Episode 5 The Great British Bake Off: An Extra Slice

-We're halfway through Bake Off.

-Ken yer awfu' smelly but ye'll soon be doon ma belly!

It was pies and tarts in the tent...

There's no way they're going to be done in time.

..and one baker had a drainage issue.

It's having a plumbing problem!

We've got a little bit of weepage there.

Weepage? Looks more like a gusher to me!

I'm Jo Brand. Anybody want some more? Welcome to An Extra Slice!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Good evening.

Well, not a freezer in sight, as the theme this week was pies and tarts.

And the question is, Bakewell -

or did they bake terribly?

That's what I'll be discussing with a panel of celebrity fans

as we weigh up the highs and lows from the Bake Off tent.

And, of course, it was the week that the Norman Conquest finally came to an end.

AUDIENCE: Aww!

Here's Norman explaining the risk involved in peeling a lemon.

The most difficult part of this job is getting the zest off

without taking any of the pith.

Norman will be joining us here in a bit.

Plus, we'll be looking at some of the pies

you've been making at home

and some of the tarts here in the studio.

AUDIENCE CHEERS

Nothing like a bit of spontaneity(!)

We'll be trying some of them later.

As ever, I've had a rummage in the Bake Off bins for unseen moments.

And I can bring you the precise moment when,

during a discussion about the origins of pork pies,

a beautiful friendship came to an end.

When you look back into the sort of 18... 1700s and 1800s,

I find that absolutely fascinating.

You must remember that when you were around in that time as well, Mary.

LAUGHTER

Amid claims of sabotage and fury at Mary and Paul's decision

to oust Iain from the tent,

one front page took on a whole new meaning.

Meanwhile, Chetna was setting her timer -

ironically, for quite a long time.

TIMER BEEPS

Right. SHE SIGHS

Time to meet tonight's panel of celebrity fans.

First up it's Michelin-starred chef and pork-pie fan, Michel Roux Jr.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Next, a comedian who thinks pie should be cake.

Serve her an apple pie at your peril.

-It's Shappi Khorsandi!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And finally, former Home Secretary, now bestselling writer

and steak-and-kidney pie fan, Alan Johnson MP.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Alan, you've dined with the Queen on numerous occasions, I believe.

Does she serve up a good pie?

As a Privy Counsellor you would occasionally have a meal

with Her Majesty, on which my lips are sealed.

Other than to say that there was a time when I took a biscuit

and had a piece of cheese and it was very nice,

but I was told afterwards that the biscuits were for the corgis.

-I enjoyed it.

-I'm disappointed.

I thought when you said you had dinner with the Queen a lot

that you lived nearby.

Yeah, I believe she's got a little flat in Penge.

I've only ever been in the same room as the Queen once

and I was a bit ambivalent about meeting her, cos I am republican.

And I thought, "I'll just go and have a quick wee

"and have a think about it", and missed her.

So it worked out perfectly.

What's your biggest baking disaster, then?

Was it when you got between John Prescott and the cake trolley?

It's pies and tarts week in the tent.

Michel, you're a pork-pie fan. Why do you like them so much?

Well, I like a French pork pie. A pate en croute.

-Oh!

-Oh, French!

-Fancy!

-Oh, French!

I love a good, proper Melton Mowbray pork pie.

-With pickle?

-Of course! With le pickle!

-Le pickle!

Cos Melton Mowbray, they put the boiling liquid of the pork bones...

I use that as moisturiser. It's really good.

Shappi, you were born in Iran.

What's a typical Iranian pie?

-Is there such a thing as an Iranian pasty, for example?

-No.

Iranians aren't as bakey.

It's all about baklava and you have to wait

until someone dies to make particular dishes like halva.

-You're only allowed to have halva when someone dies?

-Pretty much!

We get really excited at funerals.

Halva!

So, you've been busy baking pies and tarts at home too

and sending us pictures of your bakes.

I've only got a limited time to spend on these

and I love them so much I always go over, so hang on.

TIMER BEEPS

Now, Abi from Worcester

couldn't decide whether to make a cake or a pie,

so she made something that you, Shappi, would love -

a cake that looks like a pie.

-AUDIENCE: Aww!

-Isn't that amazing?

The pie's made of fudge

and she's even done some mash made of buttercream and fondant peas.

Although, unfortunately, the fondant turned out to be shop-bought so...

Abi, I'm afraid I've had to report you to Mary.

Lynne from Bridlington made a chocolate swiss roll.

LAUGHTER

To be honest, Lynne, it doesn't look all that appetizing,

but maybe from a different angle it looks lovely.

LAUGHTER

It's always a nightmare for parents

when their child asks for a birthday cake

in the shape of one of their favourite characters.

But when Marcus' son Thomas asked for a Thomas The Tank Engine cake,

he rose to the challenge magnificently.

LAUGHTER

Is it just me or has he been shunted into a wall?

Finally, the strangest bake we've had sent in so far.

When Fran from Marlow went into hospital for heart surgery,

her friends baked her a good-luck cake.

Don't they sound like a lovely bunch of people?

Well, they're not. They're weird.

Because here's the cake they presented Fran with,

what they say was an anatomically correct heart cake!

AUDIENCE GROANS

Let's hope none of their friends are booked in for a vasectomy.

LAUGHTER

Let's get some order in the house

and check out what happened in the Bake Off tent this week.

-On your marks...

-Get set...

-BOTH: Bake!

-ALARM BEEPS

-Shush!

The signature bake was to make custard tarts.

-This is probably my least favourite one.

-Pastry's my favourite.

-I think it's got a wobble. Hopefully, it has.

-Looks pretty good to me.

Lovely pastry and well-flavoured custard.

-I'm not convinced about the flavour.

-That pastry is not quite done.

For them to kind of hate it is quite... Quite hard.

Mel and Sue revealed the technical.

Mary and Paul would like you to make mini pear pies.

Hopefully they won't need long cos they ain't going to get long.

What's the worst that can happen?

That you don't get through to next week?

I'm going to put that one right under their nose.

-PAUL:

-First place. Well done, Martha.

And the Showstopper took the bakers to new heights.

If that stays up, I will be amazed.

You've got to be aware of fat bottoms on some of these pies.

Oh! There it goes!

-What's in the egg whites?

-Lavender.

-Lavender.

-Norman got the boot.

-Thanks for the lavender meringue.

And Kate won star prize.

APPLAUSE

So, Norman's luck finally ran out.

He got off to a typical start this week, full of confidence

and pushing the boat out in the Signature Bake

to make a custard tart.

-What is your version of the custard tart?

-I chose tarte au citron.

It's always been a favourite of mine.

I first tasted it in France about 20 years ago

and had never had anything as exotic as that at home before.

What? Not even pesto?

Michel, can you say tarte au citron for us?

-Tarte au citron.

-Lovely.

-APPLAUSE

Nice to get a round of applause

for speaking your own language, isn't it?

Do you think that French staple was a good choice for Norman or not?

A tarte au citron, when it's done perfectly, is heavenly.

-And it could win a competition such as this.

-Isn't it a car?

-Is that a car?

-That's Citroen.

-Ah, I see.

-A tart in a Citroen.

That's where you're coming from!

I distinctly remember Paul Hollywood,

when he tasted his tarte au catron...citron,

saying that the taste was... I think he said amazing.

Taste was really good. But it was a bit messy,

that's why Norman suffered on that.

He was... On the technical challenge, he was the top male.

There's only three males in there and he was number one.

Last week Paul told Norman he was playing it so safe

that he was actually beginning to fail.

And having been in the bottom two for the past few weeks,

he knew he had no option but to up his game.

But there's no hurrying Norman.

I haven't stretched myself today

because I'm stretching myself tomorrow.

Norman did finally stretch himself in this week's Showstopper.

He made a three-tiered pie which he called the Pieffel Tower.

And for that reason alone, in my opinion,

should have been made Star Baker.

Alan, if you were in the tent,

you could have done the Houses of Pieliament, couldn't you?

Michel, did Mary and Paul make the right decision?

It was a close one, I thought, with Richard,

who didn't do his best as well.

Were you surprised by Richard's blip, Shappi?

-I quite enjoyed it.

-Did you?

I did, because it made him look human.

I like to see people show chinks in their armour.

It looked like he was pulling it out of a hat every time.

-That was just...

-Black on top.

-That was just wrong.

All it needed was a piece of aluminium foil put on top.

Would that be inexperience not to know that, would it?

-Possibly inexperience. But I doubt very much.

-What?

He knew and then decided not to do it to sabotage himself? Or he forgot?

"How do I stop myself being on fire?

"There's some water here but I just can't remember what to do with it!"

Meanwhile, the competition was hotting up.

The bakers' presentation of their Signature Bakes was second to none.

Luis even placed delicate mango slices

on his Tropical Manchester tart.

He also decorated it with Cape gooseberries -

at least, that's what Mary calls them.

Paul gets all posh and calls them physalis,

which sounds like an unpleasant disease.

Here's a bit of unseen footage,

where the two of them are battling it out

and someone in the background looks as if they've had enough.

-Do you like Cape gooseberries?

-Physalis, yeah.

-Cape gooseberries.

-Physalis.

-Cape gooseberries.

-Physalis.

-Cape gooseberries.

-Physalis.

We saw Luis, precise as always,

pricked his pastry with a fork.

Michel, tell us about forking pastry.

LAUGHTER

The reason why we do it is to stop the pastry from expanding

and it also stops the bubbles forming. It's called docking.

-Docking.

-Docking, not dogging! Docking!

-I did say docking. Docking.

-Does it give you physalis?

LAUGHTER

Nancy, actually, who was Star Baker in week one,

she's had an interesting week, I think,

because she did something original

with her Showstopper of apple pies, making them by hand.

-Alan, isn't that just showing off?

-No, I don't think so.

Nancy's an East Yorkshire girl.

They don't show off in East Yorkshire.

She's innovative, and I actually think Nancy's my hope to win.

I don't think she will, but I want her to win.

-Why don't you think she will?

-Because I think Martha will win.

Oh, OK. I loved her Showstopper

which was a clever design,

incorporating three of her favourite foods -

a small pork pie, a medium pork pie,

and an absolutely gigantic pork pie.

In the Technical Challenge of mini pear pies,

Paul's recipe stated the bakers needed to make rough puff pastry,

which involves adding lumps of fat.

Nancy explains the complicated process for us.

Something scientific probably happens to it.

-LAUGHTER

-And does it, Michel?

Kind of. Sometimes called Scottish puff pastry,

because it's rough puff pastry.

Right, so, the word "rough" has been substituted

for the word "Scottish", has it?

Is this going out after the referendum?

LAUGHTER

Now, Diana had to leave Bake Off due to ill health.

-Were you a fan of Diana's baking?

-Let's be honest.

I honestly do not think that Diana could have got much further.

-You don't think she could have gone right to the end?

-No, not really.

-For what reason?

-Well, it's not that I'm against the WI,

or I have thoughts that the WI aren't up for it, but...

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

-Don't take on the WI!

-No, no, no.

-I'm treading on thin ice.

-Up to it, or up for it?

-Both, probably!

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Now, we come to the part of the show

where we take a look at some of the pies and tarts

brought along by the audience.

Olivia, let's see your Queen of Hearts lemon tart.

Where is Olivia?

AUDIENCE: Aww!

Absolutely lovely. And Laura? Where are you?

You brought some tarts and pies along,

including a very impressive Paul pear pie.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

Right. Now, where's Amy? Hi, Amy.

What have you brought along?

A Scotch-egg pie.

Now, Alan, are you happy

to try some audience bakes?

-Of course.

-If you don't like it, just pretend you do.

-Like with Ed Miliband.

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-I mean, appearance, presentation is wonderful.

-Alan.

I'm trying to think of something Paul Hollywoodish to say,

but I can't. It's lovely. It's lovely.

Flavour's beautiful, texture's nice. Mary?

LAUGHTER

AS MARY: Well, you ought to be very proud of this creation.

-That was more sort of Margaret Thatcher.

-I know! I know.

She's the only one I can... AS MARGARET THATCHER: ..actually do.

Michel, professional opinion?

Presentation really nice.

Pastry very good.

Really good pastry. Flaky, tasty.

The sausage meat, far too many herbs.

I'll go with the other two, then.

-OK. Rob and Emily, where are you?

-Yes. We've made a crocodile pie.

-Out of a crocodile?

-Yes, with actual crocodile.

-I'll make this snappy!

Sorry. AUDIENCE GROANS

Michel, are you a fan of exotic meats like crocodile?

I have ate crocodile before, yes.

I actually cooked crocodile before when I was in Australia.

-It can be really nice.

-It CAN be really nice!

Alan, you're looking a bit reluctant.

-You don't have to if you don't want to.

-OK, I won't!

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

What do you think, Michel?

Yeah.

LAUGHTER Wise move, then!

LAUGHTER

-Shappi, do you want to try it or not?

-If it's all right, I'm a bit...

I'm a vegetarian. All of a sudden. It just came over me.

LAUGHTER

You've just become a vegetarian.

-You don't know when you get the calling.

-LAUGHTER

OK, fair enough. Let's move on. Where's Gary?

OK, Gary, what have you got there, Gary?

It's a double-chocolate pecan praline tart.

Blimey!

-SHAPPI:

-Oh, I'm all over that!

LAUGHTER

I believe you set up a completely men's bake club, have you?

It's a men's-only bake club. A bit like Fight Club, except for...

LAUGHTER ..but with bakes instead.

We just steer it away from anything pink, anything cupcake.

That's the first rule of Bake Club.

LAUGHTER

So what's an acceptable manly cake, in your opinion?

-Or a manly pie.

-Anything...

chocolate, high in fat, lots of cream - that will do.

I might have a sex change!

LAUGHTER

-Guys?

-Beautiful, lovely.

GRUFF VOICE: Really lovely! It's a man's pie.

What's nice about it, Alan?

GRUFF: It's very chocolaty...

LAUGHTER

For me, the letdown is the crust.

Fight! Fight! Fight!

LAUGHTER

Back to the tent now,

and a baker who's been described on Twitter as the Beyonce of baking,

will you please give a huge welcome to Norman?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Oooh, Norman, that's rather lovely, isn't it?

-It is!

-Big fanbase there.

Um, welcome to An Extra Slice.

-Did you enjoy Bake Off?

-Absolutely.

It's the experience of a lifetime.

-I met some lovely people. I made 11 new friends.

-Aw!

AUDIENCE: Awwww!

-SHAPPI: You're so lovely!

-I would do it all again.

I was just sort of warming up, you know.

LAUGHTER

You didn't do too badly in the technical bake,

to make Paul's mini pear pies, did you?

Paul and Mary said that your pear was lovely,

but your pastry was raw on the inside.

-Norman, was it?

-It was a wee tad raw. I tasted it afterwards

and my oven temperature was too low.

I should have set it at 200.

But the recipe said 180.

-So Paul was wrong.

-LAUGHTER

OK. Let's see if we can get him sacked.

LAUGHTER

Everyone went to town decorating their Signature Bakes this week.

Kate piped a beautifully precise spiral of rhubarb

on her custard tart.

Nancy finished her passion-fruit tart

with a delicate coconut filigree.

And shall we see you decorating yours?

Icing sugar gives it a nice finish.

It's a bit of a mess, but...

not too bad.

LAUGHTER

-That's quite a dusting, wasn't it?

-It was.

It covers up all the mistakes.

Absolutely, and you could have had your own spin off show -

The Great British Shake Off.

Shake Off, yeah!

-Now, I notice that you weren't using a sieve there.

-No.

It's an old Scottish method.

You get a square of muslin

and a golf ball and some icing sugar.

-An old Scottish method?

-Yes.

-OK.

So the key components, here we are...

-We've got a bit of muslin, yeah? And a golf ball.

-Yeah.

Let's give ourselves a...tart. There we go.

-So, and then a bit of icing sugar in there, yeah?

-Yes.

-OK.

So let's put a bit in.

-Go on, then.

-You have to stand up for this.

-Oh, OK.

-Stand aside.

-Yeah, fine.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-I got a bit of applause for that!

-You did get a bit of applause!

-I mean, that's certainly very effective, isn't it?

-It is, yeah.

But can you not sort of get the same result by doing this?

LAUGHTER

I ought to try that in future!

Will you?

Now, your most exotic twist was in the meringue. Let's have a look.

-It's an Italian meringue.

-SUE:

-This tastes of lavender.

It does.

Oh, it really tastes of lavender.

-PAUL: What's in that egg white?

-Lavender.

Lavender?

-MARY:

-I've never had lavender in meringue

and I don't ever think I want it again.

LAUGHTER

You put a fair bit of lavender essence in -

a teaspoon, I think, didn't you? A teaspoon's worth in?

I can't remember how much I put in, but it was too bloody much!

LAUGHTER

-As Paul will tell you.

-Is that quite a lot, a teaspoon?

It is.

It must have tasted similar to toilet cleaner or...

reminded you maybe of your gran's drawers, but...

-LAUGHTER

-your best bake in the tent

was one of your first,

your farthing biscuits, from week two.

Let's have a look at that.

If you opt to bake something simple, I think it has to be good.

-It looks a lovely texture when you open it.

-I like that biscuit.

It's very professional. The recipe, the way you've approached it...

You could sell those tomorrow.

-I really believe you could sell them tomorrow.

-Well done.

-OK.

That's a farthing each.

LAUGHTER

Well, you must have been pleased with that.

-You got a Hollywood handshake there!

-I did indeed, yes!

-Obviously, I was over the moon.

-And has your wife changed her tune?

Because she criticised your biscuits, didn't she?

-Yes, she's eaten the biscuits now.

-Has she?

-LAUGHTER

For some reason that sounds sinister.

LAUGHTER

Now, Norman, here's some unseen footage

where you're sharing another nugget of knowledge.

I've already put it through a sieve, that removes the chakalaka.

The chakalaka,

which is the membrane between the yoke and the white.

If you leave the chakalaka in,

that can cause it to be an uneven glaze.

So they say.

Do you remove your chakalaka?

My chakalaka? What is that? My bottom?

-No, no, that's the membrane in the egg.

-Is it?

LAUGHTER

She was really impressed by your knowledge.

And then I found this in the dictionary.

Chalaza.

LAUGHTER

It depends which part of the country you come from.

Up in our neck of the woods, it's always been known as the chakalaka.

LAUGHTER

You've got an answer for everything.

Because, actually, a chakalaka - you were nearly right -

-a chakalaka is a South African vegetable relish.

-That's right.

-LAUGHTER

-I love you, Norman.

You said it depends what part of the country come from,

and then when I said it's a vegetable relish,

you went, "Yes, that's right."

-In South Africa.

-In South Africa.

-Oh, you knew that as well?

-Yes.

-OK.

LAUGHTER

Now, as you know, we like to give our bakers a second chance

at a bake that didn't quite work out for you.

What have you made?

Well, I've made a chicken...

shiitake mushroom and tarragon pie.

-And this one is finished in rough puff pastry.

-OK.

AUDIENCE GASPS

-Nearly!

-Just teasing!

LAUGHTER

It smells nice, doesn't it?

LAUGHTER

I hope it tastes OK.

It smells lovely.

SHAPPI: It does smell lovely.

Do you know, I like your confidence.

SHAPPI: Mm! Yum!

-Thumbs up from you, Alan?

-Absolutely. Two thumbs up from me.

Brilliant!

The work of a master baker. I really like this.

It's got the tarragon in it, it's well seasoned,

-the pastry is really crunchy - well done!

-Superb!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

If you had your time in the tent again,

what would you have done differently? Anything?

I would have done something completely different

-for the 3-D biscuit display.

-What would you have done?

I would have done a modern sculpture park.

A Henry Moore sort of thing, with biscuits.

Do you like a bit of Henry Moore, then?

Oh, I do a lot of pottery at home

and I'm inspired by him when I do some of my abstract pieces.

When it goes wrong.

-That's right, yeah!

-LAUGHTER

So, thank you so much for coming to see us, Norman.

The tent won't be the same without you.

And as a thank you, we've got you a little something,

which Shappi is kindly bringing over.

There we go.

I'll have to very carefully...

-That's a nice cloth.

-Do you want...?

LAUGHTER

You're welcome. You like a bit of cloth, do you?

Well, it's a cake that I baked for you. There you go.

Oh, that superb. Absolutely.

It contains eggs, butter and a hint of...

AUDIENCE: Awwww!

-..chakalaka.

-Chakalaka!

-And it features you and Sue doing semaphore.

-Very nice.

That's the letter B.

That's a B, is it?

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

CHEERING

So, ladies and gentlemen, he's been an absolute joy.

Give him one of our Great British sendoffs - Norman!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Time now to have a look ahead to next week,

when the tent goes all European.

-What am I doing?

-I hate this bit.

-The moment of truth.

-It's what I call a Showstopper.

-Hey!

-SUE:

-Is it alien-autopsy week?

It does feel a bit like that.

Am I showing a bit?

Nothing like cutting it fine, is there?

Think I might just start again, again.

Hopefully, we'll have a studio full of people eager to show us

their Kugelhopfs and dobos tortes

and, of course, we'd love to see pictures of the European bakes

you do at home.

Details at the bottom of the screen. So, what have we learnt this week?

Well, I can tell you that during this week's judging

of the tiered pie Showstopper,

Mary and Paul had to taste a total of 23 different pies.

Last time I tasted 23 pies,

the bloke in Greggs insisted I buy one of them.

LAUGHTER

A big thank you to our guest baker Norman,

to all our studio bakers, and to our panel, Michel Roux Jr...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-..Shappi Khorsandi...

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-..and Alan Johnson MP.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

See you next week, good night.