Honeymoon in Vegas

This film contains some strong language.

BLEEPING

How's my mother doing?

Not so good today.

-TANNOY:

-'Dr Black, Dr Roger Black.'

Why weren't you in here before?

The doctor said...

Screw the doctor!

Mom... You should save your strength.

Jack, if I go...

You're not going to go!

If I go, I want you to make me a promise.

Say "I promise".

I promise.

That you'll always love me.

Of course, Mom.

And you'll never get married.

Mom! No, no!

I can't promise that.

No girl could love you like I did.

You'll be unhappy. Don't do it.

Mom, don't say that!

CRACKS

Promise me, Jack. Never.

Mom, that's a huge thing to ask!

Mom! MOM! MOM!

MOM! MOM!

I PROMISE I WON'T GET MARRIED!

'That's Mrs Lupo with the cable installer.'

'I'm Jack Singer, hired by her paranoid husband...

'who turned out not to be paranoid.

'I feel for all these people - the cheaters and the cheated on.

'Sneaking around, looking over their shouders.

'They confirm what my crazy mother said about marriage -

'it's a disaster waiting to happen.

'My job can get depressing,

'but it's not dangerous and I hear some great stories.'

My wife is having an affair with Mike Tyson.

HE CHOKES

Erm... Mike Tyson, Mike Tyson?

Yeah.

That's her. That's Millie.

Well... She's a beautiful girl.

When I think of them...

All right, calm down.

Let's just think this through.

My first question, obviously - you've seen them together?

What?

You've seen them? Your wife and Mr Tyson?

You don't believe me either!

I just need a place to start.

Everybody at the plant thinks I'm nuts!

They say it's Freddie Ramirez, but I know it's the champ!

She wouldn't cheat with a piece of shit like that!

I'm sure you're right. Don't get me wrong.

But let's say I follow this Ramirez around...

make sure it's not him.

You're all the same. Nobody believes me!

Don't just take off!

I'm a good listener! Mr Tomashefsky!

Leave me alone!

Hi, Bob.

'It's not glamorous work.

'So why am I telling you this?

'I have a story to tell about me and my girlfriend -

'Betsy Nolan. She's a teacher.

'I love her, but I haven't been able to marry her.'

Milton moved out?

Thursday. >

I ordered Chinese, he says, "Chinese again?" and comes out with a packed suitcase.

David's been quiet. I thought something was wrong.

Judy, if there's anything I can do..

Thanks. I thought you should know.

I'm so sorry. Bye, David.

Bye.

See you tomorrow.

OK.

I was in the neighbourhood.

What a nice surprise.

Oh! Forgot about that.

Tough day, huh?

..and they also have a two-year-old.

That's my point. People get married and then do hideous things.

Not all people, Jack. That's your mother talking.

I dreamt about her again.

Was she naked again?

Hey! I dreamt about her naked once! She was vacuuming.

Still...

It wasn't sexual, it was about cleanliness!

'She's great. When I play poker, she helps with food and she's funny.'

The ones with those crowns, they're called kings?

Let's go, make a bet!

Is she the best?

She's the best, now let's play!

'When she's off school, she'll come out on a job.'

Rolexes, 35! Downtown they're 45!

Butter bing, butter bang. There he is.

That's him?!

That fat pig? And he has four kids?!

Louder. They may not have heard.

I'm hungry. How about you?

Wait a beat.

Now.

This is very hard, being inconspicuous.

You're much too beautiful for this kind of work.

Me? I'm every man.

Here we go.

Oh, God!

Euch! This is so depressing.

It doesn't mean we wind up like this

No, it doesn't.

Jack, stop with your mother.

I tried, but I can't.

Why don't you go see a shrink?

It's too much money. I prefer to work it out myself.

As long as you wait for me.

Of course I'll wait for you.

Sometimes I'm afraid to go to sleep.

Maybe you won't dream about her.

Maybe I'll just read.

Come here, you big lug.

'A year later, things with Betsy and me...

'They started to get very shaky.'

-ANSWERPHONE:

-'I might be coming down with something.'

'She found excuses not to come over,

'and when she did, things weren't the same.'

I'm losing her.

Speaking of losing, you owe me 50.

Sally, I love her.

Well, you love her...

I want Georgetown.

Yeah? Give three.

Uptown it's two and a half!

Go uptown!

Jack, marry her. It's a decline, but it's not the end of the world.

Thanks very much.

Ask anybody.

She's different.

I repeat, ask anybody.

ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS

This isn't good, Jack.

Order something else.

I'm talking about us.

We're just in a down phase.

No, it's bigger than that.

I feel I'm counting on something that may never happen.

We have to go to the next step.

Is this an ultimatum?

I'm just telling you that I won't be a girlfriend forever.

I want kids and a family.

I gotta know what the deal is with us.

I'm in love with you.

And I love you, but I need a commitment. Life's too short.

I wanna be married.

THUNDER RUMBLES

Lights are green.

Let's get married tomorrow.

Get on a plane to Vegas and do it, now!

CAR HORNS BLARE

You're serious?

I must be, my legs are paralysed.

Oh, sweetie!

'The die was cast. If I'd said City Hall, the story would end here.

'But I didn't, and we took our fateful trip to Vegas.'

-BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN:

-# Bright-light city gonna set my soul, gonna set my soul on fire

# I got a whole lot of money that's ready to burn

# So get those stakes up high

# There's a thousand pretty women just a-waiting out there

# They're all waiting just the devil may care

# And I'm just a devil with love to spare

# So viva Las Vegas

# Viva Las Vegas

# Viva, viva Las Vegas! #

'The man in the limo was Tommy Korman the gambler.

'And he was about to enter my life.'

Yeah. Home sweet home.

CHATTERING

Wow, look at all these Elvises. Looks like a frigging zoo.

Freakin' zoo!

Mr Korman!

Mr Korman, Mr Sandwich. Buddy Walker, welcome to Bally's.

I've replaced Tony Carmello. Had you heard?

It escaped my attention.

I wonder if I could have a word.

It's all right.

Yeah, sure.

Er, Tommy, we have a small problem.

Oh, yeah?

Penthouse A is not available.

Oh?

-THUD

-Ooh!

Buddy, I would like penthouse A, where I've stayed for 15 years, now.

The president of Brazil is in there.

I don't care if Ming the friggin' Merciless is in there. Get him out!

Will do.

Good. Now I'll shake your hand. That's great, Buddy.

MUSIC: "Hound Dog" by Jeff Beck

-TANNOY:

-'Welcome to Las Vegas, the family fun capital of America.'

SHE SQUEALS

We just got here!

Oh, God!

EXCITED CHATTER

Oof! This is some heat. It's gotta be 110 easy, no?

It's dry. That's what these schmucks say.

150, but dry. So hot you can't see straight.

Gentlemen, would you like chaises?

What? Chaises?

Yes, sir.

What's your name?

G-Gary, sir.

You know there's no more ozone layer?

You could be arrested for letting people lay out here. Find it funny?

No, sir.

Here, remember that, all right?

Thank you, sir.

Ah! Remember Donna on the sunbeds?

Yeah, who knew back then?

Yeah, who knew?

Vegas, Miami, wherever.

'She lay out there all day with a Sidney Sheldon book and coconut oil.'

Doctor said he'd never seen skin like that, like a saddlebag.

We got a game tonight?

No, not yet.

OK.

She was a great girl, Donna.

I should've got her out of the sun.

12 bucks! No air conditioning, either.

SHE GIGGLES

I gotta get a suit like that.

That was some fight.

Hey, that was some fight.

He knocked out Holmes twice.

Tommy, let's go say hi, no?

Go ahead.

Champ, how you doing?

You look great! How about that Holmes fight?

What? What? What?

Look over there.

It's unbelievable.

Everything, her legs...

It's Donna.

Look at those Indian Elvises.

They loved his movie Blue Calcutta.

This is unbelievable.

I wanna get in that room, tear the bedspread off...

Yoo-hoo! Can I get a room?!

God's giving me a second chance.

There's no doubt about it.

What if they're married?

Look. There's no way they're married.

Yikes.

HE LAUGHS

Oh, my God!

Jack, we can't afford this!

I got it through Sally Molars - 120 bucks a night. Is it great, or what?

SHE SIGHS

What did you think of that mirror?

I liked it.

I never knew I had such a beautiful, round behind.

Or was that you?

That might've been me.

It's 2.30 already.

Maybe we should get some lunch...

do a little gambling, then get...

I'm very happy. I want you to know that.

And I love you so much.

Oh, I'm glad.

GUSHING WATER

This is Jack Singer, Ali Baba suite.

You can take the "Do Not Disturb" off my phone now. Thanks.

-TANNOY:

-'Bally's is happy to introduce...'

There's a poker game for new guests.

Could be fun. You have a swim, I play. Then we're off.

Where should we go?

There's all these chapels. We'll pick the most outrageous!

Your hand is wet.

I'm nervous, but I'm OK. I wanna do this.

Maybe we should go now.

In this heat?! It's 108 degrees!

We've waited this long, we'll do it right. At sunset, we get dressed up.

Jack, please...

It's not just an excuse! Hey, we're here to get married.

And to be together.

Absolutely.

So why do you have to play poker? Let's hang out.

It's a fast game with yokels. I'll make enough to pay for the trip.

1,000 in credit, in case you get murdered on a hand.

This is a promotional thing. Relax.

It's two hours, then we get married, end of story.

I don't know.

Glad you made it. Jack, right?

Yeah. It's my pleasure.

With all these Elvises... Excuse me.

..Elvises running around, no?

I haven't seen so many sideburns since West Side Story.

Very funny!

That's New York wit, am I right?

Right.

So, Tommy, you organise this for the hotel? The game?

Right. I'm...

I'm retired from the dress business, play for fun, and...

the hotel asked me to make guests feel at home...

Nobody gets badly hurt.

Sure.

Come on, let's play!

Ooh, the natives are getting restless!

EXCITED CRIES

-TANNOY:

-'Phone call for Betsy Nolan.'

'Scuse... Jack, shall I turn up the air conditioning?

No, thanks.

Sure?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Er... See the raise...

Bum twenty.

Can't catch a break here.

Get me a sandwich.

Yes, sir.

S-See it.

Well, the good Lord has blessed me with a full boat. Fives over jacks.

Shit!

Well, the King is out, boys.

I have 20 left. I probably should go.

Personally, I think you're playing very well. It's just bad luck.

You play perfect. It's just bad luck.

I don't have money to lose.

What concerns me is that you'll go home with a bad feeling about Vegas.

That concerns me.

I really won't.

He's scared. That's natural.

< It's not a matter of being scared, OK?

What? It's just money?

Yeah, it's just money.

Oh, well...

Here, you just activated your line of credit.

Here's a thousand. You lose, it's on the hotel, you win, pay it back.

He wanted to play in a poker game for new guests.

Mom, I can't hear you. ..Thanks.

You know, it's an introductory game.

I'll bet 200.

See it.

See it.

Well, I'm out.

See the 200 and, oh, God...

..raise a hundred.

Too rich for my blood.

See your hundred.

Raise you a th-thousand.

This is out of control.

I'm out.

See your thousand.

Red, huh?

Chickens!

Boat.

Aces over eights.

Shit!

Excellent!

Terrific.

Hey, you played that hand like...forget it.

I'm in a regular game in the city.

Really? You hadn't told me.

I'll call you before the ceremony.

Like, 10.30 your time.

Of course I'm excited!

< # Well, bright-light city gonna set my soul

# Gonna set my soul on fire

# I got a whole lot of money... #

Can you shut the fuck up?!

Tony, there's no need for that type of language here.

Oh. Er...

I raise 500.

I fold.

Well, baby, the King must fold.

I'll see the 500... and I'll raise 2,000.

You must have tremendous confidence.

I have tremendous...confidence.

Say good night, Gracie.

Confidence ain't gonna get it, kid.

I'll see the 2,500 and raise you three grand.

I think you got nothing.

That's your constitutional right.

OK, if that's the kind of game we're gonna play...

(Five to me.)

And... I raise you 8,000.

I thought we were playing for fun.

This is fun.

# Wise men say

# Only fools rush in... #

Eddie! Please!

We may have to ban singing here.

See the eight grand and raise you ten.

Hm?

Can I borrow 21 grand, please?

21 grand?

You know you can buy a friggin' Volvo for 21 grand?

I know what I'm doing.

You got some guts, kid.

It's not guts, it's realism.

There's 83 grand in there. >

Jackson, what's the word?

I'll see it.

And I'll raise you ten.

25,000 more, please.

This kid's got balls, am I right?

My hat's off to you, kid.

My shirt, too, the way you're playing.

To you.

Tick, tock. Tick, tock, tick, tock.

Well, may as well go down in flames.

-<

-What have you got?

Sorry, man. Straight flush to the jack.

That's one for the books.

-HE SIGHS:

-To the queen.

To the queen!

Yeah, that's a tough break.

Would you like a fruit plate?

TANNOY: '..located next to the coffee shop.'

I'm not assessing any blame here.

But the reality is that you're in a tremendous amount of trouble.

If I go to a loan shark...

Who's gonna give you 65,000 if you can't pay it back?

And if you can, give it to me.

I can't.

Non-payment advance. That's very serious everywhere, among people.

Among countries, they don't give a shit. They stiff everybody.

But...

individuals, they are expected to pay debts.

Especially gambling debts.

That's the essence of gambling - you risk something.

You put in money you haven't got, you can't get...

That's the lowest.

-HE SIGHS:

-People...

People can get badly injured.

Jack, I'm talking physically.

Maybe we could work it out over a couple of years...

You're not buying a washer/dryer!

You owe Tommy Korman 65,000!

Look, I'll rack my brain!

It's OK, I already racked mine.

You have a solution?

I do.

I want...

..your girlfriend for the weekend.

Betsy?! How do you know Betsy?

I don't... I don't know Betsy.

I don't know! I saw her in the lobby.

My wife Donna, rest in peace...

They look identical. They could be twins!

I'll wipe out the 65 bills... You let me spend the weekend with her.

We're getting married tonight!

Mmm, not tonight.

After the weekend.

Jack, look, I'll be a perfect gentleman.

I...just want her company.

She won't agree to this.

If she loves you, she'll agree.

-TANNOY:

-'May I have your attention...'

Hi!

'We are pleased to announce another 12,000 winner

'on one of our hot slot machines.

'Congratulations to the winner.'

What happened?

We, er...

We have to have a serious talk.

Were you out of your mind?!

I said you wouldn't do it!

He actually said if she spends the weekend with me, you owe me nothing?

Yes.

I am so nauseous!

You don't think this is killing me?

I had this feeling that something was not right.

Forget I mentioned it. There's options.

Like what? We don't have any money!

God, Jack!

He wants me to walk around in her clothes?

He wasn't that specific.

How could you put me in this position?!

You think I wanted this to happen?!

I was completely blindsided!

You went in with 500! We had this discussion!

I had A STRAIGHT FLUSH!

Know what a straight flush is? It's like unbeatable!

"Like unbeatable" is not unbeatable!

I know that now! OK?!

-DON'T YELL AT ME!

-I hate this place!

I won't sleep with him.

That's not even a consideration!

What if he holds a gun to my head?

He's a gambler! He was a garment centre guy!

A garment centre guy? That's a relief(!)

I'm not saying it's great.

Look at all these families here.

Happy families.

I'm a whore, Jack!

You've made me into a whore!

(Honey, I don't know what to do!)

You bring me to Vegas and turn me into a WHORE!

Forget it. This is insanity. I'll get the money.

From whom? My parents don't have it!

One weekend, he said.

Yes.

I can't.

This is NUTS!

RADIO PLAYS "La Donna E Mobile"

DENTIST SINGS

PHONE RINGS

Momento. It's eight to five you're gonna need root canal.

TURNS RADIO VOLUME DOWN

Dental Health Associates... Jack! How are you?

I'm having an emotional disaster!

Sally, don't start, just listen.

Can I get 65 grand by eight o'clock, Vegas time?

Bad weekend - I got killed on the Indiana game.

Who do you owe?

No shit!

Jack Singer owes Tommy Korman 65 grand.

(He's heard of him.)

I'd hate him to be a small-timer(!)

Don't make it worse than it is!

I can't make it worse!

Don't screw with him. Has he got an alternative?

Good. Take it. And don't ask questions.

Poor bastard.

# Run your fingers through my hair

# And cuddle me real tight

# Oh, let me be

# Yo-ur teddy bear

You guys just...just...

We're fine.

I'll be up in the room.

OK.

Or hanging around the...casino.

Sounds great.

So I'll see you in what? Two...two and a half hours?

Hey, tops.

This is like a get-acquainted meeting.

OK!

All right.

# ...your teddy bear! #

EXCITED CHATTER

# Like a river flows

# Surely to the sea

# Darling, so it goes

# Some things was meant to be

# Take my hand... #

Here's what I think - the game was fixed.

The game was clean, he lost.

With a straight flush?

Yeah, these things happen.

The odds are three billion to one. I looked it up.

You looked it up?

I used to call Donna "Perry Mason". Whatever I said, she had an answer.

And you resented that?

No, it was like a game.

Like if I said I wanna buy a Linc and she said no, buy a Cadillac,

because the repair ratio... Y'know, it never ended.

You read a lot, I bet.

Yeah. Well, I'm a teacher.

You're a teacher?

I had no idea.

-<

-A teacher?

Ready?

Absolutely.

Place your bets.

It's extremely important that I win.

I'll see what I can do.

Cigarettes?

Yeah, absolutely.

# Take my hand

# Take my whole life too

# For I can't help

# Falling in love with you... #

So by '85, it had spread all over the place.

That's the thing about these melanomas...

You see a piece of skin, you lift it off like nothing.

APPLAUSE

The next thing you're taking CAT-scans...

it spreads to the lung and the liver...

I'm sorry.

She was pretty young?

38.

What you gonna do?

Do you have kids?

Yeah. Two, boy and a girl.

Chris and Allie, they were teenagers then. Chris is married.

Just out of law school, practising in Boston.

Allie, she's at Bennington, fighting off her poetry professor.

She's a knockout.

You'll meet Chris this weekend.

Is he coming here?

No, he'll join us in Hawaii.

20, 20, 20... No, 20 doesn't feel good, 19 feels good.

-<

-No more bets.

Deal was for the weekend. It didn't have to be Vegas, could be anywhere.

That wasn't my understanding.

I got a place in Kauai on the beach. It'll knock your socks off.

Chris'll be there, his wife and baby. A family time.

HE COUGHS

20, black, even.

-<

-Place your bets.

Hi, old-timer, feeling lucky?

Actually, I'm not.

-TANNOY:

-'Sign up now... Beverage and entertainment.

'Go to the promotions booth. Thank you.'

Betsy!

Hi!

What's the story?

I have to pack.

We can leave! What did you work out?

Um, he's taking me to Hawaii.

It's only for a few days!

YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THIS!

Of course I do. But this was not my idea!

Just stop CRUCIFYING ME WITH THIS!

Have you seen my bag?

He'll jump all over you!

Give me some credit.

What if you start screaming? IT'S A JUNGLE OVER THERE!

He'll have servants and THEY WILL DRUG YOU!

His son and granddaughter Tiffany will be there!

She knows the kid's name already.

OK...

Marry me tonight.

No!

WHY NOT?

If you wanted to marry me, you'd've done it today!

Yes, the Ali Baba suite. I have some bags that have to be brought down.

CRUNCH

You were looking to get out of it! You don't have to be Freud to know!

I was NOT!

Listen, you'll be back Monday?

Probably Tuesday or Wednesday.

THAT'S ALMOST A WEEK!

YOU EXPECT US TO FLY TO AND FROM HAWAII IN TWO DAYS?

Already it's "us"!

I'm trying to make the best of it!

Well, you're doing GREAT!

BILLY JOEL:

# Well, bless my soul what's wrong with me?

# I'm itching like a man on a fuzzy tree

# My friends say I'm acting queer as a bug... #

Mr Straight Flush! Want to join in?

Where's Tommy?

He just left for Hawaii.

What are you talking about?

He rang and said the car was ready.

He left?!

# I can't seem to stand on my own two feet

# Who do you think would have such luck?

# I'm in love

DOOR CLOSES WITH BEAT

# I'm all shook up

# Uh-huh-huh

# Uh-huh... #

I don't know about this.

You gotta think about it like this -

you're doing this to get Jack off the hook...

and you going away makes him realise how nuts he is about you.

He agreed to this, so he gotta be...

Ambivalent?

Right.

NO! NO!

CAR HORNS

# I'm all shook up #

-TV:

-'The guesswork is removed from poker with...

'a full house, four of a kind, or the unbeatable straight flush.'

BILLY JOEL:

# Well, since my baby left me

# I found a new place to dwell

# Down at the end of Lonely Street

# Heartbreak Hotel

# Well, I get so lonely

# I get so lonely... #

I have to get out of here.

# ..I could die

# I get so lonely I could die #

-WILLIE NELSON:

-# The night and you and blue Hawaii

# The night is heavenly

# And you are heaven to me

# Lovely you and blue Hawaii

# With all this... #

This is amazing!

Ah, thank you. I like it.

It's a place for reflection.

-Niko...

-THEY SPEAK HAWAIIAN

See, I said how's the weather here?

And he said great, in the '80s, low humidity.

He doesn't speak English?

Fluently, thank you.

Welcome to Hawaii.

Mr Korman is like a god over here.

Niko, you're embarrassing me.

WIND CHIMES TINKLE

I don't believe this.

This... This'll be your room.

God! This is breathtaking!

Er... We built it about a year ago.

-HE SPEAKS HAWAIIAN

-My home by the sea.

You can knock off the Hawaiian now.

I've impressed you enough?

More than enough.

God, I've been to the Caribbean.

You know who goes to the Caribbean? Dentists.

It's so beautiful!

Yeah.

You know, we have a name for this time of the day here.

Wakka wakka?

-Close.

-HE SPEAKS HAWAIIAN

-Time of enchantment.

What did I tell you?

You got this in the mail?

Under my door at home.

Mr Tomashefsky, it's a joke!

It's not even close!

You thought I was nuts when I came here originally. Now I got evidence.

Here, look for yourself.

Believe me, I have no axe to grind.

HE SIGHS: I think your pals are having some fun with you.

You don't know what it's like!

The woman you love is with someone AND YOU CAN'T DO A THING ABOUT IT!

A smooth talker with his greasy hands all over her!

Coming up behind her, her laughing!

Her head thrown back!

Him, leaning against her, this creepy smile on his face...

A smile she can't even see!

He starts moving his hands around her...

grabbing her, touching her...

..fondling her, groping...

SHUT UP! Are you trying to give me A HEART ATTACK?!

MUSIC: "Surrender" by Elvis Presley

# When we kiss my heart's on fire

# Burning with a strange desire

# And I know each time I kiss you

# That your heart's on fire too

# So, my darling, please surrender

# Surrender

# All your love so warm and tender

# Surrender

# Let me hold you in my arms, dear

# While the moon shines bright above

# All the stars will tell the story

# Of our love and all its glory

# Let us take this night of magic

# And make it a night of love

# Won't you please surrender to me?

# Surrender

# Your lips, your arms Your heart, dear

# Surrender

# Be mine forever... #

Operator, I need a listing for T Korman in Kauai!

Where in Kauai? I have no idea!

There's sections of Kauai?!

Well, not off the top of my head! What about where Jack Lord lives?!

Yeah, OK, I see, thank you(!)

It's not because you look like Donna.

It has to be.

No, it was, I mean, it was.

But it's not any more.

I mean, for one thing, you're smarter than she was.

God forgive me. I've gotta say something else, too.

You're pissing your life away on a guy who won't marry you!

We were gonna get married!

I'd have gone right from the airport to the chapel...

You have to understand Jack.

He decided to play poker...

He had a strange mother.

He's a f...

He's a great...guy, I'm sure.

I'm just saying think about it before you marry him, that's all.

Hey, Dad!

Hey, the kids!

Dad, how far's Mount Kilauea?

It's on the other island, Hawaii!

We heard it's erupting!

Oh, we gotta go!

Listen...

Did I upset you? Cos if I did...

No, no, you touched a nerve.

It's just, Jack is very complicated.

Yeah, see, I've known guys like him my whole life.

Decent, good guys, real guys.

But they cause a lot of heartache.

I don't think you deserve that.

You deserve a lot better.

TV: 'Winds at seven miles per hour...

'..are very fast.'

COMICAL, CAUTIOUS MUSIC

'Take a look, everybody, the only..'

'Mother Nature put on a show as Mount Kilauea erupted.

'Here's a report from Connie Wong.'

'Mount Kilauea erupted last night with spectacular force.

'It began around midnight and word spread quickly over the islands.

'People thronged to its base to watch nature's fury unleashed.

'No-one was in immediate danger...'

Euch!

If I take the 7pm, I get to Milwaukee when?

-8.35

->

That's central time?

Yes, sir.

Now, would it be cheaper to stop in Nashville?

Same price.

I have an Advantage card.

That won't make any difference. Sir, there's a very long line.

Tell me again about the Super Saver.

Is this "Around The World In 80 Days"?

Lighten up.

You lighten up.

You can only fly...

That's it! Look, I've got a major problem.

My fiancee was kidnapped and taken to Hawaii. I gotta get there!

I'm trying to arrange to get to my nephew's wedding on the 21st.

You're not flying today?!

No, if you make your arrangements two weeks in advance...

See this line? We're all flying today!

Sir, if you don't get back...

WHAT? I'LL BE PUT IN AIRPORT JAIL?

JUST GET YOUR GODDAMN TICKET AND MOVE ON!

APPLAUSE

The point of the game was getting me here?

All right, why keep it a secret any longer?

My heart's on my sleeve.

From the minute I saw you, I knew.

So you lied to me.

How's that?

I thought this was to settle the game, but it was the reason for it.

So aren't you flattered?

You said the game was legitimate.

The game was legitimate. It was.

I play cards professionally and no amateur beats me.

That's what I had to do to get you.

If I was a medieval knight, I'd've jostled for you.

It's "jousted".

Whatever the hell they did.

Look, if you wanna leave tomorrow, instead of Wednesday...

I understand. I'll call, make reservations.

No.

No. No calls?

No, I'm having a wonderful time.

It's just a little overwhelming to be pursued like this.

Well, no-one ever was as crazy about you as I am.

It's up there with Romeo and Juliet...

George and Gracie, all the big ones.

SHE SIGHS

I'd take care of you forever.

I'd throw myself in front of a train for you.

Just stop me at any time.

Was it wrong? It didn't feel wrong.

I don't know.

I mean, I don't know.

What you doing?

She's got a great spitball.

PHONE RINGS

She's a natural athlete.

-<

-Telephone, Mr K!

Did you wanna hold her?

It's great how she goes to you. I can't believe she goes to you.

BABY CRIES

What's the story?

He's on the morning flight in.

I'm surprised and I'm not surprised.

But we gotta keep him away from here for at least a day.

How about a nice hit-and-run?

-HE SIGHS:

-Look, no violence.

Unless it's necessary, OK?

'Just stall him. Get the Chief, get Mahi.'

I'm getting very close with her.

And if he shows up, it's over.

CRUNCHING

Are you eating again?

No, I swear, I'm not.

He checked out Sunday?

'At 8.07. Any future reservations?'

No, thank you.

'Thank you for calling Bally's.'

BEEPING

(Come on, come on.)

ANSWERPHONE: 'This is Jack Singer.

'Leave your name and number and I'll get back to you.'

(Shit!)

Mahi, will you pay attention?

Jack Singer, 6'1", 180, coming out of that terminal.

Keep him away from Tommy's. Take him anywhere.

Sure.

All right.

-TANNOY:

-'Flight 2780 from Los Angeles...'

Hey, brother, you like ride?

Yeah, but I don't know where yet.

I take your bag.

Thanks.

My name Mahi Mahi.

Like the fish?

My father was a fisherman.

My dad left when I was five...

So I'm called Jack, as in "Jack, I'm leaving!"

Hey, where you like go? I take you anywhere.

Any idea where a guy named Tommy Korman lives?

Sure, everybody know that!

You're kidding?

No, it's a small island.

This is great!

I thought I'd have to go through a whole number!

Cab's over here. Welcome to Hawaii.

You like it, Jack? Beautiful, huh?

So romantic. When women come they go crazy. Freaky, freaky all night long.

That's great. Are we almost there?

Yeah, about a mile and a half.

BARKING

This can't be it. Tommy Korman lives here?

Korman? I thought you said Orman, Chief Orman.

I didn't say Chief Orman, I said Tommy Korman! Come on!

I fly for two days, I haven't slept, I can barely walk!

DOOR SQUEAKS

MAN SPEAKS HAWAIIAN

Yeah.

That goes double for me. Look, there was a mix-up here.

SPEAKS HAWAIIAN >

HAWAIIAN

REPEATS

REPEATS

I haven't time for this horse shit!

Eh, Jack, the Chief got plenty influence in this place.

Influence? He lives in a SHACK!

He's a man of great simplicity.

Spend ten minutes with him, OK?

If not, the word gonna get around Kauai so fast, nobody gonna help you.

Parakeet brandy.

Are you serious?

HE SIGHS AND SPEAKS HAWAIIAN

REPEATS

Well, OK...

You are from mainland?

That's right.

Do you find Chief Orman attractive?

FLIES BUZZ AROUND

Er... You're a striking-looking figure, if by attractive...

Hey, Chief.

He looking for Tommy Korman.

If you know where he is...

Have you seen the musical Grand Hotel?

I don't go to the theatre often.

Do you know if it'll come to Kauai?

I'll ask around when I get back!

Now did you hear me before about Tommy Korman?

-HE LAUGHS:

-Chief Orman favourite is South Pacific.

Everybody loves that one, Chief.

Everybody.

# Happy talk Keep talking happy talk

# Talk about things you like to do... #

Mr Korman, welcome back to the Kauai Club.

How are you?

Real good.

This is Betsy, Mike.

Hi.

Pleasure to meet you. Bye-bye. (Resembles the first Mrs Korman.)

# Bali hai

# Will call you on the wind... #

HE WHISTLES

# Of the sea in your heart... #

Where's the bathroom?

There.

I'm gonna get OUT OF HERE!

OK.

He used to do only one number.

Get me to a phone.

Now?

You have a problem with that?

No, just on this side, so many beautiful things to see.

Really?

Yeah, the five reflecting pools...

The five pools are here?! Jesus!

Come, we go.

The five p... Oh! Oh, shit!

What?

My keys must've fallen out in the bathroom.

No worry, I get 'em.

You're the best! Everybody here's so friendly!

BARKING

ENGINE STARTS

Don't say anything.

This wasn't Donna's?

What? God, no!

This is Betsy's.

It's so beautiful.

Really, I've never gotten anything remotely like this.

I just... I can't accept it.

Donna... I wanna marry you.

I mean, tomorrow.

I can't just marry you.

Why not? Cos we just met?

Well, yes.

Look... Just listen to me.

You know, life is so very short.

We all think too much, we don't act on our impulses.

Korman's address is near Kap-a-a?

Is it Kap-a-a or Kap-a-a-a?

Is it AAA or AA?

Two As. OK, thank you. I'm in Waimea.

I have to get back to my real life. This is too much to handle.

Betsy, I love you.

Tommy...

I want you in my life. I wanna be married.

I can't marry you like this.

Like what?

Just jumping into it!

There's Jack, too, I can't just turn around and marry someone else.

There's stuff to work out, there's feelings there.

What?

He put you up in a card game.

Not really, you made an arrangement.

I wanted cash, he put you up.

What are you talking about?

Mr Korman and Miss Nolan are where?

The Kauai Club. 20 miles down the road.

Are you a friend of Dad's or Betsy's?

Both, actually.

They're great together. It's great to see Chris's dad in love.

That's wonderful to hear(!)

Bye.

I thought the game was your idea - you saw me...

Yes, honey, listen.

I told you that to protect you.

Because I love you so very much.

Honey, and the truth was so horrible.

It embarrassed me.

He put you up like a ring, a watch. That's how cold it was.

Maybe he was frantic.

People get scared, they go crazy. He was terrified of marrying you.

That's unfair. He didn't have 65,000.

What... 65...?

That's what he owed you.

He owed me 3,000.

What?

Honey, look!

The man's a headcase!

We all make mistakes, life goes on.

He did this for 3,000?!

Honey... Please don't torture yourself like this.

Let's just fly to Vegas, get married and go on with our lives.

I need to be alone for a while.

Keep it close by.

GUSTS OF WIND

BETSY!

BETSY!

BETSY!

Get off me!

Why are you here? We had a deal!

We never said Hawaii. Get off!

We never didn't say Hawaii!

You stay away from her, or give me the 65,000!

I've got it. I brought it with me.

No, that's bullshit!

You never wanted the money, you wanted HER!

Get off me!

Help! Get off me!

BETSY!

BETSY!

BETSY!

WIND ROARS

< BETSY!

Come on, you're making a big mistake!

My girl's out there! My wife!

You OK?

That was the weirdest thing.

What?

It was like Wuthering Heights.

I heard Jack calling to me in the wind.

Yeah, I used to think that, erm...

I heard Donna calling, almost shouting.

It's very spooky.

It's the rocks or something, the echoes.

It's so strange.

Yeah.

So what do you think?

I'm gonna want children very soon.

-HE SIGHS:

-You just tell me when, sweetheart.

Having children with you would be...heaven.

Then let's do it. I want to.

Is this a reaction to what I said?

No, I wanna get on with my life, Tommy. I wanna get married.

To me?

Yes.

HE SIGHS

I'm shaking like a leaf here.

MUSIC: "Jailhouse Rock" by Elvis Presley

# Warden threw a party in the county jail

# The prison band was there and they began to wail

# The band was jumping and the joint began to swing

# You should'a heard those knocked-out jailbirds sing... #

AH! I have to make a phone call NOW!

You're kidding! You're in a Hawaiian clink? Bedo, believe that?

Uh-uh.

Bedo can't believe it. >

The bail is five grand.

Let me work on it. But listen.

Ask approval to leave the state, or you'll be stuck there.

OK, but as fast as you can, please!

Seeing her staring at the ocean - she's doing some serious thinking.

Well, ready?

This is such a great spot.

Well, we'll be back real soon.

Thanks.

Can I say, anybody who'd put you up for 3,000...

Niko, what's the matter with you?

Sorry.

That's all right, really.

Jesus.

(Perfect.)

# Number 47 said to number three

# You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see

# I sure would be delighted with your company

# Come on and do the jailhouse rock with me

# Let's rock

# Everybody, let's rock... #

Still want me to pay the cab fare?

Nah, I dropped the charges.

I feel sorry for you.

I don't want pity, just take me to Korman's house. Korman.

Not do you any good.

Him, your girlfriend went back Vegas, get married.

Married?

Hey, Jack!

Jack! Jack! Good luck, fella.

Thanks.

Always remember...

HE SPEAKS HAWAIIAN

It means, always have good words come out of your mouth.

It doesn't help at all, but I appreciate the thought.

-TANNOY:

-'Passengers arriving may arrange a tour of the island.'

Hello.

When's the next flight out of here?

Er... The next flight goes non-stop to Auckland, New Zealand.

New Zealand?! No, I gotta get to the States.

We are a state.

Mainland, OK? I gotta get to Vegas.

Well, the LA flight left Honolulu 20 minutes ago.

Shit! When's the next flight out?

Tonight, at 8.30.

HE SIGHS: I'll be sucking on exhaust pipe by then!

Just get me where I can get a flight to Las Vegas.

TRISHA YEARWOOD:

# You fool me with your kisses

# You cheated and you schemed

# Heaven knows how you lied to me

# You're not the way you seem... #

You know, you shouldn't live where Donna lived. That's not fair.

So I was thinking...

We buy a place in Connecticut.

I can't think about that yet.

Well, that's OK. I'll think about it, you relax.

OK, sweetheart?

Congratulations to you. Penthouse A is ready.

Great, Bud, I appreciate it.

Mr Korman's getting married.

Hey, don't take too long with the make-up. I like you au naturel.

Don't worry.

You don't need any.

He left Kauai, but he couldn't get an LA flight.

So where is he?

San Jose.

San Jose...

Well, who do we know at the airport at San Jose?

Frankie Cargo.

Give him a call. Go on!

This flight is history?!

Yes, there's hail the size of golf balls in El Paso.

How do I get to Vegas?

Let's see. There's a 9pm flight to LA that arrives at 10.15,

and you can take a 12.35 flight to Vegas.

That's it?

Until tomorrow.

Oh, man!

-TANNOY:

-'All Asian Elvises, a bus to the Grand Canyon is in 8 minutes.'

'..when the beeper goes. Thanks.'

BEEP

Jack, it's me. I'm in Vegas with Tommy.

I tried you in Hawaii, but you were never there...

I don't know why you lied about the game, but I suppose I can guess.

The worst thing is, I don't know where you are...

BEEP!

-TANNOY:

-'We have seating available at Bally's...'

I'll go open the champagne.

Will you always keep me waiting?

That's a joke! You can keep me waiting any time.

VEGAS! ANYBODY GOING TO VEGAS?

LAS VEGAS, ANYBODY! ANYBODY, VEGAS!

HEY! Going to Vegas, by any chance?

Sure are! Need a lift?

Desperately.

Done this before, Son?

Sure, I love these little planes!

Well, hop aboard!

We got a new one, boys!

Come on, let's go!

Could we talk?

Sure, we can talk.

No, back inside.

Please.

Er...

Hey.

You ready? You ready?

EXCITED SHOUTING

What's your cape size?

What's my cape size? Er, 40, regular? What's with the parachutes?

LAUGHTER

You'll know when you strap one on!

It's a short flight, it seems you're overcautious. Just a hunch...

Son, we're skydiving!

You're skydiving?!

We're The Flying Elvises, Utah. Roy Bacon at your service!

If you could just drop me...

Yeah, we'll sure drop you!

LAUGHTER

This is a panic attack.

Why must it be so soon?

Honey, I thought I told you... There comes a time...

I'm not ready.

You just think you're not ready.

No, I'm not ready.

I say we wait a few weeks, we get to know each other better...

OK, I'll give you half a million dollars, you marry me today, cash?

If things don't work, we split up, you keep the money.

You're joking.

Come on, honey, I never joke.

Screw you!

Please, don't ever turn your back on me, ever.

Weekend is over.

Don't grab me like that!

You are being rude to me!

In the lobby of the Bally Hotel, you are being rude.

Get out of my sight!

Hey!

A million. Now be a realist.

This is no-lose deal for you.

I get a million dollars?

Yeah, that's correct.

You're unbelievable!

It'd be irresponsible to turn this down.

Tommy...

Hey... Your answer is yes.

I have to go to the bathroom.

OK. Come on, I'll go with you.

I need to be alone for a couple of minutes.

OK, you got five minutes... then we get married.

Listen...

You said, "Yes, I will marry you."

That's a promise.

When people make promises to Tommy Korman, they keep 'em. Understand?

Yes, I do.

Hm?

Yes.

You got five minutes.

She's coming up? I thought you left already.

Just stay close to her, all right?

Where is he?

MUSIC: "Burning Love" by Travis Tritt

# Lord of mine I feel my temperature rising

# Higher and higher It's burning through to my soul... #

That music gets the adrenaline going!

We jump at what altitude?

3,000 feet.

And these chutes are foolproof?

Well, as the King said, nothing's foolproof,

except Coup de Villes and hookers!

So I pull this?

No, pull the yellow one first - that's your main chute...

If that don't open, pull the red one - your auxiliary chute.

Yellow then red?

You got it!

OK, now if by chance I get flustered when I'm hurtling through space

and I pull the red one first?

You'll wind up like a chilliburger. They'll shovel you into a coffin.

LAUGHTER

You can do it, son!

OK, fellas! It's just about show time!

Yellow then red!

She never came up.

Go find her.

Where?

I don't know. Try outside.

-TANNOY:

-'The Flying Elvises jump soon!'

Elvises, ride!

ALL: Ride!

Yellow then red, yellow then red, yellow then red...

ALARM BELLS RING

BANGING ON DOOR

TANNOY: 'The Flying Elvises are approaching Bally's!

'All eyes to the sky!'

RICKY VAN SHELTON:

# Won't you wear my ring

# Around your neck?

# And tell the world

# I'm yours by heck

# Let them see

# Your love for me

# And let them see my ring around your neck

# Wear my ring around your neck... #

-TANNOY:

-'Phone call for Mr Mathis. Mr E Mathis.'

She's somewhere in the basement.

So why are you in the lobby?

I'm keeping you informed!

Go get her!

Moron.

-TANNOY:

-'The Flying Elvises will jump in one minute. One minute.'

Elvises, light your fires!

Betsy! Betsy!

EXCITED SHOUTING

Elvises, heat 'em up and move 'em out!