18/11/1980 The Russell Harty Show


18/11/1980

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Transcript


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I expected, Grace, that you might be

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a little more overstated than you are.

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I thought that your costume would probably be more lavish

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-than that which you appear to be wearing.

-I am overestimated.

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LAUGHTER

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By the world at large, or by your public?

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By everybody, I think, yes.

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How do you think you've received this overestimation?

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Why is your reputation inflated?

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-That's just a lyric from a song.

-Oh, I do beg your pardon.

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-I thought it was some sort of judgement you were making.

-No.

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-But have you calmed yourself down in clothes over the years?

-Hm, try me.

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LAUGHTER AND WOLF WHISTLING

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-I don't know quite... Are you hearing what I say to you?

-Mm-hm.

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You have in fact... Let's pretend we haven't started.

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In the past, and we have some photographs to prove it.

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-You do?

-Yes, we do.

-Blackmail?

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Well, black female, there's one of them, you see.

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That's kind of more lavish than what you're wearing now.

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-Yes, you think so?

-Yeah.

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And we have another one to follow that, which is you with your...

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-It's still black, isn't it?

-No, it isn't.

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There you are with fans and a lot of stuff on the top of your head.

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What is that on the top of your head?

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That's Chloe. Karl Lagerfeld sitting on my...

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Did you have a late night last night?

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-They have bleepers, don't they now?

-Where were you last night?

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-No, I haven't slept in three days.

-That explains it.

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Do you understand what I'm saying to you?

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No, your accent is a bit foreign.

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Oh, dear.

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Now, how shall I go round the back of this, I wonder?

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Have you been photographed recently?

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Just now, no. Right now?

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-On television?

-No, have you been photographed as a model recently?

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Oh, no, no. Is that what it is, yes? No, no, not recently.

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-I think I'm homesick maybe, right?

-I don't know what's wrong with you.

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I think there's something...

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GRACE LAUGHS

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How would you like to be photographed tonight by a man

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called Patrick Lichfield?

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-Oh, I think we've just made a date.

-Back there?

-Uh-huh.

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-Has he promised to photograph you?

-Uh-huh.

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In order that we may find out whether this is a promise or a threat from Patrick,

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let's introduce Patrick Lichfield. Ladies and gentlemen, Patrick Lichfield.

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APPLAUSE

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I've met him before, you know.

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-Good evening to you.

-Hello, Russell.

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-She says that she has just met you...

-Don't turn your back to me.

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-He's got to.

-She says she has just met you behind there

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and that you've promised to photograph her.

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I'll move my chair back so I'm looking at both of you.

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You're actually engaged in photographing the 100 most famous,

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most beautiful women in the world at this precise moment.

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-That's it.

-How many of the 100 have you photographed?

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Since she's just said what she's said, I'm up to 99.

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-You mean, she...

-I get 100?

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She gets the last because... Well, I would like to photograph her,

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-I'd love to.

-Had you heard of her before?

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Of course, but we've made a date for Thursday next week in New York.

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So you're jetting over there to do it?

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Nobody else will work on Thanksgiving day, so she's agreed.

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-He's going to see you?

-Yes.

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Get some rest before he comes over to see you.

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-As long as I don't eat the turkey.

-Right, or the stuffing even.

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-Urgh!

-You're going to make a lot of enemies if you're going to

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photograph the 100 most beautiful women in the world.

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Yes, I suppose you are.

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If you promise that you'll photograph people and not use them,

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but, nevertheless, you can't just say, "Here are 100 and I'll photograph only those 100,"

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because one might not look good that day,

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or I might take a predictably bad photograph.

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But who decides who are the 100?

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I'm afraid I do, because it's my opinion and I think that's fair.

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I mean, don't you? You can't say, "Let's have a committee,"

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and you and she and I all decide

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the hundred most beautiful women in the world, because I could just...

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I could take a general list but I don't think it'll be worthwhile.

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You've left out people we would naturally think of,

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including Elizabeth Taylor, Brigitte Bardot.

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Yes. My vision of Bardot is actually before I photographed her,

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before in fact now and I haven't photographed her except briefly

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at a party in Paris and I just don't think that to do her again,

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however marvellous she is for her age,

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would really make her worth the book at the moment.

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People would say, "God, what are you doing? You made her awful."

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-I think I took her place.

-Perhaps you did.

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-Let me take your snap.

-He's doing it now. Look out.

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-Do you want to do it now?

-I won't do it now, actually,

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-because I'd rather have her more relaxed.

-I am.

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If you relax her any more, she'll slip off the chair and fall away.

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I can't help it, I'm sitting like this.

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I do not know where your head is at this moment.

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I know it's on the top of your shoulders,

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but I mean, it's like... Have you ever tried to climb the north face

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of the Eiger in high-heel shoes?

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It's like trying to squeeze blood out of a stone at the moment,

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but no doubt she'll relax and you'll get along.

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-Fall out of the chair?

-Yeah, that's right. Fall back on it.

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-Help.

-I'll help.

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Are there any of the 99 women you've actually photographed,

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are any of those Miss Worlds?

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Yes, I photographed a number of beauty queens.

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There was actually, oddly enough,

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I compered with Sacha Distel the '76 Miss World thing

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and, in fact, the girl who came second in that

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was Miss Australia and she didn't know how to cook something or other,

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so she didn't win it because of those questions.

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The girl who came fifth as Miss World is Wonder Woman.

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-Right. Lynda Carter.

-She was very tall.

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-I asked some questions. Everything went wrong that year.

-What went wrong?

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There was this ghastly moment during...

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You know about television, there is a link

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when those who are talking on the stage have to retire

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and the ladies get into their national costumes,

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and Sacha and I had five minutes,

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hidden in television because of the butting it up all together,

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we just sped down to our room and he asked me some rather searching

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questions about what I thought about the ladies who were the contestants.

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I agreed with a lot of his comments and also asked him some

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very intimate questions about what he thought about the contestants.

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When we got to a certain point, the most horrific noise started

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and we could hear running footsteps from miles away -

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"Clomp, clomp, clomp" -

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all the way down the corridor and so we both froze and the door

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opened very quickly and a man rushed in and grabbed the little thing that

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you've got round there because nobody had switched it off

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and our comments about the contestants was going right round the Albert Hall.

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-And round the world presumably?

-Not around the world.

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They confined it to the Albert Hall but my mother was there,

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so when I got back up on stage again,

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-it wasn't to great applause from her.

-Right. Your face was...

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-It was a little.

-We know that you're very well connected.

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You're a cousin... Not at this moment. You're a cousin of the Queen

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and you're a titled gentleman in your own right.

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Does that open easily doors for you

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and does it, in fact, open doors that you'd rather...

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LAUGHTER

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-I was listening to you.

-I didn't know that.

-You didn't know that?

-No.

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-Are you now more interested?

-I'm impressed. Oh, yes.

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Oh, dear. You see, it gets out.

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Does it open doors that you didn't want to be opened?

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It doesn't open many doors

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because what most people really want is a decent picture.

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You haven't asked me here because of all those things, have you?

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No, I've asked you here because you take pictures

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and because you're doing these 100 most beautiful women,

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and because I hope you would help me out with Grace Jones,

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-which you're going to have to!

-I'm doing my best!

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Keep going, Lichfield, you're doing well.

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I shall do a monologue for you for about five minutes.

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I seriously think that it doesn't really matter who you are.

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I hope that I've got to where I am by taking decent pictures of women.

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I like photographing ladies very much and I think that this is

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just a chance to complete a list which I've done for a long time.

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We all think of you... Well, I think of you

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as leading a tremendously glamorous life,

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that you sit in some kind of office in London,

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the phone rings, you pick it up and somebody says,

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"I want you, Lichfield, to jet off to Addis Ababa," and do whatever it is.

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It's always to photograph a camel. You never actually get...

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There's no point in ever imagining that photographers live that kind of life.

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I remember when I was a young assistant,

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thinking the telephone would ring and there'd be that kind of thing, and it didn't happen.

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It doesn't happen unless you go out and try and make it work.

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I simply like photographing ladies very much and because of that,

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various people have agreed to be photographed for this book,

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which I think might be great fun.

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So it's not glamorous, it can often backfire into your own face?

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It isn't glamorous because I could suddenly say, "I want to go

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"and photograph so-and-so," and they don't turn out to be like

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you remember them looking. That's the thing that worries me.

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Did you ever give up in the early days?

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-Was it ever such an appalling thing that...

-I did. Don't eat him.

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It's coming to life! It's coming to life!

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Stay still, because it's very difficult for me to watch out

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what you're going to do to him and for him to ask me questions.

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Yes, I had problems in my early days.

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In the early days, nobody knew that you were any good at anything

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so you used to get sent off with journalists to odd places.

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I remember one instance when I was told to go to some

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foreign clime with a journalist I'd never worked with before,

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and depressed as usual because it is a bit of a sweat all the time

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getting onto an aeroplane, and I stopped by a breakfast party that

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I knew was happening and I saw a man who I thought was dead

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because his head was absolutely buried in a plate of bacon and eggs.

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I took compassion on him and I lifted his hair and I thought,

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"Before I go to the airport, I can at least save his life."

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-If no more.

-Right. So I said, "Is there any problem?"

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He said, "There's a terrible problem."

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And I said, "What is it?"

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He said, "I've to go away for two months," and I said,

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"What's wrong with that?" He said, "I've got to go with some ... called Lichfield."

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This wasn't so good,

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but anyway, we got on very well and that's the way life went.

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But after 15 years of photographing ladies, there are going to be 100,

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which I suppose one should be able to produce after 15 years.

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We've been out and about with our camera following you recently,

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because you have just done an assignation with a lady called

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Susan Hampshire and there she is coming to your house.

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Yes, she's coming to my studio here.

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Why has she got to come there rather than you go to her?

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Because I think it's better to control the make-up and the hair.

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You don't go to the front door to meet her, do you?

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I didn't actually because I was setting the lights.

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But the most important thing comes in now when I tell the make-up guy,

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Clayton Howard, who I know very well and always, always does what I want.

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-He's seen her before?

-Yes, and he's seen what I need.

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And he's going to work on her now so that she moves from one room

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to another to have her photograph taken.

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'She has a nose like mine.'

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-Hello, you are done.

-Yes, I'm ready.

-That's smashing.

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Let's just see the whole thing.

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-What date is that dress?

-About 1880, I think.

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I think we'll try and do this one,

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because it is tremendously symmetrical and everything, your hair is symmetrical,

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and the only thing that's off which breaks it up is that, which is lovely.

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We'll do a very straightforward, front-lit, pretty shot, I think.

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Right.

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-Right, we're ready.

-Yes.

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Oh, the dress is not done up. It doesn't matter, does it?

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-No, we're not shooting the back.

-Good. Well, you can if you wish.

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After all that it will be better to shoot the front.

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And only if these dresses are very tight do they stay done up

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and it just sort of keeps flopping open.

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-The top's important, isn't it?

-Yes, just because I want a bit of bosom.

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I haven't got much but what I've got I wanted to stick out.

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-How does that feel?

-That's lovely, thank you very much.

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We need to do another one up here, actually.

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That's it. That's absolutely right.

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Just peer at me.

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Across... I'm just getting an inkling of it under her right arm.

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I tell you what, there. That's it.

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That's perfect. OK, just straight into the camera.

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That's lovely and just peer at me for a moment.

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Good. Let's see what that looks like. Let it cook.

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The arms. It's going to be better... Don't we have another Polaroid?

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-Thank you.

-Are you getting a thick top arm?

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No, it's just that I'm not sure that the arms are right, because they...

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Because it's red, black, black, it makes them look prominent.

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I think it's probably a tougher picture than I thought.

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Is there any hint, in that last Polaroid, of the edge of, um...

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..the back?

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No. Right, we'll go again.

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That's... That's it.

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Yes, give me a black-and-white after this.

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Don't do anything at all.

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-I don't think that's going to work for me.

-It does, it does.

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Very nice. And the dress... The whole thing, actually...

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Is it symmetrical on the shoulders? It is.

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And there, in fact, is the completed photograph. Has she seen this?

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No, not yet. I haven't, before now.

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-Do you like it? Do you approve of it?

-Well, it's all right.

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It's a funny colour, but it will be all right on the day.

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Has anybody actually looked at a picture that you've taken

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and said, "That's not me," or, "I don't like that"?

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Yes, quite a lot of people, surprisingly.

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Not surprisingly, perhaps.

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But Lady Docker, I remember, once had a lot of letters,

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which she sent on to me, saying that her friends had thought

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she, you know, was dying and it was awful.

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But the best trick, I've discovered, with people like that

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is to photograph them and turn the photograph back-to-front

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and send them the pictures,

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because they're so used to looking at themselves in the mirror

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that they say, "At last, he's got me!"

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-Which is interesting.

-We'll all try and put the mirror behind us

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when we get home - that'll change our opinions.

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Let me stop you there for a moment,

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because also with us tonight, we have another photographer.

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This one has a more particular regard

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for the curves of the countryside than female anatomy.

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He's a very fine landscape photographer.

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But this photographer also has vigorous opinions

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about elegance and style - he says, "To be elegant,

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"you have wear gloves and perfume and make-up."

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And this person wears all three, he's 89 years old on Saturday,

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he's in our audience tonight. Welcome Mr Walter Poucher.

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APPLAUSE

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I know why I wear gloves - I never have my fingers manicured.

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Right, she never has her fingers manicured, she's just told me.

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You're 89 on Saturday, so we wish you many happy returns.

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-Thank you very much.

-And you're wearing make-up tonight.

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-Yes, very special for you.

-Er, you're...

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LAUGHTER

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Is it?

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It was created by Cosmetics A La Carte especially for tonight.

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-For tonight's gala performance.

-Yes.

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Now, let me put people further in the picture -

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-you are happily married?

-Yes.

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-And you live in Reigate?

-Yes.

-And you play golf a lot?

-I do, yes.

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And do you wear make-up when you go out onto the golf course?

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No, no, no.

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I was hoping you would say, "Yes," as I was going to ask

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what the other guys said when you were at the 13th or 14th tee.

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When do you wear make-up, then?

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Oh, well, normally, I don't wear eye shadow and lipstick,

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unless it's a special occasion like tonight.

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I wear very, very little - a trace of foundation, that is all.

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And those are... Those are your gloves you're wearing?

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These are special for tonight again.

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Again. Those are gala gloves, are they?

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-That's it. The girls asked me to put them on specially.

-Right.

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Now, how many years have you been working in

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and around the cosmetic business?

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Oh, well, I was 40 years in that. 40 years, yes.

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-And how did you start?

-Well, I started because after the war,

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I wanted to do something different.

0:17:210:17:22

-We're talking about the First World War, are we?

-The First World War.

0:17:220:17:26

See, I was in the Royal Army Medical Corps in the war.

0:17:260:17:30

And I'd already got degrees in science.

0:17:300:17:34

My father wanted me to become a doctor -

0:17:340:17:37

I was at Charing Cross Hospital and King's College.

0:17:370:17:40

And in the early days, a lecture was given in Bartholomew's,

0:17:400:17:45

where they invited the students to go

0:17:450:17:48

to see how things were done during the war.

0:17:480:17:50

And I attended that lecture

0:17:500:17:52

and the very first question the man asked was,

0:17:520:17:55

"Is there a chemist here?" And like a fool, I put my hand up.

0:17:550:17:58

-What happened?

-He said, "Can you be in France in three days?

0:17:580:18:01

"We need a chemist out there very urgently."

0:18:010:18:04

-It wasn't very pleasant in France then?

-It was terrible.

0:18:040:18:07

It was three months before I actually found the job I had to do.

0:18:070:18:10

What were you doing in France, then?

0:18:100:18:12

Oh, I was looking after the drugs and things like that.

0:18:120:18:15

The distribution of them.

0:18:150:18:16

Were you burying people at all?

0:18:160:18:18

No, but I saw a lot of dead people, of course.

0:18:180:18:21

I was in the Battle of the Somme, amongst other things -

0:18:210:18:23

Passchendaele later on, Ypres several times.

0:18:230:18:26

And what disgusted me was, of course,

0:18:260:18:28

the continuous burying of arms and legs,

0:18:280:18:31

which had to be burnt, got rid of, you know?

0:18:310:18:34

Is that why you shot into a perfume factory when you got back?

0:18:340:18:37

That's why.

0:18:370:18:39

I was very interested in the synthesis of flower aromas

0:18:390:18:43

like jasmine and rose and things like that.

0:18:430:18:46

And I studied up for three years. I got...

0:18:460:18:49

copyable results.

0:18:490:18:52

But, of course, nature, as you know, is the ideal thing

0:18:520:18:55

and you never get exactly like nature.

0:18:550:18:57

But we got very near and then I wrote a book about it.

0:18:570:19:00

-You've written books about all sorts of things.

-Yes.

0:19:000:19:03

Why is good perfume, the best perfume, so hellishly expensive?

0:19:030:19:07

Well, it's expensive for this reason -

0:19:070:19:09

I retired from that business 20 years ago

0:19:090:19:12

and the price of jasmine essence then was 2,000 francs a kilo.

0:19:120:19:16

Today, it's 50,000 francs a kilo.

0:19:160:19:19

Well, now, you have the option

0:19:190:19:20

of keeping your formula exactly the same

0:19:200:19:23

and putting up the price sky-high so no-one can afford to buy it,

0:19:230:19:27

or you bring in an expert who can make synthetics

0:19:270:19:31

very nearly like some of the natural things and you supply them.

0:19:310:19:34

Now, a lady who is used to wearing exactly the same perfume,

0:19:340:19:40

she notices the deterioration.

0:19:400:19:41

-Are you wearing perfume?

-Mm.

0:19:410:19:44

Can you smell her at all?

0:19:440:19:45

I've got my own body odour perfume.

0:19:450:19:48

LAUGHTER

0:19:480:19:50

Let's try and keep it on a slightly higher level, if we may.

0:19:500:19:53

-Angry? No, really...

-Are you wearing perfume at this moment?

-No, no.

0:19:530:19:56

I'm going to leave right this minute if you turn your back to me for one more minute.

0:19:560:20:01

I mean, really! This has been going on too long already.

0:20:010:20:04

It's only going to go on another six minutes

0:20:040:20:06

and you'll have another little part of it.

0:20:060:20:08

Well, maybe I should go right now, then.

0:20:080:20:10

Don't go right now unless you want to.

0:20:100:20:12

Well, don't turn your back on me any more!

0:20:120:20:14

I can't look at you... Argh!

0:20:140:20:15

Now, hold...hold...hold on.

0:20:150:20:17

No? APPLAUSE

0:20:170:20:20

Hold on just a moment. Just...just a moment.

0:20:200:20:23

Move your chair back or something.

0:20:230:20:25

I am talk... Can you listen to what he's saying?

0:20:250:20:27

Cos he's talking about his perfume making.

0:20:270:20:30

I love it - I wear four different kinds of perfume.

0:20:300:20:32

-Are you wearing any perfume at this precise moment?

-No!

0:20:320:20:36

Well now, wait a minute. Let me just ask...

0:20:360:20:38

I'm wearing the ones from last night -

0:20:380:20:40

I had four different perfumes on last night, and I still have them on.

0:20:400:20:44

Allow me, then, to ask one more question, then I will come back to you, right?

0:20:440:20:47

Hold on for one second.

0:20:470:20:49

Another of the things you have done, Mr Poucher, to some distinction,

0:20:490:20:52

-is you're a mountaineer and photographer.

-Yes.

0:20:520:20:55

And there are a lot of jolly photographs in this particular book.

0:20:550:20:58

When you're mountaineering in Scotland, as you were there,

0:20:580:21:01

-what do you wear then?

-Oh, I wear climbing clothes.

0:21:010:21:04

And they're very special to keep me dry.

0:21:040:21:06

I get caught in the rain like everybody else, you know,

0:21:060:21:09

and I've been trapped in bogs and then I hold the cameras up

0:21:090:21:12

so they don't get in the water and ruin the cameras.

0:21:120:21:15

When you carry three or four Leicas, like I do, it's an expensive job.

0:21:150:21:19

But whenever you wear perfume like this, do people ever laugh at you?

0:21:190:21:23

No, I very seldom wear perfume.

0:21:230:21:26

-I was the first man to create a cologne for men.

-Right.

0:21:260:21:29

And that was years ago, when people rather worried

0:21:290:21:32

about anything for men, but it was an enormous success,

0:21:320:21:35

-and after that, shaving products and everything else for men.

-Right.

0:21:350:21:39

Now, then, before we break any further apart,

0:21:390:21:41

let me just say to you that I...

0:21:410:21:44

Well, let me ask you a question - why is it, do you think,

0:21:440:21:46

that men rather than women seem reluctant to change their style?

0:21:460:21:49

Grace has said that she's not the same as she used to be.

0:21:490:21:53

And you're sitting there like I am, in a sort of suit and tie.

0:21:530:21:56

I wonder why it is that women are keen to change all the time

0:21:560:21:59

and men never.

0:21:590:22:01

Something imposes rules and regulations about what men wear.

0:22:010:22:04

Look at us all, as I said, in jackets and ties.

0:22:040:22:06

Women can get away with what they like - it's as if there were a uniform for men.

0:22:060:22:09

-Nevertheless, there are pioneers...

-You know why?

0:22:090:22:12

-There are pioneers...

-You know why?

-Are you going to tell me why?

0:22:120:22:15

Because men always make the fashion for women, that's why.

0:22:150:22:19

-Here is a man who makes fashions for women, Tom Gilbey.

-Fantasies.

0:22:190:22:22

And he's a designer for men and for women.

0:22:220:22:24

He's appalled by what he calls the rigidity

0:22:240:22:26

and banality of men's fashion.

0:22:260:22:28

Welcome Tom Gilbey.

0:22:280:22:29

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:22:290:22:33

Do you know, I never thought I was going to get on!

0:22:420:22:45

LAUGHTER

0:22:450:22:47

I was back there, and I was listening to all this...

0:22:470:22:49

Now, is Patrick Lichfield a closet queen or a cousin to the Queen?

0:22:490:22:53

I didn't hear.

0:22:530:22:54

-He is cousin to the Queen.

-Oh, right.

0:22:540:22:57

-What have you brought on in that?

-Oh, right, right.

0:22:570:23:00

I brought just a little... How long have we got?

0:23:000:23:03

-Two minutes.

-Oh, two minutes. Right.

0:23:030:23:04

Two minutes to have a quick change, come back here.

0:23:040:23:07

-This is for me.

-Oh, it's for you, yes.

0:23:070:23:09

If you don't mind. I'm going to...

0:23:090:23:11

I'm going behind here to change, cos he says I have no taste.

0:23:110:23:14

-I'll take your seat, man.

-She's taking my seat.

0:23:140:23:17

I'm going to change.

0:23:170:23:18

-Now, you've made a costume for me.

-Oh, of course, Mr Russell.

0:23:200:23:25

And what did you make for me?

0:23:250:23:27

Ah, I made a most wonderful outfit for a woman,

0:23:270:23:30

but I'm sure you might get into it.

0:23:300:23:32

But, um, what I thought...

0:23:320:23:34

Oh, no, Russell, you don't need that, do you?

0:23:340:23:36

LAUGHTER

0:23:360:23:38

What is it? I haven't seen what it is.

0:23:380:23:40

You haven't seen what...? Don't worry.

0:23:400:23:42

-Listen, take that, put the leg in there.

-Put my leg in there?

-That's right.

0:23:420:23:46

-This is the first interview I've done behind a screen.

-Don't worry.

0:23:460:23:49

Now, I don't think we'll get these on.

0:23:490:23:51

Let's get rid of that for a start.

0:23:510:23:53

LAUGHTER

0:23:530:23:54

And we don't need that, either.

0:23:540:23:56

What's he taking out?

0:23:560:23:57

We don't need that. No, we don't need it.

0:23:570:23:59

-Oh, we dropped another one.

-Patrick!

0:23:590:24:01

-Dropped another one, we don't need those.

-Patrick!

0:24:010:24:04

-What do you think he'll come out in?

-Patrick!

0:24:040:24:06

-It's all right. No, we're OK.

-Russell, what are you putting on?

0:24:060:24:09

-Patrick, can you hear me?

-He'll come out as Sheena, Queen of the Jungle!

0:24:090:24:13

LAUGHTER

0:24:130:24:14

I'm sorry, we've almost got it on.

0:24:140:24:16

What do you think it might be? White tie? Top hat?

0:24:160:24:19

I'm nearly ready. I don't know what it is I'm wearing.

0:24:190:24:22

-A policeman? Or a traffic warden?

-Yes, something like that.

0:24:220:24:24

-Traffic warden. What would you...?

-Mickey Mouse.

0:24:240:24:27

If you had to go in there and change quickly,

0:24:270:24:29

-what would you come out as?

-A cartoon.

0:24:290:24:31

-A cartoon. You almost are, my dear.

-SHE LAUGHS

0:24:310:24:34

-What would you come back as?

-Oh, I'd come back as a...

0:24:340:24:37

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE DROWN RESPONSE

0:24:370:24:39

You know, I feel a right pozzock in this. I really do.

0:24:480:24:52

May we say you look it?

0:24:520:24:53

Well, I feel like something from room service,

0:24:530:24:55

like someone'll press a bell and I'll have to whizz off with a thing.

0:24:550:24:59

What do you call it?

0:24:590:25:00

Well, I call it my new pyjama creation.

0:25:000:25:02

It's supposed to be worn in bed -

0:25:020:25:04

I don't know what the hell you're doing with it on on television.

0:25:040:25:07

Really, I would wear it out. I would wear it out.

0:25:070:25:10

-You'd walk out in it, would you?

-Yes. Oh, yes.

0:25:100:25:12

-Now, Mr Poucher...?

-You look better.

0:25:120:25:14

You ought to be in mountaineering clothes with red stockings.

0:25:140:25:17

Mountaineering clothes with stockings.

0:25:170:25:19

I agree about the room service thing.

0:25:190:25:21

You'd not be much good getting out of bed in it,

0:25:210:25:23

but you might look good going into it.

0:25:230:25:25

LAUGHTER

0:25:250:25:26

Does it considerably alter me at all?

0:25:260:25:28

Enormously. You look twice the weight.

0:25:280:25:30

LAUGHTER

0:25:300:25:33

No, one of my things is always to be on show

0:25:330:25:36

and do the most amazing thing, and I wanted to send you up.

0:25:360:25:38

-I think you look awful.

-You certainly...

0:25:380:25:41

LAUGHTER

0:25:410:25:42

No, look at the name.

0:25:420:25:43

You sent me so far up, I may never come down again. Thank you.

0:25:430:25:46

Look at the name - I put "Russell Tarty" on the name.

0:25:460:25:49

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:25:490:25:51

Take it all off!

0:25:510:25:53

Before we dissolve any further,

0:25:550:25:56

I must mention my next two programmes

0:25:560:25:58

so that you can book your seat in front of the television.

0:25:580:26:01

On Thursday night, we are going to Dublin to meet Rod Stewart

0:26:010:26:04

and to join his live concert from that fair city.

0:26:040:26:08

But before that, tomorrow night, in London's Wigmore Hall, Eric Fenby,

0:26:080:26:12

the man who 50 years ago became the eyes and the hands

0:26:120:26:14

of the blind, paralysed composer Delius,

0:26:140:26:16

will be giving a rare performance of one of Delius's works

0:26:160:26:20

with the cellist Julian Lloyd Webber.

0:26:200:26:22

And then they will come here next Tuesday night to join us

0:26:220:26:26

in the company of a most unexpected Delius fan by the name of Kate Bush.

0:26:260:26:29

And I hope it's a slightly quieter evening next Tuesday.

0:26:290:26:32

Until then, another song from Grace Jones - Love Is The Drug.

0:26:320:26:36

Off you go, Grace.

0:26:360:26:37

APPLAUSE

0:26:370:26:39

CHEERS AND WHISTLES

0:26:470:26:50

# T'ain't no big thing

0:26:590:27:02

# To wait for the bell to ring

0:27:020:27:04

# T'ain't no big thing

0:27:060:27:08

# The toll of the bell

0:27:080:27:10

# Aggravated - spare for days

0:27:120:27:15

# I stroll downtown... #

0:27:150:27:17

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