Old School


Old School

Riotous comedy in which a lawyer gives his thirtysomething friends an opportunity to recapture their college years when he relocates to a local university.


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Transcript


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This film contains very strong language.

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Real estate query engine

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is a virtual Rubicon of information, putting the lawyer himself....

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I'm going to take off, OK? I want to try and catch the two o'clock back.

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-You're leaving?

-Yeah.

-What about intermission?

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-I don't think you can do that.

-Just cover for me, OK? Get it all.

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-I guess.

-Hey, listen, can we have your badge?

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Oh, yeah! Yeah! It's worth two free drinks at the meet and greet.

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I'm going to the airport. I'm kind of in a hurry, too.

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Er, sorry, your seat belt seems to be broken. What do you recommend I do?

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I recommend you stop being such a faggot.

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You're in the back seat.

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# Now I've got a bone to pick with you... #

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See?!

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# Oh, one day

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# When you're looking back

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# You were young

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# And, man, you were sad

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# When you're young, you get sad

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# When you're young

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# You get sa-ad

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# And you get high

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# Oh, man... #

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METAL DETECTOR BEEPS

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BEEPING

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BUZZING

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BEEPING

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# Lord, I got high

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# Now you got a bone to pick with me

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# But I wish you'd let me be

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# Oh, one day

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# When you're looking back

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# You were young

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# And, man, you were sad

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# When you're young, you get sad

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# When you're young

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# You get sad

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# And you get high

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# Oh, man

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# Oh, man. #

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Hello?

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Hello?

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Hey, boy! Good boy, Orson.

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Where's Mommy?

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Honey?

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Heidi?

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FEMALE GROANS

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Heidi?!

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Mitch! What are you doing home?

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-You totally scared me!

-I scared you?! For a second there, I thought that...

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I don't even want to say it.

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Wow!

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That's like, er, pretty hard-core.

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-Yeah, I know.

-No! No! I'm not judging.

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Don't be embarrassed. This is a major turn-on.

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-Let's go with this. Is this what you do when I'm gone?

-Wait!

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I do it myself every once in a while, but to magazines.

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Mitch, we need to talk!

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Hello?!

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Aaaargh!

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Be honest, please tell me this is the first time this has happened.

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Do you want me to be honest

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or do you want me to tell you it's the first time?

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-Jesus! What is wrong with you?

-Nothing is wrong with me!

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-I tried to tell you about this.

-What?! When?!

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-All the time!

-Like, like when?

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-Like when we're in bed and stuff.

-In bed?

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I thought you were just talking dirty.

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Well, I was. But I was being serious.

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-You said some really sick stuff.

-Admit it,

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we haven't exactly been living the most exciting lives in the world!

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This is a totally different kind of satisfaction for me.

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-It's purely sexual!

-Whoo!

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Oh...

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I'm really sorry!

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DOORBELL RINGS

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-Hello.

-Yeah?

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I'm here for the gangbang.

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You look a little pale, Mitch. You need to breathe.

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I don't wanna breathe.

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You should be proud of yourself. Do you have any idea how hard it is

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to land a girl who's as sexually enlightened as Heidi?

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I wasn't looking for a girl like that.

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Columbus wasn't looking for America, my man,

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but that worked out for everybody.

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I just want to thank you guys one last time for being here.

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-It's the best day ever.

-Don't even start with me, Frank.

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-You need to walk away ASAP.

-What?!

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You need to get out, Frankie.

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MUSIC: "The Bridal Chorus" By Wagner

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It's now or never. Get out while you're still single.

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-I'm not single.

-She's 30 yards away. You're single right now.

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Marissa's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

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Once you give that six months, you don't think that's going to change?

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I got a wife, kids. Do I seem like a happy guy to you?

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There's my wife. See that?

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Hi, honey. Judging, watching. "Look at the baby."

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She's coming, Beanie. Let it go.

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All right, I'm going to be the first to say congratulations to you, then.

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You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart.

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-Don't listen to him.

-I need my inhaler.

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Thank you, Daddy.

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It takes a man to give away an angel.

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-You look beautiful. Great!

-HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

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Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together

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to join Franklyn...

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HE COUGHS: Don't do it!

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My throat's dry. I'm sorry. I'm a smoker.

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OK...

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-# Turn around

-Every now and then

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# I get a little bit lonely

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# And you're never coming round

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-# Turn around

-Every now and then

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# I get a little bit tired

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# Of listening to the sound of my tears

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-# Turn around

-Every now and then

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# I get a little bit nervous

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# That the best of all the years have gone by

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-# Turn around

-Every now and then

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# I get a little bit terrified

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# I see the fucking look in your eye

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# Turn around, bright eyes

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# Every now and then I fall apart

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# Turn around, bright eyes

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# Fucking every now and then I fall apart

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# And I need you now tonight

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-# I fucking need you more than ever

-Than ever... #

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SINGS SOFTLY: # Look in your eye

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# And then I fall apart I need you more... #

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Mitch Martin?

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Yeah.

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Nicole!

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My God!

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This is crazy! I-I can't believe it's you!

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Oh! Oh...God!

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-What are you doing here?

-I was invited.

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Yeah... Er, the last time that I had heard,

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you had, er, moved to,

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-what do you call it?

-Denver.

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Ah, the Sunshine State. Unb...

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Denver! Gorgeous! Gorgeous!

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Wh...

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-Are you OK?

-No.

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No, I'm, er... Or, yeah. I just, er...

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I feel a little...(fucked up.)

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Yeah. Marissa told me about your girlfriend. I'm very sorry.

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-The thing about that one is that it's not just that.

-Mm-hm.

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It's a combination of things.

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Er, we had a dog, we had a great place.

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But all just... HE WHISTLES

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Just... Mm-hm.

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You know what? You should have some of this.

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-What's in this one?

-Coffee.

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-Ow!

-Shit!

-Jesus!

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-I...

-Ow!

-I am so sorry!

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-Don't touch. Mitch, really.

-I can fix it.

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THEY ARGUE

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What are you doing to this poor girl? Stop it. I got it.

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-I got it.

-No. Inappropriate.

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-Sweetie, there's a bathroom...

-Yes.

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-Mitch, honey. Hon.

-Yeah?

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-Why don't you get some air?

-No! Wait a second.

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-Yeah?

-Put in a good word for me.

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Yeah. OK.

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# Yodel-lay

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# Yodel-lay, yodel-lay-hee-hoo

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# Sparkling

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# Clear and lovely

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# You're my

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# Lady. #

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You're the lady, Marissa! Marissa, you're the lady.

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Let's say...

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-Can't hear you!

-..glad and...

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Excuse me. I'd like to say I'm really glad and proud to be here tonight.

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I'm glad Frank's dad made it out. That's awesome.

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-I haven't seen him in eight years. Congratulations.

-I love you, Dad!

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True love is hard to find. Sometimes you think you have true love,

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and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego

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and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom,

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blindfolded, like a goddamn magic show,

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-ready to double-team your girlfriend, and it stops...

-It stops right there!

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I think what my friend is trying to say is that true love is blind.

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Let's raise our glasses.

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Salut. Health and happiness. Cheers, everybody.

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I love you so much, Frankie. I love you!

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I'm not a talker. I'm not a talker! I love you, man! Congratulations.

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This is practically on campus! It's sick!

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-This is great!

-How'd you land this place?

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It was pretty easy, actually.

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-A professor lived here for 30 years, and then...he died.

-That's awesome!

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That's awesome. Come on.

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Hey, er, a little house-warming. To new beginnings!

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Thanks.

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Er, actually,

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I gave this to you for your wedding.

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-This model?

-Er, no.

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This exact one. Yeah.

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I'm sorry. I'm embarrassed. I'm sorry.

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It's OK. I hope you like it.

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I love it. Thank you.

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-This place is unbelievable.

-You like it?

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I don't know why you're still depressed.

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-It's the best thing that's happened to us.

-Us?

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Yeah, us. Do not get selfish on me. Stay with me.

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You put as bar in over there. Right?

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You could put a hot tub almost anywhere.

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Max, can you earmuff it for me?

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We are going to get so much ass. I'm talking, like, crazy boy-band ass.

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That sounds like fun, but I need time to get my life back together.

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-What we need to do is throw a big kick-ass party.

-Absolutely. Break it in. Meet the neighbours.

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-Come on. Know what I'm talking about?

-Ow. Stop it.

-Break it in.

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The real-estate guy was adamant...

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I don't think you realise what a huge opportunity this is for you.

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-Girls love guys in your situation.

-Uh-huh.

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-What situation?

-Mitch, you're on the rebound.

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You're an injured fawn who's being re-released back into the wild.

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-BABY CRIES

-Sorry.

-Be careful.

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-Sorry.

-Don't say it to me. Say it to the baby.

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-OK. I'm sorry.

-It's OK. It's OK.

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-Please...

-I think we should go tropical.

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-Uh-huh.

-Sand from wall-to-wall. I know a great sand guy...

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-Sand, in here?!

-Foam! Whatever! ..You understand what I'm talking about?

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-Absolutely.

-Good.

-I just need to run it by Marissa.

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-I'm messing with you guys!

-Not funny.

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-It's a joke.

-Now the baby's upset.

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# And here I go again on my own

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# Going down the only road I've ever known... #

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Hey!

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# Like a drifter, I was born to walk alone... #

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-HEY!

-Oh, hey, honey!

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-I've brought you an iced tea!

-Oh, no, thanks. I got a fresh beer.

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Can you turn that off for a second?!

0:14:340:14:37

Wow. That's really...loud.

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Yeah, thanks. I took the restrictor plate off.

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Give the red dragon a little more juice. Keep that on the down low.

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This is not exactly street-legal. Hey, Mike!

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-Right.

-So, what's up?

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I was hoping we might get to those thank-you notes tomorrow night.

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Honey, I got Mitch's thing tomorrow night.

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Oh, that's right! I totally forgot.

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-I can skip it.

-Oh...no. No!

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Don't be silly. I mean, I wouldn't want you changing your whole...

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life just for me! Er...

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I'll give Lara a call. We'll plan a girl's night.

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Thanks. You're the best.

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Just as long as you promise to take it easy.

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-What do you mean?

-You know exactly what I mean.

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You've come a long way since Frank The Tank. We don't want him back!

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Honey, Frank The Tank is not coming back.

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That part of me is over.

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It's water under the bridge. I promise.

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LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

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CHEERING AND LAUGHING

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It's incredible. How did you do this? With all the people and the speakers!

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I thought we were having a small get-together.

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This IS a small get-together. That's why you've got the house, brother.

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-You're having fun, right?

-I'm having a great time!

-Honestly?

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-Great time!

-Good.

-What else have you got planned,

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like, a student band or something?

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Yeah. That's it. I've got a student alt-rock band coming on stage next.

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I'm worth 3½ million that the government knows about.

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I got more electronics than a Kiss concert.

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You think I'd roll out the red carpet for a fucking marching band?

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Make sure you can see the stage.

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Excuse me. Pardon me.

0:16:310:16:34

-I just want to get through there... if you don't mind.

-Thank you.

0:16:340:16:38

-This is the guy! This is his house!

-What's up, man!

0:16:380:16:42

No! That's my friend Mitch! You're mistaking... Mitch owns the house.

0:16:420:16:46

-Oh, OK.

-Yeah.

-Anyway, you need to hit this.

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-Yeah!

-I appreciate it, but I told my wife I wouldn't drink tonight.

0:16:490:16:54

Besides, I got a big day tomorrow. But you guys have a great time.

0:16:540:16:58

A big day?! Doing what?

0:16:580:17:00

Well, actually, a pretty nice little Saturday.

0:17:000:17:03

We're going to go to Home Depot,

0:17:030:17:05

buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring.

0:17:050:17:08

Maybe Bed, Bath And Beyond. I don't know if we'll have time...

0:17:080:17:12

ALL LAUGH

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You know what, give me that thing! I'll do one.

0:17:150:17:18

He's gonna do one!

0:17:180:17:20

Oh! That's a talented man right here!

0:17:240:17:27

Whoo! That's what I'm talking about!

0:17:290:17:33

Fill her up again!

0:17:330:17:35

So good! Once it hits your lips, it's so good!

0:17:350:17:40

Thanks, guys. This'll be happening here all year.

0:17:400:17:43

Don't burn yourselves out tonight. I want to thank you for coming

0:17:430:17:47

to the official Mitch Martin Freedom Festival.

0:17:470:17:50

For those who don't know who Mitch Martin is, he's the very successful,

0:17:520:17:57

very disease-free gentleman standing by the mini-bar.

0:17:570:18:00

Thank you.

0:18:010:18:03

Now, courtesy of Speaker City,

0:18:030:18:05

which are slashing prices on everything

0:18:050:18:08

from beepers to DVD players,

0:18:080:18:11

give a warm Harrison University welcome

0:18:110:18:14

to my pal, and your favourite,

0:18:140:18:17

Mr Snoop Dogg!

0:18:170:18:19

# Yeah, yeah

0:18:230:18:25

# A-huh-huh

0:18:250:18:26

# You know what?

0:18:260:18:28

# I'm thinking of a master plan

0:18:280:18:29

# Cos ain't nothing but sweat inside my hand

0:18:290:18:32

# So I dig into my pockets

0:18:320:18:33

# All my money is spent

0:18:330:18:34

# So I dig deeper but still coming up with lint

0:18:340:18:37

# So I start my mission Leave my residence

0:18:370:18:39

# I'm thinking, How can I get some dead presidents? #

0:18:390:18:42

THEY ALL CHEER

0:18:420:18:45

Whoo! Whoo!

0:18:470:18:50

THEY CHANT: Frank The Tank! Frank The Tank!

0:18:530:18:57

Whoo!

0:18:580:19:00

You know it! You know it!

0:19:000:19:03

Whoo!

0:19:030:19:05

ALL CHEER WILDLY

0:19:050:19:08

# A pen and a paper a stereo, a tape

0:19:080:19:10

# Of me and Warren G And a big fat plate of chicken wings

0:19:100:19:13

# Cos that's my favourite thing... #

0:19:130:19:14

-Hey, you're that guy!

-What?

0:19:140:19:17

-Mitch-A-Palooza from the poster.

-Oh, yeah. That's me.

0:19:170:19:20

This party is great. Nice work!

0:19:200:19:23

Well, my friends, they put it on for me.

0:19:230:19:26

They're kind of re-releasing me into the wild.

0:19:260:19:29

-What?! What are you talking about?

-Nothing. Sorry.

0:19:290:19:32

# Time to have some fame

0:19:320:19:34

# What you need is some game

0:19:340:19:36

# Say what? Say what?

0:19:360:19:37

# To get your paper made

0:19:370:19:39

-# Say what? Say what?

-Oh, babe

0:19:390:19:41

# Yeah, yeah

0:19:410:19:42

-# In the world of paper, paper

-Check me out, y'all

0:19:420:19:45

# Did somebody say make money, money,

0:19:450:19:46

# Make money, money, money

0:19:460:19:48

# Make money, money, make money, money, money

0:19:480:19:50

# Say make money, make money, money, money

0:19:500:19:53

# Make money, money, make money, money, money... #

0:19:530:19:55

Take money, money... We're going streaking! Yeah!

0:19:550:19:59

CROWD JEERS

0:20:010:20:03

I'm sorry... Sorry.

0:20:030:20:06

We're going streaking through the quad and into the gymnasium.

0:20:060:20:10

Come on, everybody! Come on, Snoop!

0:20:100:20:14

Snoop-a-loop! Snoop-a...

0:20:140:20:16

No! It's cool! It's cool! I'm cool! Bring your green hat.

0:20:160:20:20

Let's go. Come on, everybody. We're going! Here we go.

0:20:200:20:24

Man! Man! Man, put the music back on.

0:20:240:20:27

Let's get the party back! THEY CHEER

0:20:270:20:30

-Oh, tell her! Tell her!

-Marissa, I totally forgot!

0:20:300:20:34

It's a little belated, but we got you the perfect wedding present.

0:20:340:20:38

I told you, you don't have to get me anything.

0:20:380:20:40

Our friend Ashley had this guy come over and teach a blow-job class.

0:20:400:20:45

-Oh!

-It was incredible.

0:20:450:20:46

-Yeah.

-A class?

-He's really good so we had to book him way in advance.

0:20:460:20:50

-Why should

-I

-go to a class? Bernard should go to a class. I swear, the man is orally challenged.

0:20:500:20:56

Wait a second. Is that guy...?

0:20:560:20:58

-Whoo! Whoo!

-Oh...my God!

0:20:580:21:01

-Wh...?

-That's disgusting!

0:21:010:21:05

Why am I looking at that?!

0:21:050:21:08

Wait. Why are you slowing down? Just drive!

0:21:080:21:12

Whoo!

0:21:120:21:13

-Frank?!

-No way!

0:21:130:21:17

-Frank!

-Hey, honey! Hey!

0:21:180:21:22

-What the hell are you doing?!

-We're streaking.

0:21:220:21:26

We're going up through the quad to the gymnasium.

0:21:260:21:29

-Who's streaking?

-There's...

0:21:290:21:32

-There's more coming.

-Frank, get in the car!

0:21:320:21:37

-Everybody's doing it.

-Now!

-OK.

0:21:370:21:40

Whoa! Scoot over.

0:21:450:21:48

OK. OK.

0:21:480:21:50

-Ah! Hey! Hey, ladies.

-Hey.

0:21:500:21:54

-Hey, Frank!

-Hey.

-Looks like it's a little cold out there!

0:21:540:21:58

Please, guys!

0:21:590:22:02

Honey, do you think KFC's still open?

0:22:020:22:05

THEY GIGGLE

0:22:050:22:07

ALARM CLOCK BUZZES

0:22:130:22:16

Oh! Oh, shit!

0:22:190:22:23

Oh...

0:22:240:22:26

Good morning.

0:22:260:22:28

Now that was a party. Mmm.

0:22:290:22:32

Since when are you so shy?

0:22:340:22:36

No, I'm not. I just, er...

0:22:360:22:38

Did I snore last night? Sometimes I snore when I'm drunk.

0:22:380:22:42

I-I don't remember. I-I don't think so.

0:22:420:22:47

Erm, listen, about last night... I-I...

0:22:480:22:52

I just got out of a very serious

0:22:520:22:55

and traumatic relationship and I...

0:22:550:22:58

I'm kind of in a weird place right now.

0:22:580:23:01

-What?

-Relax, Rich, it's not a big deal.

0:23:010:23:04

Mitch...with an M.

0:23:060:23:08

Right. Erm, look...

0:23:080:23:11

Whatever. We were just having a little fun.

0:23:110:23:14

You have nothing to worry about.

0:23:140:23:17

N-No. Yeah, you're right. I-I'm OK with it.

0:23:170:23:20

-I just...

-Yeah!

-It's casual.

0:23:200:23:22

I gotta go to class, so...

0:23:220:23:25

So, how do we do this? Shall I...? Do I?

0:23:250:23:28

-Do you want to leave me your number or...?

-You don't even have to worry.

0:23:280:23:31

OK.

0:23:310:23:34

See you around.

0:23:360:23:39

Bye.

0:23:410:23:43

I love you.

0:23:430:23:45

"At Speaker City, we've slashed prices on everything."

0:23:450:23:49

Come on. "Our staff will educate you

0:23:490:23:52

"on a wide selection of home-theatre equipment and accessories."

0:23:520:23:56

"Show us a competitor's price.

0:23:560:23:59

"We'll beat it, or I'll give you the keys to the store."

0:23:590:24:02

-HE MUMBLES

-"The only thing that sounds better than our speakers

0:24:020:24:06

are our prices." Prices!

0:24:060:24:08

What do you think? Honestly? Shoot me straight.

0:24:080:24:12

Really good. You look great.

0:24:120:24:14

-Really?

-Yeah. Yeah.

0:24:140:24:16

It kinda went a little bit just... It got crazy last night.

0:24:160:24:21

Yeah. I mean, I still haven't heard from Frank.

0:24:210:24:24

-I don't know where he...

-Hello!

0:24:240:24:27

-Yeah. Come on in.

-Jesus!

0:24:270:24:30

-Is this one of your guys?

-Your fire hazard's over here.

0:24:300:24:34

What are you doing, man?

0:24:340:24:36

Wow! Cheese! Is that you?

0:24:380:24:42

Hello, Mitch. Bernard. I see you guys haven't changed much.

0:24:420:24:46

-(Who is this?)

-Beanie, you remember Cheese - Rodney's kid brother?

0:24:460:24:51

-Actually, my name isn't Cheese. It's Gordon Pritchard.

-Oh, yeah!

0:24:510:24:54

Ch-ee-se! Yeah!

0:24:540:24:57

-Didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?

-I got out.

0:24:570:25:01

Cool, man. I'm glad you did.

0:25:010:25:03

You fellas have a good time last night?

0:25:050:25:08

There might be some whippets around if you want 'em!

0:25:080:25:11

-No, thanks. I'm working.

-Working what? Campus patrol?!

0:25:110:25:15

-Hmm. Try again.

-Are you a Jehovah's Witness?

0:25:150:25:18

I'm the dean! Dean Pritchard.

0:25:180:25:21

Yeah. And as of this morning, this house has been re-zoned.

0:25:210:25:26

Yeah. It is now exclusively for campus use only.

0:25:260:25:29

You can't just do that! I've already paid the first and last month's rent.

0:25:290:25:34

Take a look at that. You have a week to vacate the premises.

0:25:340:25:38

Thank you for your co-operation. Great.

0:25:380:25:41

-Can I ask you a question?

-Absolutely not.

0:25:410:25:44

It's been good seeing you guys. It looks like you're doing great.

0:25:440:25:48

Frank, this is a safe place,

0:25:580:26:00

a place where we can feel free sharing our feelings.

0:26:000:26:05

Think of my office as a nest in a tree of trust and understanding.

0:26:050:26:09

-We can say anything here.

-Anything?

0:26:090:26:12

It's OK, honey. That's why we came.

0:26:130:26:16

Well, er...

0:26:180:26:21

I guess, deep down, I'm feeling a little confused.

0:26:210:26:25

I mean...

0:26:250:26:27

you get married and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy!

0:26:270:26:31

I don't feel different.

0:26:310:26:33

I mean, take yesterday, for example.

0:26:330:26:36

We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner...which was lovely,

0:26:360:26:40

and I happened to look over at a certain point during the meal

0:26:400:26:44

and see a waitress taking an order, and...

0:26:440:26:47

And I found myself wondering, er,

0:26:470:26:49

what colour her underpants might be.

0:26:490:26:52

Her panties. Er...

0:26:520:26:55

Odds are they're probably basic white cotton underpants.

0:26:560:27:01

But I started thinking, "Maybe... Maybe they're silk panties.

0:27:010:27:06

"Maybe it's... Maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's, er...

0:27:060:27:09

"Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about."

0:27:090:27:14

-And, er, I started feeling...

-Huh!

0:27:140:27:16

What? I thought we were in the trust tree...in the nest. Are we not?!

0:27:160:27:21

-We are.

-OK.

-We are. It's OK. Mm.

0:27:210:27:24

Mm-hm. It's OK. It's OK. Please, continue.

0:27:240:27:28

I-I don't know where I was going with that. I...

0:27:280:27:31

What I'm trying to say is that, now that I'm married,

0:27:320:27:36

I'm definitely feeling a little freaked out

0:27:360:27:39

about the fact that I'm gonna have sex with only one person...

0:27:390:27:43

..for the rest of my life.

0:27:450:27:47

Walsh tells me your San Diego trip was a blast.

0:27:480:27:52

-Oh, yeah!

-How was Hooters?

0:27:520:27:54

-I actually didn't go to Hooters.

-Oh, yeah! Right.

0:27:540:27:58

-Skittles?

-No, thanks.

0:27:580:28:01

Listen, I got a call from Annetti.

0:28:010:28:03

He tells me that your Sunshine Square proposal is totally fucked.

0:28:030:28:07

-What's wrong with it?

-For one thing, it violates the zoning restrictions

0:28:070:28:12

set forth in the National Historical Preservation Act of 1966,

0:28:120:28:16

most notably, clause four.

0:28:160:28:19

-Shall I continue?

-I'm familiar with that idea...

0:28:190:28:22

-Honey!

-Hi, Dad! Am I interrupting?

-No!

0:28:220:28:24

-Hi.

-Hi.

0:28:240:28:26

I don't think you've met my daughter. Darcie, Mitch Martin.

0:28:260:28:30

-Hi. Nice to meet you, Mitch.

-Hi. Nice to meet you.

0:28:300:28:34

-How was the slumber party?

-Great. You know, movies and popcorn.

0:28:340:28:38

Mmn. She's an angel.

0:28:380:28:41

It makes me sound old, but I can't believe how fast she's growing up!

0:28:410:28:46

-Dad! Stop!

-Sorry, honey, but it's true. To think that in seven months,

0:28:460:28:50

-you'll be graduating from high school!

-Dad!

0:28:500:28:53

You OK?

0:28:530:28:56

-I thought you said high school.

-Yeah.

0:28:570:29:00

-Shocking, isn't it?

-Yes, it is.

0:29:000:29:04

-Give me a break!

-Hey, Mitch!

0:29:120:29:15

-Hey, man.

-Hey.

0:29:180:29:21

-Did you have a good day?

-Not too bad.

-Yeah.

0:29:210:29:24

-What's going on?

-Oh, I just thought maybe

0:29:250:29:27

I could crash here tonight, if that's all right.

0:29:270:29:31

-Marissa's going through some personal stuff and...

-Mm-hm.

0:29:310:29:35

Personal stuff like you running through the neighbourhood drunk and naked?

0:29:350:29:39

That...

0:29:390:29:41

and some other stuff. Yeah.

0:29:410:29:44

-No problem.

-OK.

-Make yourself at home.

-Thanks.

0:29:440:29:47

Gentlemen, we're discussing a brand-new way to look at a fraternity.

0:29:470:29:51

You need to forget about all the normal rules

0:29:510:29:54

that apply to college and society.

0:29:540:29:57

This is a very big idea, my friends.

0:29:570:29:59

We are talking about a non-exclusive egalitarian brotherhood

0:29:590:30:03

where community status and, more importantly, age

0:30:030:30:07

have no bearing whatsoever.

0:30:070:30:10

-Yes - the guy who probably won't get in.

-I go to school here and...

-OK.

0:30:100:30:14

What sort of association will you have with the actual university?

0:30:140:30:18

-Who are these people?

-I don't know!

0:30:180:30:21

Legally speaking, there'll be a loose affiliation,

0:30:210:30:24

but we will give nothing back to the academic community,

0:30:240:30:28

as well as provide no public service of any kind.

0:30:280:30:31

-Beanie, what's going on here?

-Guys,

0:30:310:30:33

this is a very special occasion.

0:30:330:30:36

The Godfather himself is kind enough

0:30:360:30:38

-to grace us with his presence.

-ALL: Yeah!

0:30:380:30:41

This is his house! He lives here! He speaks 20 feet away!

0:30:410:30:45

-That's for you.

-We need to talk. Kitchen.

0:30:450:30:49

Sit good for me. I want to talk to Uncle Mitch.

0:30:500:30:53

There you go.

0:30:530:30:56

-How long have these people been here?

-All day.

0:30:560:30:58

-That party we had has given us all kinds of street cred.

-What?!

0:30:580:31:03

Mitch, this is called rush. We're officially starting a fraternity.

0:31:030:31:06

-I like it! It's genius.

-You've got to be kidding!

0:31:060:31:10

This house is zoned specifically for social services and student housing.

0:31:100:31:15

-A fraternity solves both. Right?

-Mmn-hmn.

0:31:150:31:18

But this is my house! I live here, Beanie. I'm 30 years old.

0:31:180:31:22

-We're not at college.

-I understand!

-It makes no sense!

0:31:220:31:25

You're focused on all the wrong sort of details.

0:31:250:31:28

-Did you have a good time last night?

-I had an awesome time!

0:31:280:31:32

I know that you had an awesome time. I think the entire town knows.

0:31:320:31:36

I'm trying to ask Mitch if he had an awesome time.

0:31:360:31:39

-I had a good time.

-Wouldn't you want those good times to keep going?

0:31:390:31:43

-God!

-More good...

-I mean...

0:31:430:31:46

I don't understand why it's so hard for you to admit that you want this.

0:31:460:31:50

40 guys out there want this.

0:31:500:31:52

Look, I appreciate your enthusiasm. I know you guys are trying to help,

0:31:520:31:56

but the truth of the matter is,

0:31:560:31:59

I've had a hell of a day, an even worse month,

0:31:590:32:02

and the fact is I got 40 strangers out in my living room,

0:32:020:32:05

and all I want to do is get some fucking sleep!

0:32:050:32:08

I'm sorry, but we're not starting a fraternity.

0:32:080:32:12

I don't know why you've got to do it in front of my kid, with the effing.

0:32:120:32:16

All you have to do is say earmuffs. Earmuffs. You can say fuck! Shit!

0:32:160:32:20

-Cock! Balls!

-I'm just proving a point. You don't have to celebrate it.

-I'm sorry.

0:32:200:32:26

You let down Frank. You let down me. You let down Max, most importantly.

0:32:260:32:30

I'm having a hard time figuring out why I take time out of my schedule

0:32:300:32:33

to help you get over... Earmuffs. ..that whore you dated.

0:32:330:32:37

I'm going to go out, see the others. Uncle Mitch is sorry.

0:32:370:32:41

Say yes. Yes.

0:32:420:32:46

TYRES SCREECH

0:32:470:32:50

All right, here's the deal. Listen up! Altogether, we pick 14 pledges.

0:32:520:32:56

-Wait, who's this guy?!

-Oh, that's Blue.

0:32:560:32:59

-Yeah.

-He's an old navy vet who hangs around my store. He's legit.

0:32:590:33:04

-He looks like he's 100 years old. He wants to pledge?!

-Are you kidding me?

0:33:040:33:08

The old man river won't shut up about it. Show time!

0:33:080:33:12

MUSIC: "Master Of Puppets" by Metallica

0:33:130:33:16

Shit!

0:33:230:33:24

Don't make this any harder on yourself!

0:33:260:33:29

-What's going on?

-You tell anyone about this, I'll fucking kill you.

0:33:410:33:46

-Oh!

-We'll have him back by tonight. OK, sweetheart?

0:33:460:33:49

Let's go!

0:33:490:33:51

Let's go. Nice and easy. There we go.

0:34:000:34:03

Congratulations, gentleman. You should be very proud of yourselves.

0:34:120:34:16

Each and every one of you has been hand-picked

0:34:160:34:20

to represent our inaugural pledge class.

0:34:200:34:24

Over the next 21 days,

0:34:240:34:26

you're all going to experience intense mental

0:34:260:34:30

and physical strain.

0:34:300:34:32

-Frank, just pace yourself.

-Copy that.

0:34:350:34:38

I got a little overexcited. Sorry.

0:34:380:34:40

At this point, you may be asking yourself,

0:34:400:34:45

"Why am I holding this 30lb cinder block in my hands?"

0:34:450:34:49

You might also ask yourself,

0:34:500:34:53

"Why does this cinder block

0:34:530:34:57

"have a long piece of string tied to it?"

0:34:570:35:01

And finally...

0:35:020:35:04

Why is the other end of this string tied securely

0:35:060:35:09

to your penis?

0:35:090:35:11

And the answer, ladies, is trust.

0:35:130:35:17

This is your first test.

0:35:170:35:21

Spanish, do you trust that we've provided you with enough slack

0:35:210:35:25

-so your block will land safely on the lawn?

-Sir, yes, sir!

0:35:250:35:29

-Blue...

-Yes, sir?

-Do you trust that I do not want to see you die here?

0:35:290:35:34

-Sir, yes, sir!

-Blue, you're my boy!

-Thank you, sir.

0:35:340:35:37

About face.

0:35:400:35:42

Step to the edge!

0:35:440:35:47

Pledges, prepare for release!

0:35:500:35:52

One! Two!

0:35:540:35:58

Three! Release!

0:35:580:36:00

HE SCREAMS

0:36:080:36:10

It wasn't meant to happen like that!

0:36:100:36:13

Walk it off, big guy.

0:36:130:36:15

THEY CHANT # One, two, three, four

0:36:150:36:18

# One, two, three, four

0:36:180:36:20

# I've been laid more times than God

0:36:200:36:22

# Frat sex is a creme broulade

0:36:220:36:24

# One, two, three, four

0:36:240:36:26

# One, two, three, four

0:36:260:36:28

# I don't know, but it's been said

0:36:280:36:30

# One more laugh and I'll be dead... #

0:36:300:36:32

Faster! CHANTING CONTINUES

0:36:320:36:36

Jesus! Who are these people?!

0:36:360:36:39

Get security. We have an illegal off-road vehicle

0:36:410:36:45

operating without a permit.

0:36:450:36:46

-'They've already been called, sir.'

-Er, call them again.

0:36:460:36:51

You know, it's been two weeks.

0:36:550:36:58

How are these guys still a fraternity?

0:36:580:37:00

They're not, sir. They've just been approved for temporary status.

0:37:000:37:04

Half these guys don't even go to the school! One guy, he's like 90!

0:37:040:37:09

That doesn't matter. They found a loophole.

0:37:090:37:11

-A loophole?

-Yes. Well, it's interesting, sir.

0:37:110:37:14

As stupid as they appear, they're actually very good at paperwork!

0:37:140:37:19

-It's quite an anomaly!

-Is that funny?

0:37:190:37:22

Are you a comic? Is that what you do now?

0:37:220:37:25

This is me leaving. This is me leaving.

0:37:270:37:29

-There he is!

-What's going on, brother?

0:37:410:37:44

Nothing. I'm just making some copies.

0:37:440:37:47

-Mm-hm?

-See you later.

0:37:470:37:50

Hey, Mitch, hang on a second.

0:37:500:37:52

-I heard you guys are starting up a fraternity.

-Who told you that?!

0:37:520:37:56

-Nobody. Is it true?

-I don't know what you're talking about.

0:37:560:38:00

Right(!) Well, it sounds cool, man. I want in.

0:38:000:38:03

Listen to me, there is no fraternity!

0:38:040:38:07

-I don't know what you're talking about.

-You listen!

0:38:070:38:10

I need this, OK? My wife, my job, my kids...

0:38:100:38:14

Every day is exactly the same.

0:38:140:38:17

Oh, I go golfing on Sundays, but I hate golf!

0:38:170:38:20

Don't blackball me, Mitch, please!

0:38:200:38:22

I'm not blackballing you. We work together, Walsh,

0:38:220:38:26

and I don't want to mix work with whatever it is I do at home.

0:38:260:38:30

-And trust me, you're not missing anything, anyways.

-Really?

0:38:300:38:33

Heard you hooked up with Goldberg's daughter.

0:38:330:38:36

-Oh!

-Sorry. Sorry.

0:38:360:38:39

And it's untrue.

0:38:390:38:41

Hey, Mitch, all I'm saying is think about it, OK? Think about it!

0:38:460:38:50

-Who cares if you work with the guy?

-I do!

0:38:500:38:53

-I have a career to worry about.

-You need to start embracing this.

0:38:530:38:57

-I am.

-I don't think you appreciate everything I've done for you.

0:38:570:39:01

-For me?

-Do you think I like avoiding my wife and kids

0:39:010:39:04

-to hang out with 19-year-old girls?

-I do.

-I'm doing this for you.

0:39:040:39:08

Hello!

0:39:080:39:10

-Hey, Nicole! How's it going?

-Hi!

-Who's this?

0:39:100:39:13

-This is my daughter Amanda.

-Hi!

0:39:130:39:16

Hi, Amanda. You remember Nicole, right?

0:39:160:39:19

We did a little chicken dancing at the wedding.

0:39:190:39:22

-How you been?

-Fine, thanks.

-Good...

0:39:220:39:24

I wanted to apologise to you. I hope I didn't embarrass you.

0:39:240:39:29

-It's OK. You just embarrassed yourself.

-Yes!

0:39:290:39:32

-I brought you a house-warming gift.

-Wow! That is really nice.

0:39:320:39:36

It's just a CD holder for your desk or whatever...

0:39:360:39:39

Yeah. That thing's a piece of crap. Awful.

0:39:390:39:42

-What?

-I stopped selling it.

-Please... Hey, Beanie...

0:39:420:39:46

-A lot of complaints.

-Great.

-Nice gesture.

-It's cool.

0:39:460:39:49

Hey, Godfather! What's up?!

0:39:490:39:52

Yo! You the man!

0:39:520:39:54

Did that guy call you the Godfather?

0:39:540:39:57

He must be joking or something... Where are you guys living?

0:39:570:40:00

We're staying with my dad for a while.

0:40:000:40:03

The move's been a little rough on Amanda. So...

0:40:030:40:06

My son Max turns six on Sunday. We're having a party for him,

0:40:060:40:10

you know, petting zoo, clowns, stuff like that.

0:40:100:40:13

-You guys are welcome.

-You should definitely come!

-OK!

0:40:130:40:17

Hey, what do you guys like better - nurse or cheerleader?

0:40:170:40:20

-Oh, hi, Nicole.

-Hi, Frank.

0:40:220:40:25

That's a nice doll you have there.

0:40:250:40:28

Yeah, thanks. She's OK.

0:40:280:40:30

-Did you have fun at the wedding?

-Yeah, it was fun.

0:40:310:40:35

I'm just staying here for right now.

0:40:370:40:39

-We'll see you Sunday, then?

-Sunday.

-Great.

0:40:390:40:43

-OK. Bye. Say bye.

-Bye.

0:40:430:40:46

Bye.

0:40:460:40:47

# Ain't no sunshine when she's gone... #

0:40:470:40:51

-'Hi! You've reached Marissa...

-And Frank!

-Leave us a message.' BEEP!

0:40:540:40:58

Hey, honey. It's me. Er, listen, just was, er, calling to check in.

0:40:580:41:03

I've been kind of busy lately, a lot of paperwork, stuff like that.

0:41:030:41:07

-Damn!

-'If you are satisfied, press one.

0:41:070:41:10

'To re-record, press two.'

0:41:100:41:12

Hey, Marissa. It's me.

0:41:120:41:15

I'm probably going to be in the neighbourhood a little later.

0:41:150:41:18

I didn't know if you want to get together for frozen yoghurt,

0:41:180:41:22

or maybe a whole meal of food... if that would be agreeable. Stupid!

0:41:220:41:27

'If you are satisfied, press one. To re-record, press two.'

0:41:270:41:31

Hey, Marissa. It's Frank Ricard. Er...

0:41:320:41:36

OK, ladies, the secret to a good BJ is focus.

0:41:360:41:40

I don't care if it's your husband of ten years

0:41:400:41:43

or some hot sailor you met at TGI Fridays a couple of months ago...

0:41:430:41:47

who never did call me back.

0:41:470:41:49

But that's neither here nor there.

0:41:490:41:52

Grab your vegetables. THEY GIGGLE

0:41:520:41:56

MUSIC: "Hungry Like The Wolf" by Duran Duran

0:41:570:42:00

Who's hungry? Who's hungry?

0:42:000:42:03

Is this guy for real?

0:42:030:42:05

He's fine. He's good. He's the best there is.

0:42:050:42:08

Thumbs are down. Wrists are flexed.

0:42:080:42:11

We're going to position ourselves for insertion.

0:42:110:42:13

Ready? Do it.

0:42:160:42:18

Mind the stepchildren.

0:42:200:42:22

Mind the stepchildren. Very good.

0:42:220:42:25

Marissa. Come on. That's it.

0:42:410:42:44

Mmm... Mmm...

0:42:440:42:46

That's it. I like what I see. Don't be afraid to arch...

0:42:460:42:51

INAUDIBLE

0:42:510:42:53

Marissa, come on. That's it.

0:42:530:42:55

# And I'm hungry like the wolf. #

0:42:550:42:58

Everybody can learn from Marissa.

0:42:580:43:01

I'm gonna take five. Continue.

0:43:010:43:04

THEY GIGGLE

0:43:040:43:06

Nice work, Marissa. Way to give 110%!

0:43:060:43:10

You know, when I get back there

0:43:100:43:13

I'm gonna show you something I call crouching tiger, hidden penis.

0:43:130:43:16

Did you ever see that movie? I really like it

0:43:160:43:19

cos of the flying and the magic!

0:43:190:43:22

You bastard!

0:43:220:43:25

Oh! Someone just made a bad mistake!

0:43:250:43:28

Aagh!

0:43:280:43:29

Aaaaargh!

0:43:290:43:33

Jesus Christ, Frank. What the hell are you doing here?

0:43:360:43:40

-You know this person?

-I am so sorry. Are you hurt?

0:43:400:43:43

-Yes, I'm hurt.

-Oh...

0:43:430:43:46

-You've outdone yourself, once again.

-It's nice, right?

0:43:560:44:00

-Spanish, what are you doing?!

-Getting some water. It's crazy hot.

0:44:000:44:04

Put your head back on. Are you nuts? It can be traumatic for the kids.

0:44:040:44:08

-I'm sorry.

-Don't sorry me. And shake the tail when you walk!

0:44:080:44:12

-Take it easy!

-You don't see me breaking the fourth wall.

0:44:120:44:16

-Hey, guys!

-Hey!

-Nice costume.

0:44:160:44:18

-Thanks.

-This is a great party.

0:44:180:44:21

-When'd you get here?

-A minute ago.

0:44:210:44:23

This is my boyfriend Mark. This is Mitch and Beanie.

0:44:230:44:27

-How's it hanging, boys?

-Pleasure to meet you...

0:44:270:44:31

So, somebody told me you guys are in a fraternity.

0:44:310:44:34

-Is that right?

-THEY LAUGH

0:44:340:44:37

-Is that true?

-Er, not really.

0:44:370:44:39

I mean, no. It's more like a social club.

0:44:390:44:42

We just watch football and hang out.

0:44:420:44:44

Hang out and spank each other, I bet, huh?!

0:44:440:44:47

We don't take it too seriously.

0:44:470:44:50

-Blue, there's no ice in my lemonade!

-Sir, sorry, sir!

0:44:500:44:53

-You drop down and you give me 10... Now!

-Yes, sir!

0:44:530:44:58

-Let's go!

-That's Frank.

0:44:580:45:01

I'm gonna go ahead and give you these. That's my work phone.

0:45:010:45:05

-Speaker City, I own all six.

-Hey, Max wants to open up his gifts.

0:45:050:45:08

-I thought one would be all right.

-All right. Come on in here, Max.

0:45:080:45:12

Do you guys mind giving me a minute? We'll talk surround sound later. I'll cut you a deal.

0:45:120:45:18

-How you doing, bud?

-What a day!

-I guess we can open Uncle Frank's.

0:45:180:45:22

I don't know who's more excited, Frank or Max!

0:45:220:45:25

Rip it up. Go at it! What could it be?

0:45:250:45:28

-Could it be a space ship?

-Yeah!

-Let's see!

0:45:280:45:31

Yeah!

0:45:310:45:33

What do you think, Max? It's got three speeds.

0:45:330:45:36

Damn it.

0:45:430:45:45

Excuse me, I'll have one of those.

0:45:480:45:51

-I'm Mark. What's your name?

-Tracy.

0:45:530:45:55

Hi. Nice meeting you...Tracy.

0:45:550:46:00

Right on there. There we go.

0:46:000:46:02

OK, you can go back out and play now.

0:46:020:46:05

Come on. There.

0:46:050:46:08

Take your doll. OK.

0:46:080:46:10

-I think she likes you. She ignores most people.

-Well, I feel honoured.

0:46:120:46:16

So, Mark...

0:46:170:46:19

-He seems like an interesting guy.

-He's harmless.

0:46:190:46:23

-How long have you two been together?

-Two years now.

0:46:230:46:26

I told him I had a crush on you in school. I think I got him jealous.

0:46:260:46:30

You had a crush on me? You gotta be kidding!

0:46:300:46:33

I was obsessed with you! I mean, not in a dangerous way.

0:46:330:46:37

I just watched you from a distance.

0:46:370:46:39

How come you never asked me out?

0:46:390:46:42

You were pretty intimidating back then.

0:46:420:46:45

You were always with older guys.

0:46:450:46:47

You had that Whitesnake jean jacket. You smoked Marlboro Reds.

0:46:470:46:51

-You were way out of my league.

-Mm-hm?!

0:46:510:46:53

I still have the Whitesnake jean jacket.

0:46:530:46:57

I'm still pretty intimidated by you!

0:46:570:47:00

-You're bad!

-You're right. I AM bad.

0:47:070:47:10

-Oh, Jeez, I'm sorry. I was...

-I guess we're not knocking, huh?

0:47:120:47:17

Excuse me. I've got to go back to work.

0:47:170:47:20

I'm just returning these band aids.

0:47:200:47:23

What are you gonna do, tell on me?

0:47:230:47:26

You can't, buddy. It's guy code, OK?

0:47:260:47:29

Guys don't tell on other guys. That's, er, something chicks do.

0:47:290:47:33

You're not a chick, are you?

0:47:360:47:39

Phew. All right. Good talk. I'll see you out there.

0:47:400:47:45

Hey there, buddy. Need a friend?

0:47:530:47:56

Yeah, me too...

0:47:570:48:00

Hey...

0:48:020:48:04

Wow!

0:48:110:48:12

-She's a beauty, ain't she?

-Yeah. What kind of gun is this?

0:48:130:48:17

That's a tranquilliser gun.

0:48:170:48:20

If any of these little fuckers decide to freak out on the kids,

0:48:200:48:24

I get to take them down.

0:48:240:48:26

Ain't that right? What?! ..That's what I thought. Shut up.

0:48:260:48:30

Hey-hey! Be careful with that.

0:48:300:48:33

-That's the most powerful tranq gun on the market.

-Huh!

0:48:330:48:36

-Got her in Mexico.

-Cool.

-It is cool.

0:48:360:48:38

They say it can puncture the skin of a rhino from 100...

0:48:380:48:42

Agh!

0:48:420:48:43

Oh, yes! That's awesome!

0:48:480:48:52

-What?

-You just took one in the jugular, man!

0:48:530:48:57

Ha! Whoa!

0:48:580:49:01

Yes!

0:49:010:49:02

Oh, my God!

0:49:030:49:05

Oh, my God! I did! Is this bad? Is this bad?

0:49:060:49:10

-You should pull that out.

-HIS VOICE WARPS

-That shit isn't cool.

0:49:100:49:14

-IN DISTORTED VOICE:

-Wait! Wait. Pull what out?

0:49:160:49:20

The dart, man. You got a fucking dart in your neck.

0:49:200:49:23

You're cra... You're crazy, man!

0:49:260:49:28

You're crazy! I like you.

0:49:290:49:33

But you're crazy!

0:49:330:49:35

I feel tired.

0:49:350:49:38

Looks who's coming...

0:49:380:49:41

# Happy birthday to you... #

0:49:440:49:49

ROARS IN DISTORTED VOICE

0:49:490:49:53

ALL SING IN WARPED TONES

0:49:540:49:56

DISTORTED MUMBLING

0:50:000:50:05

Agh!

0:50:070:50:09

DISTORTED SPEECH

0:50:110:50:15

# Hello, darkness, my old friend

0:50:260:50:29

# I've come to talk with you again

0:50:300:50:34

# Because a vision softly creeping

0:50:340:50:38

# Left its seeds while I was sleeping... #

0:50:380:50:43

This is the most beautiful day.

0:50:440:50:47

Yes. It really is.

0:50:480:50:52

# Within the sound

0:50:530:50:56

# Of silence... #

0:50:560:50:59

I've missed you, Frank. I'm so glad you're back.

0:50:590:51:03

-ECHOES:

-I've missed you, too, honey.

0:51:040:51:07

You look gorgeous.

0:51:070:51:09

You're sweet.

0:51:100:51:12

# I turned my collar to the cold and damp... #

0:51:120:51:16

# When my heart... #

0:51:160:51:18

Bleurgh! Eugh! Agh!

0:51:180:51:23

-He just French-kissed me!

-CHILDREN: Eurgh!

0:51:230:51:26

This better work. The board members are beginning

0:51:300:51:33

to ask questions about this "civilian fraternity".

0:51:330:51:36

Don't worry. It'll work. Here she comes.

0:51:360:51:40

Her name is Megan Huang.

0:51:400:51:43

She's the student council president, pre-law, a promising young woman.

0:51:430:51:48

A young woman with a lot to lose.

0:51:480:51:50

-Megan, hello.

-Hi!

-Have a seat.

0:51:500:51:53

-HE CLEARS THROAT

-I'm sure you know Dean Pritchard.

0:51:570:52:01

-Oh, hi...

-Don't turn around!

0:52:010:52:03

Megan, this little fraternity over on Brooke Street

0:52:060:52:10

has become quite an inconvenience for us, OK?

0:52:100:52:13

And as Student Body president, you approved their temporary status.

0:52:130:52:17

Unfortunately, you alone have the ability to revoke it.

0:52:170:52:21

We're gonna need you to go ahead and do that.

0:52:210:52:24

Why? Everybody loves those guys. They throw the sickest parties.

0:52:240:52:28

-I mean, I met my boyfriend at their casino night...

-Uh-huh. That's great.

0:52:280:52:33

It says here you're applying to Columbia Law School.

0:52:330:52:36

Wow! That's a tough school to get in to.

0:52:360:52:39

You know, Dean Pritchard has some serious connections at Columbia.

0:52:390:52:43

-Are you bribing me?

-Hey...

0:52:430:52:46

-Don't make life harder on yourself, Chang.

-It's Huang.

0:52:480:52:52

Whatever. How's the tennis going?

0:52:520:52:55

I made some minor changes, but overall it's OK.

0:52:550:52:59

-It's a pretty standard lease.

-OK. Great.

0:52:590:53:02

Thanks for taking a look for me.

0:53:020:53:04

-This stuff confuses me.

-Any time.

0:53:040:53:07

So, er... you and Mark are moving in together?

0:53:070:53:11

Yeah. Well, financially it makes sense. So...

0:53:110:53:15

You know, there's something I think you should know, er...

0:53:150:53:20

about Mark.

0:53:200:53:23

-What is it?

-Well...

0:53:230:53:26

Relationships are a lot of work.

0:53:300:53:32

I guess what I'm saying is, er...

0:53:320:53:35

Er, good luck.

0:53:390:53:41

Oh. OK! Well, thank you.

0:53:410:53:45

Yeah. Listen, I-I was thinking that maybe some time we could

0:53:450:53:49

-get some dinner or something...

-Yeah.

0:53:490:53:51

-If that's OK.

-I'd like that.

0:53:510:53:54

Yeah. Of course, leave it to me to wait

0:53:540:53:57

until you've got a boyfriend to finally ask you out.

0:53:570:54:01

-Timing was never your thing.

-No.

0:54:010:54:04

OK! So thank you.

0:54:060:54:08

-And, er, call me about dinner.

-I will.

0:54:090:54:13

Excuse me, sir! We have a situation, sir!

0:54:130:54:16

-What are you doing here? I said never at work.

-But it's an emergency.

0:54:160:54:20

We can only buy KY Jelly in the four-ounce tubes.

0:54:200:54:23

Industrial-sized cans'll take up to three to four business days minimum.

0:54:230:54:27

-What's that for?

-Blue's birthday. We're having a KY wrestling match...

0:54:270:54:30

Can we talk about this later, please?!

0:54:300:54:34

# Louie, Louie... #

0:54:350:54:37

I'm born again, baby! Whoo-hoo!

0:54:370:54:41

# We got it going on... #

0:54:440:54:47

Yeah! Yeah!

0:54:490:54:51

This doesn't seem fair!

0:54:510:54:54

Oh!

0:54:570:54:59

THEY CHEER

0:54:590:55:01

Rip his head off! Rip his head off!

0:55:050:55:09

SOUL MUSIC PLAYS

0:55:090:55:11

THEY GIGGLE

0:55:120:55:15

-I like your room.

-Thanks a lot.

0:55:210:55:23

It's kind of a home away from home for me. All the posters are mine...

0:55:230:55:27

I don't usually like fraternity guys. They're such losers.

0:55:280:55:32

But you're, like, mature.

0:55:320:55:35

-Mature?

-Yeah.

0:55:360:55:38

So, where do you sleep, anyway?

0:55:380:55:42

Usually, I sleep at home. Sometimes I do crash here.

0:55:420:55:46

-This is a futon, actually. It pulls out...

-I didn't realise.

0:55:470:55:51

-Can I see it?

-The futon?

0:55:520:55:56

Yes.

0:55:560:55:58

Wow. Er...

0:56:010:56:03

Amy, I'm sorry.

0:56:040:56:06

I'm married, and I can't do this.

0:56:060:56:09

I don't want this to get weird but...

0:56:090:56:12

Right, I see.

0:56:120:56:14

But leave me your number,

0:56:140:56:16

so if something happens to my wife, I can give you a call.

0:56:160:56:20

-I don't think so.

-OK. That was a bad idea.

0:56:200:56:24

BELL RINGS

0:56:240:56:25

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to tonight's main event.

0:56:250:56:29

Yeah!

0:56:320:56:33

In this corner, weighing in at 110lbs

0:56:340:56:37

and pushing 89 years of age,

0:56:370:56:40

the recent recipient of a brand-new plastic hip,

0:56:400:56:43

Joseph Blue Pallaski!

0:56:430:56:46

THEY CHANT: Blue! Blue! Blue!

0:56:460:56:50

And in the opposite corner, with a combined weight of 210lbs,

0:56:500:56:54

hailing from Haydon Dormitory,

0:56:540:56:57

Jennie and Jeanie!

0:56:570:56:59

ALL CHEER

0:56:590:57:02

Fighters, are you ready?

0:57:040:57:07

Hey, Blue, you sure you're OK with this?

0:57:080:57:12

-Just ring the fucking bell, you pansy.

-OK. Let's get it on!

0:57:120:57:16

-Come on.

-Come on, Grandpa! Let's go.

0:57:210:57:25

Let's go, birthday boy.

0:57:250:57:27

-What's the matter? Are you scared?

-Come on. Hello?!

0:57:270:57:31

# I close my eyes

0:57:460:57:50

# Only for a moment

0:57:510:57:53

# And the moment's gone

0:57:530:57:55

# All my dreams

0:57:560:58:00

# Passed before my eyes

0:58:010:58:03

# In curiosity

0:58:030:58:05

# Dust in the wind... #

0:58:070:58:09

We'd better put the KY wrestling on hold for a while.

0:58:090:58:13

Good idea.

0:58:130:58:15

Please don't beat yourself up over this thing. It's not your fault.

0:58:150:58:19

Damn it, Blue was old. That's what old people do. They die.

0:58:190:58:23

I'm sorry.

0:58:230:58:25

# All we are is dust

0:58:250:58:28

# In the wind

0:58:280:58:32

# Oh...

0:58:330:58:35

# Ho-ho... #

0:58:350:58:38

You're my boy, Blue! (You're my boy!)

0:58:380:58:42

-It's been a weird month, huh?

-Yeah.

0:58:460:58:49

Listen, I'm sorry I didn't call you on your birthday.

0:58:510:58:55

-My birthday? What do you mean?

-Last Thursday.

0:58:550:58:58

-You forgot your birthday, didn't you?

-Damn it.

0:59:000:59:02

I'm such an idiot. I...

0:59:020:59:06

-What have you been doing?

-I... Well, I've been keeping busy.

0:59:060:59:10

Well... I, er...

0:59:100:59:13

I...tried to join a new gym.

0:59:130:59:16

-That was one thing. Er...

-Mmm.

0:59:160:59:19

And there's other stuff I can't remember. But...keeping busy.

0:59:190:59:23

You know, I-I've missed you.

0:59:230:59:26

-I want you to know that.

-Mmm.

0:59:260:59:28

Maybe tonight we could get together back at home.

0:59:280:59:32

We could maybe put on a Sisqo CD...

0:59:320:59:34

I don't think that's such a good idea.

0:59:340:59:37

Really? You don't?

0:59:370:59:40

I don't know. Maybe we rushed into this, you know?

0:59:400:59:44

I mean, it just doesn't feel right, does it...

0:59:450:59:50

being married?

0:59:500:59:52

What do you mean?

0:59:540:59:57

I think we should get a divorce.

0:59:570:59:59

Like a real divorce?

1:00:011:00:04

Yeah.

1:00:041:00:06

(Gotcha.)

1:00:061:00:08

OK, well, er...

1:00:091:00:12

-Huh!

-I'm sorry.

-Yeah.

1:00:121:00:14

No, listen, actually, I gotta run.

1:00:141:00:17

But...

1:00:171:00:19

if I don't talk to you, keep on...

1:00:191:00:22

Keep trucking, you know.

1:00:221:00:24

OK. Good stuff.

1:00:261:00:29

-Well, what do you think?

-You know, it's OK.

1:00:391:00:44

-Just OK?

-Yeah.

1:00:441:00:47

I had Mitch look at the lease. He thinks it sounds like a good deal.

1:00:471:00:51

You had Mitch look at the lease?! When?

1:00:511:00:54

Last week. I stopped by his office.

1:00:541:00:56

-Oh, God!

-What?

1:00:561:00:59

I don't know. I'm not so sure about that guy.

1:00:591:01:03

Mitch? Why? He's so sweet.

1:01:031:01:06

Something I saw last week at the birthday party.

1:01:061:01:09

-What did you see?

-I don't want to get in to this, but...

1:01:091:01:13

I walked in on him, and he was harassing one of the caterers.

1:01:141:01:18

-A young girl.

-Really?

1:01:181:01:20

He was being really aggressive and grabbing her. It was disgusting.

1:01:201:01:25

-MOBILE PHONE RINGS

-I didn't want to say anything.

1:01:251:01:28

-Hello?

-'Hey, Nicole. It's Mitch.'

-Hi, Mitch.

1:01:281:01:31

I was thinking if you're not busy,

1:01:311:01:34

maybe I'd take you up on that cup of coffee.

1:01:341:01:37

Er, now's not really a good time.

1:01:371:01:39

Look, I'm really sorry about the other day.

1:01:391:01:42

I just want the chance to explain everything.

1:01:421:01:46

I don't think so. I...

1:01:461:01:48

It's, er, it's been kind of a tough day,

1:01:481:01:51

and it would really mean a lot.

1:01:511:01:54

There's a few things that I wanted to clear up,

1:01:561:02:00

because I get the feeling you have an entirely distorted view of who I am.

1:02:001:02:04

-Really?

-Yeah.

-What gave you that idea?

1:02:041:02:06

-OK! One pecan pie and two coffees.

-Thank you.

1:02:061:02:09

And don't worry, for the Godfather, it's always on the house.

1:02:091:02:13

-Not here.

-I know who you are. I am Avie.

1:02:131:02:16

-I'm a big supporter.

-Thank you.

1:02:161:02:19

You are beautiful. Beautiful. No offence, though, he is the king.

1:02:191:02:23

-You are taking coffee and pie with a legend.

-That's very kind,

1:02:231:02:27

-but I insist, I'll pay.

-Your money - it's not good here.

-OK.

1:02:271:02:30

-I look forward to pledging next semester!

-OK.

1:02:301:02:33

OK, now don't you think this is going a little far?

1:02:331:02:37

I heard one of your pledges died. Is that true?

1:02:371:02:40

Well, yes. But he was old.

1:02:401:02:42

I'm confident that when we get the autopsy back,

1:02:421:02:45

it'll show it was probably of natural causes.

1:02:451:02:48

Look, to be honest, you're really not the person I thought you were.

1:02:481:02:52

-But it's OK. It's not a big deal.

-But I think that I am that person,

1:02:521:02:56

and I feel more like myself now than I have in a really long time.

1:02:561:03:00

So, that's why you harass young women?

1:03:001:03:03

-Doing what?

-The caterer at the birthday party.

1:03:031:03:06

-Mark told me about her.

-Wait! I didn't want to say anything,

1:03:061:03:11

but Mark is the one who was acting inappropriate.

1:03:111:03:14

-Mitch, you are unbelievable.

-It's true!

-Hey, look who it is.

1:03:141:03:19

-Hey, Mitch!

-Darcie, hey.

1:03:191:03:22

Hi! I meant to call you. I didn't want you to worry about my dad.

1:03:221:03:27

He doesn't know anything, so it's totally cool.

1:03:271:03:29

-Her dad?!

-Yeah.

1:03:291:03:32

Yeah. You know, it's nothing, really.

1:03:321:03:36

They actually work together.

1:03:361:03:39

We gotta run cos we got this prom committee thing.

1:03:391:03:42

I'll see you around. (Sorry.)

1:03:421:03:45

Bye.

1:03:451:03:47

-Prom committee thing?

-That, I actually can explain.

-I'm sure you can.

1:03:471:03:53

-It...

-I have to go.

-Nicole, please wait a second.

1:03:531:03:57

No! Really, I have to go.

1:03:571:04:00

Hey! Chicks! Don't worry for her, huh?!

1:04:031:04:08

Love - it's a motherfucker, huh?

1:04:081:04:10

Shit!

1:04:191:04:21

"Dear, Mitch, if you're holding this letter,

1:04:411:04:44

"you already know the house has been boarded up,

1:04:441:04:47

"the windows, the doors, everything.

1:04:471:04:49

"We're at the Comfort Inn. Room 112.

1:04:491:04:52

"I love you. Frank."

1:04:521:04:54

Due to these infractions, not only will your house be repossessed,

1:04:541:04:58

but those of you who ARE students will be expelled from the university

1:04:581:05:02

for participating in a non-sanctioned fraternity.

1:05:021:05:05

Please take a moment to allow this to sink in.

1:05:051:05:09

Good.

1:05:121:05:14

Believe me, the actions taken by the student council

1:05:141:05:18

have come as a great shock to me.

1:05:181:05:21

Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do.

1:05:211:05:24

Thank you for your time. Good luck. And God bless America.

1:05:241:05:28

He can't do that.

1:05:321:05:35

This guy's playing hardball.

1:05:351:05:37

I gotta say, I'm impressed by him.

1:05:371:05:40

Well, we're expelled. I'm gonna wind up working at Red Lobster!

1:05:401:05:44

-You already work at Red Lobster!

-Part-time, dick!

1:05:441:05:48

-Hey...

-Guys...

-Listen,

1:05:481:05:50

this is a serious situation. I mean, I'm kicked out of school!

1:05:501:05:55

I don't know what I'm gonna do. My mom's gonna kill me.

1:05:551:05:59

-Come on. She's not gonna kill you.

-Yes, she is.

1:05:591:06:02

I'm the first one to go to college in my family. When I left she said,

1:06:021:06:06

"Weensie, if you screw this up, I kill you."

1:06:061:06:10

She showed me the knife.

1:06:101:06:12

Ssshh...

1:06:121:06:15

Mitch is a lawyer, buddy. He's gonna take care of this thing.

1:06:151:06:19

You're gonna be all right.

1:06:191:06:21

He was meant to be Luke Skywalker.

1:06:241:06:26

Guys, do you still wanna be in the fraternity?

1:06:261:06:29

We've been waiting all semester for you to ask us that.

1:06:301:06:34

I need your help with something, off the record. You do this, you're in.

1:06:341:06:38

-Sir, yes, sir.

-Walsh, I need you to track down

1:06:381:06:41

a copy of university code 7A. Fax it to this number immediately.

1:06:411:06:45

-I need to talk to you.

-Give me five minutes.

1:06:451:06:48

Booker, make two copies of this petition

1:06:481:06:51

-and message it to 34 Langley.

-Listen!

1:06:511:06:53

Donald says you've got these guys working arbitration.

1:06:531:06:57

I want them on the Sunshine Square deal!

1:06:571:07:00

I locked that deal yesterday, so now they're helping with the arbitration.

1:07:001:07:04

I'd appreciate it if you let me handle my own team

1:07:041:07:08

and don't get on my ass every time I'm trying to do something!

1:07:081:07:11

All right. I wanna make sure you're on top of it.

1:07:111:07:15

-Well, I am.

-Well, good. Carry on.

1:07:151:07:19

See? That's why they call him the Godfather.

1:07:191:07:21

Hey!

1:07:211:07:23

Just take care of it.

1:07:231:07:26

Gentlemen, I got some good news and I got some bad news.

1:07:281:07:32

I did some research. What Pritchard did, technically, is illegal.

1:07:321:07:37

We have the right to a formal evaluation

1:07:371:07:40

before they can deny our application. However,

1:07:401:07:43

we're now subject to a review given by the board of trustees.

1:07:431:07:47

Damn it! Wait, what does that mean exactly?

1:07:471:07:52

It's a thorough inspection of our fraternity

1:07:521:07:55

and our contribution to the community.

1:07:551:07:59

The focus is on five categories - academics, athletics,

1:07:591:08:02

community service, debate and school spirit.

1:08:021:08:06

Good luck. It was nice to know you and I'll see you round campus.

1:08:061:08:10

Actually, all of us are being tested. Yeah.

1:08:101:08:13

What are you talking about? I'm not even in school.

1:08:131:08:17

It's in the bylaws. Every member is subject to review in every category,

1:08:171:08:21

including academics.

1:08:211:08:23

Mitch, I don't mind popping for breakfast.

1:08:231:08:26

I do speakers, OK? I don't so tests.

1:08:261:08:28

What happened to needing brotherhood now more than ever?!

1:08:281:08:32

-They need us.

-College is overrated, anyway.

1:08:321:08:35

I built Speaker City from the ground up. I can barely read! It's true!

1:08:351:08:39

This damn thing was your idea. You convinced me to do it,

1:08:391:08:43

-and now people's lives are ruined!

-Ruined?!

1:08:431:08:46

-Yeah!

-Like whose life is ruined?

-Well, let's see...

1:08:461:08:50

Blue's dead. Frank's divorced. I've lost my house.

1:08:501:08:53

Nicole thinks I'm a total jackass,

1:08:531:08:56

and now we've got nine kids who are gonna get expelled from school,

1:08:561:09:00

and you're not even gonna help them out!

1:09:001:09:03

So, is this going to go down smooth? I'm missing 18 holes of golf here.

1:09:171:09:21

I got creative with their tests. It should make for an entertaining day.

1:09:211:09:25

-I'll enjoy kicking these assholes off campus.

-Ditto.

1:09:251:09:29

Welcome to the official debate section of the charter review.

1:09:301:09:34

Unfortunately,

1:09:351:09:37

the captain of the university debate team had a scheduling conflict,

1:09:371:09:42

so we had to bring someone else in to fill in for this event.

1:09:421:09:46

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the co-host of CNN's Crossfire,

1:09:461:09:51

famed political consultant, the Ragin' Cajun, Mr James Carvell.

1:09:511:09:55

Thank you, Dean Pritchard. It's an honour and a pleasure to be here.

1:10:001:10:05

Topic number one...

1:10:051:10:08

What is your position on the role of government in supporting innovation

1:10:081:10:13

in the field of biotechnology?

1:10:131:10:15

-Dean, I'm glad you asked...

-Actually,

1:10:161:10:19

I'd like to take that one, Jimmy.

1:10:191:10:21

-CROWD MUTTERS

-Have at it.

1:10:211:10:25

What?!

1:10:251:10:27

(Frank, no!)

1:10:281:10:31

Recent research shows that empirical evidence

1:10:331:10:35

for globalisation of corporate innovation is limited

1:10:351:10:39

and the market for technologies is shrinking. As a world leader,

1:10:391:10:43

it's important for the US to provide research grants for scientists.

1:10:431:10:46

I believe there will always be a need for a well-articulated innovation policy

1:10:461:10:51

with emphasis on human resource development.

1:10:511:10:54

-Where'd that come from?

-What? I blacked out.

-It was awesome!

1:10:581:11:02

That was interesting. Thank you very much.

1:11:021:11:06

Your rebuttal, Mr Carvell?

1:11:061:11:08

Er... We have no response.

1:11:081:11:12

That was perfect.

1:11:121:11:14

THEY CHEER

1:11:141:11:17

That's the way you do it. That's the way you debate.

1:11:171:11:20

(Number 12.

1:11:301:11:32

("Which of the following is an accepted graphical technique

1:11:321:11:37

("for determining first order system parameters?

1:11:371:11:41

("Is it A - Harriot's method of solving cubics?

1:11:411:11:46

("B - Pythagorean triples?

1:11:461:11:48

("Or C - the migration method of graphic quadratic functions?")

1:11:481:11:53

-Harriot's method of solving cubics.

-"The answer is A - Harriot's method of solving cubics."

1:11:551:12:01

(Good test.)

1:12:051:12:08

All right, Frank, let's do this.

1:12:161:12:18

Go!

1:12:191:12:21

# Everybody, dance now

1:12:211:12:23

# Everybody, dance now

1:12:291:12:31

# Give me the music

1:12:381:12:40

# Give me the music

1:12:421:12:44

# Everybody, dance now

1:12:451:12:47

# Everybody, dance now. #

1:12:531:12:55

-Yes!

-Wow.

1:12:591:13:01

Let's go, Cougars!

1:13:081:13:10

Agh! Oh, no!

1:13:131:13:16

Help me! Help me! Argh!

1:13:191:13:22

-Dean Pritchard, can I talk to you?

-Megan, I'm a little busy.

1:13:241:13:28

-I didn't get in to Columbia Law School.

-How awful(!)

1:13:281:13:31

You said if I revoked their charter, you'd get me in.

1:13:311:13:35

-I did say that.

-No-one at Columbia's heard of you!

1:13:351:13:38

-Oh, Megan...

-Look, I did my part, now you have to do yours.

1:13:381:13:42

-That's how bribes work!

-I know how bribes work!

1:13:421:13:45

I bribe people all the time. But I changed my mind. Lesson learned!

1:13:451:13:49

DOOR SLAMS

1:13:501:13:52

Damn it!

1:13:521:13:55

I'm sorry, guys. I lost my composure out there. I'm an idiot.

1:13:551:13:59

Frankie, don't worry. We'll make those points up.

1:13:591:14:02

Your skin's gonna grow back, too.

1:14:021:14:05

-I'm sorry.

-Yeah.

1:14:051:14:07

-How many events are left?

-One.

1:14:071:14:09

-Frank's accident set us back, but...

-BANGS DOOR ANGRILY

1:14:091:14:13

But if we pass athletics, we're in.

1:14:131:14:15

All right! That's what I'm talking about, guys.

1:14:151:14:18

We made a great effort so far. Keep it up!

1:14:181:14:21

That's right! We can't have anyone freak out out there, OK?!

1:14:211:14:25

We've got to keep our composure! We've come too far!

1:14:251:14:28

There's too much to lose! Keep our composure!

1:14:281:14:32

For your final test, I've chosen the men's gymnastic team's all-rounder.

1:14:321:14:36

Participants in the three events will be chosen at random by me.

1:14:361:14:40

Let's see... Er, rings.

1:14:401:14:43

Er, Bernard. OK, great.

1:14:431:14:46

Full exercise... How about Frank? Great.

1:14:461:14:49

And for the vault competition... Oh, I don't know.

1:14:491:14:54

How about, er...

1:14:541:14:56

-..you.

-Me?

1:14:581:15:00

Yeah. Is there a problem with that?

1:15:001:15:02

MUSIC: Theme from "Chariots Of Fire"

1:15:021:15:06

I'm still holding.

1:15:411:15:43

Still holding!

1:15:431:15:46

It's physically impossible.

1:15:491:15:51

No. Don't worry. Abdul's here to spot you.

1:15:511:15:54

We're waiting, gentlemen.

1:15:571:15:59

Just hit the board as hard as you can and shut your eyes, all right?

1:15:591:16:03

-Ready?

-Have fun with it.

1:16:031:16:06

Go! Come on!

1:16:061:16:08

Come on!

1:16:131:16:15

Aargghh!

1:16:211:16:23

Aargh!

1:16:231:16:25

-Yeah!

-Oh, my God!

1:16:271:16:29

THEY ALL CHEER

1:16:291:16:32

Hey, how you doing?

1:16:431:16:45

Congratulations.

1:16:461:16:48

-You put forth quite en effort.

-Thanks.

-Really did.

1:16:481:16:51

But I'm afraid I have some bad news for you. You didn't pass the review.

1:16:511:16:55

Wh-What are you talking about? We finished with an 84%.

1:16:551:17:00

Yes, you people did finish with an 84%,

1:17:001:17:03

but, unfortunately, another pledge scored a zero in every category.

1:17:031:17:07

What pledge?

1:17:071:17:09

A Joseph Blue Pallaski.

1:17:091:17:12

THEY LAUGH

1:17:121:17:14

Hey, man, Blue's dead. He passed away two weeks ago.

1:17:141:17:18

He's listed right here on your official chapter roster,

1:17:181:17:22

-and those zeros drop your average to a...58%.

-Come on! You gotta be kidding me!

1:17:221:17:27

It's been quite a journey.

1:17:271:17:30

You're gonna be all right, Frank.

1:17:301:17:33

-Come on now, big cat.

-I have no reason to live.

1:17:331:17:36

We're going to find you a one-bedroom apartment,

1:17:361:17:39

-get you back on your feet...

-It's not gonna be the same!

1:17:391:17:43

Didn't quite work out for you, fellas, did it?

1:17:431:17:46

I recommend you drive away,

1:17:461:17:48

-before something very bad happens.

-Ooh, I'm scared(!)

1:17:481:17:52

-Mitch, am I interrupting?

-You actually are.

1:17:521:17:55

-If you leave, that'd be tremendous.

-You might find this interesting.

1:17:551:17:59

'You said if I revoked the charter, you'd get me in to Columbia.

1:17:591:18:04

-'I did say that.

-I did my part, now you have to do yours.

1:18:041:18:07

-'That's how bribes work.

-I know how bribes work.'

1:18:071:18:10

-Let me...

-No!

1:18:101:18:12

Get him, Frankie!

1:18:121:18:15

Pritchard! Hey, it's over.

1:18:261:18:29

Hand over the tape. It's over. It's over.

1:18:291:18:33

-Where did the others get to?

-We all spread out.

1:18:331:18:36

Ow! What are you doing?

1:18:361:18:39

Wh...? Ow! Hey! Time-out! Time-out!

1:18:391:18:43

Excuse me. Excuse me!

1:18:471:18:49

Gentlemen! Gentlemen!

1:18:491:18:52

Wait! My shoulder!

1:18:591:19:01

This man accosted me! You're all witnesses!

1:19:071:19:11

Frank! Frank!

1:19:111:19:14

Frank, are you OK?

1:19:161:19:19

I... Mitch, I-I'm so cold.

1:19:191:19:22

Come on, big cat.

1:19:231:19:26

-I-I think I see Blue.

-Ssh...

1:19:261:19:29

He looks glorious!

1:19:291:19:31

-Stay with me.

-OK.

-Stay with me.

1:19:311:19:34

I did good.

1:19:341:19:36

You did great!

1:19:371:19:40

Hi!

1:20:081:20:11

Hey! Wow...

1:20:111:20:14

-How are you?

-I'm OK.

1:20:151:20:18

-You know, I got that apartment.

-Good for you. That's great.

1:20:181:20:22

-And you were right about Mark.

-What happened?

1:20:221:20:25

Well, let's just say I caught him red-handed

1:20:251:20:28

-and it wasn't pretty.

-Oh.

1:20:281:20:31

I guess I thought he could change. I don't know...

1:20:311:20:35

So, you're moving out?

1:20:351:20:38

Er, yeah. I'm moving into a new place

1:20:381:20:41

far, far away from here.

1:20:411:20:44

What about your little fraternity?

1:20:441:20:46

They're upgrading, moving into a new facility,

1:20:461:20:49

and to tell you the truth,

1:20:491:20:52

they don't have much use for the Godfather any more.

1:20:521:20:56

I hope you'll still think I'm cool, even without...all this!

1:20:561:21:01

-Ah-ha. I think I can deal with it!

-I appreciate it.

1:21:011:21:04

Although, you know, I have to say,

1:21:041:21:07

I have always been curious about what goes on inside these places.

1:21:071:21:11

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

1:21:111:21:13

Well...

1:21:131:21:16

I do have another 12 hours on my lease.

1:21:161:21:18

I'd be more than happy to...show you around.

1:21:181:21:23

-Really?

-Yeah.

1:21:231:21:25

Maybe for a minute.

1:21:251:21:28

Great.

1:21:281:21:30

Happy Tuesday!

1:21:301:21:32

Frank The Tank here at Harrison Cougar Radio, 88.6.

1:21:321:21:35

I wanna give a shout out to the Godfather.

1:21:351:21:38

If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here today, Mitch. I'd be dead.

1:21:381:21:43

Face-down in a drained pool somewhere.

1:21:431:21:46

'Quick note to all you future brothers out there,

1:21:461:21:50

'there's a brand-new house on campus, Dean Pritchard's former residence.

1:21:501:21:54

'You all remember that crazy bastard!

1:21:541:21:57

'Well, we'd love for you to join us this Saturday at our open house

1:21:571:22:01

'for some chips, soda and late-night streaking.'

1:22:011:22:04

A little right. A little more.

1:22:041:22:07

Yeah. That's good enough.

1:22:071:22:09

-Welcome aboard, Booker.

-Thanks, sir.

1:22:101:22:13

-Walsh.

-Thanks, Tank.

-Well done. Get me a fresh beer.

1:22:131:22:16

-Are you serious?

-NOW!

1:22:161:22:19

NOW! You son of a bitch!

1:22:191:22:22

MUSIC: "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake

1:22:231:22:25

# Like a drifter

1:22:301:22:31

# I was born to walk alone

1:22:311:22:34

# And I've made up my mind... #

1:22:361:22:38

HE WHISTLES

1:22:381:22:41

# But here I go again... #

1:22:431:22:47

HORNS TOOT

1:22:491:22:51

Aargghh!

1:22:511:22:53

Oh, shit!

1:22:551:22:57

# I close my eyes

1:23:071:23:12

# Only for a moment

1:23:121:23:14

# And the moment's gone

1:23:141:23:17

# All my dreams

1:23:171:23:21

# Pass before my eyes

1:23:211:23:23

# A curiosity

1:23:231:23:26

# Dust

1:23:261:23:28

# In the wind...

1:23:281:23:31

# All they are

1:23:311:23:32

# Is dust in the wind. #

1:23:321:23:34

We gotta stay in the goal, man.

1:23:341:23:38

Between the posts. Can we say between the posts?

1:23:381:23:41

I want focus! I want intensity! I want a one, two, three!

1:23:411:23:44

THEY CHEER

1:23:441:23:47

Hungry! Hungry! Hungry! Eat 'em up!

1:23:471:23:50

You know what to do in the box. We talked about it!

1:23:501:23:53

We're up by six.

1:23:531:23:55

The ref's a real prick out there. Yeah! That's right, you heard me!

1:23:551:24:00

Number four's been throwing elbows all day!

1:24:001:24:03

What? Let's make it official, then, jackass! Let's make it official!

1:24:031:24:08

Pick up the clipboard. I'll be in the car.

1:24:091:24:12

Have some respect for yourself.

1:24:121:24:14

Is that Frank The Tank?!

1:24:141:24:18

Oh, hey, Heidi! How you doing?

1:24:181:24:21

I'm doing really good! You know, I got into body painting.

1:24:211:24:26

-Oh, I didn't know that.

-Yeah.

-Great.

1:24:261:24:29

Wow! You're looking very healthy.

1:24:291:24:32

Oh, thanks. Yeah, so are you.

1:24:321:24:35

Oh, thank you!

1:24:351:24:37

So I heard you and Marissa split up. Is that true?

1:24:371:24:40

-Yeah. We did.

-Oh, you poor baby!

1:24:401:24:44

I having this get-together at my place tomorrow night,

1:24:451:24:49

just like a few Internet friends. You should swing by.

1:24:491:24:52

-Really?

-Totally!

1:24:521:24:55

-OK.

-All right.

-It sounds awesome.

1:24:551:24:57

-I'll see you tomorrow night.

-SHE GIGGLES

1:24:571:25:01

Awesome. Yes!

1:25:021:25:05

I am back! Whoo!

1:25:081:25:11

You know it!

1:25:141:25:16

Riotous campus comedy in which a lawyer unwittingly gives his thirtysomething friends an opportunity to recapture their college years when he relocates to a local university.

Having caught his wife cheating on him, the out-of-luck attorney find his new house turning into a 24-hour party pad for a variety of misfit college students, middle-aged slackers and elderly retirees as he struggles to avoid being evicted by the new dean of students.