Texas without Trucks Top Gear USA

Now, on Top Gear.

With gas prices rising we head to Texas, to prove two-door cars can do everything trucks can do.

-Oh, it's terrible.

-What could possibly go wrong?

This was our signal.

Welcome to Top Gear. Now, we here in America love our trucks, right?

ALL: Yes.

-Yeah. I know I do, I'm on my eighth or ninth one.

-Eight or nine?

-Yeah.

-Really, That doesn't really surprise me, I guess.

But the problem is, is that with gas prices the way they are

and the fact that trucks typically don't give very good gas mileage,

it sort of takes the fun out of it.

Yeah. So, in an effort to save America a few bucks,

we took on the challenge of finding the ultimate cheap replacement for the pickup.

40% of all trucks in this country are sold in the Lone Star state.

With gas prices rising daily, driving a pickup is getting expensive.

So, Top Gear decided to find an economical replacement for the truck.

The catch was we could only spend 2,000.

We met in Lubbock.

This is the perfect small car for pickup duty.

A 1975 Ford Maverick.

It's rear-wheel drive, simple truck-like rear suspension and was built on the Ford Falcon platform,

which Ford also used for their Ranchero.

Their version of the Chevy El Camino which was half-truck.

So, technically, this car is half-truck.

Oh, my God. You're kidding me?

Of course.

Jesus, Adam, how old are you really?

Is there some sort of geriatrics' craigslist that I don't know about?

How do you find all these mid-70s piles?

What do you have a trust fund?

This is one of the most famous cars in the world, the BMW 3 Series.

This is the 325e, the E meaning "efficiency".

-But it's German engineering...

-or effeminate.

No, this is the ultimate driving machine.

Stop it, every rich girl got this car when their parents got divorced and daddy felt guilty.

Yes, but it also has a lot of sophisticated engineering.

There's probably more technology in this car than any new pickup truck sold.

Yes, which is more things to go wrong. That is simple, my friend.

I'm pretty sure you missed the point of what we're trying to do.

Out of 2,000 you could have bought any car in the world for that money

and you chose a mid-70s Maverick.

I can't imagine that you thought this would replace a pickup truck.

-What were you thinking with that?

-It's German,

it's utilitarian.

-Oh, my God.

-Oh, my goodness.

-That is exactly the opposite of what I would've seen Rutledge in.

-What's wrong with him?

-Did you not...

-Sorry?

Did you not understand what the challenge was?

This is the ultimate pickup replacement. It's rearwheel drive, just like a truck.

It's a lot roomier than people would think and it's a convertible.

It converts into beautiful sports coupe when I put the top down.

Look at this, this is all my truck bed.

I could stack sheets of plywood on here, do anything I wanted.

It's just like a truck. But it gets great miles per gallon. I mean, it's peppy...

It's not the fastest thing ever.

"Peppy"? I'm amazed you can actually pile in this thing with a roof on.

If gas is four dollars a gallon this is the best choice you could make.

I'm just going to go out on a guess here,

-I'm guessing Old Man River's Maverick is yours?

-Correct.

-Is that your country club special there, the BMW?

-Yes, it is.

-Did it come with a white wine spritzer dispenser?

-No.

Like a package of Burrells and James. You used to hang out with those guys, didn't you?

Moving on. Welcome to Texas, gentlemen, which as you know is the truck capital of America.

And to find out if your compact cars can stand up against pickup trucks

you've been entered in one of Texas's favourite truck-based sporting events,

500 miles from here.

Before you get there you will need to prove your car's worth

by competing in tasks that are part of daily life here in Texas.

Your first challenge is 250 miles away.

How many times will you need to stop for gas and that?

I'll make it, don't you worry.

Why do they never put a back window, don't they know that that's dangerous

to not have protection back there?

OK, let's mount up, guys.

That's a cow patty. That's how we're going to start this?

Let's go.

It is Texas.

Oh, it smells bad too.

Oh, shit. A screw has fallen out, that can't be good.

We didn't get far before we were met by the local welcoming committee.

Oh, sh...

Oh, my gosh, that is a big mean bull.

The Miata taking on the bulls, unbelievable.

The car is a little bit snug on me.

It's a little bit bumpy in here.

Oh, this is fun.

I'm impressed with my little 3 Series, 2,000.

It slides around so well.

I can't see a thing.

It just balances torque, the engine is almost like a little truck motor.

This is where lose my windshield.

Oh, there it goes.

The Maverick looks like it's getting kicked in the balls the whole time.

Luckily for Adam, we finally made it to asphalt.

Our road trip across Texas would take us 500 miles from Lubbock to Skidmore.

The first leg would take us 250 miles to Running-R Ranch.

So, why a 91 Miata.

I wanted something that was going to get good gas mileage,

be fun to drive and haul plenty of stuff.

Some people would see that lack of back window as a problem,

I see it as a loading point, you know, just put stuff right through here.

It's hard to get that kind of freedom with a back window.

Now, the Miata did catch kind of a bad rap for being a girl's car.

If there was a girl's car here among us, it'd be Tanner's car.

I assume she's probably a cheerleader,

she has a boyfriend who is a star football player.

She wants to go to school and study abroad but she'll stay in state.

The 25e is the perfect replacement for a pickup truck

because it's over-engineered, it's robust, it can handle a beating.

You can just throw stuff in it and on it and not even worry about it.

You can easily do most of the things you could do with a pickup truck

and get 28 miles to the gallon.

at 70 mph, pretty good.

This is a 36-year-old car. This is in pretty good shape.

It's comfortable.

It's got bucket seats, a rear tyre also, a nice option,

it's in the back seat.

This car is going to make the best pickup truck.

Rear-wheel drive, it's got a V8 in it, pretty good ground clearance.

I'm going to kill these idiots.

I think I'm going to take a guess at your problem.

Yeah, it's...

You need a belt to run your water pump.

-We can tie shoelaces together.

-Yeah. You know that trick?

-No, I do not.

-It's kind of fun.

So tie them together and it's long enough?

No, you're going to have to tie one that goes off the crank that runs the alternator

and then one that goes off the crank that runs the water pump and we should be good.

They're so happy, listen to them.

My God, look how old this is.

The thing I like about the car, it's fun to drive.

Fun to drive is what I like.

I look good in it, not now but I will.

Just keep working.

You're doing excellent.

-You look good in it? That's why you like this car?

-Yes, I do.

It fits your age demographic.

OK. Keep working, if you're good, we'll get ice cream.

Actually when you think about it these cars are perfect to label the three of us.

The Maverick is old and out of style, much like Adam.

The BMW is pretentious but not that fast, like Tanner,

and the Miata is sporty and affordable, like me.

Welcome to Bandera, fellas.

250 miles later we pull into the Running-R Ranch.

I wasn't sure but it looked like our cars would be doing something rural.

Here I have the challenge.

Cattle drives have been a Texas tradition since the 18th century.

Though some still use horses most cowboys now use pickup trucks

to drive over 13 million cattle around the Lone Star State.

-We've got to put cows in these cars and drive 'em 20 miles?

-Yeah.

That's what we're going to do.

To see if your cars are capable replacements for the truck

you will now herd 100 cattle 20 miles across the hill country.

-In these cars, there's no way.

-I can do it in the Maverick.

Unbranded steer, maverick. How many cattle do you think are named Miata?

It was time to mount up.

Herding cattle over some of the toughest terrain in Texas

would test the durability and ruggedness of our cars,

but before we could get started we were wrangled by some cowhands

for some final instructions.

Howdy.

You guys are the real deal here.

Tips, how are we going to... I mean, the cows are everywhere.

-Got to move them like we do.

-How do you move 'em?

What we do is we use a V.

People on the sides and then a car on the back

and that V is what drives them all over the property.

-If we lose one or two, it's OK?

-No, sir, these are expensive cows.

You're looking at 500, 600 apiece.

You don't run these cows, they'll lose weight.

They're not going to weigh as much as they should.

-Run them, you mean physically?

-You want these cows to walk.

-Rolling, fat cows.

-Yes, the fatter the better.

-Is there anything that you can think of that cows just hate?

-Cars.

-That's nuts.

-Fair enough. OK.

These cows weigh an average of 1,600 pounds.

And the bulls?

They can reach up to 2,800, that's 700 pounds more than my Miata.

The last thing I wanted was to get them angry and start a stampede

so we tried to reason with them.

Hey, you guys, let's go the other way.

Hey, we're going to try to go the other way, OK?

BLEEP

Let's go, you, with the horns. Let's... No!

HE CLAPS AND WHISTLES

That may not be working very well.

Hey! Ho! Hey, hup, here!

Here. Yip, hoo, hoo! Here!

What, I'm just making up noises for now. Why am I just screaming things?

Dare I say I think they're following the Maverick because they saw the horns.

-Yes, they are.

-They're just mesmerised by your car, Adam.

Freaking me out a little bit.

That's it, they're following me. It's working! This is working!

Apparently they just like the Maverick.

Just keep on leading them out there, Adam.

You're following the Maverick because you're cows.

If you followed a BMW, you'd be wasps.

-Will someone up and take the right flank?

-Yeah, I'll come up there.

I got the right flank here.

Remember, don't spook 'em, just get around them.

You guys heard the cowboys tell us a V, right, Tanner?

Are you spelling a Q right now? What are you doing?

-Just kind of gently turn them.

-Yes, Papa Bear.

The high plains drifter got bored and wanted things to move faster

so he turned herding into a race.

Don't make 'em run, don't make 'em run.

Yeah!

Are you kidding?

Tanner! Woo!

Oh, geez, oh, geez.

That's it, Tanner, I'm coming after you to you make you slow down.

Well, I'm stuck. Tanner, where are you?

CAR REVS

-Oh, gosh!

-Can you guys give me a little push?

All right, here, I'll give you a push. Ready?

-One, two, three, push.

-Go.

-Oh!

-What the hell, man? You just ripped my top!

You'll be fine.

You know, you should just get rid of the rest of this.

Wait, I asked you to push.

Tanner wanted to prove that his Beemer was as capable as a truck

and tried to tow me out.

Perhaps I should have chosen something

with just a hair more ground clearance.

-I'm going to start off with some just gentle tugs.

-OK.

You've said that before, haven't you?

You guys let me know when you're done.

Why don't you go and find the cows?

Why don't you go and yank your friend?

There you go.

All right, how about you just back up and we'll try one more time?

OK.

Hey, very impressive.

Keep going, so close.

Yow, oh! That was almost it! Go, go.

Yes!

Somehow, Tanner's girl car was able to pull

Rutlege's girl car out of the mud.

Yes!

But now we had a bigger issue, it was getting late

and our cattle had escaped into the trees.

OK, I got 'em cornered here. I'm going to need some help, OK?

I'm on my way. Tanner, push 'em right.

Go, cut, cut! Come on, cows, let's go! Come on.

Hup, hup, hup!

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, boys, here!

Moo.

We managed to wrangle them back into the open

and our cars were proving to be as tough as trucks

until someone got what they deserved.

Holy crap. OK, I cut a gas line. I'm shutting my car off.

I mean, I think this thing is under pressure,

so I'm not sure how well tape is going to work.

We'll suss how well it will stick to it.

It's really a joke to even try to put tape on a fuel line. Come on.

You've got to be kidding.

'I was able to bandage up my beamer, but it was getting dark

'and we were only halfway into our 20-mile herding challenge'.

'Luckily, the real cowboys had a plan.'

What's this?

-COWBOY:

-This is home for the night.

-This is home?

-This is it. OK. I love what you've done with the place.

You guys got tents and stuff?

There's your tent.

-WOMAN:

-Here's your flashlight and dinner.

Really? I'm going to use this to find my way to the hotel.

-COWBOY:

-We're going to have cattle out here all night.

You guys got to keep one ear on these cattle.

How are we going to watch the cattle while we're sleeping and looking for scorpions?

This has all been fun, I've really had a good time,

-but if you could just point me...

-You're not going anywhere.

If we got to sleep here, you've do too, dude.

-WOMAN:

-Know what it's called? It's called "cowboy up".

Cowboy up, damn it.

A little something for working so hard today.

Now we're talking.

-Ah!

-I think you sold me.

-Little whisky.

We're going to need all this to sleep out here.

'Apparently we needed to stay with the cattle all night to make sure that they were safe'.

Is it true that dogs and bees smell fear?

-Every animal smells fear.

-Are there monkeys here?

-WOMAN:

-No.

'Another staple of the range diet was chewing tobacco,

'and weak stomach or not, I was determined to cowboy up'.

-Can I try some of that?

-Oh, you're going to love it. It's wintergreen. It's very minty.

Put a plug in there. Everybody's doing it.

-How much do you put in?

-That's good.

-A little more than that. Don't be a wuss.

Aw! That's where you're sleeping!

-It's like coffee grounds!

-You'll be fine. Put it in.

That's terrible.

-Ugh!

-Watch my foot.

-COWBOY:

-A little better understanding for the old cowboys

that push cattle from Texas to Dodge City.

-I'm going to push these cows from Texas to Dodge City?

-In the cattle-driving days...

-That's why cattle-driving was invented.

-My gosh. Really?

-Kansas to Texas?

-About 2,000 miles from Texas to Kansas.

-Why do people do this?

-Cos it was right after the Civil War...

-Not the horses, the dip!

-Oh.

Ugh, it's so bad.

HE RETCHES

Don't throw up on me, please.

HE RETCHES AND BURPS

I'm done. I threw most of it up.

Let's hope.

-WOMAN:

-We will see you in the morning.

-COWBOY:

-Hope to see you in the morning.

-Thank you.

-Good night.

-Good night.

'The next morning we got back to wrangling the cattle.

'Our cars had barely made the first challenge and there was still more to come.'

Come on, almost there, cows!

I am the master of the beasts!

There you go. Nice and easy, big fellas.

Everybody in! Everybody in!

Here we go.

I'm happy. Hello, friend.

SMOOCH

LAUGHS DEVILISHLY

I will take a tall, black coffee, please.

Yes, sir. Eggs and bacon.

-How do you boys think you did?

-Excellent. I think we got them all for you, sir.

-Job well done, there, yeah?

-Mm-hm.

We'll get a count and I'll tell you how you did.

-OK.

-Fair enough.

Don't look like 100 head to me standing over there but we'll see.

'We got out of there as fast as we could before the cowboys had a chance to recount the cattle.

'Our next challenge was 50 miles east, near San Antonio.'

-Every time we stop somewhere!

-Sorry! My bad.

-What're we doing here?

-Let's see.

"Hauling is big business in Texas.

"The Lone Star State produces more than 7 billion pounds of beef and cattle products every year,

"which is all hauled to the customer using trucks.

"To find out if your cars are up to the challenge, you'll each haul as much crop food as you can carry.

"Most product moved wins."

-Crop food?

-Crop food, like fertiliser?

Oh, my gosh.

That smells a little bit like...

-That is...

-That is crap.

That is a huge, steaming pile of crap.

I'm going to throw up.

-It IS hot. It's still warm.

-It's hot?

It's warm just from coming right out of the animal.

-This came out of one animal?

-Oh, God!

-Smell my finger.

-No.

HE RETCHES

Why would you do that?!

HE COUGHS

-Oh, God, this is going to be awful.

-You poor dry-heaving fool.

-We've got to put this in our cars without bags?

-I know one thing. You're screwed.

'We had to haul as much hot, steaming manure as we could

'to a depot ten miles away on the other side of San Antonio'.

'Clearly we needed to modify our cars to optimise our cow dung capacity'.

All right, all this has got to go out.

Here we go.

That's it.

SAW BUZZES

Come on, Miata. We can beat these guys together.

SAW BUZZES

-Wha...what?

-Huh?!

-Perfect!

-That's your modification?

-What did you do?

-Oh, my gosh!

-I brought out my inner truck.

This is the inner Ranchero that lives within the beast.

This is your idea of efficiency? It's buckets!

There is absolutely no need to put poop in with me.

-Did you put the kidneys on the front?

-Well, it's an identifier...

-Yeah, cos you have to show everyone you're pretentious.

-Still snooty.

There's no way these things will hold on there.

You look like a donkey going up a mountain.

Oh, my God, is that carbon fibre?

-That is some cardboard I found on the ground.

-Cardboard fibre?

Yes, and this used to be some carpet here.

Wait a minute, wait, wait, are you planning on putting stuff here?

Yes, kind of like an L here, so I'll pile it up all the way there.

-This will be...

-That kind of L? Is this your design?

-This will...

What keeps the manure from going like in here, this way?

Well, I'll be going fast enough, the wind will keep it pinned down.

-Are we ready?

-Yeah. And I have some machinery over there coming this way.

'To see if our cars had the same payload capacity as a truck,

'each would be filled up with 2,000 pounds of crap.'

-'Adam was up first.'

-This is going to be good.

'The Maverick had already broken down once, so it was

'going to struggle with a tonne of number two weighing it down.'

Go time. Oh, my God!

Just right on in there would be great.

Oh... OH! Oh, it's HOT!

LAUGHTER

Oh, my God!

Oh, it smells so bad!

He's got no accuracy with that thing. You see, it just falls everywhere.

I think that's enough. I think that's enough, my friend. Thank you.

-One more. Maybe?

-Don't listen to him!

-Probably fit another one in there.

-It's holding it. Look at the back, it's completely flat.

-Ha-ha!

Oh, my God!

Oh, it's in my eyes!

-There's no way that car can take that.

-Oh, yeah?

It smells, keep going.

Oh, that's so bad!

LAUGHTER AND COUGHING

He's going to have to get a lot in there to beat what your car did.

-How could such a smart guy have such a dumb idea?

-I don't know.

-This is the best part. Watch this.

-Oh, yes!

-There you go.

Brush the roof.

LAUGHTER

He's putting on ChapStick.

Here we go. Oh... Oh, my God!

Perfect!

Look at that, he's never going to get out of there!

That's it, keep coming.

You got it. There you go, rock it.

Your kidney's dragging just a little bit.

There you go, that's it!

'Tanner's barrel concept may have kept him comfortable,

'but his BMW looked like a weird albino pack mule.

'I was up next.'

We'll use this is good, this is bad.

-OK?

-OK, all right. Good. Bad.

Let's do it, Mike.

-Oh, my gosh, he's getting a full scoop!

-There you go.

My glasses are fogging up a little from the goggles.

Right...

Oh, sweet Jesus. Oh...

Oh... Oh, God! Oh! Oh!

LAUGHTER

-Oh, this is awful!

-No, you're doing great!

Oh, this is a bad idea, this is such a bad idea!

-That bucket holds so much!

-It's over his head!

-Look at that, it's still coming.

-It's raining!

Whoa, the cardboard's moving.

You're golden from here on in.

Oh... Oh, the truck. The truck is in the back.

-The worst part's the whining.

-He's just kidding.

LAUGHTER

-This is our signal.

-Are we good?

That's good there. I'll just...

-It's in my shoes!

-That counts.

-It's everywhere, it's inside me.

-That's all right.

That could be your reserve that makes you win.

How versatile is this thing?

-Look at all the room you've got.

-Yeah.

-If you could let him put

-just a little bit more.

-You can fit it all up in there!

You know what?! Load it up again, Mike!

-There you go.

-Load it up again.

-Attaboy!

But hey, why don't you try to not, um, not cover me

as much as the open parts of the car?

-Try that this time.

-Mike, you're doing awesome!

-There he goes. That's going to be good.

-Oh... Oh, jeez!

Oh, that's scary. OK, OK, yeah!

-That's good.

-Good?

-Let's get on the road.

-Good luck! Hold your breath if it gets bad.

That went pretty well.

Now I was prepared for what was going to happen,

so no I just have to figure out how to hang these appropriately.

Oh, that is delicious!

'But there was a design flaw I didn't plan.'

..and I can't see anything beyond just immediately in front of me.

< THUD!

What are you doing?!

-I said... I can't see anything!

-Come on! That's...

-You know what, now you lose this.

-I...

-We knock all that stuff off

and that's just about as much as you knocked off mine.

Well, can you do the rest of the windshield, cos I can't see a thing?

'With 10 miles of open road and a truckload of cargo,

'what could possibly go wrong?'

This is such a bad idea.

It is a really, really nice day out.

We couldn't have asked for better weather.

It's like a tornado of crap in here.

'Over in the Maverick, Adam was starting

-'to second-guess his design.'

-Oh!

Oh! Oh, that's terrible!

-I can't see!

-HE COUGHS

That's not better, that's not better!

Please stop doing that, it feels like you're sandblasting my face.

HE LAUGHS

I doubt there are many pick-up trucks that can afford

the kind of luxury I'm experiencing right now.

HE COUGHS AND SPITS

-Oh! Oh,

-BLEEP

-me!

You don't have any lotion, do you?

My left hand, for some reason, is really drying up in this heat.

-What's the golf report, Buffy(?)

-Tanner, do you want to stop

and get a pedicure before we have to unload this stuff?

-Adam's car is officially smoking and steaming back there.

-No, it's fine!

Keep going. Oh, it's down my shirt!

'We decided to take a shortcut through downtown San Antonio.'

How much further we got?

Wow, that's the Alamo.

Holy cow, you're not...

Sorry.

Seriously?

Uh-oh! Oh, shit! Come on, honey, don't do this.

'The Maverick overheated...again...'

Come on, not now! '..and it couldn't have happened in a worse place.'

It's hot. If you'd step out of the air conditioning, I'd appreciate it.

-It is kind of warm out here.

-What's up?

-It doesn't look too good.

-All the manure in your engine?

-No, the smoke.

CAR HORNS BLARE

-It smells funny in there.

-Yes, that's the manure.

You know what, it's made it this far, I'd just throttle down.

All right.

CAR HORNS BLARE

-Isn't the Alamo nice?

-It is nice.

Look, we're blocking traffic, let's go.

Leave that alone. Get in your car and leave that alone.

-CAR HORNS BLARE

-Oh, really?!

Wow. It's like I keep thinking, "How could my day get worse?"

Oh!

-Really?

-Come on!

-Sorry!

Let's go!

'We left calling cards at the Alamo

'and got out of the city before we started another battle.

'Tanner may have been comfortable,

'but he wasn't making it very pleasant for anyone around him.'

-That's your bucket.

-You've got my bucket.

It's in the middle of the road.

Don't let it go.

-Can you guys get that out?

-Yeah.

HORN BEEPS LOUDLY

-It's not funny!

-That was my leg.

-Do you want me to help or not?!

-That was the manure.

-I didn't do that, I didn't do that.

-Rutledge, drive up on this kerb.

Get ready to jump onto the wall if he can't stop.

Come on, come on. Good, good.

-Good.

-Keep going. Keep pushing.

-Keep going, did you say?

All right, we've got it.

There's still mulch in it, I'm going to take it. I'm taking it.

No, no, no, I'm taking it, this is valuable...

Now there's not. Now you can take it.

HORN BLARES

'Finally, after a long and stinky drive,

'we neared the weigh station to see who had hauled the biggest load.'

BRAKES SCREECH

Really?! OK, so how is this going to work?

All right, we take the manufacturer's weight,

subtract it from the actual weight of what we have here.

Front axles on, back axles on, add those two together,

minus the manufacturer's weight, whatever's left is what you got.

-You look dirty.

-Yeah, it's a hard day's work.

-I'll watch the scale, you pull up first.

-You go.

-Stop.

-OK, you've got to get out of there, though.

1,880.

-OK, move it on forward.

-All right.

Jeez... Good, good.

-All right, he's out.

-Weird, it's like the leaf springs might've hit there.

OK, 1,880 plus?

2,540.

-What was your wet weight?

-3,000lb.

1,420lb of crap.

Yes! '1,400lbs was a lot of weight for my Maverick.

'Mr Country Club's car weighed in next.'

-270lbs!

-There's no way... LAUGHTER

That weighs less than him!

-You don't...

-I'm just going to leave that one alone.

It does, you're big framed.

I dropped your calculator.

'If my Miata wasn't carrying more than 1,400lbs of crop food,

'then I would lose, making Adam the one most full of crap.'

570lbs. ADAM LAUGHS LOUDLY

Children, children, will you never learn?

-My truck, it's the champion.

-Despite it's barely running, you're correct.

What's next?

I'll tell you what's next... HE SIGHS

"Your final challenge

"will be the ultimate test of your vehicle's brawn..."

Like we haven't done that(!) "You have 12 hours to prepare your vehicles

"to compete in one of Texas's most cherished motor sports -

"monster truck racing"?!

-RUTLEDGE LAUGHS

-Monster truck racing?

-With that?

"Last truck standing wins double points."

-Double points? Let me see that.

-That's what it said.

-It doesn't.

-That's what it said.

-Let me see.

'Adam's Maverick may have won the challenge, but it was falling apart

'and, with one challenge left, I knew my monster truck Miata

'would beat them both, but first we had to unload our precious cargo.'

What's he doing? Hey, hey...

Real mature.

Oh...

Oh, you want to ride with me? Here, let me just dig out your seat.

This is ridiculous!

So we modified our cars overnight.

It's standard for somebody to put bigger tyres

and add on aftermarket parts to a truck.

But the modifications we made would test the integrity of our cars

and squeeze out whatever power the engines still had left.

I don't know how you made that thing look so menacing,

-that brush guard is awesome!

-Did you see the wings?

-See this side of the door?

-Yes, I saw your Maverick doors!

'I decide to go for a mean, "Stay out of my way, I'm a Miata" look.

'Something menacing.' Have you ever seen a bigger Miata?

That is the biggest Miata I have ever seen.

-That exhaust pipe is compensating for something, I think.

-What?!

'My design was classic and practical.

'This was a race, not a beauty pageant.'

You guys decorated your stuff up. The Beamer was perfect the way she was, right?!

You could go over every speed bump at the Beverly Centre in it.

A design specification. We should have done this days ago, obviously,

but we're out here to race 'em!

'We would race six times around this obstacle-filled dirt track.

'The winning car would be crowned the best two-door car truck.

'The race was on.'

LAUGHTER

Why did we not think of this sooner?

I know, what were we messing around with cow manure for?!

'I was focused and took an early lead.

'So, naturally, Tanner began to cheat.'

'But neither of them could catch me.'

HE LAUGHS

'I was in the lead.'

'Two laps down and my 36-year-old Maverick was bound for victory.'

Boys, I'm on fire.

You might want to get away from this, it's burning.

-What happened?

-I think it's on fire, I'm not sure.

SIRENS BLARE

Didn't you think when he said, "I'm on fire," he was going fast?

-Like, "I'm on fire!"

-What, what?

-"I'm the king of the world!"

-You meant, "I'm ablaze!"

-Yeah, burning.

-Yeah, embers.

-When did you first realise it was on fire?

-Flames!

-The flames were an indication that something might be amiss(!)

-You watching this?

I just want you to know that,

of all the times Tanner and I wanted your truck to blow up,

-we're sorry...

-This was not one of them.

-This was not it.

Yeah, 12 hours for 12 minutes.

-Hardly seems fair, doesn't it?

-That's racing.

'The Maverick, well, it was dead.'

-Straight back.

-But we didn't want Adam to feel left out.

-Why do we have to do this?

-You can't just be completely out of the race,

-cos you got on fire.

-It needs to be part of the race.

-It's the only American car in the line up.

-And now it's going to be part of the race.

-It looks like it's you and me.

-All right.

-Let's do this.

-Double on nothing, right?

-It never said double or nothing.

-All right, Rut, let's do this.

-Hold on. No fire, I'm good.

'The best replacement for a truck would come down to the mighty Miata

-'or Tanner's yuppie mobile.'

-ENGINES REV

'We lined up for the restart with four laps to go.'

Oh, oh!

Whoa! 'Tanner may be a professional racer,

'but my Miata was lighter and faster than his BMW.'

LAUGHTER

Oh, no! Tanner!

Oh!

Whoa! Whoa!

I lost a wheel!

I lost a wheel! Ha-ha!

-HE LAUGHS

-Oh, no!

No! Miata!

No!

'The only thing standing between me and the victory was one more lap.'

Second lap in and I wrecked a... Oh, no!

Oh, my God!

Come on. Tanner!

He's out of it! Rutledge is done!

That is some kind of sportsmanship.

Oh, my God!

Go!

Whoa, baby!

Almost home, almost home!

Whoa-hoo-hoo!

Yeah!

BMW wins! Woo!

CHEERING

Mmm!

No! You don't win! You don't win! First of all,

I won the hauling competition and I won the cattle drive.

-The cattle drive had no winner!

-They followed the Maverick.

LAUGHTER You caught on fire.

-So what?

-You can't win catching on fire.

No. He broke another car.

That one's on fire, you bent the Cadillac in half.

-Because I drove it like a man.

-MAN: Yeah!

A stupid man. You broke every driveshaft in the state on that F250.

That was gravity, I came down on the rocks.

-You drove on three wheels.

-Yeah, that's pretty awesome, hard to do.

You were in a monster tricycle!

LAUGHTER

I had the only car running at the end, I win!

-That's all we've got tonight...

-You don't win!

-You can't!

-See, they're not even clapping, they know you're full of

-BLEEP!

That's all we've got! Thanks for watching!

CHEERING

It's a lot harder to drive with three wheels than with four!

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