The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Line	From	To
NARRATOR: 'It's an important and popular fact	0:00:27	0:00:30
'that things are not always what they seem.	0:00:30	0:00:34
'For instance, on the planet Earth,	0:00:34	0:00:37
'man had always assumed that he was	0:00:37	0:00:39
'the most intelligent species occupying the planet,	0:00:39	0:00:42
'instead of the third most intelligent.	0:00:42	0:00:44
'The second most intelligent creatures were, of course, dolphins,	0:00:44	0:00:47
'who, curiously enough, had long known	0:00:47	0:00:49
'of the impending destruction of the planet Earth.	0:00:49	0:00:52
'They'd made many attempts to alert mankind to the danger,	0:00:52	0:00:55
'but most of their communications	0:00:55	0:00:56
'were misinterpreted as amusing attempts	0:00:56	0:00:58
'to punch footballs or whistle for titbits.	0:00:58	0:01:01
'So they eventually decided they would leave Earth by their own means.	0:01:01	0:01:05
'The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted	0:01:05	0:01:08
'as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backward somersault through a hoop,	0:01:08	0:01:12
'while whistling the Star-Spangled Banner. But in fact, the message was this:'	0:01:12	0:01:17
MALE CHORUS: # So long and thanks for all the fish	0:01:45	0:01:47
# So sad that it should come to this	0:01:47	0:01:49
# We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear	0:01:49	0:01:53
# You may not share our intellect	0:01:53	0:01:55
# Which might explain your disrespect	0:01:55	0:01:57
# For all the natural wonders that grow around you	0:01:57	0:02:01
# So long, so long And thanks for all the fish	0:02:01	0:02:05
FEMALE CHORUS: # Your world's about to be destroyed	0:02:07	0:02:09
# There's no point getting all annoyed	0:02:09	0:02:11
ALL: # Lie back and let the planet dissolve around you	0:02:11	0:02:15
MALE CHORUS: # Despite those nets of tuna fleets	0:02:15	0:02:17
# We thought that most of you were sweet	0:02:17	0:02:19
# Especially tiny-tots and your pregnant women	0:02:19	0:02:23
# So long, so long, so long, so long, so long	0:02:23	0:02:25
FEMALE CHORUS: # So long, so long, so long, so long, so long	0:02:25	0:02:28
ALL: # So long, and thanks for all the fish	0:02:28	0:02:31
GIRL: # If I had just one last wish	0:02:34	0:02:38
# I would like a tasty fish	0:02:38	0:02:42
WOMAN: # If we could just change one thing	0:02:42	0:02:47
# We would all have lungs to sing	0:02:47	0:02:50
ALL: # Come one and all	0:02:50	0:02:54
# Man and mammal	0:02:54	0:02:58
# Side by side	0:02:58	0:03:01
# In life's great gene pool. #	0:03:01	0:03:08
MUSIC CONTINUES	0:03:10	0:03:12
MALE CHORUS: # So long, so long, so long	0:03:26	0:03:28
FEMALE CHORUS: # So long, so long, so long	0:03:28	0:03:30
ALL: # So long, so long, and thanks for all the fish! #	0:03:30	0:03:36
ROOSTER CROWS	0:03:44	0:03:47
NARRATOR: 'The extraordinary story	0:03:47	0:03:49
'of the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy	0:03:49	0:03:53
'begins very simply.	0:03:53	0:03:54
'It begins with a man.	0:03:54	0:03:57
'An Earthman, to be precise,	0:04:06	0:04:08
'who no more knows his destiny	0:04:08	0:04:09
'than a tea leaf knows the history of the East India Company.'	0:04:09	0:04:13
PHONE BEEPS	0:04:13	0:04:15
'His name is Arthur Dent.	0:04:15	0:04:17
'He is a 5'8"-tall ape descendant,	0:04:17	0:04:21
'and someone is trying to drive a bypass through his house.'	0:04:21	0:04:25
What do I want you to do about it?	0:04:30	0:04:31
I want you to find him and tell him	0:04:31	0:04:33
That I'm currently lying flat on my back in front of...	0:04:33	0:04:36
Fine, I'll hold. Come off it, Mr Dent.	0:04:36	0:04:38
You can't lie in front of the bulldozers forever.	0:04:38	0:04:40
Whoa-ho, well, I'm game.	0:04:40	0:04:41
We'll see who rusts first.	0:04:41	0:04:43
This bypass has to be built	0:04:43	0:04:44
and it is going to be built.	0:04:44	0:04:46
Why has it got to be built?	0:04:46	0:04:48
It's a bypass.	0:04:48	0:04:49
You've got to build bypasses.	0:04:49	0:04:51
Besides, you should've made your protest months ago.	0:04:51	0:04:54
These plans have been on display	0:04:54	0:04:56
at the planning office now for a year.	0:04:56	0:04:57
On display? I had to go down to a cellar!	0:04:57	0:05:00
Mr Dent, have you any idea how much damage this bulldozer would suffer	0:05:00	0:05:05
if I just let it roll straight over you?	0:05:05	0:05:07
How much?	0:05:07	0:05:09
None at all.	0:05:09	0:05:12
NARRATOR: 'By a strange coincidence, "none at all" is exactly	0:05:12	0:05:15
'how much suspicion the ape-descendant Arthur Dent had	0:05:15	0:05:18
'that one of his closest friends was not descended from an ape,	0:05:18	0:05:22
'but was, in fact, from a small planet	0:05:22	0:05:24
'somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse.'	0:05:24	0:05:27
Arthur!	0:05:27	0:05:29
Arthur! Ford!	0:05:29	0:05:30
Yes?	0:05:30	0:05:32
Here.	0:05:32	0:05:33
Ah, there you are!	0:05:33	0:05:34
Come, eat, drink with me. We gotta talk.	0:05:34	0:05:37
Now's not the best time,	0:05:37	0:05:38
they're going to demolish my home.	0:05:38	0:05:39
Whoa!	0:05:39	0:05:41
You already... You already know?	0:05:41	0:05:42
How?	0:05:42	0:05:44
What do you...?	0:05:44	0:05:46
Oh, they, they? When you say "they" you mean THEY!	0:05:47	0:05:50
Got it. Listen.	0:05:50	0:05:52
I got somethin' important I gotta tell you right now.	0:05:52	0:05:54
Well, what about my house?	0:05:54	0:05:56
Workers of the Earth, I bring good tidings of peanuts and beer!	0:06:02	0:06:07
WORKERS SHOUT AND LAUGH	0:06:07	0:06:10
Good. Next thing. Come on, let's go to the pub.	0:06:16	0:06:19
Huh?	0:06:19	0:06:20
They say they won't demolish your home	0:06:20	0:06:22
until they finish the beers.	0:06:22	0:06:23
Can we trust 'em?	0:06:23	0:06:24
I'd trust them to the end of the Earth.	0:06:24	0:06:26
How far's that? About 12 minutes away. Huh?	0:06:26	0:06:28
Barman, six pints of bitter and quickly. The world's about to end.	0:06:28	0:06:32
Six pints coming up.	0:06:32	0:06:33
Keep the change. You got about ten minutes to spend it.	0:06:33	0:06:36
Three pints each?	0:06:36	0:06:39
At lunchtime?	0:06:39	0:06:40
Sorry.	0:06:46	0:06:48
Ah.	0:06:48	0:06:49
Time is an illusion.	0:06:49	0:06:51
Lunchtime, doubly so.	0:06:51	0:06:54
And eat those peanuts because you'll need the salt.	0:06:54	0:06:57
What is going on, Ford?	0:06:57	0:06:59
Arthur...	0:06:59	0:07:00
What if I told you I really wasn't from Guildford,	0:07:02	0:07:05
that I was from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?	0:07:05	0:07:10
Why, is that something you're likely to say?	0:07:10	0:07:12
Remember when we met?	0:07:12	0:07:13
HORN BLARES	0:07:21	0:07:23
Hi.	0:07:24	0:07:25
Didn't you think it was strange	0:07:25	0:07:27
I was trying to shake hands with a car?	0:07:27	0:07:28
I assumed you were drunk.	0:07:28	0:07:30
I thought cars were the dominant life form.	0:07:30	0:07:32
I was trying to introducing myself.	0:07:32	0:07:34
You saved my life that day,	0:07:34	0:07:35
And now I'm saving yours. Please drink.	0:07:35	0:07:38
It must be Thursday.	0:07:38	0:07:39
I could never get the hang of Thursdays.	0:07:39	0:07:41
Look, Arthur, if this is about your house...	0:07:41	0:07:43
No, it's not about the house.	0:07:43	0:07:45
MOBILE BEEPS	0:07:45	0:07:47
FORD: Who's he?	0:07:48	0:07:49
ARTHUR: She. She.	0:07:49	0:07:51
Tricia McMillan.	0:07:51	0:07:52
We met at a fancy-dress party.	0:07:52	0:07:54
MUSIC PLAYS	0:07:54	0:07:56
ARTHUR: 'See, I hate those kind of parties.	0:07:56	0:07:58
'I'd rather have stayed at home	0:07:58	0:08:00
'and, I don't know, ironed my hankies. But there I was.'	0:08:00	0:08:02
Who are you? Oh!	0:08:02	0:08:03
'And there she was.'	0:08:03	0:08:05
Uh, Dent. Arthur Dent.	0:08:05	0:08:07
Oh, no. I mean, who ARE you?	0:08:07	0:08:09
Oh, the costume? Right.	0:08:09	0:08:11
Livingstone, I presume!	0:08:11	0:08:12
Yeah, it's not as clever as Darwin, I know,	0:08:12	0:08:15
but it's the best I could do at short notice.	0:08:15	0:08:18
You're the first person who's gotten that right.	0:08:18	0:08:20
Really? Yes.	0:08:20	0:08:21
Everyone keeps calling me Santa.	0:08:21	0:08:22
Right.	0:08:22	0:08:23
I thought the beagle was a giveaway!	0:08:23	0:08:25
Yes, well, so did I.	0:08:25	0:08:27
I guess most of the people who come	0:08:27	0:08:28
to these sort of parties are drunken idiots. What?	0:08:28	0:08:30
I said all these people are idiots! God...	0:08:30	0:08:33
SHE LAUGHS	0:08:33	0:08:35
That's awkward.	0:08:37	0:08:38
ARTHUR: Tell me...	0:08:38	0:08:39
She was amazing, though, Ford.	0:08:42	0:08:45
'Beautiful, witty, mad as a balloon.'	0:08:45	0:08:48
I've gotta say, without the beard,	0:08:48	0:08:50
you look at least 80 years younger.	0:08:50	0:08:52
Maybe I'm de-evolving.	0:08:52	0:08:55
Ah. Ah-ha!	0:08:55	0:08:56
Well, I feel I should tell you	0:08:58	0:08:59
that I do not date single-cell organisms, OK?	0:08:59	0:09:03
Let's go somewhere.	0:09:05	0:09:07
Yeah.	0:09:07	0:09:08
Definitely.	0:09:08	0:09:10
Um, where do you have in mind?	0:09:10	0:09:12
Madagascar.	0:09:12	0:09:14
That new club on Dean Street?	0:09:14	0:09:16
No, it's a country off the coast of Africa.	0:09:16	0:09:19
THAT Madagascar?	0:09:19	0:09:20
Why are we waiting here?	0:09:20	0:09:22
Wait a sec.	0:09:22	0:09:24
SHE LAUGHS Go!	0:09:24	0:09:26
God, you're serious.	0:09:28	0:09:30
Um, I can't go to Madagascar...	0:09:30	0:09:34
Why not?	0:09:34	0:09:35
Because, I just, you know...	0:09:35	0:09:36
I can't... You're really serious?	0:09:36	0:09:38
Yeah. I wanna go somewhere I've never been	0:09:38	0:09:39
and I'd like to go with you,	0:09:39	0:09:41
so what do you say, Dr Livingstone?	0:09:41	0:09:43
I say that's an extraordinary proposition.	0:09:44	0:09:50
I can't, I can't go.	0:09:50	0:09:52
I mean, I've got a job.	0:09:52	0:09:53
Quit. Get a new one when you come back.	0:09:53	0:09:55
I don't even know your real name.	0:09:55	0:09:57
Ow! Ow! Tricia McMillan.	0:09:57	0:09:59
Well, Tricia McMillan.	0:09:59	0:10:01
Um, I have a proposition for you.	0:10:01	0:10:03
Why don't we go somewhere a little closer first,	0:10:03	0:10:07
say...Cornwall,	0:10:07	0:10:10
and we'll see how it goes?	0:10:10	0:10:13
Right.	0:10:13	0:10:16
Of course, Cornwall.	0:10:16	0:10:18
MAN: Hey, excuse me.	0:10:18	0:10:21
Is this guy boring you?	0:10:23	0:10:26
Why don't you talk to me instead?	0:10:26	0:10:27
I'm from a different planet. HE LAUGHS	0:10:27	0:10:32
< It's true.	0:10:32	0:10:34
You want to see my spaceship?	0:10:34	0:10:37
SHE LAUGHS	0:10:37	0:10:38
'"Do you want to see my spaceship?"'	0:10:38	0:10:40
I mean, really, what kind of chat-up line is that?	0:10:40	0:10:42
Mm, that does happen.	0:10:42	0:10:44
Speaking of...	0:10:44	0:10:46
We've got two minutes. Drink up, drink up.	0:10:47	0:10:49
RUMBLING	0:10:49	0:10:51
That's my house!	0:10:51	0:10:52
People of Earth,	0:10:59	0:11:01
a round of drinks, for everyone, on me.	0:11:01	0:11:03
So you really think the world's going to end?	0:11:03	0:11:06
Yes.	0:11:06	0:11:08
Shouldn't we lie down,	0:11:08	0:11:09
or put a paper bag over our heads, or something?	0:11:09	0:11:12
Oh, if you like.	0:11:12	0:11:13
Will it help?	0:11:13	0:11:15
Not at all. See you. BARMAN: Last orders, then.	0:11:15	0:11:19
HE SHOUTS INSTRUCTIONS	0:11:19	0:11:21
MAN: What is that?	0:11:33	0:11:36
SECOND MAN: Run!	0:11:36	0:11:37
THIRD MAN: Look out!	0:11:37	0:11:38
THEY YELL	0:11:38	0:11:40
FORD: Ah-ha! Towel!	0:12:04	0:12:06
Arthur!	0:12:08	0:12:09
What the hell are those things?	0:12:09	0:12:12
Yeow! They're ships from a Vogon constructor fleet.	0:12:12	0:12:15
I picked up their signal this morning.	0:12:15	0:12:17
Here, you'll need this.	0:12:17	0:12:18
ARTHUR WHIMPERS ARTHUR: What are you doing?	0:12:18	0:12:21
Hang on, we're hitching a ride.	0:12:21	0:12:23
FEEDBACK FROM MIC	0:12:23	0:12:25
Um, people of Earth,	0:12:25	0:12:28
this is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz	0:12:28	0:12:31
of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council.	0:12:31	0:12:33
As you are probably aware,	0:12:33	0:12:35
'Plans for the development of the outlying regions of the galaxy	0:12:35	0:12:38
'Involve the building of a hyperspace express route	0:12:38	0:12:41
'through your star system.	0:12:41	0:12:43
'Your planet is one of those	0:12:43	0:12:45
'scheduled for demolition.'	0:12:45	0:12:47
SCREAMING	0:12:47	0:12:48
SCREAMING	0:12:48	0:12:50
SCREAMING	0:12:50	0:12:52
SHEEP BLEATING	0:12:52	0:12:54
'There's no point acting all surprised.	0:12:54	0:12:57
'The plans and demolition orders	0:12:57	0:12:58
'have been on display at your local planning office in Alpha Centauri	0:12:58	0:13:02
'for 50 Earth years.	0:13:02	0:13:03
'If you can't be bothered to take an interest	0:13:03	0:13:06
'in local affairs, that's your own lookout.'	0:13:06	0:13:08
Apathetic bloody planet.	0:13:08	0:13:10
I've no sympathy at all.	0:13:10	0:13:12
SPEAKS VOGON LANGUAGE	0:13:13	0:13:15
ELECTRICAL DISCHARGE	0:13:15	0:13:17
ARTHUR SCREAMS	0:13:17	0:13:19
MUSIC PLAYS	0:13:57	0:14:00
NARRATOR: 'The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy	0:14:56	0:14:59
'is a wholly remarkable book.	0:14:59	0:15:01
'Perhaps the most remarkable,	0:15:01	0:15:03
'certainly the most successful book,	0:15:03	0:15:04
'ever to come out of the great publishing corporations of Ursa Minor.	0:15:04	0:15:09
'More popular than the Celestial Homecare Omnibus,	0:15:09	0:15:11
'better selling than 53 More Things To Do In Zero Gravity,	0:15:11	0:15:15
'and more controversial than Oolon Colluphid's trilogy of philosophical blockbusters,	0:15:15	0:15:19
'Where God Went Wrong,	0:15:19	0:15:21
'Some More Of God's Greatest Mistakes,	0:15:21	0:15:23
'and Who Is This God Person Anyway?	0:15:23	0:15:27
'It's already supplanted the Encyclopedia Galactica	0:15:27	0:15:30
'as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom for two important reasons.	0:15:30	0:15:35
'First, it's slightly cheaper,	0:15:35	0:15:38
'and second, it has the words "Don't panic"	0:15:38	0:15:41
'printed in large, friendly letters on its cover.'	0:15:41	0:15:44
So you're not from Guildford?	0:15:53	0:15:55
Which would explain the accent,	0:15:55	0:15:58
which I've always wondered about.	0:15:58	0:16:00
Um, you're not an out-of-work actor,	0:16:00	0:16:03
but rather a writer for this...	0:16:03	0:16:06
this book thing.	0:16:06	0:16:08
FORD: It's good, huh?	0:16:09	0:16:12
I don't feel well. I need a cup of tea.	0:16:12	0:16:13
If I asked where we were, would I regret it?	0:16:13	0:16:17
We're safe for now.	0:16:17	0:16:18
Good.	0:16:18	0:16:19
SNIFFING We're in the washroom on one of the ships	0:16:19	0:16:22
of the Vogon constructor fleet.	0:16:22	0:16:24
Oh, get me home, Ford.	0:16:24	0:16:25
Arthur, your home is...	0:16:25	0:16:27
Oh, god, my home.	0:16:27	0:16:28
My home was demolished.	0:16:28	0:16:31
CLANGING	0:16:31	0:16:33
RUMBLING	0:16:33	0:16:35
You don't remember.	0:16:35	0:16:37
OK, Arthur, I've got something to tell you.	0:16:38	0:16:43
It's unfortunate, but it's true.	0:16:43	0:16:45
Your home planet has been blown up.	0:16:45	0:16:48
Huh, blown up.	0:16:57	0:16:58
FORD GRUNTS	0:17:00	0:17:03
Couldn't you have done something?	0:17:05	0:17:07
I saved your life.	0:17:07	0:17:08
OK, that makes us even.	0:17:08	0:17:11
It's a tough galaxy.	0:17:11	0:17:12
If you want to survive out here,	0:17:12	0:17:15
you've gotta know...	0:17:15	0:17:17
where your towel is.	0:17:17	0:17:19
OK, give me a hand over here.	0:17:19	0:17:21
Careful. It's hot.	0:17:23	0:17:25
We've gotta get off this ship,	0:17:25	0:17:26
before the Vogons find us.	0:17:26	0:17:29
Vogons, they hate hitchhikers.	0:17:29	0:17:31
Pull. Huh?	0:17:31	0:17:34
Aah!	0:17:34	0:17:36
FORD LAUGHS	0:17:36	0:17:38
Now we'll get a signal.	0:17:38	0:17:39
What is a Vogon?	0:17:39	0:17:41
Ask the Guide. Say "Vogons".	0:17:41	0:17:43
Vogons.	0:17:44	0:17:47
GUIDE: 'Vogons are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy.	0:17:47	0:17:51
'Not evil, but bad-tempered,	0:17:51	0:17:53
'bureaucratic, officious and callous.	0:17:53	0:17:56
'They wouldn't even lift a finger to save	0:17:56	0:17:58
'their own grandmothers from the ravenous bugblatter beast of Traal	0:17:58	0:18:01
'without orders signed in triplicate,	0:18:01	0:18:04
'sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found,	0:18:04	0:18:06
'subjected to public inquiry, lost again	0:18:06	0:18:09
'and finally buried in soft peat for three months	0:18:09	0:18:12
'and recycled as firelighters.	0:18:12	0:18:15
'On no account should you allow a Vogon	0:18:15	0:18:18
'to read poetry to you.'	0:18:18	0:18:20
KLAXON	0:18:20	0:18:22
FORD: They can't think or imagine.	0:18:22	0:18:24
Most can't even spell.	0:18:24	0:18:25
They just run things.	0:18:25	0:18:26
Hmm?	0:18:29	0:18:30
GRUNTS	0:18:30	0:18:32
If we don't get a ride soon,	0:18:32	0:18:34
we won't need the Guide to tell us	0:18:34	0:18:36
how unpleasant the Vogons can be.	0:18:36	0:18:38
They've already destroyed a planet today.	0:18:38	0:18:40
That always makes them a little-eee!	0:18:40	0:18:43
INDISTINCT SHOUTING ON LOUDSPEAKER	0:18:43	0:18:46
GROANING What is that?	0:18:46	0:18:49
Put this in your ear.	0:18:49	0:18:50
Huh?	0:18:50	0:18:52
YELLING	0:18:53	0:18:55
VOGON: We have unwittingly picked up a couple of hitchhikers.	0:18:55	0:19:00
The fish is translating for you.	0:19:00	0:19:02
GUIDE: 'The babel fish is small, yellow, leech-like,	0:19:03	0:19:06
'and probably the oddest thing in the universe.	0:19:06	0:19:10
'It feeds on brainwave energy,	0:19:10	0:19:13
'absorbing unconscious frequencies,	0:19:13	0:19:14
'and excreting a matrix of conscious frequencies	0:19:14	0:19:17
'to the speech centres of the brain.	0:19:17	0:19:19
'The practical upshot of which	0:19:19	0:19:20
'is that if you stick one in your ear,	0:19:20	0:19:22
'you instantly understand anything said to you in any language.'	0:19:22	0:19:28
RUMBLING	0:19:28	0:19:29
CRASHING	0:19:29	0:19:32
Resistance is useless.	0:19:35	0:19:38
All right.	0:19:41	0:19:43
Someone's coming.	0:19:43	0:19:44
Here we go. Look lively.	0:19:44	0:19:46
RUMBLING	0:19:46	0:19:48
GRUNTING	0:19:51	0:19:52
INDISTINCT CHATTER	0:19:52	0:19:55
CRAB: Wheee!	0:20:06	0:20:08
GRUNTING	0:20:09	0:20:11
CRAB SQUEAKS	0:20:11	0:20:13
Ha ha!	0:20:13	0:20:15
ALL SHRIEK	0:20:16	0:20:18
DOOR CLANGS	0:20:19	0:20:20
Hmm.	0:20:20	0:20:22
Sir.	0:20:22	0:20:24
What?	0:20:24	0:20:25
Hitchhikers.	0:20:25	0:20:27
GROANS	0:20:27	0:20:28
BELL RINGS	0:20:28	0:20:31
GRUNTING	0:20:52	0:20:54
VOGON MURMURS	0:20:57	0:20:59
CLEARING THROAT	0:20:59	0:21:01
"O freddled gruntbuggly..."	0:21:03	0:21:07
No, no, really, you don't have to read.	0:21:07	0:21:10
< We've put you through enough trouble already.	0:21:10	0:21:12
"...as plerdled gabbleblotchits	0:21:12	0:21:15
"on a lurgid bee."	0:21:15	0:21:17
GUIDE: 'Vogon poetry is widely accepted	0:21:17	0:21:21
'as the third worst in the universe.	0:21:21	0:21:23
GROANS	0:21:23	0:21:24
GUIDE: 'The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria.	0:21:24	0:21:27
'During a recitation by their poet master, Grunthos the flatulent,	0:21:27	0:21:31
'of his poem Ode To A Small Lump Of Green Putty	0:21:31	0:21:33
'I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer Morning,	0:21:33	0:21:36
'four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging.	0:21:36	0:21:39
'And the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council	0:21:39	0:21:42
'survived by gnawing one of his own legs off.'	0:21:42	0:21:45
"Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts..."	0:21:45	0:21:50
GROANING "with my blurgle..."	0:21:50	0:21:53
GUIDE: 'The worst poetry	0:21:53	0:21:54
'was written by Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex.	0:21:54	0:21:57
'Luckily, it was destroyed when the Earth was.'	0:21:57	0:22:01
"See if I don't."	0:22:01	0:22:03
Yeah.	0:22:03	0:22:04
VOGONS CHUCKLE	0:22:04	0:22:06
So, Earthlings,	0:22:06	0:22:08
I present you with a choice.	0:22:08	0:22:11
Either die in the vacuum of space...	0:22:11	0:22:13
FORD WHIMPERS	0:22:13	0:22:15
..or tell me what you thought of my poem.	0:22:15	0:22:19
VOGONS CHUCKLE	0:22:19	0:22:21
A-a-actually, I rather liked it.	0:22:21	0:22:25
Hmm?	0:22:25	0:22:27
That's good. Run with it.	0:22:27	0:22:29
Uh, some of the words I didn't understand,	0:22:29	0:22:32
But I found the imagery quite effective.	0:22:32	0:22:34
Um...	0:22:34	0:22:35
Continue.	0:22:35	0:22:37
Well, uh, yes, interesting rhythmic devices,	0:22:37	0:22:41
which seemed to counterpoint the underlying metaphor of the humanity of...	0:22:41	0:22:46
Vogonity!	0:22:46	0:22:47
Vogonity, sorry! Vog-vog-vogonity...	0:22:47	0:22:49
of the poet's soul.	0:22:49	0:22:50
VOGONS MURMUR	0:22:50	0:22:52
So what you're saying is,	0:22:55	0:22:58
I write poetry because...	0:22:58	0:23:01
ahem, underneath this mean, callous, heartless exterior,	0:23:01	0:23:06
I just want to be loved?	0:23:06	0:23:10
Yes, yes, yes.	0:23:10	0:23:13
Yes, yes, yeah, please.	0:23:13	0:23:15
Ahh. MOANING	0:23:15	0:23:17
Throw them off the ship!	0:23:21	0:23:22
ALL YELL	0:23:22	0:23:24
No! No!	0:23:24	0:23:25
Resistance is useless!	0:23:29	0:23:32
GRINDING	0:23:33	0:23:35
Shut up! Get a job!	0:23:35	0:23:37
Wash your filthy hands!	0:23:37	0:23:39
WHISPERS: Don't panic.	0:23:39	0:23:41
Don't panic.	0:23:41	0:23:42
So this is it?	0:23:42	0:23:44
We're going to die?	0:23:44	0:23:47
Yeah, we're gonna die.	0:23:47	0:23:52
No, no, what's this?	0:23:52	0:23:54
What's that?	0:23:54	0:23:56
What's this?	0:23:56	0:23:58
This is...nothing.	0:23:58	0:23:59
Yeah, we're gonna die.	0:23:59	0:24:01
SIGHS	0:24:01	0:24:03
PHONE BEEPS	0:24:06	0:24:08
GROANS	0:24:08	0:24:10
You're sweating.	0:24:10	0:24:13
Would you like a hug? No.	0:24:20	0:24:22
KLAXON	0:24:22	0:24:24
RUMBLING	0:24:24	0:24:26
KLAXON AND RUMBLING STOP	0:24:33	0:24:35
GUIDE: '"Space..." says the introduction	0:24:36	0:24:38
'to the Hitchhiker's Guide, "..is big. Really big."	0:24:38	0:24:42
'"You just won't believe how vastly, hugely,	0:24:42	0:24:45
'"mind-bogglingly big it is."	0:24:45	0:24:47
'And-and so on.	0:24:47	0:24:49
'It also says that if you hold a lungful of air,	0:24:49	0:24:52
'you can survive in the total vacuum of space	0:24:52	0:24:55
'for about 30 seconds.	0:24:55	0:24:57
'But with space being really big and all,	0:24:57	0:24:59
'the chances of being picked up within that time	0:24:59	0:25:02
'are two to the power of two billion,	0:25:02	0:25:04
'79,460,357 to 1 against.	0:25:04	0:25:10
'Which, by a staggering coincidence,	0:25:10	0:25:12
'is also the phone number of the Islington flat	0:25:12	0:25:14
'where Arthur went to a fancy dress party	0:25:14	0:25:17
'and met a very nice young woman whom he totally blew it with.'	0:25:17	0:25:20
BOOM	0:25:20	0:25:22
'Though the planet Earth,	0:25:22	0:25:24
'Islington flat and telephone have all now been demolished,	0:25:24	0:25:29
'Ford and Arthur were, in fact, rescued.'	0:25:29	0:25:32
ARTHUR: Ford?	0:25:32	0:25:34
FORD: Yes.	0:25:34	0:25:35
I think I'm a sofa.	0:25:35	0:25:37
I know how you feel.	0:25:37	0:25:39
BOTH SCREAM	0:25:39	0:25:41
So much for the laws of physics.	0:25:46	0:25:48
REPORTER ON TV: 'And once again, our top story.	0:25:48	0:25:51
'The sensational theft of the most coveted ship in the universe,	0:25:51	0:25:55
'the starship Heart Of Gold.	0:25:55	0:25:57
'Stolen at the launch ceremony by none other	0:25:57	0:25:59
'than Galactic President Zaphod Beeblebrox.'	0:25:59	0:26:02
ZAPHOD: In the name of people, freedom, and, uh...	0:26:02	0:26:05
democracy, stuff like that,	0:26:05	0:26:07
I hereby kidnap myself	0:26:07	0:26:09
and I'm taking the ship with me.	0:26:09	0:26:11
Whoo! Come on!	0:26:11	0:26:13
CROWD GASPS	0:26:13	0:26:14
REPORTER: 'Beeblebrox, universally considered	0:26:14	0:26:16
'to be the dimmest star in several solar systems,	0:26:16	0:26:19
'is most famous for his controversial defeat of Humma Kavula,	0:26:19	0:26:23
'who claimed many thought they were voting	0:26:23	0:26:24
'for the Worst-Dressed Sentient Being In The Universe Contest.'	0:26:24	0:26:27
LAUGHS	0:26:27	0:26:29
Great.	0:26:29	0:26:31
'Humma Kavula is of course best remembered for his slanderous	0:26:31	0:26:33
'"Don't vote for Stupid!" campaign.'	0:26:33	0:26:36
WOMAN: Can we put your ego aside?	0:26:36	0:26:37
Something important has happened.	0:26:37	0:26:39
If there's anything more important than my ego onboard,	0:26:39	0:26:42
I want it caught and right shot now.	0:26:42	0:26:44
Hey, come on, I love it.	0:26:44	0:26:45
'Zaphod's just this guy, you know.'	0:26:45	0:26:47
Hey, hey, hey, hey.	0:26:50	0:26:51
What d'you...I was just watching myself.	0:26:51	0:26:53
The computer says we have a couple of hitchhikers	0:26:53	0:26:55
in our receiving bay...	0:26:55	0:26:56
Hitchhikers? Why'd you pick up hitchhikers?	0:26:56	0:26:59
I didn't. The ship did.	0:26:59	0:27:01
What?	0:27:01	0:27:02
Wh... Wha... Say what?	0:27:02	0:27:03
Well, when we engaged the improbability drive -	0:27:03	0:27:06
this, the big button... Yeah, I know.	0:27:06	0:27:08
..they were picked up here in sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha.	0:27:08	0:27:11
Wait a minute, that's where you picked me up.	0:27:11	0:27:14
On Earth.	0:27:14	0:27:15
That's impossible. No, just improbable.	0:27:15	0:27:17
Listen, Slim, I don't have time for this, you know?	0:27:17	0:27:19
We have police of half the galaxy after us.	0:27:19	0:27:21
We've stopped to pick up hitchhikers.	0:27:21	0:27:23
OK, so ten out of ten for style, but...	0:27:23	0:27:25
minus several million for good thinking.	0:27:25	0:27:27
You're too gorgeous, baby, stop it.	0:27:27	0:27:29
You're driving me crazy.	0:27:29	0:27:32
Don't.	0:27:32	0:27:33
< I'll send Marvin.	0:27:33	0:27:36
Marvin!	0:27:36	0:27:37
WHIRRING	0:27:37	0:27:39
I think you ought to know, I'm feeling very depressed.	0:27:39	0:27:43
Well, we have something	0:27:43	0:27:45
that should take your mind off things.	0:27:45	0:27:48
It won't work.	0:27:48	0:27:49
I have an exceptionally large mind.	0:27:49	0:27:52
Yeah, we know.	0:27:52	0:27:54
But, um, we need you to go down to the number two entry bay	0:27:54	0:27:58
and pick up our stowaways and bring them up here.	0:27:58	0:28:00
Just that?	0:28:00	0:28:02
I won't enjoy it.	0:28:02	0:28:04
Yeah, well, that's life.	0:28:04	0:28:07
Life?	0:28:07	0:28:08
Don't talk to me about life.	0:28:08	0:28:11
INTERCOM: 'Commander Kwaltz?'	0:28:19	0:28:21
Yes?	0:28:21	0:28:22
'We have located the spaceship Heart Of Gold	0:28:22	0:28:24
'and President Beeblebrox.'	0:28:24	0:28:26
Where?	0:28:26	0:28:27
'On sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha.	0:28:27	0:28:30
'Requesting hyperspace clearance.'	0:28:30	0:28:32
Hold your position, Captain,	0:28:32	0:28:35
until clearance is granted.	0:28:35	0:28:38
'Yes, sir.'	0:28:38	0:28:39
Get me Vice-President Questular, mm-hmm.	0:28:39	0:28:43
GROANING	0:28:43	0:28:46
'Hyperspace permission granted, Captain.'	0:28:46	0:28:50
ALL TALK AT ONCE	0:28:50	0:28:52
ENGINES ROAR	0:28:52	0:28:54
DOOR SIGHS	0:29:02	0:29:05
DOOR SIGHS	0:29:11	0:29:13
I think that door just sighed.	0:29:13	0:29:15
MARVIN: Ghastly, isn't it?	0:29:15	0:29:17
All the doors in this spaceship	0:29:17	0:29:20
have been programmed to have a cheerful and sunny disposition.	0:29:20	0:29:23
Anyway, come on.	0:29:25	0:29:27
I've been ordered to take you up to the bridge.	0:29:27	0:29:30
Oh, please yourselves.	0:29:32	0:29:34
Here I am, brain the size of a planet,	0:29:34	0:29:38
and they ask me to take you up to the bridge.	0:29:38	0:29:40
Call that job satisfaction?	0:29:40	0:29:41
Cos I don't.	0:29:41	0:29:43
You can thank the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation	0:29:43	0:29:47
for building robots with GPP.	0:29:47	0:29:49
ARTHUR: What's GPP?	0:29:49	0:29:50
MARVIN: Genuine People Personalities.	0:29:50	0:29:52
I'm a personality prototype.	0:29:52	0:29:54
You can tell, can't you?	0:29:54	0:29:57
Arthur?	0:30:02	0:30:04
ZAPHOD: Hey, Slim, are you wearing my underwear?	0:30:04	0:30:07
Cos I'm wearing yours.	0:30:07	0:30:09
And they ain't doing the trick.	0:30:09	0:30:11
Come on. All right.	0:30:11	0:30:12
DOOR SIGHS	0:30:14	0:30:15
MARVIN: Oh, for heaven's sake.	0:30:15	0:30:18
I've brought the aliens.	0:30:18	0:30:19
Don't thank me or anything.	0:30:19	0:30:21
Aha! Ow!	0:30:21	0:30:23
Freeze! FORD SQUEALS	0:30:23	0:30:24
Freeze?	0:30:24	0:30:25
Dippity doo. I'm a robot.	0:30:25	0:30:27
Not a refrigerator.	0:30:27	0:30:28
I wasn't talking to you, giggles.	0:30:28	0:30:30
Oh, why do I bother? Zaphod?	0:30:30	0:30:33
Ford!	0:30:33	0:30:34
Is that you?	0:30:34	0:30:36
Ford! Praxibetel Ix!	0:30:36	0:30:38
What the hell are you doing here?	0:30:38	0:30:40
I don't know. I just stuck out my thumb and here I am.	0:30:40	0:30:44
That is so you.	0:30:44	0:30:45
FORD: Look at you! President of the Galaxy.	0:30:45	0:30:47
I can't believe you beat Humma Kavula.	0:30:47	0:30:50
You zarkin' frood. Come here, come here.	0:30:50	0:30:53
I want you to meet a friend.	0:30:53	0:30:54
Arthur, this is Zaphod Beeblebrox.	0:30:54	0:30:56
Oh.	0:30:56	0:30:57
President of the Galaxy.	0:30:57	0:30:58
He's my cousin. He's a semi-half brother.	0:30:58	0:31:02
He shares three of the same mothers as me.	0:31:02	0:31:04
We've met.	0:31:04	0:31:05
Have we?	0:31:05	0:31:07
I'm sorry.	0:31:07	0:31:09
I've got a terrible memory for species.	0:31:09	0:31:11
This is him, Ford.	0:31:11	0:31:12
The would-you-like- to-see-my-spaceship bloke.	0:31:12	0:31:15
Hmm.	0:31:15	0:31:16
Hello, Arthur.	0:31:16	0:31:18
Tricia!	0:31:18	0:31:21
How you doin'?	0:31:22	0:31:23
Hey, Trillian!	0:31:23	0:31:25
This is my semi-half-brother Ix, I'm sorry, Ford.	0:31:25	0:31:28
Hi.	0:31:28	0:31:29
Hi.	0:31:29	0:31:30
Um, would you excuse us for a second, please?	0:31:30	0:31:35
You went down on that little planet and didn't call me?	0:31:35	0:31:38
Sorry, pal, I didn't know. You know, I had a galaxy to run.	0:31:38	0:31:41
Hi, Tricia McMillan, right?	0:31:41	0:31:43
Oh, I think I heard him call you Trillian.	0:31:43	0:31:45
Which of us got the right one?	0:31:45	0:31:47
Oh, I shortened it.	0:31:47	0:31:48
Something more spacey.	0:31:48	0:31:49
Right. Yes, well,	0:31:49	0:31:50
I was thinking of changing mine to,	0:31:50	0:31:52
I don't know, Arthoolia.	0:31:52	0:31:53
That's a good one.	0:31:53	0:31:54
Well, this is weird.	0:31:54	0:31:57
How'd you get here?	0:31:57	0:31:59
I just stuck out my thumb, here I am.	0:31:59	0:32:00
Right. In your pyjamas?	0:32:00	0:32:02
I was in a hurry. Mm-hmm.	0:32:02	0:32:04
OK. Did you know I was here?	0:32:04	0:32:06
Oh, don't flatter yourself. I've got a spaceman, too.	0:32:06	0:32:09
Yeah, that's like the dingo shuffle.	0:32:09	0:32:12
OK, um, look.	0:32:12	0:32:13
I left you at the party.	0:32:13	0:32:15
I feel bad about it,	0:32:15	0:32:16
But I was gonna call when I got back.	0:32:16	0:32:18
There is no going back now, is there?	0:32:18	0:32:20
You do know what happened, don't you?	0:32:20	0:32:23
Hey, enough small talk.	0:32:23	0:32:25
We're on the run, remember? I stole the ship.	0:32:25	0:32:26
Excuse me, we're having a bit of a chat here. Do you mind?	0:32:26	0:32:28
I think the girl's getting...BOO!	0:32:28	0:32:30
LAUGHS	0:32:30	0:32:31
You blew it with her, Earthman, so shut your face	0:32:31	0:32:33
Or I'll kick you in the zatch.	0:32:33	0:32:35
You wanna fight? Yeah, OK.	0:32:35	0:32:37
Earthman wants to fight. No. No.	0:32:37	0:32:39
I'm just kidding. I'm a kidder.	0:32:39	0:32:40
Come on, let's be friends.	0:32:40	0:32:42
Let's connect. You and I.	0:32:42	0:32:44
Didn't see that one coming, did you?	0:32:44	0:32:46
Popped right out of the box!	0:32:46	0:32:48
Who's foxy, yeah!	0:32:48	0:32:49
You should teach your pal a lesson, Ford.	0:32:49	0:32:51
He's a guest on my ship.	0:32:51	0:32:53
# He's a guest on my ship... #	0:32:53	0:32:55
I thought you said you stole it.	0:32:55	0:32:58
Stole what? What are we talking about?	0:32:58	0:33:01
ELECTRONIC KLAXON	0:33:01	0:33:03
Whoa! That doesn't sound good.	0:33:03	0:33:06
Are you OK?	0:33:10	0:33:11
I'm just fabulous, thanks, "Trill".	0:33:11	0:33:13
Baby, need a little help over here.	0:33:13	0:33:15
Think I'm in over my head.	0:33:15	0:33:16
I'll take care of this.	0:33:16	0:33:17
Good Zarquon, do I have to do everything?	0:33:17	0:33:20
Yes, I do!	0:33:20	0:33:21
Hey, hey, Slim, this is really pretty.	0:33:21	0:33:24
Don't! Whoo!	0:33:24	0:33:25
They're on our tail. Fire a gun.	0:33:25	0:33:26
< Launch a missile. Do some damage!	0:33:26	0:33:28
ENGINES ROAR	0:33:28	0:33:30
Ow! Stop that! Ow! Just kiddin'. I love it rough.	0:33:36	0:33:40
Hit me. Uh, computer?	0:33:40	0:33:42
COMPUTER: 'Hi there.	0:33:42	0:33:43
'I'm Eddie, your shipboard computer.	0:33:43	0:33:45
'I'm pleased as punch to report	0:33:45	0:33:46
'that it's a fleet of 100 Vogon battle destroyers.	0:33:46	0:33:49
'They're sending you a message.'	0:33:49	0:33:51
This is Vice-President Questular Rontok.	0:33:51	0:33:53
'I am speaking to the kidnapper of the President?'	0:33:53	0:33:57
She digs me. Check it out.	0:33:57	0:33:58
'Surrender the stolen vessel at once	0:33:58	0:34:00
'or we will take action as defined and permitted by...	0:34:00	0:34:04
'Section 1-8 of the Galactic Interstellar Space Bylaws...	0:34:05	0:34:09
'Zaphod, please come back now.	0:34:09	0:34:12
'This is ridiculous.'	0:34:12	0:34:13
Leap to hyperspace! Come on!	0:34:13	0:34:15
EDDIE: Oh, sure thing, fella!	0:34:15	0:34:18
No.	0:34:24	0:34:26
Did they have proper hyperspace authorization?	0:34:26	0:34:31
No, Commander.	0:34:31	0:34:33
< Oh.	0:34:33	0:34:34
Bring me the request to pursue fugitive forms.	0:34:36	0:34:40
MESSENGER: I'm coming, sir.	0:34:40	0:34:42
FOOTSTEPS	0:34:42	0:34:44
PANTING: I'm boiling!	0:34:44	0:34:45
Oh, oh. Here's the form, sir.	0:34:45	0:34:47
Are you along for the ride,	0:34:49	0:34:51
or am I just dropping you somewhere?	0:34:51	0:34:53
That depends.	0:34:53	0:34:55
Where are you going?	0:34:55	0:34:57
Where am I going?	0:34:57	0:34:59
You OK?	0:34:59	0:35:01
Yeah.	0:35:01	0:35:02
I don't suppose there's any tea	0:35:02	0:35:04
on this spaceship?	0:35:04	0:35:05
Yes, there is. Come on.	0:35:05	0:35:07
I'll show you the kitchen.	0:35:07	0:35:08
When you see what I'm about to show you,	0:35:08	0:35:10
you'll beg me to take you with us.	0:35:10	0:35:12
GUIDE: 'The best drink in existence	0:35:12	0:35:14
'is the pan-galactic gargle blaster,	0:35:14	0:35:16
'the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out	0:35:16	0:35:20
'by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.'	0:35:20	0:35:24
BOTH SCREAM	0:35:24	0:35:25
Belgium. Belgium.	0:35:28	0:35:29
Hold it one second.	0:35:29	0:35:31
Hey, ape-man, Earth dude,	0:35:31	0:35:33
What's your name again?	0:35:33	0:35:35
Ahem. Arthur.	0:35:35	0:35:36
Right. Gorgeous.	0:35:36	0:35:37
No hard feelings, OK?	0:35:37	0:35:38
Sorry to hear about your planet...	0:35:38	0:35:40
What's it called? Earth!	0:35:40	0:35:41
Yeah, yeah. I liked Earth.	0:35:41	0:35:43
Got these boots on Earth.	0:35:43	0:35:44
Listen, don't mention it to the girl, OK?	0:35:44	0:35:45
Because if you do...	0:35:45	0:35:46
(I'll pull your spleen out through your throat.)	0:35:46	0:35:49
All right.	0:35:49	0:35:51
Thanks, buddy. OK. Good stuff.	0:35:51	0:35:53
Like those jammies.	0:35:53	0:35:55
Hey. Hey, Zaphod,	0:35:56	0:35:58
What's with the two-head thing?	0:35:58	0:36:00
Oh, yeah.	0:36:00	0:36:02
Apparently, you can't be president with a whole brain.	0:36:02	0:36:05
It's crazy.	0:36:05	0:36:07
Oh, so you carved it up?	0:36:07	0:36:08
Yes. Some parts of my personality weren't exactly	0:36:08	0:36:11
what you'd call presidential.	0:36:11	0:36:13
Oh, no. You know what I'm talkin' about.	0:36:13	0:36:15
DRINKS MACHINE: Your tea is ready.	0:36:18	0:36:20
Eugh!	0:36:26	0:36:27
I suppose I should've said "It resembles tea".	0:36:32	0:36:35
BOTH CHUCKLE	0:36:35	0:36:37
So, two heads is what does it for a girl?	0:36:37	0:36:39
Yeah? I mean, if I'd had	0:36:39	0:36:40
two heads, or, I don't know, three...	0:36:40	0:36:42
Or your own spaceship.	0:36:42	0:36:44
Anything else he's got two of?	0:36:44	0:36:47
Come on, Arthur, don't be like that.	0:36:47	0:36:50
What am I supposed to be like?	0:36:50	0:36:51
You know? Green?	0:36:51	0:36:52
Bleeping?	0:36:52	0:36:54
I can fold me eyelids inside out if you like.	0:36:54	0:36:56
OK, look.	0:36:56	0:36:58
Do you see this?	0:36:58	0:37:00
This detects what you're craving and makes it for you.	0:37:00	0:37:04
MACHINE: Enjoy your doughnut.	0:37:04	0:37:07
Do you see this?	0:37:09	0:37:12
LAUGHS	0:37:12	0:37:14
This toasts bread while you're slicing it.	0:37:14	0:37:21
We're on a spaceship, Arthur.	0:37:21	0:37:24
In space.	0:37:24	0:37:26
I told you I wanted to get away.	0:37:26	0:37:28
To Madagascar. That was...	0:37:28	0:37:31
Some sort of test.	0:37:31	0:37:34
And I failed.	0:37:34	0:37:36
How badly does it hurt?	0:37:36	0:37:37
It doesn't feel great.	0:37:37	0:37:39
No, I mean your chin.	0:37:39	0:37:41
Oh... I might have an aspirin. Right.	0:37:41	0:37:44
TRICIA: Hey!	0:37:47	0:37:48
Tricia... Trillian, sorry. Um,	0:37:51	0:37:54
There's something I have to tell you.	0:37:54	0:37:56
Please, don't.	0:37:56	0:37:57
ZAPHOD: Showtime, Trill!	0:37:57	0:37:59
I'm going to set up.	0:38:05	0:38:07
Buttons aren't toys.	0:38:07	0:38:09
Buttons aren't toys.	0:38:09	0:38:10
Anyway, when I saw	0:38:10	0:38:12
what I'm about to show you,	0:38:12	0:38:13
that's when I realized why I had to do	0:38:13	0:38:15
what I did to my brain.	0:38:15	0:38:18
I think. It's all a little...	0:38:18	0:38:21
shaky.	0:38:21	0:38:22
ELECTRONIC WHIRRING	0:38:22	0:38:25
MARVIN: I've seen it.	0:38:25	0:38:27
It's rubbish.	0:38:27	0:38:28
TRUMPET FANFARE	0:38:28	0:38:30
GUIDE: 'Many millions of years ago,	0:38:32	0:38:34
'a race of hyperintelligent, pan-dimensional beings	0:38:34	0:38:37
'got so fed up with the constant bickering about the meaning of life,	0:38:37	0:38:41
'that they commissioned two of their brightest and best	0:38:41	0:38:44
'to design and build a stupendous super-computer	0:38:44	0:38:48
'to calculate the answer to life,	0:38:48	0:38:50
'the universe and everything.'	0:38:50	0:38:53
O, Deep Thought,	0:38:53	0:38:54
We want you to tell us the answer.	0:38:54	0:38:59
DEEP THOUGHT: The answer to what?	0:38:59	0:39:01
The answer to life, the universe, everything.	0:39:01	0:39:05
We'd really like an answer.	0:39:05	0:39:07
Something simple.	0:39:07	0:39:09
Hmm, have to think about that.	0:39:09	0:39:12
Return to this place in exactly	0:39:12	0:39:14
seven and a half million years.	0:39:14	0:39:17
Is it finished? Oh, no, there's more.	0:39:19	0:39:21
They go back.	0:39:21	0:39:22
Seven and a half million years later?	0:39:22	0:39:25
That's right, they do.	0:39:25	0:39:27
ALL CHEER	0:39:27	0:39:29
Deep Thought...	0:39:42	0:39:44
CROWD CHEER Do you have...	0:39:44	0:39:46
DEEP THOUGHT: An answer for you?	0:39:46	0:39:48
Yes, but you're not going to like it.	0:39:48	0:39:50
It doesn't matter. We must know it.	0:39:50	0:39:53
All right.	0:39:53	0:39:54
The answer to the ultimate question...	0:39:54	0:39:57
CROWD CHEERS	0:39:57	0:39:59
..of life, the universe and everything...	0:39:59	0:40:04
..is...	0:40:04	0:40:05
ALL CHEER	0:40:05	0:40:07
..42.	0:40:12	0:40:13
MAN: What?!	0:40:13	0:40:14
WOMAN: 42?!	0:40:16	0:40:19
Yes, I thought it over quite thoroughly. It's 42.	0:40:19	0:40:21
It would've been simpler, of course,	0:40:21	0:40:24
to have known what the actual question was.	0:40:24	0:40:26
But it was THE question.	0:40:26	0:40:27
The ultimate question.	0:40:27	0:40:30
Of everything! That's not a question.	0:40:30	0:40:32
Only when you know the question	0:40:32	0:40:34
will you will know what the answer means.	0:40:34	0:40:35
Give us the ultimate question, then.	0:40:35	0:40:37
I can't. But there is one who can.	0:40:37	0:40:40
A computer that will calculate the ultimate question.	0:40:40	0:40:44
A computer of such infinite complexity,	0:40:44	0:40:47
that life itself will form part of its operational matrix.	0:40:47	0:40:51
And you yourselves shall take on new, more primitive forms,	0:40:51	0:40:55
and go down into the computer to navigate	0:40:55	0:40:57
its 10-million-year program.	0:40:57	0:41:00
I shall design this computer for you,	0:41:00	0:41:03
and it shall be called...	0:41:03	0:41:04
STATIC	0:41:04	0:41:06
That's it?	0:41:09	0:41:11
That's it.	0:41:11	0:41:12
You're looking for the ultimate question?	0:41:12	0:41:14
Yep. You?	0:41:14	0:41:15
Me. Why?	0:41:15	0:41:16
No, I tried that. Why? 42. Doesn't work.	0:41:16	0:41:19
Let's get it ready, baby.	0:41:19	0:41:21
FORD: Why...	0:41:21	0:41:22
do you want to know the ultimate question?	0:41:22	0:41:25
Oh, well, partly the curiosity, partly a sense of adventure,	0:41:25	0:41:28
but, uh, mostly I think it's for the fame and the money.	0:41:28	0:41:31
You're President of the Galaxy?	0:41:33	0:41:34
That's right, Arman. Arthur.	0:41:34	0:41:36
Whatever.	0:41:36	0:41:37
Presidential fame is temporary.	0:41:37	0:41:39
I find the question, that's permanent.	0:41:39	0:41:41
It sticks.	0:41:41	0:41:42
Plus, everyone thinks you're deep. Win-win.	0:41:42	0:41:44
We just hit that button	0:41:44	0:41:46
and bam, we're at Magrathea,	0:41:46	0:41:48
I think.	0:41:48	0:41:50
I don't know. We've hit it twice	0:41:50	0:41:52
and we're still not there, but anyway...you in?	0:41:52	0:41:53
Always. All right!	0:41:53	0:41:57
MARVIN: Oh, I want to get off.	0:41:57	0:41:58
Sorry, what exactly are we doing?	0:41:58	0:42:00
This!	0:42:00	0:42:01
GUIDE: 'The infinite improbability drive	0:42:05	0:42:08
'is a wonderful new method of crossing interstellar distances in a few seconds,	0:42:08	0:42:12
'without all that tedious mucking about in hyperspace.	0:42:12	0:42:14
'As the improbability drive reaches infinite improbability,	0:42:14	0:42:18
'it passes through every conceivable point	0:42:18	0:42:20
'in every conceivable universe almost simultaneously.	0:42:20	0:42:24
'In other words, you're never sure where you'll end up	0:42:24	0:42:26
'or even what species you'll be when you get there.	0:42:26	0:42:28
'It's therefore important to dress accordingly.	0:42:28	0:42:31
'The infinite improbability drive	0:42:31	0:42:33
'was invented following research into finite improbability,	0:42:33	0:42:35
'often used to break the ice at parties	0:42:35	0:42:38
'by making all the molecules in the hostess's undergarments	0:42:38	0:42:40
'leap simultaneously one foot to the left	0:42:40	0:42:43
'in accordance with the theory of indeterminacy.	0:42:43	0:42:45
'Many respectable physicists said	0:42:45	0:42:47
'they weren't going to stand for that sort of thing,	0:42:47	0:42:49
'partly because it was a debasement of science,	0:42:49	0:42:51
'but mostly because they didn't get invited to those sort of parties.'	0:42:51	0:42:55
ENGINES RUMBLE	0:42:57	0:42:59
Wow, is this gonna happen every time we hit that button?	0:43:04	0:43:08
Very probably, yes.	0:43:08	0:43:11
MARVIN: Ah, I think the Earthman's about to be sick.	0:43:11	0:43:14
Whoa, do it in the trashcan, ape-man. This ship's brand new.	0:43:14	0:43:17
Aw, come on!	0:43:17	0:43:18
TRILLIAN: We have normality.	0:43:18	0:43:20
Did it work? Are we there?	0:43:20	0:43:23
Yeah. We're here.	0:43:24	0:43:27
Magrathea! I don't think so.	0:43:27	0:43:29
Magrathea! Eddie?	0:43:29	0:43:30
Ow! What planet are we looking at?	0:43:30	0:43:32
EDDIE: 'I'm checking for you.'	0:43:32	0:43:34
Did you just pluck one of my hairs?	0:43:34	0:43:36
< Off my head?	0:43:36	0:43:37
EDDIE: 'Thank you so much for waiting.	0:43:39	0:43:41
'I'm sorry to disappoint you, gang,	0:43:41	0:43:43
'but this is not Magrathea.	0:43:43	0:43:44
'We are currently in orbit around the planet Viltvodle Six.'	0:43:44	0:43:48
Humma Kavula!	0:43:48	0:43:52
Magrathea's gonna have to wait.	0:43:52	0:43:54
I got a score to settle on this planet!	0:43:54	0:43:57
ENGINES ROAR	0:43:57	0:43:58
ZAPHOD: Humma Kavula!	0:43:58	0:44:02
GUIDE: 'In the beginning, the universe was created.	0:44:04	0:44:08
'This made a lot of people very angry,	0:44:08	0:44:11
'and has been widely regarded as a bad move.'	0:44:11	0:44:13
CROWD BOOS	0:44:13	0:44:15
'Many races believed that it was created by some sort of god,	0:44:15	0:44:19
'though the Jatravartid people of Viltvodle Six	0:44:19	0:44:21
'firmly believe that the entire universe	0:44:21	0:44:23
'was in fact sneezed out of the nose of a being	0:44:23	0:44:26
'called the Great Green Arkleseizure.'	0:44:26	0:44:28
ZAPHOD: Humma Kavula!	0:44:28	0:44:30
GUIDE: 'The Jatravartids,	0:44:30	0:44:32
'who lived in perpetual fear of the time they called	0:44:32	0:44:34
'The Coming Of The Great White Handkerchief,	0:44:34	0:44:36
'were small blue creatures with more than 50 arms each.	0:44:36	0:44:39
'They were unique in being the only race in history	0:44:39	0:44:43
'to have invented the aerosol deodorant before the wheel.'	0:44:43	0:44:46
ALL: Mr President!	0:44:48	0:44:49
Hey, all right. How you doin'? All right.	0:44:49	0:44:51
What have we got here? I love it!	0:44:51	0:44:53
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE	0:44:55	0:44:56
Hey, I love you.	0:44:58	0:44:59
Fantastic! You guys related?	0:44:59	0:45:01
Don't go changing. Keep on movin'.	0:45:01	0:45:03
Arthur, I want a drink.	0:45:03	0:45:05
I think I've been here before.	0:45:05	0:45:07
Have I been here before?	0:45:07	0:45:09
< WOMEN: Ixxie!	0:45:12	0:45:14
I've been here before.	0:45:14	0:45:16
ZAPHOD: Humma Kavula!	0:45:16	0:45:18
Come on.	0:45:18	0:45:19
Tricia!	0:45:19	0:45:21
Tricia, I...	0:45:21	0:45:22
LAUGHTER	0:45:23	0:45:26
CHURCH CHOIR: # Now we await	0:45:26	0:45:30
# With eager expectation	0:45:30	0:45:35
# Thy handkerchief	0:45:35	0:45:38
# To bring us back to thee... #	0:45:38	0:45:47
Hello, Hummy.	0:45:50	0:45:51
PRIEST: Join us. Sit down.	0:45:51	0:45:54
Hey, good to see you.	0:45:54	0:45:56
Thanks. All right.	0:45:56	0:45:57
HUMMA: The handkerchief is coming, beloveds.	0:45:57	0:46:00
Let us pray the Almighty will exhale a breath of compassion on us all.	0:46:00	0:46:05
EXHALES	0:46:05	0:46:06
So that's Humma Kavula.	0:46:06	0:46:09
I thought he was just swearing.	0:46:09	0:46:10
We lift our noses, clogged and unblown,	0:46:10	0:46:15
in reverence to you.	0:46:15	0:46:18
Send the handkerchief, O Blessed One,	0:46:18	0:46:20
so that it may wipe us clean.	0:46:20	0:46:22
We ask this and all things	0:46:22	0:46:25
in Thy Precious and Alliterative Name.	0:46:25	0:46:29
ALL SNEEZE	0:46:29	0:46:32
ALL SNIFFLE	0:46:32	0:46:34
Bless you.	0:46:37	0:46:40
DOOR BANGS	0:46:40	0:46:41
ZAPHOD: Where we goin'? In here?	0:46:41	0:46:42
< All right, I like it.	0:46:42	0:46:44
< It's big, it's gold, it's fancy.	0:46:44	0:46:45
Fancy pants!	0:46:45	0:46:47
HUMMA: Zaphod Beeblebrox, our infamous president.	0:46:47	0:46:50
What brings you to our humble planet?	0:46:50	0:46:53
ZAPHOD: You know why I'm here.	0:46:53	0:46:54
No, I don't think I do.	0:46:54	0:46:56
Oh, I think you think you don't.	0:46:56	0:46:58
But we both know...	0:46:58	0:47:00
you do.	0:47:00	0:47:02
Eloquent as always, Zaphod.	0:47:02	0:47:04
Your ability to articulate never ceases to amaze.	0:47:04	0:47:08
That's funny.	0:47:08	0:47:09
During the campaign, Humma,	0:47:09	0:47:11
When you were my opponent running against me,	0:47:11	0:47:13
you said I was stupid.	0:47:13	0:47:15
The election is ancient history,	0:47:33	0:47:36
Zaphod, but...	0:47:36	0:47:38
if memory serves, you won,	0:47:41	0:47:43
proving that good looks	0:47:43	0:47:45
and charm win over brilliance	0:47:45	0:47:47
and the ability to govern.	0:47:47	0:47:51
And, incidentally, you are stupid.	0:47:54	0:47:59
Excuse me, Mr Humma, sir.	0:47:59	0:48:00
Ooh, I just want to say,	0:48:00	0:48:03
there's been a terrible mix up, hasn't there?	0:48:03	0:48:05
Cos actually, he's not with us.	0:48:05	0:48:06
We came to worship you.	0:48:06	0:48:08
He followed us and...	0:48:08	0:48:10
He grew, didn't he? He's not that tall.	0:48:10	0:48:13
You didn't come halfway across the galaxy	0:48:13	0:48:15
to settle a campaign grudge, Zaphod.	0:48:15	0:48:18
Why are you here?	0:48:19	0:48:21
MUSIC	0:48:21	0:48:22
Of course not, that's...that's ridiculous.	0:48:22	0:48:25
I've been stranded on a strange planet for a number of years,	0:48:25	0:48:29
I haven't been avoiding you.	0:48:29	0:48:31
You look great. You're doing well.	0:48:31	0:48:33
You've grown, obviously.	0:48:33	0:48:35
Arggh!	0:48:35	0:48:37
Wait, wait, wait, wait!	0:48:37	0:48:38
We don't know why we're here.	0:48:38	0:48:39
We were trying to get to Magrathea	0:48:39	0:48:41
and our ship brought us here.	0:48:41	0:48:43
How very, very improbable.	0:48:43	0:48:49
ELECTRONIC BUZZ	0:48:53	0:48:55
I kept a few souvenirs from my former life.	0:48:55	0:48:57
Ah, the heady days of space piracy.	0:48:57	0:49:00
But...	0:49:00	0:49:02
Even an infinite improbability drive requires coordinates.	0:49:02	0:49:07
Which I happen to have.	0:49:07	0:49:10
No, no, no.	0:49:10	0:49:11
You don't get something for nothing, Zaphod.	0:49:11	0:49:14
< You must bring me something in return.	0:49:14	0:49:17
CHUCKLES Wh... What?	0:49:17	0:49:18
< A gun.	0:49:18	0:49:19
A gun?	0:49:19	0:49:21
A very special gun	0:49:21	0:49:22
designed by the greatest computer ever invented.	0:49:22	0:49:25
But the only way to find it is to go to Magrathea.	0:49:25	0:49:28
Fine.	0:49:28	0:49:29
I'll get your gun.	0:49:29	0:49:31
Just give me the coordinates.	0:49:31	0:49:33
What will you give me to ensure your return?	0:49:33	0:49:35
My word as President.	0:49:35	0:49:37
No. I need a hostage.	0:49:40	0:49:43
Only...	0:49:43	0:49:47
What does Zaphod Beeblebrox treasure?	0:49:47	0:49:51
HUMMA WHISTLES	0:49:53	0:49:55
CHUCKLES Come on.	0:49:55	0:49:56
ZAPHOD CHUCKLES HYSTERICALLY	0:49:58	0:49:59
Oh, no!	0:49:59	0:50:02
ZAPHOD: Hey, hey, take it easy now.	0:50:02	0:50:04
Think about this before you do it.	0:50:04	0:50:06
ELECTRIC SAW No, stop it! Ah!	0:50:06	0:50:07
That kind of tickles!	0:50:07	0:50:08
Two heads are better than one.	0:50:08	0:50:10
Double your pleasure.	0:50:10	0:50:12
It's not fair!	0:50:12	0:50:14
You need me! Come back!	0:50:14	0:50:17
Come back! Don't leave me alone.	0:50:17	0:50:20
HULA MUSIC PLAYS	0:50:20	0:50:22
ZAPHOD: Come back!	0:50:22	0:50:24
ARTHUR: Well, now, that was fun, wasn't it?	0:50:24	0:50:26
Here I was thinking I was the only one	0:50:26	0:50:27
who considered your boyfriend a narcissistic moron,	0:50:27	0:50:29
when the whole galaxy does.	0:50:29	0:50:31
Oh, what about you?	0:50:31	0:50:32
"Oh, excuse me, Mr Humma, sir.	0:50:32	0:50:33
"we're not with him.	0:50:33	0:50:35
"we came here to worship you."	0:50:35	0:50:36
Very brave(!)	0:50:36	0:50:38
Where the hell is Ford?	0:50:38	0:50:40
WHOOSH	0:50:40	0:50:42
VOGON: By the left, march!	0:50:43	0:50:45
Left, right,	0:50:45	0:50:47
left, right, left, right.	0:50:47	0:50:50
Mr President, we're here for your protection.	0:50:50	0:50:54
Fire upon the kidnapper!	0:50:54	0:50:56
Hey, come on!	0:50:58	0:50:59
Commander, the President is the kidnapper.	0:50:59	0:51:01
You'll kill him!	0:51:01	0:51:02
It's locked!	0:51:04	0:51:06
Thank you, darling. I'll be in touch.	0:51:08	0:51:11
ALL YELL	0:51:14	0:51:16
Come on, Zaphod, man!	0:51:16	0:51:17
Hey, hey, what did I miss?	0:51:21	0:51:22
What the hell have you been doing?	0:51:22	0:51:24
I was doing field research.	0:51:24	0:51:26
So they found where we are? Belgium bummer!	0:51:26	0:51:27
Bummer? They're shooting at us!	0:51:27	0:51:29
What are we going to do?	0:51:29	0:51:30
I have an idea.	0:51:30	0:51:31
Pushing him out there and running the other way?	0:51:31	0:51:34
What? He's the one they want!	0:51:34	0:51:36
Tricia, you can't go out there.	0:51:36	0:51:37
What are you doing?	0:51:37	0:51:38
Back off!	0:51:39	0:51:40
VOGON: What's going on?	0:51:40	0:51:42
I have the President	0:51:42	0:51:44
and I will kill him, I swear I will.	0:51:44	0:51:47
Could that actually kill him?	0:51:47	0:51:49
I don't think so. It's an aerosol can.	0:51:49	0:51:52
Oh.	0:51:52	0:51:53
ARTHUR: OK, frightened now, frightened.	0:51:53	0:51:57
ZAPHOD: Hi, little guy.	0:51:57	0:51:59
Get her!	0:51:59	0:52:01
ARTHUR: Zaphod, no, come on!	0:52:01	0:52:02
Arthur!	0:52:02	0:52:03
< Arthur!	0:52:03	0:52:05
Tricia!	0:52:05	0:52:07
Arthur! Tricia!	0:52:07	0:52:09
Wait!	0:52:09	0:52:10
TRICIA: Arthur!	0:52:18	0:52:20
Resistance is useless!	0:52:23	0:52:27
KWALTZ: 'Bring her to Vogsphere for processing, Captain.'	0:52:35	0:52:40
DOOR SIGHS	0:52:40	0:52:41
ZAPHOD: Where's the circus?	0:52:41	0:52:43
They got her and it's my fault.	0:52:43	0:52:44
We have to go! Let's go!	0:52:44	0:52:46
ZAPHOD: Whoo! Let's go!	0:52:46	0:52:47
Whoo!	0:52:49	0:52:50
Computer, take us to Magrathea!	0:52:50	0:52:52
What? No, no, no.	0:52:52	0:52:54
We've got to go after Tricia.	0:52:54	0:52:55
Who? Trillian. Trillian!	0:52:55	0:52:56
They've got Trillian, you half-brained git!	0:52:56	0:52:59
BOTH SHOUT	0:52:59	0:53:00
Right, you're coming out!	0:53:00	0:53:02
LAUGHS Computer,	0:53:02	0:53:03
we don't want to go to Magrathea yet.	0:53:03	0:53:05
We want to follow the ships.	0:53:05	0:53:07
EDDIE: 'I'd love to, but wouldn't you know?	0:53:07	0:53:08
'My guidance system has been deactivated.'	0:53:08	0:53:10
Oh, come on!	0:53:10	0:53:11
'I'm sorry about that,	0:53:11	0:53:13
'But it wasn't my fault.'	0:53:13	0:53:14
What you doing on the spaceship?	0:53:14	0:53:15
Ford? Marvin.	0:53:15	0:53:18
I've been talking to the ship's computer.	0:53:18	0:53:20
And?	0:53:20	0:53:22
It hates me.	0:53:22	0:53:23
No, uh-uh.	0:53:23	0:53:25
Eddie, Computer,	0:53:25	0:53:26
there must be another way.	0:53:26	0:53:27
Is there another way to follow the ships?	0:53:27	0:53:30
EDDIE: 'Activating emergency escape pod.	0:53:30	0:53:32
'It's super-neat and fun to fly!'	0:53:32	0:53:34
ARTHUR: Ow!	0:53:34	0:53:36
MARVIN: Unbelievable!	0:53:36	0:53:38
ARTHUR: I'm in. I'm in.	0:53:38	0:53:39
OK, Ford? Yeah, I'm here.	0:53:39	0:53:41
Do you have any idea?	0:53:41	0:53:42
FORD: OK, we'll press this button.	0:53:42	0:53:44
ARTHUR: Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no.	0:53:44	0:53:46
FORD: This button. OK? Nothing's...OK!	0:53:46	0:53:48
Here we go. Good man, good man, good man.	0:53:48	0:53:52
OK, we're wobbling...	0:53:52	0:53:54
You forgot your towel. No!	0:53:54	0:53:55
ARTHUR: Get him off me!	0:53:55	0:53:57
I'll kill him!	0:53:57	0:53:58
OK, Ford, there's a...	0:53:58	0:53:59
FORD: Is that better?	0:53:59	0:54:00
No, that's worse, that's worse.	0:54:00	0:54:02
Do what... I don't need that.	0:54:02	0:54:04
I don't need that. OK.	0:54:04	0:54:06
Can you stop the rocking?	0:54:06	0:54:07
OK. Marvin, any ideas?	0:54:07	0:54:08
MARVIN: I have a million ideas.	0:54:08	0:54:10
They all point to certain death.	0:54:10	0:54:12
Thanks very much, Marv(!)	0:54:12	0:54:13
ELECTRICITY BUZZES	0:54:19	0:54:20
THUNDER	0:54:20	0:54:22
Ooh, ooh.	0:54:24	0:54:27
Eee! Ooh, ooh.	0:54:27	0:54:28
GRUNTING	0:54:28	0:54:30
SPACESHIP FALLING	0:54:31	0:54:34
CRASHES Whoo!	0:54:34	0:54:35
EXPLOSION	0:54:37	0:54:39
Whee!	0:54:39	0:54:40
Whee!	0:54:40	0:54:42
Yeah!	0:54:42	0:54:44
Yeah!	0:54:44	0:54:47
CRAB CHEERS	0:54:47	0:54:50
COUGHING	0:54:53	0:54:55
Magrathea!	0:54:57	0:54:59
FORD: No, we're on the Vogon planet.	0:54:59	0:55:01
Yes, it is. It's Magrathea!	0:55:01	0:55:03
This is Vogsphere.	0:55:03	0:55:04
Yeah, Magrathea.	0:55:04	0:55:06
No, it's not. Yes, it is!	0:55:06	0:55:07
There is no Magrathea.	0:55:07	0:55:08
Yes, it is. Yes, it is! GRUNTS	0:55:08	0:55:11
What are you doing?	0:55:12	0:55:13
They took my head.	0:55:13	0:55:14
They have these on Arcturan megafreighters.	0:55:14	0:55:16
My head.	0:55:16	0:55:17
Captains use them when they need to concentrate.	0:55:17	0:55:19
ZAPHOD LAUGHS What is it?	0:55:19	0:55:21
It's a thinking cap.	0:55:21	0:55:22
PULSING, PANTING	0:55:22	0:55:24
FORD: There you go.	0:55:25	0:55:27
PULSING STOPS	0:55:27	0:55:28
That should give him some zest for about ten minutes or so.	0:55:31	0:55:35
MARVIN: Now I'm feeling much better about our predicament.	0:55:35	0:55:40
THUNDER	0:55:40	0:55:41
CHAINS RATTLE	0:55:49	0:55:50
TRILLIAN PANTS	0:55:54	0:55:56
FORD: By the way,	0:55:59	0:56:00
I checked the Guide for the best way	0:56:00	0:56:02
to rescue a prisoner from Vogsphere. It said don't.	0:56:02	0:56:04
I'm assuming you have a better plan.	0:56:04	0:56:06
I kind of had this idea that we could...	0:56:06	0:56:08
Ow!	0:56:08	0:56:10
Did anyone see that?	0:56:10	0:56:12
See what? What was it?	0:56:12	0:56:14
< ARTHUR: Uh...	0:56:14	0:56:15
< Nothing. It's, uh, nothing.	0:56:15	0:56:17
It's just my imagination. Oh!	0:56:17	0:56:19
< OK, right. Now, stop.	0:56:19	0:56:20
Everyone just stop a minute, please, and look at me.	0:56:20	0:56:23
There's...	0:56:23	0:56:25
definitely something going on here.	0:56:25	0:56:28
Just...just watch.	0:56:28	0:56:32
Just watch.	0:56:32	0:56:34
WIND WHISTLES	0:56:35	0:56:37
OK. Uh, I think we...	0:56:37	0:56:40
Ooh! Ah-ha! You too!	0:56:40	0:56:43
Yeah, what was that?	0:56:43	0:56:45
I thi...	0:56:45	0:56:47
Zaphod, what do you think?	0:56:49	0:56:51
I think... ow! Zarquon!	0:56:54	0:56:56
What was that? Jeez!	0:56:56	0:56:58
I'd make a suggestion, but you wouldn't listen.	0:56:58	0:57:02
< No one ever does.	0:57:02	0:57:03
FORD: I have an idea.	0:57:03	0:57:05
Ooh, ooh, ooh, Ford!	0:57:05	0:57:07
Kill it! Get rid of it!	0:57:07	0:57:08
GRUNTING AND INDISTINCT SHOUTING	0:57:08	0:57:11
OK, don't think.	0:57:16	0:57:18
Nobody think. No ideas.	0:57:18	0:57:21
No theories. No nothing.	0:57:21	0:57:23
All: Ow! GRUNTING	0:57:27	0:57:29
This is crazy!	0:57:29	0:57:30
Trillian is in there somewhere.	0:57:30	0:57:32
And we need an idea to help save her.	0:57:32	0:57:34
ZAPHOD: I have an ide...	0:57:34	0:57:36
Aah! Run!	0:57:36	0:57:39
ALL GRUNT AND PANT	0:58:00	0:58:02
BELL RINGS	0:58:05	0:58:07
VOGON: Hey, you're supposed to stop!	0:58:07	0:58:09
POLICE SIREN	0:58:10	0:58:12
OK, so I'm not thinking.	0:58:17	0:58:20
Not thinking. No ideas coming.	0:58:20	0:58:22
OK. This isn't an idea	0:58:24	0:58:25
that has any merit at all, but, Marvin,	0:58:25	0:58:29
can you give me a hand?	0:58:29	0:58:31
OK, where is she?	0:58:33	0:58:35
'Who, the Director of Robot Arm Repair?'	0:58:38	0:58:41
Tricia Yggarstuk Mcmillanus of...Blaard?	0:58:43	0:58:47
No, Tricia Marie McMillan of Earth.	0:58:47	0:58:50
Oh. Right.	0:58:50	0:58:52
CLANKING	0:58:52	0:58:55
COMPUTER SQUEAKS AND SQUEALS	0:58:55	0:58:58
Sorry, no record of Earth.	0:58:58	0:59:02
Galactic sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha?	0:59:02	0:59:05
Oh, yes.	0:59:05	0:59:07
QUESTULAR: She's lying.	0:59:07	0:59:09
She's skinny,	0:59:10	0:59:11
and she's pretty, and she's lying.	0:59:11	0:59:13
Mmmm.	0:59:13	0:59:15
CLERK: Oh, yes. Here we are. Earth.	0:59:15	0:59:17
Oh. Um, "Destroyed".	0:59:17	0:59:20
Um, do you have a second home planet?	0:59:20	0:59:24
Destroyed? That's impossible.	0:59:24	0:59:26
That's what it says here. Destroyed	0:59:26	0:59:28
to make way for a hyperspace expressway.	0:59:28	0:59:32
ELECTRONIC PULSES	0:59:32	0:59:34
Who in their right mind gives an order to destroy a planet?	0:59:39	0:59:43
He said the grey building, right?	0:59:44	0:59:47
All the buildings are grey.	0:59:47	0:59:48
"Give me a hand." Ha, ha, very funny.	0:59:48	0:59:51
How am I supposed to drive this pod with one arm? Stupid human.	0:59:51	0:59:55
ARTHUR SIGHS	0:59:57	0:59:58
VOGON CLERK: So, you need to go back and fill that in.	0:59:58	1:00:02
SIGHS ...and then, >	1:00:02	1:00:03
when you fill in the facilitating form... >	1:00:03	1:00:06
OK. Leave this to me.	1:00:06	1:00:07
I'm British. I know how to queue.	1:00:07	1:00:10
INDISTINCT	1:00:10	1:00:12
CLERK: If you'd fill that form in for me,	1:00:12	1:00:14
and return it as soon as possible.	1:00:14	1:00:17
You'll find writing implements to your left...	1:00:17	1:00:20
You're President. Can you do anything?	1:00:20	1:00:21
FORD: Presidents don't have power.	1:00:21	1:00:22
Their job is to draw attention away from it.	1:00:22	1:00:24
No offence. You're a great guy.	1:00:24	1:00:26
Hey, how you doin'?	1:00:28	1:00:30
Hey, it's me, your President!	1:00:30	1:00:32
What's goin' on? Nice to see you. Thanks for coming.	1:00:32	1:00:34
All right. I know that sponge.	1:00:34	1:00:37
All right! Next!	1:00:37	1:00:38
< President coming through!	1:00:38	1:00:40
How you doin', pinhead? Thank you. It's me.	1:00:40	1:00:42
No, really. Seriously.	1:00:42	1:00:43
I love kabuki. Look at that little thing.	1:00:43	1:00:45
ARTHUR: Out the way.	1:00:45	1:00:47
GROWLS	1:00:47	1:00:48
Give us a kiss, darlin'!	1:00:48	1:00:50
SQUEALS There you go!	1:00:50	1:00:51
Hi. I've come about release of a prisoner.	1:00:51	1:00:55
Prisoner release form.	1:00:55	1:00:57
Oh, wha...	1:00:58	1:01:00
I don't believe you.	1:01:00	1:01:02
These are the orders.	1:01:02	1:01:05
"Love and kisses..."?	1:01:09	1:01:12
Now, according to the galactic penal code,	1:01:12	1:01:16
the punishment for a presidential kidnapping...	1:01:16	1:01:18
VOGON: Come on, love!	1:01:18	1:01:20
..is to be fed to the ravenous bugblatter beast of Traal.	1:01:20	1:01:24
CHAINS RATTLE	1:01:24	1:01:25
Good day.	1:01:25	1:01:26
TRILLIAN: Oh! Get off of me!	1:01:26	1:01:29
Ow! What the hell is that?	1:01:29	1:01:32
Ow, no, wait, wait!	1:01:32	1:01:35
There's been some kind of mistake!	1:01:35	1:01:38
Aah!	1:01:38	1:01:39
Tick all the boxes	1:01:40	1:01:41
at the right-hand... OK. Right.	1:01:41	1:01:42
..side of the page. Yeah, I've got it.	1:01:42	1:01:45
Uh-huh. Not that one!	1:01:45	1:01:47
GUIDE: 'What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue.	1:01:47	1:01:51
'Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far.	1:01:51	1:01:56
'Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far,	1:01:56	1:01:59
'which, given your current circumstances, seems more likely,	1:01:59	1:02:02
'consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.'	1:02:02	1:02:06
TRILLIAN GROWLS	1:02:06	1:02:09
Right, there we go.	1:02:09	1:02:11
Oh, kidnapping the President.	1:02:12	1:02:14
Oh, no, she's not eligible for release at this time.	1:02:14	1:02:19
OK. Right. Look, this...this is the president.	1:02:19	1:02:22
Oh! OK. See, there? Mmm?	1:02:22	1:02:24
He says the whole kidnapping business was	1:02:24	1:02:26
just a misunderstanding.	1:02:26	1:02:28
Oh, yeah.	1:02:28	1:02:29
She meant nothing by it.	1:02:29	1:02:30
He's ordering you to let her go.	1:02:30	1:02:32
But this isn't a Presidential Release Of Prisoner Form.	1:02:32	1:02:37
Those are blue.	1:02:37	1:02:39
I'll stay here.	1:02:41	1:02:42
OK. All right. Hold that.	1:02:42	1:02:43
OK. Wa...	1:02:43	1:02:45
BEAST ROARS, TRILLIAN SCREAMS	1:02:45	1:02:48
Oh, he's hungry today.	1:02:49	1:02:52
CHUCKLES	1:02:52	1:02:54
That's blue. Right.	1:02:54	1:02:56
I'm just a journalist. We're just hanging out.	1:02:58	1:03:00
OK, this is, uh... It's for Tricia McMillan.	1:03:00	1:03:03
Tricia McMillan. Mmm. OK.	1:03:03	1:03:07
VOGON: Sir, it's a release form.	1:03:09	1:03:13
Thank you.	1:03:13	1:03:14
She's free to go.	1:03:14	1:03:17
Release her.	1:03:17	1:03:19
TRILLIAN SCREAMS, GRUNTS	1:03:19	1:03:21
Zaphod's here.	1:03:22	1:03:24
Well, uh, that's fine, then.	1:03:24	1:03:26
Let's just go and get him.	1:03:26	1:03:27
Who are we waiting for again?	1:03:35	1:03:37
No, I'm serious.	1:03:42	1:03:43
Tricia!	1:03:45	1:03:47
EXHALES	1:03:47	1:03:49
Tricia.	1:03:51	1:03:52
ZAPHOD: Trill.	1:03:52	1:03:54
Hey, come on.	1:03:54	1:03:55
You idiot!	1:03:55	1:03:56
You signed the order to destroy Earth.	1:03:56	1:03:58
- He did? - I did?	1:03:58	1:04:00
Yes. "Love and kisses, Zaphod"?	1:04:00	1:04:02
You didn't even read it, did you?	1:04:02	1:04:04
Honey, I'm President of the Galaxy.	1:04:04	1:04:07
I don't get a lot of time for reading.	1:04:07	1:04:09
CHUCKLES	1:04:09	1:04:11
An entire planet, my home, destroyed	1:04:11	1:04:13
all because you thought somebody wanted your autograph.	1:04:13	1:04:16
Honey, they framed me!	1:04:16	1:04:17
Are you an idiot? Seriously?	1:04:17	1:04:18
Trillian!	1:04:18	1:04:20
You knew.	1:04:20	1:04:21
Why didn't you tell me?	1:04:21	1:04:23
Well, he threatened me.	1:04:23	1:04:24
Get a backbone, Arthur.	1:04:24	1:04:27
Oh, a backbone?	1:04:27	1:04:28
Well, what about coming here to rescue you?	1:04:28	1:04:30
Thank you. My idea.	1:04:30	1:04:32
Oh! Stupid!	1:04:32	1:04:34
Got your arm.	1:04:39	1:04:40
How considerate. Right, then.	1:04:40	1:04:42
All those of you lucky enough to have two arms,	1:04:42	1:04:44
hold tight.	1:04:44	1:04:45
GROANS	1:05:00	1:05:01
The President tests my patience.	1:05:01	1:05:04
This time, I shall pursue him myself. Ready my ship.	1:05:04	1:05:09
Fantastic. At last.	1:05:09	1:05:12
WHISTLE BLOWS	1:05:12	1:05:14
Oh. That's one hour for lunch, everybody.	1:05:16	1:05:20
I think I'll have soup today.	1:05:20	1:05:25
GUIDE: The Encyclopedia Galactica, in its chapter on love,	1:05:25	1:05:28
states that it is far too complicated to define.	1:05:28	1:05:32
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy has this to say on the subject of love -	1:05:32	1:05:36
"Avoid, if at all possible."	1:05:36	1:05:39
Unfortunately, Arthur Dent has never read	1:05:39	1:05:42
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.	1:05:42	1:05:43
DOOR SIGHS	1:05:43	1:05:44
Oh, I'm so sorry.	1:05:44	1:05:46
No, come in.	1:05:46	1:05:48
I...I didn't...	1:05:48	1:05:50
Um... DOOR SIGHS	1:05:50	1:05:52
Look, uh...	1:05:53	1:05:55
Trillian, I just wanted to say	1:05:55	1:05:56
you were right, of course.	1:05:56	1:05:58
I should have told you,	1:05:58	1:05:59
and I understand totally if you're angry with me.	1:05:59	1:06:02
Um, for what it's worth, I know how you must be feeling.	1:06:02	1:06:06
Um...	1:06:06	1:06:08
Can you hand me a towel?	1:06:08	1:06:09
Yeah, sure.	1:06:09	1:06:11
This... SIGHS	1:06:11	1:06:13
Thank you.	1:06:13	1:06:15
Actually, what I was going to say was...	1:06:15	1:06:19
INHALES	1:06:19	1:06:20
If I'd said yes to you	1:06:20	1:06:22
and gone to Madagascar,	1:06:22	1:06:25
then neither of us would be here now. I just...	1:06:25	1:06:29
just thought that might count for something.	1:06:29	1:06:32
It doesn't matter.	1:06:35	1:06:37
SIGHS	1:06:37	1:06:39
DOOR SIGHS	1:06:42	1:06:43
DOOR SIGHS	1:06:49	1:06:50
All right, Computer, take us to...	1:06:59	1:07:02
Where are we... where we headed again?	1:07:03	1:07:05
OK, I'm going to get you another lemon.	1:07:05	1:07:08
All right.	1:07:08	1:07:10
FLUTE PLAYS	1:07:14	1:07:15
EDDIE: Engaging improbability drive.	1:07:15	1:07:17
No, Zaphod, no.	1:07:17	1:07:18
Buttons are not toys. What did you do?	1:07:18	1:07:21
EDDIE: Magrathean coordinates accepted.	1:07:21	1:07:23
EDDIE: Guys, it just blows my circuits to tell you	1:07:29	1:07:32
that we're currently in an orbit,	1:07:32	1:07:34
at an altitude of 300 miles,	1:07:34	1:07:36
around the legendary planet of Magrathea.	1:07:36	1:07:39
Magrathea! Magrathea!	1:07:39	1:07:41
ZAPHOD: Magrathea!	1:07:43	1:07:45
SIGHS Unbelievable.	1:07:47	1:07:49
MARVIN: Incredible.	1:07:53	1:07:54
It's even worse than I thought it would be.	1:07:54	1:07:58
MAGRATHEAN, ON MESSAGE: Greetings.	1:07:59	1:08:00
This is a recorded announcement,	1:08:00	1:08:01
as we are all out at the moment.	1:08:01	1:08:03
The Commercial Council of Magrathea thanks you for your esteemed visit,	1:08:03	1:08:07
but regrets that the entire planet is temporarily closed.	1:08:07	1:08:10
If you would like to leave your name	1:08:10	1:08:12
and a planet where you can be contacted,	1:08:12	1:08:14
kindly do so at the tone.	1:08:14	1:08:16
How can a planet be closed?	1:08:17	1:08:19
Zarkin' A, cousin.	1:08:19	1:08:20
OK, computer, keep going.	1:08:20	1:08:23
Take us down.	1:08:23	1:08:24
EDDIE: I'd be happy to.	1:08:24	1:08:26
ELECTRONIC TONE	1:08:26	1:08:28
MAGRATHEAN, ON MESSAGE: It is most gratifying	1:08:28	1:08:29
that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated.	1:08:29	1:08:32
As a token of our appreciation,	1:08:32	1:08:35
we hope you will enjoy the two thermo-nuclear missiles	1:08:35	1:08:37
we've just sent to converge with your craft.	1:08:37	1:08:41
To ensure on-going quality of service,	1:08:41	1:08:44
your death may be monitored for training purposes.	1:08:44	1:08:47
Thank you.	1:08:47	1:08:48
EDDIE: Guys, I'm delighted to tell you	1:08:48	1:08:50
that there are two nuclear missiles heading right for us.	1:08:50	1:08:53
If you don't mind, I'm gonna go ahead and take evasive action.	1:08:53	1:08:56
ENGINES WHOOSH	1:08:56	1:08:58
SHOUTS AND CRIES	1:08:58	1:09:00
EDDIE: There seems to be something jamming my guidance system.	1:09:00	1:09:04
Impact minus 45 seconds.	1:09:04	1:09:06
Computer, do something!	1:09:08	1:09:11
EDDIE: Sure thing, fella.	1:09:11	1:09:13
Handing over manual control. Good luck.	1:09:13	1:09:14
BRAKES SCREECH	1:09:17	1:09:19
MISSILES WHOOSH	1:09:19	1:09:20
ZAPHOD: I need some help!	1:09:25	1:09:26
I can't do this without my third arm.	1:09:28	1:09:30
YELLING: Arthur, grab my hand!	1:09:33	1:09:36
SHOUTS AND GROANS	1:09:40	1:09:41
ENGINES ROAR	1:09:43	1:09:46
Did we lose 'em?	1:09:46	1:09:47
No, they're coming right at us.	1:09:47	1:09:49
Why don't I just press this thing?!	1:09:52	1:09:54
No, we're not fully back to normal yet!	1:09:54	1:09:55
So what will happen, then?	1:09:55	1:09:57
I don't know.	1:09:57	1:09:58
Don't do it! We're here.	1:09:58	1:10:00
No telling where it'll send us. Don't do it!	1:10:00	1:10:03
Oh, sod it all. No!	1:10:04	1:10:06
SILENCE	1:10:07	1:10:10
Wow. Where are we?	1:10:10	1:10:13
Uh...	1:10:15	1:10:17
Exactly where we were.	1:10:17	1:10:19
And the missiles?	1:10:19	1:10:21
Apparently, they've...	1:10:21	1:10:24
turned into...	1:10:24	1:10:26
a bowl of petunias...	1:10:26	1:10:28
CLUNK	1:10:28	1:10:30
..and a very surprised-looking whale.	1:10:30	1:10:32
EDDIE: And an improbability factor	1:10:32	1:10:34
of 8,767,128 to one against.	1:10:34	1:10:39
We have norm... normality.	1:10:39	1:10:42
Normality, right. COUGHS	1:10:42	1:10:45
We can talk about normality till the cows come home.	1:10:45	1:10:48
What is normal?	1:10:48	1:10:50
What's home?	1:10:50	1:10:52
What are cows?	1:10:52	1:10:54
A proper cup of tea would restore my normality.	1:10:54	1:10:58
GUIDE: It is important to note that suddenly,	1:10:58	1:11:00
and against all probability,	1:11:00	1:11:02
a sperm whale had been called into existence	1:11:02	1:11:04
several miles above the surface of an alien planet.	1:11:04	1:11:09
Since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale,	1:11:09	1:11:11
this innocent creature had very little time	1:11:11	1:11:14
to come to terms with its identity.	1:11:14	1:11:16
This is what it thought as it fell.	1:11:16	1:11:19
WHALE: Ah, whoa, what's happening?	1:11:19	1:11:21
Who am I?	1:11:21	1:11:22
Why am I here? What's my purpose in life?	1:11:22	1:11:23
What do I mean by, "Who am I"?	1:11:23	1:11:25
OK, OK, calm down, calm down, get a grip now.	1:11:25	1:11:28
Ooh, this is an interesting sensation.	1:11:28	1:11:29
What is it? It's a sort of tingling in my...	1:11:29	1:11:31
Well, I suppose I'd better start finding names for things.	1:11:31	1:11:33
Let's call it a...tail. Yeah, tail.	1:11:33	1:11:37
And, hey, what's this roaring sound	1:11:37	1:11:38
whooshing past what I'm suddenly gonna call my head?	1:11:38	1:11:40
Wind. Is that a good name? That'll do.	1:11:40	1:11:43
Yay, this is really exciting. I'm dizzy with anticipation.	1:11:43	1:11:46
Or is it the wind? There's a lot of that right now, isn't there?	1:11:46	1:11:48
And what's this thing coming towards me very fast?	1:11:48	1:11:51
So big and flat and round.	1:11:51	1:11:53
It needs a big wide-sounding name	1:11:53	1:11:54
like ow, ound, round, ground!	1:11:54	1:11:57
That's it, ground.	1:11:57	1:11:59
I wonder if it will be friends with me.	1:11:59	1:12:02
Hello, ground. THUDS	1:12:02	1:12:03
GUIDE: Curiously,	1:12:03	1:12:05
the only thing that went through the mind	1:12:05	1:12:07
of the bowl of petunias as it fell was,	1:12:07	1:12:09
"Oh, no, not again!"	1:12:09	1:12:13
Many have speculated that if we knew exactly why	1:12:13	1:12:16
the bowl of petunias had thought that,	1:12:16	1:12:18
we should know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.	1:12:18	1:12:24
WIND HOWLS	1:12:24	1:12:26
ARTHUR: What are those things?	1:12:27	1:12:29
FORD: They're portals to another dimension.	1:12:29	1:12:33
ARTHUR: Right. I don't suppose this portal has central heating, does it?	1:12:33	1:12:38
ZAPHOD MUMBLES	1:12:38	1:12:40
ARTHUR SIGHS	1:12:41	1:12:43
ZAPHOD: Ah, this is the one.	1:12:43	1:12:45
MARVIN: This will all end in tears, I just know it.	1:12:45	1:12:48
Right here.	1:12:52	1:12:53
MACHINE STARTS UP Hey! Whoa!	1:12:53	1:12:55
WIND ROARS	1:12:55	1:12:58
OK, in we go!	1:12:58	1:13:01
We can't just step into that...that!	1:13:01	1:13:04
We don't even know where it leads.	1:13:04	1:13:06
If we... If we pick the wrong one, we just...	1:13:06	1:13:09
we come back, we pick another one. It's no biggie.	1:13:09	1:13:12
ARTHUR: What? Yeah, it's a big biggie, Ford.	1:13:12	1:13:14
A big biggie.	1:13:14	1:13:15
I mean, what if it rips us all into tiny little atomic	1:13:15	1:13:19
particle thingies?	1:13:19	1:13:20
This is the right one. I have a hunch.	1:13:20	1:13:24
Ford!	1:13:24	1:13:25
His hunches are good.	1:13:25	1:13:28
Arthur, I say we go.	1:13:28	1:13:30
Go with the hunch of a man whose brain is fuelled by lemons?!	1:13:30	1:13:36
This is suicide!	1:13:36	1:13:38
ZAPHOD: Hey, I think I resent that.	1:13:38	1:13:40
ARTHUR: I don't care what you think, you...	1:13:40	1:13:41
ZAPHOD: I'm getting a lot of hostility from you, Alex, or Arnie...	1:13:41	1:13:44
ARTHUR: Arthur!	1:13:44	1:13:46
ZAPHOD: Have you ever tried yoga?	1:13:46	1:13:48
PORTAL ROARS	1:13:48	1:13:49
Trillian!	1:13:49	1:13:51
I think that's supposed to happen.	1:13:51	1:13:53
HIGH-PITCHED: She's gone! Ford, she's gone!	1:13:57	1:13:59
Arthur, don't panic!	1:14:00	1:14:04
Ford!	1:14:05	1:14:07
ZAPHOD: Hey, wait for me!	1:14:07	1:14:09
Whoo!	1:14:09	1:14:12
ARTHUR WHIMPERS	1:14:12	1:14:14
Come on.	1:14:25	1:14:26
Come on, come on, come on, come on!	1:14:26	1:14:29
SCREAMING	1:14:32	1:14:33
COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS	1:14:38	1:14:40
GROANS AND GRUNTS	1:14:43	1:14:45
No, no, no, don't leave.	1:14:49	1:14:51
Come on, come on, just start!	1:14:51	1:14:54
MARVIN: I told you this would all end in tears.	1:14:54	1:14:55
Did you? Did you?	1:14:55	1:14:59
BREATHING HEAVILY	1:14:59	1:15:01
GRUNTING	1:15:02	1:15:04
ZAPHOD: Geronimo!	1:15:06	1:15:09
Ooomph! LAUGHS	1:15:09	1:15:11
Far out!	1:15:11	1:15:13
Far out! Ha-ha!	1:15:13	1:15:16
This is it.	1:15:16	1:15:17
This is it!	1:15:17	1:15:18
Deep Thought, I'm a-comin'!	1:15:18	1:15:20
So... CHUCKLES	1:15:22	1:15:25
This is how it's all going to end, is it, eh?	1:15:25	1:15:31
Me, alone on a dead planet,	1:15:31	1:15:32
with a manically depressed robot.	1:15:32	1:15:34
You think you've got problems?	1:15:34	1:15:36
What are you supposed to do if you are a manically depressed robot?	1:15:36	1:15:39
MAN: Excuse me.	1:15:39	1:15:40
Aah!	1:15:40	1:15:43
Whoa, whoa.	1:15:43	1:15:44
Oh.	1:15:44	1:15:46
Who are you?	1:15:46	1:15:48
What? No... Uh, no, my name is not important.	1:15:48	1:15:51
Uh, you must come with me.	1:15:51	1:15:55
Get away.	1:15:55	1:15:56
Terrible events are afoot.	1:15:56	1:15:59
Um, you...you must come or you'll be late.	1:15:59	1:16:02
Late? What for?	1:16:02	1:16:04
What?	1:16:04	1:16:05
No, no.	1:16:05	1:16:06
What's... What's your name, Earthman?	1:16:06	1:16:10
Dent. Arthur Dent.	1:16:10	1:16:12
Well...late as in "the late Dent Arthur Dent".	1:16:12	1:16:16
It's a sort of threat.	1:16:16	1:16:18
Do you see? No.	1:16:18	1:16:21
No.	1:16:21	1:16:22
Your friends are safe.	1:16:22	1:16:23
You can trust me.	1:16:23	1:16:25
Trust a man who won't tell me his name?	1:16:25	1:16:27
SIGHS	1:16:27	1:16:28
OK, my name is, um...	1:16:28	1:16:31
My name is...is... is...Slartibartfast.	1:16:31	1:16:35
I...I...I said it wasn't important.	1:16:37	1:16:40
Well...	1:16:42	1:16:43
So my...my friends are safe?	1:16:43	1:16:46
Let me show you.	1:16:46	1:16:47
MARVIN: I could calculate your chances of survival,	1:16:47	1:16:50
but you won't like it.	1:16:50	1:16:53
CLANK	1:17:01	1:17:03
Did you know we built planets?	1:17:17	1:17:19
Oh, yes, fascinating trade.	1:17:19	1:17:23
Doing the, um... doing the coastlines	1:17:23	1:17:26
was always my favourite.	1:17:26	1:17:27
We used to have endless fun	1:17:27	1:17:30
doing the little fiddly bits around the fjords.	1:17:30	1:17:33
But then the galactic economy collapsed,	1:17:33	1:17:35
and seeing that custom-built planets	1:17:35	1:17:39
are a...are a bit of a luxury commodity...	1:17:39	1:17:43
Anyway, you must come with me	1:17:43	1:17:45
because there's been a terrible mix-up with your planet.	1:17:45	1:17:48
Best laid plans of mice, you know.	1:17:48	1:17:50
And men.	1:17:50	1:17:52
What?	1:17:52	1:17:54
Best laid plans of mice and men.	1:17:54	1:17:55
LAUGHS	1:17:55	1:17:57
Yes, well, I don't think men have got much to do with it.	1:17:57	1:17:59
Here.	1:17:59	1:18:00
WHIRRING	1:18:13	1:18:15
BEEPING	1:18:15	1:18:16
SIREN BLARES	1:18:29	1:18:31
BOOM	1:18:38	1:18:39
Um, I must warn you,	1:18:39	1:18:41
we're going to pass through,	1:18:41	1:18:43
well, a sort of gateway thing.	1:18:43	1:18:45
Huh?	1:18:45	1:18:46
It may disturb you.	1:18:46	1:18:47
It scares the willies out of me.	1:18:47	1:18:49
Aah! Aah!	1:18:51	1:18:52
Aah!	1:18:54	1:18:56
SLARTIBARTFAST: Ha ha ha.	1:19:18	1:19:19
Welcome to our factory floor.	1:19:19	1:19:23
ALL GRUNT	1:19:40	1:19:42
ZAPHOD GROANS	1:19:47	1:19:49
Yeah, this is it.	1:19:49	1:19:52
This is it.	1:19:54	1:19:56
Oh, great Deep Thought!	1:19:57	1:20:01
We have travelled long...	1:20:01	1:20:03
..and far.	1:20:04	1:20:07
Have you calculated the ultimate question	1:20:07	1:20:10
of life, the universe, and everything?	1:20:10	1:20:14
DEEP THOUGHT YAWNS No.	1:20:14	1:20:15
ZAPHOD: What?	1:20:15	1:20:16
I've been watching TV.	1:20:16	1:20:18
Oh.	1:20:18	1:20:20
I designed another computer to do that.	1:20:20	1:20:22
Oh, right, I forgot.	1:20:22	1:20:24
Is it here?	1:20:24	1:20:26
No, it's not here. It's another world.	1:20:26	1:20:28
It's on another world.	1:20:28	1:20:30
It is another world, stupid.	1:20:30	1:20:33
Or it was until the Vogons destroyed it	1:20:33	1:20:36
to make way for a hyperspace expressway.	1:20:36	1:20:39
Well...OK.	1:20:39	1:20:41
You sure you don't have the question,	1:20:41	1:20:43
or a way to, you know, access it or something?	1:20:43	1:20:46
cos I think I've done, like, a lot to get here.	1:20:46	1:20:48
Shush.	1:20:48	1:20:51
The show's back on.	1:20:51	1:20:52
HICCUP	1:20:54	1:20:56
Well, I don't wanna bother you,	1:20:56	1:20:58
so I'm gonna... Good stuff.	1:20:58	1:21:00
Great.	1:21:00	1:21:01
I'm gonna go and find something else	1:21:01	1:21:04
for my entire life to be about.	1:21:04	1:21:05
Zaphod, Zaphod. Yeah?	1:21:05	1:21:07
There's the gun.	1:21:07	1:21:08
Gun?	1:21:08	1:21:09
That Humma sent you for.	1:21:09	1:21:10
You gave him your head.	1:21:10	1:21:12
Why'd I... Why'd I do that?	1:21:12	1:21:14
OK.	1:21:14	1:21:16
That's stupid.	1:21:16	1:21:17
Oh, Deep Thought,	1:21:17	1:21:18
we were told that there is a gun.	1:21:18	1:21:22
HICCUP	1:21:22	1:21:23
RUMBLING	1:21:23	1:21:25
CART SQUEALS	1:21:33	1:21:35
There you are. Hmm?	1:21:36	1:21:38
Look familiar?	1:21:38	1:21:40
- So it wasn't destroyed? - Actually, it was.	1:21:41	1:21:45
This is a backup. Earth Mark II.	1:21:45	1:21:48
So you...you made the Earth?	1:21:50	1:21:51
CHUCKLES Not me alone,	1:21:51	1:21:54
but I-I did my part.	1:21:54	1:21:56
Ever heard of a place,	1:21:56	1:21:57
I think it's called Norway?	1:21:57	1:21:59
That was one of mine.	1:21:59	1:22:00
I got an award for it.	1:22:00	1:22:02
ARTHUR SHRIEKS	1:22:02	1:22:03
SHRIEKING	1:22:04	1:22:06
ARTHUR: Oh, hoo!	1:22:09	1:22:12
SLARTIBARTFAST: All right, Frank?	1:22:12	1:22:13
That's... That's Frank.	1:22:13	1:22:15
Ah-ha.	1:22:16	1:22:17
They've nearly finished the oceans.	1:22:17	1:22:20
FORD: Zaphod.	1:22:28	1:22:30
Here, it's...	1:22:30	1:22:32
It's just like Humma said.	1:22:34	1:22:37
Now you can go get your head back.	1:22:37	1:22:39
Hey, Ford. Hey.	1:22:39	1:22:40
It's been nice knowing you, you zarking frood.	1:22:40	1:22:42
No, no, no.	1:22:42	1:22:43
GUN BLAST Whoa!	1:22:43	1:22:44
This is a bust, too.	1:22:44	1:22:46
H-H-Hey, man.	1:22:46	1:22:48
You know, you must really be frustrated.	1:22:48	1:22:51
You go through all you gone through,	1:22:51	1:22:53
You come all this way, you don't get an answer,	1:22:53	1:22:54
which means no money or fame, which you deserve...	1:22:54	1:22:56
GUIDE: The point-of-view gun, conveniently,	1:22:56	1:22:59
does precisely what its name suggests.	1:22:59	1:23:02
Fantastic. Fantastic. Fantastic.	1:23:02	1:23:04
GUIDE: That is, if you point it at someone	1:23:05	1:23:06
and pull the trigger,	1:23:06	1:23:08
They instantly see things from your point of view.	1:23:08	1:23:11
Give me that thing.	1:23:11	1:23:13
GUIDE: It was designed by Deep Thought,	1:23:13	1:23:15
but commissioned by a consortium of intergalactic angry housewives	1:23:15	1:23:18
who, after countless arguments with their husbands,	1:23:18	1:23:21
were sick to the teeth of ending those arguments with the phrase,	1:23:21	1:23:24
"You just don't get it, do you?"	1:23:24	1:23:26
BLAST	1:23:26	1:23:27
GROANS	1:23:27	1:23:29
And you're right, I shouldn't be so upset	1:23:29	1:23:31
because life goes on, you know,	1:23:31	1:23:33
and I should just go on with it.	1:23:33	1:23:36
Shoot him again.	1:23:36	1:23:38
Whoa. >	1:23:38	1:23:40
Hitchhiking's good. Towels are good, too.	1:23:41	1:23:45
Say what? >	1:23:45	1:23:46
That is brilliant.	1:23:46	1:23:48
What's goin'...? >	1:23:48	1:23:50
I can see why Humma Kavula would want one of these.	1:23:50	1:23:53
Well, we better get back. Arthur's waiting.	1:23:53	1:23:56
- Who cares? - Well, I do.	1:23:56	1:23:58
Especially since we're both somewhat of an endangered species now,	1:23:58	1:24:00
thanks to you.	1:24:00	1:24:01
Why so edgy, baby doll? Relax. >	1:24:01	1:24:04
Why so edgy?	1:24:04	1:24:05
You wanna know why I'm edgy?	1:24:05	1:24:06
GROANS	1:24:06	1:24:08
Of course you're edgy.	1:24:08	1:24:09
Your planet's been blown up	1:24:09	1:24:10
and you've been tooling around the galaxy	1:24:10	1:24:12
with the guy who signed the order.	1:24:12	1:24:13
Huh?	1:24:13	1:24:15
Uhh!	1:24:15	1:24:17
You actually wanted to know the question	1:24:17	1:24:18
because you always wanted to know if there was more to life	1:24:18	1:24:21
and now you're crushed because you find out there really isn't.	1:24:21	1:24:24
Phew.	1:24:24	1:24:25
Hey, fantastic, man. >	1:24:25	1:24:28
CHUCKLES Psychedelic. >	1:24:28	1:24:29
FIRES GUN	1:24:29	1:24:31
You've got no home, no family, and you're stuck with me, >	1:24:31	1:24:35
another in a long line of men who doesn't really get you.	1:24:35	1:24:38
Huh? That's not true. >	1:24:38	1:24:42
Did I say...	1:24:42	1:24:43
FIRES GUN	1:24:43	1:24:44
And you're worried you might have blown it	1:24:44	1:24:47
with the one guy who really does.	1:24:47	1:24:49
Hey, whoops. >	1:24:51	1:24:54
Oh, baby doll. >	1:24:54	1:24:57
Give me that thing.	1:24:57	1:24:59
SIGHS It won't affect me. I'm already a woman.	1:25:02	1:25:06
BANG	1:25:06	1:25:07
RUMBLING	1:25:08	1:25:11
Hey, it's OK. It's only a couple of little mice!	1:25:16	1:25:19
RUMBLING	1:25:19	1:25:21
SLARTIBARTFAST: Voila! Himalayas.	1:25:21	1:25:25
Good, eh?	1:25:25	1:25:26
Earthman, you must realise that the planet you lived on	1:25:29	1:25:33
was commissioned, paid for, and run by mice.	1:25:33	1:25:37
When you say mice,	1:25:40	1:25:41
do you mean the little furry, white creatures	1:25:41	1:25:43
with whiskers, ears, cheese?	1:25:43	1:25:45
Yeah, but they're merely protrusions	1:25:45	1:25:47
into our dimension of hyperintelligent, pan-dimensional beings.	1:25:47	1:25:49
I mean, I don't know this, uh, cheese of which you speak,	1:25:49	1:25:54
but they were there on Earth as mice experimenting on you.	1:25:54	1:25:57
Oh.	1:25:57	1:25:58
I see where you've become confused now.	1:25:58	1:26:00
You see, we were experimenting on them.	1:26:00	1:26:02
Ah, no. Well, yeah. No.	1:26:02	1:26:04
I gather that's what they wanted you to think,	1:26:04	1:26:06
but you were actually elements in their computer program.	1:26:06	1:26:08
ARTHUR: Actually, this explains a lot, you know.	1:26:11	1:26:14
All my life, I've had this strange feeling	1:26:14	1:26:16
that there's something big and sinister going on in the world.	1:26:16	1:26:20
No, that's perfectly normal paranoia.	1:26:20	1:26:21
Everyone in the universe gets that.	1:26:21	1:26:23
BOOM	1:26:23	1:26:24
Perhaps I'm old and tired,	1:26:26	1:26:28
but I think that the chances of finding out	1:26:28	1:26:30
what's actually going on are so absurdly remote	1:26:30	1:26:32
that the only thing to do is say hang the sense of it	1:26:32	1:26:35
and keep yourself busy.	1:26:35	1:26:36
I'd much rather be happy than right any day.	1:26:36	1:26:39
And are you?	1:26:39	1:26:40
Uh...no. CHUCKLES	1:26:40	1:26:42
That's where it all falls down, of course.	1:26:42	1:26:44
Here you are, then.	1:26:54	1:26:56
Is this...?	1:27:10	1:27:12
It's, um... It's all there.	1:27:25	1:27:27
You know, it all works.	1:27:27	1:27:30
Welcome home.	1:27:30	1:27:32
ALL CHEER	1:27:49	1:27:51
Hey!	1:27:51	1:27:52
Hey, man!	1:27:52	1:27:54
There you are!	1:27:54	1:27:55
MUFFLED: Surprise!	1:27:55	1:27:56
What are you doing? What happened to you?	1:27:56	1:27:59
Is that tea?	1:27:59	1:28:00
First, our hosts attacked us.	1:28:00	1:28:03
Right.	1:28:03	1:28:04
But then they made up for it by making us...	1:28:04	1:28:06
..this amazing meal.	1:28:08	1:28:10
It's so... Everything's right. Everything's delicious.	1:28:10	1:28:14
Oh, come on, that's lovely.	1:28:16	1:28:18
We're glad you like it, Earth creature.	1:28:18	1:28:21
CHUCKLES The, um, talking... talking mice.	1:28:25	1:28:28
< Cool.	1:28:28	1:28:29
Sit, Earthman.	1:28:29	1:28:31
Oh, thank you.	1:28:31	1:28:32
Thank you for that.	1:28:32	1:28:34
Phew.	1:28:34	1:28:35
Please, drink.	1:28:35	1:28:36
Um, uh, excuse me.	1:28:36	1:28:38
Is there anything else?	1:28:38	1:28:40
No, we're quite happy, thank you.	1:28:40	1:28:42
Um, good. I'll be outside, so...	1:28:42	1:28:45
You were right.	1:28:45	1:28:47
MOUSE: Please, drink.	1:28:47	1:28:49
He was right.	1:28:49	1:28:51
Now, to business.	1:28:52	1:28:54
BOTH: To business!	1:28:54	1:28:56
Eat!	1:28:56	1:28:57
- Shh. - Sorry.	1:28:57	1:28:59
MOUSE: As you know, we've spent a lot of time on your planet	1:28:59	1:29:01
looking for this ultimate question,	1:29:01	1:29:03
only to have it blow up in our faces. Literally.	1:29:03	1:29:05
Which is why you're here.	1:29:07	1:29:08
We've been offered a lucrative contract	1:29:08	1:29:10
to do several 5-D TV chat shows.	1:29:10	1:29:12
But here's the point.	1:29:12	1:29:13
We must have product.	1:29:13	1:29:15
We need the ultimate question,	1:29:15	1:29:16
or at least one that sounds ultimate.	1:29:16	1:29:18
Of course.	1:29:18	1:29:19
We've rebuilt the planet.	1:29:19	1:29:20
And now all we need is the missing piece of the puzzle.	1:29:20	1:29:22
Hmm.	1:29:22	1:29:23
Which happens to be your brain.	1:29:23	1:29:24
- Right. - More tea?	1:29:24	1:29:26
Sorry, did you just say you need my brain?	1:29:26	1:29:29
Yes, to complete the program.	1:29:29	1:29:31
LAUGHS	1:29:31	1:29:33
You can't have my brain.	1:29:34	1:29:36
I'm using it.	1:29:36	1:29:37
Hardly.	1:29:37	1:29:38
Hardly? Cheeky... Cheeky mouse.	1:29:38	1:29:42
BEEPING	1:29:45	1:29:46
Zaphod! Trillian!	1:29:46	1:29:48
WHIRRING	1:29:48	1:29:50
Ford.	1:29:50	1:29:51
What was in that food?	1:29:51	1:29:52
What was in my tea?	1:29:52	1:29:56
Don't worry. You won't feel a thing.	1:29:56	1:29:59
GRUNTS	1:29:59	1:30:02
Just wait a sodding minute.	1:30:02	1:30:04
You want a question that goes with the answer 42?	1:30:04	1:30:06
What about, what's 6 x 7?	1:30:06	1:30:08
Or, uh, how many Vogons does it take to change a light bulb?	1:30:08	1:30:12
Here's one, how many roads must a man walk down?	1:30:12	1:30:15
Hey, that's not bad.	1:30:17	1:30:18
Fine.	1:30:18	1:30:21
Fine, take it,	1:30:21	1:30:23
cos my head is filled with questions,	1:30:23	1:30:25
and I can assure you, no answer to any one of them	1:30:25	1:30:27
has ever brought me one iota of happiness.	1:30:27	1:30:30
Except for one.	1:30:30	1:30:31
THE one.	1:30:31	1:30:33
The only question I've ever wanted an answer to.	1:30:33	1:30:35
Is she the one?	1:30:35	1:30:37
The answer bloody well isn't 42, it's yes.	1:30:37	1:30:41
Undoubtedly,	1:30:41	1:30:43
unequivocally, unabashedly, yes.	1:30:43	1:30:46
And for one week, one week in my sad little...	1:30:46	1:30:52
blip of an existence,	1:30:52	1:30:56
it made me happy.	1:30:56	1:30:58
That's a good answer.	1:31:00	1:31:01
MOUSE: Rubbish.	1:31:01	1:31:03
We don't want to be happy, we want to be famous.	1:31:03	1:31:04
Yeah, what's this "is she the one" tripe?	1:31:04	1:31:06
Take his brain!	1:31:06	1:31:07
No, don't take the brain!	1:31:07	1:31:09
Don't take the brain, mice!	1:31:09	1:31:11
GRUNTING	1:31:11	1:31:14
YELLS	1:31:18	1:31:19
- Aah! - It wasn't me!	1:31:20	1:31:21
MUTTERS	1:31:21	1:31:22
ZAPHOD: I'm famous.	1:31:22	1:31:23
MOUSE: Shoot him. Quickly, shoot him!	1:31:23	1:31:26
Oh, bollocks!	1:31:26	1:31:27
GRUNTS	1:31:27	1:31:29
I'm gonna be sick.	1:31:36	1:31:38
COUGHS Belgium.	1:31:40	1:31:42
DISTANT VOICES	1:31:44	1:31:46
RATTLING	1:31:46	1:31:48
Follow me.	1:31:50	1:31:52
VOGON: Left, right,	1:31:52	1:31:53
left, right.	1:31:53	1:31:55
Attention!	1:31:55	1:31:57
MARVIN: Thanks a lot for leaving me behind.	1:32:00	1:32:03
Though I can't say I blame you.	1:32:03	1:32:05
Mr President, we're here for your protection.	1:32:05	1:32:09
Oh, hey, thanks, man. I appreciate it.	1:32:09	1:32:12
Fire!	1:32:12	1:32:13
No! No!	1:32:14	1:32:16
MARVIN: I don't see what all the fuss about.	1:32:19	1:32:21
Vogons are the worst marksmen in the galaxy.	1:32:21	1:32:24
Ooh.	1:32:24	1:32:25
For god's sake, stop!	1:32:25	1:32:27
Cease fire.	1:32:27	1:32:29
Now I've got a headache.	1:32:35	1:32:37
DISTORTED VOICE: ..headache, headache.	1:32:37	1:32:38
Marvin!	1:32:47	1:32:50
ZAPHOD: Oh, no.	1:32:50	1:32:51
FORD SHRIEKS	1:32:51	1:32:53
He's got a towel, run away!	1:32:53	1:32:56
He's got a towel!	1:32:56	1:32:57
I'm gonna get us out of here.	1:32:59	1:33:00
How do you drive this thing?	1:33:00	1:33:01
We need that gun.	1:33:05	1:33:06
Come on. Let's get this ship started.	1:33:08	1:33:09
Come on. Start!	1:33:09	1:33:11
Come on. Oh, fire, fire!	1:33:12	1:33:14
Fire, fire!	1:33:14	1:33:15
ARTHUR: Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!	1:33:16	1:33:17
VOGON: He's locked the gate from the other side.	1:33:20	1:33:22
We'll have to go the other way.	1:33:22	1:33:24
Stop!	1:33:31	1:33:32
ZAPHOD: Stop it!	1:33:39	1:33:41
Stop it! Stop shooting at us!	1:33:41	1:33:43
Aah!	1:33:53	1:33:55
SHOOTING STOPS	1:33:57	1:33:58
Oh, I feel so depressed.	1:34:01	1:34:05
ALL GROAN	1:34:05	1:34:06
I can't face another day.	1:34:06	1:34:08
What's the point?	1:34:12	1:34:14
You all right?	1:34:22	1:34:23
Yeah.	1:34:23	1:34:24
Sorry about your spaceship, Arthur.	1:34:29	1:34:32
VOGONS GROAN	1:34:32	1:34:34
Marvin, you saved our lives.	1:34:37	1:34:40
I know. Wretched, isn't it?	1:34:40	1:34:43
GROANING	1:34:43	1:34:45
You got to ask yourself, what's the point?	1:34:48	1:34:51
MAN: Take it away.	1:34:51	1:34:52
You could do all of that, but it's not gonna...	1:35:01	1:35:02
Well, I'll ask... I'll just ask.	1:35:02	1:35:06
I've just been informed by some of the lads	1:35:06	1:35:10
that since we're so near completion,	1:35:10	1:35:12
we're gonna go ahead and finish Earth.	1:35:12	1:35:15
Oh.	1:35:15	1:35:16
So we... Well, we can put it back	1:35:16	1:35:18
exactly as it was when you left, you know.	1:35:18	1:35:20
Unless there's, um, there's, you know,	1:35:20	1:35:24
anything you want to change.	1:35:24	1:35:27
Something you think your planet could do without.	1:35:29	1:35:34
Yeah.	1:35:35	1:35:37
Me.	1:35:37	1:35:39
Oh!	1:35:39	1:35:40
Um, hello? >	1:35:40	1:35:41
No, as is. Yep, leave it. Yep.	1:35:41	1:35:45
Let's go somewhere.	1:35:46	1:35:48
Definitely. Where did you have in mind?	1:35:48	1:35:51
I know this great restaurant at the end of the universe.	1:35:51	1:35:54
I am a little peckish.	1:35:54	1:35:57
ZAPHOD: I need to go to Humma's. He's got something of mine.	1:35:59	1:36:02
I think. I'm so confused.	1:36:02	1:36:05
Don't worry, baby. We'll sort it out.	1:36:05	1:36:07
All right, let's trip the light fantastic, baby.	1:36:07	1:36:09
Just you and me.	1:36:09	1:36:11
Come on.	1:36:11	1:36:13
You got your towel?	1:36:13	1:36:14
Yeah. Why? Am I going to need it?	1:36:14	1:36:16
Only always.	1:36:16	1:36:18
Right. Yeah. Cos...	1:36:18	1:36:21
Wouldn't want to go anywhere without my wonderful towel.	1:36:21	1:36:22
LAUGHS	1:36:22	1:36:24
OK. Hold tight.	1:36:30	1:36:31
Bye. Good luck.	1:36:34	1:36:35
SPEAKER: Stand by for commencement of life cycle.	1:36:35	1:36:38
In 3, 2, 1...	1:36:38	1:36:40
ZAPHOD: All right! Whoo!	1:36:40	1:36:44
SHEEP BLEAT	1:37:13	1:37:14
MARVIN: Not that anyone cares what I say,	1:37:24	1:37:26
but the restaurant is at the other end of the universe.	1:37:26	1:37:30
BRAKES SQUEAL	1:37:30	1:37:31
ENGINE ACCELERATES	1:37:31	1:37:33
# So long and thanks for all the fish	1:37:57	1:38:01
# So sad that it should come to this	1:38:01	1:38:05
# We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear	1:38:05	1:38:10
# You may not share our intellect	1:38:12	1:38:16
# Which might explain your disrespect	1:38:16	1:38:20
# For all the natural wonders... #	1:38:20	1:38:23
GUIDE: It is, of course, well known	1:38:23	1:38:25
that careless talk costs lives.	1:38:25	1:38:27
But the full scale of the problem	1:38:27	1:38:29
is not always appreciated.	1:38:29	1:38:31
For instance, at the very moment that Arthur Dent said,	1:38:31	1:38:34
"I wouldn't want to go anywhere without my wonderful towel",	1:38:34	1:38:37
a freak wormhole opened up in the fabric of the space-time continuum	1:38:37	1:38:42
and carried his words far, far back in time	1:38:42	1:38:46
across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant galaxy	1:38:46	1:38:50
where strange and warlike beings	1:38:50	1:38:52
were poised on the brink of frightful interstellar battle.	1:38:52	1:38:55
The two opposing leaders,	1:38:55	1:38:57
resplendent in their black jewelled battle shorts	1:38:57	1:39:00
were meeting for the last time when a dreadful silence fell	1:39:00	1:39:05
and at that very moment,	1:39:05	1:39:07
the words, "I wouldn't want to go anywhere without my wonderful towel"	1:39:07	1:39:11
drifted across the conference table.	1:39:11	1:39:13
Unfortunately,	1:39:13	1:39:15
in their native tongue	1:39:15	1:39:17
this was the most appalling insult imaginable,	1:39:17	1:39:19
so the two opposing battle fleets decided to settle their few remaining differences	1:39:19	1:39:23
in order to launch a joint attack on our galaxy,	1:39:23	1:39:27
now positively identified as the source of the remark.	1:39:27	1:39:30
For thousands of years	1:39:30	1:39:32
the mighty starships tore across the empty wastes of space	1:39:32	1:39:36
and finally dived screaming onto the planet Earth...	1:39:36	1:39:39
where, due to a terrible miscalculation of scale,	1:39:39	1:39:43
the entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small dog.	1:39:43	1:39:47
Those who study the complex interplay	1:39:47	1:39:51
of cause and effect in the history of the universe	1:39:51	1:39:53
say that this sort of thing is going on all the time.	1:39:53	1:39:57
# We thought that most of you were sweet	1:39:57	1:40:02
# Especially tiny-tots and your pregnant women	1:40:02	1:40:09
# So long, so long, so long, so long, so long	1:40:09	1:40:13
# So long, so long, so long, so long, so long	1:40:13	1:40:17
# So long, and thanks for all the fish. #	1:40:17	1:40:25
For all the fish.	1:40:25	1:40:26

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Similar Content

Comedy

SciFi & Fantasy

Films

Transcript

Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS