McLintock!

# Love in the country

# Where skies are blue

# All you'll be dreaming of

# Are the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees

# Till you're up to your knees in love

# There's a treehouse in the meadow

# Below the mountain peak

# The perfect place for lovers

# When they play hide and seek

# There's a covered bridge at Cripple Creek

# Where the horses always stop

# 'Tween the treehouse

# And the covered bridge

# That's how Mom won Pop

# By making love in the country

# Where skies are blue

# All you'll be dreaming of

# Are the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees

# Till you're up to your knees in love

# There are roses on the trellis

# And the scent of new-mown hay

# The clingin' vine is jealous

# On the fence across the way

# There's a great big yellow moon above

# And a breeze to sing a song

# 'Tween the roses and the yellow moon

# A fella can't go wrong when he makes

# Love in the country

# Where skies are blue

# All you'll be dreamin' of

# Are the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees

# Till you're up to your knees in love. #

CHILDREN SHOUT EXCITEDLY

MAN: Lord to goodness. Not again.

MAN: Howdy, Drago.

Morning, Curly.

Makes seven times this month he come home swaggled.

Six.

Seven.

Six. Once was his birthday. That don't count.

Give me my buggy whip.

Didn't have anything for breakfast

but two raw eggs and a mug of honey.

No!

MAN: Curly!

CURLY: Yes, boss?

Don't say it's a fine morning, or I'll shoot you.

Get out of here, Bunyan.

Good morning.

CHILDREN: Good morning.

Carlos, what are you doing up there?

I hope I get it this time, Mr McLintock.

My brothers, they got the big hats already.

All right. Let 'em have at it.

GUNSHOT

Get over.

Ain't you gonna let me drive?

You promised me you would sometime.

No! Heyah!

Boss, you better watch that turn on the road!

You're gonna kill both of us one of these days.

Thank you, Mr Boss!

CATTLE LOW

You got cattle in the bank, boss.

Heyah!

Giddyap. Ya!

Keep 'em going.

15 cents a pound all the way to Kansas City.

Ya! Ya!

Now, boss, there's one old pensioner

I wished you'd pass up.

Bunny? Yeah.

Wish I knew where I'd seen his face before.

He ain't an old-timer.

He's just been around town a couple of years.

Aw, you have no milk of human kindness.

Morning, Mr McLintock.

Morning, Bunny.

Well, I can see you're in good health.

Never felt better...

contrary to what you may hear.

My kidneys ain't what they used to be,

and my liver's been leaving me bilious.

Drago.

Eh!

Hello, Ben.

Hey, McLintock.

Drago, throw that in the buggy.

Yes, sir.

BEN: That's a scrubby bunch of sooners, huh?

MCLINTOCK: They are at that.

That ought to make Douglas happy,

lining his pockets with land fees.

What are we gonna do?

I don't know what YOU'RE gonna do, Ben.

Me...I do nothing.

200 families.

Quarter of beef a week per family.

If they last two years, that can be a sizable number.

I got 20 head to one of any other brand on the Mesa Verde.

I'm not hollering.

Some of us haven't got all the money in the world.

Some of us ain't old and tired and feel like being put upon.

You interest me, young Ben. Go on.

The first time I find one of our hides wearing our brand

hung on one of them settler's fences,

I aim to kill me a plough boy.

You do what you want, McLintock.

We'll do what we want.

Fellas my age generally call me GW or McLintock.

Youngsters call me Mr McLintock.

All right, Mr McLintock,

not because I'm afraid of you.

You're the big yeast out of this country,

and I reckon a fella my age should call you mister.

He's full grown now, GW.

He's a half-owner of the spread.

I made him a full partner

the day the doc gave me the long face.

Well, you want him to vote the first time

this territory becomes a state, don't you?

Of course, I do.

These settlers get burned out,

there'll be a lot of hollering

that this country's too wild to be a state,

and we'll go on being a territory some more,

with a lot of political appointees running it

according to what they learned in some college

where they think that cows are something you milk,

Indians are something in front of a cigar store.

I'm looking to you to hold young Ben down.

I'll do what I can.

Come on over to the house once in a while.

We'll rack up a few hands of stud.

GW, that'll be just fine.

It's a nice morning, ain't it, boss?

Everybody's entitled to their own opinion.

Like that again, eh?

Here's something that'll cheer you up.

About 1,000 head. I figure they'll bring about 1,250.

They're not as fat as I'd like to ship.

They all off the north range?

Yes, sir.

MAN: Settlers.

Every one of them with a plough and a bible,

not the slightest idea what the range is for.

Drago!

Drag out that hog-leg.

DRAGO: Yes, sir.

Get me some attention.

GUNSHOT

Hee ya!

People, people, people!

People!

DRAGO: come on, all of you!

Gather around.

People, come on! Gather around.

I'm McLintock.

You people plan to homestead and farm the Mesa Verde.

MAN: Yes, sir.

The government give us each 160 acres.

The government never gave anybody anything.

Some years back, a lot like you came in.

They had a pretty good first year.

Good summer, easy winter,

But the next year, the last rain was in February,

And by June, even the jackrabbits had sense enough to get off the Mesa.

Folks, do you know who that is?

That's McLintock,

George Washington McLintock.

I told them that, Douglas.

He controls the water rights

on 200 square miles of range.

You know that lumber you got?

That came from his land,

cut by his loggers and milled in his mills.

Douglas, I come close to killing you

a couple of times when we were younger.

Saddens me I didn't.

Can you imagine a man who owns all that...

Oh, and mines, too. I forgot to mention them.

All that, and he's begrudging poor people

a measly...a measly

160 acres.

That right, Mr McLintock?

You begrudge us a little free land?

There's no such thing as free land.

If you make these homesteads go,

you'll have earned every acre of it,

but you just can't make 'em go on the Mesa Verde.

God made that country for buffalo.

Serves pretty well for cattle,

but it hates the plough,

and even the government should know

that you can't farm 6,000 feet above sea level.

Any trouble, Mr McLintock?

No trouble, sheriff.

How about you, Douglas?

Douglas?

Just plain Douglas, eh?

And you call him Mr McLintock.

Why?

Well, Douglas, I guess it's because he earned it.

Mr McLintock?

Yeah?

I'm a good hand with cattle, Mr McLintock.

I'd like a job.

Well, you look strong enough.

You come in with those sooners?

Well, yes, sir, but we don't have a homestead.

Can't use you.

Tough life, ain't it, sonny?

Well, ain't much future in being a farmer around these parts.

Ladies, this is the finest Chantilly lace

available anywhere.

FRENCH ACCENT: Chantilly, Mr Birnbaum.

Well, believe me, it's the best.

Oh, excuse me.

Please, look around. Take your time.

Drago, I got 1,000 Havana cigars

and 12 of those hats for you over there.

Them big hats ain't going to last long the way some folks

have been dipping into that redeye these days.

Uh-oh.

Good morning, GW.

Good morning. I stole some stick candy.

Please. Help yourself. Come on in.

Davey!

You can forget about saddling up the horse! Come in here!

Problem? Yes.

Well, if I were blacks,

I'd move queen's bishop to king four.

Yeah. You might be right.

You know, I was just starting to work this out

when the letter came.

Letter? It was...

What happened? Don't you want...?

Morning, Mr McLintock.

GW: Morning, Davey.

You being here saved me a trip.

Oh, that hat and suit of clothes

you picked out for my birthday...

Well...instead of this cowboy hat,

I'd like to have this one,

if it's, uh, all right with you, sir.

Well, it's all right with me, Davey.

Of course, that looks like the kind of a hat

a fella would wear down Main Street to start a fight.

Oh, I don't need a city hat for that.

All I have to do is walk down the street

and some wiseacre will call me an Indian

and, just like that, the fight's on.

Davey, the letter.

It's for you.

And you are an Indian.

Yes, I know I'm an Indian,

but I'm also the fastest runner in town.

I've got a college education

and I'm the railroad telegrapher,

but does anybody say,

"Hello, college man" or "Hello, runner"

or "hello, telegrapher"? No!

Not even "Hello, knothead..."

Davey.

It's always, "Let the Indian do it."

Will you go out in the store and help the ladies?

All right. I'm also a bookkeeper,

part-time clerk.

Always, "Let the Indian do it."

A lady brought that out here this morning,

asked for it to be taken out to the home ranch for you.

Handsome lady. Kind of tall with red hair.

Called me Mr Birnbaum, just as if she'd never seen me before,

and as if that veil that covered her face

could keep me from recognizing her.

I thought she was in New York or Europe or someplace.

So did I.

DRAGO: Jake,

You better throw on a couple extra cases

Of the boss' favourite bourbon.

That stuff sure gets used up fast out at our place.

Which reminds me, you better start tapering off.

Huh!

Katherine's in town.

Katie?!

Ladies.

Good morning.

MEN: Morning, Mr McLintock. Morning, Mr McLintock.

Morning, gentlemen.

Good morning.

WOMEN: Morning.

Fauntleroy.

Morning, GW.

What are you doing in here?

Why aren't you out at the desk?

Helping out the bartender.

Yeah, I see. A busy day.

Give me the key to room 17.

What?

17, and don't advertise it.

Here they come, Mr McLintock.

Set 'em up.

Beer. Whiskey.

Day off?

Off day.

Wonder what he's so preoccupied about.

Haven't you heard?

No. What?

Katie's back in town.

Katie?

Yes, dear. The social arbiter.

Well, hi, sonny.

Good morning. Oh!

WOMEN LAUGH

WOMAN: He sure is a quiet one.

Mr McLintock, I don't want to bother you...

I'm sorry, boy. I told you, no job.

Katherine.

George Washington McLintock.

I thought you'd want this.

GW: First dig of the spur,

but who am I to upset your plans?

Don't you feel kind of silly?

I never feel silly.

It's because you have no sense of humour.

Why couldn't we sit down in the hotel dining room

and talk about whatever it is you want to talk about?

Or why couldn't you just come over to the house?

And have everybody know that we're meeting?

Everybody knows, and what's the difference?

We're married.

That is something I should like to change.

You know the answer, Katie.

That isn't why you sent for me.

Let's get to the rat killing.

That's just the kind of remark

that's always endeared you to me.

Let us open the discussion.

Very well!

Our daughter is coming home in a few days...

Or, rather, she's coming here.

It was just a slip of the tongue that made me refer

to this ugly hamlet as home.

"Our daughter."

Is it so hard to say her name? It's Becky.

Rebecca!

I hate that name.

Anyway, she's coming home,

and I hoped to persuade you to let her live with me.

Part of the time in the capital,

part of the time in New York

and, of course, Newport during the season.

You're whistling in the wind, Katie.

If she stays here,

she'll become just as crude and as vulgar as all of this country.

And if she goes your way, she'll be all show and no stay.

Oh.

No go, Kate.

I hate you.

Oh, how I hate you!

Half the people in the world are women.

Why does it have to be you that stirs me?

You animal!

That's the story.

I saw your picture in the paper at the governor's ball.

You were dancing with the governor.

At least he's a gentleman.

I doubt that.

You have to be a man first before you're a gentleman.

He misses on both counts.

Hey, sonny,

you gonna ask him again?

Nope.

Hey, boy, you got to pocket your pride.

You got to beg.

You better listen to an expert, sonny.

I'm telling you. You got to grovel. Human nature.

Gets 'em every time.

Mister, leave me alone.

Everybody does it one way or another.

Heh heh heh!

MAN: About that job, Mr McLintock.

I already told you, son,

I've got no need for farmers

or use for 'em.

Just one minute, Mr McLintock.

My father died last month.

That's how come we lost our homestead.

I've got a mother and a little sister to feed.

I need that job badly.

What's your name?

Devlin Warren.

Well, you got a job, son.

See my home ranch foreman. He's over at the corral.

BUNNY LAUGHS

Step down off of that carriage, mister.

Hold that hog-leg.

GW: I've been punched many a time in my life,

but never for hiring anybody.

Aw, I don't know what to say.

I never begged before.

It turned my stomach.

I suppose I should have been grateful

you gave me the job.

GW: Gave?

Boy, you got it all wrong.

I don't give jobs. I hire men.

You intend to give this man

a full day's work, don't you, boy?

You mean you're still hiring me, Mr McLintock?

Well, yes, sir. I mean,

I'll certainly deliver a fair day's work.

For that, I'll pay you a fair day's wage.

You won't give me anything and I won't give you anything.

We both hold up our heads.

Where do you live?

The settlers' encampment down by the mine.

That your plug?

DEVLIN: Yes, sir.

Well, hop on him and we'll go get your gear.

GW: Ya! Ya!

Morning, Mr McLintock.

GW: Morning, Mr Poorboy.

I am sure that all you fine people are interested

in knowing just what portion of this new land

will be your new home.

Oh, uh...Jones and Mccallister,

Since you've been more or less the leaders of our group,

I'd like to have you come up and check the exact location.

Won't be a minute, sir.

Go after that boy and give him 30.

Tell him McLintock pays his riders a month in advance.

From the looks of things they could sure use it, too.

DEVLIN: Oh, Mom, this is Mr Drago.

DRAGO: Good morning.

DOUGLAS: Well, and to what do we owe this visit

from the cattle baron?

I've got a touch of hangover, bureaucrat. Don't push me.

MAN: Whoa-ho, Mclin!

Say, those are Indians.

Are there Indians in this homestead land?

Friendly Indians, my boy.

MAN: Whoa-ho, Mclin.

GW: Ho, Running Buffalo.

Ho, Mclin.

Long time we don't get drunk together.

And it's going to be a lot longer time

because it's against the law, and you're with a sheriff.

And have I got my hands full.

They came into town to meet the train.

The old Indian chiefs are coming home.

I heard they'd been pardoned.

SHERIFF: They don't know when it's arriving -

this week, next week, or next month,

so, in the meantime, I've got to do something with them.

Could I cut out a couple of head of your steers to feed them?

Otherwise, some of these settlers' milk cows

are going to disappear.

That's right, Mclin.

Ha ha ha!

Cut out whatever you need.

Sheriff, are you going to encamp these savages

with all these settlers?

You're asking for trouble.

Mr Douglas, I already have plenty of trouble.

Please stay off my back.

Running Buffalo, bring your people over to the clay slide.

Hello, Mr Mclin.

Tiny Mouth, it's nice to see you!

You wouldn't believe it now,

but 20 years ago, she was a mighty handsome maid.

20 years ago, you thought so, too, Mr Douglas.

Ahem.

Ahem.

It was just like this.

I had a dead bead on old Running Buffalo,

And my sharp .50 calibre misfired.

That was back in that trouble in the forties, remember?

I remember.

You want to taste something come directly from heaven?

No.

Where'd you get this?

That boy's mama baked 'em.

You thinking the same thing I am?

She's a widow woman, boss,

and she's got a long, hard row to hoe.

Hire her.

I always said you had a heap of sense.

Mr McLintock, this is my mother.

Your mother?

And my sister.

Pleased to meet you, Mr McLintock.

Ma'am, this here's my boss,

and he has a few choice words to say about your biscuits.

Yes, Mr McLintock?

Well...they're great.

GW: Well, you old Cantonese reprobate,

how about it?

You fire me, I kill myself.

I'm not talking about firing you.

I'm retiring you.

You been rustling food for us for 30 years.

We're going to put you out to pasture.

All you'll have to do is give advice, be one of the family.

I kill myself.

I may save you the trouble.

Look, Ching,

you kill yourself, I'll cut off your pigtail

and you ain't never going to get to heaven.

I'll be one of the family?

I give you my solemn word.

Pretty crummy family - drink too much,

get in fights, yell all the time.

Cut off his pigtail.

All right. All right. I'll be one of the family.

SPEAKS CHINESE

Well, I hope everything is satisfactory.

This is such a big house,

It'll take me a while to get used to things.

Now, please don't hesitate to tell me if anything is wrong.

No bird's-nest soup.

Otherwise, just fine. Everything nice and fine.

Food's heavenly, ma'am.

CURLY: Best apple pie I ever ate.

Curly's right, ma'am. Hated to leave that last bite.

Shall we celebrate with a drink?

DRAGO: Carlos, come and help me with the dishes.

Alice, you want to help, too?

Yes, Drago.

All right. Pitch in.

I'll wash, and you kids can dry. Is that good?

Whoa.

Don't seem possible one woman could use all them clothes.

You keep a civil tongue

In your unprepossessing face.

Yes, ma'am.

And unload my baggage, please.

Yes, ma'am. By the way,

What does that word, "unprepossessing," mean?

Mrs McLintock.

Oh, hello, Carlos.

Run and help the driver with my luggage.

I couldn't trust anyone else in this house

to do anything correctly.

GW: Luggage? Give him a hand, Curly.

CURLY: Yes, boss. Mrs McLintock.

Are you moving back in?

Yes, but nothing has changed except my place of residence,

and I'd be willing to put up with savages

rather than be denied the company of my daughter,

and I'm proving that by moving in here.

Mr McLintock, since it's my first day,

would you excuse me if I, uh...?

GW: Go ahead.

Oh, Katherine, this is Dev Warren.

He joined the outfit today.

Pleased, ma'am.

Thank you.

Well, how refreshing!

A polite young man here.

Where did he come from?

He's a farmer.

A farmer?

Well, I'll be doggoned!

Kate, welcome home.

What on earth are you doing in that idiotic-looking outfit?

And don't you dare call me Kate.

That's my butling suit. I'm butling for the boss.

And I'm sorry, Katherine. That "Kate" kind of slipped out

from the times I remembered you as being nice peop-people.

Oh!

Are you going to stand there

with that stupid look on your face

while the hired help insults your wife?

He's just ignorant.

He doesn't know any better than to tell the truth.

And I can't help this stupid look.

I started acquiring it as you gained in social prominence.

CURLY: Mrs McLintock,

Where do you want I should put...?

Put them in the master bedroom.

Yes, but move Mr McLintock's things into another room.

O-oh, the back of the stairs would be best

so that he can't wake up the entire household

when he comes home every night just before daybreak.

CURLY: Yes, ma'am.

MRS WARREN: Oh, excuse me.

Here's your cigars, Mr McLintock.

I am Mrs McLintock.

Kate... I mean Katherine, this is the cook...

This is the lady that does the cooking for us.

GW: Mrs Warren, Mrs McLintock.

How do you do?

Very pleased to meet you, Mrs McLintock. Very pleased.

Likewise.

MRS WARREN: You see, I just came to work here today

and I guess I jumped to the conclusion

that this was a bachelor's household.

CHUCKLES

It is and... then again, it isn't.

I will explain so everything will

Be quite clear, Mrs Wallace...

ALL: Mrs Warren.

Mrs Warren.

It has been a bachelor's household for quite some time,

And it will be again just as soon as I'm out of here,

Which will be as quickly as I can make arrangements

To take my daughter back East with me.

You see, she's coming home from school in a few days,

And then we'll be off together,

And you can return to conducting yourself

As you consider proper in a bachelor's household.

Katie!

Shut up!

Until then, I am mistress in this house,

and I will give the orders.

Gonna let her? Ain't you gonna say nothing, boss?

No!

KATE: Oh, GW, as soon as my things are put away,

I want to talk to you about Rebecca.

Yes, Mrs McLintock.

Indeed, Mrs McLintock.

Of course, Mrs McLintock.

The toast, lightly browned and unbuttered.

Of course, ma'am.

Wait a minute now, boss, where you think you're going?

I just remembered I got a date.

But she said she want to have a talk with you.

I heard.

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

Good evening, Lem.

Good evening, Mr Mac. Hyup.

Say, Mr Mac, what does unprepossessing mean?

I was called that once, Lem.

Looked it up in the dictionary.

It's best you don't know what it means.

Uh-huh. Thank you. Giddyap.

DRAGO: Hey, what am I going to tell her

when she asks where you went?

When in doubt, tell the truth.

She wouldn't expect that from you anyway.

Where's Mr McLintock going?

There he goes, burning his last bridge.

You see a yellow streak about a foot wide,

running up and down his backbone?

On Mr McLintock?

He ain't afraid of nothing.

I once thought that.

Drago.

Yes, ma'am?

Was that, uh...?

He took off. Lit out.

I told him I wanted to talk to him.

Yes, ma'am. I was standing

right over here when you said it,

and I was standing right out there on those front steps

when he walked up to a horse, grabbed a hunk of mane,

stepped up on him, and sunk spur.

Where did he go?

Last time I saw him, he was going east, but you know him.

He's liable to go north, south, or west.

Get me a carriage.

Yes, ma'am, but...

But what?

Maybe you shouldn't follow him

into maybe where he's going into.

What does that mean?

I don't know, but I wish I hadn't said it.

Well, just get the carriage.

Yes, ma'am.

What happened?

Get the barouche.

Barouche?

Hitch it up. She wants to go to town.

But Mr McLintock never said anything to me about it.

Look, young fella, I'm the ramrod around this place,

and you better start giving me a "Yes, sir,"

or you're going to get the roof of this house

pulled down on your head.

Yes, sir.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

GW: Hello, Davey.

Hi, Mr McLintock.

New broom, eh?

Sweeps clean.

Hello, Bunny. How is everything?

Oh, fine, fine, Mr McLintock.

I'll get you next time.

Two more, Elmer.

Well, look who's here.

What'll it be, mac, same as usual?

Ladies.

Evening, GW.

Jake. Wrong move.

What?

The chess problem. Queen's in danger.

HOOFBEATS APPROACH

MAN: Whoa. Whoa.

HORSE WHINNIES

MAN: Whoa. Whoa.

INDISTINCT YELLING

KATE: I suppose you can do that.

Camille, you're on your own.

Mrs McLintock.

I'm Camille, Camille Reedbottom.

I'm, uh, learning the game of chess.

Thought it would give me something to pass the time.

See, I have nothing to do all day long

and I...uh...

I just remembered something.

Katherine! I didn't hear you come in.

Mr McLintock, I told you that I wanted to talk to you.

Not now.

Uh, could I get you a glass of sherry, Katherine?

Oh, thank you, Mr Birnbaum. I could use one.

I came into town behind a runaway team!

Drago never could handle horses.

It was that young man whose mother pretends to be your cook!

Katherine, your wine.

Oh, thank you, Mr Birnbaum.

Now, Mr McLintock, we have an awful lot to talk over.

First thing I learned about Indian fighting

was to wait for daylight.

And what has our conversation got to do with Indian fighting?

Indian fighting is good experience

for our kind of conversations.

Oh!

It'll wait, Katherine.

Evening, Sheriff, Mr McLintock.

We had quite a ride out here.

Oh, I finally got that team settled down.

It's your move.

No, it's your move. I just cancelled.

Now, look here.

You're not going to sit here all night long

and play chess when the matter of our daughter remains unsettled.

I am going to remain here and play chess,

and the matter of our daughter is settled. She stays.

Oh, such stubbornness!

JAKE: Katherine.

Your hair.

Oh, it is a mess after that awful ride.

No, no.

It's just that I haven't seen you for a long time...

and it seems to me the last time I saw you,

your hair was a little darker, no?

LAUGHING

LAUGHING

It's a funny thing the tricks a man's memory will play, uh?

Mr Birnbaum, I think that you've

completely lost your mind.

You have done something to your hair.

I have not!

LAUGHING

If I had, it would be none of your business.

I'm certainly not going to put myself in the place

Of those blondene trollops that you seem to prefer.

SHERIFF: Take it.

Oh.

Fill it.

Oh!

SHERIFF: Morning.

You fellas still at it all night?

A McLintock never quits,

but a Birnbaum has to.

Besides, the game is over. You got me.

Oh, no, Mr Birnbaum. You still got a good game.

Oh, you play chess.

Please, take over.

Pretty good?

Fair.

Well, looks like I won't have to come into town

always to get a game.

Remember, I'm a bad loser.

GW: It's your move.

DEVLIN: Yes, sir.

Good morning.

Good morning.

It's morning already?

Mm-hmm. Cup of coffee?

Oh, yes. Thanks, Jake.

You're welcome, Katherine.

KATE: Got any cream?

Canned cow's milk.

That'll do.

JAKE: Good old condensed milk.

That reminds me.

I was cleaning out my desk the other day,

and I found something I wanted to return to you.

Here it is.

It's a medal. Remember?

"From the President of the United States of America

"to First Sergeant Michael Patrick Gilhooly

"for bravery above and beyond the call of duty."

It's your papa.

Reminds me of the first time I ever saw you.

It was over 17 years ago.

You walked into my store,

not much bigger than the bundle you were carrying,

and in the bundle was the most beautiful baby I ever saw.

And was she hungry!

You walked all the way from Superstition Creek

just to trade me that medal for a case of canned milk.

GW was off somewhere as usual, fighting Indians.

MAN: Sheriff!

Sheriff Lord!

Well, have you seen the sheriff?

Kind of early for him.

Did you try his house?

Why didn't I think of that?

DOUGLAS: Looks like Birnbaum's is open.

DOUGLAS: Maybe somebody in here knows.

So there you are, sheriff.

I told you you were headed for trouble.

Trouble?

MAN: I want to know by whose authority

you let those Indians stay in town.

Those savages are wards of the government,

and I am the representative of that gov...

I told Sheriff Lord that he could put them up

down by the clay slide.

Because the town's named after him, he thinks he owns it.

Well, you check the books in the recorder's office,

and you'll find I do own a fair piece of it.

Agard, if you knew anything about Indians,

you'd know that they're doing their level best

to put up with our so-called benevolent patronage,

in spite of the nincompoops that have been put in charge of it.

Those Indians need my permission to leave the reservation.

Those chiefs have been giving orders all their lives.

It's pretty hard for them to understand

that they have to hold up their hand

like a schoolboy in a classroom.

AGARD: The law is very clear.

I told you you'd get no satisfaction from these people.

We'll get the girl back.

Girl?

DOUGLAS: The girl the Indians kidnapped,

but don't worry.

I armed the settlers and set them

to rounding up those red devils.

What is this about a girl?

Millie Jones, one of the settler's daughters.

AGARD: The Indians kidnapped her.

SHERIFF: That's ridiculous.

And you turned loose a lot of farmers with shotguns?

DOUGLAS: I certainly did.

You're insane. Let's go, sheriff.

KATE: Mr Douglas.

Oh, Mrs McLintock.

Much as I hate to agree with GW about anything,

you haven't changed a bit.

You're still an hysterical fool.

Come into town. I got worried.

GW: What about?

Thought maybe Katie shot you.

Not yet, Drago, but it took restraint.

SHERIFF: Wait a minute.

You better take Agard along, not that he'll be much help.

Drago, help him on the horse.

Just a minute.

I'll drive.

Yes, ma'am.

GW: Agard, what are you doing?

Scratch him, Agard!

DOUGLAS: Agard, this is serious.

Stay with him, Agard. Stay with him.

Agard, will you stop showing off and get in this buggy?

Mercy.

Mercy.

That horse is a little green.

Let's go. Ya!

Just where do you think you're going?

Don't use that range boss tone of voice with me!

CATTLE LOW

GW: Carter!

We're headed for Mr Poorboy's mine.

Mount up some riders.

Right, boss. You heard the man!

I don't like it, Mr McLintock.

I don't like it one bit.

What don't you like?

They're planning to hang an Indian!

RUNNING BUFFALO: Whoa-ho!

Sheriff very funny. Where's the whisky?

Ha ha!

Hold it!

Not so fast, Mr Boss of the whole country,

unless you want to wear a big hole in your middle.

How long is GW going to let that cheechako push him around?

That cheechako has a sawed-off shotgun.

How do you know she didn't wander off someplace,

or meet some feller or something?

What are you saying,

that I didn't raise my girl right,

that she'd wander off all night with some man?

There's a lot of things I'm not saying to you, mister,

while you got a sawed-off shotgun in my middle.

But how do you know this Indian had anything to do with it?

She's gone, ain't she? She's gone!

GIRL: Pa!

Pa, I'm over here!

Pa!

Been looking for me, Pa?

Where you been, gal?

Young Ben took me for a sunrise ride,

and the horse wandered away.

You come down off of there!

But, Pa!

She's telling the truth, Mr McLintock.

We wasn't doing nothing.

Well, that's not important right now.

The important thing is that you don't draw that hog-leg,

or this'll be worse than Dodge City on Saturday night.

But, Papa!

You get on back to the wagon!

I'll tend to you later.

Now for this young whippersnapper!

GW: Now, no harm has been done,

and young Ben here is one of the nicest boys in the territory.

So just put down that shotgun and let's forget...

I'll teach him to fool with my...

Aah! Oof!

Now...we'll all calm down.

Boss, he's just a little excited.

I know, I know. I'm going to use good judgment.

I haven't lost my temper in 40 years.

But, pilgrim, you caused a lot of trouble this morning.

Might have got somebody killed.

And somebody ought to belt you in the mouth!

But I won't. I won't.

The hell I won't!

Oomf!

McLintock rider!

MEN: Yee-ha!

Ha haa!

Oh, Mclin!

Hey, buster! Remember me?

Aaah!

Hello, sheriff! Nice party.

Do you think you ought to?

I ought to what?

Why, you big...

Yeeow!

Aaah!

Good morning, good morning.

I want a word with you.

Hey, just a minute! What...what are you...?

My glasses!

Hey, now, stop this, or you'll be sorry!

Oh, for heaven's sake!

Stay out of this, Jake.

It's everybody's war!

Aah!

Run, old paint!

RUNNING BUFFALO: Hey ho, Mclin!

Where's the whisky?

Where's the whisky?

Good fight, good fight!

Oh, sorry, McLintock.

Oh...

Ho ho, McLin!

Thanks.

Ha ha! Very funny!

Yeah. Very funny.

Ohhh!

Gosh, Mr Douglas, I'm sorry!

Ha ha ha ha...

Bon voyage, Drago! Aah!

MAN: Hey!

Are you still down here?

Say!

The horse wandered away, huh?

Honest, Mr Jones. Honest...

Oh, get out of my way!

Nice left.

Thanks.

I went to college!

For this, you don't need college!

You're not getting me down there!

Aah!

Owwww!

You beast! You did this on purpose!

KATE: Oh!

Why, McLintock, you big...

Good morning to you, Mrs McLintock.

Bunny, you big oaf!

GW: Yeeoowie!

SCREAMS

Oh, no!

GW McLintock, you big, great big, clumsy...

Well, it's pretty hard to control yourself... Oh!

DRAGO: People, people, people!

Ohh! Ohh!

RUNNING BUFFALO: Oh, Mclin!

Wo-ho, Mclin, what a party!

But no whisky.

We go home.

You and your friends!

Well, we at least saved your hat.

Oh!

Where is everybody?

Oh, for heaven's sakes!

DRAGO: Whoa! Whoa!

KATE: Drago, will you never learn how to handle a team?

Yes, ma'am, I'll sure try.

I'll tell you that, now.

Crummy family!

You want to lose your pigtail?

I lose face! Lousy leathertips!

You're gonna lose more than that.

Kate? Yes?

We could be a... big help to one another.

Like what, may I ask?

Well, we could wash the mud off of each other.

We used to have quite good times doing that sort of thing.

There are a lot of things we used to do.

Good night, Mr McLintock!

SIGHS

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

Any luck?

What are you talking about?

I mean divorce!

She still want it?

Yeah.

You know something? Women are funny.

She fought like a wildcat on your side

out there this afternoon.

Come home, she slams the door in your face.

That divorce business, is that what you get

when you pay a woman not to live with you?

That's about it.

Some women I've knowed, it'd be worth it.

You know, if we had any moral character,

we wouldn't be standing here, covered with mud,

drinking...when we should be washing.

GW.

Drago.

Mrs Warren, these biscuits! Mmm!

Why, thank you, Drago.

Good morning, Mrs Warren.

Good morning, Mr McLintock.

Breakfast for the boss?

If that's the way you want it, Mr McLintock.

One poached egg,

tea, toast, lightly browned and un...

Why, Mrs McLintock! You have a black eye!

I do? Oooh!

Oh!

Ohh...and Becky's coming home today.

And that's not all.

There's a little something we'd better get settled.

Hmm?

There are no men listening now,

so we can be ourselves.

Oh, sure, I let you get away

with all that guff the other night,

but now that we're alone...

When I want the opinion of the hired help,

I'll ask for it.

You know, you could wind up with two black eyes.

What?

Oh, I realize you had to put on that big act.

We always have to, just before we get ready to forgive them,

generally for something they haven't done.

But you and I both know that's just to keep them

from getting the idea they, uh...run things.

McLintock give you that black eye?

No!

Nobody gave it to me!

I won it.

MAN: Morning, Davey.

Morning, Mrs Beech, Mr Beech.

TRAIN WHISTLES

BELL CLANGS

BAND PLAYS

DOUGLAS: Why, Miss Becky, welcome home!

Mr Douglas!

Hi, Dad! My boy!

Ha ha ha!

It's good to see you again!

Daddy! Oh!

Daddy! Ha ha ha!

It's been two long years!

I guess I'm going to have to stop calling you tomboy!

Becky.

Mama! Oh, Mama!

Oh, darling!

I wasn't sure you'd be here.

Oh, I've been here a few days.

I've bought you three of the most beautiful dresses!

DRAGO: Becky!

Uncle Drago! Ohh!

Did you bring your old uncle a coming-home present?

Sure did! What is it?

A moustache cup! And what did you get me?

Prettiest palomino pony that ever packed a saddle.

Broke to stand ground-tied and to canter!

Ohh!

TUBA PLAYS

Uncle Jake!

What are you doing with Mr Douglas' tuba?

Oh, Mr Douglas has a fat...

Had a little accident.

I brought you a whole shipment of liquorice sticks!

But now that I've seen how much you've grown,

I think we better exchange them

for a couple of bolts of dress goods, huh?

Thank you!

Oh, the mayor was going to be here,

but he had to go to the territorial capital

on a horse theft matter.

But I'm going to give his speech.

CROWD CHEERS

Oh, and don't worry about the mayor.

I'm sure that he can find a bill of sale for the horse.

CROWD LAUGHS

Ladies and gentlemen,

We are here to welcome the fairest...

What am I doing?

We are here to welcome back

The prettiest girl that was ever born in McLintock,

or in any part of the territory.

Now, this...

STEAM HISSES

MAN: Hey, Davey!

Yeah? Got something for you!

Yard manager up at the junction told me to let them ride,

so I locked them in here.

I've had my scalp a long time,

and I aim to keep it!

SPEAKS COMANCHE

...and now she's come back to us.

Gone are the pigtails,

but the freckles are still on the prettiest face

that was ever born in McLintock.

INDIANS CHANT

Hey, that's Puma.

Then it's true. The government did turn them loose.

Good old Puma.

I'll never forget when he brought GW home.

Your father had a hole in his chest and a 104 fever.

Of course, they weren't very mannerly about it.

He came past the house at a high lope

and...threw him on the doorstep.

Then you do remember them good old days, don't you, Katie?

Katherine.

CHANTING CONTINUES

CHANTING STOPS

Yatahe, my friends.

Yatahe.

Puma, honoured enemy.

Does big McLintock forget that also blood brothers?

No, I'll never forget that.

Old wound... does it hurt still?

I feel it when it comes on to rain.

Inch higher, and I wouldn't have had to worry.

Aw, big McLintock,

that was remembered fight.

We return with news.

Our people have more trouble.

You see, I learn good English now, big McLintock.

Learned in white man's jail.

But we would have you talk our cause at government hearing.

I understand that Governor Humphreys is

going to preside at that meeting.

Yes, Puma, I'll translate your wishes.

Mr McLintock, uh,

could I impose upon you to use your Comanche

to tell these chiefs that...

Puma is chief of the Comanches, and he speaks English very well.

Oh, well...

Your people will have to follow my instructions to the letter.

It is the law of the land...we go.

Well, now, just a minute...

Well, for heaven's sakes!

BAND PLAYS

You wait here, honey. I'll get the buggy.

DAVEY: Are you going to the McLintock party?

Surely.

Will I see you there, Beth?

Of course, Davey, and you can have the first dance.

Sis! Come on.

I don't want any sister of mine talking to strangers.

Davey's not a stranger. He clerks in Birnbaum's.

He's an Indian.

DEV: darn you, Drago!

Now look what you've done.

Baby, this is Devlin Warren. He works for your papa.

Dev, this is Miss Becky McLintock.

Those are my things.

Yes, ma'am.

Aw, I'd have known you anywhere, Miss Becky.

What do you mean?

Oh! I mean, you look so much like your mother. Well, even prettier!

Oh, Mr Warren...

Mother's much prettier than I am.

Many a fight's started with words like that.

Come on, get in the buggy.

Hello, Ching!

We got chelly pie for dinner?

I'm not cooking!

No, he's not.

BECKY: Junior!

Yes, Miss Becky!

You remember Junior Douglas, Mama.

Oh, of course. How's college?

Valedictorian. 95.

Oh, congratulations!

Oh, Mr And Mrs Douglas,

we will see you at the party, of course?

Oh, delighted!

Well, it'll be pretty hard to keep young Matt away.

Yes, sir!

GW: Drago!

DRAGO: Yes, boss, baggage all loaded.

KATE: GW!

You remember young Junior.

Oh, yes. Like father, like son.

JUNIOR: Oh, uh, Mr McLintock, uh,

I hope you don't think I'm being presumptuous

in asking for the honour of calling on Miss Rebecca.

Well, there she is. Ask her yourself.

Thank you, sir!

Ching, now I'm gonna get fired. Giddyap out of here!

JUNIOR: Thank you, sir. Thank you!

KATE: Have you no manners?

BECKY: See you at the party, Junior!

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah what?

Like father, like son.

What did he mean, Matthew?

DRAGO: Come on, Ching. Grab a root and growl.

CHING SPEAKS CHINESE

COW MOOS

Well, you're doing a good job, Miss McLintock.

Thank you, Mrs Warren.

Dev!

When you're finished there,

go over and help Drago with the beer kegs.

Yes, Mom.

Uh, Dev, could you come and help me a minute?

I certainly was surprised to hear you went to college.

Why?

I don't know.

Junior says Purdue's a good college

for a backwater place like Indiana.

Well, he did, indeed?

Oh, could you do this? I can't reach it.

Why didn't you finish college?

Lack of funds.

My father got sick and he had to come out West,

so he took out a homestead.

You know, your mom's sure cute.

It's, uh, too bad you didn't inherit her eyes.

Well, you'd been lucky if you'd inherited

a few things from your father.

Oh, really?

For instance?

His common sense, for instance.

Common sense?

Yeah. You don't see him being fooled

by some dude like Junior Douglas.

Junior's not a dude!

He's nifty.

This needs a woman's touch.

And besides, he got a letter at college.

What sport?

Glee Club.

Very strenuous.

Hmmph! Oooh!

Oh! Don't you dare hug me!

Ooh!

I have no intention of hugging you.

Oooh!

MUSIC PLAYS

Ladies all look lovely, Katherine.

You know, this is a real fine party.

Oh, thank you, Ben.

Of course, we had to invite everybody.

Just everybody.

Sorry, GW, but this one's mine.

Well, thank you, Mrs Warren.

I guess I'll have to be a good host in my own home.

Well, the next one's yours, Mr McLintock.

Thank you.

Drago, go and do what I told you to do.

Oh, Katie!

Katherine! And do as you're told!

Ohh, "Drago, do this, Drago, do that!"

Yee-ha!

People, people, people!

This Douglas feller...

KATE: Drago!

DRAGO: Yes, ma'am.

Matt Douglas, Jr...

Is going to bring you folks

Some of the latest terpsichorean dance steps,

brand-new, brought by him directly from New York City.

SQUEALS AND APPLAUSE

All right, Mr Fiddler.

DANCE MUSIC

Give me a whisky!

SPEAKS CHINESE

What?

This turn a ten-gallon party, boss.

We are run out of whisky.

Well, I can take care of that, Ching.

SPEAKS CHINESE

YOUNG BEN: Indian!

Indian!

And you still got any ideas about asking my sister to dance,

get up and we can do this all over again.

Yes!

That's enough! You fought it! It's all over!

Quit butting in, Birnbaum!

He's your hired man, not your son!

Look, you fought him fair and square!