Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

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This film contains some strong language.	0:00:02	0:00:07
'There was a time, a time before cable,	0:00:41	0:00:45
'when the local anchorman reigned supreme...	0:00:45	0:00:49
..when people believed everything they heard on TV.	0:00:53	0:00:56
'This was an age when ugly men were allowed to read the news.	0:00:56	0:01:00
'And in San Diego, one anchorman was more man than the rest.	0:01:01	0:01:06
'His name was Ron Burgundy.	0:01:06	0:01:09
'He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals.	0:01:10	0:01:14
'He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr,	0:01:14	0:01:19
'and suits so fine, they made Sinatra look like a hobo.	0:01:19	0:01:23
'In other words, Ron Burgundy...	0:01:23	0:01:26
'was the balls.'	0:01:26	0:01:28
Mmm... I look good.	0:01:29	0:01:32
I mean, really good.	0:01:32	0:01:35
HEY, EVERYONE! COME AND SEE HOW GOOD I LOOK!	0:01:36	0:01:40
GROANING WARM-UP VOCALS	0:01:42	0:01:45
Habba-dabba-dabba...	0:01:45	0:01:47
Huh... Er...	0:01:48	0:01:50
Mm! Ribs. I had ribs for lunch.	0:01:50	0:01:53
That's why I'm doing this.	0:01:53	0:01:55
How now, brown cow.	0:01:55	0:01:57
How now, brown cow.	0:01:57	0:01:58
How now, brown cow.	0:01:58	0:02:00
How are you? You look awfully nice today.	0:02:00	0:02:03
Maybe don't wear a bra next time.	0:02:05	0:02:07
No, I was talking to you.	0:02:08	0:02:10
No, not her. I don't know her name.	0:02:10	0:02:12
What is it?	0:02:12	0:02:13
Lanolin?!	0:02:13	0:02:15
Lan... Lanolin, like sheep's wool?!	0:02:17	0:02:20
Unique New York.	0:02:20	0:02:22
Unique New York.	0:02:22	0:02:24
Mmm, I love Scotch.	0:02:24	0:02:26
# I love Scotch! Scotchy, Scotch, Scotch...	0:02:26	0:02:29
# Here it goes down, down into my belly, mm-mm-mm... #	0:02:29	0:02:32
The arsonist has oddly-shaped feet!	0:02:32	0:02:34
Time to shot? 30?	0:02:34	0:02:37
-30 seconds? -You...	0:02:37	0:02:39
I'm on right now?	0:02:39	0:02:41
I don't believe you. But...	0:02:41	0:02:44
-Ahem... -Ron? -What?	0:02:44	0:02:46
Oh, come on, Audrey!	0:02:46	0:02:48
I look like hell!	0:02:48	0:02:49
I got bags under my eyes.	0:02:49	0:02:50
What's that? Well, if you were a man,	0:02:50	0:02:53
I'd punch you right in the mouth.	0:02:53	0:02:55
That's bush. Bush League.	0:02:55	0:02:57
Ahem... The human torch was denied a bank loan.	0:02:57	0:03:00
YOU HEAR ME?! AUDREY! LOOK AT ME!	0:03:00	0:03:03
I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry.	0:03:03	0:03:07
# Ho, ho! Ho, ho-ho-ho!	0:03:07	0:03:09
# Ho-ho-ho! #	0:03:09	0:03:11
HE ROARS AND YELLS	0:03:11	0:03:15
-All right, we're on. -'Argh...!'	0:03:15	0:03:17
-Ready, Phil? -We're on in five, four...	0:03:17	0:03:21
'When the clock struck six, it meant one thing	0:03:21	0:03:24
'to Ron Burgundy and his news team - go-time!'	0:03:24	0:03:28
'Channel 4 News, with five-time	0:03:28	0:03:30
'Emmy-award-winning anchor	0:03:30	0:03:32
'Ron Burgundy...	0:03:32	0:03:35
'Champ Kind, sports,	0:03:35	0:03:37
'Brick Tamland, weather...	0:03:37	0:03:40
'..and your reporter in the field,	0:03:43	0:03:45
'Brian Fantana.	0:03:45	0:03:46
'It's Channel 4 News at six o'clock!'	0:03:49	0:03:52
I'm Ron Burgundy, and this is what's happening in your world tonight.	0:03:55	0:03:59
A La Jolla man clings to life at a university hospital	0:03:59	0:04:03
after being viciously attacked by wild dogs in an abandoned pool.	0:04:03	0:04:08
Hey, everybody! Shut the hell up! Ron Burgundy's on.	0:04:08	0:04:11
Oh...	0:04:12	0:04:15
-Ron Burgundy. -Oh, my God! She said her first words!	0:04:15	0:04:19
Right now, it's 82 degrees in our fair city,	0:04:19	0:04:23
and compare that to 48 degrees in the upper Northwest	0:04:23	0:04:26
and 38 degrees in the Middle East.	0:04:26	0:04:29
Off the coast of Tampa Bay yesterday, one lucky cameraman happened to catch	0:04:29	0:04:34
an unusual aquatic daredevil.	0:04:34	0:04:36
What you're about to see is a Channel 4 News exclusive.	0:04:36	0:04:40
'His name is Nutty the Squirrel and he's three years old.'	0:04:40	0:04:44
How 'bout that?! HE CHUCKLES	0:04:44	0:04:47
That squirrel can water-ski!	0:04:47	0:04:49
-Yeah, that's hilarious! -Yeah!	0:04:53	0:04:56
For all of us here at News Center 4, I'm Ron Burgundy.	0:04:56	0:04:59
You stay classy, San Diego.	0:04:59	0:05:02
ALL: You stay classy, San Diego!	0:05:02	0:05:06
Listen up! The ratings just came in for last month.	0:05:06	0:05:09
We are number one! We just grabbed every key demographic!	0:05:09	0:05:12
THEY ALL CHEER	0:05:12	0:05:14
Super-duper! That's nice! Way to go! Neat-o, gang!	0:05:14	0:05:18
Yes!	0:05:18	0:05:19
That is good news. That is good news!	0:05:19	0:05:24
Stick around. Make sure these guys don't party too much.	0:05:24	0:05:28
-They don't really ever listen to me, Ed. -Just get it done.	0:05:28	0:05:31
Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention?	0:05:31	0:05:34
I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story.	0:05:34	0:05:39
I need all of you to stop what you're doing and listen.	0:05:39	0:05:44
CANNONBALL!	0:05:44	0:05:46
THEY ALL CHEER	0:05:46	0:05:48
'Yes, these fellas were a real news team.	0:05:50	0:05:53
'Burgundy, of course, was the foundation - the rock.	0:05:53	0:05:56
'But each member brought their own special something to the equation.'	0:05:56	0:06:00
People call me the Bri-Man. I'm the stylish one of the group.	0:06:00	0:06:04
I know what you're asking yourself. And the answer is yes -	0:06:04	0:06:07
I've a nickname for my penis. It's called the Octagon.	0:06:07	0:06:11
But I also nicknamed my testes. My left one is James Westphal	0:06:11	0:06:15
and my right one is Dr Kenneth Noisewater.	0:06:15	0:06:18
You ladies play your cards right, you just might meet the whole gang.	0:06:18	0:06:21
ANIMATED CHATTER	0:06:21	0:06:23
..every Friday night!	0:06:23	0:06:25
Champ here! I'm all about havin' fun -	0:06:25	0:06:29
you know, get a couple of cocktails in me,	0:06:29	0:06:32
start a fire in someone's kitchen,	0:06:32	0:06:34
maybe go to Sea World, take my pants off.	0:06:34	0:06:37
Anyway, I've become kinda famous for my signature catchphrase, "Whammy!",	0:06:37	0:06:41
as in Gene Tennis at the plate...	0:06:41	0:06:44
AND WHAMMY!	0:06:44	0:06:47
-WHAMMY! -LAUGHTER	0:06:47	0:06:50
I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite	0:06:55	0:06:59
and I'm rarely late. I like to eat ice cream	0:06:59	0:07:03
and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks.	0:07:03	0:07:06
Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an IQ of 48	0:07:06	0:07:11
and am what some people call... "mentally retarded".	0:07:11	0:07:15
Hello! >	0:07:15	0:07:17
Woo! Walk-through! Photo!	0:07:17	0:07:19
-THEY BOTH LAUGH -You having a good time?	0:07:19	0:07:22
-I'm having a great time. -That makes two of us.	0:07:22	0:07:25
Ron, you gotta meet this girl.	0:07:25	0:07:26
She used to be a cheerleader, but then she broke her pelvis.	0:07:26	0:07:30
-..Sherry! Meet Ron Burgundy. -Hey, Ron.	0:07:30	0:07:33
-Hello. -I've got a big story for you -	0:07:33	0:07:35
-and it's right here. -Well, hell-oh!	0:07:35	0:07:40
THEY BOTH LAUGH You pointed to your boobies!	0:07:40	0:07:42
-THEY ALL LAUGH -Oh, my God! You did!	0:07:42	0:07:45
THEY ALL LAUGH	0:07:45	0:07:47
-Ron Burgundy?! -Yes!	0:07:47	0:07:49
I've had a crush on you since I was a little girl.	0:07:49	0:07:53
-Oh! -Let's go somewhere. -It don't get no better than this.	0:07:53	0:07:57
We've been coming to the same party for 12 years now...	0:07:57	0:08:01
and in no way is that depressing. THEY ALL LAUGH	0:08:01	0:08:03
Mmm... Ah!	0:08:03	0:08:07
# She got the way to move it, yeah	0:08:10	0:08:12
# She got the way to prove it	0:08:12	0:08:15
# She got the way to move it	0:08:15	0:08:17
# She got the way to prove it... #	0:08:17	0:08:20
By the beard of Zeus!	0:08:23	0:08:25
Excuse me.	0:08:29	0:08:31
Ron, where are you going? What, are you crazy?! Ron!	0:08:33	0:08:36
..there on the baseline, you got a home plate!	0:08:36	0:08:40
So there I go, head-first, boom...	0:08:40	0:08:43
I've lost her!	0:08:46	0:08:48
Oh...	0:08:58	0:09:00
MUSIC: "Use Me," by Bill Withers	0:09:00	0:09:07
Hello.	0:09:07	0:09:08
Hello.	0:09:08	0:09:11
Hope I'm not disturbing you, but, er...	0:09:11	0:09:14
I saw you from across the party and...	0:09:14	0:09:16
I don't usually do this, but...	0:09:16	0:09:18
I felt compelled to tell you something.	0:09:18	0:09:20
You have an absolutely breathtaking...	0:09:23	0:09:27
heinie.	0:09:27	0:09:28
I mean, that thing's good.	0:09:28	0:09:31
I want to be friends with it.	0:09:31	0:09:33
Well, you certainly know how to compliment a woman.	0:09:35	0:09:38
-Now, if you'll excuse me... -Do you know who I am?	0:09:38	0:09:42
No. I can't say that I do.	0:09:43	0:09:45
I don't know how to put this,	0:09:45	0:09:48
but...	0:09:48	0:09:50
I'm kind of a big deal.	0:09:50	0:09:52
-Really? -People know me.	0:09:52	0:09:56
-I'm very happy for you. -I'm very important, er...	0:09:56	0:09:59
I have... many leather-bound books	0:09:59	0:10:02
and my apartment...	0:10:02	0:10:05
smells of rich mahogany. I...	0:10:05	0:10:08
I mean...	0:10:08	0:10:10
-That sounded stupid. -No! No, it's...	0:10:10	0:10:14
very exciting.	0:10:14	0:10:16
Listen, can... Can I start over again?	0:10:16	0:10:19
Sure.	0:10:19	0:10:21
I want to say something. I want to put it out there.	0:10:21	0:10:24
If you like it, you can take it. If you don't, send it right back.	0:10:24	0:10:28
I want to be on you.	0:10:30	0:10:32
Wait!	0:10:34	0:10:35
Wait, wait, wait! I...	0:10:35	0:10:38
I want to be on you.	0:10:42	0:10:43
HE HUMS	0:10:53	0:10:55
Yoo-hoo! Baxter!	0:10:58	0:11:01
Poppa's home!	0:11:01	0:11:03
There he is! There's my little man.	0:11:03	0:11:05
You OK? BAXTER BARKS	0:11:05	0:11:08
Of course I met a lady tonight. BAXTER BARKS	0:11:08	0:11:11
This one was different, to be honest.	0:11:11	0:11:14
Quite different. BAXTER BARKS	0:11:15	0:11:17
What? I'm lonely?! I'm not lonely!	0:11:17	0:11:21
I'm beloved by everyone in San Diego.	0:11:21	0:11:24
BAXTER BARKS	0:11:24	0:11:27
Well...	0:11:27	0:11:29
..you know how to cut to the core of me, Baxter.	0:11:30	0:11:33
You're so wise.	0:11:33	0:11:36
Like a...miniature Buddha, covered in hair.	0:11:37	0:11:41
BAXTER BARKS Come again?	0:11:41	0:11:43
BAXTER BARKS You know I don't speak Spanish!	0:11:43	0:11:47
In English, please. BAXTER BARKS	0:11:47	0:11:49
Huh?! You pooped in the refrigerator?!	0:11:49	0:11:52
BAXTER BARKS And you ate a whole...	0:11:52	0:11:55
BAXTER BARKS ..wheel of cheese?	0:11:55	0:11:57
How'd you do that?	0:11:57	0:11:58
I'm not even mad. That's amazing. HE CHUCKLES	0:11:58	0:12:02
BAXTER BARKS I forgive you.	0:12:02	0:12:04
Let's get you in your PJs and hit the hay.	0:12:04	0:12:07
BAXTER BARKS Bedtime!	0:12:07	0:12:09
OK, come on. Let's go. Come on!	0:12:09	0:12:11
HE SNORES GENTLY	0:12:22	0:12:25
Oh, that was one crazy party. I am...	0:12:25	0:12:27
hung ov-eur...	0:12:27	0:12:30
I woke up this morning in some Japanese family's rec room...	0:12:30	0:12:35
..and they would not... stop screaming.	0:12:36	0:12:39
Oh, yeah. I ate a big red candle.	0:12:39	0:12:41
-All right, guys, let's focus up. -Morning, everyone.	0:12:42	0:12:46
Here are the stories we'll be chasing today.	0:12:46	0:12:50
It looks like Ling Wong, the rare panda at the San Diego zoo,	0:12:50	0:12:54
-is pregnant. -This is a big one!	0:12:54	0:12:56
This could be the big story of the summer.	0:12:56	0:12:59
Network will want plenty of coverage.	0:12:59	0:13:01
Speaking of network, word on the street is, they want a new anchor,	0:13:01	0:13:06
-so, Ron... -Huh? Network? Are they here?	0:13:06	0:13:09
The affiliates have been complaining about a lack of diversity	0:13:14	0:13:18
on the news team.	0:13:18	0:13:20
-What in the hell's "diversity"? -Well, I could be wrong,	0:13:26	0:13:30
but I believe Diversity is an old, old wooden ship	0:13:30	0:13:34
that was used during the Civil War era.	0:13:34	0:13:37
The affiliates wouldn't be concerned about the lack of an old, old ship,	0:13:37	0:13:41
but nice try. Diversity means that times are changing,	0:13:41	0:13:46
and with that in mind...	0:13:46	0:13:48
Ron, are you paying attention?	0:13:48	0:13:50
-No. -Well, this concerns all of us. -OK.	0:13:50	0:13:53
Keeping that in mind, I'd like to introduce the latest addition	0:13:53	0:13:57
to the KVWN news team,	0:13:57	0:13:59
directly from WYPN in Ashville, North Carolina,	0:13:59	0:14:04
Ms...	0:14:04	0:14:06
Veronica Corningstone.	0:14:06	0:14:08
MUSIC "Who's That Lady," by The Isley Brothers	0:14:08	0:14:11
Hello, everyone.	0:14:11	0:14:13
I just want you all to know that I look forward to contributing	0:14:13	0:14:17
to this news station's already-sterling reputation.	0:14:17	0:14:21
Come on, Ed, it's bullcrap! Don't get me wrong - I LOVE the ladies.	0:14:23	0:14:28
They rev my engine. But they don't belong in a newsroom!	0:14:28	0:14:31
It is anchorman, not anchorlady, and that is a scientific fact!	0:14:31	0:14:38
I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!	0:14:38	0:14:41
-You're with us, Ron. What do you think? -Sh... IT'S TERRIBLE!	0:14:42	0:14:46
-SHE HAS BEAUTIFUL EYES AND HER HAIR SMELLS LIKE CINNAMON! -Mm-hm!	0:14:46	0:14:50
LOUD NOISES!	0:14:50	0:14:52
Everyone relax. She's not going to take anyone's airtime.	0:14:52	0:14:56
I read somewhere that their periods attract bears!	0:14:56	0:14:59
-Bears can smell the menstruation! -Well, that's just great(!)	0:14:59	0:15:04
You hear that? Bears. You're putting the whole station in jeopardy.	0:15:04	0:15:08
I will say one thing for her.	0:15:08	0:15:11
She does have a nice big old bee-hind.	0:15:11	0:15:14
I'd like to put some barbecue sauce on that butt	0:15:14	0:15:18
-and just... -HE HOWLS	0:15:18	0:15:20
Stop! Oh, Jesus!	0:15:20	0:15:22
HE BARKS	0:15:22	0:15:23
HE HOWLS	0:15:23	0:15:25
Ooh, look at that full-moon butt! Look at it!	0:15:25	0:15:27
-HE HOWLS -Champ! Champ!	0:15:27	0:15:30
Mr Harken, I was wondering if you knew when my office would be ready?	0:15:31	0:15:35
That might take some time. For now, just grab a desk in the bullpen.	0:15:35	0:15:40
YOU CAN USE MY OFFICE,	0:15:40	0:15:41
AND AFTERWARDS, MAYBE WE CAN GO TO LUNCH!	0:15:41	0:15:44
Lower your voice, Ron.	0:15:45	0:15:46
Right. Thank you. I'll go get my desk set up.	0:15:49	0:15:53
Oh, she is a saucy momma! I mean, I would...	0:16:01	0:16:04
-VERONICA: -'Oh! Here we go again.	0:16:04	0:16:07
'Every station, it's the same.	0:16:07	0:16:10
'Women ask me how I put up with it. Well, I don't really have a choice.	0:16:10	0:16:14
'This is definitely a man's world.	0:16:14	0:16:17
'But while they're laughing and grab-assing,	0:16:17	0:16:20
'I'm chasing down leads and practising my non-regional diction.	0:16:20	0:16:24
'The only way to win is to be the best - the very best.'	0:16:24	0:16:27
The best thing to do with this Corningstone, to keep her in line,	0:16:33	0:16:37
-is bed her quick. -That bee-hind is driving me loco!	0:16:37	0:16:41
-I'm like a night-wolf! -HE HOWLS	0:16:41	0:16:44
Guys, take it easy! Take it easy! She's got feelings, too.	0:16:44	0:16:48
Wha...? Oh, my God! Listen to Burgundy!	0:16:48	0:16:51
He's gone soft on us, like some schoolboy bitch.	0:16:51	0:16:55
-You sound like a gay. -THEY ALL LAUGH	0:16:55	0:16:59
Hey! Come on! It's me, Poppa Burgundy, all right?	0:16:59	0:17:02
As far as I'm concerned, Corningstone's fair game.	0:17:02	0:17:06
Huh? Let the games begin! Hey-oh!	0:17:06	0:17:10
-Hey-oh! -There he is. There he is.	0:17:10	0:17:13
I'm very aroused.	0:17:13	0:17:16
LAUGHTER What's this?	0:17:19	0:17:22
Well, well, well.	0:17:22	0:17:24
Ron Burgundy... and the Channel 4 news team.	0:17:25	0:17:30
Hello, Wes Mantooth. Hello, Evening News team.	0:17:30	0:17:33
Nice clothes. I didn't know the Salvation Army was having a sale.	0:17:33	0:17:37
HE LAUGHS	0:17:37	0:17:40
Am I right, or am I right? Look at these guys!	0:17:40	0:17:43
Hey! Where did you get those clothes?	0:17:44	0:17:48
At the...toilet store?	0:17:48	0:17:50
What are you doing on our station's turf, Burgundy?	0:17:52	0:17:55
You're about to get a serious beat-down.	0:17:55	0:17:57
I will smash your face into a car windshield	0:17:57	0:18:00
and then take your mother Dorothy out for a nice seafood dinner	0:18:00	0:18:05
and never call her again!	0:18:05	0:18:07
Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! You understand me?!	0:18:07	0:18:10
-Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! -Hey, leave the mothers out of this,	0:18:10	0:18:14
all right?	0:18:14	0:18:16
It's unnecessary.	0:18:17	0:18:20
Besides,	0:18:20	0:18:21
I'm sure Wes here is...just upset	0:18:21	0:18:25
over finishing second in the ratings again.	0:18:25	0:18:28
-Ooh... -That's uncalled for, Burgundy.	0:18:28	0:18:31
You know those ratings systems are flawed.	0:18:31	0:18:34
They don't take into account houses that have more than two TV sets...	0:18:34	0:18:38
-and other things of that nature. -I have to take you at your word,	0:18:38	0:18:42
number two. THEY CHUCKLE	0:18:42	0:18:45
You have a great day, fellas. We'll see you round the bend.	0:18:47	0:18:51
'Scusez-moi, numero two...	0:18:56	0:18:59
Hey! Burgundy! You know those sample audiences aren't big enough!	0:19:01	0:19:06
Stop hiding behind those phoney numbers! I'm coming after you!	0:19:06	0:19:10
I hate you, Ron Burgundy. I hate you!	0:19:10	0:19:13
Can't say one word? Even that guy who can't think says something!	0:19:15	0:19:19
You guys just stand there?! Come on!	0:19:19	0:19:22
Right, but I think my son is just going through a phase...	0:19:24	0:19:27
I have no idea where he would've gotten hold of German pornography.	0:19:27	0:19:31
You and I are adults. We've seen our share of pornographic materials...	0:19:32	0:19:37
Oh, you never have? Of course you haven't.	0:19:37	0:19:40
How stupid of me. Neither have I. I was speaking in generalities.	0:19:40	0:19:43
I'll stop by the school a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye.	0:19:43	0:19:48
-Ed, she insisted on coming in. -Mr Harken, sir,	0:19:48	0:19:52
I will not have my first story at this news station	0:19:52	0:19:55
be about a cat fashion show.	0:19:55	0:19:57
Ms Corningstone, you'll do the stories to which you are assigned.	0:19:57	0:20:02
Mr Harken, I am a damn good journalist,	0:20:02	0:20:05
and this cat-show thing is grade-A baloney.	0:20:05	0:20:09
It is not baloney! Now, go do your job, missy!	0:20:09	0:20:12
It is baloney!	0:20:12	0:20:13
Baloney!	0:20:18	0:20:19
Hey, Ron! I'm going to take a run at the new girl.	0:20:19	0:20:23
-Let the games begin! -HE HOWLS	0:20:23	0:20:25
Champ, Champ...	0:20:25	0:20:26
We're not really going to do that.	0:20:26	0:20:28
-We were just flapping our... -Oh, yeah! You kill me!	0:20:28	0:20:31
Let me just grab this...	0:20:33	0:20:34
Oh, sorry about that! Whammy!	0:20:34	0:20:37
-Er, Champ? -Yeah?	0:20:37	0:20:41
-You're trying to touch my breasts, aren't you? -What can I say?	0:20:41	0:20:44
I like the way you're put together. What do you say we go on a date -	0:20:44	0:20:49
have some chicken, maybe some sex - you know, see what happens?	0:20:49	0:20:53
Oh, let me get this over here.	0:20:53	0:20:56
Oof!	0:20:56	0:20:58
Sorry.	0:20:58	0:21:00
There it is.	0:21:00	0:21:02
I'll give this cookie an hour before we're doin' the no-pants dance.	0:21:02	0:21:06
-HE CHUCKLES -Time to musk up.	0:21:06	0:21:08
Wow!	0:21:10	0:21:12
Never ceases to amaze me.	0:21:12	0:21:14
What cologne you going to go with?	0:21:14	0:21:17
London Gentleman, or... Wait.	0:21:17	0:21:20
No. Hold on. Blackbeard's Delight!	0:21:20	0:21:23
No. She gets a special cologne.	0:21:23	0:21:26
It's called Sex Panther, by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries.	0:21:26	0:21:32
Yep - it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.	0:21:33	0:21:37
-It's quite pungent. -Oh, yeah.	0:21:37	0:21:39
It's a formidable scent!	0:21:39	0:21:42
-Stings the nostrils. In a good way. -Yeah.	0:21:43	0:21:47
Brian, that smells like pure gasoline.	0:21:47	0:21:49
They've done studies, you know. 60 percent of the time,	0:21:49	0:21:53
it works...every time.	0:21:53	0:21:55
That doesn't make sense.	0:21:55	0:21:57
-Well... -HE CRACKS HIS KNUCKLES	0:21:57	0:21:59
..let's go see if we can make this little kitty purr.	0:21:59	0:22:02
HE GROWLS	0:22:02	0:22:04
SHE SIGHS	0:22:04	0:22:06
Hey, sweet cheeks. Got an invite	0:22:06	0:22:09
I'd like to extend your way.	0:22:09	0:22:10
My God... What is that smell?!	0:22:14	0:22:17
-Ugh! -That's the smell of desire, m'lady.	0:22:17	0:22:21
God, no! It smells like...	0:22:21	0:22:23
like a used diaper,	0:22:23	0:22:25
filled with Indian food! Oh! Excuse me...	0:22:25	0:22:27
Desire smells like that to some people.	0:22:27	0:22:30
What is that? It smells like a turd covered in burnt hair!	0:22:30	0:22:34
THEY ALL GROAN	0:22:34	0:22:35
SHE RETCHES	0:22:35	0:22:37
Ugh! Smells like Bigfoot's dick!	0:22:37	0:22:40
-SCREAMING -Oh...	0:22:40	0:22:42
ALARM WAILS	0:22:44	0:22:46
Ugh, what's that smell?	0:22:46	0:22:47
HE CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY	0:22:47	0:22:49
-This is worse than the time the racoon got in the copier! -Yeah!	0:22:52	0:22:57
It's very distracting. All right, so when we get to the pet shop...	0:22:57	0:23:00
-COUGHING: -Look over here.	0:23:00	0:23:03
-Excuse me, Veronica. -Ahem...	0:23:03	0:23:06
-Yes, what is it, Brick? -I would like to extend to you...	0:23:06	0:23:09
-an invitation to the pants party. -Excuse me?	0:23:09	0:23:13
The...party. The pants...	0:23:13	0:23:16
With pants. Party with pants.	0:23:16	0:23:19
Brick, are you saying that there's a party in your pants and I'm invited?	0:23:19	0:23:23
That's it!	0:23:23	0:23:24
Hm! Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?	0:23:24	0:23:27
No... Yes.	0:23:27	0:23:29
OK. No, I don't want to go to a party in your pants.	0:23:29	0:23:34
-Very well. Ian! Would you like to go to a party in my pants? -No, Brick.	0:23:34	0:23:38
All right! Let's go!	0:23:38	0:23:40
-All right... -CRASHING	0:23:43	0:23:45
I'm all right! I'm all right!	0:23:45	0:23:47
I'm telling you, she is a real ball-buster.	0:23:47	0:23:50
A real ice-queen!	0:23:50	0:23:52
Mmm! I just burned my tongue.	0:23:52	0:23:54
The only way to bag a classy lady	0:23:54	0:23:57
is to give her two tickets to the gun show...	0:23:57	0:24:00
..and see if she likes the goods.	0:24:03	0:24:05
GRUNTING	0:24:05	0:24:06
One thousand one...	0:24:06	0:24:09
one thousand two...	0:24:09	0:24:12
-Agh... -Er, Mr Burgundy?	0:24:12	0:24:14
-One thousand three... -Helen said that you needed to see me.	0:24:14	0:24:17
Oh, Miss Corningstone! I wasn't expecting company.	0:24:17	0:24:20
HE GROANS	0:24:20	0:24:23
Just doing my work-out. Tuesday's arms and back.	0:24:24	0:24:28
-You asked me to come by, sir. -Did I?	0:24:28	0:24:31
-Yes. -Argh!	0:24:31	0:24:34
Oh! Oh, it's a deep burn!	0:24:34	0:24:36
Oh, it's so deep!	0:24:36	0:24:39
Agh! Oh, I can barely lift my right arm because I did so many.	0:24:39	0:24:43
-Did you hear me counting? I did over a thousand. -Oh...	0:24:43	0:24:46
You have your uvulus muscle, which connects to the...upper dorsimus.	0:24:46	0:24:50
It's boring, but it's part of my life.	0:24:50	0:24:53
I'll just grab this shirt, if you don't mind.	0:24:53	0:24:56
Just watch out for the guns. They'll get ya!	0:24:56	0:24:58
HE CHUCKLES	0:24:58	0:24:59
You are pathetic. This has to be the feeblest pick-up attempt	0:24:59	0:25:04
that I have ever encountered. I expected it from the rest of them,	0:25:04	0:25:08
-but not from you. -Wait a minute!	0:25:08	0:25:10
Pick-up attempt? I'm offended! I have very little time to get the gym,	0:25:10	0:25:15
so I have to sculpt my guns at the office!	0:25:15	0:25:18
Oh! Stop calling your arms guns!	0:25:18	0:25:21
Look...	0:25:21	0:25:23
my plan was to ask you... if I could squire you about town	0:25:23	0:25:28
as one professional helping another, because I know what it's like...	0:25:28	0:25:32
-to be lonely in a new city. -Really?	0:25:32	0:25:36
Yes! But now I am...	0:25:36	0:25:38
I'm too hurt,	0:25:38	0:25:40
and shocked and offended and...hurt.	0:25:40	0:25:44
-I could do that. -Really?	0:25:44	0:25:47
Yes. As a journalist, I should get to know the city I'm covering.	0:25:47	0:25:52
But this is not a date!	0:25:52	0:25:54
No! Of course not. Strictly professional.	0:25:54	0:25:57
Wonderful.	0:25:57	0:25:59
Great.	0:25:59	0:26:01
So I pick you up...eight o'clock?	0:26:02	0:26:05
-Nine. -Ahem...	0:26:07	0:26:10
-Downstairs? -Mr Burgundy, you have a massive erection.	0:26:10	0:26:14
Really?	0:26:14	0:26:16
Yes, I do. Er...	0:26:18	0:26:20
I'm sorry. It's the...	0:26:20	0:26:22
It's the pleats.	0:26:22	0:26:23
It's actually an optical illusion.	0:26:25	0:26:27
It's the pattern on the pants. It's not flattering in the...	0:26:27	0:26:30
the crotchal region.	0:26:30	0:26:33
I'm actually taking them back right now, taking them back to...	0:26:33	0:26:36
the pants store.	0:26:36	0:26:38
Oh, this is awkward!	0:26:38	0:26:41
I will see you later?	0:26:41	0:26:43
Mm-hm!	0:26:43	0:26:45
Yes.	0:26:45	0:26:47
Taking them...	0:26:48	0:26:50
Nothing to look at! Don't act like you're not impressed!	0:26:51	0:26:56
-Frame up two. -'Let's go to Brian Fantana, live on the scene'	0:26:56	0:27:00
with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian...	0:27:00	0:27:03
Panda Watch! The mood is tense.	0:27:03	0:27:06
I have been on some serious reports, but nothing quite like this.	0:27:06	0:27:10
I... Er, Ching...	0:27:10	0:27:12
King...is inside right now.	0:27:12	0:27:13
I tried to get an interview, but they said, "No, he's a live bear,	0:27:13	0:27:17
"he will literally rip your face off." Hey!	0:27:17	0:27:20
You're making me look stupid! Get out here, panda jerk!	0:27:20	0:27:25
Great story - compelling and rich.	0:27:25	0:27:28
Well, that's going to do it for all of us here at Channel 4 News.	0:27:28	0:27:31
You stay classy, San Diego.	0:27:31	0:27:34
I'm Ron Burgundy...?	0:27:34	0:27:37
Dammit, who typed a question mark on the teleprompter?!	0:27:37	0:27:40
For the last time - anything you put on there, Burgundy will read!	0:27:40	0:27:45
Oh, this is a mistake... This is a mistake!	0:27:48	0:27:51
He's very cute... Very cute.	0:27:51	0:27:53
No, he's not. No, he's not. He's hairy.	0:27:53	0:27:55
There she is! Veronica!	0:27:55	0:27:58
My little china doll... I am full of it tonight!	0:27:58	0:28:02
Oh, silly. Hi.	0:28:02	0:28:04
You look ravishing.	0:28:04	0:28:06
It truly is Beauty and the Beast.	0:28:06	0:28:09
-Hmm... -I might add, a handsome beast, at that.	0:28:09	0:28:12
-Are you ready for our rendezvous? -It's not a date, Ron.	0:28:12	0:28:16
No. Strictly professional. Doesn't mean we can't have fun.	0:28:16	0:28:20
-Shall we? -Yes!	0:28:20	0:28:22
# If a picture paints a thousand words... #	0:28:22	0:28:27
San Diego!	0:28:27	0:28:29
Mmm! Drink it in. Always goes down smooth.	0:28:29	0:28:33
THEY BOTH CHUCKLE AWKWARDLY	0:28:33	0:28:35
-What a beautiful view, Mr Burgundy! -I know.	0:28:35	0:28:39
I love this city.	0:28:39	0:28:41
It's a fact - it's the greatest city in the history of mankind.	0:28:41	0:28:45
SHE CHUCKLES Discovered by the Germans in 1904,	0:28:45	0:28:49
they named it...San Di-ah-go...	0:28:49	0:28:53
which, of course, in German means "a whale's vagina".	0:28:53	0:28:57
No. There's no way that's correct.	0:28:58	0:29:02
I'm sorry. I was trying to impress you.	0:29:06	0:29:08
-Oh! -I don't know what it means.	0:29:08	0:29:12
SHE CHUCKLES	0:29:12	0:29:13
I don't think anyone knows what it means any more.	0:29:13	0:29:15
Scholars maintain the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.	0:29:15	0:29:20
Doesn't it mean "Saint Diego"?	0:29:20	0:29:22
No.	0:29:22	0:29:24
-No... -No, that's... That's what it means.	0:29:24	0:29:29
-Really. -Well, agree to disagree.	0:29:29	0:29:32
-May I take your order? -Yes!	0:29:36	0:29:39
I am going to have three fingers of Glenlivet,	0:29:39	0:29:42
with a little bit of pepper and some cheese.	0:29:42	0:29:45
-Very good. -I'll take a Manhattan,	0:29:45	0:29:47
-and kick the vermouth in the side with steel-toed boots. -Certainly.	0:29:47	0:29:51
-Thank you, Scott. -Thank you.	0:29:51	0:29:53
-Wow! Quite a drink order! -Oh! Well, when in Rome...	0:29:54	0:29:59
Yes...	0:29:59	0:30:00
-Please go on. -Oh.	0:30:00	0:30:03
..do as the Romans do.	0:30:03	0:30:06
-It's an old expression. -Oh! I've never heard of it.	0:30:06	0:30:10
-Oh. -It's wonderful, though.	0:30:10	0:30:11
-HE LAUGHS -Mr Burgundy!	0:30:11	0:30:14
-Tino! -So good to see you. -How are you?	0:30:14	0:30:16
-Oh, you're looking fantastic. -Tino... Veronica.	0:30:16	0:30:20
Veronica! What a pretty girlfriend. Drinks are on Tino tonight.	0:30:20	0:30:24
No, No! We're work associates.	0:30:24	0:30:25
I work at the station. I'm a journalist there.	0:30:25	0:30:28
Oh, OK. This is a good guy.	0:30:28	0:30:30
-Tino's the city's finest club owner. -My best friend ever, right? -Yes.	0:30:30	0:30:33
We sing in my country about people like him.	0:30:33	0:30:36
"The coyote of the desert always likes to eat the heart of the young,	0:30:36	0:30:41
"the blood drips down to the children	0:30:41	0:30:43
"for breakfast, lunch and dinner,	0:30:43	0:30:45
-"and only the ribs will be broken..." -Tino...	0:30:45	0:30:47
OK. Well, Mr Burgundy,	0:30:47	0:30:49
we'll be honoured if you will play jazz flute for us.	0:30:49	0:30:53
-I can't. -Please!	0:30:53	0:30:55
-You play jazz flute?! -I dabble.	0:30:55	0:30:58
Would everyone love to hear Ron Burgundy play some jazz flute?!	0:30:58	0:31:02
-CHEERING -Yes! Please!	0:31:02	0:31:05
-You, get onstage now. -OK, I guess I can play a little ditty.	0:31:05	0:31:09
-Honestly, I... -Come on! Give him a hand!	0:31:09	0:31:11
I'm not prepared. I'm not prepared at all.	0:31:11	0:31:14
-Yes! -This is a surprise, I'll tell you.	0:31:14	0:31:17
Guys, East Harlem Shakedown, E flat?	0:31:18	0:31:21
Keep the cymbals flashy and let's take the baseline for a walk.	0:31:21	0:31:24
TUNELESS SQUAWK	0:31:28	0:31:30
I'm not hearing it right. Hold on.	0:31:30	0:31:33
ACCOMPLISHED TRILLING	0:31:33	0:31:36
COMPLICATED JAZZ TUNE	0:31:36	0:31:40
We got it now. It's all right.	0:31:40	0:31:42
Little ham and eggs coming at you.	0:31:45	0:31:46
Hold on, people. Hope you got your griddles!	0:31:46	0:31:48
HE PLAYS RHYTHMICALLY Ugh!	0:31:48	0:31:51
Ugh!	0:31:52	0:31:54
That's baby-makin' music, that's what that is. Ugh!	0:31:55	0:31:58
Let's go! HE PLAYS FAST, STYLISH JAZZ	0:32:04	0:32:07
THEY ALL CHEER	0:32:40	0:32:42
Hey, aqualung!	0:32:46	0:32:48
HE PLAYS LONG, SUSTAINED TRILL, BUILDING UP TO BIG FINISH	0:32:48	0:32:54
THEY ALL CHEER ENTHUSIASTICALLY	0:32:57	0:32:59
Thank you!	0:32:59	0:33:01
Thank you!	0:33:01	0:33:03
HE LAUGHS	0:33:06	0:33:08
-You were amazing! -Thank you.	0:33:10	0:33:12
Where did you learn to play like that?	0:33:12	0:33:15
Well, jazz flute has always been a small passion of mine.	0:33:15	0:33:20
So, what other passions do you have, Mr Burgundy?	0:33:20	0:33:23
Well...	0:33:23	0:33:24
I have one great passion.	0:33:24	0:33:26
It lives deep...within my loins,	0:33:26	0:33:30
like a flaming golden hawk.	0:33:30	0:33:34
To one day... become a network anchor.	0:33:36	0:33:39
Well, believe it or not,	0:33:39	0:33:41
we share the same dream.	0:33:41	0:33:43
I, too, want to be a network anchor.	0:33:43	0:33:46
God, you are so beautiful!	0:33:48	0:33:50
We really should be going.	0:33:53	0:33:56
I swore that I would never get involved with a co-worker.	0:33:56	0:33:59
Wait.	0:34:02	0:34:03
What if, just for tonight, we weren't co-workers -	0:34:05	0:34:08
we were...co-people?	0:34:08	0:34:11
-I don't... -Ssh.	0:34:11	0:34:13
You be a woman...	0:34:14	0:34:17
I'll be a man.	0:34:17	0:34:19
That's all.	0:34:19	0:34:20
Oh... You continue to surprise me, Mr Burgundy.	0:34:22	0:34:27
SLOW JAZZ-SAXOPHONE MUSIC PLAYS	0:34:27	0:34:29
Oh, I'm storming your castle on my steed, milady.	0:34:46	0:34:50
Oh... Mmm...	0:34:50	0:34:52
THEY BOTH MOAN	0:34:52	0:34:54
SHE CRIES OUT PASSIONATELY IN SPANISH	0:34:54	0:34:58
-Wait. Stop. Stop talking like that. I can't understand you. -Sorry.	0:34:58	0:35:04
BAXTER BARKS	0:35:04	0:35:06
Take me to Pleasuretown!	0:35:07	0:35:10
Oh, we're going there!	0:35:10	0:35:12
MUSIC: "Help Yourself," by Tom Jones	0:35:12	0:35:15
# Love is like candy on a shelf	0:35:15	0:35:19
# You want to taste and help yourself... #	0:35:20	0:35:24
I freakin' love you!	0:35:24	0:35:26
I freakin' love you back!	0:35:26	0:35:29
# ..Take a few, that's what I want you to do... #	0:35:29	0:35:32
Look! The most glorious rainbow ever!	0:35:32	0:35:36
Oh... Do me on it!	0:35:36	0:35:38
# ..Just say the word and they are yours... #	0:35:38	0:35:41
BOTH: Whee!	0:35:41	0:35:44
Well done, sir.	0:35:56	0:35:58
-Tip of the cap to you, as well, Miss Corningstone. -Hmm!	0:36:02	0:36:05
BAXTER GRUNTS	0:36:06	0:36:09
I'm having very strong feelings for you, Mr Burgundy.	0:36:09	0:36:13
-Mm. -But it's very important to me	0:36:13	0:36:15
that I be viewed as a professional.	0:36:15	0:36:18
Right.	0:36:18	0:36:20
When in Rome...	0:36:20	0:36:22
That...expression doesn't really apply to what I'm talking about...	0:36:24	0:36:28
-Oh. -..what I was saying.	0:36:28	0:36:31
-I still don't quite understand what it means. -Oh!	0:36:31	0:36:34
You'll find it.	0:36:34	0:36:36
No, I was saying that	0:36:38	0:36:39
if we continue seeing each other,	0:36:39	0:36:42
we should keep it relatively quiet	0:36:42	0:36:44
-around the station. -Absolutely,	0:36:44	0:36:46
my...wild love-tigress.	0:36:46	0:36:49
-Grr! -Grr!	0:36:49	0:36:51
-Tasteful discretion is the name of the game. -Mm-hm!	0:36:53	0:36:56
VERONICA CORNINGSTONE AND I HAD SEX!	0:36:59	0:37:02
AND NOW WE ARE IN LO-O-O-O-OVE!	0:37:02	0:37:05
-Did I say that loud? -Yeah. You pretty much yelled it.	0:37:07	0:37:10
Well, I can't help it! It's fantastic!	0:37:10	0:37:14
-What's it like, Ron? -The intimate times?	0:37:14	0:37:17
Outta sight, my man!	0:37:17	0:37:19
No! The other thing.	0:37:20	0:37:24
-Love. -Yeah.	0:37:24	0:37:26
What is that?	0:37:26	0:37:28
Well...	0:37:28	0:37:29
-..it's tough to explain. -I was in love once. -Really?	0:37:30	0:37:34
-What was her name? -I don't remember.	0:37:34	0:37:37
That's not a good start, but... keep going.	0:37:37	0:37:40
She was Brazilian.	0:37:40	0:37:42
Or...Chinese, or...something weird.	0:37:42	0:37:44
Met her in the bathroom of a Kmart and we made out for hours.	0:37:44	0:37:49
Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.	0:37:49	0:37:52
I'm...pretty sure that's not love.	0:37:52	0:37:55
-Dammit! -I love...	0:37:55	0:37:57
..carpet.	0:37:59	0:38:01
I love...desk.	0:38:03	0:38:06
Are you just looking at things in here and saying that you love them?	0:38:06	0:38:09
-I love lamp. -Do you really love the lamp,	0:38:09	0:38:12
or are you just saying it because you saw it?	0:38:12	0:38:15
I love lamp! I love lamp.	0:38:16	0:38:18
-You really want to know what love is? -Yeah. -Yes!	0:38:18	0:38:22
-Tell us! -More than anything in the world.	0:38:22	0:38:24
Well...	0:38:24	0:38:26
it's really quite simple.	0:38:26	0:38:28
It's kind of like...	0:38:30	0:38:32
# Gonna find my baby	0:38:32	0:38:34
# Gonna hold her tight	0:38:34	0:38:36
# Gonna grab some afternoon delight	0:38:36	0:38:40
# My motto's always been when it's right, it's right	0:38:40	0:38:43
# Why wait until the middle of a cold, dark night?	0:38:43	0:38:46
# When everything's a little clearer	0:38:46	0:38:49
# In the light of day	0:38:49	0:38:52
# And we know the night is always gonna be here anyway	0:38:52	0:38:58
# Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite	0:38:58	0:39:01
# Looking forward to a little afternoon delight	0:39:01	0:39:04
# Rubbing sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite	0:39:04	0:39:07
# And the thought of loving you is getting so exciting	0:39:07	0:39:10
# Sky rockets in flight... #	0:39:10	0:39:12
-BOOM! -# ..Afternoon delight... #	0:39:12	0:39:15
-Whoop! -You guys have it right there.	0:39:15	0:39:17
# Ah...ah...afternoon delight... #	0:39:17	0:39:21
I dunno, Ron. That sounds kinda crazy.	0:39:21	0:39:24
-You have mental problems, man. -Yeah, you have mental problems, man.	0:39:24	0:39:28
-Yeah, really does. -Man!	0:39:28	0:39:30
# ..Afternoon delight! #	0:39:30	0:39:32
I gotta make a phone call here.	0:39:32	0:39:35
CATS MEOW	0:39:35	0:39:38
-CAT SNARLS -Oh, look out!	0:39:42	0:39:44
Next up, it's Whiskerus Maximus!	0:39:44	0:39:47
He is ready to do battle in the arena against the tiniest lion ever.	0:39:47	0:39:51
Ha! I'm getting some great stuff, Ms Corningstone.	0:39:51	0:39:56
Shut up!	0:39:56	0:39:57
Oh, I hate cats.	0:39:57	0:40:00
Let's just do my sign-off and get out of here.	0:40:00	0:40:03
It was quite a show down here, and just for today,	0:40:03	0:40:07
fashion curiosity did NOT kill the cat.	0:40:07	0:40:10
'I'm Veronica Corningstone for Channel 4 News.'	0:40:10	0:40:13
That, of course, was our newest reporter, Veronica Corningstone.	0:40:13	0:40:17
She's really great. I'd also like to share with you that we are dating,	0:40:17	0:40:21
and that she is quite a handful in the bedroom.	0:40:21	0:40:24
Well, that's going to do it for all of us here at six o'clock.	0:40:24	0:40:28
For the Channel 4 news team, I'm Ron Burgundy.	0:40:28	0:40:31
-You stay classy, San Diego. -All clear!	0:40:31	0:40:35
Uh-oh.	0:40:37	0:40:38
I might be in trouble on that one.	0:40:38	0:40:41
I can't believe that you said that we were dating on the air, Ron!	0:40:41	0:40:44
Mmm! Mmm! That is good fondue.	0:40:44	0:40:48
Don't you get it, Ron? I want to be an anchor,	0:40:48	0:40:51
and that'll never happen if everyone thinks that I'm your bimbo gal-pal.	0:40:51	0:40:56
I don't know what to say. I just... I got excited.	0:40:56	0:41:00
I just wanted to shout it from on top of a mountain,	0:41:00	0:41:04
but I didn't have a mountain. I had a newsroom and a camera.	0:41:04	0:41:07
Look, I report the news. That's what I do.	0:41:07	0:41:11
And today's top story...	0:41:11	0:41:13
in Ron Burgundy's world...	0:41:13	0:41:15
read something like this...	0:41:15	0:41:17
"I love Veronica Corningstone."	0:41:17	0:41:19
Oh, Ron...	0:41:24	0:41:25
This is nice, gang - sitting here, brown-baggin' it...	0:41:29	0:41:33
So, the team pancake breakfast is tomorrow at nine, instead of eight.	0:41:33	0:41:37
Oh! Almost forgot. I won't be able to make it, fellas.	0:41:37	0:41:41
Veronica and I are trying this new fad called, er...	0:41:41	0:41:44
"jogging". I believe it's "jogging" or "yogging". It might be a soft J,	0:41:44	0:41:49
I'm not sure. But apparently, you just run	0:41:49	0:41:51
for an extended period of time. It's supposed to be wild.	0:41:51	0:41:55
-So Ron's not coming? -No, Ron's coming.	0:41:55	0:41:57
It's the pancake breakfast. We do it every month.	0:41:57	0:42:00
I realise that. But sometimes, you got to look at yourself in the mirror	0:42:00	0:42:04
-and say, "When in Rome." -The bottom line is,	0:42:04	0:42:07
you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron.	0:42:07	0:42:11
You're a member of the Channel 4 news team.	0:42:11	0:42:14
-That's a given. That's a given. -We need you.	0:42:14	0:42:17
Hell, I need you.	0:42:18	0:42:20
I'm a mess without you.	0:42:21	0:42:24
I miss you so damn much...	0:42:24	0:42:26
I miss being with you!	0:42:26	0:42:28
I miss being near you!	0:42:28	0:42:30
-I miss your laugh. -HE GIGGLES WILDLY	0:42:30	0:42:34
-THEY BOTH CHUCKLE AWKWARDLY -I miss your scent.	0:42:36	0:42:39
-HE SNIFFS -Mmm. I miss your musk.	0:42:39	0:42:42
-Ahem! -When this all gets sorted out,	0:42:45	0:42:47
I think you and me should get an apartment together!	0:42:47	0:42:51
Just...take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while?	0:42:53	0:42:57
-Maybe sit the next couple of plays out, you know what I mean? -Yeah.	0:42:57	0:43:01
I've got to quit saying things when they crop up in the old skull, huh?	0:43:01	0:43:05
See what it's like when you're not here?	0:43:05	0:43:07
You're our leader. Look what you're doing to us. Champ's a mess,	0:43:07	0:43:11
Brick can't sleep at night... Here's the thing.	0:43:11	0:43:15
I don't trust this chick. We need you around,	0:43:15	0:43:18
-and she is just using you. -Everyone just relax, all right?	0:43:18	0:43:21
If there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women!	0:43:21	0:43:25
I dunno, Ron.	0:43:25	0:43:27
Yes, well, I do. I know that one day,	0:43:27	0:43:30
Veronica and I are going to get married on top of a mountain!	0:43:30	0:43:34
And there's going to be flutes playing,	0:43:34	0:43:37
and trombones, and flowers, and garlands of fresh...herbs,	0:43:37	0:43:42
and we will dance till the sun rises!	0:43:42	0:43:46
And then our children will form a family band,	0:43:46	0:43:49
and we will tour the countryside, and you won't be invited!	0:43:49	0:43:53
I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head.	0:43:56	0:44:00
HE LAUGHS	0:44:00	0:44:02
Good... Good one!	0:44:03	0:44:06
OK. I understand. You have a nice day, sir. Goodbye.	0:44:06	0:44:11
Er, I could come back later, Mr Harken.	0:44:11	0:44:14
Oh, no. It's just parent stuff. It seems that our youngest, Chris,	0:44:14	0:44:18
was on something called "acid",	0:44:18	0:44:21
and was firing a bow and arrow into a crowd.	0:44:21	0:44:23
-Oh. -You know how kids are! -Right...	0:44:23	0:44:27
-Anyhoo, what can I do you for? -Well, Mr Harken,	0:44:27	0:44:31
I feel like I have proven myself as a journalist	0:44:31	0:44:34
and that I deserve the opportunity to take on more challenging stories.	0:44:34	0:44:38
Well, ask and you shall receive! Yes. This just came across my desk.	0:44:38	0:44:43
Here's the story of a 103-year-old woman out in Tula Vista	0:44:43	0:44:47
who claims to have a recipe for the world's greatest meatloaf!	0:44:47	0:44:50
Ooh! That's a hot lead!	0:44:50	0:44:52
'It was very hard for Veronica.	0:44:52	0:44:55
'But she was a pro, and hung tough.	0:44:55	0:44:57
'But soon, with a simple act of littering,	0:44:57	0:45:01
'everyone's life would change forever.'	0:45:01	0:45:03
La, la-la... HE HUMS CONTENTEDLY	0:45:03	0:45:07
# Oh, Baxter, you are my little gentleman	0:45:08	0:45:11
# I'll take you to foggy London town	0:45:11	0:45:13
# Because you are what? My little gentleman... #	0:45:13	0:45:17
This burrito's delicious, but it is filling!	0:45:17	0:45:20
-TYRES SQUEAL -Whoa!	0:45:20	0:45:22
Whoa! Antony and Cleopatra!	0:45:22	0:45:25
Argh!	0:45:27	0:45:28
Argh!	0:45:28	0:45:30
Argh! Agh!	0:45:30	0:45:32
Agh! Goddamn...!	0:45:32	0:45:35
What the hell, bro?!	0:45:35	0:45:37
-Hello, neighbour! -Did you just throw a burrito out your window?	0:45:37	0:45:42
-I believe I did. -What, are you high?!	0:45:42	0:45:44
-Did you see what happened?! -Yes. That was a terrific little spill!	0:45:44	0:45:48
That's my chopper you just trashed, Bro-seph!	0:45:48	0:45:51
Easy, compadre! I'm your friend out here, all right?	0:45:51	0:45:55
Fix my chopper, before I stomp your goofy ass!	0:45:55	0:45:58
If you want fisticuffs, I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary right here!	0:45:58	0:46:02
-BAXTER BARKS -You destroyed	0:46:02	0:46:04
the only thing I love, all right?	0:46:04	0:46:06
-There it is. What do you love? -I love poetry.	0:46:06	0:46:10
And a glass of Scotch.	0:46:10	0:46:12
-And, of course, my friend Baxter here. -Well, guess what?	0:46:12	0:46:16
Now this is happening.	0:46:16	0:46:17
Excuse me! What are you doing?	0:46:18	0:46:21
-LOUD SPLASH -That's how I roll.	0:46:23	0:46:26
Baxter! HE GASPS	0:46:27	0:46:30
NO...!	0:46:30	0:46:35
-Where the hell is he? -He'll be here.	0:46:35	0:46:37
Oh... I thought he was Mr Dependable.	0:46:37	0:46:41
I'd put Brick on, but unless he's tracking a storm, he's useless.	0:46:41	0:46:45
-Excuse me, gentlemen. -Oh, hello. -I want you to know that	0:46:45	0:46:48
if Ron does not show up,	0:46:48	0:46:49
-I am ready to go on. -We've had this discussion a million times!	0:46:49	0:46:53
-There's never been a woman anchor. -Mr Harken, this city needs its news!	0:46:53	0:46:58
-Oh! -And you'd deprive them of that because I have breasts?!	0:46:58	0:47:01
Exquisite breasts?! Now, I am going to go on,	0:47:01	0:47:04
and if you want to stop me, bring it on.	0:47:04	0:47:07
Because I am good at three things - fighting, screwing,	0:47:07	0:47:11
and reading the news. I've already done one of those today,	0:47:11	0:47:14
so what's the other one going to be, huh?	0:47:14	0:47:16
Screwing...?	0:47:18	0:47:20
Oh!	0:47:21	0:47:22
I will be in Make-up.	0:47:23	0:47:25
Jesus, she is terrifying!	0:47:27	0:47:30
Fantana...	0:47:30	0:47:31
HE WAILS	0:47:31	0:47:34
-Ron! Are you OK? -The man punted Baxter! Argh!	0:47:34	0:47:38
'Calm down. Breathe, Ron. Breathe.'	0:47:38	0:47:41
THE BAD MAN ON THE MOTORCYCLE!	0:47:41	0:47:44
-'What did the bad man do?' -The motorcycle on the bridge!	0:47:44	0:47:47
I hit him with a burrito!	0:47:47	0:47:49
-Ron... -'He took him!'	0:47:49	0:47:50
He took him with his foot, and he kicked him! That's what he did!	0:47:50	0:47:55
-Someone punted him? -Let me say something!	0:47:55	0:47:58
Let me say...	0:47:58	0:48:00
ARGH...!	0:48:00	0:48:04
-What? -ARGH...!	0:48:04	0:48:10
I don't... I didn't understand one word you said. Ron, are you OK?	0:48:10	0:48:14
HE SOBS	0:48:14	0:48:18
Ron, where are you?	0:48:21	0:48:23
I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!	0:48:23	0:48:27
He's going to put Corningstone on. He's going to put Corningstone on!	0:48:27	0:48:31
I'VE GOT TO DO THE NEWS!	0:48:33	0:48:36
You're not Ron.	0:48:48	0:48:50
We're on in ten. Good luck, lady.	0:48:51	0:48:55
Ready.	0:48:55	0:48:56
SHE CLEARS THROAT	0:48:56	0:48:59
-Power... -'Roll it.'	0:49:00	0:49:02
-Power, power... -THEME MUSIC	0:49:02	0:49:06
One slip...	0:49:09	0:49:11
and you're gone. Whammy!	0:49:11	0:49:13
'..Your reporter in the field, Brian Fantana.	0:49:13	0:49:17
'It's Channel 4 News at six o'clock!'	0:49:17	0:49:20
Ahem... Good evening. Ron Burgundy is off tonight.	0:49:20	0:49:24
I'm Veronica Corningstone.	0:49:25	0:49:27
-Tonight's top story... -OK, we're off and running.	0:49:27	0:49:31
..made off with over 20,000 from an area bank in a daring robbery.	0:49:31	0:49:37
Hey!	0:49:41	0:49:43
And the winner of the frog-leaping contest was Hoppy,	0:49:43	0:49:46
with a jump of	0:49:46	0:49:47
seven feet ten inches.	0:49:47	0:49:49
I used to date a guy named Hoppy in Alabama. He was quite a jumper, too.	0:49:51	0:49:55
THEY ALL GIGGLE	0:49:55	0:49:57
That'll do it for us at six o'clock. From all of us here at Channel 4,	0:49:57	0:50:01
I'm Veronica Corningstone...	0:50:01	0:50:03
and thanks for stopping by, San Diego.	0:50:03	0:50:07
-APPLAUSE -All clear! -Yes!	0:50:07	0:50:09
-APPLAUSE AND CHEERING -Lady! Lady!	0:50:09	0:50:13
Not bad, Ms Corningstone. Not bad at all.	0:50:13	0:50:15
Thank you, Mr Harken! That felt good. That felt really good.	0:50:15	0:50:19
-I liked your little sign-off line, too, missy. -You did?	0:50:19	0:50:23
It just came through me. It was so organic...	0:50:23	0:50:25
Argh! Agh! Agh!	0:50:25	0:50:28
Ron! Ron, darling! I'm so glad you're all right!	0:50:28	0:50:31
Oh, God! I have something so magnificent to tell you...	0:50:31	0:50:34
I'm here. We can do the news now. It's all right, everyone!	0:50:34	0:50:38
-That's what I... -We can do the news. Why are we standing round? Let's go!	0:50:38	0:50:42
We just did it. Veronica filled in for you.	0:50:42	0:50:45
-What?! -Sweetheart, we were so worried about you	0:50:45	0:50:49
and we waited as long as we could, but I did the news, and I nailed it.	0:50:49	0:50:53
-I nailed it! -Wait!	0:50:53	0:50:56
Wait, Veronica. Please tell me this is some kind of sick...	0:50:56	0:51:01
-tasteless joke... -You weren't here!	0:51:01	0:51:03
Why can't you just be proud of me,	0:51:03	0:51:06
as a peer and as my gentleman lover?	0:51:06	0:51:09
Oh, jeez!	0:51:09	0:51:10
I can't believe you did this to me! You read my news!	0:51:10	0:51:15
I told you that I wanted to be an anchor. I told you that.	0:51:15	0:51:19
I thought you were kidding! I thought it was a joke!	0:51:19	0:51:23
I even wrote it down in my diary!	0:51:23	0:51:26
"Veronica had a very funny joke today!"	0:51:26	0:51:29
I laughed at it later that night!	0:51:29	0:51:31
I can't believe that I cared for you!	0:51:31	0:51:33
Get out! Just go! We are through! Through!	0:51:33	0:51:38
Because of your actions, you scorpion woman!	0:51:38	0:51:41
You have broken my heart, Mr Burgundy.	0:51:41	0:51:43
You have broken my heart.	0:51:43	0:51:45
-VOICEOVER MAN: -'From then, things just got worse for Ron Burgundy.	0:51:50	0:51:54
'Corningstone was a star,	0:51:54	0:51:55
'and everything started to move awfully fast	0:51:55	0:51:58
-'after her big break.' -RON RANTS INCOHERENTLY	0:51:58	0:52:01
I just got a call from Network.	0:52:01	0:52:04
Our broadcast last night received a two-point ratings boost	0:52:04	0:52:08
and the decision has been passed down	0:52:08	0:52:11
to make Veronica...	0:52:11	0:52:13
our co-anchor.	0:52:13	0:52:14
-What?! -No!	0:52:14	0:52:16
-NO! -Oh... -NO!	0:52:16	0:52:19
-NO! -This is so wonderful!	0:52:19	0:52:21
Ed, come here, you big silly man! You big silly man...	0:52:21	0:52:24
What is this - amateur hour?!	0:52:24	0:52:27
# "Sunshine (Go Away Today)", by Jonathan Edwards	0:52:27	0:52:30
-# Sunshine go away today... # -Dammit!	0:52:30	0:52:34
# ..I don't feel much like dancin'	0:52:34	0:52:38
# Some man's gone, he's tried to run my life	0:52:38	0:52:42
# Don't know what he's asking	0:52:42	0:52:46
# When he tells me	0:52:48	0:52:49
# I better get in line	0:52:49	0:52:51
# Can't hear what he's saying	0:52:51	0:52:54
# When I grow up	0:52:54	0:52:56
# I'm gonna make it mine... #	0:52:56	0:52:58
What Brian didn't tell you was that those were not real pirates.	0:53:00	0:53:04
-They looked convincing, though! -Oh, yes.	0:53:04	0:53:07
Well, for all of us here at Channel 4 News, I'm Ron Burgundy.	0:53:07	0:53:11
-You stay classy, San Diego. -And thanks for stopping by.	0:53:11	0:53:14
-But mainly...stay classy. -Thanks for stopping by.	0:53:14	0:53:18
-Stay classy. I'm Ron Burgundy. -Thanks for stopping by. -Stay classy.	0:53:18	0:53:21
-Ron Burgundy. -Ahem... -THEY CHUCKLE	0:53:21	0:53:24
-Oh! You're a real hooker, and I'm going to slap you in public. -Oh!	0:53:25	0:53:29
You have man-boobs!	0:53:35	0:53:37
You've got a dirty, whorish mouth.	0:53:37	0:53:40
-I'm going to punch you in the ovary. Straight shot. -Ooh, ow!	0:53:44	0:53:48
Right to the baby-maker.	0:53:48	0:53:50
Er...jazz flute is for little fairy boys.	0:53:50	0:53:54
OK, that's uncalled for. I can't work with this woman!	0:53:54	0:53:58
PHONE RINGS	0:53:58	0:54:00
(It's ringing.)	0:54:00	0:54:02
Veronica Corningstone...	0:54:03	0:54:05
Hello, Veronica, this is... Mike Rithjen, from the network.	0:54:05	0:54:09
'You've been promoted and you're moving to Moscow,'	0:54:09	0:54:12
so clean up your desk and we'll pick you up tomorrow in a van.	0:54:12	0:54:16
-What did you say your name was? -Mike Rithnithen.	0:54:16	0:54:19
It's not important. Just clean your desk and we'll pick you up.	0:54:19	0:54:24
-Tell her she might need a coat! -Hold on.	0:54:24	0:54:27
Veronica? (What was that?)	0:54:27	0:54:29
'She should get a coat!'	0:54:29	0:54:30
Also, Moscow's pretty cold. You might want to buy a coat...	0:54:30	0:54:34
Are you and Champ having a good time?	0:54:34	0:54:37
-Are we what? -I can see you, Ron.	0:54:37	0:54:40
-What? -I can see you!	0:54:40	0:54:43
OK. Bye-bye.	0:54:45	0:54:46
Shoot! She knew it was me.	0:54:46	0:54:49
'You're watching Channel 4 News with five-time Emmy award-winning anchor'	0:54:53	0:54:57
Ron Burgundy, and Tits McGee!	0:54:57	0:54:59
Good evening, San Diego. I'm Veronica Corningstone.	0:54:59	0:55:03
Tits McGee is on vacation.	0:55:03	0:55:05
And I'm Tits... I'm Ron Burgundy.	0:55:08	0:55:11
HE CLEARS THROAT	0:55:11	0:55:12
PHONE RINGS	0:55:12	0:55:13
-Veronica Corningstone. -'This is your doctor.'	0:55:13	0:55:16
I have your pregnancy report here.	0:55:16	0:55:19
Guess what? You got knocked up.	0:55:19	0:55:21
-'So you should get out of the news.' -Who is this?	0:55:21	0:55:24
This is Dr Chim...	0:55:24	0:55:25
'Dr Chim Ridgals.'	0:55:25	0:55:27
Ron, is this you?	0:55:27	0:55:28
I'm a professional doctor.	0:55:28	0:55:30
You saw me... You don't remember?	0:55:30	0:55:33
THEY GIGGLE	0:55:33	0:55:35
-'You should move.' -This is pathetic.	0:55:35	0:55:38
YOU'RE pathetic. HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY	0:55:38	0:55:41
-What did she say? -I think she bought it.	0:55:41	0:55:44
She's looking this way.	0:55:44	0:55:47
-Oh. -Oh. -Uh-oh. Whoa!	0:55:47	0:55:50
It's just not working. She's making us look like a bunch of fools.	0:55:53	0:55:58
Ellen! Where's the party?!	0:55:58	0:56:00
SHE SIGHS	0:56:00	0:56:02
Children, grow up.	0:56:02	0:56:05
Son of a bee-sting! She's turning the entire office against us!	0:56:06	0:56:10
-This is grim. What should we do? -There's only one thing a man can do	0:56:10	0:56:14
when he's suffering from a spiritual and existential funk.	0:56:14	0:56:18
-Go to the zoo, flip off the monkeys? -No. Buy new suits!	0:56:18	0:56:23
ALL: YAY!	0:56:23	0:56:25
# That girl	0:56:25	0:56:27
# I'm gonna make her mine if it takes all night	0:56:29	0:56:32
# Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Can you dig it? #	0:56:32	0:56:35
Where's the suit store? We've been walking for 45 minutes.	0:56:35	0:56:38
-Brick, you said this was a shortcut. -Fantastic!	0:56:38	0:56:41
-Well, is it a shortcut or not? -OK!	0:56:41	0:56:43
Jeez...	0:56:45	0:56:47
HE RINGS BELL	0:56:47	0:56:48
-Hey! -Uh-oh. Here comes trouble.	0:56:50	0:56:54
Whoo-hoo!	0:56:54	0:56:57
Burgundy and the ladies went out for a stroll, huh?	0:56:57	0:57:00
Out walkin' around and talking things through...	0:57:00	0:57:04
Keep a tight perimeter. WILD LAUGHTER AND SHOUTING	0:57:04	0:57:07
Yes, sirree! Well, well, well.	0:57:07	0:57:12
Ron Burgundy... and the Channel 4 news team.	0:57:13	0:57:17
-Where's your mommy? -You back off, Evening News team!	0:57:17	0:57:21
You know, I understand that, er,	0:57:25	0:57:28
they had to bring a female in...	0:57:28	0:57:30
..to change your diapers, wipe the dribble from your bubblin' lips...	0:57:31	0:57:35
..rub Vaseline all over your heinie and tell you that it's special	0:57:36	0:57:40
-and different from everyone else's. -THEY GIGGLE	0:57:40	0:57:43
He said heinie!	0:57:43	0:57:46
-Brick, get back over here! -Heinie!	0:57:46	0:57:50
Does she tuck you in, Ron? Give you a little kiss on your forehead,	0:57:50	0:57:54
tell you everything's going to be OK?	0:57:54	0:57:56
I've had enough of you, Mantooth.	0:57:56	0:57:58
This is going to end right here, right now.	0:57:58	0:58:01
-Let's dance, dickweed. -You want to dance, Ron?	0:58:01	0:58:05
I want to polka.	0:58:09	0:58:10
Come get a taste!	0:58:18	0:58:21
-Brick, where'd you get a hand grenade? -I don't know.	0:58:24	0:58:28
All right! Let's do this!	0:58:28	0:58:32
Hey!	0:58:33	0:58:35
If you're going to have a fight, don't forget Channel 2 News,	0:58:38	0:58:41
with me, lead anchor Frank Vitchard.	0:58:41	0:58:44
-You dirtbags have been in third place for five years! -Yeah?	0:58:44	0:58:48
Well, you're about to be in... dead place!	0:58:48	0:58:51
Not so fast, you ingrates!	0:58:57	0:58:59
Public News team is taking a break from its pledge drive	0:58:59	0:59:03
to kick some ass. No commercials...	0:59:03	0:59:07
-NO MERCY! -THEY ALL YELL FIERCELY	0:59:07	0:59:10
RATTLE SHAKES	0:59:14	0:59:16
Como estan, beetches? Spanish Language News is here.	0:59:19	0:59:23
Tonight's top story - the sewers run red	0:59:23	0:59:27
with Burgundy's blood! Yah! Yah!	0:59:27	0:59:30
THEY ALL YELL	0:59:31	0:59:35
Well, looks like we got ourselves a bilingual bloodfest!	0:59:36	0:59:40
Before we do this, let's go over the ground rules.	0:59:46	0:59:50
Rule number one - no touching of the hair or face!	0:59:52	0:59:57
-THEY ALL MURMUR AGREEMENT -Of course!	0:59:57	0:59:59
And that's it!	0:59:59	1:00:01
Now, let's do this!	1:00:01	1:00:03
HE SNARLS	1:00:06	1:00:08
THEY RATTLE CHAINS	1:00:08	1:00:09
-Begin! -YEEE-YAH!	1:00:11	1:00:14
THEY ALL YELL	1:00:14	1:00:16
-Up and over! -ARGH!	1:00:25	1:00:27
ARGH!	1:00:46	1:00:47
HE CHUCKLES	1:00:47	1:00:48
I'm going to straight-up murder your ass.	1:00:50	1:00:53
ARGH!	1:00:53	1:00:55
God...! I did NOT see that comin'!	1:00:55	1:00:59
Whoa! Argh!	1:01:02	1:01:04
-Now I'll be number one. -No, you won't!	1:01:04	1:01:07
Policia!	1:01:10	1:01:12
SIRENS WAIL IN DISTANCE	1:01:12	1:01:14
SIRENS WAIL IN DISTANCE	1:01:18	1:01:21
Phew...	1:01:23	1:01:25
Boy, that escalated quickly!	1:01:25	1:01:27
I mean, that really got out of hand fast!	1:01:27	1:01:31
-It jumped up a notch. -It did, didn't it?	1:01:31	1:01:33
-Yeah. I stabbed a man in the heart. -I saw that!	1:01:33	1:01:37
-Brick killed a guy! Did you throw a trident? -Yeah!	1:01:37	1:01:41
There were horses, a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.	1:01:41	1:01:44
I've been meaning to talk to you about that.	1:01:44	1:01:47
You should find yourself a safehouse, lay low for a while,	1:01:47	1:01:51
because you're probably wanted for murder.	1:01:51	1:01:53
I'm proud of you fellas! You all kept your head on a swivel.	1:01:53	1:01:57
-That's what you gotta do in a vicious cock-fight. -Can you believe Mantooth?	1:01:57	1:02:02
"Where's your mommy? Does she change your diapers?"	1:02:02	1:02:05
-Corningstone's hurting our rep. -I know exactly what you mean.	1:02:05	1:02:08
Every news man in the city's laughing at us,	1:02:08	1:02:12
and I don't like it!	1:02:12	1:02:14
-I don't like the put-downs. -Let's do something about it.	1:02:14	1:02:17
It is time to put an end to this! Last time I looked in the dictionary,	1:02:17	1:02:21
-my name's Ron Burgundy! What's yours? -Brian Fantana. -Champ Kind.	1:02:21	1:02:25
-Brian Fantana. -You're Brick. I'm Brian. -Right.	1:02:25	1:02:28
< SHOUTING	1:02:28	1:02:31
Garth, I need to look at these tapes for a potential lead.	1:02:31	1:02:35
Well, Ron's using the machine to play his local-Emmy acceptance speech.	1:02:35	1:02:39
I tried to ask her out on a date.	1:02:39	1:02:41
FANFARE 'TURN THE MUSIC OFF!	1:02:41	1:02:43
'I'M STILL TALKING!'	1:02:43	1:02:45
-I don't even remember doing it. -This is ridiculous! Excuse me.	1:02:45	1:02:48
Excuse me! What are you doing?	1:02:48	1:02:50
I need to watch this tape for a story, Ron.	1:02:50	1:02:52
I'm using the tape. I'm showing Jeffrey here my Emmy tape.	1:02:52	1:02:57
-We are watching history. -Mr Burgundy...	1:02:57	1:02:59
I'm a professional, and I would like to do my job.	1:02:59	1:03:03
Well... Well... Big deal!	1:03:03	1:03:05
-I am VERY professional! -You are acting like a baby.	1:03:05	1:03:09
I'm not a baby. I'm a man! I'm an anchorman!	1:03:09	1:03:12
You are not a man. You are a big fat joke!	1:03:12	1:03:15
I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower	1:03:15	1:03:19
out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am.	1:03:19	1:03:22
You're just a woman with a small brain,	1:03:22	1:03:25
with a brain a third the size of us. It's science.	1:03:25	1:03:28
I will have you know that I have more talent and more intelligence	1:03:28	1:03:32
in my little finger than you do in your entire body, sir!	1:03:32	1:03:36
You are a smelly pirate hooker!	1:03:36	1:03:38
You look like a blueberry!	1:03:38	1:03:40
Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?!	1:03:40	1:03:43
-GASPING -Well, you...have bad hair.	1:03:43	1:03:47
What did you say?!	1:03:48	1:03:51
I said...	1:03:51	1:03:52
your hair...	1:03:52	1:03:54
looks...stupid.	1:03:54	1:03:56
ARGH! THEY ALL GASP	1:03:59	1:04:03
-Let 'em work it out! -It's between the two of them.	1:04:03	1:04:06
-Agh...! -They're just talking!	1:04:16	1:04:20
They're just talking.	1:04:20	1:04:21
-I hate you! -I hate you more!	1:04:21	1:04:23
HE SCREAMS	1:04:27	1:04:28
AGH...!	1:04:33	1:04:36
AGH...!	1:04:36	1:04:40
ARGH!	1:04:40	1:04:42
All right, stop! Stop what you're doing right now!	1:04:42	1:04:46
I will not have my news room be divided.	1:04:46	1:04:49
Agh! Knights of Columbus, that hurt!	1:04:50	1:04:52
'I was, like, "Who is that guy?"'	1:04:55	1:04:56
THEY ALL LAUGH	1:04:56	1:04:58
I just...can't believe what Ron did to you.	1:05:00	1:05:03
-It is so awful! -Yes.	1:05:03	1:05:06
Have you ever thought about... fighting fire...with fire?	1:05:07	1:05:11
What do you mean?	1:05:12	1:05:15
I have some information that you can choose to use or not use. Up to you.	1:05:15	1:05:21
Ron Burgundy...	1:05:21	1:05:23
will read anything that is put on that teleprompter,	1:05:23	1:05:26
and when I say anything, I mean a-ny-thi-ng.	1:05:26	1:05:31
-Arnold, cue one. -After the photomat was destroyed,	1:05:39	1:05:42
the bear scampered back into the woods.	1:05:42	1:05:45
Apparently, he wasn't too happy with his colour prints!	1:05:45	1:05:48
-HE CHUCKLES -From the entire Channel 4 news team,	1:05:48	1:05:52
-I'm Veronica Corningstone. -And I'm Ron Burgundy.	1:05:52	1:05:56
Go fuck yourself, San Diego.	1:05:56	1:05:58
-AGH! -CUP CLATTERS	1:05:59	1:06:02
SHE GASPS	1:06:02	1:06:03
What in the name...? No!	1:06:04	1:06:08
Nobody talks about my city that way! Ron Burgundy's ass is grass!	1:06:08	1:06:12
HE HUMS	1:06:12	1:06:15
Nice work, everyone. Sharp broadcast.	1:06:15	1:06:17
Really good - everyone on the floor, as well. Really a lot of hustle.	1:06:17	1:06:21
I liked it.	1:06:21	1:06:23
Dump out! Dump out!	1:06:23	1:06:25
HE HUMS Hello, Edward!	1:06:25	1:06:27
Ron, I've got to fire you.	1:06:27	1:06:29
Well, I've got to fire you. Bing-bom-bom! You're fired, Ed!	1:06:29	1:06:32
Do you even know what you just said?!	1:06:32	1:06:35
Oh...great Odin's raven!	1:06:35	1:06:38
-Are you happy, Ron? -Veronica! She put that in the teleprompter.	1:06:38	1:06:43
You're probably right, but...	1:06:43	1:06:45
this is bad, Ron. Real bad.	1:06:45	1:06:47
My hands are tied. I...	1:06:47	1:06:48
-I got to fire you. -Ed! Let's hold on.	1:06:48	1:06:52
Let's count to ten, all right?	1:06:52	1:06:53
That's a rash decision, OK? Is this about something else?	1:06:53	1:06:57
Ed, there's 300 very angry San Diego...ites...	1:06:57	1:07:01
San Diego-ins. San Diegoins.	1:07:01	1:07:03
San Diegons.	1:07:03	1:07:06
..San Diegons...out in front of the station. They want Ron's blood!	1:07:06	1:07:10
They want to hurt you, Ron.	1:07:10	1:07:11
Ron, why did you say that?	1:07:11	1:07:12
Why? Why, Ron? Why?!	1:07:12	1:07:17
-You're my hero, Ron... -Garth, I...	1:07:17	1:07:20
..and you come out with...	1:07:20	1:07:21
stink like that!	1:07:21	1:07:23
Poop! You...poop-mouth!	1:07:23	1:07:26
-BARELY COHERENT: -Poop-mouth!	1:07:26	1:07:29
Garth, if I were to give you some money, would that ease the pain?	1:07:29	1:07:32
I hate you, Ron Burgundy!	1:07:32	1:07:34
-I hate you! -HE SOBS	1:07:34	1:07:36
THEY ALL SHOUT ANGRILY	1:07:37	1:07:40
Ron? Ron!	1:07:41	1:07:43
I can't believe you did this to me! Are you happy?!	1:07:43	1:07:46
-No, Ron, I'm not! -I have nothing left!	1:07:46	1:07:49
Nothing! I've been reduced to rubble!	1:07:49	1:07:52
-Ron! -Come on, man. These people are about to tear you apart.	1:07:52	1:07:56
I HAVE NOTHING!	1:07:56	1:07:58
NO!	1:07:58	1:07:59
NO...!	1:07:59	1:08:02
Mr Burgundy, you should be ashamed of yourself.	1:08:12	1:08:15
-Please, I... -You're an awful man!	1:08:15	1:08:18
You are truly a disappointment to us all, Mr Burgundy!	1:08:18	1:08:22
'Bob Dylan once wrote, "The times, they are a-changin'."	1:08:24	1:08:27
'Ron Burgundy had never heard that song.	1:08:27	1:08:30
'So when he fell, he fell hard.'	1:08:30	1:08:33
THEME MUSIC	1:08:34	1:08:36
'It's Channel 4 News at six o'clock!'	1:08:36	1:08:40
'Good evening, San Diego. I'm lead anchor Veronica Corningstone.	1:08:41	1:08:46
'Tonight's top story - an ultrasound of Ling Wong,	1:08:46	1:08:49
'the most famous panda in the world,	1:08:49	1:08:51
'shows that her baby is doing quite well.'	1:08:51	1:08:53
NO! PHONE RINGS	1:08:53	1:08:56
Ron Burgundy. Stay classy. Ahem...	1:09:01	1:09:04
'Hello, this is Ron... Hello?!'	1:09:04	1:09:07
Who's there? I'm talking. Hello!	1:09:07	1:09:10
'Who is this? Baxter? Is that you?	1:09:10	1:09:13
'Baxter!	1:09:13	1:09:15
'Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee...	1:09:15	1:09:18
'Is this Will Chamberlain?'	1:09:18	1:09:21
Have the courage to say something! Hello!	1:09:21	1:09:24
HELLO!	1:09:26	1:09:27
Argh!	1:09:30	1:09:31
Hey, you watch yourself, mister.	1:09:33	1:09:36
Hey, lady in the red hat! Yeah!	1:09:36	1:09:38
HE GROANS	1:09:41	1:09:42
Guys!	1:09:42	1:09:44
Guys, it's me, Ron! Fellas!	1:09:44	1:09:46
-Harken said he'd fire us if we talk to you. -What?!	1:09:47	1:09:51
I'm sorry.	1:09:51	1:09:53
I... Brian!	1:09:53	1:09:55
-It's Ronnie! -Ron! -Champ!	1:09:55	1:09:58
-RON! -Champ, come on.	1:09:58	1:10:01
Oh, Brick! My sweet Brick!	1:10:01	1:10:04
Brick, come hug me! I know you want to.	1:10:05	1:10:08
HE CLAPS AND SNAPS FINGERS	1:10:08	1:10:10
I am completely miserable, San Diego!	1:10:10	1:10:13
It's so damn hot!	1:10:16	1:10:18
Milk was a bad choice.	1:10:20	1:10:22
Yes... Chris, listen to me. Put down the gun, let the marching band go.	1:10:29	1:10:34
We'll play it off as a prank.	1:10:34	1:10:36
-We'll straighten it out later. -PHONE RINGS	1:10:36	1:10:38
I'm getting another call. ..Ed Harken...	1:10:38	1:10:41
What?	1:10:41	1:10:43
Oh, my God! Listen, everybody!	1:10:43	1:10:45
Ling Wong the panda is giving birth!	1:10:45	1:10:48
Get Corningstone over there right away!	1:10:48	1:10:51
The network is picking up the feed.	1:10:51	1:10:53
I want a shot of that panda being born!	1:10:53	1:10:56
This is Ted Nightingale, Channel 6 News,	1:11:02	1:11:04
Los Angeles, from the San Diego Zoo.	1:11:04	1:11:06
And this is the moment the entire world has been waiting for.	1:11:06	1:11:10
I can only speculate as to the sex of the panda,	1:11:10	1:11:14
but if I had to guess, I'd say female.	1:11:14	1:11:16
-Excuse me. Press. Press. -Watch it! -Excuse me, I'm press. -Ow!	1:11:16	1:11:20
-What you got? -Nothing. All I can see is a blue curtain.	1:11:20	1:11:23
Oh, dammit. You go over there and see if you can get a shot.	1:11:23	1:11:27
I'll go this way.	1:11:27	1:11:29
Excuse me.	1:11:29	1:11:30
Hey, lady! Why don't you go fetch me a sandwich? Ha-ha!	1:11:30	1:11:33
-OK, I'll go get your sandwich. -Thank you. -Then I'll show you the ratings,	1:11:33	1:11:37
where you're number two to a woman. Ouch. Don't lose any more hair.	1:11:37	1:11:41
-Whatever. -You're live, Mr Mantooth.	1:11:42	1:11:45
Good afternoon, San Diego.	1:11:45	1:11:47
We're here today to celebrate the birth of a panda.	1:11:47	1:11:51
DRUNKENLY: # Sky rockets in flight...	1:11:51	1:11:53
# Afternoon deli-ght	1:11:53	1:11:58
# Ah... # HE BLOWS RASPBERRY	1:11:58	1:12:01
# I make fart noises with my mouth... #	1:12:01	1:12:04
HE BLOWS RASPBERRY # ..And I like to... #	1:12:04	1:12:06
Hey, nut-job! Quit the singing! You're creepin' out the regulars.	1:12:06	1:12:11
I'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song!	1:12:11	1:12:15
You been in here every day, stinking up the joint with your craziness.	1:12:15	1:12:19
-What the hell is wrong with you?! -I've got no heart!	1:12:19	1:12:23
Because a she-devil stole it!	1:12:23	1:12:26
You know the worst part about it?	1:12:26	1:12:29
She's better than me!	1:12:30	1:12:32
She's better than me.	1:12:34	1:12:36
You know, times are changing.	1:12:37	1:12:39
Ladies can do stuff now!	1:12:39	1:12:42
You're going to have to learn how to deal with that.	1:12:42	1:12:45
What? Were you saying something?	1:12:45	1:12:48
Look, I don't speak Spanish.	1:12:48	1:12:50
HE SNORTS	1:12:50	1:12:52
Scotty! Scotty, I have the shot!	1:13:01	1:13:04
Scotty! SCOTTY!	1:13:04	1:13:06
Ahem... Hey! That is some fantastic shot you got there.	1:13:06	1:13:11
That's the kind of shot that gets you to the top of network news.	1:13:11	1:13:14
-Well, we hope! -We at Public Television...	1:13:14	1:13:17
we're really down with the...	1:13:17	1:13:20
women's-lib thing.	1:13:20	1:13:21
You know, that is so refreshing to me, because the struggle that...	1:13:21	1:13:25
Agh!	1:13:25	1:13:27
-Howie! -Agh! -Got the shot.	1:13:30	1:13:32
-Up a little. Up, up. -Oh! You son of a bitch!	1:13:34	1:13:37
(Ssh! You don't want to wake up your friends!)	1:13:37	1:13:41
Agh!	1:13:44	1:13:45
-(Agh!) -SHE SCREAMS SILENTLY	1:13:45	1:13:47
BEARS GROWL SOFTLY	1:13:47	1:13:49
(Help!)	1:13:51	1:13:53
-How do you lose your lead anchor?! -I can't find Corningstone.	1:13:53	1:13:57
-Where is she?! -No-one's seen her. -Every news outlet in the world	1:13:57	1:14:01
is looking for coverage on this, I've got no damn lead anchor!	1:14:01	1:14:06
Dammit, get me a phone. I can't believe I'm about to do this.	1:14:06	1:14:11
PHONE RINGS	1:14:11	1:14:13
-Rocky's Bar Grill, fine dining. -Is there an anchorman there?	1:14:13	1:14:17
-Hold on. -It's killing me to do this.	1:14:17	1:14:20
I'd rather slit my throat... Hello?	1:14:20	1:14:22
-Hello? -'Ron?' -Who is this?	1:14:23	1:14:25
-'It's me, Ron. Ed.' -Who? -'Ed Harken!'	1:14:25	1:14:28
-I don't know a Ned! -'Ed Harken!'	1:14:28	1:14:31
-ED! Ed, hello! -'Listen, Ron,'	1:14:31	1:14:34
Miss Corningstone disappeared	1:14:34	1:14:36
in the midst of the biggest story of the year.	1:14:36	1:14:38
-'We need you down here right away.' -Wait, Ed...	1:14:38	1:14:41
Does this mean you're asking me to...	1:14:41	1:14:43
report the news again?	1:14:43	1:14:44
-Yes. -Ed, that's wonderful! Thank you!	1:14:46	1:14:50
'I want to just say a few words!'	1:14:50	1:14:52
SOBBING: You have always been a good friend!	1:14:52	1:14:55
-Always! -'Right. Right...'	1:14:55	1:14:57
Always! HE WAILS	1:14:57	1:14:58
Get down here as quickly as you can.	1:14:58	1:15:02
Ed, I'll be down there!	1:15:02	1:15:04
And I'm going to look good.	1:15:04	1:15:06
Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy.	1:15:16	1:15:19
Damn! That dude cleans up good!	1:15:19	1:15:22
If I'm going to do this, I'll need my news team at my side.	1:15:22	1:15:26
HE BLOWS ECHOING BLAST	1:15:29	1:15:32
'NEWS TEAM, ASSEMBLE!'	1:15:34	1:15:39
NEWS TEAM, ASSEMBLE!	1:15:45	1:15:48
Hey, Ron.	1:15:50	1:15:52
What's up?	1:15:52	1:15:54
Oh...	1:15:54	1:15:55
Hi. Didn't see you there.	1:15:55	1:15:57
We've been here literally the entire time you have.	1:15:57	1:16:01
I'm a little embarrassed.	1:16:01	1:16:03
Look, I just got the call from Harken.	1:16:04	1:16:07
He wants me back. But I can't do this without my news team.	1:16:07	1:16:12
I don't know, Ron. It was half a lifetime ago.	1:16:12	1:16:15
-We're different people now. -When you left, the hurt was so deep.	1:16:15	1:16:18
-I can't go through that again. -Think about what you're asking.	1:16:18	1:16:22
-Think about... -INCOHERENT NOISES	1:16:22	1:16:24
-..man! -Gentlemen...	1:16:24	1:16:26
there was a time	1:16:26	1:16:29
when you called me your lead anchor.	1:16:29	1:16:32
Will you follow me again?	1:16:35	1:16:37
I'm gettin' too old for this shit.	1:16:39	1:16:42
To the news van!	1:16:42	1:16:44
-To the news van! -To the news van! -OK!	1:16:44	1:16:45
Argh!	1:16:55	1:16:57
Well, I'll be, Ron Burgundy! He's back!	1:16:58	1:17:01
Right, let's get a good position for the story. How does the hair look?	1:17:01	1:17:05
Magnificent. You have hair like an angel.	1:17:05	1:17:08
Oh! Whoa, whoa! Network talent scout.	1:17:08	1:17:11
Ooh, this is a hot one. I'm actually nervous.	1:17:11	1:17:14
-Let's go get 'em, guys. -'Help...'	1:17:14	1:17:16
Wait! Did you just hear something?	1:17:16	1:17:18
-BEARS GROWL -Hel...	1:17:18	1:17:21
-Veronica! -(Help!)	1:17:21	1:17:23
-Are you OK? -Ssh!	1:17:23	1:17:26
How did you get down there?	1:17:26	1:17:27
(Just go get someone, please!)	1:17:27	1:17:29
(Hold on!)	1:17:29	1:17:30
HOLD ON!	1:17:30	1:17:31
BEAR GROWLS	1:17:31	1:17:33
-We've got to do something! -Whoa!	1:17:34	1:17:37
Ron, I don't want to sound cruel, but...	1:17:37	1:17:39
There's a network talent scout over there.	1:17:39	1:17:41
This is a tough decision! So much to think about.	1:17:41	1:17:45
Basically the biggest story of my career	1:17:45	1:17:48
launching me to a level I've never known before, or...	1:17:48	1:17:51
saving the woman I used to have familiar relations with.	1:17:51	1:17:56
This is hard!	1:17:56	1:17:58
I am in a pickle!	1:17:58	1:18:01
Ron, I know it sounds harsh, but God does not want her to live.	1:18:01	1:18:06
No. Hold on.	1:18:06	1:18:08
It's clear now.	1:18:08	1:18:10
We go into the bear pit.	1:18:13	1:18:15
-No, Ron! No! -HE YELLS	1:18:16	1:18:19
THUMP! Oof!	1:18:19	1:18:21
Oh! BEAR GRUNTS	1:18:21	1:18:24
(I...immediately regret this decision!)	1:18:24	1:18:27
Ron! Why didn't you go get help?!	1:18:27	1:18:30
These bears are massive! They looked a lot smaller from up there.	1:18:30	1:18:35
Fan out. Let's go find Harken.	1:18:35	1:18:37
Stay...calm.	1:18:37	1:18:40
It's all right. I think it's all right, my sweet chinchilla.	1:18:42	1:18:45
Ron, in case we die here today,	1:18:45	1:18:49
there's something that you should know.	1:18:49	1:18:52
That dirty trick with the teleprompter, it wasn't my...	1:18:52	1:18:55
Sweet Eli Whitney's nose!	1:18:55	1:18:57
It wasn't you, was it?!	1:18:57	1:18:59
It was Wes Mantooth! I should've known...	1:18:59	1:19:02
No. No, no... I did it.	1:19:02	1:19:04
-You BITCH! -Ssh!	1:19:04	1:19:06
BEAR GROWLS	1:19:06	1:19:09
You woke the bears!	1:19:09	1:19:10
Why did you do that?	1:19:10	1:19:12
BEAR GROWLS	1:19:12	1:19:14
Agh! There's somebody in the bear pit!	1:19:14	1:19:17
THEY ALL SHOUT EXCITEDLY	1:19:17	1:19:19
BEAR GROWLS	1:19:19	1:19:21
It took my...impending death	1:19:21	1:19:23
for me to realise how much I need you.	1:19:23	1:19:26
Oh, Ron!	1:19:27	1:19:29
-Those bears are going to hurt them. -News team, let's hunt.	1:19:32	1:19:36
News team!	1:19:38	1:19:39
ALL: Bear fight!	1:19:43	1:19:44
Come on! Come on!	1:19:47	1:19:49
Oh, damn!	1:19:54	1:19:57
Hit 'em in the uvula!	1:19:57	1:20:00
Hey, Ron!	1:20:00	1:20:01
I'm riding a furry tractor!	1:20:01	1:20:03
The bears have descended on the news team and it's not going well.	1:20:04	1:20:08
Clearly, after today,	1:20:08	1:20:09
I would no longer...	1:20:09	1:20:11
Come on! Ah, God!	1:20:11	1:20:13
This is gettin' to be ri-goddamn-diculous!	1:20:13	1:20:16
Oh, no...	1:20:17	1:20:19
We woke up the momma.	1:20:19	1:20:22
BEAR BELLOWS	1:20:22	1:20:24
I don't want to die!	1:20:27	1:20:29
BAXTER BARKS	1:20:29	1:20:31
Baxter!	1:20:35	1:20:36
BAXTER BARKS	1:20:38	1:20:39
BEAR ROARS	1:20:39	1:20:41
CROWD CHEERS	1:21:13	1:21:15
Look! They're following their mother!	1:21:15	1:21:18
It's instinct.	1:21:18	1:21:19
Oh, Baxter! Oh!	1:21:20	1:21:23
Oh, Baxter, you're still alive!	1:21:23	1:21:26
OH, I'M SO HAPPY!	1:21:26	1:21:28
SOBBING: I'M SO HAPPY YOU ARE ALIVE!	1:21:28	1:21:32
I'M SO HAPPY!	1:21:32	1:21:34
HE SOBS	1:21:34	1:21:37
I want to lick you!	1:21:41	1:21:43
I want to lick you in front of everyone to show my joy!	1:21:43	1:21:46
Well, he really likes that dog.	1:21:48	1:21:50
CROWD CHANTS: Burgundy! Burgundy! Burgundy! Burgundy!	1:21:50	1:21:55
-Whoa! -Hi, Ronnie.	1:21:58	1:21:59
It's always a long fall from the top, isn't it?	1:22:01	1:22:03
-Easy, Wes. -I've been waiting to say this to you for a long time, Ronnie.	1:22:03	1:22:08
Deep down in my stomach, with every inch of me,	1:22:08	1:22:12
I pure...	1:22:12	1:22:13
straight...hate you.	1:22:13	1:22:16
CROWD GASPS	1:22:17	1:22:20
But, goddammit, do I respect you!	1:22:21	1:22:23
Thank you, brother.	1:22:36	1:22:38
CROWD CHANTS: Burgundy! Burgundy! Burgundy!	1:22:41	1:22:44
Today, we spell redemption...	1:22:44	1:22:46
R-O-N.	1:22:46	1:22:48
Ron, I think you've got a story to report.	1:22:53	1:22:56
-Are you sure, Ed? -Do it.	1:22:59	1:23:02
It's the story you were born to tell.	1:23:03	1:23:05
San Diego's waiting. Go get 'em.	1:23:10	1:23:12
Make way! Ron Burgundy's about to report on panda!	1:23:12	1:23:17
-Are we done? Three...? -You're live, Mr Burgundy.	1:23:19	1:23:22
This is Ron Burgundy, proudly reporting once again	1:23:22	1:23:27
for Channel 4 News. Today's story is one of the more remarkable things	1:23:27	1:23:32
ever to happen to San Diego,	1:23:32	1:23:34
or even the world.	1:23:34	1:23:37
But in order to properly re-tell it, I'm going to need some help	1:23:37	1:23:41
from my...co-anchor,	1:23:41	1:23:44
Miss Veronica Corningstone.	1:23:44	1:23:47
-Hi... -No. No, no, no, Brick.	1:23:49	1:23:52
-A high-pressure system... -Go stand over there.	1:23:52	1:23:55
CROWD CHEERS	1:23:55	1:23:57
Oh, Ron...	1:23:57	1:23:59
there are literally thousands of men that I should be with instead,	1:23:59	1:24:03
but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.	1:24:03	1:24:06
CROWD CHEERS	1:24:10	1:24:12
'Yes, redemption was sweet for Ron Burgundy.'	1:24:12	1:24:16
YES! RON!	1:24:16	1:24:18
-'As for the news team...' -Stop it! RON...!	1:24:18	1:24:22
'..Champ Kind went on to become a commentator for the NFL,	1:24:22	1:24:26
'but was later fired, after being accused of sexual harassment...	1:24:26	1:24:29
'by Terry Bradshaw.'	1:24:29	1:24:32
Excuse me, is that Sex Panther you're wearing?	1:24:32	1:24:36
HE HOWLS	1:24:36	1:24:38
'Brian Fantana went on to have great success	1:24:38	1:24:41
'as the host of the hit reality-TV show	1:24:41	1:24:43
'Intercourse Island, on the Fox Network.'	1:24:43	1:24:46
Anyone seen Brick?	1:24:46	1:24:49
Don't! It tickles! It tickles me!	1:24:49	1:24:52
HE GIGGLES	1:24:52	1:24:53
'Brick Tamland is married with 11 children	1:24:53	1:24:56
'and is one of the top political advisors	1:24:56	1:24:59
'to the Bush White House.'	1:24:59	1:25:00
I'll get you! I'll get you!	1:25:00	1:25:03
'And Ron and Veronica didn't stay in San Diego long.	1:25:13	1:25:17
'I chose them as my replacement, and they became	1:25:19	1:25:23
'the first mixed-gender network news team.	1:25:23	1:25:25
'And they're still doing it today.'	1:25:25	1:25:27
From all of us here at the World News Center,	1:25:27	1:25:30
I'm Veronica Corningstone.	1:25:30	1:25:32
And I'm Ron Burgundy. You stay classy,	1:25:32	1:25:35
Planet Earth.	1:25:35	1:25:37
# Carry on, my wayward son	1:25:40	1:25:43
# There'll be peace when you are done	1:25:43	1:25:46
# Lay your weary head to rest	1:25:46	1:25:51
# Don't you cry no more... #	1:25:51	1:25:53
HE GASPS Oh, great Odin's raven!	1:25:53	1:25:57
HE GASPS Oh, by the hammer of Thor!	1:25:57	1:26:00
HE GASPS Oh, St Damien's beard!	1:26:00	1:26:03
Sweet grandmother's spatula!	1:26:03	1:26:06
Hot pot of coffee!	1:26:06	1:26:08
Uncle Jonathan's corn-cob pipe!	1:26:08	1:26:12
I'm going to shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking...	1:26:14	1:26:17
in the back of the head. SHE GIGGLES	1:26:17	1:26:20
-I'm sorry! -CREW LAUGHS	1:26:20	1:26:21
You're not very bright. You're actually quite a dullard.	1:26:23	1:26:27
-Well... -Everyone here knows it.	1:26:27	1:26:29
Well, if I'm a dullard, you're the...	1:26:29	1:26:32
-dullard... -Can't think of anything to say now, can you?	1:26:32	1:26:36
-Yes, I can. I can think of a lot of things to say, like... -Ooh.	1:26:36	1:26:40
..you're a dirty bitch.	1:26:40	1:26:42
Well, Ron, I'm going to put poison...	1:26:44	1:26:46
SHE LAUGHS	1:26:46	1:26:48
CREW LAUGHS	1:26:49	1:26:52
I drank a lava lamp. It wasn't lava.	1:26:53	1:26:56
I ate a whole bunch of fibreglass insulation.	1:26:56	1:26:59
It wasn't cotton candy, like that guy said.	1:26:59	1:27:01
My stomach's itchy!	1:27:01	1:27:03
I pooped a hammer!	1:27:03	1:27:05
I pooped a tape recorder.	1:27:05	1:27:07
I pooped a Cornish gay man.	1:27:07	1:27:09
Huh...	1:27:11	1:27:13
-HE LAUGHS -No.	1:27:13	1:27:15
You do not take a tone with me because I will give you a rattle,	1:27:16	1:27:20
-right on the Jack Johnson! -OK... -Yes.	1:27:20	1:27:23
-Now this is happening. -What are you doing?	1:27:23	1:27:25
What... What are you doing?	1:27:25	1:27:28
I guess I'll go back to doing what I do best...	1:27:35	1:27:37
I guess we'll go back to doing what I do best...	1:27:37	1:27:40
-When do we get started? -When do we get started?	1:27:40	1:27:43
-That's my line. -When do we get started?	1:27:43	1:27:45
-That's MY line. You say, "Whenever you like." -Whenever you like.	1:27:45	1:27:48
-SHE LAUGHS -It's all right, keep rolling.	1:27:48	1:27:50
-This is good stuff. -Yeah, I like this.	1:27:50	1:27:51
Brick, are you still having	1:28:06	1:28:08
-your celebrity golf tournament this summer? -No. No.	1:28:08	1:28:10
Too many people died last year,	1:28:10	1:28:12
-so we're not going to... -HE GIGGLES	1:28:12	1:28:14
Sorry.	1:28:14	1:28:16
They named it...San Diego	1:28:17	1:28:19
which, in German, means...	1:28:19	1:28:22
a whale's vagina. THEY GIGGLE	1:28:22	1:28:26
This is the most ridiculous thing ever!	1:28:30	1:28:32
MUSIC: "Carry On My Wayward Son," by Kansas	1:28:35	1:28:38
# Carry on, my wayward son	1:28:52	1:28:56
# There'll be peace when you are done	1:28:56	1:28:59
# Lay your weary head to rest	1:28:59	1:29:03
# Don't you cry	1:29:03	1:29:05
# Don't you cry no more... #	1:29:05	1:29:06
-THEY ALL LAUGH -Way to handle them, Ron.	1:29:22	1:29:25
It sure is good to be number one.	1:29:25	1:29:28
It beats the hell out of number two.	1:29:28	1:29:30
THEY ALL LAUGH We are laughing!	1:29:30	1:29:34
We are very good friends! Good buddies, sharing a special moment!	1:29:34	1:29:39
Don't say anything, Ron. Just let it out.	1:29:39	1:29:42
Laughing, enjoying our friendship...	1:29:42	1:29:44
Some day, we'll look back on this	1:29:44	1:29:46
with much fondness.	1:29:46	1:29:49
AWKWARD SILENCE	1:29:49	1:29:52
HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY	1:29:52	1:29:54

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

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