Spoof horror sequel. A reporter investigating a killer videotape discovers a connection with crop circles on a farm owned by an ex-minister. Pamela Anderson and Charlie Sheen star.
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THIS FILM CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE.
I hate television. Gives me headaches.
There's so many magnetic waves travelling in the airspace
because of television.
-We're losing 10 times as many brain cells as we're supposed to.
The cow says blank, three letters.
Dude. I dunno. Magnetic waves, brain cells.
I don't understand the connection between all that stuff.
You know what else I heard? Magnetic waves shrink silicon molecules.
-Oh, turn it off!
-It's not working!
-What do I do?
-I don't know.
-That was scary.
-I know something even scarier.
-Have you heard about this video tape?
-Where they do it on the boat,
the car and the bathtub? He's like, "I love you."
-She's like, "Where are we?" Did...
-Not that tape!
The one with the scary images. After you watch it,
-the phone rings and this scary voice says you'll die in...
-I saw it with Josh last weekend.
-You were with Josh last weekend?
Oh, my God!
Oh, yes, I was!
-Oh, you ho!
You know it!
Argh! PHONE RINGS
-This is really weird.
A big house, only one phone.
"I'm coming for you, my precious."
-"Hi, precious. Having fun?"
Ask her which bathroom has the vibrating shower head.
Are you OK?
Are you OK?
-TRICKLING STARTS AND STOPS
-Tom, did you hear...
-The dogs are acting strange.
-Sue, what are you doing out here? We were worried sick.
I wonder what they're trying to tell us?
"And now, Washington DC's leading morning news programme,
"the Morning News."
Good morning. For our top story we turn now to Cindy Campbell.
Thank you. There's a developing story in Middleburg at this hour.
A mysterious crop circle appeared in local farmer Tom Logan's cornfield.
An elaborate prank or extraterrestrial phenomenon?
We'll update you as soon as we have any further information.
Either way, something strange is happening in that small town. Ross?
I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Coming up. More news after this.
-Got a second?
-Look at this for that strip club expose.
I'd rather stick with the crop circle story.
C'mon. Those things are just a hoax.
I sense something about that corn field.
Call it women's intuition, or ESP, or both,
-but I can tell when danger's near... Ow!
-Cindy, it's sweeps month. Ratings mean everything.
People want human interest stories, like the one you did yesterday.
On breast augmentation? It was just ten minutes of topless women.
I mean, come on! ALL: Wow!
Why are they so interesting? Oh, for God sake.
People don't care about this.
-They want hard-hitting stories and in-depth coverage and...
LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
Think it was the Creezel boys who cut that stuff outta your corn?
My crops are gone. The bank's gonna foreclose if I can't pay the rent.
I got 60 days to come up with a dollar fifty.
-I'm sorry. The last thing you needed was...
..hardship in your life, especially after what happened to you...
-Sheriff, I don't need your sympathy.
-I didn't mean to upset you, Father.
Please, I'm not a minister any more. I lost my faith that terrible night.
Your faith will return just as sure as the sun will rise.
Sounds like a long shot.
There's always an explanation for this so-called phenomena.
Maybe you're right. It was probably just the Creezels.
When I get through with them,
you won't be seeing anything strange on this farm for a long time.
Are you all right, Tom? Get some rest.
George? HE HUMS
George! CONTINUES HUMMING
I need you back here tomorrow night after you pick up Sue.
-That tractor needs fixing.
-I gotta get ready for my show.
-Not that hip-hop stuff again?
-Do something with your life.
-I got a dream.
-What is it?
-To have a dream.
-All you've done is chased adolescent fantasies.
I wanna be an astronaut, a cowboy, gynaecologist to the stars,
-and now this hip-hop thing.
-This hip-hop thing's gonna get me paid.
-I'll win that rap battle tomorrow night.
-For God sakes!
-You just hate me cos I'm black.
You don't have faith in me.
You don't have faith in anything any more,
so why don't you worry about you and I'll worry... Aargh! Argh!
-You're late again, Aunt Cindy.
-I'm sorry. I was stuck in traffic.
Oh, it's great to see you.
-Oh, it's been so long.
-Too long. I've been working so hard.
I've had to spend more time at the station. The news keeps coming in.
-What was the assignment?
-Draw your family and friends.
-So, anyone new in your life?
-I just haven't found the right guy.
-I'm looking for something more than just good sex.
-You want commitment.
-No. I want great sex.
-That's what I'm taking about.
You want a guy who's like, bam, bam, bam! You know what I'm saying?
Did I say stop drawing?!
Look, when I meet Mr Right I'll know.
-Hey, sweetie. Come here. How are ya?
Go get your stuff, OK?
I know you. You're Tom Logan's brother.
-And you're that reporter, Cindy Campbell.
-You did the story on our cop cycles.
-So, you're here to pick up your...
-You don't dress like a farmer.
-My brother's the farmer, I'm the rapper.
-For real. Here's the 611 on that.
-That's phone repair. You mean 411.
-I'll be doing the rap battle at the 23 Club tomorrow night.
-I don't believe this shit.
-Word. You should come down.
I'll be rappin', I'll be cappin', I'll be tappin', I'll be flappin'.
I'll be happin...ning, ding, bing, wing. Yo.
-Would, could, should, hood.
-Good, moog, doog, boog.
-If we say we'll come, will you shut up?
-Fresh. I'll see you guys tomorrow night.
Now who the fuck did that?!
What is it? Are you having one of your visions?
There's a girl with black hair. She wants to kill you.
-Your period starts in three, two, one.
-Ow! What else?
-What else do you see?
-I see a little boy and a grown woman but no father.
-I see you kneeling in dog shit.
Oh, for God sake. Don't you understand?
As long as we have each other, that's all we need.
I know things have been tough since your mom died.
I've been SO selfish. Always putting my career first.
From now on, I'll be thinking about you...
Damn! TYRES SCREECH
Wait, Cindy! Wait!
Honey, I'm gonna be leaving soon, so...
-Do you know who she is?
-No. But sometimes she talks to me.
She's coming tonight.
LOUD KNOCK AT DOOR
-Oh, Father Muldoon.
-I'm so grateful you could come.
-I've called all over for baby-sitters.
I don't mind filling in now and then. Where's little Cody?
DOOR SLAMS He must be in his room playing.
I left a number where I can be reached.
Also, he has a rash on his behind. Make sure he takes a bath.
Thank you, Father. Good night.
LOUD RAP MUSIC PLAYS
Hey, before we get on with the battles,
I know you'll wanna bust a cap in the air for your favourite rapper,
-but, please, hold onto your gunfire until the end of the show.
Let's put the safety on.
-It's on the left side of the gun above the trigger.
-Would somebody get his ass outta here? DJ, spin this shit!
-Whoa! My bad.
Is something wrong? You look scared.
All that stuff you were saying on TV,
I got a weird feelin' something bad is headin' my way,
like when you see an Asian person driving. After the show,
come back to my crib and hang out with me? I don't wanna be alone.
-Of course I will.
-I love you. Pay my way, OK?
Yo, George. What's up? The man with the tightest rap on the streets.
It's good, baby.
Finally, the white man's gonna school the black man on how to rap.
-Yeah, I guess. How many people here, you think?
100, 200, whitey-hatin', chrome-packing, ready to bust a cap
-in any white boy's ass who ain't bringin' that shit!
-Ever wonder when it's time to stop livin' up here and
-start livin' down here?
-Stop livin' over here and move over there.
-My aunt used to live over there, but she got evicted.
-Didn't she have rats?
-If a mouse goes out,
does it become a rat? If a rat's in the house, is it a mouse?
-I see no mouse outside.
-It's a rat, fool!
-You might've just made a fact. That's some real shit.
-What are you talkin' about?
-You need some? I'll do anything for you.
-About those chrome- packin', whitey-hatin' gangsters,
-What he needs is a height man.
-You could be his spliff star!
-That's me. That's what I do.
-That's what I do.
If you're a height man, you take them hits. Let's get out there.
# Heads or tail, babe, what's it gonna be?
# You cannot escape your fate in the streets
# I count cash, you count sheep
# Better not sleep with the beast, capishe? # CHEERING
All right. That was hot. That's what I'm talking about.
Right? Right? Yo, what do we think?
I thought you were both absolutely dreadful. Ghastly.
-I don't know what I'm doing here. This club is totally pathetic.
Are you ready, George? It's show-time.
I wanna let you know that no matter what goes on on that stage tonight,
-you'll always be in my heart.
-I love you.
-I love you, man.
-Come here, y'all.
-Can you feel my love on your hip?
I can't get around.
You go out there and rip it tonight. You do your thing tonight.
We love each other. Let's do it, baby.
Are you ready for the next battle? To my left
we have the reigning champion, hailing from Fort Apache.
-Some of you call him Jealous One, some of you call him...
-Some of you call him Joey Crack.
-Stick 'em up.
-But tonight let's give it up for Fat Joe.
-I gotta go against him?
-Give it up!
You think they're here to see Fat Joe?
-ALL CHANT: Joe!
-They're saying, "Go, go, go!"
Now my challenger, whoo,
kid's a farmer rapper, so you know he been kickin' the shit all day!
Let's give it up for my man, George.
That's right. OK, Joey, you the reigning champion,
so you get to spit first. Yo, DJ, spin that shit!
This guy can't be serious!
# Standing Mini Me, aka, I hope he ain't the one you fight with
# This man's corny and ain't got no skills
-# Cos he's a white...
-But he's not real!
# I don't wanna hurt your feelings but you'll never get a deal
# Cos he's a white but he's not real
# You're a needle in a haystack, I'm a city slicker
# Forget cows and milk your mom titties, nigger CROWD CHEERS
# Bet he ends up havin' kids with his cousin...
# He'll be like, der, der, der, that means Fat Joe's the man
# You're the liar, in denial, kill your ass quicker than our empire
# How dare you wanna joust with me
# Lookin' like you got mad cow's disease
# You fake, out to battle me
# Eight miles down the road, the form's thatta way! # CHEERING
That was hot. Everybody, give it up for my man! George!
-DJ, spin this shit!
# Now everybody in the 202
# Throw your hands in the air cos Fat Joe is through
# Everybody in the 202 throw 'em up! Check it out!
# I'm a white boy but my neck is red
# I put Miracle Whip on my Wonder Bread
# My face is pale, I never been in jail
# Me and Buffy spend every winter in Vail
# How many bitches have I slapped? Zero! And Martha Stewart's my hero!
# I grew up on a farm and was born with no rhythm
# Dr Phil's my uncle and I like to hang with him
# I can't dance, wear khaki pants, my middle name's Lance
# My grandma's from France, so maybe I'm wack cos my skin ain't black
# But you can't talk smack cos whitey just struck back! #
Give it up for George!
Oh, shit! Oh!
George, George, the hood. Lose the hood.
-I know. We're in the hood now.
-You guys feelin' me in the hood?
That's it, I'm done!
-You can't give up rap just like that.
You still got it, see?
Thanks for coming over tonight. I'm going through a rough time.
Brenda, you wanna tell me what's really bothering you?
Well, there's something I need to... I saw a tape.
I think you should know about it. It had these really shocking images.
Brenda, it was mardi gras. I've never drunk vodka before
-and I was out of beads.
-No, not that tape.
I guess it's just an urban legend. You watch it,
and once it's over you're phone rings and a creepy voice says,
"You're gonna die in seven days." And seven days later...
-When did you watch it?
-A week ago. A week ago tonight.
-Oh, my God! Argh!
Brenda! Oh, my God!
LAUGHS Oh! Oh, my God! You bitch!
You shoulda seen the look on your face!
You've got me!
Oh, my God! Brenda?!
-I can't believe you fell for that fake seizure!
-It seemed so real!
-It did, didn't it?
-And you pee'd!
-I really sold that shit!
I love the look on your face when you're scared. You're too easy.
I got you with the old fake hand.
-Girl, you were scared.
-C'mon, I was just kiddin'.
-You've taken it too far.
I'm gonna go get the rest of the popcorn.
-Forget it. I'm not falling for it again.
Oh, come on! Cindy, the news is on!
Another little white girl fell down the well.
50 black people get their ass beat by police,
but the world stops for one whitey down a hole.
The TV's leaking.
Cindy, something's wrong here.
Cindy, this bitch is messin' up my floor!
-Cindy! Help me!
-I'm not listening.
Get up, you ugly bitch. C'mon! Let me see what you got! That's all?
-Cindy! Please, help me! Cindy!
OK, hang on a second.
-"Father Muldoon here. We're getting along famously."
Thanks again, Father. Bye-bye.
Oh, my God. Yes, of course I'll tell her. Thank you.
Sue's teacher, Brenda, she's...she's dead.
-Oh. I better tell her.
-No, no. I can do it.
-You know your teacher, Miss Brenda?
-Gone forever! Died a horrible, painful death!
-Gone, gone, just like your dog!
-My dog's dead?
I ran him over with the car when I drove in!
-Everyone you love around you is dying!
-Don't call me Father. I haven't been a clergyman since...
I'm sorry about that night.
If I hadn't fallen asleep, while driving, for that exact 20 minutes,
if I hadn't drunk that exact whole bottle of Yeigermeister,
-if only I hadn't killed...
-I don't see what any of this has to do with Annie.
Those were other nights. But if it had been THAT night,
I might've missed her... that terrible night.
# "MEXICAN HAT DANCE"
-It's your wife, Father. She's hurt.
-She was hit by a truck and pinned against a tree.
-I don't understand.
-As long as the truck has her pinned, she'll stay alive.
-I don't get it.
This is your wife.
She broke her weiner?
Look what happens to the taco.
I don't understand all this fancy medical lingo. I wanna see Annie.
She's split in half.
-You mean like down the middle in half?
-At the waist.
-This is the last time I can talk to the top half?
The truck's the only thing that's holding her together.
Let's say this is her bottom half.
-Can I squeeze in a few minutes with that?
-I'm not sure what you mean.
-Let me explain.
-Tom, go to her.
Tom, I'll need a ride home.
Hi, baby. How's it going?
-I'm dying, Tom.
-Don't talk like that. The truck barely hit you.
-Honey, kiss me one last time.
-Promise me you'll never remarry.
-And no sex either.
-I-I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.
-Honey, you're not speaking clearly.
-Your injuries must be awful.
-The cruel fate to shroud my wife's dying words...
Poor Annie, we hardly knew her. She'll be missed terribly.
-That's right. Go into the light.
-Look, just tell George, swing away.
-Right. Swing away.
Oh, sure. THAT you understand!
-I'm sorry, dude.
-Don't call me dude. I'm not a stoner any more,
not since... # "MEXICAN HAT DANCE" PLAYS
# Amaaaaa-zing grace
-# How sweet... #
-I'm so sorry, Mr and Mrs Meeks.
-Brenda was a good friend - when she was alive.
-My sweet, sweet Brenda.
She looks so peaceful.
If only God had taken us instead of her.
Knowing your Brenda like I did, I'd say she wishes the same thing.
These just came today. Photos from a trip she took.
-Turn them around, honey.
Oh! Yes, of course.
-That's Ralf. He's right over there.
-It's a boy. He's going to be an asshole.
Smoke all you want, you're gonna get hit by a bus.
That's not fooling anyone.
-Sue wanted to pay her respects to her teacher.
-Brenda was my bitch.
-Are you OK?
-It's just the open coffin.
-I can't believe they'd just leave it out here.
-It's a wake.
It's a miracle! I thought you were dead!
-Sue, your teacher's alive! Argh!
-George! I got ya!
-She's alive! Brenda?!
-George, stop! She's dead!
We won't lose you again!
-She's not breathing.
Live, dammit, live!
Charles! Charles, stop them!!
Stop them! Stop them! What are they doing?!
She's alive! She's alive! Wake up! She's alive!
I got something! I got something!
-Aaaarrrgh! That's it!
That's the last time I try to bring anyone back from the dead!
Don't get down. I knew you were only trying to help.
-You're a good, caring person, which is why I like you.
but I don't wanna screw your life up, too.
-The most caring thing I could do for everyone is get outta here.
-What about Sue?
-Oh, yes, of course. Once I get Sue, then...
I could really use a friend right now.
Brenda's gone, Cody resents me...
..and I'm caught up in something I can't even...
Oh, God, it's so hard.
Well, you're beautiful - and you're pressing up against me.
I know you'd never consider going out with a guy like me,
but if you're not too busy tomorrow night...
-Is that a yes?
-did Brenda ever talk to you about a tape?
-She did mention something.
-D'you mind if I go upstairs and look around?
-Cody, I'll be right back, OK?
-You're getting lucky tonight.
He doesn't know you're a guy.
PHONE RINGS Huh?!
-What? Will he miss?
Who's gay? Hello?
-"Can...you...hear.. me now?"
-Oh, my God, I'm gonna die next Monday?
-"Yes. No, wait."
"That'd be seven business days. This is seven days starting now."
My watch broke. How will I know the exact time?
"Forget hours. This day, in seven days."
-There's a holiday coming up. D'you count that?
-"Depends. What holiday?"
-Martin Luther King Day.
-Why? Everyone at work's taking it off.
"Jesus, I'm giving you seven days!"
-"I can kill you now, if you'd rather have that?"
-LINE GOES DEAD
I don't care what you say, I'm signing you up
-for another rap battle.
-That part of my life's over.
I said the same thing about getting with CJ's sister,
-but I'm still hitting it...
-He's still hitting it! What?
-What are you gonna do with the rest of your life?
-I don't know.
Yeah, yeah! Come out.
Maybe my brother's right. I should settle down.
-What's up there?
-I got another one, y'all!
Hey, George, you can't focus on that shit. Let that go.
Hey. You're in the driver's seat, George.
-You gotta take the lid off!
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
-"Something terrible's happened. I really need your help."
-Are you OK? What's going on?
I watched the tape that killed Brenda,
the phone rang, this voice said I'd die in seven days.
-There's no such thing as a killer video tape.
-I know someone who can help.
-Jamal watched it last week and today he woke up dead.
-Cos you're alive when you go to sleep.
-Who can help?
You can wake up alive?
-You can't go to bed dead!
-You can go to bed and not be dead,
-and die but not be in a bed.
-But you're in a bed.
-That's how you wake up dead, fool!
-Damn! That's some quantum shit!
-You should be teaching classes!
-Tell me who can help me!
My aunt. She saw the tape before anybody knew about it.
-You should go see them tonight.
But who will take care of Cody?
We'll have so much fun. I have jigsaw puzzles, board games
-and baseball cards in my room and a cool model aeroplane.
I made him a snack. Give him warm milk if he can't sleep.
-Don't worry. Everything'll be fine.
-I'm great with kids.
-Heads up, Cody.
-Oh, and in case of emergencies -
Sorry. Are you OK, kiddo? Thatta boy.
THUD, TYRES SCREECH
-OK, I'm off.
You know, it's funny. All a child ever really wants is a family.
-Cody really likes you.
-He's a good kid.
I know you're Cindy. Be right with you.
But you can call me the Oracle, and don't worry about that vase.
What vase? Oh, sorry, I didn't know... Oh!
FART-LIKE NOISE It was the chair.
Yes, the chair.
I know why you've come. A great mystery lies ahead of you,
but you mustn't shy away from the challenge.
-Only you can be the one...
I'm watching the game.
Do you mind?
-The Lakers will win by 12.
-TURNS OFF TV
-So can you tell me -
-I watched it...
-The phone rang.
-Then this voice said...
-That you'd die in seven days.
-OK, that's getting -
Try being married to her.
I get shit about women I ain't slept with yet.
-You made a copy of the tape. Let's see it.
-Can you tell me...
-If the tape is connected to the crop circles? Yes.
-It's up to you to discover how for yourself.
-Look, it's a...
-I was going to say a lighthouse.
-Find that lighthouse.
It's your destiny.
Wait. What is that?
Oh, my God!
-I knew that was gonna happen.
-Oh, hell, no! Get your ass...!
-What's wrong with you, woman? Can't you not... Get out there!
-Let her go! We'll get another lawsuit!
-I'll kill the bitch!
-You won! You won! You won!
-All right? Oh, baby, no!
-I'll kill her. Are you crazy?
What are you gonna brush now? What you gonna brush now?
You picked the wrong TV to come out of.
-I don't know.
Cody and I were playing a fun game, then I looked down and...
Oh, my God!
-How could you let him watch the tape?
-"It's me. How are you doin'?"
"Enjoying your last week? I can't wait to see ya."
-"Six days now, right?"
"Great catching up, but can I speak to Cody?"
-Why? He didn't watch the tape.
-"He did. C'mon, I do this for a living!"
Leave us alone!
-"I'm calling from Reader's Digest
-"with a fantastic offer for Cody."
-You're not! You're the evil little girl from the tape!
-"OK, you got me."
-"I'll just leave a message for him."
Er, OK, how d'you spell that?
Right. Got it.
-I can't believe you let that happen.
-Sorry. I screwed up.
We can save him. The answer to the tape, the crop circles,
-it's at a lighthouse. You think I'm crazy.
but the last thing you need's a screw-up like me.
-I'm gonna leave - for good.
-Wait. Well, what shall I tell Cody?
Let him down easy. Tell him I got called away on business.
-You'll think of something.
-He won't ask questions.
-I knew you'd understand.
be careful. Something weird is going on at your farm, I know it.
What are you talking about?
-A sheep needs to be pushed through the fence.
-I can't sleep.
Well, it's way past your bed time.
Would you like me to sleep in your big, strong arms?
There's plenty of room under the covers. It's a hot night.
You don't need to wear pyjamas.
-Where is my daughter?
-Are you mad? I am your daughter.
-No, you're not!
-Dah! Come here!
-What did you do with Sue?
-I didn't touch her.
-I don't believe you!
-Please, for God sakes, she's a girl.
-How d'you like it, huh? Havin' fun?
Tom, are you...?
-What in the world?
-What is that thing?
-I don't know.
-Maybe Cindy was right.
All I need is five minutes.
I told you. No more paranoid on-air rants about the supernatural.
-I know. The station is about sex, violence and the weather.
We need that porn star shot dead in a hurricane story. One hour.
"A tornado in Charleston threatens a clothing-optional beach where,
"just yesterday, a naked couple was brutally murdered."
-"This just five miles..."
-Sorry. I have to do this.
"Turning now to sports. And an evil video tape that kills anyone
"who watches it in seven days. It's true..."
-"..in danger." "..an alien force has tried
-"to prevent you from knowing the truth."
-Are you insane?!
I had to do this!
"Actually I didn't really mean anything I just said." "Yes, I did."
"Every word. Everyone watching this could be dead in a week."
"1-3-4-19 guorsn blkn braket."
"I been cleaning after this dumbass cracker Giggins for 10 years,
"but I've been hitting it with his woman for 12."
"Know what I'm saying, nigger? She likes her some chocolate."
"Sharpton for president, y'all. I'm outti. Peace."
An evil video tape that kills people in seven days? Alien forces?
Who the hell is Cindy Campbell? If what she says is true,
-we're facing an unprecedented crisis. Get me the president.
-You are the president.
Good. Then I already know about this. Where's my lunch?
Go on TV and convince the people there's no such thing as a UFO.
-Don't spell in front of me, dammit.
-There's no such thing as aliens.
-That's not quite true.
A year ago a UFO crashed in New Mexico.
-A body may have been recovered.
-May have been?
-There was a mix-up.
It was Thanksgiving, the body was sent to the kitchen.
It had stuffing up its ass and we ate it at a state dinner.
That's the last I saw of it. Scratch that.
-Sandwiches were made the next day.
-Mr President! Listen.
-Back away from that window!
-What? I didn't put my pants on again?
No. It's a feeling I've had since the news about the alien.
-Something's not right.
-I know what you mean.
It's like that feeling that something's not right. What is it?
Some old Tupac, sir.
-"All eyes on me!" Hey, this shit is bangin'!
-Thank you, sir.
I'm the architect. You have many questions.
-I've been watching you for a very long time.
-So I see.
What's the connection between the crop circles and the video tape?
The answer's simple. You're the eventuality of an anomaly.
-You are inexorably seeking a segulant probability.
Protesciary? No? What about contingent affirmation?
-That's gotta mean something.
You put cameras in my bathroom? Ah, what it this?
Oh, my God! It was a long winter.
-This is an invasion of... Ow!
I can't help it. It's lonely in here.
I haven't been with anyone in a very long time, not counting myself.
Or this chair. I call her...Linda.
-Cut to the chase. I'm in a rush.
-You could always sleep over.
-Linda's built for two, and she vibrates.
-Tell me what I need to know. Who is that little girl?
My wife and I wanted a child but she couldn't get pregnant.
-Neither could I.
-So you adopted.
-We loved our daughter but she was evil.
Made the horses crazy, killed our puppies, hid the remote. Sick shit.
My wife took her to the family farm and drowned her in the well.
I felt time out would've been sufficient.
But Tabitha imprinted her evil on a video tape.
-I never meant for it to get out, but...
I returned it to Blockbuster instead of my copy of Pootie Tang.
-It's been circulating and killing ever since.
-Just like Pootie Tang.
-What does this have to do with aliens?
-I don't know.
-Perhaps Tabitha's summoning them to kill us all.
-An alien invasion?
-I must warn the world.
-It's already begun. You're too late.
-Oh, my God!
But not too late to make an old man happy. What? What?
And now, reports of lights in the sky.
Glimpses of spacecraft.
Possible alien sightings being reported all over the world.
Are they aliens? The first video images are coming in.
Disturbing home video tonight from a ranch outside Sydney, Australia.
Watch very carefully. There it is.
Let's see that again.
Very, very disturbing.
And this just in from Sao Paolo, Brazil.
Let's see that again.
Very, very disturbing.
And this just in from south Texas.
Do they pose a threat? Only one thing's for certain.
-We're all going to be killed.
-We have to board up the house.
Is this necessary? Having an award ceremony at a time like this?
Everything must appear business as usual.
-The nation, while not yet panicked, is deeply disturbed.
See if we can steer that course, keeping everyone disturbed.
We don't wanna panic. Few presidents have faced a crisis like this.
I wonder what President Ford would've done? The buck stops here.
Thank you, all, and welcome to the White House.
The Mother Teresa Awards recognise those who've overcome
the severest handicaps and disadvantages
to help others in their communities. The young, the old, black and white,
our Native Americans. Hey, how are you?
CHANTS: Hey, how are ya? Hey, how are ya?!
Well, it is therefore my honour to present each and every one of you
with this symbol of merit.
-The room is secure, Mr President.
-Or is it?
-I've been thinking.
What if the aliens could take over human bodies?
-They'd look like us - or almost.
-I never thought of that.
We should be on the alert for anything suspicious.
-They could be anywhere, even - here.
-We'd never see an attack coming.
-It's frightening, sir!
We'll just move slowly toward the exit.
It's happening. I knew it! You'll never take me alive!
-She's scrambling my brain!
-I'll get her!
-Oh, no, you don't!
Good work, sir!
Good God! The small ones have metal teeth! Jerry's kids my ass!
Mr President! Mr President, have you gone completely insane?!
Like a fox. Let's talk to the person who saw this coming. Cindy Campbell.
She knows how to defeat the aliens! This filthy scum!
Argh, you hideous creature! Get off of my planet!
-Is everything all right?
-The exits are all blocked.
-I'll find one.
This way. God, this is exciting!
You're excited? You should feel my nipples!
Cody, where are you?!
-"After today's incident in the East Room,
"the White House is now advising all citizens to board up their homes
-"and prepare for an alien invasion."
"An exclusive. The killer video tape you've been hearing about.
-"..only station who has it.
"We're showing it all night. Let's roll it again."
There. Nobody's gettin' through that sucker.
That's great, but we have to get down to the cellar.
-There's no time. Get down to the cellar.
-I've been worried sick.
-He showed up about an hour ago.
-I tried to call.
-No, you didn't.
-OK, but I was gonna.
-No, he wasn't.
-You can't just run away like that.
-I wanted to be with George.
-I know you want a dad, but...
-Oh, trust me, I'm not good at anything.
-Why would I be good at that?
-It's gonna be OK.
-I'm going to die, aren't I?
Did I ever tell you what your mom said about you the day you were born?
-I was in the delivery room with her. She was having a hard time.
You began to come out of her. She screamed in pain.
She yelled, "Just kill me. Bludgeon me with a bedpan.
"Put me out of this pain." She was gushing torrents of blood.
I have this on tape if you wanna see it. Finally you came out.
Your mom cut your umbilical cord herself. Well, on the second try.
The first time she snipped your penis in half. She was drunk.
Actually, drugged. We'd been out celebrating St Patrick's Day.
She thought, "I never tasted crystal meth," so she did just a little.
-Yes. They sewed it on upside down.
-That's why I pee up?
-Yes. We'll get it fixed. It's on my list of things.
Anyway, your mom turned to me and said, "Hey, you want him, take him."
Then she died - and I took you. Do you know why?
I'd just lost my cat in a fire and I needed something to pet.
I miss that cat, but I love you. Nothing will change that,
not even the painful death we're about to experience.
-Are they gone?
-I don't hear anything.
-Don't worry, Sue, it'll be all right.
-It was Uncle George.
-It was scary.
-Good work, Sue.
I don't know what stupid, idiotic thing made these lights go off.
There's spare fuses in the cross face.
If I can get to them I can get these lights back on. George!
Grab that sleeper. Jam it against the door. Ohh!
No, not those! Jesus!
-Uncle George, I'm scared.
-Oh, sweetie, come here. It's OK.
Argh! There's something on the other side of the door.
I can't see anything.
-Oh, my God!
-Can you see 'em? What are they doing?
They're greyish with big black eyes. Their teeth are grotesque.
-I think they're giggling.
Oh, no. Oh, no. I think... I think they wanna...
George! Swing away, George!
-I'm coming, Cody.
-Aunt Cindy, help!
-I'll save you!
-Ow! Ow! Ow!
Die! Let him go! You're not getting in here!
-Let him go! There? Had enough?
-Forget it, Cody. Thank me later.
-Oh, Cody, thank God! Come on.
Mahalik! What are you doing here?
-The hood's got your back.
-Thank God. There's two at the door.
-Good. They couldn't get in.
I hear they can't open doors.
They mastered space flight but can't get through a wooden door?
The cellar's the safest place. Women and children stay here.
-The men go and fight.
-Right. What's the cut off age for children?
TYRES SCREECH, THUD!
Sorry. I thought I was hitting the brake.
We don't have to go through insurance?
-Mr President, what are you doing here?
-Looking for Cindy Campbell.
She holds the key to defeating the aliens. Ah, good, the Air Force
-is here with those new round planes.
-We don't have round planes.
-Oh, my God!
-Oh, my God.
-RAP MUSIC PLAYS
-D'you hear that?
-What's up, George?
-The hood always got your back,
-and I got the boys. Get out the car.
-Who we gotta shoot?
-Let's do this!
-You stepped on my shoe, bitch!
-Call me a bitch again and you're dead.
-In the cornfield.
Don't worry. Me and my boys will take care of this. C'mon...
-I'm gonna bust this shit right now.
-I can't believe what I just saw.
-These men died for their country.
Sends flowers to their bitches and ho's.
I can't break free!
They must have some kind of weakness!
-Without their heads they're powerless.
We mean you no harm. We travel to your planet to find an evil girl.
We must destroy her before seven days.
You watched the video tape?
Our satellite picked up what we thought was Pootie Tang.
That was a week ago. Our entire race will die unless the girl's destroyed.
Oh, see, they are peaceful.
Then why were they choking us a few minutes ago?
That's how we say hello. Hello.
How d'you guys say goodbye? Ohh!
I had to ask.
If you think that's strange, you should see how we pee.
So we're not so different after all.
There's something about this place. It's like I've seen it before.
Oh, my God!
This used to be their farm! She died right here!
There's something down there.
Just look at this. Human beings and aliens working together.
We're all just one big galactic family.
Family? That's just what I've been running away from.
Well, that's because you're an idiot.
This is it!
'My wife took her to the old family farm and drowned her in a well.'
The little girl, she's frightened of the well.
Time to go back down the well, bitch!
-No! Don't hurt him!
-Cindy, you have to come outside.
The aliens aren't invading... Argh!
-Don't worry, Cody, I'll save you!
-Wait! Wait. Don't do this.
You don't have to be evil. I know what happened to you, Tabitha.
I know what your mom did. That was wrong. You were just a little girl,
and you're still that little girl, just a lot more corpsy
and with really bad teeth, but maybe all you need is a mother.
And a father.
-We could be...
Thanks. Your love has broken the curse and freed my soul.
-I'll never have to kill again.
-I'm just screwing with you.
I just wanna tell you, good luck. We're all counting on you. SPLASH!
Now it's over.
-It's OK. He's our friend.
-Thank you for saving our species.
-We must return to our home planet.
-Goodbye, then. Ooh!
Congratulations, George! The hood's always got your back!
Oh, George, I'm so happy. Finally we're a family.
Yeah. You, me and...
-Cindy! George! Wait!
Second sequel in the series of spoof horror films, featuring cameos from celebrities such as Pamela Anderson, Jenny McCarthy and Simon Cowell.
When a reporter discovers a videotape that kills people seven days after watching it, she seeks the help of an ex-minister who has discovered mysterious crop circles on his land.