11/03/2016 Too Much TV

It's Friday and over the next half hour Aled and I are going to guide

you through the best of this weekend's TV.

But before we can do, here's the best bits

I look like crazy frog! That's small, it is like a normal sized

one. It's quite cold! It doesn't get much more of a slap in your face to

find another woman in your house on your wedding day. If you're going to

do it, make it as amazing as you can. What is your four? LMAO. Start

again. It's like pulling teeth. Coming up tonight, he's

the undisputed king of the one-liner but has he got what it takes to win

this weekend's final of Let's Play Darts

for Sport Relief? We'll be getting the inside scoop

on one of the biggest TV events of the year, the Eurovision Song

Contest, with UK hopeful Plus Emma and I go head to head

in this week's Friday Quiz. I've got a feeling this is going to

be a nightmare. Did you not see me last week? I'm going to be even

worse! But first, here are some

of the shows we think are worth watching tonight and

through the weekend. Let's start tonight at nine on BBC

with Land of Hope and Glory: This is a fly-on-the-wall

documentary that goes behind the scenes at Country Life magazine,

but more than that it tells us what life in the country

is really all about. Tonight we meet the owners

of stately pile Milton Manor. What are the challenges of keeping a

house like this alive in 2015? You need a good woman to do the cleaning

and cooking and that sort of thing. Ironing. Gardening. Cleaning 1's

shoes. What do you say to that? I'm

completely astounded, I didn't know he noticed I did any of those

things! His views are more outdated than the

house! If you haven't seen this,

you've missed a real treat. I watched it this morning, there are

some fantastic characters. Some heartfelt ones as well, some farmers

who have worked all their lives, it is a beautiful programme and nicely

filmed. This is the second episode of three,

so if you like the sound of it get If you're in the mood for something

new, then head to ITV on Sunday night for a brand new drama series

called Houdini and Doyle. Stephen Mangan stars in this murder

mystery that pairs Sherlock creator Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and escape

artist Harry Houdini The problem is they're a bit

of a mismatch. Doyle believes in the supernatural

and Houdini is a full blown cynic. Why do you refuse to believe? Do you

think so much of yourself that you cannot accept there is anything out

there bigger than you? Why can't you accept that this is all there is?

You can't stop treating the dead instead of enjoying the living. Do

your worse! Stop this. As much as I hate to interrupt, we thought you

should know, there has been another murder. Sister Matilda.

Not sister Matilda! I love Stephen Mangan as well. This is one of -- it

is made by the same people who did House.

That's Houdini and Doyle on ITV this Sunday at 10.35pm.

More TV recommendations later in the show, but in other TV news

today it's been announced that Sheridan Smith will star in new BBC

two-part drama called The Moorside Project.

Looks unrecognisable, she'll be playing Julie Bushby,

the woman who led the search for Shannon Matthews

Also Benedict Cumberbatch is coming back to our screens in May,

he'll be playing Richard III in the second run of Shakespeare

Here he is. He needs to wash his hair!

Others in the cast list include Dame Judi Dench,

If you're going to watch Shakespeare, this is

He's one of the country's favourite comics.

But will Tim Vine be having the last laugh on Sunday when he goes head

to head with Mike Tindall in the final of Let's Play Darts

In the beginning, eight celebrities joined forces with eight darts

legends for the ultimate challenge. And now, tonight, it is the final.

Tim Vine and Darryl Fitton. Darts is like life, you have a chance, will

you take it? Mike Tindall and Scott Mitchell. The standard is so high.

It's exciting! Please welcome the Punaway train

himself - it's Tim Vine! APPLAUSE

I would like to pick you up on a slight technicality, it is woo woo.

What is the difference? It is just woo woo. You have been in the finals

last year, we will not dwell on that. Somebody told me you had been

practising all year for this. They build that up slightly, but I have!

I have a dart board at home so I put the kettle on in the morning and I

tried to play a game, ending on a double, in my dressing gown. I will

have to go back to it, how gutted were you that you lost to Lee Mack?

I know that face! I was pleased with how I played, it helps the whole

story, that I spent the whole year in a dark room crying! It was

annoying but one of the things we both spoke about, just to be on that

stage at Lakeside is incredible. You through your dart and... The sound

is incredible! It is a thunderous roar. Sport Relief have come up with

some full on challenges, Eddie Izzard doing 27 marathons in 27

days, David Walliams swimming the channel. What drew you to darts? It

is a big shorter than a marathon. What drew me to it was the lager and

the general lack of effort! I thought you had to have a bit of

belly. I'm holding it in! My mum became really good at darts when she

was pregnant. But you don't have that belly. If you are properly

pregnant, it is somewhere to put your beer! You are up against a

former England international. It will be tough. Both sports men in

your prime! Thank you for that! My prime might not be the same as his.

The dangerous ones are the ones who played sport because often people

have excelled at one sport and it turned out they are great at all of

them and he is very competitive. Robbie Savage was very good. We have

got an exclusive clip from the final on Sunday.

Tim Vine is yet to hit a double in this final. Now would be a good time

to start. Get the hooter going. Double top.

There it is! It was the tongue! APPLAUSE

What is it about the tongue? I don't think about it. They said at one

stage you can tell when he is stressed because his tongue comes

out. Maybe if I didn't do it, I would play better. I do do it. Maybe

I should deliberately bring it in. I once had a job as a tongue model. I

only stuck it out for a week! That is why he is paid the big bucks! But

you take it so seriously. I do, I love darts so much. I play it all

the time. It shouldn't matter as much as it does come it's obviously

about Sport Relief and the money they are raising but when you are up

there... And with a professional. And Darryl Fitton is a lovely guy. I

was with him last year, we are trying to go one step further. He

lives in Manchester and I went and played with him for an evening. He

won it all! He is a professional! When you are playing with someone,

you convince yourself you are both doing it but it is really a game

between two professionals and me and Mike Tindall will be there. Didn't

he used to be an undertaker? He did. You are still doing comedy? I am. I

have tried to think of some darts jokes but I can't tell them. I did

one about not being able to let go of the doubt because I hadn't signed

a release form! We have got your brother coming in next week. Tell us

about his TV viewing habits. I don't know that he actually watches a huge

amount of TV, I know that is sacrilege on this programme! We will

cancel the booking! He does love current affairs so he is all over

the news. He likes those box sets. Box set type things! Yes, things

like Breaking Bad. How would you get on with a job swap? He would

probably do quite well at my job unless it was a dingy comedy club

with a lot of raucous people. But I can't talk about current affairs. I

hear him interviewing a politician and after about a minute I don't

know what they are talking about. What is your best one-liner at the

moment? I was helping my mum with a computer, she said, when I hit that

button, it swears at me, I said, that's the cursor! Let's hear it for

the brilliant Tim Vine! We think it is our duty here to tell us about

some infamous shows that you might have heard of but might not be

watching and what better than the only way is Essex.

Well, it's about to celebrate it's 200th episode.

Now we've all seen it's star characters popping up on shows

like I'm a Celeb and Strictly over the years, but if you haven't

actually seen it before, here's TOWIE in a nutshell.

The Only Way Is Essex follows the lives of a group of people living

in... Essex. Everybody in TOWIE owns a salon or a shop. They all know

each other's business. There's no smoke without fire. They even have

their own language. Maybe I have mugged her off a bit. I was so

bugged out. You are never quite sure what is real and what is not. The

key players are... Long-time lovebirds Lydia and Arg. Danny and

lucky. Gossip queen Gemma Collins. Unlucky in love Chloe. If it's the

right person, they will come you on an sweep you away. And Bobby. When

you walk past me, do you think I look straight? No. Expect tears,

tanning and a lot of tiny dogs. Not another dog! And that is TOWIE in a

nutshell. Look, I've got the

teeth to match, too! If you like the look of that, this

weekend there is a documentary which examines the influence of the show

on British culture, that is Sunday at 9pm on ITV.

Time now to take a look at one of world's most popular

television shows - the Eurovision Song Contest.

Welcome to the wonderful world of Eurovision.

Representing the UK this year, it's Joe and Jake!

APPLAUSE . Congratulations, has it also in?

It is on its way in. This year your selection

process was televised. The viewers voted, let's take a look

at the moment that changed The winner and the UK representative

for Eurovision 2016 is... Jo and Jake. Round of applause. How do you

feel when you watch that back? Goose bumps. We have worked so hard it is

an amazing feeling that we are representing the UK and we are proud

of ourselves. TV has been good for you because you met on the The

Voice. Yes, things have definitely come along. We have signed to Sony

today. A record contract, that is brilliant. Our track is available

for down low. And you have become a professional blogger. Who were your

mentors? Mine was Rita Ora. Mine was Will I am. How did you find them?

They were great, they are the best in the world. How did you find each

other? We met and that was it. We just got on and we thought it was a

good idea. We do not want to panic you, no pressure. Nearly 200 million

people tuned in last year and what the show it was. Look at the size of

the stadium. A far cry from the first

Eurovision in 1956 where the hosts, Denmark, lost the video

meaning that no recording There are 29 cameras filming as

well. This year Sweden are the hosts and this is what the set will be

like. That is a huge step. It is incredible. It is incredible, but we

can't wait. When you met did you ever think this would happen? Not at

all, we talked about this and we said in the space of 12 months... A

lot has happened. There is somebody who has sung in front of millions.

Have you got any advice? I know you are doing a lot of press at the

moment, how are you finding that? Busy, but it is our dream and we

embrace it and love the whole experience. Once you get on that

stage and perform your song it is the best thing in the world. Your

song, we love it. Give us a blast. I think we can. This is Jake's baby.

Are you ready? # You are not alone, we are in this together. They don't

need to know, they don't need to know.

It sounds gorgeous. Absolutely brilliant. Never played the guitar

in his life. You two sounds like a brilliant duo. Let's take you back

to Eurovision 1990 and this happened to the Spanish entry. When you are

ready. Shall I sing you the first couple of bars while we are waiting?

Gosh, this could be a long evening, ladies and gentlemen.

I don't mean to laugh. They actually got to number five? They came in

fifth place. They came on and got the chance to sing it again. They

missed their cube. And how lovely it was to hear Sir Terry Wogan as well.

So many memories. Good luck. When you win, what then? We will be back

here. Have you checked out the competition? Ultimately the only

performance we can put in is our own. We have won it five times, but

not for 20 years. No pressure. Let's hear it before Jo and Jake. Oh, no,

it is that time, it is Let's put out TV knowledge

to the test in... This week it's a TV

related darts quiz, or, as I like to call

it, Game of Throws To make things more interesting,

the loser will have to face an embarrassing clip

from their TV past. The rules are simple,

each player's got three darts. Each colour on the board represents

a different question who you want to see

playing with darts! It's Emma The Bullseye

Hunter Bunton! Catherine Zeta-Jones

in a field of daffodils. Oh, my goodness. You are first, and

away you go. Throw a dart at that round thing. That colour is gold.

Which soap had a plane crash watched by 19.7 million? I think I know

this, Emmerdale. It is correct. Take your diet. Alec, you are one down.

Away you go. Thank you for that. That is also a gold question. This

is a bring back question. How many episodes of faulty Towers warming?

12. Correct. Second one, please. That is purple. TV for this week.

How many shows have you hosted so far with Aled? Is this our third?

That is not the answer I am up there. If the answer is two, you are

wrong. These take your dart away. I don't know whether to be insulted or

not. Clearly she cannot remember working with you. That is blue. This

is about the guests. Who are the team captains on A Question Of

Sport. It is Matt Dawson and Phil Tufnell. Correct. That is purple.

Complete the TV showed titled Raised By... Wolves. Blue. How many years

has Matt Chambers been in doctors? Nine. And that is it. The winner of

this week's quiz is Aled Jones. The nation gets to see this little gem

from the archives. My first kiss is horrible. I remember where it was,

it was in Mali burn station after school and I was very nervous. It

was quick and sloppy really. -- Marylebone station.

That is the most embarrassing thing. And thank you for that case an

And thank you for that case an Marylebone station.

Now it's time for the biggest decision of the day.

If you're after something for all the family, then

on Saturday for You're Back in the Room.

You might remember from the first series,

of five strangers take on simple challenges to win cash.

Well, no, because each contestant has been hypnotised.

Tonight the Loose Women ladies are getting a waxing,

but it's the contestants who are feeling the pain.

Hello, are you OK? What are you doing? A little wax. Have you done

this leg? Not yet. I am getting there. You are very good. Would you

ever do a show like that? Philip has said it is like Marmite Stevie.

Chance would be a good thing. That's Your Back in Room,

back on your screens Saturday If star-studded dramas

are your thing, then I suggest heading over

to Channel 4 on Sunday night for the second series

of Indian Summers. Set in 1930's India,

this critically-acclaimed drama starring Julie Walters follows three

ex-pat families trying to cling to the past

as the British Empire crumbles away. Difficult themes here -

lots of political and racial In this clip Cynthia

is discussing Lord It was a small heart attack. Good

chap, how does one have a small heart attack? Must have a small

heart. I am having a new hat made for the opening. Are you listening?

When I heard he had been taken ill, my first reaction was if this arroyo

were to shuffle off into the next live, would it be so dreadful?

She is so great, everything she does.

It's Channel 4's most expensive drama, and it looks it.

We're spoilt for choice for Sunday night dramas

That's Indian Summers, this Sunday on Channel 4 at 9pm.

That's all we've got time for tonight.

Joe and Jake, what TV theme tune will you be playing us out

A huge thank you to our guests this evening.

Big week next week - we've got guests coming

in from Silent Witness, Strictly Come Dancing,

And may the best team win the rugby -