Mrs Henderson Presents


Mrs Henderson Presents

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This film contains some strong language

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..Earth to earth, ashes to ashes,

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dust to dust.

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So sorry, my dear Mrs Henderson.

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-Your husband was a great friend to my country.

-That's so kind of you.

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Please join us at the house for a small luncheon in his honour.

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Thank you so much, Leslie, but I think I'll take my own car.

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STIFLED SOBS

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WAILS

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Madam.

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I know Robert would want me to be available to help you in any way.

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Thank you so much.

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-He was an estimable man.

-Yes. Yes!

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-And a very dangerous business competitor.

-Yes!

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Oh. Yes.

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Excuse me.

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-I am bored with widowhood.

-My dear, you've just scratched the surface.

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I have to smile at everybody. I've never had to smile at everybody.

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-In India, there were always people to look down on.

-People are sympathetic.

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-You have lost your husband.

-Well, I didn't mislay him!

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It was most inconsiderate of Robert to die. What am I supposed to do now?

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The first rule of widowhood, my dear -

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important conversations occur at lunch.

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It's really not so bad. Widows are allowed hobbies.

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-Hobbies?

-Yes! Embroidery. Things like that.

-Are you mad?!

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I graduated to weaving. Would you care to see my tapestries?

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-I'd rather drink ink.

-Committees are good, of course.

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I serve on quite a few charities.

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Once your husband dies, it's quite permissible to help the poor.

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And now there's no-one to stop you buying things.

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Also, of course, there's a great deal of time for lovers.

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-Margo, I'm nearly 70!

-That's true. But you're also very rich.

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The one cancels out the other.

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I don't know anything about embroidery.

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Ow! Oh!

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Now, I believe we may call it a refuge.

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We do not want any term alluding to unwed mothers in the title.

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Nor do we wish for the public to know the purpose of the house.

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But I've told my friends I'm helping to build a home for future bastards.

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SCATTERED COUGHING

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Sorry.

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-Home, madam?

-I need some fresh air. Let's drive.

-Yes, madam.

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I think I should see Alec.

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Hello, Alec.

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INAUDIBLE

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Let's return to London, please.

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I'd rather like to visit Old Windmill Street again.

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Good day, madam.

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(Oh!)

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-Mind your back!

-Oh!

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-Oh, Laura! Oh, what on earth...?

-Margo. Renovations, dear.

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-It's a...

-It's a theatre. It's a theatre!

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-Isn't it delicious! I own it.

-Own it?

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You said there was no-one to stop me buying things, so I bought a theatre.

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But I meant bracelets and earrings!

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What on earth are you going to do with a theatre?

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Well, I thought music hall or... What do they call it in America?

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Vaudeville. Actually, I haven't thought about it.

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-Oh, what am I going to do with it?

-You need someone to run it for you.

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Oh, you think? Oh, I knew you'd give me sensible advice.

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But who?

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Oh, that's an easy assignment. I know just the man.

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He's out of work at the moment, but he's very good at running theatres.

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I can't imagine where she is.

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She was meant to be here 20 minutes ago.

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Well... That's that, then.

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I can't hang around here all day. I've an important meeting to go to.

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-I'm sorry, old chap, but...

-Oh, he was terribly ill in the car.

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-Nerves, I imagine. Little sweet. Hello, Leslie.

-Hello.

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Who on earth are you?

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-This is Vivian Van Damm.

-Don't be silly. That's not a British name.

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In actual fact, my father's a lawyer in Bishopsgate,

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although some of his ancestors are from Holland.

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-Oh, dear God, you're Jewish.

-As it happens, I'm not.

-Of course you are.

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Just look at yourself. Show business is filled with Jewish people.

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One must make do. We haven't met. I'm Laura Henderson.

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Yes, I imagined you were. You're 20 minutes late.

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And you're rude.

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Perhaps he's the wrong man.

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No, I don't think so. Where are you going?

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Leslie, where's he off to? Do stop him.

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-I'm here to offer you a position!

-You can't offer me a position

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-if I'm walking out on you.

-But that's why I'm offering it, dear.

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You've got gumption. Don't you adore that word? And you smoke cigars.

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-Anyone who runs my theatre must smoke cigars. It's so manly, so...

-What?

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Jewish.

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I have a theatre.

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I have a theatre.

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Just sitting there, waiting for a brilliant manager

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to come and turn it into a commercial proposition.

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A manager who might bring enjoyment and amusement back into the West End.

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A manager with vision and courage.

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And if that isn't you, then, my intuition has failed me.

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So, by all means, hurry off, Mr Damm Van.

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-Van Damm.

-Oh, if you insist, dear. If you insist.

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Whose idea was it to gut the building?

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-Mine!

-Well, well...

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There should be a sign saying "Windmill Theatre" up there. See?

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-You're going to retain the name?

-I find it helps your driver

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-if it's named after the street.

-What do you know about the theatre?

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-Oh, almost nothing.

-I must have total control of the production side.

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Is that clear? All artistic decisions are mine.

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You may voice an opinion if you must but I have the final say.

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-Understood?

-Of course.

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I think we'll make a splendid team!

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Let's go and sit down in that charming little cafe.

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I'm sure its business will improve when our musical revue opens.

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-Who said we were doing a musical revue?

-Well, I assumed.

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All those decisions are mine. Remember?

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That's perfect. Just there.

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Higher!

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No. No, no, no. Come back. Come back to the middle.

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-Higher!

-Oh...!

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-Higher.

-Right. I've had an idea. Let's go inside.

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-It is a radical idea.

-Oh, jolly good. What is it?

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-Non-stop performances.

-Non-stop?

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Yes. Instead of two shows a day, we run our show all day long.

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Five or six performances a day,

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one after another. It's never been done in England before.

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Every theatre here is exactly like every other theatre.

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No-one is attempting anything new. It's good to stir things up, no?

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-We'd be a sensation!

-I've no idea what you mean, but I admire passion.

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Yes, well, what else is there?

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How much will this experiment cost?

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I mean, what do I stand to lose if it fails?

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Well, anything up to, er, £10,000.

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What fun!

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I'm in a sporting mood today, Mr Van Damm. It must be the weather.

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-And what'll we do?

-A musical revue.

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-What'll we call it?

-Well, I thought, "Revudeville"!

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Oh, yes!

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That's lovely.

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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I've invited you here this evening to sip a bit of sherry -

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I'm told cocktail parties are out of date -

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and to announce the most amusing news.

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The Windmill Theatre will open on February 3rd

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with the most revolutionary programme ever seen in England.

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In this enterprise, I'll be carrying on the work of my late husband,

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who spent a great deal of time and money helping stage people,

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especially those in the field of variety.

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-Is that true?

-She's making it up.

-Oh.

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As you know, these are difficult times.

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So many of our variety performers have been forced onto the milkline.

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-Breadline.

-Breadline. Breadline.

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Revudeville is an attempt to create...

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-Employment!

-Employment!

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Employment for these delightful creatures.

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Our productions will be guided and overseen by our resident genius,

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our brilliant general manager who comes to us from central Europe,

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Mr Vivian Van Damm.

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-We won't be able to work together, you know.

-You're a perfect match!

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So, you found yourself a Continental.

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Nonsense. He's as English as you or I.

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He's terribly alive, don't you think? Just something one can sense.

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-Laura, you have an infatuation.

-Don't be ridiculous!

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It's the show business I'm attracted to.

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Tomorrow, we have auditions! Isn't that exciting!

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People come in and entertain us and we say, "Stick around" or "Buzz off"!

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BOTH GIGGLE

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-FEEBLY:

-# You may not be an angel

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-# Cos angels are so few... #

-Thank you. Next.

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-TUNELESSLY:

-# But until the day that one comes along

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-# I'll string along... #

-Next!

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# But when...something came along

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# I'll sing along with you... #

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Next!

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-SHRILLY:

-# You may not be an angel

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# Cos angels are so few

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# But until the day that one comes along

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# I'll string along with you. #

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-(Good Lord.)

-Thank you, Miss Kramer. That'll do.

-Poor thing.

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-Next!

-My dear, would you just wait over there.

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Mr Van Damm, I spent many years in the Far East with my husband

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witnessing what pagan rituals, but I've never seen anything

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-as barbaric as this.

-Welcome to the theatre. Next!

-Very nice, dear.

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Buy yourself a decent meal.

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-Who's the young man at the back?

-Ssh! Concentrate on the auditions.

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# ..comes along, I'll string along with you... #

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-Next.

-JAUNTY PIANO TUNE

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-(We'll have him.)

-We will?

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We will.

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Next.

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MIDDLE-EASTERN-STYLE PIANO TUNE

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-Why do you keep looking at that boy?

-That boy, as you call him,

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was the featured performer at the Pavilion. I snatched him away.

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He was a big help to me. He's got excellent taste.

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-He agrees with all of my choices.

-Including these demented pharaohs?

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-Book them.

-Right, VD.

-Are you mad?! They're not in the least authentic.

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Ssh.

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And over. Over. Step, shuffle, change. Kick up the toe.

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And fix, six, seven, eight.

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Step, pick up. Step, pick up. Step, pick up. Forward. Heads up.

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Thank you, ladies. Let's change over.

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See what they're like from the back. And pay attention to their height.

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And over. Step, shuffle. Lift, kick up the toe.

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Tap, shuffle. And round, two, three, four.

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Step, pick up. Step, pick up. Change. Forward. And heads up.

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-Do you find these women attractive?

-Some of them are very pretty.

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Oh, yes, I can certainly see that, but do they intrigue you as a man?

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Ah.

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I have other inclinations.

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Oh. Oh! Oh!

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How delicious!

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And use your backs. Yes. Good girls. Next group.

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And use your back, girls.

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Yes! Last group.

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But Mr Van Damm seems to have an intense appreciation, doesn't he?

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Are the girls ready? And...

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-He's practically sniffing them!

-And last group.

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-Some of these girls are very good.

-Indeed.

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-I'm going to call our chorus The Millerettes.

-Millerettes?

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-Mmm. "Mill" as in Windmill.

-What's the "er" for?

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Millerettes should be Millettes. The "er" clogs it up.

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-Millettes doesn't scan.

-It's accurate!

-Doesn't sound right.

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But Millerettes sounds like a man named Miller has a chorus line.

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-We do Vaudeville, not dictionaries!

-We should still use correct English!

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Millerettes is a good name, and it's not your decision.

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In fact, you shouldn't be in the theatre until dress rehearsal.

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-In fact, I'm going to ban you.

-Don't you dare! You have no right!

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-I can do anything I please!

-Then, I shall cancel the opening!

-Fine!

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-This show will not go on.

-Indeed.

-They're ready to start again, VD.

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My dear, you must never interrupt a perfectly good argument.

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-I've completely lost my train of thought.

-So have I.

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Come on. Mustn't keep the Millerettes waiting.

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That name is intolerable. It suggests midgets working in a factory.

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Millettes sounds like a medical condition.

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JAZZY MUSIC

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# Can't you see that all the dull days and grey skies are over?

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# Can't you see that we'll be living from now on in clover?

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# We're letting in the sunshine

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# It's shining everywhere

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# We're letting in the sunshine for all of us to share

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# For all of us to share

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# We're letting in the sunshine

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# For all of us to share

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# All of us to share! #

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ALL CHEER

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BOTH MOUTH

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Oh, stop thanking each other. Let's find some champagne.

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What a wonderful hobby, my dear!

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I wonder if there are any more theatres for sale!

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I don't understand. We were such a success.

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-Then everyone copied us.

-Now we're a disaster?

-There's the accounts.

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-We're losing a fortune.

-You mean, you can be a triumph one week,

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-and a disaster the next?

-I'm not certain it's worth going on.

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Oh, you people make me weary. You've no courage!

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What I say is, "Stick a thing out and it will come round."

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-I'm trying to save your finances.

-I don't need your protection.

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We've put on some good shows, but they're obviously not daring enough.

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-Why don't we get rid of the clothes?

-Pardon?

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Let's have naked girls.

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Don't you think?

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Now, this has been on my mind for some time. I never dared mention it.

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I, too, lack courage, it seems. Now, what I propose is, we have nude women

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in Revudeville, as they do in Paris. At the Moulin Rouge, for instance.

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DOG WHINES Baby, we'll find you some milk.

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Paris, after all, is just filled with naked women wearing bananas

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and, dare I say it, making everyone else go bananas in return. Keep up.

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-(Yes...)

-It would be innovative and draw the crowds.

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I would make back all of my money, you would enjoy yourself

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being surrounded by countless breasts and we'd all be happy.

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What you're suggesting isn't possible.

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That kind of thing isn't done here. Nudity? In England?

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You tend towards safety sometimes. You're rather bourgeois,

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I do mean that in a kind way, but I suspect it's not advisable in the show business.

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What you're forgetting is, we need a licence from the Lord Chamberlain

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-for whatever we put on the stage.

-The Lord Chamberlain?

-Yes!

0:25:540:25:58

What, Tommy? Little Tommy Baring? Don't be silly.

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I have, of course, taken that into account. He's a very sweet man.

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He and his dreary wife are on holiday in France, but when he returns,

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-I'll throw a fly at him.

-Pardon?

-That's a fisherman's term, dear.

0:26:100:26:13

It has to do with hooking a trout. You do lead a narrow life.

0:26:130:26:17

-Meanwhile, do begin work on our new idea.

-Without permission?

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Oh! We've found your milk.

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Mrs Henderson's request is, of course, entirely out of order.

0:26:250:26:28

Of course. I'm well aware of that.

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-Oh, Tommy!

-Laura. How wonderful to see you.

-You don't look a day older.

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What a touching little lie. I do know a bit about why you're here.

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-Oh?

-Mmm.

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I find that lines have to be drawn somewhere, my dear Laura,

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and nudity is on the wrong side of the divide.

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I have problems enough with the length of skirts.

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I've had inches added to them for a new Offenbach production.

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Well, we won't have that problem, as we won't have skirts.

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Sir, if I may, we have very strict rules in these areas, Mrs Henderson.

0:27:020:27:07

Oh, this office is so stuffy! Why don't we take a bit of a walk?

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-Sir?

-A walk. Yes. Lovely.

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Why didn't you return to India?

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I was only ever Robert's wife in India.

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It seemed a bit absurd without a Robert.

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Now I find it most amusing to run a variety show and I'll tell you why.

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Robert used to take me to the music hall often. He was fond of them.

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On the condition I stayed behind the curtain in the box!

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In those days, it was considered terribly improper for a married woman

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to be seen at a music hall. But times have moved on.

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And we must move with them, mustn't we?

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Oh, look. A tent.

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-Unusual to see a tent in the park.

-Quite. I had it constructed earlier.

0:27:480:27:53

Did you obtain a licence?

0:27:530:27:55

Oh, come inside, you old fogey. I've prepared lunch.

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-The be all and end all is they are naked.

-Like paintings in a museum!

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These sandwiches are particularly good.

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It's an excellent season for salmon.

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-We haven't exactly reached salmon season yet.

-You're so literal!

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You're thinking bosoms. I'm thinking breasts.

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-What is the difference?

-The difference is in your soul. Cheese?

0:28:180:28:23

Thank you. Of course, paintings in a museum are still, are they not?

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-Still?

-The figures do not move. I suppose there's something in that.

0:28:280:28:32

Mmm. This cheese is very good indeed.

0:28:330:28:36

-If this girls did not move...

-Tableaux?

0:28:360:28:39

Precisely.

0:28:390:28:41

..then one might make a direct corollary with an art gallery.

0:28:410:28:45

I can, perhaps, see the possibility of some artistic merit to that.

0:28:450:28:49

-They never move?

-Never.

-Yes, that would be like a museum.

0:28:490:28:53

Which was, my dear, your suggestion. You must be very pleased.

0:28:530:28:57

-I'm warming to the idea. My secretary, of course...

-More wine?

0:28:570:29:01

Ah, yes. Thank you. What about, forgive me, the foliage?

0:29:010:29:06

-Foliage?

-You know, beneath the...

-Beneath what? Try the Brie.

0:29:060:29:10

-Thank you. Beneath the...

-I had it flown in from France.

-Excellent.

0:29:100:29:14

-The foliage beneath...

-My husband was very fond of this cheese.

0:29:140:29:18

Dear, I'm attempting to address the disagreeable, somewhat sordid topic

0:29:180:29:23

-of the pudendum.

-What is that?

-Good heavens!

-Do have some more wine.

0:29:230:29:28

-The female part!

-Oh, the pussy! Why didn't you say?

0:29:280:29:32

I had not expected you, of all people, to use such language.

0:29:320:29:36

The word was popular in the mid-19th century. Not everyone speaks Latin.

0:29:360:29:40

Then, I'd prefer you to refer to it as...the Midlands.

0:29:400:29:44

Oh, dear. You men do get into such a state about the Midlands, don't you?

0:29:440:29:49

Well, you needn't worry. Our lighting will be so subtle,

0:29:490:29:53

the disputed area will be barely visible.

0:29:530:29:56

And anyway, we'll have a barber.

0:29:560:29:59

GIGGLES

0:29:590:30:02

You are the most exasperating woman. You always were.

0:30:020:30:06

-I take that to mean you'll permit us to have a go.

-If no-one moves, yes.

0:30:060:30:10

-GASPS

-Perhaps.

0:30:100:30:12

I'll reserve final judgment until the opening night.

0:30:120:30:17

I'm delighted, dear ladies, that you wish to be a part of our endeavour.

0:30:170:30:22

Thank you very much.

0:30:220:30:24

-Saliva.

-Behave!

0:30:320:30:34

-I never realised how similar breasts are to shoes.

-What do you mean?

0:30:340:30:38

Well, they come in so many sizes. I've always found them overrated.

0:30:380:30:42

-Well, you're not a man.

-Alas(!)

0:30:420:30:46

All right, ladies. Off you go.

0:30:460:30:49

-What do you make of her?

-She's beautiful.

0:31:000:31:03

-Yes.

-But the nipples.

-Too large?

0:31:030:31:06

They're not British. Could be Italian.

0:31:060:31:09

We must have British nipples.

0:31:090:31:11

And how about her?

0:31:150:31:18

The right one's bigger than the left.

0:31:180:31:20

-GIGGLES

-Ssh! Ssh!

0:31:200:31:23

-Her?

-Fried eggs.

0:31:250:31:28

GIGGLES LOUDLY Sorry.

0:31:280:31:30

Thank you very much. Could you all please wait in the wings. Thank you.

0:31:300:31:36

-So, what basically are you looking for?

-Personality.

0:31:360:31:39

-Something in their smile, eyes.

-I suggest you look in their faces.

0:31:390:31:44

Yes, of course!

0:31:460:31:48

We're looking at the wrong kind of girl.

0:31:480:31:51

-We shouldn't have theatricals. Maggie, make a note.

-My dear.

0:31:510:31:55

Bertie and I are going to tour the countryside

0:31:550:31:58

-and discover some English roses.

-Oh, good!

0:31:580:32:01

Now you're getting the hang of it.

0:32:010:32:03

It's been an unsuccessful trip, my friend.

0:32:040:32:07

What I'm looking for is...personality.

0:32:070:32:11

Youth. Beauty.

0:32:110:32:14

Certainly not talent. Anyone can have talent.

0:32:140:32:17

And they must be well brought up.

0:32:170:32:20

I think many of the young women we've been seeing

0:32:200:32:24

come from rather awkward backgrounds.

0:32:240:32:27

TYRES SCREECH HORN BLARES

0:32:280:32:31

Shine your lights on the water!

0:32:340:32:37

The young girl is a dancer! Excellent coordination!

0:32:450:32:49

That's it. Come on. There we go. There you are.

0:32:530:32:57

-You're all right.

-Let me see.

0:32:570:33:00

-GASPS:

-Oh, my God.

0:33:000:33:02

I'm so sorry. I'm so embarrassed. I didn't mean to cause any trouble.

0:33:040:33:08

-No need to be embarrassed. You've found a knight.

-Hmm?

0:33:080:33:12

Two knights...in shining armour.

0:33:120:33:16

-My God! What a beautiful smile.

-Exquisite.

0:33:170:33:22

Have you ever considered going on the stage?

0:33:250:33:28

# Sweet inspiration

0:33:340:33:37

# So often out of reach...

0:33:370:33:41

HUMS THE TUNE

0:33:410:33:44

# ..and everyone

0:33:440:33:47

# Sweet inspiration

0:33:480:33:51

-# We often... #

-Peggy moved.

-Oh, you moved.

0:33:510:33:55

-She mustn't move.

-I'm sorry, Mr Van Damm.

-The law insists

0:33:550:33:59

-that you be absolutely still.

-Why don't we take a break?

0:33:590:34:03

-Yes. Good idea.

-Rest your arms, girls. Get the circulation going.

0:34:030:34:07

There's, er, teacups and, er, tea just downstairs.

0:34:120:34:18

Oh! Oh, it's so sweet.

0:34:200:34:23

You're perched in the orchestra pit like little birds.

0:34:230:34:26

-We feel safe down here.

-Are you all right?

0:34:260:34:30

-Yes, thank you. My arm went numb.

-I would sometimes see people in India

0:34:300:34:34

standing still for hours on ends. Fakirs. It was all rather spiritual.

0:34:340:34:38

-Oh, I see.

-You must think yourself onto a higher plane.

0:34:380:34:42

We'd all like to be on a higher plane. Preferably over the Channel.

0:34:420:34:46

Oh! ALL GIGGLE

0:34:460:34:48

-Oh, you're the one that was...

-Drowning.

-Oh!

0:34:480:34:52

-Come on.

-Oh. I like that girl you ran over.

0:34:520:34:56

Why don't you and the dog look at the programme proofs in the office?

0:34:560:35:00

-You're trying to get rid of us.

-Yes. We're coming up to a delicate time.

0:35:000:35:04

-Maggie, take Mrs Henderson up to the office.

-Oh...!

-Out.

0:35:040:35:07

Well, of course. You're in charge.

0:35:070:35:10

Right. Time for you to disrobe.

0:35:130:35:16

-Do we have to do it now, Mr Van Damm?

-Well, when else?

0:35:160:35:20

-I was just asking.

-I could have left you in the water.

-Come on, girls.

0:35:200:35:24

Let's do it.

0:35:240:35:26

I can't!

0:35:370:35:38

-Where's she going?

-She can't face it.

0:35:410:35:44

-What's wrong with everybody?

-I'm sorry, Mr Van Damm.

0:35:480:35:52

There's no work outside. I just thought, "Well, it's a job."

0:35:530:35:57

All of my friends are starving. I was lucky to have employment.

0:35:570:36:02

You can't imagine how it feels. We're just standing there.

0:36:020:36:06

Even my boyfriend hasn't seen me naked, and we've been to bed!

0:36:060:36:09

It's like it's...medical.

0:36:090:36:12

Do you think I would ever subject you to anything improper or tawdry?

0:36:120:36:18

I am enabling you all to earn an honest salary

0:36:180:36:22

in this most difficult of times.

0:36:220:36:24

After a hard week's work, you take home enough to maintain your home,

0:36:240:36:28

help out your parents and even save a little bit for the future!

0:36:280:36:32

And all you have to do is display certain blessings

0:36:320:36:36

you received from the Lord.

0:36:360:36:38

Why do you think God gave you all your bits and pieces?

0:36:380:36:41

So that you might be ashamed of them? So you might hide them away?

0:36:430:36:47

Isn't great art, after all, the celebration of nature?

0:36:470:36:53

-That's what this is.

-Art?

0:36:530:36:56

Absolutely. You are the Venus de Milo.

0:36:560:36:59

-The Mona Lisa.

-The Mona Lisa wore a dress.

0:36:590:37:02

Some do, some don't.

0:37:020:37:04

Tomorrow, we'll go to the museum and look at some paintings.

0:37:040:37:09

Botticelli. Now, he was inspired.

0:37:090:37:12

Inspired by God.

0:37:120:37:15

I'm placing a weighty burden on your shoulders,

0:37:150:37:18

but I know you have the moral strength to carry it.

0:37:180:37:22

Why don't we try it again?

0:37:220:37:24

All right?

0:37:240:37:26

I'll see you on the stage.

0:37:280:37:30

Let's give it a go. I don't fancy working in my father's chemist.

0:37:320:37:36

Art.

0:37:370:37:39

Art.

0:37:390:37:41

SNEEZES

0:37:420:37:44

Sorry.

0:37:440:37:46

-There is a draught in here.

-You expect draughts in a theatre.

0:37:460:37:51

-What happens if we get cold?

-Bertie, get someone to close the doors

0:37:510:37:54

and check all the windows, will you? Thank you.

0:37:540:37:58

-All right?

-Yes, thank you.

-Does everyone have to watch us?

-Who?

0:37:580:38:02

Well, them.

0:38:020:38:04

You're going to have an entire audience watching you!

0:38:050:38:09

-Yes, but they'll be strangers.

-And they won't be standing so close.

0:38:090:38:13

-Will they?!

-We can hear them breathing!

0:38:130:38:15

-A man has to breathe.

-Heavy breathing.

0:38:150:38:18

It doesn't seem fair for them to be dressed when we're not.

0:38:180:38:21

Okey-dokey. I know what to do.

0:38:210:38:23

Come on, gentlemen. Come on. You, too. Fair is fair.

0:38:250:38:29

-Ladies, come on.

-LADIES GIGGLE

0:38:290:38:34

Come on! Strip!

0:38:340:38:37

-ALL LAUGH

-You, too, Mr Van Damm.

0:38:400:38:42

Don't be ridiculous. Someone has to maintain authority here.

0:38:420:38:46

-Take your clothes off, please.

-No.

-Off! Off!

0:38:460:38:51

Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off!

0:38:510:38:55

All right. All right!

0:38:580:39:01

Bloody childish.

0:39:010:39:03

Mrs Henderson! Mrs Henderson, don't go in there!

0:39:050:39:08

GIGGLING

0:39:080:39:10

SILENCE DESCENDS

0:39:100:39:12

Why, Mr Van Damm...

0:39:200:39:22

you ARE Jewish.

0:39:220:39:24

DOG WHIMPERS

0:39:240:39:27

# Sweet inspiration

0:39:310:39:34

# So often out of reach

0:39:340:39:39

# You come sometime to each and everyone

0:39:390:39:44

# Sweet inspiration

0:39:450:39:47

# We often have to wait

0:39:470:39:50

# But still you're better

0:39:500:39:53

# Late than never

0:39:530:39:58

# Everyone

0:39:580:40:00

# Lives in expectation

0:40:000:40:04

# Sweet inspiration

0:40:040:40:07

# Of you! #

0:40:070:40:14

-I think I saw a priest in the audience!

-No! You're hallucinating!

0:40:330:40:37

-Everyone looked so rich!

-Oh, I hope so.

0:40:370:40:40

When I take off my clothes, I think, "This will bring me champagne."

0:40:400:40:43

I think, "One more day and it hasn't happened yet."

0:40:430:40:47

DOOR SLAMS I brought the Lord Chamberlain.

0:40:470:40:50

He felt he had to say a few words of encouragement to you.

0:40:500:40:54

-Now, isn't that delicious!

-..Well done.

0:40:540:40:58

Well done.

0:40:580:41:00

May I be...permitted to say...

0:41:000:41:06

that... Oh, good heavens!

0:41:060:41:09

Good heavens, I...I...

0:41:090:41:13

What an artistic enterprise

0:41:130:41:16

you have, erm...

0:41:160:41:18

Ahem... A testament, really, to the British p...!

0:41:180:41:22

It's a magical evening, hmm?

0:41:240:41:26

I quite understand what you were feeling.

0:41:260:41:30

I myself have exhibited my breasts.

0:41:300:41:33

I was at a party with the Duchess of Denbigh and Countess Albery,

0:41:330:41:38

and we took off our blouses - oh, in private, of course -

0:41:380:41:42

-and looked at each other's titties!

-ALL GIGGLE

0:41:420:41:45

My, how we laughed!

0:41:450:41:48

The Lord Chamberlain was very taken with you, my dear.

0:41:490:41:52

ALL GIGGLE

0:41:520:41:55

-Mrs Henderson.

-Mr Van Damm. We've had quite an evening.

0:41:580:42:01

-The Lord Chamberlain was very pleased.

-Meet Natalie.

-Natalie?

0:42:010:42:05

-My wife.

-Vivian's spoken about you so often, I feel that I know you!

0:42:050:42:09

Well...I certainly don't know YOU. Excuse me.

0:42:120:42:17

You can be rude to me, but not to my wife!

0:42:290:42:33

Wife? When did you acquire a wife?

0:42:330:42:35

-Why haven't you told us?

-What do you mean?

-You never mentioned her.

0:42:350:42:40

-I believe a figure of authority must maintain a sense of privacy!

-A wife!

0:42:400:42:45

-What exactly is the problem?

-Who on earth said there was a problem?

0:42:450:42:49

Have a wife if you insist. Just don't let her interfere with your duties.

0:42:490:42:53

-Why would she do that?

-Because that's what wives do - I know.

0:42:530:42:56

-I was a wife. I interfered all the time.

-So sack me, then.

0:42:560:43:00

If you're unhappy with me, just say it and I'll leave.

0:43:000:43:04

But don't you dare, ever, ever talk to my wife like that again.

0:43:040:43:07

-Oh, don't you worry, I'll keep my eye on you.

-You do that.

0:43:070:43:11

I hope you realise I will never, ever set foot in this theatre again!

0:43:130:43:17

You two behave like an old married couple.

0:43:190:43:22

Well, it seems that would make him a bigamist.

0:43:220:43:26

Oh.

0:43:260:43:27

Champagne, then.

0:43:270:43:30

It is rather as I thought - your heart has stirred.

0:43:310:43:35

Then, I must consult a physician.

0:43:350:43:38

This should have been such a pleasant night.

0:43:400:43:43

# You told me there wasn't a lesson in loving that you hadn't learned

0:43:500:43:57

# Oh, yes

0:43:570:44:01

# Oh, yes

0:44:010:44:03

# So you met someone who set you back on your heels, goody, goody

0:44:050:44:09

# So you met someone and now you know how it feels, goody, goody

0:44:090:44:14

# So you gave her your heart, too

0:44:140:44:16

# Just as I gave mine to you

0:44:160:44:19

# And she broke it in little pieces and now how do you do?

0:44:190:44:23

# So you lie awake just singing the blues all night

0:44:230:44:27

# Goody, goody

0:44:270:44:28

# So you think that love's a barrel of dynamite... #

0:44:280:44:31

-I want you to flank her.

-Flank her?

-Stand either side of her.

0:44:310:44:35

-Oh.

-Aren't I in silhouette, like in the picture?

-Silhouette.

0:44:350:44:39

-Silhouette, Harry.

-Now, the sun must rise behind you.

0:44:390:44:43

-Orange.

-We see the rays of the sun like in the picture.

0:44:430:44:47

A new dawn over the new world.

0:44:480:44:52

EGYPTIAN-STYLE MUSIC CHEERING

0:44:520:44:56

Goody, goody.

0:45:040:45:05

Goody, goody.

0:45:070:45:09

Goody, goody.

0:45:110:45:13

-And now...!

-How...

-..do you do?

0:45:140:45:17

# So you lie awake just singing the blues all night

0:45:170:45:22

# Goody, goody... #

0:45:220:45:23

JAZZY, INSTRUMENTAL VERSION OF TUNE

0:45:230:45:27

SERENE, CHORAL VERSION OF TUNE

0:45:390:45:43

SHRIEKS

0:46:010:46:03

ALL LAUGH

0:46:030:46:05

You philistines! Out! Get out!

0:46:160:46:19

JEERS

0:46:190:46:22

How am I going to explain this to the Lord Chamberlain?

0:46:220:46:26

# So you lie awake just singing the blues all night

0:46:260:46:30

# Goody, goody

0:46:300:46:32

# So you think that love's a barrel of dynamite

0:46:320:46:37

# Hooray and hallelujah

0:46:370:46:39

# You had it coming to ya

0:46:390:46:42

# Goody, goody for you

0:46:420:46:44

# Goody, goody for me

0:46:440:46:48

# And I hope you're satisfied You rascal, you! #

0:46:480:46:53

ALL CHEER ENTHUSIASTICALLY

0:46:570:47:01

Coming through. Excuse me, Mr Van Damm. Sorry.

0:47:150:47:19

I forgot me fin!

0:47:200:47:22

-Good afternoon, Doris.

-Afternoon.

-How's your mother?

-Fine, thank you.

0:47:240:47:28

-Have you been writing to her?

-Yes. She told me to tell you

0:47:280:47:31

she's disappointed I'm a starfish. She thinks I should be a mermaid.

0:47:310:47:35

Ah. I'll send her a note.

0:47:350:47:37

-And who have we here?

-Catherine The Great.

0:47:370:47:40

Have you forgotten the tableau with the horse? Come along! Wakey, wakey.

0:47:400:47:44

-You might show a bit more respect. I should've...

-Left you in the water!

0:47:440:47:49

-Afternoon, girls. How are you?

-Better now.

-Was something wrong?

0:47:490:47:53

-My bum cheeks went numb.

-She was leaning arse over backwards.

-Shush!

0:47:530:47:56

-In the Alaskan tableau, of course!

-Rupert soon got the blood flowing!

0:47:560:48:01

-Who's Rupert?

-Well you might ask.

-Oh, behave yourself!

0:48:010:48:05

We must be cautious about too much frivolity.

0:48:050:48:08

-The Windmill is a very serious business.

-ALL: Yes, Mr Van Damm.

0:48:080:48:12

-Do I give it to the students again, sir?

-ALL: Mr Van Damm.

0:48:200:48:23

At your own discretion, dear boy.

0:48:230:48:26

It's beastly. I can't walk into my own theatre.

0:48:280:48:32

I hear wonderful things about the new shows and I'm missing all the fun!

0:48:320:48:36

-You did say you would never set foot in The Windmill again.

-Quite right.

0:48:360:48:40

The man's a monster. I want nothing to do with him.

0:48:400:48:43

You're like my granddaughter, who moans about boys she has her eye on.

0:48:430:48:48

Adolescents and women in their eighth decade are very similar.

0:48:480:48:53

You obviously require a battle plan.

0:48:550:48:57

My second husband, the general,

0:48:580:49:01

always advocated attacking from the rear,

0:49:010:49:04

which, although it did nothing to enhance our marriage,

0:49:040:49:08

did bring him some success on the field.

0:49:080:49:11

Oh, just slip in there, as it were,

0:49:110:49:14

and establish your beachhead.

0:49:140:49:17

-Excuse us! This is a private dressing room.

-It's only me!

0:49:210:49:24

Sorry. But I did not want to be seen in the theatre.

0:49:240:49:29

Oh, I have missed your company.

0:49:300:49:32

I thought I'd just drop by to see if you needed anything.

0:49:320:49:36

Actually, if this may be our secret.

0:49:360:49:38

-Mr What's-his-name doesn't know I'm here.

-We're fine, thank you.

0:49:380:49:42

-My poor dear, I'm having some cheese sent up to you.

-Cheese?

0:49:420:49:45

-I'm not convinced you eat enough.

-Yes, she's just skin and bone(!)

0:49:450:49:49

Shut up. I weigh exactly what I weighed when I started this job.

0:49:490:49:52

-Something's wrong. She's not eating chocolate.

-So very, very head girl.

0:49:520:49:57

-So sensible.

-See? It's unanimous. You're positively scrawny.

-Ha!

0:49:570:50:01

You may laugh, but I know men. Men look at bosoms, but I notice bones.

0:50:010:50:05

-SCREAMS What?

-Spots!

0:50:050:50:08

No-one will notice.

0:50:080:50:10

You must promise to let me know if you have any complaints or problems.

0:50:100:50:14

Does Mr Van Damm... Oh, my dear.

0:50:140:50:18

I wore a similar wig to a ball in Delhi.

0:50:180:50:21

-Didn't look nearly as becoming as it does on you.

-Thank you.

0:50:210:50:24

-You remind me a bit of myself.

-Too thin?

-You'd be surprised.

0:50:240:50:28

-Don't tell anyone I've been here.

-It's just between us girls.

0:50:280:50:32

-You all get on rather well.

-Yes, we're like a family.

0:50:320:50:35

There hasn't been any improper behaviour from Van Damm, has there?

0:50:350:50:40

-He's very good to us.

-He's like a father.

0:50:400:50:44

-He treats us for what we are.

-And what is that?

-Artists

0:50:440:50:47

I have seemingly handed him a kingdom - complete with harem.

0:50:470:50:52

Then, my dear, you must infiltrate,

0:50:520:50:55

like a delicious, if overripe, Mata Hari.

0:50:550:50:59

Might I propose subterfuge?

0:50:590:51:03

Ah.

0:51:030:51:05

Good afternoon.

0:51:070:51:09

-Good afternoon.

-Good afternoon.

0:51:090:51:12

-Amazing. You get all kinds.

-I have a very odd feeling, VD.

0:51:140:51:17

LAUGHTER

0:51:170:51:20

What I need is a rubber trumpet.

0:51:200:51:22

Yeah. I've had an offer to join a rubber band.

0:51:220:51:26

Please, no. Please don't do this.

0:51:260:51:28

-Mrs Henderson, you are a fraud!

-Oh! Oh! Oh!

0:51:280:51:33

Don't you dare manhandle me!

0:51:330:51:36

-Make a fool of yourself, if you must, but not of me.

-No! Ah!

0:51:360:51:41

What do you think you were doing?

0:51:410:51:43

I simply want to make sure you are doing your jobs properly.

0:51:430:51:46

It was most unpleasant of you to grab my hairpiece.

0:51:460:51:49

That's made of authentic Chinese hair.

0:51:490:51:52

Well, now you'll have some time to calm down. Examine your behaviour.

0:51:520:51:57

My husband put me on top of a cupboard once.

0:51:570:52:00

You have so much in common. CHUCKLES

0:52:000:52:04

I'd like you to behave.

0:52:040:52:07

No doubt your husband said that to you as well.

0:52:070:52:10

Oh, Mr Van Damm, I just can't help myself.

0:52:100:52:14

-Oh, well, cheerio.

-No, don't you dare leave me here.

0:52:140:52:19

No, don't you dare! Don't you dare leave me!

0:52:190:52:23

MUSIC: Chu-Chi Face

0:52:260:52:29

This act is not half bad.

0:52:330:52:36

Thank you very much.

0:52:440:52:47

-You can't have an animal on stage with naked women.

-Yes, I see that.

0:52:480:52:53

-It's a shame.

-I've got a new song.

0:52:530:52:56

Let's hear it.

0:52:560:52:58

# There's a lake in the park There's a house by the lake

0:52:590:53:02

# There's a... # Slower.

0:53:020:53:05

# There's a lake in the park

0:53:110:53:13

# There's a house by the lake

0:53:130:53:16

# There's a girl in the house by the lake in the park

0:53:160:53:18

# And the girl in the house in the park by the lake

0:53:180:53:21

# Is the girl in the little green hat

0:53:210:53:24

# And tonight after eight That's when I've got a date

0:53:240:53:26

# When the moon's riding high and the stars light the sky

0:53:260:53:29

# With the girl in the house by the lake in the park... #

0:53:290:53:32

-What?!

-You'd better see for yourself.

0:53:320:53:36

# No trees in the park at all

0:53:360:53:39

# But she'll wait beside the lake I'll be welcome at the house

0:53:390:53:41

# I'll meet her by the garden wall

0:53:410:53:44

# There's a ship on the shore There's a sailor on the shore

0:53:440:53:46

# There's a girl in his arms She's the girl I adore

0:53:460:53:48

# So goodbye to the house by the lake in the park

0:53:480:53:50

# And the girl in the little green hat. #

0:53:500:53:52

-Bye, Mrs Henderson.

-GIGGLE

0:53:520:53:55

Try the river, it's Tuesday.

0:54:050:54:09

-Get me a taxi.

-Yes, VD.

0:54:090:54:11

-Tea?

-Yes, please. To take away.

0:54:120:54:15

We need caffeine. We're exhausted.

0:54:150:54:18

You're exhausted?! All you girls do is just stand there.

0:54:180:54:23

And that, I am told, is the definition of a star.

0:54:230:54:27

This has got to stop. We're running a serious theatre.

0:54:360:54:40

The entire West End is laughing at us.

0:54:400:54:42

I haven't worked for years to achieve a position of respect

0:54:420:54:46

only to be perceived as a joke. If all you want to be is a dilettante,

0:54:460:54:51

-take your money and go someplace else.

-I can't hear you.

0:54:510:54:55

I'm not simply frivolous. And I don't ever want to be taken for granted.

0:55:000:55:04

I wish to ascertain that artists who audition for us

0:55:040:55:08

are being treated with the proper respect. It turns out they are.

0:55:080:55:12

I am perfectly satisfied.

0:55:120:55:14

On another matter entirely -

0:55:160:55:18

billing. The programme says, Mrs Henderson Presents Revudeville.

0:55:180:55:23

It's absolutely charming, but perhaps unfair. Shouldn't it be,

0:55:230:55:26

Mrs Henderson Presents Revudeville, a Vivian Van Damm production?

0:55:260:55:30

I rather like that, don't you?

0:55:300:55:33

I am going to have a joyride now. Isn't that exciting?

0:55:360:55:39

I am not a servant!

0:55:490:55:52

You can't buy me off with a piece of billing! Do you hear, bloody woman?!

0:55:520:55:57

Is it well stocked with petrol?

0:56:130:56:16

What do you mean?

0:56:160:56:18

Do you think we might make it to France?

0:56:180:56:21

I don't think I'll be back for a while.

0:57:060:57:09

EXPLOSION

0:57:340:57:36

-Mr Van Damm.

-Mrs Henderson.

0:58:130:58:15

Welcome back.

0:58:150:58:18

MUSIC: La Marseillaise

0:58:200:58:23

# Entendez vous dans notre campagnes

0:58:230:58:28

# Mugir ces froces soldats?

0:58:280:58:33

# Ils viennent jusque dans nos bras

0:58:330:58:37

# Egorger nos fils, nos compagnes

0:58:370:58:42

# Aux armes, citoyens!

0:58:420:58:46

# Formez vos bataillons!

0:58:460:58:50

# Marchons! Marchons!

0:58:500:58:55

# Qu'un sang impur

0:58:550:58:59

# Abreuve nos sillons! #

0:58:590:59:07

Do you mind if I sit here?

0:59:560:59:59

Suit yourself.

0:59:591:00:01

I am so sorry, Mr Van Damm.

1:00:171:00:20

I imagine...you have family.

1:00:221:00:27

-Yes.

-I can't bear feeling helpless.

1:00:321:00:35

I always think there's something I can do.

1:00:351:00:38

But sometimes, of course, there's nothing.

1:00:421:00:46

Champagne, madam?

1:01:041:01:06

Don't you feel a bit over-safe?

1:01:231:01:25

Caution, my dear.

1:01:251:01:27

We're not certain what to do about the theatres.

1:01:271:01:31

-Whatever do you mean?

-They're a frivolous distraction.

1:01:311:01:35

Exactly what young soldiers need. Wouldn't you say?

1:01:351:01:40

There are other considerations.

1:01:421:01:45

Intelligence tells us the Luftwaffe will bomb London.

1:01:451:01:48

My intelligence tells me that.

1:01:481:01:51

-It'll be dangerous for people to congregate, won't it?

-Tommy!

1:01:511:01:54

Don't be silly! Congregate underground.

1:01:541:01:58

My theatre is beneath street level. It's the safest place to be.

1:01:581:02:02

Let's have no more of these foolish ideas.

1:02:021:02:05

Oh, Tommy.

1:02:071:02:09

# We stand in awe and ask what power divine

1:02:391:02:43

# Inspired the sculptor

1:02:431:02:45

# Of such flawless art

1:02:451:02:50

# For there is life in every curve and line

1:02:501:02:55

# To charm the eye and satisfy... #

1:02:551:02:57

EXPLOSION

1:02:571:02:59

RUMBLING

1:03:101:03:13

# There is no time No space of endless years... #

1:03:131:03:17

THUNDEROUS EXPLOSION

1:03:171:03:20

SCREAMING

1:03:201:03:22

APPLAUSE CHEERING

1:03:511:03:54

'Fires were started again last night in the East End.

1:04:141:04:18

'Londoners awoke after the tenth consecutive night of bombardment

1:04:181:04:22

'by the German Air Force.'

1:04:221:04:25

We have a huge challenge before us.

1:04:261:04:29

It's up to us, the Revudeville,

1:04:291:04:33

to fortify London in a way that sandbags and anti-aircraft cannot.

1:04:331:04:38

They may bomb our city, destroy our homes,

1:04:381:04:42

kill our friends and neighbours, but through it all,

1:04:421:04:46

our show will continue.

1:04:461:04:49

We will never stop performing and we will never close.

1:04:491:04:55

(He thinks he's bloody Winston Churchill.)

1:04:551:04:58

Some of our family are going. Called up.

1:04:581:05:02

Thank God our Bertie has a heart murmur.

1:05:031:05:07

It may be wise for some of you to move into the theatre. We have room.

1:05:091:05:13

And because we're underground, we're safe.

1:05:131:05:16

Of course, we'll all have our war duties as well as theatrical ones.

1:05:161:05:20

But, we will pitch in.

1:05:201:05:23

And we will do our bit.

1:05:231:05:26

That is beautifully put, Mr Van Damm.

1:05:261:05:29

I am sure we will all make the necessary sacrifices.

1:05:291:05:33

Yesterday, I wanted to buy a new hat. I desisted.

1:05:331:05:36

I put the money in National Savings instead.

1:05:361:05:41

We shall come through.

1:05:411:05:43

# Poor old London Town is falling down

1:05:461:05:50

# Lots of places going up in flames

1:05:501:05:54

# But if you're in the know

1:05:541:05:57

# And find out where to go

1:05:571:06:00

# You'll find the love is very much the same... #

1:06:001:06:06

DRUMBEAT

1:06:061:06:09

CHEERING

1:06:091:06:11

# We're babies of the Blitz

1:06:111:06:13

# Our boudoir is blown to bits

1:06:131:06:15

# We're living underground Patrolling on our wits

1:06:151:06:18

# By day, we're knitting mufflers or cutting canteen cakes

1:06:191:06:23

# But that role doesn't ruffle us cos we've got what it takes

1:06:231:06:26

# It's no longer safe to tarry at Cafe de Paris

1:06:261:06:31

# So we're ladies-in-waiting now

1:06:311:06:33

# To do our little bits

1:06:331:06:35

# No wearing dungareeses to hide our silken kneeses

1:06:351:06:40

# Keep the old flag flying We're the b-b-babies of the Blitz

1:06:401:06:43

# Tin hats may hide our coiffures for a while

1:06:461:06:50

# Their shelter boots conceal our dainty feet

1:06:501:06:54

# But beneath this tough external

1:06:541:06:56

# There's something that's eternal

1:06:561:06:59

-# Ask the Air Force

-Or the Army

-Or the Fleet

1:06:591:07:03

# We're babies of the Blitz

1:07:031:07:05

# And when their leave permits

1:07:051:07:07

# We welcome back the boys

1:07:071:07:09

# Who fly the Hurricanes and Schmitts

1:07:091:07:12

# Whilst bosses of munitions and businessmen

1:07:121:07:16

# Must park their inhibitions And make whoopee

1:07:161:07:19

# And make whoopee And make whoopee now and then

1:07:191:07:21

# We like sophistication and recreation

1:07:211:07:26

# We're what the doctor ordered

1:07:261:07:28

# After chasing Messerschmitts

1:07:281:07:30

# So long as there is rhythm

1:07:301:07:33

# And good meals and we are with them

1:07:331:07:35

# They won't exterminate

1:07:351:07:38

-# The babies

-Babies

-Babies

1:07:381:07:40

# Babies of the Blitz! #

1:07:401:07:42

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

1:07:421:07:45

RUMBLE OF EXPLOSIONS

1:07:531:07:56

Ken said you were up here. I didn't believe him.

1:08:261:08:29

-Why ever not?

-It's bloody dangerous, that's why.

1:08:291:08:32

-Come on down.

-Oh, dear, oh, dear.

1:08:321:08:36

The aircraft have passed. Look, you can see them over the East End.

1:08:361:08:40

You're ever so cautious, Mr Van Damm.

1:08:401:08:44

One shouldn't be overly so at times like these.

1:08:441:08:48

Everyone should be cautious.

1:08:481:08:51

EXPLOSION

1:08:501:08:51

You don't seem to take war too seriously, Mrs Henderson.

1:08:581:09:02

I wonder what you were like when you were young.

1:09:051:09:08

Rather dashing, I dare say.

1:09:081:09:11

And filled with hope.

1:09:111:09:14

My mind turns towards young men these days.

1:09:141:09:17

You see, Mr Van Damm,

1:09:171:09:21

I take war far more seriously than you can ever dare imagine.

1:09:211:09:26

CHEER

1:09:531:09:55

# That's all

1:10:201:10:21

# Blue nightfall above me

1:10:211:10:27

HUMS

1:10:271:10:29

# Bring me that someone

1:10:291:10:32

# To love me... #

1:10:321:10:34

No, you'll have to cover her faster than that.

1:10:341:10:38

-You need to be a lot faster.

-Those things weigh a ton, Bertie.

1:10:381:10:41

Go on, take five minutes.

1:10:411:10:44

Oh, my dear, how generous.

1:10:541:10:56

-My goodness!

-Gin. Helps steel our nerves for the air raids.

1:10:591:11:03

It does seem they're no longer bombing during the tableaux.

1:11:031:11:07

That's because Mr Van Damm sent Hitler our programme.

1:11:071:11:10

Professional courtesy between Fuhrers.

1:11:101:11:14

You're all so energetic and courageous.

1:11:141:11:17

We're the only theatre still playing in the West End.

1:11:171:11:20

Then you all go out with the soldiers after the show.

1:11:201:11:23

But I don't. I never go out.

1:11:231:11:26

My dear, why ever not?

1:11:261:11:28

Before I started stripping off for a living, I was always falling in love.

1:11:281:11:34

I was hopeless.

1:11:341:11:36

Never again.

1:11:361:11:38

So I have become a right little priss.

1:11:391:11:42

A naked spinster.

1:11:421:11:44

And that is the way I like it.

1:11:441:11:47

Who would have dreamed that standing on a stage without any clothes on

1:11:471:11:52

would be the safest place to be.

1:11:521:11:55

# Then deep in my arms

1:11:571:12:00

# What can he say, but, yes?

1:12:001:12:04

# That's all blue nightfall

1:12:051:12:08

# Above me....

1:12:081:12:11

WOLF WHISTLING

1:12:131:12:17

# ..to love me

1:12:171:12:20

# To love me

1:12:201:12:23

# To love me. #

1:12:241:12:28

Could you, er, come this way, sir.

1:12:401:12:42

Mrs Henderson would like to speak to you.

1:12:421:12:45

-Who's the flower for?

-(For the girl inside the fan.)

1:12:531:12:57

-Speak up, dear.

-The girl in the fan.

1:12:571:13:00

Oh, yes.

1:13:001:13:03

-How old are you?

-21.

1:13:031:13:06

-21?

-Too young for her, I suppose.

1:13:081:13:12

Come back tomorrow night.

1:13:121:13:14

Sweet.

1:13:171:13:19

I was always afraid that I'd end up in a florist shop.

1:13:251:13:28

-And now you are.

-I'm getting hay fever.

1:13:281:13:30

-And who is Paul?

-I have no idea.

1:13:301:13:33

Are you girls decent? Oh, good.

1:13:331:13:36

I have brought someone. This is Paul. GIGGLE

1:13:361:13:41

Oh, I see. Erm, girls, can you, er...?

1:13:411:13:44

-(I was looking forward to, er...)

-Speak up, dear.

1:13:571:14:00

-Would you mind if I had a moment alone?

-Of course.

1:14:001:14:03

Thank you.

1:14:031:14:05

-You've sent all these flowers.

-Don't be foolish.

1:14:051:14:08

I recognise your florist. He can't afford this sort of thing.

1:14:081:14:12

-He comes from a very distinguished family.

-Mrs Henderson.

1:14:121:14:16

Truth is so prosaic.

1:14:161:14:18

He's young, that's all. And rather well put together, wouldn't you say?

1:14:181:14:22

That face.

1:14:221:14:24

He's young. And in five days, he goes to the Front.

1:14:271:14:32

And he may not come back. And it is so lonely out there...

1:14:321:14:36

-In the trenches.

-Yes, I know the word.

1:14:361:14:38

Books have been written about the last war.

1:14:381:14:41

I have actually read some of them.

1:14:411:14:43

I suppose he saw me on stage and fell in love.

1:14:431:14:47

Mrs Henderson,

1:14:481:14:50

one night my bicycle went off the road.

1:14:501:14:53

And the next thing I knew, I was an illusion.

1:14:531:14:56

Cos that's all we are up there. But the odd thing is,

1:14:561:14:59

I am still in that river, and I want to be rescued,

1:14:591:15:02

but not by some drum roll or applause, or a soldier's fantasy.

1:15:021:15:06

Oh, dear, you are such a tiresome generation.

1:15:061:15:11

You want love. We got along nicely without it, thank you very much.

1:15:111:15:17

I don't see why that boy's fantasy is any more foolish than yours.

1:15:171:15:21

Oh, damn.

1:15:271:15:29

-She loved your flowers, dear.

-What flowers?

1:15:311:15:35

# You are the promised kiss of springtime

1:15:471:15:52

# That makes the lonely winter seem long

1:15:521:15:59

# You are the breathless hush of evening

1:16:001:16:06

# That lingers on the brink of a lovely song

1:16:061:16:12

# You are the angel glow that lights a star

1:16:121:16:19

# The dearest things I know

1:16:191:16:22

# Are what you are

1:16:221:16:27

# Someday

1:16:271:16:30

# My happy arms will hold you

1:16:301:16:34

# And someday

1:16:341:16:37

# I'll know that moment divine

1:16:371:16:42

# When all the things you are

1:16:421:16:47

# Are mine

1:16:471:16:51

# Time and again I've longed for adventure

1:16:521:16:55

# Something to make my heart beat the-faster

1:16:551:16:58

# What did I long for? I never really knew

1:16:581:17:05

# Finding your love I found my adventure

1:17:051:17:08

# Touching your hand My heart beats the-faster

1:17:081:17:12

# All that I want In all of this world

1:17:121:17:16

# Is you

1:17:161:17:18

# You are the angel glow

1:17:181:17:21

# That lights a star

1:17:211:17:25

# The dearest things I know are what you are

1:17:251:17:31

# Someday my happy arms will hold you

1:17:331:17:39

# And someday

1:17:391:17:44

# I'll know that moment divine

1:17:441:17:48

# When all the things you are

1:17:481:17:54

# Are

1:17:561:17:59

# Mine... #

1:17:591:18:05

Trouble, boss.

1:18:121:18:14

-Is it that bloody woman again?

-Oh, no, not this time, VD.

1:18:171:18:20

Open up. Do you want me to knock the door down?

1:18:231:18:26

-You'll hurt your shoulder.

-Get inside.

1:18:261:18:32

-You can't do this!

-Why not?

-You're part of our family.

1:18:331:18:36

-That's a terrible choice of words.

-What?!

-I don't want to discuss it.

1:18:361:18:39

But you have to tell me what's behind this. You owe it to me.

1:18:391:18:42

-My concern for the aesthetics of Revudeville.

-What?

1:18:421:18:46

I don't think you want a nude on stage who is pregnant.

1:18:461:18:50

(Christ!) We were having a private discussion.

1:18:501:18:53

-Can we have a quick change?

-Yeah.

1:18:531:18:56

That was a particularly fine programme.

1:19:031:19:05

-I am so very pleased with myself.

-Please, go back to the theatre.

1:19:051:19:09

We don't have time for your nonsense. We have a crisis.

1:19:091:19:13

Why? What ever is wrong?

1:19:131:19:15

Maureen has sent me a letter of resignation.

1:19:151:19:18

-Don't be ridiculous. Why would she?

-She's pregnant.

1:19:181:19:21

-'Two minutes, girls!'

-Oh, my dear.

-I need some air.

1:19:211:19:25

You can work as a singer for the next few months.

1:19:251:19:28

-We'll keep you on salary until...

-I can't think clearly. I need air.

1:19:281:19:31

-I'm so sorry. Was it...?

-Who else would it be?

1:19:311:19:36

He sent me a letter. He's going back to his girlfriend.

1:19:361:19:40

His girlfriend. They all have girlfriends.

1:19:401:19:43

The crazy thing is, I fell for him.

1:19:431:19:46

It's not your fault. I'm a grown girl. I knew what I was doing.

1:19:461:19:49

-But he had such a sweet face.

-They all have sweet faces.

1:19:491:19:53

You live in your own world, Mrs Henderson.

1:19:531:19:57

I'm sorry. Excuse me. I don't want to say something I shouldn't.

1:19:571:20:01

-I need some tea and some air.

-She said it's not your fault.

1:20:011:20:04

-That can only mean one thing.

-Which is?

-That it IS your fault.

1:20:041:20:08

-What have you been up to?

-Nothing.

1:20:081:20:10

-Have you been giving her advice?

-Excuse me. I want to take some air.

1:20:101:20:15

You can't go out. The sirens went.

1:20:151:20:17

-We didn't hear anything.

-A few minutes ago.

1:20:171:20:20

-Maureen has gone out.

-Why didn't you stop her?!

1:20:201:20:23

-Where is she going?

-For some air.

-No, for tea, she said.

1:20:231:20:27

EXPLOSION

1:20:271:20:30

You foolish, foolish woman. Look what you've done.

1:21:311:21:35

I thought yes, she's selfish and rude and eccentric,

1:21:351:21:39

but that goes with her class. I can live with that. I was a fool.

1:21:391:21:44

You don't know anything about the real world, do you?

1:21:441:21:48

# Tropical charms

1:22:581:23:01

-# Lend us your loveliness... #

-APPLAUSE

1:23:011:23:06

It's not the same. Let's cut the number.

1:23:061:23:10

The boys love it, boss.

1:23:101:23:12

I am from the Lord Chamberlain's office. This is for you.

1:23:151:23:19

-I have to close your theatre.

-What?!

1:23:191:23:22

It's causing too many people to congregate in front of it. Sorry.

1:23:221:23:26

-Telephone the newspapers. Get them down here.

-Yes, boss.

1:23:271:23:31

Maggie?

1:23:311:23:33

I know where to find her.

1:23:341:23:36

Tell her to come to the theatre immediately.

1:23:361:23:39

Mrs Henderson would like to see Lord Cromer as soon as possible.

1:23:431:23:47

Here. At the theatre.

1:23:471:23:49

-I don't think the Lord Chamberlain is available.

-Nonsense.

1:23:491:23:53

Mrs Henderson wishes to see him. Pray, pass the message.

1:23:531:23:57

There's nothing I can do. The theatre is closed.

1:23:591:24:03

Clear a path, please. Please, clear a path.

1:24:031:24:07

-We ain't moving until you open up.

-There's nothing I can do.

1:24:071:24:14

-I see the press are here, Van Damm.

-Yes.

1:24:141:24:16

I don't know how they got hold of it.

1:24:161:24:18

-Good afternoon, Mrs Henderson.

-Maggie.

1:24:251:24:28

This way.

1:24:301:24:32

There seems to be a nationwide desire to keep this theatre open.

1:24:351:24:38

Nationwide?! Please don't be delusional.

1:24:381:24:42

I have learnt in these many years of dealing with "artists"

1:24:421:24:45

to detest imagination.

1:24:451:24:48

Excuse me. Excuse me.

1:24:481:24:51

This street must be clear. It presents a very clear public danger.

1:24:531:24:58

I may have to ask the police to interfere.

1:24:581:25:01

I'll talk to them.

1:25:011:25:03

What a commotion.

1:25:031:25:05

They think the theatre encourages what they call over-congregating.

1:25:051:25:09

It seems that we're too popular.

1:25:091:25:11

-We'd stay open if we were a failure? How ridiculous!

-Listen, everybody.

1:25:111:25:16

We have no choice. The government is forcing us to close.

1:25:161:25:20

One more light dimming in the heart of London.

1:25:201:25:24

He's turning into Winston again.

1:25:241:25:26

What Herr Hitler was unable to do,

1:25:261:25:28

our own leaders are determined to accomplish.

1:25:281:25:32

They are going to close the Windmill.

1:25:321:25:36

Oh. Excuse me. Excuse me. Would you let me through?

1:25:361:25:39

Excuse me. Excuse me. BOOING

1:25:391:25:42

Thank you. That's most kind. Thank you. Thank you.

1:25:421:25:46

Excuse me.

1:25:461:25:48

Hello, everybody.

1:25:491:25:51

May I... Hello, Tommy.

1:25:511:25:53

May I introduce myself. I am Mrs Henderson.

1:25:531:25:56

You might see my name on the board over there. Mrs Henderson Presents.

1:25:561:26:00

I'm Mrs Henderson and I've presented the Windmill for four years now.

1:26:001:26:05

Let me tell you why.

1:26:051:26:07

Are you able to see me? CROWD: No.

1:26:071:26:11

-Here you are, ma'am.

-That is so sweet.

1:26:111:26:14

-Are you American?

-Yes.

-Strange people, lovely manners.

1:26:141:26:18

Thank you, dear. Now...

1:26:181:26:21

there was a war before this one.

1:26:211:26:24

It was meant to end all wars.

1:26:241:26:26

I lost my son in that war. My only son, Alec.

1:26:281:26:31

He was 21.

1:26:311:26:33

He perished through poison gas, I believe...

1:26:331:26:38

TEARFUL ..on a field in France.

1:26:381:26:41

After, some time after,

1:26:431:26:46

I went to his room to clear away his things

1:26:461:26:49

and I discovered the most amazing thing -

1:26:491:26:52

what I believe you call a French postcard. LAUGHTER

1:26:521:26:55

Photograph of a naked woman. He had been hiding it.

1:26:551:26:59

And I realised that Alec had probably gone to his death

1:26:591:27:04

without ever seeing a woman naked in real life.

1:27:041:27:09

Well, I thought that was the most...

1:27:091:27:13

awful thing.

1:27:131:27:15

When you lose a son in the war, you do know, whatever anyone might say,

1:27:171:27:22

that his death has been in vain.

1:27:221:27:25

It won't stop others from following other wars, other young men.

1:27:271:27:31

Years later, after my husband had died and I was on my own,

1:27:311:27:34

I decided to buy a theatre and put on a nude revue so that boys like Alec

1:27:341:27:39

would never be in the same predicament.

1:27:391:27:42

As long as the Windmill exists,

1:27:431:27:46

there's no need for a sad little postcard stashed underneath a bed.

1:27:461:27:51

LAUGHTER

1:27:511:27:53

Sometimes my feelings towards our young men in uniform...

1:27:531:27:58

..have lead me to foolish actions,

1:27:591:28:03

which I do, in my very soul, regret.

1:28:031:28:06

But I do know this,

1:28:061:28:09

that my desire to present this gift to our young men

1:28:091:28:13

has not been wrong.

1:28:131:28:15

If we are to ask our youth to surrender their lives,

1:28:161:28:21

then we should not ask them to surrender joy.

1:28:211:28:24

Or the possibility of joy.

1:28:241:28:27

And if we cause too many people to congregate in the street...

1:28:281:28:33

..who gives a fiddler's fuck?! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

1:28:341:28:38

There, I've said it.

1:28:411:28:44

SIRENS WAIL Oh, dear, another air raid.

1:28:441:28:48

Don't you think everyone will be so much safer inside?

1:28:481:28:52

-CROWD: Yes!

-Oh, for Christ's sake, Van Damm.

1:28:521:28:55

Take down that stupid sign and let your public in.

1:28:551:28:58

APPLAUSE

1:28:581:29:01

UPLIFTING MUSIC

1:29:111:29:13

# The sails of the windmill were turning

1:29:281:29:31

# Four years of the war had begun

1:29:311:29:36

# And we know they'll keep turning for many years more

1:29:361:29:40

# When the war will be over and won

1:29:401:29:45

# Blow, winds from the south

1:29:471:29:50

# Blow, winds from the north

1:29:501:29:53

# Turn the sails of the windmill round

1:29:551:30:00

# Blow, winds from the east

1:30:021:30:04

# Blow, winds from the west

1:30:041:30:09

# Oh, the wind is a welcome sound... #

1:30:091:30:15

TRUMPET SOLO

1:30:181:30:20

I thought so.

1:30:301:30:33

-You're going to ask me to come down, aren't you?

-I wouldn't dream of it.

1:30:351:30:40

Now you know my secrets.

1:30:421:30:44

Yes.

1:30:441:30:46

-And I know none of yours.

-No.

1:30:461:30:49

Well, actually, I think you do.

1:30:491:30:54

-We have made rather a go of it, haven't we?

-Yes.

1:30:571:31:00

You're irritating but I wouldn't have missed this for the world.

1:31:001:31:05

-I feel quite the same.

-Hmmm.

1:31:051:31:07

Even though you are a very irritating man.

1:31:071:31:11

-So, we'll continue?

-I'm game, if you are?

-Oh, yes.

1:31:141:31:18

-Passes the time of day.

-Yes.

1:31:191:31:23

Let's watch the rest of the show.

1:31:241:31:27

You go inside. I'll stand here for a while.

1:31:271:31:31

As you wish.

1:31:311:31:33

-Would you fancy a dance?

-A dance?! Where?

-Here.

1:31:351:31:40

-Won't it be dangerous?

-You're quite right.

1:31:401:31:43

I am a very cautious man, but it won't be dangerous, not tonight.

1:31:431:31:49

-Just one dance?

-Mr Van Damm.

-Mrs Henderson.

1:31:491:31:53

# Blow, winds from the south

1:31:531:31:55

# Blow, winds from the north

1:31:551:31:59

# Turn the sails of the windmill round

1:31:591:32:05

# Blow, winds from the east

1:32:071:32:10

# Blow, winds from the west

1:32:101:32:14

# Oh, the wind is a welcome sound

1:32:141:32:20

# Blow, winds from the south

1:32:221:32:24

# Blow, winds from the north

1:32:241:32:28

# Turn the sails of the windmill round

1:32:281:32:35

# Blow, winds from the east

1:32:351:32:38

# Blow, winds from the west

1:32:381:32:43

# Oh, the wind

1:32:431:32:46

# Is a welcome so-ound! #

1:32:461:32:55

CHEERING AND WHISTLING

1:32:551:32:57

-Ow! You've severed my toe.

-Nonsense. I didn't touch it.

1:33:161:33:20

-You're rather clumsy.

-That's not something you say to a partner.

1:33:201:33:24

You should've taken lessons beforehand.

1:33:241:33:26

I am a very good dancer, thank you very much.

1:33:261:33:30

In India, only delicate men are good dancers.

1:33:361:33:40

-The ungainly are not so.

-Listen, you old battle-axe...

1:33:401:33:44

Don't you dare speak to me like that!

1:33:441:33:46

# There's a lake in the park There's a house by the lake

1:34:051:34:08

# There's a girl in the house in the park by the lake

1:34:081:34:10

# And the girl in the house by the lake in the park

1:34:101:34:12

# Is the girl in the little green hat

1:34:121:34:15

# And tonight after eight that's when I have got a date

1:34:151:34:17

# When the moon's riding high and the stars light the sky

1:34:171:34:19

# With the girl in the house by the lake in the park

1:34:191:34:22

# The girl in the little green hat

1:34:221:34:24

# There's no water in the lake There's no roof upon the house

1:34:241:34:26

# No trees in the park at all

1:34:261:34:29

# But she'll wait beside the lake I'll be welcome at the house

1:34:291:34:31

# I'll meet her by the garden wall

1:34:311:34:34

# There's a ship on the lake There's a sailor on the shore

1:34:341:34:36

# There's a girl in his arms She's the girl I adore

1:34:361:34:37

# So goodbye to the house by the lake in the park

1:34:371:34:40

# And the girl in the little green hat

1:34:401:34:42

# There's a storm on the lake There's a ship in the storm

1:35:411:35:44

# There's a girl on the ship in the storm on the lake

1:35:441:35:46

# And the girl in the lake on the ship in the storm

1:35:461:35:48

# Is the girl in the little green hat

1:35:481:35:51

# As the ships starts to dip she is losing her grip

1:35:511:35:53

# Every dip makes a tip, not the girl but the ship

1:35:531:35:55

# But the girl on the ship has the pip from the trip

1:35:551:35:58

# The girl in the little green hat

1:35:581:36:00

# She has been sailing quite enough She has been clinging to the rails

1:36:001:36:02

# She has been dying to be home once more

1:36:021:36:05

# Cos the lake is rather rough and the girl is rather pale

1:36:051:36:07

# She is glad to get her feet on shore

1:36:071:36:10

# As she gave up the ship and the captain and his men

1:36:101:36:12

# For a round-ticket trip through my arms once again

1:36:121:36:15

# Now I am back in the park with the house by the lake

1:36:151:36:17

# With the girl in the little green hat! #

1:36:171:36:19

# We're babies of the Blitz

1:37:021:37:04

# Our boudoir is blown to bits

1:37:041:37:06

# We're living underground, patrolling our wits

1:37:061:37:09

# By day we're knitting mufflers or cutting canteen cakes

1:37:101:37:14

# But that role doesn't ruffle us cos we've got what it takes

1:37:141:37:17

# It's no longer safe to tarry at Cafe de Paris

1:37:171:37:22

# So we're ladies-in-waiting now

1:37:221:37:24

# To do our little bits

1:37:241:37:26

# No wearing dungareeses to hide our silken kneeses

1:37:261:37:31

# Keep the old flag flying, we're the b-b-babies of the Blitz

1:37:311:37:34

# Tin hats may hide our coiffures for a while

1:37:371:37:41

# Their shelter boots conceal our dainty feet

1:37:411:37:45

# Beneath this tough external

1:37:451:37:47

# There's something that's eternal

1:37:471:37:50

-# Ask the Air Force

-Or the Army

-Or the Fleet

1:37:501:37:54

# We're babies of the Blitz

1:37:541:37:56

# And when their leave permits We welcome back the boys

1:37:561:38:00

# Who fly the Hurricanes and Schmitts

1:38:001:38:03

# Whilst bosses of munitions and businessmen

1:38:031:38:07

# Must park their inhibitions

1:38:071:38:09

# And make whoopee And make whoopee

1:38:091:38:10

# And make whoopee now and then

1:38:101:38:12

# We like sophistication and recreation

1:38:121:38:17

# We're what the doctor ordered

1:38:171:38:19

# After chasing Messerschmitts

1:38:191:38:21

# So long as there is rhythm

1:38:211:38:24

# And good meals and we are with them

1:38:241:38:26

# They won't exterminate

1:38:261:38:29

-# The babies

-Babies

-Babies

1:38:291:38:31

# Babies of the Blitz! #

1:38:311:38:33

In 1937, widowed Laura Henderson buys a derelict West End theatre and hires an impresario to run it. Her idea of using on-stage nudity to attract audiences when business falls off presents the unlikely pair with a number of hurdles.


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