Greenfingers

This programme contains strong language.

'Roses are red,

'violets are blue,

'I'm about to fuck up, so what else is new?'

# Travellin' through

# A tunnel under sea

# You never know if it cracks in half

# You're never ever gonna see me

# But you can have it all if you like

# You can have it all if you like

# And you can pay for it the rest of your li-i-fe

# Li-i-fe... #

BURGLAR ALARM RINGS

Oh, shit!

# I wouldn't believe your wireless radio

# If I had myself a flying giraffe

# You'd have one in a box with a window

# You can have it all if you like

# You can have it all if you like

# And you can pay for it the rest of your li-i-fe

# Li-i-fe... #

This is what I call my memory corner.

That forget-me-not reminds me of my first love.

That flower evokes my late husband.

This dianthus came from a cutting my mother gave me.

And I always think of my daughter every time I look at a primrose.

# So you can have it all if you like

# You can have it all if you like... #

'This must be hard for you to understand.

'It's hard enough for me.'

TYRES SCREECH

'Why would any guy violate his parole

'when he's already spent half his life behind bars?'

It's about bloody time.

'Call it unfinished business if you like.

'Nicking a bunch of flowers is very different

'than what they put me away for at 18.

'The time I spent inside was Hell on Earth.

'But in a way I welcomed it. I felt I deserved it after what I'd done.

'After 15 years I'd accepted that this was what my life would always be.

'But a year before I met you all that changed.'

We have some news which might be of interest to you.

We're transferring you to Her Majesty's Prison Edgefield,

a more progressive institution. You're an ideal candidate

-for the work they're doing.

-Congratulations.

You've been reclassified to Category D.

I've only just got used to this place. I don't fancy the change.

So, if you don't mind, I'll stay put.

-So this is what fresh air smells like.

-Follow me.

I'm Governor Hodge, and this is our head of lifers, Mr Dudley.

You gentlemen have been selected from prisons across the country

to join other inmates in our open system.

As you may have noticed when you arrived,

there are no high walls, razor-wire fences or security cameras.

Nothing to stop you walking away.

Here at Edgefield we function on trust. Show us you can be trusted,

then you're well on your way to being paroled. However,

if we detect any signs of anti-social behaviour,

you will be immediately transferred back to a secure prison.

(Am I dreaming, or are they serving us tea and biscuits?)

Holly's from the WRVS.

The Women's Royal Voluntary Service run the visitors' canteen.

-Holly, meet our new arrivals.

-Hello.

Help yourselves to tea, gentlemen. You must be parched.

-C'mon, don't be timid.

-I can recommend the camomile.

Camomile it is then.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

-Not bad, eh?

-Yeah, it's all right.

My name is Fergus. Fergus Wilks.

Dudley told me you'd be arriving today.

I've been looking forward to meeting you.

My last bunk mate achieved his freedom over two months ago.

It's a bit solitary in here.

It'll be good to have someone to pass the time of day with.

I keep myself to myself. I'm not looking to bond with no-one.

-I'll do my time, keep my nose clean, alright?

-Perfectly understandable.

I felt the same way myself when I was your age.

But, after a while, I found my own company pretty damn boring,

-if you want to know the God's honest truth.

-Watch it, old man!

-For fuck's sake!

-I'm really sorry.

-Sorry.

-Jesus.

I don't like that fella.

-Strange one, isn't he?

-What's he in for?

He's a menace to society, like the rest of us.

-What're you in for?

-Halfway through a six-stretch for armed robbery.

-You?

-Murder.

-Same here. I'm innocent.

I'm not. Caught me on video, didn't they.

You're a bit of an early bird, aren't ya?

Shit, shaved and showered before I'd even put my two feet on the floor.

By the way, a word of advice. They'll put you lads to work today.

Do yourself a favour and stay clear of building maintenance.

Laundry is the place to be. Come winter, when everybody's balls

are frozen, you'll have the warmest seat in the house.

I've a certain influence in laundry matters. In fact,

the Governor doesn't let anyone touch his shorts but me.

Not a lot of people know that.

This isn't a holiday camp. Everyone works, no free rides.

Not for the Governor, not for me, and certainly not for you lot.

You'll work a job where you'll learn a trade,

thus be prepared for employment upon release.

Together we'll find the job which suits you best.

We have half a dozen job options for you, Mr Briggs,

yet Dudley informs me you remain unemployed. How so?

-I don't care where you put me.

-It's not a question of where WE put you,

-it's more a question of where YOU put yourself.

-It's all the same.

Doesn't make any difference whether I'm doing laundry,

peeling potatoes, or carving rocking chairs out of trees.

With my record, when I get out, I'll be lucky to get any job at all.

-So, whatever.

-You leave me no choice but to make the decision for you.

-Where are you going?

-Home.

-Can I come?

-Very funny.

-Stay and watch me play.

-I already have. You're terrible.

Oi! I'm a bloody marvel, me.

-Can I help you?

-What's wrong with him?

-He's in for his chemotherapy treatment.

-Cancer?

Yes. Along with retinitis pigmentosa,

osteoporosis, and arthritis in his feet.

Do me a favour? Don't tell him I came here.

Ahh!

Did you miss me?

Didn't even notice you were gone.

You were right about building maintenance. It stinks.

-Thanks for saving my plant.

-I just gave it a bit of water, that's all.

Sometimes it takes very little to put things right.

# I'll remember... #

There you are. Merry Christmas.

Does he still tell all his mates he's Daddy's dad?

Go and speak to him, Jimmy. Don't expect too much.

All right, then.

I hear, er, school's going great.

Tony, you've got a stiffy.

-So?

-It's against regulations.

ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC PLAYS

C'mon, I'd like you to meet my sister Mary.

-I've told her about you.

-I'm no good with families.

-You're becoming a bore

You can have these anyway.

-Merry Christmas.

-Oh, for fuck's sake, don't do this.

-Too late.

I've done it already, haven't I?

-Are you sure this is a good spot?

-Give me the seeds.

HE COUGHS

-Are you alright?

-Fine.

You know it's a total waste of time.

It's so cold, those little buggers don't stand a chance.

They said that about me, didn't they? I proved them wrong.

I turned me life around.

Turned your life around? What are you talking about?

You're a blind, crippled old fart whose been locked up all his life.

Even if you get parole you won't have any time left to enjoy it.

-I'll never be paroled, Colin.

-What?

-Nah.

I'm one of the few in here who'll never walk out.

I'll spend the rest of my days in Edgefield.

What a ball! What a ball!

Milk?

Cheers, Holly.

-Hello, Tony.

-Hi.

-It's really sweet, but it's against regulations.

-I know it is.

Will you just put it in your hair?

It's just lovely.

-Where'd you find it?

-I found it growing near the pitch.

Um, I better get back.

They've got no chance without me.

I'll see you later, yeah?

-Spring is here!

-What?

You can't see a thing. I don't know why you bother with those specks.

-They hide my wrinkles.

-Oh, I've got better things to do, you know?

We should've marked the spot.

I'm sorry, old man, I've had enough of this.

Colin?

You've found them, haven't you?

Yes.

Are they beautiful?

Very.

-They never stood a chance, Fergus.

-I told ya.

-It's all about defying the odds. Adversity is your ally.

-What?

Make friends with your misfortunes, otherwise you'll always be angry.

Toss it back, will you?

-What did you go and do that for?

-You ruined our bleedin' flowers.

-I what?

-From now on, this area's off-limits!

-Lads, come and get this!

-What's the matter?

-The pitch is off-limits. Wanna know why?

-Why?

In case we trample their little pansies.

Oh, dear. Now wouldn't that be a catastrophe?

Look here, I don't think we give a shit about your fuckin' flowers!

Go on, Raw!

WHISTLE BLOWS

That'll do.

We don't look upon altercations very fondly here at Edgefield,

much less those resulting in bloodshed.

And all over a... pansy?

A violet, sir.

Er, double violet, actually.

-A double violet?

-And a scented one at that.

In this terrible limestone soil of ours?

Pity.

Your football inflicted this damage?

We didn't see no bleedin' flowers. We were just playing.

If you and your team-mates wanna continue playing football,

-assist Mr Briggs and Mr Wilks in their horticultural endeavour.

-What?

Mr Briggs, you've just cleaned your last toilet.

-You have your greenfingers to thank.

-That's bollocks.

-These flowers are a fluke...

-Gentlemen,

a new work programme has just been born here at Edgefield. Gardening.

-Gardening, sir?

-That's right, Dudley. Gardening.

-Look at the buds on this.

-I'd like to get a whiff of that.

The Governor's expecting a proper garden by next spring.

It ain't gonna be easy.

-I'd take laundry duty any day over this shit.

-This is women's work.

Look, I think we'd gladly give up football.

I mean, gardening ain't for the likes of us.

They're right, Fergus. Who are we kiddin'? We're no bloody gardeners.

I saw the look in your eyes when you spotted those flowers.

It was love at first sight. We've been prisoners long enough.

Let's be gardeners.

Think about it. This was the Governor's idea, right?

-Yeah. So?

-Who d'you think carries the most weight

-when your parole review comes round?

-Er, the Governor!

-Right.

So, we plant a nice little garden,

and you lads stand to get the Governor's personal recommendation

for release. Not a bad idea, wouldn't you agree?

So let's just get on with it and cut the crap, shall we?

We've prepared a list of things we need. Um, there's a fork and spade,

obviously. A pair of shears.

-Some branch loppers.

-Don't forget the hoe.

-Oh, yeah. A hoe.

-And a weed wand.

-A weed wand? How interesting.

It's looks like a bicycle pump

with a blow torch on t'end. Aim it at them nasty weeds,

pull the trigger, and bam, nukes 'em right down to the roots.

-Anything else, gentlemen?

-Hats... and gloves, I suppose.

-Yeah.

-Tony?

A bottle of suntan lotion would be nice.

Indeed it would. And have you calculated the cost of these items?

Yes, sir. We've prepared a budget.

Very well.

I, too, have prepared a budget.

Are you alright there, my love?

Is this a good idea?

Should you put spades and forks in murderers' hands?

The best place to seek God is in a garden. Dig for Him there.

George Bernard Shaw.

This'll do, won't it?

-What d'you think, Colin?

-I dunno.

-It's not good for sunlight.

-We're in England. Don't build your hopes up.

-Come on.

-No, it's no good.

-My God, Susan, have you read all these?

-No.

Then it's high time someone did.

"Georgina Woodhouse says it all comes down to two basic questions.

"What d'you want your garden to do, and what flowers d'you wanna grow."

Fergus, what do I want my garden to do?

I thought it was OUR garden, Colin.

82, 83, 84, 85...

-Don't tell me what to do.

-Hold on.

-I'm tired of waiting.

-This spot's good.

-You're always in a hurry.

I ain't gonna be here forever.

-I'm gonna make something of myself.

-Oi! Don't do that.

I ain't stayin' on no sidelines. I got as much say as anyone.

-The daffodils, they're going here.

-Who said anything about daffodils?!

Hey! Hey!

If you don't mind, the old man'll decide where the garden goes.

# High time we made a stand and shook up the views of the common man

# The love train rides from coast to coast

# DJ's the man we love the most

# Could you be squeaky clean and smash any hope of democracy?

# As the headline says you're free to choose

# There's egg on your face and mud on your shoes

# One of these days they're gonna call it the blues

-# Sowing the seeds of love

-# Sowing the seeds of love

-# Sowing the seeds of love

-# Sowing the seeds of love

# I spy tears in their eyes

# They look to the skies for some kind of divine intervention

# Food goes to waste! So nice to eat, so nice to taste

# Politician grab you with your high ideals

# Have you no idea how the majority feels?

# So without love... #

I'm leaving, Tony. Today's my last day at Edgefield.

Why?

Because...

every time I look at you I go all wobbly.

The feelings I have for you are inappropriate.

Before I bring further dishonour to the Women's Royal...

Meet me in the woods behind the garden.

You see this?

Hampton Court Palace Flower Show. Biggest in the world.

My God! Let's enter.

-You're dreaming, old man.

-I've never won an award in my entire life.

-This could be my big chance.

-You're a sandwich short of a picnic.

Right, it's time... to germinate.

With a little cooperation from Mother Nature,

we should have a jolly nice little garden come the spring.

"HM Prison Edgefield

"more closely resembles life on a university campus

"than a citadel of reform for Britain's worst blights."

"The so-called open prison is, in fact,

"an open invitation to disaster." Bastards!

Why does your family never come to visit you?

They want nothing to do with me.

Will you never tell me why you're in here?

If God could find it in His heart to forgive me after what I've done,

he's not gonna quibble over your sins, lad.

You're sure about that, are you?

I killed my wives. I passed the first two off as accidents but,

when I got round to the third...

It wasn't the police that worked it out. I gave myself up.

I'd come to terms with the fact

-that alcohol turned me into something terrible.

-I'd say.

I'll be doing porridge till the day I die,

which could be any time, my friend.

Not many more opportunities for heart to hearts.

I'm not the confessing type.

We start the vegetable garden next. I fancy them more than the flowers.

It's what I'm gonna do when I get out. Be a gardener.

-Whaddya think, John?

-Mum says it won't be until I'm at university.

-I'm gonna be out in about 18 months.

-That'll be up to the parole board.

I painted it for myself, just in case I don't make it to spring.

You'll make it.

Splendid. Just splendid.

It's a great day for you gentlemen, and a great day for Edgefield.

-What did I miss?

-I was just telling your colleagues

how pleased I am with your horticultural endeavour.

We now have heaven under our feet as well as over our heads.

I'm such a fan, Mrs Woodhouse.

To Majorie. I have one quick question.

I have an unruly cotoneaster shrub. What should I do?

Go for the chop, dear. Give it a nice haircut.

-One should never be afraid to use one's loppers.

-Thank you very much.

-Who should I inscribe this to?

-To Colin, Fergus, Tony, Jimmy and Raw.

-Raw?

-I was wondering if you might be so kind as to visit

a garden my husband's employees have planted?

They did it all on a micro-budget and were inspired by your writings.

Hello. I'm sorry, but now that my mother's finishing,

-we'd like a cup of coffee.

-Splendid. We can give you one.

We're only 10 minutes away. Please? It'd mean so much to the men.

You say we're on a punishing schedule and we're running late.

I can't tell lies the way you can. I can't.

-I blush up like nobody's business.

-Social know-how isn't lies, Primrose

That woman didn't say anything about a prison, did she?

Such a jumble, all these disconnected dabs of colour.

I really rather like it.

Who'd have thought the violet would be so compatible

with that straggling group of daphne mezereum.

Really, quite a success, considering that arctic winter of ours.

-Big smile, Mrs Woodhouse!

-I beg your pardon?

I hope you don't mind, but open prisons being the brunt of

such bad press lately, we thought Edgefield could use some good PR.

If you'll just stand in the middle next to the prisoners.

So, Mrs Woodhouse, what d'you think of a garden made by murderers?

-Murderers?

-Just one or two of them, ma'am.

I really rather like it.

Perhaps you and your daughter would care to join us for lunch?

Thank you all very much,

but we're on a punishing schedule and we're running late.

-It's been a long morning. We'd be delighted to join you.

-Good.

This way.

Mr Briggs, have you always had greenfingers?

-Only when he picks his nose.

-Don't mind him.

-Too many blows to the head.

-I started about six months ago.

-So you have made strides.

-Nothing you couldn't do, I'm sure.

In my case, the apple fell far from the tree.

To my mom's profound disappointment, I'm a disaster in the garden.

-Really?

-Her father was even worse. Refused to get out of the hammock.

Course, the gin and tonics didn't help.

So, tell me, what stops you chaps from just, you know, absconding?

That'd be stupid, ma'am. There's too much at stake.

We'd go back to a closed prison.

And we've all seen our share of dark days at Wormwood Scrubs.

All right, gentlemen, back to your duties.

-It was an honour to meet you.

-Watch out for slugs and sooty mould.

-They can absolutely make life hell.

-Bye. And best of luck to you.

So tell me, who did what and to whom?

It's quite a notion for a prison, isn't it?

The tomatoes are more confined than the prisoners.

You sound like our local MP. Prison works by keeping people locked up.

Gerald wouldn't be allowed to let them out on work release programmes.

I don't suppose this qualifies, but I've been commissioned

to do the gardens at Ozlebury House. My gardeners are so over-extended,

they'll stage a mutiny if I ask them.

Hello!

This way! Over here!

Primrose, see if our client's around.

-They'd love to meet the boys.

-No-one's called me a boy since 1929.

-Some have it all, the rest have fuck all.

-That's the way it goes.

Some people, they see this as just a mound of earth.

But I see it as the commencement of our homage to the Goddess Flora.

-Hello!

-Hello!

-Hello, everybody.

Georgina, darling.

-Mwah, mwah!

-So kind of you all to give Georgina a hand.

-I'm Laurence, this is Nigel.

-How d'you do?

Anything we can do to make your time here more enjoyable, please ask.

-I hope you like shepherd's pie.

-And trifle.

-Excuse us. We've got work to do. Go on, off you go.

-See you later.

Let's get started.

No more lectures, and hosting yet another event for the Orchid Society

is equally abhorrent. No! NO! You can't treat wisteria so cruelly.

You cut into the hardwood, it'll never flower next year.

Sorry. You'll have to discuss the dates with Primrose.

Primrose! Primrose! Where is she?

BUZZING

Oh, no. No!

Oh, no.

Argh! Get off!

-Argh!

-Teatime!

-SHE GASPS

-Primrose! Bees!

Just a little honeybee. Perfectly harmless.

It may be to you, but it could be death to me. Let it alone!

-GASPS:

-I'll get it.

We need to get her to hospital.

-She'll be alright, won't she?

-Yes, yes.

It's an allergic reaction. Nothing too serious.

-The only time she gets a week's rest.

-All right.

-See you then, then.

-Oh, no.

I'll be by tomorrow morning to collect you all. Mother's orders.

-What the devil's he up to?

-I'm only just beginning to imagine.

Tony, we do have a loo, you know?

Nigel, you're a spoilsport.

All right, sweetheart?

That's from the Lady and the Unicorn series. The lady

and her handmaiden are holding carnations.

Don't go for carnations much, me. What'd you pay for it?

Couldn't put a price on it.

-Been in my family for 400 years.

-Hope you got a good alarm system.

Falstaff's the only alarm we need. Aren't you, boy?

-How's everything going, Mr Briggs?

-Good. How's your mother?

-They took her off the defibrillator today.

-Glad to hear it.

-You don't fancy giving me a hand?

-I'd be more of a hindrance than a help.

Don't be silly. Come and help me with this.

Don't be so timid. If you just go for it. Just rip it apart. That's it.

Great. OK?

Now we place it in the ground.

Home. Well, you know what I mean.

That's all right. It is my home.

I think Mother will be really pleased with what you've done.

-Thanks, Miss Woodhouse.

-Primrose.

It's a lovely name.

I despise it.

Good night.

-Guys, guys, we're out of here.

-Cheers, Miss Woodhouse.

I know, babe, I know.

Just... Wait, wait.

Listen. Listen to me. Ssh. Now don't go worrying about money.

-I'm gonna figure it out.

-SOBS:

-Oh, Tony.

What have we done?

Silver foliage?!

It was quite clear in my design I wanted purple foliage.

When this clay soil goes cold in winter,

-the silver will never survive.

-It will. I've seen to it.

-Have you!

A problem that's plagued Gloucestershire gardeners

-for over two centuries.

-Plant quartz crystals in the clay.

They radiate warmth. They don't interfere with the roots,

or add any chemical compounds to upset the clay's natural PH balance.

Upon what d'you base this conclusion?

I've been experimenting at Edgefield.

I suppose no-one's ever bothered to mix clay and quartz together.

No, I don't suppose they have. Well, Mr Briggs,

you have quite a future.

You have the most brilliant and talented prisoners you'll ever meet.

The work they did for me at Ozlebury House was simply stupendous.

One has a great deal of talent.

-I wish to sponsor their first show garden.

-At Hampton Court?

I can just see the front page of the Daily Mail.

Her Majesty surround by murders, rapists and such.

-Now there's a photo op.

-It might do us good. It'll boost attendance.

I'm against it. We have the public's safety to consider.

My personal recommendation has paved the way for many an upstart's entree

into this charmed circle, including yours, Julian.

Let us not forget what Her Majesty the Queen had to say on the subject.

"Gardening has been a national obsession for centuries."

"There cannot be any other occupation

"that absorbs equally every section of society."

-We're going to Hampton Court!

-Oh, brilliant!

Hampton Court! Hampton bloody Court!

Hampton Court Palace.

I were thinking of a field of tulips

with a bubbling brook through t'middle of 'em.

And wooden shoes overflowing with poppies.

What about doing something typically English

but with a tropical slant? Recreating Stonehenge...in Hawaii.

I was thinking about a vegetable garden, like on the moon?

A scented garden would be nice, full of English roses, honeysuckle,

lilies.

I'm seeing wild flowers, all shapes and sizes.

-Bluebells, sunflowers, daisies...

-Daisies, tulips,

fuckin' bluebells! I can't take this any more.

-You lot are a disgrace to the prison system!

-ALL LAUGH

Greek legend says that when Aphrodite was hurrying to the side

of her dying lover Adonis, she was scratched by thorns

as she pushed her way through a white rose hedge.

And, for ever after, the blooms have been tinted red with her blood.

A scented garden's a lovely idea for Hampton Court.

It was Ferguson's choice.

His sense of smell is one of the few things he's got that still works.

Primrose, did you know that a white rose signifies purity,

a yellow rose marks the end of an affair,

-and a red rose signifies passion.

-Really?

I-I never knew that.

How's that?

Not too hot, I hope.

Now then,

this comes from Miss Georgina's private supply.

The caviar of them all, it is.

Now listen, I don't want you getting stressed out

just because you're in the mother of all garden shows.

I mean, it's hard to believe, I know,

but just because you come from a little prison garden

doesn't mean to say you can't compete with the big boys. You can.

You've got just as much chance as any of the others.

D'you know, Susan,

I think we've got the chance of a prize at Hampton Court. I truly do.

I hope so, sweetheart.

-ON TV:

-'Can you tell us exactly what happened?'

'We arrived home from the opera to find the house ransacked.

'They took it all. Artefacts dating back to the 16th Century.

-'It's a devastating loss.'

-Gerald.

'I know the police are investigating,'

-but d'you have any idea who might've done it?

-No.

You have to consider the prisoners from HM Prison Edgefield.

I believe they were doing some work in your garden only a month ago.

The perpetrator of the crime was apprehended this morning in Bristol.

He had a plan of Ozlebury House on him.

Says he bought it off one of the gardeners.

The police suspect one, or all, of you.

You get until the morning to sort out which of you sold those plans.

If I don't hear anything by then, you'll all be shipped back

to a real prison. Is that clear?

This couldn't have happened at a worse time.

-What about the flower show?

-Cancelled.

What are you looking at?

You were the only one who set foot in the house.

-They invited me in for a piss.

-Little shit!

Boys, boys, I swear on my babies' lives it wasn't me.

What? Mate?

You short-termers always, always screw it up for us lifers.

Sarah, if the kid hears about that robbery,

tell him I had nothing to do with it. Nothing whatsoever.

And tell him about Hampton Court.

Because I'm sick of disappointing him!

Raw, where are you going?

I'd rather sleep in the potting shed than stay here.

Cheers, mate.

RADIO: 'Next week, Georgina Woodhouse tells us about

'the Hampton Court Flower Show, the gardening event of the summer.

'The outdoor gardens represent the cream of the horticultural talent.

'Today's big names and stars of the future, all digging for victory.'

Minister, it's one black mark in an otherwise untarnished record.

One too many from the point of view of public confidence.

-After all, the young man's still at large.

-Don't close us in, Peggy.

Most men are coming to the end of some long sentences.

They've got to be prepared.

If they're not, they're far more likely to commit further offences.

We've been in the outfit a long time.

You know I respect the work you're doing here.

But, until this thing cools down,

all work release programmes in the private sector are suspended.

Does the Secretary of State support or decline the prisoner's release?

I see from your file you've served the greater part of your sentence.

Do you feel you're ready to rejoin society?

I'd imagine I'm the only one here who knows what it means

to have taken a life. You think about it every day.

And you wish that someone would come and take yours and get it over with.

But then, one day,

you discover that you can give life.

Create life.

Grow something that needs caring,

feeding.

To those of you sitting here thinking that rehabilitation through gardening

just sounds too stupid to swallow, that's your right.

But most of my life was spent in a bang-up jail,

and a prisoner is all I thought I'd ever be.

But today, whether you parole me or not,

I no longer think of myself that way.

I'm a gardener.

I'm a gardener.

A bloody good one as well.

And to any of you wrestling with your own unresolved issues,

you know, displaced anger, that sort of thing,

I recommend it highly.

Goodbye. Do your best for me while I'm away.

I'll visit as much as I can.

I'll miss you.

I'll miss you, too.

Ah, go on.

I hope I never see you again.

-Bag the roses at the first sign of frost.

-I won't forget.

You can depend on me, son.

I was 18, and totally wasted, the night I caught them together.

She was the girl I was planning to marry...he was my brother.

My baby brother.

I lost it.

I just went for him... I didn't know what I was doing.

When he stopped fighting back I realised what I'd done.

My parents never spoke to me after that.

They acted as if both their boys died that night.

All I've got left of him is a photograph.

Take this with you, to the outside.

I don't want it to die in here with me.

Remember, Briggs, one small fuck up and you'll be straight back here.

-Now then, are you sure you don't need a lift?

-No, thanks.

-Sorry about Hampton Court. It meant just as much to me.

-I know it did.

-Good luck out there.

-Good luck in here.

We just lost our best gardener.

# You say

# You want

# Diamonds and rainbow gold

# You say

# You want

# Your story to remain untold

# But all the promises we made

# From the cradle to the grave

# When all I want

# Is you...

I hope you like it. It's all I could find in your price range.

-OK?

-Yeah.

It's been a long time, Primrose.

For me as well.

15 years.

Well, not quite that long.

So, tell me, how are you adjusting to your new life?

I think the transition's been made much easier by your daughter.

-Those who have no-one, I don't know how they do it.

-It must be hard.

Mother, you always attributed the failure of all your relationships

to the fact that none of the men were any good in the dirt.

Well, I've found one who is.

Have you?

And he could really use your help finding him a job.

-SHE GASPS:

-Oh, my!

Oh, my!

Excuse me.

Ohh!

A bit dramatic, don't you think?

-That was very rude, Mother.

-Oh, you know how fond I am of Colin,

but the man was serving a life sentence.

-God only knows what he did.

-He killed his brother.

-It was an accident!

-Who knows what might trigger it off!

It could be over the most trivial thing. I shudder to think

of the consequences if you burnt the Sunday roast.

It's funny how open-minded you are about him publicly.

But when it comes to my happiness,

he's judged by what he was, not by what he is!

That's what I like about plants. They don't answer back.

He's destroying that topiary.

The border needs fortifying.

The guy doesn't know what he's doing.

We'll find you a garden of your own. Don't worry.

You've been saying that all summer, and still I'm a delivery boy.

I've been to every nursery and garden centre in the area,

but, you know, I'm an ex-con. I don't get a look-in.

What's it gonna take? A personal reference from the Queen?

The housekeeper gave the plans to her boyfriend.

-He tried blaming us to save her ass.

-Tony wasn't lying.

-Hey,

hear about Hampton Court? They've invited us back

-to do the garden for next year's flower show.

-No shit?

-You lucky bastards!

-How are we gonna do a garden without you?

Whaddya mean? You've got Fergus. He's artistic.

Fergus ain't doing too well. He's, um, gone downhill since you left.

-Really? Tell him I'll pop in for a visit real soon.

-'OK. Nice one.'

-Gotta go. Take care.

-'See ya.'

"Roses are red..."

I'm about to fuck up, so what else is new?

They say that to abandon ones life for a dream

is to know its true worth. I've got this crazy idea in my head

that I'm good enough to win something at Hampton Court.

"It's a helluva way of going about it,

"but I've always done things the wrong way round.

"Please forgive me for this, because I certainly won't forgive myself.

"I hope this is the last time anybody ever sends you yellow roses."

Hello, boys.

I'm very disappointed in you, Mr Briggs.

Our hope at Edgefield is, once a man is released, he never returns.

That said, I'm expecting you to pull out all the stops at Hampton Court.

Huh?

What's this thing doing back here?

I wasn't quite ready for the outside.

Welcome back, greenfingers.

I'm a bit miffed to see how well you guys have done without me.

-Ain't like the old days though.

-Hello, Colin.

-There's a waiting list to get in here now.

-We've been thinking.

We want you to come up with a design for Hampton Court.

Gentlemen. The Home Secretary and the Prisons Minister.

-Most impressive, gentlemen.

-The Home Secretary's quite a gardener himself

You exaggerate, Peggy. I'm what you'd call an armchair gardener.

More a reader of other people's exploits than, er,

an actual tiller of the soil.

The Home Secretary's come up with an idea.

Mind you, it only just hatched over lunch.

I thought we'd go for a bit of the unexpected.

A rock garden. Lots of prickly, hard plants,

with not the slightest hint of colour, representing incarceration,

with the goal of freedom symbolised by a juicy red strawberry archway.

I didn't break parole only to be laughed out of Hampton Court.

There's something bigger at stake than a flower show.

After years of fighting the Home Office, we're making inroads

to ensure the survival of open prisons. Put your ego aside,

give some consideration to the many inmates working through the system

-who've yet to experience a place like this.

-But a rock garden!

D'you honestly think we stand a chance of winning anything?!

That all depends on your definition of winning, doesn't it?

About as subtle as a haemorrhoid.

The only thing missing is a bloke with the pickaxe.

So, Colin, what was it like being with a woman again?

Well, it weren't that great if he came back here, was it?

Every day I miss her.

Primrose was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

Remember, these only need one hour a day under these lamps, OK?

-You got it?

-Yeah, got it.

Hey, we need every last one.

This archway's gotta be bursting with strawberries.

Where d'you think they'll bury me, Colin?

Westminster Abbey's out of the question, I'm afraid.

I've been thinking

that being cremated is the way to go.

"Dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return."

Yeah, all right, old man.

Any female visitors lately?

No, I haven't.

The way you left things, I'm not surprised.

Fergus,

-d'you think I'll ever be capable of loving someone?

-Ah, yes.

Oh, yes.

I spent my life in prison. That's how it went.

But you're different.

You've got things to do.

So the next time they let you out, don't go fucking it up.

SQUEAKS

-Raw!

-Bloody hell!

-There's two weeks left. We can't replace them.

I did what you told me. Timer must be broken.

-Bloody mice!

-I don't believe this.

I've got a bunch of red peppers.

-Let's fill up the trellis with them.

-Red peppers?

C'mon, Colin, don't lose the faith. We've still got the cactus. Look.

-Colin. Colin.

-Oh, what now?

-Fergus.

# We say we walk together

# Baby, come what may

# There come the twilight

# Should we lose our way

# If as we're walkin'

# My hand should slip free

# I'll wait for you

# Should I fall behind, wait for me

# We swore we'd travel, darling, side by side

# We help each other

# Stay in stride

# But each lover's step falls

# So differently

# But I'll wait for you

# If I should fall behind, wait for me! #

It appears that HMP Edgefield and flower shows aren't meant to be.

From the looks of it, we're all a bunch of deadbeats, no-hopers,

the dregs of society, right? Wrong.

I know different.

If Fergus Wilks were alive, he'd tell me not to give up without a fight.

"Adversity is your ally, lad."

I've had my fill of adversity, now I'm looking for allies!

Anyone who wants come with me and make history at Hampton Court,

step forward!

I believe I have the last word on the subject, Mr Briggs.

Good luck.

MUSIC: "Radetzky March" by Strauss

-INHALES:

-Mmmm! Savour the perfume, and the pleasure filling the air

at the gardening year's most anticipated event,

the Royal Horticultural Show's summer extravaganza

at Hampton Court Palace.

Henry VIII's glorious palace by the River Thames

has seen nearly 500 years of spectacle and pageantry,

but I think even Henry couldn't fail to be impressed

by this feast of flowers.

I'm Georgina Woodhouse. I remember my first flower show victory.

I'd just given birth to my daughter Primrose

and I was desperate to get back to gardening.

Every year, Hampton Court showcases something new and unique,

and this year we have found an entry that must be one of the most unusual

in the show's history. It was made without sponsorship,

on a tiny budget, and from the confines of a prison.

I am here with the men from Her Majesty's Prison Edgefield.

Tell me, how does it feel to be exhibiting at Hampton Court?

-It's terribly exciting.

-I'd like to thank all my mates back at Edgefield

-who lent a hand.

-ALL CHEER

Colin, tell me about your design for the show.

It's a wild flower garden,

and it's all about finding beauty in the most unlikely of places.

It's dedicated to our friend Fergus Wilks.

It wouldn't be the same without you, Fergus.

Colin! Colin, hurry up. The judges are here.

-They hate it.

-They don't get it.

They look more like rock garden types to me.

Trying to read those judges is like trying to unravel the mystery of

-the Mona Lisa's smile. See you at the gala.

-What gala?

Sorry, it's for VIP's and non-prisoner competitors only.

Fine by me. I had nothing to wear anyway.

GENERAL CHATTER

Oh, look, there's the boys over there.

Got a confession to make, lads.

I left those heat lamps on too long on purpose.

I've got a confession, too. I let them mice eat all them strawberries.

Well, thanks for owning up, guys.

Just leaves one question, dunnit?

Who torched that bloody awful rock garden.

BOTH LAUGH

It's a mistake. I'm not up to it.

You won't meet anyone if you never go out. Look who's there. Colin!

This is all about spite. Now you have my blessing,

you're deliberately trying to defy me.

I know I've not been an ideal mother, but I love you, Primrose,

and so does Colin.

He's just had a little bit of garden fever, that's all.

I so want you to be happy.

I really do.

-Primrose.

-Hello.

You look stunning.

Thank you.

So, this is who you left me for.

I hate to admit it, but she's fantastic.

Colin! You planted primroses.

You were a total shit to leave me the way you did.

-Second biggest mistake I never made.

-There's more to life than gardening.

I know.

-Are you seeing anyone?

-No.

Neither am I.

I keep hoping that when I get out next spring,

that you might be there waiting for me.

GENERAL APPLAUSE

Marigolds for the Millennium has walked away with the silver gilt.

It's SO exciting.

And to Fontley's Nurseries in Hampshire,

a gold for fuschias and delphiniums.

Congratulations.

This concludes the medal winners in all the major categories.

Now it is not every year that we bestow the Tudor Rose Award,

but by unanimous ratification of the Royal Horticultural Society's

judging committee, we have singled out a garden

for that most coveted of awards.

And this year

it goes to

the feng shui Garden of Harmony.

We salute all the gardeners who grew for gold,

as well as those who didn't.

So, until next year, thank you for watching and happy gardening.

(So unfair.)

Men?

Excuse me.

I got into the prison service some 30 years ago

because I envisaged doing something positive with men like you.

To force you to go to your core, rebuild your integrity.

I lay far greater store in that victory

than in any medal they had to offer today.

You're holding up rather well.

I have a lot to be happy about.

It's the best carrot I've ever tasted.

Thank you, son.

Was it a mistake not going with a more typically English garden?

You know, no graffiti, no crashed cars, no concrete?

Oh, I like a bit of rough.

Excuse me?

Her Majesty requests the presence of the gardeners of Edgefield

-in the Royal palace.

-Her Maj...? The Queen?

HRH herself. She was quite impressed with your garden.

-Holy shit!

-Ohh!

Unofficially, she thought you were robbed!

-C'mon, John.

-Come along, gentlemen. Let's not keep Her Majesty waiting.

-Sorry, sir. Gardeners only.

-Ah.

Excuse us, would you?

# I have sold myself

# Through and through

# I have walked in the darkness too

# Felt a red sun

# The living proof

# Washed my hands in the honest truth

# I have carried this weight

# Time after time

# I have bettered the dumb and the blind

# I've seen dignity fail and colours run

# Seen justice denied by the voice of a gun

-# And we walk

-# Yes, we walk

# And we walk with the power every day

# Never lettin'

# The light slip away

-# Reaching out

-# Reachin' out!

-# Reaching in

-# Reachin' in!

-# Touching truth

-# Touching truth

-# Touching skin

-# Touching skin

# Never letting

# The light slip away

# Walk with the power, walk with the power

# Walk with the power, walk with the power... #

Bit of advice, lads.

Don't forget to curtsey.

# Walk with the power, walk with the power

-# And we walk

-# And we walk

# With the power every day

# Yeah, we walk

-# Yeah, we walk

-# Yes, we walk. #