As Lord Sugar prepares to announce his new business partner in The Apprentice, comedian and frustrated fan Dara O Briain shares his theories on how to become a winning candidate.
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THIS PROGRAMME CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE
Everybody who watches The Apprentice thinks they can do better. I'm convinced I know what it takes,
so tonight you're all going to get the world premiere of my seminar,
How To Get Hired.
It's a ten-step programme to getting that £250,000 deal.
Think you know what it takes to win the next Apprentice?
It's not about getting a six-figure-salary job with me.
It's going to be about you providing your own salary.
Have you ever wondered how to walk across that bridge?
We can do it. Let's go!
How to run around and sell things at the same time?
I'm not the person you should be bringing in.
And how to use mind games in the board room?
Well, I've got all the answers.
I'm going to inject £250,000 into a business - your business, and you're going to run it.
Nobody's ever taught ME how to run a business.
I was once trained by Al Gore, and personally taught by Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama.
I've never sold anything to anyone.
I've turned over a million pounds from nothing. I'm a born businessman.
And I'm not made of metal.
Underneath these glasses is a core of steel.
But I still think I can teach anyone how to win The Apprentice.
Hello and welcome to How To Get Hired.
With the final of this year's Apprentice on Sunday,
I'll be giving you the ten secret business rules you'll need
to get through this process a winner,
illustrated by the excellent work done by this year's candidates.
So why don't we start off with our first rule - sell yourself.
'First impressions are crucial on The Apprentice.
'As you drag your wheelie suitcase around,
'you should be thinking about the persona you want to give across.
'Before you know it, you've got to sell yourself.'
Why should I win? I'm pretty bloody amazing.
When I go to the toilet, diamonds come out.
I mean proper, shiny diamonds. And diamonds hurt.
When I play five-a-side football,
there's only one person on my team - and that's me.
And I still win. I'm not better than sliced bread.
I AM sliced bread. If you put butter on me,
I will make you a money sandwich. Yum-yum-yum!
'I'm best of breed within my industry.'
I've got plenty of charisma, and, yeah - I'm not bad-looking!
I'm one of a kind.
I love challenging myself. I like stretching myself to the ultimate,
and I seek out pain rather than pleasure.
I take cut-throat ruthless to a completely new level.
'The only focus for me is myself. I am cold and hard.'
I am unstoppable.
I'm not what you'd class as a polished woman.
I work in building construction. I'm not even used to wearing skirts.
The first place you'll meet your fellow candidates
will be crossing the bridge. You know the bridge.
It's the bridge that everyone who comes to London has to come over.
It's the only bridge in London! That's how you get into London.
If you're in Not London, you have to go across this bridge
to get into... We all know this. Anyway, this is the bridge.
You should take this opportunity to have a little chat
and really psych them out.
You can carry on your conversation at the office
while you're waiting to see Lord Sugar.
You can go through to the boardroom now.
Then it's time to stop all this nattering and meet the boss.
He'll make sure to give you a warm welcome on your first day.
Don't expect me to be doing all the work,
because I'm not looking for a sleeping partner, so to speak.
I'm not Saint Alan, the patron saint of bloody losers. Yeah?
The only way to give him a good first impression -
agree with everything he says.
-Yes, Lord Sugar.
Before long he'll set you a task and send you on your way.
I'll see you back in this boardroom in a day or so's time.
It'll take results to impress Lord Sugar,
but it's easier to impress your colleagues.
I run a global consultancy business.
I own my own business selling glasses online.
I have a business as well.
What do I do? I'm a sales-manager-cum-sales-director
for, er... It's the shoes, isn't it? For a software house.
You only get one chance to make a good first impression.
I'm a humble accountant really. Can't say much more than that.
-We all need you at some point.
You could start your own accountancy practice.
Yeah. I'd rather not.
Don't mark yourself down.
You'll need a lot of confidence to survive here.
There's "app"-roximately 12 hours to get this app done.
Are we fast "app"-roaching where we need to be?
THEY LAUGH This is "app"-solutely...
I was just about to come out with that.
Did you have an "app"-le?
OK, let's move on. Rule two is, get on well with your colleagues.
Next stop, the house.
The reason it's good to get on well with your colleagues
is that living together becomes much more fun.
Oh, my goodness me!
It's one big sleepover, really, where you get to share bedrooms,
-wear each other's clothes...
-Can't find my underwear.
..and act like one big happy family.
This is something The Apprentice doesn't get enough credit for.
Housing employees together is one of the exciting business initiatives
The Apprentice is involved in. It has many advantages -
the coordinated commute, low levels of absenteeism
and people calling in sick, and there's a unity of purpose about it.
As well as that, just as the last time they tried it in Stalinist Russia,
it's extremely good for morale.
On a personal level, if I can be honest,
I really don't like Zoe. She's...
one of the bitchiest and most backstabbing people I've ever met.
See? Happy workers in the commune, eh?
Happy workers make good product. That's the easy start.
Then the pace starts quickening because the tasks begin.
The first thing you've got to do is pick your leader.
Being a leader does sound great,
but rule three is - leadership? Be careful what you wish for.
I think you'll agree, I'll lead on this one.
People are always pretty keen to be project manager.
I'll also put myself up for the task.
I really want to put myself forward. This is right up my street.
But I've no idea why.
-You'll do it?
-I'll do it.
The team leader here was Edward, is that right?
-Yes, Lord Sugar.
Yes - five project managers fired in this series alone.
Don't be so quick to take the risk -
unless, of course, you've key skills you'd like to share.
I'd like to step up, put myself forward.
And what are your reasons?
Good question to ask. What relevant skills DO you have?
I think it'll be good for Lord Sugar to see I've taken on his notes
and wanted to become project manager to prove him wrong.
You see, that's not relevant.
No offence, but I'm not interested in that.
I'd like to be PM for this task because I haven't been PM since task one.
That's not going to end well.
Yes, being decisive is often great leadership.
It shows you have brains, and the one thing Lord Sugar is looking for
is someone who's got a brain.
I'm not looking for bloody salespeople.
I'm looking for someone who's got a brain.
The first way to prove that you have one -
come up with a plan.
I just want to go on things that we are going to be able to make
efficient, quickly, well,
and my input is soup, cos you can't get it wrong.
If you have a plan, stick with it. There's no need to listen to your team.
As PM, I want to go with soup and some kind of juice, and -
Does anyone actually know how to make soup?
Interruptions like this are unhelpful to the leader.
I feel comfortable with lads' mag.
It's just got that element of fun. Porn sells.
Your opinion as leader should be honoured.
The point of this task is to get the most revenue from the advertiser.
Over-60s is going to give us that.
Telling your team what to do will gain you more respect.
I'm going to make a decision, and I'm going to go for lads' mags.
Right. So let's get moving.
If you're not keen on looking assertive,
do it on the sly.
'I can take their hearts, their minds.'
I'm good at making them do what I want them to do.
OK, let's see a case of that in action.
Take, for example, Susan. All right?
And we can see how Susan was manipulated by Jim.
I was thinking of going for the lads' magazine.
I'm leaning towards over-60s.
If we were to pitch an over-60s magazine, I don't know how seriously they'd take us.
I want people's genuine support.
What? You want to share the blame if things go wrong?
I don't feel that we're representative, obviously,
-of the over-60s group.
-I'm not the type to steamroll.
I want something people can feel involved in.
Yeah, but you'd let other people do the steamrolling for you.
-What do you think?
-I think the over-60s will challenge us,
but I think that it can generate more revenue per page.
-I think we should go with the over-60s.
Now that the others have backed him up, what are you going to do?
Are you strongly opposed to over-60?
I'm 100 percent behind over-60s as well.
"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I am the puppet master!"
"Ah, ha-ha-ha, ha-ha!"
Why doesn't he have a Northern Ireland accent?
Trying to nail anything on Jim
is a bit like trying to nail a jelly to a wall.
Actually, Nick, it turns out it's very easy to nail a jelly to a wall.
Any other bright ideas?
I want all your ideas. Don't be concerned about your ideas
because they're a bit bold. I want to hear them.
As the leader, you need to eke good ideas out of your team.
Let's sketch hats.
Bubble paper that you squeeze, and it crackles.
-Any time someone sees bubble paper, you want to pop it.
You should let everyone have their say.
It will tell you the temperature in London of this day exactly a year ago.
Um, a traffic light...
I didn't really think it through much more than that.
No idea is a bad idea. You have to hear everybody out.
OK. I just thought of this.
I think it's a brilliant idea. Imagine if you've got two people
standing next to each other, and you've got, um...
OK. How does it... So you're you and I'm me,
and I say, "OK," um...
If I ask you a question, like, um... "Where do you think we are?"
and I say, "You know what? I'm going to ask my phone
-where we are right now."
-It sounds a bit complicated.
And you type the answer. What it actually shows up is,
"Bob, here is my question"...
I'm going to stop you now, because we've spent enough time on that idea.
God, I hope that's Susan's actual business plan.
Er, to be a good leader,
it sometimes pays to listen to your team.
Sometimes you have to use other people's ideas.
Just try not to use a really famous other people's idea.
I thought we could have some sort of advert
where you've got the old-school Labrador that everybody loves,
you've got the pug. They don't like each other too much,
but by the end of it they become pals,
and that would be the name of the brand - Pals.
It's the second-biggest dog food in the world.
That's not the first time the candidates have shown a disturbing lack of basic knowledge.
Are the French eco-friendly? Do the French go camping?
Are the French very fond of their children?
I know nothing about the French or their culture.
Do a lot of people drive in France?
I mean, who would have guessed
that the French liked cars?
The good thing is that, if you don't know anything about the French,
Lord Sugar will give you a way to find out,
and that's an important lesson - know your market.
I'd like to know if the child's rucksack and car seat
is something that the pitch tomorrow would purchase or not.
-And you prefer that over the teapots?
Market research, performed excellently here by Melody.
SHE SPEAKS FRENCH
This is not the answer she wants, so she wisely asks someone else.
She just interprets the answers to back up her own agenda.
People thought the car seat may not be a good idea for the mass market
because they don't use cars very much.
Thank you for coming in. We've just shown some footage of market research being done.
-Did you enjoy watching it?
You enjoyed it? That's a thumbs-up to market-research footage?
And you feel that it was moving the show along?
-Yeah. It was really helpful.
-Fine. I'm going to write that down.
But if we had a choice of that or focus groups,
-which would you be more interested in seeing?
OK, fine. That's interesting. We can probably make that happen.
-DOG BARKS AND SNARLS
-Ted, pack it up.
Chill out, would you?
Just like the public in the street, focus groups might not tell you
-what you want to hear.
-So, who votes for the hearts biscuit?
-But don't worry.
They, too, can be easily ignored.
We had a fantastic focus group, and they said the hearts were good.
I think hearts are the worst thing to do,
and I'm sorry, Melody, but I'm going to eliminate that straight up.
"Sorry. They thought the hearts were much better than any other shape."
You could blame a focus group's difference of opinion on old age.
I suggest we move on to the name of the magazine.
-They're all horrible.
-They're all horrible? OK.
If you're young, you'll know much better.
"For the old-looking young-hearted." I don't know. Yeah.
What about "Life's Too Short"? SHE LAUGHS
The Old Boot?
The Old Soak? Or The Old...
The statement "I want to see more footage of focus groups" -
would you agree or strongly agree?
The statement is, "I would like to watch more footage of focus groups."
-Strongly agree. OK, fine.
That's really interesting. Thank you very much.
Well, we can probably do that for you.
Certainly don't let a qualified professional like a vet change your mind.
Do you buy the same dog food for all the dogs that you have?
No, and the reason you don't feed the same food to everybody
is that you have size differences, breed differences,
and to pack all that into one tin is almost impossible.
-"We've come up with..."
-For every day, there's Every Dog.
-Every Dog, yeah?
-Like, every cat, every animal,
every whatever you want. It's brilliant.
And don't listen to students! No reason. Don't.
What we're doing is, we're creating a new, free lads' mag.
I wouldn't want to give it that brand.
What we're all saying is, raise the tone of the whole thing.
I'm thinking "dirty secretary".
Is it fitting into our target audience,
as we'd sort of established from the focus group?
Yeah, but we need to bear in mind that our focus group was quite focussed.
The only people you can rely on are five-year-olds.
You could put bright-coloured stars on the sides of the packets.
Like shooting stars. They'd come out at you in 3D.
Shooting stars? I'll take credit for that one.
-I'm only joking. I'm only joking.
-Moral of the day...
-We are back in business here.
-You have got yourself an order for 800,000 units.
..it pays to steal from children.
Unbelievable! I've never seen anything like that.
That is a launch of a mega product. They must have loved this product.
And if you don't listen to your focus group,
-you'll just end up looking like a fool.
Here we go. "Work hard, play hard" is our unique selling point.
Let's face it, lots of guys like to get a bit of dollar in their pocket
to impress the ladies, yeah?
So we feature in our lads' magazine, "How do you blow your load?"
-How do you think advertisers will feel about...
I think... It's a lads' magazine.
Our advice would probably be to tone that down.
When you're face-to-face with professionals, you have to act
like you know what you're doing. It's an important business lesson -
never let on you're an amateur.
If you want to work with Lord Sugar, you need to prove you can make it
in the big boys' world. This isn't just about taking photos
with your phone or measuring things with a paper ruler.
No. It's a professional enterprise,
where your work's aided by microphones...
-That's a really good one.
-Really like that one, Jim.
..and whizzy computers.
Does it look premium to you?
-Do you want me to, um...
All right, forget the girls. The point is
that Lord Sugar doesn't want to hear that you've been larking around like an amateur.
Stop it! Stop it!
OK, guys, stop it now. This is real...
We need to win this task. For the purpose of this task,
I'm now focussing. OK.
Being professional involves not offending people.
This is Lola, and she's a Sphinx cat.
It has some bearings a bit like a chicken.
It's not very...
We'll have to look at some more.
It involves pretending that you care
and sounding like you know what you're doing.
Can you have the dog on all fours?
-Standing up, you mean?
The more complicated the terminology...
-That looks absolutely revolting.
-I think that's good.
..the more professional you'll appear.
Can we do it with the open legs, please?
Sometimes your one-to-one with real professionals
will be because you want their business.
That's when the stakes get really high. This is the all-important pitch.
The decision of who should do a pitch
should be taken very seriously.
We've got a fantastic hat that we need to sell.
This is what Melody does for a living.
I work in the youth sector, so I'm used to giving presentations
to 3,000 young people at a time, just like that, you know?
That's what I do for a living. I've been doing it for 13 years.
You should carefully decide who best represents your brand.
The person who I would like to do the presentation at the trade fair
would be myself.
These are important clients. Show off your knowledge of their company.
I understand that Pocket-lint has 37,000 unique visitors a month.
That's extremely impressive. That's why we're here.
We actually have 1.7 million visitors.
-Considerably larger than 37,000.
Remember, Lord Sugar sends you to the big companies,
not the little ones.
I would like to know le numero de quantite.
Les numeros de quantite is very reasonable,
so we'd consider as low as ten units.
'La Redoute is one of the most formidable commercial organisations in France.'
Ten units? For La Redoute?
Let's talk about shopping. It seems simple, but every year,
this causes heartbreak, so we'll give it a rule all of its own.
Shopping is easy when you know how. First, though, a master class.
'Like me, you probably learned how to go shopping as a child.
'If you didn't, this is how it works.
'You walk into a shop and you ask for what you want.'
Hello. I'd like 15 penny sweets if I could, please.
-Thank you. Five of these, yeah?
-Yeah, please. That'll be great.
'You get out your money and you pay.'
-How much is that?
-15 pence only, please.
I've got ten pence.
-So what can you do for me?
-Er, yeah. 15 pence.
OK. I made a... I've got ten pence now.
-We can walk away, deal done.
-No, it's 15.
I'll go to 11 pence. I really am under a lot of pressure here.
-I've got a brilliant idea. Let's shake and settle at 12 pence.
12 pence for you, me. We're happy. We shake hands.
No. OK. 14. 14 pence. High as I can go.
That is absolutely my top offer, is 14... 15. 15 pence.
-Is that a deal? 15 pence?
Fantastic. There's your 15 pence. That's fantastic. What a deal!
Pleasure doing business with you. See? That's how you make a deal.
The only way you can haggle properly is if you know how much the product is worth
before you go into the shop. This is not a guessing game.
Whatever price they say, I want you to just shoot really, really low
-and just say...
-No. Just say, like, a fiver.
-That is priced at 365.
-So much higher than we expected!
Why don't we meet halfway? 9.25. It's 25p. Come on.
Ten metres will be...
I'm trying to be helpful to you. 9.50 is the bottom line.
It's for a very important client.
How would that make a difference to me?
Remember, markets are a good place for haggling.
-I think you're happy enough with it. There's 40 quid.
-Go on, then.
-Even just go down by one penny?
-I'll give you the penny.
Yeah? Right! Oh, perfect! Thank you so much!
-I'll give you £349.99.
-Can we shake on that?
It's more complex if you don't even know where you're supposed to go to buy the things.
I mean, very rarely will the list just say "some boots"...
..or a lamb rogan josh...
..or some horseshoes.
Because of the name of your business,
is there somewhere we would get a top hat from?
Not round here, no. Especially not from Top Hat Dry Cleaners.
Of course. Yeah.
Shopping's even harder if you don't know what the item is.
I'm trying to find a ten-inch cloche. Does that mean anything to you?
I mean, who doesn't know what a cloche is, for God's sake?
-Hey! Can I have my usual, please?
-Yeah, no problems.
I don't know how I go through so many of these. Stick it on my tab.
-"Cloche is French for bell."
-Maybe it's a bell.
Where might we find a ten-inch bell in Central London?
Now you're thinking, Tom! You're asking the smart questions.
Where would you find a bell in London?
Knowing you lot, you'd have come here.
Hello. Have you got a bell? Surely you've got a bell here.
Lord Sugar isn't looking for bloody salespeople.
He's looking for someone with a brain.
However, to confuse things, he is also looking for salespeople.
Which brings us on to the next rule, which is - right! Sell something.
We've got wallets, umbrellas, nodding dogs!
The first, most basic, method - shout.
I'm here for a good time, not for a long time!
New technology can make this technique more effective.
Come on! Roll up, roll up!
Now you don't even have to be face-to-face to sell.
-HE SPEAKS THROUGH AMPLIFIER
-Number 73! House number 73,
with the skip outside!
If you are face-to-face, it's good to charm the customer
with your product.
Winges are £23. It's like a pet hamster, really, isn't it?
I just don't think it suits me.
If you can't do that...
-Vincent thinks he's a ladies' man.
-..just charm them with yourself.
I don't know how many of you have had your five-a-day today,
but maybe you could do with an extra one. OK?
He's gone right into the ladies, giving all the chat, the flirting.
Trust me here. It tastes beautiful.
Strangely enough they seem impressed, and they're buying from him.
Happy with that? Good.
How you doing, ladies? Come to Papa.
This is actually the Dutch national umbrella.
Thinking on your feet takes you a long way.
Sir, do you want something else to carry?
The opposite approach - sitting in a van chopping bread
when you're supposed to be selling - doesn't work so well.
People think they can just hide in the bushes -
If you and I were to go into business, there'd be no bush to hide in. I'd be on the front line.
I can promise you that!
If you want to look dedicated, run.
Keep looking for the shops!
And there's the "clutching at straws" sales technique.
I have 23 umbrellas,
and, ironically, 23 minutes left.
It's obviously too late to make a big difference...
-..but this is a chance for you to feel good about yourself.
That's the task done. It is exhausting,
and that's only the easy part, because we're now onto the difficult stuff,
which is the final bit, which I call "beat the boss".
I'm not saying The Apprentice is essentially a video game,
but there is a boss level at the end you have to get through.
The boardroom is the arena for this, and there are some simple rules.
This is a flow chart of how it works. All TV will eventually be made like this.
You want to get from here, which is the reception,
basically back around to the house, hopefully via a bit of a treat,
or ideally into the Rolls Royce so you can become a business partner.
That's what you're aiming for. You don't want to end up here,
in the Loser Cafe, and you never want to end up here in the taxi.
Right? First up, though, you wait.
Now, this is where it all gets much more complex.
You sweat, you fret,
bite your fingernails, adjust your glasses,
you tap your hands on the chair.
You shake your feet, and you try to remain calm.
-You can go through to the boardroom now.
You sit opposite Lord Sugar's empty seat, which is a much better seat than yours,
and then you wait again.
And then he arrives.
-Good afternoon, Lord Sugar.
And so the battle begins,
but with the magical words, "How did you get on?"
The problem with the boardroom is that everyone has a dilemma.
-Yes, even him.
Your first dilemma is, "Do I get on the wrong side of my teammates?"
The first question will always be, "How was the team leader?"
"Do I attack, and if I attack, how subtle should I be about it?"
-That was me, Lord Sugar.
-OK. And was she a good team leader?
-No. She was terrible team leader.
That's not what normally happens. You're more likely to pretend you're all best friends.
-Natasha was a good team leader?
-She made a very good editor.
-Good team leader?
I thought she was a really good team leader.
Then, you might have lost, so you might need a scapegoat.
This might be the point at which to start a conspiracy.
Are you all happy with this application?
Are you all happy with what you chose?
I don't think it's a great application, if I'm perfectly honest.
-Anybody else not that happy?
-I wasn't that happy.
You're not that happy. One, two, three, four, five.
Five out of eight of you.
That's not very good, is it? Not very promising.
-Tell me at the time.
-That's the first we've heard of it.
This is quite shocking.
The main point here is to find out how much money you've made.
Fruit salad for the ladies.
This bit is really fun if you win.
That's a flying £550 and five pence.
Well, ladies, there you are. That's three times margin.
For this bit you've got to loosen up and practise facial expressions,
because it depends what you need. You might need this one...
The 24-hour figure was 10,667.
-Or you might need this one.
As they say in Europe, "nul points". Nothing.
They've placed an order of 214,000 euros, Helen.
Oh, that's a big one.
That's it for round one, except that Lord Sugar will increase your fear levels as he sends you away.
My disposals in this boardroom get taken away in the back of a taxi.
I'll see you back in the boardroom shortly. OK, off you go.
Out of the boardroom and back to the flow chart.
Some people go this route. We'll come back to them later.
But other people - lucky people - they get to go here.
The treat. Everybody wants the treat.
That's why Helen was always smiling, because she had lots of treats.
Oh, the life you could lead if only you were Helen!
Look what you could enjoy!
-A champagne reception...
Good evening, ladies.
..dinner with Michel Roux Jr,
cocktails with a private circus act,
lessons with the Strictly Come Dancing team...
..a tennis lesson with Pat Cash,
-a spa day in Bath...
-Oh, it's lovely!
..a fencing lesson, a private flying lesson...
Well done, everybody.
..and dinner in a country hotel.
-That takes the biscuit.
I got you!
But some people don't get to be Helen.
Some people end up here, and this is not a good place to be.
If you find yourself in the cafe, you're a loser.
All you get to drink is the milky tea of despair.
You should make the most of coming here.
I really wish I could say the best product won.
I've got to ask you straight - was anyone not pulling their weight?
The more often you sit there...
I'm personally getting pretty fed up of this place.
..the better your powers of hindsight become.
The problem was, we committed marketing suicide.
-We were wasting time, wasting time.
-To be fair...
I don't think you can back out at this late stage
-and say the whole thing was wrong.
-The sharing wasn't the problem.
-That part was good.
-No. It was the actual biscuit.
All this moaning will prepare you for more constructive analysis back in the boardroom.
Quite clearly the arrow is pointed at Jim.
Melody was an absolute nightmare to work with.
On every task I give 110 percent.
Leon, in terms of ideas, didn't really contribute.
Edna? No. Poor.
Although some people just end up looking naive.
The point is, as project manager, I've done a very good job, OK?
And all the team have agreed.
I believe that we are all equally responsible
for the failure of this task. Everyone said in the boardroom
that I did a good job, and they were happy with me as a project manager.
Ah, that's nice of them. Except back in the boardroom...
-Who's responsible for the failure of this task?
..the gloves are off.
The first thing I think needs to be pointed out -
did Vincent do a good job as project manager? Everyone said yes.
-Teams have a tendency of changing their mind when they're -
-I appreciate that.
-Vincent, you're fired.
There. See what I'm saying? Felicity and Vincent - naive.
In the boardroom, all bets are off. It's a completely different sport.
People don't even talk like normal people in the boardroom.
That's why it's got a rule of its own - communicate clearly.
When did you start to think about how much to sell stuff for, then?
Lord Sugar, my business plan, my strategy -
different. Very different. Bottom up.
Cut the crap here. I asked you a simple bloody question.
You were trained at one of the leading accountancy firms
-in the country.
-I don't fit the mould.
-I beg your pardon?
-I don't fit the mould.
I didn't ask you that question.
You'll have had insight, vision into how companies are run.
You already did them a couple of times. It's all there.
-I beg your pardon?
-All my experience has been -
Stop speaking to me in semaphore! We're not sending text messages.
Just answer me properly.
When I was producing, that was production.
So your team have failed. Who is to blame?
That's the question. And how can you avoid the blame?
There are two approaches. You can convince Lord Sugar it's not your fault,
or you can convince your teammates not to bring you back in again.
These are the two paths. They're called the Tom path
and the Jim path. Let's have a look at Tom.
Lord Sugar, I believe the lack of planning during the process
cost us very badly.
Tom's learned that his powers of hindsight push the right buttons.
I think the irony is that Edward,
who's trying incredibly hard to show that he's not an accountant,
unfortunately left a lot of the good parts of accountancy at the door
-when he came here.
-That's the most sensible thing I've heard today,
It helps, of course, that he shows respect for Lord Sugar.
How about considering that your product was not sought-after
and theirs was?
It's a very dangerous game to disagree with you, sir.
Thinking about it, he showed a bit too much respect at first.
He treated the boardroom like a classroom,
putting up his hand when he wanted to speak...
Can I go back to my main point?
..applauding the other team when they won,
and apologising to teacher when they lost.
Sorry, Lord Sugar.
But I digress. Tom's shrewd analysis has made it hard
for Lord Sugar to let him go.
You're a very nice fella. I'm sure everybody knows you are a gentleman,
and there's nothing wrong with that in business.
Whether this is...
the last time that we're going to see each other in this process,
-it very much...
..depends on how much weight I give to the fact
that you did try.
That's Tom. If Lord Sugar likes you,
your teammates are less likely to bring you back in again,
because that would be a stupid thing to do.
So Tom spent little effort talking other people down and more talking himself up, which is smart.
Another path, of course, is to do like Jedi Jim.
MUSIC: "Star Wars Theme"
Let's start at the beginning.
Look at where Jim sits when he walks into the boardroom.
Week one, next to the project manager.
Week two, next to the project manager.
Week three, next to the project manager.
Week five... You get the idea.
He needs to be near them so that he can...
Well, you know exactly what he's doing here.
I'm not scared of you. Argh! Oh, I am.
All right. Let's move on.
You have got to make a decision. What's your instinct?
-Who you bringing back in?
-I'd like to bring back Alex...
-Alex and Jim.
Now, watch his Jedi mind tricks at their best.
It's interesting that he chose myself and Alex.
There's a few fall guys. Vincent fluffed his speech
and I had to save the day, and I don't fluff speeches.
Glenn designed the app that turned out to be crap.
Jim has done a sterling job throughout.
Well, then, I'm not the person you should be bringing in,
if you agree I've done a sterling job. Change your decision.
So on the basis of what Jim's doing here...
-Do you want me to change? Is that -
-Actually, you're the man.
Change, Leon. Change!
-I'm going to bring in Glenn.
-You want to bring me back?
-I don't think you should.
-Listen, Glenn -
It's done and agreed.
-What do you think, Jim?
-The PM's made a decision.
I highlighted who I thought made flaws, made mistakes,
-and he's chosen you.
-He is good, though, isn't he?
He seems to draw power from the table itself.
His hands never leave it.
If you are going to play mind games like Jim, though,
just be aware that Lord Sugar may see through it.
Jim, you have this manner - some people might call it charisma -
of getting people on your side and controlling the situation.
Jim, you know, you do talk a great game.
-You are a great presenter.
-May I speak, Lord Sugar?
No, you mustn't. Not any more. I'm sick and tired of listening to you.
I don't know what you're made of, mate.
Is it brains or bollocks? Now, you can talk the hind legs off a donkey,
OK? But what I've forgotten about bullshit,
you ain't even learnt yet.
Do you understand me? Yeah?
We've reached the critical point now,
because the team leader has chosen his two least-favourite people,
who will be packaged as "responsible for the failure of the task".
Which means you're at this point here, back out in reception.
When you're outside, Lord Sugar is having a natter with Karren and Nick,
and they are talking about you.
I think it's about time Leon and Tom actually stood up for themselves
and started being a bit more manly, if I could put it that way.
Nick and Karren have been hiding in the shadows until now.
This, however, is when you'll be hoping they've missed some of your mistakes.
Nobody has any money round here! Everyone seems so poor.
I've always said you need a sieve for Susan,
because you have to work out what stuff is meaningful
and what is meaningless.
Let's use this moment to think of ways to stand up for yourself.
Susan's done that very well. If you want to avoid a firing,
follow her lead.
Up to this point, she's rarely spoken,
sticking instead to her face of disbelief.
But now Lord Sugar needs to know, "Why shouldn't I fire you?"
And for that, Susan's pulled out her two trump cards. Card one...
I have my own business, and that is something that these two
can't say for themselves. They've only worked for other people.
-They've never taken that initiative.
-The mouse that roared.
-That's it. Get 'em where it hurts.
Now card two.
-I am 21, and I have had -
-Stop using your age!
-We're all in this process together.
-When you guys were 21,
you didn't have the initiative to do anything that I have done so far.
If you have a trump card, make sure you play it.
But be prepared for others to attack it.
It looks as if we're trying to shoot Bambi.
Which one is Bambi?
Susie is Bambi, because of her lack of contribution
-and her half-hearted nature.
-That's so unfair.
-It's not unfair.
It was actually Bambi's mother that got shot, just for the record.
I honestly feel that they look at me and they think, "Young, naive,
no experience. Let's pick on her. Let's get rid of her."
-That's how I feel every time.
-I actually feel, Susan,
that you're just marginally worse than Glenn,
so I'm not the only one...
-You are a different class, son.
I've got a place for you in the House of Lords.
Luckily for Susan, her trump cards have worked.
..I'm giving you another chance. OK?
This is it, everyone.
This is where the words are uttered -
those words that you don't want to hear.
I know that being told you're fired seems like the end,
but even here there are rules.
Felicity, you're fired.
Fired candidates must bow their heads in disbelief,
and then thank Lord Sugar for the opportunity.
-Thank you for this opportunity.
-Thank you for the opportunity.
Thank you for an amazing opportunity, Lord Sugar.
While they sit and wait for their taxi to come...
Off you go back to the house.
..Lord Sugar sends out their old friends to console them.
And while Lord Sugar reflects on why they weren't good enough to stay...
There is absolutely no way I could have started a business with her.
..they get one chance for a final word.
As soon as I brought those two back in,
they stabbed me in the back and said that I was a bad project manager,
which is completely going against what they'd just said minutes before.
She still didn't get it, did she?
Anyway, now that they're out of a job,
the really smart ones use this one last opportunity
to push their CV.
I have three degrees - one BSc and two masters degrees.
I've also had successful businesses as well,
so I'm sure I'll be successful in whatever I do.
Most of them are too interested in leaving with their dignity.
I'm very surprised that Lord Sugar fired me.
They should just let bygones be bygones.
I'm everything I think he's looking for,
so if he's failed to spot that, then, it's his loss.
Maybe Lord Sugar does know what he's talking about. Maybe you should accept it.
I'm only 25. The world is my oyster. Roll with the punches.
Good for you! But you really don't want to be doing that speech.
You want to be one of the two people going back to the house in the car,
because in that car, everything that was said in the boardroom
is all forgotten.
What I said in the boardroom was true. That is how I feel.
If we had decided on business acumen, I would've picked you, because yours is really poor.
Meanwhile, back in the house, everyone puts their penny's-worth
into whether or not you should return.
So it's back to that one - the buck has to stop with PM.
-I definitely hope Zoe's coming back.
-Yeah, I hope so.
Edna seemed to have a few arrows shot at her.
-I think Susie's gone.
-Jim has been fired.
Don't be nervous about people's reactions when you get home.
They'll pretend to be happy to see you, whether they mean it or not.
They know as well as you do that you all have to live together
for weeks to come.
We're the final four.
SHE LAUGHS I can't believe you're here!
Those are the golden rules. That's what got us our final four
in this year's show. The only question remaining is,
how was that?
Oh, that's a tough crowd!
Wow. I do not know how I'm going to bounce back from this one.
I'm really disappointed.
I'm young. The world is my oyster.
I'm not going to lose my dignity here.
I've got three degrees. I've got a BSc and two masters.
I run a successful business.
So I'm going to be successful no matter what happens,
because I roll with the punches.
Now it's time for you to convince me
that you're worthy of becoming my business partner.
'Time to hand over business plans.'
If you don't know your own business plan, you're in trouble.
'But when the final four are grilled...'
-What's the business?
-You haven't got one error. It's full of errors.
I've got a good radar for bullshit, and this smells like it.
What impression does that give me of you? You're a bit of an ass?
'Three go up in smoke...'
You're fired. You're fired.
'..and one gets the money.'
You are going to be my business partner. You're hired.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
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With just days to go before Lord Sugar announces his new business partner in The Apprentice, comedian and frustrated fan Dara O Briain shares his theories on how to become a winning candidate. Using evidence from Series 7, Dara analyses the common mistakes candidates make, as well as the clever tactics that keep them in the running.