The Pacifier


The Pacifier

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Atten...hut!

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Here's our man,

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Professor Howard Plummer.

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He's been kidnapped by a group of Serbian rebels.

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Now, I know we've been up for 72 hours, but I expect perfection.

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Nothing else.

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BEEPING

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The enemy has a boat,

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four jet skis and a chopper.

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I'll take you guys in until we hit radar range.

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Then you'll dive from there.

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Once we hit our target,

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red one, red two, you take out our escorts.

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I'll handle the chopper,

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and I'll find the professor.

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Red three, you radio in for our copter.

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Do you copy?

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Sir, yes, sir!

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Do you copy?

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All: Sir, yes, sir!

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We are Seals, and this is what we do.

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SHOUTING

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All right, red two, you handle the boat.

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I'll take care of the bozos on the jet ski.

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Huh?

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Gotcha.

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Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, US Navy.

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Where is the briefcase?

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Uh. It's right behind you.

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Man, am I glad to see you.

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Those guys...

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I...I never thought I'd see my family again...

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I'll get you out of here.

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We're gonna do it my way.

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No highway option. Oh, yeah.

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Totally. Absolutely.

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Lieutenant, thank you so much for saving my life.

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If I had died back there,

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my...my wife, she would have killed me.

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Ha! It's just a joke.

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Hey, listen, do you mind if I call my wife

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just to tell her I'm OK?

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I have strict orders to get you out of here safely.

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We gotta keep moving.

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Lieutenant, I am safe!

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Please, she thinks that I'm dead!

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All right, make it quick.

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OK.

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Zoe...Seth...Lulu... Peter...Tyler.

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It's voice-activated.

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Hey.

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Ha ha!

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These are my kids!

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You'd like them. They're really great.

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I doubt it.

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Hurry up!

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Hey! We're almost ready!

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Give us another sec.

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Professor!

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Uh!

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Doctor says you've healed up real good, Shane.

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I should have been out of here weeks ago.

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Look, I know heads are gonna roll for this.

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Hey, you took a bullet.

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Yeah, but I want you to know,

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I take full responsibility for what happened to the professor.

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Plummer was the best

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security expert the Department of Defense ever had.

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He was working on a program

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to scramble launch codes that he called Ghost -

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Guided High Altitude Scrambling Transmitter.

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One pulse from a Ghost satellite,

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a country can't launch its own nukes.

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That's why the Serbians kidnapped him.

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They must have thought that Ghost was in that briefcase.

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Ghost is still out there,

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Which is why I'm sending you back in.

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I know you've never lost anybody before, Shane.

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Hell, I was with your father

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when he led a platoon of men...

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With all due respect...

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I'd appreciate if we kept my father out of this.

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All I'm saying is that it happens to the best of them.

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And you're the best.

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I need someone I can trust in this.

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And I know I can trust you.

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OK.

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I'll put a team together.

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No. It's not that kind of mission.

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This is at the top of the Pentagon's priority list.

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'Two days ago, I got a call from Admiral Blair.

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'It seems that the professor's widow contacted him.

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'Whoever killed her husband

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'must think that Ghost is still in that house.

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'Now, maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

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'A safety deposit box has been discovered in Zurich

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'in the Plummers' name.

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'And I've been assigned to escort Mrs Plummer

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'there to retrieve the content.

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'We're hoping it's the Ghost program.

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'In the meantime, someone needs to watch over those kids.

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'That's where you come in.

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'While you're there,

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'you'll be looking for the hidden program as well.'

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SQUEAK

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SQUEAK

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DOORBELL RINGS

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Ah!

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You must be Lieutenant Wolfe!

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Admiral Blair said you'd be coming.

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Come on in. Meet the rest of the gang.

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Come on.

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Kids!

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Get your butts down here and say hello!

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OK, you've already met Lulu.

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This is Zoe, Seth and Peter.

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Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe.

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He's the man who's gonna be staying with you while I'm away.

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-Hi.

-Hi.

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Hi.

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Oh! This is Helga and Tyler.

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Ma'am.

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Baby.

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That's a pretty dress.

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Thank you. I have date with butcher tonight.

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I want to look nice.

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Ah!

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You have a pleasant family.

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Well, for the younger ones,

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I think it hasn't really sunk in yet.

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It's been hardest on Zoe and Seth...

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but they don't really like to talk about it.

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It must be hard on all of you.

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Well, Howard wasn't around much.

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His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone...

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six, seven months at a time.

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Yeah, I can understand that lifestyle.

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Anyway, about a week ago,

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someone broke into the house.

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No one was home.

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I didn't tell the kids cos I didn't want to scare them.

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Mrs Plummer, I've dealt with... Ow! Oh, my God!

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I'm sorry!

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That's Gary. He was Howard's.

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Gary, down!

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He bit me.

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Yeah, well, he thinks he's a guard dog.

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Mrs Plummer...

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Oh! Call me Julie. Please.

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Uh, I'm gonna go outside and have a look around.

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Out! Out!

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# Just a danger

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# That someone's got to do

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# Got to do

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# It's kinda hard when everyone looks up to you

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# You try to make it look easy

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# Gonna make it look good

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# Like anybody would

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# I'm just your average ordinary, everyday superhero

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# Nothing more than that

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# That's all I really am... #

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I'm gonna miss you, mmm.

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I'm gonna miss you too.

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I'll be back in 48 hours, OK?

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Bye, pumpkin.

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You love mommy too.

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Oh and kids...

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remember...

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whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do...

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do it.

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Mom, chill. We're gonna be fine.

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I'm sorry. It's just that I don't do this very often.

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You're only going away for a few days.

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Yeah.

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I got it.

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OK. ..Here you go, Helga.

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I take baby.

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Bye.

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BABY CRIES

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You remember the emergency numbers, right?

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Don't worry, Mrs Plummer,

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your kids will be safe with me.

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Your little angels will be fine, Mrs Plummer.

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Go.

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Helga: Bye-bye!

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Bye.

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Have some fun.

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HELGA: Bye-bye.

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Tell me, are you licensed to kill?

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No, I'm not.

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Hmm, too bad.

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It could have come in handy.

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GUNFIRE Ah!

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Please!

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Oh!

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Hey!

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Where's the baby?

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Shut up!

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No, she didn't!

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QUACKING

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Is there anyone here that understands

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the meaning of the word discipline?

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Hey, Flipper, you don't like it, do something.

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I make bottle.

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Thank you, Peter.

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BEEPING

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Yes!

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BEEPING

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Ow!

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Gotcha!

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Uhh! Unh!

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Ah! ALARM

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What's your problem, man, get off me!

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Oh, my God! No.

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What are you doing, you jerk?

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That's my boyfriend!

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So you're the one that's been breaking in?

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Go back inside!

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No!

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We speak English, buddy.

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Look, about the sirens and the strobe lights?

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We own a bakery, so we're up kinda early. Would you mind?

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Sorry.

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BEEPING THEN ALARM STOPS

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Oh, and we found this in our pool filter.

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Try to keep that zoo reined in, huh, babysitter?

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SQUEAK

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Yo, fool, handle me like that again,

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and I'll be forced to lay knuckles upside your head.

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OK! Enough is enough!

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Come on, Scott. Let's go.

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-Come on.

-No, you don't.

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Get back here.

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Give me 20.

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I meant push-ups!

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Zoe?

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Drop down! Do 20!

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OK. This is not the Army or the Navy...

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Real nice move, Lieutenant Smooth(!)

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Now he'll probably never speak to me.

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Then I did you a favour.

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Whoa!

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Personal bubble invasion.

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Your mother was worried sick about you.

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You should call her and tell her the truth.

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Well, I'm sure you'll take care of that for me.

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Stay out of my life!

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Uh!

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Oh!

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Wait! You can't do this!

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I have plans. It's Saturday night!

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Not any more!

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You too.

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Lights out.

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Bite me.

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Boy, this family's in for a rude awakening.

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# Don't make a move

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# Till you're in the groove

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# And do the Peter Panda dance

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# Just hop three times

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# Like a kangaroo

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# Side-step twice

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# Just like those crabs do

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# Three steps forward

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# One step back

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# Then quick, like a turtle... #

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DEEP VOICE: # ..Lie on your back. #

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WHISTLE BLOWS

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WHISTLE BLOWS Ah! Ah! Ah!

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WHISTLE BLOWS

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WHISTLE BLOWS

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What are you doing?

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You're burning daylight! Move!

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It's Sunday.

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And it's 6 am!

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You're insane!

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Listen up!

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Your behaviour is unacceptable.

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In order to maintain a state of safety,

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we need to maintain a state of order.

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Won't you have one more little bite?

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We're going to be strong mineworkers when we grow up.

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Excuse me.

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Excuse me!

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Now, I've only got one rule.

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Everything is done my way.

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No highway option. Do you copy?

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Do you copy?

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What?

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I said, do you copy?

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What? I said, do you copy?

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Do not copy me.

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Do not copy me.

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Hey! I mean it. Cut it out!

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Hey! I mean it! Cut it out!

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PFFT!

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-Peter farted.

-Zoe: Oh!

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-Seth:

-Ugh! Oh, that is so gross.

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Quiet!

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Everybody up. That means you too.

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Tracking devices!

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Never take 'em off.

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The panic button is for emergencies only!

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Touch that, you'd better be dying.

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Or you're dead.

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I would rather chew off my arm than wear that.

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Just because my mom is paranoid

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doesn't mean that we have to take orders from you.

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Let me explain to you how the chain of command works.

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I tell you what to do,

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and you do it!

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End of chain.

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BEEPING I'm not going to have time to remember all of your names.

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You'll be red leader,

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red baby, red one,

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red...

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BEEPING

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Where's the older male?

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There were 5.

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He walks like Dracula,

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with footsteps silent, like death!

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He's in his room.

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Red two!

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Red two, open up!

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Red two!

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TOILET FLUSHES

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-What've you done?!

-What?

0:17:290:17:32

I thought...

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Is this what you're trained to do?

0:17:330:17:35

A shock and awe on my door?

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Hey, I can fix that with a hammer and some nails.

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-It's real easy...

-No, it's not!

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Look, it... it's broken in half!

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You can't fix that!

0:17:430:17:44

BEEPING If you'd been wearing this,

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this wouldn't have happened.

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What are you talking about?

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I was in the bathroom!

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You know I would never ask you for your help,

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but he has got to go.

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BEEPING

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Somebody help me, please!

0:18:160:18:18

-Ooh!

-Help me, somebody!

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Stop it, Peter!

0:18:210:18:22

It's nuts!

0:18:220:18:23

Peter, cut this out.

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Hey, good soldiers aren't scared of anything.

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I'm not scared - I'm annoyed.

0:18:330:18:35

Ever since he heard Daddy say

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there was a ghost in the house,

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he puts on that blanket

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and chases me everywhere.

0:18:380:18:40

It drives me crazy!

0:18:400:18:41

Peter, have you seen this Ghost?

0:18:420:18:44

Mm-mm.

0:18:440:18:45

Wait, here he comes.

0:18:510:18:52

Hey, you leave towel on floor in bathroom.

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I pick up after kids, not you.

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And light a match next time!

0:19:130:19:15

Ah!

0:19:170:19:19

Ugh.

0:19:230:19:25

I have good news.

0:19:290:19:31

Your background checks have cleared,

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and we are free to give you the books.

0:19:330:19:35

-Ah!

-Excellent.

0:19:350:19:37

Just as soon as you provide us with the passwords.

0:19:370:19:40

Passwords?

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It was your husband's wish

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that the person who comes in to collect the box

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must provide us with the passwords.

0:19:450:19:47

Great(!)

0:19:480:19:49

Is it...the Ghost?

0:19:490:19:51

Ghost.

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Um...no.

0:19:520:19:54

Ah! These brats.

0:19:580:20:00

I had it!

0:20:020:20:04

Remain calm.

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I AM calm.

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I quit!

0:20:080:20:10

That makes me calm!

0:20:100:20:12

Let's not be hasty about this.

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PHONE RINGS

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PHONE RINGS

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JULIE: 'Hello? Hello?'

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Don't even think about it!

0:20:260:20:28

'Hello? Lieutenant Wolfe?

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'It's Julie Plummer.'

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Who's this? 'Julie Plummer.'

0:20:320:20:33

What's that?

0:20:330:20:34

'Julie Plummer!'

0:20:340:20:36

Oh, Mrs Plummer. 'Did something fall?

0:20:370:20:39

'What was that noise?'

0:20:390:20:40

-Oh, no, no. Nothing. Everything's OK.

-Agh!

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You'll be happy to know that I found the culprit

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that's been sneaking around your house.

0:20:440:20:46

'Great. Who was it?'

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-Oh, just some teenager. 'A teenager?'

-Ah!

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'I wanted to tell you that I might be a few more days.'

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You're going to be a few more days?!

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'Yes. Is that a problem?'

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-No, that's no problem.

-Grrr!

0:20:550:20:57

No, that's fine. I'm just...

0:20:570:20:59

I'm just doing my...

0:20:590:21:01

Ah! 'Your what?'

0:21:010:21:02

Doody. 'And you're sure everything's OK?'

0:21:040:21:06

Ah, things are great, Mrs Plummer.

0:21:060:21:07

Yeah, you just do whatever you have to...

0:21:070:21:10

'OK, well...' Bye, Mrs Plummer!

0:21:100:21:12

Just calm down.

0:21:140:21:16

Just...just try to relax.

0:21:190:21:20

Ah!

0:21:200:21:22

Ah!

0:21:220:21:24

She bit me!

0:21:310:21:32

Helga, I command you to come back here!

0:21:340:21:37

That's a direct order.

0:21:370:21:39

You can't leave a man behind.

0:21:390:21:41

Red leader!

0:21:410:21:42

Red leader!

0:21:430:21:45

I don't even know how to change a diaper!

0:21:450:21:48

Don't worry!

0:21:490:21:51

If she loves you, she'll come back, huh?

0:21:510:21:54

OK, everybody, listen up.

0:21:550:21:57

There's been a change of plans.

0:21:570:21:59

Your mother's not coming home

0:21:590:22:00

as soon as she expected.

0:22:000:22:02

When IS she coming back?

0:22:020:22:03

Soon.

0:22:030:22:04

So, for now, we'll just have some more big fun.

0:22:040:22:06

That's what we've been doing?

0:22:060:22:08

Having fun?

0:22:080:22:09

But tomorrow's a school day.

0:22:090:22:10

-SETH:

-I have wrestling practice.

0:22:100:22:12

I need a signed release for driver's ed.

0:22:120:22:13

I've got fireflies.

0:22:130:22:14

-I have to go to the mall. There's this new halter top on sale...

-I...

0:22:140:22:17

Whoa, OK, halt. Halt.

0:22:170:22:20

We'll take this hill one inch at a time.

0:22:200:22:23

Only then can we rise to the challenge.

0:22:230:22:25

PFFT

0:22:250:22:26

OK. Who's going to change red baby?

0:22:280:22:31

Guys?

0:22:310:22:33

Ah!

0:22:380:22:39

God! Red baby!

0:22:400:22:42

TOILET FLUSHES You ready? There it is.

0:22:450:22:47

Soak that up a bit.

0:22:510:22:53

Hi.

0:23:010:23:02

Zoe says you look like the Hulk.

0:23:020:23:04

I think you're cute.

0:23:040:23:05

Thank you.

0:23:050:23:08

Do you do kung fu?

0:23:110:23:13

Yes.

0:23:130:23:14

Did you ever punch someone so hard

0:23:140:23:15

that their head came off?

0:23:150:23:17

No.

0:23:170:23:19

Why are your boobs so big?

0:23:200:23:22

They're not boobs.

0:23:240:23:26

Do you have to wear a bra?

0:23:260:23:28

So will my boobs get as big as yours someday?

0:23:350:23:37

You know, little girl, I think it's time

0:23:410:23:44

you went nappy-poo in beddy-bye land.

0:23:440:23:47

Do I look like I'm five to you?

0:23:470:23:50

What did I say?

0:23:520:23:54

Disrespectful.

0:23:540:23:56

And to think I was interested in you.

0:23:560:23:58

OK, troops, breakfast.

0:24:030:24:05

What are you waiting for? Dig in.

0:24:050:24:07

Feel free to mix and match.

0:24:070:24:08

Stay away from the cheese.

0:24:080:24:10

It'll back you up for a month.

0:24:100:24:11

Don't worry about running out,

0:24:110:24:12

I can get lots more of these.

0:24:120:24:14

I've survived months off this stuff.

0:24:140:24:16

OK, like, I'm really going to eat all of these carbs?

0:24:160:24:19

I can cross my eyes. Want to see?

0:24:200:24:21

No.

0:24:210:24:23

HE WHIMPERS

0:24:260:24:29

Tyler hates it when I do that.

0:24:290:24:32

I know how he feels.

0:24:320:24:34

Red four!

0:24:370:24:39

TYLER CRIES

0:24:390:24:41

PHONE RINGS

0:24:440:24:46

Plummer residence.

0:24:480:24:49

Yes, I know it's Monday today.

0:24:510:24:53

No, Mrs Plummer is away.

0:24:530:24:55

Yes, we'll be right there.

0:24:550:24:58

Who was that?

0:24:590:25:01

Your Vice Principal.

0:25:010:25:03

He said that if you and Seth are late again,

0:25:030:25:05

you're both suspended.

0:25:050:25:07

He wants to see you in his office right away.

0:25:070:25:09

What is it?

0:25:430:25:45

It's a mini-van.

0:25:460:25:48

Eugh.

0:25:480:25:49

Now, is this supposed to...?

0:25:490:25:52

How do we...?

0:25:520:25:53

Excuse me, Mr Wolfe,

0:25:530:25:54

if you don't hurry up,

0:25:540:25:56

we're going to be late for sure.

0:25:560:25:57

Not on my watch.

0:25:570:25:58

Hold that.

0:26:040:26:05

How fast IS your watch?

0:26:050:26:06

You'll be suspended for sure.

0:26:080:26:10

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

0:26:110:26:14

Who drives like this?! You're crazy!

0:26:140:26:16

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

0:26:180:26:20

-Ah!

-What are you doing?!

0:26:250:26:28

BELL RINGS Got 'em here. My fault.

0:26:320:26:35

Yeah, I always said these kids needed a parole officer.

0:26:350:26:39

I guess, uh, Mrs Plummer thought so too, huh?

0:26:390:26:43

Wow, you got a real upper torso going on.

0:26:450:26:48

You ever do any time?

0:26:480:26:49

Sasquatch.

0:26:510:26:52

You got something to say, boy?

0:26:530:26:55

No.

0:26:550:26:56

No? OK.

0:26:560:26:58

Wow. It looks like you have a pair of legs

0:26:580:27:01

coming out of your shoulders.

0:27:010:27:02

You hit the gym a lot, do you?

0:27:020:27:05

Woolly mammoth.

0:27:050:27:07

All right, you know what, creeper,

0:27:070:27:08

you just bought yourself

0:27:080:27:10

an extra 15 minutes on the mats.

0:27:100:27:12

With the Murnanator.

0:27:120:27:13

Excuse me.

0:27:130:27:15

Lieutenant Shane Wolfe.

0:27:150:27:17

I'm watching the kids for the Plummers for a few days.

0:27:170:27:20

Oh, babysitter, huh?

0:27:200:27:22

Well, good, whatever job you can get, right?

0:27:220:27:24

I'm Murney.

0:27:250:27:27

Dwayne Murney.

0:27:270:27:28

My friends call me "little puppet".

0:27:280:27:30

I'm the VP here.

0:27:300:27:32

I'm in charge of discipline, conduct and truancy

0:27:320:27:35

from top to bottom - K through 12.

0:27:350:27:39

You're in my house now, strong man.

0:27:390:27:41

You're the Vice Principal.

0:27:410:27:43

And the wrestling coach.

0:27:430:27:45

See the creeper over there?

0:27:450:27:47

He has played hooky from every wrestling practice this month.

0:27:470:27:50

And her...

0:27:500:27:51

she has missed 22 driver's ed classes...

0:27:510:27:55

out of 23!

0:27:550:27:56

These are the worst students in my school.

0:27:570:27:59

-I'm ashamed...

-WOMAN:

-YOUR school?

0:27:590:28:00

Good morning, kids.

0:28:040:28:06

Mr Murney, thank you so much for watching my chair for me.

0:28:060:28:09

-I'll take it from here.

-Roger that. Absolutely.

0:28:090:28:12

I was just informing our new friend here

0:28:120:28:14

about some of the duties as Vice Principal.

0:28:140:28:16

Yes, speaking of which, how's it going with the investigation

0:28:160:28:19

into the baloney slices in the cafeteria ceiling?

0:28:190:28:21

Uh, that's been taking some interesting turns.

0:28:210:28:23

-You just keep up the good work.

-Right.

0:28:230:28:25

I'll be on the roof.

0:28:250:28:27

Bye now.

0:28:270:28:29

All right then, kids,

0:28:300:28:31

I think it's time to get back to class.

0:28:310:28:32

I'll cut you some slack today,

0:28:320:28:34

seeing as it's Lieutenant Wolfe's first day. Thank you.

0:28:340:28:37

Can I get you some coffee or...?

0:28:380:28:40

Yes, please.

0:28:400:28:42

So what's with this Murnanator?

0:28:440:28:46

He's big, he's hairy, he's sometimes smelly,

0:28:460:28:49

but he's harmless, and he has tenure.

0:28:490:28:51

So you're the bodyguard.

0:28:510:28:54

Well, Mrs Plummer thought that the kids needed...

0:28:540:28:56

She's already briefed me on everything

0:28:560:28:58

and she told me that the kids aren't fully aware of the situation

0:28:580:29:00

and that's the way she wants it.

0:29:000:29:02

She also told me you're a Teams guy.

0:29:040:29:07

Yes, I am.

0:29:070:29:09

Well, Petty Officer third class Claire Fletcher at your service.

0:29:090:29:12

You're kidding.

0:29:120:29:13

Four years at Naval Base Coronado.

0:29:130:29:15

They paid for college.

0:29:150:29:16

Honour, courage...

0:29:160:29:18

Commitment. It's the way I run this school.

0:29:180:29:21

I like that.

0:29:210:29:22

So...permission to stick around and keep eyes on the kids?

0:29:260:29:30

Permission granted.

0:29:300:29:32

CHEERLEADERS: # We don't need no music

0:29:410:29:43

# We don't need no bands

0:29:430:29:44

# All we need is Mustang fans

0:29:440:29:46

# Jammin' in the stands

0:29:460:29:48

# We said jammin' in the stands

0:29:480:29:49

# J-A-M-M-I-N

0:29:490:29:52

# Jammin' in the stands

0:29:520:29:53

# What? J-A-M-M-I-N

0:29:530:29:55

# Jammin' in the stands

0:29:550:29:57

# Go, Mustangs! #

0:29:570:29:59

CHEERING

0:29:590:30:00

Black belt. Honourable discharge.

0:30:000:30:03

Clean as a whistle.

0:30:030:30:06

Hey!

0:30:140:30:15

Enough.

0:30:150:30:16

All right, you heard the lady.

0:30:160:30:18

Let's break it up, guys. Come on.

0:30:180:30:21

Relax, Popeye.

0:30:210:30:23

Boys will be boys, huh?

0:30:230:30:24

Anyway, it's kind of good for the creeper.

0:30:240:30:26

Gives him a chance to punk up,

0:30:260:30:28

learn to defend himself.

0:30:280:30:30

Six against one?

0:30:300:30:31

Well, you know the odds are never pretty,

0:30:310:30:34

but look at it as like a preparation forum.

0:30:340:30:36

You know, the naked streets of Bethesda

0:30:360:30:38

could be so dark and dangerous.

0:30:380:30:39

Right, creeper?

0:30:390:30:42

Whoa.

0:30:420:30:44

You're pretty quick there, frog man.

0:30:440:30:46

I myself happen to be a black belt.

0:30:460:30:48

That's why they wanted me to be the coach of the wrestling team.

0:30:480:30:51

Oyaaa!

0:30:510:30:52

Sensei.

0:30:530:30:55

You know what that's called, homeboy?

0:30:550:30:57

Total control.

0:30:570:30:59

You all right?

0:31:000:31:01

Tell you what. Maybe sometime you can pop by the wrestling class,

0:31:010:31:04

and, uh, we'll show the boys how a couple of pros do it.

0:31:040:31:07

What do you think? I'll go easy on you.

0:31:070:31:09

I'm on duty.

0:31:090:31:10

You're on duty?

0:31:100:31:12

Oh, that's right, that's right. You're babysitter.

0:31:120:31:14

So it's kind of like doo-doo duty.

0:31:140:31:16

Don't worry about it.

0:31:180:31:20

We'll do it on a day when you're not, uh, washing your hair.

0:31:200:31:22

And I'll see YOU in class.

0:31:240:31:28

At ease.

0:31:290:31:30

That guy don't have his head on right.

0:31:320:31:35

I was fine.

0:31:350:31:36

I don't need your help.

0:31:360:31:38

Aw. Hey.

0:31:440:31:47

Rough day?

0:31:470:31:48

I tried feeding him.

0:31:480:31:50

Yeah, did you try changing him?

0:31:500:31:51

Would you help me?

0:31:510:31:52

No.

0:31:520:31:54

Just the thought of... BEEPING

0:31:540:31:55

BEEPING

0:31:570:31:58

Emergency.

0:32:020:32:03

What do...? I...

0:32:030:32:05

Hey!

0:32:050:32:06

Hi.

0:32:060:32:08

BEEPING

0:32:160:32:18

Where you going?

0:32:420:32:44

BEEPING

0:33:240:33:26

ALL: Ew.

0:33:430:33:46

Ha-ha(!)

0:33:460:33:48

I should go, OK?

0:33:500:33:51

Just...call me, you guys, if you need anything.

0:33:510:33:53

My number's on the...

0:33:530:33:55

fridge. ..Are you OK?

0:33:550:33:58

Oh, wow...

0:33:580:34:01

Is there anything I can do?

0:34:040:34:06

I'm OK.

0:34:060:34:07

-Can I get you anything?

-I'm fine.

0:34:070:34:10

I mean, they're just kids, you know.

0:34:100:34:12

Call me if you need anything, OK?

0:34:120:34:15

After you sh-shower.

0:34:150:34:17

Or before. It doesn't matter.

0:34:170:34:18

OK. I'll see you guys.

0:34:180:34:19

(Very funny.)

0:34:240:34:26

Thank you for the letter.

0:34:260:34:28

GIGGLING

0:34:490:34:50

Guys, be quiet!

0:34:520:34:53

I told you he had boobs.

0:34:530:34:55

Lulu, can I see you in the family room?

0:34:560:34:59

Who are those people?

0:35:030:35:04

My troop. It's Monday.

0:35:050:35:07

Monday, Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights.

0:35:070:35:09

All right, get rid of 'em.

0:35:090:35:10

I can't! Everyone's parents go out on troop nights,

0:35:100:35:12

and they won't be back till 8.

0:35:120:35:14

Mom's our den mother!

0:35:140:35:15

You're gonna tell your little friends...

0:35:150:35:17

GIGGLING

0:35:170:35:18

Today we're supposed to sell cookies.

0:35:240:35:26

I don't do cookies.

0:35:260:35:28

We have to. If we don't sell enough cookies,

0:35:280:35:31

we can't go to the jamboree!

0:35:310:35:33

(They're waving at me.)

0:35:400:35:41

All right, ladies!

0:35:410:35:43

Here's how it's gonna be.

0:35:430:35:45

Tonight, I'm your den mother.

0:35:450:35:48

That means if you wanna live to see tomorrow,

0:35:480:35:51

you do exactly as I say.

0:35:510:35:53

Do we understand each other?

0:35:530:35:55

Den mother,

0:35:550:35:56

you frighten me.

0:35:560:35:58

Good.

0:35:580:35:59

Now let's move out!

0:35:590:36:02

-ZOE:

-Yeah, he's kind of a dork, but he's OK.

0:36:150:36:18

-JULIE: 'And how's Helga doing?'

-Oh, Helga's fine.

0:36:180:36:20

Um, when are you getting home?

0:36:200:36:21

'I'm sorry this is taking so long.'

0:36:210:36:23

Look, Mom. I'd love to stay and chat all day,

0:36:230:36:25

but I have homework to do.

0:36:250:36:26

Oh, no! They're back!

0:36:450:36:48

MUSIC: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly theme

0:36:480:36:53

Hey, skeever!

0:36:550:36:56

What glows in the dark till you squish 'em?

0:36:560:36:58

Fireflies!

0:36:580:37:00

Please leave us alone.

0:37:070:37:09

This is troop 16 territory.

0:37:090:37:11

How are we supposed to sell raffle tickets

0:37:110:37:14

if this place reeks of your skanky cookies?

0:37:140:37:16

Hey! Hey!

0:37:160:37:18

Boo!

0:37:180:37:20

GIRLS SCREAM

0:37:200:37:21

Get out of here! SHOUTING

0:37:210:37:23

Oh! These cookies taste disgusting!

0:37:230:37:25

I know!

0:37:250:37:26

Where are my troops?

0:37:280:37:30

BEEPING

0:37:300:37:32

Lulu, what happened?

0:37:420:37:43

Those boys over there broke our cookies.

0:37:430:37:46

Broke your cookies?

0:37:460:37:48

Mm-hm.

0:37:480:37:49

Lulu, this is not a toy.

0:37:490:37:50

Forget those boys.

0:37:500:37:51

I am here to protect you,

0:37:510:37:53

not cookies.

0:37:530:37:55

Understand?

0:37:550:37:56

Good. Now get in the car.

0:37:570:37:59

We're all going home.

0:37:590:38:00

Wait. You can't take us home yet.

0:38:000:38:02

You're supposed to take us to get something to eat.

0:38:020:38:04

Where do you usually go?

0:38:050:38:06

Welcome

0:38:060:38:08

to Woody Woodchuck's!

0:38:080:38:09

SHOUTING

0:38:110:38:12

Let's go, let's go.

0:38:160:38:19

Sweetie...

0:38:190:38:21

And they say war is hell.

0:38:210:38:25

# Whenever we go out the people always shout

0:38:250:38:28

# They go Shane Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt

0:38:280:38:30

# La la la la la la la la

0:38:300:38:32

# Shane Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt

0:38:320:38:35

# His name is my name too. #

0:38:350:38:37

GIRLS SCREAM

0:38:370:38:39

Oh, I sorta figured you'd come back for him.

0:38:430:38:45

Lulu, watch your brother.

0:38:450:38:46

Inexcusable.

0:38:460:38:48

I've never left a man behind.

0:38:480:38:49

Oh, relax. Once we found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning. ..Whoa! Whoa!

0:38:490:38:55

Not cool!

0:38:550:38:56

Uh, there is no freestylin' in the ball pool.

0:38:560:38:59

GIGGLING

0:38:590:39:01

Should we send someone in after him?

0:39:100:39:12

SCREAMING

0:39:150:39:17

We're good.

0:39:180:39:20

HIP-HOP MUSIC BLARES

0:39:250:39:27

Holy baloney.

0:39:300:39:32

Ooh! Someone's gonna get busted.

0:39:320:39:36

Who are all these people?

0:39:360:39:37

How you doin'? What's wrong with this?

0:39:370:39:38

We need to talk.

0:39:380:39:40

Don't hate the player, girl, hate the game.

0:39:400:39:41

Beat it.

0:39:480:39:49

MUSIC STOPS

0:39:520:39:53

Party's over!

0:39:540:39:56

Oh, my God, it's here.

0:39:560:39:57

You're all gonna clean this house spotless.

0:39:570:40:00

No highway option.

0:40:000:40:02

-Get cleaning.

-I'm outta here.

0:40:020:40:04

Oof.

0:40:040:40:05

SHOUTING

0:40:050:40:07

Oh, no, you don't.

0:40:150:40:16

This is my favourite shirt.

0:40:250:40:27

Thank you.

0:40:410:40:42

Come on, Seth, you've been in there for an hour.

0:41:090:41:11

Thanks a lot, Lieutenant Loser.

0:41:130:41:15

Now I'm gonna be the school joke.

0:41:150:41:17

I don't even know what I'm gonna say to my friends.

0:41:170:41:20

You call those people your friends?!

0:41:200:41:21

They have no respect for you.

0:41:210:41:24

They have no respect for your home.

0:41:240:41:25

You have no respect for yourself.

0:41:250:41:27

I do too respect myself.

0:41:270:41:30

Company downstairs, and that means you too.

0:41:300:41:33

You're not my dad.

0:41:330:41:34

In case you haven't noticed,

0:41:340:41:37

this family is going through a really hard time,

0:41:370:41:40

and you're just making everything a lot worse.

0:41:400:41:42

You have no feelings.

0:41:420:41:44

We hate you.

0:41:440:41:46

And you hate us.

0:41:460:41:48

So why don't you just leave us alone?

0:41:480:41:50

Don't worry. When your mom comes back, I'm gone.

0:41:500:41:53

CRASH

0:41:530:41:55

Now what?

0:41:550:41:56

Scott.

0:41:560:41:57

Hyah!

0:41:570:41:59

Run, take the babies! Go to your rooms!

0:42:000:42:02

Shane, Shane, Shane! Come over here, take one of these.

0:42:250:42:27

Lulu!

0:42:270:42:29

Get inside.

0:42:290:42:30

-Come on.

-Hey, hey!

0:42:300:42:32

-Lulu.

-Ah!

0:42:320:42:33

Don't move.

0:43:310:43:32

QUACKING

0:43:350:43:37

Ah!

0:43:380:43:39

Ooh!

0:43:390:43:41

Kids. It's safe.

0:43:490:43:52

Who was that?

0:43:520:43:53

-What'd they want?

-What happened?

0:43:530:43:55

Please don't leave us, Shane.

0:43:550:43:56

What'd they want?

0:43:560:43:57

They were after the program

0:43:570:43:59

that your father invented.

0:43:590:44:00

They were after this.

0:44:040:44:05

All right, all right. Come on, guys,

0:44:070:44:09

let's hope this is it.

0:44:090:44:10

'926 31043.

0:44:160:44:17

-'926...

-31043.'

0:44:170:44:20

They want our Ghost movie?

0:44:200:44:21

Haven't they ever heard of Blockbuster?

0:44:210:44:24

-'Tell her Rita Miller.

-Rita Miller.

-Didn't they have you sign a...?

0:44:240:44:27

So there really are people out there to get us?

0:44:270:44:30

Yes, there are, Zoe.

0:44:300:44:31

That's why I'm here.

0:44:310:44:32

I think we're gonna need a little more cooperation.

0:44:320:44:35

From now on, you listen to me.

0:44:350:44:38

And I'll listen to you too.

0:44:380:44:40

Deal?

0:44:400:44:42

-Relax. Relax.

-I'm relaxed.

0:44:440:44:46

If you'd just relax...

0:44:460:44:48

I'm relaxed, I'm relaxed!

0:44:480:44:49

You've GOT to relax! Ease up on the...

0:44:490:44:52

I'm not feeling well here.

0:44:520:44:54

Oh, my God! There's a bee!

0:44:540:44:55

There's no bee. There's no bee!

0:44:550:44:57

ZOE SCREAMS

0:44:570:44:58

CRASH!

0:44:590:45:01

OK, so she wrecked the driver's ed car.

0:45:010:45:03

-The insurance will pay for it.

-They were parallel parking.

0:45:030:45:06

The instructor jumped from the car,

0:45:060:45:08

but it's not about her. It's about the boy.

0:45:080:45:10

Has he been skipping class again?

0:45:100:45:12

Skipping class...

0:45:120:45:13

He always skips sixth period,

0:45:130:45:14

but this is something...

0:45:140:45:15

All right. ..Seth!

0:45:150:45:16

OK, take off the hat.

0:45:190:45:21

Go ahead.

0:45:210:45:23

Look at that.

0:45:250:45:26

That's how he showed up for practice today, and that's not all.

0:45:260:45:29

I was doin' a little recon in his locker and I found this.

0:45:290:45:32

OK?

0:45:340:45:35

All right, now, if it was a girlie magazine

0:45:360:45:38

or a hamster, fine.

0:45:380:45:39

Boys will be boys, but this...

0:45:390:45:41

is sick.

0:45:410:45:43

All right, he dyed his hair - he's not a Nazi.

0:45:430:45:45

This is not normal. We're very concerned.

0:45:450:45:47

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

0:45:470:45:48

All right, kids. Why don't you get back to class?

0:45:480:45:51

Mr Murney, could you give me a minute?

0:45:510:45:53

Look...I'm sure this is about their father.

0:45:580:46:00

We've tried to get Seth and Zoe

0:46:000:46:02

to talk to the school psychologist, but they won't.

0:46:020:46:04

Maybe you can get through to them,

0:46:040:46:06

see what's going on?

0:46:060:46:07

I'll talk to 'em and see what I can do.

0:46:070:46:09

Thanks.

0:46:090:46:12

SHANE: Seth!

0:46:140:46:15

I don't understand unless you explain it to me.

0:46:150:46:18

Why would you join the wrestling team if you hate it?

0:46:180:46:20

I did it because my father wanted me to!

0:46:200:46:22

Look, I know you're just trying to help,

0:46:220:46:24

but don't.

0:46:240:46:25

I can take care of myself.

0:46:250:46:28

A refrigerator magnet.

0:46:480:46:49

Smart kid...

0:46:520:46:53

Red one!

0:46:540:46:56

Zoe.

0:46:560:46:57

You're in charge.

0:46:570:46:58

Anyone gets within 40 clicks of the perimeter, signal me.

0:46:580:47:01

Keep all doors sealed, do your homework,

0:47:010:47:03

preheat the oven and...

0:47:030:47:05

don't let Lulu in the cookie jar.

0:47:050:47:06

All right.

0:48:000:48:01

All my Nazis are finally here.

0:48:010:48:04

I want all of you...

0:48:040:48:06

at attention.

0:48:060:48:07

OK, let's start where we left off yesterday.

0:48:070:48:11

# You are 16, going on 17

0:48:140:48:17

# Baby, it's time to think

0:48:170:48:21

# Better be wary, canny and careful

0:48:210:48:24

# Baby, you're on the brink

0:48:240:48:28

# You are 16, going on 17

0:48:280:48:31

# Fellows will fall in line... #

0:48:310:48:33

HE SIGHS

0:48:400:48:43

HE SIGHS

0:48:480:48:50

We open in a week, people. The set isn't finished.

0:48:540:48:57

Mother Abbess just quit because she got shingles!

0:48:570:49:01

And every step-ball-change would make Bob Fosse rise from the grave

0:49:010:49:05

just so he could have a heart attack again!

0:49:050:49:08

I'm really sorry.

0:49:080:49:09

-I'll get it right.

-No, you won't, Seth.

0:49:090:49:11

You and your...

0:49:120:49:13

mother over here can't get it right,

0:49:130:49:16

and I know this because I am a professional.

0:49:160:49:19

I directed Showboat with Greg Brady.

0:49:190:49:21

It wasn't union, but it was good.

0:49:210:49:24

Obviously, I quit.

0:49:310:49:33

Exeunt stage right.

0:49:330:49:35

Seriously, Seth,

0:49:400:49:41

if you drop me again, I'm going to kill you.

0:49:410:49:44

Hi!

0:49:440:49:45

-Are you OK?

-I'm fine.

0:49:450:49:48

Come on.

0:49:490:49:50

I'm not gonna quit.

0:49:500:49:52

I don't expect you to understand.

0:49:520:49:54

Hey...

0:49:540:49:56

I may not understand a whole hell of a lot

0:49:560:49:58

about this kind of stuff,

0:49:580:50:00

but I definitely understand not quitting.

0:50:000:50:03

And from what I see, you're pretty good.

0:50:030:50:05

A little discipline, you could make a go of this.

0:50:050:50:08

But what about Murney?

0:50:080:50:10

What about Murney? He's an all-talk...

0:50:100:50:12

So, The Sound Of Music?

0:50:120:50:14

I saw it when I was a kid.

0:50:140:50:16

Really?

0:50:160:50:18

The idea of a nun ditchin' her habit

0:50:180:50:20

for a guy in the military...

0:50:200:50:22

Nothin' wrong with that.

0:50:220:50:24

Do you think girls will think I'm weird?

0:50:250:50:27

I think they probably already do, Seth,

0:50:270:50:30

but you'll kill 'em later.

0:50:300:50:32

Come here.

0:50:340:50:36

Forget about everyone else for a second.

0:50:370:50:39

Is performing what makes you happy?

0:50:400:50:43

Yeah, more than anything.

0:50:430:50:45

All right, fall in.

0:50:470:50:49

Company, centre stage!

0:50:510:50:53

Company! Centre stage!

0:50:560:50:59

Who is this guy?

0:50:590:51:01

Now, do you or do you not

0:51:010:51:04

have what it takes to perform this musical?

0:51:040:51:07

We don't have a director.

0:51:070:51:08

I've directed rescue missions

0:51:080:51:10

all around the world.

0:51:100:51:12

I've directed numerous snatch-and-grabs

0:51:120:51:16

from countries whose names

0:51:160:51:18

you are not allowed to know.

0:51:180:51:20

I've choreographed multi-pronged

0:51:200:51:23

amphibious landings and stealth air attacks.

0:51:230:51:27

Do you think I have the military proficiency...

0:51:270:51:32

to direct this production?

0:51:320:51:35

Yes.

0:51:350:51:37

Yes what?

0:51:370:51:38

ALL: Yes, sir!

0:51:380:51:40

Once upon a time, there was a family...

0:51:400:51:43

of elves.

0:51:430:51:44

And one day,

0:51:440:51:46

the little elf family...

0:51:460:51:50

went into the magic forest

0:51:500:51:53

to find a secret... gnome facility,

0:51:530:51:59

where the gnomes were turning mushrooms into uranium.

0:51:590:52:05

So three elves laid down heavy suppressive fire

0:52:050:52:10

on the gnomes,

0:52:100:52:11

while the others manoeuvred around to the right flank

0:52:110:52:16

finishing off anything left alive.

0:52:160:52:20

Ah.

0:52:200:52:22

And not one of those elves

0:52:240:52:25

were left behind that day.

0:52:250:52:27

We got 'em all.

0:52:290:52:30

Even the teeniest,

0:52:330:52:36

littlest elf of all.

0:52:360:52:40

Rodriguez.

0:52:400:52:43

You're gonna have to do the panda dance, or he won't stop.

0:52:430:52:46

Oh, come on...

0:52:460:52:47

TYLER SCREAMS

0:52:470:52:49

(I don't know how to do the panda dance.)

0:52:490:52:51

I'll write it down for you.

0:52:510:52:53

Close your eyes, go to sleep,

0:52:530:52:55

I'll be right back.

0:52:550:52:56

You gotta do the dance...

0:52:560:52:59

like Dad used to do.

0:52:590:53:01

He made it up for him.

0:53:010:53:02

You have to do the dance to make him sleep.

0:53:030:53:05

Come on.

0:53:050:53:07

# When you're down and low

0:53:090:53:12

# Lower than the floor

0:53:120:53:15

# And you think that you ain't got a chance

0:53:150:53:18

# Bom, bom

0:53:180:53:20

# Don't make a move till you're in the groove... #

0:53:200:53:23

Lulu.

0:53:230:53:24

OK.

0:53:240:53:26

Seth.

0:53:260:53:28

Zoe.

0:53:280:53:30

Ah, today you drive.

0:53:300:53:32

But I can't even pass driver's ed.

0:53:320:53:34

Exactly.

0:53:340:53:36

We're all gonna die.

0:53:410:53:43

Have you ever given a driving lesson before?

0:53:430:53:46

In a mini-van, no.

0:53:460:53:48

But think of it like a Bradley assault vehicle.

0:53:480:53:50

Yeah, especially when Zoe's driving.

0:53:500:53:52

-SHE GASPS

-Ah!

0:53:540:53:57

-LULU:

-Zoe Plummer!

0:53:570:53:58

-SETH:

-Zoe, what are you doing?

0:53:580:54:00

-What are you...? Slow down!

-HORN HONKS

0:54:000:54:02

SCREAMING

0:54:020:54:03

SHANE: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

0:54:080:54:11

-Whoa!

-Not bad.

0:54:110:54:14

Land!

0:54:170:54:19

Solid land!

0:54:190:54:20

I think it went well.

0:54:200:54:21

Oh, it's so dramatic! Eh!

0:54:210:54:24

-Hey, hey, hey! No fighting. Play nicely.

-Sorry.

0:54:260:54:29

Hi.

0:54:290:54:30

Hey, how are you?

0:54:300:54:32

I wanted to tell you I've noticed an improvement in the Plummer kids

0:54:320:54:35

and I'm very impressed.

0:54:350:54:37

Yeah, you know, they're just misunderstood.

0:54:370:54:39

Peter, careful, don't make me come up there.

0:54:390:54:42

Someone just needs to take the time to talk to 'em.

0:54:420:54:44

Sounds like you're getting a little attached.

0:54:440:54:47

-I take my job very seriously.

-Uh-huh.

0:54:470:54:50

But it's like you said,

0:54:500:54:51

they're just kids.

0:54:510:54:52

Well, keep up the good work.

0:54:520:54:55

Oh...

0:54:570:54:58

You look very nice today.

0:55:000:55:02

Oh...

0:55:020:55:04

thanks.

0:55:040:55:06

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

0:55:060:55:07

MUTTERING

0:55:070:55:09

OK, I've had it.

0:55:110:55:13

I caught the kid dancin' under the bleachers to no music.

0:55:130:55:16

I want him out of my class -

0:55:160:55:17

somebody's gotta give this punk a talking-to.

0:55:170:55:20

Seth...

0:55:200:55:21

You got somethin' to say...

0:55:220:55:24

Twinkle-toes?

0:55:240:55:25

Yeah. Yeah, I do, Murney.

0:55:270:55:29

-I quit.

-You quit.

0:55:290:55:31

You know why you quit?

0:55:310:55:33

Because you're a quitter.

0:55:330:55:34

And everybody knows that quitters...

0:55:340:55:37

quit.

0:55:370:55:39

What are ya scared of, huh, Prancer?

0:55:420:55:43

I'm not scared. I want to act.

0:55:430:55:46

And I want to take up origami(!)

0:55:460:55:47

I'm in The Sound Of Music.

0:55:470:55:49

Oh, a musical.

0:55:490:55:51

So you're givin' up wrestlin' to be in a musical.

0:55:510:55:53

You see, that's what happens

0:55:530:55:54

when there isn't a man in the house.

0:55:540:55:56

There is a man in the house.

0:55:560:55:57

It's me.

0:55:570:55:59

It's gotta be a tiny house.

0:56:010:56:03

You think you're tough, boy, don't you?

0:56:060:56:09

Hmm?

0:56:090:56:11

Wanna shave the tiger, do ya?

0:56:110:56:13

Huh? Wanna get tough?

0:56:130:56:14

Where'd you wanna do this?

0:56:140:56:16

What are you talkin' about, babysitter?

0:56:160:56:17

You said you wanted to wrestle.

0:56:170:56:19

Where? When?

0:56:190:56:22

After school.

0:56:230:56:25

OK. Today?

0:56:250:56:27

That's right. The gym.

0:56:270:56:30

OK?

0:56:300:56:31

Remember...

0:56:310:56:33

you mess with the bull,

0:56:330:56:35

you get the horns.

0:56:350:56:36

HE SNORTS

0:56:360:56:39

Phew!

0:56:390:56:40

Outta my way!

0:56:450:56:47

-How'd that feel?

-It was good.

0:56:490:56:52

Murney's getting his butt kicked!

0:56:550:56:58

BELL RINGS

0:56:580:56:59

CHEERING

0:56:590:57:01

MUSIC: "We Are The Champions" by Queen

0:57:010:57:02

Oh, that is so gross.

0:57:070:57:10

Come on! Come on!

0:57:100:57:13

-What?

-CHEERING

0:57:130:57:14

That's it! Ha-ha-ha!

0:57:140:57:16

Someone's gonna get hurt today,

0:57:160:57:18

and you know who it is?

0:57:180:57:19

MOUTHS WORD

0:57:190:57:22

# We will, we will rock you... #

0:57:220:57:27

You're about to enter...

0:57:270:57:28

Murney's house of pain!

0:57:280:57:30

What do you say

0:57:300:57:31

we go over the rules, cue ball?

0:57:310:57:33

Huh?

0:57:330:57:35

Rule number one...

0:57:380:57:40

never be too eager to rush your opponent.

0:57:400:57:43

Wanna play prison rules, frog man?

0:57:450:57:47

Wanna play prison rules? You got it.

0:57:470:57:49

I'll be your daddy.

0:57:490:57:51

-CRUNCH!

-Ah!

0:57:540:57:56

Now you've unlocked the beast.

0:57:570:58:00

-CRUNCH!

-Ah!

0:58:000:58:03

From this position, it's relatively easy

0:58:030:58:05

to manipulate your opponent.

0:58:050:58:07

Whooooa!

0:58:070:58:09

CHEERING

0:58:090:58:10

Thus we have the chicken wing.

0:58:100:58:12

LAUGHTER

0:58:120:58:13

-(WHIMPERING:)

-The chicken wing...

0:58:130:58:15

Whaa...uh!

0:58:150:58:16

The arm bar.

0:58:160:58:18

The crowbar.

0:58:180:58:20

Or my personal favourite...

0:58:200:58:22

Ah!

0:58:220:58:24

..the pacifier!

0:58:240:58:25

CHEERING

0:58:250:58:27

Wow!

0:58:270:58:29

Any questions?

0:58:350:58:37

Anything you didn't understand?

0:58:370:58:39

Ah, the nipple crippler.

0:58:400:58:42

This is a useless, not to mention shameless move

0:58:420:58:46

that ultimately is a sure sign of desperation!

0:58:460:58:50

And finally...

0:58:540:58:56

Pin!

0:59:010:59:02

CHEERING

0:59:020:59:04

That was awesome.

0:59:040:59:06

Are you OK?

0:59:080:59:09

Get away from me!

0:59:090:59:11

Can I get a little help, please?

0:59:130:59:15

I can't move my back. Watch the back!

0:59:150:59:17

MUSIC PLAYS

0:59:170:59:19

# It's a new day but it all feels old

0:59:270:59:30

# It's a good life that's what I'm told

0:59:300:59:33

# But every day... # Go! # ..It all just feels the same

0:59:330:59:38

# And my high school it felt more to me... #

0:59:380:59:40

Ah! Sorry.

0:59:400:59:42

# ..My time spent there it only made me see... #

0:59:420:59:46

I didn't get that cone.

0:59:460:59:48

# ..That I don't ever wanna be like you

0:59:480:59:50

# I don't wanna do the things you do

0:59:500:59:53

# I'm never gonna hear the words you say

0:59:530:59:56

# And I don't ever wanna I don't ever wanna... #

0:59:560:59:58

Crawl! # ..Be you

0:59:581:00:00

# Don't wanna be just like you

1:00:001:00:03

# What I'm saying is this is the anthem

1:00:031:00:05

# Throw all your hands up

1:00:051:00:06

# You...don't wanna be you... #

1:00:061:00:10

DEVICE BEEPS

1:00:111:00:13

See? But he usually breaks down the door.

1:00:141:00:17

# ..I wanna get by and just do my time

1:00:191:00:21

# Out of step while they all get in line

1:00:211:00:24

# I'm just a minor threat so pay no mind... #

1:00:241:00:30

Excellent! Now do it backwards.

1:00:431:00:46

# ..What I'm saying is this is the anthem

1:00:471:00:49

# Throw all your hands up

1:00:491:00:50

# You got to feel me sing if you're with me

1:00:501:00:53

# Another loser anthem... #

1:00:531:00:55

GIGGLING OK.

1:00:561:00:59

# When you're down and low

1:00:591:01:02

# Lower than the floor

1:01:021:01:04

# And you feel like you ain't got a chance... #

1:01:041:01:07

Bom, bom, bom.

1:01:071:01:09

# ..Don't make a move till you're in the groove

1:01:091:01:12

# And do the Peter Panda dance

1:01:121:01:16

# Just hop three times like a kangaroo

1:01:161:01:20

# Side-step twice just like the crabs do

1:01:201:01:24

# Three steps forward

1:01:241:01:25

# One step back

1:01:251:01:28

# Quick, like a turtle lie on your back

1:01:281:01:32

# Roll like a log till you

1:01:321:01:34

# Can't roll no more

1:01:341:01:36

# Better jump quick like there ain't no floor

1:01:361:01:40

# Hold your breath jump to the left

1:01:401:01:44

# And that's the Peter

1:01:441:01:46

# I swear that's the Peter

1:01:461:01:48

# That's the Peter Panda dance. #

1:01:481:01:52

GIGGLING

1:01:521:01:53

Again!

1:01:531:01:54

Again?!

1:01:541:01:56

You're going to sleep.

1:01:561:01:57

Good night, Peter Panda.

1:01:571:01:59

Good night, Daddy.

1:01:591:02:01

Good night, little fellow.

1:02:081:02:10

MUSIC: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly theme

1:02:201:02:23

Hey, skeever, what do you put in a jar

1:02:231:02:25

and shake till they're dead?

1:02:251:02:27

Fireflies?

1:02:271:02:29

Go away and we won't hurt you.

1:02:311:02:35

GIRLS: Haaii...yaaah!

1:02:401:02:41

SHE SHOUTS MOVES

1:02:411:02:43

Haaaiii...yaaah!

1:02:451:02:47

Don't even think about it.

1:02:521:02:54

# I've got the power

1:02:541:02:56

# I've got the power

1:03:031:03:05

# I've got the power... #

1:03:121:03:13

Cookie.

1:03:131:03:14

Eat it, you jerk!

1:03:151:03:17

Go get 'em!

1:03:171:03:18

# ..I've got the power. #

1:03:181:03:20

From now on, you do things our way! No highway option!

1:03:301:03:36

-Hah!

-BOYS: Ah!

1:03:361:03:39

-GIRLS:

-# I don't care what has been said

1:03:391:03:41

# Fireflies rock we'll speed ahead

1:03:411:03:43

# Give me guff I'm in your face

1:03:431:03:45

# Fireflies rule the human race

1:03:451:03:48

# Sound off

1:03:481:03:49

# 1, 2

1:03:491:03:50

# 3, 4

1:03:501:03:51

# 1, 2

1:03:511:03:52

# 3, 4! #

1:03:521:03:53

CHEERING

1:03:531:03:55

-Gary the duck?

-No.

1:03:561:03:58

We've been here two weeks.

1:03:581:04:00

This is a matter of national security.

1:04:001:04:02

Well, I am sorry, sir,

1:04:021:04:04

but none of these answers ring true.

1:04:041:04:06

Howard, I'm so stupid.

1:04:111:04:15

Is it...my angel?

1:04:161:04:19

Yes, it is, indeed.

1:04:191:04:21

Ha-ha!

1:04:211:04:23

Well, I'll leave you to your business.

1:04:261:04:29

Yeah.

1:04:291:04:30

Please, Howard. No more surprises.

1:04:351:04:38

Zoe, a rookie sniper could drop you like a deer.

1:04:581:05:02

Good.

1:05:021:05:04

Good?

1:05:041:05:05

All right. This is about Scott again.

1:05:051:05:07

No, it's...it's not.

1:05:071:05:11

You were right about him.

1:05:111:05:13

He's a stupid guy.

1:05:131:05:15

So what's wrong?

1:05:151:05:17

Nothing.

1:05:171:05:19

Nothing? OK.

1:05:191:05:23

You know, when I was little, my mom left.

1:05:321:05:36

And my dad was a spec op soldier like me.

1:05:361:05:41

When I was 8, he shipped me off to military school.

1:05:411:05:46

I guess he liked being a solider

1:05:521:05:54

more than he liked being a dad.

1:05:541:05:56

One day, I get a letter...

1:05:581:06:01

no more dad.

1:06:011:06:03

That's terrible.

1:06:051:06:06

The thing is, for a long time

1:06:081:06:10

I thought that if I talked about it, I was letting him down,

1:06:101:06:12

like I was supposed to be brave or something.

1:06:121:06:16

Yeah.

1:06:181:06:20

It's OK to talk about your dad, Zoe.

1:06:241:06:28

I do miss him.

1:06:301:06:32

So much.

1:06:321:06:33

I don't know. I just...

1:06:361:06:38

I wanna be strong for Lulu and Tyler and Peter

1:06:381:06:42

and Seth and my mom.

1:06:421:06:44

That's such a big burden to carry.

1:06:441:06:47

I know.

1:06:501:06:52

I miss him so much.

1:06:541:06:57

It's OK to miss your dad.

1:06:571:06:59

PHONE RINGS

1:07:031:07:05

SHANE: I'll get it.

1:07:051:07:07

-Really?

-Yes.

1:07:071:07:08

-Really?!

-Yes!

1:07:081:07:11

Seth! Seth, guess what. Mom's coming home.

1:07:111:07:14

When?

1:07:141:07:15

Tomorrow. She's coming home tomorrow.

1:07:151:07:17

When did you talk to her?

1:07:171:07:18

Peter, Mommy's coming home!

1:07:181:07:20

Here, buddy. Mommy's coming home.

1:07:201:07:21

Mom's coming home.

1:07:211:07:23

-She is?

-Uh-huh.

1:07:231:07:25

Mom's coming home?

1:07:251:07:26

Mommy's coming home.

1:07:261:07:28

CHILDREN CHATTER

1:07:291:07:31

Zoe, when is she leaving?

1:07:311:07:32

When's her flight?

1:07:321:07:34

What are we gonna do?

1:07:341:07:35

Something nice...

1:07:351:07:36

Yeah, we should do something really nice.

1:07:361:07:38

We should make her something.

1:07:381:07:40

We'll clean up the entire house!

1:07:401:07:42

Oh, that's a good idea.

1:07:421:07:43

We should make a banner too.

1:07:431:07:45

Yeah. Yeah. In the family room.

1:07:451:07:46

QUACKING

1:07:491:07:50

QUACKING

1:08:011:08:03

What's wrong, Gary? Foot got stuck?

1:08:041:08:08

Just stay still.

1:08:131:08:14

Hi. Come on in.

1:08:351:08:37

-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

1:08:401:08:42

MOBILE RINGS

1:08:451:08:47

Yes?

1:08:471:08:48

'Hey, it's Shane.'

1:08:481:08:49

I have excellent news. I think I found Ghost.

1:08:491:08:52

Do you have it?

1:08:521:08:54

No, it's in a steel vault. It needs some sort of two-pronged key.

1:08:541:08:56

I been working on it all night, but it's tough.

1:08:561:08:58

Great. Good work, Shane.

1:08:581:09:00

We're on our way to the airport.

1:09:001:09:02

Don't do anything further. I'll be there soon.

1:09:021:09:04

Yes, sir.

1:09:041:09:05

Ready?

1:09:081:09:10

The good news is once I give this to my CO,

1:09:101:09:12

whoever's been bothering you

1:09:121:09:14

ain't gonna be bothering you any more.

1:09:141:09:15

Really?

1:09:151:09:16

Really.

1:09:161:09:18

What's wrong, Lulu?

1:09:191:09:20

Your mother's coming home. You should be happy.

1:09:201:09:22

But, Shane...doesn't that mean you have to go?

1:09:221:09:25

You guys should go upstairs and get ready.

1:09:251:09:27

Your mother will be home soon.

1:09:271:09:29

I had a fight with Zoe before I left,

1:09:461:09:47

so they probably trashed the place.

1:09:471:09:49

# The hills are alive

1:09:491:09:52

# With the sound of music

1:09:521:09:54

# Ah ah ah ah

1:09:541:09:57

# With songs they have sung

1:09:571:10:01

# For a thousand years

1:10:011:10:04

# Ah ah ah ah

1:10:041:10:06

-# The hills fill my heart

-Ah ah ah ah

1:10:061:10:10

# With the sound of music

1:10:101:10:13

# Ah ah ah ah

1:10:131:10:16

# My heart wants to sing every song

1:10:161:10:20

# It hears

1:10:201:10:23

# Every song that it hears

1:10:231:10:25

# My heart wants to beat like the wings

1:10:251:10:28

# Of the birds that... #

1:10:281:10:30

MUSIC STOPS

1:10:301:10:31

Welcome home, Mom.

1:10:351:10:37

I am so proud of you. I truly am.

1:10:511:10:54

I am going to give you your choice of assignment.

1:10:541:10:57

Anywhere you wanna go, you just name it.

1:10:571:10:59

Ha-ha.

1:10:591:11:01

Well, I appreciate that.

1:11:011:11:03

But I'll have to think about it.

1:11:031:11:06

You're gonna have to think about it?

1:11:071:11:09

Well, the military's all I've ever known.

1:11:091:11:12

I have no regrets.

1:11:121:11:13

I should hope not.

1:11:131:11:15

It's just that being with this family...

1:11:151:11:17

I've never had a family, so...

1:11:171:11:19

Put your hands up!

1:11:191:11:21

The Chuns?

1:11:221:11:24

You gotta be kidding me.

1:11:251:11:27

Bill, I swear to God, I checked them out.

1:11:271:11:28

Give us the key.

1:11:281:11:30

Put your hands up!

1:11:301:11:32

OK. All right.

1:11:321:11:35

Here.

1:11:351:11:36

Now!

1:11:371:11:39

You promised us Ghost months ago!

1:11:451:11:47

I'm sorry. There were delays.

1:11:471:11:50

Sha...! Mmm!

1:11:501:11:52

Stop talking.

1:11:521:11:53

Shane's not gonna be babysitting any more.

1:11:531:11:56

MUFFLED CRIES

1:11:561:11:58

I trusted you. Howard trusted you.

1:11:581:12:00

You've betrayed us and...

1:12:001:12:03

you've betrayed this country.

1:12:031:12:05

Guess what. North Korea pays better.

1:12:051:12:08

Chun!

1:12:081:12:09

Watch them. They're squirming.

1:12:091:12:11

You two, come with me.

1:12:111:12:14

MUFFLED CRIES

1:12:151:12:18

Did you bring the stethoscope, Mrs Chun?

1:12:511:12:53

No. But I've got some C4.

1:12:531:12:56

I just had my eyebrows done!

1:13:051:13:08

Oh.

1:13:091:13:10

HE CRIES

1:13:221:13:24

Quiet!

1:13:291:13:31

I said quiet, you little bug!

1:13:361:13:38

CRYING CONTINUES

1:13:381:13:40

Now, Peter!

1:13:411:13:42

Aaaiii...yaahh!

1:13:511:13:53

That's cute.

1:13:531:13:54

That stuff doesn't hurt.

1:14:181:14:20

Shane, you can't do this!

1:14:241:14:25

You can't leave a man behind!

1:14:251:14:27

Hold on. I got it.

1:14:271:14:29

-Shane!

-Shane!

-Where's Mom?

1:14:301:14:32

Mom?

1:14:321:14:33

I'll find her. You guys run and get help.

1:14:331:14:36

Hurry!

1:14:361:14:37

Are you sure you're gonna be OK?

1:14:371:14:39

Yes, Lulu. Go. Get help!

1:14:391:14:42

Hold on!

1:14:461:14:48

Are you there?

1:14:481:14:49

They're heading for the car!

1:14:491:14:52

Zoe, call 911!

1:14:521:14:53

-ZOE:

-Oh, my God! I forgot my cell phone!

1:14:531:14:55

Great, the only time you actually don't have your cell phone...

1:14:551:14:57

-We're gonna be OK.

-Oh!

1:14:571:14:59

Oh, my God. What do we do?

1:15:091:15:11

Find a cop.

1:15:111:15:12

HORNS HONK AND TYRES SCREECH

1:15:121:15:14

Ah!

1:15:211:15:22

ALL: Ah!

1:15:221:15:25

TYRES SCREECH

1:15:291:15:30

He's gaining on us.

1:15:341:15:35

I'll handle it.

1:15:351:15:36

Ah!

1:15:421:15:44

SCREAMING

1:15:441:15:46

HE SCREAMS

1:15:521:15:54

Look, Zoe, it's the cops.

1:16:021:16:04

SIREN BLARES

1:16:061:16:08

CHEERING

1:16:111:16:13

I assume you heard the baloney bandit has struck again.

1:16:131:16:15

I accept total responsibility.

1:16:151:16:17

My intelligence... well, it just... it was faulty.

1:16:171:16:20

If I had better resources...

1:16:201:16:23

SIRENS BLARE

1:16:251:16:28

I told you not to pass her in driver's ed.

1:16:321:16:35

You have exactly three seconds

1:16:361:16:38

to get me through this minefield.

1:16:381:16:40

1, 2...

1:16:401:16:42

SHANE: Bill.

1:16:421:16:44

She doesn't know.

1:16:441:16:45

And you're not taking another parent away from those kids.

1:16:471:16:49

Now leave the family alone, and I'll get you in.

1:16:491:16:52

You better not be bluffing.

1:16:521:16:53

Zoe...Seth...Lulu...

1:16:591:17:03

Peter...Tyler.

1:17:031:17:05

Ah!

1:17:081:17:10

That was the code.

1:17:101:17:11

I saw Mr Plummer use it to open the briefcase.

1:17:111:17:13

You think this is a game?

1:17:131:17:15

Code or no code, open it. Now.

1:17:151:17:18

You can't make him do this.

1:17:181:17:20

I know Howard. You haven't got a chance.

1:17:201:17:22

# A chance

1:17:221:17:25

# When you're kind of low

1:17:281:17:31

# Lower than the floor

1:17:311:17:33

# And you feel like you don't have a chance

1:17:331:17:38

# Don't make a move till you're in the groove

1:17:411:17:45

# Do the Peter Panda dance

1:17:451:17:47

# Hop three times

1:17:491:17:51

# Like a kangaroo

1:17:511:17:54

# Side-step twice

1:17:541:17:56

# Just like the crabs...uh...do

1:17:561:17:58

# Three steps forward one step back... #

1:17:581:18:01

Quick, like a turtle, lie on your back!

1:18:011:18:04

# ..Roll like a rock till you can't no more

1:18:051:18:08

# And jump quick like there ain't no floor

1:18:081:18:11

# Hold your breath

1:18:131:18:15

# Step to the left... #

1:18:151:18:17

And that's the Peter Panda dance.

1:18:271:18:29

All right. Go.

1:18:301:18:33

Yeah, right(!)

1:18:331:18:36

OK, I'll go first.

1:18:361:18:38

Great work, Shane.

1:18:471:18:48

I knew you'd figure it out.

1:18:481:18:49

I think you'd better open it.

1:18:491:18:51

No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

1:18:561:18:58

Back away.

1:18:581:19:00

YOU open it.

1:19:011:19:03

Come on. I walked the floor first.

1:19:041:19:06

No way. You can do it, soldier man.

1:19:061:19:09

Any last words, Shane?

1:19:411:19:43

Say good night, Peter Panda.

1:19:431:19:45

Uh!

1:19:491:19:50

Shane, are you OK?

1:19:531:19:54

Uh!

1:19:551:19:56

She was never a good neighbour.

1:19:591:20:01

Zoe, you're going too fast!

1:20:311:20:33

You're not gonna have enough time to stop!

1:20:331:20:35

Who said anything about stopping?

1:20:351:20:36

I'm parking.

1:20:361:20:38

SCREAMING

1:20:381:20:40

Hey! Hey, hey! What are you doing to these kids?

1:20:491:20:52

Freeze! Hands where I can see them!

1:20:521:20:55

SHANE: OK. Calm down.

1:20:551:20:57

Everybody... put your weapons down!

1:20:571:20:59

I want the Ghost.

1:21:021:21:04

QUACKING

1:21:041:21:05

SHANE: Um...calm down. It's just a duck.

1:21:101:21:13

-MR CHUN:

-Where's the Ghost?

1:21:141:21:16

I have it here.

1:21:161:21:18

Bring it here!

1:21:181:21:20

Put it on the ground.

1:21:251:21:27

HE MUMBLES

1:21:321:21:35

OK, duck whisperer.

1:21:351:21:36

Step away!

1:21:361:21:38

QUACKING

1:21:401:21:42

Gary, now! QUACKING

1:21:441:21:45

SCREAMING

1:21:491:21:51

I couldn't let you have all the fun.

1:21:541:21:55

So, I guess you'll be taking off now, huh?

1:22:051:22:08

Seeing as there's no reason to stick around any more.

1:22:081:22:13

I'm still here, aren't I?

1:22:131:22:15

Hmm. Yeah.

1:22:151:22:18

What now?

1:22:201:22:22

I don't know. Uh, I'm on dry land.

1:22:221:22:25

True.

1:22:251:22:26

And you're the superior officer.

1:22:261:22:29

True.

1:22:291:22:32

So you tell me.

1:22:321:22:33

-A-hem.

-Lulu.

1:22:401:22:42

Excuse me, ma'am. Could I have a few words with you, please?

1:22:421:22:45

Sure.

1:22:451:22:46

Well, we...I... you know...

1:22:461:22:48

Oh.

1:22:491:22:51

We'll talk later.

1:22:521:22:54

Mission accomplished, soldier.

1:22:551:22:57

I suppose it is.

1:22:571:22:59

Guess you'll be leaving us now.

1:22:591:23:01

I guess so.

1:23:011:23:03

I want you to have this.

1:23:051:23:07

Cos I don't want you ever to forget me.

1:23:101:23:13

I will never forget you.

1:23:161:23:18

Cos you're the best friend I ever had.

1:23:211:23:23

No matter how far...

1:23:231:23:27

or long life takes me away,

1:23:271:23:29

I will always be thinking about you.

1:23:291:23:32

I love you, Shane.

1:23:341:23:36

I love you too.

1:23:381:23:40

From now on, it's your command.

1:23:491:23:52

At ease, soldiers.

1:23:551:23:57

SHANE: Your father would be so proud of all of you.

1:23:571:24:01

TYLER WHIMPERS

1:24:021:24:04

Oh.

1:24:041:24:05

Look who just woke up.

1:24:051:24:07

-LULU:

-Shane?

-Yes?

1:24:081:24:10

Are we ever gonna see you again?

1:24:101:24:12

What are you talking about?

1:24:121:24:14

We still have one more mission.

1:24:141:24:16

# You are 16, going on 17

1:24:161:24:20

# Baby, it's time to think

1:24:201:24:23

# Better be wary, canny and careful

1:24:231:24:26

# Baby, you're on the brink

1:24:261:24:29

# You are 16, going on 17

1:24:291:24:33

# Fellows will fall in line

1:24:331:24:36

# Eager young lads... #

1:24:361:24:38

Yes!

1:24:381:24:39

# ..And roues and cads

1:24:391:24:40

# Will offer you food and wine. #

1:24:401:24:43

# Climb every mountain

1:24:431:24:48

# Ford every stream

1:24:481:24:52

# Follow every rainbow... #

1:24:521:24:54

Looks like you have a hit on your hands.

1:24:541:24:56

-You think so?

-Mm-hm.

1:24:561:24:58

Maybe you should take over the drama department

1:24:581:24:59

instead of the wrestling team.

1:24:591:25:01

It's gonna be nice having you around now.

1:25:031:25:05

Now that Murney's found his true calling.

1:25:051:25:08

-MURNEY:

-# ..Climb every mountain

1:25:081:25:11

# Ford every stream... #

1:25:111:25:16

It's gonna be my pleasure

1:25:161:25:18

serving with you.

1:25:181:25:19

# ..Till you find

1:25:191:25:25

# Your dre...e...e...eam...

1:25:251:25:30

# ..e...e...e...e...eam! #

1:25:301:25:37

APPLAUSE

1:25:371:25:40

# Every morning I wake up just the same

1:26:191:26:24

# Another victim of ordinary fame

1:26:241:26:28

# I don't see myself as invincible

1:26:281:26:32

# It's not

1:26:321:26:34

# True at all

1:26:341:26:36

# I'm just your average ordinary

1:26:361:26:39

# Everyday superhero

1:26:391:26:42

# Trying to save the world

1:26:421:26:44

# But never really sure

1:26:441:26:46

# I'm just your average ordinary

1:26:461:26:48

# Everyday superhero

1:26:481:26:51

# Nothing more than that

1:26:511:26:53

# That's all I really am

1:26:531:26:56

# Just a day job

1:26:561:26:58

-# That someone's got to do

-Got to do

1:26:581:27:01

# It's kind of hard

1:27:011:27:02

# When everyone looks up to you... #

1:27:021:27:05

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1:27:051:27:08

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1:27:081:27:11

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