bit.

I couldn't live without my hair extensions.

Long live hair extensions.

I'm an ambassador for fake tan.

Does that mean I love it?

Oh.

I'll do my make-up, then I'll be happy with it, then I'll go and put my clothes on,

then I put more make-up on.

Whilst I wait for my cab, I'll put some more make-up on,

then whilst I'm in the cab on the way to wherever I am I put more make-up on.

Then when I'm out I just put more make-up on.

Well, on a night out usually I just start off with an alcopop.

Then maybe have a few glasses of champagne, and a few shots.

Then it's bed.

The night might be over but there's one thing I've got to do,

and that is...

put my lip gloss on.

Lovely to meet you, Chantelle.

-Thank you.

-Are you excited about your make-under?

-Yeah, I can't wait.

It'll be nice to see what I actually look like natural because usually I'm just plastered, as you can see.

What you think POD's gonna make of you?

I think POD will hate everything I stand for, like everything.

Hair extensions, the tan, lashes, everything.

Talk me through this outfit under this coat.

Give me a coat, let's have a look.

Sorry, mum.

I've just got a little black dress on.

Your boobs look like my bum!

Well, I'm going to wish you luck and I'll see you on the other side.

I am POD, your personal overhaul device. Who are you?

I'm Chantelle.

Sorry, Jordan?

-No, Chantelle.

-Oh, Chantelle, sorry, the massive fake oranges were confusing me.

-Chantelle?

-Yes?

POD needs to talk about the skin on your massive oranges.

-OK, let's talk about it.

-Did the man from Del Monte say yes?

I disagree, I don't think I'm orange, I think I'm golden.

Like 24 "carrots"?

You're funny!

POD wants to know why you're covered in all that slap.

Because I like it, I'm addicted.

Good job you've enrolled in POD's rehab programme for slap addicts.

POD can cure you of your addiction to fakery.

Yeah, but I know what's underneath the fakery, I don't like it.

POD knows there is a stunning natural beauty underneath.

-Thank you.

-Why have you come to POD for a make-under?

-When I put my make-up on

I feel like there's like a barrier,

and because I wanted to see what I do look like natural.

-POD can show you that but first I need to find out what the public think of your look.

-God! Don't!

Run phase one, public analysis.

-Go on.

-I asked people who didn't know who you were,

would she steal your heart, steal your razor, or steal your wallet?

Oh my God! Wallet.

-But obviously I never would.

-Play.

Steal my wallet, I reckon.

She looks like she'd steal my wallet.

She'd steal my wallet, I reckon, just wake up and it's gone.

So they think they'd wake up with me.

85% of the public thought you would steal their wallet.

-Shut up!

-Yes.

-Really?

-Yes.

My God!

I also asked men only, would you want to snog, marry or avoid her?

-I reckon they'll say avoid.

-Play.

I would probably avoid her.

Just because she doesn't look my type.

Avoid her because she's fake.

I would avoid her, she looks like a tranny.

-Huh?

-Correct, the majority of the public wanted to avoid you.

-My God.

-Are you ready for my verdict?

-Yes.

POD computes that you are a fake, plastic slap addict

and you will undergo my "stop before it's too late" make-under.

POD is very excited.

I'm glad POD is, I'm not.

Here is your make-under menu.

Choose a new hairstyle -

sleek bob, modern chop, natural waves, sleek, sweeping chop.

Oh my God.

The sleek sweeping chop.

Choose a celebrity style.

-Kate Winslet, Kiera Knightly, Alexa Cheung, Rachel Bilson.

-Rachel Bilson.

Why have you chosen Rachel Bilson?

I don't know. I don't even know what she looks like.

Before I can process your informed choices,

the time has come for you, Chantelle the slap addict, to go to rehab.

Where you will begin your recovery by removing all your make-up.

OK.

Run phase two, deep cleanse. Please put on your deep cleanse uniform.

Oh my God, I can't believe I'm doing this. I actually can't believe it.

Believe it, Chantelle, the slap is coming off!

-I hate it!

-The time has come to free the natural beauty within.

This is not funny at all.

POD is not amused. Show me that wipe.

I suppose that will do. POD will take care of the rest.

Run phase three, the make-under.

Oh my God!

No way! Oh my God!

I like it. Look at my hair!

Do you think to look like a natural beauty?

I look like trendy and cool.

POD thinks you look very beautiful.

-Thank you.

-Shall we see if the public agree?

-OK.

-Before, people thought you would steal their wallets.

Cheeky gits! I'd never steal anything.

Now a massive 90% of the public said you would steal their hearts.

Shut up, really?

-Really.

-That's nice.

I also asked would you want to snog, marry or avoid this girl.

What did they say?

-Avoid.

-Play.

I would maybe give her a nice snog, and if she feels nice, I'd carry that on.

Probably snog her.

I would definitely marry her, she's got a really nice look to her,

soft skin and nice hair.

Now, 65% of the public want to snog you, and the rest want to marry you.

-Thank you.

-Here is your natural beauty data...

This sleek cut frames your face and highlights your natural bone structure.

An asymmetrical dress emphasises your collarbone and elongate your frame.

-Chantelle?

-Yeah?

Do you think you will be keeping this new, more natural look?

Definitely. I won't wear as much make-up, I don't think.

What do you think of natural beauty now?

I like natural beauty, I think it's the way forward.

I don't really look like an Essex girl any more, do I?

-So has POD been successful?

-Yeah, you've done amazing, well done.

Chantelle, POD computes your make under has been a complete success.

-Yeah.

-Natural beauty has been restored. Goodbye.

Bye.

Just like Chantelle, most girls have that little something they can't live without,

but perhaps it's time for some of you to try.

Three words. Cleanse, tone and moisturise.

You've got to be very tanned and you've got to have your hair looking good.

The thing I can't go about this my earrings.

Mine are a bit like Pat Butcher's earrings.

I do have is highlighted.

And they do have extensions to fill it out a little bit.

Apart from that, it's natural.

I stick to sunbeds.

-Love the sunbed.

-I'd rather it be bad for me then look like a zebra.

Just moisturise yourself daily.

Make-up. Just plaster it on,

because the more the merrier.

Do you remember the lovely Chantelle from earlier in the show?

What a transformation.

The extensions were gone and a lovely, sleek bob.

But how she kept it? Let's find out.

Hello. The extensions are back.

POD will not be a happy computer.

But not as much make-up, though.

I was quite surprised when you came in today that you had gone

straight back because you seemed to love your look so much on the day.

I did love it.

I was shocked and stuff.

I did like it but, I don't know,

getting ready the next day it just didn't feel like me.

You seemed to really hate it when POD made you take your make-up off.

That's my worst nightmare, to walk out in the street with no make-up on.

My worst nightmare came true.

Your hair and make-up is your security blanket.

It's like a barrier, isn't it? You feel like...

It gives me confidence.

Everybody wanted to snog you or marry you after your make-under. How did that make you feel?

That was really nice but I do think they need glasses!

Because I think I look so much better now than I did then.

Have you ever thought of toning it down slightly, the false tan?

I feel like I have.

I feel really pale today.

I do. I feel so pale.

Would you recommend having a make-under to anybody else?

Yeah, definitely.

I thought was a really good experience.

I never thought I could look like that.

Completely different. Yeah, I would.

Thank you for letting us give you a make-under.

You've been a great sport and really good fun.

-You look gorgeous both ways.

-Ah!

Next up was a very colourful character who certainly gave POD a run for her money.

I am POD. What are you?

What am I? Job wise or person wise?

-Person wise.

-Person wise I'm a body modification enthusiast.

-What is that?

-It's someone who is into modifying their body to look different and others.

I see. So do you want to look like a horny cyborg?

No, although part of my image is based on that.

Do you mean the horns sticking out of your head?

It's more of a mohican but yeah, we can go with horns.

How did you get them stuck in your head?

Surgery. They are called transdermal implants.

I hesitate to ask, but how exactly does that work?

They will make one incision, get a long, metal spatula

and make a pocket under the skin.

Each implant is a small platelet which they will put underneath and then they sew you up.

-Mark?

-Yes.

Have you got a screw loose?

It's more about just being different from the rest of the world.

POD computes you are on a completely different planet.

Indeed I am.

Mark, will you always be a horny cyborg?

I don't know, the future's a long way off.

How about when you are 80?

That sounds like a pretty impressive idea.

I could be a kick ass robot grandad.

Hmm, what do you think about natural beauty?

I like it. Each to their own.

POD thinks that your natural beauty has been kidnapped by cyborgs.

Will you let POD return you to your natural, beautiful, human form?

That's a pretty tough one. Convince me.

POD is the world's one and only make-under computer

and this is a once-in-a-lifetime, out-of-this-world experience that I think you might enjoy.

If you're going to put it like that then yeah, we'll go for it.

But it's only going to be very brief.

If you don't like it I shall return you to your cyborg self.

-Are you ready for my verdict?

-I'm ready.

Mark, you are a cranially probed, prickly punk

who needs my close encounter of the POD kind make-under immediately.

-Yes, yes.

-Run the make-under.

-What the hell?!

-POD thinks you look very handsome. What do you think?

You don't have a Financial Times I could tuck under one arm, and a briefcase?

Like a banker?

You are one letter out, but yeah.

Is there anything you like about your new look?

I'm not sure about the hat but the suit and shoes, yeah.

POD thinks you look rather dapper.

OK, fair enough.

-Do you miss your old look?

-Of course I do.

I'm missing my modifications. I gotta get out of this suit.

-I need my image back.

-Your head has clearly been penetrated

by alien machines and you're unable to process natural beauty.

-Therefore, I shall beam you back, spiky.

-Please do.

-Happier now?

-Yes. I'm still all here so I'm happy.

How was you make-under experience?

A little bit tingly. I got a little bit of a weird electrical reaction through the head but it was fine.

POD thought you looked very handsome as a natural beauty.

-I thought you might do.

-But you clearly love this unnatural look.

It's natural for me. It makes me happy.

POD is happy that you're happy, even if you're a little bit spiky.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye.

Do you remember the lovely naked Mickayla from earlier in the show?

POD put some clothes on to keep her warm and I'm about to find out if

she's a kept them on or if she's gone back to being a nudie rudie.

Hello, lovely. How are you?

Nice to see you. Can I just say, best bum of the series.

Come on, sit down.

Tell me about your make-under experience.

It was really good. I loved it. Really enjoyed myself.

Talk me through your new look.

Really, I like look smarter, dressing like a woman more than a girl.

Wearing shirts and tailored trousers. Looking really smart.

When you go out now, do you get a bit more covered up?

I do. I went to a club a couple of weeks ago and instead of wearing a mini-dress,

I wore leggings and boots and a nice jumper top and a hat.

I saw all the girls were wearing little mini-skirts with their butts hanging out and their high shoes

and I thought, I used to look like that. I'll never do it again.

As far as make-up goes, it's a lot more toned down.

The lashes are still there.

The lashes are still there but the black is gone

and too much foundation, too much blusher, and it's all gone now.

You're guy candy, John, who you brought to the show,

he loved the new look.

Can you tell me what he said you when the cameras were off.

He was really pleased because the whole time I've known him, I have always been the outrageous one,

who goes out half naked, and he loves the new look.

He loves it.

Have your perceptions about natural beauty changed?

Definitely. It's completely changed.

I thought beauty was slapping on loads of make-up and putting hair extensions in

and wearing the smallest thing I could find but now, it's more about

wearing what you want to wear not because you want people to look at you.

Overall, I think the make-under has been a huge success.

You're not naked. Are you happy with the make-under?

I'm really happy with the make-under. It took POD to change me.

No one else could could apart from POD. I'm very happy.

Big up POD. Success.

Thank you, POD!

Well, POD. As usual, you've been amazing.

-Why thank you, Frost. You're not so bad yourself.

-Thank you very much.

For now, you need to get some rest.

-Do I have to?

-You do indeed.

-Oh...

-Love you lots, POD.

-Bye, the Frost.

-POD off.

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