The Gigolos

THIS FILM CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE.

MUSIC: "The Pearl Fishers" by Bizet

PLUGHOLE GURGLES

You all right? Got everything?

-NORTHERN ACCENT: I've got a scholarship.

-Wow.

I went to Girton in Cambridge, university, and um...

I did the classics, that's how I ended up where I am.

I found it very difficult, they used to call me Joyless.

-No.

-It was me accent, they were all very posh.

It was very difficult.

I think it's very pretty, your accent.

Thank you.

-That would suit you.

-Oh.

I don't know about that.

-I think the colours would suit you.

-Ooh.

-It's a bit daring.

-Let's go and try it on.

Oh.

-D'you think so?

-Definitely.

-I think a halter-neck top would really suit you.

-Oh.

Yeah, it would suit you. It would look good.

It's my favourite colour.

Try it on. I'll take you down.

Wow!

Wow! You look great.

Yeah, we're gonna get that one.

-Really?

-Yes, pack it up, we're gonna get that one.

The halter-neck there, but in the square, how much is it?

Yeah, it's fine.

Here, I want to show you something.

Come with me.

I come here every day in me lunch hour.

Look, can you smell them?

Old.

Lives, histories.

Look, Mansfield Park.

I think it's recently bound in full-calf.

Red, my favourite colour.

Oh, look, lovely.

"An affection so amiable was advancing, each in the opinion of all who had hearts."

Enid Blyton, my favourite.

Not now, when I was a child.

Have you read Shadow The Sheepdog? It's not there.

No, Just all Five, mystery, Famous Five, Shadow The Sheepdog.

I always wanted a dog. I've got a cat.

I call her Shadow The Sheepdog, because I'm not allowed a dog in the flat.

So I've got my cat.

MOBILE RINGS

-All right.

-'Hey, Trev.'

'Five minutes.'

OK.

Is there mustard in the sauce with the pork?

No.

-Can I use this cloth?

-Yeah.

Got it in Morleys.

-Morleys?

-Yeah. Use the other one.

-That one?

-Yeah.

They've got some marvellous napkins in there.

When were you in Morleys? You don't shop in Morleys.

-I popped in the other day.

-What for?

I just was having a look at, er... for a, erm...

Uh,...Alicia had mentioned... that she had seen some cotton...

some very fine cotton bedspreads in there.

You told me that I should always...

That he was the place... the word is it is the place to get cotton, that's very true.

-I'll get that in future.

-Yeah, yeah, I was just following your instructions about being aware.

-Absolutely. But if you want something, let me know and I'll get it for you.

-Yeah.

SWITCHES RADIO ON

Oh, hello, Meridien?

Yeah, is that Sue?

Sue, hi, it's Trevor here in Sasha's office, how are you doing?

-'Fine, hello.'

-Great.

-I'm gonna need a room next week, next Friday, if you have one.

-'Sure.'

-And how about 103?

-'103's fine.'

Or 123, yeah, that's it, over the park.

OK. That would be lovely.

-If you can put some juice and fruit in there as normal...

-'No problem.'

Thanks, and some extra towels.

# Just cos I ain't never 'ad, no, nothing worth having, never ever, never

# Ever

# You ain't got no call, no, to think I wouldn't fall into thinking that I ain't too clever

# And it ain't not having one thing nor not another either

# Neither is it anything, whatever

# And it's not not knowing that there ain't nothing showing and I answer to the name of Trevor

# However

# Knock me down with a feather, Clever Trevor

# Wide brows wonder whether Clever Trevor's clever... #

Lovely. Thanks very much for that.

See you next week.

# Either have they got, nor neither haven't not

# Got no right to make a clot out of Trevor... #

-There you go.

-Thank you.

-OK.

-Take care.

-See you later.

Bye.

SNIFFS DEEPLY

Have you tried lonely hearts, Trevor?

What, placing an ad?

Yeah, I've covered you for...

Time Out, City Limits and the Standard.

-I meant for you, Trev.

-Oh.

Right, now, do we need to walk through tonight?

Lady James, now might be a good time to discuss Lord Mackie's proposal.

Run through my appointments to Monday, would you?

-They have a new wine, which I've asked to be set aside for you, the Montrachet.

-The Montrachet.

OK, we know she likes it, she had it a couple of weeks ago at a business dinner.

OK.

Good.

-An excellent performance in the House today, Lady James.

-Too kind.

'Did you get my cigarettes, Trev?'

-Oh, did I get them?

-Yeah.

No, no, no, no.

-You, you...

-You worried about going down there, down to the shop?

-What shop?

The Budgens, you worried about going down there?

No.

I've just been shopping or around Mayfair, I could have bought you cigarettes at any time.

-She's a very pretty girl on the...

-HE SNIFFS

Er, we've got to do another print run,

because I need new letterheads, you need new cards.

What do you want on them? Same again?

-Erm...

-You said you might have some new ideas.

Did you say, "Mmm" when I said she was a very pretty girl?

-I didn't say anything.

-Oh, OK.

Oh! I thought I was going to be late. Good evening.

Good evening to you.

Reservation's for Mr Butler and Miss O'Hara.

Fine. Your usual table, please.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

Well, of course, they wouldn't know.

They're not a bit interested, of course, they couldn't care less.

-Men of small intellect.

-And they're totally self-obsessed, of course.

They don't really think about the job, not at all, or what we are actually doing.

They've got their own careers in mind.

But, as I say, it's the way of the world, so...

But they're blessed to be working with you.

Lucky.

I'm not gonna think about them.

You don't think about them. They're nothing, they're schoolboys.

-They're less than dust tonight.

-Exactly, exactly.

Would you like to come and work for me?

I'd love to, I'd love to.

I'd be very good as a diplomat.

Um... the sommelier's got a bottle of Montrachet for us. Thank you.

Oh, what a good idea.

I would never have thought of wearing the skirt

as short as the skirt you suggested, but it was perfectly proper and looked rather nice, I thought.

I wouldn't dare turn up on Thursday

unless I'd done what I was told during the week.

And you always look your best.

-I always try.

-And I appreciate it.

MUSIC: "Don Giovanni" by Mozart

We're quite... We're quite in synch.

-I wouldn't go that far.

-We are.

-I mean...

-I'm sorry,

-Lady James, we dance well.

-No...

-Well, I think we should have a cognac tonight.

-Oh, I don't think so.

I'll never get up in the morning.

-Hello, Russ.

-The usual?

-Yeah, the usual.

Thank you.

Yeah, um... I owe you a cheque, don't I?

Er... I'll bring it in the beginning of next week, if that's all right.

-All right, Trevor.

-Thank you.

It's all right, I've got this.

-One for me, as well.

-Sure. Thank you.

Seen you around, you must be Trevor.

I'm Ben. How you doing?

-Thanks, Russ. Keep the change.

-Mmm-hmm.

Cheers.

Very kind of you, Ben.

It's a pleasure.

So, I hear you work with Sacha?

You do work with Sacha, don't you?

Yeah, that's right.

A new player, are you?

That's right, I'm a new player.

-Not working tonight?

-No, not tonight.

-It's a good wine.

-Yes, delicious.

Absolutely wonderful.

Well, we need a bit of lubrication before we dance.

We certainly do.

I'll just go and powder my nose.

How long have you been in the game? Quite a while?

Yeah. I did something similar in Dubai for a while, actually.

-Really?

-I've been here for five or six years.

Whereabouts do you live?

-Just over the river.

-Mmm.

Am I keeping you?

Not at all.

Probably have a word with Basil if you're looking to meet people.

-Is he around tonight?

-No, he's usually in a bit later.

-He will be.

-Good, good.

So how long has Basil run this place?

-40 years.

-Really?!

-Yeah.

Wow!

Quite impressive.

Yeah. He...

He started the whole thing, really.

He stole all his business from a player called Maurice.

Maurice had seven of the...

seven of the main women eating out of his hand.

You know, the Duchess of Cirencester and a few of her friends.

So Bas thinks, "Well, how can I get in on this?"

And one by one, he went and met each of the women

and seduced them.

So three months later, he's seeing each of these seven women exclusively.

Seeing one of them for breakfast, one of them mid-morning,

one of them lunchtime, one of them... You get the picture.

And each of them thinks that he is only going out with her,

-that he's there all the time for her, you know?

-That's incredible.

The stamina of the man was absolute... it's the stuff of...

It's in a book upstairs, actually.

-Really?

-Playing For Money, yeah. You can read all about it.

# From a pebble someone tosses in a stream

# Like a clock whose hands are sweeping past the minutes of its face... #

Well, you can imagine what happens after a while.

He starts to make little errors here and there, you know?

He forgets the name of one of them, he forgets the birthday of another one,

and the whole operation's in danger.

But Basil was a clever guy.

-First up, he got some help.

-Right.

He got a guy called Audley.

Audley was, I dunno what he was, a sort of Town Hall solicitor or something, out of a job at the time.

But he had a lot of good admin skills.

He comes in and helps Bas and he starts to run that entire...

He was the first gent.

Close your eyes.

# Lovers walk along the shore and leave their footprints in the sand...

And Audley died a couple of years later.

So he named it after him, Audley's.

So this...

elderly client of yours, cos I...

I sort of tend to focus a bit more on the younger...

girls, but I just...

What is her name? Lady...

I can't... They were talking about it round here, but I can't remember.

What was it? Lady...

Lady Whatsit? Lady...

-We don't...

-What's her name?

We don't usually ask questions like that here, Ben.

-It's just that, you know, I'm sort of working...

-Excuse me just a second.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm in the club.

You all right?

What's wrong?

OK. Look, I'll come to you.

'Stay where you are. Where are you?'

Just outside Ralph Lauren, actually.

'OK, I'm leaving now.'

OK, great. All right, great. Great.

Thank you for the drink. It was a pleasure.

-Nice talking to you, Trev.

-You should... have a word with Basil when you see him.

-Yeah, I will do.

-And don't tip the barman here, OK?

It's quiet down the club anyway, tonight.

-Is it?

-Nobody there.

Well, a couple. The usual.

Nothing going on.

-So...

-Basil there?

Well, I think he was upstairs or...

flitting around or something.

It's quite nice to come down here.

What? To Bond Street?

Yeah, well, you know, watch people go by and...

Maybe catch a movie or something.

How'd it go?

Everything was peachy, and conversation and... the Montrachet?

Just after 9:45, the Montrachet, second bottle.

Just after 9:45?

Yeah.

Oh! I...

Well...

I looked at my watch,

but I don't think she saw.

-You looked at your watch?

-Mmm.

She was in the toilet.

She was in the toilet and I glanced at it. Just a glance.

Did she see you?

-I don't think she saw me, but she might have.

-Was she at the table?

No, she'd gone to the toilet and she was coming back.

From her angle of looking,

she might, might... But anyway, it was all very friendly, it was all very funny,

I think she made some joke about,

"I'm not keeping you, am I?" And I laughed and she laughed and it was all... It was all fine.

She has a tough week at work, and all she wants to do on a Thursday night

is to let down her hair, be made to feel like she's got all the time in the world to enjoy

your company and that you're, most importantly, enjoying hers.

-Come on, Sacha, we live in her flat.

-We were joking about it afterwards.

Do not make a lady feel like you're in a rush to leave.

It went very well, Trev. It went very well.

That's exactly what she would say if it had gone really badly.

She's that kind of woman, you know?

You haven't even met her, Trevor.

Hey!

Thank you! What are you doing?!

There a couple of girls up there, I think they want us to come up and party.

Hey!

We'll come and join you!

Yeah? We'll come up. I'm here with someone very special.

I'll bring him up, too.

Who'd go to the Gigolos club if...

LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

Come in, come in, come in.

This is Trevor.

You have to believe me...

Look at him, look at those teeth!

# I'd be safe and warm

# If I was in LA

# California dreaming

# On such a winter's da-a-y

# Somebody help me now

# I wanna go so bad, yeah

# Cos all the leaves are brown

# And the sky's grey, yeah

# I went for a walk

# On a winter's day, oh-h-h

# I'd be safe and warm

# If I was in LA

# California dreaming... #

Hello, Sian. Delivery for Baroness James.

# ..Such a winter's da-a-y

# Such a winter's day

# On such a winter's day

# Yeah, yeah

# California dreaming

# California dreaming

# Gotta, gotta, gotta get some sunshine

# Before I blow my mind

# Gotta get some sunshine

# California dreaming

# California dreaming, oh-h-h

# California dreaming... #

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

-Evening, Sacha.

-Thanks, Russ.

-Hey, erm...you must be Sacha.

-Yeah.

-I'm Ben.

-Hi.

-Hi, how are you?

-Yeah, very well, thanks.

-Good, good.

I'm... I'm new round here. I just...

wanted to meet you, I've heard a lot about you.

Wow.

So there's this one girl, she's about 26, 27. She's in marketing.

And, erm...

You know, she gets lonely and...

I take her out, it's fine, but it gets to this point where I don't know

whether she wants to go physical or not, you know? She's sort of...

insisting, she's kind of touching her glass,

she's touching her hair, but I dunno. I dunno.

I mean, do I make the move? I don't even know if she wants to get physical, you know?

It takes time, and you're young. I mean...

-you don't have to...

-PHONE RINGS

step it up straight away. I mean, take it slow.

-You know, I mean, any dates are good to start off with, as long as they're paying.

-Sure.

RINGING CONTINUES

Hang on a sec.

-How you doing?

-'Yeah, fine.

'I think I might go straight from here down to Edwina's.'

Oh, are you? OK.

'What are you up to?'

Yeah, no. That works great, actually, cos I'm just gonna

have a quiet night in and catch up with the invoices or something.

'OK. Well, I suppose I'll just see you back at the flat later.'

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be perfect, yeah. Have a great night.

'Thanks, Trev. See you later, then.'

Finding it quite...

I'm finding it quite tiring, to be honest.

It's not about the energetic, though.

What do you mean? Cos I'm... I'm... I'm working away, I'm...

working away, you know what I mean?

-Good for you, good for you.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

-It's about what...

she needs...

and it could be...

having to remember something, it could be having to forget something.

It could be...

needing to feel something, it could be...

wanting to be someone.

And if you can work that one out...

I guess I'm just not reading it properly, that's all.

It's not really to do with downstairs.

Hiya. Sit down, would you?

What are you drinking?

It's disgusting.

I mean, look at this lot.

They're just beginners, Sach. They're beginners.

You know, when I was... When I was their age,

it was a different matter.

You know, Sach...

sometimes when I'm on the... well, I'm working...

..I feel as if maybe I'm...

I'm giving a lieder recital, maybe at the Wigmore Hall.

Schubert or Brahms, or...

just coming to the end of... Wotan's Farewell at Covent Garden.

You know, Sach... Do you know something? The great...

the great singers, they give... They give masterclasses.

They pass on their art, Sacha, their experience, their technique.

Sorry, Sacha.

-Hello, Basil, how are you?

-Fine, thank you, Trev. You OK?

Good, thank you.

Where have you been?

Sorry, Bas.

She's a pioneer in the '80s, she discovered the African look, whatever that is. Well, I mean...

-What is the African look?

-Probably guess what it is.

-What?

She picked girls up from Africa, brought them to London, Italy, New York, whatever.

First time they sort of got real, you know... The skin.

She did well, you know? Waris Dirie and Iman, or whatever, everybody worked with her

and now she's got, you know, top two or three...

-top two or three names.

-How old is she?

-She's about 59.

Maybe... Maybe 58.

-About 59?

-Yeah, or maybe 58.

OK.

And...

that's work. Beautiful apartment.

How tall?

She's, erm...

..sort of... She's very thin.

-Right.

-Yeah. I don't know if it's an industry thing.

But I need to know which one she is one when I go in.

-Well, look for a very thin one.

-A thin one?

-Yeah.

-Short hair? Long hair?

-Yeah, she does. Definitely.

Tanya's going to be worth 500k.

She was on the cover of Vogue, Tatler, Harpers, the last two months.

-Yes?

-Sacha.

Oh, hello. Hello, Sacha. Hello.

Will you call them?

SHE SIGHS No, you call them.

OK, there. You're off?

Fine, yeah, OK.

-And get...Stephen to call me, will you?

-Yeah, sure.

-You look fierce. Ciao.

-Ciao. Good night.

-Ciao.

-Sorry about that.

-No problem. You're Tessa?

-I am Tessa.

-I'm Sacha.

-How do you do, Sacha?

-Very well. Would you like a drink?

Yes, I'll have a Chablis.

Excuse me?

Could we get the Chablis and a Scotch, please? Thanks.

-Thanks.

-Thank you.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

Where did your necklace come from?

Why don't you guess?

-Versace?

-Guess again.

Dolce and Gabbana?

You know them all, don't you? This came from the sub-Sahara.

Wow.

You've seen so much of the world.

Yeah, I've seen a certain amount.

Well, I have a flat in New York, a flat in Paris, a flat in Milan,

and I come to London, at the moment, on sufferance.

Mmm-hmm. Quite boring, you know?

The London men...

you know?

So...

..I think I'm going to get back to my cat.

Tess?

-Forgot your phone.

-Oh.

Thank you.

Let's go and do something fun, something crazy.

Go on, then.

OK. I'm gonna make you eat your words.

MOBILE RINGS

-Hello?

-Trevor, Sacha.

-'What time is it?'

-I'm with Tessa and I'm gonna need a snorkel.

-HE WHISPERS

-Your shoes!

And I'll find you a beach towel if you just wait there.

Thank you.

MUSIC DROWNS CONVERSATION

One, two, three, go!

We're gonna have to get someone in on a temp contract,

find someone to cover for you.

I blame the chlorine in the pool.

It smelt funny. I think there was some...

It had just been chemicalised.

The surface around the pool was slippery.

I mean, you can't account for something like that when you're...

at work, can you?

I can't dance.

I do not want to annoy this woman.

What about Strange D?

No, no. I've...never liked him.

Er... What about Rico?

I don't think that's what the Baroness is after.

What about The Finger?

No, he's broken his finger.

OK, I've got it.

Who really knows Lady James?

Open the box, produce me a cigarette.

-The hand!

-That's good, that one.

Guy walks into a doctor and he says, "Doctor, I'm depressed, I'm lonely.

"Life ahead is so vague and uncertain."

The doctor says to him, "I've got the answer for you.

"The treatment is, you go and see Pagliacci, the great clown." OK?

Yeah?

And the man, he starts crying and he says, "But, doctor...

"I am Pagliacci."

-Is that the punchline?

-Yeah, cos the guy's sad...

-he's depressed.

-Yeah, so why's that funny?

It's quirky funny. It's the sort of thing the lady likes.

I want you to have fun.

OK...

-OK?

-I'm having fun.

-You don't look like you're having fun.

-I am.

This is having fun. That's it!

This is having fun! OK, look at me.

Look at me. Look at me.

-Slightly annoying.

-OK, but you're smiling, you're beginning to smile.

Slightly annoying is cool, cos you needed slightly annoying.

-Yeah?

-I spotted what you needed and we're having fun.

So should I do this to the Baroness?

No. Your natural instincts mean having fun...

but you're also outside yourself,

monitoring the date. And remember, it's not a date.

Hang on...

Monitoring...not date... outside self.

OK.

Give the notebook a rest for the minute.

Hang on. Let me just make sure... I've just got one more...

Stop worrying so much.

OK.

Don't write, "Stop worrying so much."

I just, you know, I forget things if I don't write them down.

Sash, I need that!

"Stop worrying so much"...is an absurd thing to write down. OK?

Right, Sash.

Sasha really is very sorry he couldn't be here tonight, but it's just a temporary injury.

But I'm delighted you could stay and have a drink with me.

You're not concentrating.

-I am concentrating.

-Stop talking.

-You keep asking me a deliberate line.

-OK?

Start feeling, Trevor.

I am feeling, Sash. I'm feeling a lot of things at the moment.

OK. Fix my eyes. Now give me the line in French.

-French?

-French.

Salut. Je m'appelle Trevor.

OK, give me the same line, Trevor,

with just your eyes. Just do it visually.

No? What was wrong with that?

You're gonna lead, Trevor.

Oh. Show me what you do.

You should lead.

-You're the Baroness?

-Yes.

Keep them closed.

This is absolutely ridiculous.

Good evening.

DISTANT FOOTSTEPS

Trevor?

-MAN: You look lovely tonight.

-Thank you.

INDISTINCT CONVERSATION

-WOMAN:

-You have a very exotic background.

-How's the wine?

-Oh, it's excellent, thank you.

-Is he all right?

-Yes, he's fine.

He's just flat on his back on the sofa at the moment. WOMAN LAUGHS

Watching Parliament, of course.

You're not serious!

I wasn't even sure that he had subscribed to the Parliamentary Channel.

-He did?

-Monthly.

-I suppose that sounds rather sad, doesn't it?

-No, no, no, not at all.

A little worrying...

-A little worrying!

-Not worrying.

No, you're right, you're absolutely right.

-How wonderful!

-SHE LAUGHS

Thank you.

-DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

-Trevor?

Hello.

Your collars are outside.

Are they? Oh.

-Probably tuck them in.

-Well, I'll take this off in the sec, I'd have thought, then it won't be an issue.

You've had a nice evening.

What was the sneer? Did it go badly?

-What was the what?

-What was the sneer? Is she upset?

-What sneer?

-The sneer you just gave me on your way out.

No, I was just...

I thought maybe you could have tidied up your own cartons, that's all. But, I mean...

Just me being silly. Don't worry about it. No, it didn't go badly at all. It went great.

It didn't start as well as it might have.

I think I just needed to relax or whatever.

But after the first drink, we got talking about just silly things like

the conference she'd just been on, stuff like that, and just took off.

We stayed at the bar all evening, just drinking and chatting.

Sorry...

did you say you talked about the conference?

Yeah, I'd read a little bit about it, actually,

so I just had a couple of suggestions to make about some of the papers.

You...talked about the conference?

We didn't have dinner. We stayed at the bar and talked for a long time about all sorts of different things.

-It's not on next week, is it?

-It is on next week.

Why wouldn't it be on next week? I did a great job, Sash.

Did I do something wrong here?

Sorry, can I have an answer, please? Did I do something wrong?

£100.

Tip.

Give me the money, Trev.

-Give me the money.

-What, you're taking over accounts now, are you?

Are we a partnership or a couple of fucking idiots?

-Are you taking over accounts now?

-Give me the fucking money!

I'm not giving you the money! I will give you your cut when I sort all the accounts for the week out.

-I'll give you a quarter.

-No, Trev, you'll give me what you always give me.

I covered for you tonight.

# I know it's getting late

# But if you'd like to talk a little more

# Well, that's all right with me

# I'm feeling kind of tired

# But it ain't exactly beating down my door

# Now just why could this be?

# And I know I shouldn't say

# But you've been acting strange the last few days

# And this has made me think

# Your pills have cost too much

# And you can't feel them working any more

# So pour them down the sink

# And listen to me

# All you've gotta do is, baby

# Kick off your shoes and lay down

# Climb up here with me and let's forget about sleep and lay down

# I know I shouldn't say

# But you've been acting strange the last few days

# And this has made me think,

# You know it got me thinking

# Your pills have cost too much

# And you can't feel them working any more

# So pour them all right down the sink. #

ALARM RINGS IN DISTANCE

Trev!

RINGING CONTINUES

Trevor!

Trevor!

You know I need my sleep.

Trev?

RINGING STOPS

Yes. Do you deliver breakfast?

You look marvellous.

-Thank you, Sacha. Do you like my outfit?

-I think it sparkles.

Will I be warm enough?

Who's going to be there tonight?

Davide and Laurent will be there. You remember them from, erm...Fabrice's?

Oh, yes. Describe them to me.

The guy with the sort of spiky, dark hair...

-Is he French?

-French, French.

Oh, yes, I remember them. Yes, they're charming.

-Will they be there?

-They're gonna be there.

-Nice.

We'll have to give them your autograph this time.

-They didn't know who I was.

-Well, I think they did.

-Schiaparelli.

-Schiaparelli?

-Yes, but I had it turned up. It was very long.

I find it difficult to walk in a very long dress nowadays.

Oh, dear. Old age, Sacha - don't have anything to do with it.

How near are we to the Funky...?

-What is it?

-The Funky Buddha.

I keep on forgetting that word, Buddha. How far?

About three or four minutes.

Three or four minutes?! I've still got my face!

Did you sleep well last night?

I never sleep. Two hours maximum.

-Will I be safe there?

-Yes. We've got a private room.

The men at the door are gonna take us straight through.

I'm hungry, I'm thirsty and excited.

Oh, fantastic. Me too.

Oh.

We're turning off now, into...where?

We are now, I think, Conduit Street.

We've just left the Ritz.

# There were angels dining at the Ritz

# I may be right

# I may be wrong

# But I'm perfectly willing to swear

# That when you turned and smiled at me

# A nightingale sang in Berkeley Square. #

Roberto never liked me singing. He said it was depressing.

It relaxes me.

Roberto and I used to walk around Berkeley Square. Very romantic.

They never found his body, you know.

-Can you see all the people? And the photographers?

-Yes.

I did see them.

I'd say we all put a wedge behind the bar.

If it runs out, I'm very happy to dig a little bit deeper, but that's a nice starting point.

-40th anniversary?

-Yeah, that's true.

Where's your cocktails? That's what I say.

In you come.

-Where are we?

-John, just a question.

Who's coming to this? How many?

That's a point. I mean, Basil's lot, they've all gone now, haven't they?

-It's only Basil left.

-That's true.

Yeah.

So let's do it properly.

Let's have a proper band,

and speeches. All of us collectively do a little speech about what he's meant to us.

Good food, no pay bar, proper bar...

..couple of things on sticks.

Seems good for me.

Right.

Meeting closed.

This is the fat bloke singing.

-You all right?

-Yeah, I'm good.

Is Ben helping you now?

Sort of.

Well, good luck.

Yeah, you too.

It's Beryl's birthday, Friday.

Don't forget.

Thanks.

-'Hello?'

-Oh, hello. Could I speak with Lady James, please?

-'Can I say who's calling, please?'

-It's Sacha.

One moment, please.

Hi, it's Trevor.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In Sacha's office.

Yes, yes. I'm just touching base, really.

Erm, I'm working with someone else now actually, yep.

So I just wondered if Mrs T was kind of still looking for...

'Possibly.'

Maybe? Good, good, excellent.

'Let me talk to her.'

About six foot two, brown hair, about 30.

'Great, lovely.'

'I'm afraid she's unavailable, caller.'

OK. If you could just say Sacha called, that'd be great. Thanks.

-'OK, will do.'

-OK, bye.

There we go, Sach.

Thanks for that.

Er...

I need a cake.

I've got a delivery to make, I just need a small cake.

Here, take that. A smart but not ostentatious birthday cake.

Er, keep the rest.

Thanks.

DISTANT SINGING

LOUDER SINGING

Basil?

Trevor! What the hell are you doing here?

# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday, wonderful Beryl! #

It's a year since Beryl's husband died.

Come on.

(Sacha!)

(Come here!)

(Sacha! Come here!)

HE WHISTLES

Thank you.

Well?

-Did you find her?

-Russell Square, her old college.

Fucking fake tan, stained my shirt.

Are you going to the club later?

Yeah.

Sach, erm...

What sort of time will you be at the club?

I don't know, about ten?

OK, see you later.

I love the place.

-It is nice, isn't it?

-A man I knew in Dubai had a place just like this.

-I do want to know about it...

Hello.

-See you at Del Monaco's.

-But of course.

-Goodnight, dear.

-Goodnight.

My little Belgian chocolate!

My little Belgian chocolate!

KNOCK ON THE DOOR

-Who is that?

-It's me, Sacha.

Hi, Edwina.

-What day is it?

-It's, er...Thursday.

We have no date.

No.

I've got some sherry.

I just thought, erm, we could, er, have a nightcap.

No, I've taken a sleeping pill.

Er... Well, I'll have a nightcap and we can just chat and...

What's wrong with you?

-I've, er... Yeah.

-Hmm?

Er... We'll see each other on our next date.

I thought we were...

I've got to go.

Why don't we go for a drink now, or...?

MOBILE RINGS

You all right?

Yeah.

You looked good in there.

Bit gay.

I'd love some cigarettes.

You should cut down.

You should go back in.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]