The Gigolos


The Gigolos

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Transcript


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THIS FILM CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE.

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MUSIC: "The Pearl Fishers" by Bizet

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PLUGHOLE GURGLES

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You all right? Got everything?

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-NORTHERN ACCENT: I've got a scholarship.

-Wow.

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I went to Girton in Cambridge, university, and um...

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I did the classics, that's how I ended up where I am.

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I found it very difficult, they used to call me Joyless.

0:04:260:04:30

-No.

-It was me accent, they were all very posh.

0:04:300:04:34

It was very difficult.

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I think it's very pretty, your accent.

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Thank you.

0:04:390:04:42

-That would suit you.

-Oh.

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I don't know about that.

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-I think the colours would suit you.

-Ooh.

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-It's a bit daring.

-Let's go and try it on.

0:04:520:04:54

Oh.

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-D'you think so?

-Definitely.

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-I think a halter-neck top would really suit you.

-Oh.

0:05:000:05:04

Yeah, it would suit you. It would look good.

0:05:040:05:07

It's my favourite colour.

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Try it on. I'll take you down.

0:05:100:05:12

Wow!

0:05:150:05:17

Wow! You look great.

0:05:170:05:20

Yeah, we're gonna get that one.

0:05:200:05:22

-Really?

-Yes, pack it up, we're gonna get that one.

0:05:220:05:26

The halter-neck there, but in the square, how much is it?

0:05:260:05:29

Yeah, it's fine.

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Here, I want to show you something.

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Come with me.

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I come here every day in me lunch hour.

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Look, can you smell them?

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Old.

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Lives, histories.

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Look, Mansfield Park.

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I think it's recently bound in full-calf.

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Red, my favourite colour.

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Oh, look, lovely.

0:06:120:06:13

"An affection so amiable was advancing, each in the opinion of all who had hearts."

0:06:180:06:24

Enid Blyton, my favourite.

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Not now, when I was a child.

0:06:320:06:35

Have you read Shadow The Sheepdog? It's not there.

0:06:350:06:38

No, Just all Five, mystery, Famous Five, Shadow The Sheepdog.

0:06:380:06:44

I always wanted a dog. I've got a cat.

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I call her Shadow The Sheepdog, because I'm not allowed a dog in the flat.

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So I've got my cat.

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MOBILE RINGS

0:08:180:08:21

-All right.

-'Hey, Trev.'

0:08:240:08:27

'Five minutes.'

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OK.

0:08:300:08:31

Is there mustard in the sauce with the pork?

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No.

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-Can I use this cloth?

-Yeah.

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Got it in Morleys.

0:09:490:09:51

-Morleys?

-Yeah. Use the other one.

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-That one?

-Yeah.

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They've got some marvellous napkins in there.

0:09:550:09:58

When were you in Morleys? You don't shop in Morleys.

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-I popped in the other day.

-What for?

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I just was having a look at, er... for a, erm...

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Uh,...Alicia had mentioned... that she had seen some cotton...

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some very fine cotton bedspreads in there.

0:10:120:10:16

You told me that I should always...

0:10:160:10:18

That he was the place... the word is it is the place to get cotton, that's very true.

0:10:180:10:23

-I'll get that in future.

-Yeah, yeah, I was just following your instructions about being aware.

0:10:230:10:28

-Absolutely. But if you want something, let me know and I'll get it for you.

-Yeah.

0:10:280:10:32

SWITCHES RADIO ON

0:10:420:10:43

Oh, hello, Meridien?

0:11:030:11:05

Yeah, is that Sue?

0:11:050:11:07

Sue, hi, it's Trevor here in Sasha's office, how are you doing?

0:11:070:11:10

-'Fine, hello.'

-Great.

0:11:100:11:12

-I'm gonna need a room next week, next Friday, if you have one.

-'Sure.'

0:11:120:11:17

-And how about 103?

-'103's fine.'

0:11:170:11:21

Or 123, yeah, that's it, over the park.

0:11:210:11:25

OK. That would be lovely.

0:11:260:11:29

-If you can put some juice and fruit in there as normal...

-'No problem.'

0:11:290:11:32

Thanks, and some extra towels.

0:11:320:11:34

# Just cos I ain't never 'ad, no, nothing worth having, never ever, never

0:11:440:11:51

# Ever

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# You ain't got no call, no, to think I wouldn't fall into thinking that I ain't too clever

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# And it ain't not having one thing nor not another either

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# Neither is it anything, whatever

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# And it's not not knowing that there ain't nothing showing and I answer to the name of Trevor

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# However

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# Knock me down with a feather, Clever Trevor

0:12:290:12:36

# Wide brows wonder whether Clever Trevor's clever... #

0:12:400:12:45

Lovely. Thanks very much for that.

0:12:450:12:47

See you next week.

0:12:470:12:50

# Either have they got, nor neither haven't not

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# Got no right to make a clot out of Trevor... #

0:12:540:12:58

-There you go.

-Thank you.

-OK.

-Take care.

-See you later.

0:13:450:13:48

Bye.

0:13:480:13:50

SNIFFS DEEPLY

0:14:090:14:11

Have you tried lonely hearts, Trevor?

0:14:140:14:17

What, placing an ad?

0:14:180:14:20

Yeah, I've covered you for...

0:14:200:14:24

Time Out, City Limits and the Standard.

0:14:240:14:27

-I meant for you, Trev.

-Oh.

0:14:290:14:31

Right, now, do we need to walk through tonight?

0:14:360:14:40

Lady James, now might be a good time to discuss Lord Mackie's proposal.

0:14:400:14:44

Run through my appointments to Monday, would you?

0:14:440:14:46

-They have a new wine, which I've asked to be set aside for you, the Montrachet.

-The Montrachet.

0:14:460:14:50

OK, we know she likes it, she had it a couple of weeks ago at a business dinner.

0:14:500:14:56

OK.

0:14:560:14:58

Good.

0:14:580:15:00

-An excellent performance in the House today, Lady James.

-Too kind.

0:15:010:15:06

'Did you get my cigarettes, Trev?'

0:15:100:15:13

-Oh, did I get them?

-Yeah.

0:15:130:15:14

No, no, no, no.

0:15:140:15:17

-You, you...

-You worried about going down there, down to the shop?

-What shop?

0:15:170:15:22

The Budgens, you worried about going down there?

0:15:220:15:26

No.

0:15:260:15:27

I've just been shopping or around Mayfair, I could have bought you cigarettes at any time.

0:15:270:15:33

-She's a very pretty girl on the...

-HE SNIFFS

0:15:340:15:36

Er, we've got to do another print run,

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because I need new letterheads, you need new cards.

0:15:420:15:45

What do you want on them? Same again?

0:15:450:15:47

-Erm...

-You said you might have some new ideas.

0:15:470:15:49

Did you say, "Mmm" when I said she was a very pretty girl?

0:15:490:15:52

-I didn't say anything.

-Oh, OK.

0:15:520:15:53

Oh! I thought I was going to be late. Good evening.

0:16:120:16:15

Good evening to you.

0:16:150:16:17

Reservation's for Mr Butler and Miss O'Hara.

0:16:170:16:20

Fine. Your usual table, please.

0:16:200:16:22

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

0:16:220:16:25

Well, of course, they wouldn't know.

0:16:340:16:36

They're not a bit interested, of course, they couldn't care less.

0:16:360:16:39

-Men of small intellect.

-And they're totally self-obsessed, of course.

0:16:390:16:42

They don't really think about the job, not at all, or what we are actually doing.

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They've got their own careers in mind.

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But, as I say, it's the way of the world, so...

0:16:520:16:55

But they're blessed to be working with you.

0:16:550:16:58

Lucky.

0:16:580:16:59

I'm not gonna think about them.

0:16:590:17:02

You don't think about them. They're nothing, they're schoolboys.

0:17:020:17:05

-They're less than dust tonight.

-Exactly, exactly.

0:17:050:17:08

Would you like to come and work for me?

0:17:080:17:10

I'd love to, I'd love to.

0:17:100:17:13

I'd be very good as a diplomat.

0:17:130:17:15

Um... the sommelier's got a bottle of Montrachet for us. Thank you.

0:17:270:17:31

Oh, what a good idea.

0:17:310:17:33

I would never have thought of wearing the skirt

0:17:380:17:41

as short as the skirt you suggested, but it was perfectly proper and looked rather nice, I thought.

0:17:410:17:45

I wouldn't dare turn up on Thursday

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unless I'd done what I was told during the week.

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And you always look your best.

0:17:510:17:53

-I always try.

-And I appreciate it.

0:17:530:17:54

MUSIC: "Don Giovanni" by Mozart

0:17:590:18:02

We're quite... We're quite in synch.

0:18:360:18:39

-I wouldn't go that far.

-We are.

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-I mean...

-I'm sorry,

0:18:410:18:43

-Lady James, we dance well.

-No...

0:18:430:18:46

-Well, I think we should have a cognac tonight.

-Oh, I don't think so.

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I'll never get up in the morning.

0:18:540:18:57

-Hello, Russ.

-The usual?

-Yeah, the usual.

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Thank you.

0:19:370:19:38

Yeah, um... I owe you a cheque, don't I?

0:19:420:19:46

Er... I'll bring it in the beginning of next week, if that's all right.

0:19:460:19:50

-All right, Trevor.

-Thank you.

0:19:500:19:53

It's all right, I've got this.

0:19:570:19:59

-One for me, as well.

-Sure. Thank you.

0:20:010:20:04

Seen you around, you must be Trevor.

0:20:060:20:09

I'm Ben. How you doing?

0:20:090:20:11

-Thanks, Russ. Keep the change.

-Mmm-hmm.

0:20:110:20:13

Cheers.

0:20:150:20:18

Very kind of you, Ben.

0:20:180:20:19

It's a pleasure.

0:20:190:20:21

So, I hear you work with Sacha?

0:20:230:20:25

You do work with Sacha, don't you?

0:20:260:20:29

Yeah, that's right.

0:20:290:20:31

A new player, are you?

0:20:310:20:34

That's right, I'm a new player.

0:20:340:20:36

-Not working tonight?

-No, not tonight.

0:20:360:20:40

-It's a good wine.

-Yes, delicious.

0:20:400:20:42

Absolutely wonderful.

0:20:420:20:43

Well, we need a bit of lubrication before we dance.

0:20:430:20:46

We certainly do.

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I'll just go and powder my nose.

0:20:480:20:51

How long have you been in the game? Quite a while?

0:20:510:20:54

Yeah. I did something similar in Dubai for a while, actually.

0:20:540:20:58

-Really?

-I've been here for five or six years.

0:20:580:21:01

Whereabouts do you live?

0:21:010:21:03

-Just over the river.

-Mmm.

0:21:050:21:07

Am I keeping you?

0:21:200:21:22

Not at all.

0:21:220:21:23

Probably have a word with Basil if you're looking to meet people.

0:21:250:21:28

-Is he around tonight?

-No, he's usually in a bit later.

0:21:280:21:33

-He will be.

-Good, good.

0:21:330:21:36

So how long has Basil run this place?

0:21:360:21:38

-40 years.

-Really?!

-Yeah.

0:21:380:21:40

Wow!

0:21:400:21:42

Quite impressive.

0:21:420:21:44

Yeah. He...

0:21:440:21:46

He started the whole thing, really.

0:21:470:21:50

He stole all his business from a player called Maurice.

0:21:500:21:53

Maurice had seven of the...

0:21:540:21:57

seven of the main women eating out of his hand.

0:21:570:21:59

You know, the Duchess of Cirencester and a few of her friends.

0:21:590:22:02

So Bas thinks, "Well, how can I get in on this?"

0:22:020:22:05

And one by one, he went and met each of the women

0:22:050:22:10

and seduced them.

0:22:100:22:13

So three months later, he's seeing each of these seven women exclusively.

0:22:190:22:26

Seeing one of them for breakfast, one of them mid-morning,

0:22:260:22:30

one of them lunchtime, one of them... You get the picture.

0:22:300:22:34

And each of them thinks that he is only going out with her,

0:22:340:22:39

-that he's there all the time for her, you know?

-That's incredible.

0:22:390:22:42

The stamina of the man was absolute... it's the stuff of...

0:22:420:22:45

It's in a book upstairs, actually.

0:22:450:22:48

-Really?

-Playing For Money, yeah. You can read all about it.

0:22:480:22:51

# From a pebble someone tosses in a stream

0:22:510:22:54

# Like a clock whose hands are sweeping past the minutes of its face... #

0:22:570:23:03

Well, you can imagine what happens after a while.

0:23:030:23:05

He starts to make little errors here and there, you know?

0:23:050:23:08

He forgets the name of one of them, he forgets the birthday of another one,

0:23:080:23:13

and the whole operation's in danger.

0:23:130:23:16

But Basil was a clever guy.

0:23:160:23:19

-First up, he got some help.

-Right.

0:23:190:23:21

He got a guy called Audley.

0:23:210:23:23

Audley was, I dunno what he was, a sort of Town Hall solicitor or something, out of a job at the time.

0:23:230:23:28

But he had a lot of good admin skills.

0:23:280:23:31

He comes in and helps Bas and he starts to run that entire...

0:23:310:23:34

He was the first gent.

0:23:340:23:36

Close your eyes.

0:23:380:23:39

# Lovers walk along the shore and leave their footprints in the sand...

0:23:410:23:47

And Audley died a couple of years later.

0:23:500:23:52

So he named it after him, Audley's.

0:23:520:23:56

So this...

0:23:580:24:00

elderly client of yours, cos I...

0:24:020:24:04

I sort of tend to focus a bit more on the younger...

0:24:040:24:08

girls, but I just...

0:24:080:24:10

What is her name? Lady...

0:24:100:24:12

I can't... They were talking about it round here, but I can't remember.

0:24:120:24:15

What was it? Lady...

0:24:150:24:17

Lady Whatsit? Lady...

0:24:170:24:19

-We don't...

-What's her name?

0:24:190:24:21

We don't usually ask questions like that here, Ben.

0:24:230:24:26

-It's just that, you know, I'm sort of working...

-Excuse me just a second.

0:25:020:25:04

Hello?

0:25:100:25:12

Yeah, I'm in the club.

0:25:120:25:15

You all right?

0:25:150:25:17

What's wrong?

0:25:170:25:19

OK. Look, I'll come to you.

0:25:210:25:23

'Stay where you are. Where are you?'

0:25:230:25:26

Just outside Ralph Lauren, actually.

0:25:260:25:28

'OK, I'm leaving now.'

0:25:280:25:30

OK, great. All right, great. Great.

0:25:300:25:32

Thank you for the drink. It was a pleasure.

0:25:380:25:41

-Nice talking to you, Trev.

-You should... have a word with Basil when you see him.

0:25:410:25:45

-Yeah, I will do.

-And don't tip the barman here, OK?

0:25:450:25:47

It's quiet down the club anyway, tonight.

0:26:330:26:35

-Is it?

-Nobody there.

0:26:350:26:37

Well, a couple. The usual.

0:26:370:26:39

Nothing going on.

0:26:390:26:42

-So...

-Basil there?

0:26:420:26:44

Well, I think he was upstairs or...

0:26:440:26:47

flitting around or something.

0:26:470:26:49

It's quite nice to come down here.

0:26:520:26:54

What? To Bond Street?

0:26:560:26:57

Yeah, well, you know, watch people go by and...

0:26:570:27:01

Maybe catch a movie or something.

0:27:050:27:07

How'd it go?

0:27:110:27:13

Everything was peachy, and conversation and... the Montrachet?

0:27:130:27:17

Just after 9:45, the Montrachet, second bottle.

0:27:170:27:21

Just after 9:45?

0:27:230:27:25

Yeah.

0:27:250:27:26

Oh! I...

0:27:280:27:30

Well...

0:27:330:27:35

I looked at my watch,

0:27:380:27:40

but I don't think she saw.

0:27:400:27:42

-You looked at your watch?

-Mmm.

0:27:440:27:47

She was in the toilet.

0:27:500:27:52

She was in the toilet and I glanced at it. Just a glance.

0:27:520:27:57

Did she see you?

0:27:570:27:59

-I don't think she saw me, but she might have.

-Was she at the table?

0:28:000:28:05

No, she'd gone to the toilet and she was coming back.

0:28:050:28:08

From her angle of looking,

0:28:100:28:13

she might, might... But anyway, it was all very friendly, it was all very funny,

0:28:130:28:18

I think she made some joke about,

0:28:180:28:20

"I'm not keeping you, am I?" And I laughed and she laughed and it was all... It was all fine.

0:28:200:28:25

She has a tough week at work, and all she wants to do on a Thursday night

0:28:290:28:32

is to let down her hair, be made to feel like she's got all the time in the world to enjoy

0:28:320:28:37

your company and that you're, most importantly, enjoying hers.

0:28:370:28:40

-Come on, Sacha, we live in her flat.

-We were joking about it afterwards.

0:28:400:28:43

Do not make a lady feel like you're in a rush to leave.

0:28:430:28:47

It went very well, Trev. It went very well.

0:28:490:28:51

That's exactly what she would say if it had gone really badly.

0:28:510:28:55

She's that kind of woman, you know?

0:28:590:29:01

You haven't even met her, Trevor.

0:29:030:29:05

Hey!

0:29:390:29:41

Thank you! What are you doing?!

0:29:410:29:43

There a couple of girls up there, I think they want us to come up and party.

0:29:470:29:51

Hey!

0:29:530:29:55

We'll come and join you!

0:29:550:29:57

Yeah? We'll come up. I'm here with someone very special.

0:29:570:30:00

I'll bring him up, too.

0:30:000:30:02

Who'd go to the Gigolos club if...

0:30:060:30:08

LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

0:30:160:30:20

Come in, come in, come in.

0:30:230:30:24

This is Trevor.

0:30:240:30:27

You have to believe me...

0:30:440:30:46

Look at him, look at those teeth!

0:30:490:30:53

# I'd be safe and warm

0:30:570:31:01

# If I was in LA

0:31:020:31:04

# California dreaming

0:31:060:31:09

# On such a winter's da-a-y

0:31:100:31:14

# Somebody help me now

0:31:200:31:23

# I wanna go so bad, yeah

0:31:250:31:28

# Cos all the leaves are brown

0:31:330:31:37

# And the sky's grey, yeah

0:31:370:31:40

# I went for a walk

0:31:420:31:43

# On a winter's day, oh-h-h

0:31:470:31:51

# I'd be safe and warm

0:31:510:31:53

# If I was in LA

0:31:540:31:56

# California dreaming... #

0:31:590:32:01

Hello, Sian. Delivery for Baroness James.

0:32:010:32:04

# ..Such a winter's da-a-y

0:32:040:32:08

# Such a winter's day

0:32:080:32:10

# On such a winter's day

0:32:110:32:14

# Yeah, yeah

0:32:140:32:15

# California dreaming

0:32:170:32:19

# California dreaming

0:32:200:32:23

# Gotta, gotta, gotta get some sunshine

0:32:240:32:28

# Before I blow my mind

0:32:290:32:31

# Gotta get some sunshine

0:32:320:32:35

# California dreaming

0:32:370:32:39

# California dreaming, oh-h-h

0:32:410:32:45

# California dreaming... #

0:32:450:32:47

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

0:33:060:33:09

-Evening, Sacha.

-Thanks, Russ.

0:33:090:33:11

-Hey, erm...you must be Sacha.

-Yeah.

0:33:110:33:14

-I'm Ben.

-Hi.

-Hi, how are you?

-Yeah, very well, thanks.

-Good, good.

0:33:140:33:18

I'm... I'm new round here. I just...

0:33:180:33:21

wanted to meet you, I've heard a lot about you.

0:33:210:33:24

Wow.

0:33:240:33:25

So there's this one girl, she's about 26, 27. She's in marketing.

0:33:450:33:50

And, erm...

0:33:500:33:52

You know, she gets lonely and...

0:33:520:33:54

I take her out, it's fine, but it gets to this point where I don't know

0:33:540:33:59

whether she wants to go physical or not, you know? She's sort of...

0:33:590:34:02

insisting, she's kind of touching her glass,

0:34:020:34:06

she's touching her hair, but I dunno. I dunno.

0:34:060:34:09

I mean, do I make the move? I don't even know if she wants to get physical, you know?

0:34:090:34:14

It takes time, and you're young. I mean...

0:34:140:34:17

-you don't have to...

-PHONE RINGS

0:34:170:34:20

step it up straight away. I mean, take it slow.

0:34:200:34:22

-You know, I mean, any dates are good to start off with, as long as they're paying.

-Sure.

0:34:220:34:29

RINGING CONTINUES

0:34:290:34:31

Hang on a sec.

0:34:310:34:34

-How you doing?

-'Yeah, fine.

0:34:340:34:36

'I think I might go straight from here down to Edwina's.'

0:34:360:34:39

Oh, are you? OK.

0:34:390:34:41

'What are you up to?'

0:34:410:34:42

Yeah, no. That works great, actually, cos I'm just gonna

0:34:420:34:46

have a quiet night in and catch up with the invoices or something.

0:34:460:34:49

'OK. Well, I suppose I'll just see you back at the flat later.'

0:34:490:34:53

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be perfect, yeah. Have a great night.

0:34:530:34:56

'Thanks, Trev. See you later, then.'

0:34:560:34:59

Finding it quite...

0:35:040:35:05

I'm finding it quite tiring, to be honest.

0:35:070:35:10

It's not about the energetic, though.

0:35:140:35:16

What do you mean? Cos I'm... I'm... I'm working away, I'm...

0:35:180:35:21

working away, you know what I mean?

0:35:210:35:24

-Good for you, good for you.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

-It's about what...

0:35:240:35:29

she needs...

0:35:290:35:31

and it could be...

0:35:310:35:33

having to remember something, it could be having to forget something.

0:35:330:35:37

It could be...

0:35:370:35:39

needing to feel something, it could be...

0:35:390:35:42

wanting to be someone.

0:35:420:35:44

And if you can work that one out...

0:35:440:35:47

I guess I'm just not reading it properly, that's all.

0:35:490:35:52

It's not really to do with downstairs.

0:35:520:35:55

Hiya. Sit down, would you?

0:37:370:37:40

What are you drinking?

0:37:420:37:44

It's disgusting.

0:37:440:37:46

I mean, look at this lot.

0:37:480:37:50

They're just beginners, Sach. They're beginners.

0:37:510:37:55

You know, when I was... When I was their age,

0:37:550:37:58

it was a different matter.

0:37:580:38:00

You know, Sach...

0:38:000:38:02

sometimes when I'm on the... well, I'm working...

0:38:020:38:07

..I feel as if maybe I'm...

0:38:080:38:10

I'm giving a lieder recital, maybe at the Wigmore Hall.

0:38:100:38:14

Schubert or Brahms, or...

0:38:140:38:16

just coming to the end of... Wotan's Farewell at Covent Garden.

0:38:160:38:21

You know, Sach... Do you know something? The great...

0:38:250:38:29

the great singers, they give... They give masterclasses.

0:38:290:38:33

They pass on their art, Sacha, their experience, their technique.

0:38:330:38:38

Sorry, Sacha.

0:38:430:38:44

-Hello, Basil, how are you?

-Fine, thank you, Trev. You OK?

0:38:440:38:47

Good, thank you.

0:38:470:38:49

Where have you been?

0:38:500:38:53

Sorry, Bas.

0:38:570:39:00

She's a pioneer in the '80s, she discovered the African look, whatever that is. Well, I mean...

0:39:000:39:05

-What is the African look?

-Probably guess what it is.

-What?

0:39:050:39:08

She picked girls up from Africa, brought them to London, Italy, New York, whatever.

0:39:080:39:13

First time they sort of got real, you know... The skin.

0:39:130:39:16

She did well, you know? Waris Dirie and Iman, or whatever, everybody worked with her

0:39:160:39:20

and now she's got, you know, top two or three...

0:39:200:39:23

-top two or three names.

-How old is she?

-She's about 59.

0:39:230:39:27

Maybe... Maybe 58.

0:39:290:39:31

-About 59?

-Yeah, or maybe 58.

0:39:310:39:33

OK.

0:39:330:39:35

And...

0:39:350:39:37

that's work. Beautiful apartment.

0:39:370:39:40

How tall?

0:39:400:39:42

She's, erm...

0:39:420:39:44

..sort of... She's very thin.

0:39:450:39:47

-Right.

-Yeah. I don't know if it's an industry thing.

0:39:470:39:50

But I need to know which one she is one when I go in.

0:39:500:39:52

-Well, look for a very thin one.

-A thin one?

-Yeah.

0:39:520:39:55

-Short hair? Long hair?

-Yeah, she does. Definitely.

0:39:550:39:59

Tanya's going to be worth 500k.

0:40:290:40:31

She was on the cover of Vogue, Tatler, Harpers, the last two months.

0:40:310:40:37

-Yes?

-Sacha.

0:40:380:40:40

Oh, hello. Hello, Sacha. Hello.

0:40:400:40:42

Will you call them?

0:40:420:40:45

SHE SIGHS No, you call them.

0:40:450:40:47

OK, there. You're off?

0:40:470:40:49

Fine, yeah, OK.

0:40:490:40:51

-And get...Stephen to call me, will you?

-Yeah, sure.

0:40:510:40:54

-You look fierce. Ciao.

-Ciao. Good night.

-Ciao.

0:40:540:40:58

-Sorry about that.

-No problem. You're Tessa?

0:41:010:41:04

-I am Tessa.

-I'm Sacha.

0:41:040:41:07

-How do you do, Sacha?

-Very well. Would you like a drink?

0:41:070:41:12

Yes, I'll have a Chablis.

0:41:130:41:15

Excuse me?

0:41:150:41:17

Could we get the Chablis and a Scotch, please? Thanks.

0:41:170:41:21

-Thanks.

-Thank you.

0:41:240:41:26

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

0:41:290:41:31

Where did your necklace come from?

0:41:360:41:38

Why don't you guess?

0:41:380:41:41

-Versace?

-Guess again.

0:41:450:41:47

Dolce and Gabbana?

0:41:470:41:49

You know them all, don't you? This came from the sub-Sahara.

0:41:490:41:53

Wow.

0:41:530:41:55

You've seen so much of the world.

0:41:550:41:58

Yeah, I've seen a certain amount.

0:41:580:42:01

Well, I have a flat in New York, a flat in Paris, a flat in Milan,

0:42:010:42:05

and I come to London, at the moment, on sufferance.

0:42:050:42:09

Mmm-hmm. Quite boring, you know?

0:42:120:42:16

The London men...

0:42:160:42:18

you know?

0:42:180:42:20

So...

0:42:210:42:23

..I think I'm going to get back to my cat.

0:42:250:42:28

Tess?

0:42:440:42:45

-Forgot your phone.

-Oh.

0:42:490:42:52

Thank you.

0:42:540:42:56

Let's go and do something fun, something crazy.

0:42:560:43:00

Go on, then.

0:43:000:43:01

OK. I'm gonna make you eat your words.

0:43:010:43:04

MOBILE RINGS

0:43:090:43:12

-Hello?

-Trevor, Sacha.

0:43:170:43:20

-'What time is it?'

-I'm with Tessa and I'm gonna need a snorkel.

0:43:200:43:24

-HE WHISPERS

-Your shoes!

0:44:020:44:04

And I'll find you a beach towel if you just wait there.

0:44:080:44:11

Thank you.

0:44:110:44:13

MUSIC DROWNS CONVERSATION

0:44:160:44:20

One, two, three, go!

0:45:460:45:48

We're gonna have to get someone in on a temp contract,

0:46:160:46:20

find someone to cover for you.

0:46:200:46:23

I blame the chlorine in the pool.

0:46:230:46:26

It smelt funny. I think there was some...

0:46:260:46:29

It had just been chemicalised.

0:46:290:46:31

The surface around the pool was slippery.

0:46:310:46:33

I mean, you can't account for something like that when you're...

0:46:330:46:38

at work, can you?

0:46:380:46:39

I can't dance.

0:46:500:46:52

I do not want to annoy this woman.

0:46:580:47:01

What about Strange D?

0:47:040:47:06

No, no. I've...never liked him.

0:47:080:47:12

Er... What about Rico?

0:47:120:47:14

I don't think that's what the Baroness is after.

0:47:140:47:18

What about The Finger?

0:47:190:47:21

No, he's broken his finger.

0:47:230:47:26

OK, I've got it.

0:47:260:47:28

Who really knows Lady James?

0:47:300:47:33

Open the box, produce me a cigarette.

0:47:570:48:00

-The hand!

-That's good, that one.

0:48:170:48:20

Guy walks into a doctor and he says, "Doctor, I'm depressed, I'm lonely.

0:48:310:48:37

"Life ahead is so vague and uncertain."

0:48:370:48:40

The doctor says to him, "I've got the answer for you.

0:48:400:48:42

"The treatment is, you go and see Pagliacci, the great clown." OK?

0:48:420:48:46

Yeah?

0:48:460:48:48

And the man, he starts crying and he says, "But, doctor...

0:48:480:48:53

"I am Pagliacci."

0:48:530:48:54

-Is that the punchline?

-Yeah, cos the guy's sad...

0:49:020:49:06

-he's depressed.

-Yeah, so why's that funny?

0:49:060:49:09

It's quirky funny. It's the sort of thing the lady likes.

0:49:090:49:13

I want you to have fun.

0:49:130:49:15

OK...

0:49:150:49:17

-OK?

-I'm having fun.

0:49:170:49:20

-You don't look like you're having fun.

-I am.

0:49:200:49:23

This is having fun. That's it!

0:49:230:49:26

This is having fun! OK, look at me.

0:49:260:49:29

Look at me. Look at me.

0:49:290:49:31

-Slightly annoying.

-OK, but you're smiling, you're beginning to smile.

0:49:310:49:34

Slightly annoying is cool, cos you needed slightly annoying.

0:49:340:49:38

-Yeah?

-I spotted what you needed and we're having fun.

0:49:380:49:40

So should I do this to the Baroness?

0:49:400:49:42

No. Your natural instincts mean having fun...

0:49:420:49:46

but you're also outside yourself,

0:49:460:49:49

monitoring the date. And remember, it's not a date.

0:49:490:49:54

Hang on...

0:49:540:49:57

Monitoring...not date... outside self.

0:49:580:50:02

OK.

0:50:020:50:03

Give the notebook a rest for the minute.

0:50:030:50:06

Hang on. Let me just make sure... I've just got one more...

0:50:060:50:10

Stop worrying so much.

0:50:100:50:12

OK.

0:50:130:50:14

Don't write, "Stop worrying so much."

0:50:150:50:17

I just, you know, I forget things if I don't write them down.

0:50:170:50:21

Sash, I need that!

0:50:210:50:23

"Stop worrying so much"...is an absurd thing to write down. OK?

0:50:230:50:29

Right, Sash.

0:50:310:50:33

Sasha really is very sorry he couldn't be here tonight, but it's just a temporary injury.

0:50:330:50:39

But I'm delighted you could stay and have a drink with me.

0:50:390:50:42

You're not concentrating.

0:50:440:50:46

-I am concentrating.

-Stop talking.

0:50:460:50:49

-You keep asking me a deliberate line.

-OK?

0:50:490:50:52

Start feeling, Trevor.

0:50:520:50:54

I am feeling, Sash. I'm feeling a lot of things at the moment.

0:50:540:50:57

OK. Fix my eyes. Now give me the line in French.

0:50:570:51:01

-French?

-French.

0:51:030:51:04

Salut. Je m'appelle Trevor.

0:51:080:51:11

OK, give me the same line, Trevor,

0:51:140:51:17

with just your eyes. Just do it visually.

0:51:170:51:20

No? What was wrong with that?

0:51:370:51:40

You're gonna lead, Trevor.

0:51:490:51:52

Oh. Show me what you do.

0:51:520:51:54

You should lead.

0:51:540:51:56

-You're the Baroness?

-Yes.

0:52:070:52:09

Keep them closed.

0:52:320:52:33

This is absolutely ridiculous.

0:52:380:52:40

Good evening.

0:53:230:53:25

DISTANT FOOTSTEPS

0:53:250:53:27

Trevor?

0:53:270:53:29

-MAN: You look lovely tonight.

-Thank you.

0:53:340:53:37

INDISTINCT CONVERSATION

0:53:370:53:41

-WOMAN:

-You have a very exotic background.

0:53:410:53:44

-How's the wine?

-Oh, it's excellent, thank you.

0:53:440:53:49

-Is he all right?

-Yes, he's fine.

0:53:500:53:52

He's just flat on his back on the sofa at the moment. WOMAN LAUGHS

0:53:520:53:56

Watching Parliament, of course.

0:53:560:53:58

You're not serious!

0:53:580:54:00

I wasn't even sure that he had subscribed to the Parliamentary Channel.

0:54:020:54:06

-He did?

-Monthly.

0:54:060:54:08

-I suppose that sounds rather sad, doesn't it?

-No, no, no, not at all.

0:54:080:54:13

A little worrying...

0:54:130:54:14

-A little worrying!

-Not worrying.

0:54:140:54:17

No, you're right, you're absolutely right.

0:54:170:54:20

-How wonderful!

-SHE LAUGHS

0:54:200:54:22

Thank you.

0:54:250:54:26

-DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

-Trevor?

0:54:450:54:47

Hello.

0:54:510:54:52

Your collars are outside.

0:54:540:54:56

Are they? Oh.

0:54:580:54:59

-Probably tuck them in.

-Well, I'll take this off in the sec, I'd have thought, then it won't be an issue.

0:55:010:55:07

You've had a nice evening.

0:55:100:55:12

What was the sneer? Did it go badly?

0:55:340:55:37

-What was the what?

-What was the sneer? Is she upset?

0:55:370:55:41

-What sneer?

-The sneer you just gave me on your way out.

0:55:410:55:44

No, I was just...

0:55:440:55:46

I thought maybe you could have tidied up your own cartons, that's all. But, I mean...

0:55:460:55:51

Just me being silly. Don't worry about it. No, it didn't go badly at all. It went great.

0:55:510:55:56

It didn't start as well as it might have.

0:55:580:56:02

I think I just needed to relax or whatever.

0:56:020:56:05

But after the first drink, we got talking about just silly things like

0:56:050:56:08

the conference she'd just been on, stuff like that, and just took off.

0:56:080:56:13

We stayed at the bar all evening, just drinking and chatting.

0:56:130:56:16

Sorry...

0:56:160:56:19

did you say you talked about the conference?

0:56:190:56:22

Yeah, I'd read a little bit about it, actually,

0:56:220:56:25

so I just had a couple of suggestions to make about some of the papers.

0:56:250:56:30

You...talked about the conference?

0:56:300:56:33

We didn't have dinner. We stayed at the bar and talked for a long time about all sorts of different things.

0:56:330:56:38

-It's not on next week, is it?

-It is on next week.

0:56:380:56:41

Why wouldn't it be on next week? I did a great job, Sash.

0:56:410:56:44

Did I do something wrong here?

0:56:460:56:48

Sorry, can I have an answer, please? Did I do something wrong?

0:56:520:56:56

£100.

0:57:020:57:05

Tip.

0:57:120:57:15

Give me the money, Trev.

0:57:150:57:17

-Give me the money.

-What, you're taking over accounts now, are you?

0:57:170:57:21

Are we a partnership or a couple of fucking idiots?

0:57:210:57:23

-Are you taking over accounts now?

-Give me the fucking money!

0:57:230:57:26

I'm not giving you the money! I will give you your cut when I sort all the accounts for the week out.

0:57:260:57:31

-I'll give you a quarter.

-No, Trev, you'll give me what you always give me.

0:57:330:57:38

I covered for you tonight.

0:57:550:57:56

# I know it's getting late

0:58:350:58:38

# But if you'd like to talk a little more

0:58:420:58:46

# Well, that's all right with me

0:58:490:58:51

# I'm feeling kind of tired

0:58:550:58:58

# But it ain't exactly beating down my door

0:59:010:59:06

# Now just why could this be?

0:59:080:59:10

# And I know I shouldn't say

0:59:140:59:17

# But you've been acting strange the last few days

0:59:210:59:25

# And this has made me think

0:59:280:59:30

# Your pills have cost too much

0:59:340:59:37

# And you can't feel them working any more

0:59:410:59:45

# So pour them down the sink

0:59:470:59:50

# And listen to me

0:59:540:59:58

# All you've gotta do is, baby

0:59:591:00:02

# Kick off your shoes and lay down

1:00:021:00:07

# Climb up here with me and let's forget about sleep and lay down

1:00:111:00:19

# I know I shouldn't say

1:00:251:00:28

# But you've been acting strange the last few days

1:00:321:00:36

# And this has made me think,

1:00:391:00:42

# You know it got me thinking

1:00:421:00:45

# Your pills have cost too much

1:00:461:00:48

# And you can't feel them working any more

1:00:521:00:57

# So pour them all right down the sink. #

1:00:591:01:05

ALARM RINGS IN DISTANCE

1:01:091:01:12

Trev!

1:01:191:01:21

RINGING CONTINUES

1:01:211:01:24

Trevor!

1:01:241:01:25

Trevor!

1:01:291:01:31

You know I need my sleep.

1:01:401:01:42

Trev?

1:01:461:01:48

RINGING STOPS

1:02:141:02:15

Yes. Do you deliver breakfast?

1:02:491:02:52

You look marvellous.

1:03:171:03:20

-Thank you, Sacha. Do you like my outfit?

-I think it sparkles.

1:03:201:03:26

Will I be warm enough?

1:03:261:03:27

Who's going to be there tonight?

1:03:311:03:32

Davide and Laurent will be there. You remember them from, erm...Fabrice's?

1:03:321:03:38

Oh, yes. Describe them to me.

1:03:381:03:41

The guy with the sort of spiky, dark hair...

1:03:411:03:44

-Is he French?

-French, French.

1:03:441:03:46

Oh, yes, I remember them. Yes, they're charming.

1:03:461:03:49

-Will they be there?

-They're gonna be there.

-Nice.

1:03:491:03:51

We'll have to give them your autograph this time.

1:03:511:03:54

-They didn't know who I was.

-Well, I think they did.

1:03:541:03:58

-Schiaparelli.

-Schiaparelli?

-Yes, but I had it turned up. It was very long.

1:03:581:04:03

I find it difficult to walk in a very long dress nowadays.

1:04:031:04:06

Oh, dear. Old age, Sacha - don't have anything to do with it.

1:04:071:04:11

How near are we to the Funky...?

1:04:261:04:29

-What is it?

-The Funky Buddha.

1:04:291:04:31

I keep on forgetting that word, Buddha. How far?

1:04:311:04:34

About three or four minutes.

1:04:341:04:36

Three or four minutes?! I've still got my face!

1:04:361:04:40

Did you sleep well last night?

1:04:401:04:43

I never sleep. Two hours maximum.

1:04:431:04:46

-Will I be safe there?

-Yes. We've got a private room.

1:05:021:05:07

The men at the door are gonna take us straight through.

1:05:071:05:09

I'm hungry, I'm thirsty and excited.

1:05:091:05:12

Oh, fantastic. Me too.

1:05:121:05:14

Oh.

1:05:141:05:16

We're turning off now, into...where?

1:05:161:05:19

We are now, I think, Conduit Street.

1:05:191:05:22

We've just left the Ritz.

1:05:221:05:25

# There were angels dining at the Ritz

1:05:251:05:27

# I may be right

1:05:341:05:37

# I may be wrong

1:05:371:05:39

# But I'm perfectly willing to swear

1:05:401:05:42

# That when you turned and smiled at me

1:05:441:05:46

# A nightingale sang in Berkeley Square. #

1:05:481:05:54

Roberto never liked me singing. He said it was depressing.

1:05:561:06:01

It relaxes me.

1:06:011:06:02

Roberto and I used to walk around Berkeley Square. Very romantic.

1:06:041:06:11

They never found his body, you know.

1:06:201:06:22

-Can you see all the people? And the photographers?

-Yes.

1:06:331:06:37

I did see them.

1:06:371:06:39

I'd say we all put a wedge behind the bar.

1:07:471:07:51

If it runs out, I'm very happy to dig a little bit deeper, but that's a nice starting point.

1:07:511:07:56

-40th anniversary?

-Yeah, that's true.

1:08:041:08:07

Where's your cocktails? That's what I say.

1:08:071:08:10

In you come.

1:08:161:08:18

-Where are we?

-John, just a question.

1:08:211:08:23

Who's coming to this? How many?

1:08:231:08:25

That's a point. I mean, Basil's lot, they've all gone now, haven't they?

1:08:271:08:31

-It's only Basil left.

-That's true.

1:08:311:08:33

Yeah.

1:08:331:08:34

So let's do it properly.

1:08:361:08:38

Let's have a proper band,

1:08:381:08:40

and speeches. All of us collectively do a little speech about what he's meant to us.

1:08:401:08:45

Good food, no pay bar, proper bar...

1:08:451:08:48

..couple of things on sticks.

1:08:501:08:52

Seems good for me.

1:08:521:08:54

Right.

1:08:581:09:00

Meeting closed.

1:09:001:09:02

This is the fat bloke singing.

1:09:021:09:04

-You all right?

-Yeah, I'm good.

1:09:271:09:29

Is Ben helping you now?

1:09:311:09:33

Sort of.

1:09:361:09:37

Well, good luck.

1:09:421:09:44

Yeah, you too.

1:09:441:09:45

It's Beryl's birthday, Friday.

1:09:491:09:53

Don't forget.

1:09:531:09:54

Thanks.

1:09:561:09:58

-'Hello?'

-Oh, hello. Could I speak with Lady James, please?

1:10:111:10:14

-'Can I say who's calling, please?'

-It's Sacha.

1:10:141:10:17

One moment, please.

1:10:171:10:18

Hi, it's Trevor.

1:10:181:10:20

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In Sacha's office.

1:10:201:10:24

Yes, yes. I'm just touching base, really.

1:10:241:10:27

Erm, I'm working with someone else now actually, yep.

1:10:281:10:33

So I just wondered if Mrs T was kind of still looking for...

1:10:331:10:37

'Possibly.'

1:10:371:10:39

Maybe? Good, good, excellent.

1:10:391:10:41

'Let me talk to her.'

1:10:411:10:42

About six foot two, brown hair, about 30.

1:10:421:10:47

'Great, lovely.'

1:10:471:10:49

'I'm afraid she's unavailable, caller.'

1:10:491:10:51

OK. If you could just say Sacha called, that'd be great. Thanks.

1:10:511:10:54

-'OK, will do.'

-OK, bye.

1:10:541:10:56

There we go, Sach.

1:11:221:11:23

Thanks for that.

1:11:261:11:28

Er...

1:11:311:11:34

I need a cake.

1:11:341:11:36

I've got a delivery to make, I just need a small cake.

1:11:371:11:40

Here, take that. A smart but not ostentatious birthday cake.

1:11:441:11:50

Er, keep the rest.

1:11:501:11:52

Thanks.

1:11:541:11:56

DISTANT SINGING

1:12:301:12:32

LOUDER SINGING

1:12:451:12:47

Basil?

1:12:521:12:53

Trevor! What the hell are you doing here?

1:12:581:13:02

# Happy birthday to you

1:13:161:13:20

# Happy birthday to you

1:13:201:13:24

# Happy birthday, wonderful Beryl! #

1:13:241:13:30

It's a year since Beryl's husband died.

1:13:331:13:35

Come on.

1:15:331:15:34

(Sacha!)

1:16:021:16:03

(Come here!)

1:16:051:16:06

(Sacha! Come here!)

1:16:071:16:09

HE WHISTLES

1:17:261:17:27

Thank you.

1:17:491:17:50

Well?

1:17:571:17:59

-Did you find her?

-Russell Square, her old college.

1:17:591:18:02

Fucking fake tan, stained my shirt.

1:18:081:18:11

Are you going to the club later?

1:18:131:18:15

Yeah.

1:18:151:18:17

Sach, erm...

1:18:171:18:18

What sort of time will you be at the club?

1:18:181:18:21

I don't know, about ten?

1:18:211:18:24

OK, see you later.

1:18:241:18:26

I love the place.

1:19:081:19:10

-It is nice, isn't it?

-A man I knew in Dubai had a place just like this.

-I do want to know about it...

1:19:101:19:17

Hello.

1:21:241:21:25

-See you at Del Monaco's.

-But of course.

1:21:361:21:38

-Goodnight, dear.

-Goodnight.

1:21:391:21:41

My little Belgian chocolate!

1:22:161:22:18

My little Belgian chocolate!

1:22:181:22:19

KNOCK ON THE DOOR

1:22:521:22:53

-Who is that?

-It's me, Sacha.

1:22:531:22:57

Hi, Edwina.

1:23:091:23:10

-What day is it?

-It's, er...Thursday.

1:23:111:23:15

We have no date.

1:23:151:23:17

No.

1:23:171:23:18

I've got some sherry.

1:23:191:23:21

I just thought, erm, we could, er, have a nightcap.

1:23:211:23:26

No, I've taken a sleeping pill.

1:23:261:23:28

Er... Well, I'll have a nightcap and we can just chat and...

1:23:291:23:34

What's wrong with you?

1:23:361:23:38

-I've, er... Yeah.

-Hmm?

1:23:381:23:43

Er... We'll see each other on our next date.

1:23:431:23:47

I thought we were...

1:25:311:25:33

I've got to go.

1:25:331:25:35

Why don't we go for a drink now, or...?

1:25:371:25:39

MOBILE RINGS

1:26:001:26:02

You all right?

1:29:091:29:11

Yeah.

1:29:151:29:16

You looked good in there.

1:29:201:29:22

Bit gay.

1:29:271:29:28

I'd love some cigarettes.

1:29:291:29:31

You should cut down.

1:30:181:30:20

You should go back in.

1:30:201:30:22

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

1:31:171:31:19

E-mail [email protected]

1:31:191:31:21

Comedy with Sacha Tarter and Susannah York.

Sacha is a male gigolo plying his trade around London's Mayfair, with the assistance of pimp/valet/organiser Trevor. When Trevor steps in to cover for an unavailable Sasha, he soon discovers that he too might have a talent for the profession.


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