Prime

This programme contains some strong language

Ugh!

What...? Oh, I'm sorry, I can't...

It's so hot in here and I can't figure this stupid thing out.

I signed the papers.

Wow.

How are you feeling?

Terrible.

Francis was there - obviously he was there.

It was really hard to see him.

And he signed so fast.

I at least pretended to look things over one last time.

Well, he sounds terrified to me.

It's going to take a while.

I mean, nine years, Rafi.

You can't just walk away from that kind of time.

The crazy thing is...

..I'm out of this marriage, what - like, five minutes?

And all of a sudden, I just...

I find myself thinking about...a baby.

Why now? Why didn't I think about this when I was married?

Well, I mean, you know -

on a certain level you knew this was not the right man,

so you were protecting yourself in that way.

That was a good thing.

Oh, Rafi, you're coming alive again.

You know, you just want all the things

that you had to forget that you could have.

That's a very good place to move into.

You know, and the baby thing will happen when it's the right time.

But just focus on the now.

For now.

MAN ON PHONE: Hey, Dave, it's Morris.

Uh...listen, I've got a favour to ask you.

I went out with this girl the other night

and she totally never called again, you know how that goes.

So, uh...I'm gonna need you to come with me this time.

Now, don't freak out, alright?

I just...I don't know how to get to Bay Ridge.

I'm not sure. 'Bye.

I don't understand why I have to be a part of this.

You have an incurable sickness.

It's OK, though, I understand - but why am I being involved?

How are you being involved?

Because I'm in the car.

I'm gonna be a witness to this. That makes me an accessory.

-What - like a handbag?

-Morris!

So, who is it this time? You know what? Don't.

I don't wanna know. Don't tell me.

Her father's probably in waste management or something.

What I would like to know is why no girl will go out with you twice.

One date, it's over. What do you do, what do you say?

You know, it's a mystery to me too.

Are you a hermaphrodite?

Do you have hantavirus?

This is it, come on.

Just make this quick. I gotta meet Michelle at the movies later.

-'Michelle'? God!

-Just make it quick.

( DOORBELL CHIMES )

Hi.

-What the hell are you doing here?

-Baby...

I told you I never wanted to see you again.

I just wanna talk. Can we...? Just come out here, let's talk.

I can't believe you came to my house.

-You have no respect for women.

-I don't. I'm sorry.

You hurt my feelings, you piece of shit.

-OK, OK, OK.

-I can't believe you're here.

-(Screams) Mikey!

-OK? OK?

-Joey! Come out here!

-I'm gonna go.

-MIKEY!

-'Mikey'?

-JOEY!

-'Joey'?

-Get out here!

-Go! Get in the car!

Get in the car!

Go, go, go!

Oh, shit!

(Laughs)

-That was not funny.

-Oh.

(Sighs) Meeting Michelle.

Yeah.

What are you going to see - 'Beaches'?

You're the wind beneath my wings, Morrie.

Hey, did you ever know you were my hero?

-Have fun.

-Alright, man.

Dave?

-Randall.

-Randall! Oh, right, I remember you.

-How you doing? What's going on?

-Hi! Nothing much.

Uh, this is my friend Katherine and this is my friend Rafi.

-Hi.

-Hi.

Um, so what are you doing here?

-Well, I thought I'd see a movie.

-Right.

Why - are you embarrassed to be seen with me?

-What?

-It's OK, just tell me.

Oh, my God, this kid is funny. Where'd you get him?

I, uh...well, he works at Travelart and, uh, we had that client...

Hey.

Hey.

RANDALL: Randall.

-I'm sorry - Michelle.

-Hi - Michelle.

Michelle! So, you have your tickets yet or...?

-No, we're gonna get tickets.

-Are you seeing this?

-Yeah.

-You are?

-Yeah.

-That's great!

-See you in there.

-OK, good. We're seeing it...

Get in the bun. Get in the bun.

-(Snorts)

-Get in the bun.

It's locked.

What?

The door, it won't open.

So, does this happen to you a lot?

(Laughs) Actually, not often enough.

So, what are we gonna do?

Wait till somebody comes out.

Right.

-Thank you.

-Yeah.

So, how long have you guys been dating?

-Oh, we're not dating.

-A couple of weeks.

OK. Next question.

I mean, we only went out twice before this.

Do you consider that dating?

I guess I did.

I'm sorry.

I mean, to me, dating sounds more serious,

like you've already been going out for a couple of months.

Like, maybe you don't live together

but you definitely stay over a couple of nights a week.

You don't worry about who paid for the last meal anymore.

You've seen each other pee, you know?

More serious kind of stuff.

Then what do you call this?

Well, that's it - there are officially no cute boys left here.

It was nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

-Dave, very nice to see you.

-Goodnight.

'Bye. Nice to meet you!

One, two, three, four.

Just fucking call!

WOMAN: Hello?

Hello?

RAFI: Hello?

Hi, it's Dave, uh, Bloomberg.

Did you just call me?

Yes.

We get disconnected?

No.

-Did you hang up?

-Uh-huh.

They say it's better to lie sometimes,

but I can't really do that when I'm this nervous.

I think I need to be in a better place.

I like it better this way.

I've been around enough lying to say so.

Oh, you've had a lot of liars in your life, huh?

-What?

-Shit!

Would you like to go out to dinner...with me?

Tomorrow?

WOMAN: David, I'm making a sandwich. Do you want one?

No, I'm fine.

-Who's that?

-That's my room-mates.

So, do you wanna have dinner?

-Yes.

-Yeah?

I'll...I'll call you tomorrow.

OK...um...

OK.

-'Bye.

-'Bye.

'Bye.

OK, Grandma.

So, what kind of sandwich are we talking about?

Hi. I'm here to see Rafi Gardet. My name's Dave.

Rafael? It's Damien.

-Yeah, there's a, uh...

-It's Dave.

..Dave here to see you.

(Laughs) OK.

She'll be right down.

Bubbles. Here. I like that.

It's a good touch.

Is that wool?

It looks itchy.

Is it itchy?

DAVE: I think it's the biggest contradiction in the world.

Jews eat carp, OK? Who eats carp?

They don't serve it in restaurants.

Have you ever seen carp on a menu in your life?

Please, answer me honestly.

No.

No. You know why?

Because it's disgusting.

But for all this terrible food,

you've never seen a people so obsessed with it in your life.

Well, it's a remnant.

I'll be every immigrant group that was displaced by World War II

puts a lot of emphasis on food.

I mean, it was scarce.

Carp is cheap, right? It was probably a staple of their diet.

What is this - The History Channel?

Are you trying to kill this for me?

-Sorry. Sorry, go ahead.

-Come on.

OK, so my friend, Morris, his parents...

CONVERSATION INAUDIBLE

So, I think you're gonna love this place. It's beautiful.

No-one's ever there.

-Can I see some ID?

-Uh, sure.

-Love when that happens.

-Yeah.

I wish I still got carded.

Excuse me, Dave. Quick question for you.

How old are you?

Actually, I don't speak Vietnamese - why do you ask?

-Are you being evasive?

-I am trying.

Uh, you know, I...don't tell my age.

I think people get way too caught up with the number.

I'm 37. Did you know that?

You know, I hadn't really thought about it.

Sure you hadn't.

Look, I know you're a lot younger than me.

I'd just like to know, you know, how much.

OK, let me guess.

29.

No.

Really? Older?

You don't look 30 to me.

Thanks.

I'm 23.

No, you're not.

I don't believe you.

Let me see the licence.

Oh, my God. You're a child.

Taxi!

I have T-shirts older than you.

-They let me drive, OK?

-Yeah, with a parent in the car.

How come you seemed so much older to me?

I don't know. I don't know if I can do this.

Come on.

-Can you hold this?

-Sure.

Are we gonna get in trouble?

I hope so.

This place is amazing.

I can't believe I've walked by this for 15 years

and I didn't know it was here.

Let's have it.

What?

How did you know?

(Laughs)

OK. His name is David and he's really, really nice.

I mean, sweet.

And I met him a few days ago and he asked me out on a date.

And we went out to dinner and...we kissed.

I like beer.

Good.

I mean...no, I never used to.

I had to learn, 'cause nobody in my family drinks.

You're lucky, 'cause everyone in my family drinks.

No, I mean, my family don't drink anything.

It's like Salt Lake City.

They'll have maybe a sip of wine every Friday night on the Sabbath.

That's it, though, and it's Manischewitz.

I've never had that.

You like Hi-C?

'Cause my mom, she likes to keep the wine in the fridge

and we'll still be drinking it three months later.

Well, a good chardonnay can last...

Yeah, it's red.

That's not good.

Hey, by the way, things to avoid.

OK.

Beginning sentences with "my mom".

Right. I'm all over it.

Well...however old you are, I have to say

I haven't had this much fun in a really long time.

I'm glad I met you.

I gotta tell you, you are making me nervous

in a way I'm not really familiar with.

Here.

My God, Lisa, what am I doing? I only got divorced last week.

Easy, easy. It's OK.

You didn't tattoo his name on your tuckus, did you?

Do you wanna save some of that for later?

What? What is it?

He's, um...

He's only 27.

And...?

What do you mean, 'and'? I mean, that's 10 years different!

He could be my brother.

If he were one year younger he could be your brother.

Aren't you embarrassed for me?

I mean, this just smells of pool boy at Sandals Resort.

(Laughs) Oh, it's fine.

It might even do you some good, if you know what I mean.

-Lisa!

-What?

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

You're both at your sexual peak.

-So, you approve?

-Yes!

Unequivocally, yes! This is good.

But it can't really go anywhere.

You know, I mean, he's... he's so young.

Mmm, yeah, but it's a little early to be worrying about that

and, besides, you're not looking to get married next week, right?

Enjoy your life a little bit.

You deserve this.

-27...hell,

-I

-deserve this.

DAVID: No, she's not Jewish.

Mom, I'm not trying to kill you.

Yes, I want you to be alive to see your grandchildren.

Your Jewish grandchildren, Mom.

No, I didn't know that you wanted to be buried in Israel.

Mom, I'm not gonna talk about this over the phone right now, OK?

I'll see you tomorrow.

I love you too. 'Bye.

-Hey, Dave.

-Hey, Dee. Where's Mom?

WOMAN: I told you to hang it up, Dinah!

Hey, guys.

You left the bathroom light on this morning.

Jeff Rosenberg's son got engaged yesterday.

To a speech therapist.

-Hey, boytshik.

-Hey, Dad.

We have to talk about our last phone conversation.

Mom...it's good to see you too.

-I'm not kidding around.

-OK, I can...

I can just tell that this is gonna be some sort of disciplinary action,

not a talk.

Alright. We'll be sure to make it a talk, then.

Now, can you help your sister set the table, please?

-Sure.

-And take the wine out of the fridge.

-Has he called yet?

-The next night.

-Nice!

-I know, I'm not used to this.

So, did you guys make a plan to go out again?

He wanted to have dinner with me tomorrow night,

but I have a flight early Sunday morning.

When I told him I had to go to Paris

he goes, "That's a bit drastic for a bad date.

"Do you really need to leave the country?"

-This kid's funny!

-Please don't use that word.

Right, sorry. He's humorous.

(All talk at once)

-What are you doing?

-He's having Scotch.

Mom, I'm 23! It's fine!

What? What? What?

Tomorrow I'm gonna go to shul.

I'm gonna pray that everybody is gonna have a happy...

Dinah, you know, since you told me about computers...

Mom, let him finish!

He's finished. I've become so absolutely...

Then why do you have to do this?

There are so many other women that you could go out with.

And I've encouraged you to branch out in any other way that you like,

but just not this.

Why do you have to do this?

What do you mean "do this"? Do what - incur the wrath of God?

Why are you getting yourself into trouble?

I'm not getting married, Mom.

I'm just seeing what's out there.

You make it out like we live in the Warsaw Ghetto.

It's the Upper West Side. We're strong in numbers here.

So, you're still planning on marrying someone Jewish?

Yes. Sure, OK?

But then I don't understand why you need to go down this road.

You may end up getting hurt for nothing -

or worse, hurting her.

Don't you value your culture and your history?

Well, it's not one or the other, Mom.

But if you're smart enough to know that it makes sense

to marry someone from the same background -

and it does, any of the studies will show you that,

as far as the divorce rates go -

then you should be smart enough to know

not to start something where nothing can come of it.

You're only going to make mess.

I can't even believe what you're saying.

-Do you hear what you're saying?

-What?

You're a therapist. You would never tell that to a patient.

Not true, not true.

I encourage my patients to have relationships

within their respective faiths.

It's easier.

I encourage them to go to mosque or church or whatever.

I think religion is...

..paramount in a person's life.

OK, well, yes, but...

..encouraging them is different from discouraging them.

And I know that you draw the line there.

Would you tell one of your patients

not to date someone that they don't think they're gonna marry...

Oh, quit asking me what I tell my patients.

They're not my children.

How old is she?

-She's 27.

-What?!

-Mm-hm.

-She's four years older than you?

Oh, David.

Drop it now - it's only going to end badly.

Maybe if you met her, you might...

I'm not going to meet her! My God, are you out of your mind?

Mom, do you...you sound like an after-school special.

Don't do this.

I'm doing it.

On your own, then.

Hey, what's up, man?

Cool.

Do you need anything, or...?

No?

-Go on up, she's expecting you.

-Thank you. Gimme...

Five? Thumbs up?

Smile? No?

We'll get there.

Hi.

Hi.

Come on in.

-Thanks for the soup.

-Yeah.

-It's chicken noodle.

-It's hot.

Wow! This place is huge.

I'm not even gonna ask what you pay. I don't wanna know.

That's Rothko.

I've never seen this one before. What year is this?

1954.

It's probably my single favourite piece of art.

Yeah, I love how he never titled any of his work.

It's beautiful. Luminous.

( SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS )

What is this?

'Sentimental Mood'.

You never heard Coltrane before?

No.

What - am I in trouble now?

No!

No, it's just... he's a pretty famous jazz musician.

Oh.

Oh, so is this that Negro music that everybody's talking about?

'Cause I had no idea.

OK.

I have to wake up in five hours.

Do you want me to go?

-Take off your sweater.

-Huh?

Wait, does this involve dancing?

'Cause my corns, they've been killing me and...

Take it off. It's coming with me.

Alright.

DAVID: I really like her.

She's only been gone two days, she comes back tomorrow.

I miss her already.

I've never felt this before.

Oh, it's just 'cause you haven't slept with her yet.

No, that's definitely not it. I really like her, man.

I don't know, I mean... I think I could love her.

What?! Whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait, what was I saying?

I don't know, man, there is something about this girl.

Like, you know that feeling that you get

when you're in a room with someone

and even though you may not know them or understand them completely,

you just...you just know that you're in the presence of greatness.

Yeah, like when you come to my apartment.

No, and she old, man! She a time fighter.

She's so fine, bro.

Oh, I don't know. I just feel like it's gonna end badly. I do.

-You sound like my mother.

-Yeah.

-MAN: Hey, Morris! Alright.

-MAN 2: Morris.

What the hell am I listening to you for?

I'm in a bakery shopping for a pie

so you can put in some girl's face

who wouldn't let you get down her pants.

-When was the cream pie made?

-Today.

-'Today'?

-Yeah.

-Nice. I'll take that one.

-Awesome.

So, what's with Dave?

Is he really serious about this girl or what?

I don't know.

So what is she - Catholic, Episcopalian?

I didn't ask.

Would you prefer one denomination over another

as far as the love of Christ goes?

-Your father's gonna flip.

-Yeah!

And it's too bad your mom isn't around for this.

It would've gone over real big with her too.

So what are we gonna do?

I don't know.

Give me this.

Have you ever had ikura with quail egg?

No. What is that?

I swear, it's like having sex.

That's a bold claim.

You wanna try it?

How am I gonna say no now, huh?

-That's amazing.

-I know.

What?

So, how was your trip?

-Who cares?

-OK.

Well, this sounds really good.

Um...that's what I'm hearing.

It was amazing.

He's really...very sweet.

I didn't have an orgasm, though.

Completely normal.

There are so many trust issues there.

You just have to give it time.

I'm willing to do the work.

Goddammit.

-Do you still worry about his age?

-Definitely.

I mean, I was thinking last night,

"There are some countries where I could get arrested for this."

I mean, 23!

I thought you said he was 27.

Did I?

I did. I'm sorry.

I lied to you about that.

Why do you think you lied?

I was...I mean, I AM embarrassed by his age.

I mean, he's just so young!

Mmm. What does he do?

He's an artist.

I'm not an artist.

I thought you said you were a painter.

No, I said I like to paint, but it's a hobby.

I mean, you have to work too.

He doesn't call himself that, but that's what he is.

He has some...issue with it.

His family doesn't support him in his work at all.

Where does he live?

Grand Street, Lower East Side.

I haven't been there yet.

He has room-mates, and so I'm not exactly running over.

OK.

Our time is up and I will see you on...on Monday.

Of course.

Are you OK?

Yes.

No. Yes. Uh, I mean, I'm fine because I have to be somewhere.

OK.

-'Bye.

-'Bye.

(Whispers) Shit, shit, shit,

shit, shit, shit, shhhiitt!

Oh!

Oh. Ohh.

Oh, shit.

So, what the hell am I supposed to do now - end treatment?

Keep going?

Bring them in for a couples' session?

Well, if this doesn't go anywhere...

And I really don't think it will.

..then you'll be relieved you stayed with her now.

If you end her treatment and they break up after two weeks

you will not have served her best interests.

So what are you saying - that I should keep treating her?

If you think it's just a fling, yes.

But that sounds crazy! Is that even ethical?

Your job is to help her.

That's your ethical boundary.

OK, forgetting all the professional implications at the moment,

how are you feeling?

(Tearfully) I'm a wreck.

I'm a wreck! (Sobs)

Rita, she's not even Jewish.

(Laughs) If she WERE Jewish,

would you feel better about him dating a 37-year-old divorcee?

RAFI: Where are we going?

DAVID: I just gotta stop by work for a second.

-What's up, Gil?

-Hey, what's up, Dave?

-How you going, man?

-Alright.

-Did you set it up?

-Oh, yeah.

-This is Rafi. Gil.

-Pleasure. Pleasure.

Oh, my God. This is amazing.

Come here. There's something else I want to show you.

You've gotta be kidding me.

MORRIS: Yo, yo, yo!

Just quit ignoring me!

Come on, Dave, I'm open!

Go, go, come on!

Dave, Dave, Dave!

Yo, give it to shorts - I got him!

Foul, man, foul!

Stay off of me, stay off of me! I told you twice now.

They just can't control it.

Yo, open!

Yeah. Yeah!

Hey.

(Rafi gasps and moans)

It's incredible. It's amazing.

I'm sorry, your bra is showing. Is it missing a button there?

Oh, no.

No, that's the way it is.

You were so right about Jewish men.

I mean, so attentive!

I mean, of course you know. You're married to one.

Yes, but he has A.D.D.

I just can't get over it!

I mean...I feel a little awkward telling you this,

but I can't tell anyone else, so...

..we have had sex on every surface of my apartment.

I mean, I haven't had much sleep, but he is just so eager to please me

and I feel the same way about him.

Mmm.

-Uh...he makes me wanna do things...

-I understand.

..that I have NEVER wanted to do before.

I got it.

You're gonna laugh, but he didn't actually know where the clitoris was.

Really?

Did you show him?

Of course! I mean, he's so uninhibited.

Just happy to learn.

He hasn't had much experience, he's only been with two other women.

What? He's had sex with two other women?

Yes! I mean, can you believe that's it?

Now I know why men go after younger women.

There's something to it.

I mean, his youth, his body,

his naivete and his goddamn eagerness!

I mean... Oh! Isn't this great?

Yeah, it's amazing.

Listen...I just have to say this

because I am too embarrassed to tell anyone else.

His penis...

(Murmurs) Oh, God.

..is so beautiful, I just want to knit it a hat.

Did you ever think that I would be this satisfied?

I mean, sexually?

Not like this.

Are you using protection?

Oh, of course.

I mean, he brought it up. He's very responsible.

Oh, that's very good. Is he neat?

What?

Well, does he pick up after himself?

Does he make the bed in the morning?

Does he ask before he uses the phone?

Yes. Why?

Well, you can tell a lot about a man from those things.

Well, yeah, he's very neat.

He does have some unusual habits, though.

Hey, I'm not trying to freak you out here,

but these Q-tips are amazing.

Guess what. You're freaking me out.

What are you talking about?

We never had these growing up.

I saw them in my mom's bathroom, but we never used them.

How'd you clean your ears?

We didn't. Just towel-dried them, I guess.

Let me see the Q-tip.

No! You have to get out of here.

RAFI: I mean, what kind of mother

doesn't teach their child how to clean their ears?

Paediatricians say that it is unhealthy for children to use them

because it can damage the eardrum.

And it has been shown

that a small amount of wax in the inner canal

helps protect against larger debris.

-I didn't know that.

-Well...sorry.

I'm sorry.

Tell me what...what it is that you're trying to say.

I'm just worried about where this is going.

You know, I want to give all of myself, just let it go.

It's so tempting.

I mean, it's all he wants from me.

Who wouldn't want all of you, Rafi? You are an amazing woman.

But then I think...

I mean, he's just too young to handle the responsibility.

I...I'm scared to put myself out like that.

That's a very mature line of thought.

I'm sure his intentions are pure,

but he doesn't sound like

he knows exactly what it is he's getting into.

Do you think I should just cut it off right now?

I'm not going to, er, answer that.

DAVID: Look, I don't want you to get the wrong idea about my family.

Sensitive subject?

Well...maybe.

Alright, look.

I've been having trouble with my mom concerning you.

-Concerning me?

-Yeah.

It's just...I wanted her to meet you and she said no.

Well, that's sweet, but don't you think it's a little early

to be introducing me to your mother?

She said no? Why?

I... Look, she has a problem with you not being Jewish.

-She won't meet me?

-No.

Why do you think I'm so upset? We're not even speaking right now.

Well, I don't understand.

I thought you said she was a therapist.

I know. How do you think I feel?

Well, didn't she meet the black girl you dated?

No way! No, my mother doesn't even know about that.

That was my bubi, my dad's mom.

-David!

-Hey, Bubi!

I wanted you to meet my girlfriend, Radjina.

Radjina, this is my bubi.

Hi.

Is she black?

It's really not that funny, OK?

My bubi died three weeks later.

And I know she didn't tell anybody about Radjina,

but her reaction and her subsequent death

let me know it might be a good idea to keep that one quiet.

I swear, I think she went into the house after that

and hit herself over the head with the frying pan.

I mean, that's the image I get whenever I'm doing something wrong -

just her, like, whacking away with a skillet.

RAFI: I can say this much.

Age aside, he gives me more of what I really need

than anyone else ever has.

Real things.

Things I never got.

It makes it hard to harp on age or religion or anything because...

..I'm just happy.

Yeah.

What's wrong, David?

I lost my job.

I'm sorry. Did you hear Josh Friedman got engaged?

-To a chef.

-Yes, I heard!

Matzah balls. Amazing.

You better tell him about the Kushners, Sam.

We're trading apartments with the Kushners, starting August 1.

-In Miami?

-Mmm.

You're gonna have to find someplace else to live while we're gone.

Oh, come on, not now. This is the worst possible time.

And who goes to Miami in August?

That's what I said.

Come on, what are you talking about? It's beautiful this time of year.

Grandpa, it's a sauna down there and it rains every single afternoon.

The Kushners are taking you for a ride!

-I told you, Sam.

-Oh, what does he know?

It's a condominium. We're going.

What - condominium means no rain?

Do you know where Rafael Gardet is?

Excuse me, do you know where Rafael Gardet is?

-Who are you?

-I'm Dave.

(Sarcastically) Hey, Dave. Are you one of the models?

No. Are you the hairdresser?

-Excuse me?

-I think you heard me.

"Are you the hairdresser?"

That was good. I really enjoyed that.

DAVID: I just asked him simply, "Do you know where Rafael Gardet is?"

And he gives me all this attitude like I'm some...

Whatever. I mean, Jesus, Dave, it's so uncool!

-The guy's a schmuck!

-'Schmuck'? He's who I work for.

Who ARE you?

-What are you thinking?

-I got cut to one day a week at work.

And then I find out I gotta be out of my place on Monday.

I'm gonna be broke and homeless.

But I'm sorry, OK?

I am sorry.

OK, let's do something. It's Friday night.

What do you wanna do - start observing the Sabbath or something?

No.

I wanna know what a normal Friday night

was like for you before you met me.

I mean, you didn't sit around fireplaces in the Village

drinking merlot, did you?

Mmm, actually, we sat around trash can fires in the Bowery

drinking forties.

-Come on.

-What?

I wanna know what you did. Show me.

-Are you sure?

-Yeah.

( HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS )

Let's go to your place. We never go to your place.

Oh, I got room-mates, Rafi. Rafi!

I wanna see your paintings.

You're not missing much.

Convenient and weak.

I wanna go. I wanna go right now.

I wanna see where you sleep when you're not in my bed.

(Whispers) This is nice.

Shh!

-(Whispers) Kitchen.

-Very grown-up.

Yeah.

-RAFI: David?

-Yeah?

Who are your room-mates?

WOMAN: Is that you, David?

Yes. Go to sleep, Grandma.

Come on, give me a break. It's embarrassing enough, alright?

Just...shh.

OK, where's the bathroom?

The bathroom's right there.

GRANDMA: Did you eat?

Yes, I ate. Goodnight.

-(Laughs helplessly)

-Shh!

( DOOR OPENS )

What are you doing - stashing all your pornos?

Yeah, yeah, and all my posters had to come down too.

RAFI: Why are they all facing away?

I don't know. Who wants to look at my paintings all day?

We have to talk about this thing you have with your art.

I mean, it's weird.

It's like you think it's a sin or something.

Bubi...I've decided I'm gonna be an artist.

Dave...you're really good.

I mean, this is what you should be doing. You've gotta keep painting.

Yeah?

-It's not a life.

-Says who?

You're crazy.

You're lucky. I'm just paving the way for you.

This is the curse of the eldest child.

When it's all over you'll be able to bring home Jay-Z.

-Are you and Mom talking?

-Not really.

She's just a different person these days.

What are you doing?

-Just dropping off some clothes.

-You're not going to stay here?

I'm going to Morris's place.

Tell you the truth, I didn't even think you'd want me here.

Oh, don't be melodramatic.

This is your home, we're your family.

-Even if you did bring home Jay-D.

-It's Jay-Z, Mom.

Whatever. Jay-B, Jay-D.

I have a patient coming, so be careful when you leave.

(Gasps)

Oh, I'm so sorry to keep you...waiting.

-Did I knock?

-Am I late?

I feel like I'm late. But...no.

-No.

-(Laughs nervously) Sit, sit, sit.

What is that - a gun?

-No, it's a yoga mat.

-Oh, ha, ha, ha.

-He's moving in with me.

-What?

I thought you said...

Weren't you just saying

that he couldn't provide you with the things that you needed?

I'm still unsure, but I think I should just give it a shot.

I mean, you always say,

"Just get messy in life. At least you know you're living."

Right?

Besides, I mean, if he can't give me what I need

then I'll find out sooner if he's living with me.

And he has nowhere to go.

-He said that?

-Mm-hm.

His best friend has a studio.

He's not getting along with his mother, so he can't go home.

She hates me, by the way. Did I tell you that?

No, you hadn't mentioned it.

Yes, it's this whole other thing that I'm trying not to even think about.

They say the children of psychoanalysts

are the most screwed up of all.

Yes, I had heard that.

So, he's moving in.

I think it'll be fun.

I mean, that's what you said to do with this, right?

I mean, just have fun.

That's right. That's right.

What are you looking at?

I have...I forgot, I have a book...

..a book...a book I wanted to show you.

Thought it might be...

(Reads) "'Lesbians and the Kabbalah - a Match Made in Heaven'."

Wrong book, wrong book, wrong...

Oh, my. Oh, well, never mind.

Forget it. I'm sorry.

I am SO late.

Hey, I can't help it if you parade around

fulfilling every working girl fantasy I've ever had.

You should wear a garbage bag till you get to the elevator.

Hey, are we still going to the Hamptons Friday?

Yeah! See ya!

Alright. Village People weekend.

You'll be fine. I've been grooming you for this moment.

Yeah, well, a Bette Davis marathon

on the Turner Classic network hardly qualifies.

Hey, you guys, they're here!

Come on!

-Hi!

-Hi, Jason!

How are you?

-You look great.

-You do too.

-Dave, this is Jason.

-Hi.

Hi. We've heard all about you.

-MAN: Rafael!

-Palmer.

-Hello?

-MAN: Hello!

Hi. It's so good to see you again.

-How are you?

-I'm good.

-How was the drive?

-It was good.

Palmer, this is Dave.

-Oh, hi!

-Hi. Dave.

-How are you?

-Great. How you doing?

-Great!

-Is he OK, or...?

Oh, ignore him. He's just jealous he didn't get into your pants first.

Hey, what's up?

-(Barks)

-( WATER SQUIRTS )

My God! I am so sorry!

Alstace, you junkie! It's so he won't bark.

-Are you OK?

-Yeah, I think I'm blind.

Oh, no, gotta call a paediatrician.

This place is amazing.

I mean, everything, every room, is perfect.

I mean, look at this. Even the beds are awesome.

We're gonna have vacation sex tonight.

What's vacation sex, Dave?

I don't know, but you're gonna get it, girl.

I mean, look at this.

Even the breeze coming through here - this is perfect.

Is it like this for all rich people?

No, just gay rich people.

-You gonna get it.

-Oh, yeah?

Whoa!

-Vacation sex, Dave?

-Ow! (Laughs)

Please! You are the only registered gay Republican in New York.

PALMER: It's just a tax thing.

I'm to the left on every other issue.

I still say the Democrats need their own show pushing their own agenda.

No-one would watch. I mean, there's no blood.

Hey, I'd watch that show.

People would much rather watch some liberal

be humiliated on 'The O'Reilly Factor'.

YOU should go on, Jason, and thoroughly humiliate the man.

-Oh, he would love Jason.

-Yeah, right.

Oh, Alstace? Where is he?

Oh, I'll get him. I'll go.

Fiddler on a hot tin roof!

And so young! Have you carded him?

Yes, unfortunately, I have.

I think he's great - smart and sweet, just needs a little seasoning.

Yeah, I think he's...

You don't get to say. You're totally infatuated with him.

Maybe, but I am still worried about you.

He is so young and you're obviously falling for him.

So what? Fall!

You look 10 years younger. I've never seen you this happy.

I'm just saying you want a baby

and he is in no position to give you that - you're on the clock, Rafi.

Thanks, Randall, that's sweet.

Plus he has this weird relationship with his mother...

Oy!

..who wants him to marry someone named Rivka or Devora.

Randall, who asked you?

Besides, I think it's interesting

that you call their relationship 'weird' when all it is is close.

And we should all be so lucky.

Besides, your mother still thinks you're straight, for Christ's sakes.

RANDALL: So, Dave, do you care if your kids are Jewish?

I care if they're happy.

Good answer.

DAVID: So, what's up with your friends?

This whole weekend felt like a long audition.

RAFI: They're just worried about me.

-Worried about what?

-How old you are.

I mean, my wanting to have a child at some point.

Hey, you're moving in

and I'm just a little nervous, that's all.

You know how it is in New York - your apartment's all you have.

A few hundred square feet you can call your own.

The work's strong.

I mean, it's realistic portraits and he's only 23.

-I was amazed.

-Sounds great.

I'd really like to take a look at his work.

-Is he here?

-Yes, he is.

-Great.

-He'd love that.

-Let me go find him.

-OK.

Rafael.

-How are you, honey?

-How you doing?

-Good to see you.

-Nice to see you.

-Have you met my friend Anne?

-Oh, hi!

Nice to meet you. I've got my hands full.

You sure do. Gosh!

-She's beautiful.

-Thank you.

-What's her name?

-Ella.

Oh, you're so sweet.

-How old is she?

-She's one.

-Oh, my goodness. You're so cute.

-Yeah, she's a big girl.

Do you have any children?

No, I don't have any children.

She's just started walking. She's holding onto the railing.

-( DOOR CLOSES )

-Hey, baby.

Hey.

Do you know you have over 500 channels on this thing?

I watched the Malaysian Grand Prix today.

Really? That's amazing.

Have you left the apartment since this morning?

Uh...

..no.

Why?

RAFI: He sits around all day in my apartment.

I have zero privacy when I go home.

This doesn't sound good. He needs to get his own place.

-Yeah, but he needs a job first.

-It's about time.

So, I need to buy him a birthday present this week.

Do you have any ideas?

There's this Nintendo thing that he keeps talking about and...

Rafi, let me ask you something.

Do you like having sex?

Don't get Nintendo.

Are you coming to bed?

Uh, yeah, right after this game.

-Just for a second.

-OK.

-You know, what can it hurt?

-I gotta get back.

We'll just look, alright?

-Oh, my.

-That looks nice.

-It's beautiful!

-How much is this?

Much too much. Don't look, don't even look.

-May I help you?

-What?

-May I help...

-No!

Thank you.

-(Hisses) Jack!

-What?

-We have to go.

-Why?

I have an appointment I forgot about.

-I thought you said you didn't...

-I just have to go.

-Why?

-Oh, shit!

-Get down, get down!

-What?

Is it a patient?

No, it's my lover. Yes, it's a patient - just be quiet.

You're gonna have to explain this.

You know I can't.

OK, you're scaring some of the customers.

Oh.

Just dropped a contact.

RAFI: You know, I was married to a man who couldn't love me.

And now I'm with someone who can love me but...is not really a man.

At least, not all the time.

I can see that.

I mean, maybe if I give myself to him completely

he'll step up in the ways I need him to.

He said he knows I'm not giving all of myself

and it's unfair to us.

I don't think I can do this...anymore.

(Laughs nervously) I'm sorry.

-I just can't.

-Do what?

We need to talk, Rafi.

OK.

He's my son.

Who?

Why does it say "Lisa Metzger" on your door?

Metzger is my maiden name.

You betrayed me.

Yes.

I did betray your trust,

but I did it to preserve our relationship.

That seemed more important to me.

Is this what you call preserving our relationship?

It seemed, at the time, like the right thing to do.

What do you mean - at the time? How long have you known?

Five weeks, four days.

I wanted to make sure that it wasn't just a fling.

If it was then we would've been able to continue,

but now we're having a conversation

that will very likely end our work together.

Can you see that I wanted to avoid having this conversation...

..for your benefit?

No. I think you did it to control your son's life.

No, that's not true. That is not true.

I stayed in it just for you.

No other reason.

I don't believe you.

But to give me advice to do as I please, and...

..and then not do the same for your son is wrong.

I think you need to look at that.

Thank you. I am working on that with my therapist right now.

You let me talk to you about his penis.

Trust me, that was harder for me than it was for you.

Up until a few weeks ago, I didn't even think my son had a penis.

Do you realise your mother now knows intimate details about your penis?

You told her about my penis?

Jesus, Rafi!

Excuse me. I thought it was safe to assume it wouldn't get back to her.

Well, she better not use that to get me home for Thanksgiving.

-How can you make jokes?

-What else am I gonna do?

I mean...get angry! Be outraged.

I am, OK? I AM angry!

I can't believe she took it this far.

I'm just...I know that she cares about the people she helps...

-What is wrong with you?

-..and she cares a lot, and...

-You're delusional.

-..I have to draw the line there.

She's just trying to control you. She still is.

Rafi, I'm not arguing with you.

I know she tries to control me. I hate it, I do.

But all I'm saying is she would never use you to do that.

You are so naive.

How could you deceive her like that? That was totally unethical!

How dare you?

I care far more about her wellbeing than you do.

That's evident by your choice in continuing to see her.

Mom...

What are you going to do now?

Live a life.

Well, I hope you're making the right decisions,

because you've got somebody else counting on you now.

That's fine, I can handle it. I love her.

Great, just don't come to me to help you clean up the mess.

I won't.

I mean, there won't be a mess to clean up, Mom.

(Tearfully) And I didn't buy you Q-tips

because I was trying to protect your ears.

Oh, God.

So, what? So she's just gonna let you live there rent-free?

Nah, it ain't free. I'm paying in other ways.

Oh, my God. You're my hero.

No, it's not like that.

This whole thing with my mother has just killed her.

She's, like, impossible to live with these days.

This is it. You wanna wait outside or...?

No, I thought I'd stand next to you with some paper towels.

I'll meet you at Rafi's. You should check out her place.

She's not gonna be back for a couple of hours.

I can't believe you haven't made 'Page Six' yet.

-You know what? This place is sick.

-DAVID: I know.

Now I understand why you're taking all her shit.

That's not why.

I mean, I like living here but that's not the reason I'm with her.

Hmm. Great apartment.

Friends with houses in the Hamptons. Art connections.

Those are good reasons, buddy - you know what I mean?

-Shut up.

-What? Come on, man!

She's got you tied up like it's Pelican Bay.

Seriously, I barely even see you anymore.

I mean, you even said I'm only here right now because she's not home.

( BELL DINGS )

( LIFT DOORS OPEN )

Oh, shit. That's her.

Come on. You gotta hide.

Are you serious? I really can't be here?

-No. Get in the closet.

-In the closet?

Get in the closet. She doesn't like people in the living space.

"Living space"? What the hell is "living space"?

-Is the kitchen part of that?

-Just get in the closet!

Jesus Christ.

(Whispers) What's up?

Hey. What are you doing home already?

Oh, I'm sorry. Would you like me to leave?

I thought you were hanging out with Morris today.

Oh, yeah, drink that.

Yeah, that's good stuff, huh?

I was. I mean, I am.

I mean, hanging out before...

What's wrong with you? You're acting weird.

Me? No, I'm fine. Are you OK?

( MUFFLED SNEEZE )

Is there someone here?

What? No.

Oh, my God. Is there someone here with you?

( SNEEZE )

Uh...the...I'm allergic to...

-What is going on here?

-OK, OK, uh...alright.

Look, we were only here for a few minutes

and then I heard you coming and I panicked and I told him to hide.

-In the closet?

-I told him it was a bad idea.

Rafi, we were only here just...

Long enough to have a beer with your pie-throwing sociopath friend?

Wait! Hey, no, wait.

I told him...I told you not to come up here...

-You forced me!

-No, you did not! No, you did not!

Wait, wait, wait, wait - is that better or worse than a psychopath?

What is wrong with you?

I mean, I can't believe I have to come home to this.

People hiding in the closet, you're lying...

You're a goddamn preschooler, Dave.

You've had me on lockdown since the minute I moved in here.

-What?

-Yeah!

You tell me you want me here and then treat me like an inmate.

"An inmate"? I mean, you barely carry your weight around here, Dave.

I do everything and you can't even clean up the place.

I mean, the one thing I ask of you

is that you would tell me when you bring someone here.

Rafi, this is not such a big deal, OK?

You need to get over it. I'm not Francis.

I'm not lying to you, I'm not cheating on you,

I'm definitely not avoiding you.

Thanks, that's reassuring and in really, really good taste.

(Sighs) You know what?

I...I can't do this anymore.

You should get a dog if you want to give orders,

'cause I really don't give a shit anymore.

Let's go.

(Snores)

I miss you like crazy.

I think we need to take a break, Dave, and start seeing other people.

What?

I can't do this.

I mean, this just isn't right for me, and...

..I can't trust you anymore.

I was only showing him your place for a minute, I just...

It's not just that.

You're in no place to give me what I need.

I get that.

And then this whole thing with your mother -

I don't even know what to say about that...

It's crazy, but just think - the reason she stopped seeing you

is because she believes that we're in love.

It's just...it's just not gonna work out.

At least, not now.

What - so that's it?

Rafi.

You don't look as relieved as you predicted.

Are you kidding? I'm devastated.

I hurt my patient so that she could have a relationship with my son.

And so what happens?

My son hurts my patient.

And now my patient hurts my son.

Oy, I'm totally confused about my part in this.

I think you did the right thing, Lisa.

You know, even love won't guarantee

that they're not going to hurt one another.

If anything, it just makes it a likelihood.

Thanks for coming down.

Sorry the place is such a mess.

Well, Rafi thought I'd like your work and I trust her judgment.

Yeah, well, we broke up.

I'm sorry. I didn't know.

She didn't say anything about it?

No.

These are great. Do you have a gallery?

No.

How much for the larger pieces?

I don't know. I never sold one before.

I'll give you 1,000 each for these two

and I'll see what I can do about getting you a show.

Done!

MORRIS: I don't believe it.

You're gonna be a huge painter and I get to go along for the ride.

Maybe I could write this whole pie thing off as performance art.

What do you think?

-Who are you calling?

-Rafi.

-Why?

-I wanna tell her how it went.

Plus I wanna kick her a few bucks for the time I spent there.

-She'll appreciate it.

-What? What am I - chopped liver?

I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that. You're the reason...

RAFI: Hi, this is Rafi. I'm not in right now.

Does this mean you're gonna get your own place?

-Shut up.

-( BEEP! )

Hey, Raf, it's me again.

Listen, I have some amazing news for you. Please pick up.

Rafi? Rafi?

Hello?

Why don't you call him, then?

I like it, man.

It's very, uh...very "the early years", you know?

Little roach problem, but you can fix that.

I'll look good when 'A&E' comes to shoot the documentary.

"He lived on rucola and maccaroons for the first four years

"during his 'Blue' period..."

Would you shut up?

Alright, Howard Hughes, tell me to shut up again.

Come on, let's get you dressed. Let's go.

I wanna go out. I want you to look nice.

You've been shut in too long.

-We're with her.

-No, you're not.

What? Come on, man, that's my girlfriend right there.

Back off the rope.

Hey.

Hey.

Hold the goddamn mail. You know that chick?

-Yeah, don't point.

-What's wrong?

-We can't get in.

-Hey, it's OK.

Come on. Come in.

Hey - I love you, OK, I really do,

but if you don't take advantage of this situation

I'm gonna seriously question your manhood.

I miss her.

Get over it, OK?

It's been two weeks. You don't think she's out here doing the same thing?

I'm thinking the pan-seared trout.

What about the salmon? Looks good too.

Do you think it's wild or farm-raised?

Do you like carp?

No.

Carp? No.