Episode 12 Sport Relief's Top Dog

72 dogs.

24 celebrity team captains.

And one big tournament to find...

Sport Relief's Top Dog.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

On tonight's show, Team Mark.

TV presenter Mark Durden-Smith and his pet Tibetan terrier Flossy

are joined by aftercare supervisor Claire Antony from Midhurst

and her golden retriever cross, Doyle,

a working demonstration dog for a disabled charity.

And administrator Debbie Lee from Warwickshire

and her pet terrier, Willy.

They're taking on Team Danny.

Danny Baker, a radio DJ and comedy writer

and his pet Border collie Bingo are teaming up with

dog instructor Amy Thompson from Cheltenham

and her Labrador Usha, a working demonstration dog for the disabled.

And Chas Greene, a gardener from Kent,

with his pet springer spaniel, Jazz.

It's time for our two teams to go head-to-head.

It's Sport Relief's Top Dog.

'Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Gaby Roslin!'

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, good evening.

Welcome to Sport Relief's Top Dog,

where our four-legged friends and their human handlers

go out on a limb all in aid of Sport Relief.

Tonight, we reach the last of our 12 heats

and our dogs will be showing they've got bottle,

helping out with some household chores,

and taking a walk on the wild side

all in aid of Sport Relief.

So let's get on with it. It's time to meet our first team.

APPLAUSE

Team captain Danny for Team Danny.

-Hello, Dan.

-Hiya, Gabs.

Right, tell everybody about gorgeous Bingo here.

Well, he's got a good heart but he's got a brain the size of a peanut.

LAUGHTER

And when he eats, food falls out of his mouth and he's no good at tricks,

but he's 12-and-a-half now, 12-and-a-half years old.

Oh, so he's the oldest dog of this competition?

He's very clumsy but he don't chase balls, not interested in that.

Do you want to sit down and watch everybody else then?

That's exactly what he's going to do. That's probably what he will do.

Oh, Bingo, you're absolutely gorgeous.

-Big round of applause for Bingo and Dan.

-Thank you.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Hello, Amy. Now, tell us all about Usha.

-This is Usha.

He's a demo dog for Dogs For The Disabled

and he goes round demonstrating the work that we do

with our four services,

helping people with physical disabilities

and helping children with autism.

He'll retrieve anything you drop, things out of the washing machine,

so he's quite handy at home.

Do you want to come and move in with me?

Thank you very much, Amy and Usha.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Hello, Chas.

-Hi, Gaby.

-Tell us about lovely Jazz.

Jazz is an English springer spaniel, five years old.

Completely tennis-ball obsessed. Family pet.

She loves water, loves chasing things.

Now, you're going to be running the Sport Relief Mile, aren't you?

Yes, with my daughter and with Jazz.

All for Sport Relief, which is wonderful.

Let's hear it for Team Danny.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-So, team captain Mark for Team Mark.

-Hello.

I'm sorry, I'm staring at this. Are you OK to do this whole show?

This was a tobogganing incident looking for Father Christmas

with my daughter, so nothing too dramatic. No, we're ready to go.

-Tell us all about lovely Flossy.

-So, Flossy is a Tibetan terrier.

She is mildly bonkers so she doesn't do a great deal of stuff,

but she is keen, I think.

And you're completely in love with her.

You talk about Flossy all the time.

Let's hear it for team captain Mark and Flossy!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, Claire and Doyle.

Now, tell us about the amazing work that Doyle does.

So, Doyle's a demo dog for Canine Partners,

so we train assistance dogs for people with physical disabilities,

so cerebral palsy, MS, spinal injuries,

as well as Help For Heroes.

He can pick up things as small as a coin, up to a crutch,

-press lift buttons.

-He can pick up a coin?

Yeah, he can pick it up and put it in a collecting tin for you.

-I have a coin.

-If you drop it on the floor.

-Just there.

-OK, get it.

-Good boy. Thank you. Give. Good boy.

-Wow.

APPLAUSE

Doyle! You can keep the coin.

Thank you very much.

-OK, Debbie, hello.

-Hi.

And this is Willy. Hello, Willy. Hello, Willy.

WILLY SNORTS

Oh, yes, very excited, yes. Tell us about Willy, please.

Willy is six, and not really sure of his breeding.

He's kind of a scruffy terrier-type.

I love him.

He's completely over the top and exuberant, quite excitable

-and full of the joys of spring.

-I think you're lovely.

Thank you very much. Let's hear it for Team Mark.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK, let's introduce the first game.

Chas and Jazz will be playing for Team Danny

and Debbie and Willy will be playing for Team Mark,

so let's play Message In A Bottle.

APPLAUSE

So, the handler will throw a bottle in the water,

inside of which is a number.

The dog will then leap into the water, carry it back to his owner,

who will use the number to complete a well-known phrase.

The team that completes the phrase in the fastest time

will be the winner.

Now, we flipped a coin to see who's going first,

-so, Debbie and Willy, off you go. Desperate to play.

-He really is.

Absolutely desperate to play.

And now we can say hello to our resident canine water expert.

Give us a wave, Dave.

Give it some welly, Ellie.

APPLAUSE

Right, let's get this show on the road - or in the pool.

Good luck, Debbie. All right.

On your barks, get set, go!

-COMMENTATOR:

-So, up first it's Willy, our terrier cross,

who Debbie describes as very wilful.

A big fan of the water, apparently,

especially on walks when he heads straight for the pond.

Good boy. Come on.

Good boy. Come on, then.

-Come here.

-Go on, all the way up, Willy!

Oh, no, Willy's lost his bottle.

He needs to get it up the ramp or Debbie will have to throw it again.

No, they'll have to try for that one later,

but Willy does need to make sure he brings this one all the way back.

Remember, they need to get all the bottles back in the quickest time.

Willy, where are you going?

Ellie, just giving little Willy a hand up the ramp.

He's getting a bit too excited.

He doesn't know what to do with himself.

Bottle, no water, no bottle, water.

APPLAUSE

OK, let's try again with number four bottle.

No, he's having none of that.

Maybe he prefers number three?

Yeah, well done, Willy.

Now, let's get you up the ramp.

Nearly there.

Come on. Come here.

-Yeah, that'll do.

-Oh, Willy!

Go, get it. Go on.

OK, come on, Willy. Concentrate now.

Willy?!

LAUGHTER

Oh, what is wrong with number four?

Just when we thought number four was going to find its way home,

Willy changed his mind AGAIN.

MARK: What's that? Seven colours of the rainbow? Top one, Debs.

-Thank you.

-Top one. I think you're on a roll.

Willy's watching very carefully.

Go fetch, Willy. Go, go, go!

It's the moment of truth. Is he going to bring it back?

-Yeah, well done, Willy.

-Go on, Willy.

-Go on, Willy!

-Go on, Willy!

Yay!

After all that fuss, the bottle that Willy didn't want to fetch

is the bottle he couldn't bear to let go of. Dogs, eh?

APPLAUSE

Well done, you two. Well done, Willy.

-Your time was two minutes 36 seconds.

-Oh, dear.

No, well done, well done.

-OK, so you know the time you have to beat, Chas and Jazz?

-Yep.

On your barks, get set, go!

-COMMENTATOR:

-Here comes Jazz, the springer spaniel, and a great start.

She's straight in.

Apparently, Jazz likes nothing better than a muddy puddle.

Let's just hope she doesn't jump into them like this.

Straight back in for bottle number two. No messing around like Willy.

Jazz clearly means business.

A nice little shake from Jazz as she limbers up for the next one.

Oh, a bit of a splash in the face for Ellie there.

Oh, no, she swerved it.

Oh, no, she's coming back.

Ah, good one, Jazz.

For a minute there, I thought she was doing a Willy but, thankfully,

she came to her senses.

Now, this is the final bottle for Jazz.

I think this could be a good time for Team Danny.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Some impressive action from Jazz,

but has she done enough to take the first point?

-Congratulations. Now, do you want to know what your time was?

-Go on.

One minute 30 seconds.

Congratulations.

So that means the first round goes to Team Danny.

Yeah! Nothing can go wrong now.

Now, this show isn't all about running, jumping and getting wet,

sometimes it's about standing still and getting dry.

It's Willy and Jazz doing the Wet Dog Shaggy Shake!

# Shake your groove thing Shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah

# Show 'em how we do it now

# Shake your groove thing Shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah

# Show 'em how we do it now. #

On this show the dogs come first

and we have five highly skilled experts to look after them.

Reena Patel is our resident vet

and senior clinician at her local practice.

Roy Dyer is our canine consultant.

He's been training dogs for over 50 years.

Kristina Glover is a veterinary-approved

pet behaviour counsellor.

David Pugh trains dogs to swim and save lives

and alongside him

is his apprentice Ellie Bedford.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right, now it's back to the competition.

This is a game for our celebrity team captains

and their four-legged friends.

In front of them will be these three spots, marked A, B and C.

We're going to play them three animal sounds each,

which they must identify.

To make it easier, I'm going to offer them

three possible answers to choose from.

The celebrity team captain has ten seconds

to place their dog on the correct blue spot

and return to their original position here on the red spot.

For their answers to be counted,

both dog and celebrity must not leave their spots

until the ten seconds are up and they hear this sound.

BELL CHIMES

Let's get ready to answer the Call Of Nature.

APPLAUSE

OK, Danny and Bingo are now in position.

On your barks, get set, go!

Whose call of nature is this?

MEAOWING

DANNY LAUGHS

A) Mouse? B) Cat? C) Fox?

Right, Bingo, come here.

-COMMENTATOR:

-So, Danny is going for cat for his answer.

Now he just needs to get Bingo to stay.

You've got four seconds to get back to your red spot, Dan.

BUZZER

BINGO BARKS

Don't argue, don't argue, don't argue, don't argue.

You two weren't on your correct spots. Let's try again.

BINGO BARKS Don't argue with me!

Whose call of nature is this?

BLEATING

Is it, A) Goat? B) Llama? C) Hippo?

OK, right.

-COMMENTATOR:

-So Danny's gone for goat this time,

but is Bingo going to stay?

-Shut up.

-You've got five seconds, Dan.

-Stay there! I'm commanding you.

BUZZER

You had the correct answer,

but Bingo wasn't in the right place again.

Last one, then.

Whose call of nature is this?

BELLOWING

I'm making that noise internally right now.

LAUGHTER

A) Bull? B) Donkey? C) Moose?

Well, let's have a go at this. Bingo.

-Sit down there, Bings. Stay, stay, stay.

-Ooh, ooh!

-Stay, stay, stay, stay.

-Quickly, ding the ding!

BELL DINGS

-COMMENTATOR:

-Correct answer. It was a bull, and Bingo stayed put.

Now, according to our animal expert Roy,

if you shout at a dog when it barks, it thinks you're joining in.

I think someone should tell Danny(!)

I think, without a doubt,

Bingo just stole everyone's heart.

Congratulations, because you scored one point.

APPLAUSE

So, Mark, you know what you and Flossy have to do?

Ah, I didn't see that coming.

-OK, here we go.

-OK.

Whose call of nature is this?

SQUAWKING

A) Chimps? B) Frog? C) Cricket?

-COMMENTATOR:

-So, time for Mark and Flossy.

He's going for chimps, but will Flossy stay put?

That snack might help.

-Is that allowed?

-Yes.

-Sit, sit.

-Oh!

Oh, it backfired.

-BUZZER

-Too bad, Mark.

Here we go. Whose call of nature is this?

GROWLING

Ah, got it, yes.

A) Camel? B) Bear? C) Walrus?

OK, he reckons camel,

and it looks like he's going for more chicken as well.

Five seconds.

Please, Flossy, please!

BELL RINGS

-Yes!

-It does feel a little bit like cheating.

I don't feel honourable doing that.

DANNY: But you'll take the win.

Whose call of nature is this?

TRUMPETING

A) Hippo? B) Elephant? C) Bull?

-Go, Flossy.

-No food.

OK, he's gone for elephant.

Will it be right and will Flossy stay on her own?

Stay, stay, stay.

Yes!

APPLAUSE

Really? Really?

So Mark bribed Flossy with chicken,

but it turns out she could do it all on her own anyway.

Congratulations to you guys.

Fabulous effort from both teams on their cheating,

but it's Team Mark who take the second round.

-Well done.

-I don't feel good about that at all.

APPLAUSE

So, at the end of all that, both teams are level pegging

with one game each.

As you all know,

the reason we are here tonight is to support Sport Relief.

Your donations make a real difference to the lives of people

all across the UK and around the world.

Kimberley Walsh travelled to Uganda to see one project

funded by Sport Relief cash.

Domestic violence is one of the most widespread

human-rights abuses in the world.

This area shows that things can change.

MIFUMI helps protect the rights of women and girls

through counselling, education and small business loans.

Ah, Betty!

'You wouldn't know it now,

'but Betty spent years trapped in a violent marriage.'

Nice to meet you.

Really, OK?

With MIFUMI's help, Betty was able to get the support she needed

to start a new life, free from violence.

Now she has some livestock, including six very strong goats.

I'm literally having to use all the strength I've got.

I think Betty's story really shows that,

by tackling domestic violence,

women stand a much better chance

of breaking the cycle of poverty altogether.

Thank you so much.

Your money is going to help change lives in the UK

and all over the world.

Please do text if you can. We really appreciate it. Thank you so much.

Right, no time to rest as we push straight on with our third game.

Claire has got her dog Doyle and Amy has got her dog Usha.

This game showcases the tremendous work

assistance dogs do for the people who rely on them.

In a race to clock the fastest time,

these two dogs will be performing just a few of their daily jobs

as they rattle through this course.

This is when you really should take note

and marvel at what our canine friends can achieve.

So, Claire and Doyle, please take your positions

as we play Dogsbodies.

APPLAUSE

On your barks, get set, go!

-COMMENTATOR:

-Now, each of our assistance dogs

need to complete a series of chores in the fastest time.

Doyle's taken off Claire's glove

and now he's got to open and load the washing machine.

Get it. Yes, good boy. Push.

OK, come here.

Now, apparently Doyle does have a bit of thing

for chewing socks and pants,

so Claire normally does this job at home herself.

Shut it.

Yes, good boy. OK.

Now he's going to open the door for Claire.

You can see how much more independence these dogs can bring

to less able-bodied people in their own home.

They are such an asset.

Yes, good boy. Ready?

OK, where's the phone?

He can even pick up the phone and bring it to you.

Yes, good lad.

-Well done, Doyle.

-Let's go.

Good boy.

Give. Yeah, good boy. Sit.

Oh, my goodness me.

APPLAUSE

Wow, that was just amazing. Such an inspirational and skilful dog.

Just don't let him anywhere near your pants(!)

I can tell you that your time was one minute and one second,

so, many congratulations.

-OK, are you ready to go?

-Yeah.

On your barks, get set, go.

Usha's turn.

Both Doyle and Usha are demonstration dogs,

so they live at home with their owners.

Good lad. Thank you.

And Amy reckons Usha is more useful around the house than her husband.

Ready. Load it.

Load it. Good lad. Come round.

Push. Push.

Good boy. Come along.

Ready.

Here's Usha being a real gent and getting the door for Amy.

Good lad. Ready? Up and push.

Up and push. Push. Good lad.

-Using his front paws for the switch on that one.

-Come along. Ready.

Usha. Good lad. Thank you.

Ready. Phone.

And getting the phone. Shame he can't answer it as well.

Come along. Good lad. Ready?

Pull-pull. Do pull-pull.

Do pull-pull. Good lad. Well done.

A wonderful display of skill and agility from Usha.

He certainly pushed all the right buttons in that round.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Many congratulations, Amy and Usha.

So the time to beat was one minute and one second.

And you did it in one minute

and one second.

Absolutely incredible. So that means we have a tie-break situation.

Now you both have your squeakers there.

I'm going to read a question and give you three possible answers.

Which breed of dog was known during the Regency period

as the carriage dog? Was it -

A) Greyhound? B) Dalmatian? C) West Highland white terrier?

-Yes?

-B. Dalmatian.

B, Dalmatian. You're correct. Congratulations. You get that point.

APPLAUSE

At the end of that round, Team Danny leads by two games to one.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And that 2-1 lead of theirs will earn them

a very handy time advantage in the final deciding game.

Brace yourself, folks, it's time for The Bark Off.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now this is a relay race. The course will be completed one dog at a time.

If an obstacle is refused or incorrectly cleared,

they'll hear this sound.

BUZZER

They will only get two attempts at each obstacle

and they cannot move on until they hear this sound.

BELL CHIMES

The team that completes the course in the fastest time

will take overall victory

and be in with a chance of going through to the grand final.

Team Mark have the pressure of going first

and, because they're lagging behind,

they'll be starting their run

with 15 seconds already added to the clock.

Let's play The Bark Off.

APPLAUSE

Are you ready? On you barks, get set, go.

-COMMENTATOR:

-It's Willy first for Team Mark.

He has done a few agility courses before,

but strictly for fun, apparently.

I think that Willy might just be the happiest-looking dog

I've seen on Tower Bridge.

Through Barking Tube.

On to the Magic Roundabout, but can this dog sit still?

BELL RINGS

It seems he can. Well done, Willy.

Now Willy through the tunnel.

So, out of the tunnel.

Willy can't wait to get up over Mount Snowdon.

Oh, look!

Without a doubt, this is still one of my favourite bits of the course.

-Willy just skips through it.

-Sit.

-OK, it's ferry time.

-Wait.

-Now, he sat still earlier.

Will this little bundle make it across the Mersey?

-Good boy!

-Well done, Willy.

Over Hadrian's Wall and the Forth Bridge

and he's home.

OK, next up is our assistance demo dog Doyle.

MARK: You're on a roll, Doyle.

Doyle is a retriever-poodle cross,

so he's a pretty big ball of curly hair.

A tight squeeze through the tunnel for these two

and an easy hike over Mount Snowdon.

Oh, wow!

You know, even for a big dog,

Doyle makes really light work

of the weave at the County Down Golf Course.

Great time so far for Team Mark.

Let's see how Flossy gets on.

-Oh, you're on a roll, Flossy.

-So far so good.

BUZZER

Oh, a miss at Stonehenge.

I love the way they gave YOU the sound that you did it incorrectly.

Yeah, promise of some food and she makes it over.

You know you love Tower Bridge. Here we go, Floss. Your favourite sausage.

She's on a roll now, flying at high speed.

The temptation of that sausage seems to be doing the trick.

Yes, sit down, Flossy.

-On to the sit-and-stay at Swindon.

-You're a genius dog.

BELL CHIMES

-OK, on to the next jump, Mark.

-What?

-The next jump.

Wow, a super jump from Mark over Sherwood Forest.

They say dogs look like their owners, but in this case,

they certainly jump like them.

Oh, a Tibetan terrier on Mount Snowdon chasing bits of sausage.

Now you don't see that every day.

-On to the ferry.

-Bit of chicken in here.

You just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Yeah, looks like it was sausage for starters

and chicken for the main course.

Look at the sights.

Made it!

-OK, just the final jumps to clear.

-This one, Floss, and this one.

We're on a roll now, Floss.

And she's finished!

A lip-smacking round for Flossy and Mark, but will it be fast enough?

You did very, very well indeed. Your time was five minutes, 44 seconds.

-Ooh, it's tough.

-Well done, well done.

So you know what you have to beat. On your barks, get set, go.

So Chas and Jazz kicking things off for Team Danny.

Well done, Chas. That was a sideways jump.

-That's it.

-A real scramble over Tower Bridge from the spaniel.

Chasing the ball through Barking.

These two are going to be doing the Sport Relief Mile together

-and I think Jazz is going to wear Chas out.

-Up and down the mountain.

Now, they can choose either County Down Golf Course

or Giant's Causeway, and they've opted for the Causeway.

On to the ferry.

Chas using the command "in your bed" to fool Jazz into thinking

it's time for a sleep.

Oh, doesn't look like he's falling for it, though.

Good dog. Oh, yes!

Despite clocking that it wasn't really bedtime,

Jazz managed to stay in long enough to cross the Mersey.

Yes, off you go, your turn.

Now we've already seen what a skilled dog Usha is,

so I'm guessing this could be a clean round for him.

Good. Nice and steady.

Good. Nice and steady. Good boy.

Yes, he might be a highly skilled dog,

but he still loves nothing more than a little treat.

Ready? Go on. Getting kissed in the face.

And a nice kiss for Amy. Lucky girl.

Over Mount Snowdon, on to the golf course.

Ready? Weave, weave.

Weave, weave, weave.

A little slip up from Usha,

but I think they're still on for a good time.

-Stay.

-Now how will Usha fare with the ferry ride?

Very well, apparently. I'm not sure he's even noticed he's moving.

Good job. Come on.

Ready, ready, over. Ready, ready, ready, over.

Ah, good strong finish from Amy and Usha, and here come the big guns.

It's Danny and Bingo. Stand by for the arguments.

Come on. No, no, round here, round here.

Come on, Bing.

Let's not forget that Bingo is 12 years old

so he is allowed to be a bit argumentative.

-On to the sit-and-stay.

-Come here.

On there. Listen to your master's voice. There! Heel! Seize him!

No, he's not listening, Danny.

-Yes, over the jump.

-Over here. Come on, Bingo. Yes!

-Through the tunnel. Both go through there.

-Here we go, Bing.

Come on, Bing. Here we go. Here we go, Bing. Here we go.

BING BARKS

-There we go, Bing.

-He's still not listening, Danny.

Come on, Bing. Here we go.

Here we go, Bing. Here we go.

Yes!

APPLAUSE

It took some gentle persuading but, in the end, Bingo gives in.

-Giant's Causeway.

-On to Giant's Causeway.

-All he has to do is walk across.

-Bingo, stop enjoying yourself.

Concentrate.

BUZZER

Well, I'm afraid we'll have to leave that.

Yeah, Bingo's not really keen on our course.

I reckon he'd rather be at home in front of the fire.

Here we go, Bing. And another one. You're good at these.

-That's it. You're good at that.

-And then through there.

Bingo, come on.

Follow me through there. Come on, Bingo.

Shut up. That's enough.

Now do this once.

Oh, give up!

Well done, Bingo!

Yes, Danny tried his best to show Bingo the way but, in the end,

the only way he went was his own.

Well, well done, and well done to Bingo.

I don't know who looks more exhausted, Bingo or Danny.

You have a sit-down, Danny. OK, the time to beat was five minutes 44.

And you did it in five minutes...

-22.

-Oh!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But was it fast enough to qualify for the semifinals?

-Your time of five minutes 22 puts you in 12th position.

-Yes!

I thought it said first.

So not quite fast enough, I'm afraid, to break into our top four.

Our semi-finalists are confirmed now

as Team Sally, Team Gail,

Team Louise and Team Jenny.

Now remember, if you want to take part

in all the Sport Relief fun and games,

then please sign up for an event near you.

You can find all the details, fundraising ideas,

and Sport Relief treats at:

Thanks to all our dogs and owners for taking part

and thank you for watching.

See you tomorrow for our first semifinal. Good night.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE