Episode 4 Top Gear


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Episode 4

Matt LeBlanc tests the world's fastest accelerating car, with a little help from NASA. Chris Harris pens a heartfelt love letter to the Citroen 2CV.


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Transcript


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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hello, and welcome to Top Gear. Let's play

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who forgot to sign the producer's birthday card?

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Here's a clue. On tonight's show I drive one of the fastest cars of all

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time, Chris drives one of the most iconic cars of all time,

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and Rory drives a Kia.

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LAUGHTER

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-All you had to do was sign your name, Rory.

-Yeah. I know.

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-Thanks.

-That was literally all you had to do.

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-I know!

-Now, we all know the car world is full of outrageous claims.

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For example, Chris Harris still insists he's five foot eight.

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-He isn't.

-Well, you're not five foot ten, are you?

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All right. Now, here's another outrageous claim from Dodge.

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Dodge says it's built a car that will outrun anything on

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the planet. Like these.

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HE SNIGGERS

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And, apparently, you can buy this fastest car

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in the world for 84,995,

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that's about £60,000.

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I'm five foot ten, Chris!

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It's called the Demon...

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..and, as you can see, it doesn't look like a supercar.

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It looks like a muscle car.

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A muscle car with a muscle car motor.

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ENGINE ROARS AND RASPS

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A big, noisy, 6.2 litre V8 with a big, noisy,

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supercharger strapped to the top.

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In fact, the biggest supercharger ever found on a production car.

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SUPERCHARGER WHIRS

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Oh, yeah! Listen to it scream!

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It sounds like Satan passing a kidney stone.

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That might be the most addictive throttle pedal

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I have ever experienced.

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And, as you'd expect from a car that's limited to 168mph...

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..out on the road, the Demon does feel pretty fast.

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But supercar fast? Hyper car fast?

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I don't know.

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You know, this isn't some stripped down sports car,

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this is a big, comfy cruiser.

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Two metric tons of big, comfy cruiser, to be precise.

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There's no hybrid, energy recovery gizmo, there's just a big motor.

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And there's no supercar spec, double-clutch gearbox.

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It's just a big automatic.

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To be honest, it's kind of just a Dodge.

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But I've got to say, I've driven quite a few Dodges over the years,

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and they're not my favourite.

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The interiors are very plastic and cheap feeling.

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And, while it's no supercar on the inside,

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it doesn't corner like one either.

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Oh!

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If you try to go around this corner in the Demon as fast as you go

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around this corner in the LaFerrari, you wouldn't go around that corner.

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On a road like this,

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the Demon just would not see which way a supercar went.

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It pains me to say it, but it's true.

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So, there you go, question answered.

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For 84,995,

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you can't buy a car that will outrun anything else on the planet.

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However, for 84,996, you might just be able to.

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Because, when you buy a Demon,

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Dodge will also give you the option to spend 1 more

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on a crate of stuff.

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OK!

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You get tools, skinny front tyres, a high-flow air filter, a new ECU.

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Loads of cool stuff.

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Because Dodge didn't build the Demon to go quick on a winding,

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alpine pass or a tight street circuit. No, no.

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The Demon was made to do one thing.

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To tear up the drag strip, a quarter-mile at a time.

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Bolt all those crate parts on, feed it some decent fuel,

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and it will give you 840 horsepower.

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This is the most powerful V8 production car in history.

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Dodge says this car will run the standing quarter mile

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in 9.65 seconds,

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which, if you know your drag racing, you'll know is really, really fast.

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But if you don't know your drag racing, here's how it works.

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First, you need to warm the tyres.

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The Demon has a function called line lock, which brakes the front wheels,

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so you can spin up the rears.

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ALARM DINGS Oh, they're done.

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And, once you've warmed the tyres, you're ready to go.

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Well, almost.

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OK, so, to launch this thing is pretty easy.

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Left foot on the break, hold in both these paddles, add some revs,

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release one paddle, foot off the brake,

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release the other paddle as you bury the throttle.

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See, easy.

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Jesus Christ!

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That is incredible!

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That won't get old, ever.

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You literally could not fall off a cliff faster than that.

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Oh, hell, I'm doing that again.

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And you can.

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Because, unlike most cars with launch control,

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where you do a couple of full-bore starts,

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and then it has to go and lie down for a bit...

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..in making the Demon,

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Dodge had one do over 5,000 launches without a single glitch.

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That is addictive.

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OK. Now that I'm warmed up, how about a little race, huh?

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That is a Lamborghini Aventador, four-wheel drive, V12 engine,

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four times the price of the Demon.

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Let's do this.

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I've just roasted that Lambo!

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Damn! That is big American balls, baby!

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Big, fat, American ice cubes.

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Is that a Lamborghini way back there?

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I think it is!

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When you hook everything up right,

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you know how fast this car does zero to 60?

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2.3 seconds.

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This is the fastest accelerating road car in history.

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So, there you go, if you're the kind of person who wants to live life

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a quarter mile at a time,

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you don't want a couple of hundred grand supercar,

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you want a Demon.

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And if you think driving very fast in a straight line

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is a bit pointless,

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you'd be wrong. Because the Demon's very specific set of skills makes it

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the ultimate candidate for the coolest job in the world.

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Back in the '50s, in the depths of the Cold War,

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America launched the Lockheed U-2.

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Designed to cruise at 70,000 feet,

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twice the altitude of a commercial jet,

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it was the ultimate spy plane.

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But, with its vast wingspan, poor visibility,

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and lack of proper landing gear, it was a pig to land.

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In fact, the military found the only safe way

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to bring the U-2 down was to

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have a radio spotter chase it down the runway, in a car.

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And because the U-2 comes in at over 100mph,

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that meant using a muscle car.

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Zoom, zoom.

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60 years later, the U-2 has been redesigned,

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and modified in the name of environmental science, by Nasa.

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It's now known as the ER-2, and it is still a pig to land.

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And that's where me and the Demon come in.

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What better way to land the world's hardest-to-land aeroplane

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than with the world's fastest-accelerating car?

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Only one way to find out.

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So, with the ER-2 taking off on an eight-hour mission to research

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volcanoes and glaciers and stuff,

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I was sent for a briefing with Nasa pilot Dean Neeley.

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Call sign, Gucci,

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who did nothing to settle my nerves.

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When he goes up there today,

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he's going to be the highest man in the world, off for hours and hours,

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flying 13 miles above the earth, and coming back, exhausted, dehydrated,

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in an aeroplane that's really like landing a motorcycle coming off of

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a jump. So, we've got to always be ready to expect the unexpected.

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All right, next slide.

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OK, we're going to do our primary duty, which is being visible to him,

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where we roll in behind him and get in position to feed him

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useful information.

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And, then, as you're accelerating straight ahead, toward him,

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fade in right behind his six o'clock position,

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looking right down the tailpipe.

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What Dean was very thoroughly suggesting

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was that I accelerate onto the runway at 140mph,

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right up behind the ER-2's jet engine exhaust,

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while talking the pilot down over the radio.

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Piece of cake.

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Eight, six, four, two...

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..two, two...

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..one. The only thing that we can fail at today

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is hit the main gear first,

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because he'll skip back into the air. And he'll stall.

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And then you get the cartwheel manoeuvre, and it's ugly.

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Yeah.

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So, with the pilot now hard at work on the edge of space,

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and still not 100% clear on what I was supposed to do,

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Dean set up some practice runs, where, instead of the plane,

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we'd be chasing down a car.

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You never know, he may come down fine, and it would be no issue,

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or he may do some manoeuvre that kind of surprises you.

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He's going to count on your immediate response

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to guide him back where he needs to be.

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So, that's the critical part of this.

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And with time running out on the ER-2's mission,

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the pressure was on to get it right.

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Meet, Gucci, hit it.

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There you go, go get him.

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OK. You're on your own, you're on your own.

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It's tricky to get out there that quick.

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What was becoming obvious was that to land the ER-2,

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the drag strip-honed Demon would have to corner at speed.

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OK.

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This was going to take practice.

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Let's try that again.

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Nice job, Meet, how about one more, same thing?

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Oh, that's a lot of power, OK.

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I was just starting to wrestle the Demon into line...

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..when all too soon, the call came in.

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The ER-2 was making its descent.

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Remember, the whole goal is for you to be in position,

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where you can give him good instructions.

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So, it's pretty much now or never.

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OK, so this guy's life is in my hands for about 30 seconds.

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-Right?

-That's right.

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SA-06, runway 22, wing 240, vector 1-5, cleared to land.

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Nasa Mobile, cleared to follow.

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Here we go.

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About 20 seconds until we go.

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ENGINE REVS

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Three, two, one...

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..hit it.

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Get in there.

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-15...

-Get it, you're losing it.

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OK, eight...

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..four...

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..four...

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..four...

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..two, two..

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..two...

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..and down. Nice job. Nice job!

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Good landing.

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-That is good stuff.

-That's exactly what you needed to do.

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It's huge.

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Gucci, do you recommend we hire him with additional training?

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All right, man. I think you got it.

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The Dodge Demon, the 85-grand, undisputed king of the drag strip.

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And now proven at Nasa.

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-A mega car.

-Yeah, that was a lot of fun.

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That looked pretty intense.

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Honestly, were you scared?

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Well, come on, your country comes calling, you answer the call.

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Land a Nasa plane, take down a few bad guys, whatever.

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-Terrified, then.

-Yeah, I've never been more scared in my life!

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And, plus, if I didn't get the guy down alive,

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the wine and cheese thing with his family would have been awkward.

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Yeah, but at least you didn't crash the Nasa spy plane.

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Yeah, OK, Chris, Nasa was very clear, it is not a spy plane.

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Right, because if you've got a spy plane,

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that's the one thing you don't call it, isn't it, a spy plane?

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It's a research plane.

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Research is a polite word for spying, you know that.

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OK, all right, I'm sorry, can we please talk about the Dodge Demon?

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-OK.

-85,000, £60,000, for a car that's faster than

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a Lamborghini Aventador.

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Yeah, in a straight line. Yeah, it does, literally, one thing.

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What's wrong with doing one thing?

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Did anyone care if Neil Armstrong was a good salsa dancer?

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No. We wanted him focused on the moon stuff.

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It's a one trick pony, the Demon.

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So what? So what?

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You show me a pony that can do zero to 60 in 2.3 seconds,

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and I will buy that pony.

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Rory.

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Now, it's time to talk South Korean cars

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because they are taking over Britain.

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Last year, Hyundai and Kia sold nearly 200,000 cars over here,

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and no-one even noticed.

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Because all South Korean cars are really, really boring.

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Well, nearly all...

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Now, this is a surprise.

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South Korea has made a rear-wheel-drive performance car.

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It comes from Kia, and it's called...

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..the Stinger.

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Terrible name, serious car.

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365 horsepower of serious car.

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The Stinger will do zero to 60 in under five seconds.

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80, 90, 100.

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HE YELLS

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Flat out, it will do 168mph.

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It's the fastest Kia ever.

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OK, that's not really that impressive a boast,

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when you think about it,

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but you can only beat what's put in front of you.

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And it's certainly better in the bends than any Kia

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I've driven before. Heavy on the brakes into Hammerhead,

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throw it left, throw it right.

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Oh, yes!

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There's loads of power, loads of noise.

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A decent amount of grip.

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You can feel that momentum, pushing you out wide, but the tyres,

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they do hang on. Until, of course...

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..you switch everything off.

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Yes, it will go sideways, I'm doing skids...

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..in a Kia!

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It's like moonwalking, in brogues.

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It feels so wrong.

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And, yet, so right!

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This is the most memorable car to come out of South Korea since...

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I mean, that's the whole point, isn't it? It's a memorable car

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to come out of South Korea.

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The Stinger is, in many ways, a ground-breaking car.

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But, in many more ways, it isn't.

0:18:570:19:00

When you think South Korea, you think tech,

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home of Samsung, LG,

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a country at the cutting edge of microchips, nanos and other small,

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complicated things.

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So, you might expect South Korea's take on the performance car

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to be a blue-sky thinking, outside-the-box shower of ideas.

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But the Stinger isn't a different take.

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It's old school.

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Under the bonnet, you won't find the next big thing in hybrid drive,

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but a very ordinary twin turbo, six-cylinder petrol engine.

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The whole car is very similar, in fact,

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to the fast saloons you can currently choose

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from Mercedes and BMW.

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And Audi.

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Kia has looked at what the Germans have done recently, and gone,

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"Oh, that's interesting, we'll do...we'll do, exactly that."

0:19:520:19:56

Just not QUITE as well.

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For example, the centre console,

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this isn't so much imitation carbon fibre as

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imitation imitation carbon fibre.

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And these buttons down here, they're more Matalan than Mercedes.

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Yet, despite these slightly flimsy finishes, somehow,

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the Stinger weighs nearly two tonnes. This is not a light car.

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I mean, one way to look at that is that you are getting

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quite a lot of kilos for the cash.

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Until, that is, you find out how much it costs.

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£40,000.

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Which is quite a lot for a Kia.

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Now, don't get me wrong, the Stinger is a good car,

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a big...no, HUGE improvement over previous Kias.

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But if South Korea wants to take on Germany at its own game,

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they'll have to do better.

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So it's just as well...

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..they've sent backup.

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This is the i30 N, Hyundai's answer to the Golf GTI.

0:21:130:21:18

Yes, as if a sporty Korean saloon wasn't weird enough,

0:21:180:21:22

now Hyundai are going after Volkswagen

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and the greatest hot hatch of them all.

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Just like the Golf, it uses a two-litre turbo engine,

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driving the front wheels.

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Just like the Golf,

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it costs just under £30,000.

0:21:380:21:41

And not just like the Golf...

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..it really is quite powerful.

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Yes, where the Golf GTI has to make do with 230 horsepower,

0:21:460:21:51

the Hyundai develops 270.

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That is a hot, hot hatch.

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0-60 takes six seconds.

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Top speed - limited to 155mph.

0:21:590:22:05

Yeah!

0:22:050:22:07

Oh, my God, that's quick.

0:22:070:22:10

Hyundai's let its hair down. Had a couple of pina coladas.

0:22:110:22:15

It turns out, they DO know how to party.

0:22:150:22:18

The "N" stands for "Not as bad as you might think!"

0:22:190:22:23

It is all good in here.

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Manual gearbox - good, adjustable suspension - good.

0:22:270:22:31

Clever electronic differential thing between the front wheels.

0:22:310:22:34

Good. Nice, sharp turning.

0:22:340:22:36

This thing is a joy.

0:22:360:22:38

In fact, I was wrong.

0:22:380:22:41

The "N" doesn't stand for "Not as bad as you might think" -

0:22:410:22:44

the "N" stands for "nutter"!

0:22:440:22:47

Oh, I see. Let's have some fun.

0:22:510:22:54

Right, late on the brakes, turn in.

0:22:550:22:57

I'm going to get him on the exit. Yes!

0:22:580:23:01

Too much sideways.

0:23:010:23:03

Oh, listen to the exhaust.

0:23:030:23:06

EXHAUST RUMBLES

0:23:060:23:08

Oh, no, you don't.

0:23:080:23:10

He's got me!

0:23:100:23:11

Right, I'm going in quicker.

0:23:110:23:13

Yes! Yes!

0:23:160:23:19

Yes!

0:23:190:23:20

Look at this! Look at this!

0:23:220:23:24

What we have here is a world first.

0:23:240:23:27

I'm having fun in a South Korean car!

0:23:270:23:30

And together...

0:23:300:23:32

All right, all right, truce. We're on the same side!

0:23:320:23:35

..the i30 N and the Stinger raise a very important question.

0:23:350:23:40

Where, after all this excitement,

0:23:400:23:43

does this leave South Korea on the Top Gear

0:23:430:23:45

International League Table Of Countries That Make The Fastest Car?

0:23:450:23:49

Or TGILTOCTMTFC, for short.

0:23:490:23:54

Well, check it out.

0:23:540:23:56

Now, I'm expecting big things from Botswana,

0:23:560:24:00

but, today, we're looking way,

0:24:000:24:02

way up there.

0:24:020:24:04

Using a highly sophisticated and scientific algorithm

0:24:040:24:08

formulated by cross-referencing countries and car-makers

0:24:080:24:12

that we could remember,

0:24:120:24:13

I'm excited to reveal that the i30 N and the Stinger have pushed

0:24:130:24:19

South Korea three places from 11th

0:24:190:24:22

to eighth, leapfrogging Australia, Czechia,

0:24:220:24:25

which is what the Czech Republic prefers to be known as these days,

0:24:250:24:28

and Spain.

0:24:280:24:30

I'll just put that there.

0:24:340:24:36

This is highly precarious.

0:24:390:24:41

We don't need Australia.

0:24:410:24:43

Couldn't we get magnets?

0:24:430:24:44

Right, I'll just hold it there.

0:24:450:24:47

In your face, Spain.

0:24:470:24:50

You know where they don't take siestas?

0:24:500:24:51

South Korea.

0:24:530:24:54

Right, can I get down, please?

0:24:540:24:56

South Korea, then, is heading up in the world.

0:24:590:25:02

Not so long ago, you couldn't have imagined Kia or Hyundai building

0:25:020:25:06

a serious rival to a Vauxhall Corsa.

0:25:060:25:09

And, now, here they are, taking on the best in the business.

0:25:100:25:13

It's admirable stuff.

0:25:130:25:16

But I know what you're expecting me to say here.

0:25:160:25:18

You're expecting me to say, "Yes, well done, South Korea, good effort,

0:25:180:25:22

"you've made great strides," and then tell you to buy German.

0:25:220:25:27

And that is what I will tell you.

0:25:270:25:29

For the Kia Stinger, it's missing that last bit of polish,

0:25:290:25:33

that sprinkling of magic.

0:25:330:25:35

It's just a bit too...fat.

0:25:350:25:39

But the i30 N?

0:25:420:25:44

Different story. Because, if it's this, or a base Golf GTI,

0:25:440:25:48

I'm picking the Hyundai.

0:25:480:25:50

More power, more speed, and, for me, more fun.

0:25:500:25:53

With the i30 N, the South Koreans aren't just going up in the world...

0:25:540:25:58

..they've arrived.

0:25:590:26:01

-Good South Korean cars.

-Great cars.

0:26:150:26:17

Let's talk about the cars.

0:26:180:26:20

So, we can forget about the Kia Stinger, right?

0:26:200:26:22

Yeah, overhyped.

0:26:220:26:24

But you're telling me you'd rather have that than a Golf GTI?

0:26:240:26:27

-All day long.

-So, that badge on your driveway

0:26:270:26:31

rather than a Volkswagen badge?

0:26:310:26:33

Yeah, I just, kind of, drive it, and park it up right against the house,

0:26:330:26:35

-no-one can see it.

-You know there's a badge on the back as well?

0:26:350:26:39

I'll rent a garage, I don't know.

0:26:390:26:40

So, Rory reckons the i30 N is better than a Golf GTI.

0:26:430:26:48

Well, it's time to find out using science,

0:26:480:26:50

as we hand over both cars to our in-house hot hatch connoisseurs,

0:26:500:26:54

it's the Stig's teenage cousins!

0:26:540:26:57

There they are, typical teenagers, five yards apart,

0:26:590:27:01

still communicating by text.

0:27:010:27:03

The Hyundai's got the jump off the line, but here comes the Golf.

0:27:080:27:11

Terrible weather conditions.

0:27:110:27:13

Side by side into the first corner.

0:27:140:27:16

How is he staying ahead, that particular spotty Stig?

0:27:170:27:20

Can you smell the Lynx Africa from here?

0:27:200:27:22

The Golf still ahead at this point, the Golf has a power disadvantage,

0:27:240:27:28

I don't know how it's still ahead, but it's doing a good job.

0:27:280:27:30

Oh, a bit sideways there.

0:27:300:27:31

Now, powering down the back straight, Golf still ahead.

0:27:340:27:37

Round the Hammerhead.

0:27:430:27:45

Come on, that Hyundai looks poised to me, here it comes.

0:27:450:27:47

Here it comes, all attitude,

0:27:470:27:49

Up the inside, now that's a fast move.

0:27:530:27:57

Oh, my Lord. Look at that!

0:27:570:28:00

Yeah, that's full Asbo spec, that is. Good driving.

0:28:000:28:03

Second to last, and the Hyundai is out of sight now.

0:28:060:28:08

So far apart.

0:28:080:28:10

It's all over the place, under braking.

0:28:100:28:12

Now we're going through Gambon, over the line,

0:28:160:28:19

and that is a victory for the Hyundai.

0:28:190:28:21

Impressive.

0:28:210:28:22

APPLAUSE

0:28:220:28:24

OK.

0:28:250:28:26

Much as it pains me to admit it, you called it. You were right.

0:28:290:28:32

-Mm-hm.

-OK. So, a victory to the Hyundai, but what was the margin?

0:28:320:28:35

The weather was terrible, OK, so don't judge them too harshly.

0:28:350:28:38

The Volkswagen Golf GTI did it in a 1:39.3,

0:28:380:28:42

which puts it somewhere down near the floorboards.

0:28:420:28:45

Very wet though, don't forget that. The Hyundai, however...

0:28:450:28:48

..a 134.6.

0:28:510:28:53

-Get in!

-That's an absolute...

0:28:530:28:55

-That's a drubbing.

-There you go.

0:28:570:28:59

That's a crushing, crushing victory.

0:28:590:29:02

Matthew?

0:29:030:29:05

And now it's time to put not one but two stars

0:29:050:29:07

in our Reasonably Fast Car.

0:29:070:29:09

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Dara O Briain, and Ed Byrne.

0:29:090:29:13

All right, buddy. Welcome. Welcome, welcome, take a seat.

0:29:200:29:24

Great to have you. Great to have you. Now, you guys

0:29:280:29:30

are great friends, right? You were best man at each other's weddings?

0:29:300:29:33

Yes, we were, yes.

0:29:330:29:36

I mean, are we cueing up how naturally competitive we are?

0:29:360:29:39

Or are you thinking because we are just pals, it's OK,

0:29:390:29:42

-I'll be happy if he wins? I won't be.

-He'll be raging.

0:29:420:29:44

Everyone says that. "Oh, no big deal, no big deal."

0:29:440:29:46

-And then when they get out there...

-Well, he did that. That's the thing.

0:29:460:29:49

He phoned me yesterday, we were on the phone to each other

0:29:490:29:52

yesterday, he was all, "It doesn't matter. I'm not really

0:29:520:29:54

"that fussed about it. We'll a laugh. The interview will be fun

0:29:540:29:57

"and stuff. I don't really care about the lap."

0:29:570:29:58

And I know as soon as he got behind the wheel, he was like,

0:29:580:30:01

"So long as I'm faster than Ed!"

0:30:010:30:03

Yeah, that's just to get you to let your guard down.

0:30:030:30:05

Yeah. Exactly. It didn't work.

0:30:050:30:07

-Did it not?

-No.

-So, you're both on tour at the moment?

0:30:070:30:09

Yes. Separately, obviously.

0:30:090:30:12

We overlap in Aberdeen and Newcastle.

0:30:120:30:14

-Yeah.

-In the same night.

0:30:140:30:16

So, watch out!

0:30:160:30:18

We are going to have some drinks in those cities.

0:30:200:30:23

That will be pretty wild. We're both crisscrossing,

0:30:240:30:26

so, we're both on the motorway a lot over the next while.

0:30:260:30:29

How's it going? Good?

0:30:290:30:30

It's going sweet, I'm on until June, with a show called Spoiler Alert.

0:30:300:30:35

And I'm on until next year sometime. Voice Of Reason until next year,

0:30:350:30:38

I started a little later than you.

0:30:380:30:40

-Any competition there, like...

-No. He's...

0:30:400:30:42

I rock up to venues, and they're like,

0:30:420:30:44

"Oh, yeah, Dara O Briain here for four nights, sold out last time."

0:30:440:30:47

And I'm like, right, here's me struggling to just about

0:30:470:30:50

fill it once. I know my place. Hopefully, I'll get a faster time

0:30:500:30:54

-than him, and that will count for something.

-Yeah.

0:30:540:30:56

-There you go.

-All the ticket sales are based on how we do here today.

0:30:560:30:59

So, that'll be great.

0:30:590:31:00

All right, let's talk about your driving history.

0:31:000:31:02

You're both kind of, late starters, right?

0:31:020:31:04

-Mm.

-Yeah, I came to driving quite late.

0:31:040:31:07

I started lying, and telling people I'd lost my license

0:31:070:31:11

because there was less shame in that than not having got it yet.

0:31:110:31:14

Can you clarify how it works having a provisional licence in Ireland?

0:31:140:31:18

Because the research notes slightly confused me.

0:31:180:31:22

I mean, are you thrown by the fact it seems to be that if you have

0:31:220:31:25

a provisional licence, you're allowed to totally drive for free, in Ireland?

0:31:250:31:28

-Yes.

-That may no longer be the case, I can't guarantee,

0:31:280:31:32

but that certainly was the case, because I had it for three,

0:31:320:31:35

four years, just on it with a P, or an L...

0:31:350:31:38

So, what was the benefit in having a full driving licence as opposed to

0:31:380:31:41

-a provisional licence?

-Bragging rights.

0:31:410:31:43

-Yeah.

-That's all.

-You put it like that, actually...

0:31:430:31:46

I mean, I'm surprised they didn't just phase out the full licence!

0:31:460:31:48

And just make it all provisional.

0:31:480:31:51

Yeah, it was quite loose.

0:31:510:31:53

-So, first cars?

-The first car I bought was a Seat Ibiza.

0:31:530:31:56

And I couldn't drive it, my girlfriend drove it.

0:31:560:31:59

-That was, that was the deal.

-The first car for me

0:31:590:32:01

was a Ford Fiesta, like, a 1991 Ford Fiesta

0:32:010:32:04

that I managed to crash twice in the same crash.

0:32:040:32:06

-You have to explain that.

-Yeah.

-There was a crash,

0:32:080:32:10

it was my ineptitude. I'd only been driving a couple of months,

0:32:100:32:13

and I popped out from behind a stop sign,

0:32:130:32:15

would be the discreet way of putting it,

0:32:150:32:17

and much to the excitement of the car who was on the road at the time,

0:32:170:32:21

so he nudged me into a wall, and then my dad came round,

0:32:210:32:24

and went, "OK, fine, we'll take this car off somewhere to be repaired."

0:32:240:32:27

I said, "Great," and we pulled out, and I sat in the car,

0:32:270:32:30

and he attached a tow rope to this car.

0:32:300:32:32

This already crashed car, and he was ready to tow it, and I said,

0:32:320:32:35

"Brilliant," thumbs up, like, whatever, and he pulled off, and I pulled off,

0:32:350:32:39

and I'm pulling the wheel, but nobody told me you have to put

0:32:390:32:41

the car into neutral when you're being towed.

0:32:410:32:43

So, I, on the first move, it locked,

0:32:430:32:46

and then my dad pulled the car out of this position, across the road,

0:32:460:32:50

into another wall.

0:32:500:32:51

So I hit two sides, two walls on the side of the same road, twice,

0:32:510:32:56

with the same car, and just, it was just gone. It was written off

0:32:560:32:59

-at that stage.

-Have you ever seen a Laurel and Hardy film?

0:32:590:33:01

-Yes.

-Essentially that.

-That's all you have to say.

-Ed, your first car,

0:33:010:33:05

having passed your driving test, is extraordinary.

0:33:050:33:07

I think the audience will agree with this.

0:33:070:33:09

The first car after passing my test, the first car I got for myself,

0:33:090:33:12

was a Mercedes SL 350.

0:33:120:33:14

Yeah, not too shabby.

0:33:140:33:16

That was called Nora, I called that car.

0:33:160:33:18

Cos Nora Batty, and it was a tiny bit like the Batmobile.

0:33:180:33:21

I name all my cars, and they all have silly names.

0:33:210:33:24

What came after that one?

0:33:240:33:26

A Volkswagen Golf called James Golfandini.

0:33:260:33:29

And I think there was another Golf called Revvy Ballesteros.

0:33:320:33:35

And I got rid of that, and I now have a Jeep Renegade which is

0:33:360:33:40

called Lorenzo, after Lorenzo Lamas, who played the title role

0:33:400:33:43

in the obscure, yet seminal, '90s TV show, Renegade.

0:33:430:33:46

I'm good at naming cars. That's my Renegade, there.

0:33:460:33:50

And that's the canoe on top that's called Stinky Pete,

0:33:500:33:52

cos it's an old prospector.

0:33:520:33:55

I can't help myself.

0:33:550:33:56

-You named your canoe?

-Yeah.

0:33:560:33:58

I name everything.

0:33:580:34:00

Can you imagine anything about him he hasn't named?

0:34:000:34:02

Now, Dara, your car history is a bit more exotic, right?

0:34:060:34:09

Well, I learned to drive with an Audi TT. I thought

0:34:090:34:11

when I started again, I might as well start with an Audi TT.

0:34:110:34:14

-That's punchy, as well.

-Yeah, it's a zippy little thing, yeah.

0:34:140:34:17

-I got my test with that.

-You fit in an Audi TT?

0:34:170:34:20

-Not very well.

-I can't fit in one of those!

-There's an element to which,

0:34:200:34:23

if you put to the roof down, I look like Noddy.

0:34:230:34:25

But I was very happy in the Audi TT.

0:34:270:34:29

It was very pleasant. Now I have a Maserati Grancabrio,

0:34:290:34:32

which is the soft top, with the four seats, which is...

0:34:320:34:36

Yeah, you're going, "Ooh!"

0:34:360:34:39

That's actually your driveway, isn't it?

0:34:390:34:41

It is, actually. Well, we opened it out.

0:34:410:34:42

I mean, most of the time, West London doesn't look like that.

0:34:420:34:45

Who cleans your pool, by the way?

0:34:450:34:47

He's constantly at it. Takes ages, to be honest.

0:34:480:34:51

It's a... It's a very pretty car. It's a very lovely car.

0:34:510:34:54

-And they're quiet?

-There's a nice noise off it, you know.

0:34:540:34:57

-What? Does it have a sufficient noise to it?

-It's obnoxiously loud!

0:34:570:35:01

Yeah, there is a point where they sold, I think, four

0:35:010:35:04

on my road and surrounding area, they had a big push on them.

0:35:040:35:07

There was some sort of deal, and at eight in the morning it's...

0:35:070:35:11

HE IMITATES ENGINES ROARING

0:35:110:35:13

All the people leaving at different times.

0:35:130:35:15

-They are very loud.

-It's got a lovely noise on it.

0:35:150:35:18

What's it like for carrying a 16-foot canoe on the roof?

0:35:180:35:20

Not so good. And, interestingly,

0:35:200:35:22

a Venn diagram of people who drive Maserati Grancabrios and people who

0:35:220:35:26

-give a

-BLEEP

-about canoeing is...

0:35:260:35:28

There's surprisingly small overlap.

0:35:290:35:31

No, it's not really for people...

0:35:330:35:35

It's great for stepping out of a private beach club in Monte Carlo,

0:35:350:35:38

but not so much for the canoeing.

0:35:380:35:40

All right, what do you think? Take a look at your laps?

0:35:400:35:43

-Yeah, go on.

-How did it go, come on, let's have... What about conditions?

0:35:430:35:47

It was wet. First of all, can we just say that, it was very wet.

0:35:470:35:51

I'm surprised you've any footage

0:35:510:35:52

because the lenses must have been just pounded with water.

0:35:520:35:55

It was incredibly wet. I don't think there's been a day like this.

0:35:550:35:58

I saw you in the production office, you were walking around, I said,

0:35:580:36:00

"How did it go?" You said, "It was good, but it's drier out there for Dara now."

0:36:000:36:04

Yes, I went first. I went first. It's always, always,

0:36:040:36:07

everything just comes up roses for this dick.

0:36:070:36:09

It's always, like, I'm there, I've got the windscreen wipers on

0:36:110:36:14

and everything, going through this monsoon weather, and as soon as

0:36:140:36:16

I get out of the car, rainbows, sunshine...

0:36:160:36:18

SINGS ANGELICALLY

0:36:180:36:20

There you go, Dara, away for an hour, steam coming off the track,

0:36:200:36:22

on you go, dry as a bone. I hate you!

0:36:220:36:25

I want a W next to my name.

0:36:260:36:28

And just a D, for damp, next to his.

0:36:290:36:32

OK, well, maybe, first, we'll take a look at Dara's lap.

0:36:320:36:35

And, while we're watching that,

0:36:350:36:37

-we can get a little marriage counselling for you.

-Yes!

0:36:370:36:39

All right, let's take a look at Dara's lap.

0:36:390:36:42

So, this is Dara, the track's looking pretty dry.

0:36:420:36:45

Little bit of a stumbled start.

0:36:450:36:46

Operation crush Ed's dreams.

0:36:460:36:49

So, not remotely competitive!

0:36:490:36:51

Now, your line through here was always pretty good.

0:36:510:36:54

That was just... So many G forces!

0:36:560:36:59

It doesn't look fast.

0:36:590:37:01

OK, don't hit the tyres, don't hit the tyres.

0:37:010:37:03

-Don't hit the tyres.

-You didn't hit the tyres.

0:37:030:37:07

The exit of Chicago, smooth again.

0:37:070:37:09

-Oh, no, no, oh, no.

-BLEEP

-you!

0:37:090:37:11

The violent slap between the seats indicates something else.

0:37:110:37:15

Now, driving the car really fast.

0:37:150:37:17

God, Ed will be so disappointed when he loses this.

0:37:180:37:21

He seems confident, doesn't he?

0:37:210:37:22

Here, around the invisible Hammerhead.

0:37:220:37:25

Why? What's supposed to be here?

0:37:250:37:27

Put some trestle tables with custard pies on it, or something.

0:37:270:37:30

You've got...you've got the left-right bit

0:37:300:37:32

-for the first time in the day, I think, there.

-Bollards, anything.

0:37:320:37:36

Inflatable things.

0:37:360:37:37

Go into...fourth gear!

0:37:390:37:41

There's even a fifth and sixth, we'll never use it,

0:37:410:37:43

it's hard to get out of third.

0:37:430:37:45

Stop that! Got this corner.

0:37:450:37:47

Follow Through, Follow Through.

0:37:470:37:50

That was good speed. Now the tyre wall.

0:37:500:37:53

And this one, that you keep saying don't brake on.

0:37:530:37:56

Has Ed broke on it? Well, then, I'm not going to brake on it.

0:37:560:37:58

Good speed. Oh, that was a brake light.

0:37:580:38:01

Coming in to second to last.

0:38:010:38:04

Tricky seeing this one. Now onto the slippery bit.

0:38:040:38:06

Oh, whoa, whoa.

0:38:080:38:09

Through there, safely. And now through Gambon.

0:38:090:38:12

Completely slowed down.

0:38:120:38:13

-And over the line.

-OK.

0:38:140:38:17

Yeah, I think there's very little in it.

0:38:200:38:22

-Yeah?

-I think that looked pretty racy, actually?

0:38:220:38:25

I think it looked smooth.

0:38:250:38:27

Honestly, the first turn, I thought I'd lost it.

0:38:270:38:29

I honestly thought, "Oh, you've screwed that up now."

0:38:290:38:31

I thought I'd gone way too wide and lost control of it there,

0:38:310:38:34

because of the conditions. You can see, from the driving rain.

0:38:340:38:37

And the sleet. Which cameras can't pick up on.

0:38:370:38:40

It looked like you carried pretty good corner speed,

0:38:400:38:42

I didn't see a lot of wheel spin. Right, let's see Ed's lap.

0:38:420:38:45

OK. Well, that's wetter, definitely wetter.

0:38:450:38:48

Cleaner start. Using more revs.

0:38:480:38:50

Yes, you might sell more tickets than I do,

0:38:500:38:53

when you're on tour...

0:38:530:38:54

..but who, who will be faster round the Top Gear track?

0:38:560:38:59

Slightly wider on the way in, is he tighter through the corner?

0:39:010:39:04

He is. And more speed on the exit, too.

0:39:040:39:06

Perfect, nailed that.

0:39:060:39:08

That's for the time you opened for me, and were funnier.

0:39:080:39:11

You really warmed to this!

0:39:140:39:16

That's for having a bigger house than I have.

0:39:160:39:19

Stick that up Brian Cox's bum!

0:39:240:39:26

Exit of Hammerhead, I don't know what to say after that!

0:39:300:39:33

OK, got a bit cocky there, almost lost it.

0:39:330:39:35

Down the back straight, through the Follow Through.

0:39:350:39:38

This is for getting me to be your best man, and then doing a speech,

0:39:380:39:40

just before mine, and being even funnier than my best man speech was!

0:39:400:39:45

No brake lights, all right.

0:39:470:39:49

There you go. Nailed it.

0:39:510:39:52

Nailed it. OK, brake, and change down.

0:39:520:39:55

Unstable on the entry, and now the super slippery bit.

0:39:560:39:59

Man, I can't wait for the next episode of Mock The Week,

0:39:590:40:02

you ain't never going to live this down. I have destroyed you.

0:40:020:40:04

And now Gambon, oh, a big slide, showboating.

0:40:040:40:08

Over the line, that looked quick.

0:40:080:40:10

Hey, not only...not only was that a lot of very good driving,

0:40:140:40:20

I also thought you got a lot out of your system.

0:40:200:40:22

-That was very cathartic.

-Very therapeutic.

0:40:220:40:24

-Yeah.

-I can't believe how much I care about numbers that are written

0:40:240:40:28

right there. It makes no difference to anything, and I care deeply.

0:40:280:40:31

I'm looking at this, right here,

0:40:310:40:33

and I used to share a flat with Ross Noble,

0:40:330:40:36

I know I'm nowhere near there.

0:40:360:40:37

But I'm looking at Lee Mack, and I'm thinking...

0:40:370:40:40

Yeah, he's a realistic target.

0:40:400:40:42

What I'm thinking is we could pretty much forget the lap board,

0:40:420:40:45

this is about head-to-head.

0:40:450:40:47

-I mean, it's clear, is it not?

-It's a grudge match.

0:40:470:40:49

Yeah, OK. So, you've got the same car, same conditions.

0:40:490:40:54

Roughly the same conditions. Roughly the same conditions.

0:40:540:40:57

Not being petty, just...

0:41:000:41:02

You don't even know the times yet!

0:41:020:41:04

No, I don't, but I'm already making excuses.

0:41:040:41:06

-All right. Are you ready?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

0:41:080:41:11

Dara. You did it in one minute...

0:41:110:41:16

..53.2.

0:41:160:41:19

OK.

0:41:190:41:20

-You beat Lee Mack.

-Beat Lee Mack.

0:41:250:41:27

I'm disappointed I didn't beat John Culshaw, but I beat Lee Mack.

0:41:270:41:30

-That's a good thing.

-But, remember, we're wet.

0:41:300:41:32

Wet, yeah.

0:41:320:41:33

-One minute, 53.2.

-OK.

-And Ed?

0:41:330:41:36

You did it...

0:41:360:41:38

..in two... No, I'm kidding.

0:41:380:41:40

OK, you did it in one minute...

0:41:430:41:44

..50...

0:41:460:41:49

..point zero.

0:41:490:41:50

Do you see what you get? Do you see what you get?!

0:41:540:41:57

Ladies and gentlemen, Ed Byrne, and Dara O Briain!

0:42:060:42:08

-Well done, mate. Hope you enjoyed it.

-Great job. Great job.

0:42:080:42:11

That was funny, funny guys.

0:42:180:42:19

Now, big question.

0:42:240:42:25

What's the most game-changing car of them all?

0:42:250:42:28

Well, there's the Mercedes S class.

0:42:290:42:32

Introduced ABS, airbags,

0:42:320:42:34

like, a million tech firsts,

0:42:340:42:37

or the Tesla Model S, electric pioneer.

0:42:370:42:40

Not even close, OK?

0:42:410:42:44

Because there's one out there that's even cleverer than the S class,

0:42:440:42:48

or the Tesla. A car that defines cutting edge.

0:42:480:42:52

Who are you talking to?

0:42:520:42:54

It's a quintessential slice of France

0:43:060:43:08

that has amazed, delighted, and charmed the world over for 70 years.

0:43:080:43:13

And, in my humble opinion,

0:43:150:43:17

it is one of the most perfect cars that has ever existed.

0:43:170:43:20

Yes, it's the Citroen 2CV.

0:43:220:43:25

It may not be conventionally beautiful,

0:43:250:43:27

or even unconventionally beautiful, but this...

0:43:270:43:30

..this might be the most ground-breaking car of the lot.

0:43:300:43:33

And this...this is just joyous.

0:43:380:43:40

Driving a 2CV on a minor, rural, French road

0:43:400:43:44

is the same as driving a Ferrari at Fiorano.

0:43:440:43:47

I'm in its element.

0:43:470:43:48

I'm in context.

0:43:480:43:50

I love it.

0:43:500:43:51

You want to know how much I love the 2CV?

0:43:530:43:56

I love it so much I bought one.

0:43:570:43:58

This one.

0:43:590:44:01

This is my 2CV.

0:44:010:44:03

Citroen launched the 2CV in 1948, a hardy car for both road and field,

0:44:080:44:14

developed for over a decade to bring rural France

0:44:140:44:17

a better alternative to the horse and cart.

0:44:170:44:20

And, boy, did they succeed!

0:44:210:44:23

With its simple but robust air-cooled engine,

0:44:250:44:28

its pioneering all-terrain ride,

0:44:280:44:31

and its uncanny ability to carry way more stuff than you'd expect,

0:44:310:44:35

the 2CV was an unprecedented feat of less-is-more engineering.

0:44:350:44:39

In fact, so timeless was the 2CV,

0:44:400:44:43

they kept building it for over 40 years.

0:44:430:44:46

They say that necessity is the mother of invention,

0:44:480:44:50

and the wonderful 2CV is proof.

0:44:500:44:53

There's more ingenuity in this single door panel

0:44:530:44:56

than there is in most car companies' entire history.

0:44:560:45:00

This isn't just a car, it's a revolutionary.

0:45:000:45:03

It's one of the most significant engineering feats

0:45:030:45:06

of the...20th century.

0:45:060:45:08

-Where did you come from?

-Not important. What is important

0:45:080:45:11

is that you just called this one of the most significant engineering

0:45:110:45:15

-feats of the 20th century. Come on.

-It's perfect.

-Are you crazy?

0:45:150:45:19

Look, it looks like it's made out of car parts that...

0:45:190:45:21

..none of the other cars wanted.

0:45:220:45:24

It's a triumph of...functional design.

0:45:240:45:28

Look at it, it's perfect.

0:45:280:45:29

-What?

-Look, open your mind. Don't be facetious.

0:45:320:45:35

-OK? Can I take you for a drive in it? Go on.

-No way!

0:45:350:45:38

No.

0:45:380:45:40

So, let me get this straight.

0:45:500:45:52

This is your car, that you bought, with your money.

0:45:520:45:57

-Yes, I did.

-Why?

0:45:570:45:59

What do you mean, why?

0:45:590:46:01

-Aren't you feeling it?

-Feeling what? Claustrophobic? Yeah.

0:46:010:46:05

What does it have for a motor?

0:46:080:46:09

I mean, I assume it has a motor, we're moving, but what is it?

0:46:090:46:13

A 425cc air-cooled flat twin.

0:46:130:46:17

Oh, two cylinders, wow, they went big!

0:46:170:46:19

What does it make for horsepower?

0:46:230:46:25

-12.

-12!

0:46:250:46:28

You're an idiot.

0:46:300:46:32

Let me tell you about the 2CV's original design brief.

0:46:390:46:43

Citron decreed that it had to be able to carry

0:46:440:46:46

its occupants wearing their church hats and it had to be driven over

0:46:460:46:52

a bumpy field without breaking a basket of eggs onboard.

0:46:520:46:56

-No way.

-Yes, way.

0:46:560:46:59

Stop the car.

0:47:000:47:02

-Where are you going?

-Shopping.

0:47:040:47:06

OK.

0:47:180:47:19

Now. Hat for me, hat for you.

0:47:200:47:23

You're such a child, I'm not wearing that.

0:47:250:47:27

Be a good church wife, and put the damn hat on!

0:47:270:47:30

I'm pretty sure that 1940s French farmers didn't wear stovepipe hats.

0:47:320:47:36

Well, this farmer did.

0:47:360:47:38

-That's heavy.

-That's a very big basket of eggs.

0:47:410:47:44

You're very pretty.

0:47:440:47:46

-Shut up!

-Now, be careful.

0:47:480:47:51

So, Abraham Lincoln wanted to put the design brief to the test.

0:47:540:47:58

Fine. Frankly, the eggs are safer in the 2CV

0:47:580:48:01

than they are in the hen.

0:48:010:48:02

We're safe here, this car is going to pass with flying colours.

0:48:040:48:07

OK.

0:48:080:48:09

OK. OK!

0:48:110:48:13

None of those are moving. This car is genius!

0:48:140:48:18

Oh, there they go.

0:48:200:48:22

There they go!

0:48:250:48:26

Oh, no!

0:48:300:48:31

No, you utter bastard!

0:48:380:48:41

-That was a tip.

-No, I didn't...

-That was a tip!

-I didn't tip it.

0:48:430:48:46

That's horrible!

0:48:510:48:52

All right, all right. All right!

0:48:560:48:57

No!

0:49:010:49:03

Oh, they smell so bad.

0:49:070:49:11

They smell terrible.

0:49:110:49:13

Oh.

0:49:150:49:16

OK, well, there you go.

0:49:180:49:20

So, as my own eggs will testify,

0:49:230:49:27

I would say that your car has failed to meet one of its design briefs.

0:49:270:49:31

One very thorough jet wash later, Chris decided it was time for lunch.

0:49:330:49:38

You want to sit down somewhere, right? Check this out.

0:49:380:49:40

Ugh! It still smells of eggs.

0:49:400:49:42

-Whoa, what are you doing?

-This is our seating area.

0:49:420:49:46

This is the beauty of the 2CV.

0:49:460:49:48

Right, I'm going to find somewhere cosy and romantic for us, come on.

0:49:480:49:52

Put your hamper down.

0:49:570:49:59

Come and join me. Take a throne.

0:49:590:50:02

You look like a homeless person.

0:50:040:50:06

Is this a date?

0:50:070:50:09

-I suppose it could be.

-Let's pretend it's not.

0:50:090:50:12

OK.

0:50:120:50:13

Try that.

0:50:130:50:15

-What is this?

-That's gentleman's relish.

-What?

0:50:150:50:18

And that was the end of lunch.

0:50:180:50:20

You genuinely do like this car, don't you?

0:50:280:50:30

I love this car.

0:50:300:50:32

This is the essence of motoring.

0:50:320:50:33

-This is...

-Wow, that's...

-..essential motoring.

0:50:330:50:36

There's an essence in here, but I don't know that it's motoring.

0:50:360:50:39

You'll like this.

0:50:410:50:43

The original design brief for the 2CV also specified that it should be

0:50:430:50:47

able to carry two adult farmers,

0:50:470:50:50

and 50kg of farm produce at 37mph.

0:50:500:50:55

-Stop the car. Stop the car.

-Please!

0:50:550:50:58

Come on.

0:51:080:51:10

OK, here you go, 50 kilos of farm produce.

0:51:100:51:13

Meet Nicole and Papa.

0:51:130:51:15

Could have gone with potatoes.

0:51:160:51:18

Yeah, but potatoes won't crap all over your car.

0:51:180:51:20

After all, the egg test had gone so well, this should be a breeze.

0:51:200:51:25

-Ow!

-OK.

0:51:250:51:28

Let's go.

0:51:280:51:29

Hey, hey, you over here, I'm driving, my turn.

0:51:290:51:32

Oh, come on! This is my car.

0:51:320:51:35

-I paid for it with my money.

-I know! Still cracks me up!

0:51:350:51:38

HE LAUGHS

0:51:380:51:40

GEARS CLUNK

0:51:440:51:45

Ow!

0:51:450:51:47

So, 37mph with 50 kilos of sheep in the back.

0:51:520:51:55

Time to see what the 2CV was made of.

0:51:570:52:00

Right, here we go, downhill, tuck.

0:52:000:52:01

-34.

-Come on, deux chevaux.

-Come on!

0:52:050:52:07

-36.

-Come on, come on!

0:52:100:52:11

36.

0:52:150:52:16

37. 37mph. There it is.

0:52:180:52:21

It worked. It works, it meets its brief.

0:52:210:52:25

And, if driving sheep around at medium speed

0:52:280:52:31

wasn't enough to seduce him,

0:52:310:52:33

as we bid au revoir to Nicole and Papa,

0:52:330:52:36

I had one more trick up my sleeve to convince Matt

0:52:360:52:38

that this really is the greatest car of all time.

0:52:380:52:41

Take a left here. There, down there.

0:52:440:52:45

-What are you doing?

-We're going racing.

0:52:450:52:48

Racing?

0:52:480:52:49

Against what? Pedestrians?

0:52:500:52:52

No, we'd be racing in what is quite possibly the finest form of

0:52:550:53:00

motorsport, the 2CV One-Make Championship.

0:53:000:53:05

So, here we are, the world of 2CV racing.

0:53:070:53:10

Don't they look fantastic?

0:53:100:53:12

-I think they're cool.

-Look how low the rear is.

0:53:120:53:14

Yeah, those are way lower than yours.

0:53:140:53:17

Here we go, then. This is our racing car.

0:53:170:53:20

This? Oh, we're not using your car?

0:53:210:53:23

No, cos my car is mine.

0:53:230:53:25

Anyhow, jump in, you're driving.

0:53:250:53:28

-Really?

-Oh, yeah.

-Yeah! OK.

0:53:280:53:31

With upgraded 602cc engines,

0:53:330:53:36

producing no less than 50 brake horsepower,

0:53:360:53:39

these race-modified monsters can reach speeds of up to 85mph.

0:53:390:53:44

Yes, 2CV racing is serious business.

0:53:440:53:48

I noticed that you have a neck brace.

0:53:490:53:51

I don't have a neck brace. Do I need a neck brace?

0:53:510:53:54

No, you don't need a neck brace.

0:53:550:53:57

Why do you have a neck brace, and I don't have one?

0:53:570:53:59

Don't get caught up in the details, you look great.

0:53:590:54:01

We'd be up against some of the finest,

0:54:070:54:09

fiercest drivers the 2CV world had to offer.

0:54:090:54:12

And, as we took our position on the grid,

0:54:120:54:15

we were completely focused on the challenge ahead.

0:54:150:54:18

How's the water temperature?

0:54:190:54:20

Er...

0:54:210:54:24

I don't think we have a water temperature gauge.

0:54:240:54:26

-Maybe there's no water in... There's no water in this, you

-BLEEP!

0:54:260:54:30

It took me a minute!

0:54:310:54:33

Go!

0:54:390:54:40

What a start! What a start.

0:54:430:54:45

Go over to the right, get over to the right.

0:54:450:54:48

Squeeze him. First into the first corner.

0:54:480:54:51

There's one coming, there's one coming.

0:54:530:54:55

He's right there.

0:54:550:54:57

Brake late, brake late, brake late!

0:54:580:55:00

Get in there!

0:55:020:55:04

-Where did he come from?

-He's right there.

0:55:060:55:09

That's the famous Steve Walford...

0:55:100:55:12

..engineering 2CV.

0:55:140:55:16

He was the one in the paddock that was saying that Ross was funnier.

0:55:160:55:19

I think he's got it in for you.

0:55:190:55:21

But Steve was going down.

0:55:210:55:23

Oh, mate, you showed him there.

0:55:270:55:28

This is demon stuff, Matthew.

0:55:300:55:31

However, as the only two-man team on the track,

0:55:320:55:36

-our car had a weight problem.

-Sorry, Chris.

0:55:360:55:39

THUD

0:55:390:55:41

-That didn't sound good.

-No.

0:55:410:55:43

Oh, come on!

0:55:460:55:47

It's Rosie Racing.

0:55:470:55:49

They're well known in 2CV circles as being brilliant.

0:55:490:55:52

And it wasn't just Rosie who was out for blood.

0:55:540:55:57

-Oh, no, come on.

-Got another one up the inside.

0:55:570:55:59

It's the famous Steve Walford again.

0:56:000:56:02

What's this one doing... Oh, my lord!

0:56:020:56:05

As the laps piled on, we slipped further and further back.

0:56:060:56:10

Third, second, third, fourth - we're sixth, come on!

0:56:110:56:14

-I know, I know, it's the weight.

-What do you mean, it's the weight?

0:56:140:56:16

It's not my fault! Matt kept pushing harder...

0:56:160:56:19

Brake, brake.

0:56:210:56:22

..but our chances didn't look good.

0:56:220:56:25

We cannot come last!

0:56:260:56:28

I'm doing my best!

0:56:280:56:30

But, then, Chris stopped whining and started helping...

0:56:340:56:37

Up the inside of Rosie Racing.

0:56:380:56:40

..and we started to fight back.

0:56:400:56:41

I got him!

0:56:420:56:43

One corner...

0:56:450:56:47

Use all the circuit, all the circuit.

0:56:470:56:49

..and one 2CV at a time.

0:56:490:56:51

OK, we're P4. P4.

0:56:550:56:56

Heading into the final lap,

0:56:580:56:59

we set our sights on a podium finish.

0:56:590:57:01

Standing in our way, the formidable Jelly Snake Racing.

0:57:030:57:07

What's a jelly snake?

0:57:070:57:09

Come on, come on, come on!

0:57:120:57:14

Don't give it up. Don't give it up!

0:57:140:57:16

Down the middle, down the middle, my son.

0:57:160:57:18

Down the middle!

0:57:180:57:20

We're third!

0:57:220:57:23

Final corner, dude. P3.

0:57:270:57:29

-Come on, come on.

-We've got a podium! We've got a podium!

0:57:300:57:33

-That's not bad.

-That's more than not bad!

0:57:400:57:43

Way to go, girl! That was fantastic.

0:57:430:57:45

That was really fun. I love this car.

0:57:450:57:48

So, there you go. The 2CV.

0:57:520:57:55

Everybody loves it in the end.

0:57:550:57:57

In a Ferrari, people hate you.

0:57:590:58:01

They love the Ferrari, but they hate you.

0:58:010:58:05

In this, though, people love the car,

0:58:050:58:07

and they love you for driving it.

0:58:070:58:09

This is a car that makes people smile.

0:58:110:58:14

-OK, I concede, you won me over.

-Isn't it just brilliant?

0:58:190:58:23

It really is. And I've got to say I want one.

0:58:230:58:26

-How much is it?

-About seven grand.

0:58:260:58:28

Seven grand! Are you out of your mind? Forget it.

0:58:290:58:32

Seven grand!

0:58:320:58:34

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:58:430:58:45

So, both of you actually agree that this heap of junk...

0:58:520:58:57

..is a work of genius?

0:58:580:59:00

Whoa, whoa, easy there.

0:59:000:59:01

This is Chris's heap of junk.

0:59:010:59:04

So, this is actually your car?

0:59:040:59:05

-Oh, yes.

-Why?

0:59:050:59:08

I get it. It's refreshingly simple.

0:59:080:59:11

It breaks down, you fix it.

0:59:110:59:13

Gets a dent, you bash the dent out.

0:59:130:59:15

You have, like, a real connection with the car.

0:59:150:59:18

I mean, I suppose so. I mean, it's got potential.

0:59:180:59:21

I could straighten out the bodywork, wrap it, slam it.

0:59:210:59:25

Throw on some dubs.

0:59:250:59:26

-I could work with this.

-Yeah, right?

0:59:260:59:28

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

0:59:280:59:31

Just don't open the door, it smells awful in there.

0:59:310:59:34

I think it's the eggs and the, what you call it, sheep dung.

0:59:340:59:37

That's the joy of the 2CV, you see.

0:59:380:59:40

I've given it a quick wash, air freshener inside,

0:59:400:59:43

it's as good as new.

0:59:430:59:45

This is what it looked like when it was new?

0:59:470:59:49

LAUGHTER

0:59:490:59:50

Ah, I still like it.

0:59:500:59:52

All right, that's all we have time for.

0:59:520:59:54

Join us next week when we try to speed up farming,

0:59:540:59:56

and Sabine tries to speed up Rory.

0:59:560:59:59

See you then. Goodnight.

0:59:591:00:00

Matt LeBlanc tests the world's fastest accelerating car, with a little help from NASA. Chris Harris pens a heartfelt love letter to the Citroen 2CV, while Rory Reid samples some exciting cars from South Korea. Dara O Briain and Ed Byrne are the studio guests.