It's a Boy Girl Thing

Line	From	To
GIRL: Give me my Romeo And, when he shall die,	0:00:40	0:00:43
Take him and cut him out into little stars	0:00:43	0:00:46
And he will make the face of heaven so fine	0:00:46	0:00:49
That all the world will be in love with the night	0:00:49	0:00:51
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)	0:00:51	0:00:53
And... (CLEARS THROAT) ..will make the face of heaven so fine	0:00:53	0:00:57
(MUSIC CONTINUES)	0:00:57	0:00:58
That all the world will be in love with...	0:00:58	0:01:00
Ugh!	0:01:00	0:01:01
SONG: # Shake ya ass Show me what you... #	0:01:01	0:01:03
That all the world will be in love with the night	0:01:03	0:01:06
Pay no worship to the garish sun...	0:01:06	0:01:07
# I came here with my dick in my hand... #	0:01:07	0:01:09
Excuse me!	0:01:09	0:01:11
# Be cool	0:01:11	0:01:13
# And don't worry 'bout how I'm rippin'... #	0:01:13	0:01:14
Excuse me!	0:01:14	0:01:15
# When I'm flippin' what I'm kickin'... #	0:01:15	0:01:17
-Excuse me! (SIGHS IN EXASPERATION) -BOY: What?	0:01:17	0:01:20
Will you turn that down?	0:01:20	0:01:24
-Sorry. I can't hear you. -Turn the noise down.	0:01:24	0:01:28
(SIGHS) I'm sorry. Did you you say something?	0:01:28	0:01:30
I'm trying to study but it isn't possible with that racket going on.	0:01:30	0:01:34
That's not a racket. That's Mystikal.	0:01:34	0:01:35
Whatever it is, will you please switch it off?	0:01:35	0:01:37
-What's it worth? -Oh, the gratitude of a music lover.	0:01:37	0:01:41
-Hmm. Alright. I'll turn it off. -Thank you.	0:01:41	0:01:45
-If you flash me. -What?	0:01:45	0:01:47
You show me the girls, I lower the bells.	0:01:47	0:01:49
-You are pig slime. -(LAUGHS)	0:01:49	0:01:51
Anyway, I seen 'em before.	0:01:51	0:01:53
What?!	0:01:53	0:01:54
You have not.	0:01:54	0:01:57
(SCREAMS)	0:01:58	0:02:00
-(GASPS) -(LAUGHS)	0:02:01	0:02:03
-(SQUEALS) -Have now! Ha-haa!	0:02:03	0:02:06
-(MIAOWS) -Good morning, Mr Fluffy.	0:02:09	0:02:13
-WOMAN: Woody, are you up yet? -Oh, yeah.	0:02:13	0:02:17
Mmm. Morning, Daddy.	0:02:23	0:02:26
I have some mail for you, princess. Mwah.	0:02:26	0:02:29
It's from Yale. Oh, my...	0:02:29	0:02:31
I have an interview next week.	0:02:35	0:02:37
I applied for early action for you, honey.	0:02:37	0:02:39
My precious little girl going to Yale!	0:02:39	0:02:41
Well, I'll have to get through the interview first, Mother.	0:02:41	0:02:43
-You won't let us down. Never have. -Never has.	0:02:43	0:02:47
-Mmm. Isn't it exciting, Ted? -It's very exciting, Katherine.	0:02:47	0:02:50
-Are you excited, Nell? -I am, Mother.	0:02:50	0:02:52
-She is. -I'm so excited, I could burst.	0:02:52	0:02:54
I could 'yale' it from the rooftops!	0:02:54	0:02:57
(LAUGHS)	0:02:57	0:03:01
Thank you, Mother. Mwah!	0:03:01	0:03:03
-Shit! -(LOUD MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO)	0:03:03	0:03:06
-Everything OK back there, darlin'? -No problem, honey.	0:03:06	0:03:09
I'm just searing off a couple of fingerprints.	0:03:09	0:03:12
Carry on, my good woman.	0:03:12	0:03:13
The big game's coming up soon, huh, son?	0:03:17	0:03:18
Yep.	0:03:18	0:03:20
Coach said all the big college scouts are gonna be at the game.	0:03:20	0:03:24
-Yeah. I know. -Speciality of the house.	0:03:24	0:03:27
I call it 'eggs what-the-heck'.	0:03:27	0:03:30
So much of fine cuisine's down to presentation, don't you think, son?	0:03:30	0:03:34
-Oh, yeah. Absolutely. -Wouldn't that be something?	0:03:34	0:03:37
You'd be the first member of my family to go to college.	0:03:37	0:03:41
He'd be the first member of your family to go to frigging school!	0:03:41	0:03:45
(LAUGHS) That's true.	0:03:45	0:03:47
But, son, if things don't work out,	0:03:47	0:03:49
there'll always be a job for you with Stan the man	0:03:49	0:03:53
at Spatula World.	0:03:53	0:03:54
(BREATHES DEEPLY)	0:04:00	0:04:01
NELL: To me, the greatest living American	0:04:01	0:04:03
should have individual accomplishments	0:04:03	0:04:05
but also have a lasting influence on America and/or the world.	0:04:05	0:04:10
And that is why, after careful consideration, my...	0:04:10	0:04:13
-GIRL: Hey, Nell! Nell! -(JEERING, LAUGHTER)	0:04:13	0:04:16
(HONKS HORN) Yo!	0:04:21	0:04:23
-(NEIGHS) Wassup, boy? -Hey, Horse.	0:04:23	0:04:25
(NEIGHS)	0:04:25	0:04:26
Oh, nice grab, Horse. How's it hanging?	0:04:27	0:04:29
To the floor, my friend.	0:04:29	0:04:31
Now, what's say we shift this baby into warp drive, huh?	0:04:31	0:04:34
Want you to feel the wind	0:04:34	0:04:35
blowin' through the hair on your fine muscular ass.	0:04:35	0:04:38
-(SNIFFS) Eugh! -Eugh!	0:04:38	0:04:40
-Hit it, please. -(LAUGHS)	0:04:40	0:04:42
-(EMINEM'S 'WITHOUT ME' PLAYS) -Oh!	0:04:42	0:04:44
OK.	0:04:46	0:04:47
EMINEM: (RAPS) # Now, this looks like a job for me	0:04:55	0:04:57
# So everybody just follow me	0:04:57	0:04:59
# 'Cause we need a little controversy	0:04:59	0:05:01
# 'Cause it feels so empty without me	0:05:01	0:05:03
# I said this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me	0:05:03	0:05:07
# 'Cause we need a little controversy	0:05:07	0:05:09
# 'Cause it feels so empty without me... #	0:05:09	0:05:10
Well, lookie here!	0:05:10	0:05:12
Is this not a pencilneck virgin girl I see before me?	0:05:12	0:05:14
I do believe it is.	0:05:14	0:05:16
She's standing dangerously close to a vast pool of water.	0:05:16	0:05:18
For a smart girl, that ain't so smart.	0:05:18	0:05:20
-Uh-uh. -(LAUGHS)	0:05:20	0:05:22
-Whoo-hoo-hoo! -(HONKS HORN)	0:05:22	0:05:24
Whoa!	0:05:28	0:05:31
(SHRIEKS)	0:05:31	0:05:32
-(BOYS LAUGH) -Oh. Oh.	0:05:33	0:05:36
(BOTH LAUGH)	0:05:39	0:05:43
-Whoo-hoo! Whoo! -(HONKS HORN)	0:05:45	0:05:48
Cool. Thank you.	0:06:04	0:06:06
Looks like she rushed it.	0:06:06	0:06:08
NELL: OK. Just keep walking. No-one will notice.	0:06:09	0:06:13
(LAUGHS) Who wants cotton candy?	0:06:15	0:06:17
(LAUGHTER)	0:06:17	0:06:19
Hey, Nell, I love what you've done with your hair.	0:06:22	0:06:25
Thanks, Glixen.	0:06:25	0:06:28
-Hey, watch it! Asshole! -(LAUGHS)	0:06:42	0:06:45
-Harry, Harry. -What's up, baby?	0:06:45	0:06:49
Whoa! There are people around.	0:06:49	0:06:50
(LAUGHS) Nice look!	0:06:56	0:06:59
Mmm.	0:06:59	0:07:00
Oh, it's special-needs boy and his muse, the lovely Chlamydia.	0:07:00	0:07:03
My name is Breanna, you geek.	0:07:03	0:07:05
By the way, sorry about this morning.	0:07:05	0:07:07
That pothole just... Phhh! ..drove right up in front of us.	0:07:07	0:07:09
Oh, that's OK. Please don't apologise. I understand.	0:07:09	0:07:12
-Oh? -Uh-huh.	0:07:12	0:07:14
But chew on this -	0:07:14	0:07:16
while archetypal outsiders, such as myself,	0:07:16	0:07:18
rarely fit comfortably into high school environments,	0:07:18	0:07:21
this is as good as your life will get.	0:07:21	0:07:23
The big football star and his vacuous cheerleader girlfriend...	0:07:23	0:07:26
HEAD cheerleader.	0:07:26	0:07:28
Because, let's face it,	0:07:29	0:07:31
the old grey matter ain't exactly top-range, now, is it, Woodster?	0:07:31	0:07:35
So you'll end up with a job in Spatula World with your dad,	0:07:35	0:07:38
and probably marry Breanna here	0:07:38	0:07:40
but soon you'll start drinking	0:07:40	0:07:42
to numb this aching feeling you have inside	0:07:42	0:07:45
and you fast-forward a few years	0:07:45	0:07:46
and you're a drunk, fat, depressed guy at a bar	0:07:46	0:07:48
talking about the good old days,	0:07:48	0:07:50
while your little wife - whose looks, incidentally, have gone to doo-doo -	0:07:50	0:07:53
is propping up her own self-esteem	0:07:53	0:07:55
by indulging in squalid sexual encounters with your friends	0:07:55	0:07:58
behind your back.	0:07:58	0:08:00
(BELL RINGS)	0:08:00	0:08:02
-What friends? -I'm guessing most of them.	0:08:02	0:08:05
Have a good day.	0:08:06	0:08:07
WOMAN: Class, please turn to page 488,	0:08:08	0:08:11
paragraph marked 'Early History', which reads,	0:08:11	0:08:15
"Combined with the study of mankind in all its aspects,	0:08:15	0:08:19
"especially human culture,	0:08:19	0:08:21
"we are therefore examining that society	0:08:21	0:08:24
"through the exploration of classical structure."	0:08:24	0:08:27
Please make sure to reference all your source material.	0:08:33	0:08:36
That includes the Internet. OK?	0:08:36	0:08:39
Oh, er, Miss Bidermeyer...	0:08:40	0:08:42
That's OK now, but you might want to omit that page	0:08:42	0:08:46
from your reference list.	0:08:46	0:08:48
Now, Mr Zbornak will be taking your field trip this week...	0:08:48	0:08:52
Are you... That's quite a, um...	0:08:52	0:08:54
BREANNA: I tried on the most amazing dress for the dance.	0:08:54	0:08:57
Think Beyonce's wow factor	0:08:57	0:08:59
meets Gwen Stefani's off-kilter individuality,	0:08:59	0:09:02
with just a sprinkling of designer-slut Aguilera.	0:09:02	0:09:04
The whole thing's very Madonna.	0:09:04	0:09:06
Before she got old, naturally.	0:09:06	0:09:08
Sounds hot.	0:09:08	0:09:10
Now, I think Armani would be good for you -	0:09:10	0:09:12
stylish yet understated,	0:09:12	0:09:14
so you'll look good but you don't distract attention from me.	0:09:14	0:09:17
Mr Deane? If it's not too much trouble...?	0:09:17	0:09:20
OK! Just a minute!	0:09:20	0:09:21
'Bye.	0:09:21	0:09:23
-Mmm! -Mmm!	0:09:23	0:09:24
Now, take a look at this odd-looking fella. Hmm?!	0:09:28	0:09:32
Tezcatlipoca, the ancient Aztec god of sorcery,	0:09:32	0:09:37
associated with the notion of destiny.	0:09:37	0:09:39
Now, Tez here has got an interesting resume.	0:09:39	0:09:42
He was the god of night, lord of the smoking mirror,	0:09:42	0:09:46
a shape-shifter,	0:09:46	0:09:49
a powerful SOB.	0:09:49	0:09:50
Mr Deane.	0:09:50	0:09:52
Do you think I might have your attention?	0:09:52	0:09:55
Or does Mr Horson have something particularly interesting to say?	0:09:55	0:09:59
I'm betting on...unlikely.	0:09:59	0:10:02
OK, time is short, people.	0:10:02	0:10:05
Er, I want you to pair off and take in the rest yourselves.	0:10:05	0:10:08
Remember, research, analyse and...	0:10:08	0:10:12
ALL: Describe.	0:10:12	0:10:13
Very nice.	0:10:13	0:10:15
Mr Deane and Mr Horson, I don't think so.	0:10:16	0:10:19
Um, Mr Horson, you go with Mr Glixen.	0:10:19	0:10:21
Mr Deane, you go with Miss Bedworth.	0:10:21	0:10:24
Let's get your learn on.	0:10:26	0:10:27
So, you check out any good porno sites lately?	0:10:29	0:10:32
I cannot believe I am stuck with you.	0:10:32	0:10:34
Just hope I don't breathe any retard germs.	0:10:34	0:10:36
Well, let's hope I don't get any pencilneck virgin disease.	0:10:36	0:10:38
Get stuffed!	0:10:38	0:10:40
-Whoa! -I hate you!	0:10:40	0:10:42
Because you secretly wanna have sex with me.	0:10:42	0:10:44
Ha! When I do decide to surrender the flower of my womanhood,	0:10:44	0:10:47
I had always imagined it being with someone of my own species.	0:10:47	0:10:50
There is no-one else in your own species, except maybe Glixen.	0:10:50	0:10:53
You're such a moron.	0:10:53	0:10:54
You really think	0:10:54	0:10:55
the world revolves around rap music,	0:10:55	0:10:57
football and hanging out with the right crowd?	0:10:57	0:10:59
You make me sick. You think you're so different to everyone else.	0:10:59	0:11:01
-Different FROM. -What?	0:11:01	0:11:03
You said 'different TO'.	0:11:03	0:11:04
The correct phraseology is 'different FROM'.	0:11:04	0:11:06
Thanks for that information.	0:11:06	0:11:08
Now I can say you're no different FROM any other geek	0:11:08	0:11:10
with books instead of friends	0:11:10	0:11:11
and you won't have to open your big fat mouth to correct me.	0:11:11	0:11:14
-Neanderthal! -Spaz.	0:11:14	0:11:15
-Toad. -Skank.	0:11:15	0:11:16
I should pity you but I can't. I hate you too much.	0:11:16	0:11:19
I'd rather cut off my legs with a rusty knife	0:11:19	0:11:21
than be anything like you!	0:11:21	0:11:22
Ditto.	0:11:24	0:11:25
-'Ditto'? -Ditto.	0:11:25	0:11:27
Double ditto.	0:11:27	0:11:28
Double double ditto times a thousand gazillion trillion.	0:11:28	0:11:31
(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)	0:11:31	0:11:33
(SINGS) # I like big butts and I cannot lie	0:11:44	0:11:47
# You other brothers can't deny	0:11:47	0:11:48
# When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist	0:11:48	0:11:50
# And a round thing in your face You get sprung	0:11:50	0:11:52
# Wanna pull up quick 'cause you notice that butt was stuffed... #	0:11:52	0:11:55
(READS) "..and forevermore shall find her destiny	0:11:55	0:11:57
"to live alone no more."	0:11:57	0:11:59
(SIGHS)	0:11:59	0:12:01
(MIAOWS)	0:12:01	0:12:03
-Goodnight, Mr Fluffy. -(PURRS)	0:12:03	0:12:06
(CLICKS TONGUE)	0:12:12	0:12:14
(WHIMPERS)	0:12:15	0:12:17
Hmm.	0:12:17	0:12:19
Hmmm!	0:12:21	0:12:23
-(GRUNTS) -(WHIMPERS)	0:12:25	0:12:27
-(ALARM BLARES) -(GASPS)	0:12:41	0:12:43
(GASPS)	0:12:43	0:12:45
Oh, God, my head.	0:12:48	0:12:50
Oh, must be dreaming.	0:12:50	0:12:51
Time to wake up.	0:12:51	0:12:53
What was that?	0:12:53	0:12:54
Oh!	0:12:54	0:12:56
Tits! Oh, my God. I have tits!	0:12:56	0:12:59
Two tits!	0:12:59	0:13:00
I guess it's the regular number of tits, but for a guy...	0:13:00	0:13:03
What's going on here?	0:13:03	0:13:05
Oh, my God! It's gone.	0:13:06	0:13:08
It's gone! Oh!	0:13:08	0:13:10
OK, this looks bad.	0:13:10	0:13:12
If it's gone and I have tits, that means...	0:13:12	0:13:14
(WHIMPERS)	0:13:14	0:13:16
Oh, this must be a dream.	0:13:16	0:13:18
A very, very bad 'now I have tits' kind of dream.	0:13:18	0:13:20
(WHIMPERS)	0:13:22	0:13:23
Ohhh!	0:13:23	0:13:24
Argh!	0:13:24	0:13:25
Ahhh! What is this?	0:13:25	0:13:28
Oh!	0:13:28	0:13:30
This isn't my room.	0:13:30	0:13:32
Oh!	0:13:33	0:13:34
(BOTH SCREAM)	0:13:37	0:13:39
We need to talk.	0:13:39	0:13:40
Talk? She wants to talk?	0:13:42	0:13:45
Alright, let's talk about why I'm going through a drawer	0:13:46	0:13:48
full of underwear with the days of the friggin' week on them!	0:13:48	0:13:51
Oh, God!	0:13:51	0:13:52
OK. Yippee.	0:13:54	0:13:56
Now my pubes know it's Wednesday.	0:13:56	0:13:59
Oh, gross. (WHIMPERS) Oh!	0:14:03	0:14:06
It's tough enough getting these damn things OFF. Argh!	0:14:06	0:14:10
How the hell does anyone know how to get these friggin' things on?	0:14:11	0:14:14
Ladies, looks like you and me's going au naturale. Hmm!	0:14:18	0:14:22
Go away.	0:14:22	0:14:24
Go away, go away, go away.	0:14:24	0:14:26
Alright, coast is clear.	0:14:27	0:14:29
-(GROWLS AND HISSES) -(GASPS)	0:14:31	0:14:33
Get... Get...	0:14:33	0:14:35
-(HISSES) -Get off me!	0:14:35	0:14:37
-Good morning! -Oh!	0:14:49	0:14:50
-Oh! -Nell, is everything OK?	0:14:50	0:14:52
Mm-hm. I just, er, didn't see you there.	0:14:52	0:14:55
Your oatmeal's on the table.	0:14:55	0:14:57
Er, not hungry. Gotta go.	0:14:57	0:14:59
Nonsense! Now, you sit down and have some breakfast.	0:14:59	0:15:01
It's the most important meal of the day.	0:15:01	0:15:03
And oatmeal is wonderful for promoting	0:15:03	0:15:05
healthy and regular bowel movements.	0:15:05	0:15:07
That's cool. I already took a dump, like, the size of my own head.	0:15:07	0:15:10
-Excuse me? -Oatmeal's good, Mommy.	0:15:10	0:15:15
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO)	0:15:15	0:15:18
Is this meat?	0:15:21	0:15:22
-Do you have oatmeal? -Are you shitting me?	0:15:24	0:15:28
(CRUNCHES) Hmm, hmm!	0:15:28	0:15:30
Red meat is good. Eat up, son.	0:15:30	0:15:32
Go on.	0:15:32	0:15:35
Hmm... (GAGS)	0:15:41	0:15:44
Jesus! People eat puke!	0:15:46	0:15:48
Ahh!	0:15:57	0:15:59
Golly. You must've been hungry.	0:16:01	0:16:02
-You need a second helping. -No!	0:16:02	0:16:05
You wait there, young lady.	0:16:05	0:16:07
(TOOTS HORN)	0:16:12	0:16:13
(NEIGHS)	0:16:13	0:16:15
(CHUCKLES) Let's go, pretty boy.	0:16:15	0:16:18
Let's go!	0:16:20	0:16:22
It'll turn you into a big strong girl.	0:16:22	0:16:25
(BURPS) I'm alright.	0:16:27	0:16:30
-See you later. -Nell?	0:16:32	0:16:34
-Mm-hm? -Aren't you forgetting something?	0:16:34	0:16:37
Oh, holy crap!	0:16:39	0:16:41
Look at the size of that thing!	0:16:41	0:16:43
What thing?	0:16:43	0:16:45
-Gotta go, Mom. See you later. -Thing? Er...	0:16:45	0:16:48
Yo, hop in, man.	0:16:50	0:16:52
We got places to go, people to see, women to impregnate. Let's go.	0:16:52	0:16:55
You OK?	0:17:09	0:17:10
Yeah. I'm fine.	0:17:10	0:17:13
You wanna hit it?	0:17:13	0:17:14
(LOUD HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)	0:17:18	0:17:20
(GROANS) Stupid bitch stole my ride.	0:17:31	0:17:35
Oh, no.	0:17:38	0:17:40
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)	0:17:40	0:17:41
(CHUCKLES)	0:17:41	0:17:43
Aren't we going a little fast, Horse?	0:17:43	0:17:44
You bet your sweet ass we are! Whoo!	0:17:44	0:17:47
-(THINKS) I am going to die. -(CHUCKLES AND TOOTS HORN)	0:17:47	0:17:50
Oh, God. Gotta get on a bus.	0:17:53	0:17:55
Haven't been on a bus since eighth grade.	0:17:55	0:17:58
Oh! Hey! Hey!	0:17:59	0:18:02
Hey!	0:18:02	0:18:03
Come on!	0:18:10	0:18:11
Screw you, asshole!	0:18:16	0:18:17
That's no way for a young lady to talk!	0:18:19	0:18:21
Sorry! Get a little bitchy when I'm on the rag, know what I'm saying?	0:18:21	0:18:25
-Whoa! -Oops. Sorry.	0:18:30	0:18:32
-Up yours! -Yeah, you too.	0:18:32	0:18:35
You! What the hell have you done to me, you rich lady?!	0:18:44	0:18:48
Get your hands off me, you big bully.	0:18:48	0:18:50
God, you think I'm responsible for this?!	0:18:50	0:18:52
I certainly am not and you're the one who always knows everything.	0:18:52	0:18:54
That does not include this.	0:18:54	0:18:57
Whatever this is. This is...	0:18:57	0:18:58
This is impossible.	0:18:58	0:19:00
This cannot happen!	0:19:00	0:19:02
Well, it's happened, OK?	0:19:02	0:19:04
You better figure out how to get my damn body back, alright?	0:19:04	0:19:06
Trust me, there is nothing I would like more.	0:19:06	0:19:09
You think I relish waking up into the day with the Simpsons?	0:19:09	0:19:11
-Leave my rents out of it, would you? -What is up with your mother?	0:19:11	0:19:14
Has she never heard of volume control?	0:19:14	0:19:16
There's yak farmers in Tibet praying for her to keep the volume down.	0:19:16	0:19:19
And...and her language! My goodness!	0:19:19	0:19:21
At least my mother does not have	0:19:21	0:19:23
a mole on her face the size of the White House!	0:19:23	0:19:25
So she has a problem with moles.	0:19:25	0:19:26
Besides, it's not a mole. It's a beauty spot.	0:19:26	0:19:28
Well, I can spot that beauty all the way from Wisconsin!	0:19:28	0:19:31
You insensitive pig.	0:19:32	0:19:34
-No, no, no, no... -I don't wanna be a boy, OK?	0:19:34	0:19:37
I especially don't wanna be you.	0:19:37	0:19:38
No, no, no, no!	0:19:38	0:19:41
Don't cry! Don't cry! Not here.	0:19:41	0:19:43
-Look...look... -(WHIMPERS) This is stupid.	0:19:43	0:19:44
Maybe it's just one of those 24-hour things,	0:19:44	0:19:47
like a head cold.	0:19:47	0:19:49
-A head cold?! -Yes.	0:19:49	0:19:51
Tomorrow we could be back to normal.	0:19:51	0:19:52
Just gotta get through the day.	0:19:52	0:19:54
Try not to attract any unnecessary attention.	0:19:54	0:19:56
-OK. -Hey?	0:19:56	0:19:59
Gross! I have to touch it?!	0:20:14	0:20:16
(WHIMPERS)	0:20:16	0:20:18
I will never eat finger food from a buffet again for as long as I live.	0:20:19	0:20:24
(URINATES)	0:20:24	0:20:27
MRS BIDERMEYER: Your homework was to prepare a speech	0:20:31	0:20:33
on the greatest living American.	0:20:33	0:20:35
So, Breanna?	0:20:35	0:20:37
Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Bidermeyer,	0:20:37	0:20:38
but I was excused homework due to cheerleading practice.	0:20:38	0:20:42
I see. And Nell?	0:20:42	0:20:45
-Nell? -What?	0:20:47	0:20:49
Your speech, please, on the greatest living American?	0:20:49	0:20:52
OK.	0:20:56	0:20:58
Huh. I think the greatest living American is...	0:21:00	0:21:05
..J.Lo.	0:21:09	0:21:11
J.Lo?	0:21:11	0:21:12
You know, Jennifer Lopez. Singer, movie star.	0:21:12	0:21:16
She had a bit of a thing with Diddy and that dude from 'Pearl Harbor'.	0:21:16	0:21:20
No, I-I...I know who J.Lo is, Nell.	0:21:20	0:21:22
I am just very interested to hear what you perceive	0:21:22	0:21:26
qualifies her for such a unique accolade.	0:21:26	0:21:29
Right.	0:21:29	0:21:30
Well, see, the thing about J.Lo is that she's from the streets.	0:21:30	0:21:35
And now she's, like, this big movie star	0:21:35	0:21:38
and, er, she's still really cool.	0:21:38	0:21:41
She used to have a little. Now she's got a lot.	0:21:41	0:21:44
But she's still Jenny from the block.	0:21:44	0:21:47
And I think that's pretty damn great.	0:21:47	0:21:49
Oh, and...she's American.	0:21:50	0:21:53
And she's alive.	0:21:53	0:21:56
-Well, I see... -(BELL RINGS)	0:21:56	0:21:59
J.Lo? You said J.Lo?	0:22:03	0:22:04
Pretty good, huh? It just flew right into my head.	0:22:04	0:22:07
At least there's plenty of space for it to land.	0:22:07	0:22:10
You made a complete fool out of me in there.	0:22:10	0:22:12
What is your problem?	0:22:12	0:22:14
I happen to like J.Lo. She has a hot booty.	0:22:14	0:22:16
You do not bestow an honour such as 'greatest living American'	0:22:16	0:22:19
solely on the fact of a hot booty!	0:22:19	0:22:21
I didn't!	0:22:21	0:22:23
She also happens to have a terrific set of funbags.	0:22:23	0:22:25
Woody Deane, you're an idiot and a philistine.	0:22:25	0:22:29
You know what?	0:22:29	0:22:30
I don't appreciate you calling me an idiot.	0:22:30	0:22:32
And I dunno what that other thing is	0:22:32	0:22:34
but I'm sure as hell not one of them either!	0:22:34	0:22:36
(SIGHS)	0:22:41	0:22:42
..he punches it down...	0:22:46	0:22:48
Hey! Woody!	0:22:48	0:22:49
Oh! What a lovely sight.	0:22:49	0:22:52
-Swill time at Yeti Central. -(FARTS)	0:22:52	0:22:55
ALL: Aw! Ohh!	0:22:55	0:22:57
Dear God, now I have to eat with these creatures.	0:22:57	0:23:00
Hey, Woody.	0:23:00	0:23:02
-Whoa! -My parents are going out tonight.	0:23:03	0:23:05
Maybe you wanna come over to discuss	0:23:05	0:23:07
what you wanna wear for the homecoming dance?	0:23:07	0:23:09
Er, I have things to do.	0:23:09	0:23:12
OK, what I meant was we'd be alone.	0:23:12	0:23:16
So maybe I might do that thing where I...	0:23:16	0:23:18
-Oh! -(CRASH!)	0:23:22	0:23:24
You filthy little slut!	0:23:24	0:23:26
You'd do that?!	0:23:26	0:23:29
Last week he begged me to do that.	0:23:32	0:23:34
-So what is it? What do you do? -Get lost, you little spastic.	0:23:35	0:23:39
D... Hey! Go!	0:23:39	0:23:41
I cannot believe Woody turned down	0:23:42	0:23:44
the chance to have sex with me tonight.	0:23:44	0:23:46
Am I in, like, bizarro world?	0:23:46	0:23:48
If I had Richard Wainwright sniffing around me,	0:23:48	0:23:51
I wouldn't be wasting my time on Woody.	0:23:51	0:23:53
It's not that simple, Tiffany.	0:23:53	0:23:55
Today, football captain. Tomorrow, 'GQ' Man of the Year.	0:23:55	0:23:59
Sports is celebrity. We need to plan these things.	0:23:59	0:24:02
Personally, I'd be relieved if Horse didn't wanna have sex.	0:24:02	0:24:05
Sometimes I think it's the only reason he's with me.	0:24:05	0:24:07
That is so not true, Chanel. You have many fine qualities.	0:24:07	0:24:11
Really? Like what?	0:24:11	0:24:13
You have excellent taste in earrings.	0:24:14	0:24:16
And your hair doesn't do that frizz thing in the rain.	0:24:17	0:24:19
And you're friends with me. Case closed.	0:24:22	0:24:25
HORSE: Yo, yo!	0:24:29	0:24:31
Hey, hey, Woodster!	0:24:32	0:24:34
-Come in, my man. -How are you?	0:24:34	0:24:37
Cool as a frozen shit-cube, homey.	0:24:37	0:24:39
Yo, we got an extra practice tonight, alright? Don't forget.	0:24:39	0:24:43
-Practice? -Yeah.	0:24:43	0:24:45
I'm in the mood to kick some serious ass.	0:24:45	0:24:47
Oh, yeah. Me too.	0:24:47	0:24:49
Only I have a prior engagement	0:24:49	0:24:51
that conflicts with the whole ass-kicking thing.	0:24:51	0:24:54
We're a week away from the game against Lamont.	0:24:54	0:24:57
Do you know what the coach will do to your nuts	0:24:57	0:25:00
if you don't show up tonight?	0:25:00	0:25:02
No? I'll tell you.	0:25:02	0:25:03
He will grind them into dust.	0:25:03	0:25:06
Nut dust.	0:25:06	0:25:07
Then the only kids you gonna be able to have	0:25:07	0:25:09
is them little itty-bitty powdered ones.	0:25:09	0:25:11
(NEIGHS)	0:25:11	0:25:13
-BOY: Yeah! -(ALL CHEER)	0:25:15	0:25:17
ALL: One!	0:25:19	0:25:21
Two!	0:25:21	0:25:23
Three! Four!	0:25:24	0:25:27
Alright, here we go.	0:25:48	0:25:50
Yo, Wood!	0:25:50	0:25:51
-Cut the ball, man! -What?	0:25:52	0:25:55
(COACH BLOWS WHISTLE)	0:25:58	0:25:59
-Woody! -Sorry, Coach.	0:26:00	0:26:03
Alright, yeah, let's get this.	0:26:06	0:26:08
-Wood?! -Go.	0:26:10	0:26:12
-Do it, man! Come on! -Wake up, boy!	0:26:16	0:26:19
S-sorry, Coach.	0:26:19	0:26:21
OK, go.	0:26:23	0:26:24
Huh! Got it.	0:26:24	0:26:27
What the hell were you doing out there?	0:26:34	0:26:36
-You're playing like a damn woman! -Just feeling a little peaky.	0:26:36	0:26:39
-'Peaky'? -Yeah. It means 'off colour'.	0:26:39	0:26:41
Yeah, I know what 'peaky' means!	0:26:41	0:26:43
You listen to me, and you listen good.	0:26:43	0:26:46
This homecoming game is gonna be the biggest day in these boys' lives.	0:26:46	0:26:49
You may have a God-given talent and think you can coast it,	0:26:49	0:26:52
but I will not risk you letting 'em down.	0:26:52	0:26:54
-You hear me, son?! -Yes.	0:26:54	0:26:56
-"Yes, Coach!" -Yes, Coach.	0:26:56	0:26:59
You get your shit together, boy,	0:26:59	0:27:00
or you'll be watching the game from the sidelines.	0:27:00	0:27:03
Hey, Woodster, don't let it bug you, OK, buddy?	0:27:05	0:27:08
You just hang in there, OK?	0:27:08	0:27:09
Look, you just hit a slump, OK? It's like a golfer.	0:27:09	0:27:13
It doesn't matter how big you are,	0:27:13	0:27:15
every now and again you lose your swing.	0:27:15	0:27:17
OK, so you keep working on your stroke, you know?	0:27:17	0:27:19
Banging those balls out all over the place.	0:27:19	0:27:21
You wanna try touching my helmet?	0:27:23	0:27:25
-What? -My lucky helmet.	0:27:25	0:27:28
I mean, it works for me. Maybe it'll do you the same.	0:27:28	0:27:30
Go ahead, give it a rub.	0:27:30	0:27:32
(ALARM BEEPS)	0:27:41	0:27:43
('CANDLE IN THE WIND' BY ELTON JOHN PLAYS)	0:27:43	0:27:45
Oh, man!	0:27:49	0:27:51
What is this crappy music?	0:27:52	0:27:54
Here he comes.	0:28:01	0:28:03
-I see you. -Oh, whoops. Darn. Sorry.	0:28:03	0:28:05
-Loser! -Yeah, you too.	0:28:05	0:28:07
And your mama.	0:28:07	0:28:09
Whoa! Ow!	0:28:13	0:28:15
I heard about the football practice.	0:28:15	0:28:17
Those boys are really rough. I'm covered in bruises.	0:28:17	0:28:19
I don't care about your bruises!	0:28:19	0:28:21
Coach drops me, my life is over.	0:28:21	0:28:23
Why is everybody getting so worked up? It's only a game.	0:28:23	0:28:26
No! No, it is not 'only' a game. It's football!	0:28:26	0:28:30
Jesus! Don't you get anything?	0:28:30	0:28:31
I get that whatever this is, it clearly isn't a head cold.	0:28:31	0:28:34
Oh! You have any better theories, Miss Smartass?	0:28:34	0:28:36
Oh, look at you.	0:28:37	0:28:39
What am I wearing?	0:28:39	0:28:41
Chinos and an Oxford cotton button-down.	0:28:42	0:28:43
I found it in the back of your closet.	0:28:43	0:28:45
Which is exactly where it's meant to stay	0:28:45	0:28:47
until another one of my relatives croaks!	0:28:47	0:28:49
Nonsense. You can't beat a classic look.	0:28:49	0:28:51
My hair! You've made it all dorky!	0:28:51	0:28:53
-A centre parting is very European. -No, it is very dorky-looking.	0:28:53	0:28:57
Excuse me for taking a little pride in your appearance.	0:28:57	0:28:59
You're gonna ruin my life. I look like a male version of you.	0:28:59	0:29:02
Well, as long as I'm stuck inside this disgusting body	0:29:02	0:29:06
you'll just have to put up with it.	0:29:06	0:29:09
Alright, if that's the way you want it, sweetcheeks.	0:29:09	0:29:13
Whoa.	0:29:18	0:29:21
('FILTHY/GORGEOUS' BY THE SCISSOR SISTERS PLAYS)	0:29:21	0:29:23
SONG: # You're walking down the street	0:29:23	0:29:24
# And a man tries to get your business	0:29:24	0:29:28
# 'Cause you're filthy	0:29:28	0:29:31
# Ooh, and gorgeous	0:29:31	0:29:34
# 'Cause you're filthy	0:29:34	0:29:38
# Ooh, you're looking gorgeous	0:29:38	0:29:42
# You're disgusting	0:29:42	0:29:44
# Ooh, and you're nasty	0:29:45	0:29:48
# And you can grab me	0:29:49	0:29:52
# Ooh, 'cause you're nasty... #	0:29:52	0:29:54
(WOLF WHISTLING)	0:29:57	0:30:00
Nice legs!	0:30:00	0:30:02
BOY: You are lookin' fine, sugar!	0:30:02	0:30:04
What are you doing?	0:30:06	0:30:07
Protecting your modesty. You look like a common prostitute!	0:30:07	0:30:10
Damn! I was going for high-class hooker.	0:30:10	0:30:12
You cannot walk into school like this.	0:30:12	0:30:13
I can do whatever I want. Get your hands off me or I'll scream.	0:30:13	0:30:17
Oh!	0:30:17	0:30:19
# 'Cause you're filthy	0:30:19	0:30:21
# Ooh, you're looking gorgeous	0:30:22	0:30:25
# 'Cause you're filthy	0:30:25	0:30:28
# Ooh, you're looking gorgeous	0:30:28	0:30:32
# You're disgusting	0:30:32	0:30:35
# Ooh, and you're nasty... #	0:30:36	0:30:39
What are you doing? It's supposed to be Shakespeare!	0:30:43	0:30:47
Jesus!	0:30:47	0:30:49
Hmm. OK, here goes.	0:30:54	0:30:56
Nice penis.	0:30:57	0:30:59
# 'Cause you're filthy	0:31:05	0:31:08
# Ooh, you're looking gorgeous	0:31:08	0:31:12
# 'Cause you're filthy... #	0:31:12	0:31:14
Ahhh! God!	0:31:14	0:31:16
Nothing like a little bit of personal hygiene.	0:31:19	0:31:22
Phwoar!	0:31:22	0:31:24
Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho!	0:31:25	0:31:28
Oh, man. Well, it has to be done.	0:31:31	0:31:34
-(SNAP!) -(GIRL SCREAMS)	0:31:34	0:31:37
And she's totally pretending to be pretty.	0:31:40	0:31:42
I mean, you either are pretty or you're not.	0:31:42	0:31:45
-Hmm. -Oh.	0:31:45	0:31:46
-Hello, Woody. -Hello, Breanna.	0:31:47	0:31:49
I have something I'd like to say to you.	0:31:49	0:31:51
Let me guess. You're sorry about blowing me off.	0:31:51	0:31:53
No. I'm afraid we can't see each other anymore.	0:31:53	0:31:57
(LAUGHS INCREDULOUSLY)	0:31:57	0:31:58
Very funny, Woody.	0:31:58	0:32:00
Well, I don't find you that attractive anymore.	0:32:00	0:32:03
ALL: What?!	0:32:03	0:32:04
You just look kinda...plain.	0:32:04	0:32:07
And don't worry about your moustache.	0:32:08	0:32:10
Some guys are really into that shit.	0:32:10	0:32:12
Oh-oh!	0:32:12	0:32:13
Suck on this, Woody Deane.	0:32:13	0:32:16
-He did not just say that to her! -You can't even see the hairs.	0:32:16	0:32:19
Unless you're, like, right five feet away.	0:32:19	0:32:21
What just happened?	0:32:21	0:32:22
Seems you and your girlfriend just broke up.	0:32:22	0:32:25
-Commiserations. -No!	0:32:25	0:32:27
-Me and Breanna?! -'Breanna and I'.	0:32:27	0:32:29
But let's not quibble over details.	0:32:29	0:32:31
-You broke up with my girlfriend?! -You'll get over it.	0:32:32	0:32:35
Hey, babe, wanna take a ride?	0:32:36	0:32:38
I have to go. Tonight's a big night for me.	0:32:38	0:32:41
-You too. -What?!	0:32:42	0:32:45
Congratulations. Tonight's the night you finally get to lose it. (POP!)	0:32:46	0:32:50
Hey, Nicky!	0:32:53	0:32:54
(GASPS)	0:32:54	0:32:56
There you go, babe.	0:33:11	0:33:13
Thanks.	0:33:13	0:33:14
Nice, er...trailer.	0:33:16	0:33:20
It's a dump.	0:33:20	0:33:21
But, er, my folks are away.	0:33:21	0:33:24
And, er, we won't be disturbed.	0:33:25	0:33:27
Wow. I've never seen a chick drink like that before.	0:33:32	0:33:37
(BURPS) My, um... my throat's a little dry.	0:33:37	0:33:41
Maybe I could... moisten it up a little.	0:33:43	0:33:47
Oh-ho-ho-ho!	0:33:47	0:33:49
Er... I think, er, I need another beer.	0:33:49	0:33:52
Sure.	0:33:54	0:33:56
-You OK? -I'm fine, thank you.	0:34:05	0:34:08
You've been acting kind of weird lately.	0:34:08	0:34:10
I think I know what's on your mind.	0:34:10	0:34:13
-I don't think you do. -Well, let me guess.	0:34:14	0:34:17
I think you think if you don't impress those scouts	0:34:17	0:34:20
that you're gonna end up working with your dad in Spatula World.	0:34:20	0:34:24
What?	0:34:25	0:34:26
I ain't stupid, Woody.	0:34:26	0:34:29
Just let things fall into place.	0:34:29	0:34:31
Whatever you do, we'll be proud of you.	0:34:31	0:34:35
So, you don't wanna work with spatulas.	0:34:37	0:34:40
What the heck, huh?	0:34:40	0:34:42
-Whoa! -Come on, baby.	0:34:48	0:34:49
Er...not here.	0:34:49	0:34:51
-Mm-mm. -OK.	0:34:51	0:34:53
Let's go through to the master bedroom.	0:34:53	0:34:54
Let's get cracking, baby, 'cause Daddy's packing.	0:34:58	0:35:01
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)	0:35:01	0:35:02
Oh... (GRUNTS) ..yeah.	0:35:02	0:35:04
Oh, God. What was I thinking? This is so gay!	0:35:04	0:35:07
What are you waiting for, babe?	0:35:10	0:35:12
Daddy wants to see some flesh.	0:35:12	0:35:14
He's gonna make me his bitch.	0:35:15	0:35:16
I'll be Woody, the bitch boy.	0:35:16	0:35:18
Maybe you need a little...help?	0:35:18	0:35:20
-I have to pee. -Now?	0:35:23	0:35:26
Yeah. I could fill a frickin' moat.	0:35:26	0:35:27
So...you get undressed.	0:35:27	0:35:29
And...don't start without me.	0:35:29	0:35:31
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)	0:35:31	0:35:33
Hey! Wait!	0:35:35	0:35:37
Hey! Come back!	0:35:39	0:35:40
('CANDLE IN THE WIND' PLAYS)	0:35:46	0:35:48
Not this shit again, man!	0:35:48	0:35:50
It's very melodic.	0:35:50	0:35:52
Come on, if you give it a chance, you might learn to enjoy it.	0:35:52	0:35:55
ELTON JOHN: (SINGS) # While those around you crawled... #	0:35:57	0:35:59
Nope. Still shit.	0:35:59	0:36:01
Hear the juice on that greaseball Nicky?	0:36:01	0:36:03
No.	0:36:03	0:36:04
Him and Pencilneck got it on last night.	0:36:04	0:36:06
(CHORTLES)	0:36:08	0:36:10
-Like, how low can you go? -Oh, my God. What? What?	0:36:11	0:36:13
I know!	0:36:13	0:36:15
-Didn't you guys hear? -No. What?	0:36:15	0:36:16
She did it at a trailer park.	0:36:16	0:36:18
Hi, Woody.	0:36:18	0:36:19
She probably didn't even know it was a trailer park.	0:36:20	0:36:22
Come on!	0:36:22	0:36:23
(WEEPING)	0:36:23	0:36:27
Woody.	0:36:30	0:36:32
Are you...are you crying?	0:36:32	0:36:33
(TEARFULLY) Yeah.	0:36:33	0:36:35
(SNIFFLES)	0:36:35	0:36:36
-What's...what's wrong? -(SOBS)	0:36:36	0:36:38
I'm sorry.	0:36:39	0:36:41
I just found out I lost my virginity in a trailer park.	0:36:41	0:36:44
(WEEPS)	0:36:46	0:36:48
OK. Alright.	0:36:48	0:36:49
(SOBS)	0:36:51	0:36:53
Here's... here's what we've got to do.	0:36:53	0:36:55
I've got to...I've got to go.	0:36:55	0:36:57
I've got a class.	0:36:57	0:36:58
(SOBS)	0:36:59	0:37:01
-TIFFANY: Ah! Ooh! What is that? -BREANNA: Get it off! It's a bee!	0:37:02	0:37:05
-It's a bee! -Guys, guys!	0:37:05	0:37:07
(GIRLS LAUGH)	0:37:10	0:37:11
(STUDENTS CHATTER)	0:37:11	0:37:14
Hey. Do you think she might, like, do it with me?	0:37:24	0:37:27
No! Get lost.	0:37:28	0:37:31
What?	0:37:39	0:37:40
Huh. Look, about that, don't worry. You had a great time.	0:37:42	0:37:46
Trust me. You'll never forget it.	0:37:47	0:37:50
-How could you do this to me? -What?	0:37:50	0:37:53
Look, I know he ain't the best-looking guy in the world.	0:37:53	0:37:55
But what the hell? It's only sex.	0:37:55	0:37:58
I wanted it to be special.	0:37:58	0:38:00
Oh. Well, you started it!	0:38:00	0:38:02
"A centre parting is very European-looking"?	0:38:02	0:38:05
You lost me my girlfriend!	0:38:05	0:38:07
I was saving it for the boy I fell in love with.	0:38:07	0:38:09
Look, nothing happened, OK?	0:38:18	0:38:19
-Really? -Really.	0:38:22	0:38:24
Well, that's not what Nicky's telling everyone.	0:38:26	0:38:28
Well, Nicky is a liar!	0:38:28	0:38:30
Try telling that to the entire world.	0:38:31	0:38:33
How does it feel being a cheap little slut?	0:38:34	0:38:36
Looks like I'm gonna have to have a talk to that sonofabitch	0:38:40	0:38:43
because nobody calls us a slut.	0:38:43	0:38:45
Pass! Pass!	0:38:59	0:39:01
BOY: Hey, hey, Nicky! Here's your ho!	0:39:02	0:39:04
Hey!	0:39:06	0:39:07
Been looking for you!	0:39:07	0:39:09
Yeah? Well, you found me, babe.	0:39:09	0:39:11
What the hell did you say?	0:39:11	0:39:12
Huh?	0:39:12	0:39:15
Nothing...	0:39:15	0:39:16
Oh, really?	0:39:16	0:39:18
..that wasn't 100% true.	0:39:18	0:39:21
-BOY: Nicky, you dog! -You're a greasy, scumbag liar.	0:39:21	0:39:24
And you've got a very dirty little mouth.	0:39:24	0:39:27
But then again, I already knew that.	0:39:29	0:39:32
You're a regular little hellcat, aintcha?	0:39:34	0:39:36
Asshole!	0:39:36	0:39:37
-That's no way to treat a lady! -Ugh!	0:39:40	0:39:42
What kind of word is 'aintcha'? It's just wrong on so many levels.	0:39:42	0:39:45
Why don't you tell everyone what really happened, huh?	0:39:45	0:39:48
-Tell 'em! -Nothing!	0:39:48	0:39:50
Nothing happened!	0:39:50	0:39:51
Then I think you owe this sweet, innocent,	0:39:51	0:39:53
yet still very attractive young lady an apology.	0:39:53	0:39:55
(GROANS) I'm sorry!	0:39:55	0:39:58
Huh?	0:39:58	0:40:00
I'm sorry!	0:40:00	0:40:02
Thanks.	0:40:02	0:40:04
It's so much fun to hit someone. I wanna go back and punch him again!	0:40:10	0:40:14
Easy, champ.	0:40:14	0:40:15
Doesn't mean I forgive you about screwing up Breanna and I.	0:40:16	0:40:20
"Breanna and ME."	0:40:20	0:40:22
Sorry.	0:40:22	0:40:24
I'll try and fix things.	0:40:24	0:40:25
What's the point? I'm a girl, remember?	0:40:25	0:40:28
Jeez, what am I gonna do?	0:40:30	0:40:31
Homecoming's next Friday.	0:40:31	0:40:33
I know. It's a complete disaster.	0:40:33	0:40:35
What were we doing before this happened?	0:40:35	0:40:38
-Arguing. -We always argue.	0:40:38	0:40:40
-Not always. -(CLEARS THROAT)	0:40:40	0:40:42
We were at the museum...	0:40:42	0:40:43
..in front of that ugly Mexican dude.	0:40:45	0:40:46
Aztec.	0:40:46	0:40:48
Tezcatlipoca.	0:40:48	0:40:49
That's the guy.	0:40:49	0:40:51
He is the ancient god of sorcery.	0:40:51	0:40:53
BOTH: No...	0:40:57	0:40:58
GUARD: Closing in five minutes, folks.	0:41:04	0:41:06
(CLEARS THROAT)	0:41:11	0:41:12
(WHISPERS) OK, you go first.	0:41:15	0:41:17
(WHISPERS) No, you go first. You have the biggest mouth.	0:41:17	0:41:20
Hi. How are you?	0:41:20	0:41:21
Is that the best you can do? He's a god, not your Aunt Betsy!	0:41:21	0:41:25
Now, you may have gotten the impression that this young fellow -	0:41:25	0:41:28
this lovely young fellow - and I didn't like each other.	0:41:28	0:41:31
But let me tell you, that could not be any farther from the truth.	0:41:31	0:41:35
That's right.	0:41:35	0:41:37
Sure, we were fighting, but all friends fight, right?	0:41:37	0:41:39
I mean, how could you not like Nell?	0:41:39	0:41:41
She's, er...tidy, very tidy.	0:41:41	0:41:44
And, er...smart. Way smart.	0:41:44	0:41:47
Kinda cute, especially when she does that thing with her nose.	0:41:48	0:41:51
We get along really well.	0:41:51	0:41:53
Yeah. We're actually very close.	0:41:53	0:41:56
The closest. Real homeys!	0:41:56	0:41:59
-To the end, bro. -Don't overdo it.	0:41:59	0:42:01
So, uh...now that we've got that cleared up,	0:42:03	0:42:06
here's what we're gonna do.	0:42:06	0:42:08
We'll close our eyes, count to three,	0:42:08	0:42:10
and when we open them up, we'll be back in our right bodies.	0:42:10	0:42:13
If that's OK with you.	0:42:13	0:42:16
Which I'm sure it is, 'cause it's just a big misunderstanding.	0:42:16	0:42:19
We'll probably laugh about it in years to come.	0:42:19	0:42:21
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Let's do it!	0:42:21	0:42:25
One.	0:42:31	0:42:32
BOTH: Two.	0:42:33	0:42:35
Three.	0:42:36	0:42:37
Maybe he only speaks Mexican.	0:42:45	0:42:48
So what are we gonna do next? Buy him an enchilada?	0:42:48	0:42:51
I had my heart set on Yale.	0:42:52	0:42:54
Oh, no, please not the tears! Please!	0:42:54	0:42:57
Look, you think I wanna end up working in my dad's spatula store?	0:42:57	0:43:01
I don't know.	0:43:01	0:43:03
Wait...	0:43:07	0:43:10
You beat up Nicky!	0:43:10	0:43:12
So?	0:43:12	0:43:13
So, you have my body, my strength!	0:43:15	0:43:19
All I need to do is show you how to use it.	0:43:19	0:43:22
-Huh? -OK.	0:43:23	0:43:24
And we could study, so you can get through my interview.	0:43:26	0:43:28
Huh?	0:43:28	0:43:30
('TRYIN' TO HELP' BY ORSON PLAYS)	0:43:30	0:43:33
SONG: # Come on, baby Why the long face?	0:43:44	0:43:45
# You're messing up my headspace	0:43:45	0:43:48
# Now I can see you've had a long day	0:43:50	0:43:52
# Let's talk about it anyway	0:43:52	0:43:54
# Hey, there's a million ways to do the same thing	0:43:56	0:44:00
# I know I don't always get it But you gotta give me credit now	0:44:03	0:44:07
# Whoa, oh	0:44:07	0:44:09
# Look, I'm only tryin' to help	0:44:09	0:44:12
# I'm only tryin' to help	0:44:12	0:44:14
# I'm only tryin' to make it through another day	0:44:14	0:44:16
# Look, I'm only tryin' to make it through another day	0:44:16	0:44:20
# Another day	0:44:20	0:44:21
# Uh!	0:44:21	0:44:23
# Oh, yeah... #	0:44:23	0:44:24
Sorry!	0:44:25	0:44:26
The quarterback...	0:44:33	0:44:35
-C'est moi? -Yes.	0:44:35	0:44:37
Once the snap count has been given,	0:44:37	0:44:39
the centre snaps the ball to the quarterback,	0:44:39	0:44:41
and that's when play begins.	0:44:41	0:44:42
Are you with me so far?	0:44:42	0:44:44
-Yes. -Good.	0:44:44	0:44:46
Now, the offence has a limited...	0:44:46	0:44:47
"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?	0:44:47	0:44:50
"Thou art more lovely and more temperate.	0:44:50	0:44:53
"Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,	0:44:53	0:44:57
"and summer's lease hath all too short a date."	0:44:57	0:45:00
So...	0:45:00	0:45:01
He's not actually saying that she's like a summer's day,	0:45:01	0:45:04
he's saying she's kind of hot, like a summer's day.	0:45:04	0:45:07
-Yeah, that's it exactly. -Huh. Right.	0:45:07	0:45:10
You know, I still can't imagine	0:45:10	0:45:13
ever actually saying something like that to someone.	0:45:13	0:45:15
It'd be, like, so uncool.	0:45:15	0:45:17
Maybe you just have to meet the right person to say that kind of stuff to.	0:45:17	0:45:21
Or maybe I just don't wanna look like a doofus.	0:45:21	0:45:24
Old Shakey must've really liked that one.	0:45:24	0:45:26
She must've been some babe.	0:45:26	0:45:28
Actually, Shakespeare wrote this to a young man.	0:45:28	0:45:30
-Shakespeare was a homo? -We don't know that exactly.	0:45:30	0:45:33
(LAUGHS) He writes a poem to a guy, telling him how hot he is,	0:45:33	0:45:36
and you don't know exactly?	0:45:36	0:45:38
Jeez, what do you have to do before you know exactly?	0:45:38	0:45:40
Write an ode to a schlong?	0:45:40	0:45:42
I think that's enough for today.	0:45:43	0:45:45
The Bard was a bender. Who would have thought?	0:45:45	0:45:47
See you tomorrow.	0:45:49	0:45:50
-'Bye. -'Night.	0:45:50	0:45:52
Listen, I was wrong about your parents.	0:45:58	0:46:00
They're alright once you get used to your mom's language.	0:46:00	0:46:02
-Mom's pretty cool. -Yeah.	0:46:02	0:46:06
Woody, can I ask you a question?	0:46:06	0:46:08
Sure.	0:46:11	0:46:12
Um...	0:46:12	0:46:14
In the morning...	0:46:14	0:46:15
-Never mind. -What?	0:46:17	0:46:19
-No, it's nothing, really. -Go on.	0:46:19	0:46:21
It's a little embarrassing...	0:46:21	0:46:22
..but every morning, you have, uh...	0:46:23	0:46:25
..this thing.	0:46:26	0:46:28
-You know. -No.	0:46:30	0:46:31
-A...thingummyjig. -What?	0:46:31	0:46:35
You know...	0:46:35	0:46:37
..every morning...	0:46:37	0:46:38
Oh, you mean the old boner!	0:46:40	0:46:42
No, that's not exactly the word I would have used.	0:46:42	0:46:44
Boy, do I miss that guy.	0:46:44	0:46:46
I'm sure you do. What I'd like to know is how can I get rid of it?	0:46:46	0:46:49
Only one way I know how.	0:46:51	0:46:52
Woody, that's disgusting! I would never...	0:46:52	0:46:56
There's gotta be another way, right?	0:46:56	0:46:58
Well, there is one thing that I do in case of emergencies.	0:46:59	0:47:04
Sort of lets the air out of the old tyre, if you know what I'm saying.	0:47:04	0:47:07
First, I close my eyes.	0:47:07	0:47:09
And then I think of you. Psssst.	0:47:10	0:47:12
Works every time.	0:47:14	0:47:16
-Goodnight. -See ya!	0:47:16	0:47:18
Hey, want one?	0:47:33	0:47:34
No, thanks.	0:47:36	0:47:38
You were kind of quiet up there tonight. You OK?	0:47:40	0:47:44
Yeah. Yeah, I was just studying with Nell.	0:47:44	0:47:46
Oh, is that what you young people are calling it these days?	0:47:46	0:47:49
Nell's not that kind of girl.	0:47:49	0:47:50
No, I know. I know. She's a good kid.	0:47:50	0:47:54
You know, way back, her dad Ted and I used to hang out together.	0:47:55	0:48:00
He was a good guy, Ted.	0:48:00	0:48:02
He still is.	0:48:02	0:48:04
I mean, as far as I know.	0:48:04	0:48:06
Whatever happened between you two?	0:48:08	0:48:10
Oh, Nell's mom, Katherine -	0:48:10	0:48:11
I guess she didn't really approve or something.	0:48:11	0:48:15
We weren't her kind of people, I guess.	0:48:16	0:48:20
(LAUGHS) Goodnight, son.	0:48:20	0:48:22
'Night...	0:48:24	0:48:25
..Dad.	0:48:25	0:48:27
-(SOBS) -Oh, God, she's crying.	0:48:35	0:48:38
-Chanel? -(SNIFFS) Yeah?	0:48:41	0:48:43
You OK?	0:48:43	0:48:44
No. (SOBS)	0:48:45	0:48:47
(THINKS) Oh, crap.	0:48:47	0:48:48
What's wrong?	0:48:52	0:48:54
It's Harry.	0:48:54	0:48:55
He's seeing some other girl.	0:48:55	0:48:57
No, he wouldn't do that.	0:48:57	0:49:00
Well, then, how come I saw him with his tongue stuck down her throat?	0:49:01	0:49:04
Oh...	0:49:04	0:49:06
-Did you see who it was? -No.	0:49:06	0:49:09
They were in his car.	0:49:09	0:49:11
But I saw what they were doing clear enough.	0:49:11	0:49:14
Why are guys such jerks?	0:49:14	0:49:17
Why am I asking you, right?	0:49:21	0:49:23
You know less about guys than anybody on the planet.	0:49:23	0:49:25
-I'm sorry. -No.	0:49:28	0:49:29
I didn't mean that.	0:49:29	0:49:31
-You're right. -I'm sorry.	0:49:31	0:49:32
What do I know about guys?	0:49:32	0:49:34
I'm so stupid! I know what Horse is like.	0:49:36	0:49:40
Then why do you go out with him?	0:49:42	0:49:44
'Cause when I started at Westdale I felt invisible.	0:49:46	0:49:50
And then I started going out with Horse	0:49:51	0:49:54
and I became friends with Breanna, Tiffany, Woody and everyone,	0:49:54	0:49:57
and then people started to notice me.	0:49:57	0:50:00
And I like that.	0:50:02	0:50:03
So I guess I'm just afraid of feeling invisible again.	0:50:05	0:50:10
You know, I think a lot more people feel that way than you realise.	0:50:11	0:50:15
You don't.	0:50:16	0:50:18
You go your own way no matter what anybody thinks.	0:50:18	0:50:21
I admire you, Nell.	0:50:24	0:50:26
And this is my room.	0:50:31	0:50:33
And this is Mr Stinky. You have to say hello.	0:50:33	0:50:35
Why did you invite that pencilneck to our sleepover?	0:50:35	0:50:38
Um...Nell's OK.	0:50:39	0:50:41
She just wants to hang. Right, Nell?	0:50:41	0:50:44
Oh, yeah. Can't wait till we all get in our jammies.	0:50:44	0:50:49
I guess...	0:50:50	0:50:51
I see you've finally seen the errors of your geekish ways.	0:50:53	0:50:55
Oh, I have. This girl just wants to have fun.	0:50:55	0:50:58
OK! OK!	0:51:00	0:51:01
So let's get into our PJs!	0:51:01	0:51:03
GIRLS: Whoo! Whoo-hoo!	0:51:03	0:51:06
(THINKS) Oh, man.	0:51:08	0:51:10
Life is such a bitch.	0:51:10	0:51:12
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)	0:51:14	0:51:16
Lock target and fire at will-you-check-out-that-ass?	0:51:16	0:51:21
-What about Chanel? -Huh?	0:51:21	0:51:24
Nah, don't see her.	0:51:24	0:51:26
Think about it, Harry.	0:51:26	0:51:28
Are you willing to betray the love of a good woman	0:51:28	0:51:30
for the cheap thrill of a tawdry one-night stand?	0:51:30	0:51:33
(LAUGHS)	0:51:33	0:51:36
You crack me up. You know that, boy?	0:51:38	0:51:40
You were always into the faithful thing, buddy. I'm the Horse.	0:51:40	0:51:44
Horse people know no such boundaries.	0:51:44	0:51:46
And plus, tonight, I'm gonna lock target -	0:51:46	0:51:50
early.	0:51:50	0:51:51
-What? -You know how it happens.	0:51:51	0:51:54
A few drinks, quality control goes out the window...	0:51:54	0:51:56
Before you know it,	0:51:56	0:51:58
you're sucking face with some swill-muncher from downtown.	0:51:58	0:52:01
Or worse still, I end up here with you,	0:52:01	0:52:03
drunk on some dark street, telling you I love you.	0:52:03	0:52:07
And you know neither of us want that to happen, homey.	0:52:07	0:52:10
Let's go to the party.	0:52:10	0:52:11
So, Breanna, you're not seeing Woody anymore?	0:52:13	0:52:15
Ugh, that is so over.	0:52:15	0:52:17
It's such a shame. I mean, you guys were, like, the perfect couple.	0:52:17	0:52:20
Duh! I was only seeing him because he's football captain.	0:52:20	0:52:24
Without me, he's just another dumb jock with his brains in his shorts.	0:52:24	0:52:27
Which is convenient, because there's not much else going on down there,	0:52:27	0:52:30
if you catch my drift.	0:52:30	0:52:32
MAN: Oh, yeah! Ooh!	0:52:35	0:52:37
You're a loser, man!	0:52:41	0:52:43
Manicures, pedicures, face masks... Are we done yet?	0:52:49	0:52:53
Nell, I couldn't help but notice	0:52:53	0:52:56
that you're a little on the, um...bristly side.	0:52:56	0:52:59
-(CLEARS THROAT) What? -Down below.	0:53:00	0:53:03
You've got sort of, um... a rainforest thing going on.	0:53:04	0:53:09
Ain't it supposed to be bushy?	0:53:09	0:53:12
Oh.	0:53:12	0:53:13
We've all gone totally Latino.	0:53:13	0:53:15
BOTH: Totally.	0:53:15	0:53:16
-Really? -You should too.	0:53:16	0:53:18
-Yeah. -Absolutely.	0:53:18	0:53:20
You know, we could do it for you right now!	0:53:20	0:53:22
Latino!	0:53:23	0:53:26
What the hell? Let's do it.	0:53:26	0:53:27
OK, girls, we have a green light on the Brazilian.	0:53:28	0:53:31
Whoa, whoa!	0:53:31	0:53:32
Tiffany, bring me scissors and depilatory strips.	0:53:32	0:53:34
Chanel, I'm gonna need towels and hot water.	0:53:34	0:53:36
Lots of it.	0:53:36	0:53:37
Nell, sit back, relax,	0:53:37	0:53:39
and do exactly what I say.	0:53:39	0:53:41
(SQUEALS)	0:53:41	0:53:42
ALL: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!	0:53:42	0:53:45
Yeah!	0:53:45	0:53:47
One more. Gimme one more.	0:53:51	0:53:52
ALL: Oi, oi, oi!	0:53:52	0:53:54
Chug-a-lug! Chug-a-lug! Oi, oi, oi!	0:53:54	0:53:56
-Bite down on this. -(SQUEALS)	0:53:58	0:54:00
On three. One...	0:54:00	0:54:02
-(THINKS) I think this is a bad idea. -..two...three.	0:54:02	0:54:04
(SQUEALS, CRIES)	0:54:04	0:54:07
-HORSE: Did I say I love you, man? -(SINGS) # And it seems to me... #	0:54:07	0:54:11
-I really do love you, man. -# You lived your life... #	0:54:11	0:54:13
You're like...	0:54:13	0:54:14
..my twin brother.	0:54:14	0:54:16
You white, but you my twin brother.	0:54:18	0:54:21
Ah!	0:54:25	0:54:26
Man, this is one tender Brazilian.	0:54:26	0:54:28
How are you feeling?	0:54:31	0:54:32
(SIGHS) A little better.	0:54:32	0:54:35
-How much did you drink last night? -I don't know.	0:54:38	0:54:41
I just remember feeling unusually happy	0:54:41	0:54:44
and having a really good time	0:54:44	0:54:46
and it's like someone picked up the room and started spinning it.	0:54:46	0:54:49
I don't know. I'm such an idiot.	0:54:49	0:54:51
Think of it as a rite of passage.	0:54:51	0:54:53
Just go easy next time.	0:54:53	0:54:55
Mmm.	0:54:55	0:54:57
Thanks for taking care of me.	0:54:58	0:55:00
Yeah.	0:55:02	0:55:04
See you after lunch?	0:55:04	0:55:06
-We have stuff to do today. -Mmm. I know.	0:55:06	0:55:09
OK.	0:55:09	0:55:11
Draw it back, pump fake, and then throw the ball.	0:55:11	0:55:15
OK.	0:55:15	0:55:16
Alright. I can do that.	0:55:16	0:55:18
-Back... -You're telegraphing.	0:55:22	0:55:23
You're already telegraphing. Watch me. Follow what I do.	0:55:23	0:55:26
-Ooh. What is that? -What's what?	0:55:29	0:55:31
What's sticking in my ass?	0:55:31	0:55:33
Oh. Sorry.	0:55:33	0:55:35
-We're meant to be playing football. -Look, it's not my fault.	0:55:35	0:55:38
I'm sorry. It's...it's your thing, not mine.	0:55:38	0:55:41
Yeah, but you're behind the wheel.	0:55:41	0:55:42
I guess that means you find me attractive.	0:55:42	0:55:44
(SCOFFS) Oh, no, actually, that means you find ME attractive.	0:55:44	0:55:47
Let's not read too much into it, OK? This thing finds minerals attractive.	0:55:47	0:55:50
That is such a guy thing to say.	0:55:50	0:55:51
Can we just keep playing football, please?	0:55:51	0:55:53
Sure. As long as you keep my dick out of your butt.	0:55:53	0:55:56
Hoo-uh! (GRUNTS)	0:56:27	0:56:29
Ah! Came through the window.	0:56:31	0:56:33
One of the many skills I've acquired of late.	0:56:33	0:56:36
-NELL'S MOM: Are you OK? -Oh, keep our voices down.	0:56:36	0:56:38
If my mom knows I've got a boy in my room, she'd spontaneously combust.	0:56:38	0:56:42
Trying to decide what to wear for your interview.	0:56:42	0:56:45
Navy suit, white blouse and sensible shoes.	0:56:45	0:56:47
You don't think something a little hotter?	0:56:47	0:56:49
This is an interview!	0:56:49	0:56:51
You're joking.	0:56:55	0:56:56
Mm-hm. At least now you can tell.	0:56:56	0:56:58
(SIGHS) I've been thinking.	0:56:59	0:57:01
While we're like this,	0:57:01	0:57:03
I wonder if it'd make sense that we go to the homecoming dance together.	0:57:03	0:57:06
I mean, only because... well, who else would we go with?	0:57:07	0:57:10
I don't want to be stuck with Pencilneck for the whole night.	0:57:10	0:57:13
It wouldn't be a date!	0:57:13	0:57:14
-No, no, no. -No.	0:57:14	0:57:16
-I-I'd like that. -Great. It's a date.	0:57:19	0:57:21
A non-date date. Hmm.	0:57:22	0:57:25
NELL'S MOM: Nell, wash hands. Dinner!	0:57:25	0:57:27
-Oh. -That's my cue to go.	0:57:27	0:57:29
(WHISPERS) OK. Date.	0:57:32	0:57:34
Oh! (GRUNTS)	0:57:34	0:57:36
-(THUMP!) -It's alright. I'm OK.	0:57:36	0:57:40
Mmm. I'm going to be kinda late tomorrow. (SNIFFS)	0:57:42	0:57:46
Kind OF.	0:57:46	0:57:48
Kind of late tomorrow.	0:57:51	0:57:53
What is with you at the moment? Ted?	0:57:54	0:57:57
Sometimes I feel as though I don't know who you are anymore.	0:57:57	0:58:00
She's growing up, Katherine.	0:58:00	0:58:02
So are you going to tell me what you're doing or is it a secret?	0:58:06	0:58:11
It's no secret. I'm studying with Woody.	0:58:12	0:58:15
Again?!	0:58:15	0:58:16
Yeah. You got a problem with that?	0:58:16	0:58:18
No.	0:58:19	0:58:21
If you want to waste your valuable time, that's your affair.	0:58:25	0:58:27
Who says I'm wasting my time?	0:58:27	0:58:29
Oh, Nell. You only have to look at the boy.	0:58:29	0:58:32
What's wrong with him?	0:58:32	0:58:34
He's stupid, he's trouble and he's a loser.	0:58:34	0:58:36
You told me so yourself.	0:58:36	0:58:38
And there's nothing you can do to change that.	0:58:41	0:58:43
Look at his family.	0:58:43	0:58:45
You're up against basic genetics.	0:58:45	0:58:47
Hi...Mr Bedworth.	0:59:09	0:59:12
Is Nell around?	0:59:13	0:59:15
Um, she's gone back to school, I think, son.	0:59:15	0:59:18
She said she had to do some extra studying.	0:59:18	0:59:20
She has her interview with Yale tomorrow.	0:59:20	0:59:22
Oh, OK.	0:59:22	0:59:24
Well, thanks.	0:59:24	0:59:26
So, how have you been, Mr Bedworth.	0:59:27	0:59:30
I'm fine, Woody. Just fine.	0:59:30	0:59:32
Good. Good.	0:59:32	0:59:34
Well, give my best to your wife.	0:59:34	0:59:37
-I will do. -Alright.	0:59:37	0:59:39
'Bye.	0:59:39	0:59:40
(GRUNTS)	0:59:47	0:59:49
What are you trying to do?	0:59:53	0:59:55
(GRUNTS)	0:59:55	0:59:56
(GRUNTS)	1:00:00	1:00:01
-Stop. You're going to hurt your... -Back off!	1:00:01	1:00:03
Why are you doing this?	1:00:06	1:00:08
Because this is who I am.	1:00:11	1:00:12
This is all I've ever been.	1:00:15	1:00:17
I'm not even that.	1:00:20	1:00:21
(GRUNTS)	1:00:21	1:00:23
Football's not who you are.	1:00:27	1:00:28
You don't get it, do you? People like you never do.	1:00:31	1:00:34
People like me?!	1:00:34	1:00:36
What exactly is it that people like me don't get?	1:00:36	1:00:38
People like ME.	1:00:38	1:00:39
Then educate me, please.	1:00:41	1:00:43
OK.	1:00:44	1:00:46
We like to play ball.	1:00:49	1:00:50
Maybe we're even pretty good at it.	1:00:52	1:00:54
So maybe we get accepted to some second-rate shitkicker college	1:00:54	1:00:58
or maybe we go work for our dad at the spatula store.	1:00:58	1:01:02
Who knows?	1:01:03	1:01:04
But what we don't get is a great job, a big apartment in the city,	1:01:04	1:01:09
and a Yale education.	1:01:09	1:01:11
So that's what this is about? The interview?	1:01:11	1:01:13
No.	1:01:13	1:01:15
Yes.	1:01:18	1:01:20
I don't know!	1:01:20	1:01:21
It's OK to be nervous.	1:01:21	1:01:24
Nothing is OK!	1:01:24	1:01:26
Nothing!	1:01:26	1:01:27
Tomorrow I'm supposed to be playing the most important game of my life.	1:01:28	1:01:32
It's my destiny!	1:01:32	1:01:34
Mine!	1:01:34	1:01:35
I'm not supposed to be attending some college interview.	1:01:36	1:01:40
So we've got the wrong lives.	1:01:40	1:01:42
But sometimes you've just got to get on with life.	1:01:42	1:01:44
Let things fall into place.	1:01:46	1:01:47
Do me a favour.	1:01:51	1:01:53
Save your inspirational speeches for someone who gives a damn.	1:01:53	1:01:56
I know who I am.	1:01:57	1:01:59
I'm a loser, I'm trouble and I'm stupid. It's basic genetics.	1:01:59	1:02:03
Can't help it.	1:02:05	1:02:06
Funny. Never took you for a quitter.	1:02:09	1:02:13
SONG: # Take as much time as you need to heal	1:02:13	1:02:18
# Such a pretty girl	1:02:18	1:02:21
# I once was where you are	1:02:25	1:02:28
# So alone	1:02:28	1:02:32
# I once had begged the great Lord above	1:02:32	1:02:38
# Please bring him home	1:02:38	1:02:41
# Be strong	1:02:44	1:02:47
# So strong	1:02:47	1:02:51
# I know you can, baby girl	1:02:51	1:02:55
# Hold on	1:02:55	1:02:58
# Be strong	1:02:58	1:03:01
# So strong	1:03:01	1:03:04
# 'Cause now your man, baby girl, is gone... #	1:03:04	1:03:10
You can go in.	1:03:18	1:03:20
Miss Bedworth.	1:03:26	1:03:28
Yes. Nell.	1:03:28	1:03:30
Please take a seat.	1:03:30	1:03:31
Well, Nell.	1:03:33	1:03:35
One of the qualities we hope for in any Yale student	1:03:35	1:03:38
is their passion.	1:03:38	1:03:40
Your term papers and test results are exemplary.	1:03:40	1:03:44
In fact, your love and knowledge of literature	1:03:44	1:03:47
is rare in a person of your years.	1:03:47	1:03:50
Thank you. It's an important part of my life.	1:03:53	1:03:56
Go on.	1:03:57	1:03:59
Poetry, for instance.	1:04:02	1:04:03
I like the way that it can articulate and express feelings -	1:04:06	1:04:09
complicated and difficult feelings that you can't explain literally.	1:04:09	1:04:14
What about modern literature?	1:04:21	1:04:24
Are there are any contemporary writers or poets	1:04:24	1:04:26
that you particularly admire?	1:04:26	1:04:28
Hmm.	1:04:28	1:04:30
No. Not really.	1:04:32	1:04:34
Well, why is that?	1:04:34	1:04:38
Because they suck.	1:04:40	1:04:42
Oh.	1:04:42	1:04:43
ANNOUNCER: (OVER P.A. SYSTEM) Welcome, everybody, to homecoming,	1:04:43	1:04:46
the biggest game of the year.	1:04:46	1:04:48
Surely if poetry is no longer relevant,	1:04:48	1:04:51
then poets and their artform are doomed to extinction.	1:04:51	1:04:56
Ooh.	1:04:56	1:04:58
I think that will be all.	1:05:03	1:05:06
Actually, I do like some modern poets.	1:05:21	1:05:24
In fact, I love 'em.	1:05:25	1:05:27
-Oh. -Yeah.	1:05:27	1:05:29
50 Cent, Petey Pablo, Marshall Mathers.	1:05:29	1:05:32
I don't believe I'm familiar with their work.	1:05:32	1:05:34
Well, they're rap artists.	1:05:34	1:05:35
And you consider that to be poetry?	1:05:35	1:05:37
Absolutely.	1:05:37	1:05:39
It's urban poetry, sir.	1:05:39	1:05:40
They talk about their lives and their experiences	1:05:40	1:05:42
and they can be very brutal	1:05:42	1:05:45
but often undercut with humour, a dark humour.	1:05:45	1:05:49
Here. Check it out.	1:05:49	1:05:51
ANNOUNCER: Let's hear it for the home team.	1:05:51	1:05:53
The Westdale Bay Beavers!	1:05:53	1:05:55
(AUDIENCE CHEERS)	1:05:55	1:05:57
That's my boy!	1:05:57	1:05:59
Let's hear it for our star quarterback, Woody Deane.	1:05:59	1:06:02
That is my boy! That is my son!	1:06:02	1:06:04
That's my son!	1:06:04	1:06:06
(HORN BEEPS)	1:06:06	1:06:07
Wait!	1:06:07	1:06:09
(BLOWS WHISTLE)	1:06:24	1:06:25
ANNOUNCER: Here we go!	1:06:25	1:06:27
(REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE)	1:06:30	1:06:32
Number 83, Johnny Chapton for the Beavers, on a 10-yard pass.	1:06:32	1:06:37
Beavers rule! Beavers rule!	1:06:37	1:06:39
The 30-yard line. First and down.	1:06:39	1:06:41
MAN: Good luck, 82!	1:06:41	1:06:43
Hut!	1:06:47	1:06:48
Hey, you! Leave him alone or I'll sort you out.	1:06:52	1:06:56
(GROANS)	1:07:05	1:07:06
(REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE)	1:07:06	1:07:08
Ahhh.	1:07:08	1:07:09
ANNOUNCER: That's a touchdown to the Razorbacks, folks,	1:07:09	1:07:14
and, uh, they've obviously been practising their celebrations.	1:07:14	1:07:19
And it's fourth and down.	1:07:23	1:07:25
Oh, no, no!	1:07:31	1:07:33
-(REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE) -And it's touchdown Razorbacks.	1:07:35	1:07:39
They take the lead 14-0 early in the fourth quarter.	1:07:39	1:07:43
There's still time, folks,	1:07:43	1:07:45
but Woody Deane's really gotta make some big plays.	1:07:45	1:07:48
Hut!	1:07:57	1:07:59
(REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE)	1:08:01	1:08:02
Oh, the 12-yard loss of play.	1:08:02	1:08:06
Deane sacked again. This is really unusual, folks.	1:08:06	1:08:09
Hey, man, come on. Go!	1:08:09	1:08:10
Buddy, you just messed with the wrong girl.	1:08:10	1:08:13
Hi.	1:08:17	1:08:18
Hi, Nell. I didn't know that football was your bag.	1:08:18	1:08:21
Yeah, I just came to cheer on...the team.	1:08:21	1:08:24
Yeah. We're not doing too good.	1:08:24	1:08:26
What... Whoa, whoa. Whoa!	1:08:30	1:08:32
That's my boy!	1:08:34	1:08:36
He's my boy! He's my flesh and blood!	1:08:36	1:08:38
-(AUDIENCE CHEERS) -Yeaaah!	1:08:46	1:08:48
Beavers! Great run by Harry the Horse!	1:08:48	1:08:51
ALL: Play for a touchdown!	1:08:51	1:08:53
-Yes! Yes! Yes! -Hey, hey. Sit your fat arse down.	1:08:53	1:08:56
Point taken.	1:08:56	1:08:57
-Wanna munch on some dog? -Yeah, thanks.	1:09:00	1:09:02
Thanks, Dad.	1:09:05	1:09:06
Ooh!	1:09:10	1:09:11
-Oh! -(WHISTLE BLOWS)	1:09:14	1:09:17
And the kick is good!	1:09:17	1:09:19
ALL: Push it back! Push it back! Whoo!	1:09:19	1:09:22
And this is it, folks. Five seconds to go.	1:09:22	1:09:24
Time for one more play.	1:09:24	1:09:26
This is make or break for the Beavers.	1:09:26	1:09:29
Ready?	1:09:33	1:09:35
Hut!	1:09:35	1:09:36
Come on!	1:09:37	1:09:39
Go, girl.	1:09:47	1:09:48
-It's a touchdown! -Yeah!	1:09:59	1:10:02
Touchdown! Westdale Bay Beavers win the game on the last play!	1:10:02	1:10:06
Woody Deane!	1:10:06	1:10:09
-Ha-ha! -Woody Deane wins it!	1:10:09	1:10:10
Whoo!	1:10:10	1:10:12
..for a touchdown and the Beavers win!	1:10:12	1:10:15
Yeah!	1:10:15	1:10:16
Yes!	1:10:16	1:10:18
Beavers! Beavers!	1:10:20	1:10:21
What are you waiting here for?	1:10:23	1:10:25
(ALL CHEER)	1:10:30	1:10:33
It was a great game, son. Great game.	1:10:38	1:10:40
-Thank you. -Decided on a college yet?	1:10:40	1:10:41
I've had my heart set on Yale since I was a little girl.	1:10:41	1:10:44
That's funny. You know what?	1:10:44	1:10:46
Get your parents to give me a call, alright?	1:10:46	1:10:48
We're not Yale but I think you might like what we have to offer.	1:10:48	1:10:51
-Thank you so much. -No problems. It was a great game.	1:10:51	1:10:54
Thank you.	1:10:54	1:10:55
(LAUGHS)	1:10:59	1:11:01
You did it!	1:11:01	1:11:04
You were great!	1:11:04	1:11:05
Thank you. Did you see me out there? We totally kicked ass!	1:11:05	1:11:08
Oh, and that guy back there, he was a scout. He gave me this card.	1:11:08	1:11:11
You're going to college. No spatulas.	1:11:11	1:11:14
That's... Thank you.	1:11:14	1:11:17
You know what the best part is? I totally loved it.	1:11:17	1:11:20
I mean, your adrenaline gets pumping and the crowd was totally into it.	1:11:20	1:11:23
Oh, the interview.	1:11:27	1:11:29
Oh, my God. I totally forgot.	1:11:29	1:11:31
How was it?	1:11:31	1:11:33
It was amazing. I mean, the place was.	1:11:34	1:11:39
For a moment I really felt like...part of it.	1:11:39	1:11:42
I gave it my best shot.	1:11:45	1:11:48
I'm sure you did.	1:11:48	1:11:51
And that's all anyone can ask.	1:11:51	1:11:53
And I'll tell you something -	1:11:54	1:11:56
they would be lucky to have someone like you.	1:11:56	1:12:00
Thank you.	1:12:00	1:12:02
Oh! Ditto.	1:12:02	1:12:04
(CHUCKLES)	1:12:04	1:12:06
You know, if I have to spend my life as someone else...	1:12:06	1:12:10
..I'd be honoured to be you.	1:12:11	1:12:14
Ditto back at ya.	1:12:16	1:12:17
-Double ditto. -BOTH: Double, double ditto.	1:12:18	1:12:21
(BOTH LAUGH)	1:12:21	1:12:22
(RUMBLING)	1:12:22	1:12:25
Hey, there he is! Whoo-hoo!	1:12:30	1:12:32
(ALL CHEER)	1:12:32	1:12:34
Woody...	1:12:43	1:12:46
Hey, guys. Hey, I'm back.	1:12:46	1:12:48
HORSE: What are you talking about 'back', man?	1:12:48	1:12:51
Whoo!	1:12:52	1:12:53
Hey there, Mr Football Hero.	1:12:55	1:12:57
Do I look attractive enough for you now?	1:12:57	1:13:00
Woody?	1:13:12	1:13:14
Please, Mrs Bedworth. I need to speak to Nell.	1:13:19	1:13:21
Well, she doesn't wish to speak with you.	1:13:21	1:13:23
I have to talk to her.	1:13:23	1:13:25
She isn't going to the dance, Woody.	1:13:25	1:13:26
But she did say she hopes you have a good time with Breanna Bailey.	1:13:26	1:13:30
For just one moment, Woody, I thought you'd changed.	1:13:34	1:13:38
Oh!	1:13:43	1:13:45
Come on, honey. Why the sad face?	1:13:45	1:13:49
You've got everything we've ever wanted.	1:13:51	1:13:53
('LIFE NOT LIVING' BY DANCE YOURSELF TO DEATH PLAYS)	1:14:05	1:14:09
Oh, my God! Look at that dress! You look fantastic.	1:14:16	1:14:20
(MUSIC CONTINUES)	1:14:20	1:14:22
So, do you like my dress?	1:14:34	1:14:37
Yeah. Yeah, you look nice, Breanna.	1:14:38	1:14:40
It's so tight, it shows everything.	1:14:40	1:14:42
I had to leave my panties off.	1:14:43	1:14:46
Let's hope you don't get diarrhoea, then.	1:14:46	1:14:48
I'm gonna go get some punch.	1:14:49	1:14:51
(SINGS) # Pretending that they haven't seen her aflame... #	1:14:51	1:14:56
-Harry... -Mmm?	1:14:56	1:14:58
Do you like my dress?	1:14:58	1:15:00
Yeah, yeah, baby. It looks good on you.	1:15:00	1:15:01
WOMAN: (ON RADIO) This is WBCR	1:15:01	1:15:03
coming to you live from Westdale Bay Homecoming.	1:15:03	1:15:05
A big hi to everybody making their way here this evening.	1:15:05	1:15:08
Who's going to be homecoming king and queen?	1:15:08	1:15:11
-I am so nervous. -Are you kidding me?	1:15:17	1:15:19
-You've got this in the bag. -I know.	1:15:19	1:15:21
-Check make-up? -Yeah.	1:15:21	1:15:23
We won't be a minute. Oh!	1:15:23	1:15:25
Woody, straighten your tie. Photographers!	1:15:25	1:15:27
You know, seeing you in that tuxedo is making me feel kind of horny.	1:15:33	1:15:37
Let's do it in the bushes.	1:15:37	1:15:39
Are you serious?	1:15:39	1:15:41
Yeah, it'll be like doing it with James Bond.	1:15:41	1:15:43
Well, you know me - 009.5. Licensed to thrill!	1:15:43	1:15:49
Hang on, baby.	1:15:49	1:15:50
(BREATHES HEAVILY) OK, wait.	1:15:52	1:15:55
What?	1:15:55	1:15:56
You wait over there and then I'll walk by, like Halle Berry,	1:15:56	1:16:00
and then you jump up and grab me.	1:16:00	1:16:02
I'm loving this.	1:16:02	1:16:03
(NEIGHS, LAUGHS)	1:16:03	1:16:06
(LAUGHS AND GASPS)	1:16:11	1:16:14
Whoo! (LAUGHS)	1:16:14	1:16:16
Ready when you are, baby.	1:16:20	1:16:23
Ah...come and get me.	1:16:23	1:16:25
Chanel?	1:16:25	1:16:27
(STARTS ENGINE)	1:16:27	1:16:29
Chanel?	1:16:29	1:16:30
Goodbye, Mr Bond.	1:16:32	1:16:35
(ENGINE REVS, TYRES SCREECH)	1:16:35	1:16:36
What the...?	1:16:36	1:16:38
Halle Berry wouldn't have done that.	1:16:39	1:16:42
Good evening, Westdale Bay!	1:16:42	1:16:45
(ALL CHEER)	1:16:45	1:16:47
And the presentation of the crowns for this year's homecoming...	1:16:47	1:16:51
(DOOR OPENS)	1:16:52	1:16:55
Hi, princess.	1:16:59	1:17:00
Hi, Daddy.	1:17:00	1:17:03
So you're not going to the dance?	1:17:04	1:17:07
No.	1:17:07	1:17:09
Does this have anything to do with Woody?	1:17:09	1:17:12
No.	1:17:14	1:17:16
Maybe.	1:17:18	1:17:20
He likes someone else.	1:17:21	1:17:23
But is she a princess?	1:17:25	1:17:27
Any time soon, she'll be a queen.	1:17:28	1:17:31
No contest. Princesses are younger and prettier.	1:17:31	1:17:35
Especially when they're my daughter.	1:17:35	1:17:37
You really like him, don't you?	1:17:42	1:17:44
Yes.	1:17:45	1:17:47
Me too.	1:17:47	1:17:49
I think he's a good one.	1:17:49	1:17:53
I think you should go.	1:17:53	1:17:55
I don't have anything to wear.	1:18:03	1:18:05
Oh, ah...just...	1:18:05	1:18:08
There. (LAUGHS)	1:18:13	1:18:15
Now, I'm not usually known for my taste in fashion	1:18:15	1:18:17
but the young lady in the store said it was 'dope'.	1:18:17	1:18:20
I have no idea what that means, of course.	1:18:20	1:18:22
(GASPS)	1:18:22	1:18:24
-It's beautiful. -Ah...good. Ah...well... (CHUCKLES)	1:18:25	1:18:29
She said you'd need these too. Now, apparently these are...'heavy'.	1:18:30	1:18:36
And for all I know, they could be dope as well.	1:18:36	1:18:39
Oh! Thank you.	1:18:39	1:18:41
The title of Westdale Bay High Homecoming King	1:18:42	1:18:46
goes to...	1:18:46	1:18:48
..our very own footballing hero, Woody Deane.	1:18:49	1:18:52
(ALL CHEER)	1:18:52	1:18:55
And now for the biggie.	1:19:10	1:19:13
This year's Westdale Bay Homecoming Queen is...	1:19:13	1:19:19
..Breanna Bailey.	1:19:21	1:19:23
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)	1:19:23	1:19:26
Thank you, Miss Bidermeyer, Principal Johnson,	1:19:34	1:19:38
and thank you, Westdale Bay.	1:19:38	1:19:40
There are so many people that I need to share this great honour with.	1:19:40	1:19:44
My mother, for her undying support	1:19:44	1:19:47
and generous attitude toward cosmetic surgery.	1:19:47	1:19:49
My hairdresser, Georgios Theodopoulos. My...	1:19:49	1:19:52
Thank you, Breanna.	1:19:52	1:19:54
Another round of applause, please, for our homecoming king and queen.	1:19:54	1:19:58
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)	1:19:58	1:19:59
('GOODBYE TO ROMANCE' BY OZZY OZBOURNE PLAYS)	1:19:59	1:20:02
OZZY OSBOURNE: (SINGS) # Yesterday has been and gone	1:20:06	1:20:09
# Tomorrow will I find the sun	1:20:09	1:20:13
# Or will it rain? #	1:20:13	1:20:15
(SONG CONTINUES)	1:20:19	1:20:21
(MURMURING)	1:20:21	1:20:23
(MUSIC FADES OUT)	1:20:41	1:20:44
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?	1:20:54	1:20:57
Thou art more lovely and temperate...	1:20:57	1:21:01
Rough winds, blah, blah, blah.	1:21:01	1:21:04
There's something in there I can't remember.	1:21:04	1:21:06
And, ah...yadda yadda yadda.	1:21:06	1:21:09
I'm sorry. I...	1:21:09	1:21:11
I'm no Shakespeare.	1:21:12	1:21:14
I guess Romeo wasn't much of a quarterback either, right?	1:21:15	1:21:18
No.	1:21:18	1:21:19
I really wish I had	1:21:19	1:21:21
the most perfect and beautiful words in the world to say to you,	1:21:21	1:21:24
'cause if I did, I'd say them, but...	1:21:24	1:21:26
I'd tell you how great you make me feel when I'm with you.	1:21:27	1:21:31
And how I love that little thing you do with your nose when you smile.	1:21:31	1:21:34
And you always correct my stupid grammar and I hate it.	1:21:36	1:21:38
Most of all I'd... I'd tell you that...	1:21:39	1:21:43
..you make me a better person.	1:21:45	1:21:48
My own person.	1:21:50	1:21:51
And that's why I know that this means nothing.	1:21:53	1:21:57
And you mean everything.	1:21:59	1:22:03
But hey, I'm just a stupid quarterback.	1:22:04	1:22:08
I don't have the right words.	1:22:09	1:22:11
Those were lovely words.	1:22:12	1:22:14
Perfect words.	1:22:15	1:22:17
Come here, dumb jock.	1:22:17	1:22:20
Try and stop me, pencilneck.	1:22:20	1:22:22
ALL: Aw! Ohh!	1:22:24	1:22:25
Stop that!	1:22:25	1:22:28
I'M the homecoming queen!	1:22:28	1:22:30
Let's get out of here.	1:22:30	1:22:32
(GASPS) Out of my way!	1:22:32	1:22:34
I'm the homecoming queen!	1:22:34	1:22:36
Not so fast, bitch!	1:22:36	1:22:38
Hey-hey! Nice ass, baby. How about a little twirl?	1:22:38	1:22:41
(UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)	1:22:42	1:22:45
Do you know if I missed this? The homecoming... Did Woody Deane win?	1:23:03	1:23:06
(POP!)	1:23:09	1:23:11
Sweet lord!	1:23:11	1:23:14
-So how are we going to do this? -What?	1:23:30	1:23:33
You going to your shitkicker college and me going to Yale.	1:23:33	1:23:36
What?	1:23:37	1:23:39
You did it. It came this morning.	1:23:39	1:23:42
Congratulations.	1:23:42	1:23:44
-What?! -Uh-huh.	1:23:44	1:23:45
You got in?	1:23:45	1:23:46
(LAUGHS) Oh, my God. I did it.	1:23:46	1:23:48
Me and you done pretty good, huh?	1:23:49	1:23:53
You and me.	1:23:54	1:23:55
Or...I.	1:23:55	1:23:59
Will you just kiss me already?	1:23:59	1:24:01
Yes, ma'am.	1:24:01	1:24:03
('HIGH' BY JAMES BLUNT PLAYS)	1:24:03	1:24:07
JAMES BLUNT: (SINGS) # Beautiful dawn	1:24:10	1:24:12
# You're just blowing my mind again	1:24:15	1:24:20
# Thought I was born to And last night	1:24:20	1:24:25
# Into your shine	1:24:26	1:24:31
# High... #	1:24:31	1:24:32
You cannot be serious. A year's sabbatical?	1:24:43	1:24:46
I won't allow it. We're talking about Yale, for heaven's sake.	1:24:46	1:24:49
(SHRIEKS) Yale!	1:24:49	1:24:51
I know, Mom. But what the heck, huh?	1:24:52	1:24:55
Er...Katherine.	1:24:56	1:24:58
Won't be needing this.	1:25:14	1:25:16
If I may quote Snoop Dogg, "Let's get it started."	1:25:27	1:25:33
('LET'S GET IT STARTED' BY THE BLACK EYED PEAS PLAYS)	1:25:33	1:25:35
Break it down. Huh? You see what I'm saying?	1:25:36	1:25:40
Actually, I'm not sure if this is Snoop.	1:25:41	1:25:44
It...it could be One-Eyed Peas or 38 Cents.	1:25:44	1:25:49
I'm down with it anyway, bitch.	1:25:49	1:25:52
(MUSIC CONTINUES)	1:25:52	1:25:55

It's a Boy Girl Thing

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