Nina's Heavenly Delights

Always measure the spices first.

6 cloves,

1, 2, 3, 4, 5,

6.

Eight chillies.

THEY LAUGH

Half a teaspoon...

-of turmeric.

-Turmeric.

Yes!

THEY LAUGH

Keep it stirring.

Keep it moving.

Cover every inch with the sauce.

There is no need to rush, Nina.

Always take your time.

That is the difference between winning and losing.

Now, close your eyes.

Taste it.

Taste it in your heart.

No matter what the recipe says, always follow your heart.

Best chicken xacuti this side of Maryhill.

One day you are going to be the best cook in Glasgow.

INDIAN MUSIC PLAYS

Nina?

You look awful.

So do you.

It's been a long time, girlfriend.

I'm so sorry, darling.

We are here today to say goodbye to a very special man.

Mohan Shah was a devoted husband and a loving father to all of his children.

Especially his Nina.

Out of sight, but never out of her father's heart.

Many times Mohan said to me,

"Nina will come home, Raj, she will come home soon,

"then I will be in heaven."

INDIAN MUSIC PLAYS

Nina?

I knew you'd come.

Kary...

Ma'...

He's gone, Nina.

Your dad's gone.

-She's far too thin.

-Oh, she's home now, her mammy will fatten her up.

-Do you think she's...?

-Got a man?

-I doubt that.

With one thing and another, things may be different between the two of you, Sanjay.

-You know what they say...

-Forgive and forget.

-They say a wedding's lucky the first year after a death.

-Oh, yes.

-We've ran out of samosas.

Aha, the prodigal returns.

-Hello, Sanjay.

-Your mother asked me to help out.

I'm really sorry about your dad, Nina.

Right, samosas, I'm on it.

SIZZLING

-Who's that?

-Ah, it's Lisa.

-Maybe you should have a wee word with your brother, pet.

Three years is a long time.

You're gonna have a lot to talk about.

MUSICAL HORN BLARES

It's dead hot in there.

-Here, let me do it.

-It's OK, I can...

How's London?

Still frying burgers?

I'm sorry I was late.

It's no skin of my nose.

You don't have to explain it to me and it's too late to explain it to him.

How's med school?

I've jacked it in.

I'm working for Raj now and I pure love it.

It's only a means to an end. I'll have my own cash and carry superstore before I'm 30.

Kary, darling, come in a minute.

I'm gonna set myself up with my share of the restaurant money.

What restaurant money?

Mrs Bandita's gout's been giving her gyp.

I said you'd have a wee look at her. Her own doctor's worse than useless.

-I'm not a doctor.

-Yes, but you've read all the books. That's better than most of them around here.

All right, ladies?

Who's first?

How you doing?

OK.

Lisa.

I'm sorry if I was a bit weird before. I didn't really recognise you.

Why would you? I left in second year. I hope I've changed since then.

-Thanks for helping out today.

-No problem.

I remembered you, though.

'LAUGHTER

-'Say "Chapati".

-CHAPATI!

'Dear Mr Mohan Shah, we are delighted to inform you that The New Taj has been selected...

'One more win, Nina,

'then we'll have it.

'The bloody hat trick!

'No other Scottish curry house has ever done it.

'Best bloody restaurant this side of Maryhill.

-Is she all right?

-Yeah. What did you mean before?

-About the money? What money?

-The money we get from the sale.

-What sale?

-The Taj.

Kary, hurry up. We're gonna be late. Janice will be...

Sorry.

-Kary, come on. We gotta go.

-Sorry. Later.

No, Kary, no.

Let me get this straight, dad used the restaurant as collateral for a bet?

-Not exactly.

-He used half of it.

Oh, well, that's all right then. You had me worried for a minute. Was he out of his mind?

On the surface, I agree. It looks like the act of a lunatic.

But, in his defence, he was up to his eyes, he owed thousands.

-I guess he thought he had nothing to lose.

-Is it legal?

Watertight. Her dad's got a pure Rottweiler for a lawyer.

Well, then we'll get our own Rottweiler. This can't be right.

-A bet's a bet, Nina. He knew what he was doing.

-He was desperate.

-Your dad took advantage.

-Er, nobody forced him.

-I need to talk to Jule.

-Well, he's in Benidorm.

Golfing, and probably shagging.

Anyway, it's not my dad you need to talk to. It's me.

PHONE RINGS I've got to take this. Come on.

-No, Kary!

-We're dead late.

DJ: Good morning, Glasgow.

It's Drive Time with Murli on Korma Radio.

This afternoon promises to be bright. Promises, promises.

That's good news for poor Mrs Khan from Maryhill whose cat's been missing for a week. Miaow!

Flights coming in from Mumbai have been delayed.

So don't bother going to the airport.

But we hope that won't delay the arrival of India's number one heartthrob...

INDIAN MUSIC PLAYS

Three, four, and step.

-Two, three, four. And change, and change.

# Yeah, yeah

# I'm in the mood for dancing

# Romancing

# Ooh, I've given it all tonight

# I'm in the mood for chancing

# I feel like dancing Ooh, so come on and hold me tight

# Dancing, dancing

-# I'm in the mood, babe... #

-Stop!

No, no, no! HE TURNS MUSIC OFF

Gandhi, you're moving like a five o'clock princess.

Fish, think West End Wendy, not muscle bloody Mary.

I hope you're not spying for the opposition?

Nina Bina,

meet my "Chutney Queens".

Right, you lot, that's the torture over.

See you later then.

Maybe, maybe not.

8pm, usual place.

Come on, Shriv. Nice and smooth.

-You're a dark horse.

-That's rich coming from Black Beauty.

-So? What do you think? Seriously?

-No, you've got something, definitely.

Just as well.

Because very soon, Mogul Productions - that's Mogul Productions, Mumbai,

not Mogul Productions Maryhill - breeze into town to cast their new blockbuster, Love In A Wet Climate.

-Catchy title.

-Aye! And we're gonna blow them away.

Me, me, me, me, me! That's enough about me.

-What about...?

-Me?

Where do I start?

Do pros and cons. That always sorts the men from the boys.

Well, I would, if there were any pros to do.

God,

how did this happen, Bobbi?

The Taj meant everything to my dad.

Not just your dad.

He'd entered the competition. Nobody knew.

-He's through to the final.

-Riva!

Now we can do pros and cons.

He didn't want to sell, did he?

He wanted to win that trophy for the third time.

Hey, just imagine The Taj competing again.

Aye.

Just imagine.

Come on.

DJ: Congratulations to Mr and Mrs Patel, who are celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary.

But first, a reminder about a big event coming up next month on Korma TV,

the Best of the West curry competition.

Hold me back!

You are my first today.

-I'm honoured.

-BELL RINGS

-Raj.

-Nina.

You're looking well. London must agree with you.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I'd better be off.

I've got a million and one things to do.

Got the competition coming up. Sanjay's in the final.

-Congratulations.

-Thank you.

-He must be in with a very good chance.

-That depends who he's up against.

But believe you me, he'll be a hard act to follow.

Now, if you need anything, and I mean anything, you let Kary know.

-Let me know.

-Thank you, Raj.

Nina...

-How long have you been working here?

-Long enough.

You can't live off thin air.

Your dad left a groove in the pavement outside Jule's.

Why didn't anyone tell me what was going on?

How were we supposed to do that?

You phoned a couple of times a year. Half the time we didn't even know where you were. Thank God for Raj.

-Yeah(!) He didn't waste a minute, did he?

-Beggars can't be choosers. It's more than it's worth.

I don't care. I'm not selling The Taj to them.

Well then, it's a good thing it's not just up to you.

I don't believe this!

This is all Dad's fault.

Don't you dare come back here and start handing out blame!

Don't you dare!

If there's blame to be handed out, you should be looking in a mirror.

I'm not the one who bet The Taj on a bloody horse!

No, you're right. You didn't. You had nothing to do with any of this.

You didn't humiliate him. You didn't break his heart.

And what about my heart?

He only ever wanted what was best for you, Nina. We both did.

No.

You wanted me to shrivel away with a man I didn't love.

How could I do that, Ma?

We all do things we don't want.

-Why?

-There is no why.

Do what you want, Nina.

You always do.

-What are you doing?

-What I was supposed to do.

He was the one who always said listen to your heart.

He should've listened to his bloody heart, then it might not have packed up on him.

How could he?

We were gonna do this together.

We were gonna win the hat-trick together.

How could he go and just die?

STONES HIT WINDOW

-I thought you were Kary.

-Sorry to disappoint.

Who said you did?

Fancy a beer?

-Ah!

-JINX!

Just as well your dad wasn't here to see that. "That table's a temple."

"Not a bloody bottle opener!"

To Mohan Shah.

"The best bloody cook this side of Maryhill."

Mohan Shah.

God, this is weird.

You just lost your dad.

You're about to lose your restaurant. You're gonna feel a bit weird.

I haven't lost my restaurant just yet.

What if I could persuade my new business partner

not to jump into bed with the first dodgy geezer that offers her a knock-down price?

What's wrong?

Well, no.

You can't ask me to do that.

It wouldn't be right.

-Your mum's been really good to me, and Kary's my...

-Yeah, I know.

Look, it's not personal. It's business.

Doesn't make sense to rush into anything. We could get a much better price.

We won't.

My dad didn't want to sell.

He wanted to win that competition.

So that is exactly what I'm gonna do.

-SLURPING >

-Stop slurping!

-Kary, act your age.

-Not your shoe size.

Ma, there's something I have to tell you.

That's the last of the marigolds.

-I thought you should have them over here.

-They're dad's favourites.

I know. That's why Lisa ordered them. She's a wee gem, that lassie.

You should snap her up before somebody else does.

She'd be mad. He's a pure embarrassment.

Morning, everyone. Thought my ears were burning.

-You know what they say, Lisa?

-No, what do they say?

What's for you won't go by you. Is that not right, Suman?

D'you want some tea?

Thanks.

-Did you tell them?

-TELL THEM WHAT?

-Dad had a secret.

-Do you mean his gambling? Everybody knew about that.

-Dad had entered The Taj into this year's competition, and he's through to the final.

-Too bad.

-It's not our restaurant any more.

-Yes, it is. It's not done and dusted until we sign.

I've...

decided to go ahead and compete in the final.

And Lisa's agreed.

-I sent the acceptance forms off this morning.

-Oh, my God!

You're gonna be on telly?

Hundreds of people are gonna see you!

Genius, my pals are gonna be drop-dead jealous.

Hold your horses. We might not win.

You had no right.

How dare you come back here and start disrupting our lives?

-Haven't you caused enough heartache?

-Ma!

Suman, it will be good for the restaurant. We can put the price up.

-Thanks very much(!) I thought we were partners.

-Don't blame her. This was my idea.

No, it wasn't. I can make up my own mind.

Wise up! What makes you think you can do this without Dad?

It was his cooking that won the trophies, not yours.

Raj couldn't beat Dad, but trust me, Sanjay's no slouch in the kitchen.

You're just gonna end up humiliating us all over again.

Kary, wait a minute.

That went well(!)

And to cap it all, through the whole flaming meal his eyes were there. I should never have worn that low top.

Literally at one point I had to lift his chin up.

I did! To make him look at my face.

End of the night, he tried to kiss me. I wisnae asking him in.

And I put my hand up just to sort of stroke his face. The wig.

He wears a wig?

I thought it was a bad dye job.

But, no, I put my hand up - it was like that.

His head moved and the wig... Oh, it's not worth it.

Stay in the house, watch the telly, cup of tea... Happy days.

-BELL ON DOOR TINKLES Hello, darling!

-Hiya.

I'll just go and put the kettle on, eh?

Ma! Don't be upset, please.

It's for Dad.

It's to give him back a little bit of pride. What's wrong with that?

Pride comes before a fall. Remember that?

You are SO like your father.

Here we are! Tea's up.

Do you want a wee cup, Nina?

No, I'm fine, thanks, Mamie.

I'll just go and get some biscuits, eh?

And what if you lose?

Hm? You've risked everything.

If Raj wants the Taj badly enough, he'll still be around.

Don't be too sure of that.

Raj won't always be here.

Not if we keep turning him down.

RATTLING METAL

RADIO PLAYS

Slainte!

Slainte!

Look, let's get out of here.

MUSIC: 'Reach For Me' by Kirsty Hawkshaw

So why did you leave?

I woke up and I...

I knew I couldn't go through with it.

It was a terrible thing to do, though, to do a bunk on the day of your wedding.

-Pretty brutal, all right.

-I know.

I didn't mean to hurt anyone. It's just I freaked out, you know?

I mean, they had it all mapped out for me.

Marry Sanjay, have lots of little Sanjays.

We'd have the Taj AND the Jewel.

They saw us as this power-cooking couple.

"The couple that cooks together, stays together."

I just didn't love him.

-No such thing.

-As love?

There isn't. It's just a big con.

See, your dad taught you how to cook, my dad taught me never gamble with anything you're not prepared to lose.

Once you realise that, you get on fine.

The other way's just a recipe for disaster.

Can you cook?

I can make a mean fried-egg-and-brown-sauce sandwich.

I don't do Indian.

Well, apart from my brother!

I could always murder your dad's chicken xacuti.

Me too.

Race you to the bike.

Oh, Ma, don't, please.

I don't want you to do that just yet.

Funny, isn't it?

Nobody's ever asked me what I want!

Your dad never asked me much.

But then, he never told me much, either.

He thought I didn't know what was going on.

I knew exactly what was going on - I was married to him for thirty years!

Ma.

Ma, I cannae find the peanut butter, and Kary's finished all the bread.

Come on, sweetheart.

Don't tell, please.

I'm not supposed to be going back to dancing. Dad banned me.

Why?

I don't know. After you left, he went all funny.

Are you any good at it?

FAINT BAGPIPE MUSIC

-Holy shit!

-I've been offered a place in the county team. That's a big deal, you know.

I'm sure!

I've turned it down.

Do you think he's still here, Nina?

I don't know.

Maybe.

I hope so.

Please don't tell.

I don't want anybody to know, right?

-OK.

-Especially Kary. He's been such an arse.

He's bought loads of new clothes, dead expensive.

He's trying to impress Lisa. He's going about it ALL the wrong way.

And since when are you such an expert on romance?

I've got eyes. I see things.

I've told YOU a secret.

Now you need to tell me one.

I don't have any secrets.

"Garlic purifies the blood and keeps the skin glowing.

"Frying garlic, lightly, enhances its therapeutic action."

"The golden brown colour of this dish signifies optimism and will dispel gloom."

Hmm.

This SO better be worth it.

Thanks.

OK, who are we up against?

OK, the Bengal Tiger.

-Pussycat?

-Unless it's under new management.

It is.

Oh.

Bimal's Balti and Dosa House.

Last year's winners.

Oh.

And then last but never least...

the Jewel in the Crown.

-It's in the bag.

-Oh, yeah.

It's in the bag.

SHE GIGGLES

Who's Lorna?

I don't know. I've no idea.

(Lorna.)

Lorna Mullen!

I remember Lorna.

Captain of the school hockey team. Big blue eyes.

Tall. Legs right up to her oxsters.

I am shocked!

-I wouldn't have thought she was your type!

-She wasn't my type!

I was nine. I had a crush on the world and his wife when I was nine.

Me too.

INDIAN MUSIC PLAYS

LISA AND BOBBI SING ALONG

-Whee!

-Better look where I'm going!

-Is that nice?

-Yeah! Go faster.

-No.

Green and green.

And the difference is...?

Winning and losing.

You've got a pure cheek. You're supposed to be looking out for him.

Janice, not now. Just put it on the account, OK?

-You've got no more credit here.

-It's OK, Janice. I'll sort it.

-But, Kary!

-It's OK, I'll handle it.

What is her problem?

You should've cleared this with me first.

Is there a problem here?

No, Sanjay. I'm just giving Nina her change.

Gee, thanks(!)

Nina!

Maybe we could go out sometime.

For a drink or something. I know this really good club.

I don't think so. What's the point of raking up old ground?

No old ground. Fresh start.

Maybe we could just talk about the Taj.

See, I've got some plans, really big plans.

Well, I'm afraid they might have to wait for a bit, Sanjay.

We're not ready to sell. I'm sorry.

Since when?

Since Lisa and I decided not to.

I've used all 20 of my Weight Watchers points already today.

Know thy enemy.

Right, go on.

I need you to know the difference for when you taste mine.

It's delicious.

It's terrible!

They didn't marinate the meat long enough.

The longer you marinate it, the more tender it becomes.

Taste...that...

-Well?

-That's better.

What's better about it?

I don't know.

Go on...

It's not so overpowering.

Good, you're getting it.

OK, now I'm gonna show you how it's really done.

Put it on!

Not yet.

Right, let's see if I can remember how to fly this thing.

It's all about chemistry.

And the chemistry has to be right.

Your turn.

OK, slow down. Don't beat it into submission, just coax it.

Gently.

Pretty good.

Ah! Ow! Ow! Ow-ow-ow!

OK, OK, you need to wash it out with cold water, immediately.

Don't rub it, you'll make it worse.

-Oh, what, now she tells me?

-Here.

-Ah!

-OK?

OK, let me see how that is. Let me see.

Let me see.

Yeah, you'll live.

You sound like my doctor.

Thought that was meant to be me.

What happened?

Just got some plutonium in my eye.

-Chilli.

-Cold water. You need to wash it out.

Is there an echo in here?

You'll live.

Are you still talking to me then?

Just. Still up for going out later?

What choice have I got?

And, by the way, you owe me ten quid.

-At least he's not taking it out on you.

-He wouldn't dare.

He needs me too much.

Mmm.

-This is shite.

-What?!

Kary was right.

I can't do this without my dad.

No, Mamie, I don't mind. I need to keep busy.

-Ma?

-Just a moment.

You were right.

Beggars can't be choosers.

Let's go see Raj.

I'll call you back.

Ready, Nina?

Here's to us, in business and in pleasure.

I'll call the lawyer, we'll sign tomorrow.

I'll say one thing for you, Nina,

you sure know how to keep a man dangling.

Nina,

we both know how hard this is for you and what The Taj means to you.

Don't worry, we'll take good care of it.

And your mother can stay as long as she likes.

It will always be your home.

Thank you, Raj.

Good. Now, let's eat.

Nina, I hope that full plate is not a reflection on the food?

Oh, no, it's lovely, Raj. It's just that I'm not very hungry.

"Lovely"?

Jeez! Damned with faint praise, eh?

Come on, Nina.

You could be more specific than that. Tell us what you REALLY think?

Don't rush it, mind you. Take your time. Wouldn't want you to make another snap decision.

Well?

Technically...it's very good.

Technically?

-But there's something missing.

-Missing?

Nina.

All the ingredients are there.

I can taste all the flavours, it's just there's something...

I don't know...

Ah.

It's the chemistry.

It's not quite right.

You know...

maybe it's a good thing that you won't be cooking in the competition.

After all, I wouldn't want my public ass kicked twice.

You know, maybe we should employ you, Nina.

Then you could come and cook for us.

I don't cook for anyone except for my dad.

Well, that's a shame.

You don't want to be on the winning team, Nina?

I've always been on the winning team. We've won twice before.

Remember?

That was then.

And this is now.

No sale till after the competition.

You're just like Mohan.

Red rag to a bull.

Right, have it your way.

May the best man win.

Or woman.

Cheers!

MUSICAL HORN BLARES

MUSIC: "I'm In The Mood For Dancing" by The Nolans

Hiya, girls.

Hey, I thought you were rehearsing? "Night and day."

We are. We're just gonna do it in front of a baying mob.

That may give us the extra push that we need.

Over the nearest cliff, preferably.

-Coming?

-Yeah.

Uh-uh. Not dressed like that.

MUSIC PLAYS

MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH

Nina!

-Oh, it's you...

-Don't worry, little brother.

I won't cramp your style. I'm here with Bobbi.

-You two won't even know we're here.

-Does that come with an off switch?

CHEERING

Good evening, Glasgow.

Sorry to be a drag...

CHEERING

PUMPING DANCE MUSIC

# Romancing

# Ooh, I'm giving it all tonight

# Dancing

# I'm in the mood, babe

# So let the music dance

# Dancing

# I'm in the mood, babe

#

# I'm in the mood for dancing

# Romancing

# I can't even stop tonight

# I'm in the mood for dancing Feel like dancing... #

-Nina.

-Sanjay.

# And heaven who knows

# Just where it will end

# So dance, yeah, let's dance

# Come on and dance

# Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

# Dance

# Yeah, let's dance

# Come on and dance

SONG LYRICS DISTORT

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ahem.

-Sorry to interrupt, but do you fancy sharing a cab?

-Coming.

You might be.

-Janice and I are...

-I can see that.

-We are married.

I'm fed up hiding, I don't want to do it any more because I love you.

-We sneaked away.

-To Gretna.

-Dead predictable.

-Dead romantic.

Nobody else knows.

Except Lisa.

She's been terrified to tell her dad, he's dead...

Dead white. He's a pure bum.

"Another one bites the dust."

So, beer?

Erm... I'm pure drained.

I'll go to bed.

# In my room

# I hide

# Safe from this world

# Where the soul in your eyes

# Is making me wild

# I can't let them see

# Hold back

# Don't show

# Any signs I got weak

# That you got to me

# Oh no, everything's fine

# Yeah, that's what I'll say

# But I sure as I believe

# You make me

# Question all my dreams, my wonders

# Never in my life

# Have I acted such a fool... #

I thought you and Kary were...

# As sure as I stand here

# Man, I fear

# I've never wanted something so bad

# Never in my life

# Have I been so lost in you

# Don't breathe

# Near my face

# It doesn't help when I'm trying so hard

# To be friends

# When you move in

# So close to me

# And I feel you

# Beautiful

# I'm aching to pull you into me

# Oh but everything's fine... #

RADIO STATION JINGLE PLAYS

'Oh, what a relief!

'What a relief! Mrs Khan's cat,

'the wee nipper has been spotted in Dundee on the sauce.

'Last night, I was lucky to be a guest of the Bengal Tiger

'in Bearsden. Oh, the food was gorgeous!

'Don't forget, we only have a week left before Scotland's biggest event,

'The Best Of The West curry competition.'

# When you look at me

# Tell me what you see

# This is what you get, the way I am

# When I look at

# I wanna be, I wanna be

# Somewhere close

# Oh, I really wanna touch me

# Here, there and everywhere

# Sparks fly when we are together

# You can't deny the facts of life

# Baby, what's you star sign

# Won't you take a step into the lion's den

# Don't you know that we can go far cos tonight you're gonna get my

# Don't play the games that you play

# You know that I wont run away

# Why are you askin' me to stay cos tonight I'm gonna give you my... #

What?!!

# You could be my baby

# What's your star sign

# Won't you take a step into the lion's den

# I can hear my conscience calling me calling me

# Saying I'm gonna be a bad girl again... #

I really want this.

Me and you...

I've never felt like this before.

-Let's tell everyone.

-I've gotta go...

I can't do this just now, Lisa.

INDIAN MUSIC PLAYS

Hey, you lot, show's over.

People to go, places to see.

Bobbi, can you do the Pocahontas tomorrow?

All right, bring the video.

See you tomorrow.

So tell all, my sweet chilli bean.

I didn't mean for this to happen.

What do I do?

Go with your heart.

And lose everything?

Not everything. You didn't think twice about that when you ran away...

I know, but I missed them, Bobbi.

I missed you.

All I ever wanted to do was come home.

Aye, you're home now.

Why can't you just say it?

Because...

If I say it, then there's no going back.

I can't.

Not here. Not under their roof.

My mum would never be able to accept it.

I don't want to have to run again, Bobbi.

You can't plan for love, Nina Bina.

It just sneaks up on you...

When you least expect it.

Hello. You and I have to stop meeting like this.

-That's original...

-Or steady and reliable.

Depends which way you look at it.

I'd give anything to be more like you.

With my dress sense? Deceit is not an option.

Do you love her?

I thought you did a runner on me.

Not yet, but I'm thinking about it.

Of course you are. That's what you always do.

Look Lisa,

let's just get on with the cooking for now.

What's this?

Customer feedback forms.

Was the food A. To die for, B.

Okayish, or C. Pure disgusting?

And you, please, write legibly.

Kiss my chuddies.

Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, I was looking for Priya Shah.

There was a dance practice tonight but she didn't show.

-She's inside. Come in.

-Better not.

Just tell her Ravi called.

Ravi.

Are you hungry?

Auntie has a fabulous photograph of you two.

Oh!

Everybody, this is Priya's friend, Ravi.

-Hello, Ravi.

-I hope you're not all waiting for me.

At last!

Where have you been? We're starving.

Oh, dear, the food must be cold by now.

Welcome, young man.

Priya, don't be rude. Offer your friend a chair.

Ready, Nina?

To begin with, everybody's favourite, the house speciality - chicken shakuti.

The chicken is marinated in over 20 herbs and spices, and cooked slowly in sweet fresh coconut juice.

Tender lamb chops with garam masala cooked in a rich tomato and onion sauce.

King prawns simmered in special spices and then charcoal grilled to perfection in the tandoor.

Jeera aloo. Potatoes cooked in roasted cumin seeds with

fresh wild mushrooms, toasted almonds and curry leaves.

Pilau rice infused with golden saffron.

And then finally, My assistant, Lisa, has prepared chapatis.

-Individually designed especially for each of you.

-Enjoy!

-Lovely.

-Well, done, Nina.

These prawns are my favourite.

Kary, pass the rice down.

Spicy.

Hiya.

-The entertainment's arrived. Nina, more chicken shakuti.

-No way.

I couldn't dance for a bolly with blockbuster on a full stomach.

We couldn't force one single mussel down our gullets.

The audition's in an hour.

Come on...

-Hey, you OK?

-Hmm... You?

It's now or never, Nina.

Come on, Priya, read all the comments.

This one's Ravi's.

"The sauce on the lamb was too sweet."

And he wasn't mad on the lentils.

They're still stuck in his teeth.

Difficult crowd tonight, eh?

-You've got to be cruel to be kind.

-Oh, don't listen to them. It was lovely.

-Great.

-It's all right.

-What did I say?

-Truth?

Sanjay's a black belt curry master.

If you want to win, you'll have to be in the top of your game.

Nina's a curry ninja.

She's not scared of a bum like Sanjay. Bring it on!

What would dad say?

Your dad would say

"You're so close to winning now that you can't let anything stand in your way."

That's not what he'd say, Nina. You know exactly what he'd say.

-"Follow your heart."

-Thanks.

Dad's still here, you know?

-Oh, sweetheart.

-Oh, pettit.

# Cheer up, sleepy Jean, Oh, what can it mean

# To a daydream believer and

# A homecoming queen?

# Cheer up, sleepy Jean, Oh, what can it mean

# To a daydream believer and a homecoming queen

# Cheer up, sleepy Jean

# Oh, what can it mean

# To a daydream believer and

# A homecoming queen. #

-Wish me luck.

-Luck!

-Go, and be wondrous.

-Come on, Bobbi.

Gotta get the boys on the bridge.

Bye!

Whoa!

Have you changed the batteries?

Twice.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

A beautiful monument to eternal love.

You don't believe in love.

Your dad said some king spent 22 years building it for his queen.

Dead queen.

-It's a monument to grief.

-Same thing.

If he'd come from Nashville, he would have written a song about it.

I can't.

Yes, you can.

Look at me.

We should throw that old thing out.

-It's broken.

-It's not broken.

It just needs new batteries.

Nina, what do you think?

Keep stirring.

Keep it moving.

Cover every inch with the sauce.

Taste it. Taste it in your heart.

No matter what the recipe says, pettit,

always follow your heart.

"Baste every five minutes, using the succulent juices from the bottom of the roasting dish.

"Remember.

"Every five."

Leave it any longer and the meat will dry out.

It'll taste like bloody shoe leather.

Not that I've tasted shoe leather.

Apart from Raj's bloody chicken xacuti. that is.

Which is a crime against humanity, and shoes."

'Bring a large pan of water to the boil.'

"Bring a large pan of water to the boil."

-'Measure the rice.'

-"Measure the rice."

"No need to weigh it up."

"Use your heart, not the scales."

It's not "The Taj" that Sanjay's interested in.

You know that, don't you?

Love isn't the be-all and end-all, Nina.

I don't believe that.

I can't believe that.

You could have learned to love Sanjay.

Then you'd never have left.

Ma'...

Look, you know, Dad used to tell me about your honeymoon at the Taj Mahal.

And all the time that he talked about it, he had this,

this look on his face.

That's how I want someone to look when they talk about me.

It's not Sanjay's fault,

but he could never look like that.

KNOCK ON DOOR

You're stunning.

-What?

-It's yours.

Thank you.

(TV PRESENTER) 'Hold me back!

'Make sure tonight you don't miss the finale

'of "The Best of the West" curry competition, going out live on Korma TV.'

Look at this. Please stand up. Let's have a look.

I had forgotten how beautiful these are.

I'd completely forgotten.

I hadn't.

So, have you decided yet?

No, she hasn't.

It's gotta be special.

We don't have much time.

Maybe we could just pick up a few fish suppers on the way and curry them when we get there?

Do haggis pakoras!

Tender baby lamb...

simmered in a ginger and garam masala,

followed by pomegranate chicken with rose petals.

And a light ginger sherbet for desert.

Your wedding banquet!

Of course.

That's what he'd want.

And maybe, chicken xacuti?

"Best chicken xacuti this side of Maryhill."

-Bobbi, where is he?

-He'll be here, I promise.

We're still inside.

I'm sorry I'm late.

-Got a flat tire...

-Where's Priya?

BAGPIPES PLAY

CHEERING

It's not every family that gets to have a champion dancer.

I'm glad you kept on going. Come.

Oh, what the hell.

-There's something I need to tell you.

-Hm?

I'm married.

Her name's Janice, and I pure love her.

Well...

It seems I have a lot to learn about love.

My children seem to understand it better than I do.

Any more bombshells?

Come on, let's go.

-We're gonna be late. I don't wanna miss being on the telly.

-Let's go.

It's right here.

One, two, three. ALL: Chicken xacuti!

You're looking wonderful.

I hope you're firing on all cylinders tonight, Sanjay.

Nina's cooking a wedding banquet fit for a king.

That's just what we want to hear.

We should go?

Five, four, three, two.

Good evening, Scotland and Mumbai!

And welcome to this final of "The Best of the West".

We've got quite a feast to serve up tonight and I sincerely hope

you have will the stomach to make it to the final course!

Hold me back! Hold me back!

And in the blue zone...

"The Bengal Tiger"

from Bearsden.

TV CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND

Mum, this is Janice.

Don't be angry with him, Mrs Shah. It was all my idea. I pure love him.

(TV) 'And in the yellow zone...'

Good.

Good.

'..are going to entice us with a spicy chicken roll,'

flavoured with mixed Indian pickles, stuffed with fresh garden spinach.

And in the green zone...

Sanjay Khanna of the "Jewel in the Crown". Sanjay has promised us the Maharaja's banquet.

His speciality being lamb smoked with cloves and cinnamon.

A taste that promises to melt our hearts and light our fire.

Hold me back!

ALL: Hold me back!

'And in the orange zone...'

The Shah of "The New Taj".

Inspired by the whispering palaces of Jaipur, Nina Shah has prepared a wedding banquet fit for queens.

Will she entice the judges with the tender baby lamb chops?

So, ladies and gentlemen, let the battle commence!

It'll never happen, you know.

The two of you. Not like that.

Like what, Sanjay?

Come on, her mother will never allow it.

She won't run away again. This time she's got something to stay for.

I won't be too sure about that.

She's not gonna risk it.

She'd lose everything.

Do you think she wants to lose her family again?

Even for love?

Chances of that are piss poor.

That's lovely. Fit for a king.

OK, stole the lemon. Here we go.

APPLAUSE

20 minutes of cooking time remaining.

What?

Kiss me.

We're on national television.

We are.

Hold me back. What's going on in the orange zone?

She must have forgotten some crucial spices.

Oh, dear, there goes another one.

Nina.

She's gone, ma.

Then why are you still here?

Don't make the same mistake I did.

I loved your dad, but I always knew

in my heart of heart of hearts,

he wasn't the one.

Raj?

Trophies don't matter.

The only thing that matters is love.

Go on, hurry up.

And don't you let that girl out of your sight again.

Welcome back, girls. I hope you've got your mangoes.

Oh, hold me back. That was a narrow escape for the "Taj" ladies, let me tell you!

You've got 30 seconds so let's get your finishing touches on there.

You don't have to cook the pickles, you can buy that in a shop. Come on, get going, get going!

Right, you got ten, nine,

eight, seven,

six, five,

four, three, two, one.

Hold me back!

All our contestants have worked hard

and been very ambitious

with their dishes.

"Korma TV"

is proud to have Scotland's top chefs as our judges today.

They take their duties very seriously.

Aye, aye, aye!

The smells in the studio are divine.

Four contestants, four judges and four outstanding dishes.

A close call between "The Jewel"

and "The New Taj", let me tell ya.

Nina Shah's mogul menu was beautifully prepared with each and every one of the delicate flavours

complementing each other perfectly.

But Sanjay Khanna confounded our senses with a meal of sheer technical perfection.

A difficult choice between perfection and heavenly delight.

But in true fairytale style,

the heart wins out

and tonight's award goes to the "Pursuits of Heavenly Delight"!

Kiss me.

It must be the garam masala.

Hold me back!

MUSIC: "Dance With You" by Rishi Rich Project

Slate one, take one, Love In A Wet Climate.

MUSIC: "Aap Jaisa Koi" by Nazia Hassan

"Bobbi, gonna do the Pocahontas tomorrow. I love it." To Bobbi.

Bobbi, can you do the Honcaposta tomorrow. I love it.

-Do you want to tell me to do it? Say, Bobbi, can you do it?

-Bobbi, can you do it?

Bobbi, can you do the honcas-poncas tomorrow? I love it.

Can you do the honcas tomorrow?

-Bobbi, can you do the pokey-honcas tomorrow? I love it.

-Absolutely!