Starsky and Hutch


Starsky and Hutch

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Transcript


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LIGHT-HEARTED WHISTLING AND PIANO PLAYING

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This film contains some strong language.

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# You know I can't smile without you

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# I can't smile without you

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# I can't laugh and I can't sing

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# I'm findin' it hard to do anything

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# You see, I feel sad when you're sad

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# I feel glad when you're glad

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# If you only knew what I'm goin' through

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# I just can't smile without you

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# You came along just like a song

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# And brightened my day... #

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WOMAN: Don't stress. Just relax.

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MAN: I don't understand. I understand you can lose keys,

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you know, you can lose your wallet. H-How do you lose a plane?

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MAN 2: What do you want me to do?

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We got three out of four planes in.

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That's still a lot of coke.

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Now, see that? That's the kind of winning attitude

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that'll take this enterprise to the top.

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In all fairness, Reese, it...it wasn't his fault.

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W-W-Wait, what are you, his attorney? Why are you in the conversation?

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Come on, g... I'm kidding!

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I'm just kidding with you. He loves to joke.

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Terrence, is absolutely right.

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I mean, hell, three out of four ain't bad.

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You know what? Let's celebrate.

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Who wants a beer?! Great!

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OK.

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Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh...

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Baby!

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Coke, it costs money. Planes, they cost money.

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This yacht, this perm, my kid's braces, it all costs money.

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Do you think Kitty's free? Huh? What?! Kitty, turn around.

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Wha...? Turn around!

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Reese, please put the gun down.

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Wha...? Now, the next time

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that a plane goes down, you better be on it.

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Will you do my back, please?

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Sure, babe. Am I tanning weird?

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No, you look good. Honestly. You're bronzing.

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SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE

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MAN: There's no such thing as a petty crime.

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No minor infractions.

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There's only the law.

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Freeze! Bay City PD!

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'That's me in the leather jacket and tight jeans.'

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Whoa! 'See that guy I'm chasing?

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'I hate him, and I'm gonna do everything in my power to stop him.'

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You want to play? Let's play.

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Cos it's my job to stop him.'

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HE GRUNTS

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Oh, goddamn...

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'And the city pays me a damn good salary to do my job.'

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'Besides, he crossed the line...

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'and in Bay City, when you cross the line...'

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HE YELLS

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HE GRUNTS

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'... Your nuts are mine. '

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I said freeze!

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'My name is David Starsky, and I'm a cop.'

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MAN 2: 'I've always had this theory about police work

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'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.'

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TYRES SCREECH

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No, no, no, no!

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WOMAN YELLS

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YELLS AND GRUNTS

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Put the money in there.

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'Too many cops worry about the wrong thing - crime.

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'Not me, though. I'm looking out for numero uno.'

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Hey, old timer, put this on Dallas.

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Come on, let's go! >

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'I'm just a realist, that's all.

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'And besides, you have any idea how little the City pays us?

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SIRENS BLARE

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Freeze! Bay City PD!

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Whoa, whoa! Take it easy!

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Guys, come on.

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I'm undercover here.

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Geez.

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'My name is Ken Hutchinson, and I'm a cop.'

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WHISPERING: Where'd they come from?

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HE SIGHS

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MAN 3: Jesus Christ, Starsky!

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You fired three rounds into a crowded intersection.

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We got an old man with a broken hip, and some asshole

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wants me to buy a new top for his Caddy?

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That purse had seven dollars in it.

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OK, want my badge? Here, take it. Fine.

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Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on. I was just making a point.

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David, David...

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Your mother was one of the finest cops Bay City ever seen.

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22 years on the force with the same partner.

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YOU have had 12 partners over the past four years.

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She died a legend.

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I am not my mother!

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I'm sorry.

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Uh, Detective Hutchinson is here.

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Send him in. ..Have a seat.

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BOTH LAUGH How you doing, Captain?

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I believe you two know each other.

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Yeah, a little bit.

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How you doing?

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Yeah, right.

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Hutch...you've got a lot of explaining to do.

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I know. I understand. Look, I was trying to infiltrate one of the East Side gangs

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and work my way up to the big fish. It's pretty simple.

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You were robbing a bookie.

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That's right.

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You've robbed seven bookies in six months.

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You haven't filed a report, turned in any money or arrested anybody.

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How can I arrest them? They'll know I'm a cop. I wouldn't worry.

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You won't be mistaken for a real cop.

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Oh, really? Hey, why don't you do me a favour

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and go get yourself another perm and let the grown-ups talk.

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For your information, my hair is naturally curly.

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No, it's not. Yes, it is.

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That's a perm job all the way.

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Touch it!

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Hey! Why are you touching him?

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Jesus!

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You know something?

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You two deserve each other.

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Make nice.

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You're partners.

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REESE: You're crazy.

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MAN: No, I'm not.

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REESE: I don't know what you're so upset about.

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The guy cost us two hundred grand. A thank-you might be more appropriate in this particular situation.

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Who cares about two hundred grand? What if they link us to the murder?

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They will not link us to the murder, all right? You don't know that.

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Will you let it go, please?

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Jesus. Take a lude or something. Calm down.

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I did and I'm still pissed. OK, fine. Fine, fine.

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Look, I'm sorry. I promise, I'm not going to kill Terrence again. Now pull it together. Let's go.

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Gentlemen, I apologise about the delay,

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but I promise you what we have

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is worth the wait.

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It looks like cocaine.

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That's because it IS cocaine.

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With a twist.

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You see, we've managed to find a way to alter the cell structure

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of the coca plant, giving it properties

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that heighten the perfluoralkylation process,

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creating a new kind of diazomethane.

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What are you talking about?

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Gets a little complicated after that.

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Excuse me.

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So, do you get extra high or what?

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Actually, it has all the same effects as regular cocaine.

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Well, if it's the same, well, why are we here?

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Canis familiaris - the German shepherd.

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Its nose has over 220 million scent receptors.

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It can detect smells that even the most advanced technology in the world cannot.

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Now, for example:

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Ivan... Search!

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GROWLS AND BARKS

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Ivan, stop!

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What do you got? You holding? Huh?

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He brought old coke.

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This is new coke.

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As far as a dog's concerned, there's nothing there.

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100% undetectable, pure cocaine.

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Got no coke smell. Same coke ride.

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Mmm. Tastes kind of sweet.

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If this shit wasn't illegal, we'd be up for the Nobel prize.

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ALL LAUGH

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Our initial run pumped out about two tons of this stuff,

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and it will be available for your purchase in about three weeks.

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You boys know who to call.

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Ivan!

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MAN: You don't understand.

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They're not like you. They're criminals.

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Look, I know we all got to make living,

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but these guys,

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they are dealing hard drugs right in front of my shop.

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I can dig what you're saying, Mr Chowdury.

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First of all, I want to thank you for coming in today.

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Of course.

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Those gentlemen you speak of,

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they'll no longer be a problem.

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You have my word.

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This is my neighbourhood,

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people tend to forget that.

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Mm. Beebee, make sure he gets home safely.

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Yeah, boss. Thank you very much, Huggy.

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You are a great man.

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Be gone, little Indian.

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BEEBEE: Let's go, little man.

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Come on. Taking up time.

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This neighbourhood is in desperate need of some help.

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It's cold-blooded, Daddy.

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Who's next?

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You got Hutch waiting outside.

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What you got my man waiting outside for?

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He brought some extra fuzz with him.

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So what? You go get him, and get him in here now.

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What, you've never run an errand on the clock before?

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No, I take care of my personal business after work,

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when the taxpayers aren't paying me to protect them.

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You've never stopped and bought yourself a cup of coffee?

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DOOR OPENS I bring a thermos.

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OK, Hutch, he'll see you now.

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Wait here, I'll be back in five minutes.

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Second door on the right.

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How you doing?

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Hi, Hutch.

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KNOCKS ON DOOR

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Hey, look what the wind blew in.

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Huggy Bear.

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Hey, I want you to meet my new partner, David Starsky.

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Hey, how you doing?

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Hey, nobody touches the Bear.

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Have a seat. ..Hutch, you'll have the usual?

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You know it, and make it a double.

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Leon, get my boy a Jack and Tab. And double that.

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LEON: You got it, boss.

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I'll get a, er, seltzer with a little lime if you got it.

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I don't got it.

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Or not. It's cool. I'm good.

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Listen, I just came by to apologise for what happened in Chinatown.

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Let me tell you something, I was as surprised as you were.

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Don't sweat it, baby. I wasn't surprised.

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I ain't never surprised.

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THEY LAUGH

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STARSKY: Hey, Champ? You got a permit for that weapon you're carrying?

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HUTCH: Starsky, please. STARSKY: Huh?

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Uh, no, I don't. THEY CHUCKLE

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Yeah, me neither.

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THEY LAUGH

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I'm sorry, did I say something that was funny?

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THEY CONTINUE LAUGHING

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Come on, stop it. He's kidding.

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No, I want to see permits right now, or I'm confiscating those weapons.

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HUGGY: Hey, hey, hey. Slow up, man.

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Around here, we govern ourselves.

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Think of us like, um, Luxembourg.

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You dig? No, I don't dig.

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You see, Luxembourg's a constitutional monarchy, an independent sovereign state,

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established after the Treaty of Vienna.

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LEON: Technically, it's a part of Europe, but they govern themselves;

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like us.

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Just like us.

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HUTCH: All right, enough, OK?

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Oh, shit! Whoa, whoa, hold up!

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Hold up! Just chill out!

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Chill! watch yourself!

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Oh, no. Hell, no! Jesus!

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What happened? Did he shoot Corky?

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Your boy shot his tail off. Corky lost his tail?

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You should keep that thing in a terrarium.

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Man, what the hell is a terrarium?

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What the fuck is a terrarium?

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A terrarium is an artificial ecosystem.

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It's designed to simulate Corky's natural habitat.

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Well, I can dig that, but I say we shoot him in the ass.

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Oh, hell, yeah. An eye for an eye.

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Whoa, take it easy. ..Huggy, help me out here.

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Hey, hey, hey, slow up, fellas. An iguana can lose his tail and grow it back. He regenerates.

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That's how he escapes his predator.

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Yeah, it's true. It's a defence mechanism. I read it in a magazine.

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So, him shooting Corky's tail off, and us shooting him in the ass,

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it really ain't the same thing.

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HUGGY: Nah, the punishment don't fit the crime.

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And besides, it was an accident, right?

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Right.

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So, we're cool.

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We're always cool, breeze.

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Lower your pieces.

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Whew.

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RADIO ANNOUNCER: 'Good morning, Bay City, you are tuned in to KBay, 93.3 on your dial.

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'This next tune is number eight on the charts, and number one in our hearts.'

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# Old days

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# Good times I remember... #

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HE GRUNTS, MUSIC MUFFLED

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# Drive-in movies... #

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HE GROANS # Baseball cards

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# And birthdays, take me back

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# To a world gone away

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# Oh, old days... #

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ALARM BEEPS # Good times I remember

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# Gold days

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# Days I'll always treasure

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# Funny faces... #

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Hey, Hutch!

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Whoa, there he is.

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What's going on, Willis?

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Same old, same old.

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So, how's life at the clink treating you?

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HE SIGHS It's not that great.

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I got some new tight-ass partner that they stuck me with,

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and then... I don't know.

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I mean, hopefully, it's probably not going to last that long.

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So, got that 20 you owe me?

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Twenty?! Willis, I thought it was five.

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Hutch, that was my grandmother's birthday money.

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Come on, give me a break for a second, OK?

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I just told you I got a new partner,

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stuff isn't great for me down at the precinct. Back off for a second.

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Can I get it to you on Thursday?

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Fine, but no later than Thursday.

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No later than Thursday. Word of honour. Cute little kid.

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HE GROANS

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Hoo!

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HE EXHALES

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It's 10:00. You're late.

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I've been here since 8:00.

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8:00? I didn't know this place opened at 8:00.

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Well, don't sweat it, cos you know what?

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Crime called in sick. It's going to get a late start, too(!)

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"Crime called in sick," I like that.

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So, what's on the agenda today?

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Same as every day.

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Finding bad guys, bringing them down.

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Great, we can take my car, right there.

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That? Yeah.

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What the hell is that?

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It's like a camper/pickup truck. What's the matter?

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We're undercover. That thing sticks out like a sore thumb.

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You think so? You're in for a treat.

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It's not that bad.

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TYRES SCREECH

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ENGINE REVS

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TYRES SCREECH

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Whoa!

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Man, your stock just went up in my book, my friend.

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Here, pop the hood. Let me see what you got under this...

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Hey! Hey! Hotshot, what do you think you're doing?

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This is a Ford Gran Torino, OK?

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It's not some crappy camper/apartment.

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There are rules. OK, OK.

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You do not bang on the hood. You never, under any circumstances, drive.

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And you will certainly not put your coffee mug on the roof of the car.

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Coffee goes on the ground, you get in the car, we go.

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DISPATCHER: 'Attention, all units. We got a 6140 at Bay City marina.'

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HUTCH: Oh, no.

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This is zebra-three. We're on it. Hang on.

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TYRES SCREECH

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HORNS HONK

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You got to be kidding me. No way.

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What? Floater.

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Nothing harder to solve than a floater.

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No prints, body's usually bloated.

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It's next to impossible.

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All right, I say we push it out, hope the current

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carries it down to the next precinct.

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Whoa, what are you doing?

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Trust me, you're gonna thank me for this one. Hey, seriously, stop it.

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Now, the key is not to pop it. You've got to be very ginger. Hey!

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What are you doing?

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I said drop the stick.

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Going to point a gun at me?

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OK, fine, have it your way.

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If it's so important, knock yourself out.

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What are you going to solve, anyway?

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A murder. I'm going to solve a murder.

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Monday, June 3: body of a male caucasian, apparently dumped from the Bay Bridge...

0:17:110:17:15

Actually, there's no sign of impact, so he was probably just dropped out at sea.

0:17:150:17:19

Could you please not talk while I'm recording? Thank you.

0:17:190:17:22

All right, you know what?

0:17:260:17:27

I'm just going to call in the meat wagon, all right?

0:17:270:17:30

Looks like you punched your last ticket, amigo.

0:17:300:17:32

I'm sorry, did you just tough-talk a dead body?

0:17:320:17:36

I lost my flow.

0:17:360:17:38

STARSKY: Zebra-three to base.

0:17:410:17:43

'Dispatch. Go ahead, zebra-three.'

0:17:430:17:45

STARSKY: We're going to need a coroner notification.

0:17:450:17:48

We've got a DB down at Municipal jetty.

0:17:480:17:50

Tell them to bring a body bag and some galoshes. He's a wet one.

0:17:510:17:55

Found a wallet. Nothing in it.

0:17:550:17:59

STARSKY: Medium rare. OK? You got it, Starsky.

0:17:590:18:01

HUTCH: Look at all these cops. You really want to eat here?

0:18:010:18:03

It's a great place. Pop's? Come on.

0:18:030:18:05

If you're one of the cops, you eat at Pop's.

0:18:050:18:07

OK, hot stuff.

0:18:070:18:09

DISPATCHER: 'Zebra-three, 2-11 in progress, please respond.'

0:18:090:18:12

Go for Starsky. 'Hurry, Starsky. '

0:18:120:18:14

We got two perps holding up a gum ball machine on Fifth Street.

0:18:140:18:17

Let's go.

0:18:170:18:19

A gum ball machine?

0:18:190:18:20

..use lethal force if necessary.

0:18:200:18:22

THEY LAUGH

0:18:220:18:24

Very funny, Manetti.

0:18:240:18:27

Hey, it's Captain and Tennille.

0:18:270:18:29

Well, I guess that means one of you would actually have to make captain.

0:18:290:18:32

Radio is for police business only, Manetti.

0:18:320:18:34

That's true - why did they give you one?

0:18:340:18:36

THEY LAUGH

0:18:360:18:38

STARSKY: It's not that funny.

0:18:380:18:39

That Manetti thinks he's something with this whole thing.

0:18:390:18:42

But you know what? He's not.

0:18:420:18:44

BANGS WINDOW Take it easy.

0:18:440:18:46

You think that's funny?

0:18:470:18:48

No, no, I mean, no, you just got to rise above it.

0:18:480:18:51

What did we got in the wallet?

0:18:510:18:53

Not much - driver's licence,

0:18:530:18:55

a couple of receipts, no cash whatsoever.

0:18:550:18:58

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

0:18:580:18:59

"Reese Feldman Corporation." What do you call that?

0:19:010:19:05

REESE: Terrence Myers.

0:19:140:19:17

That name does sound familiar. Isn't he part of our Nearly There programme?

0:19:170:19:20

Mm-hmm, I think he is.

0:19:200:19:22

Terrence Myers. Baby, isn't he the guy dating a Bay City kitty?

0:19:220:19:26

Remember? We were joking about it.

0:19:260:19:28

Really? Bay City Kitty. You mean the cheerleaders?

0:19:280:19:30

You happen to remember her name?

0:19:300:19:33

Uh, no, I don't, er...

0:19:330:19:37

Can I get you boys anything else?

0:19:370:19:38

REESE: We're good. Thank you so much though, honey.

0:19:380:19:41

That's my angel. I love her.

0:19:410:19:44

You mentioned the Nearly There Foundation. What is that?

0:19:440:19:47

That's a programme that, that, that we set up to help ex-cons get back on their feet.

0:19:470:19:51

Part of their parole is that they're required to have a job.

0:19:510:19:54

The catch-22 of it is,

0:19:540:19:55

not that many people are that excited to hire a felon.

0:19:550:19:58

Yeah, those poor ex-cons, they can't catch a break, can they?

0:19:580:20:00

No, no, it's a vicious cycle that those guys get caught up in.

0:20:000:20:03

Did you happen to see the article in the New Times?

0:20:030:20:05

You bet your ass, I did. I love that writer.

0:20:050:20:08

But I'd be lying to you if I didn't say that we get some pretty good tax breaks, too.

0:20:080:20:12

There it is, the kicker. Just a perk.

0:20:120:20:13

This sly dog here.

0:20:130:20:15

Now, what do you got?

0:20:150:20:16

Tickets to our annual fund-raiser.

0:20:160:20:17

I'd love for you to be my guests.

0:20:170:20:19

Oh, no, no, no, we can't accept gratuities.

0:20:190:20:21

It's against policy.

0:20:210:20:23

These don't look like gratuities,

0:20:230:20:24

they look like a couple of tickets.

0:20:240:20:25

I'd be happy to accept them.

0:20:250:20:27

Hey, what about Terrence?

0:20:270:20:28

Is he in some kind of trouble?

0:20:280:20:29

He's dead.

0:20:290:20:31

His body washed up

0:20:310:20:32

in the marina this morning.

0:20:320:20:33

Oh, no.

0:20:330:20:34

Punched his last ticket, as they say.

0:20:340:20:38

You know, you try to do all you can for these guys,

0:20:380:20:42

but it's just never enough, is it?

0:20:420:20:44

No, I guess it isn't.

0:20:440:20:45

When was the last time you saw him?

0:20:450:20:46

The last place I saw...

0:20:460:20:48

Wow.

0:20:480:20:49

This is a nice boat.

0:20:490:20:51

Reese, is this yours?

0:20:510:20:52

Uh, actually, that's a yacht.

0:20:520:20:53

I'm sorry, a yacht. Excuse me, Hutch?

0:20:530:20:56

Excuse me. Can we please focus

0:20:560:20:57

on the investigation?

0:20:570:20:58

Sure. Thank you.

0:20:580:20:59

I could use another one of these.

0:20:590:21:01

JACKSON FIVE: # Dancin', dancin', dancin'

0:21:010:21:05

# Automatic, systematic

0:21:050:21:07

# Full of colour, self-contained

0:21:070:21:10

# Tune and channelled to your vibes

0:21:100:21:13

# She's movin', she's groovin'

0:21:130:21:15

# Dancin' until the music stops now

0:21:150:21:19

# Yeah

0:21:190:21:22

# Rhythmatic, acrobatic

0:21:220:21:24

# She's a dynamite attraction

0:21:240:21:27

# At the drop of a coin, she comes alive... #

0:21:270:21:29

CHEERING

0:21:290:21:30

Right on! That was great, girls.

0:21:300:21:32

Take five.

0:21:320:21:33

Let's go.

0:21:350:21:36

Look alive. Here they come.

0:21:360:21:38

We usually don't allow spectators.

0:21:380:21:40

Even cute ones.

0:21:400:21:42

David Starsky, Bay City PD. This is my partner, Ken Hutchinson.

0:21:420:21:45

Girls.

0:21:450:21:46

WHISPERS: They're so cute.

0:21:460:21:47

I'm Stacey. That's Holly.

0:21:470:21:49

God, I loved your moves out there.

0:21:490:21:51

Fantastic.

0:21:510:21:53

I've never dated a cop before.

0:21:530:21:55

My horoscope said I should try

0:21:550:21:57

new things today. Is that right?

0:21:570:21:59

WHISPERS: You're awful.

0:21:590:22:01

So, what brings you around here, officers?

0:22:010:22:05

Well, you know, that depends, er...

0:22:050:22:07

Yeah, er, either of you two know a Terrence Myers?

0:22:070:22:10

Oh, yeah.

0:22:100:22:11

Heather dated him. Oh, yeah.

0:22:110:22:13

The girl right over there with the yellow top.

0:22:130:22:15

But, um, they split up a while ago.

0:22:150:22:16

We haven't seen him around.

0:22:160:22:17

Hello. Let's go ask Heather some questions.

0:22:170:22:19

All right, thank you.

0:22:190:22:20

Oh, and, er, be careful with those moves.

0:22:200:22:22

You could hurt someone.

0:22:220:22:23

That's why we practise.

0:22:230:22:24

Actually, I was talking about us.

0:22:240:22:27

Oh...

0:22:270:22:28

GIGGLES

0:22:280:22:29

Where'd that come from? a little charm.

0:22:300:22:32

But I would have tried the horoscope line.

0:22:320:22:34

No, too obvious.

0:22:340:22:35

Hey!

0:22:350:22:36

Wait up.

0:22:360:22:37

See what I mean?

0:22:370:22:38

Here's my number.

0:22:390:22:41

In case you need us for...questioning.

0:22:410:22:45

Thank you, ladies.

0:22:450:22:46

Bye. Bye.

0:22:460:22:48

He was always fascinated

0:22:480:22:50

by all that macho mobster bullshit.

0:22:500:22:52

I hope this is OK. I need to make this quick.

0:22:520:22:54

I got to pick my kid up in 20 minutes.

0:22:540:22:56

Oh, yeah, totally.

0:22:560:22:57

Yeah, we were gonna move in together,

0:22:570:22:59

and he promised he'd quit all that stuff

0:22:590:23:01

after he got out.

0:23:010:23:02

But then he goes and gets himself killed.

0:23:020:23:04

He's such an asshole.

0:23:040:23:06

Mm.

0:23:060:23:07

I can only imagine what you must be going through.

0:23:070:23:10

I think that...

0:23:100:23:12

Honestly, you know, if I knew what he was up to,

0:23:120:23:14

I'd be happy to tell you.

0:23:140:23:16

But we didn't talk much.

0:23:160:23:19

Yeah.

0:23:190:23:20

So...did you, um...

0:23:200:23:22

When did he... did he...what'd...

0:23:220:23:25

So, Hutch, do you got any more questions?

0:23:250:23:28

Yeah, well, um, sure. We could...

0:23:280:23:32

What's your sign?

0:23:320:23:33

Gemini.

0:23:350:23:36

What, er...

0:23:360:23:39

what do you weigh?

0:23:390:23:41

And what does that have to do with anything?

0:23:410:23:43

It has everything to do with anything.

0:23:430:23:44

And just answer the question, please, ma'am.

0:23:440:23:47

Um... SHE SIGHS

0:23:470:23:49

Around 115, I guess,

0:23:490:23:51

give or take a pound or two.

0:23:510:23:52

HUTCH CLEARS THROAT

0:23:520:23:55

I wish I could be more helpful.

0:23:550:23:56

Just...s-stop.

0:23:560:23:58

Don't do that. You've been great.

0:23:580:24:00

I mean, it's terrific, I mean...

0:24:000:24:02

We got what we, you know, needed.

0:24:020:24:04

Anything else? Hmm?

0:24:040:24:07

I'm good.

0:24:070:24:09

Yeah. Yeah.

0:24:090:24:10

Thank you.

0:24:100:24:11

Oh, thank you so much.

0:24:110:24:13

Oh, wait.

0:24:130:24:14

Uh, I don't know if this'll be of any help.

0:24:140:24:16

Uh, it's his. Take it.

0:24:160:24:18

I don't want it.

0:24:180:24:19

OK.

0:24:210:24:22

Thank you. Again.

0:24:220:24:24

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

0:24:260:24:29

WILLIS: Things getting any better at work, Hutch?

0:24:290:24:31

Actually, work was pretty good today.

0:24:310:24:33

How 'bout you? anything new?

0:24:330:24:34

Nope.

0:24:340:24:35

You get a chance to ask that girl out?

0:24:350:24:37

Huh? Nah.

0:24:370:24:38

Willis, I want you to meet my new partner,

0:24:380:24:40

David Starsky.

0:24:400:24:41

Hey, there, Willis, nice to meet you.

0:24:410:24:42

Is this the dickweed you were telling me about?

0:24:420:24:45

Look, just shake his hand.

0:24:460:24:47

Come on.

0:24:470:24:49

Go on, hop in.

0:24:490:24:50

Dickweed, huh?

0:24:520:24:53

His mom works late on wednesday, so I kind of look after him.

0:24:530:24:56

You take a kid out on patrol with you?

0:24:560:24:58

Yeah, that's what we do, isn't it, Willis?

0:24:580:25:01

Patrol.

0:25:010:25:02

Whatever you say, Hutch.

0:25:020:25:05

Whoa! Damn!

0:25:050:25:07

# Keep on bumpin'

0:25:070:25:10

# Right on bumpin'... #

0:25:100:25:12

WILLIS: Man, this thing is bad!

0:25:140:25:16

Don't encourage him.

0:25:160:25:19

MUSIC STOPS Oh!

0:25:190:25:21

Holy shit!

0:25:220:25:24

Starsky, this your ride?

0:25:240:25:25

Uh-huh.

0:25:250:25:26

Damn, you just moved up a notch in my book.

0:25:260:25:31

That puts you at notch one.

0:25:310:25:32

I like your Lincoln.

0:25:320:25:35

It's a '76.

0:25:350:25:36

It won't be out till next year.

0:25:360:25:37

But I know some people that know some people

0:25:370:25:39

that robbed some people.

0:25:390:25:40

So what do you hear on the street these days, Huggy?

0:25:400:25:44

Dig this. A little bird tells me

0:25:440:25:47

there's gonna be a big coke deal in Bay City.

0:25:470:25:50

One for the Guinness books,

0:25:500:25:51

so they say.

0:25:510:25:52

Interesting.

0:25:520:25:53

And, uh, who would this little bird be?

0:25:530:25:55

Look, man, I lay it out for y'all to play it out.

0:25:550:25:58

All right. What does that mean?

0:25:580:26:00

Don't worry about it.

0:26:020:26:03

Huggy, what can you tell us about this?

0:26:030:26:05

This looks like the work of Big Earl.

0:26:100:26:12

This boy loves dragons.

0:26:120:26:14

He makes these with his hands, you know?

0:26:140:26:16

There's his name, stitched right up under

0:26:160:26:18

the dragon's belly.

0:26:180:26:19

Starsky: Big Earl.

0:26:190:26:21

Yeah, he sews, but he's one tough mother.

0:26:210:26:23

He owns a biker bar about 80 miles east of Route Four.

0:26:230:26:26

Biker bar, huh?

0:26:260:26:28

What goes on down there?

0:26:280:26:30

I don't know. Listen to Jim Croce,

0:26:300:26:33

play darts, whatever the hell else you white people do.

0:26:330:26:35

Look, fuzz,

0:26:350:26:36

I gots to buzz.

0:26:360:26:37

This meeting is adjourned.

0:26:370:26:39

That's it?

0:26:390:26:40

That's it.

0:26:400:26:41

He lays it out for us to play it out.

0:26:410:26:43

Oh, and by the way...

0:26:430:26:44

This little meeting? It never happened.

0:26:440:26:46

What meeting? # Bumpin'...

0:26:460:26:48

C'est la vie, gentlemen.

0:26:480:26:50

# Right on bumpin'...

0:26:500:26:52

KITTY: I'm learning this really great new technique

0:26:540:26:56

where you press really hard...

0:26:560:26:57

REESE: With the hands? What is it, a verbal technique?

0:26:570:26:59

KITTY: No.

0:26:590:27:00

Keep your hands on me, I'm teasing.

0:27:000:27:02

What do you got on those two cops?

0:27:030:27:04

I got everything.

0:27:040:27:05

I got their records, their home addresses,

0:27:050:27:07

credit history... Nice.

0:27:070:27:09

REESE: "Starsky and Hutchinson"?

0:27:090:27:12

They call him Hutch, actually.

0:27:120:27:13

I mean, it's like I don't have enough on my plate already?

0:27:130:27:16

I got a major coke deal, my daughter's bat mitzvah -

0:27:160:27:18

which is turning into a total nightmare, by the way -

0:27:190:27:21

and now I got these two guys. You think they're onto us?

0:27:210:27:23

They're investigating a murder, my man.

0:27:230:27:25

That's what cops do.

0:27:250:27:26

It's why we pay taxes.

0:27:260:27:28

You're the worst.

0:27:280:27:29

I mean, are you kidding? will you look at these two guys?

0:27:290:27:31

He's cute, the blond.

0:27:310:27:34

But I like dark hair.

0:27:340:27:35

You know, maybe we ought

0:27:350:27:36

to just, uh, push this whole thing, huh,

0:27:360:27:38

till things cool off?

0:27:380:27:39

Kevin, please, with the worry.

0:27:390:27:42

We're moving ahead as scheduled.

0:27:420:27:44

I'll handle those two clowns.

0:27:440:27:45

So, tomorrow, I say we check out this biker bar,

0:27:460:27:49

do a little deep cover.

0:27:490:27:50

Sounds good.

0:27:500:27:53

Who does your wig work?

0:27:530:27:55

I'm sorry, my what?

0:27:550:27:57

Your wig work, your undercover work.

0:27:570:27:58

You know, your disguises.

0:27:580:28:00

You, you have a wig guy?

0:28:000:28:01

Oh, yeah, he's incredible.

0:28:010:28:03

Well, if it isn't Sonny and Cher.

0:28:030:28:05

Sonny and Cher!

0:28:050:28:07

Sit on it, Manetti.

0:28:070:28:08

Oh, me sit on it?

0:28:080:28:09

Yeah, you sit on it.

0:28:090:28:10

Oh, why don't you sit on it, Starsky?

0:28:100:28:11

How's that sound?

0:28:110:28:13

You wish, cos I'm never sitting on it. Ever.

0:28:130:28:16

That's not what I heard.

0:28:160:28:17

Ooh!

0:28:170:28:18

Whoa!

0:28:180:28:20

Starsky! Come on.

0:28:200:28:21

Come on, come on. Jesus!

0:28:210:28:23

Stop it!

0:28:230:28:24

Easy, big guy.

0:28:240:28:25

What the hell is going on?

0:28:250:28:26

What the hell's going on?!

0:28:260:28:28

Cool your jets, Starsky.

0:28:280:28:30

Everybody, back off.

0:28:300:28:32

Including you, Manetti.

0:28:320:28:34

I apologise, captain.

0:28:340:28:36

You're absolutely right.

0:28:360:28:37

You know, you're not even worth it, Starsky.

0:28:370:28:39

And for the record, those are hand towels.

0:28:390:28:42

The big towels are on the top shelf.

0:28:420:28:44

MEN LAUGH

0:28:440:28:46

Hand towels. What a rod.

0:28:460:28:47

Jesus Christ. He's right.

0:28:470:28:51

Go cover up.

0:28:510:28:53

# I pulled into Nazareth

0:29:000:29:03

# Was feeling 'bout half past dead

0:29:030:29:06

# I just need someplace where I can lay my head

0:29:060:29:13

# "Hey, mister, can you tell me where a man might find a bed?"

0:29:130:29:19

# He just grinned and shook my hand

0:29:190:29:23

# "No" was all he said

0:29:230:29:26

# Take a load off, Fanny

0:29:260:29:29

# Take a load for free

0:29:290:29:32

# Take a load off, Fanny

0:29:320:29:36

# And... you put the load right on me. #

0:29:360:29:43

("Folsom Prison Blues" by Johnny Cash playing)

0:29:430:29:45

# ...And smokin' big cigars

0:29:450:29:47

# Well, I know I had it comin'

0:29:470:29:49

# I know I can't be free

0:29:490:29:52

# But those people keep a-movin'... #

0:29:540:29:58

STARSKY CLEARS THROAT

0:29:580:30:00

Who are you guys?

0:30:000:30:02

My name's Kansas,

0:30:020:30:05

and this is my little man, Toto.

0:30:050:30:08

We're, uh, Jesters from up in Big Cliff,

0:30:080:30:09

come down to check out your place.

0:30:100:30:11

This it? Is this your place?

0:30:110:30:13

Yeah.

0:30:130:30:14

HUTCH: Nice.

0:30:140:30:16

Tell me, if you two are Jesters,

0:30:160:30:18

what's our credo?

0:30:180:30:19

Credo? Uh...

0:30:190:30:21

HUTCH CHUCKLES Well...

0:30:210:30:23

You almost got me there. There's no credo.

0:30:230:30:27

Other than the secret credo.

0:30:280:30:30

It ain't no secret.

0:30:300:30:32

It's written right on our damn crest.

0:30:320:30:34

So, what is that, like, a trick question?

0:30:340:30:36

Because if it's printed on the crest,

0:30:360:30:37

then you don't have to give it to us as a test.

0:30:370:30:38

Anybody can read the crest, that wouldn't prove

0:30:380:30:40

that we're Jesters.

0:30:400:30:41

Not cool.

0:30:410:30:42

That's a fake mustache.

0:30:420:30:43

Oh, really?

0:30:440:30:45

Well, I wonder if you think this is fake.

0:30:460:30:48

MAN GRUNTS

0:30:480:30:51

Now, we got some questions.

0:30:510:30:52

I don't got to give you nothing, cop!

0:30:520:30:54

Wrong!

0:30:540:30:57

First, you got to give me a little respect.

0:30:570:30:59

Second, you're gonna give me some answers,

0:30:590:31:01

comprende, muchacho?

0:31:020:31:03

Oh, hey, ha...

0:31:040:31:05

I like your style.

0:31:120:31:13

I like your moves.

0:31:130:31:15

Now, where were we?

0:31:150:31:16

You were gonna tell us about Terrence Myers.

0:31:160:31:19

Who's Terrence Myers?

0:31:190:31:21

Wrong answer, Big Earl.

0:31:210:31:23

Big Earl? I'm not Big Earl.

0:31:230:31:25

I'm... I'm Jeff.

0:31:250:31:26

Oh, yeah, yeah.

0:31:260:31:28

No, no-one's who they say they are.

0:31:280:31:31

Look. Honest.

0:31:310:31:33

Think about it. I'm not even big.

0:31:330:31:35

Yeah.

0:31:360:31:37

No, that's... a good point.

0:31:380:31:40

Well, maybe it's one of those ironic names.

0:31:400:31:41

You know, like, uh, Tiny over in vice.

0:31:410:31:42

He's like eight feet tall.

0:31:430:31:44

Everybody says he's tiny, except he's big.

0:31:440:31:45

I know, except this guy's sort of normal size,

0:31:450:31:47

so he'd have to be a lot smaller with a name like Big Earl

0:31:470:31:50

for it to be ironic.

0:31:500:31:51

Yeah, but, I mean, you don't have to be a midget.

0:31:510:31:53

You're not exactly, well, how tall are you?

0:31:530:31:54

Uh, I don't know. Five-nine?

0:31:540:31:56

Uh-huh. Well, that is kind of...

0:31:560:31:57

So, basically, like... Borderline. It's average.

0:31:570:31:59

Yeah. Regular. Look, guys,

0:31:590:32:00

Big Earl got pinched two weeks ago.

0:32:000:32:02

He's in Bay City Correctional,

0:32:020:32:03

and I took over the bar as a favour,

0:32:030:32:04

until he gets out.

0:32:040:32:05

Jeff, I'm sorry.

0:32:050:32:07

We apologise.

0:32:070:32:08

We're gonna pay Big Earl a visit.

0:32:080:32:10

Let me just get this for you. There you go.

0:32:100:32:12

Good as new.

0:32:120:32:13

STARSKY: a little word of advice.

0:32:130:32:15

Next time you're watching a place,

0:32:150:32:16

don't claim that you own it

0:32:160:32:17

just cos you're watching it, OK?

0:32:170:32:18

I house-sit for my sister all the time.

0:32:180:32:20

It's not like I claim that I own her house,

0:32:200:32:22

you know what I mean?

0:32:220:32:23

That goes for all y'all.

0:32:230:32:25

Don't pretend to be something you're not.

0:32:250:32:28

Just be who you are.

0:32:280:32:29

That's what's really cool.

0:32:290:32:32

BELL RINGS

0:32:430:32:46

How did you guys get in here? visiting hours are over.

0:33:010:33:03

Special treatment.

0:33:030:33:05

We got some questions about Terrence Myers.

0:33:060:33:09

Terrence Myers? Yeah.

0:33:090:33:11

You made this jacket for him, didn't you?

0:33:110:33:13

Gee whiz, I don't seem to know anyone by that name at all.

0:33:130:33:17

Hard customer.

0:33:170:33:19

Offer him a radio or some bullshit.

0:33:190:33:22

Maybe there's something we can do

0:33:220:33:23

to make your stay a little more comfortable.

0:33:230:33:25

Nice transistor radio for your cell, maybe?

0:33:250:33:27

No.

0:33:270:33:28

How about a TV?

0:33:280:33:30

I tell you what...

0:33:300:33:32

I do like your blond friend here.

0:33:320:33:34

Let me see your bellybutton.

0:33:360:33:37

No. What...?

0:33:390:33:41

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's go. Come on.

0:33:410:33:43

No, I'm not gonna... Hold on a second.

0:33:430:33:44

He's obviously a freak. Just show a little skin.

0:33:440:33:46

Just show him your stomach.

0:33:460:33:47

Just, pull it... Nobody's here.

0:33:470:33:49

Are we cool?

0:33:490:33:50

Yes, we're cool.

0:33:500:33:52

Oh, eureka.

0:33:560:33:58

God, that's nice.

0:33:580:34:00

Oh, it's like a little bowl of oatmeal

0:34:000:34:02

with a hole in it.

0:34:020:34:04

I got one, too.

0:34:040:34:05

HUTCH: Oh, come on.

0:34:050:34:06

I just got a little more brown sugar on mine.

0:34:060:34:07

Did you say Terrence Myers?

0:34:080:34:11

Yeah, I think I did make that little jacket.

0:34:110:34:13

In fact, we might have even pulled a job together.

0:34:130:34:15

What job?

0:34:150:34:16

Who were you working for?

0:34:160:34:18

Stand up, walk to the back and do a slow spin for me.

0:34:180:34:22

Now, wait a second, Big Earl.

0:34:220:34:23

I just showed you my stomach, I...

0:34:230:34:24

Come on, a deal's a deal, Earl.

0:34:240:34:27

Fine, then this conversation is over.

0:34:270:34:30

Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

0:34:310:34:32

Hold it, come on, wait a second.

0:34:320:34:35

Get up.

0:34:380:34:40

T-tell him to take his jacket off.

0:34:430:34:44

Take your jacket off.

0:34:440:34:47

Slow spin.

0:34:470:34:48

He says to do a slow spin.

0:34:480:34:51

Tell him to arch his back,

0:34:510:34:52

and then... and then look back at me,

0:34:520:34:54

mean, like a... like a dragon.

0:34:540:34:56

He says to arch your back and look back at him,

0:34:580:35:01

mean, like a dragon.

0:35:010:35:03

BIG EARL: But keep it mean.

0:35:030:35:05

HUTCH GROWLS

0:35:080:35:10

HE GROWLS

0:35:100:35:11

HE GROWLS

0:35:120:35:14

HE MOANS

0:35:140:35:15

HE GROWLS

0:35:150:35:17

HE MOANS

0:35:170:35:19

HUTCH GROWLS

0:35:190:35:21

That's great. Tell him great job.

0:35:210:35:23

He can sit down.

0:35:230:35:24

You're a very convincing dragon.

0:35:240:35:26

You should feel good about that.

0:35:260:35:28

Just get this over with.

0:35:280:35:30

OK, here's the deal.

0:35:300:35:32

Terrence and I worked as extra muscle

0:35:320:35:34

for a couple of dealers.

0:35:340:35:35

I'd like to tell you who they were,

0:35:360:35:37

but... but I don't know.

0:35:370:35:38

I never got a name. I never got a face.

0:35:380:35:40

But I do know one thing.

0:35:400:35:42

They paid us in coke.

0:35:440:35:47

OK, I was pretty pissed at the time.

0:35:470:35:48

I was hoping to get some cash,

0:35:480:35:49

cos I'm not a coke dealer.

0:35:490:35:51

Right, so where's the coke?

0:35:510:35:52

STARSKY: If we find that coke,

0:35:520:35:54

we can probably trace it. Please.

0:35:540:35:55

Fine. Fine.

0:35:550:35:58

Look, I like you guys, OK?

0:35:580:36:00

Especially you.

0:36:000:36:01

OK, don't feel bad about that.

0:36:010:36:03

But I like you guys, so I'll tell you where it is.

0:36:030:36:05

But, uh... but first...

0:36:050:36:09

I need to see something, OK?

0:36:090:36:11

And it's gonna involve both of you.

0:36:110:36:14

I'm not gonna lie to you, it's gonna get weird.

0:36:140:36:18

Two dragons.

0:36:180:36:19

BIG EARL: Ready?

0:36:240:36:26

Both take your shirts off.

0:36:260:36:28

But do it slow.

0:36:280:36:30

| Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight |

0:36:350:36:38

| Gonna grab some afternoon delight |

0:36:380:36:42

| My motto's always been: when it's right, it's right |

0:36:420:36:45

| Why wait until the middle... |

0:36:450:36:47

I guess it's supposed to rain later tonight.

0:36:470:36:50

Yeah, that's what I heard.

0:36:500:36:53

Look, you know what happened...

0:36:530:36:55

Can we please not talk about this, Hutch?

0:36:550:36:58

We got the coke.

0:36:580:36:59

Now let's not ever talk about it.

0:36:590:37:01

You're right.

0:37:010:37:02

That's a good policy.

0:37:020:37:04

We got what we came for.

0:37:040:37:06

# A little afternoon delight

0:37:060:37:07

# Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes... #

0:37:070:37:08

You think dragons ever really...?

0:37:090:37:10

Stop!

0:37:100:37:11

I don't want to talk about it.

0:37:110:37:12

# Gettin' so excited

0:37:120:37:14

# Sky rockets in flight

0:37:140:37:16

# Afternoon delight

0:37:160:37:20

# Afternoon delight. #

0:37:210:37:26

What the hell is wrong with you two?

0:37:270:37:30

LAUGHTER

0:37:300:37:32

Oh, come on, what are you...?

0:37:320:37:33

You have brought disgrace

0:37:330:37:34

on everyone who's ever worn a uniform.

0:37:350:37:36

My God.

0:37:360:37:39

Well, we didn't know there was a camera.

0:37:390:37:40

Look, Cap, we're sorry,

0:37:400:37:42

but at least we got the stash.

0:37:420:37:43

I mean, there's got to be

0:37:430:37:44

30 grams of coke here, minimum.

0:37:440:37:46

Look, this could lead us to the dealers

0:37:460:37:47

that iced Terrence Myers.

0:37:480:37:49

Yeah, it's the beginning of the evidence chain.

0:37:490:37:50

We can print the bag, run forensics.

0:37:500:37:52

We did.

0:37:520:37:53

We got nothing.

0:37:530:37:55

What we got

0:37:550:37:56

is a bag of artificial sweetener.

0:37:560:38:00

What are you talking about?

0:38:000:38:02

This wouldn't pass for cocaine with my grandmammy.

0:38:020:38:04

Come on, that's impossible.

0:38:040:38:05

We got the stuff from Big Earl.

0:38:050:38:07

I'm taking you two off of this floater.

0:38:070:38:10

What?!

0:38:100:38:10

I'm giving it to Manetti.

0:38:100:38:12

Manetti?! Oh, come on, cap!

0:38:120:38:13

Manetti's the worst cop on the force.

0:38:130:38:15

Starsky, stop.

0:38:160:38:17

Go on. Sit down.

0:38:170:38:19

Come on.

0:38:190:38:21

STARSKY SIGHS

0:38:210:38:23

Look, captain, we're sorry, but come on,

0:38:230:38:25

you can't take us off this.

0:38:250:38:26

I just did.

0:38:260:38:28

Now leave.

0:38:280:38:31

And take your bag

0:38:330:38:34

of artificial sweetener with you.

0:38:340:38:37

Kicking the chair was a nice touch.

0:38:370:38:40

Yeah, too bad it didn't work.

0:38:400:38:41

Ah, he'll get over it.

0:38:410:38:43

What I can't figure out

0:38:430:38:45

is why Earl got paid with bunk cocaine.

0:38:450:38:46

Look, right now we've got two leads.

0:38:460:38:48

We do?

0:38:480:38:49

Stacey and Holly.

0:38:490:38:51

Those two cheerleaders?

0:38:510:38:52

No, no, no, those two witnesses.

0:38:520:38:54

They met Terrence, right?

0:38:540:38:56

Let's take them out, see what we can learn.

0:38:560:38:59

I mean, is it our fault

0:38:590:39:00

that they also happen to be a couple of hot foxes?

0:39:000:39:04

BIG EARL: Look, Reese,

0:39:040:39:05

I couldn't help myself. They were cops.

0:39:050:39:07

They were just too macho.

0:39:070:39:08

REESE: Macho?

0:39:080:39:09

It's pretty simple, Earl,

0:39:090:39:10

you should've lied to them.

0:39:100:39:12

I did lie. I lied about you.

0:39:120:39:13

I didn't tell them anything.

0:39:130:39:14

But I had to give them something.

0:39:140:39:15

They were so pure.

0:39:160:39:16

You're very lucky you're in the joint, my man.

0:39:160:39:19

Do you understand me when I say that?

0:39:190:39:20

Look at the bright side, OK?

0:39:200:39:21

The bright side?

0:39:220:39:22

This is the ultimate test.

0:39:220:39:24

That coke was in the police station all night,

0:39:240:39:26

and they cleared it.

0:39:260:39:27

You should be happy.

0:39:270:39:28

Well, guess what? I'm not happy.

0:39:280:39:30

I'm not happy

0:39:300:39:31

at all about it, Earl! Shh, shh, shh.

0:39:310:39:33

- Calm down. - Don't shush me!

0:39:330:39:34

Don't tell me to calm down, you understand?

0:39:340:39:36

What are you wearing? Real quick.

0:39:360:39:37

Be honest.

0:39:370:39:38

What am I wearing?

0:39:380:39:39

Silk flowered shirt and a vest, why?

0:39:390:39:41

BIG EARL MOANS

0:39:410:39:43

That's gorgeous.

0:39:430:39:44

You sick son of a bitch.

0:39:440:39:46

Don't hang up. Don't hang up!

0:39:460:39:47

CLICK, DIAL TONE

0:39:470:39:49

God, some people.

0:39:510:39:54

LAUGHTER

0:39:540:39:55

HOLLY: I'm not going to be able

0:39:550:39:56

to fit in my uniform tomorrow.

0:39:560:39:57

Ooh, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

0:39:570:39:58

Uh-oh!

0:39:580:39:59

LAUGHTER

0:39:590:40:01

Is this the way you two always treat your witnesses?

0:40:010:40:03

Well, that depends.

0:40:030:40:04

If it's a misdemeanor, we've been known to skip

0:40:040:40:07

the fondue and move right

0:40:070:40:08

to the foot massages.

0:40:080:40:09

Let me just see that. Oh!

0:40:090:40:10

Watch out. Wait a minute.

0:40:100:40:11

I think that's police brutality.

0:40:110:40:13

Whoa.

0:40:130:40:14

Anybody for some coffee?

0:40:140:40:15

Oh, no thanks. I'm OK.

0:40:150:40:17

OK, one for le chef.

0:40:170:40:18

Mm.

0:40:180:40:21

HOLLY: Wow, this place is great.

0:40:210:40:22

HUTCH: Yeah...

0:40:220:40:23

HE SNAPS FINGERS

0:40:230:40:24

Let's see...

0:40:240:40:26

It serves my needs.

0:40:290:40:30

It's cosy. Homey.

0:40:300:40:31

Hey, Hutch, can you help me find the sugar?

0:40:310:40:32

It's in there.

0:40:320:40:33

No, Hutch.

0:40:330:40:34

WHISPERS: Help me find the sugar.

0:40:340:40:36

Oh, OK.

0:40:360:40:38

Pardon me.

0:40:380:40:39

OK.

0:40:390:40:40

- How we doing? - Great.

0:40:400:40:41

Your fondue just put us over the top.

0:40:410:40:42

Really?

0:40:420:40:43

Let me ask you something.

0:40:430:40:44

Which one do you like?

0:40:440:40:45

Cos we're going to stick to this.

0:40:450:40:47

Well, I've always had a thing for blondes.

0:40:470:40:48

Good, cos I'll take anything.

0:40:480:40:49

HUTCH: And they're both such

0:40:490:40:50

sweet little angels.

0:40:500:40:51

Now, in two minutes,

0:40:510:40:52

I want you to grab my guitar,

0:40:520:40:54

bring it out to me,

0:40:540:40:55

put it in my hands, and then step back.

0:40:550:40:57

You play?

0:40:570:40:58

Just bring me the guitar.

0:40:580:41:00

Wait, hey, hey. Where's the sugar?

0:41:000:41:02

I don't think I have any.

0:41:020:41:04

Come here. Both of you.

0:41:050:41:07

LAUGHTER You're so funny.

0:41:070:41:09

HUTCH: Magpie convention in here.

0:41:090:41:11

This could help out.

0:41:110:41:13

Thank you, Big Earl.

0:41:170:41:19

Do you ever get scared out there,

0:41:210:41:23

on the streets?

0:41:230:41:24

Yeah, I'd like to say no,

0:41:240:41:27

but the truth is, I do sometimes.

0:41:270:41:29

Oh...

0:41:290:41:30

HE SLURPS

0:41:300:41:31

HE BLUBBERS

0:41:310:41:32

Mm.

0:41:320:41:34

There we go.

0:41:350:41:36

HE SUCKS TEETH

0:41:360:41:38

It's more that there's someone out there

0:41:380:41:39

I might not be able to help.

0:41:390:41:41

A citizen that needs...

0:41:410:41:43

aid, or even an animal.

0:41:430:41:45

Look what I found.

0:41:450:41:46

Put that away. Put it away.

0:41:460:41:48

Hutch, you got to play.

0:41:480:41:49

Come on-- play, play, play, play, please.

0:41:490:41:51

Don't you want to play?

0:41:510:41:52

Come on, Hutch. Hutch!

0:41:520:41:53

Whoo! All right, Holly, turn off the music, OK?

0:41:530:41:56

Now! Come on! Oh, sorry.

0:41:560:41:57

Look alive. Let's go.

0:41:570:41:58

Tune this thing...

0:41:580:41:59

Hutch is going to play.

0:41:590:42:00

What have you got me into, Starsky?

0:42:000:42:02

WOMEN WHOOP Thought we were partners.

0:42:020:42:03

STACEY: Whoo! Come on, Hutch.

0:42:030:42:05

TUNES GUITAR

0:42:050:42:07

One...

0:42:070:42:09

two...three...

0:42:090:42:10

# Don't give up on us, baby

0:42:130:42:16

# Don't make the wrong

0:42:170:42:20

# Seem right

0:42:200:42:22

# It's written in the moonlight

0:42:240:42:27

# Painted on the stars

0:42:270:42:30

# We can't change ours

0:42:300:42:33

HE SLURPS

0:42:330:42:35

# Don't give up on us, baby

0:42:360:42:39

# Lord knows we've come

0:42:390:42:42

# This far

0:42:430:42:45

CHIRPING # The angel and the dreamer

0:42:450:42:48

# Who sometimes plays a fool

0:42:500:42:53

# Don't give up on us, I know #

0:42:530:42:56

Wha! Wha!

0:42:560:42:57

# We can still come through. #

0:42:570:43:00

Ooh, ooh, ooh...

0:43:000:43:03

THEY LAUGH

0:43:030:43:05

Whoa!

0:43:050:43:06

STACEY: Wow.

0:43:060:43:07

Whoo!

0:43:070:43:08

That was great, Hutch!

0:43:080:43:09

Oh, come on, you guys.

0:43:090:43:10

It was just a guy up here with a guitar,

0:43:100:43:12

singing his heart out.

0:43:120:43:14

HE CHUCKLES You guys.

0:43:140:43:15

Starsky's bored.

0:43:150:43:16

STARSKY HOOTS

0:43:160:43:18

Anybody else bored? What?

0:43:180:43:20

- Huh? - A club could be fun.

0:43:200:43:21

A club! Yeah?

0:43:210:43:22

OK, I'll go get some more coffee, and then we'll go.

0:43:220:43:25

Boy.

0:43:250:43:26

Is he OK?

0:43:260:43:27

( "Right Back Where We Started From" plays )

0:43:270:43:30

# Ooh, and it's all right

0:43:300:43:31

# And it's coming on

0:43:310:43:33

# We got to get right back to where we started from

0:43:330:43:36

# Love is good

0:43:360:43:38

# Love can be strong

0:43:380:43:39

# We got to get right back to where we started from #

0:43:390:43:43

WOMEN LAUGH

0:43:430:43:45

# Do you remember the day

0:43:500:43:51

# That sunny day... # Whoo!

0:43:510:43:53

Isn't this place great? Uh-huh.

0:43:530:43:55

Do you like coming to places like this?

0:43:550:43:56

Cos, you know, you're a cheerleader,

0:43:560:43:57

so all the time you're always dancing

0:43:570:43:58

in formation like this, but then you come

0:43:580:44:00

to a place like this, it can't be much fun,

0:44:000:44:01

because it's like you're at work or something, right?

0:44:010:44:03

Are you OK?

0:44:030:44:04

You seem kind of wound up.

0:44:040:44:05

Wound up? No, I'm just, uh, pumped.

0:44:050:44:07

I'm excited, you know?

0:44:070:44:08

Rock solid, ready to go.

0:44:080:44:09

A little bit paranoid,

0:44:090:44:10

but feeling really, really good, you know?

0:44:100:44:11

Can I kiss you? OK.

0:44:110:44:13

Whoo!

0:44:130:44:15

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

0:44:150:44:16

Watch it, man. Excuse me?

0:44:160:44:18

I said watch it.

0:44:180:44:19

This floor's made for dancing.

0:44:190:44:20

You can tell by the lights.

0:44:200:44:22

You want to tangle, curly?

0:44:220:44:23

Come on, no, no, no. We're going to dance.

0:44:230:44:24

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

0:44:240:44:26

Curly wants to tangle.

0:44:260:44:27

Do you really want a piece of this?

0:44:270:44:29

Oh, I don't want a piece,

0:44:290:44:32

I want the whole thing.

0:44:320:44:35

SHOUTING

0:44:350:44:36

Yeah!

0:44:360:44:37

Oh, my, folks!

0:44:370:44:39

Please don't do this.

0:44:390:44:40

Hutch, don't worry. I can take this guy.

0:44:400:44:41

This guy's a piece of cake. It's not that.

0:44:410:44:43

You shouldn't do this

0:44:430:44:44

cos it's so incredibly lame.

0:44:440:44:45

Tonight, our very own Dancin' Rick

0:44:450:44:47

is being called out by a new guy, David Stamsky!

0:44:470:44:50

No, no, it's Starsky.

0:44:500:44:51

Right back at you.

0:44:510:44:52

So, folks, if you've got a pair of sunglasses,

0:44:520:44:54

I advise puttin' 'em on,

0:44:540:44:55

cos I got a feeling these two are going to light it up!

0:44:550:44:58

CHEERING

0:44:580:44:59

Boz, reel it in!

0:44:590:45:02

All right, everybody settle down.

0:45:050:45:07

Everybody settle. You know the rules.

0:45:070:45:09

Keep it safe, keep it sexy,

0:45:090:45:10

and above all, turn up the night!

0:45:100:45:12

( "That's The Way I Like It" plays )

0:45:120:45:16

DJ: All right, Dancin' Rick's

0:45:160:45:17

getting warmed up here.

0:45:170:45:18

What's he going to bring out for the appetiser course?

0:45:180:45:20

Oh, it's a little hand over

0:45:200:45:22

hand tug-o-man.

0:45:220:45:24

Right into the centre of the floor.

0:45:240:45:26

Yeah, it's...

0:45:260:45:28

Oh, oh, and that's all he's giving them, folks.

0:45:280:45:30

That's a bucket full of confidence, right there.

0:45:300:45:32

Over to new guy, David Starsky.

0:45:320:45:33

Oh-ho! This guy could be trouble.

0:45:350:45:39

Oh, it's the Wild West.

0:45:390:45:40

Those are six guns full of sexy.

0:45:400:45:42

The good, the bad, and the groovy.

0:45:420:45:47

All right, one, two, three, four, we've got

0:45:470:45:49

disco war, folks.

0:45:490:45:50

Dancin' Rick's going,

0:45:520:45:53

"Hmm, I don't like you, but I respect your moves."

0:45:530:45:55

Here comes Starsky again.

0:45:560:45:58

Oh, driving that disco big rig.

0:45:580:46:01

Shift gears, blow your funky horn.

0:46:010:46:03

Pull it into the truck stop

0:46:030:46:05

and get yourself some scrapple made out of sexy.

0:46:050:46:08

Disco Rick

0:46:080:46:09

brings it right back, and he's not wasting

0:46:090:46:11

any time, folks, it's--

0:46:110:46:12

Oh, from the future

0:46:120:46:14

of 1984, that's a funky disco robot.

0:46:140:46:16

Oh, they're both

0:46:160:46:18

on the floor, folks,

0:46:180:46:19

eye-to-eye-- it's disco Vietnam.

0:46:190:46:21

Neither one's blinking.

0:46:210:46:23

Neither one's backing down.

0:46:230:46:24

Let's see what happens.

0:46:240:46:25

Ooh, angry cat.

0:46:250:46:26

Kitten has claws.

0:46:260:46:28

All right, looks like it's over.

0:46:280:46:29

Remember, two-dollar harvey wall...

0:46:290:46:30

Oh, my God!

0:46:300:46:31

David Starsky

0:46:310:46:33

taking it over the line!

0:46:330:46:35

CHEERING

0:46:350:46:37

Whoa-ho-ho-ho!

0:46:380:46:40

Yeah!

0:46:400:46:42

Whoo!

0:46:420:46:43

How about that?

0:46:430:46:44

Very sexy, very macho, but you know what?

0:46:440:46:46

That's a little too close to call.

0:46:460:46:48

We're going to have to depend

0:46:480:46:49

on our patented American lights applause-o-meter.

0:46:490:46:52

So, let's bring out our combatants, folks.

0:46:520:46:54

Come on, big hand for them.

0:46:540:46:56

Here we go.

0:46:560:46:57

First off,

0:46:570:47:00

over to my man, Dancin' Rick.

0:47:000:47:02

CHEERING

0:47:020:47:04

And over to the new guy,

0:47:040:47:06

David Starsky.

0:47:060:47:07

LOUDER CHEERING

0:47:070:47:09

Yeah!

0:47:090:47:10

Folks, folks...

0:47:100:47:11

pretty close.

0:47:110:47:12

I hate to do this, but I got to give it

0:47:120:47:14

to my man, Dancin' Rick.

0:47:140:47:15

BOOING Yeah!

0:47:150:47:17

What?

0:47:170:47:18

Hey, hey, do it again. That's BS.

0:47:180:47:20

What? I won. Do it again.

0:47:200:47:21

Do the applause thing again.

0:47:210:47:22

It was just for fun, forget...

0:47:230:47:24

I said do it again, liar!

0:47:240:47:25

Not cool, not cool.

0:47:250:47:26

Whoa, whoa. Liar!

0:47:260:47:27

Do it again!

0:47:270:47:28

Hey, hey, settle down.

0:47:280:47:30

GUNFIRE Settle down! I'm a cop!

0:47:300:47:33

It's cool. SCREAMING

0:47:330:47:34

HUTCH: It's OK.

0:47:350:47:36

It's OK, it's OK.

0:47:380:47:40

Calm down, people.

0:47:400:47:41

Bay City PD.

0:47:410:47:43

We got him.

0:47:430:47:44

STARSKY GROANS

0:47:440:47:45

We're going to get you home.

0:47:450:47:47

HE GASPS

0:47:470:47:48

Where am I?

0:47:480:47:49

You were freaking out.

0:47:490:47:50

I had to take you down.

0:47:500:47:51

What?

0:47:510:47:53

HUTCH: Oh, there we go.

0:47:550:47:57

Easy does it.

0:47:570:47:58

Uh-huh, uh-huh, that's the way...

0:47:580:48:00

Here we go.

0:48:000:48:01

Oh... I think I was drugged.

0:48:020:48:06

Sounds like you did some coke.

0:48:070:48:10

I mean, from what I've read about the effects.

0:48:120:48:15

I don't use coke.

0:48:150:48:17

That coffee tonight...

0:48:170:48:18

What is that?

0:48:220:48:24

Sweetener, right?

0:48:240:48:25

That the stuff we got from Earl's?

0:48:250:48:26

What are you doing with this?

0:48:260:48:28

Hey, Hutch...

0:48:280:48:29

Where'd you get this?

0:48:290:48:30

I beat that guy.

0:48:300:48:31

What was that about?

0:48:310:48:32

Sure, you did. You won.

0:48:320:48:33

You won, you danced your heart out.

0:48:330:48:35

And everybody saw it.

0:48:350:48:36

Shh, go to sleep.

0:48:360:48:37

I was robbed.

0:48:370:48:38

I know. We was robbed.

0:48:380:48:40

We was robbed.

0:48:400:48:42

Go to sleep.

0:48:420:48:44

STARSKY GROANS Shh.

0:48:440:48:46

Go to sleep, tiny dancer.

0:48:460:48:48

All right.

0:48:480:48:49

Jesus Christ.

0:48:500:48:52

BOTH SIGH

0:48:520:48:54

Is he OK?

0:48:540:48:56

Oh, yeah, he's OK.

0:48:560:48:58

He just needs to sleep it off.

0:48:580:49:00

Oh...

0:49:000:49:01

Quite a night, huh?

0:49:010:49:02

Oh, you can say that again.

0:49:020:49:04

Yeah.

0:49:040:49:06

Guess it's kind of winding down.

0:49:060:49:08

Well, it doesn't have to be over.

0:49:080:49:10

What do you mean?

0:49:100:49:11

FUNK MUSIC PLAYS

0:49:110:49:13

# They keep trying to tell me... #

0:49:130:49:16

HE CHUCKLES

0:49:160:49:17

Where did that come from?

0:49:170:49:19

# All you want to do is use me... #

0:49:190:49:22

I just want you to know.

0:49:220:49:24

I really like your partner.

0:49:240:49:27

Oh, I know, he's such a good guy.

0:49:270:49:29

This is just, like, whatever.

0:49:290:49:31

Yeah, I don't think we even have to judge it.

0:49:310:49:33

It's just, it's too natural.

0:49:330:49:34

OK.

0:49:340:49:35

Do you guys want to kiss?

0:49:350:49:37

# I-i-i wanna spread the news

0:49:370:49:41

# That if it feels this good getting used

0:49:410:49:44

# Oh, you just keep on usin' me

0:49:440:49:47

# Until you use me up... #

0:49:500:49:52

HUTCH: I hear somebody stirring.

0:49:520:49:54

There he is.

0:49:540:49:55

Ooh, I feel for you.

0:49:550:49:58

Ow!

0:49:580:50:00

LOUD WHIRRING

0:50:000:50:01

Jesus!

0:50:010:50:02

Please, turn that off!

0:50:020:50:03

Easy, killer. Just a blender.

0:50:030:50:05

Oh!

0:50:050:50:07

What time is it?

0:50:070:50:09

Time for Hutch's hangover cure.

0:50:090:50:11

What's in it?

0:50:110:50:13

Pepto-bismol, Aunt Jemima mix,

0:50:130:50:16

Tang, and a little flat Tab, oh...

0:50:160:50:17

most important thing.

0:50:170:50:19

And a raw egg.

0:50:200:50:22

Saves lives. Trust me.

0:50:220:50:24

And?

0:50:280:50:29

It's good.

0:50:320:50:33

What'd I tell you?

0:50:330:50:35

Oh, sorry about last night.

0:50:350:50:37

Thanks for taking care of the girls.

0:50:370:50:39

Hey, no problem.

0:50:390:50:40

Happy to do it.

0:50:400:50:41

What are partners for?

0:50:410:50:43

Oh, speaking of which, uh....

0:50:430:50:45

I checked this stuff out,

0:50:450:50:46

and even though it tastes like sugar,

0:50:460:50:48

that is cocaine.

0:50:480:50:50

You sure?

0:50:500:50:52

I'm sure.

0:50:530:50:54

Stacey's sure. Holly's sure.

0:50:540:50:56

HE CLEARS THROAT

0:50:560:50:58

How do you like your eggs?

0:50:580:51:00

STARSKY: Didn't Huggy mention

0:51:000:51:01

something about a coke deal going down?

0:51:010:51:04

"One for the Guinness book" was how he put it.

0:51:040:51:05

Seems like a pretty big coincidence, huh?

0:51:060:51:08

Hey, why don't you let me drive?

0:51:080:51:09

You don't look so good.

0:51:090:51:11

No, if I'm alive, I drive.

0:51:110:51:12

Rhyming already.

0:51:130:51:14

You must be feeling... Whoa!

0:51:140:51:16

You OK? I'm fine.

0:51:220:51:23

He blew out my fricking window!

0:51:230:51:25

All right, enough with the car already!

0:51:270:51:28

We get it!

0:51:280:51:29

Stop shooting my car!

0:51:290:51:32

OK, cover me.

0:51:320:51:33

Say when. Go!

0:51:330:51:35

HUTCH: Zebra-three to base,

0:51:380:51:39

I want you to run a plate for me.

0:51:390:51:40

Larry-one- apple-nine-

0:51:400:51:41

eight-four.

0:51:410:51:43

Larry-one-apple-nine-

0:51:430:51:44

eight-four.

0:51:440:51:45

Damn it. You OK?

0:51:460:51:47

Oh, look at this!

0:51:470:51:48

This is horrible!

0:51:480:51:50

I mean, what kind of world do we live in

0:51:510:51:52

where somebody does something like this?

0:51:530:51:54

Well, I think he was aiming at us.

0:51:540:51:56

Do you think this is funny?

0:51:580:51:59

Seriously, do you think this is funny?

0:51:590:52:00

DISPATCHER: Zebra-three, we have

0:52:000:52:02

an ID on that plate: Lee M Chau, 1325 western.

0:52:020:52:04

Ready to dish out a little payback?

0:52:040:52:07

JERRY SPEAKS SPANISH

0:52:080:52:11

CLANGING

0:52:270:52:28

SCREAMING

0:52:370:52:39

Freeze!

0:52:390:52:40

Bay City PD!

0:52:400:52:42

What the hell was that?

0:52:430:52:45

I think it's his kid!

0:52:450:52:46

Just sit tight, little boy!

0:52:470:52:48

Oh. Well, well, well.

0:52:480:52:50

This looks familiar.

0:52:500:52:51

Possession of cocaine and attempted murder, huh?

0:52:510:52:53

SCREAMING

0:52:540:52:55

Jesus! Ow! What was that?!

0:52:550:52:57

That ain't a kid!

0:52:580:52:59

It's a tiny little man!

0:52:590:53:00

And he's got knives!

0:53:000:53:01

Goddamn!

0:53:010:53:03

Not my arm! Oh, shit!

0:53:030:53:04

Make him stop!

0:53:060:53:07

Make him stop. Tell him to stop.

0:53:070:53:09

CHAU SPEAKS KOREAN

0:53:090:53:11

Stop it!

0:53:110:53:12

Starsky! Whoa!

0:53:170:53:19

We need to go now! Come on!

0:53:190:53:20

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

0:53:200:53:22

All right... now...

0:53:250:53:28

OK, time out.

0:53:280:53:29

Let's just take a little break.

0:53:290:53:31

I'm going to get out of here...

0:53:310:53:32

Oh, geez!

0:53:320:53:32

Listen...

0:53:320:53:34

Ow! Oh, mama!

0:53:340:53:35

Ow! What is your problem?

0:53:350:53:37

STARSKY: I said time out!

0:53:370:53:39

HUTCH SCREAMS

0:53:390:53:40

Ow, Hutch.

0:53:400:53:42

A little help.

0:53:420:53:44

Oh, he pinned you good, partner.

0:53:440:53:46

On three-- one, two...

0:53:460:53:48

Ow!

0:53:480:53:50

Time to answer some questions, old man.

0:53:500:53:52

Who's the limber little dwarf you got

0:53:520:53:54

throwing knives at me and my partner?!

0:53:540:53:56

That was no dwarf. That was my son!

0:53:560:53:58

Liar!

0:53:580:53:59

CHAU GRUNTS

0:53:590:54:00

Come on, you're going downtown.

0:54:000:54:02

Let's go, Starsky! On your feet!

0:54:020:54:05

Now... you want to tell me who hired you?

0:54:310:54:34

CHAU CHUCKLES

0:54:340:54:35

We have a saying in Koreatown.

0:54:350:54:37

It goes...

0:54:370:54:39

"Kiss my yellow ass, copper."

0:54:390:54:40

All right, you want to play games?

0:54:410:54:43

I got a game for you, Chau.

0:54:430:54:45

Let's play a little Russian roulette.

0:54:500:54:51

We've got a little saying here in Bay City.

0:54:530:54:56

You cross the line...

0:54:580:54:59

...your nuts are mine.

0:55:020:55:03

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

0:55:030:55:04

Whoa, there's really a bullet

0:55:040:55:05

in the gun.

0:55:050:55:06

Yes, I know.

0:55:060:55:07

That is the point of Russian roulette.

0:55:070:55:08

- No, you don't understand. - Come on, you want to play?

0:55:080:55:10

Let's play!

0:55:100:55:10

No, the bullet went back inside!

0:55:100:55:12

BOTH SCREAM

0:55:120:55:14

HAMMER CLICKS

0:55:140:55:15

Your turn! Come on. No! no! no!

0:55:160:55:17

I thought you wanted to play.

0:55:170:55:18

Let's play.

0:55:180:55:19

BOTH SHOUT

0:55:190:55:20

HAMMER CLICKS

0:55:200:55:22

What are you doing? Jesus!

0:55:220:55:23

Our little friend here is about to talk.

0:55:230:55:26

HUTCH SPEAKS KOREAN

0:55:260:55:29

All right, enough with the talking, huh?

0:55:370:55:39

Let's go, right now! What? No!

0:55:390:55:41

GRUNTING

0:55:410:55:42

GUNSHOT

0:55:420:55:43

CHAU PANTS

0:55:430:55:46

You're crazy!

0:55:460:55:47

Are you out of your mind?

0:55:470:55:49

CHAU SHRIEKS

0:55:490:55:51

HUTCH: Calm down.

0:55:510:55:52

CHAU: Calm down?

0:55:520:55:53

He tried to kill me.

0:55:530:55:55

He shoot everything.

0:55:550:55:56

I have heart attack already.

0:55:560:55:58

HUTCH: It's over, it's over.

0:55:580:56:00

Calm down.

0:56:000:56:01

CONVERSE IN KOREAN

0:56:010:56:06

LAUGHING

0:56:080:56:10

What?

0:56:100:56:12

No, nothing, nothing. This guy is funny.

0:56:120:56:13

It's not about you.

0:56:140:56:15

That's great. He can be your new partner.

0:56:150:56:17

Chau and Hutch. Sounds cool.

0:56:170:56:19

Forget it.

0:56:190:56:20

All right, Chau, what else can you tell me

0:56:200:56:23

about the guys that hired you?

0:56:230:56:25

Not much.

0:56:250:56:26

Couple of whities.

0:56:260:56:27

Nice suit. Perry Ellis.

0:56:270:56:30

They pay, I do job.

0:56:300:56:32

What'd they look like?

0:56:320:56:33

I don't know.

0:56:330:56:35

They were white.

0:56:350:56:36

All you guys look alike to me.

0:56:360:56:38

LAUGHING

0:56:380:56:39

That's funny. All you guys look alike to us.

0:56:390:56:43

Orientals.

0:56:430:56:44

So where'd you meet him?

0:56:440:56:46

Well, we met, um...

0:56:460:56:48

How do you say?

0:56:480:56:50

By water.

0:56:500:56:52

At the beach?

0:56:520:56:53

No, no, no, no.

0:56:530:56:54

On water.

0:56:540:56:56

Right, a boat. You met on a boat.

0:56:560:56:58

No, no, no,

0:56:580:56:59

not a boat.

0:56:590:57:00

It's a yacht.

0:57:000:57:03

DISCO MUSIC PLAYS

0:57:030:57:05

# That's the time

0:57:050:57:07

# Yeah, I feel like making

0:57:070:57:09

# Love to you

0:57:090:57:12

# Oh, baby... #

0:57:120:57:14

Come on, y'all!

0:57:140:57:16

# In a restaurant, ah

0:57:160:57:18

# In a topless bar

0:57:180:57:20

# In a high school bus

0:57:200:57:22

# In the back

0:57:220:57:23

# Of your mama's car

0:57:230:57:25

# On a trampoline

0:57:250:57:27

# In the middle of a putting green

0:57:270:57:29

# Anywhere you're near or far

0:57:290:57:31

# Right here at this Bat Mitzvah

0:57:310:57:34

# Ow, that's the time

0:57:340:57:35

# Yeah

0:57:350:57:37

# I feel like making l-o-v-e

0:57:370:57:39

# T-o y-o-u

0:57:390:57:41

# Oh, baby. #

0:57:410:57:44

All right.

0:57:440:57:46

Rock into womanhood, Elizabeth.

0:57:460:57:47

We know that you will.

0:57:480:57:50

All right.

0:57:500:57:51

What's that supposed to mean?

0:57:510:57:52

We have a special delivery for the little lady.

0:57:520:57:55

It's right over here.

0:57:550:57:56

Let's see what's inside.

0:57:560:57:58

DRUM ROLL

0:57:580:58:00

GASPS

0:58:010:58:02

MUSIC: "Send In The Clowns"

0:58:020:58:04

LIGHT APPLAUSE

0:58:050:58:08

# Isn't it rich?

0:58:080:58:12

# Isn't it queer?

0:58:120:58:16

# Me here at last on the ground

0:58:170:58:20

# You in midair... # These pantomimes suck.

0:58:200:58:22

Don't look at me, I didn't hire them.

0:58:220:58:25

Well, who did?

0:58:250:58:26

I don't know.

0:58:260:58:27

# Where are the clowns? #

0:58:270:58:30

These pantomimes aren't very good.

0:58:300:58:31

# Send in the clowns... #

0:58:310:58:33

This must be Reese's big surprise.

0:58:330:58:36

Look at me, guys, I'm a mime, too.

0:58:360:58:37

You know what I mean?

0:58:370:58:38

All I'm saying is, everyone's miming something.

0:58:380:58:40

MUSIC CONTINUES

0:58:420:58:45

OK.

0:58:450:58:46

Reese just left.

0:58:490:58:50

Yeah, I know.

0:58:500:58:51

Stay here, I'm going to follow him.

0:58:510:58:52

No, no, no, you stay and I'll follow him.

0:58:520:58:53

No, you stay, you got to keep them occupied.

0:58:530:58:55

You're doing great. They love you.

0:58:550:58:56

MUSIC CONTINUES

0:58:560:59:03

WOMAN COUGHS

0:59:030:59:05

I might do the glass wall one more time.

0:59:070:59:11

GIRL BOOS

0:59:120:59:14

I think it's terrific.

0:59:140:59:15

I don't know, tell the guy you like him.

0:59:150:59:16

Then ask him to sit next to you at the cafeteria.

0:59:160:59:18

How do I know how that works?

0:59:180:59:19

What am I, your counsellor?

0:59:190:59:21

Yeah, I'd like to get to the information that I need, OK?

0:59:210:59:23

BIG EARL: 'It's done.'

0:59:250:59:26

My buddy delivered the package. OK?

0:59:260:59:29

It's in your garage.

0:59:290:59:30

It's locked up nice and tight,

0:59:300:59:32

'in case anybody gets nosy.'

0:59:320:59:33

REESE: Is he positive that no-one saw him?

0:59:330:59:35

'Not a soul.'

0:59:350:59:37

- Now, about my fee. - 'You'll be paid as soon'

0:59:370:59:39

as I've checked it out, all right?

0:59:390:59:40

'Now, if you'll excuse me,

0:59:400:59:41

'I got to get back to my daughter's Bat Mitzvah.'

0:59:410:59:43

- 'Reese, wait.' - What?

0:59:430:59:44

SIGHS

0:59:440:59:45

- Mazel tov, man. - 'Thanks.'

0:59:450:59:47

They grow up so fast.

0:59:480:59:49

Go play dragon. I got to go.

0:59:490:59:51

'All right. Big kisses.'

0:59:510:59:52

Thank you so much, everybody, for coming out tonight

0:59:540:59:56

to celebrate my little girl's Bat Mitzvah.

0:59:560:59:58

I guess I should say young woman.

0:59:581:00:02

It'll take me a while to get used to that.

1:00:021:00:03

This guy's good. It's pretty sweet.

1:00:031:00:04

It's in his garage. What?

1:00:041:00:06

The cocaine. It's in his garage.

1:00:061:00:07

Are you sure? Yeah. We take him down now.

1:00:071:00:09

Come on. Let's go.

1:00:091:00:10

# My eyes adore you... #

1:00:101:00:11

All right, cut the music.

1:00:111:00:12

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Cut the music.

1:00:121:00:13

Hey, guys.

1:00:131:00:15

I think I speak for everyone

1:00:151:00:16

when I say we're a little mimed out.

1:00:161:00:18

Yeah, well, don't worry. Show's over, Feldman.

1:00:181:00:19

HUTCH: Putting you under arrest

1:00:191:00:21

for possession with intent to sell.

1:00:211:00:22

This man's a drug dealer.

1:00:221:00:23

GUESTS GASP AND MURMUR

1:00:241:00:25

OK, I think what we have here is...

1:00:251:00:26

Maybe you didn't hear us!

1:00:261:00:27

HUTCH: Take it easy, everybody. Everything will be OK.

1:00:271:00:29

You're making the biggest mistake of your life, clown.

1:00:291:00:31

No. You hear me?

1:00:311:00:32

You're the one making the mistake, pusher man!

1:00:321:00:33

Kevin, call my attorney, please. Ridiculous.

1:00:351:00:37

Open it.

1:00:371:00:40

My hands are tied.

1:00:401:00:41

Fine.

1:00:411:00:42

Allow me.

1:00:421:00:43

Now, let this be a lesson to everyone, especially you kids.

1:00:451:00:47

Don't be fooled by the first-class suit and the big house.

1:00:481:00:50

Reese Feldman's nothing more than a two-bit drug dealer.

1:00:501:00:54

You want some proof?

1:00:541:00:56

Here's some proof.

1:00:561:00:57

This is a bad man.

1:01:011:01:03

And this is what bad men do.

1:01:031:01:05

GIRL: A pony!

1:01:071:01:09

Happy Bat Mitzvah, baby. I love you.

1:01:091:01:11

PONY WHINNIES

1:01:111:01:12

GUESTS SCREAM

1:01:121:01:14

It's all right, baby.

1:01:171:01:19

It's OK. Come here, come here.

1:01:191:01:20

We'll get you a new pony.

1:01:201:01:22

We'll get you another one.

1:01:221:01:23

Hey there, little fella.

1:01:241:01:25

You OK?

1:01:251:01:27

Mr Feldman, on behalf

1:01:311:01:34

of the entire Bay City Police Department,

1:01:341:01:37

I sincerely apologise.

1:01:371:01:39

That's OK, captain.

1:01:391:01:40

My attorney here would love

1:01:401:01:42

to take them down, but I know that,

1:01:421:01:45

in the bottom of their hearts,

1:01:451:01:46

these two detectives were just trying to protect me

1:01:461:01:49

and my family.

1:01:491:01:50

I got you.

1:01:501:01:53

Thank you.

1:01:531:01:54

I respect your attitude,

1:01:561:01:58

but you can be sure it will never happen again,

1:01:581:02:01

because, as of right now,

1:02:011:02:03

both of you are suspended indefinitely.

1:02:031:02:05

Look, cap, this was my fault.

1:02:051:02:06

Come on. There's no...

1:02:061:02:08

No, no, no, don't drag Hutch into this, all right?

1:02:081:02:09

I shot the pony.

1:02:091:02:10

Since when do you care what happens to Hutch?

1:02:101:02:12

You filed for a transfer two weeks ago,

1:02:121:02:14

citing his behaviour as a reason.

1:02:141:02:16

Captain. Oh, yeah, yeah.

1:02:161:02:18

Check this out.

1:02:181:02:19

Sounds like you're quite the crime fighter, Hutchinson.

1:02:191:02:22

You filed for a transfer?

1:02:221:02:23

Guns and badges right here, on my desk.

1:02:231:02:25

Your mother would be very disappointed in you.

1:02:291:02:31

SIGHS

1:02:451:02:47

Man, I've really had it with that Doby.

1:02:471:02:48

I mean, it's enough, already, you know?

1:02:481:02:50

"Cavorting with nefarious characters."

1:02:501:02:53

"Conduct unbecoming of an officer."

1:02:531:02:55

Look, I wrote that thing two weeks ago, OK?

1:02:551:02:57

Things are really cool with us now. I...

1:02:571:02:59

Hey, did you go through my locker?

1:02:591:03:00

No.

1:03:001:03:01

You went through my locker.

1:03:011:03:02

I mean, I might have looked inside of it

1:03:021:03:04

when it was already open, but...

1:03:041:03:05

Look, if you've got a problem with someone,

1:03:051:03:07

you tell it to their face.

1:03:071:03:08

You come to them as a man.

1:03:081:03:09

You don't go behind their back and write a thesis,

1:03:091:03:11

and try to get transferred to another precinct.

1:03:111:03:13

Backstabber!

1:03:201:03:22

Yeah, don't anybody work with David Starsky.

1:03:221:03:25

He'll stab you in the back.

1:03:251:03:27

You've got to let this go, OK?

1:03:281:03:30

We got so lucky, these guys screwed up.

1:03:301:03:32

They can't even touch us now.

1:03:321:03:33

It is over. I don't care.

1:03:331:03:35

No one dresses up like a mime and embarrasses me

1:03:351:03:37

at my daughter's Bat Mitzvah.

1:03:381:03:39

In my own house, no less.

1:03:391:03:41

Let's have some perspective here, OK?

1:03:411:03:43

We're almost finished.

1:03:431:03:44

We're a few days away from closing a 35 million deal.

1:03:441:03:46

Why don't you let it slide?

1:03:461:03:47

Yeah, I'll let it slide...

1:03:471:03:49

when they're dead.

1:03:491:03:50

Mm.

1:03:501:03:51

Why did I get so lucky?

1:03:511:03:53

KITTY: I don't know.

1:03:531:03:54

I just love when you talk so tough.

1:03:541:03:56

Of course you do, baby.

1:03:561:03:57

That's why you're my girlfriend on the side.

1:03:571:03:59

GIGGLES

1:03:591:04:01

MUSIC: "We've Only Just Begun" by The Carpenters

1:04:011:04:03

# We've only just begun

1:04:041:04:10

# To live

1:04:101:04:12

# White lace and promises

1:04:121:04:18

# A kiss for luck and we're on our way

1:04:181:04:23

# We've only begun

1:04:231:04:26

# Before the risin' sun, we fly

1:04:261:04:34

# So many roads to choose

1:04:341:04:40

# We start off walkin' and learn to run

1:04:401:04:44

# And yet, we've just begun

1:04:451:04:51

# Sharin' horizons that are new to us

1:04:511:04:56

# Watchin' the signs along the way

1:04:571:05:02

# Talkin' it over, just the two of us

1:05:021:05:06

# Workin' together, day to day... #

1:05:081:05:13

Ruin me!

1:05:131:05:14

LAUGHS

1:05:141:05:16

Excuse me, Smoky.

1:05:191:05:21

Let me have a minute with my friend.

1:05:211:05:22

He didn't care if he got ruined.

1:05:221:05:24

That was the whole point of the episode.

1:05:241:05:26

He didn't... Did you see?

1:05:261:05:27

Look here, Hutch,

1:05:271:05:28

you gonna have to lay up off of this juice.

1:05:281:05:30

You done had too much to drink.

1:05:301:05:31

Come on.

1:05:311:05:32

Feel like a million bucks.

1:05:321:05:34

Just laughing, having a good time.

1:05:341:05:36

Look, man, it ain't even funny no more.

1:05:361:05:38

There used to be a time around here

1:05:381:05:39

when you peed against the wall,

1:05:391:05:41

you did it outside.

1:05:411:05:42

HUFFS

1:05:421:05:45

Lighten up, it's Friday night.

1:05:451:05:47

OK, it's a bar.

1:05:481:05:49

Hutch, it's Wednesday afternoon, man.

1:05:491:05:50

Snap out of it.

1:05:501:05:51

What time is it?

1:05:531:05:55

It's 5, man.

1:05:551:05:56

Ah, shit!

1:05:561:05:58

I'm supposed to pick up Willis at 3.

1:05:581:05:59

Uh, Huggy, I'm sorry, we...

1:06:001:06:02

Hutch!

1:06:041:06:05

Hey, Hutch! you home?

1:06:051:06:08

You were supposed to pick me up at 3 today.

1:06:081:06:11

What happened?

1:06:111:06:12

Deadbeat!

1:06:131:06:14

SIREN WAILS

1:06:291:06:32

HUGGY: "If you could have yourself

1:06:341:06:37

"one wish, what would it be for?

1:06:371:06:39

"Mama put the salt back on the straight line

1:06:391:06:41

"with the pepper and got that look on her face

1:06:411:06:43

"like when she be telling me that old wise stuff.

1:06:431:06:45

"She told Nobie that he should wish for..."

1:06:451:06:48

Good friends.

1:06:481:06:49

"Free to be you and me."

1:06:491:06:51

That's what Mama tells Nobie to wish for, right?

1:06:511:06:53

Well, well, well.

1:06:531:06:54

How are you doing, Willis?

1:06:541:06:56

I'm pretty good.

1:06:561:06:57

Yeah? Got you something.

1:06:571:06:58

Damn.

1:06:591:07:01

A wrist rocket.

1:07:011:07:03

Watch out with that thing. Very powerful.

1:07:031:07:05

WILLIS: Cool.

1:07:051:07:06

Thanks, Starsky.

1:07:061:07:07

Now, I'm pretty sure those are illegal, Willis,

1:07:071:07:10

and even though you're my friend,

1:07:101:07:11

might have to report you to Doby.

1:07:111:07:13

All right,

1:07:141:07:15

OK, look, Hutch, can we...?

1:07:151:07:17

Is it all right if I talk to you outside

1:07:191:07:21

for a second?

1:07:211:07:22

No, I better stay here with the kid.

1:07:221:07:24

All right.

1:07:241:07:26

Hey, feel better, all right?

1:07:261:07:27

You got it.

1:07:271:07:29

SCOFFS Can you believe that guy? What a...

1:07:301:07:33

Hutch, the man was trying to apologise.

1:07:331:07:35

HUGGY: Dig this, man.

1:07:351:07:36

Someone once said, "To err is human, to forgive, divine."

1:07:361:07:41

What idiot said that?

1:07:431:07:45

I believe that was God, the greatest mack of all.

1:07:451:07:49

SNIFFS

1:07:501:07:51

David, David.

1:07:511:07:53

Yeah.

1:07:541:07:55

OK, so what'd you want to say?

1:07:551:07:58

Nothing, nothing.

1:07:581:07:59

Apparently, you know, you're too busy,

1:07:591:08:01

and I'm not worth it, so, it's fine.

1:08:011:08:02

No, really, it's good. Huh?

1:08:021:08:03

Come on, come on, let's hear it.

1:08:031:08:05

There's nothing that, you know...

1:08:051:08:06

I just, I just, I just was going to say that I, um,

1:08:061:08:08

I think you're...

1:08:081:08:09

I think you're a good cop.

1:08:091:08:11

Hey, well, thank you.

1:08:111:08:12

And, um...I am... sorry about...

1:08:121:08:17

what I wrote in the report.

1:08:171:08:18

Yeah, cos I'm telling you, that...

1:08:181:08:20

I felt like I had just gotten, like, my world rocked.

1:08:201:08:21

It's like...

1:08:211:08:22

Are you crying?

1:08:221:08:24

What's that?

1:08:241:08:25

Are you crying?

1:08:251:08:26

Am I crying? No, I'm not crying. You're crying.

1:08:261:08:29

It's OK to cry. People cry.

1:08:291:08:31

It's great, but I'm not crying.

1:08:311:08:32

I don't... I'm not a crier.

1:08:321:08:33

I don't cry. I, you know, I work out.

1:08:331:08:34

I have hobbies. I don't, I don't...

1:08:341:08:36

Come here, come here.

1:08:361:08:38

I forgive you, all right?

1:08:391:08:40

OK.

1:08:401:08:41

(I forgive you.)

1:08:411:08:43

STARSKY SOBS

1:08:431:08:44

OK, OK, that's probably enough.

1:08:441:08:45

That's enough.

1:08:461:08:47

All right?

1:08:471:08:48

OK, are we good?

1:08:481:08:49

Yeah, I'm good.

1:08:491:08:51

OK, cos we got some people that want us dead.

1:08:511:08:53

OK, they took a shot at you, they tried to blow up my house,

1:08:531:08:55

almost killed little Willis.

1:08:551:08:57

We gotta do... SNIFFS

1:08:571:08:59

Now what?

1:08:591:09:00

Nothing. I'm just excited.

1:09:001:09:01

I want to get these... Let's get these scumbags!

1:09:011:09:03

Come on, that's what I want to see.

1:09:031:09:05

Good. Yes!

1:09:051:09:06

What are you doing? Let's go.

1:09:061:09:09

MUSIC: "Cocaine" by Eric Clapton

1:09:091:09:11

# If you wanna hang out

1:09:111:09:13

# You've got to take her out

1:09:131:09:15

# Cocaine

1:09:151:09:17

# If you wanna get down

1:09:191:09:22

# Down on the ground

1:09:221:09:24

# Cocaine

1:09:241:09:27

# She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie

1:09:281:09:32

# Cocaine

1:09:331:09:34

# If you've got bad news

1:09:381:09:39

# You wanna kick them blues

1:09:391:09:42

# Cocaine

1:09:421:09:43

# When your day is done

1:09:461:09:48

# And you wanna run

1:09:481:09:51

# Cocaine

1:09:511:09:52

# She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie

1:09:541:09:58

# Cocaine... #

1:09:581:10:01

WHISTLES

1:10:011:10:03

Man, tell you that.

1:10:031:10:05

Look, I'm telling you, it's right here.

1:10:051:10:08

Reese is meeting with the biggest drug dealers in Bay City

1:10:081:10:10

in back alleys all over the place.

1:10:101:10:12

Mm, but talking isn't illegal.

1:10:121:10:14

Yeah.

1:10:141:10:16

The guy's not stupid.

1:10:161:10:17

He knows how to stay clean.

1:10:171:10:18

Dirty ones always do.

1:10:181:10:20

SIGHS We got to do something.

1:10:201:10:21

We got to find a way to get close to him,

1:10:211:10:23

get inside and hear what's going on.

1:10:231:10:24

It's gonna be tough.

1:10:241:10:25

The guy knows what we look like.

1:10:251:10:26

He doesn't know what Huggy Bear looks like.

1:10:261:10:30

SLURPS

1:10:301:10:32

Man, this is a bunch of crap.

1:10:321:10:34

I am an urban informant.

1:10:341:10:35

I am not a snitch.

1:10:351:10:37

Come on, Huggy, what's the difference?

1:10:371:10:38

A snitch wears a wire.

1:10:381:10:40

A snitch is the scum of the information industry.

1:10:401:10:43

Oh. Wait a minute. A snitch has no soul.

1:10:431:10:45

Ow! Damn, man, that shit hurt.

1:10:451:10:47

I'm sorry.

1:10:471:10:48

You got to be more careful. I know.

1:10:481:10:49

Look, Huggy, we wouldn't ask you to do this

1:10:491:10:51

unless it was really important.

1:10:511:10:53

I'm gonna owe you one.

1:10:531:10:54

No, you're gonna owe me more than one, man.

1:10:541:10:55

Well, let's slow down with the scorekeeping,

1:10:551:10:57

cos I might have to start remembering

1:10:571:10:58

some of the stuff I've overlooked over the years

1:10:581:11:00

and then mention it to my partner here.

1:11:001:11:02

How'd that be?

1:11:021:11:05

All right, man.

1:11:071:11:08

Get this over with. Hurry up. All right, all right.

1:11:081:11:10

Good. We're done.

1:11:101:11:11

All right, let's get that outfit.

1:11:111:11:13

HUGGY: Outfit?!

1:11:131:11:14

Ta-dum.

1:11:141:11:16

Oh, no, man.

1:11:161:11:17

You know Huggy Bear wouldn't wear that, man.

1:11:171:11:19

Y'all gonna have to come up with something better than that.

1:11:191:11:21

Y'all got to take that shit back to Florida.

1:11:211:11:23

That ain't me, baby.

1:11:231:11:24

REESE: Mr Casual. So nice of you to join us.

1:11:301:11:32

Hey, sorry about that, sir.

1:11:321:11:34

What would you say this is?

1:11:351:11:37

Uh, golf?

1:11:381:11:39

Real funny, Amos.

1:11:391:11:41

Give me the nine iron.

1:11:421:11:43

Where the hell's my nine iron?

1:11:491:11:51

Well, I was gonna bring the other bag...

1:11:511:11:52

Let me explain something to you, all right?

1:11:521:11:55

You are in charge of this area right here.

1:11:551:11:58

The clubs come out, but they gotta go back in.

1:11:581:12:00

Now, I realise this is a very complex procedure,

1:12:001:12:03

but it's up to you to manage the whole business.

1:12:031:12:05

Do you got that, Nipsy?

1:12:051:12:06

HUGGY: Yes, sir.

1:12:061:12:07

REESE: I should make you run your ass

1:12:071:12:08

'back to the driving range and get it.

1:12:081:12:10

'Just give me the wedge.'

1:12:101:12:13

Three wood?

1:12:171:12:18

My man gave me a three wood.

1:12:181:12:20

'Do you even know what a pitching wedge is?

1:12:201:12:22

'Are you even a real caddie'

1:12:221:12:24

Come on.

1:12:241:12:25

HUGGY: Look, man,

1:12:251:12:26

this grass is Alabama creeping bend,

1:12:261:12:30

'as opposed to Georgia creeping bend.'

1:12:301:12:33

It's lighter.

1:12:331:12:35

KEVIN: Lighter meaning faster?

1:12:351:12:37

Exactly.

1:12:371:12:39

Hold this.

1:12:421:12:44

KEVIN: Look at that. Good shot!

1:12:491:12:51

You know a lot about golf.

1:12:561:12:58

I know even more about grass.

1:12:581:13:00

I don't question that.

1:13:001:13:01

REESE: 'That was a great shot. Don't even start.'

1:13:011:13:03

KEVIN: 'Yeah, fine, whatever.

1:13:031:13:04

'Back to business. The stuff...'

1:13:041:13:06

Yeah.

1:13:061:13:07

..is all ready to be moved, OK?

1:13:071:13:08

All two tons of it.

1:13:081:13:10

We just need to be at the banquet by 2pm, right?

1:13:101:13:11

Is there anything else?

1:13:111:13:12

No, just stay calm and...

1:13:121:13:14

What, are we dating?

1:13:141:13:15

Why are you standing so close to me?

1:13:151:13:17

Back off.

1:13:171:13:18

It's cool, baby.

1:13:181:13:19

What is your deal?

1:13:211:13:23

The Nearly There Banquet.

1:13:251:13:26

Remember, he gave me the invite? It's tomorrow.

1:13:261:13:29

How's he gonna move two tons of coke at a banquet?

1:13:291:13:31

I don't know, but we got to be there.

1:13:311:13:33

No. He'll kill us if he sees us.

1:13:331:13:34

You want to use my wig guy.

1:13:371:13:40

Ha-ha!

1:13:401:13:41

MUSIC: "Love will keep us together"

1:13:411:13:44

# Love, love will keep us together

1:13:471:13:51

# Think of me babe, whenever

1:13:521:13:55

# Some sweet-talking girl comes along

1:13:551:13:59

# Singing her song

1:13:591:14:01

# Don't mess around

1:14:011:14:03

# You just got to be strong

1:14:031:14:05

# Just stop, cos I really love you

1:14:051:14:09

# Stop, I've been thinking of you

1:14:091:14:12

Look in my heart and let love keep us together

1:14:121:14:20

# You, you belong to me now... #

1:14:221:14:27

Hello, sir.

1:14:271:14:29

May I check your briefcase?

1:14:291:14:31

Oh, yeah.

1:14:311:14:34

Thanks a lot.

1:14:341:14:36

Thank you very much.

1:14:431:14:44

Now, what you want to do is take this ticket stub.

1:14:441:14:48

It's for the raffle.

1:14:481:14:50

And see that car up on stage?

1:14:501:14:51

# ..Together... #

1:14:511:14:53

There's seven of them, all up for grabs,

1:14:531:14:56

with plenty of trunk space.

1:14:561:14:58

HE LAUGHS

1:15:011:15:02

Oh, trunk space. I get it.

1:15:021:15:04

Very good, very good.

1:15:041:15:06

Thank you very much.

1:15:061:15:08

# ...Look in my heart and let love

1:15:081:15:09

# Keep us together, whatever

1:15:091:15:16

# I will, I will, I will... #

1:15:161:15:18

STARSKY PUTTING ON A DEEP VOICE: That's what I'm talking about.

1:15:191:15:22

There we go. What do you think?

1:15:221:15:24

Oh, I love it. Great stuff.

1:15:261:15:27

You look just like a rich cowboy who came riding in off the farm.

1:15:271:15:31

Hey, do me a favour. Tip your hat forward.

1:15:311:15:33

No, I like it where it is.

1:15:331:15:34

No, seriously, come on, do it. Do it.

1:15:341:15:36

Will you, will you stop with that?

1:15:361:15:38

That voice makes you sound crazy.

1:15:381:15:40

It does not make me sound crazy. It makes me sound like Maury Finkel.

1:15:401:15:43

Founder of Finkel Fixtures,

1:15:431:15:44

biggest lighting fixture chain in the Southland.

1:15:441:15:45

Oh, it's a little voice and a character.

1:15:451:15:48

You got a whole back story, that's good.

1:15:481:15:50

Yeah, little touches, you know, little details.

1:15:501:15:51

You want to make the character real. What's your character?

1:15:511:15:53

Well, I don't really...

1:15:531:15:55

I don't really have, a character. I don't really do voices.

1:15:551:15:58

Hutch, what are you talking about? We're going upstairs.

1:15:581:16:00

Half those people will recognise us

1:16:001:16:01

if we don't have a character.

1:16:011:16:02

I mean, come on, think of something.

1:16:021:16:03

This is it. OK, OK.

1:16:031:16:05

Buck up, let's do it.

1:16:051:16:06

How are you? How's it going?

1:16:061:16:09

All right.

1:16:101:16:11

How you doing? All right.

1:16:111:16:13

HOLLY LAUGHS Ooh, look at these two hot chickens.

1:16:131:16:15

Finkel wants some dinkle. Give it to me. Huh?

1:16:151:16:18

Come on. Do it.

1:16:181:16:19

Lay it on, right here. Do it. Do it.

1:16:191:16:23

He means a kiss. We're doing little voices. Undercover.

1:16:231:16:25

Come on, sweetie.

1:16:251:16:26

OK.

1:16:261:16:27

Oh, that's a sweet little pucker.

1:16:271:16:29

I love it.

1:16:291:16:30

Hi. Can I get you two a drink? You sure can, sweetheart.

1:16:301:16:32

Johnnie red neat, OK? Do it. Do it.

1:16:321:16:35

All right. And you?

1:16:351:16:38

Do it.

1:16:411:16:42

Bacardi and cola. Do it. Do it.

1:16:421:16:44

OK. I'll be right back.

1:16:441:16:46

(What are you doing?)

1:16:461:16:47

What? What was that?

1:16:471:16:49

You just stole my voice.

1:16:491:16:51

No, I didn't. Yes, you did.

1:16:511:16:52

You gotta come up with your own voice, OK?

1:16:521:16:53

That's my thing. What am I supposed to do?

1:16:531:16:54

I don't have a great, cool little voice like you do.

1:16:541:16:56

You come up with your own character.

1:16:561:16:58

You're a Texas oil tycoon guy.

1:16:581:16:59

You have, like, a moustache...

1:16:591:17:00

and like a funny Southern... Don't shame me.

1:17:001:17:02

REESE: I'm sorry to interrupt everyone, but if you could hustle back...

1:17:021:17:05

All right, let's sit down.

1:17:051:17:06

..so we can, uh, get down to business,

1:17:061:17:08

and then get back to the business of gettin' down.

1:17:081:17:10

Yeah, now that's what I'm talking about. Let's get down!

1:17:101:17:13

LAUGHTER

1:17:131:17:15

REESE: Captain Doby, you're not right.

1:17:151:17:17

But today is right.

1:17:191:17:20

Can I see a show of hands?

1:17:201:17:22

I'm talking to everyone in this room.

1:17:221:17:24

How many of us have made a mistake?

1:17:251:17:28

STARSKY: Guilty. Yeah.

1:17:281:17:29

You know, I believe it was our buddy,

1:17:291:17:31

Bill Shakespeare, who said, "To err is human,

1:17:311:17:35

"but to forgive, well, that's right on."

1:17:351:17:39

And that's exactly why we're here tonight.

1:17:391:17:41

Because everyone out there deserves a second chance.

1:17:411:17:44

Everyone.

1:17:441:17:45

APPLAUSE

1:17:451:17:46

REESE: Thank you.

1:17:461:17:47

I didn't say it. Bill Shakespeare did.

1:17:471:17:49

I recognise some of these guys from our surveillance.

1:17:511:17:53

I know.

1:17:531:17:54

Check out the guy behind us from the alley.

1:17:541:17:56

Already did.

1:17:561:17:57

Do you think he's got the stuff here?

1:17:571:18:00

Where?

1:18:011:18:03

REESE: I'd like to thank the folks

1:18:031:18:04

over at Bay City Volkswagen

1:18:041:18:05

for donating seven brand-new cars

1:18:051:18:07

to our annual fund-raising raffle.

1:18:071:18:11

Thank you, Bay City Volkswagen.

1:18:111:18:12

OK, everybody, go ahead, > pull out your ticket stubs.

1:18:121:18:16

I hope you held on to them.

1:18:161:18:18

I'd hate to have your number called and have you be left behind.

1:18:181:18:20

Because this train's leaving the station.

1:18:201:18:22

Uh, tonight's first winner...

1:18:311:18:32

Um...63.

1:18:321:18:34

Hot damn!

1:18:341:18:35

That baby's mine! Congratulations.

1:18:351:18:37

That's one of his guys.

1:18:371:18:38

Thank you very much.

1:18:391:18:39

If you could just wait here. Thank you.

1:18:401:18:41

We got a winner, guys.

1:18:411:18:42

You got a new car owner. Let him hear it.

1:18:421:18:43

He took the bus here today.

1:18:431:18:45

The car. Let's keep it moving. >

1:18:451:18:47

STARSKY: Cocaine is in the car.

1:18:471:18:48

He's doing it right in front of everybody.

1:18:481:18:49

Come on, he's not that stupid.

1:18:491:18:51

No, but he's that arrogant. Trust me.

1:18:511:18:53

Tonight's second winner, number 1-1-7.

1:18:531:18:55

Go! Right on! Yeah!

1:18:551:18:57

Yee-hah!

1:18:571:18:58

Whoo! Yes!

1:18:581:19:00

APPLAUSE

1:19:001:19:01

Thank you very much.

1:19:011:19:02

Sit. Now. Do it. Do it!

1:19:021:19:06

Old Shakes McGinty did it!

1:19:061:19:07

- Yes! Unbelievable. - This is incredible.

1:19:071:19:10

I'm a rich man, and I'm gonna kiss ya.

1:19:101:19:13

Get your hands off, bro.

1:19:131:19:14

I said I don't, I, uh, wow!

1:19:141:19:15

STARSKY: My friend won. I can't believe it.

1:19:151:19:17

Give him the car. Come on, do it.

1:19:171:19:18

Do what? Seriously, give him the car.

1:19:181:19:20

The kid's from Texas.

1:19:201:19:21

I don't even know if he has a licence.

1:19:211:19:22

He rides a horse down there, for God's sake.

1:19:221:19:23

- Excuse me, you have a ticket? - It's wonderful.

1:19:231:19:25

I need a ticket to give you the car.

1:19:251:19:26

Aw, come on, Hoss, you got to trust the kid for once.

1:19:261:19:28

I can't, cowboy. I need to see the ticket to make sure it matches.

1:19:281:19:31

Do me a favour. Pop the trunk.

1:19:311:19:32

Let's get a whiff of that new car smell. Come on.

1:19:321:19:33

Yeah, who wants a whiff of that new car smell?

1:19:331:19:35

Yeah, yeah, let's smell it.

1:19:351:19:36

That's what I'm talking about. Come on, pop the trunk.

1:19:361:19:39

Seriously. Do it. Do it.

1:19:391:19:41

Do it.

1:19:421:19:44

Listen, jackass, either give me a ticket,

1:19:441:19:47

or get the hell off the stage. You dig that?

1:19:471:19:49

GUESTS GASP

1:19:491:19:50

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys.

1:19:501:19:52

Pop the trunk, candyman.

1:19:521:19:53

You heard him.

1:19:531:19:56

Pop it.

1:19:561:19:58

DOBY: What the hell

1:19:581:19:59

are you two doing?

1:19:591:20:00

Pop it!

1:20:001:20:01

You screwed up once already, Starsky.

1:20:011:20:04

Like you said, Feldman, everyone deserves a second chance.

1:20:071:20:10

HUTCH: Whoa, what have we here?

1:20:131:20:15

This look familiar?

1:20:151:20:17

Some cocaine.

1:20:181:20:20

Captain Doby, I suggest you take this to the lab,

1:20:201:20:22

get it analysed this time...

1:20:221:20:23

Hutch! All right, freeze!

1:20:231:20:25

All right, everybody, freeze!

1:20:251:20:26

Put your hands where I can see them!

1:20:261:20:28

Do it now!

1:20:281:20:29

You relax, pal. Relax.

1:20:291:20:30

Let's do it!

1:20:301:20:31

Put that gun down or I'll kill your friend right here.

1:20:311:20:33

Put it down! Reese, what are we doing?

1:20:331:20:34

Do it now! Put it down!

1:20:341:20:36

Hutch, I got a clean shot, but I need your permission.

1:20:361:20:38

No! No, no, no, Starsky.

1:20:381:20:40

Hutch, I can do this! Just move your head to the left.

1:20:401:20:43

No, you don't have my permission, partner. I can't give it to you.

1:20:431:20:46

Your nuts are mine, Feldman.

1:20:461:20:49

No, they're not! Your nuts are yours.

1:20:491:20:51

Your nuts are yours. Starsky,

1:20:511:20:52

listen to me. I don't want to die.

1:20:521:20:54

And I'm not giving you my permission.

1:20:541:20:56

Please, put it down.

1:20:561:20:58

Ow. Ow, ow.

1:20:581:20:59

Put it down. Down.

1:20:591:21:02

OK. All right. You're right.

1:21:051:21:07

It's too close.

1:21:071:21:08

Oh, thank God.

1:21:081:21:08

Stay down!

1:21:131:21:15

GUNFIRE

1:21:151:21:16

Doby?

1:21:171:21:18

REESE: Come on, let's move it!

1:21:201:21:22

What? Let's go! Let's go!

1:21:221:21:23

What?!

1:21:231:21:24

Wait, I'm not...! Walk away. Let's go.

1:21:241:21:25

Hey, Cap, are you OK?

1:21:251:21:26

Yeah, I just got my wing clipped.

1:21:261:21:28

Jesus Christ, who the hell shot me?

1:21:281:21:30

I'm sorry, sir. I was trying to get...

1:21:301:21:32

Starsky! It was Reese Feldman.

1:21:321:21:33

Reese Feldman hit you, that son of a bitch.

1:21:331:21:35

Well, go get him!

1:21:351:21:37

Is somebody coming?

1:21:371:21:38

No, we're on vacation. Oh!

1:21:381:21:40

What's going on? Gotta go.

1:21:401:21:42

GUNSHOTS

1:21:421:21:43

Oh, my God!

1:21:431:21:44

KITTY: Baby, look out!

1:21:461:21:47

REESE: I want to hit him!

1:21:471:21:49

Jesus, watch out for the bunker!

1:22:051:22:07

STARSKY: I don't know what a bunker is!

1:22:071:22:09

HUTCH: It's a sand trap.

1:22:091:22:11

It's OK. Go faster!

1:22:131:22:14

I'm going fast. I got it floored.

1:22:141:22:16

Look, dogleg right up here on the par three.

1:22:201:22:21

What? Watch the bunker!

1:22:211:22:23

What bunker?

1:22:231:22:24

HUTCH: Jesus!

1:22:251:22:26

Come on! Pay attention!

1:22:271:22:30

Hey, get out of here!

1:22:321:22:34

Move that ice-cream truck, now!

1:22:401:22:42

No, you move.

1:22:421:22:43

Bay City PD. Move it!

1:22:431:22:45

Let's go.

1:22:451:22:46

Grab those and meet me in the marina.

1:22:461:22:48

Let's go, move. Move!

1:22:481:22:49

If you guys are cops, let's see some badge.

1:22:491:22:51

We don't have any badges.

1:22:531:22:54

Show him your gun.

1:22:541:22:55

GUNSHOTS

1:22:551:22:56

Oh!

1:22:561:22:57

Come on. Come on, move!

1:22:571:22:59

Oh!

1:22:591:23:00

Come on, hurry up, let's go!

1:23:101:23:12

They're coming!

1:23:121:23:14

REESE: God, these two

1:23:141:23:16

with the running and the chasing.

1:23:161:23:17

Good-bye, heroes!

1:23:191:23:21

Come on, double back to the shipping yard!

1:23:211:23:23

- You got a boat? - No, but I got an idea.

1:23:231:23:25

Hey, watch out!

1:23:401:23:42

OK, now what?

1:23:471:23:48

OK, we're gonna take this car,

1:23:481:23:49

and land it on that boat.

1:23:491:23:51

You want to crash the car into his boat?

1:23:531:23:56

No, I want to land it on that boat.

1:23:561:23:58

Now, go.

1:23:581:24:00

Go!

1:24:021:24:03

I can't do it.

1:24:031:24:05

This is unbelievable.

1:24:051:24:06

Here you get me out here

1:24:061:24:07

to risk my life,

1:24:071:24:08

and now you're telling me you can't do this?

1:24:081:24:11

I'm a quitter, but...

1:24:111:24:12

You're crying again.

1:24:131:24:14

I'm not crying.

1:24:141:24:15

This is different. It's...

1:24:151:24:18

It's my mother. She always used to,

1:24:181:24:20

used to say that I... that this was too much car for me to handle.

1:24:201:24:23

She said that?

1:24:231:24:25

"You couldn't handle the V8."

1:24:251:24:27

I don't know, maybe she was right.

1:24:271:24:29

Hey, look at me.

1:24:291:24:31

Look at me.

1:24:311:24:33

I am not your mother. I'm your partner.

1:24:331:24:37

Now, go!

1:24:371:24:39

Go!

1:24:411:24:42

STARSKY: Listen, things could go

1:24:471:24:48

pretty wrong in a second, so I...

1:24:481:24:49

Keep your eyes on the road!

1:24:491:24:50

STARSKY: Just listen to me, Ken.

1:24:501:24:51

If we don't make it -

1:24:511:24:52

this,

1:24:521:24:54

you know, us...

1:24:541:24:55

it's been good.

1:24:561:24:57

It's been great.

1:24:571:24:59

Now will you stop talking and hit that boat?

1:24:591:25:01

It's not a boat, it's a yacht.

1:25:021:25:05

YELLING

1:25:081:25:11

REESE: Son of a bitch!

1:25:141:25:16

KITTY YELLS

1:25:161:25:17

REESE: Come on, are you kidding me?

1:25:171:25:19

Oh, my God.

1:25:191:25:21

We almost just got killed.

1:25:211:25:23

REESE: Thank you for pointing out something that I couldn't notice on my own.

1:25:231:25:26

You're a real benefit to have.

1:25:261:25:27

Kitty: we should save them.

1:25:271:25:29

GASPING

1:25:321:25:34

Son of a bitch!

1:25:341:25:36

Nice plan(!)

1:25:361:25:37

What do you expect?

1:25:371:25:38

You gave it too much gas and you overshot it.

1:25:381:25:40

Car has a lot of horsepower. I'm going to go get it.

1:25:401:25:43

What are you doing? Stop it.

1:25:431:25:45

Starsky!

1:25:461:25:48

It hasn't hit the bottom yet. Starsky, Starsky, stop!

1:25:491:25:50

Stop, damn it! What?!

1:25:501:25:52

Listen to me.

1:25:521:25:53

It's gone, OK? It's over.

1:25:531:25:56

But it's my car.

1:25:561:25:58

I know it is, partner.

1:25:581:26:00

I know it is.

1:26:001:26:01

HORN BLOWS

1:26:011:26:04

KITTY LAUGHS

1:26:041:26:07

Oh, my God, honey, that was so incredible!

1:26:071:26:09

I feel like my adrenaline is just...

1:26:091:26:12

You and me, babe,

1:26:121:26:13

we are such a good team, don't you think?

1:26:131:26:15

I mean, this is just the beginning.

1:26:151:26:18

We could go so far, honey.

1:26:181:26:19

ENGINE STALLS

1:26:191:26:20

I mean, I feel so exhilarated.

1:26:201:26:22

Come on! What was that?

1:26:221:26:23

Son of a bitch.

1:26:231:26:25

What is it, Reese?

1:26:251:26:29

Who are you?

1:26:341:26:35

I found your nine iron, bitch!

1:26:361:26:38

GRUNTS

1:26:381:26:40

That's for putting hands on Huggy Bear.

1:26:411:26:43

Nobody touches the bear,

1:26:431:26:45

you dig?

1:26:451:26:46

Yeah, now these will work.

1:26:491:26:53

What have we here?

1:26:531:26:56

Ooh!

1:26:561:26:57

Now, that's what I'm talking about.

1:26:571:27:02

MUSIC: "Cut The Cake" by Average White Band

1:27:021:27:05

# Cut the cake

1:27:051:27:07

# I want a little piece

1:27:071:27:08

# And let me lick up the cream

1:27:081:27:10

# Cut the cake... #

1:27:101:27:11

We don't really do private shows.

1:27:111:27:14

But I'm a good friend of Huggy Bear.

1:27:141:27:16

Well, it's kind of against cheerleading policy.

1:27:161:27:19

You need to change that policy.

1:27:191:27:21

You know what I can't figure out,

1:27:211:27:23

is how in the hell did you know to get on that boat?

1:27:231:27:25

Well, you know when, uh, your two boys

1:27:251:27:27

put me on that undercover golf course mission,

1:27:271:27:29

that cat, uh, Reese,

1:27:291:27:30

all he did was talk about that damn yacht.

1:27:301:27:33

And you know, like I say, why go to the starting line

1:27:331:27:36

when you can go straight to the finish?

1:27:361:27:38

"Straight to the finish"? Yes, sir.

1:27:381:27:40

I like that, man, I like that.

1:27:401:27:41

Are you, uh, interested in doing any undercover work?

1:27:411:27:44

Uh, not in the least.

1:27:441:27:45

Captain, let me borrow him for just a second.

1:27:451:27:47

You know, the weird thing is, one of those briefcases

1:27:471:27:50

with 5 million just up and vanished.

1:27:501:27:52

Hmm.

1:27:521:27:53

Whoa, what is this, a brand-new fur coat?

1:27:531:27:55

Look at this thing.

1:27:551:27:57

Uh, yeah, I inherited some money

1:27:571:27:58

from a dead uncle of mines.

1:27:581:27:59

Is that right?

1:27:591:28:00

I didn't even know you had an uncle.

1:28:001:28:02

Well, I did, and he was rich as hell, too, baby.

1:28:021:28:07

Chin up, little man.

1:28:071:28:08

Ah, I think he's still upset about the car.

1:28:081:28:11

Come on, let's get up. You're going outside.

1:28:111:28:13

No, no thanks.

1:28:131:28:15

Come on, we're taking you out.

1:28:151:28:16

We're going to get you some coffee,

1:28:161:28:17

get you cleaned up. On the double, man. I don't feel like it.

1:28:171:28:19

SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE

1:28:201:28:23

Look, Starsky, I know these two white dudes

1:28:231:28:25

that got a car that you might be interested in.

1:28:251:28:28

I don't want another car, Hug.

1:28:281:28:29

Oh, come on, at least take a look.

1:28:291:28:31

STARSKY: My car!

1:28:341:28:36

Where did you...?

1:28:361:28:37

Hey, Hutch,

1:28:451:28:46

who the hell are these guys?

1:28:471:28:48

I don't know, but I... I get a good vibe from them.

1:28:481:28:51

So, are you selling the car?

1:28:521:28:54

Well, actually your friend here has already paid for it.

1:28:541:28:57

STARSKY LAUGHS

1:28:571:28:59

I owe you one, Huggy.

1:28:591:29:01

HE CHUCKLES

1:29:011:29:02

All right.

1:29:021:29:04

Come on, give him the keys.

1:29:041:29:06

Thank you. Thank you.

1:29:121:29:13

Uh, now, uh, with this transmission,

1:29:151:29:16

you're really going to want to jump the clutch.

1:29:161:29:18

Yeah, yeah, I know. I usually pop it

1:29:181:29:19

from second to fourth. Yeah, I got it.

1:29:191:29:21

DISPATCHER: Come in, zebra-three... Right.

1:29:211:29:23

We have a 420 on fifth and tucker, please respond.

1:29:231:29:24

This is zebra-three. We're on it.

1:29:281:29:30

Hutch.

1:29:301:29:31

Let's roll.

1:29:311:29:32

I think he means you.

1:29:331:29:34

Good luck.

1:29:361:29:38

Allow me.

1:29:381:29:39

All right, thank you. You're welcome.

1:29:391:29:40

MUSIC: "Sweet Emotion" by Aerosmith All right.

1:29:401:29:43

TYRES SQUEAL Hey!

1:29:431:29:44

Not that... TYRES SCREECH

1:29:441:29:46

HE GROANS

1:29:461:29:48

How does it feel?

1:29:491:29:50

It feels pretty good.

1:29:501:29:52

I'm just going take it slow for a while,

1:29:521:29:54

get the feel of it.

1:29:541:29:55

No, that's smart. Do that.

1:29:551:29:56

Starsky...

1:30:011:30:02

Hang on.

1:30:021:30:03

No!

1:30:031:30:04

No! Hang on!

1:30:041:30:06

# Sweet emotion

1:30:061:30:14

# You talk about things that nobody cares

1:30:141:30:17

# You're wearin' out things that nobody wears

1:30:181:30:21

# You're callin' my name, but I gotta make clear

1:30:231:30:27

# I can't say, baby, where I'll be in a year

1:30:271:30:30

# Some sweat hog mama with a face like a gent

1:30:411:30:46

# Said my get up and go musta got up and went

1:30:461:30:48

ENGINE RUMBLING

1:30:481:30:51

# Well I got good news, she's a real good liar

1:30:511:30:54

# Cos the backstage boogie set your pants on fire

1:30:551:30:58

TYRES SCREECHING

1:31:001:31:04

# Sweet...

1:31:161:31:21

# Emotion

1:31:211:31:25

# Sweet...

1:31:251:31:30

# Emotion

1:31:301:31:35

# I pulled into town in a police car

1:31:351:31:38

# Your daddy said I took it just a little too far

1:31:391:31:43

# You're telling me things, but your girlfriend lied

1:31:431:31:47

# You can't catch me cos the rabbit gone died

1:31:471:31:51

# Yes, it did

1:31:521:31:53

ENGINE ROARS

1:32:071:32:09

SONG FADES

1:32:181:32:22

MUSIC: Starsky & Hutch Theme by Tom Scott

1:32:241:32:26

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