2 Days in Paris

'This is us, meaning him and me.

'Right now we are just exhausted.

'We are back from a journey.

'We saw palazzos, l'operettos and espressos.'

We were on a journey to Italy,

like the title of a movie with a happy ending.

Really, we were mostly in Venice

because it is the city where lovers go.

It is also the city over water that will end up under water.

Green, ochras, pinks, blues, even greys that shine.

That's Italy.

And the pasta, of course.

Now we are a true couple, two years that we have been together.

Two years nowadays it's almost a miracle.

Two years of happiness with ups and downs and inbetweens, mostly.

Really we just need to pick Jean-Luc that we dropped off at my parents

between the airport and the train station.

Night train to Venice, that was my idea.

On our way back to New York we have decided to spend two days in Paris.

WHISTLE BLOWS

E mio!

Oh my God!

He is going to kill him, he is going to kill him.

MEN ARGUE

Isn't that the same guy, isn't it the chef who nearly stabbed me

for putting Parmesan cheese on my seafood pasta? Same guy.

It wasn't that bad.

-What are you talking about? I had food poisoning for four days.

-Did you enjoy any of it?

I enjoyed the view from the bathroom. Can we call a cab or something? It's pouring.

-There is like one drop.

-It is going to pour. Trust me.

I'm going to call a taxi because you're made of sugar.

-You know I can get sick. The second we get back to New York I have to start work.

-No signal.

I'm going to get a sinus infection, I can feel it.

The diarrhoea lowers your resistance.

-This is a bus stop over there. It is the direct us

-No.

No buses, no subways in Europe. All right? The terrorism and the whole thing.

What do you mean, it is safer in New York? Come on, Paris is fine. There is no terrorism in Paris.

Because France has a secret deal with the terrorists because France is a Muslim country.

You are fucking psycho. I will try to get a connection somewhere.

Excuse me, I heard you talking, you are American, aren't you?

-I am indeed.

-Well, we're a group of international code breakers

and we are supposed to meet our French delegation at the Louvre at 10am.

Do you happen to know if it's anywhere near here?

Yeah, actually, you're really close.

You are so close I don't think a cab will take you because they are very picky here.

All you do is you would just go right down there, you make a left, you make a first right

and then just keep going straight for 10 minutes and you'll be fine.

Are you sure? I appreciate it so much.

Americans are so friendly. You know, I hear the French are just so rude.

It is a cliche but it's true.

It's true. We Americans have to stick together.

-Thank you so much.

-That's right. Absolutely. My pleasure. Good luck.

Crack that code.

OK.

No taxi in the area.

-We'll be fine.

-What's going on?

-What happened?

-They wanted to know where the Louvre was so I told them.

-You know where it is?

-No.

You told them to go this way? It's miles away.

Well, now we're at the beginning of the taxi line, see, survival of the fittest.

They will go straight to the suburb.

-They're your compatriots.

-My compatriots!

They voted for Bush. They are on a Da Vinci tour.

They're the embodiment of everything that is wrong culturally and politically with this world.

Maybe they'll see something other than the Mona Lisa

and get involved in a riot or something and jog their political consciousness.

You are so mean!

But you're so right.

I love you.

You're so smart.

HE SNEEZES

Sinus infection.

Oh, it's automatic.

'Paris, I was born in the 13th, raised in the 14th, lived in the 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th, 19th and 20th

'until I moved to New York.'

'I'm Marion and I'm a photographer.

'It's ironic since I can't see much.

'I have a birth defect on my retina, it is just full of tiny holes.

'How can I describe to you what I see?'

'There it is, my vision of the world.

'Yes, everyone sees the world literally differently.'

'This is Jack. He's an interior designer.'

"Kids are like rats, they carry diseases."

Something he said on our third date I thought it was so sweet.

Look, it's like a postcard of Paris.

I'm the photographer but on this trip he took all the photos.

Every moment was digitised, immortalised from every angle.

-Up here?

-All right, here, go straight.

-This way?

-One floor up.

-All right.

-Elevator?

-What?

-Elevator?

It's on the second floor, do you think you can make it?

'Yes, my mother is a true pain in the butt.

'But she's also the reason why I became who I am.'

-MOTHER:

-Marion? Marion!

'When I was young I was a bit special.

'But not special in a good way.

'I was always late everywhere because I was stuck in my world.

'I would look at things in the courtyard and the streets for hours.

'I even think I could hear voices,

'but not the kind that tells you to save the world,

'other kinds of voices.'

'Some parents would have been seriously worried.

The doctors had prescribed tons of new medication but my mother said no.

She just got me a Polaroid camera

and instead of looking at things for hours I just photographed them.

Oh! Bonjour!

Yes!

Jack, Anna...

-I'm sorry we met so briefly on the way in.

-Yes.

Yes, very short presentation, we had to drop off a very important package.

Jean-Luc.

-Do you do a good voyage?

-Very nice. Tres bon.

It was good. Beautiful.

Ouais, d'accord.

-Au revoir. She is so sweet, your mother.

-I know.

-What happened to you?

-I don't know.

Having a little trouble there, honey?

I need your help. I need a strong man to carry my suitcase.

I thought you wanted to be a strong, independent woman and carry your luggage?

-Yes, I am a strong independent women. I am a strong...

-I got it, I got it.

So, this is your big investment?

-An apartment one floor up from your parents?

-It's convenient.

Especially if you like privacy.

-No sarcasm in Paris.

-OK, I will be quiet for two days.

-Thank you.

-You like? You don't like?

-HE LAUGHS >

-What is it?

-Nothing.

-You don't like?

-No, it's quaint.

What?

-No, it's cute, it's...

-It's not mid-century.

It's mid-century, 15th century.

-No, it's very Parisian, I guess.

-Is that a compliment?

Sure. It's kind of swampy in here.

-Swampy?

-Yeah, like the water at the lido.

-No...

What the hell is that smell? What is that?

-Oh my God!

-What!?

-Honey, honey...

Honey, what the fuck is that?

It is a leak. It's an old building, there's leaks all the time. The plumber...

There's no plumber in france.

Is that black mould?

-What's black mould?

-The deadliest fungus known to man if you inhale it.

-Don't inhale.

-That's not funny. Seriously...

It was there when I was here in January. It's fine.

It's not black, it's green, look at it.

It's green, its like blue cheese, it's probably good for you.

Everybody out. Everybody out. I am condemning the bathroom, it's a hot zone. It's a biohazard.

-OK, we'll shit in the corner of the room.

-We'll shit outside.

-Yes. Perfect.

Honestly, this place is like a petrie dish for allergeons.

Listen, we have allergies because we are too clean, OK?

100 years ago we were covered in parasites and we had no allergies.

-Really? So is that the same theory behind the French not bathing?

-Yes.

Are you sure you haven't find my contact lenses?

-No, I have not find it.

-In your bag?

-No, I don't feel well.

Which one for...my dad?

I don't feel well. I don't know if it's a migraine or if it's the flu.

Can I use this thermometer.

I usually don't use this one in the mouth.

Hm?

I don't use this in the mouth, I mean.

-Come on! What is wrong with you?

-What? It's a French thermometer.

Are you five? You still use a thermometer up your ass?

It's the only way to get your temperature properly.

-Why? Why?

-I haven't used it in a few months.

OK, I take a shower first.

OK, make sure to take some antibiotics first!

DIAL-UP INTERNET CONNECTION TONES

-I'm trying to send this design and I think it would be faster if I just sent up a regular mail.

-OK.

You forget how slow dial-up is.

We will be back in civilisation in two days.

-HE SNIGGERS

-What?

->

-That bedspread is fucking ridiculous.

-It's beautiful.

When did you get that? Like, 1982 or something?

'86, I don't know.

-Don't move.

-What?

-Freeze.

-There's a bug?

Oh, I know what it is, a Nan Goldin, it looks like a Nan Goldin bug.

-Stay right there.

-No pictures, please! No!

Perfect.

Lie down. Work with me. Pretend you're on drugs.

-What drug?

-Heroin, of couse.

Perfect.

-Look at that.

-Yes, that beautiful, it's a beautiful photo.

-You're such a talented photographer(!)

-Fuck you!

Do you know why people are attracted to one another? Really attracted.

I try and kiss you and then I get a lecture.

-I'm not kidding.

-OK, no, you tell me why(!)

People with different immune systems and are attracted to one another

so the offspring will have a stronger immune system with a combination.

-Don't snore! It's important.

-I was saying the same thing.

-It's interesting.

Seriously, it's like dating public television. You realise that?

No! And you don't like that?

No, it's very educational. It's very educational, really sexy. Anyway, it's complete bullshit.

My parents were madly in love when they had me, and look at my immune system.

-It's a fucking wreck.

-But probably it was more like an intellectual attraction.

-I see.

-You know? And that's why they split up after you were born.

You are so sweet. What you're saying is that because your parents have been together 87 years

or whatever the hell it is, 38 years, that you're genetically superior?

I'm not. Why do you make everything a competition?

-Look at me, I'm barely alive.

-How do I make everything a competition?

I'm a photographer, and you're taking pictures of everything.

The other day, in Venice, while I was taking a picture of you under that bridge,

you started taking a picture of me.

What is this, like, Shit All Over Jack Day?

I try to kiss you, and the next thing I know, I'm genetically inferior,

I'm a copycat with no identity of my own...

I never said you were.

I don't understand why you don't take it as flattery that I'm interested in pho...

OK, I love this argument.

Can we go on a little bit?

No, because I'm enjoying this.

Really. It's lovely.

HE SNIFFS

What?!

What is it? What is it?

-You're scaring me.

-No, I'm sensing something.

What is it? Like I have cancer or something?

-You smell a tumour, like one of those dogs?

-Like a dog?!

Yeah, those dogs that are trained.

No, I'm not a cancer-sniffing dog. I'm sensing that we have very, very, very different immune systems,

and I really think we should do something about it.

Really? My immune system is very different from yours, so our offsprings would be really strong?

-That's nice.

-Yeah.

All right, but maybe in the meantime, before we do procreate, do you mind getting a condom?

-Where are they?

-Under the sink.

When did you get these, like circa the Nan Goldin bedspread purchase?

No, I got them in January.

-January?

-Yeah.

-Were you planning on cheating on me in January?

Actually, I was planning on having sex with you in January,

but you cancelled because you had an eye infection. You were supposed to come to Paris.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Chlamydia in the eye. So rare.

Yet so sexy.

-What?

-What the hell's going on?

What is it?

Are these things even condoms?

-What else is it? I mean...

-I don't know.

You're going to break it. Don't pull it down like this, from the tip.

These are smaller than the ones in Italy, if that's possible.

-No, they're not small.

-OK, I give up.

-OK, what is it? OK, you just go like this.

-Right, this is pretty simple.

-Careful.

Oh, I didn't touch you! Barely.

Is this, like, a kid size condom? Do they make condoms for kids?

-OK, it's on.

-It's no wonder the French have to be so romantic.

-That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

-OK, let's do this.

All right, great. All right, yes.

-Oh, no, that's my leg. Please!

-No!

I can't see you! I could be having sex with Gregory Peck or something.

-Well, good for you!

-OK, so much for foreplay.

What's that? My mother?

It's my mother! It's OK, it's just my mother.

Your mother has keys?

Of course she has keys. I'm away ten months a year.

All right, do you have anything to wash? She wants to know.

No, I d... I don't have... No!

-Oh, God.

-It's her machine.

I've got to take a shower cos the thing is cutting off circulation to my brain.

-Your mom and...

-What are you talking about?

-I love you.

-All right. Oh, nice(!) OK, bye...

Oui?

Ca va?

Ooh, la, la.

Bon.

'My mother has always been very good at crying, turning any situation to her advantage.

'In a few seconds, my dad will reprimand me, and never again

'will I mention the fact that Jean Luc has gained ten pounds.'

Is, uh, everything OK down there?

Yes. Why?

-No reason.

-Are you coming down?

We're having lunch in, like, 30 minutes.

I'm a little terrified, but OK.

All right, let's do this.

-Hello!

-Hello!

-How are you?

-Jack, Jeannot.

Good to finally meet you.

-Oh, no. Insulted already?

-No!

Ah, go.

Ooh, la, la!

-Smells good.

-Yes. It's delicious.

-What is that?

Lapin.

Bunny.

Oh, no.

-What?

-Oliver.

-Who's Oliver?

-My pet bunny when I was eight years old.

He was ravaged by the a Labrador. Only two ears were left, but I'll eat it.

-Oh, no, you don't have to eat it.

-No. Yes, I do.

Lapin no?

-I don't want to upset the natives.

-Please.

-You don't have to.

-Yes, I do.

-I didn't know about Oliver.

Please...

-A little leg. Come on.

-Thank you.

-Looks like chicken.

It's good, tete!

-Is that the heart?

-No, that's the head.

He likes the head.

-Carottes?

-Oh, carrot, sure.

-We're going to eat the bunny's food as well, huh?

-Yes.

-Are his toys in there?

-Sauce?

Wine black... Wine... Wine wine!

Non, wine white!

-White wine? Oh, wine blanc.

-Vin blanc.

No, no, I don't want.

-What? I'm eating it! I'm eating it!

-It's nothing to do with you.

Allez.

Kerouac.

Yes, I love Kerouac.

-J'aimais Kerouac.

-Faulkner.

-Is he quizzing me?

-It's a little welcome quiz.

-Faulkner.

Faulkner, yes. The Sound and the Fury.

-Quoi?

-Euh, Le Bruit et la Fureur.

Ah, yes. Miller, Henry.

-Henry Miller.

-Yes, yes. Ex pat. Ahead of his time.

Ah, sex.

-Yeah, sex, yes.

-Sex is good! Miller, sex is, sex is...!

Jeannot, Jeannot, Jeannot!

It's silly. It's OK, it's OK. Don't worry.

Euh, French white.

Hm?

Speak French whiter.

-French writers.

-Now we're doing French writers?

-Yes.

Rimbaud, yes. Yes, tres bon.

-Oh, I mispronounced.

-Yeah.

-Ah, Rambo.

It's a highbrow humour. Mm.

Baudelaire.

-Oui, good, good, good.

-Verlaine.

-Verlaine.

-Moliere.

Ooh, bravo!

Et Auguste Renoir. Great writer.

He's a painter!

Ah! Good!

-He tried to trick me!

-I know, he did!

You can't fuck with me, man!

-Maman!

-What?

-Nothing!

Oh, she's got keys too, huh?

-Hello. How are you?

-Yes. I'm Rose.

Yes. Jack. Nice to meet you.

Yeah, nice to meet you.

-Vous allez faire une ballade a Paris, tout les deux?

-Are we going to go visit Paris?

-A Paris? Oui.

-Mm-hm.

Yeah, yeah. Um, I would like to go see the catacombs.

-Les catacombes.

-And, Pere...

Pere Lachaise.

Well, to see Jim Morrison's grave.

Did I say something tacky?

-Alors, vous avez pris des photos a Venice?

-We took pictures in Venice.

-Oh, yes, yes, many pictures. Would you like to see some pictures?

-Yes.

Oh, this is the Plaza San Marco.

Yes, bravo. Lots of nice photo.

Oh, thank you. I just got the camera for work, but I like doing it.

-Yes, but why no balloons in these photos?

-I'm sorry?

-Did you show the photos to your sister?

-No.

-Quoi?

-No, I told her about it.

Oh, yes! Good!

Balloons, photo balloons!

Three balloon!

Joli!

Balloons!

OK, sweetie, you're not... It's funny. Sweetie, it's funny.

So...

-..um, that's a little bird on the terrace of the hotel.

-Ah!

Bonsoir. Amusez vous bien.

# Il ya des gens qui sont piques D'aller a l'etranger... #

Nice snorting.

You used to like my snorting when I... After two years, it gets a little tiring?

I said I liked your snorting cos I was trying to get in your pants.

Once I got in your pants, there was no need to compliment you.

-But now it discusses you.

-It doesn't "discuss" me.

"Discuss me" would be like if we were to discuss something.

I'm sorry, I speak four languages, OK?

Which one of them do you speak well, again?

Cos I have no proof that you speak French well.

For all I know, you could be stupid in French. It's true! How would I know?

Y'know, I'm not a big death fan, but this place is strangely undepressing.

I know! All the Parisians are dead here.

-That why it's so quiet?

-Yeah. It's so nice.

-"Juck" t'aime.

-Why do you put a "uck!"

-"Je t'aime."

-"Jer" t'aime.

"Je t'aime." It's French. It's easy. You don't put a "uck!" It's not German.

-Ou est le steak crites?

-"Frites."

Ou est le steak frites? Hm?

It's so ugly when you speak French.

Why are we even going there?

Jim Morrison. Why?

You don't even like The Doors.

No, it's a famous grave, though. Anyway, I'm a huge Val Kilmer fan.

Yeah, you take your photo and we go, OK? All right?

Pardon. Oh, pardon.

-Oh, non, mais...

-We're getting the party started.

Just take the photo. What's wrong with her?

-Come on!

-OK, let's go.

-I'm a free spirit!

-This is it.

-FRENCH ACCENT: Super cool!

-Yeah, super cool...

I'm so sorry. I can't believe that the catacombs were closed.

It's one of my favourite things.

Ah, well. I can't believe we have not run into one single person I know this entire trip.

I mean, what about The Collective Dynamics of the Small World Network?

-I mean...

-'Collective Dynamics of the Small World Network, a book Jack read when we were in Venice.

'Everywhere we went, he was looking for proof that this theory works.

'It's very simple.

'Our world is very small,

and if you travel to the other side of the planet,

'there is a very high probability that you will bump into someone

'who lives right down the street from you.

'Scientifically, it is proven that it's not just chance.

'We are a whole, and everything is connected.

'The illusion of chaos in which we live

'is actually quite orderly and definitely linked.

'But it's just a theory, and Jack spent our two weeks in Venice

'looking for a sign of it, and nothing.

Morality? Mortality?

How are you? Nice to meet you, man.

-Nice to meet you, Jack. You speak French?

-No, no.

-Oh.

-We're going to my friend's party tonight.

-Tonight, yeah.

-Nice to meet you, man.

-Yeah, that was nice, homey.

-"That was nice, homey"?!

-Oh, that's funny.

-Let's get a cab, huh?

-You want to get a cab? OK...

-Um, so what's the deal, man?

-What?

That guy was looking at you like you were a big leg of lamb.

-Like he had the fork, knife and bib.

-I am a big leg of lamb.

I know, but you're my leg of lamb. How do you know him?

Well, we met many years ago, and we had a little thing.

I think I gave him a blow job. No big deal.

-Really? A blow job's no big deal?

-Oh, I'm sorry!

No, but I mean it's no big deal in comparison to what's going on in the world.

There's George Bush, there's the war in Iraq, there's avian flu,

and there's a blow job. It's, like, in consideration, it's...

-Nice transition.

-It's a pretty minor event, don't you think?

I would say it's not a minor event if you want to start talking in the grander political scheme.

If you think about it, it was a blow job, after all,

-that brought down America's last chance at a healthy democracy, so...

-Hm.

Hey, do we have to go to this thing tonight?

-You don't want to go?

-No, no...

-No, we don't have to go, but I'd love to see my friends.

OK, no, it's fine. Are you friends with all your exes?

I'm friends with some of my exes.

I mean, y'know, most of them.

I mean, this guy is a really wonderful writer/poet.

French poet?

-You're not friends with ANY of your exes?

-No.

-Really?

-No.

-I didn't know that about you.

-When it was over, it was over.

So if we broke up, you would not like to see me ever again?

No, if I ran into you, I wouldn't avoid you. I wouldn't go out of my way to hang out with you.

It means you don't think I'm a likeable person outside of our relationship?

Uh, yeah, basically.

That's interesting. I like you, I would like to be your friend when we break up.

-Oh, "when"?

-Whenever we break up. No, IF we break up.

-Uh-huh.

I would like you even if we were not together.

That's very evolved of you. I mean, I'm, y'know...

I mean, that's the way we do it in France.

We stay really close to our exes.

France is responsible for so much of your personal behaviour. How does the government feel?

-They make me pay a lot of taxes.

-Right. Hey, look, can we stop at a pharmacy? My head is just killing me.

I ran out of migraine medication.

-We can get codeine over the counter here, right?

-No!

-No? Why no?

Well, because it's France. You can't buy opiates over the counter. It's not Afghanistan.

-Oh...

-OK, there's no taxi here. Come on, let's go.

Maybe we can find some heroin over the counter.

-This is the bridge.

-I've seen Last Tango more than anybody. Stop there.

-Where?

Right there. Hey, you're doing Brando in the opening scene. All right?

I'm not doing Brando.

-Yeah, look...

-Why don't you do Brando?

You look more like Brando than I do. I don't look anything like him. C'mon. Fingers in the ear.

Fingers in the ear, and then you're in pain, all right?

You're very upset. Here we go. Ahhh!

Fingers in the ear. Aah!

-AAAHHH!

-All right, good.

-You know what?

-What?

'Taking pictures all the time turns you into an observer.

'It automatically takes you out of the moment.

'For our trip to Venice, I wanted to be in the moment with Jack, but instead of kissing on the gondola,

'Jack took 48 pictures on the gondola.

'Instead of holding hands walking across Piazza San Marco,

'Jack took 72 pictures, Piazza San Marco. Et cetera, et cetera.'

Which one of these looks more Godard?

-Er...

-Godard?

-Or Godard?

-Black.

-How do I look?

-The question is,

how do I look?

-OK...

-Uh, you look great.

You look really good, actually.

Like not to fat or too, like...

No, you look fat, but you look good(!) You look good!

-Really, without your glasses, I kind of forgot how good.

-I know. I find my contacts, finally.

-Making quite an effort, huh?

-Huh?

Unlike Venice. Is it for Manu?

Manu?

Hey, we're going to pass by my father's...

gallery on the way. Is that OK?

Because I think you might like it.

-Do you read the Bible?

-I have a Bible?

I didn't even know I had the Bible.

You have this in the Bible.

Oh, that's, er... Oh, yeah.

No, but...

Oh, that's so funny! You found it!

-Yeah.

-No, I was looking for it the other day. It's...

-What's his name?

-I don't know.

I mean, there's so many.

He's the boyfriend of one of my best friends when I was a kid.

Jean Philippe. Jean Louis. Jean Louis.

-Jean Francois!

-Jean Francois.

-It was about ten years ago.

That's not an ex boyfriend, that's just a friend.

It was the 14th of July. He was drunk, I was drunk, we were all drunk.

There was like, 20 people around, wearing balloons.

-You don't think it's a little offensive to have the same picture?

-What?

It's the same exact photo!

As what?

-"As what"?

-Yeah. Oh! I...

-As me!

-No, it's not! It's not at all.

There's a blue, white and red balloon, like 14th of July.

Is this the equivalent of mounting boyfriends' heads on the wall,

but instead you take pictures of helium balloons tied around cocks?

Are there more? If I look through the books, will I find a catalogue of men

with helium balloons tied around their dick?

Will it start raining helium balloons on cocks?

No! It's a coincidence.

Come on. It's no big deal.

No, I just feel really special!

You're special to me. No, that photo we did was special. That was not like this one.

This one was, like, I was drunk, everyone was drunk...

-You're offended.

-Yeah.

-You're very special.

Like in the retarded way, which is obviously why I'm going out with you.

-Are you OK, booby?

-Yeah.

Hey, cool, man!

Ah, super cool.

-He's just saying how beautiful his kids are.

-Hm. That's funny.

He's saying I look like Catherine Zeta Jones.

Catherine Zeta Jones, hein?

Wait, we have a blind cab driver.

Jack. Jack. Enchante.

De Gaulle is fucking the ass of middle class French.

That's Anna, because Michel was with Anna.

They shared the same woman for a while, with my mother. They were having sex.

-Of course they did...

-Anna. Amant.

-Amant. L'amant. L'amant.

-Lover.

-The lover.

-The lover, yeah.

Lover. Et girl...

They're all touching each other.

Voila. Et chicken.

-Chicken, chicken, chicken.

-You gotta have chicken. Chicken sex?

Jeannot, Jeannot.

No, no, no.

-French!

-Yeah, but I get migraines.

He gets headaches from red wine.

-It's a man who's pregnant having a baby.

-Oh, like the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.

-Hermaphrodite.

-Hermaphrodite.

-Euh, pigs.

-Uh huh. Oh, yeah, pigs with some sort of salami.

-Oh, yes.

Marion? Marion?

Yes? What's going on?

-Your father's...

-Cunnilingus.

Cunnilingus. French. Cunnilingus!

I'm sorry, honey. Sorry.

Where are you going?

Au revoir, au revoir.

-Oh, hey.

-Hey.

-Where are you going?

-I'm done here.

-Oh.

-I'll see you at Vanessa's?

-Yeah.

You know, I wanted to tell you, I think it's wrong what Marion did,

showing those pictures of you with the balloons to the family.

Well... It's wrong. You know?

It's not right. It showed...

-It showed no respect for your intimity as a couple.

-"Intimity"?

-Your...

-Oh, intimacy! No, I know!

-Right? I'm not crazy, right?

-No.

-Yeah.

-..ce tableau la bas...

-Take care.

-OK.

What are you doing?

Oh, I needed some air. It's so stuffy in there.

-I know. It's hot.

-Mm.

-You want to go?

-Yeah, yeah. You ready?

-You said goodbye to my dad?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-OK.

-You OK?

-Yeah. Well, yeah.

I got to tell you, it was wrong you showed that picture to your family.

It just knows a total lack of respect for our intimacy.

Your picture? But it's so funny!

-Come on!

-It's totally inappropriate!

My dad loved it! He thought it was hilarious.

Judging by the work in his gallery, that doesn't surprise me.

I don't like being laughed at, that's all.

-Come on.

-I never take subways in New York.

There is no chance of a terrorist attack right now.

Everyone's happy.

-They don't look happy.

-Hm?

They don't look happy.

It's OK. It's all right.

It's OK.

All right, I got it.

Didn't work.

Everything OK?

Ca va? Hey!

Hello! Jack. Hello.

Mon amie, Vanessa. My friend.

-Nice to meet you.

-So, you're the new boyfriend?

-What's your name?

-Sandra.

-Oh, Sandra. "New" boyfriend?

-Uh, not that new, but, all right...

-Nice to meet you.

-Somewhat used. Hi.

-Are you OK?

-Oh, yeah. No, very good. I'm eating little hot dog balls, I got a beer. Everything's good.

-Oh, good!

-You want some more food? I'm OK, honey. I'm 35.

OK, fine.

She still breast feeds me but don't tell anybody.

By the way, did you notice how most women have their pussy formatted

like they have that horrible cut, you know?

The subway ticket?

Subway ticket, huh?

Yeah, "le ticket Metro", we call it here. It's a narrow rectangle.

Oh, landing strip. I hate it.

-You don't like that.

-It's horrible.

-Yeah.

-Yeah. I actually call it Hitler's moustache.

Wow! You really hate it!

When I look at it like this...

-I go. Yeah, it's horrible.

-Yeah.

But it always make my cock back away.

Uh huh, uh huh...

-It's not the right term?

-No, I...

You know, when it get scared or cold.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, scared. I guess cold...

Oh, maybe Americans not have that problem.

You never scared of entering hostile territories.

HE LAUGHS

By the way, I'm Mathieu. Nice to meet you.

Jack. Nice to meet you.

Hey, sweetie.

This guy's talking about fascist vaginas.

-Ca va, toi?

-Ca va?

No, he's doing an exhibition.

He's a really interesting artist.

-Oh, yeah. Ex boyfriend?

-No!

You sure?

-That'd be a record.

-No!

-Oh, Manu!

-Oh, you don't have to speak to him. Come on.

Oh, no, I want to! I love Manu.

'I always thought that a very small lie,

'if it has no repercussions on anything or anyone,

'is not really a lie.

'You have to make a small diagram in your head

'evaluating the pros and cons of the possible consequences,

'and especially if there a chance that the lie might be uncovered.'

-Hey, it's you, dude!

-Hey, man, how are you?

How you doing? Oh, OK. Sure, OK.

-What's up?

-Oh, not much, not much. How you doing?

-No, I'm OK.

-She told you that we used to be together, right?

-Oh, yes.

You know, it was, like, 15 years ago, so it's no big deal at all.

-Really.

-No.

-Yeah...

-She was 19.

-Ah, just a child.

Yeah. I gave her her first orgasm through intercourse.

This is rude. I know when I'm rude. This is rude.

-I'm sorry about that.

-Oh, no, no, no, no!

No, hey, look, you paved the way for the rest of us, right? Sure.

-Toast to that.

-Let's toast to that!

OK. Anyway, you know, it wasn't even a big love story, more like, you know, brother and sister.

-Oh, a brother and sister that have sex.

-Yeah, no big deal, y'know.

Right. Yeah, well, I have to just go get the thing.

I love that guy. Go get it.

-What is it?

-A sole blow job, huh?

You had sex with the guy.

-Who?

-Manu!

No! Well, yeah...

-Just vaguely.

-"Vaguely"?

What is that, just the tip?

-I don't see what the point of lying about it is.

-I didn't lie!

You did, and not to mention the fact that he told me that

he was the first person to give you an orgasm through intercourse.

-Sound familiar?

-No, listen...

-Rings a bell?

-No, I told him that to make him feel better,

-or maybe good.

-Right, exactly, which is exactly what you told me.

-Did I?

-Oh, my God!

-But it's true with you! Is it amnesia? I don't understand.

No, booby, don't be all crappy like this. Please don't be jealous.

You knew I wasn't a virgin when I met you. I was 33!

That's not what I'm saying. I'm talking about the lying.

Of course you're not a virgin. Far from it.

OK, I'm going to get some dip.

I'm a child psychologist.

I work with children with difficulties in the 16th and Neuilly sur Seine.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Rich children.

-With money.

-Yeah. That happens, that happens.

Well, that sounds very fascinating.

One time I have to tell you this story I was working with this kid in my office,

and I had to go to the toilets...

-Uh-huh.

-And when I came back, my chair was all wet.

-That little rat, he had peed on it.

-Oh!

I was so mad.

The only think I could think about after that is that

I just wanted to cut it off, just wanted to cut it off.

-Quit your job, or...?

-No!

I wanted to cut off his little penis.

-Oh, his little penis.

-Yes.

-Oh, boy.

You go to the temple sometimes?

Uh, no. In fact, I'm not really Jewish.

Well, my mother was brought up Catholic, even though it's a Jewish

last name and everything, so technically not Jewish.

-But your father is Jewish. So you're Jewish too, man?

-Right.

You a happy, hairy Jewish man! What do you think?

You think Hitler would let you go because your ma is not Jewish? It doesn't change anything.

You'll be in a camp, put in the camp by all these guys, believe me.

Right, right. OK. All right.

Yeah, I never liked camp.

By the way, I'll be in your apartment for a couple of days.

Marion invited me, so...

We've got one bedroom, a small one bedroom.

Yeah, I'll bring fois gras, you know.

I feel that I'm your brother, and what mine is just yours, man.

Does that mean that what's mine is yours?

-Oh, if you want to give, I'll take it.

-Oh, really?

So this applies to everything? Let me just explain something to you.

Um, I'm American. Right?

And in America, what's mine is mine.

See, my first religion is private property. Don't trespass.

-Don't touch my shit.

-Yeah.

Or I'll kill you. OK? OK!

I like that man. See you in August! I love your home!

You told this paranoid, crazy person he could stay at our place in August?

No, I said he could stay if we were away.

Well, you might want to talk to him, because

he thinks our apartment is the fucking promised land.

I want to remember the least romantic day in Parisian history.

Marion?

Marion!

-Oh, mais ca...

-What's going on? Oh.

Oh, sweetie! What's going on? I don't feel good!

-I don't feel good.

-What's the matter? What's the matter?

Huh?

No, no, no, we had mussels last month on Long Island.

-Yeah, but it was American mussels. Maybe I'm allergic to French mussels.

-Someone call 911!

-Is it 911 here?

-No!

-What? Someone call je suis allergique moules!

-Wait!

-What's the matter? What's the matter?

-I don't have a pulse.

-Yes, you do, honey.

-No!

-You're alive.

No, no, no. Yes, you do, yes, you do.

I'm dead!

No, you're not, you're talking.

Jack? I'm alive, booby.

Yeah, I know you are. I could tell by all the talking.

-Yes.

-Yeah.

-Hey, do you have anything for sinuses? Antihistamine?

-Actually, no.

But she'll be fine. She'll be OK.

-Yeah, I know.

-OK.

Did you enjoy talking to my sister?

I mean, you barely spoke to anyone else.

That's not true. I talked to Mathieu and Manu and Sandra.

They were charming.

"Charming" as in "charming" or are you sarcastic?

No, no, they were lovely.

I can't tell with you!

-Hey, hey, hey...

-Sweetie, it's OK, it's under control.

We're dealing with a fucking psychopath, Nazi, fucking racist asshole.

And that's OK, because you know what? That's France.

We are in France.

Welcome to France, welcome to France,

welcome to France!

-Hey, ca va?

-Fasciste.

We can just... This is fine. This is good right here.

Quoi?

Good night. Thanks.

What is wrong with you?

That guy was a racist.

You know, when we get back to the States, we're checking you into an anger management/rehab clinic.

I didn't even get angry. I mean, is it OK to be racist?

At least Rose is alive.

Smells like lamb in here.

This whole city smells like lamb.

-Uh huh.

-What is this?

Did your mother do this?

-Uh, laundry.

-That's sweet.

Oh, shit. I tell her not to do it, but she can't help it.

She irons jeans? Who irons jeans?

Ironing jeans is her favourite thing in the world. It's nice.

-All right, y'know...

-I thought she was a hippy.

Yeah, but eventually the mother habit started creeping in on her.

-OK, y'see? This is what I'm talking about.

-What?

-I'm trying to get on top!

-Yeah, I know.

-You keep fighting it!

Yeah, because you always want to get on top.

What do you mean, I always want to get on top? That's how I like to do it.

Yeah, that's how YOU like to do it, but I'm here too!

I'm not, like, a human dildo!

You're not?

I'm serious. For all this talk about women being objectified and women are oversexualised and women

being pieces of meant and women being baby-making machines, it's men who are pieces of meat.

It's true! Because there's such emphasis placed on the female orgasm.

It's all about the end result, what's the best position for the woman.

It should be a two-way street. It should be about compromise.

I really feel for you. I mean, it must be horrible to be a man and be used and be an object and all that.

I really support your cause. You should call Amnesty.

I'm so sorry. You know what? I'm not in the mood any more.

-No, no, no, no.

-No!

-No, no.

-How do you want me to have sex with you?

-No!

-I'm sorry.

-I'm not doing this right now.

-Hey, let's go from behind.

-NO!

-OK.

OK? I want to do it on top, and you keep...

OK, listen, now I'm traumatised, OK? I've been rejected.

You know what it is for a woman to be rejected while she's having sex?

No, no, it's over. You know what? I'll probably never eat again.

-I'm probably bulimic or anorexic.

-No, no, no.

-Leave me alone.

Honey, come on, we haven't loved the entire trip.

Well, yeah! Who wasn't in the mood?

I was on the bowl the whole time!

Did you want to mount me while I was shitting my guts out?

Don't say it any more. I can't hear you say the word "shitting"

any more. I'm too tired to fight. Can we do it tomorrow? Thank you.

I'm going to sleep with the cat. He's much sexier, anyway.

Danke!

-What? What? What?

-Oh my God!

I don't know! They're screaming.

Ow! What are you doing?

There's a water pipe that broke downstairs.

-They're on their way.

-Who?

The firemen.

-Oh.

-God!

-Got a hangover.

-I'm going to help, OK?

-Ah, bonjour!

-Bonjour.

Oh, hey, guys. How you doing?

Jack. Enchante.

-Salut.

-Monsieur. How you doing?

Um, can I touch, too?

-Hm?

-Muscles?

-Ca va, ca va...

-No, OK, all right.

-Ohhh!

-Bonne journee.

-Oui.

All right, OK. All right.

Oh!

Finally under control.

-Soaking wet.

-I bet you are.

Ho!

Do you want to come? To the market?

I have such a terrible hangover.

Maybe you should spend some time with your dad.

-He asked you to come!

-How do I know? You're speaking French.

For all I know, he said I killed Christ.

It's one of my favourite things to do in Paris.

-I want to share this with you. Please.

-Yes. Yes, yes, OK.

-Thank you.

-All right.

Then we'll go to brunch, OK?

I feel sick, though.

-"Chaute"!

-Shout!

-Rarrr!

-Shout, chaute!

Il a aime s'amuser a Paris hier?

Did you like visiting Paris?

Oh, yes, very nice, very nice.

-Tres bon.

-Il aime Jim Morrison?

-Do you like Jim Morrison?

Not really, no.

It's a touristical thing to do, that's all.

What is it?

Well, he's keying the car. It's right on the sidewalk!

What is that, a French ticket? You can just...

-Is it legal here to key the...

-No, it's a car parked

on the sidewalk. It's his thing, OK?

-Oh, no, no.

-Oh, he's going to key that one, yeah.

Well, hey, stop the man!

What do you mean, "stop the man"? I can't stop him!

Then let's run or something! Come on.

Can we pick up the pace a little bit?

-Car bad.

-Car bad, yeah...

-He doesn't like cars.

-Apparently, no, he's a...

Pollution.

-Huh?

-Pollution.

-Pollution, yeah.

Well, you should run for office.

-No sleep, no sleep.

-OK.

-I went to a party. Soiree.

-No slip?

-Soiree.

-Slip?

-No sleep.

No slip.

-Ooh, la, la!

-Oh, Jack!

Oh, God! Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, that's so disturbing.

Look what the French did to Babe!

Oh, it's so sad!

Jack! Look, look, look!

-Tongue of veal. Look at this.

-Yeah. No, I see. It's...

-Oh, my God.

I can see it, yeah.

-Agneau de lait.

-Hm?

Agneau de lait. Baaa! Baaa!

-Oh!

-Baby lamb. Baby lamb.

That's sweet, the way he personifies the skinned baby animal...

Uh, I'm not doing so well.

-Really?

-Yeah. I feel like I might have to go back to the apartment.

-Oh.

OK. You're feeling a little sick. OK. I'm sorry.

I stayed up till four watching M, and I'm starting to get paranoid, all the people and the skinned animals.

I feel like I'm going to get lynched, y'know?

Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

But I love this place very much.

-I love it so much.

-OK, OK.

-OK, you take care. OK. All right, you feel better.

-Yeah.

-You've got the keys, booby, right?

-Bye bye. Au revoir.

You don't tell your mother about this, OK?

Oh, they're still at the market. I just came back to take a shower.

That's so nice of you. Very nice. Very nice.

Jeannot very angry with me, mad at me, because

of Jim Morrison.

He doesn't like The Doors?

Because me with Jim, euh...

-Yes.

-You...

-Oui.

-You and J... Oh!

In '69.

Many people were very happy with their body.

-Sex fun, everyone with everyone.

-Oh!

Oh, the mother's a slut, too.

Oh, I see.

No, that's a beautiful story. It's very beautiful.

And do you know...

-For women?

-Oh, women's lib, yeah.

I was one. Do you know that?

Oh, you were...

-Oh, I see, I see.

-Can you pass me the cat, please?

-Oh, Jean Luc? Oh!

-Jean Luc?

-I think he's...

-Ah, he's here.

-Excuse moi.

-Au revoir.

-Bye bye!

Au revoir, au revoir. Merci.

You got the door?

Unbelievable.

It's Music Day today.

It's like people play around, they play music everywhere.

-Oh.

-It's a special day.

We should walk around, no?

Grizzly?

You brought your camera.

Yeah, I might take a few photos.

What are you going to eat?

-I'm not really hungry.

-You don't want to eat anything?

-No.

-Are you sure?

Mm hm.

-What?

-Nothing. I'm just saying hello.

Do you know these guys?

Just a little bit.

Can I just get a bowl of ground glass?

Pardon?

I'm Jack. Enchante.

See, that's how we do it in America.

-One second.

-OK.

-Should I leave?

-I'm sorry, sweetie. It's going to be fine.

Why don't you just tell me what's going on, as a courtesy?

No? Nothing. OK. This is fun.

OK... OK.

Non, ca va, tout va bien.

-What's going on?

-It's OK. I'm fine.

-What are you doing?

-I'm fine.

-What are you doing?

-I'm fine.

I'm fine. Ca va. C'est bon.

I'm OK, sweetie. I'm OK, I'm totally cool.

Everything's in control.

Thanks. Thank you.

Thanks a lot.

-What?

-What the hell is wrong with you?

OK, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

Honestly, I mean, you're like a crazy person.

-Don't say that!

-You had crazy eyes!

I mean, what are you? Are you Mike Tyson? You're Mike Tyson!

-I'm not Mike Tyson!

-I'm dating Mike Tyson!

-No, you're not.

I... It was a guy I dated that did something so horrible.

No, no, listen to me. It's so horrible.

-What?

-It was not like a regular thing.

When?

Seven years ago.

Seven years ago?

And you're still this pissed? Man!

He did something despicable. He represents everything I hate.

He's part of this little bourgeoisie, and he did something that is so wrong...

Oh, here we go, here we go. Right, OK.

You know, lying and doing terrible things.

I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care!

-Like, this post colonial bullshit.

-I don't care.

I don't care. It doesn't warrant that kind of behaviour. OK?

You have an impulse control disorder, and you need to be medicated.

That's the problem here.

I was in control.

I was just... I was, like...

OK, I was angry. I was angry. But I'll never get angry again.

I lost my temper because he did something so wrong.

He had sex with children.

You know how to pick 'em, honey!

I think it was wrong to throw us out like this.

You think it was wrong to throw us out?

We're lucky we don't get shot, the two of us. I mean, honestly!

Well, they don't shoot people in France.

That's bullshit. That's another fallacy.

But anyway, um, so,

so that was another ex.

-Yeah.

-All right. No big deal.

I mean, right, run into a couple of exes. That's not a big deal, right?

-Yeah. Why would it be a big deal?

-Is an affair a big deal?

Is that a big deal to you?

-Yes, of course.

-OK.

-What?

-So is the affair with this guy a big deal?

-Who?

With Mathieu?

-What?

-Mm hm.

I left my phone in Paris.

You know? That's why I picked it up when we came from New York to drop the cat, right?

-Uh huh.

-So... So, I left it...

My mum gave it to my sister, and she had an affair with him.

So he left it for my sister.

-Right.

-The messages.

-Right, right. OK, not bad, not bad, not bad.

Um, try this one, though, with just slightly more feeling. I'm not quite sure I bought that one.

I mean, honestly, do you think I'm an idi...

You must think I'm the stupidest person on the planet.

You expect me to believe we're a victim of some sort of little French farce here?

And your poor little sister you're going to turn into a scapegoat?

I mean, honey, that girl's got enough problems.

She's busy turning dozens of children into serial killers right now. She's very busy.

OK, you're right. You're right. I did have a thing with Mathieu

two years ago, but it was nothing serious.

It was before I met you, so it doesn't count.

OK? It doesn't mean anything.

You know what? You know what I'm starting to believe?

I'm starting to believe there is a small world theory but it applies to your sex life.

And it wasn't two years ago, honey.

I don't know what the fuck these things say,

but I know that they were in January, OK? And that they're horrible.

Monsieur, monsieur?

See? They were bad. They were bad.

-Why are you doing this?

-These are bad!

-I didn't lie.

You know, he kept on sending me messages even after...

It was nothing, and he keeps sending messages.

I mean, it's actually funny. Some of them are really funny.

Let me translate the humour to you.

It's funny. It's not like serious sex messages.

-So you lied.

-I don't lie!

I was protecting you. I didn't want to hurt your feelings, all right?

I lied.

I lied just on that, but please trust me, I didn't do anything bad.

I didn't do anything bad. I didn't cheat on you!

But how do I know? How can I even believe you any more?

How do I know what's bad, anyway, to you? I mean, honestly.

In France, apparently, maybe having a little anal sex on the side

is like, y'know, going fishing or playing a little Scrabble.

OK, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Trust me, the messages mean nothing to me.

It's just messages. I didn't do anything bad.

-Please, we're in Paris.

-Oh, no, no, no, no. No, we're not.

No, we're not. We're not in Paris. WE'RE IN HELL!

-Say it.

-Say what?

-Say I'm a whore.

I'm a whore.

-I'm a whore.

-I'm a whore!

-No, I'm a whore! Just say it!

-No, I'm a whore!

-Just say it. What, you don't want to say it?

You want to stay the friendly John Wayne guy, right?

John Wayne!

You want to be the good guy always?

I'm the Indian!

Yes! That's me. Well, let me break the news to you.

It's not your cock that's too big for French condoms.

It's your ego that's too big for French condoms.

And Italian condoms, too.

Not bad.

Why did I say that? That was so stupid.

Bonjour. Bonjour. Okey dokey...

Uh, can I get a double cheeseburger, a large fries and a Pepsi?

-Uh, no English?

-Non.

Right. Uh, A, uh, moo, moo!

Right? Double.

Deux, y'know. And then large fries.

And a Pepsi, cos Pepsi's got to be the same in every language.

Oh! This thing. This, this.

-Ca?

-I mean, I don't want to eat the paper, but the food on the paper.

-C'est ca?

-The food on the paper, yeah.

Merci.

There we go, some European money. Were you pissed about the franc?

That thing must have kind of upset you, huh?

Voila. Perfect.

-Thank you. I hate Paris.

-Au revoir.

-Hi.

-Hi.

Can I sit with you?

Uh, OK.

This fast food chain has half the animals still alive when they are skinned.

Everything you're eating is genetically modified.

-Your bun has moths in it.

-The bun has moths?

-Mm.

-I see.

Are you having a hard time here language wise?

The language, the food...

Uh, no, I'm fine. I'm fine.

You seem a bit stressed out.

Uh huh. Yeah, well, I just found out my girlfriend's a slut, so...

-What do you mean?

-She has sex with many men.

Over and over. For long periods of time.

For money, probably.

She can't get enough.

Good stuff, huh?

Yeah...

'I don't know, maybe I'm the asshole. Y'know, maybe I drove her to this.'

'Y'know, all these accusations, eventually they lead to something.'

Maybe I don't want to expose myself to her completely, really be honest

with her, because I'm afraid of hearing what she has to say about her own past and that kind

of thing. Either way, there's not a true exchange.

Y'know, it's not real honesty. It sounds stupid, but I've never even admitted to anybody that I've,

y'know, masturbated, know what I mean?

I see what you're saying.

-Mm hm...

-But, man,

love is everything we have.

See, the world around us is going to shit, and all we have left is each other.

-Right.

-You know I'm a fairy?

Oh. Yeah, well, I...

-No, no, like a real fairy.

-Oh, a real...

-Yeah.

-Uh huh.

You need to go back to her.

She's not a slut. Maybe you need to be more careful with her, meaning "full of care". Care more.

At the very end of your life, you'll look back. What will you think of?

The job you've got or didn't get or the money you made? No.

You will think mostly of the people you loved and especially of the one woman you loved.

And even better,

she'll be right there

-holding your hand.

-Mm hm...

-Mm hm.

-I'll be right back.

-OK.

You're going to have to run.

Run back to her?

No, just run. When the alarm goes off, you run.

-It's a delayed fire. No one ever gets hurt.

-Excuse me?

Here's my number if you need any help. I'm Lukas.

Jack.

ALARM GOES OFF

I ran into Iraq.

OK... Pardon.

No, no! Moi Americain. No, I don't.

I speak English. English!

Oh, the guy!

He went over there.

No, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no!

No, no! Comedy of errors.

I'm an interior designer, for fuck's sake!

MARION!

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You guys have been terrific.

I don't know what you're saying, but you have a wonderful singing voice.

Hi.

Hey.

I don't know you.

What are you talking about? Are you drunk?

I was sitting at this fast food restaurant,

and I'm holding hands with this fairy right before he sets the place on fire, y'know?

A fairy?

I don't mean like a gay person.

Y'know, like, from heaven. Y'know?

-Or a schizophrenic vegan...

-Uh huh.

maybe. He hated fast food. I realised something so basic, I mean SO basic.

-I don't know you.

-You don't know me?

-No!

'To sum up the four hours of discussion that followed, it's not easy being in a relationship,

'much less to truly know the other one and accept them as they are, with all their flaws and baggage.'

-"Marion."

-You shaved an M?

'Jack confessed to me his fear of being rejected if I truly knew him,

'if he showed himself totally bare to me.

'Jack realised after two years of being with me that he didn't know me at all, nor did I know him, and

'to truly love each other we needed to know the truth about each other, even if it's not so easy to take.

'So I told him the truth, which was I'd never cheated on him,

'and I also told him that I'd just seen Mathieu that afternoon.

'He did not get mad at me, because nothing had happened, of course.

'I confessed to Jack that the toughest thing for me was to decide to be with someone for good.

I understand that completely.

'The idea that this is it, this is the man I'm going to

'spend the rest of my life with, to decide that I will make the

'effort to stay and work things out and not run off the minute there is a problem is very difficult for me.

'I told him I could not be for just one man for the rest of my life.

'It was a lie, but I said it anyway.

'He asked me if I thought I was a squirrel, collecting men like nuts to put away for cold winters.

'I thought it was quite funny.

'Then he said something that hurt my feelings.

'The tone changed drastically.

'Then I misunderstood what he was saying.

'I thought he meant he didn't love me any more and that he wanted to break up.

'It always fascinates me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all. Nothing.

'It hurts so much.

'When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency

'to break up first, before I get to hear the whole thing.

'Here it is. One more, one less.

'Another wasted love story.

'I really loved this one.