The Men Who Stare at Goats

This programme contains very strong language

Boone.

< Yes, General?

I'm going into the next office.

< Yes, sir.

Damn it.

'My name is Bob Wilton. I'm a journalist.'

'Part of my job is finding where a story begins.'

'If you were looking at my story might think it began

'when I got a job at the Ann Arbor Daily Telegram.'

'Or you might think it began

'when I married my college sweetheart, Debora.'

'But you'd be wrong.'

'Because the real story of my life began a few years back

'when my editor sent me to interview a local guide he'd heard on

'a talk radio show.'

'The guy claimed to have some kind of psychic powers,

'that he could travel with just his mind anywhere he wanted.'

'He called it remote viewing.'

'The man's name was Gus Lacey.'

What have you seen lately?

Lately I've been watching the Loch Ness monster in Scotland.

Thanks, Mom.

Er, and it turns... I've got it.

Mom, I've got it. Thank you.

It turns out it's the ghost of a dinosaur.

OK, wow.

So when did this all start for you, Gus?

It started when I was a kid.

'Gus told me that back in the '80s he was part of a top-secret unit

that got their training in the Army

in a programme sanctioned by the highest levels of government.'

'When I asked him what the purpose of this unit was, he said...'

We were psychic spies, mainly. That was our initial tasking.

Once they realised what they were sitting on,

we were trained to kill animals.

-What, with your...

-With our minds, that is correct.

Just by staring at them.

What kind of animals?

One of our unit stopped the heart of a goat.

Wow.

The power they unleashed in us.

Last week I killed my hamster.

Want to see?

There. Look.

You ever see a hamster do that before?

I never owned a hamster, Gus, before.

Just look. Look. See the way it's glaring at its wheel.

Yeah, I guess our hamster-owning leaders would know

it's abhorrent behaviour and what...

What's...

-Oh, shit. Shit. He's down.

-Yeah, he's down.

At this pointed I'd been staring at him for about three hours.

Bizarre, right?

What is that? He didn't die. You said you killed it.

Yeah, well, Mom said no.

She said don't show the hamster dying, show the tape where

the hamster acts bizarre instead.

You should have seen the skipper at work.

-Who's the skipper?

-Lyn Cassady.

I mean, after Bill he was the most gifted psych I ever met.

He was like an occult force.

Think he runs a dance studio now.

'The little man inside me dismissed Lacey as a nut.'

'You know the little man.'

'He's the one who says keep your head down, stay in your little town.'

'Your little job.'

'You're a lucky guy, your wife loves you.'

'You have everything you want.'

'You're not looking for some great adventure.'

'But then, one day when you least expect it...

'..the great adventure finds you.'

'Ron's sudden death was the catalyst for everything.'

'Debora told me later that it had been like a wake-up call for her.'

'What people used to call a memento mori.'

'Ron's massive coronary had reminded her that life was just too short

to waste any chance of true happiness.'

'And that his death had helped to put everything in perspective.'

DEBORA GIGGLES >

'A week after the funeral, she left me for my editor.'

'It seemed like such a tragedy at the time.'

'We couldn't see beyond our little lives to the great events of history

'unfolding out there in the world.'

'I was like a child or a Hobbit safe in the Shire.'

'Or a blond farm boy on a distant desert planet,

'unaware that he was already taking the first steps on a path

'that would lead him relentlessly towards the heart of a conflict

'between the forces of good and evil.'

"Americans are a resolute people

"who've risen to every test of our time."

"Adversity has revealed the character of our country

"to the world."

'Had I known where that path would lead,

'had a soft wind from my future brought me the name of Bill Django,

I might never have gone.'

'But as it was, I did what so many men have done throughout history

'when a woman has broken their heart.'

'I went to war.'

# "Alright" - Supergrass

# We are young, we run green

# Keep our teeth nice and clean

# See our friends, see the sights

# Feel alright

# We wake up, we go out

# Smoke a fag, put it out

# See our friends, see the sights

# Feel alright

# Are we like you?

# I can't be sure

# Of the scene as she turns

# We are strange in our worlds

# But we are young

# We get by

# Can't go mad, ain't got time

# Sleep around, if we like

# But we're alright

# Got some cash, bought some wheels

# Took it out, 'cross the fields

# Lost control, hit a wall

# But we're alright

# Are we like you?

# I can't be sure

# Of the scene as she turns

# We are strange in our worlds

# But we are young, we run green

# Keep our teeth nice and clean

# See our friends, see the sights

# Feel alright. #

-DEBORA:

-'So have you seen any combat?'

Yeah, no, it's, erm...

I won't lie to you, Debora, it's been pretty damn hairy.

'Yeah. We've been watching it on Fox.'

Yeah, but it's not...

I've seen things that you shouldn't... You know?

'I don't even know why you're there.'

I think it's important people get an accurate picture of what's...

-'MALE VOICE'

-"What?"

-'Are you ready to go?'

-..what's happening.

'Yeah.'

So, what? Is that Dave?

'Yeah. He says hi.'

Well, that's...

'Is he gonna get his stuff outta here?'

That's...

I gotta go.

We're moving out, riding up north to cover the fighting there.

'Wait, Bob...'

So what's a useful phrase?

MAN SPEAKS ARABIC

HE REPEATS SLOWLY

What does that mean?

"Don't shoot. I'm a reporter."

I'll keep that in mind.

HE REPEATS ARABIC PHRASE

'I'd been waiting for a month for permission to cross

'the border into Iraq.'

'All that time I'd seen the embedded war correspondents coming back,

'swapping stories. They all ignored me.'

'I had to get into Iraq somehow

'or I would never again be able to face myself, my wife,

'or that one-armed fuckhead, Dave.'

DeWitt Resources. Out of Arkansas.

That's right. We make trash cans.

You're here for the conference, right?

-Looking for a contract.

-I guess.

What's your pitch?

Well, we're real cheap.

-Bob Wilton.

-Skip.

-Do you mind if I...

-No.

-So, you're from Arkansas.

-No.

-Been here long?

-No.

CHATTER AND LAUGHTER >

'Be careful what you wish for.'

'I wanted to prove myself.'

'And for my sins fate taught me a lesson.'

Lyn Cassady.

Lyn Cassady.

After Bill he was the most gifted psych I ever met.

Do you know Gus Lacey?

Skip?

Hello?

Lyn.

I have your hat.

Skip?

LYN SHOUTS

You working for Hooper?

No, I work for the Ann Arbor Daily Telegram.

How do you about Lacey?

I interviewed him a few months ago for my paper.

Little prick.

Follow me.

Let me ask you something.

What colour were the chairs in the hotel bar?

Erm...

You were there for hours. What colour were the chairs?

-Green.

-Beige.

How many lights are in this room?

A super soldier wouldn't have to look. He would just know.

-Super solider?

-A Jedi warrior.

He'd know where all the lights were, how many power outlets there were.

People are walking around with their eyes closed.

At Level One we were trained to instantly absorb all details.

What's that, what's a Jedi warrior?

You're looking at one.

You're a Jedi warrior?

That's correct.

I don't... I don't know what that means.

I'm sergeant first class Lyn Cassady, special forces. Retired.

In the '80s I was trained at Fort Bragg under a secret initiative

codenamed Project Jedi.

The objective of the project was to create super soldiers.

Soldiers with superpowers.

We were the first generation of the New Earth Army.

-You've got superpowers?

-That's correct.

Wait a minute.

What you're saying is that you were a psychic spy like Lacey.

We prefer the term remote viewer.

How does that work?

Well, different Jedi had different techniques.

Mel Landow used to visualise packing all his troubles

into a little suitcase to clear his mind.

Steve Tuttle would recite Bible verse which was...

What about you?

I find drinking helps.

And if I'm listening to Classic Rock.

Oh, yeah? Like who?

I like Boston. Boston usually works.

What other, erm, powers would you practice?

Invisibility.

-Invisibility.

-Yeah. I was Level Three.

Like actual invisibility.

Yeah, that was the goal.

Eventually we adapted it to just finding a way of not being seen.

But once you understand the linkage between observation and reality,

then you begin to dance with invisibility.

Like camouflage.

No. It's not like camouflage.

We also practise phasing.

Crossing from particle to wave. From physical to energy.

Solid objects seem to pass right through you.

That starts with a breathing exercise.

HE EXHALES

And then you think black. That's a nothingness. Got it?

-It's...

-HE EXHALES

This is... I don't know what...

Can I be honest with you, Lyn? I don't know what to make of this.

I don't know what to say. This is amazing stuff.

I want to... Erm...

-Could I write a story about this?

-Not gonna happen.

I've been looking for a story and I was gonna write about

the rebuild contracts, but this is much better.

-Not gonna happen.

-We could meet tomorrow.

I'm shipping out tomorrow.

-You're going home?

-I'm going to Iraq.

-I've been thinking about partnering on a factory in al-Qaim.

-Oh...

I could come.

-What?

-I could come maybe.

I don't wanna be a story. I don't need the attention.

-We could change names.

-There's a war over there, Bob.

You understand that? War.

I don't wanna have to be looking out for you.

You wouldn't ha-... I look after myself.

I've been in some pretty hairy situations.

I'm a journalist, Lyn, you understand?

I'm a journalist. I go where the story is.

What is this?

I don't know. It's just a doodle.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

"The US Army doesn't really have any serious alternative

"but to be wonderful."

"This does not represent the official position of the United States Army

"at this time."

Bill Django.

Who's Bill Django?

The man who wrote that book.

'He said it all started when he fell out of a helicopter in Vietnam.'

SHOUTING

SILENCE

-GUNFIRE

-Fuck you, motherfucker!

Hey! Knock it off.

Knock it off.

Knock it off.

Jesus.

GUNSHOT

< Medic!

VC! One o'clock!

Hurry!

What are you waiting for? What the fuck?

Why isn't anyone firing?

Fire!

'Every single one of Bill's men fired high.'

'They instinctively hadn't wanted to shoot another person.'

'Later, Bill would come across a study which revealed only 15 to 20%

'of fresh soldiers shot to kill.'

'The rest aimed high, didn't fire at all

or pretended to be busy doing something else.'

I've got you, sir. Stay with me, all right?

Their gentleness is their strength.

'While recovering in the hospital,

'Bill wrote to the Vice Chief of Staff for the Army

'explaining that he wanted to go on a fact-finding mission to explore

'alternative combat tactics.'

'The Pentagon agreed to pay his salary and expenses.'

'What Bill hadn't told the Pentagon

'was that he was really looking for the answer to his vision.'

'How could his men's gentleness,

'their general lack of interest in killing people,

'be turned into a strength?'

'How could love and peace help win wars?'

'Bill knew where to go to find out.'

# "Itchycoo Park" - The Small Faces

'Bill disappeared into the New Age Movement for six years.'

'Like all shaman before him, he had traversed the wilderness.'

'Now he was returning to his people a changed man.'

'He brought with him his confidential report

'which he called the New Earth Army manual.'

"The New Earth Army is a banner under which the forces of good can gather."

"The courage and nobility of the warrior

"blended with the spirituality of the monk."

"The Jedi warrior will follow in

"the footsteps of the great imaginineers of the past."

"Jesus Christ, Lao Tse Tung, W-Walt Disney."

"The role of the New Earth Army is to resolve conflict worldwide."

"Jedis will parachute into war zones utilising sparkly eyes technique,

"carrying symbolic flowers and animals,

"playing indigenous music and words of peace."

What's sparkly eyes technique?

Are you ready?

-You got it?

-OK.

-You see it? You got it?

-I think I got it.

Yeah. I got it.

'As Lyn drove on, I wondered what the hell I was doing.'

'I wanted to go back. This wasn't me.'

'This was crazy and so was Lyn.'

'But by then it was too late.'

'We had already crossed the border.'

What, does that direct you powers?

-What?

-The cone. Does it direct your psychic powers or something?

No.

It cooks supper. That's solar.

Utilising the power of the universe.

No pollution, totally renewable.

That's New Earth Army technology.

Pretty mind-blowing, isn't it?

First time I saw that, I was like, "What the fuck?"

Yeah. But... But it...

But what?

It's just hard to believe the Pentagon paid for this.

There's nothing in here actually about fighting.

New Earth Army was tasked with preventing conflict.

We were a force of peace, not war.

Bill understood if you want to change the world

you've got to start by changing the armies.

He was the guy that started the research into non-lethals.

-Non-lethals?

-Check this out.

-The predator.

-The predator?

Lyn, that's just a plastic - (YELLS)

You're mine now.

The predator is 100% biodegradable.

It's friendly to the Earth and it can hurt you in a hundred ways.

Fuck!

It has warrior capacities and it looks a little bit funny.

Jesus! Stop it.

I bought it online.

Funny thing is you could see this laying around on the ground

and you would never know it has such lethality.

Eyeballs.

HE YELLS

God damn it!

LYN LAUGHS

I guess it's officially night now.

Piece of shit.

I've got Crohns, the steroids help.

Sometimes there's a need, Bob.

Sometimes people are calling out for something

they don't even know it themselves.

Then a man like Bill appears out of nowhere.

Because he heard the call.

We are a hollow army, gentlemen.

Vietnam has crushed our soul.

We have to dream a new America.

An America that no longer has an exploitative view

of natural resources, no longer promotes consumption at all cost.

But to achieve this dream

we must become the first superpower to develop superpowers.

We must create warrior monks.

Men and women who can fall in love with everyone,

sense plant auras, pass through walls,

stop saying mindless cliches and see into the future.

I want you to join me in this vision.

Be all you can be.

'Among Bill's audience that day was a brigadier general

'from the Defence Intelligence Agency, Dean Hopgood.'

'For some time the general had been

'concerned with Soviet research into psychic powers.'

'According to some stories,

'the Soviets had designed psychotronic generators.'

'Machines capable of bombarding the President with negative energy.'

'They were also conducting sadistic experiments

'to see whether animals had psychic powers.'

'Could they, for instance,

'telepathically detect that their babies were distressed?'

Sick bastards.

When did the Soviets begin this type of research?

Well, sir, it looks like they found out about our attempt

to telepathically communicate with one of our nuclear subs,

the Nautilus, while it was under the polar cap.

-What attempt?

-There was no attempt.

Seems the story was a French hoax.

But the Russians think the story about the story being a French hoax is just a story, sir.

They started doing psy research

because they thought we were doing research when we weren't.

Yes, sir. But now that they are doing psy research

we're gonna have to do psy research, sir.

We can't afford to have the Russians leading the field in the paranormal.

'Two weeks later the Army adopted the slogan "be all you can be".'

'They appointed Bill commander of the first New Earth Army battalion.'

Lyn?

Lyn?

Lyn! Lyn!

What?

Nothing. I...

What are you doing?

Salute to the sun.

Alright, we're Oscar Mike.

That's on the move, soldier.

Right.

What are you doing?

Cloud bursting. Keeps me in shape.

Really? Which one?

That one.

-This one?

-No, that one. The big one.

-Isn't that too far away?

-They're all far away.

And it's gone.

Jesus, you had the whole desert to drive in, Lyn.

I'm sorry about that, Bob.

Must have gotten a little bilocational there.

I wouldn't worry about it, though. Somebody will come along soon.

-Heads.

-Right.

-Heads.

-Right.

-What's your record of this?

-264. Tails.

Right. Well, that's pr-...

Thank you, Jesus. Sweet Jesus.

Please, please. Please.

Can you help us? Can you help?

Can you help? We drove into a rock.

I wondered if you could take us to a town or some place.

HE SPEAKS ARABIC

Can we get in?

Thank you. He says, "futter". We can get in.

Thank you. Thank you for... for picking us up.

No cars came by.

How far is...

Lyn?

Is this...

Yeah.

We're gonna die.

I'm gonna be killed by Al-Qaeda.

I don't think they're Al-Qaeda.

What the hell do you know?

You don't know.

You don't know, you don't know anything.

This is all your fault.

Bob, there's something I have to tell you.

When I said that I was retired from the unit, that was a lie.

I'm on a mission. DeWitt is just my cover.

I've been reactivated.

I couldn't tell you because it's a black op.

But I think that you have a role to play.

I think that's why you're here.

You're an idiot.

You know why I'm here?

I just wanted to get into Iraq

so I could prove to my wife that I wasn't a...

And now I'm gonna die.

Gonna die and she's right. I'm such a...

Fuck.

Bob, have you ever heard of optimum trajectory?

What?

Optimum trajectory.

Your life is like a river.

If you're aiming for a goal that isn't your destiny

you're gonna be swimming against the current.

Young Ghandi wants to be a stock car driver. It's not gonna happen.

Anne Frank wants to be a high-school teacher. Tough titty, Anne, It's not your destiny.

But you will go on to move the hearts and minds of millions.

Find out what your destiny is and the river will carry you.

Now, sometimes events in life give an individual clue

as to where their destiny lies.

Like those little doodles you just happened to draw.

It's the Ajna chakra, the third eye.

The symbol of the Jedi.

When I saw that you were drawing it, well...

The universe gives you clues like that, you don't even ignore it.

You were meant to be here with me, Bob.

It's the Jedi in you that senses it.

I don't think that these guys are FRLs or Mahdi Army.

I think we're talking standard criminals here.

Which means they're gonna try and sell us to another group.

-We can't let that happen.

-How are we gonna stop them?

-There's three of them with guns.

-We're Jedi, Bob.

We don't fight with guns, we fight with our mind.

What do you mean?

Let's say that we have no choice but to fight these guys.

We're gonna use visual aesthetics to instil psychically

in the enemy the disincentive to attack.

What do you mean?

OK, you pick one of them out, you lock eyes with him

and you go into this monotone.

You go (HUMS).

No, I'm not going to attack you.

Relax your body and your voice.

Then you just rip out one of his eyes

or you get a pen and stab him in the neck.

You create this fountain of blood.

I mean a real fountain. Get it squirting all over his buddies.

That is a psychic disincentive right there.

We haven't got a pen.

You're missing the point.

Come on.

Let me show you something.

-Choke me.

-I don't wanna, Lyn.

-Choke me, what am I gonna do?

-I don't know.

-There's too many sharp edges.

-It's OK. You can attack me.

What's with the quotation fingers?

It's like saying I'm only capable of ironic attacking.

Choke me.

Well, if I choose to choke you, what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna interrupt your thought pattern.

See, I barely moved.

Physics wise, not much going on here.

It's the psychic energy that's important. You OK?

-Sharp edges.

-Yeah.

-You felt fear, though, in the beginning.

-Yes.

Would you say that the level of fear was abnormal?

I don't know. I was pretty terrified anyway.

But the fear that I felt on the run up to the choking was unusual.

You know why?

It wasn't you, it was me.

I was inside your head fighting with the mind.

Now, what you must always...

OK, yalla. We'll go. Yalla!

I'm sorry I freaked out back there, Lyn.

You learned a lesson.

Whatever you fear most has no power over you.

It's the fear that has the power.

Bill?

Oprah.

You really don't work for DeWitts.

Just my cover.

Gus Lacey said you ran a dance studio.

-That was just a cover, too, right?

-No.

I do run a dance studio. I love dance.

And you're out here on a mission, right?

In time, Bob.

Did you mean what you said back there when you said I had some Jedi in me?

We learn to recognise our own kind.

Haven't you always felt like you were different?

-Yes. Yes, I have.

-That's the way it is for us.

We were the ones that didn't fit in when we were kids.

-Have you always had powers?

-Kind of.

Foxtrot 117 has launched. Tracking now.

ALARM WAILS

Did you crash those computers?

Yes, sir.

Far-fucking-out.

How'd you feel about a transfer, son?

I am Lieutenant Colonel Bill Django!

IF you pass this course, you will be a psychic weapon.

An angel of death.

Our enemy's worst nightmare.

Until that time, you are nothing.

Less than nothing.

Do you understand?!

ALL: Sir, yes, sir!

I'm just kidding about this shit.

OK, what shall we do now, huh?

Let's dance.

# MUSIC: "Dancing With Myself" by Gen X

Give it everything you've got.

That's it.

What's your first name, Cassady?

Lyn, sir.

You've got to free your feet before you can free your mind, Lyn.

Not really much of a dancer, sir.

That's not true, is it?

You can dance.

It's just someone told you not to.

# MUSIC: "Hippy Hippy Shake" by Chan Romero

Stop acting so fucking queer!

Well, I'm your Commanding Officer

and I'm ordering you to let the dance out.

Come on, dance God damn it.

Let it go.

Let it go.

That's it.

Welcome to the Heroes Journey, Lyn.

OK, everyone. Remember, we officially do not exist as a unit.

Remember, no solid food this first week.

Primal scream, Belgian waffle, ginseng and amphetamines.

Not to be abused but very fucking handy.

Sense the opening. Feel these bends now.

Feel it. Feel it, yeah.

Think cold. Real cold.

Bravo Zulu, Tim!

Mother Earth, my life support system as a soldier,

I must drink your blue water,

live inside your red clay and eat your green skin.

ALL: Carry my body through space and time.

You are my connection to the universe and all the that comes after.

I am yours and you are mine.

I salute you.

CHANTS

'After years of feeling like an oddball,

'Lyn had finally found a home.'

'At last he was with men who prided themselves on being different.'

Left shoulder, that's it.

'These were the golden days for Lyn.'

'There was something so noble and pure in Bill's vision

'that the Jedis felt inspired to be more than soldiers.'

'Is a world torn apart by greed and hate,

'they would be a force for good, for peace.'

'For the first time in his life, Lyn felt truly happy.'

'Then into the garden a serpent did come.'

'Larry Hooper was a failed sci-fi writer from Colorado,

'recruited to the Jedis after General Hopgood met him

'at a spoon-bending party.'

Jesus.

Jesus.

You did this?

You son of a...

'Right from the start he made himself unpopular with the rest of the unit.'

Congratulations, Scotty. Sorry it doesn't work out between you two.

'Larry made it quite clear that he despised most of the other Jedis.'

Hey, man. How would you like it if someone did that to you?

'But Lyn? Lyn was different.'

Fuck off.

'He really hated him.'

K9, Scotty.

It's...

It's something cylindrical. It's a pencil.

OK. Larry.

This is Larry's spirit guide, Maud.

I'm looking into the cupboard now

and I see...

I see...

A tin mug.

Lyn?

It's a man sitting in a chair.

No, wait a minute. You said A, not K.

-He said A.

-Bravo Zulu, Lyn.

Outstanding.

'After a year's training, Lyn was given his first tasking.'

'A senior NATO general had been kidnapped by Red Brigade members

'in Italy.'

'Bill was unofficially asked if his unit would be able to help find him

'before it was too late.'

North of Verona.

A small town near a lake.

I can see a cinema.

Across the street from the cinema there's a shop.

No, it's a... it's a cafe.

He's in the apartment above the cafe.

The name of the town is something sweet.

Dolce.

The name of the town is Dolce.

'Bill had never encountered anyone with such psychic capabilities.'

'From that moment on, Lyn's reputation soared.'

Rank, medals.

These things mean little to the Jedi.

But growth in spirit, in wisdom, in psychic power,

these are things that earn our respect.

Native Americans believe that when one received the eagle feather

it was a mark of love, of gratitude and ultimate respect.

Only true human beings may carry the eagle feather.

APPLAUSE

'The word soon got out in the intelligence community

'that there was a sergeant at Fort Bragg

'who could find whatever you needed found.

'It was as if Lyn could fly anywhere in the world

'without leaving his room.

'As Bill said, the Force truly was strong with this one.'

# MUSIC: "More Than A Feeling" by Boston

Lyn.

Don't worry, Bob. We're not gonna get in that truck.

MEN SPEAK ARABIC

You don't want us.

You don't want us.

HE SPEAKS ARABIC

Put your weapon away.

Put your weapon away.

-Bob, don't move.

-SHOUTING

Put your weapon away. Bob, don't move.

Bob, stay put. Bob, stop!

HE YELLS

'Now, at the time I though Lyn was having some kind of fit here.

'Later I discovered what he was actually doing was performing

'the Echmeyer technique.'

'Ben Echmeyer was a Vietnam vet with 63 confirmed kills.'

'He remains the only non-Korean to achieve the rank of master

'in Kwa Ra Do.'

'It's been said he could have a tug-of-war with a dozen men

'and not move a inch.

'He was also able to lift bags of sand on hooks

'hung through his scrotum.'

'He was one of the Jedi teachers at Fort Bragg.'

Sir, what is the practical application of this?

'Ben caused quite a stir by advocating his controversial

'shock-and-awe knife attack method.

'The approach was held by some knife aficionados as revolutionary.

'But criticised by others who believed that the leaping

'and spinning might lead you to accidentally stab yourself.'

'Lyn Cassady, however, became a firm convert to the style.'

'Of course, Lyn didn't actually have a knife with him

'at this particular time.

'So I still think that what he did was kind of reckless.'

GUNFIRE

HE SPEAKS ARABIC

You idiot.

We're OK. They're not coming. We're gonna be all right.

There he is.

Sir! It's OK. We're Americans.

We're here to help you.

Sir.

Sir, we...

-Crap.

-What happened? What happened?

I think I just ran him over.

-Sir! Sir?

-HE GROANS

Are you all right, sir? Bob, give me a hand.

Oh, shit. Who is that?

(MAN) Don't move.

Let's see your hands. now.

Todd Nixon, Army small business office.

Mahmud Daash.

Ask me what business I'm in, Mohammed.

Mahmud. What business are you in, sir?

Right now I'm in the quality of life business.

We got over 25 million Iraqis out here that want to be independent,

want to make something of themselves.

But more than anything else, they want to buy stuff.

Cellphones, digital cameras, leisure suits, you name it.

If it sells and Boston, we can damn well sell it in Baghdad.

Am I right, Mohammed? He knows what I'm talking about.

Halliburton, Parsons.

We're gonna have McDonalds. We're gonna have Starbucks.

No corporate tax. It's gonna be a gold rush.

By the way, fuck the French.

Did you hear Chirac wants to bring French contractors in?

Hey, Phil, what's the most common French expression?

-I give up.

-TODD LAUGHS

That's fucking funny.

Year Zero, boys. Year zero.

OK. We are in Indian country now.

Check your six.

RADIO: 'We've got a line of cars at the gas station here.'

-'You guys want to wait?'

-Negative. We're too exposed.

We're taking the station. Go in fangs out.

CAR HORNS BLARE

SHOUTING IN ARABIC

Secure the perimeter.

-Give her the go juice.

-I filled her up last time.

That's bullshit.

He did fill her up last time, Gary.

With all due respect, sir, bull-fucking-shit.

-Bull shit.

-Every time!

Can we figure out some kind of fucking system?

Contact, contact.

GUNFIRE

'In what became known as the Battle of Ramadi,

12 people were injured, mostly locals.'

'Both security companies claimed

'that they had been fired upon first by Iraqis.'

'Of course, it was later revealed

'that they had actually fired upon each other.'

My house is not far. W-We could walk from here.

-Sounds good, Muhammad.

-Mahmud!

'As we ran for cover, I thought this is what I had wanted.'

'I was on a mission, even if I didn't know what kind of mission it was.'

'But I could hear the little man inside me again.'

'He was screaming like a little girl.'

GUNFIRE

Krom One! Krom One! This is Freedom Frontier.

We are under attack. This is fucking FUBAR!

'Muhammad led us to his home,

'which as it turned out had been robbed in his absence.

'And also accidentally shot up in a firefight.'

'Neighbours told him that his wife had left.'

'They weren't sure where she had gone.'

I'm very sorry for running you over, sir.

It was an accident.

And I apologise for the security detachment.

I don't want you to think that all Americans are like that.

I apologise for the kidnappers.

Not your fault, sir.

I mean, we have kidnappers in America.

There's always bad apples.

Lyn?

Are you awake?

Just thinking about Mahmud.

People just trying to do something with their lives.

Something lasting and good.

There's always somebody that wants to smash it up.

'What Lyn was really thinking about was Larry Hooper

'and the part he had played in the destruction of the New Earth Army.

'But in fairness,

'the Jedi's own eccentricities hadn't won them many allies.'

'For example, there was Tim Kootz,

'who on being asked to ascertain the whereabouts

'of General Manuel Noriega had replied...'

Ask Angela Lansbury.

Say again, Tim?

Ask Angela Lansbury.

Excellent, Tim. Excellent.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

We asked Angela Lansbury.

And?

She said she didn't know where General Noriega was.

'Or there was the time Major General Gilling was visiting the base

'and saw Jedi trainee Clifford Hickox

'practising the ancient sun dance of the Sioux nation.

'The Jedi survived such minor scandals,

'protected, it was rumoured, by President Regan.

'He was a fan of both the Star Wars films and the paranormal himself.

'But then one summer a young, likeable lieutenant

'named Norman Pendleton was recruited to the New Earth Army.'

'Desperate to compete with Lyn,

'Larry had been doing research into the infamous CIA MK-ULTRA experiments

'which he believed could enhance his own psychic powers.

'All he needed was a lab rat to try them out on,

'check if they were safe.'

'It turned out they weren't.'

# MUSIC: "I Had Too Much To Dream" by Electric Prunes

NORMAN YELLS

GUNSHOT

MAN: Oh, shit.

Norm.

Norm, give me the gun.

GUNSHOT

'Norm's father - who it turned out was pretty high up in the Pentagon -

'wanted blood.

'Although the Jedis were pretty sure Larry was responsible,

'nothing could be proved.

'When he was called to testify at the disciplinary hearing,

'Larry made sure to smear Bill with everything he could.'

Lieutenant Colonel Django used funds from the project's black budget

-to procure prostitutes.

-That's a lie.

And to get drugs for himself and his men.

That... Well, the hooker thing is definitely a lie.

'Brigadier-General Hopgood resigned and died some years later.

'Bill received a dishonourable discharge.'

Continue the work, Lyn.

The world needs the Jedi now more than ever.

'After Bill left,

'Major Holtz of special forces took command of the Jedis.'

'He didn't think much of Bill's unconventional training techniques

'and he vowed to make some changes.'

'Nothing was ever the same again.'

HE BREATHES HEAVILY

I really appreciate this, sir.

CAR STARTS

Jesus, we could have bought a map.

Bedouins have been navigating this desert for centuries without a nap.

You could even use a wristwatch in conjunction with the sun.

-Well?

-Well what?

-Well, use a wrist watch.

-I haven't got a wristwatch.

Oh, for the love of...

Here.

What?

-It's digital.

-So?

You need a watch with hands.

How am I supposed to know? You're the navigation expert.

You're the one that said you could find the way.

-I will if you just be quiet.

-You don't even have a watch.

I don't need a watch. I'm using Level Two.

-What is that?

-Level Two. Intuition.

We were trained to make correct decisions.

Somebody runs up to you and say there's a fork in the road.

Do you go left or right? You go... we go right.

-Just instant?

-Instant, just like that.

We've been sitting here for half-an-hour. How is that instant?

CAR STARTS

-Oh, it's this way?

-Yeah.

Oh, now you know.

-HE GRUNTS:

-Hang on.

What happened?

-IED.

-What?

-Improvised explosive device.

-Oh, Jesus.

-Jesus.

-You're OK.

-You're gonna be OK.

-I can't believe it.

Great fucking intuition, Lyn.

Put me down. I can walk.

Jesus.

I think I may be bleeding to death.

You're not bleeding to death, you're in shock.

It's the shock.

It's so hot. So hot.

Aren't you hot?

Bob, it's pretty important you keep your mouth closed.

You lose a lot of water through an open mouth.

If we'd only stayed with the car then we'd be alright now.

-Now we have no water.

-You're gonna be OK.

Will you stop saying that?

I've been blown up, I'm in the middle of the desert.

-I'm not gonna be OK.

-Bob, you're in shock.

If you panic, your heart's gonna stop.

Is that supposed to calm me down?

Wait a minute.

This is west. al-Qaim is the other way.

-We're going the wrong way.

-Al-Qaim isn't the mission.

-We're going near al-Qaim.

-Where?

I don't know.

What? Is that a joke?

It's a joke, right?

We've come 600 miles and you don't know where we're going.

If the exact whereabouts of the target was known,

it wouldn't take a Jedi to find it, would it?

Who gave you the mission, Lyn?

-Bill did.

-What?

Bill. He appeared in my trailer two months ago.

A psychic projection.

He called out my name.

Oh, Jesus. Lyn, there is no mission.

We're in the middle of the fucking desert cos you heard voices?

There's no-one here.

There's no-one fucking here!

'When the dust of Bill's discharge had settled,

'it revealed a surprising victor.'

What do you have for me, Sergeant?

This is a scientific report

I've done on possible offensive psy applications, sir.

I showed it to Lieutenant Colonel Django

-but he didn't seem interested.

-I bet he wasn't.

We have men who can do this?

I can think of one, sir.

We don't have the resources.

Well, sir, there is the goat lab.

'Just 80 yards from Major Holtz's office was an abandoned hospital.

'Most of these soldiers who lived and worked in Fort Bragg had no idea

'about the actual function of this building.

'Although it was abandoned, the hospital was not empty.

'The goats had been secretly flown in from Central America

'to avoid customs.'

'Special Forces weren't worried about regular soldiers hearing the goats

'because they'd been debleated.

'Goat lab was originally created as a secret laboratory

'to provide in-the-field surgical training

'for Special Forces soldiers.

'The goats would get shot in the leg with a bolt gun

'and then a trainee would have to dress the wound successfully.

'Goat Lab actually used to be called Dog Lab.

'But it turned out most soldiers

'didn't feel good shooting dogs in the leg.

'The Army, though, had long felt fine about doing stuff to goats.

'Even testing atomic weapons on them.'

It's gone, Bob.

I can't find him. I've lost my powers.

It's the curse.

What curse?

They took this beautiful thing that we've been building and

they destroyed the New Earth Army.

Who destroyed it?

I did.

'Hooper and Holtz wanted me to do an experiment.

'They wanted me to stop the heart of a goat.

'What had that goat ever done to me?'

It was completely against the way of the Jedi.

I was just gonna pretend to try so they could see it wouldn't work

and they would forget about it.

'Then, as I sat there, I felt this pulse inside me.

'I couldn't stop it.'

Maybe deep down inside

some dark part of me wanted to see if I could do it.

BREATHES HEAVILY

Holy shit.

That was it. I'd used my powers for evil.

It was as if I'd brought a curse on all of us.

It's like that poem where the guy kills a seagull

and they make him wear it around his neck.

Every night I would dream about that goat.

Its mouth opening and closing without making a sound.

The silence of the goats.

I finished my tour and I quit, I walked out. Never went back.

'But before he could leave, Larry arranged one last parting gift.'

What do you -

It was the Dim Mak.

-The Dim Mak?

-Dim Mak.

The quivering palm. The death touch.

It's forbidden in the New Earth Army.

What does the death touch do?

It kills you, Bob, with one touch.

Jesus.

There was a story that Wong Wufu, the great Chinese martial artist,

was in a fight with a guy who was beating him.

The guy gave him this light tap.

Wong looked at him, the guy just nodded.

That was it.

He'd given him the death touch. Wong died.

Then and there?

No. About 18 years later.

That's the thing about the Dim Mak.

You never know when it's gonna take effect.

'In a funny kind of way, I admired Lyn then.

'He believed in something so much he thought he could really die from it.

'I think that's what I'd been looking for all along.

'Something to believe in. Something to give meaning to my life.'

'That's why I'd fallen for Lyn's crazy stories.

'That's why I'd followed him out into the desert.'

BELL CLATTERS

Look.

Come on. Come on.

HELICOPTER FLIES OVERHEAD

RADIO: 'If you're looking for a way to spend your downtime,

'you might want to talk to Private First Class Don Roscoff

'who's in charge of the camp's remote control car races every Sunday.

'These are friendly competitions held between members of the camp.

'But if you think this sort of thing is for kids,

'you'd better think again.

'The cars reach speeds of up to 70mph

'while monster truck models can be up to a foot and a half in length.'

HE GROANS

Lyn?

Lyn, where are you going?

Lyn?

RADIO: 'Weather today, we're looking at another sunny day...'

Hello, Bill.

Hello, Lyn.

This is Bob.

Hello, Bob.

Hello.

Oh, good. The gang's all here.

This is primarily a psyops base.

Psy for psychic, right?

Psy for psychological but the irony isn't wasted on me.

Radio broadcasts, leaflets, things like that.

Oh. Here's an Iraqi psyops leaflet they dropped on us.

"American soldier.

"Your wives are back at home having sex with Bart Simpson and Burt Reynolds."

Didn't exactly do their homework there.

How'd you find us, Lyn?

I told you I remote viewed you.

If this is a psyops base, what are you doing here?

I said it was primarily psyops.

There are individuals in the current administration

who are looking for creative solutions to the War on Terror.

They're more open-minded than their predecessors.

-They outsourced experimental research to my company.

-PSIC.

It's pronounced "psych".

Psychic Systems International Corp.

PSIC.

Turns out certain people had heard about the New Earth Army.

They were very interested in some of the work we were doing back then.

They got hold of me, I got hold of Bill.

Bill works for you?

Bill's looking into subliminal messaging.

Oh. This is one we designed to play to our own troops

before going into combat. Push play on that.

# MUSIC: "Wishing And Hoping" by Dionne Warwick

There's a subliminal message in this?

This one is called, "Don't get drunk before firing heavy machine guns."

We've got all sorts of new ideas in development.

-Give them one of our new ideas.

-Airbag mine.

Airbag mine. Non-lethal. Catapults the fucker right into the air.

Give me another one.

Blast target with pheromones and then release attack bees.

Attack bees. The forces of nature. Another.

Project Achilles. We mutilate enemy -

We're not doing that one anymore, you idiot.

The point is, we got a budget, we got supporters.

I'm rebuilding the New Earth Army.

Only this time without all the hippy crap.

How you doing there, Bill?

I'm going to get some ice cream.

We get the occasional flash of what he used to be

but he's pretty burned out on the booze.

Still, he's the best.

Oh, Twizzlers.

-You want one?

-No.

God, I love these things.

MUFFLED MUSIC

MUSIC GETS LOUDER

MUSIC GETS LOUDER

# MUSIC: "I Love You" by Barney the Purple Dinosaur

MAN GROANS

What? What is it?

The Dark Side.

What are you gonna do?

Lyn, what are you gonna do?

It's too late.

I'm dying, Bob.

You're not gonna die.

I don't believe you can be killed by mail order dim sum or...

-Dim Mak.

-A Dim Mak. Whatever.

You can't just be tapped on the shoulder -

-It's cancer.

-What?

I know it was the Dim Mak that caused it.

It's cancer. At least, that's what the doctors say.

There's different ways of looking at it.

Different names for a reality.

Give that to Bill.

I don't deserve it.

Take it.

'It wasn't the Dim Mak that was killing Lyn

'and it wasn't the cancer.

'He was dying of a broken heart.

'And maybe the cancer, as well.

'His mission had failed.

'And failure was something I knew too much about.'

Bill?

Lyn told me he didn't deserve this eagle feather.

He wanted me to give it back to you.

-It's fake.

-What?

25,000 fine for taking an eagle feather.

This one's off a turkey.

You just dye the tip black.

Don't tell Lyn.

It isn't real.

None of it was real.

Lyn told me about the curse.

That by killing the goat he put a curse on all of you.

What's Larry gonna do with these goats?

Do you believe in redemption, Bill?

COUGHS LOUDLY

Oh. Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you.

How did you find us?

I told you, I remote viewed you.

Scotty Mercer told you, didn't he?

Yeah, he did.

We told Scotty we were coming over here,

asked him if he wanted some work.

I haven't seen Scotty.

That's funny cos he told me he ran into you

and mentioned there might be some jobs going over with us.

Isn't that why you came really, Lyn?

You want back in, don't you?

It can happen.

You only got to say the word.

This could be the new golden age for psy research.

You, me, Bill, back together again like the old days.

You don't have to make a decision now.

Tell me in the morning.

BOTH: Mother Earth, you are my life support system.

As a soldier I must drink your blue water,

live inside your red clay and eat your green skin.

Help me to balance myself as you hold in balance the Earth,

the sea and the space environments.

Help me to open my heart knowing that the universe will feed me.

I pray my boots will always kiss your face

and my footsteps match your heartbeat.

Carry my body through space and time.

You are my connection to the universe and all that comes after.

I am yours and you are mine.

I salute you.

I salute you.

Bill? Bill.

Bill.

Are you OK?

I just saw Timothy Leary.

Timothy Leary's dead.

I know.

Hey, I got an idea.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Wanna get some ice cream?

BUGLE PLAYS

RADIO: 'Good morning, ladies and gentlemen...'

Don't eat the eggs.

-What?

-Don't eat the eggs.

What's going on?

We put LSD in the eggs.

Bill showed me where Larry had some bottles of LSD

and we put some in the powdered eggs last night.

And in the water.

What?

I put it in the main water tank, as well.

But we drank the water.

Yeah.

RADIO: 'Hold on.'

'Er, the weather today is gonna be... hot.

'I mean, I'm guessing. I haven't really looked at the thing.

'But it's gonna be fucking hot as balls out there again.

'Yeah. What else?'

'Big fucking shocker, right? It's gonna be hot again.'

Don't you think it would have been a good idea

if we hadn't drunk the fucking water?

That might have aroused suspicion.

But don't worry, over the years

I've developed a massive tolerance to all narcotics.

MAN: You're gonna hit the gate.

You're going to hit the gate.

It's cool. You missed it.

In the name of the New Earth Army and loving people everywhere,

I'm liberating you.

Come on. I'm liberating this base.

Come on. Go.

Everybody, go.

Come on.

Come on.

Be free now.

Come on!

Put the gun down, Larry.

Wow. I'm really hungry.

Let's go. Come on.

Don't be afraid. They're just goats.

Don't worry about the soap.

Peace be with you.

Be free!

GOAT'S BELL CLATTERS

Wait! Wait, wait for me.

Where are you going? What about the mission?

You're the mission, Bob.

Tell them what happened. Tell everybody what happened.

It's your job now.

'At the time I was hurt that Lyn hadn't taken me with him.

'But now I know it was because

'he and Bill had already seen what was to come.'

'Nobody exactly knows what happened.

'The official story is that their helicopter must have crashed.

'Either because they were hit by an RPG or because,

'well, that's what happens when you fly a helicopter

'while you're tripping on acid.

'All I know is they've never been seen since.

'Like all shaman, they returned to the sky.'

'When I got back, I wrote the story up.

'Everything.

'Lyn had handed the mission onto me and I would see it through.

'I would tell everyone what happened.

'I understood now that Debora and I weren't meant to be together

'and I was at peace with that.

'It wasn't my destiny to return to the life I had before.

'The universe has other plans for me.

'I sent the story to the newspapers and TV stations.

'I didn't care what the authorities did to me.

'I was ready to go to prison as long as the truth came out.

'But they didn't put me in prison.

'They did something much worse.'

'..a cruel and unusual tool to break the resistance of Iraqi PoWs."

'Trust me, a lot of parents would agree."

'Some prisoners are being forced to listen to Barney the Purple Dinosaur

'sing the I Love You song for 24 straight hours.'

'That was it.

'That was the only bit of my story that ran anywhere.

'And it was a joke.

'If I ever needed proof of how the Dark Side

'had taken the beautiful dream of what a nation could be

'and had twisted it, destroyed it...

'Well, that was it.

'But I won't stop.

'I won't give up.'

'Because when I look at what is happening in the world,

'I know that now, more than ever...'

'..we need to be all that we can be.'

Bob?

'Now, more than ever...'

'..we need the Jedi.'

# MUSIC: "More Than A Feeling" by Boston