Hot Enough for June

-What's that?

-A rabbit's foot, of course.

PHONE RINGS

Yeah?

It's for you.

Hello?

Well, just write the usual letter.

Start thinking about a replacement.

Just a moment. Got a job for you.

Must be a mistake. My name is Whistler, Nicholas.

Yes. Interview tomorrow, 9.00.

You can't have a job for me!

-I'm a writer. It says so in my passport.

-You know the rules -

-any job you're qualified for, you've got to go for, or you lose your benefit.

-What is it?

-Glass manufacturers. Trainee executive.

-Executive - me?

-That's ridiculous!

-Yes!

Queen to bet.

-I was going to work.

-I thought you gave up writing for industry!

-Not on your life. 2/6.

-I fold.

I'll see that.

How did you get on with that bird I saw you with? He's touchy on that subject!

-Shut up!

-When he chatted her up, she said she wasn't feeling it!

-Not feeling it?

-Lorna's a great girl of fine background.

-She's got a brother in the Navy, an account at Harrods and long legs!

-Been round twice a day ever since!

To release his talent - here she is!

Have a nice bath, dear?

Divine, thanks. And don't moan about the mess - I cleaned it all up!

I'll bet 10.

You really are going mad!

He can afford it. He's got the love of a good woman and a job to go for!

Executive in one of Britain's great industrial empires!

-Managing the fortunes of thousands of investors!

-For £7 a week!

It'll ruin your creative talent!

-Belt up!

-You'll be writing advertising copy for light bulbs!

-It's the first step on the downward path!

-It's not said I'll get the job!

Good morning, sir. Can I help you?

I think I've got an appointment with Mr Cunliffe or something.

-You must be Mr Whistler.

-I believe so.

-Mr Cunliffe was expecting you earlier.

-Was he?

Mr Whistler to see you, sir.

Wheel him in!

Thank you.

Mr Whistler! So glad you could get here. You interested in this little opening of ours?

-I don't know what it is yet.

-Glass, Mr Whistler, glass.

Oil may be the substance on which our civilisation runs,

but glass enables us to see where we're going,

or, with a driving mirror, where we came from.

-I don't suppose you're aware of the vast technological advances in our field.

-No, I'm not.

We're now in a position to construct a car entirely from glass!

-Wheels, engine, the entire car!

-Be a bit difficult to see it coming!

Yes, well, that's my side of it.

-Tell me about yourself. Where did you go to school?

-Here and there...

No particular school at all.

-A varied background. I like a boy who's been through the mill. Military service?

-I was lucky there.

I...

-I managed to get out of it.

-You don't like the military life?

-No, I'm a coward!

-We're not all cut out to be soldiers!

The labour exchange says you speak Czech. Is that correct?

Well, I was born there - in Prague.

-Delightful city. You're British now?

-I'm British now.

-You're a writer?

-Well, I try...

-Anything published?

Not recently, actually, no.

Public's not quite ready for you?

Never mind. You seem just the sort of chap who'd fit in here.

I do?!

Yes. We interviewed a lot of chaps for this job, but none had the imagination we wanted!

You could go right to the top! There are openings all the time.

What will you pay while I'm waiting for these openings?

You'd pull in about £2,000 a year.

£40...a week?

Yes, that's right. With expenses.

-That's really very reasonable.

-Yes. Why don't you mull it over during the weekend, then come and see us?

If you think you'd like the job, I'm sure we could start you off.

Yes, all right...

I'll see you on Monday, then.

-Shall we say 10.00?

-Fine.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye.

Well, what do we make of him?

He doesn't seem very keen! Do you suppose he's reliable?

I'll get a security check done, but it's only a one-off job, isn't it?

-He's just a courier.

-I suppose so.

I'd be a lot happier if he'd been to a decent school!

BUZZ Yes?

'Russian Embassy, sir.'

Naughty of them to use this number! Not supposed to know it.

-Shall I put it through the scrambler, sir?

-No! We want them to understand!

Hello? Yes?

Da svedanya to you too!

I never heard of him. Who?

Oh, did you?

Good. Thanks for letting us know. Goodbye.

Bloody show-offs!

Pulled in another of our chaps!

-Who?

-Carruthers. Romania.

Romania?

HE HUMS A TUNE

-All right! I know!

-Shall we inform the PM?

He's busy. We better arrest one of theirs to save face!

-We don't keep track of them like we did. They're getting thin on the ground.

-What about that one?

Well, we've always maintained he was one of theirs, but the War Office say he's ours!

Leave him where he is for the moment.

Don't worry. I'll take care of that.

Get a replacement for Carruthers.

-Usual chit to the Ministry?

-Yes.

They got at Carruthers through some woman he took up with.

-Try and find someone who's not too susceptible to that!

-Right.

Don't lean too far in the other direction either!

Good morning, Mr Whistler.

My secretary says you've decided to join us. A wise decision.

-Thank you.

-Go in. I'd like you to meet one of your colleagues.

Roger, Nicholas Whistler who's joining us. This is Mr Allsop, our personnel manager.

Hello.

Shall we all sit down?

Thank you.

-You're wondering what you'll do here for the first few weeks?

-Yes.

-Bit of luck you joining now. Mr Jones...

-Who?

-Mr Jones!

-Our sales manager! You'll forget your own name next!

-Oh, yes...

Our Mr Jones is off to Prague and doesn't speak Czech.

-You could go along.

-To Prague?

-Yes. No personal reason you can't go?

No. Indeed, on the contrary...

Fine.

Isn't Prague behind the thing...?

The Iron Curtain and all that rot?

We still trade with those countries!

The Government doesn't like us to advertise it, but it happens.

The Czech State Glass Factory will welcome you with open arms!

Yes, I imagine he'll have an absolutely gorgeous time!

-When do you want me to leave?

-After lunch.

After lunch? What about visas and things and...?

We apply for them on a block booking basis and fill in the details.

-You've got a passport?

-Yes.

-Well, you'll need some expenses.

A couple of days...

Have £100. If you want any more, just ask our Mr Jones.

Yes, of course. ..You'll have some packing to do.

-Come back after lunch.

-About what time?

About 2.15.

-You've quite a lot of agents on the Continent!

-Representatives. We're quite a big business!

This is no fly-by-night organisation you've joined!

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye.

-Oh, Whistler...you don't speak Romanian, do you?

-Romanian? No.

Just a thought. It's safe to drink the water, but watch the local gin!

You might have given me a proper briefing! Who's our sales manager?

Sorry! I dreamt Jones up. I thought our young friend might be reluctant to go off on his own.

Don't worry - I'll scrub Jones.

You ought to get a padlock for this blind. Might have spoiled it all!

Look at it!

You look after Lorna! Ciao.

-Afternoon.

-Here you are.

We thought you might be late. Mr Cunliffe's waiting, sir.

I'll leave these here, if I may.

Just in time for a glass of port. Pull up a chair.

Good afternoon, Whistler.

-Good afternoon.

-Been a bit of a hitch. Smith can't make it.

-Smith?

-Our sales manager.

-Jones?

-Smith-Jones, yes.

He's got a touch of the flu. I hope he'll join you in a day or two.

-No, thank you. I have to go alone?

-Yes. There'll be no complications. It's a courtesy call.

You'll meet a Mr Galushka, manager of the State Glass Company.

They've promised us some information about a new process.

-I see.

-Just one thing that might be tricky...

Remember I told you the Government doesn't like us advertising what we do?

They have the same trouble there.

They like to make a mystery of it, passwords and so on.

They might prefer to slip the information into this book.

Politics - not letting your left hand know what your right hand does.

You mean I have to hand this to Mr Galushka, whatever his name is,

and he just slips the information inside?

Sort of East-West co-operation without a word being said?

It's not quite as simple as that.

It may not be Galushka. Hence the password.

-You have to be certain you're speaking to the right person. Slip the password in.

-What password?

You're quite right.

Hot enough for June.

And the reply?

Reply?

-So I know I'm speaking to the right man.

-Oh, yes.

Ah, but you should've been here last September.

-Hot enough for June. Ah, but you should've been here last September.

-That's right.

-I've confirmed your flight. Here's your ticket.

-Thank you very much.

Let's see Mr Whistler gets to the airport safely.

Terrible business, this.

-Mmm?

-This fellow they jailed as a spy.

-Expect he knew what he was letting himself in for.

-You think so?

-Mr Whistler. You have a reservation for me.

-Oh...

Yes, Mr Whistler. Room 47.

Take the gentleman's bag, please.

-May I have your passport?

-Oh, yes.

-Have there been any messages for me?

-No, Mr Whistler.

Were you expecting something in particular?

-Er...no... I just wondered if there was something.

-I see.

Nothing.

SIREN

KNOCKING

Good evening, sir. I am Josef, your floor waiter.

-I have a message for you.

-Thank you.

-It just arrived.

-Thank you.

-Will you require anything else? Glass of beer?

-Not at the moment.

-You plan to make a long stay?

-I don't know yet.

-I hope you do good business. We need the businessmen back.

-You seem pretty full.

-Delegations.

Different class of people.

Tipping is capitalist. It has no place in our way of life.

-If you require me, ring, sir. The name is Josef.

-Thank you.

-Mr Whistler?

-Yes.

-I'm Vlasta Simoneva, your driver and guide.

-I'll be totally at your service.

-Thank you.

Do you mind if I sit in the front?

I'm not a commissar!

We no longer have commissars in the socialist countries.

What did you do - shoot them all?

Don't drive very fast, will you? I frighten easily.

The transition from commissars to more democratic types of officials was a natural process of socialism.

Shooting was unnecessary.

How nice!

-You are going to see Mr Galushka, the director?

-Yes, I think so.

-Wilzek his assistant will take you. In there.

-Thank you.

I will come for you at 4.00.

-Will you?

-Yes.

Thank you.

This is the merest outline. Mr Galushka will tell you much more.

He is the architect of our industry, a brilliant man,

but not perhaps easy to get on with!

KNOCKING

Ah! Good morning, Mr Whistler, good morning!

-Good morning.

-Mr Whistler has come from England to see Zapotocky.

Really? Oh...

I thought he was a spy!

Sit down, Mr Whistler!

Sit down.

What do you want to know?

We are at your service.

Wilzek, have you confirmed with the canteen about lunch?

But...wasn't it all arranged?

That's what I want you to find out.

Yes...yes, of course.

He's a useful little insect, but not as intelligent as he might be.

I feel more at ease when he's not about!

What is it you wish to see?

Well...

nothing particular...

Mr Jones, our sales manager, will probably decide what he wants to see when he arrives.

-You're expecting him?

-Yes.

-Aren't you?

-No.

Oh...

-Probably a misunderstanding on our side.

-Evidently.

I think we can show you everything you could possibly wish to see.

Well, that's very kind of you.

I'm sure the people on our side will be very grateful.

I certainly seem to have brought the weather with me...

-haven't I?

-The weather?

Yes...

I mean it's almost...

hot enough for June...

-isn't it?

-You think so?

Considering the time of year...

Well...

yes, it's an interesting way of looking at it.

Shall we go?

Yes...

What are your feelings about the new continuous-rolling machinery they installed in England?

I think it's a good thing. I think it's a very good thing.

Mr Whistler, may I see your guidebook?

Mr Pavek, our research director.

Thank you.

Thank you. A very good guidebook.

Czechoslovakia is a beautiful country, is it not?

Yes, it's very pretty, very pretty indeed.

We must get on. Mr Galushka has arranged a demonstration.

It's really very warm.

Yes.

Hot enough for June...?

Is it?

An entirely new process developed by our comrade from East Germany...

has enabled us to make this revolutionary unbreakable glass.

But surely there's nothing new in that?

Nothing new, true - bulletproof and armour-plated glass have been known for a long time,

but it has been of great thickness and considerable weight.

Observe, please.

Permit me, Herr Doktor. Certainly, Herr Direktor.

This glass that our German comrade has developed is little thicker than paper and has the strength of steel.

May I?

Bitte.

Observe, please.

Please.

May I?

-You see?

-Yes.

-Come. We must move on. Thank you, Herr Doktor.

Bitte, Herr Direktor.

SMASH!

Nazi swine!

I hope you had an interesting day.

I think you saw it all. If there's anything you'd like to see again...

It's been most instructive.

-Could I just wash my hands?

-Of course. How thoughtless of me.

You should have asked me before.

Mr Galushka! Excuse me.

The comrade from East Germany... Yes?

He wants to know what luggage to take on his re-education course.

Just a toothbrush, comrade!

Just a moment, comrade.

There's dirt on your jacket.

You're a visitor here, aren't you?

Yes, from London.

I thought so. You've come at the right time of year. Fine weather.

-Is that so?

-Oh, yes. Most unusual for the time of year. More like...

I mean, it's almost...

You mean...it's hot enough...

-Mr Whistler! Have you finished?

-Er...yes.

Tomorrow...

I'll take you to your car.

-Oh, yes...

-Now you've seen how we work, I hope you'll go out tonight and see how we enjoy ourselves!

-Yes.

I'd like that. You said if there's anything I wanted to see again...

Could I come back tomorrow and have look at that rolling process again?

Any time. No, not tomorrow. I have a conference to attend.

-Come Thursday. I shall expect you.

-Thursday.

-Goodbye.

-I hope you have a nice stay.

-Thank you. Goodbye.

Would it be against the rules for a capitalist to buy you a drink?

Not necessarily.

Not frightened your friends see you and say, "What is Comrade Simoneva doing with that reactionary hyena?"

They will know that it is the duty of Comrade Simoneva to drink with foreigners,

even reactionary hyenas.

The work of a businessman must be very interesting.

-It carries its own responsibilities with it.

-Do you employ many child labourers?

Not any longer. Too inefficient.

You must not make fun of me.

I'm well-informed about England. I read the Daily Worker.

I see.

Is it true you have to go to Eton to be in the Government?

It helps.

And a party member, a Communist, could he go to Eton?

I've never known anyone who was a Communist and who went to Eton.

-There were a few were Communists by the time they left.

-They went into Government?

-The Foreign office!

-Oh!

I'm afraid I'm being a Fascist beast!

I see you don't know the correct terminology.

You're too soft to be a beast.

Thank you.

Perhaps only a lackey of bourgeois reaction?

You're very, very attractive.

There is much you have to learn about the ways of our society.

You could take me out to dinner and start to teach me...

If you wish.

Now I must make a telephone call and I have to change.

Where shall I meet you?

At the Golden Cockerel at 9.00. Anyone will tell you where to find it.

Give me Red 6.

-Good afternoon. I came to see if the maid collected your laundry.

-Thank you.

I want to call England, please.

To London.

I told you. We shall be at the Golden Cockerel at 9.00.

-We shall send an observer.

-There's no necessity. I can find out everything there is to know myself!

That will be for us to decide, comrade! Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Patience, Plakov!

Patience!

PHONE RINGS

Hello? Allsop speaking.

-It's Whistler.

-Is he back? Good!

He's calling from Prague!

Hello? Whistler? What the devil is this? Who gave you this number?

I made a note of it when I was in.

I thought I'd call to ask when Mr Jones is coming out.

Mr Jones died in his bath today.

-I-I'm terribly sorry.

-Very sad, but you'll have to manage on your own. Nothing else, was there?

No, no...nothing specific.

You might like to know - I finally made contact.

I've got to go back on Thursday.

They do make a frightful song and dance about it.

You better ring off. These Continental calls are expensive.

Whistler...good luck, old man.

What are you waiting for?

-Get the exchange to transfer that number to the Milk Marketing Board.

-Won't he try and call again?

Good evening. This way, please.

Your table, madame.

-What about that one?

-Reserved, madame.

-I like it better.

This one's splendid. Come on.

Your menus.

Thank you.

This table was specially prepared for you, madame.

Would you like to order now, sir?

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

Everything satisfactory, Comrade Plakov?

Did you hear about the prisoner and the secret policeman?

Well, there was this secret policeman.

Let's say his name was Plakov.

He had a prisoner brought up from the cells and he said,

"Comrade, why don't you confess?

"You have nothing to lose but your chains."

The prisoner said, "But I thought my chains belonged to the state!"

And Plakov, who was a very stupid man, said...

MUSIC SWELLS

What about your parents?

-My mother died in the war.

-And your father?

He's a musician.

He plays in an orchestra. We live in a house outside the town.

Have you got any brothers or sisters?

No.

A fiance?

No.

I wonder why not.

CRACKLING

You see - I have told you everything.

-There are many things I must know from you.

-Thank you.

There's plenty of time for that.

You can't be sure.

Come and dance.

-Oh, no. I must go home.

-It's early.

My father may be waiting for me. I have to look after him.

Can I take you home?

-No, it's better that you don't.

-Why?

Nothing good should be done too fast!

And tomorrow we have a holiday.

-The back?

-Mmm.

Permit me an observation - Comrade Simoneva isn't taking her assignment seriously.

-Your observations have been noted - frequently.

-Yes, but, with respect, I feel we could do more.

Unfortunately, in your case, the response would be limited.

THUNDER CRASHES

-Wait... I'll get you some dry clothes.

-Excuse me.

Crikey!

The Kremlin!

My father is a very fat man.

Yes, he is rather, isn't he? Won't he mind?

He is not here, is he?

I will dry your clothes... when you're ready.

I'm going to change.

THUNDER CRASHES

-Did you say your father was playing in Pilsen tonight?

-Yes. Why?

-When do you expect him home?

-I don't.

Nicholas...

Yes.

Will you light the fire?

I will.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

THUNDER CRASHES

What the hell are you laughing at?

You look like a Russian!

I've got news for you!

The Cold War is about to end!

What are you thinking about?

I'm thinking about you.

Anything wrong with that?

I don't know...

If you were doing something here in Prague...I mean, something bad,

would you tell me about it?

-What should I be doing that's bad?

-That's what I'm asking you.

Your visit to the factory and again tomorrow...

Isn't there something about that which is...

I don't know the word.

Suspicious?

Yes.

Look...

I'm going back to the factory tomorrow for the last time

to see a process that I missed.

The next day, I fly back to London.

I shan't have harmed a living soul.

Then, that is what I shall believe.

TOOTING

It's my taxi.

Yes, I know.

I'll see you at the hotel later.

Yes...but first I have to report to my office.

What are you up to? You shouldn't be in the road!

You're not fit to drive!

Get out of it! Go on! You rotten low-down...!

Get out of it!

Your daughter's here, sir. Shall I send her in?

You tell her, Plakov. You'll enjoy it more than I will!

Yes, sir.

The disappointment you're causing your father does not concern us...

but the failure to obey instructions and your frivolous attitude are viewed with great displeasure.

You're taken off the job

and you are forbidden to make any further contact with Mr Whistler.

That's all. You may go.

I'm...sorry.

Wrong car.

-You are Mr Whistler?

-Yes...I... Yes, I am.

What happened to Vlasta... I mean, my usual driver?

Driver Simoneva has been detained on other business. Get in.

-It's exciting, yes?

-What's it for?

-For the parade tomorrow. Have you not heard?

-No.

It'll be one of the greatest in recent years. 108 contingents from the outlying districts alone!

By tonight, the town will be full!

-Mr Whistler...

-Yes?

Driver Simoneva gave me this for you.

Oh...

Nothing more I can tell you.

-Are you staying for the parade?

-No, I fly back in the morning.

Anything to drink in the office? Yes.

-A drink before you go?

-I'd like to. May I wash my hands? Thank you.

Good morning.

It's hot enough for June.

Ah, but you should have been here last September.

-Good heavens! You're British!

-Of course I am, you bloody fool!

-How'd you get stuck in a job like this?

-It's a cover! Give!

-A what?

-Cover!

What do you mean - cover?

What the hell do you think I mean?

-Guard this with your life!

-What did you mean?

Stop playing the fool! I am a spy, the same as you are!

Spy? I'm nothing to do with being a spy! Legitimate industrial...

-Espionage?

-If you insist, yes!

It's between one firm and another - it's common in business!

Tell that to the firing squad!

-What?

-The firing squad! Da-da-da!

Oh, dear!

Well, comrade...I wish you luck!

I... Oh...!

What's the matter?

We have to wait for the other car.

Where have you been?

Take a rifle. We mustn't be seen talking.

-What's the matter?

-Shoot!

There is something you didn't tell me last night?

No, nothing.

Anyway, it makes no difference.

-I can't see you any more.

-Why?

I can't tell you. Shoot!

-Vlasta, tell me - what happened?

-Don't look at me! Shoot!

Don't wait for the plane tomorrow. You must leave today.

Someone told you something - what?

It doesn't matter! Do as I say!

But...

if I don't see you again...

please remember that I didn't want this to happen...

Don't look! Shoot!

Hey! Stop!

Stop! You haven't paid!

I'm sorry.

For the lady.

Thanks.

Josef...

I'm leaving sooner than I thought. Ask them to make up my bill.

-Certainly, sir. Shall I bring it up for you?

-Yes, do that.

-Sir.

-My passport as well. I'll need that.

-Very good, sir.

-KNOCKING

-Who is it?

-Me, sir - Josef.

-Come in.

-Good evening. I have some questions to ask you.

-Yes?

-Don't I know you?

-I doubt it. I represent the state security police. All right, Josef.

Well, now, Mr Whistler...

What is it?

Nothing serious, I hope.

No, almost a formality, one might say.

-If you would just sign this, please.

-Yes, certainly.

What is it?

Your confession.

My what?!

What the hell do you mean? What am I supposed to have done?

Come, Mr Whistler. Let's not waste time. Your activities have been known to us all along.

Your friend at the Zapotocky Factory has already been arrested.

You see, you might as well sign.

-And if I refuse?

-Then, we'd have to find an alternative.

The confession has to be voluntary.

-There is an alternative?

-Of course.

There's always an alternative.

I want to show you something.

You see that man? He's from the news agency.

He's waiting for this. It's an item from tomorrow's newspapers.

"Prague, August 12th.

"Nicholas Whistler was found dead last night beneath his luxury suite at the Hotel Slovenska.

"Mr Whistler was on a courtesy visit from London to the Zapotocky Glassworks.

"A police spokesman said foul play is not suspected."

I liked the bit about the luxury suite.

Yes. The suggestion of opulence creates a certain animosity towards the deceased.

Mind you, the style is pure journalese,

but I think you get the message.

Yes...

Yes, I think I do.

I shall want the message you received this morning.

-What message?

-The little piece of paper in your guidebook.

Oh, that?

You can't have that.

-I thought I made the position clear.

-You did, abundantly clear!

-I disposed of the message.

-Disposed of it?

-Posted it.

-Are you insane? Have you any idea what the paper contained?

-No. Have you?

-Never mind. Where did you send it?

-To London.

By express post. I've got the receipt here.

It's very simple!

Capitalist swine!

Enough! Come!

He's on the fire escape!

Room service.

This is Room 52 and the third time I've called.

'Sorry, sir. I wasn't on duty.'

-Bring me a Scotch and ginger ale.

-'Right away, sir.'

-Well?

-All the exits are covered.

Good. We'll take him at our leisure.

Your whisky, sir...

SIREN

-The first floor's clear. We've been right through it.

-Good.

Leave two men on guard there. The others go to the other floors.

Yes, sir.

Sorry. No-one is to leave.

No...I know... They've got him. He's upstairs.

-I'm the floor waiter.

-Where are you going?

-The chemist. He tried to take his life.

If you don't believe me, call! Call up!

-But don't stop me!

-Wait here!

SIREN

Come on! On the double!

British Embassy.

Listen...

-The secret police are after me. They think I'm a kind of spy...

-SIREN

There! That should do it.

He's trapped. He won't get off the street in those clothes. When the streets clear, we'll have him!

Out of it!

WHISTLE Stop!

SIREN

Good night.

Hey!

-Waiter!

-Yes, sir?

-Hungarian goulash.

-Yes, sir.

-With dumplings.

-With dumplings.

-Pronti!

-One Hungarian goulash!

With dumplings!

I want every man on duty familiar with this face.

-Have these distributed.

-Yes, sir.

You are already familiar with the face. Is it a good likeness?

-Not very flattering.

-We are not involved in a beauty competition.

This man is a dangerous spy!

LAUGHTER

Papa!

Papa!

Nicholas!

-Why did you lie to me?

-I didn't lie to you!

Lie!

You told me that your father was a musician!

Now you'll tell me he was in the secret police band(?)

-I'm sorry. I'd forgotten I told you that.

-Yes, you forgot that!

What else did you forget to tell me? What else?

I didn't tell you... that I too work for the police.

-You do?

-Yes, I do.

And anyway... what right have you to be angry?

You didn't tell me you were a spy!

But I'm not!

You are going to deny it!

Well, I...

I...

-I didn't know that I was.

-You expect me to believe that?

I don't care what you believe!

I don't care what you believe!

It's great for you now! You can turn me in - here I am!

You think I would do that?

I don't know what you'd do...

No, of course I don't.

I...

-You need sleep.

-Mmm...

-Use my room.

-No, I must get to the British Embassy.

-Why did you come here?

-To see you again!

And because I thought you might be able to help me...

To deliver secrets to the British?

No, no...

Tell me - did you really post that piece of paper?

-My father turned the post office upside down!

-No, I didn't.

You want me to help you get to the British Embassy!

So that you can deliver it!

You are trying to make me... a traitor!

No, I'm not.

Well, what will you do with it?

I...

I don't know.

You'd better give it to me.

It's all right for me to be a traitor, not you...

-but, for me, it's all right.

-I didn't think of that.

No...

Will you help me to get to the embassy?

I will try.

In that case...

there's only one solution, isn't there?

-Do you know - I don't even know what this was all about.

-Nor do I.

Oh, I'm so tired...

BELL RINGS

Now, look here! My name's Roddinghead!

Chrek. How do you do?

How much longer will these fellows will be here?

What are they doing here anyway? Waiting for a friend.

BELL RINGS

Smiling again, Plakov?

I like a man who smiles in the face of adversity.

Our quarry is roaming the streets in waiter's tails in daylight

and Plakov the eagle-eyed genius cannot locate him! Very good(!)

What fresh disaster have you to report?

Not a disaster, sir. It's more in the nature of a joke.

-A joke!

-Yes.

-Well, now, this is a new side of your personality!

Very good, Plakov! Amuse me!

Well, sir, it seems the staff at the British Embassy have mistaken our men for some kind of riffraff.

They're threatening to make representations to the Government.

Only a fool would find that story funny...

you fool!

It's clear Whistler has contacted his embassy,

they're expecting him, and they want rid of the riffraff,

whom they know perfectly well to be our secret police!

If they should make representations to the Government, and we refuse to move those men,

we shall have disclosed the importance of this case.

We therefore need a reliable man to go to the embassy and explain the necessity of keeping the men there.

-Any suggestions?

-If you permit me, sir...

-Never mind, Plakov.

I'm going myself.

I don't say this will happen,

but if, while I'm out, a young man drops in dressed in waiter's tails, answering to the name Whistler...

-Whistler?

-Whistler... ..Do try to arrest him(!)

KNOCKING Come.

Excuse me, sir. A fellow about those people on the corner.

Said his name is Simoneva. That old blackguard!

Do you know him? He's my opposite number!

I was going to say to speak to him, but, if he knows who you are, we shouldn't let on you're here.

It's all right. Diplomatic privilege. Show him in!

Simoneva...

That old rascal... What's he got up his sleeve this time?

DOOR OPENS

What a delightful surprise! You're looking younger than ever!

-Thank you. I didn't know you were in the diplomatic corps.

-Oh, yes! Sit down. Let me get you a drink.

Yes, it's a young man's job, this intelligence business.

-They pension you off, did they?

-That's about the size of it.

-Vodka?

-Scotch, please!

-Well, what can I do for you?

-We were told you wanted to see us.

Oh?

Yes, those people on the corner.

Your people aren't happy. Why?

The ambassador finds it a bit upsetting.

It's too much having riffraff hanging round the embassy.

I understand your feelings. Sorry I can't have them moved.

-Surely it's a simple police job?

-Yes, of course,

-but, between you and me, they are not riffraff, but secret policeman.

-You're joking, of course?

No, they are - really. And they are there for your protection!

Let me tell you the rest!

There's an element of anti-British fanatics, pledged to assassinate the ambassador and his staff!

-In order to prevent this, the secret police are guarding the embassy. Correct?

-Something like that.

It's nice to know we won't be murdered in our beds.

-Don't you think that dodge is a bit played out?

-Yes...

but what can we do?

-Have you come across a fellow called Whistler?

-No, I don't think so - one of yours.

One of yours. I thought you might know him. Had an accident.

I am sorry! Anything serious?

-You sure it's all right?

-Yes.

-They'll be on time?

At 3.00, then.

In exactly two minutes, you will leave here and go to the embassy.

Don't take notice of anything in the street - just go straight to the embassy.

What if something goes wrong?

-It won't, but if it does, there is an old loft at the back of this cafe...

-An old what?

Loft! Go there and I'll be waiting for you.

In there?

Yes, in there.

Goodbye, Nicholas.

Don't forget your tools. You're supposed to be a plumber.

Thank you.

Hey!

Yes?

Hold them, all of them! I'm coming immediately.

Get them!

SIREN

Good afternoon, Mr Whistler.

Stop that man!

-We got all of them, sir!

-You let him go! Idiot!

Who put you up to this?

No-one, sir! They told me the embassy was employing waiters!

You'd all to come at the same time? Yes, sir. 3.00 - in tails.

BRASS BAND PLAYS

-Circulate this description.

-Yes, sir.

-He'll go where the crowds are. I want men at every public event -

-football grounds, swimming pools, beer gardens, everywhere!

-Yes.

That's mine, comrade!

Oh, yes...

-What's wrong?

-You burned me, you fool!

-I'm sorry. My cigarette...

-Put some of this on.

-You want to be more careful.

I know. I'm sorry.

You won't feel a thing.

Sorry.

These are number 400 - that's right, isn't it?

Yes...

Police!

This way! Hands off!

Take your hands off me!

Help! Police!

Milk!

Vlasta?

Oh, darling!

I thought they'd caught you!

I'm all right. I saw your father and just ran!

I'm all right now, really!

But where did you find these?

-I'll explain later.

-I'm sorry...

-No, it's not your fault.

I've a plan to get into the embassy. It doesn't involve you.

It means I have to stay here till, well, dawn.

CHINKING OF BOTTLES

There's the milkman.

6.00. Yeah...

This time I better not say goodbye.

This time all will go well.

You think?

Take care.

I love you.

Milk! >

Milk!

Milk! >

Milk!

Milk!

Hey, milkman!

-What is it, comrade?

-I want you...

..There's something you ought to know...

What's that?

-There's a man in there!

-Oh, you're drunk!

-No...

CRASH!

Don't you hear anything? A voice in my head...

It says, "Go home!"

Milk!

Morning.

Milk!

BELL RINGS

You! Milkman! What are you doing?

-Leave your milk and come away!

-They asked me to call!

-Put it down - leave!

-They're having a reception. They want cream!

Get me out of here, someone!

-That's better.

-Oh...do you think so?

-Better than the Robin Hood outfit.

Yes, I suppose it is.

-It's very kind of you to lend them to me.

-Looks more British, anyway.

-I rather thought it did.

-They're my golfing things.

-I have a match on the 23rd, so bung them back as soon as possible.

-Yes.

-Don't wrap them in paper. Use a cardboard box.

-Yes.

-They're inclined to burst.

What are?

Paper parcels.

-I'll take the greatest care.

-Good chap. Remember - the 23rd.

Against the Turks.

-Thank you again. I'll remember.

-Not at all. We had to make you presentable.

There you are! You took your time getting here.

-I thought you weren't going to come. I'd no idea...

-Neither did I! I want to talk to you!

I want to talk to you too! Sit down!

Now, then, about the message... Have you got it?

Well, in a way...

-How do you mean - in a way?

-I swallowed it.

-Swallowed it!

-They were trying to arrest me!

I suppose there's no chance of... No... Never mind. Can't be helped.

You did your best. Coffee? Before I forget... This is important.

The money I gave you - I shall need chits for it. It's all accountable.

-Whistler, there's a paper on the table I'd like you to glance at.

-Oh?

What is it?

The Official Secrets Act.

Oh, really?

-Got the gist of it?

-Hardly. It's long.

-Bit of a rigmarole.

Just put your name at the bottom.

-I never sign until I read the small print.

-You can't go home till you sign.

-Home?

-You can't stay - we're exchanging you for a fourth attache at the Hungarian Embassy!

-Is that good?

Yes. Quite a feather in your cap!

By the way, that formula you were carting about, did you look at it?

-I did give it a sort of brief glance.

-Any idea what it was about?

No. Not the faintest.

What a pity!

-You mean you didn't know?

-No.

A chap in Naval Intelligence gave us the tip. Thought it might be important. Never said what it was.

Since you're going to London, leave that at the War House, will you?

You can drink the gin, but be careful of the local water!

Yes, Father.

-What are you doing here?

-Seeing someone off.

Bit suspicious! Never any intention of keeping him here.

No, it's my daughter. Got her a position with our trade mission.

Whistler! Keep the briefcase away from her!

Never mind. They tell me the waiting room is neutral territory.

This time, the drinks are on me.

Did you say you were going to England on a trade mission?

Yes, a place called Aldermaston.

Well, you won't need this!

Look...