Kevin and Perry Go Large

Line	From	To
This film contains some strong language	0:00:02	0:00:10
Please don't execute me.	0:01:33	0:01:35
It is such a waste of my lovely woman's body.	0:01:35	0:01:39
I've got years of shagging in me.	0:01:39	0:01:42
Why chop off my head when thou could...	0:01:42	0:01:45
lift up my dress and look at my front bottom?	0:01:45	0:01:49
Phwoar! I'm not gonna kill you!	0:01:51	0:01:54
CHEERING	0:01:54	0:01:56
Sir...	0:01:56	0:01:58
I owe thou a shag.	0:01:58	0:02:00
Oh...	0:02:02	0:02:03
-ALL: -Large!	0:02:06	0:02:09
HE GULPS	0:02:09	0:02:11
Kevin? >	0:02:14	0:02:16
-Kevin! -Wuuurrrgh!	0:02:16	0:02:19
-How's your homework going? -Fine, until you came in. Oh!	0:02:19	0:02:24
Bring this mess down when you come.	0:02:24	0:02:27
I'm not your slave!	0:02:27	0:02:30
Don't talk to your mother like that.	0:02:30	0:02:33
MIMICS: Don't talk to your mother like that!	0:02:33	0:02:37
HE SNORTS	0:02:38	0:02:39
Oh...	0:02:43	0:02:45
So unfair...	0:02:45	0:02:47
"Dear diary. Sorry I've never written in you.	0:02:56	0:03:00
"I have higher things on my mind."	0:03:00	0:03:03
"If I did write down my thoughts, you would be a bestseller.	0:03:07	0:03:11
"I am a teenage genius, unrecognised by the world.	0:03:11	0:03:15
"The only person who understands me is my best mate Perry."	0:03:15	0:03:20
All right, Kev.	0:03:20	0:03:22
"He is joyful in his understanding of my wisdom."	0:03:22	0:03:26
Your jacket's inside out.	0:03:26	0:03:28
I do know. I don't conform to conventional dress patterns.	0:03:28	0:03:32
"Until Perry met me, he was but a humble peasant,	0:03:32	0:03:36
"but now he is top."	0:03:36	0:03:39
Respect.	0:03:43	0:03:45
"We are only free to express our philosophy through our mixes."	0:03:45	0:03:50
# All I wanna do is do it	0:03:50	0:03:53
# Big girl, big girl	0:03:51	0:03:53
# All I wanna do is do it	0:03:53	0:03:56
# Big girl, big girl	0:03:54	0:03:56
# All I wanna do is do it	0:03:56	0:03:59
# Big girl, big girl	0:03:58	0:03:59
# Big girl, big girl, big girl... #	0:03:59	0:04:01
Kevin! Turn it down!	0:04:06	0:04:09
MUSIC GETS LOUDER	0:04:10	0:04:13
"When we are top DJs, my senile parents will surely eat their pants."	0:04:18	0:04:23
-You're a genius, darling! -You certainly proved us wrong.	0:04:23	0:04:27
I sure did. Huh!	0:04:27	0:04:30
Thanks. Will you shag me?	0:04:32	0:04:37
OK.	0:04:34	0:04:37
-GIRLS: -Shag me!	0:04:37	0:04:40
"For, dear diary, there is pain behind my genius.	0:04:42	0:04:47
"My teenage heart is broken.	0:04:47	0:04:50
"I've been up for it for three bloody years,	0:04:50	0:04:54
"but no girl has yet let me go the whole way."	0:04:54	0:04:58
HE HOWLS	0:04:58	0:05:00
HOWLING	0:05:10	0:05:13
HOWLING	0:05:22	0:05:25
HOWLING CONTINUES	0:05:32	0:05:34
-You got it? -Yeah.	0:05:38	0:05:41
-I get the goods, you give him that. -Go, go, go.	0:05:41	0:05:45
Go, go, go.	0:05:50	0:05:51
This, please.	0:05:57	0:06:00
Wurrrgh!	0:06:01	0:06:02
£3.99, please.	0:06:14	0:06:16
Thank you!	0:06:19	0:06:20
KEVIN GASPS	0:06:22	0:06:24
You were scared of the pigs.	0:06:31	0:06:34
-I ain't. -They're scared of me.	0:06:34	0:06:37
-I rule this manor. I'm hard. -There's your dad.	0:06:37	0:06:41
KEVIN YELPS	0:06:41	0:06:42
No!	0:06:42	0:06:44
Are you all right, Kevin?	0:06:52	0:06:58
Oh... Hi, Dad. Yeah, fine, thanks.	0:06:54	0:06:58
Why are you lying there?	0:06:58	0:07:02
I'm a bit tired. I need a sleep.	0:06:59	0:07:02
We're knackered, Mr Porno-P-Patterson.	0:07:03	0:07:06
Yawn.	0:07:08	0:07:09
"Debbie from London loves clubbing.	0:07:15	0:07:18
"I go to Ibiza every year for the clubs and the carefree sex.	0:07:18	0:07:23
"It's fantastic. Everyone gets off with everyone else. It is so horny."	0:07:23	0:07:28
-I love her, Kev. -That's it!	0:07:28	0:07:32
What?	0:07:30	0:07:32
We are DJs. Where do DJs go for the summer?	0:07:32	0:07:35
Ibiza.	0:07:35	0:07:36
And all girls who go to Ibiza shag anyone, especially DJs.	0:07:36	0:07:41
So where are we going to go?	0:07:41	0:07:44
Ibiza? What, you think you deserve to go to Ibiza after this?	0:07:44	0:07:49
HE MUMBLES	0:07:50	0:07:51
It's worse than we expected. "Kevin lacks application.	0:07:51	0:07:56
-"Is still a virgin..." -What?	0:07:56	0:07:57
"Is still emerging from a rebellious phase that shows no sign of ending."	0:07:57	0:08:03
-Huh! -It's just awful, isn't it?	0:08:03	0:08:06
What have you got to say for yourself?	0:08:06	0:08:09
So can we go to Ibiza?	0:08:09	0:08:13
I think I've answered that! No!	0:08:13	0:08:16
Oh! That is so unfair!	0:08:16	0:08:19
Mum...	0:08:19	0:08:21
-Perhaps if... -I said no!	0:08:21	0:08:25
Ugh!	0:08:23	0:08:25
-What your father says goes. -Ugh! Ugh! I can't take any more!	0:08:25	0:08:30
I'm adopted! My real parents couldn't possibly treat me like this!	0:08:30	0:08:36
I hate you!	0:08:36	0:08:38
'Scuse me...	0:08:39	0:08:43
I'm running away! Goodbye for ever!	0:08:40	0:08:43
-You leave no room to compromise. -DOOR SLAMS	0:08:43	0:08:47
-Compromise with that? -He has nothing to look forward to!	0:08:47	0:08:51
-He deserves it. -He'll be impossible all holiday!	0:08:51	0:08:55
'Scuse me, Mr and Mrs Patterson. Erm... Could I have a jam sandwich?	0:08:55	0:09:00
WHIMPERING	0:09:02	0:09:04
CHURCH ORGAN PLAYS	0:09:10	0:09:12
Kevin left us a note,	0:09:28	0:09:30
to remember him by.	0:09:30	0:09:33
It is typical of the Kevin we all knew,	0:09:33	0:09:37
loved,	0:09:37	0:09:40
and in many cases, shagged.	0:09:40	0:09:42
"I'm killing myself because I'm too good for this world.	0:09:47	0:09:52
"A prophet is never understood in his own land, innit?	0:09:52	0:09:56
"Soft friends, don't be sad.	0:09:58	0:10:01
"I've gone to a better place, where you never have to tidy your room,	0:10:01	0:10:06
"a place where your parents buy you new Nike trainers every week."	0:10:06	0:10:10
"I didn't mean to cause you any pain, Mum...	0:10:13	0:10:17
"but you shouldn't have made me wash."	0:10:17	0:10:21
-SOBBING: -Kevin!	0:10:22	0:10:24
Kevin!	0:10:25	0:10:27
Yeah. I'm dead now. Yeah.	0:10:27	0:10:31
Oh, Kevin!	0:10:31	0:10:33
Kevin, tea's ready!	0:10:34	0:10:37
HE SIGHS	0:10:39	0:10:40
HE FARTS	0:10:40	0:10:41
How nice you've come back. We thought you'd gone for ever.	0:10:48	0:10:52
Eeeuurrrgghhh!	0:10:52	0:10:54
We've decided... that you can both go to Ibiza.	0:10:58	0:11:02
BOTH: Come on!	0:11:02	0:11:07
Provided you get a job to pay for it.	0:11:04	0:11:07
What are you talking about? YOU pay for my holidays.	0:11:07	0:11:11
That's what parents are for!	0:11:11	0:11:14
-Our lives are about more than that. -Don't be so ridiculous.	0:11:14	0:11:19
Pass the salt, please, Kevin.	0:11:19	0:11:22
I am not your slave!	0:11:22	0:11:24
This is what happens when you compromise!	0:11:24	0:11:28
Do you know what the trouble with you two is? You're so alike!	0:11:28	0:11:32
BOTH: What?! That is so unfair!	0:11:32	0:11:35
-You want ME to give YOU a job? -Yeah. HE WHISTLES	0:11:44	0:11:48
Please.	0:11:48	0:11:49
-Do you know the store? -Yeah.	0:11:49	0:11:52
Where do you find punk?	0:11:52	0:11:56
On my sheets.	0:11:54	0:11:56
Spunk. Pp-pp!	0:12:03	0:12:05
MUSIC: "Ooh La La" by The Wiseguys	0:12:05	0:12:08
# Come on!	0:12:09	0:12:11
# Come on! Come on!	0:12:11	0:12:14
# Say ooh la la, say zoom	0:12:16	0:12:19
# Come on! Come on!	0:12:19	0:12:20
# Say ooh la la, say zoom	0:12:20	0:12:23
# Come on! Come on!	0:12:23	0:12:24
# Say ooh la la... #	0:12:24	0:12:26
Finished!	0:12:26	0:12:28
Well done, boys. Here's one for you and one for you.	0:12:28	0:12:32
-Thank you. -Thank you.	0:12:35	0:12:38
We're not cut out for manual work.	0:12:41	0:12:46
Intellectuals aren't.	0:12:44	0:12:46
-I've got too many great thoughts... -Mopeds!	0:12:46	0:12:50
-Cider! -Party!	0:12:50	0:12:51
-I can see her bra! -Bra? Where? Oh, yeah!	0:12:51	0:12:54
MUSIC: "King of Snake" by Fatboy Slim Remix	0:12:56	0:12:59
# Dogman and the king of snake	0:12:59	0:13:01
# King of snake, king of snake	0:13:01	0:13:03
# Dogman and the king of snake	0:13:03	0:13:04
# King of snake	0:13:04	0:13:06
# Dogman and the king of snake	0:13:06	0:13:07
# King of snake, king of snake	0:13:07	0:13:09
# 24 hours with the king of snake	0:13:09	0:13:11
# Snake, snake, snake	0:13:11	0:13:12
# Snake, snake, snake, snake	0:13:12	0:13:14
# Snake, snake, snake, snake... #	0:13:14	0:13:16
Oh, man...	0:13:45	0:13:48
Oh... Oh, my head...	0:13:48	0:13:51
SHE GROANS	0:14:16	0:14:20
Oh, hi, baby.	0:14:17	0:14:20
MUSIC: "I'm In The Mood For Love" by Jools Holland featuring Jamiroquai	0:14:23	0:14:28
# I'm in the mood for love	0:14:33	0:14:36
# Simply because you're near me	0:14:36	0:14:40
# Funny but when you're near me	0:14:40	0:14:44
# I'm in the mood for love	0:14:44	0:14:47
# Heaven is in your eyes	0:14:48	0:14:51
# Bright as the stars we're under	0:14:51	0:14:54
# Oh, is it any wonder	0:14:55	0:14:58
# I'm in the mood for love	0:14:59	0:15:02
# Why stop to think of whether	0:15:02	0:15:06
# This little dream might fade	0:15:06	0:15:09
# We'll put our hearts together	0:15:10	0:15:13
# Now we're one, I'm not afraid...	0:15:13	0:15:17
Kev!	0:15:28	0:15:30
Good morning, Perry.	0:15:32	0:15:34
PERRY CHUCKLES	0:15:34	0:15:36
KEVIN CHUCKLES	0:15:37	0:15:39
-Did you shag her? -Yeah.	0:15:43	0:15:45
-You shagged Sharon? -Only three times. PERRY WHISTLES	0:15:45	0:15:49
Cor.	0:15:49	0:15:50
-So you've done it with a girl, then? -Yeah. I stuck it up her good.	0:15:54	0:15:59
That mean you don't want to go to Ibiza?	0:16:02	0:16:06
Now you don't need to go to Ibiza for a guaranteed shag.	0:16:06	0:16:10
I'll get a shag here, probably.	0:16:10	0:16:13
No, we can still go to Ibiza. I can always do more shagging.	0:16:13	0:16:18
Oh. Thanks, Kev. You're a mate. But how are we going to get the money?	0:16:18	0:16:23
It's all in the mind. We're DJs.	0:16:23	0:16:26
We can earn our money on the street.	0:16:26	0:16:30
# All I wanna do is do it	0:16:42	0:16:45
# Big girl, big girl	0:16:43	0:16:45
# All I wanna do is do it	0:16:45	0:16:48
# Big girl, big girl	0:16:46	0:16:48
# All I wanna do is do it	0:16:48	0:16:49
# Big girl, big girl, big girl	0:16:49	0:16:52
-# Big girl, big girl, big girl... -Oi!	0:16:52	0:16:54
I want a word.	0:16:55	0:17:00
Oh... Hi, darling. How's it going?	0:16:56	0:17:00
-Did you say you shagged me? -No...	0:17:00	0:17:03
Yeah, you bloody did. Stacey heard you.	0:17:03	0:17:06
N-No... I didn't.	0:17:06	0:17:09
I wouldn't shag you, you sad twat.	0:17:09	0:17:12
Say anything like that again and I'll smack ya! Virgin!	0:17:12	0:17:17
You said you shagged her three times.	0:17:21	0:17:27
Shut up! I'm getting outta here.	0:17:24	0:17:27
This place is full of losers.	0:17:27	0:17:30
ALL CHANT: Virgins! Virgins!	0:17:34	0:17:37
Girls here don't appreciate our musical genius.	0:17:48	0:17:52
-What we going to do? -I don't know.	0:17:52	0:17:55
It's all gone Pete Tong.	0:17:55	0:17:59
Registered letter for your father.	0:17:59	0:18:01
-Will you sign for it? -Yeah, sure.	0:18:01	0:18:05
Cheers.	0:18:15	0:18:18
Thank you.	0:18:16	0:18:18
Perry! We're saved!	0:18:18	0:18:22
We get the money and go to Ibiza. Sorted.	0:18:23	0:18:27
It's your dad's credit card. It's stealing.	0:18:27	0:18:30
We'll go to prison and get buggered.	0:18:30	0:18:33
You will. You're small.	0:18:35	0:18:38
I'll be all right. KEVIN GASPS	0:18:38	0:18:40
Eurggh! Virgins!	0:18:40	0:18:43
I'm not staying here. We'll pay him back when we're top DJs.	0:18:45	0:18:49
-Are you in or out? -In.	0:18:49	0:18:52
-Aaarrgh! -Shut your noise!	0:18:55	0:18:57
You two! Move, now! Move!	0:18:57	0:19:00
Put your hands up! Keep your mouths shut!	0:19:00	0:19:03
-You! Sit down and put your hands up. -THEY WHIMPER	0:19:03	0:19:07
You, fill that up.	0:19:07	0:19:10
ALARM BLARES	0:19:21	0:19:23
Money, now. Come on!	0:19:23	0:19:25
On behalf of the bank, thank you. Enjoy that reward money.	0:19:45	0:19:50
BOTH: Thank you.	0:19:50	0:19:52
If you want a job, give me a ring.	0:19:52	0:19:55
Banking offers many exciting opportunities for virgins like you.	0:19:55	0:20:00
BOTH: Thank you. Thank you. Eh?	0:20:00	0:20:02
We're very proud of you.	0:20:02	0:20:05
-It was really public spirited. -Kevin...	0:20:05	0:20:09
and public spirited. Never thought I'd hear those words.	0:20:09	0:20:12
Urrghhh...	0:20:12	0:20:17
We've got a present for you.	0:20:14	0:20:17
Thank Dad.	0:20:21	0:20:28
What?	0:20:23	0:20:28
He's paid for our tickets.	0:20:24	0:20:28
What do you mean, "our tickets"?	0:20:28	0:20:30
We're coming, too.	0:20:30	0:20:33
BOTH GASP	0:20:33	0:20:36
-You didn't think you could go on your own? -THEY LAUGH	0:20:37	0:20:42
That is so unfair! Ow!	0:20:42	0:20:45
It's so unfair...	0:20:49	0:20:51
I'd hate to have my head chopped off.	0:20:52	0:20:56
If it was raining, you'd get water in the hole.	0:20:56	0:21:00
Never mind, Kev.	0:21:01	0:21:04
Those bastards!	0:21:02	0:21:04
If they're paying for the flights, we've got more dosh for top gear!	0:21:04	0:21:10
Perry, you're right.	0:21:13	0:21:15
Let us prepare.	0:21:15	0:21:17
# All I wanna do is do it...	0:21:25	0:21:28
# Big girl... #	0:21:39	0:21:40
Kev! Look! The girls of our dreams!	0:22:40	0:22:43
Boys!	0:23:15	0:23:17
-Over here, now! -Oh!	0:23:17	0:23:20
This is the worst holiday of my life.	0:23:20	0:23:23
Kev, look!	0:23:23	0:23:25
Whoa. The superstar DJ Eyeball Paul.	0:23:25	0:23:28
Tits up, Big Baz. 'Aving it large.	0:23:32	0:23:35
All right, Eyeball Paul?	0:23:35	0:23:37
HE BURPS	0:23:39	0:23:41
-Cool! -Brilliant!	0:23:41	0:23:43
Be careful, you clumsy twat.	0:23:43	0:23:47
Muff, Wankette, you dirty little club babes, get in.	0:23:47	0:23:51
Kevin, Perry! Hurry up, boys!	0:23:52	0:23:56
Your mummy's calling, little boys. Hurry up.	0:23:56	0:23:59
-She is one lippy bitch. -HE LAUGHS	0:23:59	0:24:03
Eyeball Paul's such a nice bloke.	0:24:04	0:24:10
He's our new best mate, isn't he?	0:24:06	0:24:10
If we get him to hear our mixes, he might let us do a set with him.	0:24:10	0:24:15
-And shag his birds. -All the birds we want!	0:24:15	0:24:19
This is the best holiday of my life.	0:24:19	0:24:22
DANCE MUSIC	0:24:22	0:24:23
-See you on the beach. -Huh! I don't think so!	0:24:38	0:24:42
-You've got to go to the beach. -Yeah...but not your beach.	0:24:42	0:24:47
We are going to the beach you don't even know about,	0:24:47	0:24:51
because you're nearly dead.	0:24:51	0:24:54
Mr Patterson, Mrs Patterson.	0:24:54	0:24:57
How dare you speak like that!	0:24:57	0:24:59
-HORN BEEPS -Kevin!	0:24:59	0:25:02
El beacheo!	0:25:02	0:25:04
-Kevin, I'm talking to you! -Wanker!	0:25:06	0:25:09
The beach!	0:25:27	0:25:30
-Banging! -Large!	0:25:28	0:25:30
DANCE MUSIC	0:25:30	0:25:32
Oi, Kev, look!	0:25:48	0:25:51
It's the girls from the airport.	0:25:51	0:25:53
Zoom, zoom, zoom!	0:25:53	0:25:56
BOTH: Ooh...	0:26:00	0:26:01
Let's stand close to them so they get interested.	0:26:14	0:26:19
Good idea.	0:26:17	0:26:19
-Oh. I'm hooked in. -Me, too.	0:26:21	0:26:24
We'll get in the sea to cool off.	0:26:24	0:26:27
SQUELCHING	0:26:47	0:26:49
SQUELCHING	0:26:53	0:26:56
Afternoon, ladies.	0:27:03	0:27:06
How's it hanging, ladies?	0:27:04	0:27:06
A lovely afternoon for the beach, eh, ladies?	0:27:06	0:27:09
Yeah, it's me. Yeah, cos we're going to El Divino tonight, yeah?	0:27:09	0:27:15
-Would you like a drink? -Or Pasha.	0:27:15	0:27:18
-Margarita, no salt, innit, Gemma? -It is, Candice.	0:27:18	0:27:22
Cos Ministry's at Pasha, yeah?	0:27:22	0:27:25
Two margaritas with no salt, please.	0:27:25	0:27:28
Shaken not stirred.	0:27:28	0:27:31
Or Manumission.	0:27:31	0:27:33
-We might go to Manumission tonight. -Or Es Paradise.	0:27:34	0:27:38
Or we might go to Es Paradise.	0:27:38	0:27:40
-Or Privilege. -Or Privilege.	0:27:40	0:27:42
-Or Amnesia. -Or Amnesia.	0:27:42	0:27:45
Cos the tunes there are banging...	0:27:45	0:27:49
PHONE RINGS	0:27:47	0:27:49
Ladies.	0:27:53	0:27:58
Cheers, waiter. Keep the change.	0:27:54	0:27:58
-Very lovely ladies, aren't they? -Very lovely.	0:28:04	0:28:08
-What's my chubby babe called? -Gemma. Mine's Candice.	0:28:08	0:28:12
-Gemma's got a lovely personality. -Candice is so interesting.	0:28:12	0:28:17
I think they love us, Kev.	0:28:17	0:28:19
DANCE MUSIC	0:28:19	0:28:22
The evening begins.	0:28:25	0:28:27
Superstar DJs Kev P and Perr E hit the town.	0:28:27	0:28:31
Cor, yeah. Trannies! Ugh!	0:28:34	0:28:37
Wooh! Urgh!	0:28:37	0:28:39
-LOUD FOOTSTEPS -What the bloody hell's that?	0:28:39	0:28:42
Germans!	0:28:42	0:28:44
Here, Kev, look.	0:28:53	0:28:55
Tonight Gemma is going to see what is down my trousers.	0:28:55	0:29:01
What is down my trousers? Would you like a look?	0:29:01	0:29:06
# What is the matter?	0:29:06	0:29:10
# Don't tell me that it doesn't hurt...#	0:29:10	0:29:12
-HE LAUGHS -Gemma! Lick my lurve plank. Mmm!	0:29:12	0:29:17
Candice, suck my candy.	0:29:19	0:29:22
Oh, look - snoggers.	0:29:24	0:29:26
Eh?	0:29:26	0:29:27
Cor...	0:29:27	0:29:29
Urrgh!	0:29:30	0:29:33
SPANISH MUSIC PLAYS	0:29:33	0:29:35
Isn't this fun?	0:29:43	0:29:45
Now, what would you boys like?	0:29:47	0:29:50
-I am not hungry. -Come on, Son.	0:29:50	0:29:53
You'll need energy if you want to go bopping.	0:29:53	0:29:57
HE GROANS	0:29:57	0:29:59
-We'll order for everybody, shall we? -Good idea.	0:30:00	0:30:03
Er, como el primo plato quisiera tapas. Una mezcla, por favour.	0:30:03	0:30:08
Y despues una gran paella por todo?	0:30:08	0:30:11
Una necesita se fuerte para hacer el amor, cara mia.	0:30:11	0:30:16
KEVIN RETCHES	0:30:16	0:30:18
PERRY GROANS	0:30:18	0:30:19
The table's a bit wobbly.	0:30:22	0:30:25
We need a wedge. Pass me that beer mat, sexy pants.	0:30:26	0:30:30
Oh, for God's sake!	0:30:30	0:30:31
Hasta banana, Mrs Patterson.	0:30:34	0:30:37
-What a couple of wankers! -Yeah, we are, ain't we?	0:30:46	0:30:50
-No, my parents! -Oh, yeah. Sorry.	0:30:50	0:30:54
DANCE MUSIC	0:30:54	0:30:57
-Cool! -Rinsin'!	0:31:05	0:31:08
Large!	0:31:08	0:31:09
BOTH: Eyeball Paul!	0:31:13	0:31:15
Come on, Big Baz. Shift, you fat tart.	0:31:21	0:31:24
All right, Eyeball Paul!	0:31:26	0:31:30
It's the little wankers from the airport.	0:31:27	0:31:30
BOTH LAUGH	0:31:30	0:31:33
-Are you here tonight? -How's your mummy, Ginger Pubes?	0:31:35	0:31:39
HE LAUGHS She's a bitch!	0:31:39	0:31:42
Don't stand there. Give him a hand.	0:31:43	0:31:46
-Thanks very much. -Ginger Pubes!	0:31:48	0:31:51
And you, Sad Act.	0:31:51	0:31:53
Ladies.	0:32:04	0:32:07
Ladies.	0:32:05	0:32:07
Eyeball Paul?	0:32:08	0:32:10
-What do you want? -We done some mixes of our own.	0:32:10	0:32:13
-What, you and Sad Act? -Yeah.	0:32:13	0:32:16
I don't suppose we could play them for you some time? No? All right, then.	0:32:16	0:32:21
-So you're brother DJs? -Yeah.	0:32:21	0:32:24
What tunes you got? What beats you into?	0:32:24	0:32:27
Well, erm...	0:32:27	0:32:29
House or garage?	0:32:29	0:32:33
House...	0:32:30	0:32:33
Acid house or pumping house?	0:32:33	0:32:35
Er... Pumping house?	0:32:35	0:32:38
Balearic pumping or commercial pumping?	0:32:40	0:32:45
Balearic pumping.	0:32:43	0:32:45
-Sash or Chicane? -Sash!	0:32:47	0:32:50
HE LAUGHS	0:32:50	0:32:52
Boys, these blaggers are pants!	0:32:54	0:32:58
KEVIN LAUGHS	0:32:59	0:33:01
Yeah, I'll hear your mix. My pad tomorrow.	0:33:03	0:33:08
-Be there. -Oooh!	0:33:09	0:33:12
Fuck off!	0:33:12	0:33:15
-Thanks, Eyeball Paul. -Thank you.	0:33:15	0:33:17
-Oh, he's such a nice bloke. -Brilliant. We're gonna be DJs!	0:33:17	0:33:22
DANCE MUSIC	0:33:22	0:33:24
Sorry, girls.	0:34:21	0:34:23
No monsters.	0:34:23	0:34:25
Beautiful people can pass.	0:34:25	0:34:28
But monsters - no.	0:34:28	0:34:31
Do you understand?	0:34:31	0:34:33
Look. Your faces - Urrrgh! - offend my mirror.	0:34:33	0:34:38
Go on. Go on.	0:34:40	0:34:43
-Cos I didn't want to go, anyway. -Yeah, me, neither.	0:34:48	0:34:52
Maybe tomorrow, I'm going to have a makeover with Boots beauty products.	0:34:53	0:34:59
Yeah, and me.	0:34:57	0:34:59
Them boys can get us in cos they're mates with Eyeball Paul, innit?	0:34:59	0:35:04
Yeah. Best mates.	0:35:04	0:35:06
DANCE MUSIC	0:35:06	0:35:08
Oh, man, that was banging.	0:36:06	0:36:10
Eyeball Paul plays hammering tunes.	0:36:07	0:36:10
-What happened to our ladies? -You've got to be sorted to get in.	0:36:10	0:36:15
-We're gonna be loved-up DJs. -We're having it large!	0:36:15	0:36:19
-We've been up all night! -We bleached it!	0:36:19	0:36:22
If we get the girls in, we'll be up all night shagging...	0:36:22	0:36:26
Oh, my God! Hello, Perry.	0:36:26	0:36:29
PERRY GIGGLES Eeeeurrrrgh!	0:36:29	0:36:32
-Hello, darling. -Had a good night?	0:36:32	0:36:35
You are disgusting!	0:36:35	0:36:38
Mrs Patterson, you cheeky girl.	0:36:39	0:36:42
Phwoar!	0:36:50	0:36:52
-Your mum and dad were doing it. -That is disgusting!	0:36:56	0:37:01
They do not do it. They've only ever done it once.	0:37:01	0:37:05
Sorry, darling, we'll have to do it.	0:37:07	0:37:10
Do it? What a revolting thought.	0:37:10	0:37:12
It's the only way if you're to have the world's greatest DJ.	0:37:12	0:37:17
I'll turn out the light.	0:37:17	0:37:20
-Ouch! -Sorry.	0:37:22	0:37:24
-Thank God that's over. -Never again.	0:37:28	0:37:30
Brrrr!	0:37:32	0:37:34
-What's up, Kev? -I just had a revolting thought.	0:37:34	0:37:39
We'll be doing that with Candice and Gemma.	0:37:45	0:37:49
-Oh! Oh! > -We'll be doing what they're doing.	0:37:49	0:37:53
Oh, Ray! >	0:37:53	0:37:57
Won't we, Kev?	0:37:55	0:37:57
Oh, Ray! Oh! Oh! >	0:37:57	0:38:00
Won't we, Kev?	0:38:00	0:38:04
Oh! Oh! >	0:38:01	0:38:04
Won't we, Kev?	0:38:04	0:38:07
Oh! Oh, Ray! >	0:38:05	0:38:07
Won't we, Kev?	0:38:08	0:38:11
Doing what?	0:38:08	0:38:11
-Shagging, like your parents. -They are not shagging.	0:38:11	0:38:14
LOUD BANGING AND SCREAMING	0:38:14	0:38:17
Euurrrghhh!	0:38:17	0:38:18
SCREAMING AND GROANING	0:38:18	0:38:21
GROWLING	0:38:21	0:38:23
# And maybe	0:38:23	0:38:26
# You're gonna be the one... #	0:38:26	0:38:30
-BOTH: -# ..That saves me...	0:38:28	0:38:30
# And after all... #	0:38:30	0:38:32
-BOTH: -# ..You're my wonderwall #	0:38:32	0:38:35
Never ever sing that again!	0:38:36	0:38:39
-We like Oasis. -You do not!	0:38:39	0:38:42
You're all saggy! You've never heard of Oasis!	0:38:42	0:38:45
Morning, Perry. What's up with Prince Charming?	0:38:48	0:38:53
Mrs Patterson.	0:38:50	0:38:53
Bucks fizz, Mrs Five Times?	0:38:55	0:38:58
Ooh, Ray!	0:39:02	0:39:05
-Shut up, Perry! -Sorry, Kev.	0:39:05	0:39:08
-Cool! -Rinsin'!	0:39:11	0:39:13
Come in.	0:39:16	0:39:18
Look who it is. Ginger Pubes and Sad Act.	0:39:25	0:39:29
-All right? -Eyeball Paul.	0:39:29	0:39:32
We done a bit of a mix...	0:39:33	0:39:35
Twat!	0:39:40	0:39:42
Gets into your bloodstream quicker.	0:39:44	0:39:49
-Cool! -Rinsin'.	0:39:46	0:39:49
Come on!	0:39:49	0:39:51
You were saying?	0:39:51	0:39:55
Yeah, erm... We done a mix.	0:39:52	0:39:55
First of all, lads, I thought I might give my bathroom a paint.	0:39:55	0:40:01
Fancy giving us a hand?	0:40:01	0:40:05
-Love to! -Sorted.	0:40:02	0:40:05
Brushes are in the kitchen.	0:40:05	0:40:08
-Great! -Oh, and lads...	0:40:08	0:40:11
You'll see I've just had a banging shit in the bog.	0:40:14	0:40:18
You might have to push it down.	0:40:18	0:40:20
No problem. Thanks very much.	0:40:22	0:40:25
Eyeball Paul is so nice letting us do all that work.	0:40:33	0:40:37
Shame we didn't have a bog brush.	0:40:37	0:40:40
It was so kind to give us these!	0:40:40	0:40:44
Shame his tape machine was bust.	0:40:44	0:40:48
He did say he'd listen tomorrow, when we go to wash his pants.	0:40:48	0:40:52
He's such a rinsin' geezer.	0:40:52	0:40:55
-Rinsin'. -Rinsin'!	0:40:55	0:40:58
MUSIC ON PERSONAL STEREO	0:41:00	0:41:02
I GOT AN IDEA!	0:41:14	0:41:17
WHAT WE'LL DO IS WALK UP TO THE GIRLS AND IGNORE THEM.	0:41:17	0:41:22
AND THEY'LL BE REALLY SAD.	0:41:22	0:41:25
AND THEN, WE'LL TURN ROUND AND GO, "OH, HELLO, LADIES."	0:41:25	0:41:29
AND THEY'LL BE OVERJOYED.	0:41:29	0:41:32
I LOVE MY BLUBBERY BABY SO MUCH, KEV.	0:41:32	0:41:35
SHE'S GOT LOVELY, BOUNCY BOOBIES. LOOK!	0:41:35	0:41:38
BOTH GRUNT	0:41:38	0:41:42
THEY GRUNT	0:41:44	0:41:46
WHAT YOU STOPPED FOR?	0:41:46	0:41:51
-I'M HAVING A PISS. -URGH!	0:41:48	0:41:51
ALL GROAN	0:41:51	0:41:55
YOU'VE GOTTA PISS IN THE SEA. IT'S LAW.	0:41:52	0:41:55
GROANS FROM BEACH	0:41:55	0:41:58
-IT'S A FLOATER! ALL: -Urrrgh!	0:42:06	0:42:09
Wurrrrrgggh!	0:42:09	0:42:12
# Coming to get ya, coming to get ya... #	0:42:14	0:42:16
Do you think Gemma saw my poo?	0:42:28	0:42:31
I wouldn't mind seeing Gemma's poo.	0:42:32	0:42:35
Candice and Gemma do not poo.	0:42:38	0:42:40
What, like Baby Spice?	0:42:40	0:42:43
Now we'll have to think of something to impress them.	0:42:46	0:42:50
THE GIRLS LAUGH	0:42:54	0:42:56
Afternoon, ladies!	0:43:02	0:43:05
-Ladies. -TYRES SCREECH	0:43:05	0:43:07
CRASH!	0:43:07	0:43:09
-Been shopping, ladies? -Lovely afternoon, ladies.	0:43:12	0:43:16
-They was impressed. -Definitely.	0:43:20	0:43:22
Candice almost looked at me. Gagging for it.	0:43:22	0:43:26
Gemma was, too. Definitely, maybe, gagging for it.	0:43:26	0:43:30
-Gagging for it. Large! -Hello!	0:43:30	0:43:33
-Urrrgh! -Mr and Mrs Patterson.	0:43:33	0:43:36
Let's get ready, Ginger Pubes.	0:43:36	0:43:40
-Perry! -Eh?	0:43:37	0:43:40
-Don't call Kevin that. -Sorry.	0:43:40	0:43:43
-Strict. -HE GROWLS	0:43:47	0:43:49
-They've gotta get us in tonight. -Yeah, so we've gotta be friendly.	0:43:50	0:43:56
-If we ask in a friendly fashion. -Yeah. Nicely and politely.	0:43:56	0:44:00
BOTH WHISTLE	0:44:02	0:44:04
-IN A POSH ACCENT: Oh! Ladies! -Ladies.	0:44:07	0:44:10
Ho ho ho!	0:44:10	0:44:11
Of all the bars in all the world...	0:44:11	0:44:18
-You going to Amnesia tonight? -You get us in, innit?	0:44:14	0:44:18
Are you deaf or summink?	0:44:18	0:44:21
It would be a great pleasure to escort you lady babes to Amnesia.	0:44:23	0:44:29
We are mates with Eyeball Paul.	0:44:29	0:44:32
-BOTH: -We know!	0:44:32	0:44:33
Well, come on, then!	0:44:41	0:44:43
Wait here!	0:44:53	0:44:58
BOTH: Sorted!	0:44:55	0:44:58
MUSIC: "The Look of Love" by Gladys Knight	0:44:58	0:45:00
# The look	0:45:08	0:45:11
SPLAT!	0:45:09	0:45:11
-# Of love -SPLAT!	0:45:11	0:45:14
# Is in your eyes	0:45:14	0:45:18
SPLAT!	0:45:15	0:45:18
# A look your heart can't disguise	0:45:19	0:45:28
# The look of love	0:45:30	0:45:36
# Is saying so much more than just words could ever say	0:45:36	0:45:44
# And what my heart has heard, well, it takes my breath away	0:45:47	0:45:54
SHE GASPS	0:45:54	0:45:57
-# I can hardly wait to hold you -SHE SCREAMS	0:45:57	0:45:59
-# Feel my arms around you -SHE SCREAMS	0:45:59	0:46:02
# How long I have waited	0:46:02	0:46:06
# Waited just to love you	0:46:06	0:46:08
# Now that I have found you...	0:46:08	0:46:10
How long have they been?	0:46:10	0:46:13
-Only four hours. -Not too long.	0:46:14	0:46:17
# It's on your face	0:46:18	0:46:23
# A look that time can't erase...	0:46:24	0:46:31
Come on, then!	0:46:33	0:46:35
# You're mine tonight... #	0:46:35	0:46:40
Oh, no, sorry, girls.	0:46:43	0:46:46
No monsters.	0:46:46	0:46:48
Look...	0:46:49	0:46:51
Eyeball Paul! How you having it?	0:46:51	0:46:55
Large.	0:46:53	0:46:55
Large.	0:46:57	0:46:59
DANCE MUSIC	0:47:00	0:47:03
-What are these? -I don't know.	0:47:21	0:47:24
Ladies.	0:47:53	0:47:54
CROWD SCREAMS	0:47:56	0:47:58
CROWD GROANS	0:48:00	0:48:03
MUSIC FADES	0:48:03	0:48:06
Sorry, mate.	0:48:08	0:48:09
CROWD GROANS	0:48:11	0:48:13
-Good night, ladies. -Good night, ladies.	0:48:19	0:48:21
Good night, man in a suitcase.	0:48:28	0:48:30
Good night, part-man part-luggage.	0:48:30	0:48:33
-Good night, Germans. -Good night, Germans.	0:48:33	0:48:37
MUSIC BUILDS	0:48:37	0:48:41
HE LAUGHS	0:48:41	0:48:43
DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES	0:48:43	0:48:46
Maybe we shouldn't have left. Maybe the girls wouldn't have minded.	0:49:29	0:49:35
They would have minded.	0:49:35	0:49:37
I wouldn't mind Gemma covered in puke. I'd still shag her.	0:49:37	0:49:42
We've still got time. I think they love us.	0:49:45	0:49:49
When Eyeball Paul plays our mix, they'll love us for ever.	0:49:49	0:49:53
Everything's gonna be all right, innit?	0:49:53	0:49:56
Kev?	0:49:56	0:49:58
CREAKING AND MOANING	0:50:00	0:50:03
'Oh! Oh!	0:50:05	0:50:07
'Oh! Oh, Ray!	0:50:11	0:50:14
'Oh, Ray! Oh! Oh!	0:50:14	0:50:18
'Oh, Ray! Oh! Oh!'	0:50:25	0:50:28
Go on, Mrs Patterson.	0:50:39	0:50:41
-'Oh! Oh!' -SHE SCREAMS	0:50:43	0:50:46
Urrrgh!	0:50:47	0:50:48
I'm sorry...	0:50:50	0:50:52
I'm so sorry...	0:50:52	0:50:55
'Oh! Oh, Ray!	0:50:59	0:51:03
'Oh! Oh! Oh, Ray!'	0:51:03	0:51:05
SCRUBBING	0:51:10	0:51:13
How's it going, Sad Act?	0:51:21	0:51:25
Very well, thanks.	0:51:23	0:51:25
-Have you got that tape, then? -Yeah. It's in our beach bag.	0:51:25	0:51:31
Don't worry. I'll find it. You carry on scrubbing.	0:51:31	0:51:35
-Right. -Thanks.	0:51:35	0:51:37
He's gonna listen to our tape!	0:51:39	0:51:41
PERRY FARTS	0:51:43	0:51:45
# All I wanna do is do it... #	0:51:48	0:51:50
-This is well hammering! -Hammering!	0:52:14	0:52:17
Tits up! Talk about having it large!	0:52:17	0:52:21
-Boys! -Eyeball Paul?	0:52:23	0:52:25
-I like the tape. -Yeah?	0:52:25	0:52:29
I thought I might play it again, large. Fancy joining me?	0:52:29	0:52:33
-Oh, yeah, sure! -Ah-ah-ah! Finish the floor.	0:52:33	0:52:36
-Oh, yeah. -Course.	0:52:36	0:52:38
Finished, Eyeball Paul.	0:52:54	0:52:58
HE GASPS	0:52:56	0:52:58
Twat!	0:52:58	0:53:01
-Sit yourselves down, lads. -Hello, Big Baz.	0:53:02	0:53:05
-All right, lovely ladies? -Watch this.	0:53:06	0:53:10
You might learn a trick or two.	0:53:10	0:53:15
-You mean listen. -No. No. Watch.	0:53:12	0:53:15
'Oh...	0:53:18	0:53:20
'Oh, Ray! Oh!'	0:53:20	0:53:22
HE LAUGHS	0:53:22	0:53:24
Eh?	0:53:26	0:53:28
-Noooooo! -I'm sorry, Kev!	0:53:28	0:53:30
Perry, you bloody pervert!	0:53:30	0:53:33
Can we have our tape back?	0:53:34	0:53:40
She's a randy bitch, your mam, isn't she, eh?	0:53:36	0:53:40
Banging tits for an old bird.	0:53:40	0:53:43
Noooooo!	0:53:43	0:53:45
Kev!	0:53:49	0:53:51
Give him his tape back, boss.	0:53:51	0:53:53
Shut up, you soft twat!	0:53:53	0:53:56
Kev! Kev! I'm sorry, mate.	0:53:56	0:54:00
You are not my mate and you are not my fellow DJ! Goodbye for ever!	0:54:00	0:54:06
MUSIC: "Kid 2000" - Hybrid featuring Chrissie Hynde	0:54:06	0:54:09
# Kid, what changed your mood	0:54:09	0:54:12
# You've gone all sad, so I feel sad too	0:54:12	0:54:15
# I think I know...	0:54:15	0:54:18
# Some things you never outgrow	0:54:18	0:54:22
# You think it's wrong	0:54:24	0:54:26
# I can tell you do	0:54:26	0:54:29
# How can I explain	0:54:30	0:54:32
# You don't want me to...	0:54:34	0:54:36
# Kid, my only kid	0:54:49	0:54:51
# You look so small	0:54:51	0:54:53
# You've gone so quiet	0:54:53	0:54:55
# I know you know what I'm about...	0:54:55	0:54:59
-Need an 'and? -OK.	0:54:59	0:55:01
# But you forgive	0:55:03	0:55:06
# Though you don't understand	0:55:06	0:55:10
# You've turned your head	0:55:10	0:55:13
# You've dropped my hand	0:55:13	0:55:15
# All my sorrows	0:55:15	0:55:19
# All my blues	0:55:19	0:55:22
# All my sorrows... #	0:55:22	0:55:28
SOBBING	0:55:42	0:55:44
KEVIN SOBS	0:55:52	0:55:56
What's up, love?	0:55:53	0:55:56
I...want...to go home.	0:55:56	0:55:59
Oh, dear. Have you had a row with Perry?	0:56:00	0:56:03
Yeah...	0:56:03	0:56:06
Would you like a cup of tea?	0:56:06	0:56:11
Yes, please, Dad!	0:56:08	0:56:11
Oh, love. Everything will be all right.	0:56:13	0:56:16
I've put the kettle on.	0:56:19	0:56:22
Thanks, Dad.	0:56:22	0:56:24
Tell you what, why don't we go out for a meal? Would you like that?	0:56:24	0:56:29
Yeah.	0:56:29	0:56:31
Let's smarten up and go out.	0:56:31	0:56:34
Yeah. HE SOBS	0:56:34	0:56:37
Oi!	0:56:42	0:56:45
What happened last night was well bad!	0:56:45	0:56:48
-What happened? -He got puked on.	0:56:48	0:56:51
-What a bummer. -You all right?	0:56:51	0:56:54
-Is he your boyfriend? -No, he's my boyfriend.	0:56:54	0:56:59
-HE CHUCKLES -Bum boys.	0:56:59	0:57:01
Nah, gay lovers.	0:57:01	0:57:03
-Sorry. -Is that your sand castle?	0:57:03	0:57:06
Yeah... No. I was just helping the little kid.	0:57:06	0:57:10
-It's beautiful. -Perry's artistic.	0:57:10	0:57:13
You've got a sensitive nature.	0:57:15	0:57:18
Where's Kevin, is it?	0:57:23	0:57:25
Er... Yeah. I don't know.	0:57:25	0:57:29
He's all right.	0:57:26	0:57:29
We're clubbing with you tonight, yeah?	0:57:29	0:57:32
Yeah...	0:57:32	0:57:36
Later.	0:57:34	0:57:36
Later.	0:57:36	0:57:38
See you later, big boy.	0:57:39	0:57:42
Where we going?	0:57:48	0:57:53
I've gotta go home. See you later.	0:57:49	0:57:53
Oi, Sad Act!	0:58:08	0:58:12
-Eyeball Paul. -You forgot this.	0:58:09	0:58:12
And this.	0:58:12	0:58:14
Oh.	0:58:14	0:58:17
-Thanks. -I like your mix.	0:58:19	0:58:21
-Eh? -# All I wanna do is do it... #	0:58:21	0:58:24
It's cool. I might use it in my set tonight. Wanna lift?	0:58:24	0:58:29
You and Ginger Pubes.	0:58:29	0:58:32
Be here tonight.	0:58:32	0:58:34
Fuck off.	0:58:35	0:58:39
Thank you.	0:58:37	0:58:39
Mr and Mrs Patterson.	0:58:46	0:58:49
Where's Kev?	0:58:49	0:58:53
-He's in the bedroom. -He's quite upset.	0:58:50	0:58:53
You better make up.	0:58:53	0:58:58
Oh... Oh, yeah...	0:58:55	0:58:58
Hello.	0:59:04	0:59:06
All right, Kev?	0:59:14	0:59:16
Sorry, Kev.	0:59:19	0:59:20
Thanks, Kev.	0:59:30	0:59:33
BOTH SOB	0:59:40	0:59:42
BOTH LAUGH	0:59:53	0:59:54
Why you got a tie on?	0:59:59	1:00:03
I'm going out with my mum and dad.	1:00:00	1:00:03
-Did you have a nice afternoon? -No.	1:00:03	1:00:06
-How about you? -I built a sand castle.	1:00:06	1:00:09
Candice and Gemma got boyfriends. I saw them in the street.	1:00:09	1:00:15
No, they're bum boys.	1:00:15	1:00:17
-What? -I mean gay lovers.	1:00:17	1:00:19
Oh.	1:00:19	1:00:24
I saw them on the beach. They're friends.	1:00:20	1:00:24
-Oh. -And Gemma said I was sensitive.	1:00:24	1:00:27
She wanked at me. I mean winked. Candice said you're all right.	1:00:27	1:00:32
-Candice? -They want to meet us tonight.	1:00:33	1:00:37
Whoa.	1:00:37	1:00:38
Oh! And Eyeball Paul gave me this for you.	1:00:38	1:00:43
I'm really sorry, Kev. I didn't do it on purpose.	1:00:45	1:00:49
I couldn't sleep. I happened to be filming this lizard on a wall.	1:00:49	1:00:54
It crawled into your mum and dad's room.	1:00:54	1:00:57
I didn't notice them doing it,	1:00:57	1:01:00
this lizard was so interesting. And I'm really, really sorry.	1:01:00	1:01:05
Yeah, OK, OK, OK. You saw Eyeball Paul?	1:01:05	1:01:09
-Here, he said our mix was great. -Really?	1:01:09	1:01:12
-He's going to play it tonight! -BOTH: Whoa!	1:01:12	1:01:15
Yeah, man!	1:01:15	1:01:17
-Cool! -Rinsin'!	1:01:24	1:01:26
-Are you coming, Perry? -Mr Patterson?	1:01:26	1:01:29
For a meal.	1:01:29	1:01:33
Oh, yeah.	1:01:30	1:01:33
Euurrrgh!	1:01:42	1:01:43
-Kevin! -What now?	1:01:43	1:01:45
Pick up the tie and give it to me.	1:01:45	1:01:51
-I am not your slave! -See you later!	1:01:47	1:01:51
-He's happy. -He's horrible.	1:01:51	1:01:54
-Can I get in the front with you? -Don't be so pants!	1:02:00	1:02:05
Put that down like that or up like that.	1:02:23	1:02:27
You could put it down like that.	1:02:27	1:02:29
Put it up like that.	1:02:29	1:02:32
I like it like this, though.	1:02:32	1:02:34
HE WHISTLES	1:02:37	1:02:40
Here you are, lads. Your mix.	1:02:43	1:02:46
On white label.	1:02:47	1:02:49
BOTH: Whoa...	1:02:49	1:02:52
Ah!	1:02:50	1:02:52
Can we feel it, please?	1:02:54	1:02:56
Boom.	1:02:58	1:02:59
Oh...	1:03:02	1:03:03
Oh...	1:03:04	1:03:06
HORN BEEPS	1:03:15	1:03:17
-Ladies. -Coming clubbing, ladies?	1:03:21	1:03:24
All right, Candice?	1:03:40	1:03:44
Kevin.	1:03:42	1:03:44
We're playing our new mix tonight, isn't it, Eyeball Paul?	1:03:47	1:03:51
Yeah. Yeah, that's right.	1:03:51	1:03:55
It's on white label now,	1:03:55	1:03:57
but it'll be on general release soon, probably.	1:03:57	1:04:01
Your little minxes look impressed.	1:04:07	1:04:10
TYRES SCREECH	1:04:20	1:04:21
Fuck!	1:04:24	1:04:26
-Baz, you daft bastard! -Sorry, boss.	1:04:27	1:04:30
Jesus!	1:04:30	1:04:32
-Can I sit on your knee? -Yeah. Sure.	1:04:32	1:04:36
Yeah, me, too.	1:04:36	1:04:38
-What was that about? -A puppy in the road.	1:04:38	1:04:42
You should have flattened it!	1:04:42	1:04:47
-BOTH: -No! -You've got to be kind to puppies.	1:04:43	1:04:47
We love all furry animals.	1:04:47	1:04:53
Kevin's sensitive about God's creatures.	1:04:49	1:04:53
-Innit? -It is. And Perry.	1:04:53	1:04:56
Tit!	1:05:12	1:05:14
It's been a fantastic holiday, love.	1:05:14	1:05:17
-Just what we needed. -The boys needed a break.	1:05:17	1:05:20
Isn't that them?	1:05:20	1:05:26
Don't worry, lads. I can manage.	1:05:23	1:05:26
-Let's go in. -Don't be so silly!	1:05:30	1:05:33
They won't see us with all those people. It'll be an experience.	1:05:33	1:05:38
Aren't you curious?	1:05:38	1:05:40
-This is it, Pel. -Kev? Let's mash it up.	1:05:40	1:05:44
DANCE MUSIC	1:05:52	1:05:54
CROWD CHEERS	1:06:00	1:06:02
-How much?! You're joking! -No concessions for senior citizens.	1:06:22	1:06:27
It's so loud!	1:06:42	1:06:44
Right, lads.	1:06:49	1:06:52
Here we go.	1:06:55	1:06:57
RECORD STARTS	1:07:00	1:07:02
CROWD CHEERS	1:07:02	1:07:04
# All I wanna do is do it, innit...	1:07:06	1:07:09
-MRS PATTERSON: -# Ooh, ooh, Ray	1:07:26	1:07:28
# Oh, Ray!	1:07:30	1:07:32
# Oh, Ray...	1:07:33	1:07:35
# Oh, oh...	1:07:35	1:07:36
# Oh, oh...	1:07:37	1:07:38
# Oh... Oh... Oh...	1:07:39	1:07:41
# Oh! Oh!	1:07:41	1:07:43
HE LAUGHS	1:07:45	1:07:46
# Ray!	1:07:53	1:07:54
# Ah!	1:07:54	1:07:56
# Big girl	1:07:56	1:07:59
# Oh! Oh!	1:07:59	1:08:02
# Oh!	1:08:02	1:08:04
# Gemma...	1:08:04	1:08:07
# Oh, Ray!	1:08:07	1:08:10
# Lick my love plank	1:08:13	1:08:14
# Candice, suck my candy	1:08:16	1:08:20
-I'm famous! -And me!	1:08:25	1:08:27
-BOTH: -We love you!	1:08:27	1:08:30
# All I wanna do is do it, innit	1:08:33	1:08:35
# Big girl	1:08:38	1:08:39
# Oh, Ray! #	1:08:41	1:08:43
That's enough of that shit.	1:08:43	1:08:45
CROWD BOO	1:08:45	1:08:47
-No! -Get off!	1:08:47	1:08:49
Dance, you scumbags!	1:08:49	1:08:51
Move, you Balearic bastards!	1:08:53	1:08:55
CROWD CHANTS: "Ooh, Ray! Ooh, Ray!"	1:08:55	1:08:59
Right! You want a piece of this shit? You can each have a bit of it.	1:08:59	1:09:05
-Don't do that, boss. -You're fired!	1:09:06	1:09:09
CROWD CHEERS	1:09:11	1:09:13
CROWD CHANT: "Ooh, Ray! Ooh, Ray!"	1:09:15	1:09:17
Well, lads, it's over to you.	1:09:17	1:09:20
CHANTING CONTINUES	1:09:24	1:09:26
RECORD BEGINS AGAIN	1:09:28	1:09:30
CROWD CHEERS	1:09:30	1:09:31
# Oh, Ray...	1:09:35	1:09:37
# Oh, oh! Oh, oh!	1:09:37	1:09:41
# Big girl... #	1:10:01	1:10:03
Oh, Ray...	1:10:11	1:10:13
It's beautiful, innit?	1:10:21	1:10:23
-Like you, innit. -It is. HE LAUGHS	1:10:23	1:10:27
-Is that you shagging on the record? -Yeah. Might be.	1:10:28	1:10:32
-Who's the bird? -My mum.	1:10:32	1:10:35
Oh, no! I mean... I never done it before.	1:10:37	1:10:40
-Er... It wasn't me. -Were you a virgin?	1:10:40	1:10:43
No.	1:10:45	1:10:47
So was I.	1:10:47	1:10:49
HE LAUGHS	1:10:52	1:10:54
Kev!	1:10:55	1:10:58
Yeah?	1:10:56	1:10:58
Have you done it yet?	1:10:58	1:11:00
Yeah.	1:11:00	1:11:04
So have I.	1:11:01	1:11:04
Well done. Wahey!	1:11:04	1:11:07
Here, did you give it to Candice large?	1:11:07	1:11:11
-I think so! -Oi!	1:11:11	1:11:15
GROANING	1:11:20	1:11:22
SHOUTING AND SCREAMING	1:11:59	1:12:01
Sign this!	1:12:05	1:12:08
Thanks. I shagged Kevin before he was famous.	1:12:08	1:12:11
You are not my mate and you are not my fellow DJ!	1:12:55	1:12:59
Goodbye... HE LAUGHS	1:12:59	1:13:01
-Mr and Mrs Patterson, could I have a jam sandwich, please? -SHE LAUGHS	1:13:01	1:13:07
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd	1:13:19	1:13:24

Kevin and Perry Go Large

Similar Content

Comedy

Films

Harry Enfield

James Fleet

Kathy Burke

Laura Fraser

Louisa Rix

Rhys Ifans

Transcript

Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS