View from the Top

MUSIC: "Don't Stop Believin'" by John Koha from The Band Escape

'Every story starts somewhere.'

'And mine began in a small town called Silver Springs, Nevada.

'My mother was an ex-showgirl.

'Emphasis on the ex.

'There's my father! He came by for the beer.'

Whoa! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

# Happy birthday, Donna #

'I didn't get to blow out my candles.

'But I do remember my wish.

'That I could get as far away from Silver Springs as possible.

'Well, that didn't happen.'

Come on, sweetie.

'My mom, always optimistic, was on her fourth husband, Pete.'

-Oh! What happened?

-'Rodney, his son.'

'No need for DNA testing on that one.'

'I still had my mind on a different life beyond Silver Springs.

'Then I met Tommy, the high school quarterback.

'Boy, was he a great kisser.

'Together, I knew we were going places.

'He went as far as assistant manager at the Big Lots

'and used his pull to get me a job in the luggage department.'

This is the best bag money can buy bar none. OK?

You've got the nylon twill with the DuPont coating.

So, this is the bag you use when you fly?

Well...I've actually never been on an aeroplane.

But if I ever get to go on one,

this thing is gonna follow me around like my own little dog.

'My birthday came and I didn't have to make the same old wish.

'Tommy and I had found our way out.'

Hey! I caught you!

Donna. Hey. I thought you didn't get off till 8:00?

I got Becky to cover for me.

Oh.

-Ohhhh!

-Now that you're here...

No, let me have the card!

No, it's, it's silly. Just forget about it.

-It's actually kinda corny.

-I brought that dress that you like.

-Wanna watch me change?

-No! Hey, Donna!

-Ah!

-Look, don't read that.

-Come on! I like things that are corny.

You're breaking up with me... in a birthday card?

-Why?

-Well, they don't make breaking-up cards.

I thought that... We had plans!

Look, Donna, don't take this the wrong way,

-but I decided to take somebody else to Tucson.

-Somebody else?

Yeah.

Linda from Lawn Chairs.

Well, actually, it's Brenda in Barbecues.

Look, Donna, you're a great girl. Really, you are. But...

You know, with this transfer to Tucson,

I just need to shake things up a bit.

You know, business is business.

Come on, Donna, face it, you're a small-town girl.

You belong here.

'I left my job at Big Lots and thought about becoming an alcoholic.

'Just kidding.

'But then something happened.'

-TV:

-There I was with garbage in front of me, the worst moment of my life,

and I thought, "What am I gonna do?"

And for a second, I was real scared because ever since I was little,

all I ever heard was, "You are nothing. You deserve nothing."

But that night, something clicked.

And I knew, I just knew I was worth something.

From a girl in Texas to the world's most famous flight attendant.

Author of My Life In The Sky. Can we get a shot of that?

"I'm curious, why'd you pick flying?"

"No matter how much I loved that sleepy little town,

"none of my dreams were waiting down there.

"They were waiting up there.

"And frankly, people, no matter where you're from,

"no matter who people think you are,

"you can be whatever you want.

"But you gotta start right now. Right this second, in fact."

-But how?

-"You should start by buying my book."

"I agree. But you can't have my copy.

"Don't go away, we'll be right back with more Pure Oxygen."

MUSIC: "Downtime" by Jo Dee Messina

'I took Sally's advice.

'Sierra Airlines wasn't the biggest and the best,

'it was the smallest and the absolute worst.

'But everybody has to start somewhere.'

Donna, why d'you wanna be a stewardess?

Well, for all the travel opportunities and for the excitement.

We're a budget airline, we fly from here to Fresno.

Once a week to Bakersfield.

We got five planes. We fly gamblers and drunks.

Right.

I wanna provide those gamblers and drunks

with the best service in the sky.

Ah. 'You're gonna love the uniform.

'Our motto is big hair, short skirts

'and service with a smile.'

Sir, please fasten your seat belt. < FLUSH!

You nervous?

-I'm Sherry.

-Donna.

Welcome to Sierra.

'Now, as much as you can today, sweetie, stick by me.'

-I hear we're full, but it's a piece of cake.

-OK.

OK. The overhead bins are closed and the cabin is secure.

-Good job. I'll do the safety, you go tell the captain we're ready.

-OK.

Welcome aboard Sierra Airlines, flight 312 to Fresno.

There are three emergency exits...

Captain? We are... HE SNORES

Captain? Is he all right?

-Don't worry about him.

-HE SNORES LOUDLY

He'll be fine. I'll poke him with the stick and he'll get at it.

If not, I'll give him his blankie and take matters into my own hands.

Steve. Steve Bench. Call me Co-pilot Steve.

I'm Donna Jensen.

I'm a trainee.

You nervous, Donna?

Nah... Well, yeah, a little bit.

Oh, don't worry. I've had only two near misses

and a couple of minor crashes,

but I chalked it up to experience and I feel better about it.

I'm joking.

Ah! I knew that.

If there's anything I can do for you, anything, you come up here. OK?

Put your hands on your knees.

Don't want them flailing about if we crash.

It's just like a roller coaster!

You ever been on a plane before?

Well...yeah. I mean, you know.

Sometimes it helps if you don't look down.

BREATHES HARD I'm doing great.

-Shit!

-It's just the wheels.

-We've lost the wheels?

-No, Donna. Relax.

I am relaxed! Mm!

Ah! Ah!

-We're gonna crash!

-Donna!

-Oh, my God!

-We're gonna crash!

-Come back here!

We're gonna crash! We're gonna crash! We're gonna crash!

Argh! Aaaarrrggghhh!

Aaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh!

Thank you. Please fly with us again.

-Enjoy the sights.

-OK, thanks.

How you doing?

I was terrible.

I couldn't walk. I spilt the coffee.

-Hey.

-I totally freaked out the passengers!

It wasn't exactly a frozen lake up there.

Turbulence is tough.

You'll get the hang of it.

Will I get fired? I'll get fired!

Nobody's getting fired. Really.

You're gonna be a pro! You're going places.

-You think?

-I'm a pilot.

It's my job to know where people are going.

MUSIC: "I'm Not Anybody's Girl" by Kaci

And one for you. I'll put your seat in the upright position.

Ma'am, would you put your tray table up?

To fasten your seat belt, insert the metal fitting...

'Before long, I was flying full-speed ahead.

'I even got my own trainee, Christine.

'There wasn't much to do on weekends apart from tanning.'

I can't believe your boyfriend owns this houseboat.

If you don't marry him, Sherry, I am gonna kill you.

First of all, Herb ain't asked me, and second...

Oh, my God!

-What's wrong?

-My clasp broke!

I think there's some safety pins in a shoe box in the bedroom closet.

-Don't worry about it, go topless.

-You are a very bad influence on me.

Thank you.

FOGHORN

FOGHORN

Mm-mm! Lake patrol at 2 o'clock.

Hey, Sherry! Herb around?

He might be inside. What'd he do, take a leak in the lake?

He ran off with flare gun, he never returned it!

-Well, you have my permission to teach that man a lesson.

-Ha-ha!

Oh, er, Ted, this is Christine.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Christine.

Hey, er, let me know if you, er, need any backup, huh?

Er, I might take you up on that.

CREAK!

-Freeze!

-BOTH: Aaarrgghh!

I am so sorry! I'm so sorry! I thought you were, you were Herb.

-Do I look like a Herb?

-No, ma'am, you look nothing like a Herb.

And I'd appreciate it if you could find it in your heart to forgive me.

It's all right. Who are you, anyway?

I'm no-one. I mean, er, I'm Ted, my name, my name's Ted.

Well, Ted, I'm Donna. You can uncover your eyes now.

Er, nice to meet you, Donna.

My clasp broke, I was just looking for a safety pin.

Oh, don't move, help is on the way.

Clasp, huh? Er...

-What are you gonna do with those?

-Turn please.

WHISTLES

-OK. You new around here?

-Yeah.

-Hm.

-I work with Sherry down at Sierra.

-Oh.

-Uh-huh.

OK. All set.

-Thank you.

-Least I can do.

And being that you're new around here, I have to tell you, ma'am,

that it is my official duty to give all newcomers a special guided tour

on my boat.

-Oops.

-Oops. Here you go.

Hey!

You mind if I come with?

Er... OK. Sure, yeah.

MUSIC: "Suddenly" by LeAnn Rimes

BOTH SHRIEK

-Beautiful, huh?

-Thank you.

It really is.

Ted, would you oil my back?

OK, yeah.

Sure.

So, how'd you become an officer of the law?

Oh, I'm not, er... I'm a student, a law student. Or I was.

At Ohio State. My family's from Cleveland.

-Was?

-Yeah, I, er, I quit my final semester.

Then I went bumming around for a few months and now I'm here for a while.

I quit high school.

Would you do my shoulders for me?

-Why'd you quit?

-Well, I was...

-I don't...

Everything was on track,

I was on my way to being a big shot attorney at a hot law firm

and then I thought, "What am I doing? Is this what I really want?"

My whole life was over before it had even begun.

I wanted to travel, I wanted to see the world,

eat, drink, enjoy myself.

And then I had this crazy idea that I would, er,

I would look for the thing that would make me most happy.

Would you mind if I saw you next weekend?

-GIGGLING

-They do!

Can you believe we had to refuel here?

I mean, where are we, Bedrock?

-So, what was the bathroom like?

-Awful.

-I love that lipstick!

-Chanel.

Ooo! Remind me, as soon as we get to New York, I have to go to Vuitton.

-Are those new earrings?

-The guy in Rome.

-The guy in London.

-Oh, thank God, we're out of here!

-I think I need to take a flea dip.

-LAUGHTER

We better go.

-Oh, you wanted to go to the gift shop and get a Toblerone.

-Right.

-You know what?

-What?

We are every bit as good as they are. BOTH: We are?

And we don't have to spend our lives working at Sierra

-for some weaselly ex-bookie.

-You know, I once worked for Pan Am.

Three whole months. Uniforms from natural fibre.

-What happened?

-They went bust.

So, you started working for Sierra?

I needed me a job and nobody else was hiring.

Well, they're hiring now.

Royalty Airlines job fair this weekend at The Marriott Hotel.

You guys, this could be so good!

Who's in?

# Oh-oh, livin' on a prayer

# Take my hand we can make it, I swear

# Oh, oh, livin' on a prayer... #

MUSIC: "Livin' On A Prayer" by Bon Jovi

"No person may serve as a flight attendant

"unless that person has demonstrated to the pilot in command

"familiarity with the necessary functions

"to be performed in and..."

Oh, my God! You dot your I's with little hearts? That's so cute!

Ah, well, it's my trademark.

That and my hickies.

Well, a girl's gotta have a skill.

'I was excited to be interviewed by the legendary John Whitney.

'He had been with Royalty a long time.'

Hi. I'm John Whitney.

-'Maybe a little too long.'

-This one.

Head of the Royalty flight attendant trainee programme.

Tell me, why do you want to work for Royalty Airlines?

Um, I believe that I have a lot to offer your airline.

Because the planes are, you know, they're so much bigger.

Oh. Um, my gum.

Why do YOU want to work for Royalty Airlines?

Oh, well...

I've got a lot of answers, but I've just gotta think of the right one.

Take your time. Collect, gather, go.

Because I'm organised and efficient.

I worked for Sierra Airlines. You know, I put that down there.

Yeah, um, right above Hooters.

-Hooters!

-Yes, right there.

-Oh, yes.

If I have a task, I will not stop until I have completed it perfectly.

Did I say organised?

-Got a question for you.

-OK.

What is your tolerance level for pain, physical pain?

Like, sexual pain?

Are you a people person?

Oh, definitely! Big people person.

-Not just big people.

-Not just giants?

-You got it.

-OK!

To learn and to, um, follow through with all the tasks.

-I'm just gonna say a few words.

-Yeah?

-OK.

-OK.

-Didgeridoo.

-Scooby-Doo-doo.

-Tectonic plates. Tectonic plates.

-Dish wear.

-Do you handle surprises well?!

-BOTH LAUGH:

-Do you handle surprises well?!

-BOTH LAUGH

-I scared you, didn't I?

-I know.

It has always been my dream to work for the best

and I think you guys are the best.

That's just terrific.

You're terrific. How about?

N-no, this one.

It's called strabismus.

There's no business like strabismus!

I get to make jokes.

Does anything frighten you?

Oh, you mean the eye?

I didn't notice.

-Oh, my God!

-You're kidding?

That's the way the cookie crumbles.

It's so unfair! You're a better flight attendant than we'll ever be!

Thanks. I'll be fine.

I've been thinking about quitting, anyway.

I'm sure gonna miss you guys.

We're gonna miss you, too.

Study hard and make me proud!

Congratulations to Donna Jensen

for getting into the Royalty learning centre.

I'm nervous.

I heard it's really hard and a lot of people don't last more than two weeks

-I just really don't wanna be one of them.

-Are you kidding me?

They wouldn't have picked you if they didn't think you'd be OK.

Look at you, you're smart, you're beautiful, you're charming.

-You're gonna do great.

-Wow! You give one hell of a pep talk.

Well, I got a lot of that back home. My parents are big cheerleaders.

Sally always says that the greatest asset somebody can have

is having people who believe in them.

-Who's Sally, like, your aunt?

-She's kind of like a friend.

-LAUGHS

-Oh.

-Yeah.

Oh! We're gonna have a little goodbye party Friday night

-from, like, 7.00 till whenever.

-Oh, yeah.

Well, I'll tell you, I'm probably not gonna make it.

-Why not?

-Er, I could be happy for you that you're leaving for an hour,

but 7.00 till whenever? The smile won't last.

Yeah, our timing's kinda terrible, huh?

I had a really good time and I was hoping you'd be a jerk

so I wouldn't feel like I was missing out on anything by leaving.

Well... I'm parked out there.

Yeah, I'm...

-Right.

-So...

You know, the only kiss we got here is a goodbye kiss.

Which, as kisses go, is not my favourite.

So, um... Hm!

-Goodbye, Donna Jensen.

-Bye.

-Good luck in school.

-Oh, thank you.

Don't run with scissors.

MUSIC: "Time After Time" by Katie Cook

'Why can't all choices be simple?

'Why can't they all be "Window or aisle?" "Coffee or tea?"

'Not "career or romance".'

-B! That's a fun one. Now take off.

-LAUGHS

-Hi!

-Hi! I'm John Whitney.

Head of the Royalty flight attendant trainee programme.

-Welcome and congratulations, Dana.

-It's Donna.

Sure. OK. Good to see you, Mary.

-It's Christine actually.

-Sure. OK. Great.

Now, what we have here is your Royalty Airlines amenities kit

containing airport codes and regulation manuals,

your registration packet, campus rules

and information about our mentor programme.

Yeah. You two will be staying in dorm...

..C! That's a fun one! Yeah.

Questions?

None! Good! All right, take off.

-Hi!

-Hi, Cindi.

-Janette.

-Oh, my God!

-Sure. OK.

Sally Weston is a mentor?!

-Who?

-Sally Weston!

So, who is this Sally Weston person, anyway?

Who is Sally Weston?

Er, only the author of

My Life In The Sky.

-Hm.

-Sally Weston represents

an ideal of poise and beauty.

An accomplishment that every flight attendant should strive to achieve.

-Oh, I like her hair.

-PHONE RINGS

Hello? Yes, this is she.

We'd love to.

Oh, my God!

MUSIC: "Up-Up And Away" by The Fifth Dimension

Howdy! Welcome aboard!

ALL: Howdy!

-More white wine, girls?

-GIRLS: Yes, please!

I'm sorry. How about you, Randy?

-Please, just consider me one of the girls!

-ALL LAUGH

-This is a really big house you have here, Mrs Weston.

-Thank you.

Jack built it, along with the rest of Rancho Esmeralda community.

-He built the whole thing?

-With my bare hands.

How did you meet?

Oh, that is a cute story.

Jack was flying to Maui to build the Kaanapali Towers Resort,

I was serving him - this was first class -

and he must have pushed that call button 20 times.

More warm nuts! More warm nuts!

No man alive could eat that many warm nuts!

When I saw a huge pile of warm nuts under his seat, it hit me!

It wasn't the nuts he wanted, it was me!

ALL: Oh!

Where have you been all my life?

-Grrrrrr!

-So, what was it like, Mrs Weston, when you started flying?

Sally, please. Oh, it was wonderful!

The exotic cities...

Yeah, I hear all those Europe guys are uncircumcised.

Not all of 'em.

So, um, is it difficult to get those international routes?

-Well, you have to have seniority.

-Should I apply now?

Even then, you have to speak several languages and serve impeccably.

Oh, but it was worth it. It was different then.

People dressed for flights. It was like going to the opera.

Every night was...

Magic.

-GASPS: Oh!

-Oh!

-You scared me.

-Sorry. There's something I wanna show you.

GASPS

-This is all yours?

-You bet. It's everything I wanted.

You can have everything you want, too. If you stay focused.

Follow your head, not your heart.

-What do you mean?

-I sense something in you, Donna. Something special.

-What is it?

-Hunger.

-You do?

-Mm-hm. I had it myself.

I wanted Paris, first class, international and nothing less.

So today this is all mine.

You're just like me, Donna. My old uniform.

Oh, that is so beautiful!

Well, of course it, we're Royalty.

Oh, suits you. Feel the fabric.

-It's so...

-Soft?

Uh-huh.

And luxurious?

Paris. First class. International. Donna, say it.

Paris. First class. International.

It's the only road to happiness.

Paris. First class. International.

It's your destiny.

Attention!

At ease.

Welcome aboard.

You should all be very, very proud.

They simple fact that you're here at the Royalty learning centre

means you've joined a very special family.

The Royal-ty family.

Our first goal here at Royalty Airlines

is to bring back the style and the glamour

to the art of flying.

In the coming weeks, I'll impart to you

the necessary hands-on training

for you to function at the highest level.

Up there.

But don't expect an easy road. No, no, no!

An easy road, comma, don't expect one.

I will not hold your hand. I'm not even gonna touch it.

Now, what I want all of you to do is to stand up.

Come on, let's go. Stand up!

And I want you to look underneath your seat. Go ahead.

Taped to the bottom, each of you will find a one-dollar bill.

Now, what did we learn from this exercise?

We learned you have to get off your ass to make a buck.

LAUGHTER

Down. Uh-huh! Thank you.

Now, we don't actually learn to make bucks here,

but we do learn to treat our passengers

like royalty. Yeah?

So, shall we get started?

There's an oxygen mask up above you!

ALL: On a hidden shelf!

ALL: Before helping the people who love you, put it on yourself.

-Excuse me, Miss?

-Yes?

-This is first class.

I want my hand towels, I want my little booties

-and I want my warm nuts!

-Your warm nuts. Here you go.

You call these warm nuts?! I've felt warmer nuts on a polar bear!

Stop it!

No. What did we learn here?

Upon encountering a disgruntled passenger, take the following steps.

A - listen.

Two - acknowledge.

And C - explain.

And on a more personal note,

I have actually felt a polar bear's nuts.

Yeah. Quite toastie warm.

-ALARM SOUNDS

-Get those masks on!

-Louder!

-MUFFLED SPEECH

"We learn to keep our heads, to stay calm

"and to not get freaked out. OK? Just remember the HALTS principle.

"Disgruntled passengers are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

"and have a Skewed vision of the world."

OK, so that's HALTS - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Skewed vision.

HALTS-V-W.

Go!

-Asses the window!

-OK, stop, stop!

-What?

It's ass-ESS the window,

not asses the window.

You put the wrong em-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LA-ble.

"..With a skewed world view.

"So really, it's victims of the air.

"But you get my point."

Assess the window! Get it open!

Jump! Jump! Remove your shoes! Don't take anything with you!

Whoa! Yes! 11 seconds! The trainee record!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

SIGHS

-What's the matter?

-Who am I kidding? I'm never gonna fly a 747.

You're headed right for Royalty Express.

While I wind up in Cleveland.

Stop being so hard on yourself. You just have to concentrate.

That's easy for you to say. You're headed for New York and London.

I am not smarter than you, OK?

Who cares, anyway? What to do in a water landing!

They don't land in the damn water, they crash!

People always say that everyone's good at something, you know.

That everyone has some sort of hidden skill.

What if I don't? What if there's nothing that I'm good at?

What about your hickies?

Yeah. Huh!

Oh, come on!

Stop beating yourself up. You'll get through this with flying colours.

Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna dry those little eyes...

Where'd you get these?

Oh, from Sally Weston's house.

There's a whole bunch of 'em. Aren't they cool?

You stole them?

No, they're guest soap. We were guests.

They were there for us.

Yeah, to use, you know, not to take.

Come on, everybody does it. It's no big deal.

Excuse me, didn't you read chapter seven?

-Chapter seven?

-Employment and Ethics.

If you get caught stealing anything, from headsets to soap,

you will get fired like that.

You're not mad at me, are you?

No.

(Yes!)

Time's up. Pencils down, books closed.

Write your identification number on the front of your exam booklet

and pass it forward.

-So, how'd you do?

-New York, here I come.

APPLAUSE

Thank you. Thanks so much. Thank you.

-Can I get my picture with you?

-I'd love to! Where do you want me?

-Just... Can we do it...?

-OK.

-Can you get the R in it?

-Say Royalty!

-Repeat after me, first class, international. You got that?

'First class. International.'

Cincinnati. That's not that bad.

Miami! I got Miami!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

EXCITED SQUEALS

Hey, Donna! Donna! I got New York!

There must be some mistake.

Miss Jensen, try and take this news with the poise and grace

that one associates with Royalty Airlines.

We expect our employees to behave in a professional manner

and to handle setbacks with integrity.

Screw integrity! I am not going back to commuter!

Oh, my God!

I can't believe this is happening! This cannot be happening!

Royalty Express, although commuter,

is still a member of the Royalty family. OK?

It's not my destiny! I want my destiny!

Well, I'm sorry. But you'll be eligible to reapply after one year.

One year?! I was the best in my class. You were there!

I've seen it a hundred times.

(You peaked too soon.)

-I don't understand.

-How do I explain this?

You're what we in the trainee business call a peak-too-sooner.

Yeah. It happens.

I aced that test. I wanna see it.

-That's not procedure!

-Call Sally Weston.

-She'll tell you, it's not...

-Sally Weston?

Although an excellent mentor, she has no authority in these matters.

-Bullshit!

-Wanna know what's bullshit?!

Eye exams! That's what's bullshit!

I wanted my destiny, too, you know!

I wanted to be a flight attendant, but no!

There's a shit stick out there called procedure, Miss Jensen,

and I'm here to tell you everyone gets hit with the shit stick! OK?

Eye exam, eye exam, eye exam!

Forgive me!

Doctor Kim at the Centre says when I get like this,

I-I need to refocus.

So just give me a second, OK?

I...am...a...kitten.

Better.

OK. Look, you can fly Royalty Express for a year

or you can leave the airline.

-Where am I going?

-Let me have a look here.

"Welcome to Cleveland Hopkins International Airport."

Remain seated until the aircraft has come to a stop

and the captain turns off the "Fasten Seat Belt" sign.

We know you have a choice when you travel

and we thank you for choosing Royalty Express.

I don't know if I mentioned it, but I'm so glad I'm working with you.

And in Cleveland! Don't you love it? It's just like Paris,

except everybody speaks English and they're all overweight.

(We're gonna look so thin!)

-TAPE:

-"When you meet someone in the daytime, you can greet them with...

-"..Bonjour!"

-Bonjour!

-"Bonjour!"

-Bonjour!

"If you are talking to a man, you usually add Monsieur.

-"Bonjour, monsieur."

-Bonjour, monsieur.

"Bonjour, monsieur."

Bonjour, monsieur.

Good afternoon and welcome aboard Royalty Express flight 27.

Two in the rear and two in the front.

-Cheese sandwich for you?

-Thanks.

Cheese. We have one cheese left, is that OK?

-Baloney or cheese?

-Whatever.

-Excuse me, can I take this chair?

-Sure.

-Hey!

-What? You told me to take it.

-Ted!

-Hey, Donna!

Oh, my God! I'm great!

Oh. You didn't ask me how I was?

No, but now that you told me...

What are you doing in Cleveland?

I live here. Around the corner, yeah.

This is, er, Royalty's hub. Well, Express.

-You're kidding?

-Ted? >

Oh, er...one sec, one sec.

That's my partner, Mary.

-Hello.

-Hi.

Well... Huh! She's pretty.

-Oh, no, my school partner.

-Oh.

-I'm in law school.

-Oh, my God! That is so great!

It's unbelievable, huh?

So I got one year in Cleveland and then I can reapply.

I've already been here for, like, six weeks and it's not so bad.

I mean, you're basically halfway there,

if you're just really, really, really bad at maths.

So, why'd you go back to law school?

I had dinner with an incredible lady who was charging after her dreams

and I thought to myself, "I can do that".

So I'm here now for a year. It's flying by.

I really miss my family, which is really uncool,

so please don't tell anybody I told you.

(I promise.) OK, here's how I look at it.

Cleveland is like this great, big, giant waiting room.

All we have to do is put in our year and somebody's gonna call our name.

So Cleveland's like this great, big dentist's office

-and we're next on the list?

-Exactly.

Now all we have to do is think about something to occupy our time.

Hm.

Hm.

MUSIC: "For Once In My Life" - Tom Bowes

'Sometimes, just when you brace yourself for a really bumpy flight,

'it's amazing how the skies can suddenly clear.

'But between my busy schedule and the job Ted took to pay for law school,

'I spent too many nights ordering pizza and watching TNT.'

KNOCK AT DOOR

Just a minute.

Small cheese pizza with everything. Eight dollars even.

'Just call me a sucker for a man in uniform.'

I cannot believe we got this route.

Oh, my God! The real business class?

I mean...!

And guess what I get to do in half an hour?

-Bake cookies.

-Oh, my God! You are so not Royalty Express material!

I can't believe you did as bad as me. You studied like crazy!

Get out of here!

The more I think about that test, the more convinced I am

that something got screwed up.

I'm gonna hire a lawyer to check into it.

Hey, you could help me out with that.

-I'm not a lawyer.

-Well, you're gonna be.

-You think so, huh?

-Mm-hm.

How is it that you believe in me so much?

Somebody's got to.

Check out 3B. Isn't he cute?

Aside from the headphone hair. He's totally cruising me.

I asked him to put his tray upright, he said, "That, too?" I mean, hello!

And those arms? My God, he's like something out of Men's Health!

Well, I'll root for you, even though it's against policy.

You rat me out and I'll stop letting you do all my paperwork.

All I want is a bit of what you've got with Ted.

Oh, God! He is great!

But did I tell you he wants me to meet his family for Christmas?

And that's bad news, why?

For me, anything that ever has to do with family is always bad news.

-Please don't make me cry.

-The thing is, Randy, OK,

I've always been this girl from Silver Springs

that everybody's always said, "You're never gonna do anything".

I worry that if I really fall in love with Ted,

what's gonna happen to everything that I've worked so hard for?

OK, fine, don't fall in love with him.

That's kind of where I'm having the problem.

It just takes willpower. You didn't fall in love with me, did you?

You're gay.

But... it still took willpower, didn't it?

MUSIC: "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"

-Thanks, Donna!

-Come on over here, Justin. >

-OK, OK, who's next?

-Grandma.

-It's from me and Ted.

-What?

She can't hear very well.

-It's from Donna and me!

-Thank you, dear.

-What is it?

-It's an all-in-one remote control!

-Oh!

-You don't have to fuss with all those gadgets any more!

Thank you, dear. Merry Christmas, Ted!

-Thank you, Donna!

-Now it's your turn.

-(You said we weren't doing presents.)

-Ssh. Just open it.

-He said we weren't gonna do presents.

-I did, but...

-Oh, my God!

-What d'you think? You like it?

-It's so beautiful!

-And it has two time zones.

If a passenger asks you what time it is, you can think about me.

-Owww!

-I love it!

-She's a great gal, Ted.

-I think so.

Oh! You're not out of the woods yet, Donna, you got one more present.

-From all of us.

-Yes!

It's the annual Stewart family uniform!

-I got you a size medium, I hope you like it baggy.

-Thank you.

OK, time for the team photo! Everybody get over by Grandma!

-Come on, Donna!

-Jensen, get in here!

-It's a family picture, I...

-Don't be shy. Ted, go get her!

Come on, Donna!

CHUCKLING

-It's flashing.

-Quick! Quick!

-Smile, smile, smile!

-ALL: Cheese!

Well, you survived your first Stewart family Christmas.

It was good.

I never knew a family could be like that.

You know, no fighting, no yelling.

I mean, normally that everyone-dressing-the-same thing

would kinda freak me out!

But I even liked that dorky red sweater.

Is that all that's going on in that head of yours?

I'm just not used to all that, you know.

-Dan!

-Hi, Donna! How's life treating you?

-All right. I just wanna get a confirmation for tomorrow.

-Sure.

Let's see, we got you going to Pittsburgh on flight 285 at 0800.

-Any chance of that Dallas route opening up?

-Let me have a look.

Sorry, nothing yet.

-All right. Thank you.

-Have a good trip, Donna.

Oh, my God! Christine?

Donna! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! What are you doing in Cleveland?

My New York - LA flight had mechanical problems,

so they dumped us here for the night.

Right. God, look at your hair, it's so...!

Oh. Yeah, I know.

-I'm going for a more classic look. It goes better with Chanel.

-Right.

I have the sweetest little apartment on West 73rd Street.

You would be so proud of me!

You know what, Ted? If it wasn't for Donna,

-I'd never have made it through basic training.

-Really?

-Oh, now that's not really true.

-It is!

Just last week, I was thinking about how well you trained me.

I was on the New York to Chicago flight, right,

and this guy gets on and he has this huge musical case.

And he's trying to stuff it into the overhead compartment.

Clearly the thing is too big and he refuses to check it.

So I thought, "What would Donna do right now?"

So I politely said to him,

"Either you check it or you deplane".

-That's not what I would do.

-What do you mean?

You must, as a flight attendant, offer that passenger the option of

buying another seat at half price for that oversized item.

Section 23.4 of the manual.

Well, I can't remember everything!

You should've remembered that one,

it was the last question on our exam!

Say, er, do you have any of those little wings?

My nephew's been begging me for some and they don't have them on Express.

Let me look. Let's see what we've got in here.

Whoa!

Oh! I love these! Love it, love it, love it!

Oh, there's so much in here!

Ah! Here we go.

-Future pilot.

-Thank you.

Enjoy.

We could have... Oh, we can do shots if you want to. Let's do shots.

Want to?

'Paris.

'First class. International.

'Paris. First class. International.'

I think I'm doing very well at Express,

but I just can't stop thinking maybe there was a mix-up with my test.

Like some kind of computer malfunction.

Those things mess up all the time! They...

..lose luggage or send bags to the wrong city.

I'm afraid that's impossible. You see, the tests are hand graded.

Oh, right. I forgot about that.

I'm sorry. I'm sure that there's nothing you can do, anyway.

Who says there is nothing I can do? I am Sally Weston!

I invented this.

Before me, they just pointed. True story.

Wow! Huh!

I did speak to John. I asked him if I could see my test and he said no.

And I asked him if you could see the test and he said no.

Don't you worry about John. Did you see me on Oprah?

I scared the hell out of Doctor Phil. Hold on.

It's test 1047.

Hello? It's Sally Weston.

Oh, my God!

-Oh, my God!

-What is it, Donna?

This isn't my test!

It's my number, it's number 1047,

but it isn't mine! Look at those little hearts!

-BELL RINGS:

-Time's up! Pencils down, books closed.

Write your identification number on the front of the exam booklet

-and pass it forward.

-So, how'd you do?

New York, here I come.

I can't believe it. I trusted her. She was my best friend!

Oh, my God! These answers!

No wonder we sent you to Express! We were being nice!

I can't believe she'd steal my test!

Wait a minute. That night I had you kids over for dinner,

someone took my aeroplane soaps.

Oh, my God!

She is probably stealing us blind!

Hell, I'll bet she's got a whole closet full of airline property!

Headsets, booze, kosher meals.

OK, there is two things we gotta do.

First we gotta get you retested. There is a test next week.

If you do as well as I think you will, we'll reassign you.

-How soon can you leave Cleveland?

-I'd just have to talk to Ted.

-Who's Ted?

-This really great guy that I'm seeing.

Oh. Well, I'm afraid you've got a decision to make.

Yeah.

Well, what would you do?

Well, I know what I did, and so do you if you read my book,

but, honey, it's your life, it's your decision.

Right.

I'll call you later. I've got a flight to Cleveland at 4.00, so...

-You said there were two things.

-Oh, don't worry, I'll take care of that.

-You just skedaddle. Don't miss that flight.

-OK. Thanks.

-'Royalty Airlines.'

-Yes, hello. Internal Security please.

-'Security. How can I help you?'

-This is Sally Weston.

I'm reporting a Code Blue for Christine Montgomery.

Put a ghost rider on her next flight. If you see any violations,

I want that little klepto picked up as soon as the plane hits pavement.

-Miss Montgomery?

-Yeah?

-I have to ask you to come with me.

-Why? Who are you?

-Royalty's security. Step this way.

HORN BLASTS

FOOTSTEPS

Hey! Jensen!

You were right! I can't believe it, I'm top of my class!

Oh, my God!

Ted, that is so great!

So get your damn coat on, Jensen, we're going out to celebrate.

I have to talk to you.

Um, I flew to Dallas today.

Christine stole my test.

Oh! You're kidding?

So they're gonna retest me.

Wow! That's great! When, when are they doing that?

I gotta leave right away.

OK, sure. No problem. We'll celebrate when you get back.

The thing is, if I do well in the test, I-I-I might not be back.

I could get placed in New York.

So that's it? We don't talk about it?

I come home, you're leaving?

Well, we've always said that, that Cleveland is just a waiting room.

For me the waiting room was my life until I met you.

I'm in love with you.

I can't let somebody tell me that I've seen enough. Not again.

Got it. Point taken.

'I hated leaving Ted.

'Ted made me feel like I'd finally found home.

'The problem was, I wasn't so sure I was ready to be home.'

Time's up! Pencils down, books closed.

Put your identification number on the front of the exam booklet

and pass it forward.

Well, well, well!

Congratulations.

I just want you to know that I was against this retesting at this time.

That's not procedure.

But apparently, Sally Weston doesn't have the same respect for procedures

that some of us have had to.

So...you'll be happy to know you got a perfect score.

First time in seven years.

The last time was me.

So I imagine you'll have fun...

..up there... living out your destiny.

SIGHS

-Must be nice.

-Thank you.

(You're welcome.)

Mr Whitney? I couldn't have done this without you.

-Yeah, right(!)

-I mean it.

You're an excellent instructor.

-I am?

-Yes.

That's the nicest damn thing anyone's ever said to me.

I'd say we're both living our destiny.

You do it, Donna Jensen!

You do it for those of us that can't.

-I will.

-Attagirl!

Now you get outta here! Get outta here!

Oh, and, Donna?

(Fly away.)

MUSIC: "No Sign Of It by Natalie Grant

Donna?

Christine!

-Hi.

-God!

Did you hear the bad news?

-What?

-I got fired.

Busted for stealing.

Yeah.

So I just wanted to come here and say goodbye.

(Donna!)

You know...

..isn't it amazing how there was a ghost rider on my flight?

-Well...

-And another thing,

I just can't help wondering,

how does someone go from Royalty Express

to International in such a short period of time?

SIGHS

Excuse me, Christine.

-I had you figured out from day one.

-What did you say?

You just couldn't stand the fact that I was prettier than you.

That I was more fun than you. That everyone loved me.

All I did was try to help you out

and you stabbed me in the back!

I never stabbed you in the back, Donna!

You switched our exams!

Well, if you're gonna nit-pick...

And you left me rotting in Cleveland

while you went and dotted your I's with those tacky little hearts!

Someone had to put you in your place, Little Miss Perfect!

"Oh, excellent, Donna! Way to go, Donna!"

"Is it hard to get those International lines, Mrs Weston?"

Throwing yourself all over that stupid Ted!

-Hey!

-You make me sick!

-You better leave Ted out of this!

Just because you're pissed off that he wanted me and not you!

-Get your hands off me!

-Oh, I'm scared, Donna!

What are you gonna do, huh? Throw one of your big books at me?

Don't you walk away from me!

GRUNTING OVER FOLLOWING SCENES

Ow!

-Good Lord!

-Out of the way please!

-All right!

-Get her legs, get her legs!

GRUNTS

You know what?! You got that fancy uniform and that...funny haircut,

but I see right through you, Donna! Right to the inside!

Huh!

Welcome aboard.

-Champagne? Caviar?

-Nothing for me, thanks.

-Sir, champagne or caviar for you?

-I'm fine, thank you.

Would you care for some champagne or caviar?

No, thank you. I would like a vodka straight up, though.

'Champagne and caviar, extra-wide seats and no baloney or cheese.'

'This was first class.'

Bonjour, madame.

PHONE RINGS

-Hello?

-Bonjour.

-Donna?

-I'm in Paris!

Well, good for you! I knew you'd get there!

Can I pick 'em or can I pick 'em?

Rudolph, you're not tenderising meat, for God's sake!

I really wanted to say thank you.

Don't spend all...day on the phone, go out and see the city.

MUSIC: "La Vie En Rose" by Petula Clark

'What was I gonna write? "I love you, but I left you?"

'I'll just start with. "Paris is beautiful."'

SPEAKS FRENCH

-SPEAKS FRENCH

-Miss? Thank you very much.

As soon as everyone takes their seats,

we'll be ready to leave the gate.

-Mademoiselle! Le champagne!

-SPEAKS FRENCH

-Excuse me, but if we're going to be late, I have to make a call.

-Er...

-Champagne, s'il vous plait!

-Oui, oui, oui.

-Oh!

-SHOCKED GASPS

-Oh, monsieur!

-Oh! Oh!

-Oh, monsieur, je suis desole!

Thank you.

-ANSWERPHONE:

-'This is a call for Donna Jensen. This is Jim Donahue...'

VARIOUS WORK-RELATED MESSAGES

-BEEP!

-'Hi, Donna, it's Paige.

'I know you just got back from Geneva,

'but how about a quick trip to Brooklyn?

'We're having our Christmas open house tonight, so please come.

'Some of the other girls are coming, too. Call me, OK?'

Donna! Hi!

-I'm so glad you came!

-Thanks for inviting me.

-Come on in!

LOW CHATTER

Oh! That looks so good! Thank you so much!

Donna? You gotta get in there

and start mingling with some of the straight guys.

We had 'em shipped in here especially for you from Tim's work.

Oh, thank you.

-God, you look really nice.

-Are you serious?

I am so beat. I really need this rest.

Well, I think you look great.

-PHONE RINGS

-Oh, shoot!

Er, can you? Just give them the address.

123 Clinton, Clinton, Pierpont.

Hello?

Oh, Bob! It's Donna Jensen.

Oh, er, when d'you need her?

Really? Tomorrow? But...

That's Christmas Eve.

You know what? I-I-I'll take it.

Yeah, I could really use this shift.

Christmas in Paris? It's a dream!

OK. I'll see you there.

Was that Kim and Nancy?

Are you happy with your long-distance carrier? I said you were!

Can you believe 'em? Guess they figure everyone's home on Christmas.

Come and pose for a photo.

SNORING

MUSIC: "I've Been Waiting" by Sixpence None The Richer

HUBBUB

-Is that Donna Jensen?

-Sally!

What are you doing here?

We're creatures of habit, Jack and I.

We have Christmas in Paris, New Year's in New York, lah-di-dah.

How exciting!

Really not. So, were you here for Christmas, too?

Yes, I was.

Gosh, um, the Champs Elysees and the lights.

I loved it!

Donna, did I ever tell you about a nasty habit

-that flight attendants pick up on the job?

-No.

We learn to always keep smiling even when we're out of Bloody Mary mix.

SIGHS

Do you remember that guy I was telling you about? Ted.

Of course.

Oh, I just really miss him, that's all.

Well, what's the problem? Go fly and see him.

Well, I can't.

I took your advice and we broke up.

-My advice?

-Well, sort of.

You know how in your book you say,

"Don't ever let anything get in the way of your destiny"?

Darling, I don't think you read carefully enough.

What I also said was that every pilot needs a co-pilot.

It is awful nice to have someone sitting there beside you,

especially when you hit some bumpy air.

Oh! I just really miss him.

I just wish I could get him back.

The last time I checked, you were a girl who could make things happen.

So stop feeling sorry for yourself

and stop worrying about what he'll say.

You're right.

I'm gonna do it!

All right, but we have to move fast.

If my memory serves, there is a 9pm direct from Paris to Chicago.

Catch the last connection out of O'Hare to put you in Cleveland in...

BOTH: 12 hours.

-Wait a minute! Who am I gonna get to cover my shift?

-Oh, are you kidding?

It's been a while, but I still give the best oxygen-mask demo.

Get going!

Pierre? I need a uniform tout de suite.

'Welcome to New York, where the local time is 7.13am.'

I'd like to personally thank you for flying with us today

and remind you that the last one off the plane has to clean it.

MUSIC: "Time After Time" by Katie Cook

DOORBELL

Hello?

Ted?

Hi, Mrs Stewart.

I-I'm Donna. Um...

I don't know if you remember me, I'm Ted's friend.

We got you that little clicker thing for the TV. Remember?

Is Ted here?

(I messed up.)

I really did.

See, I thought that I was, um,

getting everything that I wanted.

And, um...

..I thought Paris and...first class would make me happy, but...

..it didn't.

Because...

..if you don't have that person to come home to,

then going away, it's just...

I love him.

SHE SNIFFS And I just wanted to tell him that he made me happy.

-Who are you?

-Oh!

You haven't heard a word I've said, have you?

I did.

I love you.

And I want to stay, I do.

Are you sure?

And you're gonna be happy?

Yep.

In Cleveland? How you gonna be happy in Cleveland?

Cos you're in Cleveland.

-I'm sorry!

-Me, too.

'Sally had said that life is a series of arrivals and departures.

'But I learned there is more than one way to spread your wings.'

Welcome to Cleveland's Hopkins International Airport.

Keep your seat belts fastened until we reach the gate.

We know you have a choice when you travel

and we thank you for choosing Royalty Express.

If this is just a stopover for you,

we do wish you a safe and pleasant continuation of your journey.

And if Cleveland is your final destination...

..welcome home.

MUSIC: "Don't Stop Believin" by John Koha from The Band Escape

-That is bull ass!

-You wanna know what's bull ass?!

Eye exams!

No, you can't keep laughing at that!

That's e-v-v-vil! I'll get it, I'll get it.

GRUNTS

MUFFLED GROANS

Cut!

Infinity flight two-niner-niner-zero,

you are cleared for takeoff on runway...six. Nine!

D'oh!

I...am...a...kitten.

I...am...a...kitten.

I'm OK.

Gotta take off. (Don't I wish!)

BOTH LAUGH I can't do it!

-I can't hear you!

-MUFFLED SPEECH

This ain't your mama's house!

Questions? None!

Gotta take off. (Don't I wish.) LAUGHTER

I am Sally Weston!

Muffin! How long do dogs live?

I love being a turtle!

You know, like the Mutant Ninja Turtles. OK, what did we learn?

OK, OK, let me try it again.

OK, class, what did Randy forget? Mary?

-Christine.

-No.

-Donna?

-I know this.

-Randy?

-I forgot to buy him a drink?

LAUGHTER

And that is procedure.

# We Are Royalty

# We are Royalty

# Flying just as high as can be

# We are Royalty

# Safety is our policy

# There's an oxygen mask up above you

# On a hidden shelf

# Before helping the people who love you

# Put it on yourself

# Here's your seat belts As if you don't know

# Make it nice and tight Huh!

# Take a look at the exits

# They're up ahead To your left and right

# We are Royalty

# Flying just as high as can be

# We are Royalty

# Safety is our policy. #

Subtitles by IMS