Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!


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Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!

Romantic comedy. In a bid to clean up his tarnished image, a Hollywood star organises a fundraising stunt offering a date with him as the prize.


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# Flashbulbs go off in my face

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# Think a small town with disgrace

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# Just how did it come to this?

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# All they see is a vacant face

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# Yeah, come on, come on, come on

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# We can turn it on

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# Yeah, come on

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# Cos you never really die, die, die

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# It goes over and over and over and over, but yet

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# There's something beautiful, mystical

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# Over and over, goes over and over, but yet

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# Still something beautiful, mystical

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# Over and over, goes over and over, but yet

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# There's something beautiful, yeah, come on

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# Over and over, goes over and over, but yet

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# Still something beautiful, mystical, come on

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# Won't you wake me up from this

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# All I need is a prince to kiss

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# Then my beauty will be back mine

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# It's my soul, my soul I'll find

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# I'm calling Nike, Nike, Italy, France

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# Romance

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# The situation, the situation is

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# Beethoven, roll over... #

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RADIO: And now, for all you romantics out there, this one is for you.

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JAZZ PLAYS ON RADIO

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Hello, Betty.

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Shouldn't you be at the hospital looking after a certain other soldier?

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Is there any way you can find it in your heart to forgive me?

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I wonder if these two get together.

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Shh!

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SLURPS

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I'll forgive you on one condition.

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What's that?

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Dance with me.

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# A morning sky, an afternoon... #

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BOTH SIGH

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# As long I'm here with you

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# Oh, you make me happy

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# Very happy once again. #

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APPLAUSE

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Explain one thing to me.

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What kind of desperate

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and pathetic emotional cripple

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would actually buy that as an ending?

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-Rosie?

-Hmm?

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Do you think that in real life

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Tad Hamilton is the man he seems to be on the screen?

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-Absolutely.

-Yeah?

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I mean, you just can't fake that kind of thing.

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What do you think Tad Hamilton is doing right now?

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I'll bet he's in church.

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ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

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Watch this.

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TYRES SCREECHING

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HORN BLOWS

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Whoo!

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Whoa!

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Told you that was him, right?

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Ooh, Tad Hamilton.

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-You don't make it easy on us, Tad.

-What do you mean?

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This is the shot the paparazzi got.

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Congratulations.

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You're actually drinking, driving, smoking, leering

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and groping at the same time.

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Which, on the one hand,

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is just about the coolest thing I've ever seen.

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-Richard.

-But, on the other hand, it can be argued

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that this might be a little bad for the image.

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You play characters who have heart. This person will have a heart attack.

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I can't believe you guys are blaming my unemployment

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on this photograph.

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OK, first of all, you are not unemployed.

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Dock workers are unemployed.

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You are simply between million-dollar pay days.

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As are we...

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since we both get a percentage of your payday.

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But this isn't about us.

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Whatever happened to that part in the Jimmy Ing movie? I'm perfect for that.

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Well, he's taking a breath.

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He's what?

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He's taking a breath.

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He's pausing before deciding.

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He's pausing and taking a breath.

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And this is only gonna make him breathe more.

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Well, what do we do?

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We figure out how to asphyxiate the son of a bitch.

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-We generate a little positive PR.

-Are you an interpreter now?

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I'm saying we just need to do something, Tad,

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to remind Jimmy Ing and America

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that you are the boy next door.

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Hey, I am the boy next door...

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if you happen to live in a very dysfunctional neighbourhood.

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# I ride in on the train

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# Every day it's the same old thing

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# It's nine to five

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# Don't know if I'm dead or alive

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# I'm looking for a hallelujah

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# I need a little something special... #

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CRUNCHING

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Congratulations.

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You've eaten your body weight in Pringles.

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What's your favourite Pringle?

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Sour cream and onion or original?

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Well, the sour cream and onion has a very strong taste.

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If you're eating a small amount, say, half a can, you want that strength.

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But if you're eating more than that,

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you want the original. It's a cleaner flavour.

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Wait until you discover barbecue flavour.

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You'll finally become a woman.

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How's "Modern Grocer" treating you over there?

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Hey, this is the swimsuit issue.

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COMPUTER BLIPS

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Oh, my God!

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What is it?

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-Win a date with Tad Hamilton!

-What?!

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It's to benefit Save The Children.

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God, that is so like him.

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Saving children, I know.

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Should I enter?

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Why not?

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Sure, heaven is just a mouse click away.

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A mouse click and a hundred buck donation.

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Oh, we can raise a hundred bucks.

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With your permission, Petey.

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I'm sorry?

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-Paper or plastic?

-Paper, please.

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Would you like to help Rosalee win a date with Tad Hamilton

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and help Save The Children?

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I certainly would.

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-Aren't these great?

-The best.

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Along with a 125 cheque

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in recognition of yet another

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Piggly Wiggly store Manager Of The Month award. Congratulations.

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Thank you, Mr Ruddy.

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So, Pete, when do we lose you to Richmond?

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Cos you're running out of wall space here.

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Well, I got my acceptance letter to Virginia State.

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And I got my student loan.

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So, er, it's just one more thing.

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What?

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There's someone here that I-I-I...

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that I need to have a discussion with

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about the going-to- Richmond-with-me issue.

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DOOR OPENS

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Jars are full.

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I love everybody in the store so much.

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Sorry for interrupting.

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Sorry.

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It was nice to meet you.

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It was nice to meet you, too.

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Goodnight. Goodnight.

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-You taking off?

-Yes, sir.

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Muchas gracias.

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Hasta el proximo miercoles.

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I am the Albanian one, Mr Hamilton.

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I'm sorry.

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Uh, could you tell the other one

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-muchas gracias and hasta el proximo miercoles?

-Will do.

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BARRY WHITE: # I've heard people say that

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# Too much of anything is not good for you, baby

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# But I don't know about that

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# As many times as we've loved

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# And we've shared love and made love

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# It doesn't seem to me like it's enough

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# It's just not enough, baby

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# It's just not enough

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# Oh, oh, baby

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# Oh, baby

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# My darling, I

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# Can't get enough of your love, babe

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# Girl, I don't know, I don't know why

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# Can't get enough of your love, babe

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# Lord, some things I can't get used to

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# No matter how I try

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# It's like the more you give, the more I want

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# And, baby, that's no lie... #

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OK, what do I need to beat you?

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Double 14

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or it's all over.

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That's not gonna be a problem.

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Don't miss. Don't miss.

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Don't miss, don't miss, don't miss, don't miss. Don't miss, don't miss.

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-Um, are you actually doing that?

-Yeah.

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SQUEALS

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GROANS

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And now Pete will get the bartendress' attention.

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She's waiting for you.

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We're waiting for our round, Pete.

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Fine.

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Angelica.

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GLASS BREAKS

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Yes, Pete?

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What is the object of your desire?

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Um...we need another round.

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One day, Pete, one day...

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I know that the answer to that question will be,

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"You, Angelica. You are the object of my desire."

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OK.

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But, er, for now, we'll just go with the beers.

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Oh, Pete.

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Enough. Thank you, ladies.

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You don't like her the teeniest, littlest, tiniest bit?

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-What? No, she's not my type!

-You are so particular.

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Who the heck are they?

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If that fire alarm went off again...

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Why would they send a news crew for that?

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Wait a second.

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# Everybody, get up

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# Let me do, let me see, yeah

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# Shake it through till you're dead...

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# You know you got to get it up

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-# What you want, what I need, yeah...

-#

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They said in first-class, you get a personal DVD player and may view the film of your choice.

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OK. I would like to touch intimately the person who thought of that.

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-TANNOY:

-We would like to begin boarding first-class passengers.

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That's you!

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I know!

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Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.

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-Just take it easy, OK?

-Oh, Pete,

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just give me a hug and tell me to have a good time!

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OK.

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Just...you know, just be careful, OK?

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What do you mean?

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I mean, that this guy is Tad Hamilton, OK?

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In his life, he's probably slept with,

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like, 15, 20 women.

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No way. That's not even physically possible.

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Besides, like he's going to be interested in me.

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OK. You know what?

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If at any point on your date

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he claims that he doesn't really like watching sports,

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-he's just trying to sleep with you.

-Got it.

-Oh, and if he claims

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to love animals, then he's really just trying to sleep with you.

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-OK.

-Guys are guys, Rosie,

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rich or poor, famous or...

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grocers.

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Just do me one favour, OK?

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-Guard your carnal treasure.

-OK.

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No, just guard your carnal treasure.

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-Thanks, Pete.

-Remember everything.

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-I will.

-Remember how he smells.

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-I will.

-But not just vaguely.

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I want good, solid similes.

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For example...

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He smells like a forest on the first day of spring...

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OK, Cathy, let's... You're gonna miss your flight.

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-I will bring you similes.

-Thank you.

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Ladies and gentlemen...

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Oh, I almost forgot.

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I got you something.

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It's regular flavour.

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In case you don't like the prime rib in first class.

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Thank you, Pete.

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MAN: Right this way.

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Just guard your carnal treasure!

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I heard you.

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# We got more bounce in California

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# Than all y'all combined

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# We got more bounce in California

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# We like to party all the time

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# We got more bounce in California... #

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MOBILE PHONES RING

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# Well, excuse me for a while

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# But there's something I should say

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# I'm comin' from the land

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# Where the seasons never change

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# Where all around the world

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-# They're all lookin' to LA... #

-That's me.

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-Welcome to Los Angeles.

-Thank you.

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Thanks.

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Hey, can I have these?

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No.

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Do you want to think about it?

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Gee, you know, what...

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Tell me again why you're making me have dinner with and Okie.

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Because she's wholesome.

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Wholesome as the amber waves of grain.

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And she's not an Okie, she's from West Virginia.

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So sorry.

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I mean...you never, you never wear them.

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Can I just have them?

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So what's her name anyway?

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Rosalee Futch.

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Wow, sounds insanely hot.

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It's very nice to meet you, Tad.

0:16:510:16:55

So nice to meet you, Tad.

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It's great to meet you.

0:16:580:17:02

Please, just follow the rules.

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BOTH: Keep smiling for the cameras, and no brown liquor or cigarettes.

0:17:030:17:07

-Fine.

-Very good.

0:17:070:17:09

What about Jimmy Ing? Have we heard anything about that yet?

0:17:090:17:11

No. Still breathing.

0:17:110:17:12

I passed Ashton Kutcher in my car

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and he seemed pretty happy about something.

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He's happy for other reasons.

0:17:160:17:18

I'm sorry, we have not heard from Jimmy Ing.

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Hey, guys, how's this in the shoulders?

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Seriously.

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Cos I got, I got some yoga stuff.

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Your films will stand the test of time.

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Y-your films will stand the test of time.

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KNOCKING

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Hi. I'm Tad.

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SHALLOW GASP

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Your standing films will time and test themselves.

0:17:540:17:58

Thank you. Uh, you're...pretty.

0:17:590:18:04

It's Roseanne, right?

0:18:050:18:06

I'm sorry. What is it?

0:18:060:18:10

Uh, Ricki? R-rah...

0:18:100:18:12

-It's Rosalee.

-Rosalee. Rosalee. Nice to meet you.

0:18:120:18:17

So, you ready?

0:18:190:18:20

OK.

0:18:200:18:21

Let's...

0:18:210:18:24

Yikes-a-bee.

0:18:270:18:29

So, how was your flight?

0:18:320:18:34

Your films will stand the test of time.

0:18:340:18:37

Ah...thank you.

0:18:370:18:40

So, you ready?

0:18:410:18:42

For what?

0:18:420:18:44

Right this way.

0:18:440:18:45

PHOTOGRAPHERS SHOUTING

0:18:500:18:54

CAMERAS SHUTTERS CLICKING

0:18:570:19:02

Rosalee. Futch.

0:19:020:19:05

It'll take a few minutes for those spots in your eyes to go away, but they will.

0:19:140:19:18

OK.

0:19:180:19:19

Now, we're right here.

0:19:190:19:22

Is it always like that?

0:19:220:19:25

Well...

0:19:270:19:28

pretty much.

0:19:280:19:30

CHUCKLES

0:19:300:19:31

-Shake-a-doo.

-Shake a what?

0:19:310:19:34

Oh, it just means, "wow".

0:19:340:19:37

Ah.

0:19:370:19:38

Shake-a-doo.

0:19:380:19:40

So...

0:19:420:19:45

you excited?

0:19:450:19:47

Are you kidding?

0:19:470:19:49

This is like a fairy tale.

0:19:490:19:51

Yeah, I figured.

0:19:510:19:52

You OK?

0:19:570:19:58

Oh, yeah.

0:19:580:20:00

I'm just not used to sitting sideways like this.

0:20:000:20:03

Mm.

0:20:030:20:05

We don't have sideways seating in West Virginia.

0:20:050:20:08

And I think the cigarette smoke is kind of...

0:20:080:20:11

Well, you can come sit back here if you like.

0:20:110:20:13

Uh...

0:20:130:20:14

I can't really move right now.

0:20:140:20:17

Ooh, I don't feel well.

0:20:170:20:19

I've always been kind of motion sicknessy.

0:20:190:20:22

Once this carnival came to Fraziers Bottom,

0:20:220:20:24

and they had that ride where it spins around

0:20:240:20:28

and you have to stand against the side

0:20:280:20:31

and the centre falls out.

0:20:310:20:33

-And I, um...

-Damn it.

0:20:330:20:36

Um... Pardon me.

0:20:360:20:38

VOMITING

0:20:380:20:40

This is so far from the way I imagined the evening going.

0:20:430:20:46

Hey, hey, it's, er...

0:20:460:20:48

it's perfectly all right.

0:20:480:20:51

Right, Mickey?

0:20:510:20:52

Perfectly all right.

0:20:520:20:54

Shall we?

0:20:540:20:56

MICKEY: Have a nice dinner. I'll just be...out here scrubbing.

0:20:560:20:59

-Hey, Steve.

-Thank you. This way.

0:20:590:21:00

Good to see you. Good to see you, Larry.

0:21:000:21:02

Hey, Tad.

0:21:020:21:03

Hey, man, how are you?

0:21:030:21:05

-Hi, Tad.

-Hey, man.

0:21:050:21:07

This way.

0:21:200:21:22

Doesn't it hurt, smiling like that all the time?

0:21:260:21:29

You get used to it, yeah.

0:21:310:21:34

Should I do it?

0:21:340:21:35

Yeah, you might not be able to hold it

0:21:350:21:37

for very long, but go for it.

0:21:370:21:39

Sure I will.

0:21:390:21:40

See that?

0:21:460:21:47

It sort of gets you right there.

0:21:470:21:50

That's horrible.

0:21:500:21:51

I told you.

0:21:510:21:52

You sure do have a lot of stuff.

0:21:530:21:56

Oh, yeah, sorry.

0:21:560:21:57

I got to make sure I'm never out of touch

0:21:570:21:59

with the people who torture and torment me.

0:21:590:22:01

Who are they?

0:22:010:22:03

Agents, managers, people like that.

0:22:030:22:05

This man, Jimmy Ing, who's, er, making this movie

0:22:050:22:08

which I'm exactly right for, but for whatever reasons, he's taking a breath.

0:22:080:22:11

-A what?

-He's thinking it over.

0:22:110:22:14

Oh.

0:22:140:22:15

It's just all very competitive,

0:22:150:22:17

this business, that's all.

0:22:170:22:19

Everybody seems to be chasing the same thing.

0:22:190:22:21

The same parts in the same movies,

0:22:210:22:24

the same awards, the same big money.

0:22:240:22:27

Well, I'm sure you have much too much common sense

0:22:270:22:30

to get caught up in all that.

0:22:300:22:32

I mean, it's just a recipe for an unsatisfying life.

0:22:320:22:37

Mm...

0:22:370:22:40

Obviously you have your priorities straight, so...

0:22:400:22:43

So...

0:22:430:22:45

Rosalee, what do you do?

0:22:450:22:47

I work in a Piggly Wiggly.

0:22:470:22:49

-I'm sorry. A supermarket.

-Ah.

0:22:490:22:52

I bag and check.

0:22:520:22:53

-Cool.

-Yeah, it's a real dream come true.

0:22:530:22:56

CHUCKLING

0:22:560:22:57

But it's fun. My two best friends work there.

0:22:570:23:00

So, um...

0:23:040:23:06

what do you do, Tad?

0:23:060:23:08

Oops.

0:23:090:23:12

What I mean is, what do you do when you're not doing...what you do?

0:23:120:23:17

Uh, not a lot, you know?

0:23:170:23:19

I, er... There's not a lot of time left for hobbies, really.

0:23:190:23:23

And I don't really like watching sports, so I, er, I read.

0:23:230:23:29

Play with my dog, my cat, my bird.

0:23:290:23:32

You know?

0:23:320:23:34

I-I-I... I love animals.

0:23:340:23:38

You know?

0:23:380:23:40

What do you think they're doing right now?

0:23:420:23:44

Mm, I bet they're in her hotel room.

0:23:440:23:47

Straining for breath.

0:23:470:23:50

His manhood yearning to be free.

0:23:500:23:53

Her hands running over the ripples in his abdomen.

0:23:530:23:57

Her perfect bosom crying out in ecstasy.

0:23:570:24:01

QUIVERING BREATHS

0:24:010:24:04

Oh, great.

0:24:040:24:06

All righty.

0:24:060:24:08

I had one of those.

0:24:220:24:24

A retainer?

0:24:240:24:26

Yeah, yeah, on the lowers.

0:24:260:24:27

And a night brace for the uppers.

0:24:270:24:30

I had really bad teeth as a kid.

0:24:300:24:32

Yeah, I'm sure you were a real ugly duckling.

0:24:320:24:34

I was like anybody else.

0:24:340:24:36

A little gawky, unsure who I was, combination skin.

0:24:360:24:40

-Well, you came together nicely.

-Thank you.

0:24:420:24:44

So did you.

0:24:460:24:47

-Bon

-appetit. Mm-hmm.

0:24:520:24:55

Thanks, Mickey.

0:25:130:25:15

Oh, wow.

0:25:200:25:21

This is beautiful.

0:25:210:25:23

These people sure leave a lot of lights on.

0:25:230:25:26

It's beautiful.

0:25:260:25:29

It is.

0:25:290:25:31

And you, if I may say so, are also very beautiful.

0:25:340:25:38

How would you like to come back to my house for a little bit?

0:25:410:25:45

Um...

0:25:460:25:48

Sure. For a little bit.

0:25:550:25:58

Shake-a-doo?

0:26:220:26:24

No. Shake...a-doo.

0:26:240:26:27

Good.

0:26:270:26:28

Miss Ramirez!

0:26:340:26:37

Sonja?

0:26:370:26:39

Anybody in the casa?

0:26:390:26:41

I think we're all alone.

0:26:470:26:49

Oh...

0:26:490:26:50

Do you want to come in a little further?

0:26:540:26:57

Um...

0:26:570:26:59

You know what, Tad?

0:26:590:27:01

Thank you, but I think I should be getting back to the hotel.

0:27:010:27:03

Wow.

0:27:030:27:05

OK, er...

0:27:060:27:09

-I don't want the concierge to worry, you know?

-Good for you.

0:27:090:27:14

Good for you. Uh...

0:27:140:27:17

-I'll take you home.

-Oh, no, no.

0:27:170:27:19

You don't have to do that. I mean, you're already here.

0:27:190:27:21

No, no, no. No, no, no. Be my pleasure.

0:27:210:27:23

OK. Thanks.

0:27:230:27:25

That's really nice.

0:27:250:27:26

Rosalee, it's been wonderful to meet you,

0:27:290:27:32

and I wish you only good things in life.

0:27:320:27:35

And to me, wonderfulness, too.

0:27:350:27:39

And to you, only those selfsame good wishes.

0:27:390:27:42

You know what I'm saying?

0:27:420:27:45

-Yeah, of course.

-Thank you for the best night of my life.

0:27:450:27:48

No, thank you.

0:27:480:27:51

May I give you a kiss goodbye?

0:27:540:27:58

Oh, I think you might maybe may.

0:27:580:28:02

Good evening.

0:28:160:28:17

Thank you.

0:28:170:28:19

Good night, Rosalee.

0:28:210:28:23

Sweet dreams.

0:28:270:28:29

SHE WHOOPS

0:28:470:28:51

AIRLINER PASSING

0:28:560:29:00

The limo door swung open...

0:29:020:29:05

my foot hit the ground

0:29:050:29:09

and I turned to take one last look at Tad...

0:29:090:29:12

at those eyes, at that smile.

0:29:120:29:16

And then, regretfully,

0:29:160:29:17

I headed back for the hotel.

0:29:170:29:20

Please tell me we're done now.

0:29:200:29:22

-We're done.

-Wow.

0:29:220:29:24

I cannot remember a time...

0:29:240:29:26

before you started telling that story.

0:29:260:29:30

Peter, I was asked to provide

0:29:300:29:31

a detailed description of the evening.

0:29:310:29:33

Yeah, and you did. Actually, Rosie, you did a great job.

0:29:330:29:36

I felt like I was there.

0:29:360:29:37

Sort of against my will, but, I did.

0:29:380:29:40

OK, guys, er, with your permission,

0:29:400:29:42

I think we should all now return to our normal lives.

0:29:420:29:47

Mm... OK.

0:29:480:29:50

Actually, er...

0:29:500:29:52

Rosie, I kind of had something that...

0:29:540:29:57

that I wanted to ask you.

0:29:570:29:59

Rosie.

0:30:040:30:05

Whatever.

0:30:090:30:10

Um, it's something that...

0:30:120:30:14

I think you're going to like.

0:30:140:30:16

I hope you're going to like.

0:30:160:30:17

Something I really hope you're going to like.

0:30:190:30:21

Um...it's kind of been a long time coming,

0:30:210:30:24

so it might be kind of a surprise.

0:30:240:30:27

Or not, or maybe not. I don't know.

0:30:270:30:30

I'm like...wah!

0:30:300:30:32

Look, OK, look.

0:30:320:30:34

What I'm trying to say

0:30:340:30:36

is that...

0:30:360:30:39

I've...

0:30:390:30:40

-WHISPERS:

-Hey.

0:30:420:30:44

Let me ask you, what would be the absolute worst thing

0:30:500:30:54

that could happen to me... right now?

0:30:540:30:57

SCREAMS

0:30:570:30:58

Hi.

0:31:080:31:09

Hi.

0:31:090:31:11

I'm Tad.

0:31:120:31:14

Oh, er, this is my Cathy friend.

0:31:150:31:18

WHIMPERS

0:31:190:31:20

Hey.

0:31:200:31:21

And my Pete friend.

0:31:210:31:22

Hey, I'm Tad.

0:31:220:31:24

It's quite pleased and pleasant to me...

0:31:240:31:27

Uh, I've heard a lot about you both.

0:31:270:31:30

-Have you?

-Yeah. Yeah.

0:31:300:31:33

Um...so what are you doing here?

0:31:330:31:35

-I came to see you.

-No way.

0:31:350:31:38

-You're just...

-No.

0:31:380:31:40

-That's just...

-Yeah.

0:31:400:31:41

-You can't... Here?

-It's true.

0:31:410:31:44

You mean to say your normal business itinerary does not include Fraziers Bottom, West Virginia?

0:31:440:31:48

No.

0:31:480:31:50

OK, Cathy.

0:31:500:31:52

-So, am I too late to take you to lunch?

-No.

0:31:530:31:56

Great. Shall we?

0:31:560:31:58

Yeah.

0:31:580:32:00

Um, if that's OK, Pete.

0:32:000:32:01

Well, actually...

0:32:010:32:03

-If that's OK, Pete?

-No, it's OK.

0:32:030:32:05

At which point, Tad,

0:32:050:32:06

if you're going back to the airport, I'll ride with you,

0:32:060:32:08

and by the Route 73 cloverleaf,

0:32:080:32:10

I will have given myself to you

0:32:100:32:11

in ways you've only read about in the drugstore.

0:32:110:32:13

-It was great to meet you.

-You, too.

0:32:160:32:18

Oh, was there something that you wanted to tell me?

0:32:180:32:23

-You know, it was nothing.

-OK.

0:32:250:32:29

Wow, nice car.

0:32:430:32:45

Thanks. I asked the manager at the rental place for a convertible,

0:32:450:32:49

and he gave me his wife's car.

0:32:490:32:50

Really?

0:32:500:32:51

And that was the last time we ever saw her.

0:32:510:32:55

CHUCKLES SOFTLY

0:32:550:32:56

Cathy...

0:32:560:32:58

he's not her type.

0:32:580:33:00

No. Rich, famous, handsome,

0:33:000:33:03

ass like cement.

0:33:030:33:06

You are absolutely right.

0:33:060:33:08

Move these cheeseburgers.

0:33:120:33:14

All right, here you go, sweet pea.

0:33:140:33:17

Oh, my God.

0:33:170:33:19

-Here you go, Rosie.

-Thanks.

0:33:190:33:22

-Thank you.

-Mm-hmm.

0:33:220:33:24

I... I still can't believe you're here.

0:33:330:33:36

It was something I had to do.

0:33:360:33:38

Sure. Fly clear across the country

0:33:380:33:40

to have lunch at the Fraziers Bottom diner.

0:33:400:33:43

I couldn't let the other night be the last time I ever saw you.

0:33:430:33:46

Can I just stop you right there and remind you of one thing?

0:33:460:33:48

-What's that?

-I'm nobody.

0:33:480:33:51

Rosalee, nobody is nobody.

0:33:510:33:54

Fine.

0:33:540:33:56

I'm following my gut. Sometimes you have to do that,

0:33:560:34:01

even if what you're doing seems crazy.

0:34:010:34:03

Because...in the gap between what prudence says we should do

0:34:030:34:09

and what our heart tells us we must do, well, Rosie...

0:34:090:34:14

therein lies our humanity.

0:34:140:34:16

That's from The Road To El Dorado.

0:34:180:34:22

You really are a big fan, aren't you?

0:34:220:34:25

Is that how you get women?

0:34:260:34:28

-You steal lines from your own movies?

-Not any more.

0:34:280:34:32

I hope not, cos that would seriously shoot a hole in your credibility.

0:34:320:34:35

OK, Rosie, the truth...is... that when we went on our date,

0:34:350:34:39

you said something that really resonated with me.

0:34:390:34:43

You said...you were sure I had my priorities straight,

0:34:430:34:47

but...here's the thing.

0:34:470:34:49

I don't. I really don't.

0:34:490:34:51

My entire life since I was a teenager has been

0:34:510:34:54

about becoming successful, becoming famous,

0:34:540:34:57

becoming this... this thing that I am,

0:34:570:34:59

and you're right, it really is unsatisfying.

0:34:590:35:01

I need a positive influence.

0:35:010:35:03

I need somebody with solid and substantial qualities,

0:35:030:35:06

somebody who seems to understand life

0:35:060:35:08

and how to live it in a good and happy way, like you.

0:35:080:35:11

I just want to be around you.

0:35:110:35:14

I want some of that goodness to rub off on me.

0:35:140:35:17

Do you mean goodness in a romantic way?

0:35:170:35:20

No, no, I mean a platonic goodness.

0:35:200:35:23

And I mean that very seriously. No funny business here.

0:35:230:35:27

Did I say something wrong?

0:35:270:35:29

No. No, no, no.

0:35:290:35:32

No.

0:35:320:35:34

So, are you going to be in Fraziers Bottom for a while, then?

0:35:340:35:38

I think I have to. If I'm going to reset my priorities, I got to get out of LA. I gotta...

0:35:380:35:42

I got to get out that fish bowl.

0:35:420:35:45

So, what do you say?

0:35:520:35:54

I say, yikes-a-bee!

0:35:570:36:00

-What does that mean?

-Oh, it's just something my dad and I say sometimes

0:36:000:36:05

when life surprises you in the way that it does and there's nowhere to go but forward.

0:36:050:36:09

Is that like "yes"?

0:36:090:36:11

-Yes.

-Yes.

0:36:110:36:14

Thanks for lunch.

0:36:190:36:22

See you at 7:00, then.

0:36:230:36:25

-See you at 7:00.

-OK.

0:36:250:36:28

You go, girl! You get your man!

0:36:520:36:54

It's room eight.

0:37:200:37:22

You just go down to the door marked eight.

0:37:220:37:25

Right.

0:37:250:37:26

It's just past seven, and if you hit nine, you've gone too far.

0:37:260:37:30

Gotcha. Uh, no phone calls, please.

0:37:300:37:32

Thank you.

0:37:320:37:33

-Have a great night.

-You, too.

0:37:330:37:36

-Uh, I'll see you tomorrow.

-Very good.

0:37:360:37:39

-I'm on at

-11:00. OK.

0:37:390:37:43

FLY BUZZES

0:37:540:37:56

CART SQUEAKS

0:37:560:37:58

He wants your goodness

0:38:270:38:29

to rub off on him.

0:38:290:38:31

I know, right?

0:38:310:38:33

I see.

0:38:330:38:35

And you...actually believe this?

0:38:350:38:39

-Why wouldn't I?

-Wow, Rosie.

0:38:390:38:41

Wow. There's innocent, there's childlike,

0:38:410:38:43

-and then there's just asking for it.

-OK, Pete...

0:38:430:38:46

Look, he wants your goodness to rub off on him?

0:38:460:38:48

He wants your ass to rub off on him, is more like it.

0:38:480:38:51

-Oh, my God.

-Yeah. Whatever. You can't go out with him tonight anyway.

0:38:510:38:54

Wait, what do you mean, I can't go out with him tonight?

0:38:540:38:57

I mean that...I need you to stay for the late shift.

0:38:570:39:01

Uh, Janine's sick. Yeah, she's got a cough.

0:39:010:39:04

-She does not.

-Yeah, no, not...

0:39:040:39:07

yet, but she will. She's definitely coming down with something.

0:39:070:39:11

No, she's not.

0:39:110:39:12

-Janine, cough for me.

-Huh?

0:39:120:39:15

Cough for me, Janine.

0:39:150:39:16

See? God, it's all in your lungs.

0:39:180:39:19

-What is?

-Nothing, Janine.

0:39:190:39:21

-You're fine.

-You're not. Do not tell my employees

0:39:210:39:23

-when they are and when they are not fine.

-She's fine!

0:39:230:39:27

And even if she weren't, you'd have to find

0:39:270:39:29

somebody else to take the late shift, Petey,

0:39:290:39:31

because I am going out with Tad Hamilton.

0:39:310:39:33

-Stop that.

-You know, I did feel something in my lungs.

0:39:360:39:39

You're not getting off tonight, Janine.

0:39:390:39:41

Bob, not now!

0:39:410:39:44

PHONE LINE RINGING

0:39:440:39:46

'Everywhere Inn.'

0:39:460:39:47

Yeah, er...do you guys have any other rooms?

0:39:470:39:51

-Or how about suites?

-Oh, well, yeah, we've got sweets.

0:39:510:39:54

We've got some lollies down here by the register,

0:39:540:39:56

if you want to come on by and get yourself a lolly.

0:39:560:39:59

No, I mean, maybe something a little bigger? Or newer?

0:39:590:40:03

-Bigger and newer?

-Yeah, I understand what you mean, and no.

0:40:030:40:08

No, we don't have suites like that.

0:40:080:40:10

OK, I guess, that's cool.

0:40:100:40:12

-PHONE RINGING

-That's cool, I guess.

0:40:120:40:14

-Can you hold on a second?

-Yeah, yeah, sure.

0:40:140:40:17

Hello?

0:40:170:40:19

'Hi, big guy!'

0:40:190:40:20

-Hey!

-'Where are you?'

0:40:200:40:22

I'm at a motel in Fraziers Bottom, West Virginia.

0:40:220:40:25

OK. Words I never heard anyone utter.

0:40:250:40:28

-Oh, she's special, Richard.

-Who?

0:40:280:40:31

The girl from the charity thing.

0:40:310:40:32

-The win-a-date girl?

-Yeah.

0:40:320:40:34

You flew to a place actually called Fraziers Bottom, West Virginia,

0:40:340:40:38

and are staying in a motel in order to nail the win-a-date girl?

0:40:380:40:41

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

0:40:410:40:42

I don't want to nail her. Please don't put it in those terms.

0:40:420:40:46

Oh. Forgive me, Lord Byron.

0:40:460:40:48

I want to be around her, you know?

0:40:480:40:50

-Mm-hmm.

-She has a goodness.

-Right.

0:40:500:40:52

There's a lot that I can learn from her.

0:40:520:40:54

I'm trying to feed my soul, OK?

0:40:540:40:56

I'm trying to find a way to actually be happy.

0:40:560:40:59

You want to be happy now?!

0:40:590:41:00

This is big for me, Richard.

0:41:000:41:01

This is a turning point for me.

0:41:010:41:04

That's what you think today,

0:41:040:41:06

but by the end of the week, when you've nailed her...

0:41:060:41:08

you're going to feel differently, and...

0:41:080:41:13

and what do you suppose happens then?

0:41:130:41:15

I will tell you what happens then.

0:41:150:41:19

You pulverise her heart,

0:41:190:41:22

and then the press finds out,

0:41:220:41:23

and all the good that was done

0:41:230:41:25

by the Win-a-date promotion gets washed away,

0:41:250:41:27

and Jimmy Ing continues breathing.

0:41:270:41:30

A person like you cannot have a relationship with a girl from Montana.

0:41:300:41:33

-West Virginia.

-Whatever it is!

-Why not?

-You're too different.

0:41:330:41:36

Your values are different. For example...she has them!

0:41:360:41:40

No, no, this can work.

0:41:400:41:41

It can't, and when it ends, very bad for business.

0:41:410:41:44

There are more important things than business, for God's sakes.

0:41:440:41:48

I don't even know who I'm talking to now.

0:41:480:41:50

Hello? Hello? Is this Tad?

0:41:500:41:51

What have you done with Tad?

0:41:510:41:53

I gotta go, OK?

0:41:530:41:54

No, you don't. You do not gotta go.

0:41:540:41:56

What you gotta do is understand

0:41:560:41:57

that you're going through some kind of a phase right now,

0:41:570:42:00

some kind of an extreme version

0:42:000:42:02

of your normal, in-between-jobs insanity,

0:42:020:42:04

and it has a hold of you.

0:42:040:42:05

You need to come back to LA, have a Bushmills and a Percocet,

0:42:050:42:09

go out on a date with an actress looking to advance her career,

0:42:090:42:11

and put an end to all this self-destructive behaviour.

0:42:110:42:14

-I'll talk to you soon.

-No! No, Tad! Bad Tad!

0:42:140:42:16

-Bye, Richard.

-Don't hang up on me!

0:42:160:42:19

Ow...!

0:42:230:42:25

Hello?

0:42:260:42:28

Yes, Mr Hamilton, I am here, sir.

0:42:280:42:30

You guys wouldn't happen to have a masseuse on staff, would you?

0:42:300:42:33

Uh, no, but I am a very fast learner,

0:42:330:42:36

and I could, um...

0:42:360:42:39

Hello?

0:42:390:42:40

# Back to you

0:42:510:42:53

# It always comes around

0:42:530:42:56

# Back to you

0:42:560:42:58

# I walk with your shadow

0:42:580:43:01

# I'm sleeping in my bed

0:43:010:43:03

# With your silhouette

0:43:030:43:07

# Yeah, should have smiled in that picture

0:43:080:43:13

# If it's the last that I'll see of you

0:43:140:43:18

# It's the least that you could not do... #

0:43:180:43:25

DOORBELL RINGS Coming.

0:43:390:43:42

You must be Tad.

0:43:450:43:47

Must be. You are Tad. I know what you look like.

0:43:470:43:50

-Nice to meet you, Mr Futch.

-Henry, for God's sake. Please come in.

0:43:500:43:54

Thank you.

0:43:540:43:55

Rosie'll be down in a minute.

0:43:550:43:57

OK, great.

0:43:570:43:59

May I, er, offer you a chocolate martini?

0:43:590:44:03

-Oh, wow, look at that.

-I hear they're very big out your way.

0:44:050:44:09

Yeah, yeah, I guess they are.

0:44:090:44:11

But I'm driving, so...

0:44:110:44:14

That-a-boy.

0:44:140:44:16

Have a seat.

0:44:170:44:19

So...

0:44:270:44:29

it looks like, Emperor's New Clothes

0:44:290:44:31

will top 100 mil in domestic BO, huh?

0:44:310:44:34

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

0:44:340:44:36

And that Quantum Studios, I-I...

0:44:360:44:38

I think they're looking to vertically integrate,

0:44:380:44:40

either by buying a Web or a Weblet.

0:44:400:44:43

-Could be.

-I...

0:44:430:44:45

Oh-ho, yes. Yeah.

0:44:450:44:49

Hey.

0:44:540:44:56

-Hi.

-I see you've met Dad.

0:44:560:44:58

Yeah. We've been talking shop.

0:44:580:45:01

So, what do you want to do tonight?

0:45:010:45:03

Well, er...do you guys have a movie theatre?

0:45:030:45:05

The Warner.

0:45:050:45:07

It's part of the Loews family of theatres.

0:45:070:45:09

Have you seen King Arthur of Britain yet?

0:45:090:45:12

I've been wanting to.

0:45:120:45:13

Well, you two enjoy yourselves.

0:45:130:45:15

Have her back by dawn and no cocaine, huh?

0:45:150:45:17

No, sir.

0:45:180:45:20

How was I?

0:45:250:45:26

-You were great, Daddy.

-OK.

0:45:260:45:28

Goodnight. Bye-bye.

0:45:300:45:34

I'm telling you, that's him.

0:45:340:45:36

Oh, yeah.

0:45:360:45:37

Mom, I swear it's him.

0:45:370:45:39

You think so?

0:45:390:45:41

You look so sad there.

0:45:410:45:43

Give me a break - I'd just lost my wife and my goat.

0:45:450:45:49

TV: 'Next week, on a very special Paramedic Rescue...'

0:45:490:45:54

'And what were your respective ages?

0:46:020:46:05

'I was 12, and she was, er...30.

0:46:050:46:09

'Did your mother...'

0:46:090:46:11

'Hasta el proximo miercoles.'

0:46:120:46:15

ANNOUNCER: 'Ahora disponsible en viernes...'

0:46:150:46:18

TURNS TV OFF

0:46:190:46:21

So, what do people do at this point in the evening

0:46:210:46:24

in Fraziers Bottom, West Virginia?

0:46:240:46:27

Well, they go to the diner.

0:46:270:46:29

We could do that. We haven't eaten anything in almost 15 minutes.

0:46:290:46:32

Or they go home.

0:46:320:46:34

Well, it is a school night, so...

0:46:340:46:36

Of course, if it were a date, we might go to the Watergap... Overlook.

0:46:360:46:42

And...what do people do there?

0:46:420:46:45

They park.

0:46:450:46:48

And then?

0:46:480:46:50

And then they marvel at what a feat of engineering the gap is.

0:46:510:46:55

But, you know, this isn't a date - we can't do that.

0:46:550:46:57

-No.

-Rosalee, I don't want to do anything

0:46:570:47:00

that might harm the friendship.

0:47:000:47:02

Me, neither.

0:47:020:47:04

Over two trillion tons of water...

0:47:060:47:09

pass through the gap every hour.

0:47:090:47:12

That's enough water to float a battleship.

0:47:150:47:17

Or put out every fire in West Virginia.

0:47:190:47:21

-PHONE RINGING

-No kidding.

0:47:210:47:23

Excuse me.

0:47:230:47:26

RINGING CONTINUES

0:47:260:47:29

RINGING FADES

0:47:290:47:30

RINGING IN DISTANCE

0:47:300:47:32

SPLASHING

0:47:320:47:33

CHUCKLES

0:47:350:47:37

PHONE RINGING

0:47:380:47:39

-Hello?

-Hi, Mr Futch. Uh, it's Pete.

0:47:460:47:49

Hiya, Pete. Uh, Rosie's not here.

0:47:490:47:52

She's out with Tad Hamilton.

0:47:520:47:54

Really? I hadn't... OK, cool.

0:47:540:47:56

Well, good for her, then.

0:47:560:47:58

He seems like a very nice guy.

0:47:580:48:00

He does. Lovely...

0:48:000:48:02

lovely guy.

0:48:020:48:04

So, like, er, where'd they go?

0:48:040:48:07

-The movies.

-Oh, the movies.

0:48:070:48:10

OK, well, it looks like the...

0:48:100:48:12

7:00 would get out 8:45, 8:50...

0:48:120:48:15

Or...so someone happened to...

0:48:150:48:19

just mention to me in passing.

0:48:190:48:22

So, I guess that would put them...

0:48:220:48:24

out and about and on to their...

0:48:240:48:26

next activity.

0:48:260:48:29

Yeah, I guess it would, Pete.

0:48:290:48:30

I'll leave Rosie a note that you called.

0:48:300:48:33

Oh, yeah. I had a little, er, inventory question,

0:48:330:48:36

a little...dairy case...query,

0:48:360:48:40

but, you know, we-we can, er, clear that up tomorrow.

0:48:400:48:42

OK, Pete. Goodbye.

0:48:420:48:44

All right.

0:48:440:48:47

-Rosie?

-Huh?

0:48:490:48:52

SIREN BLARES

0:48:540:48:57

Hi. Could I see your driver's licence and regis...

0:48:590:49:02

Yikes-a-bee.

0:49:020:49:04

Hello, officer.

0:49:040:49:06

Rosalee?

0:49:060:49:08

-Hi, Tom.

-Hi.

0:49:080:49:10

Wow. Oh, boy.

0:49:100:49:13

OK. OK, then.

0:49:130:49:16

-We, er, we heard you were in town there, Mr Hamilton.

-Did you?

0:49:160:49:20

Pretty fond of our Rosalee there, huh?

0:49:200:49:22

Uh-huh, yes... yes, I am, Officer.

0:49:220:49:24

Oh, er, right, right.

0:49:240:49:27

Uh, listen, we got a call saying

0:49:270:49:29

that there was someone parked here,

0:49:290:49:31

and well, you know it's illegal after sunset, so...

0:49:310:49:33

You got a call this hour?

0:49:330:49:35

Yeah, yeah, we got a call.

0:49:350:49:36

From who, a raccoon?

0:49:360:49:37

ENGINE STARTS

0:49:370:49:40

Never mind.

0:49:440:49:46

I am gonna kill that Pete,

0:49:460:49:47

bring him back to life and then kill him again.

0:49:470:49:50

OK, calm down, calm down.

0:49:500:49:52

Well, why aren't you upset?

0:49:520:49:54

Because it doesn't matter. OK?

0:49:540:49:59

What happened here tonight...

0:50:000:50:04

was a force of nature.

0:50:040:50:06

Yeah.

0:50:060:50:08

Two people set out to be friends, but...

0:50:080:50:12

nature would have none of it.

0:50:120:50:14

Nature wanted them to be more...

0:50:140:50:18

and nature is gonna want that tomorrow.

0:50:180:50:22

What did I tell you?

0:50:410:50:43

What did I tell you about your...

0:50:430:50:47

carnal treasure?

0:50:470:50:48

You said to guard it.

0:50:480:50:50

I said, "Guard it," and what did you do?

0:50:500:50:52

You-you...practically chucked it at him.

0:50:520:50:55

You're acting like it was some sleazy night.

0:50:550:50:57

-It wasn't. It was classy.

-Oh, that's right.

0:50:570:50:59

I mean, it's not like he took you to the movies

0:50:590:51:01

-and then felt you up in his car.

-The evening evolved, Pete.

0:51:010:51:04

Oh, my God. Did he actually say that?

0:51:040:51:07

It started out as two friends going to the movies...

0:51:070:51:09

And it evolved into dry humping.

0:51:090:51:12

He fought it. He didn't want to do anything

0:51:120:51:14

-that might wreck the friendship.

-Wow. I... Um...

0:51:140:51:18

Wow, did he actually...um...

0:51:180:51:19

I can't believe he used that line.

0:51:190:51:22

-And I can't believe that you bought it.

-It's not a line.

0:51:220:51:25

OK, fellas, a show of hands.

0:51:250:51:28

Who here has used some form of the

0:51:280:51:30

"don't want to harm the friendship" line?

0:51:300:51:33

-Oh.

-Father Newell?

0:51:360:51:38

Well, prior to my enfrockment.

0:51:380:51:39

Rosie, what are Tad's pectorals like to the touch?

0:51:420:51:45

Are they warm yet firm, like...?

0:51:450:51:47

Cath, it's really not helping right now.

0:51:470:51:49

Sorry, Pete, got caught up.

0:51:490:51:51

Thanks. Listen, Rosie, just...

0:51:510:51:55

Listen to me. Bottom line...

0:51:570:51:59

Tad Hamilton is an actor.

0:51:590:52:01

OK? How do you know that he's not acting with you?

0:52:010:52:06

He's not acting.

0:52:060:52:09

No. He is.

0:52:090:52:11

He's playing a role.

0:52:110:52:13

The role of Hollywood bad boy trying to find virtue.

0:52:130:52:17

OK, after you guys...

0:52:190:52:20

..after you guys have, like,

0:52:220:52:24

been together a couple times,

0:52:240:52:28

he is out of here, OK?

0:52:280:52:30

You will never see him again.

0:52:320:52:34

Hey, Rosie, guess what?

0:52:360:52:38

I bought a house. I bought a house!

0:52:380:52:41

Can you believe it?

0:52:410:52:43

It's actually a farm with a house and a silo for my wheat.

0:52:430:52:47

-Really?

-Yeah.

-You bought a house?!

-I bought a house.

0:52:470:52:50

Now we're putting down roots, baby.

0:52:500:52:53

What do you think of that?

0:52:530:52:56

-I think that's good.

-So, come see it. Maybe after work?

0:52:560:52:58

-I'd love to.

-Yeah, I'd love to.

0:52:580:53:01

Great.

0:53:040:53:06

So, he's going to stay in the motel while he fixes up the farm.

0:53:280:53:31

What, like he's a farmer all of a sudden?

0:53:310:53:33

I think he'll be a good farmer.

0:53:330:53:35

Rosie, he's from Malibu, California, OK?

0:53:350:53:38

-The only thing they grow there are breasts.

-Could you smile a little bit?

0:53:380:53:41

-This means nothing.

-You are unbelievable.

0:53:410:53:44

What? Rosie, people like this buy houses all the time.

0:53:440:53:47

It's called a tax shelter.

0:53:470:53:49

Oh, Peter!

0:53:490:53:50

I can guarantee you that by the end of today,

0:53:500:53:53

Tad's farm and his house...

0:53:530:53:56

his fricking wheat...

0:53:560:53:58

right back on the market.

0:53:580:54:00

Why? What are you gonna do?

0:54:000:54:03

Nothing. Just, you know... just be a good neighbour.

0:54:030:54:06

Howdy!

0:54:130:54:14

Tad, this place is unbelievable.

0:54:140:54:16

Thanks, little lady.

0:54:160:54:18

Well, this barn sits on what they call the "south 40".

0:54:200:54:24

Yep. I'm not sure exactly how many acres that is, but, er...

0:54:240:54:28

I'm gonna guess that's a lot.

0:54:280:54:30

I'm gonna guess 40.

0:54:310:54:34

Oh, yeah.

0:54:340:54:36

Could be.

0:54:360:54:38

Being a new farm owner and all, I know you'll probably get some people

0:54:380:54:43

to run this place for you,

0:54:430:54:44

but, hell, I'd be happy to show you a couple of everyday farm chores.

0:54:440:54:48

Really? Wow, that'd be great. Thank you.

0:54:480:54:51

Oh, Tad... that's not a problem.

0:54:510:54:54

Tad, what you're gonna do here

0:54:540:54:57

is grab on to one of the-the...

0:54:570:54:59

COW MOOING

0:54:590:55:01

Essentially, one of the nipples.

0:55:010:55:03

And, er, you know, just pull it firmly but gently towards the pail.

0:55:030:55:06

Now, you're gonna freak out...

0:55:060:55:08

MILK SPLASHING

0:55:080:55:09

Mmm, look at all that creamy milk.

0:55:090:55:11

That-a-girl, Arleen!

0:55:110:55:13

That-a-girl.

0:55:130:55:15

Boy, you are making old Tad thirsty. Mmm!

0:55:150:55:17

Where'd you learn to do that?

0:55:170:55:19

Remember my remake of The Grapes Of Wrath?

0:55:190:55:21

OK, so, trick is to take a full swing,

0:55:260:55:31

so as to split the log in one swift...

0:55:310:55:35

..stroke.

0:55:370:55:39

OK...

0:55:390:55:41

Yeah.

0:55:410:55:44

Let's do this.

0:55:440:55:46

Hey, so, er...you work out?

0:55:460:55:49

Nah.

0:55:490:55:51

Yeah, me, neither.

0:55:510:55:52

I know, it's like... me, neither.

0:55:520:55:54

OK, er...just basically one... swift...stroke.

0:55:540:55:59

And sometimes, you know, basically,

0:56:010:56:04

you get a bad piece of wood... basically.

0:56:040:56:06

And you know, sometimes you don't.

0:56:060:56:08

-That's good.

-Beginner's luck, you know?

0:56:080:56:11

First time's the charm.

0:56:110:56:12

And the luck continues.

0:56:140:56:15

That's great. Good for you, man.

0:56:150:56:17

Pete, you ever see a movie I did called "A Man Named Jackson"?

0:56:170:56:21

If it came out, Tad...

0:56:210:56:24

then I saw it.

0:56:240:56:26

No, I think the axe is actually broken, yeah.

0:56:280:56:32

You got it? Good. Yeah.

0:56:320:56:33

Which is why I try to stay away from melodramas.

0:56:530:56:56

Oh, my God. I finally did it.

0:56:560:56:58

People...are you watching this?

0:56:580:57:01

Rosie?

0:57:010:57:03

Whoa! Pete!

0:57:440:57:46

-Hey, Tad.

-Um...hey!

0:57:460:57:48

Can I talk to you for a sec?

0:57:480:57:50

Yeah. Sure.

0:57:500:57:53

-Forgive the intrusion, but, er...

-No, no, no, no.

0:57:530:57:56

Please, er, er, fire away.

0:57:560:57:58

OK. Here it is.

0:57:580:58:02

You win.

0:58:060:58:08

OK? Fair and square.

0:58:080:58:11

You win.

0:58:110:58:13

Thank you.

0:58:130:58:14

I mean, you did have an advantage or two going in.

0:58:140:58:18

Excuse me! We're...in the middle of something here.

0:58:180:58:22

Yeah. No problem.

0:58:220:58:24

I want Rosie to be happy,

0:58:280:58:31

so, er, I gotta ask you, like, a couple questions. Uh...

0:58:310:58:35

Do you know how long she keeps her hair in straight mode

0:58:350:58:38

-and how long in curly?

-Uh, wh-what?

0:58:380:58:42

-Or why her favourite necklace is a starfish clasp?

-No.

0:58:420:58:46

-Do you even know that she has six different smiles?

-Six smiles?

0:58:460:58:50

Yeah. One when something just flat-out makes her laugh,

0:58:500:58:53

and one when she's laughing out of politeness.

0:58:530:58:55

But there's one when she makes plans,

0:58:550:58:57

one when she makes fun of herself,

0:58:570:58:59

one when she's uncomfortable...

0:58:590:59:02

and one...

0:59:020:59:04

one when she's talking about her friends.

0:59:040:59:07

Uh... I don't know those things yet, Pete.

0:59:090:59:12

No, you don't, Tad.

0:59:120:59:14

I'm telling you, she is more of a-a...

0:59:140:59:18

a treasure than you can possibly know.

0:59:180:59:21

She is not just some wholesome, small-town girl,

0:59:210:59:25

some, like, good-for-you breath of fresh air.

0:59:250:59:27

Tad, she is a wonderful person with a huge heart.

0:59:270:59:31

And the kind of beauty that a guy only sees once, you know, once.

0:59:310:59:35

Listen, Tad, if there's even a chance

0:59:370:59:41

that you could break her heart, please, just,

0:59:410:59:45

for her sake...

0:59:450:59:47

walk away, man.

0:59:470:59:50

I could never break Rosalee's heart, OK?

0:59:520:59:55

Good.

0:59:550:59:56

Cos if you do, I swear to God,

0:59:560:59:58

I will tear you to pieces with my bare hands.

0:59:581:00:00

Or...vicious rhetoric.

1:00:001:00:03

You're a good guy, Pete.

1:00:081:00:10

But you know, it's...

1:00:101:00:13

apparently, not good enough.

1:00:131:00:16

Do you mind if I, er...?

1:00:271:00:29

Oh, yeah, no. My bad.

1:00:291:00:31

-Finish up in here. Sorry.

-Thanks.

1:00:311:00:34

MUSIC PLAYING

1:00:361:00:38

You're a good kisser.

1:00:421:00:44

-But I guess it doesn't come as a shock to you to hear that.

-No.

1:00:441:00:49

You're a really good kisser.

1:00:491:00:51

Even compared to Hollywood girls?

1:00:511:00:55

-Mm-hmm.

-Well, that's just ridiculous.

1:00:551:00:59

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-< Oh, Tad Hamilton!

1:01:051:01:08

-Your favourite two people are here.

-You gotta be kidding me.

1:01:081:01:11

-Who is it?

-Guess who?

1:01:111:01:13

It's my agent and my manager.

1:01:131:01:15

Taddy?

1:01:151:01:18

Oh, this is a nightmare.

1:01:181:01:19

< Housekeeping!

1:01:191:01:21

< Let us in!

1:01:211:01:23

< Hey, Tad...

1:01:231:01:25

I'd like to apologise for...

1:01:251:01:27

< Open zee zleibenshlocken!

1:01:271:01:30

Come on! You're not gonna be punk'd.

1:01:301:01:33

-Fellas.

-Tad!

1:01:331:01:35

Tad Edward Hamilton.

1:01:351:01:37

Oh, howdy, little lady.

1:01:401:01:42

Hi.

1:01:421:01:43

Uh... my manager, Richard Levy

1:01:451:01:48

and my agent, Richard Levy.

1:01:481:01:50

-Uh...you're both named Richard Levy?

-Who isn't?

1:01:501:01:54

-You... you must be Rosalee.

-Yes.

1:01:571:02:02

-Uh, did we come at a bad time?

-I hope so.

1:02:021:02:05

-Actually, yes.

-Well, Tad...

1:02:051:02:08

Jimmy Ing stopped breathing.

1:02:081:02:11

-What?

-You got the part, pal.

1:02:121:02:14

Seems he saw something that reminded him that he had to have you.

1:02:141:02:18

It was... It was the body of your work.

1:02:181:02:21

-I knew it!

-Your credits. The reality of you and who you are.

1:02:211:02:25

That's right. He called me up, and he said, "Who am I kidding?

1:02:251:02:28

"Tad Hamilton has to play this part. There's nobody else!"

1:02:281:02:30

Oh, oh, fellas, I gotta tell you.

1:02:331:02:34

I have never felt better than I do at this moment.

1:02:341:02:37

Yeah, except for that weekend in Cabo.

1:02:371:02:40

That is exactly what...

1:02:401:02:41

Yes! That's what I'm talking about!

1:02:411:02:44

Oh, easy! I got a bad back. Oh!

1:02:441:02:47

That's exactly what I'm talking about!

1:02:471:02:49

Ah! I told you all you needed was a little good career news

1:02:491:02:53

to put your head back on straight.

1:02:531:02:54

Oh! Yes!

1:02:541:02:57

-So then, you're leaving?

-Yes.

1:02:571:03:00

You've got fittings all day Monday and rehearsals start Tuesday.

1:03:001:03:03

You're back on the beam, Pally.

1:03:031:03:05

Boy, things happen fast, huh?

1:03:061:03:09

Oh, my God. You're right.

1:03:171:03:20

No, no, no. It's fine.

1:03:201:03:22

-I'm going to turn it down.

-What?

-What?

-Wha...?

1:03:221:03:25

I came here vowing to change my priorities,

1:03:251:03:27

and at the first opportunity, I'm...

1:03:271:03:29

I'm abandoning that.

1:03:291:03:31

Tad, come on. You're not going to turn down the part.

1:03:311:03:33

-We both know that.

-Yeah.

1:03:331:03:36

Give us a minute, will you, fellas?

1:03:361:03:39

We will be in the lobby.

1:03:391:03:41

I wonder if they have a masseuse on staff.

1:03:441:03:47

-I want you to go with me.

-What?

1:03:571:04:00

-What?!

-Shh!

1:04:001:04:02

She absolutely cannot go with him.

1:04:021:04:05

I'm not taking the part unless you go with me.

1:04:051:04:08

Although I'm sure we could work something out.

1:04:081:04:10

-Really?

-Yes. Really.

1:04:101:04:12

Rosie, have you been listening to anything I've been telling you?

1:04:121:04:16

I love you.

1:04:161:04:19

How many times in your life have you said that?

1:04:211:04:25

Ay, yi, yi.

1:04:251:04:27

Uh...not counting the movies?

1:04:271:04:30

Not counting.

1:04:301:04:32

I've said it a few times.

1:04:351:04:37

But...

1:04:371:04:39

But I-I never knew what it meant.

1:04:411:04:45

I can't go with you, Tad.

1:04:491:04:51

Because you don't love me.

1:04:531:04:54

Oh...

1:04:541:04:56

You maybe want to love me,

1:04:561:04:57

but I think what you love right now is the idea of me.

1:04:571:05:02

You can't love someone for what they stand for, or what they seem to be.

1:05:021:05:06

You have to love them for their details,

1:05:061:05:08

for the little things that are true of them and only them.

1:05:081:05:11

-But I do love you for your details, Rosie.

-You don't.

-Yes, I do.

1:05:111:05:14

You couldn't possibly. You don't even know what they are.

1:05:141:05:17

You have six smiles.

1:05:261:05:28

What?

1:05:281:05:31

You have six smiles. Did you know that?

1:05:311:05:35

One when something really makes you laugh,

1:05:361:05:40

and one when you're just...

1:05:401:05:43

laughing out of politeness.

1:05:431:05:45

One when you're making plans,

1:05:451:05:48

and one when you're making fun of yourself.

1:05:481:05:51

And one when you're uncomfortable,

1:05:511:05:53

and one when...

1:05:531:05:56

one when you're talking about your friends.

1:05:561:05:59

-How many is that?

-Like 50.

1:05:591:06:02

I told you. I told you.

1:06:031:06:06

That is so much better than any speech from any of your movies.

1:06:081:06:12

I had a better writer.

1:06:121:06:14

LAUGHS

1:06:141:06:17

So...

1:06:171:06:19

..will you go?

1:06:201:06:22

Yes.

1:06:311:06:33

# I'm goin' back to Cali, to Cali, to Cali... #

1:06:351:06:39

-What are you thinking?

-Nothing.

1:06:411:06:44

I'm done thinking.

1:06:441:06:45

If I'm making some huge mistake, I don't even want to know.

1:06:451:06:49

You're not making a mistake.

1:06:491:06:51

You know, as a bartender,

1:07:011:07:03

you do learn to kind of recognise

1:07:031:07:06

those customers who...need to talk.

1:07:061:07:09

Angelica, I'm fine. But could I have, like, six more of these?

1:07:091:07:15

No, Pete, you really need to talk.

1:07:151:07:19

OK.

1:07:221:07:24

Um... I think that, er, our friend, Rosie,

1:07:241:07:29

-might be falling in love with Tad Hamilton.

-Yeah.

1:07:291:07:34

Didn't have to be a bartender to see that one coming.

1:07:341:07:37

But the problem with that is...

1:07:371:07:40

..that I'm in love with Rosie.

1:07:421:07:44

You know...I always thought that maybe you were.

1:07:471:07:52

So, how much do you love her?

1:07:591:08:01

Is it love? Is it big love?

1:08:031:08:06

Or is it great love?

1:08:061:08:08

Wh...like, how... what do you mean?

1:08:081:08:10

Well, love you get over in two months, big love, two years,

1:08:101:08:15

and great love...

1:08:151:08:17

Yeah...?

1:08:191:08:20

Great love changes your life.

1:08:201:08:23

Oh, my God.

1:08:311:08:33

It's great love.

1:08:331:08:35

Isn't that great?

1:08:401:08:42

Well, you've got to win her back.

1:08:421:08:45

Angelica...

1:08:451:08:47

trust me.

1:08:471:08:49

I have tried...

1:08:491:08:51

everything.

1:08:511:08:53

Well, what did she say when you told her that you love her?

1:08:531:08:56

Well...er...

1:08:591:09:00

actually, maybe not everything, but, er...

1:09:001:09:04

What did she say when you kissed her?

1:09:041:09:07

OK, maybe it's more like, er... two things I haven't tried.

1:09:071:09:10

Well...what have you tried?

1:09:101:09:13

I have very unsubtly implied how I feel about her.

1:09:131:09:20

OK. Get up.

1:09:201:09:21

-What?

-Get your ass off the barstool.

1:09:211:09:23

Angelica...

1:09:231:09:24

Hey, if you feel it

1:09:241:09:26

and you don't do everything in your power to reach for it,

1:09:261:09:30

you are basically slapping life in the face.

1:09:301:09:32

Hey, I hate to break it to you,

1:09:321:09:35

but I don't stand a chance here, OK?

1:09:351:09:37

As my father told me when I said

1:09:371:09:40

I'd never get that job in a bar,

1:09:401:09:42

"Honey, your odds go up when you file an application."

1:09:421:09:47

Sure, but, um... I'm up against...

1:09:471:09:51

Tad Hamilton.

1:09:511:09:54

You are Tad Hamilton.

1:09:571:09:59

-What?

-Don't you see?

1:10:001:10:02

Everybody's Tad Hamilton to somebody, Pete.

1:10:021:10:06

Rosalee's Tad Hamilton to you, and you're Tad Hamilton to me.

1:10:061:10:12

Angelica, thank you.

1:10:141:10:18

So start acting like it.

1:10:181:10:20

OK.

1:10:201:10:22

Yeah. OK.

1:10:221:10:25

You are a really good bartender.

1:10:261:10:29

-Hi.

-Hey.

-Come in, come in.

1:10:411:10:45

-I have something I want to talk to you about.

-Me, too.

1:10:501:10:53

-Really? You go first.

-No, you go first.

1:10:531:10:55

-No, seriously, you go first.

-OK.

1:10:551:10:58

Tad got a part in this huge movie,

1:10:581:11:01

and he asked me to go with him to California for the shoot.

1:11:011:11:05

We leave tomorrow afternoon. Isn't that great?

1:11:051:11:07

I probably should have gone first.

1:11:071:11:11

Why? what were you going to say?

1:11:111:11:13

It's nothing.

1:11:161:11:18

It was nothing.

1:11:181:11:20

Just, you know...

1:11:201:11:21

Travel safely, OK?

1:11:211:11:23

And just really enjoy the shoot.

1:11:231:11:25

Actually, no. I remember what I was going to say.

1:11:301:11:32

I love you, Rosie.

1:11:441:11:46

I always have.

1:11:461:11:48

If I've been a jerk this last week,

1:11:481:11:51

it's because I have been fighting.

1:11:511:11:53

I have been fighting for you.

1:11:531:11:56

I don't want to lose you to Tad Hamilton or anyone else.

1:11:561:12:02

You're the one.

1:12:061:12:07

So, er...any reaction to any of this?

1:12:131:12:18

Because now would be an excellent time.

1:12:181:12:21

Now? You kiss me now?

1:12:241:12:28

You say this to me now after 22 years of being my friend?

1:12:301:12:34

Yes, um... to all questions.

1:12:361:12:40

I'm...

1:12:431:12:45

I have to pack.

1:12:481:12:50

You, um...

1:12:511:12:53

You're telling me that you can't answer

1:12:531:12:56

the most important question that I'll ever ask in my entire life,

1:12:561:13:00

because you have to pack?

1:13:001:13:01

Well, not only do I have to pack,

1:13:011:13:03

but I have, like, a load of whites in the dryer, and, um,

1:13:031:13:06

my dad called my relatives from San Clemente

1:13:061:13:08

and they're expecting me, so, you know, it's all in the works.

1:13:081:13:12

But this is...

1:13:121:13:13

Rosie...

1:13:151:13:16

what's in your heart?

1:13:161:13:19

I'm sorry.

1:13:281:13:31

I'm sorry, too.

1:13:381:13:40

You OK, Pete?

1:13:551:13:57

Yes, sir.

1:13:571:13:59

Listen, Pete, obviously we've all been a little seduced

1:13:591:14:03

by Tad Hamilton's presence.

1:14:031:14:05

No-one more so than me.

1:14:071:14:09

But that doesn't mean I don't know, at the end of the day,

1:14:101:14:13

who cares about my daughter the most

1:14:131:14:15

and who she would be with if the world were fair.

1:14:151:14:19

Well, it's not.

1:14:221:14:24

No. No, it's not.

1:14:241:14:27

You know, when I was your age,

1:14:271:14:29

I was completely in love with Eleanor Hershey.

1:14:291:14:33

Of the chocolate Hersheys.

1:14:351:14:38

The Hershey chocolates.

1:14:381:14:41

She was a great girl.

1:14:431:14:44

Completely unpretentious.

1:14:441:14:46

I actually met her filling her Cadillac up with gas.

1:14:461:14:49

Anyway, there was this French guy.

1:14:491:14:51

He was really rich.

1:14:511:14:54

He owned, like...France.

1:14:541:14:57

And I didn't stand a chance.

1:14:571:15:00

It happens that way sometimes, Pete.

1:15:001:15:02

It shouldn't, but it does. Sometimes Goliath kicks the shit out of David.

1:15:021:15:07

It's just nobody bothers to tell that story.

1:15:071:15:10

Well, thanks, Mr Futch.

1:15:121:15:14

That's... I feel much better now.

1:15:141:15:18

Goodnight, Mr Futch.

1:15:211:15:24

Take it easy, Pete.

1:15:241:15:26

-Are you sure you know what you're doing?

-No.

1:15:411:15:44

-Ever feel more confused or alone?

-No.

1:15:441:15:49

Have a nice flight.

1:15:491:15:52

-So, see you after principal photography.

-Yes, Daddy.

1:16:011:16:06

Hey, you guys don't mind not flying with us, right?

1:16:061:16:09

-We kind of need our privacy.

-It's fine.

1:16:091:16:12

Yeah, we're looking forward to our shit-ass commercial flight.

1:16:121:16:15

-We'll be fine.

-I always wanted to have a layover in Cincinnati.

1:16:151:16:18

-We will be absolutely fine.

-And another one in Chicago.

1:16:181:16:21

So we'll be in LA by...April.

1:16:211:16:23

We'll be fine.

1:16:251:16:26

-It's, um...it's time.

-OK.

1:16:291:16:31

Have a safe trip, Tad.

1:16:311:16:33

Bye, honey.

1:16:331:16:35

-Welcome aboard, Mr Hamilton.

-Bye.

1:16:371:16:40

-Miss.

-Thank you.

1:16:401:16:42

Stop it. Stop it. What's the matter with you? Oh, come on.

1:16:471:16:51

Commercial isn't so bad.

1:16:511:16:53

Please! there's got to be room for one more!

1:16:531:16:56

Will you pull yourself together? Thank you.

1:16:561:17:00

Would you like a Vicodin?

1:17:001:17:03

JET ENGINES ROAR

1:17:051:17:08

# I sit alone

1:17:081:17:11

# In a dark theatre, watching the people go by

1:17:111:17:15

# Hand in hand, everybody but me

1:17:151:17:19

# Oh...

1:17:191:17:21

# I stay behind

1:17:211:17:25

# Watching the credits roll by

1:17:251:17:28

# Roll, roll, roll right by me

1:17:281:17:32

# But I know I won't cry

1:17:321:17:37

# I won't cry

1:17:381:17:40

# Not tonight... #

1:17:401:17:42

Jimmy, being in your movie is a privilege.

1:17:421:17:45

In fact, it's more than a privilege, it's a, er, a real privilege.

1:17:451:17:51

Do you mind if I call you back in a few minutes?

1:17:511:17:54

OK. Thank you, sir.

1:17:541:17:57

You OK?

1:18:091:18:11

Mm-hmm. I'm just a little nervous for some reason.

1:18:111:18:16

I have a little nervous feeling in my self.

1:18:161:18:21

-But that's only natural, right?

-Yeah.

1:18:211:18:24

I mean, this is a pretty huge thing I'm doing.

1:18:241:18:27

Kind of a great leap of faith.

1:18:271:18:29

But I have that faith...in you.

1:18:291:18:34

-So I'm fine. It's going to be great.

-Good.

1:18:341:18:37

Can't you tell by my smile?

1:18:371:18:38

Which one is it?

1:18:431:18:45

-What?

-What number smile is it?

1:18:471:18:50

It's, er...

1:18:501:18:51

It was, er...one.

1:18:521:18:55

No, one was when something really made me laugh.

1:18:581:19:02

Right?

1:19:021:19:05

One and a half.

1:19:051:19:07

Rosie...

1:19:221:19:25

..I didn't know about your six smiles. Pete told me about them.

1:19:261:19:30

He made me swear that I wasn't going to break your heart,

1:19:301:19:33

or he would tear me to pieces,

1:19:331:19:35

either with his bare hands or his...rhetoric.

1:19:351:19:39

I stole the speech from Pete to get you to come here with me. I lied.

1:19:391:19:44

And I'm sorry.

1:19:441:19:46

And I know you're going to be very upset, I-I just...

1:19:461:19:50

-So Pete told you about the six smiles?

-Yeah.

1:19:531:19:56

-And made you swear that you wouldn't break my heart?

-Mm-hmm.

1:19:561:20:00

Or he'd tear you to pieces with either his bare hands or his rhetoric?

1:20:001:20:05

Yeah.

1:20:051:20:07

That is just so...

1:20:091:20:12

..adorable.

1:20:161:20:17

What?

1:20:201:20:21

Do you think it's possible to love someone your whole life

1:20:231:20:27

and never really realise it

1:20:271:20:30

until something happens that makes you see?

1:20:301:20:35

What's that from?

1:20:351:20:37

No, it's not from anything.

1:20:371:20:40

I'm just saying it to you.

1:20:401:20:42

Oh...

1:20:421:20:43

Wow.

1:20:461:20:47

Man, what a week.

1:20:581:21:00

Fell in love for the first time,

1:21:001:21:03

got my heart broken for the first time,

1:21:031:21:06

was honourable for the first time.

1:21:061:21:08

Got bit in the ass for being honourable for the first time.

1:21:081:21:12

Bought a farm.

1:21:121:21:15

I'm sorry about the broken heart part.

1:21:151:21:18

Do you think you could take me home now?

1:21:271:21:30

Yeah.

1:21:321:21:33

THUNDER RUMBLING

1:21:391:21:42

Thank you.

1:21:451:21:46

Cathy!

1:21:491:21:51

-Rosie?!

-Where's Pete?

1:21:511:21:53

He's not here. Honey, what are you doing here?

1:21:531:21:56

-He's always here. He's Pete.

-No, he didn't come in today.

1:21:561:22:00

Can I borrow your car?

1:22:011:22:03

Well, yes.

1:22:041:22:06

Thank you.

1:22:081:22:09

Pete! Pete!

1:22:221:22:25

Not Pete.

1:22:321:22:34

THUNDER RUMBLES

1:22:341:22:37

Wow.

1:22:371:22:39

I'm just here cos Pete asked me to box up some stuff.

1:22:521:22:56

Oh. Why? Where's he going?

1:22:561:22:59

Richmond.

1:22:591:23:00

And he isn't going.

1:23:001:23:03

He's gone.

1:23:031:23:04

He's gone to Richmond?

1:23:071:23:09

Why?

1:23:091:23:11

I cannot believe I'm taking my work home with me.

1:23:121:23:16

When great love is rejected, Rosalee, something inside a man dies.

1:23:191:23:25

So all he can do is run away,

1:23:251:23:27

where he can meet the girl he'll love second most.

1:23:271:23:30

-Unless, um...

-Unless what?

1:23:341:23:37

Unless you can get to him before he closes the book on you.

1:23:371:23:41

But once it's closed, it's closed.

1:23:431:23:46

It's finished, it's gone, dead.

1:23:461:23:49

It's crushed, it's beaten, it's buried. It is lost for all of time in a sea...

1:23:491:23:54

-Uh, Angelica.

-OK. Yeah.

1:23:541:23:57

I owe you.

1:23:571:24:00

Go.

1:24:031:24:04

# I will not be beaten

1:24:071:24:12

# You have yet to see me shinin'

1:24:121:24:18

# Shinin'

1:24:181:24:20

# I won't take this

1:24:201:24:22

# Lyin' down... #

1:24:221:24:25

COUNTRY WESTERN PLAYING

1:24:251:24:27

# You're gonna lose her

1:24:271:24:30

# To another guy... #

1:24:301:24:33

BUTTON CLICKS

1:24:331:24:34

'If you've been dumped recently, give us a call at Late Night Talk.

1:24:341:24:37

'Let's go to line one.'

1:24:371:24:39

EASY ROCK INTRO PLAYS

1:24:391:24:42

# There's a million little things I'm gonna miss... #

1:24:421:24:46

HORN HONKING

1:24:461:24:49

What? Pass me.

1:24:491:24:51

HONKING

1:24:511:24:54

Pete! Pete!

1:24:541:24:56

TYRES SQUEALING

1:24:561:24:58

-Are

-you OK? Yeah.

1:25:091:25:11

No...oh, no. I meant to do that.

1:25:111:25:14

The...

1:25:321:25:34

He...

1:25:361:25:37

You have five smiles, Pete.

1:25:461:25:48

One when you think someone's an idiot.

1:25:501:25:53

One when you think someone's really an idiot.

1:25:531:25:57

One when you're getting all dressed up.

1:26:001:26:04

One when you're singing Barry White.

1:26:041:26:08

And one...

1:26:081:26:10

when you're looking at me.

1:26:101:26:13

DJ: For all you lovers out there, this one's for you.

1:26:321:26:35

# I welcome you

1:26:351:26:39

# Inside my life

1:26:391:26:42

# Do what you do... #

1:26:421:26:45

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but...

1:26:451:26:49

..would you like to dance?

1:26:511:26:53

Yeah.

1:26:551:26:57

# I never thought I would love again

1:26:571:27:02

# I never thought I'd let somebody else in

1:27:021:27:06

# I never believed it

1:27:061:27:09

# I never thought I could love again

1:27:091:27:13

# No...

1:27:131:27:14

# Never thought I'd let somebody else in

1:27:141:27:18

# Never thought, I never thought, no

1:27:181:27:20

# I never thought I could trust in me, yeah

1:27:201:27:27

# But here I am in love once again

1:27:271:27:30

# Once again

1:27:301:27:33

# Oh, you make me happy

1:27:331:27:37

# So very happy, once again... #

1:27:371:27:43

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

1:28:341:28:38

A small-town girl wins a date with a male celebrity through a contest. When the date goes better than expected, trouble ensues.

In every love story, there's only room for one leading man.