Management

This programme contains some strong language

MUSIC: "Hangover Days" by Jason Collett

# It was in your basement apartment

# With all of its earth and sea

# Making love on the carpet

# Under the light of the TV

# Outside the sour moon minstrels

# Shook their dark tambourines

# The morning came in sinister

# Well window light menacing

# With clouds up above

# And clouds down below

# Killing time but it won't stand still

# It won't stand still

# I told you I'll never make a promise

-# A promise I can keep... #

-Mike! Mike!

-# I thanked you for being honest... #

-I want you to sweep the pool.

-Why?

-Because people want to swim.

# We try so hard

# We try so hard

# We try so hard to love... #

-How are you feeling today, Ma?

-Feeling great, Mike.

-Good.

-Where's Dad?

-Crossword.

-Checking out of 202.

-How was your stay, Mr Edmunds?

-Fine, thanks.

-Thank you so much.

# I threw my heart into the streets

# With stars up above

# And stars down below

# Killing time but it won't stand still

# It won't stand still

# We try so hard

# We try so hard

# We try so hard to love. #

-So two nights, preferably upstairs.

-Oh, sure.

-Let's see, smoking or non-smoking?

-Non-smoking.

-Think I'll put you into 203.

-OK.

Nice room. This is our snack-bar, the prices are on the wall.

Sorry.

There you go. Thank you.

Uh-huh. Thank you. Anything else you need, just give me a call.

-Thank you very much.

-Do you need help with your bags?

-No, I'm fine.

110's called twice to complain that 111's making too much noise.

What kind of noise?

Not that kind of noise, Mike, now get your mind out of the gutter.

Apparently 111's got some sort of grinder in there.

-(LAUGHS) You said to get my mind out of the gutter.

-Don't be gross, Mike.

-Get some sleep, you look tired.

-I'm not tired.

-You look tired.

-You're the one who's sick, Ma.

Oh, that's a nice thing to say.

-Sorry. Love you.

-Love you, too.

-Good night, Dad.

-All right.

KNOCK AT DOOR

-Who is it?

-Management.

-What?

-Management. Welcome gift.

-Hi.

-Hi.

-I have your complimentary bottle... welcome gift.

Wine. It's on the house.

I'm uh, oh, Mike. And I am with management.

-Nice to meet you, Mike.

-Oh, it's my pleasure.

-So, where would you like it?

-You know what? I can just take it.

Oh. OK.

Do you... Er, I'm sorry. Would you like me to open it for you?

Yeah, cos sometimes guests don't have screws. Corkscrews.

Erm...

-Yeah, OK, sure. Sure.

-OK.

Just put this here.

Right. Thanks.

Anything interesting tonight?

I haven't really been paying attention.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

You know, there should be cups in the bathroom.

Completely sanitary.

That's good.

Wine is delicious.

Oh, man.

Shall I?

OK, sure.

It was a good year. Sometimes guests invite me to join them in a taste.

-Is that right?

-Not always but... often.

Should be another cup in the bathroom.

-I actually have to get to work, Mike, so...

-What do you do?

-I sell paintings.

-Really? I love paintings. What kind?

That kind.

Ohhh. Nice. So that's what you're doing in town.

Presentations tomorrow and I fly out the next morning.

-What's the company that you work for?

-It's called Corporate Bliss.

-And where are you guys HQ'd?

-Maryland.

-Nice.

Wait. Maryland is for lovers. Bumper sticker.

It's Virginia, actually. Virginia is for lovers.

-Maryland is for crabs.

-Yeah, you're right.

-OK, Mike...

-OK, I gotta get back to work.

Oh, solitary, great game.

OK, I'll be down in the lobby till 11,

then in my apartment, er, after that.

-But reachable by front door buzzer from then on.

-Thank you.

-Just in case you need a solitary partner.

-OK.

-Have a great night.

..laundry room, then I came down into the lobby,

and that's when I realised that your establishment

doesn't have any options for recycling.

You're absolutely right, we don't. Which I apologise for.

It's something we're working on. But, as you may know,

Kingman has been a little slow to fully embrace the recycling issue.

-It's been voted on to...

-What should I do with this bottle?

-Well, er...

-I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude,

but this is something that I'm very passionate about.

-Recycling?

-Yes, recycling.

Let me take it. I'll do it.

I just... I was going to make a recycling round, anyway, so...

Well, that's nice of you. This is my son, Michael.

He's the official night manager.

Thank you. It's very nice of you.

You bet. I'll just put it back here with all my other ones.

I got a pretty good, big pile...

KNOCK ON DOOR Who is it?

-Mike.

-Oh, God.

-Champagne.

-Why?

We give it to all our guests who stay for two nights.

Wow, that's a pretty good deal.

Did you and your mom come up with that on your own?

So shall I?

Why not?

Reserve one...

You know the drill. The same place. The cups.

-CORK POPS Ooh!

-Jeez!

Thank you.

-Do you make a toast, Mike?

-Erm, yeah, sure.

-You're Sue, right?

-Yeah.

Here's to...

people being happy!

Mm.

Ooh.

How were your presentations today?

Average.

You have a great butt.

I noticed the moment you checked in and...

-Thank you.

-Hope that isn't too, you know...

No. I mean, yeah, but...

Thank you.

-Do you do this a lot, Mike?

-No.

-Sometimes?

-Very rarely.

-Does it ever work?

-Never.

What... What would constitute having it work?

-Er...

-Us having sex?

-No, I don't...

-You getting to touch my butt?

That would...

Yeah, I'd consider that...

..for the... constitution...

Hm.

OK.

You can touch my butt

but then you gotta go.

-OK.

-Are you serious?

Yeah! Touch it and go, Mike! Just touch and go.

-You're from Maryland?

-Yeah.

-Where about?

-Columbia. What about you?

-Here. Kingman.

-Mm.

It's very warm.

-OK, Mike. I got an early plane to catch tomorrow.

-Yeah, me too.

-OK.

-Bye-bye now.

-Yep. Bye.

Mom? Hi, it's me.

I'm just checking in. I am in Kingman, Arizona.

OK, well, that's it. I love you and, erm...and I miss you. OK.

-Hi, Sue.

-Hi.

I was wondering if...

..I could snag your cellphone number or your email before you left?

-I don't think so, Mike.

-Why not?

Er... Not my style.

But... We...

Y'know, I touched your butt.

I know. And it was nice.

I just think that's all she wrote.

-Mike, are those high tops?

-Yeah.

-You're not gonna get those off.

-No!

-What?

-Not underneath.

-Hi.

-Hi.

-You all checked out?

-Yeah, I did it with your wife...earlier.

Shoot.

Hey, Dad. Oh! Come back and see us some time.

Mm-hm, yeah. Well, you know, it all depends on work.

ENGINE STARTS

TYRES SCREECH

What was that all about?

She sells motel paintings.

Mike! The heat's out in 118!

# Well, I never been to Spain

# But I kinda like the music

# See, the ladies are insane there

# And they sure know how to use it

# They don't abuse it

# Never gonna lose it... #

-"Thank you for calling Last Minute Flights."

-I'd like to book...

-"Your call is important..."

-Fuck!

# Well, I never been to England

# But I kinda like the Beatles...

'Please continue to hold...'

Come on, Mike, now or never.

# I headed for Las Vegas...

I'm gonna do it!

'Hello, Last Minute Flights. How may I assist you?'

Hi! Yeah! I'd like to book a one-way cash ticket for as fast as possible

from Phoenix to Baltimore! Got it?

# Well, I never been to heaven

# But I've been to Oklahoma

# Oh, they tell me I was born there

# But I really don't remember

# In Oklahoma or Arizona

# What does it matter?

# What does it matter? #

-Hi. I'm here to see Sue Claussen.

-Mm-hm. Is she expecting you?

-Erm, yeah, I left a couple of messages.

-Messages regarding...?

Regarding Sue. Telling her I was in town. I'm an old friend.

I see. OK.

(SIGHS)

Sue! Hi!

-What are you doing here?

-I was wondering if we could talk.

-Why are you here?

-I called twice. Did you get the messages?

You know what, guys, I'm sorry, why don't you go on ahead?

-Are you sure, Sue?

-Yeah, no, I'm good, go. Good.

-Can I talk to you for a second?

-Yeah.

-This is completely inappropriate.

-Erm...

-This is like a violation.

-I wasn't trying to violate...

-Well, you did.

You are. You are violating my personal space, you are violating my personal life. I can't do this.

-I have to be somewhere. I'm late.

-It's five. What are you late for?

-I have an event.

-You have an event? What kind of an event?

-I'm not gonna tell you.

-Can I come?

Here. Pass it. Pass it!

Whoo!

Hey, Sue!

Oh!

-LAUGHTER

-That's good.

-Here. Come on, you need it.

-SIGHS

-You do this every week?

-Yeah.

You're really good.

-You can't stay, Mike.

-Why not?

Cos it's insane.

I let you touch my butt and then you fly all the way across the country.

Well, it was much more than a butt touch.

Still, you can't stay. I've got a lot I gotta do.

-Well, how much stuff can you do in one night?

-A lot.

Like what? You go out with friends or...?

You see that girl over there? She works for Burger King.

She gives me vouchers every week and I pass them out. That's what I do.

Hey, I just wanna let you know,

if you want me to leave tomorrow, I will, I promise.

-Hey, guys!

-Sue's here.

OK. Whopper.

Whopper. Whopper.

Whopper. Whopper.

OK, Chicken Tenders.

Chicken Tender. Careful.

Easy, easy, easy. Easy. Here you go, Chicken Tender.

OK, er, BK veggie burger.

-(SIGHS)

-Fuck that, Sue.

Come on, it's supposed to be delicious.

Come on guys, it's got soy in it, it's really good.

-Fine. I'll take one.

-Good.

All right, hey, who wants a Powerade? All right.

You got one there, buddy?

-This is nice.

-Thanks. I've been here two years.

-Compact fluorescents.

-Oh. Bummer.

So I think I'm gonna go to sleep.

Do you want me to touch your butt first?

No. I only do that when I'm travelling.

Right.

So do you... Are you alone here in Maryland

or do you have relatives around or...?

My mom, she's over in Laurel. That... Her name is Mary.

-What does she do?

-She sells insurance to deaf people.

Oh. Nice sweatsuit.

Hm.

Y'know, I don't want you to take this the wrong way

but I think we probably shouldn't sleep in the same bed.

It's a good call.

So is your return ticket all set?

-I actually don't have one.

-You don't have a return ticket?

-No, I bought a one-way.

-Why?

-Erm...

-That's completely unacceptable, Mike.

-I know.

-You need to buy one.

I know, I'm sorry. I didn't have enough money.

-What?

-I only had enough for a one-way.

And I thought... I thought, "I'm just gonna go for it."

-With me?

-Yes. It was a far-flung notion.

-It was a fucking stupid notion.

-I guess.

-I'll lend you the money.

-You don't have to do that!

-Well, I'm going to.

-OK, hey, would you first consider

taking the morning off from work?

-No.

-We can hang out and then I'll leave.

If I don't, you can mace me.

-You're insane.

-We could go to the zoo, that'd be fun.

-Mike, zoos suck.

-OK, then we'll do something else.

Come on, take a day off from work. You look like you could use it.

I do?

-Hey!

-All right.

-Agh!

-Hey, hey!

Bump something! Over there. Fucking bump those people!

-Come on!

-Not too hard, OK?

Oh, man!

-You shouldn't smoke.

-I'm done. Forever. I'm serious.

No, you don't... Hey! You don't have to do that.

I know, but I am, I'm done. It's time.

Let me see if I understand something. Do you think that you like me, Mike?

-Yes.

-Why?

Cos you have style.

-No, I don't.

-Yeah, you do.

-No, no. I don't.

Yeah. You give away 30% of your income.

-You would too if you made...more.

-No, I wouldn't.

You're also incredibly sweet.

Well, beneath...

Beneath what?

Beneath the part of you that's not.

You better get your bus.

-I'll pay you back for the ticket.

-Don't worry about it.

So, will I ever see you again?

That wouldn't be good for you, Mike. I'm not good with people.

-No, that's not true.

-Yeah, y'know, it is.

-No, it's not.

What about those homeless guys? They love you.

What about the soccer gals?

What about me?

OK, buddy, all aboard.

I think, Mike, you'd better go on the bus.

Hey Sue, it's Mike. Calling, again, I'm trying not to call too much

but I just wanted to make sure that you got the poem I sent last week.

You know, the sort of elongated haiku thing.

Erm, anyway, you know my home number and, of course, the front desk.

But seriously, you should call cos I'm definitely around.

Anyway, talk to you later, I hope. Bye.

# More than begin but less than forget

# But spirits born from the not happened yet

# Gathering there to pay off a debt

# Brought back from the wars

# We thought we lost you

# We thought we lost you

# We thought we lost you

# Welcome back. #

I thought you were gonna quit smoking?

I just did.

What are you doing here?

Work.

Hey, did you get my haiku?

The elongated one?

Yeah.

Yeah. It was nice.

So you're just, er, passing through?

Yeah, I fly out from Phoenix tomorrow.

-Oh. Here, I'll take that.

-Oh, thank you.

So, this must be a really good region for corporate art sales?

-Yes, it is.

-Good.

Hey, I'm supposed to go to this yoga class thing later.

Would you like to come with me?

# It will all come back... #

-Do you have a boyfriend, Sue?

-No.

-Did you, recently?

-Yes.

-What was his name?

-Jango.

-He was an ex-punk.

-Ex... Like an ex-punk?

Ex-rock-punk.

We broke up when he moved away.

-Why did he leave?

-To open the Pacific northwest branch

of his organic yoghurt company.

-He's the president.

-Here you go.

-Thank you.

Thanks.

-So how is your job these days?

-It's OK.

-But it's not your fantasy job.

-I don't really do fantasy, Mike.

-If you could close your eyes and pick anything, what'd it be?

-Er...

-But you gotta close your eyes otherwise it's not gonna work.

-OK.

To run a full service state-of-the-art soup kitchen.

-Wow.

-Multiple housing units upstairs,

recreational facilities in the basement,

job outreach. Midnight basketball.

-Really good soup?

-Always. Excellent soup, first and foremost.

What about kids? Do you wanna have kids?

You know what was really great about that yoga class?

It was the breathing stuff.

-I don't do that.

-Breathe?

There are days where I have to instruct my heart

to request additional air.

And I have to tell myself,

"Breathe, Sue."

"Just keep breathing."

Yes, I want kids.

Were you not sure when I asked?

I just don't think that I've ever been asked...that way...before.

Can I ask one more question? Then I'm done, I swear.

Will you come visit my mom with me on the way home?

She's sick and I promised I'd stop by.

Here, these are for you. There was a flower show downtown.

That's nice of you.

Hey Ma, Sue flew in from Baltimore just this morning.

-What do you do, Sue?

-I sell corporate decorative art.

-I've met you before.

-Yeah, you know, she stayed at the motel, Ma.

-That's how we met.

-And where are you from originally?

Er, I'm from Columbia. Maryland.

-Do you come from a good family?

-Er, no, not really.

Is there something specifically wrong with your family?

Er, well, my father lives on an ashram in northern California.

Pretty much sums up everything... about him.

He once forgot to pick me up from gymnastics.

-For an entire night.

-That's quite a lot of somersaults.

I didn't care. I didn't. It really just explains more about him

than, erm, it does me.

-Could you hand me those pills, Mike?

-Which ones?

The ones on the left there.

Can I talk to my son in private for a moment?

Yeah. Did I say something wrong?

Not at all. I'll just be a moment.

OK.

-I like her.

-Really?

She's a bit of a long shot.

But she's logical,

in an emotionally annihilated kind of way.

But that's OK. Underneath there is a heart of...

-Gold?

-No, I wouldn't say gold.

Maybe made of...leather.

But, if it works out,

she'll be good for you when I'm gone.

Needless to say, what would make me happy

is for you to find something for yourself before my check-out time.

Just so I know it's not you and your father alone here,

walking around like robots.

-Ma, dad's not a robot.

-He is.

But I was mostly talking about you.

Unless you find a way out.

-Of what?

-Of whatever it is you're stuck in.

You get it from your father.

He came back from the war stuck.

Been talking about joining the gym ever since.

(LAUGHS) Never has.

But that doesn't have to be you.

-Are you OK?

-Yeah. Are you?

Yeah.

-She liked you.

-No, she didn't.

Yeah, she did. She told me.

What took you so long?

Dad, do you remember Sue?

There's a toilet overflow in 110.

-OK.

-Gotta get home to your mom.

-Are you really leaving?

-I have to.

-You can't do one more night? Just...

-I have meetings this afternoon in Seattle.

-Call them off

-and just stay for a while.

-It's my job.

-I know.

-But you could get a job around here.

-Where, Szechuan House?

No.

-I'm just saying that...

-No, Mike...

I don't know how to say this.

This isn't gonna work.

-I mean, I'll stop by when I pass through.

-Come on, what do you mean?

I can't move from Baltimore

to live in a corner double room of your parents' motel.

I mean...

Be serious.

I'm sorry.

-I'll stay in better touch this time.

-Yeah, whatever you say.

So this is where she wanted?

This used to be all scrub.

She'd be cringing right now if she knew they'd be building here.

But...

..I promised her I'd do it.

Yeah, it's still nice.

I meant to give this to you earlier.

It's your mom's favourite piece of jewellery.

As you know, she was a necklace woman.

She thought you should have it.

Don't know why. Wouldn't want you to start wearing it,

-but maybe you can find some use for it. Something.

-Thanks, Dad.

Also I had some guy call me.

Wanted to buy the motel.

-Are you gonna do it?

-I doubt it. May as well keep running it.

But you can do what you want, Mike. You know, if you wanna leave...

-This ain't a half bad hunk of junk.

-Yeah, it was my mother's.

Oh, God, let's not go down the sentimental road.

-I'm just saying...

-I know. And I know you're gonna start crying.

-What? No, I'm not.

-How long have you been in the pawn business?

-The porn business?

-No, pawn business, goddammit.

-How long you been in the pawn business?

-Oh. No, I've never...

No, exactly. So when someone says he ain't gonna start crying

that's a sure as shit sign they gonna start blubbering like a calf.

-Oh. See what I mean?

-Just how much...for the necklace?

-I'll give you 300.

-OK!

-Oh.

-Hi.

-Hi.

-I'm here to see Sue, please.

-Sue no longer works here.

-I'm sorry?

-She moved to Washington.

-DC?

-State.

Her old boyfriend convinced her to move to Aberdeen.

Came with flowers, first-class flights.

Very Officer and a Gentleman.

# We hit the numbers we broke

# Broken and changed them Changed as we spoke

# We knew that we would always be down

-(SCREAMS)

-# Hitting the numbers

# Spun way round

# And somebody beside you

# Slipped your head inside the crown

# The princes of the paupers

# And all the old showstoppers

# Till this moment's still unknown #

SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

Er... number eight.

-SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

-Eight?

SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

Dude, I'm just messing with you!

-You're new in town, right?

-Oh. Yeah.

You looking for a job?

-Yeah.

-You, er...

You want to work here?

-Seriously?

-Why the fuck wouldn't I be serious?

-Al.

-Mike.

-Mike, it is nice to meet you.

-Yeah, you too.

-Dude, you stink.

-I do?

-Big time.

You can't work here if you stink. It's my parents' place.

-They're old school. They really hate stinky people.

-OK.

-So go home,

take a shower, please, come back and I will get you the job.

-I don't really have a home.

-Really?

All right, he also needs a place to live

so I was thinking that maybe we could let him stay in the basement

and deduct some rent from his pay?

SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

Great.

Hey, thanks a lot for helping me out, it really means a lot.

Dude, no problem, man.

I've been trying to get my folks to hire someone American

cos we catch less bigot bullshit. And I hate working the mornings.

-Why?

-Because I smoke a lot of pot and I like sleeping in.

-Oh, that's cool.

-So why did you come to Aberdeen, Mike?

This girl that I'm in love with,

she moved here to be with her ex-boyfriend.

-Oh, that sucks, man.

-Yeah.

Yeah, especially considering the guy is a punk.

-Like a punk-punk?

-Ex-punk, I think he's older now.

-Does he train dogs?

-I dunno.

Is his name, like, Jango?

-Yeah, I think it is!

-I have totally heard of this dude, Mike.

-Is he a punk?

-No, he's an ex-punk!

So, the thing with this guy is, he's also, like, a yoghurt magnate.

Totally huge in the yoghurt business,

like a yoghurt fucking mogul.

You see those kennels over there? That's where he keeps the dogs.

-DOGS BARK

-Dammit!

-What?

-This guy... This guy is like a total stud.

-What do you mean?

I'm not a sexual superman. This guy...

-I mean...

-No dude, you're probably fine.

-You're just saying that.

-True, but do you want me to say you're right?

-No, but...

-OK, look. Chicks these days don't want sexual supermen, OK?

They want hard workers. Guys who hustle.

And you look like a hustler, Mike.

I mean, you came all the way out to Aberdeen, dude.

That's got to count for something, right? Yeah.

This guy's got shrubbery shaped like pit bulls.

CAR APPROACHES

DOGS BARK

Dude, I think I got an idea for how you can get your girl back.

-Really?

-See that dude sitting over there?

He runs a flight school in Olympia. You should talk to him, Mike.

OK, Mike, what I need now is for you to free your mind!

So let us have a spiritually fulfilling religious fucking moment!

I'm pretty sure I can do it, Stan!

That's the Michael I've come to know in the last eight hours!

-That's the Mike!

-Uh!

Come on now!

-Three, two, one!

-Wait! Wait, Stan!

# I feel like making love

# I feel like making love

-# I feel making love

-You're on your ooooooown!

# I feel like making love

# I feel like making love to you

Yeahhhhhh! Hoooo!

Yeahhhhh!

Suuuuue!

(SCREAMS) Jesus! Oh, my God!

Jango! Jango!

Jango! Oh, my God! Who is that?

-It's me, Mike!

-Mike?

-(COUGHS)

-Sue!

-What are you doing? Mike, come here.

GUNSHOTS POP Agh! Jango, enough with the shooting!

-What the fuck's going on!

-Come here. Mike, come here.

Jango, stop shooting people! Stop it! Come here to me.

Follow the noise. Right here. Ow! Stop it!

Come on. There you go. Here, I got you, I got you, I got you.

-Why? Oh, my God, are you OK?

-Step away. Sue.

-Jango, give me the gun, give me the damn gun.

-I think I'm dying.

-It's just BBs.

-No, I really think I'm dying.

-Oh, my God!

-Move back, Sue. Clear.

-(SCREAMS)

-Jango, what are you doing?

-CPR!

Oh, my God, I'm calling an ambulance!

OK. Well, that just looks like you're kissing him, Jango!

Hi.

Hi.

-Where am I?

-The Aberdeen Medical Center.

-Did, er... Did...

-Yeah, Jango shot you.

Which caused you to go into shock.

Mike, why?

Why did you come out here?

Because I love you.

Do I have BB holes in my neck?

-Yeah.

-They hurt.

-I can imagine.

I thought it was over with that guy.

He's good to me, Mike.

He put me in charge of his company's non-profit yoghurt fund

which allows me to do a lot of good things for a lot of people.

He also feels horrible for shooting you

and he'd like to have you over for dinner.

Ohh, that's nice.

Hey, so who's this guy?

That is me and Joe Strummer

in the summer of '79 at the 100 Club in London.

-Who's Joe Strummer?

-Joe Strummer most likely made love to your mother

and then wrote a song about it.

Here's the two of us throwing up together CBGB's.

Hey, who is that?

Ah, that's me and Ed McMahon.

Ed Mc-Wild-Mahon.

Now he's a true punk.

Basically, for me, dog work is a thrill,

an adrenaline rush, if you will,

that's otherwise hard for me to replicate in the world of yoghurt.

-Especially now you're not a punk.

-I'll always be a punk in here, Al.

Make no mistake. But there's less need for me to call myself a punk

in a world where very notion of punkdom has been commodified

-for the mass market.

-OK.

-How do you like your marsala?

-It's really good.

-Yeah?

-Oh, you're not gonna eat any?

-Oh, I liquefied it.

Listen, I would just like to formally and quite sincerely

apologise to you for the BB gun incident. I lost my cool.

I was scared, for Sue. Scared for the dogs.

Scared for the general wellbeing of the pool.

So I just wanna say that I'm sorry, m... m...

-Mike.

-..my friend. I blundered.

-Yeah, it's all right.

-Yeah, so that's... behind us!

And Sue tells me that you're a painter?

CLEARS THROAT Yeah, very, very talented painter.

When did you have the opportunity to become acquainted with his work?

That was... It was my last business trip for, er, Corporate Bliss.

Mm-hm. And you saw her and thought,

"Great opportunity to promote my art,"

or you thought, "beautiful woman"?

The first part. Erm, the art one.

So you're the guy who paints foxes and hounds for corporate art?

-Yeah.

-OK, cos I got something to say about that.

You take a Rottweiler, no, let's say a Malinois

chasing a fox, you got a seriously new dynamic on your hands,

because a Malinois on a fox's ass, that would be a trip.

Because a Malinois is gonna turn that little fox into fox meat

inside of 23 seconds, you know what I'm saying?

-So I'd just like to lobby for that a little bit.

-OK.

-That was really great chicken, Jango.

-I love that fucking chicken.

You had a better chicken than that, you'd have to be a rooster.

BOTH LAUGH

Speaking of, who's up for some dessert?

-Oh!

-I got a new flavour I wanna try out on you guys.

Henry Rollins' chicken-wing crunch.

Hey, Sue, Mike and I are gonna go to the Cowboy Club after this

and if you want to join us, y'know, they got great dancing.

I'll think about it.

What I'm trying to say is that China

is not only gonna kick America's economic butt,

but it's gonna invade your whole country. I'm talking about you guys getting a whole new flag.

You need to reorient the way you think about Asians,

because we will blow your mind with our uniqueness and inner beauty.

-You think she's hot?

-Yeah, sorta.

-Hi, guys.

-Yes!

-Sue. Hi.

-Hi, Mike.

-You didn't bring Jango, did you?

-No, no, he got kind of drunk

so I just told him that I had an errand.

-Hey, you wanna dance with us, Sue?

-No.

-Come on, I know you got a move.

-I don't have a move.

-Everybody's got a move. Show her your move.

-I don't have a move.

-Don't you think Mike's got moves?

-I bet you have a move.

-Come on, let's bust a move!

-Come on.

-Go on.

# I put on lipstick, paint and powder

# When I do, it's all you see

# Giving someone what they wanted

# Wasn't all I thought it'd be

# Don't make it better, make it over

# Make it new or make it done

# I guess I'll be all right without you

# The world looks better when you're gone

# Here's me walking out the back door... #

Hey, did you hear? Aberdeen is building

the biggest bio-diesel fuel plant in the country.

-Whatever you say, Mike.

-No, we should find a way to get in on that.

Yeah.

Hey, Jango.

-You know why I'll always be a punk, Matt?

-Mike.

Mike. Cos I take very little shit.

-Hey!

-DOG BARKS

I'm watching you, Matt.

-DOG BARKS

-You stay away from her.

Christ, Mike. Mike, you all right, dude?

I'll get him back.

Yeah, man. He's a scumbag.

-You sure you wanna do this?

-Look, don't come if you don't want.

Dude, I'm with you.

OK. Let's do it.

Let's go.

PLAYS KEYBOARD

# Baby, when I think about you

# I think about love

# Darlin', don't live without you

# And your love

# If I had

# Those golden dreams

# Of my yesterday

# I would wrap you

# In the heavens

# Till I'm dyin' all the way

-# I feel like making

-# Na-na-nah, na-na-nah, na-na-nah

-# I feel like making love

-# Na-na-nah, na-na-nah, na-na-nah

# I feel like making love

-# I feel like making love

-# Ahhhhhh

# I feel like making love to you

RATTLES PLASTIC

# Ooooh. #

Dude, that was awesome!

Just...

Just go.

-Wait, wait.

-Go, go, go, go!

-Hold on.

-Shit!

-I love you, Sue!

Eat that, dog man! You suck!

-Mike! You have visitor!

-OK.

-We need to talk, Mike.

-I know.

I've been leaving you messages.

I mean, did... Did you tell him about us?

-That we...

-Yes.

Why?

-Because I'm marrying him.

-What?

-Which I need you to accept.

-Why?

Because I'm at a point in my life

where there are certain things that I need.

-Like what?

-Like a certain kind of love.

-What kind?

-The kind that is not like an unguided missile.

You can't just stalk people around the country.

You can't parachute into people's pools.

Knock on people's motel rooms just because you're feeling lonely.

Life isn't like that.

For you to be with someone,

it's... it's not all about what you need.

It's gotta be more selfless than that, Mike, it's got to be.

Oh, like, like, save everyone else in the world except yourself?

-I don't... That's not what I do.

-Yes, it is.

-No, it's not.

Yes, it is! You're so busy being selfless

that you end up treating yourself like shit!

That really what you think of me?

I'm just... I'm just saying, I know what you need.

-Which is what?

-To take care of yourself a little.

So that people who love you don't feel like they're annoying you.

Sue, Sue, just... marry me. OK?

Just let the world go screw itself for a half second

and just see what happens, and maybe it'll be OK.

-I'm getting married on Saturday.

-Why?

Because I'm pregnant.

And I'm gonna have it.

It's what I want.

You're having a child?

Could... Could it be mine?

No.

Which is why I'm getting married.

Mike, I can't afford to be selfish on this one.

I just have to be with somebody

who knows what they're doing with their life.

I'm sorry.

Sweet just doesn't cut it.

Can you leave now, please?

Just leave, OK?

Get out of my basement, Sue.

Susan! Get... I'm serious!

Get the fuck out of my basement right now!

I wish I had that dickwad's BB gun right now.

-They going on a honeymoon?

-I don't know.

Yeah, they'll probably wait until yoghurt season's over.

-You're gonna be all right.

-Yeah. Yeah.

I just wanna say, Al...

..you're the best friend I ever had.

Ditto.

What a douchebag, huh?

DISTANT APPLAUSE

You know, it's enough to make you want to be a Buddhist monk.

-My people are really good at that stuff.

-Yeah?

Oh, dude, don't get carried away.

# Well, I don't know what I'm looking for

# But I know that I just wanna look some more

# And I won't be satisfied

# Till there's nothing left that I haven't tried

# For some people, it's an easy choice

# But for me, there's a devil and an angel's voice

# Well, I don't know what I am looking for

# But I know that I just wanna look some more

# Well, I don't know what I'm looking for

# But I know that I just wanna look some more

# And you hear it from the strangers in your head

# From friends, that love never dies and love never ends

# And I don't wanna argue, no, I don't wanna fight

-Come on!

-# Cos you're always wrong and I'm always right

# Well, I don't know what I am living for

# But I know that I just wanna live some more. #

Michael, the progress you've made in your four months here

-has been remarkable.

-Thank you, father.

Needless to say, your immersion in the duty of carrot chopper

-and broom chief has been full and complete.

-Thank you.

-But some worries have arisen.

-Such as what, father?

First of all, you're not supposed to call me father.

-Oh.

-But I must say, I admit I've grown fond of it.

Michael,

an aspiring Bodhisattva such as yourself

should seek to produce a heart that does not dwell.

Of course, father.

And your heart, Michael, may I say, it does dwell.

-No, it doesn't.

-It does, Michael.

You have not transcended your earthly passions.

To put it bluntly, you are stuck!

You also play too much volleyball.

-But I thought that was permitted, father.

-Not for seven hours a day.

Also, you encouraged it for stress release.

Yes, I did, yes.

But, Michael, Buddhist monks aren't supposed to have

seven hours a day worth of stress.

We are Buddhist monks. Buddhist monks.

So what should I do?

My parents died when I was ten.

Two months later, my uncle and I moved to America.

I was forced to let go of everything I knew in order to move on.

Sometimes in life, you must do that.

Where are you from, father?

Vietnam. Hau Giang province?

My parents were killed in the war.

-By the Americans?

-Yes.

And yet I moved here.

Life is odd.

-I'm sorry.

-No, no, no.

It is not your fault.

Let go.

Let go and move on.

I recognizzle you.

-Yeah, I'm the guy who sold you my mom's necklace.

-Oh, yeah, right.

-What can I do you for?

-I want it back.

Dad, do you want me to make you some dinner?

No, I'm all right.

OK.

Dad, when you were over in Vietnam,

did you ever do any fighting in the Hau Giang province?

Yeah.

Why?

I just met this guy at the monastery who was from the area.

Seemed to really have his shit together.

Good to hear.

Dad, I been thinking, maybe you should sell this place.

You don't even like it here. This was mom's thing.

-Why do you say that?

-Cos it's true.

Come on, Mom loved people, loved running things. It's not like you.

You're not like a people person, Dad.

You should let it go. Move on.

-Otherwise you're just gonna rot.

-Sell it and do what?

Anything. You still have time. You have money.

-What do you need, Mike? A loan.

-No.

I just wanted to say... that this doesn't have to be it.

And that I love you.

'Dear Mike, I know you probably don't wanna hear from me

'and I can't say I blame you.

'But I wanted to write anyway to let you know what I think,

which is that I think you had a point that day

'about people who hide behind their causes

'in order to avoid their lives.'

'You had a point down there in that basement

with the soy sauce and the mice.

'And so I wanted to say thanks.

'Because of you, Mike, I'm not the same person I was.

'Goodbye, Mike. Love, Sue.'

I thought about what you said the other day.

I think you had a point.

That being said, this is yours.

-What is it?

-Deed to the motel. Signed over to you.

-Dad, that's not why....

-It's fine.

I don't need it. Your mom was good about that.

-You can't just give me the motel.

-It's your birth right.

-What would you do?

-I wanna get in shape.

Maybe join one of those basketball leagues.

How about you?

I don't know. I'll think of something.

-You done with the monk stuff?

-Yeah. I'll still occasionally do it.

I mean, not professionally but...

What about that girl?

Oh, that didn't work out.

Yeah, we weren't, you know, like,... meant for each other.

I dunno, Mike. Things change in life.

What do you mean?

You're not the same guy you were.

Good soup.

Good soup.

You can do this, Mike.

# Balancing on wounded wing...

-I'm gonna hit the gym.

-Oh, yeah?

Yeah, they have a senior citizens' hoop run from three to five.

-I got a new ball.

-Yeah, I see.

-All right, Mike.

-See ya.

# But less than forget

# But spirits born from the not happened yet

# Gathering there to pay off a debt

# Brought back from the wars... #

-'Hello?'

-Hi, Jango. It's Mike, Sue's friend.

-Hi, Mike.

-Hi. Look, I know that I'm probably not the guy

you wanna hear from right now, but I need to tell Sue what I'm doing.

And I think that when she hears what I'm up to she will understand...

-Mike?

-Yeah?

We split up. Sue and I split up.

She...left me.

Went back to Maryland to be with her mom.

# ..Deep as a secret nobody knows

# I know you want to run far away for one more

# And that it's coming at a bad time

# Some cold place

# Heartless ways

# For all we know... #

DOORBELL RINGS

-Hi.

-Hi. Are you Mary Claussen?

Yes?

-Hi.

-Hi.

I'm a friend of Sue's. Is she home?

-Who are you?

-Er, Mike. From management.

Oh. Erm...

Sue! Mike is here!

# We thought we lost you

# We thought we lost you... #

Hi.

Hi.

How's the baby?

So far, so good.

Are you OK?

Yeah.

-I'm really sorry, Mike.

-Why?

Cos I really messed up with you.

But you were right. I was like a kid.

This is the deed to the motel.

I wanna turn it into a homeless shelter.

With midnight basketball.

I already bought the soup noodles.

I was actually hoping... that you might wanna help.

I really love you, Sue, and I wanna take care of you

and whoever it is that's inside of you.

All I want...is to be with you.

That's it.

-Breathe, Sue.

-OK.

Just keep breathing.

I wrote you a haiku.

You wanna hear it?

Sure.

Mike, oh, Mike, my man.

Keeps showing up like UPS.

Sue, you're such a bitch.

-I like it.

-You do?

-Yeah.

# What am I gonna do?

# Isn't that just jelly?

# All the things I've heard

# Of all the things you find

# I wonder if you know

# I wonder if you're bitter

# And all that you've considered

# Like marmalade your mind

# And the toll will bring you down real hard

# Cos your house is only made of cards

# So sweetly is the dream

# In the cookie jar

# Well, everybody is everywhere you are

# Remember what you did

# Remember what you said

# Alone and macarooned

# Inside your biscuit head

# And the toll will bring you down real hard

# Cos your house is only made of cards. #

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