In Search of a Midnight Kiss


In Search of a Midnight Kiss

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Transcript


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This film contains very strong language.

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# I feel it happening

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# My heart's giving in

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# There's nothing wrong with me... #

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The midnight kiss.

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It's not just another kiss.

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It's all the hope of romance of the year culminating in just one moment.

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And that overhyped kiss in which there is so much calling, texting, IM-ing, planning, hurrying,

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drinking to make happen is all set at a moment when time itself takes centre stage, when you can palpably

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feel the weight of the year to come mixed with the loneliness and missed opportunities of the years gone by.

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For years, I used to work at a video store, and on New Year's I would always deal

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with what I thought were my people - those brokenhearted souls that hated the whole pageantry of the night,

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the ones who wanted to quietly and privately wallow in their own self-pity, getting drunk

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on the fictional romance and heartbreak of others.

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That was me, the lonely hunker-down type, waiting for the night to blow over.

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But sometimes you're so low you can no longer follow that routine any more.

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# I feel it happening

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# My heart's giving in

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# There's nothing wrong with me

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# Can't wait to begin

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# Your love surrounds me... #

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Oh, Jeez, I'm sorry.

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-Oh, God! Oh, man! I didn't know you guys were here, man!

-It's all right.

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-I thought you guys were at Min's house.

-Yeah, we got home early.

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Ah, don't worry about it. It's OK, man.

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-I'm really embarrassed.

-Don't be. Everybody jerks off. It's natural.

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I had no idea you guys were even here.

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We just got home before. Don't even worry about it, man.

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You know?

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Hey, what the fuck is this?

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It's...

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-Is that Min?

-No, it's nothing. It's nothing.

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I'll explain that in a second. Just don't go in there, Jacob.

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-It looks just like her.

-No, it's not.

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-Well, what is this?

-I'll explain in a second, all right?

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Hey, Min?

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Min, get in here, OK?

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-No, no, no, no, no, come on. Jacob...

-Is that you?

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God, no! Jacob!

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-Oh, man!

-Is that you?

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-No!

-What do you mean, that's not you? That's definitely you!

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That is not you? You're telling me that's not you? Are you sure that's not you?

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No, it's not!

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-Positive?

-It's not me!

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Just give it to me straight.

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That's you? What happened? It doesn't matter.

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ARGUMENT CONTINUES

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# I'll take a trip on a slow boat through paradise with you. #

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I'm a worthless piece of shit that should just die and not be buried.

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I mean, I can't even get a job in this town.

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-You just need to get laid.

-I'm trying!

-You're trying?

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What, are you hitting on the fucking girl at the grocery store when you buy your tub of Chunky Monkey?

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You don't see it. I mean, I put myself out there...

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All you've done is sit around, eat your ice cream and fucking smoke bongloads

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You haven't even looked for work, man.

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Look, if you just want to sit there and stare out the window with your beer and smoke your cigarette,

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that's fine, and jack off to pictures of my girlfriend on New Year's Eve, just be my guest.

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Jacob, leave him alone. I thought it was sweet.

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You thought it was sweet that he was jacking off to pictures of you?

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I thought it was really flattering.

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You are the cutest thing in the world! Oh, my God!

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Oh, my God, what is this?

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We could give him some more material, you know?

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Well, I'm going to go check my e-mail.

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-Dude, quit!

-OK...

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It's just the whole world that I find depressing right now, you know?

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Just the wars and the lies and Columbine and George Bush...

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Columbine was ten years ago!

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I'm just saying, there's so much hatred and just violence out there.

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Look, if you really want to meet somebody that's pretty and cool and interesting, you can do that.

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All you got to do, my friend, is put an ad up on the Craigslist.

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I don't know, man. The whole online dating thing, I think it's a little bit too...

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-pathetic for me.

-It's not pathetic. I mean, everybody does it. I have a MySpace page, Facebook.

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-Min does, too. Everybody does.

-That's different than Craigslist.

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Look, you don't have time to do MySpace. Craigslist is the only way.

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Look at it as research into the world. You haven't written anything since you've been here.

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Here, check this out.

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Look at all these lonely people. All these women are online right now.

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If you go to a bar, nobody's even going to talk to you.

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They're won't look at you. You have to message them, you have to say,

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"Hey, yeah, I'll send you a message," in order for them to trust you.

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Listen, if you don't do that, it's just going to be weird and creepy.

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Hey, Min, don't you think he should do it?

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Yeah, yeah, absolutely! You should do it before it's too late.

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Just type it.

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Just write the damn thing.

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This is humiliating.

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Misanthrope seeks misanthrope.

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If you respond to this ad, you're probably not the kind of woman I'd go out with.

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I guess I'm lonely and it's New Year's and I'm willing to embarrass the hell out of myself with this ad.

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My girlfriends have over the years been intelligent and beautiful.

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In the end they've all broken my heart, whatever that means. My friend says I need a photo, so here it is.

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-Talk soon. Wilson.

-Well, yeah, that's good. Very clever. Sounds really good.

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OK, all we have to do now is put up a photo and put your number in.

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Put our home phone number on there. I don't want my cell phone ringing off the hook.

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-I can't believe we're doing this. We're inviting total insanity into our house.

-That's good, man!

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You're not going to find it sitting around the apartment.

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We're going to get robbed. I'm going to get raped.

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All right, look, it's all up on the World Wide Web now, all right?

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Now it's time to see if you're really hot or not.

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Your phone is going to be ringing off the hook. You're going to have14-year-olds calling you,

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you're going to have grandmas calling you. Better be excited about this one.

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'There's no way I could have understood their pain.

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'And when I see that, you know, I just want to do something.'

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-Totally.

-HE COUGHS

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'Are you smoking pot?'

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Yes.

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'While you're talking to your mother on the phone?'

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Look, Mom, you're just talking and talking. I just figured... Oh, hey, Mom, thank you so much.

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I got the package. It came yesterday.

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'Are you sure this is what you want?'

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Yes, absolutely. I love it.

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God, you two are so lucky to have each other. I mean, I just miss that sort of comfort and connection.

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Like Karen and I. We worked at the same restaurant,

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and we'd sometimes leave early and go to the McDonald's drive-through,

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and we'd just sit there, eating and just sitting there,

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sharing that moment, y'know, just being there with one another.

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Yeah.

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It seems like yesterday we were back in Texas.

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So much has happened over these three months, unfortunately all bad for me.

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LA has been a disaster.

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The day after we broke up, on my drive out here, I flipped my car.

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The tread on the tyre separated and I lost control. The photo is attached.

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It was surreal. There I was, standing in the middle of I-10 with everything I own

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flung across the freeway in the middle of Arizona, you were on the opposite side of the world,

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all my close friends were 16 hours to the east and I was to move to a place I'd loathed my whole life,

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LA. And I'd arrive there without a car.

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The script that we all thought would sell has been delayed

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after my laptop was stolen one night during a walk with my sister.

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'Someone biked by and took my computer.

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'I stupidly left it in my nephew's stroller a few feet away from me.'

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BOY LAUGHS That's funny, right?

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Since then, I've been in a total daze and bordering on suicide.

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I probably would have done it if the bathtub here wasn't so filthy.

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I don't know what I'm doing here in LA.

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I miss you more than I could possibly imagine. Just hearing your voice would melt all my anxiety,

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as I would know that there's someone out there that still cares whether I live or die.

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Karen, hope you're feeling well. Happy New Year.

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Looks like my script's going to sell. Finally I can pay off all my debts!

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Now who knows what's next? I'd love to hear your voice sometime.

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-So, what happened the other day with the woman across the hall?

-She died.

-Oh, gosh.

-She absolutely died.

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-You know why? Because she was very old.

-Oh, you know what?

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I didn't see her on Willard. She was, what, in her eighties?

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But apart from that, she was a bitch. She was a bitch.

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Between the running of the water and the showers, the bath, I'm sorry, but it was just insane with her.

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-They must have buried a prune!

-That's kind of harsh.

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Well, hey, it's the New Year's.

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Out with the old, in with the new.

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-Oh!

-Happy New Year. And what are you doing for New Year's? Anything interesting?

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PHONE RINGS

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Oh, shit, it's on now, man.

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Hello?

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# Happy, happy birthday today

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-'# Happy, happy birthday anyway...'

-Who is it?

-'# ..any day'

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# Baby boy, baby boy baby boom-boom-boom!#

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-Hey, Mom. How's it going? God, you sound like you're at a party or something.

-I am! Hi!

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'Oh, I love Florida! God!'

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-I have so many friends!

-Glad you're having a good time.

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Wilson, I have something very serious to discuss with you.

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-What?

-You have to promise. You can't joke or laugh about it.

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-I mean, it's hard enough as it is.

-Mom, I'm not going to judge you.

-You promise?

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-I promise! Mom, what?!

-I'm getting breast enhancement.

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-'At a discount!'

-What?! Why?

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Well, Wilson, you said you wouldn't be judgmental.

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I'm not judging you!

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Y'know, you're a nice woman settling into her old age. You don't need a boob job.

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La, la, la, I'm not listening!

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'I'm doing it anyway. La, la, la.

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Hang on, I got another call.

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Hello?

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'Hello?'

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Are you the misanthrope?

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Um, uh, yes.

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Are you the misanthropee?

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Um, I don't know. I had to look it up.

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You know, it sounds pretty intense, but I guess for today that's me, so, um, I'll give you a shot.

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But listen, I'm not wasting my New Year's Eve on somebody I don't like.

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We'll meet, and within five minutes I'll know if I like you. Where do you want to meet?

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Whoa, that seems like a lot of pressure. I don't know if I can handle that.

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Yeah? Well, life's full of pressure, y'know? So, is La Poubelle OK with you?

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Uh, yeah, it's...

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Then I'll see you there at about four o'clock.

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Wait, hold on. I don't even know what you look like.

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I mean, you've seen a picture of me.

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Well, I'm 300lb, I'm into bondage, and I like Hello Kitty.

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'God, I'm just kidding! What can you not find out in five minutes?'

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No offence, but I'm meeting three other guys before I meet you.

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I'm going to figure out which one I like best. OK?

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I'm not going to waste my New Year's Eve on some total fuck-up. Do you get what I'm saying?

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-Are you going to meet me there at four?

-'OK.'

-OK, great.

-'Wait, wait.'

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What will you be wearing?

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What? Is this some kind of fucking sex thing?

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No! No, no, I'm just going to be sitting there all nervous

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and looking at every girl that comes in, and, y'know, it's embarrassing.

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Well, too bad, OK? That's your fucking life right now. I can't help you. So, I'll see you at four?

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-Will I see you at four?

-OK.

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OK, bye.

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-I'm sorry about that.

-Who was that?

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It was, uh, just a friend.

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-A girl?

-Yeah, actually it was.

-What's her name? What's she do?

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Mom, it's not at that point. Just let it be, OK?

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I mean, honey, you're hedging on thirty.

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You'd think you'd be on a serious relationship.

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Mom, Mom, Jeez, come on!

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-OK? Just drop it.

-Oh, OK.

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Y'know, you sound good, honey, you really do.

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I mean, I thought maybe when Karen dumped you I'd be worried about you,

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-but you sound good!

-Yeah, I've never been happier.

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That's my go-get-'em kid! You go get 'em, honey.

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Happy New Year, baby.

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-I think you look great.

-Really?

-You're going to need a belt, though.

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Jacob! Can you grab some belts?

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Got the belts! Which one?

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-This one.

-OK.

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You're looking good, man!

0:14:380:14:39

You look great! I like the whole Freddy Krueger look and everything. I love that sweater on you, man.

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-I feel like a rodeo clown.

-You're not. Hey, Bui, get in here, man.

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Help me with this guy. What do you think of this guy's outfit?

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Oh, man! Yeah, you look New York.

0:14:500:14:52

Well, I just don't like wearing clothes that I look back in ten years and I feel humiliated.

0:14:520:14:58

That's not this outfit. That's nice. That's a classic. That's timeless, man.

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-Clothes make the man! You got to feel comfortable.

-I feel good. I mean, the belt's not working.

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-Do you have another belt, Jacob?

-I got it. I used to wear this belt.

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You just need to come down, buckle my shoe, right there. Yeah!

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-You're feeling it. So, this is the outfit, then?

-Yeah.

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-All right, good, you're dressed.

-I would totally fuck you.

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See? I would fuck you, too. We'd all do an orgy.

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She'd fuck you, I'd fuck you.

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Would you fuck him?

0:15:250:15:28

OK. Yeah! Yeah, I mean...

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See? Look, you're looking good. This is like the heartbreaker outfit.

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-You'll break hearts in this outfit. You ready to break a heart?

-Yeah, I feel Mr Heartbreaker.

0:15:340:15:39

-Now we're talking! There you go. All right, high five?

-High five.

0:15:390:15:42

-High five, everybody. High five.

-I'm feeling confident.

0:15:420:15:46

Sorry about that, man. I just don't feel confident wearing those clothes.

0:15:460:15:51

It's all right, you got to wear what you like. That's how it works.

0:15:510:15:54

So, thanks for letting me borrow your car tonight.

0:15:540:15:56

-I'll fill it up with gas.

-It's not a problem, it's not a problem.

0:15:560:15:59

Do you want to borrow some money? You can buy the girl some flowers.

0:15:590:16:02

I don't need to borrow any money from you.

0:16:020:16:04

-We used to take baths together when we were ten. You can borrow anything.

-Whoa, we weren't ten,

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we were, like, two.

0:16:080:16:09

Hey, don't eat her out.

0:16:090:16:11

What?! What are you talking about?

0:16:110:16:13

We're not in Texas any more. This is LA, man. Girls are dirty here, man.

0:16:130:16:16

Just don't eat her out. And wear a condom.

0:16:160:16:18

I'm not even thinking about that right now.

0:16:180:16:20

Look, I don't want to get some disease because I used the same bar of soap as you

0:16:200:16:24

or cos I sat on the toilet with you, y'know?

0:16:240:16:27

Just don't do it. Just don't do it.

0:16:270:16:28

-Well, I don't have any condoms, so...

-Don't worry about it.

0:16:280:16:31

-I got you covered. I brought some for you.

-Whoa! Jeez!

0:16:310:16:34

I don't need five!

0:16:340:16:35

Actually, I don't need any. I don't like having them on me.

0:16:350:16:39

It's too predetermined.

0:16:390:16:40

It's reality! It's not predetermined, it's reality.

0:16:400:16:43

If it gets to that point, I can just run out and get some.

0:16:430:16:46

Jesus Christ, you're acting like you're in seventh grade, man!

0:16:460:16:50

We fuck, we suck. We're animals, we're apes.

0:16:500:16:52

We stick fucking pieces of plastic in us so that we can come,

0:16:520:16:55

we fucking stick each other's dicks in each other's asses.

0:16:550:16:59

You don't get upset when they leave toilet paper next to the toilet seat

0:16:590:17:03

because they assume you have to wipe your ass, do you?

0:17:030:17:06

Well, do you or not, man?

0:17:080:17:10

Shit, no, you don't, man!

0:17:100:17:12

Girls aren't going to carry those things. Girls don't do that thing.

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They feel guilty. They feel like sluts if they carry these things around, so just take 'em.

0:17:160:17:20

-I'll take two.

-No, take three.

0:17:200:17:23

Sometimes you get tired and you're going to need to slip on one.

0:17:230:17:26

That's a big one. That's an extra large. I don't know your size, but it might come in handy.

0:17:260:17:31

I haven't seen a condom in six years.

0:17:310:17:33

Get used to it, man. I mean, these ladies out there, they are insane.

0:17:330:17:38

They are trying to hook a man. We are getting older. They'll poke holes in condoms.

0:17:380:17:42

No, I'm serious. Especially the Asian ones, man.

0:17:420:17:46

They will fucking poke holes in condoms so they get knocked up,

0:17:460:17:49

cos if they get knocked up they get citizenship.

0:17:490:17:52

Yellow fever? Wear the fucking life jacket.

0:17:520:17:53

That's it. Your nut sack is filled with green cards, all right?

0:17:530:17:57

So just be safe and bring your own.

0:17:570:18:01

Man, I don't even know if she's good-looking.

0:18:010:18:03

I mean, she said she was 300lb and into bondage.

0:18:030:18:06

All right, man, here. Just take all five. This is fucking hilarious.

0:18:060:18:10

Look, you got to promise me you're going to come to the party tonight. It's important.

0:18:180:18:23

Well, I'll try. I don't know what's going to happen in here. I may be tied to the dominatrix's bed post.

0:18:230:18:27

Fuck, uh, there's something very, very special that I'm going to do,

0:18:270:18:32

and it would mean a lot to me if you were going to be there.

0:18:320:18:36

What?

0:18:360:18:37

What are you talking about?

0:18:370:18:39

All right, don't say anything, but...

0:18:390:18:41

..I'm going to propose to Min.

0:18:430:18:46

You're serious?

0:18:460:18:47

Yeah. I love her. I just figure, y'know, why not get married?

0:18:470:18:52

Do you have a ring?

0:18:520:18:53

Yeah! Yeah. My mom just sent it yesterday.

0:18:530:18:57

This came yesterday. Look at that.

0:18:570:19:00

That's the ring of doom.

0:19:000:19:02

My father gave that to every one of his five wives, and every one of them ended in divorce.

0:19:020:19:08

My mom is the only one that kept it.

0:19:080:19:10

And that ring has so much fucking hatred and just anger and aggression

0:19:100:19:15

and fucking frustration and just divorce all tied into that. But you know what?

0:19:150:19:20

I don't care. My love for Min is so strong that I'm going to beat the McIntyre curse.

0:19:200:19:25

That right there is going to become the ring of love.

0:19:250:19:28

Man, I'm so happy for you.

0:19:290:19:31

I was going to do it this morning, but your little jack-off stunt kinda killed the mood.

0:19:310:19:36

You just made the whole thing that much more memorable. It's great.

0:19:360:19:39

Oh, that's great(!) Now you're going to tell that story every time somebody asks you how you proposed.

0:19:390:19:45

Yeah, man, that's why I love you.

0:19:450:19:47

I love you for that.

0:19:470:19:48

All right, man.

0:19:510:19:53

Good luck. I'm happy for you, man.

0:19:530:19:56

-I'm really happy for you. Good luck.

-And you. Good luck.

0:19:560:19:58

-I'll see you tonight.

-All righty.

0:19:580:20:01

-Hey, uh, I'm just meeting someone here.

-Sure. Two?

0:20:100:20:14

-Two, yeah.

-Wherever you like.

0:20:140:20:16

OK. And can I get a double espresso?

0:20:160:20:17

No problem.

0:20:170:20:19

Wilson!

0:21:020:21:03

Hey.

0:21:160:21:17

You're not that bad. You should've seen the last guy I interviewed.

0:21:170:21:21

Said he was an acupuncturist.

0:21:210:21:22

Wanted to take me to his house, lights candles and stick fucking pins in me. I fucking hate men!

0:21:220:21:27

-I think they're going to end up being so simple, and they're just fucking apes.

-Yeah...

0:21:270:21:33

So, uh, how old are you?

0:21:330:21:36

What?!

0:21:360:21:37

-How old are you?

-Don't you think that's a fucking rude question?

0:21:370:21:43

No! I mean, obviously you're extremely attractive.

0:21:430:21:47

-What?

-C'mere, c'mere.

0:21:510:21:53

Actually, to tell you the truth, I'm 17.

0:21:540:21:58

But don't freak out. I'm going to be 18 in eleven months.

0:21:580:22:02

I know you probably want to have sex. So do I, but you can still come over.

0:22:020:22:05

My mom's room is way down the hall, and my dad goes hunting every weekend.

0:22:050:22:09

And to tell you the truth, Wilson,

0:22:090:22:12

I don't know if I can wait.

0:22:120:22:14

My pussy is so wet right now.

0:22:140:22:15

It's going to be too hard.

0:22:150:22:17

Oh, my God.

0:22:220:22:24

-What?

-You're fucking thinking about statutory rape right now.

0:22:240:22:27

-You're a mental statutory rapist. That's fucking great. I'm 27.

-Oh.

0:22:270:22:32

You really thought I was 17?

0:22:320:22:35

No! I mean, I'm glad that you're not.

0:22:350:22:39

-Why, so now you can fuck me?

-What? No!

-Just get a life, OK?

0:22:390:22:43

This isn't a "get laid for free" night, OK? Damn it. I think we should pray.

0:22:430:22:46

-What? Are you serious?

-Yes! Do you have a problem with that?

-Well, actually, I...

-Shhh!

0:22:460:22:51

Close your eyes.

0:22:510:22:54

Dear God, whoever you are, please help us find whatever it is we're looking for tonight.

0:22:540:22:59

And please let Wilson know that he's not going to get in my pants.

0:22:590:23:02

I don't want him to be too heartbroken. In God's name, amen.

0:23:020:23:06

Amen.

0:23:070:23:09

That felt really good. I haven't prayed in a long time.

0:23:090:23:12

-So, are you, like, really religious?

-Uh-uh. I just said that so you wouldn't want to have sex with me.

0:23:120:23:16

I can't stand religious guys. They're all so fucking hyper.

0:23:160:23:19

Well, maybe God IS watching over us tonight.

0:23:190:23:22

So we can find what we're looking for?

0:23:220:23:24

What are you looking for?

0:23:250:23:27

The love of my life.

0:23:270:23:30

On Craigslist?

0:23:300:23:33

No. God, no, forget it. I can't even stand any more relationships.

0:23:330:23:36

Oh, I have one more interview after you, and actually, I think the guy is here.

0:23:360:23:40

-So if you don't mind sitting over there for a second...

-Are you serious?

0:23:400:23:44

-Yeah, just go sit over there.

-Don't you think...

-Just go fucking sit!

0:23:440:23:47

Hi. You must be Stevie.

0:23:520:23:54

Yes, I am. Thanks for meeting me. Mm. Wow, you're really good-looking, I have to say.

0:23:540:23:58

Thank you. That's very flattering.

0:23:580:24:00

-Mm-hm.

-So tell me, what do you do?

0:24:000:24:02

-What's your occupation?

-I run a termite company.

0:24:020:24:04

I used to have a restaurant, but the termite company's really good. Really good.

0:24:040:24:09

-That's the main thing I do.

-Wow. So, you seem like a really nice guy. Why are you posting ads on Craigslist?

0:24:090:24:13

-Don't you think that's a little pathetic?

-It's not something I normally do.

0:24:130:24:17

Come on, Stevie, everybody says that.

0:24:170:24:20

I mean, uh, I'm divorced, I'm lonely.

0:24:200:24:25

It's hard to meet single women.

0:24:250:24:27

Y'know, all my friends are married, and I have two kids.

0:24:270:24:31

Does that freak you out at all?

0:24:310:24:33

-Mm-mm.

-I'm just trying to meet somebody.

-Right, right.

0:24:330:24:36

-So, kids. Two of them.

-Yeah.

0:24:360:24:38

Mm-hm. Boy-girl? Boy-boy? Girl-girl?

0:24:380:24:40

Oh, boy-girl. Jack, he's five.

0:24:400:24:42

And Melissa, she's three. And they're just beautiful kids.

0:24:420:24:46

Well, um, you see like a really nice guy, Stevie, but to tell you the truth.

0:24:460:24:51

I just don't think it's going to work out.

0:24:510:24:53

Well, I just drove down here from Irvine.

0:24:570:24:59

I mean, for sixty seconds? It was, like, an hour and a half drive.

0:24:590:25:02

I mean, we could go out. We could have a really good time. I mean, sure, we could get along.

0:25:020:25:06

It'll be fun. I'm a really fun guy.

0:25:060:25:08

It's just not going to work out today.

0:25:080:25:10

-It was really, really nice meeting you.

-Oh, my God!

0:25:120:25:18

-Oh, and have a happy New Year!

-Yeah, happy New Year.

0:25:180:25:21

Let's go.

0:25:260:25:29

Don't you think you were a little harsh back there?

0:25:290:25:32

No. When you have eleven siblings, you know how to just go out there and get what you want.

0:25:320:25:36

You can't waste any time. I think that's what's really going to give me my edge out here.

0:25:360:25:40

Your edge? What do you mean, your edge?

0:25:400:25:41

Well, I'm an actress, and out here it's a dime a dozen, and I just don't think people out here have

0:25:410:25:46

the raw ambition that I do. I don't know.

0:25:460:25:50

You're a real All About Eve, huh?

0:25:500:25:52

I don't know who Eve is, but yeah, I guess so.

0:25:520:25:55

-Whoa, where are we going?

-I don't know. I was following you.

-Well, I was following you.

0:25:550:26:01

I'm not getting into a car with you.

0:26:010:26:03

-OK. We could take the subway.

-Yeah! Yeah, yeah, that sounds good.

0:26:040:26:09

Public place, there are people around, you can't rape me. That's great.

0:26:090:26:13

-You're a real trusting soul(!)

-Y'know, I'm giving you until sunset, and then I'm going to figure out

0:26:130:26:18

if I like you or not. If not, I'm going to go out with somebody else.

0:26:180:26:21

-You're kidding, right?

-No! I don't have time to fuck around.

0:26:210:26:24

I mean, so far, you seem like a really nice guy, but I'm not going to be standing there at midnight

0:26:240:26:29

next to a bunch of people fucking kissing all over each other next to some fucking dud.

0:26:290:26:33

So, you ever been down to the MOCA?

0:26:350:26:38

-What's that?

-It's, um,

0:26:380:26:41

the Museum of Contemporary Art.

0:26:410:26:43

-I guess you've never heard of it.

-MOBILE RINGS

-I hate museums.

0:26:430:26:46

Oh, fuck you.

0:26:460:26:48

As if I'm going to pick up. I mean, seriously, what is wrong with men?

0:26:480:26:51

What the fuck is wrong with you guys?

0:26:510:26:53

Um, I don't know.

0:26:530:26:57

'Hey, this is Vivian. Leave a message and I'll call you back.

0:26:580:27:01

'Thanks!'

0:27:010:27:02

'Viv, it's been five days, and I'm just driving around looking for you.

0:27:040:27:08

'I don't know what else to do.

0:27:080:27:10

'If you, uh,

0:27:100:27:12

'got all these messages and you're ignoring me

0:27:120:27:14

'and you want to move on with your life, that's fine, I understand, but...'

0:27:140:27:20

'..I cannot let that happen.

0:27:220:27:24

'Call me, honey. I love you.'

0:27:270:27:29

Hey, you shouldn't smoke in here.

0:27:360:27:38

-Why not?

-For starters, it's not allowed.

-Wow.

0:27:380:27:40

-Second of all, I hate litter.

-Aren't you a goody two shoes?

0:27:400:27:43

No, I just don't like litter!

0:27:430:27:46

You're a real wild man.

0:27:460:27:49

-Listen, I have my moments.

-You're right,

0:27:490:27:51

it's the quiet guys we have to look out for,

0:27:510:27:53

-they tend to be the freakiest.

-Yeah, and you're not freaky?

0:27:530:27:56

I almost walked out of that coffee shop when you said that shit to that guy.

0:27:560:28:00

Oh, my God! That is pathetic, you're too soft.

0:28:000:28:02

Well, that guy probably went home and slit his wrists.

0:28:020:28:05

Fine by me, it's survival of the fittest.

0:28:050:28:07

-If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

-Jeez!

0:28:070:28:11

Don't you think it's that random act of unkindness from some total stranger

0:28:110:28:15

that's the coup de grace? And all of a sudden... Boom!

0:28:150:28:18

..he'll bleed to death on the bathroom floor.

0:28:180:28:20

You know what? That's an excuse.

0:28:200:28:22

If you're at that point, do it, you're rotting in hell for eternity anyway.

0:28:220:28:26

Come on, we're going to miss the train. You should think about therapy,

0:28:260:28:29

-your Catholic upbringing has given you a sensitive edge.

-Yeah, Catholic schoolgirl here.

0:28:290:28:34

I got my uniform in my purse, want me to take it out for you?

0:28:340:28:37

-I know you're into that whole paedophilia shit.

-Fuck!

0:28:370:28:40

Have you read that book City Of Quartz?

0:28:450:28:47

No, books suck. Hey, we should go down to The Standard.

0:28:470:28:51

-Yeah! What's that?

-It's this hotel downtown, they have this cool bar on the roof.

0:28:510:28:55

I read about it. Lindsay Lohan eats lunch there every day.

0:28:550:28:58

Oh, so she's eating again?

0:28:580:29:00

Yeah, but I don't know where it's at, so...

0:29:000:29:02

Well, I'm sure we could find it.

0:29:020:29:05

-Really?

-Yeah! I mean, if you want to go.

0:29:050:29:07

Yeah, I'd love... I don't know, that'd be cool.

0:29:070:29:09

I just never get to do stuff like that, because my boyfriend's such an asshole he never wants to go out.

0:29:090:29:14

Yeah, well, I LOVE doing stuff like that.

0:29:140:29:17

SHE SQUEALS

0:29:460:29:48

Wow, the Los Angeles Stock Exchange.

0:30:120:30:15

"Founded on integrity."

0:30:150:30:18

Well, that's destined for failure.

0:30:180:30:21

Could you imagine if this happened to the New York Stock Exchange?

0:30:210:30:25

Like, all the banks left, someone closed down the stock exchange

0:30:250:30:28

and put a chain on the door? These things happen.

0:30:280:30:31

You look at our country and you think it could never fail.

0:30:310:30:34

But look at something like that, it makes you wonder.

0:30:340:30:37

It's like everything good in life eventually tragically fails.

0:30:370:30:41

No, you're just cynical.

0:30:410:30:43

-I am not cynical.

-Yes, you are!

0:30:430:30:45

What goes around comes around. You have no hope.

0:30:450:30:47

-It's not about hope.

-Yes, it is!

0:30:470:30:49

I mean, if King Tut was a CEO today, he...

0:30:490:30:51

Whoa, whoa, King Tut?! King Tut?! We're talking about King Tut?!

0:30:510:30:54

Go ahead. I'm sorry.

0:31:000:31:01

Well, they would have called him grossly negligent for simply not wanting a normal mausoleum.

0:31:010:31:06

And those things were built by hand!

0:31:060:31:08

There are still things made my hand. I mean, I make my own jewellery. See?

0:31:080:31:12

That's not bad!

0:31:140:31:15

It'd be really, really cool to go inside one of them

0:31:390:31:42

and see what they look like, you know?

0:31:420:31:44

-Inside one of the theatres?

-Yeah, yeah.

-You want to?

0:31:440:31:47

-Really?

-Yeah!

0:31:480:31:51

Um...

0:31:510:31:52

-All right, stay here. Don't leave.

-Where are you going?

-You promised me. Six o'clock.

0:31:540:31:58

Hey, there. How are you?

0:32:060:32:08

Hey, I was wondering if we could just come in here and take a look at the theatre?

0:32:080:32:12

-What did you say to the security guard?

-I told her she could sleep with you.

0:32:230:32:27

-What?!

-Well, what? You're OK with that, right?

-No, not really!

0:32:270:32:31

-Well, so then, maybe?

-Oh, God.

0:32:310:32:33

Well, at least we got in.

0:32:330:32:35

Well, at least we got in.

0:32:350:32:36

-Oh, my God.

-This is so amazing.

0:32:360:32:39

-Wow! Look at the ceiling!

-Oh, my God, this is incredible!

0:32:390:32:44

-Oh, God!

-And it's huge! Huge! Huge!

0:32:470:32:50

Huge! Huge!

0:32:500:32:52

-Can you imagine what this place looked like when it opened?

-I know!

0:32:520:32:56

Look at that ceiling. Oh, it's beautiful!

0:32:560:33:01

God, I can't believe this theatre is just sitting here.

0:33:010:33:05

Theatre's dead in LA.

0:33:070:33:08

Do you know, I've been on stage every year of my life since I was 12.

0:33:260:33:30

-Really?

-I mean, that's why I came to LA, to be an actor.

0:33:300:33:34

My friends threw me the most amazing going-away party.

0:33:340:33:37

I got so fucking wasted I couldn't even pack the U-Haul.

0:33:370:33:41

Yeah, and so I get here

0:33:410:33:43

and I waste all my fucking time with my stupid hick boyfriend.

0:33:430:33:47

Yeah, well, welcome to LA!

0:33:480:33:49

Embrace the pain.

0:33:490:33:52

Wilson, look at this place! Look at this theatre, this empty theatre, just sitting here.

0:33:520:33:57

So many all over town, I can't believe it.

0:33:570:33:59

And think about all these out-of-work actors,

0:33:590:34:01

out-of-work writers, and all these amazing theatres just sitting here.

0:34:010:34:06

You need to get off your ass, write something, and we can do it here.

0:34:060:34:09

-It's not that easy.

-Write me a character.

0:34:090:34:11

Write me something really good that I can do.

0:34:110:34:14

You know, something sexy and edgy and something where I get to use a knife.

0:34:140:34:18

I've only really written comedy.

0:34:180:34:21

You write comedy? You're the least funny person I've ever met.

0:34:210:34:24

-Well, I've had a rough year.

-OK, get over it.

0:34:240:34:27

Time is a-ticking away, you are getting old.

0:34:270:34:30

Think of anything and we can do it right here.

0:34:300:34:32

I don't know, I'm a prostitute...

0:34:320:34:34

-I like it.

-..who has AIDS, and I'm dying of cancer.

0:34:340:34:39

-Nothing funnier than AIDS and cancer(!)

-OK, OK, OK.

0:34:390:34:44

-So, I'm... I'm a real-estate agent...

-OK.

0:34:440:34:48

..who is showing the theatre to a young, decent-looking guy who's a little bit annoying, but...

0:34:480:34:54

No, no, no, no, no! He has potential.

0:34:540:34:57

-Thank you(!)

-And so he decides to buy this theatre and fix it up and bring the theatre back to LA.

0:34:570:35:02

And during all this, all this connection, we fall in love.

0:35:020:35:05

Then we go broke. The end.

0:35:050:35:08

That sounds hilarious(!)

0:35:080:35:09

You're bitter now, you can do it.

0:35:090:35:13

OK, um...

0:35:130:35:15

Interior - theatre.

0:35:150:35:19

Day.

0:35:190:35:21

Um, she's showing him the theatre for the first time, and they're alone.

0:35:210:35:27

And then what happens?

0:35:290:35:31

She's hungry and wants to get something to eat.

0:35:430:35:47

And he should be starved.

0:35:470:35:48

She needs a cigarette.

0:35:480:35:50

My boyfriend? Well, hold on, we should say my ex-boyfriend.

0:35:580:36:03

God, he has the worst accent. I mean, he's a total redneck.

0:36:030:36:07

Oh, I can't believe I was with him for three years.

0:36:070:36:10

Yeah. Well, you know, I think LA is where love comes to die.

0:36:100:36:14

I haven't met one couple that's moved out here that's made it.

0:36:140:36:17

-Sorry.

-No, it's...

0:36:170:36:19

Hey, it's New Year's, so we're supposed to have fun, right?

0:36:190:36:23

Fun, fun, fun. You know, there was a study done

0:36:230:36:25

that found people were less happy when asked if they were having a good time.

0:36:250:36:29

It's like the second someone asks, "Hey, you having a good time?"

0:36:290:36:33

you're having a bad time.

0:36:330:36:35

Totally! It's kind of like being asked to smile for the camera.

0:36:350:36:38

You know, when somebody says, "Smile!"

0:36:380:36:40

-No, you look so stupid.

-Yes! You ever seen a picture of yourself where you're laughing,

0:36:400:36:45

and you say, "I'm actually happy in this moment"?

0:36:450:36:48

Yeah. I mean, yeah, kinda like this.

0:36:480:36:51

Whoa!

0:36:530:36:56

-Kinda.

-Well, wait. Really look.

0:36:560:36:58

-No?

-No.

-Am I happy?

0:37:020:37:05

No! There you go. See?

0:37:050:37:07

You can't fake it!

0:37:070:37:09

You're right, you got me.

0:37:090:37:11

Oh, my God!

0:37:140:37:16

-It's a boot.

-I know!

0:37:270:37:29

I've been taking pictures of lost shoes for about three years now.

0:37:300:37:33

-Really?

-Yeah, yeah. I have a website - thelostshoeproject.com.

0:37:350:37:39

-thelostshoeproject.com?

-Yeah.

0:37:390:37:43

I've been noticing women's shoes, you know, high heels, with the heel broken off.

0:37:430:37:47

Or babies' shoes, and work boots.

0:37:470:37:49

And there's always just one shoe.

0:37:490:37:52

I mean, that just fascinates me.

0:37:520:37:55

I mean, how could anybody just lose one shoe?

0:37:550:37:58

It's really cool.

0:38:060:38:07

-Thanks.

-I mean, you know, it's really interesting.

0:38:110:38:15

So, let's find food.

0:38:170:38:20

I've never even been here before.

0:38:570:38:59

-Do you miss Texas?

-No! No, I fucking love LA.

0:39:030:39:07

Have you been auditioning much?

0:39:070:39:09

No, but this year, I'm going to take it more seriously.

0:39:090:39:13

I need to get new head shots and stop wasting my time with my loser ex-boyfriend.

0:39:130:39:19

What about you?

0:39:190:39:20

Austin? I think a lot of people move back home because they miss it,

0:39:200:39:24

but they're just trying to go backwards in time.

0:39:240:39:27

Oh, I agree. I'd be so depressed if I had to move back right now.

0:39:270:39:30

-MOBILE PHONE RINGS

-Tell me about it.

0:39:300:39:32

-Who was that?

-Oh, it was just Jack.

0:39:370:39:41

Jack's the...

0:39:410:39:43

The ex.

0:39:430:39:45

The hick.

0:39:450:39:46

Sure is calling a lot.

0:39:460:39:48

'Hey, this is Vivian. Leave a message and I'll call you back. Thanks!'

0:39:500:39:55

'Vivian, this is Mom.

0:39:550:39:56

'I was just calling to, um, wish you a happy New Year.

0:39:560:40:00

'Hope everything's OK. Jack called and said that he had not seen you or heard from you in a couple of days.

0:40:000:40:06

'He said that you were "missing", whatever that means.

0:40:060:40:09

'I know that Jack can be a little out there, so I'm a little concerned.

0:40:090:40:14

'So give me a call as soon as you get this message. I love you.'

0:40:140:40:20

So, um, how long you guys been broken up?

0:40:200:40:23

Last week.

0:40:250:40:27

Oh!

0:40:290:40:30

"Oh"? "Oh", what?

0:40:320:40:34

-Oh, I'm not thinking anything.

-No, wait. You said, "Oh!" as if you knew something I didn't.

0:40:370:40:41

OK, I was just, thinking this is, um... You know...

0:40:410:40:46

No, I don't know. What?

0:40:460:40:49

-Come on, you know.

-I know what?

-Come on, don't make me say it.

0:40:490:40:52

Say it. What?

0:40:520:40:54

OK, this is, um...revenge sex.

0:40:540:41:00

Revenge sex?!

0:41:010:41:03

-Yeah.

-SHE LAUGHS

0:41:030:41:06

-Oh!

-You want to make him hurt. It's cool, you can use me.

-No, let me tell you,

0:41:060:41:09

this is not revenge sex, because we are not having sex.

0:41:090:41:12

And I don't give a shit what he does.

0:41:120:41:14

He can go fuck himself, for all I care.

0:41:140:41:16

-Yeah, right(!)

-Oh, what makes you so fucking smug?

0:41:160:41:20

-Because you're kidding yourself right now.

-I am not!

-Revenge sex is very much a part of it.

0:41:200:41:25

-I'm leaving.

-OK, before you go, just answer me this one question...

0:41:250:41:28

..did you or did you not trim your pubic hair before we met?

0:41:320:41:35

-I am not answering that.

-Did you?

-That's none of your business.

-Why?

0:41:350:41:39

Because you're afraid of the answer.

0:41:390:41:41

No, it's none of your fucking business.

0:41:410:41:43

Did you or did you not prep before we met?

0:41:430:41:45

I happen to trim regularly, because I like to keep well groomed.

0:41:450:41:49

But you didn't have to trim this morning,

0:41:490:41:51

but you thought me or someone like me was going to see your vagina tonight.

0:41:510:41:55

Whether you admit that or not, actions speak louder than words.

0:41:550:41:58

-I hate to break the news to you...

-Break it to me.

0:41:580:42:00

..but you're never going to know the answer to that question,

0:42:000:42:04

-because you will not be seeing my vagina.

-Oh! Easy!

0:42:040:42:07

-The night is still young!

-My God! Keep dreaming!

0:42:070:42:10

How's that cigarette and nicotine with that dairy?

0:42:100:42:13

Get the fuck out of here!

0:42:130:42:14

This is so beautiful out here.

0:42:290:42:32

-Don't you think it's kinda special that we were sitting on this very spot 364 days ago?

-We were?

0:42:370:42:43

Yep.

0:42:430:42:45

Yeah, remember we went to the party where I got super hammered,

0:42:450:42:50

put on the diaper and started chasing everybody around like a madman?

0:42:500:42:54

And I lost my shoe somehow.

0:42:540:42:56

So you took me to the store and you bought me the sandals.

0:42:560:43:02

You saved my life.

0:43:020:43:03

And rather than going home, we went to the beach and watched the sun come up.

0:43:030:43:07

That was this spot 364 days ago. Incredible, huh?

0:43:180:43:23

I'm really cold.

0:43:240:43:26

Hey, I have a surprise for you.

0:43:430:43:45

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Where?

0:43:450:43:48

-Follow me.

-OK.

0:43:480:43:49

You know...I think you're so amazing, and I know that I'm stupid

0:43:550:44:02

and I'm stubborn and I just fight, and all that shit,

0:44:020:44:06

but I've never happier than when I'm with you.

0:44:060:44:11

I think you're great, too. Thank you.

0:44:120:44:15

You know, I think I may be going to London in March.

0:44:250:44:29

Neptune's got me some gigs there which would be perfect.

0:44:310:44:35

He says he's going to pay for my trip. And, um, yeah,

0:44:350:44:38

I've always wanted to go to London, so it'd be like a perfect thing.

0:44:380:44:43

Don't you think that's great?

0:44:430:44:45

Hey, let's go skinny-dipping.

0:44:510:44:54

-OK.

-Pervert.

0:44:540:44:56

Guilty.

0:44:560:44:58

I like public nudity. I think it's kinda sexy.

0:44:580:45:00

-Ah, do you now?

-Yeah.

0:45:000:45:03

-So, come on, let's play truth or dare.

-What are you, 12?

-No!

0:45:030:45:07

-Truth or dare.

-Listen, when you get to be a certain age, you stop playing games like truth or dare.

0:45:070:45:12

Wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop, stop.

0:45:130:45:16

Look, you had a ladybug in your hair. Wait, wait, it's good luck!

0:45:160:45:20

So, make a wish and then, you know, blow.

0:45:220:45:25

Wait, wait, wait! What is your wish?

0:45:340:45:36

Well, if I tell you, then it's not going to come true.

0:45:360:45:39

No, you have to say it out loud so it will come true.

0:45:390:45:44

OK. I wish that you wouldn't leave at six o'clock.

0:45:440:45:49

I hope I didn't kill it with that thrust.

0:45:550:45:58

Well, I guess we'll know at six o'clock.

0:46:000:46:03

'Hey, this is Vivian. Leave a message and I'll call you back. Thanks!'

0:46:090:46:14

MALE TEXAN ACCENT: 'I've only got hours till the New Year.

0:46:140:46:17

'I can't make it to the next year unless I hear from you. I can't.

0:46:170:46:23

'What am I supposed to do, pop champagne while you're in the bottom of a ditch somewhere?'

0:46:230:46:29

'I don't want to get a call from the police, I want to hear from you.

0:46:310:46:35

'OK. I love you. Bye.'

0:46:350:46:36

-There's this guy who did this art project.

-Yeah?

0:46:570:47:00

He took postcards and he dropped them off, all in public places all over the city,

0:47:000:47:05

like in subways and bathrooms and buses.

0:47:050:47:07

And he basically invited people to write an anonymous confession on a postcard,

0:47:070:47:12

something they had never told, and then drop it off in the mail.

0:47:120:47:15

-OK.

-You know, he asked them to kind of be creative with the postcard,

0:47:150:47:18

-you know, use it almost like a canvas or something.

-Mm-hm.

0:47:180:47:23

Well, within a year, the guy had collected over 10,000 confessions,

0:47:230:47:27

and all were just completely amazing.

0:47:270:47:29

And what kind of confessions?

0:47:290:47:31

Oh, my God, all kinds! I mean, some totally hilarious, some really sad.

0:47:310:47:35

Like, there was this one that said,

0:47:350:47:37

"I wish my mom loved me for who I was and not who I hadn't become."

0:47:370:47:42

-God, that's horrible!

-Oh, and there was this really fucked-up one.

0:47:420:47:45

This baby-sitter said that she had come across some of the owner's condoms

0:47:450:47:50

and poked holes in them to ensure that she had work for years to come.

0:47:500:47:54

Isn't that crazy?

0:47:540:47:55

God, that's horrible!

0:47:570:48:00

I got to get a copy of this book. If I ever see you again, can I borrow it?

0:48:000:48:03

IF I ever see you again?

0:48:030:48:06

Yeah, sure.

0:48:060:48:07

So these people just wrote these things in themselves?

0:48:070:48:12

-I mean, no catch or nothing?

-Yeah.

0:48:120:48:16

I mean, I think just saying whatever to somebody

0:48:160:48:20

and not have them totally freak out

0:48:200:48:23

or completely write you off as a human being is...comforting.

0:48:230:48:29

You want to go up there?

0:48:290:48:30

Sure. Look at those people kissing.

0:48:300:48:33

God, I love it down here.

0:48:350:48:37

Look, the Metropolitan Water District, established in 1917.

0:48:370:48:41

-Very good, very good.

-Wells Fargo.

0:48:410:48:44

That's where I do all my banking.

0:48:440:48:46

So, why don't you tell me a confession that you've never told anyone before?

0:48:500:48:55

I don't know, I don't think that's a good idea!

0:48:550:48:58

Well, come on, you said how much you liked that art project,

0:48:580:49:02

and how healing it was and how it made everybody feel good after they confessed.

0:49:020:49:07

Why don't you throw out a confession for me?

0:49:070:49:10

Yeah, but I don't know. I don't want you to judge me,

0:49:100:49:13

-not that I have anything to hide.

-I won't judge you.

0:49:130:49:16

OK, if you do it, I'll do it.

0:49:160:49:17

OK, I'll do it on one condition.

0:49:170:49:20

OK.

0:49:200:49:22

You have to kiss me.

0:49:220:49:25

-And what do I get out of it?

-You get a chance to kiss me.

0:49:250:49:28

-I think I'll pass.

-OK. Well then, I'm not confessing anything.

0:49:280:49:31

OK, fine.

0:49:330:49:36

And it has to be a real kiss, an adult kiss, like with tongues.

0:49:360:49:39

Deal.

0:49:390:49:41

-Deal?

-Deal.

0:49:410:49:43

OK. This is really embarrassing, um...

0:49:460:49:49

I don't know if this is a good idea.

0:49:510:49:53

Come on, tell me.

0:49:530:49:55

All right, this morning I was in my apartment and I was really lonely and I was horny, and...

0:49:550:50:02

I don't know, this isn't a good idea.

0:50:040:50:07

What is it? Just tell me.

0:50:070:50:09

All right.

0:50:090:50:11

I Photoshopped a picture of my friend's girlfriend and I was using it to masturbate.

0:50:110:50:18

-What?!

-HE LAUGHS

0:50:180:50:20

I know! It's totally something I would never do.

0:50:200:50:24

I mean, it was totally humiliating too, they walked in on me.

0:50:240:50:27

-I cannot believe you did that.

-I know, me neither! I feel gross!

0:50:270:50:30

-That is so sick.

-I know!

0:50:300:50:31

And it's totally something I would never confess.

0:50:310:50:34

-Well, you shouldn't have.

-Now you have to kiss me.

-I'm not kissing you.

0:50:340:50:40

Hey!

0:50:430:50:44

-Hey! Where are you going?

-I want to go home.

0:50:440:50:49

-Why? Because I was masturbating?

-Yeah, well, I'm a little disturbed.

0:50:490:50:53

Well, grow up, because everybody masturbates.

0:50:530:50:56

Not to their friend's girlfriend's photo!

0:50:560:50:58

Yeah, well, it has to be real or I can't get off.

0:50:580:51:01

-Oh, my God, you are sick.

-Yeah? Well, who isn't?

0:51:010:51:04

I'll bet your confession is ten times worse.

0:51:040:51:07

-You're wrong.

-Really? Well, what do you masturbate to?

0:51:070:51:10

-That is none of your business!

-But you do masturbate.

0:51:100:51:13

You know what? This date is over. I told you at sunset, it is so over.

0:51:130:51:17

Don't you think you're overreacting?

0:51:170:51:19

Listen, I don't understand what you're so mad about.

0:51:190:51:23

Listen, I was just being brutally honest with you, OK?

0:51:230:51:27

Listen, I thought that's what you wanted.

0:51:270:51:29

Let me ask you something. Do you have condoms on you right now?

0:51:290:51:32

-No!

-You are such a liar.

-I'm not a liar!

0:51:340:51:37

-Then let me search you.

-No way!

0:51:370:51:39

Listen, you didn't hold up your end of the bargain.

0:51:390:51:42

OK. You're right. I'm sorry.

0:51:420:51:43

-Oh, my God. You are such a liar.

-Damn it. Listen, I can explain!

0:51:460:51:51

Five?! Five?! You brought five condoms?!

0:51:510:51:53

Did you think we were going to fuck all night?

0:51:530:51:55

No, these aren't mine! Damn it! They're my buddy Jacob's.

0:51:550:51:58

He told me to take them, and he doesn't know anything about anything.

0:51:580:52:02

-But you thought we were going to have sex on date number one!

-No! Can I explain myself?

0:52:020:52:07

Will you just stop for two seconds and let me talk?

0:52:070:52:10

Stop!

0:52:100:52:11

Listen, I've never had a one-night stand in my life. OK?

0:52:140:52:17

This is my first date in six years!

0:52:170:52:19

-I brought these so that you didn't have to feel like a slut.

-What?!

-No, I mean...

0:52:190:52:25

Just listen. I brought them so that if the moment presented itself,

0:52:250:52:28

I wouldn't have to run out in the night and get some.

0:52:280:52:31

You don't get in a fit if there's toilet paper next to the toilet

0:52:310:52:34

-when you take a shit, do you?

-What the fuck are you talking about?

0:52:340:52:38

You're just overreacting. Listen...

0:52:380:52:42

Would you please stop?

0:52:420:52:44

I mean, come on. You'd think it'd be more insensitive if I didn't bring them,

0:52:440:52:49

as if I don't care, like, that you get a disease or get pregnant.

0:52:490:52:52

Fuck you and all men like you.

0:52:560:52:59

# Wake up and try

0:53:020:53:06

# You're not listening, and neither am I... #

0:53:080:53:13

(Fucking bitch.)

0:53:130:53:14

# But it's only a matter of time

0:53:140:53:19

# Before we're walking out the door

0:53:200:53:26

# Sit with me on the bed

0:53:280:53:32

# And stop pacing and pacing instead

0:53:340:53:38

# Cos it's only a matter of when

0:53:400:53:44

# This heart-to-heart will end

0:53:460:53:52

# And, oh

0:53:530:53:56

# Before we go

0:53:560:53:59

# Goodbye, safety brace

0:54:000:54:04

# Goodbye, baby clothes

0:54:040:54:07

# As you

0:54:070:54:09

# Describe

0:54:110:54:13

# A straight line

0:54:130:54:16

# Through all these rooms

0:54:160:54:19

# I want you

0:54:190:54:22

# To put your hands on my face

0:54:220:54:27

# Run them over and over and trace

0:54:280:54:35

# The lines that are starting to indicate

0:54:350:54:42

# How long I've been in this place... #

0:54:420:54:46

# The sun shines all day

0:54:580:55:01

# On the curb where our valuables lay

0:55:050:55:09

# Waiting all to be taken away

0:55:110:55:17

# Like we brought them in before... #

0:55:170:55:23

Vivian! Please! Look, I'm sorry.

0:55:230:55:26

All right. Just... Come on, don't go home.

0:55:270:55:29

Will you please just stop?

0:55:290:55:31

Listen, I've spent the last three months in my room being depressed,

0:55:330:55:37

and it's New Year's Eve and I just...

0:55:370:55:39

I don't want to be left alone.

0:55:390:55:42

So just stick around with me till midnight.

0:55:420:55:44

At midnight, you can go. You can go home at midnight.

0:55:440:55:47

You can do whatever you want.

0:55:470:55:49

I mean, every year on New Year's Eve

0:55:490:55:52

I'm going to think I just sent this girl home in tears!

0:55:520:55:55

I'm going to wonder what happened to you.

0:55:550:55:58

So just...let me take you out to dinner.

0:55:580:56:02

-I want to do something nice for you.

-You don't have...

-Honestly, let me take you out.

0:56:020:56:06

I have 100 in my bank account.

0:56:060:56:08

I'm going to go out and I'm going to pulse it out,

0:56:080:56:10

and I'm going to take you wherever you want to go. Any restaurant in this town.

0:56:100:56:15

I mean, as long as it's not more than 50 per person minus the tip.

0:56:150:56:20

Come on...

0:56:220:56:24

It would make me feel like a man.

0:56:260:56:28

Well, there is this Italian restaurant I've always wanted to go to.

0:56:340:56:39

-I love Italian!

-You do?

-I love it.

-OK.

0:56:390:56:42

You want to go there?

0:56:440:56:47

Come on. This is perfect.

0:56:470:56:49

My roommate dropped off his car for me on Hollywood and Cahuenga.

0:56:490:56:53

Look, I'm going to show you.

0:57:020:57:04

Please, please, please...

0:57:110:57:13

See, I'll show you. Look.

0:57:200:57:22

-No, just to show you I'm not lying.

-You don't...

0:57:220:57:25

Eight dollars.

0:57:250:57:27

-You don't have to do this.

-No, I want to do this.

0:57:270:57:30

I just wanted to show you.

0:57:300:57:33

You're sure it's no more than 100, right?

0:57:360:57:38

Buona sera! Happy New Year!

0:57:560:57:58

Benvenuti! Welcome to Oliva.

0:57:580:58:00

-Thank you.

-Hi. Ciao, bella!

-Oh, thank you!

0:58:000:58:03

Table for two? This way, please.

0:58:030:58:06

You know, my best friend's proposing tonight.

0:58:110:58:13

-I don't know if you're into it, but if you want to, we can go there.

-Where is it?

0:58:130:58:17

Downtown, in the Warehouse District.

0:58:170:58:20

He's a DJ, so it's like a house-music thing.

0:58:200:58:22

Is he proposing to the girl that you jacked off to this morning?

0:58:220:58:25

Yes, as a matter of fact, he is.

0:58:270:58:30

But it's OK, because she wasn't offended, she actually said it was flattering.

0:58:300:58:34

-That it was flattering?

-Mm, she did.

0:58:340:58:37

-That you were jacking off to her?

-Yes, she enjoyed it.

-She liked it?

0:58:370:58:40

Mm, she did.

0:58:400:58:42

OK, I have to meet this girl, then.

0:58:420:58:44

-You will, tonight.

-Yeah, that sounds good.

0:58:440:58:46

-Well, here. Cheers. To a better year.

-To a better year.

0:58:460:58:50

Now, isn't this better than going home and feeling lonely and awful?

0:58:550:58:58

-Yes, it is.

-Now we can feel lonely and awful together.

0:58:580:59:02

Oh, what a terrible evening.

0:59:020:59:04

Oh, it's the worst.

0:59:040:59:05

Just a beautiful girl,

0:59:070:59:09

-just had a nice dinner, bottle of wine...

-MOBILE PHONE RINGS

0:59:090:59:12

-..your phone keeps ringing off the hook.

-Sorry.

-I love this song!

0:59:120:59:16

-You do?

-No. Hey, you should really think about changing your ringtone.

0:59:160:59:21

It's on my to-do list.

0:59:210:59:22

-All right, jeez, turn that thing off or answer it.

-No, I can't, I can't, I can't...

0:59:220:59:28

If you can't pick it up, why have a phone?

0:59:280:59:30

I can't because this is my ex-boyfriend calling, and he's driving me crazy.

0:59:300:59:34

Pick it up and tell him to stop calling. He's not going to stop!

0:59:340:59:38

-You don't even...

-I don't...

-Listen! I left my house five days ago.

0:59:380:59:41

I've been staying at a fucking motel. He is calling,

0:59:410:59:44

my mom's calling. Everybody's worried, and I'm going to have to explain myself.

0:59:440:59:48

-I don't want to...

-I don't want to listen to your phone ring.

0:59:480:59:51

-Hold on, you're staying in a motel?

-Listen, I'm having an amazing time with you right now.

0:59:510:59:55

If I pick this up, he is going to fuck it up so bad.

0:59:550:59:58

-He's not going to fuck up...

-He is.

0:59:581:00:00

I pour a bottle of wine down you and it all comes out.

1:00:001:00:02

I think you're overreacting.

1:00:021:00:04

-Let's go get more.

-No, we're not going to go get more wine.

1:00:041:00:07

It's New Year's Eve. He's not going to stop calling. Just pick it up and end it.

1:00:071:00:11

I mean, do you want this hanging over your head for another year?

1:00:111:00:14

-Hello?

-'Honey!

1:00:211:00:23

-'Honey, you're all right!'

-Yes.

1:00:231:00:25

'Your mom's been calling, she's called the FBI.

1:00:251:00:28

'Your daddy wants you on the back of a milk carton, I called a private investigator.'

1:00:281:00:32

-Give me a break, I am fine.

-'I didn't know what else to do, I thought you were kidnapped.'

1:00:321:00:37

Just don't worry about it, Jack.

1:00:371:00:38

-We're over. You have to understand that, it's over.

-'We're going to work this out.'

1:00:381:00:43

-It's over.

-'We made a vow - we'd both go to LA and we would be stars.'

1:00:431:00:46

Oh, well, you should have thought of that before you started fucking that girl.

1:00:461:00:51

-'We were just hanging out.'

-Hanging out?

1:00:511:00:53

Well, hm, that's strange, because that's not what David told me.

1:00:531:00:57

'David is a liar! And we both know he's been trying to get in your pants since ninth grade!'

1:00:571:01:01

Oh, God. Shut up, Jack. It doesn't even matter about David, because I saw you.

1:01:011:01:06

I saw you with my own eyes.

1:01:061:01:09

-'Honey, calm down.'

-You know, it doesn't even matter any more.

1:01:091:01:12

It doesn't matter. You know why? Because I am on a date tonight.

1:01:121:01:16

And I am on a date with this wonderful, amazing, smart, attractive, handsome man.

1:01:161:01:21

And you know what? He thinks I'm beautiful, Jack.

1:01:211:01:24

-I'm going to get shot.

-'You're with a guy?'

-Oh, yeah.

1:01:241:01:27

I like this guy so much that I think I'm going to go home and I'm going to fuck this guy tonight,

1:01:271:01:33

and I'm going to fuck him over and over and over and over.

1:01:331:01:36

-That's awesome...

-'Put him on. Put homo fag on.'

-You want to talk? He's right here.

1:01:361:01:41

-'Put him on.'

-I'll put him on the phone if that's what you want.

1:01:411:01:44

-'I want to talk to this son of a bitch.'

-Fine.

1:01:441:01:46

-No.

-'Your imaginary fucking friend! I want to hear about him!'

-No, no.

-Please, he doesn't believe me.

1:01:461:01:51

-I'm not talking to your ex-boyfriend!

-Please, just say anything.

1:01:511:01:54

-Just anything!

-What do you want me to say to him?

1:01:541:01:57

Anything! Just take the phone!

1:01:571:01:58

'Put him on the fucking phone.

1:02:001:02:01

'Hello?'

1:02:011:02:02

Hello...

1:02:061:02:07

Who the fuck are you, homo fag?

1:02:091:02:11

Listen, man, I'm just a guy.

1:02:111:02:14

'If you so much as touched her'

1:02:141:02:16

anywhere,

1:02:161:02:19

I'm going to come over there

1:02:191:02:20

'with a shotgun in hand

1:02:201:02:22

'and I'm going to tie the two of youse up in my fucking house,

1:02:221:02:25

'pour some gasoline on you, cut your fucking dick off.

1:02:251:02:28

'I'm going to cook it while I burn you motherfuckers with a couple of marshmallows.

1:02:281:02:32

'I need a late-night dinner.'

1:02:321:02:34

Then I'm going to take your fucking carcass and punch you in the mouth

1:02:341:02:38

-'so you have a mouth full of teeth.'

-Hey, listen, man...

1:02:381:02:41

'It is not about words, motherfucker, it's DO.

1:02:411:02:43

'I will DO to you things.'

1:02:431:02:45

Freddy Krueger wouldn't do this shit, motherfucker.

1:02:451:02:48

'Cos that is MY woman.'

1:02:481:02:49

She is MINE.

1:02:491:02:50

She-is-mine, she-is-mine!

1:02:501:02:52

She-is-mine! She will always be mine.

1:02:521:02:55

And she will never leave, and if she does, I will fucking kill you.

1:02:551:02:59

-'Hey...'

-You're dead, motherfuckers.

1:02:591:03:01

Calm down, man.

1:03:011:03:03

Son of a bitch! You are fucking dead, man!

1:03:031:03:05

You're fucking dead! You're a fucking dead man!

1:03:051:03:08

You are a fucking dead motherfucker!

1:03:081:03:10

-Good God!

-'There is no sense in you talking, motherfucker.'

1:03:101:03:13

Your funeral has already occurred.

1:03:131:03:15

There's a bullet in your fucking skull with my name on it in cursive writing that says, "Fuck you."

1:03:151:03:21

-You can say what you want.

-'I'm going to...'

-No, no, no, no.

1:03:211:03:24

It's what I will do to you and that fucking whore slut you're with.

1:03:241:03:27

No, no, just listen. You can say what you want.

1:03:271:03:31

'Do you understand me?'

1:03:311:03:33

But it's New Year's Eve.

1:03:331:03:36

And your girlfriend,

1:03:361:03:38

your beautiful, beautiful girlfriend

1:03:381:03:41

is out with me.

1:03:411:03:44

So that's just something that you're going to have to deal with.

1:03:441:03:47

SILENCE

1:03:471:03:49

-Hello?

-'Put Vivi on right now.'

1:03:541:03:58

He wants to talk to you.

1:04:011:04:03

-Hello.

-Honey, I'm driving over to our place right now, and I'm going to burn all of your shit.

1:04:051:04:12

-Shit.

-What did he say?

-He said he's going to my house and he's going to burn all my shit.

-Oh, shit!

1:04:141:04:19

I think if we take Fountain, we cut across, we'll save time, it's just way too crowded right now.

1:04:191:04:24

-Whoa, I'm not going to your house.

-You have to help me...

-No way I'm going to your house.

1:04:241:04:29

-We're going to get there before he shows up. Please.

-No, no, no.

1:04:291:04:32

-No way.

-I do not have time to argue with you.

1:04:321:04:34

He is going to burn pictures of my grandmother. There's so much I have to save.

1:04:341:04:38

Please, I am begging you.

1:04:381:04:41

I will drive. That means I'm not getting out of the car.

1:04:411:04:45

I will drive. I'm the driver.

1:04:451:04:48

OK, go. Oh, shit! Get the light.

1:04:501:04:53

Go in the living room and look for his truck.

1:04:541:04:57

-What colour truck does he drive?

-I'm going to get stuff out of the bedroom.

1:04:571:05:01

-Help me grab some stuff!

-What am I supposed to grab?!

1:05:011:05:04

-Get my weed!

-Where's your weed?

-It's right in the heater.

1:05:041:05:07

-Where's the heater?

-Grab my lamp. I got it at the garage sale, I love that lamp.

1:05:071:05:13

Do you need this? Just grab memorable stuff!

1:05:131:05:15

Oh, and there's a little picture of me as a little girl by the window.

1:05:151:05:19

Oh, my God, you're so cute.

1:05:191:05:21

-Did you get it?

-What do you need? How about a picture of your cat?

-Yes, get my weed! In the heater!

1:05:211:05:27

I don't know where it is.

1:05:271:05:29

I'm looking and there's no fucking weed here.

1:05:291:05:31

-Oh! Oh!

-What?

1:05:311:05:33

Get my bongo drums! I have lessons on Tuesdays.

1:05:331:05:38

TYRES SCREECH

1:05:381:05:39

-Oh, shit!

-Oh, shit!

1:05:391:05:43

Go now! Go! Run!

1:05:431:05:45

Oh!

1:05:451:05:46

Ah!

1:05:491:05:50

-Get my bunny!

-Abort!

1:05:551:05:57

I should have aborted the bunny! Go! Happy New Year, Jack!

1:06:011:06:04

Come on!

1:06:181:06:20

SHE GIGGLES

1:06:201:06:22

# I tried to save a girl I truly loved

1:06:291:06:32

# And didn't quite know how to help her

1:06:321:06:35

# So now she's sleeping as her parents up above

1:06:371:06:40

# Cry over things that they can't tell her

1:06:401:06:44

# And when I did my good deed

1:06:461:06:48

# Thought I'd feel unbroken gladness

1:06:481:06:53

# But standing in the street alone I just felt sinking sadness

1:06:551:07:02

# Girl, your dad will not us bless

1:07:031:07:07

# So hang up your veil and dress

1:07:071:07:11

# Look at me and take one guess

1:07:111:07:16

# Where this best-intentioned love will lead us... #

1:07:161:07:21

This is, I think, where he said it was.

1:07:561:08:00

CHEERING AND LOUD HOUSE MUSIC

1:08:021:08:05

Hey-hey, hey-hey, hey!

1:08:351:08:37

What's up, Jacob?

1:08:371:08:39

Ah, you made it, you made it! Thank you so much for coming.

1:08:391:08:43

-I wouldn't miss it for the world.

-Oh, thank you.

-Jacob, Vivian.

1:08:431:08:46

-Vivian, Jacob.

-Hey. How are you?

-Nice to meet you. Happy New Year.

1:08:461:08:50

Oh, thanks. God, I completely forgot it was New Year's Eve.

1:08:501:08:54

-We've had such a crazy night.

-Crazy, yeah.

-Really?

-She fucking hit me.

-No way!

1:08:541:08:59

-I'll tell you about it...

-She hit you?

1:08:591:09:02

I'll tell you about it later.

1:09:021:09:04

Oh, man, you need to be hit!

1:09:041:09:06

I know, I know. I know.

1:09:061:09:07

-Hey, did you guys get drinks yet?

-Um, no. Do you want a beer?

1:09:071:09:11

Yeah, that sounds good.

1:09:111:09:13

-Oh, thanks!

-Oh, thanks!

1:09:131:09:15

Um, cheers to the best year of our life.

1:09:171:09:20

-Cheers.

-Could not be any worse than this year.

-Oh, yeah. Hear, hear.

1:09:201:09:23

Hear, hear.

1:09:231:09:25

So, have you done it yet?

1:09:271:09:29

No, I haven't.

1:09:301:09:32

Are you nervous?

1:09:321:09:34

I have butterflies, but you know, it kinda feels good.

1:09:341:09:38

-I want to do this now. Let's do this. Let's go, let's go. I'm ready.

-Do it. Yeah.

1:09:381:09:42

-Just... I got to go to the bathroom.

-OK.

1:09:421:09:44

-20 minutes.

-It's, like, 30 minutes till midnight, so you got a little bit of time, OK?

1:09:441:09:48

-Hi.

-Hey! How's it going? Good to see you!

-You too.

1:09:531:09:56

-How you been?

-I've been good.

1:09:561:09:58

-Good, good!

-You look cute.

1:09:581:10:00

Thanks. I dressed myself tonight.

1:10:001:10:02

-God, I'm having so much fun with that girl.

-Oh, great.

1:10:091:10:11

Yeah. So, Jacob's about to go on, so I'll see you in there in a minute.

1:10:111:10:16

Hey, um... Real quick, I...

1:10:161:10:19

-I have a present for you.

-What is it?

1:10:191:10:22

-Come here and I'll tell you.

-What?

1:10:221:10:25

I'm sorry, I thought you were attracted to me.

1:10:341:10:38

Hello, everybody. Hey, everybody!

1:10:441:10:48

CHEERING AND WHISTLING

1:10:481:10:50

OK, turn the light on, please, for me, there. That would be great.

1:10:501:10:53

Thank you, um...

1:10:531:10:56

I just want to be the first one to say happy New Year to all of you great people.

1:10:561:11:02

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1:11:021:11:05

Yeah. Um...

1:11:051:11:06

Tell me what happened.

1:11:061:11:08

I'll tell you about it in the car.

1:11:081:11:11

I wouldn't normally turn off the music like this,

1:11:111:11:14

but there's something important that I need to do.

1:11:141:11:20

Min? Where are you, Min? Come on. Come here, please.

1:11:201:11:24

-THEY CHANT:

-Min! Min!

1:11:241:11:27

Hi!

1:11:271:11:29

This has been the love of my life for the last two years.

1:11:291:11:33

Um...

1:11:331:11:36

I've been trying to find the right time to do this all day,

1:11:361:11:41

but the moment just never seemed to come up, so, um...

1:11:411:11:45

CHEERING AND WHISTLING

1:11:481:11:50

I've loved you more than I've loved anybody I've ever met in my entire life.

1:11:581:12:03

Honestly, the connection that I have with you,

1:12:041:12:07

it's amazing. I've never felt anything like this before.

1:12:071:12:13

OK, before I ask you this question,

1:12:171:12:21

I don't want you to answer till after midnight,

1:12:211:12:25

cos I want to give you, like, a symbolic year to think it over.

1:12:251:12:31

I want you to be my wife till the day I die.

1:12:331:12:37

Will you marry me?

1:12:391:12:41

Don't answer, OK?

1:12:451:12:47

CHEERING AND WHISTLING

1:12:471:12:49

God, why did she put me in that predicament?

1:13:241:13:27

-Listen...

-She lives in our house!

1:13:271:13:29

I know, don't worry about it. Who cares? I don't care, you know?

1:13:291:13:32

-I mean, love is strange. It's OK.

-Yeah, but this is the one couple that had their shit together.

1:13:321:13:38

Oh, God, nobody has their shit together.

1:13:381:13:40

They had their shit together.

1:13:401:13:42

No, we are all hanging on by a thread.

1:13:421:13:43

Trust me. Might as well enjoy what you have until that thread breaks, that's what I say.

1:13:431:13:48

RADIO: '1 minute and 45 seconds to go, Los Angeles.

1:13:481:13:51

'How are you spending the remaining seconds of the year? Are you listening to a radio show?

1:13:511:13:55

'We've got another song, but we won't get to the end of it, we're just about out of time.

1:13:551:14:00

'If you're not where you want to be, I'd suggest running.

1:14:001:14:03

-'It's T minus 1-39, 1-38...'

-Oh, this is great(!)

1:14:031:14:07

Oh, and that's it. I guess we're parked.

1:14:071:14:11

People are getting out of their cars.

1:14:111:14:14

This is so typical.

1:14:141:14:16

New Year's Eve in Los Angeles, and I'm stuck in traffic.

1:14:161:14:19

CAR HORNS BEEP

1:14:191:14:21

I guess it's not too bad.

1:14:211:14:22

You know, sometimes you just got to give in to the shit storm.

1:14:261:14:30

There's no way of avoiding it, you know?

1:14:301:14:32

You just got to get that umbrella and get out there and party.

1:14:321:14:37

-That's very well said.

-Thank you.

1:14:391:14:42

So, come on, it's New Year's Eve.

1:14:421:14:45

You got time for some resolutions. What do you got?

1:14:451:14:49

-To be honest with you, I haven't even really thought about it.

-What?!

1:14:501:14:54

Well, you better hurry up!

1:14:541:14:56

Come on, close your eyes. Come on!

1:14:561:14:58

'Here we go, Los Angeles,

1:14:581:15:00

'the final grains of sand are slipping away quickly, there's just a few remaining.

1:15:001:15:04

'We are fast approaching the one-minute mark, starting right...

1:15:041:15:08

'60 seconds.'

1:15:081:15:10

# My darling, it's true

1:15:121:15:17

# You know that nobody else will do

1:15:171:15:21

# I'm slowly turning blue

1:15:231:15:27

# Because I'm sitting here... #

1:15:271:15:29

RADIO: 'Whatever you wanted to do this year,

1:15:291:15:31

'you now have 25 seconds left in which to do it

1:15:311:15:34

'or come to terms with the fact that you're not going to get it done.'

1:15:341:15:38

'We're down to the final 15 seconds.

1:15:391:15:41

'Get ready for the final countdown. Here it comes, Los Angeles.'

1:15:411:15:44

-ALL:

-Ten! Nine! Eight!

1:15:461:15:47

Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One!

1:15:471:15:54

SCREAMING AND CHEERING

1:15:541:15:56

RADIO: 'Happy New Year, Los Angeles! I love you! I love you to death.

1:15:591:16:03

'I love you for struggling and for fighting against the traffic,

1:16:031:16:06

'all the obstacles we have before us, just to get together in this city. Good luck finding love.

1:16:061:16:12

'And all the people that come here that put their careers ahead of love,

1:16:121:16:16

'I hope to God you find what you're looking for tonight,

1:16:161:16:19

'because this waking moment on this planet

1:16:191:16:22

'is our one chance to make it happen.'

1:16:221:16:24

MIN: I would love to marry you!

1:16:351:16:41

So, um, take a seat on the couch,

1:17:011:17:03

and I'm going to...get some wine and turn on some music.

1:17:031:17:09

That sounds great.

1:17:091:17:11

-I like your place.

-Thanks!

1:17:121:17:14

You know, if you ever need a place to crash for a few days, you're welcome.

1:17:141:17:18

No, actually, I think I'm going to stay with my sister. She's out in the Valley.

1:17:181:17:22

-So your sister lives out here?

-Yeah. She said I could crash there for a couple of nights.

1:17:221:17:27

-ANSWERING MACHINE:

-'You have five new messages.'

-Oh, Mr Popular!

1:17:271:17:30

'Hi. Don't get upset if you're straight,

1:17:301:17:32

'but you didn't mention whether you're gay or not.

1:17:321:17:35

-'You posted under Holiday Dates, so it said "gender neutral." '

-Shit, wait one...

1:17:351:17:39

-Wait, wait, wait, wait. I want to hear this.

-What?

1:17:391:17:42

-Let me hear this.

-'I think you're hot, from your photo. Bye.'

1:17:421:17:47

-ANSWERING MACHINE:

-'Tuesday, 6:02pm.'

1:17:471:17:50

'I'm calling for the misanthrope. My number's 310-555-8934...'

1:17:501:17:57

OK, this is really embarrassing.

1:17:571:18:00

'I divorced recently, and now I'm back out there.

1:18:001:18:04

'I think I'm pretty attractive, and I have a good body.

1:18:041:18:07

'So, with that, I don't know what to say!

1:18:071:18:10

'Um, well, I hope I'll hear from you.'

1:18:101:18:13

-ANSWERING MACHINE:

-'Tuesday, 5:41pm.'

1:18:131:18:16

'Hi. I'm 36-24-36, blonde, and I want to show you a really good time...'

1:18:161:18:22

-Maybe I jumped the gun!

-'..and my pager is 323...'

1:18:221:18:25

-Pager? Who has a pager any more?

-Hookers. She was a hooker.

1:18:251:18:28

-ANSWERING MACHINE:

-'Wednesday, 12:03am.'

1:18:281:18:31

-'Oh, happy New Year, sweetie'

-That's my mom.

-'I called your cell, but you didn't pick up!

1:18:311:18:36

'I can't wait to hear about this girl you're seeing!'

1:18:361:18:39

-Oh, shit.

-'It's about time.

1:18:391:18:41

'I want to hear all about her.'

1:18:411:18:44

-What girl?

-Um, I was on the other line with her when you called, so I didn't know what to tell her.

1:18:441:18:50

'Um, it's me.'

1:18:521:18:54

'Happy New Year. I hope when you get this, you're having a really good time in LA, and...

1:18:561:19:03

'Sounds like everything's really working out for you. I knew it would,

1:19:031:19:07

'You're so smart and you're so driven and talented, and, um...

1:19:071:19:11

'I don't know, I miss hearing you tell me your stories,

1:19:111:19:14

'and someday everybody's going to see what you've been working on.

1:19:141:19:18

'I'm just really proud of you for doing it.

1:19:181:19:20

'I just have complete faith that this is just what you're meant to do.

1:19:201:19:24

'Um... I don't know, things are going OK over here.

1:19:241:19:28

'I'm just spending a lot of time doing lesson planning and...

1:19:281:19:33

'I don't know. I miss you.

1:19:331:19:36

'I was really, really glad when I got your e-mail.

1:19:361:19:40

'And...give me a call, and I don't know, we can talk.

1:19:401:19:45

'All right...bye.'

1:19:451:19:48

-ANSWERING MACHINE:

-'End of messages.'

1:19:481:19:51

What's wrong?

1:20:421:20:43

Nothing. Will you just hold me for a second?

1:20:461:20:49

Yeah.

1:20:501:20:52

Do you want me to tell you that confession I never told you earlier today?

1:21:031:21:10

If you want to.

1:21:111:21:13

It's something I haven't told anybody in the world yet.

1:21:171:21:20

What is it?

1:21:241:21:26

I'm pregnant.

1:21:361:21:37

He doesn't know, does he?

1:21:461:21:48

I was going to tell him, and then I found out he was cheating on me.

1:21:521:21:56

I just left and went and checked myself into a hotel.

1:21:591:22:03

And I've been there ever since.

1:22:061:22:08

Are you going to keep it?

1:22:121:22:14

I don't know.

1:22:181:22:19

I mean, if I do...

1:22:231:22:25

..it's, like, no more nights like this, no more... No more acting.

1:22:281:22:33

I guess I'll just...

1:22:341:22:37

move back to Texas and maybe live with my mom, wait tables.

1:22:371:22:41

GROANS

1:23:141:23:16

GROANS AND SQUEALS

1:23:241:23:26

Are they serious?

1:23:371:23:39

LOUD GROAN

1:23:391:23:42

Mm-hm.

1:23:421:23:44

-Do you hear that?

-Yeah, I love my neighbours.

1:23:461:23:50

-That's loud!

-I know.

1:23:511:23:54

It's really loud!

1:23:541:23:55

Yeah, he's a stallion.

1:23:551:23:57

They do that all the time?

1:24:031:24:05

-Yeah, they just go at it, and go at it, and go at it, and go at it for hours.

-Oh, my God!

1:24:071:24:13

The thing is, it's like a show...

1:24:131:24:16

but you can't see anything.

1:24:161:24:18

-They do this all the time?!

-Yeah.

1:24:181:24:21

I love it.

1:24:211:24:22

GROANS BECOME MORE INTENSE

1:24:221:24:24

SLAPPING SOUNDS

1:24:261:24:28

What does she look like?

1:24:321:24:34

She's really thin.

1:24:361:24:39

You want some gum?

1:24:391:24:40

Yeah, I'd love some gum. Thank you.

1:24:421:24:45

You mean she's not...fat? She's really thin?

1:24:451:24:52

-Is she hot?

-She's all right.

1:24:531:24:56

What does he look like?

1:24:561:24:57

Are you OK?

1:26:081:26:09

(Are you sure?)

1:26:131:26:16

(Don't stop.)

1:26:161:26:19

(Don't stop. Please, don't stop.)

1:26:241:26:28

HE SIGHS

1:26:351:26:36

Good morning.

1:28:011:28:03

So, um...

1:28:031:28:05

I think we got all your stuff.

1:28:051:28:08

Thanks!

1:28:081:28:10

I guess I'll just pull round in the car.

1:28:101:28:12

Oh, um, actually, I called a cab.

1:28:121:28:15

Hey, listen...

1:28:251:28:28

..I'd really like to see you again.

1:28:301:28:32

Will you think of me next year at midnight?

1:28:421:28:44

Yeah. I'll think of you every year for the rest of my life.

1:28:461:28:50

That'd be nice.

1:28:541:28:55

I wish you luck.

1:29:001:29:02

You too.

1:29:021:29:04

TOGETHER: Bye.

1:29:051:29:06

Hey! I didn't know you were up.

1:29:431:29:47

Yeah, I am.

1:29:491:29:50

Did you have fun last night?

1:29:501:29:52

Yeah, I did.

1:29:541:29:57

-You?

-Mm-hm.

1:29:571:30:01

I, um... I saw that girl that you were with.

1:30:011:30:04

She was very pretty.

1:30:041:30:06

Yeah. She is.

1:30:061:30:08

So, you're getting married.

1:30:151:30:18

Yeah, we're engaged.

1:30:181:30:20

Do you want to see the ring?

1:30:201:30:23

Mm-hm?

1:30:261:30:28

Mr List!

1:30:291:30:31

-Mr Craigslist!

-Hey!

-How are you, buddy?

-Good.

1:30:321:30:36

So, um... Congratulations.

1:30:361:30:38

Would anybody like some orange juice?

1:30:381:30:40

Put something on there before jack-boy has another jack attack!

1:30:401:30:44

-Jesus Christ, Min!

-SHE GIGGLES

1:30:441:30:46

So, um, did you guys have a good time last night? How was it?

1:30:461:30:50

Yes, we did. But what about you? Did you have a good time? That's what's more important.

1:30:501:30:55

Did you do it? Did you guys DO IT? Did you do IT?

1:30:551:30:57

Did you use the condoms?

1:30:571:30:59

-You know, I'd rather not say right now.

-No, tell us now!

1:30:591:31:03

Give us a little details, a little gooey, gory details.

1:31:031:31:07

I was, uh... We had fun.

1:31:071:31:09

We had a good time.

1:31:091:31:11

I like this. He's all, like, suave now, holding back information.

1:31:111:31:15

He's got his mojo back. Look at him, Wilson the Lady-killer!

1:31:151:31:20

# Follow the Moskva

1:31:201:31:22

# Down to Gorky Park

1:31:221:31:25

# Listening to the wind of change

1:31:251:31:32

# Future's in the air

1:31:321:31:34

-# Blowing everywhere

-Blowing everywhere

1:31:341:31:37

-# Blowing in the wind

-Blowing in the wind

1:31:371:31:40

-# Of change

-Of change

-Of change

1:31:401:31:45

ALL: # Take me to the legends of tomorrow

1:31:451:31:50

# On a lonely night

1:31:501:31:53

# The mulatto lovers

1:31:531:31:55

# Are all meant to be

1:31:551:31:58

# In the winds of change! #

1:31:581:32:00

Who wants breakfast?

1:32:001:32:02

-I want breakfast.

-I want breakfast.

1:32:021:32:04

She wants French toast, I want hash browns.

1:32:041:32:07

OK, so, Vegas, huh?

1:32:071:32:09

Vegas it is, in a month.

1:32:091:32:10

I want to stay at the best hotel.

1:32:101:32:13

The Best Western hotel.

1:32:131:32:16

You got it. You got it!

1:32:161:32:18

So come on, just tell us something. # Did you do it? Did you do it? #

1:32:181:32:23

# I follow the Moskva

1:32:231:32:26

# Down to Gorky Park... #

1:32:261:32:27

This fucking year's going to be awesome.

1:32:271:32:29

-This was the best New Year's ever.

-I can't believe you said "yes".

1:32:291:32:34

# An August summer night

1:32:361:32:39

# Soldiers passing by

1:32:391:32:42

# Listening to the wind of change... #

1:32:421:32:49

# The world is closing in

1:33:091:33:12

# Did you ever think

1:33:121:33:16

# That we could be so close

1:33:161:33:18

# Like brothers?

1:33:181:33:23

# The future's in the air

1:33:231:33:26

# Can feel it everywhere

1:33:261:33:29

# Blowing with the wind of change

1:33:291:33:36

# Take me to the magic of the moment

1:33:371:33:42

# On a glory night

1:33:421:33:46

# Where the children of tomorrow... #

1:33:461:33:48

Romantic comedy starring Scoot McNairy and Sara Simmonds. Following the worst 12 months of his life, a 29-year-old man ends up alone and penniless as New Year's Eve rapidly approaches, and vows to lock his doors, pull his blinds, and climb into bed - until his best friend talks him into posting a Craigslist personal ad. In seemingly no time at all, the message leads him to a young woman who is determined to be with the 'right' man at the stroke of midnight.


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