College Road Trip

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MAN: OK. Life lesson. A lot of people think the Moment	0:00:34	0:00:37
a parent lets go of their child is at their wedding.	0:00:37	0:00:40
Not me.	0:00:40	0:00:42
Think he's crying because he's giving away his daughter?	0:00:42	0:00:45
Uh-uh.	0:00:45	0:00:47
It's because she's marrying this guy.	0:00:47	0:00:49
Truth is, he said goodbye years ago,	0:00:49	0:00:52
the day she left home.	0:00:52	0:00:54
The trouble starts here -	0:00:54	0:00:57
college application season.	0:00:57	0:00:59
With over 4,000 colleges in the US,	0:00:59	0:01:02
I developed five reasons for choosing the perfect one	0:01:02	0:01:05
for my little girl -	0:01:05	0:01:07
academics...	0:01:07	0:01:08
distance from home...	0:01:08	0:01:10
campus safety...	0:01:10	0:01:11
distance from home...	0:01:11	0:01:12
and last but not least...	0:01:12	0:01:15
distance from home.	0:01:15	0:01:16
Which led us to the best choice -	0:01:16	0:01:19
Northwestern.	0:01:19	0:01:21
40 miles from our house, safe, great education.	0:01:21	0:01:24
I can get there in 28 minutes, clocked.	0:01:24	0:01:28
Now, you can never start a plan too early.	0:01:29	0:01:33
I'm James Porter, police chief, husband, Dad,	0:01:33	0:01:38
and the best part of my plan -	0:01:38	0:01:40
when Melanie finishes high school, she be going to Northwestern.	0:01:40	0:01:45
Ohh!	0:01:45	0:01:46
Ohh!	0:01:46	0:01:48
Ohh! Oh!	0:01:50	0:01:52
You're in!	0:01:52	0:01:54
You're in!	0:01:54	0:01:55
OK. Baby.	0:01:55	0:01:57
GAVEL BANGS	0:02:03	0:02:04
Counsel for the defence	0:02:04	0:02:06
will now make her closing statement.	0:02:06	0:02:08
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,	0:02:10	0:02:12
my client, Mr Wolf,	0:02:12	0:02:13
has been accused of horrible crimes.	0:02:13	0:02:17
- That's my baby. - Destruction of property...	0:02:17	0:02:19
- Ha-ha-ha! - I know that's right.	0:02:19	0:02:21
But he is innocent of both.	0:02:21	0:02:22
Objection! Speculative.	0:02:22	0:02:24
JUDGE: I'll allow it.	0:02:24	0:02:27
Proceed.	0:02:27	0:02:28
The state has not presented	0:02:28	0:02:30
a single shred of conclusive evidence.	0:02:30	0:02:32
Yes, there is a house made of sticks and one of straw,	0:02:32	0:02:37
but they were both built to code.	0:02:37	0:02:40
That being said,	0:02:40	0:02:43
a huff and a puff	0:02:43	0:02:45
is not enough.	0:02:45	0:02:46
Let me hear you say it.	0:02:46	0:02:47
ALL: A huff and a puff is not enough.	0:02:47	0:02:50
Objection!	0:02:50	0:02:52
JUDGE: To what?	0:02:52	0:02:53
Rhyming?	0:02:53	0:02:55
GAVEL BANGS	0:02:55	0:02:56
Mr Foreman, have you reached a decision?	0:02:56	0:02:59
We have, your honour.	0:02:59	0:03:01
We find the defendant	0:03:01	0:03:02
not guilty.	0:03:02	0:03:04
CHEERING	0:03:04	0:03:08
Oh!	0:03:08	0:03:10
Yes!	0:03:10	0:03:11
Urgh!	0:03:11	0:03:13
Congratulations.	0:03:13	0:03:14
Thank you.	0:03:14	0:03:15
- Congratulations. - Thanks, Katie.	0:03:15	0:03:17
- My turn! - Oh.	0:03:17	0:03:19
Daddy's girl!	0:03:19	0:03:22
Ha-ha, baby!	0:03:22	0:03:24
Oh. Grrr.	0:03:24	0:03:26
Baby girl, you knocked it out of the park.	0:03:28	0:03:30
Thank you.	0:03:30	0:03:31
But you do know he was guilty, right?	0:03:31	0:03:32
Dad, this is legal theory. Everything's not just black and white.	0:03:32	0:03:35
There are shades of grey.	0:03:35	0:03:36
Grey's just guilty with a good excuse.	0:03:36	0:03:38
No, actually, it's just...	0:03:38	0:03:39
OK, OK, OK, OK. You both have interesting points,	0:03:39	0:03:41
but the trial is over.	0:03:41	0:03:42
Now, Mama's rule is we go home and celebrate.	0:03:42	0:03:45
Ooh, yes! OK. Wait. I got to get something	0:03:45	0:03:46
- out of my locker. - OK.	0:03:46	0:03:48
- Oh, excuse me! - Oh, my goodness.	0:03:48	0:03:49
Oh, Miss Porter. Well done.	0:03:49	0:03:52
Wow! Thank you, your honour.	0:03:52	0:03:54
Your teacher mentioned you're interested in my alma mater.	0:03:54	0:03:56
Georgetown? Yes, sir.	0:03:56	0:03:58
Although it doesn't matter, because I've been wait-listed.	0:03:58	0:04:00
You know, an old classmate of mine	0:04:00	0:04:02
work in admissions at Georgetown.	0:04:02	0:04:03
No guarantees, but I...	0:04:03	0:04:04
I could give him a call.	0:04:04	0:04:06
- Ah! Oh, my goodness! - Oof!	0:04:06	0:04:08
- Thank you, thank you, thank you! - I'll take that as a yes.	0:04:08	0:04:11
You're obstructing my airway.	0:04:11	0:04:13
Yeah, they're going to love my special sauce. Ha!	0:04:15	0:04:18
Smells good, babe.	0:04:18	0:04:20
Oh. Thank you, thank you.	0:04:20	0:04:21
Ah-he-he-hem!	0:04:21	0:04:22
Everything all right?	0:04:22	0:04:23
Albert just beat me at chess - again!	0:04:23	0:04:26
ALBERT GRUNTS	0:04:26	0:04:28
Stop gloating, Albert.	0:04:28	0:04:30
Nobody likes a sore winner.	0:04:30	0:04:32
HE SNORTS	0:04:32	0:04:34
I need 13CC of orange juice, please.	0:04:34	0:04:39
13CC coming right up, baby.	0:04:39	0:04:41
Thank you, Mother.	0:04:41	0:04:44
He's playing chess with a pig.	0:04:46	0:04:49
He's just going through a phase.	0:04:49	0:04:51
A phase is when they want to be a cowboy. Trey's got issues.	0:04:51	0:04:55
Now, hold up, now.	0:04:55	0:04:56
Kids with high IQS, they got big imaginations.	0:04:56	0:04:58
And something about that pig,	0:04:58	0:05:01
he keeps eyeballing me like I'm cooking his cousin.	0:05:01	0:05:03
Pig ain't eyeballing you.	0:05:03	0:05:05
HE SNORTS	0:05:05	0:05:06
See? He's doing it right now!	0:05:06	0:05:08
Baby, look. Look! He's doing it right...	0:05:08	0:05:09
- He's doing... - What?	0:05:09	0:05:11
It's all in your head, James.	0:05:11	0:05:14
Little Houdini pig.	0:05:14	0:05:15
Ain't no Houdini nothing over there.	0:05:15	0:05:17
Do what you got to do.	0:05:17	0:05:19
HE SNORTS AND SQUEALS	0:05:19	0:05:20
Wonderful!	0:05:20	0:05:22
- Really? I feel like a house. - Oh, girl.	0:05:22	0:05:24
Oh, there's our superstar.	0:05:24	0:05:26
Hi, Mr and Mrs O'Malley.	0:05:26	0:05:28
I'm so sorry I can't join you tonight.	0:05:28	0:05:30
Celebrating, I hope, huh?	0:05:30	0:05:31
I'm just hanging out with a couple of mock-trial friends at the library.	0:05:31	0:05:35
Total rager.	0:05:35	0:05:36
That's my baby. That's my baby.	0:05:36	0:05:38
CAR HORN HONKS And that's my cue.	0:05:38	0:05:40
I'll be back by curfew! Promise!	0:05:40	0:05:43
OK. Good night. Good night.	0:05:43	0:05:46
She is a pip.	0:05:46	0:05:47
Hey.	0:05:47	0:05:49
All clear?	0:05:51	0:05:53
Not yet.	0:05:53	0:05:54
Wait for the first wave.	0:05:54	0:05:55
ALL: Bye!	0:05:58	0:06:01
Second wave.	0:06:03	0:06:05
ALL: Bye!	0:06:08	0:06:11
Forward - party!	0:06:18	0:06:21
- Party! - Party!	0:06:21	0:06:22
TYRES SQUEAL Whoo!	0:06:22	0:06:24
LOUD MUSIC PLAYS	0:06:24	0:06:26
SCREAMING AND CHEERING	0:06:26	0:06:30
So, any parenting advice for us?	0:06:32	0:06:35
What would you like to know?	0:06:35	0:06:37
We want a daughter like Melanie.	0:06:37	0:06:38
I mean, just tell us. I mean, not that I'm nervous.	0:06:38	0:06:41
You know, it's not that I'm nervous.	0:06:41	0:06:42
Ohh!	0:06:42	0:06:43
- He's just... - I'm sorry.	0:06:43	0:06:46
Relax. Raising a daughter is easy.	0:06:46	0:06:49
Take me and Melanie. We got a solid relationship.	0:06:49	0:06:52
There's nothing we can't talk about.	0:06:52	0:06:54
Oh, are you kidding? I can't tell that man anything.	0:06:54	0:06:57
I say left, he says right.	0:06:57	0:06:59
I say defence attorney,	0:06:59	0:07:00
he says prepaid excuse-maker.	0:07:00	0:07:03
Ohh! That man is so rigid.	0:07:03	0:07:05
BOTH: Rigid.	0:07:05	0:07:06
I'm flexible.	0:07:06	0:07:08
As Melanie's grown, I've grown with her.	0:07:08	0:07:11
He still treats me like a kid!	0:07:11	0:07:13
You clearly need to take your mind off things	0:07:13	0:07:15
and come on our college tour this weekend.	0:07:15	0:07:18
Saturday, we're staying at my sister's sorority at the University of Pittsburgh.	0:07:18	0:07:21
And we can even hit up Georgetown. It's not that far!	0:07:21	0:07:24
Oh, my goodness, you guys, I would love to,	0:07:24	0:07:26
but I don't think my dad will let me.	0:07:26	0:07:28
ALL: Lame!	0:07:28	0:07:29
Hey, girls!	0:07:29	0:07:31
GIRLS: Hey, hunter.	0:07:31	0:07:32
Hunter in the house.	0:07:32	0:07:34
GIRLS: We don't say that anymore.	0:07:34	0:07:37
I'm bringing it back!	0:07:37	0:07:39
OK!	0:07:39	0:07:40
So it might be emotional, and there might be tears,	0:07:40	0:07:42
but that's why they call it tough love.	0:07:42	0:07:45
Now, once they're potty-trained -	0:07:45	0:07:47
uh-uh-uh! Baby, I think we've had enough parenting talk	0:07:47	0:07:50
for tonight, hmm?	0:07:50	0:07:51
You're absolutely right.	0:07:51	0:07:53
Why tell them when I could show them?	0:07:53	0:07:55
- Uh-uh. No. - Huh? Huh?	0:07:55	0:07:56
Ta-daa!	0:07:56	0:08:00
Welcome to the James Porter School of Raising Kids.	0:08:00	0:08:03
Our motto is, "Be there, take video." Ha-ha!	0:08:03	0:08:08
Which one?	0:08:08	0:08:09
# La-la-la-la La-la-la-la... #	0:08:09	0:08:10
- Wow. - Super.	0:08:10	0:08:12
All righty. Ah!	0:08:12	0:08:14
My name is Melanie Porter, and I'm six years old.	0:08:14	0:08:17
Ta-da! Whee!	0:08:17	0:08:20
That's my baby.	0:08:20	0:08:21
Whee!	0:08:21	0:08:23
Yeah. Yeah.	0:08:23	0:08:24
Dad, I can't move my legs.	0:08:24	0:08:26
I can't pedal.	0:08:26	0:08:27
Ha-ha-ha-ha!	0:08:27	0:08:29
(In the future, all video will be implanted in our brains.	0:08:30	0:08:35
(Perfect.)	0:08:37	0:08:38
BEEP-BEEP!	0:08:44	0:08:47
HE SNORTS	0:08:55	0:08:57
Why do you keep eyeballing me?	0:09:01	0:09:04
Seeing the O'Malleys tonight	0:09:10	0:09:12
reminded me of when I was pregnant with Melanie.	0:09:12	0:09:14
Doesn't seem that long ago.	0:09:14	0:09:16
I can tell you one thing,	0:09:16	0:09:17
I was not as uptight as him.	0:09:17	0:09:20
Oh, you were my rock -	0:09:20	0:09:23
right until they wheeled me into that delivery room.	0:09:23	0:09:25
Then you passed out.	0:09:25	0:09:27
No, I did not pass out.	0:09:27	0:09:29
I just didn't get a nap that day.	0:09:29	0:09:31
Well, it all worked out.	0:09:31	0:09:33
We got great kids.	0:09:33	0:09:34
That's why I can sleep at night.	0:09:34	0:09:36
Mmm.	0:09:36	0:09:37
- Good night. - Good night, baby.	0:09:37	0:09:39
All right.	0:09:39	0:09:40
SNORTING	0:09:49	0:09:52
Back! The pig!	0:09:52	0:09:53
Look! Look!	0:09:53	0:09:55
There's nothing there.	0:09:55	0:09:57
Go to sleep.	0:09:57	0:09:59
Little Houdini. He was ju...	0:09:59	0:10:01
Do what you gotta do.	0:10:01	0:10:03
BIRDS CHIRPING	0:10:08	0:10:11
MELANIE: Daaaaad!	0:10:12	0:10:14
- Aah! - Aah!	0:10:14	0:10:16
Mom! > Hold on!	0:10:16	0:10:18
Dad! Hurry up, please! >	0:10:18	0:10:21
< Mom, Dad, hurry!	0:10:22	0:10:25
< I can't believe it!	0:10:25	0:10:27
Mel?!	0:10:27	0:10:29
Melanie, what is it?	0:10:29	0:10:30
BEEP	0:10:31	0:10:33
'Miss Porter, Judge Mehagian calling.	0:10:33	0:10:34
'The Georgetown admissions committee is interviewing a select few students from the wait list.	0:10:34	0:10:39
'You'll need to be in DC this Monday at four.	0:10:39	0:10:41
'Congratulations, and have a lovely trip.'	0:10:41	0:10:43
BEEP	0:10:43	0:10:44
Whoo!	0:10:44	0:10:46
- Aah! - Ohh!	0:10:46	0:10:47
SQUEALING Ohh! Ohh!	0:10:47	0:10:50
# Whoo, whoo, whoo whoo, whoo, whoo. #	0:10:50	0:10:53
Whoo!	0:10:53	0:10:54
Little bro, what are you so excited about?	0:10:54	0:10:56
I'm gonna turn your room into a science lab!	0:10:56	0:10:59
JAMES: 'For all of you who don't know, we live near Chicago.	0:10:59	0:11:01
'Georgetown is in Washington, DC	0:11:01	0:11:03
'that's 700 miles away from home.'	0:11:03	0:11:06
MELANIE AND Mom: Georgetown!	0:11:06	0:11:08
Happy dance!	0:11:08	0:11:09
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!	0:11:09	0:11:11
# Chicka ooh ahh. #	0:11:11	0:11:12
SQUEALING Whoa!	0:11:12	0:11:15
Oh, my goodness. You guys, no, wait. He said Monday. That's in three days.	0:11:15	0:11:19
You know what? We should drive there.	0:11:19	0:11:20
We should make a trip of it.	0:11:20	0:11:21
Trip? What trip?	0:11:21	0:11:23
Oh, Monday. What?	0:11:23	0:11:25
Baby, I got two open houses this weekend.	0:11:25	0:11:27
Heh heh.	0:11:27	0:11:29
OK. No, but that's OK, that's OK.	0:11:29	0:11:30
Katie and Nancy are taking their own little trip.	0:11:30	0:11:33
Oh, my goodness! I could go with them.	0:11:33	0:11:35
They can drop me off. It's only a couple of hours from DC	0:11:35	0:11:37
SCREAMING Perfect. Problem solved.	0:11:37	0:11:40
I am so proud of you!	0:11:40	0:11:42
Thank you, Mommy! Thank you!	0:11:42	0:11:43
Happy dance! HONKS HORN	0:11:43	0:11:45
- Hey! - Hey!	0:11:45	0:11:46
I'm going to Georgetown!	0:11:46	0:11:48
SCREAMING	0:11:48	0:11:50
Katie and Nancy.	0:11:50	0:11:52
Goodbye, Mom! SCREAMING	0:11:52	0:11:54
You girls be safe!	0:11:54	0:11:56
CHANTING: Georgetown, Georgetown, Georgetown!	0:11:56	0:11:58
- Come on, baby. Come on. - Perfect? Problem solved?	0:11:58	0:12:02
What happened to our big plan? We agreed on Northwestern.	0:12:02	0:12:05
Did you even know she applied to Georgetown?	0:12:05	0:12:08
I helped her fill out the application.	0:12:08	0:12:10
What?! Whose side are you on?	0:12:10	0:12:12
Both of yours.	0:12:12	0:12:13
And put down that bat.	0:12:13	0:12:15
Look. You can't be on both of our sides.	0:12:15	0:12:18
Baby, Georgetown is a great school.	0:12:18	0:12:20
We don't know anyone there.	0:12:20	0:12:22
How will she begin to take care of herself?	0:12:22	0:12:24
Because you're an amazing father, and you showed her right from wrong,	0:12:24	0:12:27
and taught her how to think for herself and be strong.	0:12:27	0:12:30
She's ready for this because of you.	0:12:30	0:12:32
Nice try, Michelle,	0:12:32	0:12:33
but you and I both know, it's nothing nice out there.	0:12:33	0:12:37
I know this is hard for you, but she is not a little girl anymore.	0:12:37	0:12:39
OK? You got to relax. I'll see you at dinner.	0:12:39	0:12:43
I'll show you relaxed.	0:12:44	0:12:45
Are you sure you can't go out Saturday night?	0:12:48	0:12:50
My best friend from college is gonna be in town, and let me tell you this,	0:12:50	0:12:54
the Wizard is the party master!	0:12:54	0:12:55
Party master?	0:12:56	0:12:58
GUNSHOTS	0:12:58	0:12:59
Wasn't college the best?	0:12:59	0:13:00
Total freedom to do whatever you want.	0:13:00	0:13:03
What?!	0:13:03	0:13:04
I had my parents convinced I was an oceanography major	0:13:04	0:13:07
for a whole year, just so they'd pay for spring break in Mexico.	0:13:07	0:13:11
Mexico?!	0:13:11	0:13:13
Oh, man. When I think back to half the stuff I did in college,	0:13:13	0:13:17
there's no way I'm letting my kid out of my sight	0:13:17	0:13:20
when she goes off to college. Not a chance.	0:13:20	0:13:22
- Aah! - Aah!	0:13:22	0:13:26
LAUGHING	0:13:26	0:13:28
Everything OK, Chief?	0:13:28	0:13:30
I got everything under control.	0:13:30	0:13:32
LAUGHING	0:13:32	0:13:35
CONTINUES LAUGHING	0:13:35	0:13:38
I'm taking three days off. Ha ha ha ha!	0:13:38	0:13:40
I hope he doesn't do something crazy.	0:13:40	0:13:42
# We're going on a road trip, a road trip	0:13:42	0:13:45
# A road trip. #	0:13:45	0:13:47
Whoo! (LAUGHS)	0:13:49	0:13:50
You guys, we should start really early tomorrow	0:13:50	0:13:52
because I cannot believe we're actually going.	0:13:52	0:13:55
I can't believe your Dad's actually allowing you to go.	0:13:55	0:13:57
I've been working with him for 17 years,	0:13:57	0:13:59
and he knows, you can be chief at the station,	0:13:59	0:14:01
but you have to be Dad at home.	0:14:01	0:14:03
That's right. You tell him exactly that, OK?	0:14:03	0:14:05
Thank you very much!	0:14:05	0:14:06
Ohh... Surprise! Ha ha!	0:14:06	0:14:10
Road trip, road trip!	0:14:10	0:14:12
# Yeah, unh, unh, unh. #	0:14:12	0:14:14
- Oh, no. - Oh, no.	0:14:14	0:14:16
Mom, this is crazy.	0:14:16	0:14:17
Have you seen the thing that we're driving in?	0:14:17	0:14:19
It's gonna be like a 1,000-mile ride-along.	0:14:19	0:14:21
No. No. My life is a 1,000-mile ride-along.	0:14:21	0:14:24
Why is he doing this to me?	0:14:24	0:14:26
Because he loves you and he wants to spend time with you.	0:14:26	0:14:29
This is cruelty.	0:14:30	0:14:32
What would make it less painful?	0:14:32	0:14:33
You said she could stay at the sorority house?	0:14:35	0:14:38
Her friends are gonna be with Katie's sister at Pitt.	0:14:38	0:14:41
Baby, that's right near your Mama's house,	0:14:41	0:14:43
where you're planning on staying tomorrow, anyway.	0:14:43	0:14:45
Look. This is daddy-daughter time, Michelle.	0:14:45	0:14:48
I got a lot planned for us.	0:14:48	0:14:49
I shouldn't have to share.	0:14:49	0:14:51
Why are you taking this trip anyway, James?	0:14:51	0:14:53
I told you, to support Melanie.	0:14:53	0:14:55
Well, good. Because if this is one of your crazy schemes	0:14:55	0:14:58
to keep her at home, that would be real bad, James.	0:14:58	0:15:03
I got it all under control.	0:15:03	0:15:06
Are you going to DC?	0:15:06	0:15:08
Yeah.	0:15:08	0:15:09
I need you to take a message to the secretary of defence.	0:15:09	0:15:12
It reads...	0:15:12	0:15:15
"Dear Sir, I've created a species	0:15:15	0:15:18
"of super pigs to defend the country from our enemies."	0:15:18	0:15:21
You're gonna have to give that to him yourself,	0:15:21	0:15:24
and you may want to housebreak your pig first.	0:15:24	0:15:27
Already done.	0:15:27	0:15:28
TOILET FLUSHING	0:15:28	0:15:30
GRUNTING	0:15:30	0:15:33
GRUNTING	0:15:35	0:15:38
MAN ON TV: 'Welcome to Animal Kingdom.	0:15:41	0:15:44
'Gazelles are among nature's most social and emotional creatures.	0:15:44	0:15:49
'They look after each other for any signs of danger.	0:15:49	0:15:52
'The gazelle family stays together	0:15:52	0:15:56
'for as long as they live.	0:15:56	0:15:57
'Oh, how father loves his little gazelle daughter.'	0:15:57	0:16:01
That's what I'm talking about.	0:16:01	0:16:03
'If only humans could embrace this wildlife lesson.'	0:16:03	0:16:07
# There's a double Dutch bus coming down the street	0:16:15	0:16:18
# Moving pretty fast, so kindly shuffle your feet	0:16:18	0:16:22
# Get on the bus and pay your fare	0:16:22	0:16:25
# And tell the driver that you're going	0:16:25	0:16:27
# To the double Dutch affair. #	0:16:27	0:16:29
GIGGLES	0:16:29	0:16:31
I love you, Daddy!	0:16:33	0:16:36
Mm.	0:16:36	0:16:38
Where does the time go?	0:16:39	0:16:41
Bye, Daddy. Bye.	0:16:42	0:16:45
Where's Trey?	0:16:53	0:16:54
Oh, he left an hour ago for his science club.	0:16:54	0:16:57
It's a all-day field trip. I'll pick him up after work.	0:16:57	0:17:00
For Christmas, that boy gets a karate suit and nothing else.	0:17:00	0:17:03
Look, you be good, now, OK?	0:17:03	0:17:06
Mmm. I'm gonna miss you.	0:17:06	0:17:07
All right. You, too, baby. Be safe.	0:17:07	0:17:10
Baby, you call me, now, if you have any problems.	0:17:10	0:17:12
I'll be fine.	0:17:12	0:17:14
I was talking to Melanie.	0:17:14	0:17:15
Time to go, Mel Bear!	0:17:15	0:17:17
Ah. They are gonna kill each other.	0:17:20	0:17:24
THE JACKSON FIVE: # Ba ba ba ba boo	0:17:24	0:17:28
# Da da da da da da	0:17:28	0:17:29
# You went to school to learn, girl	0:17:29	0:17:32
# What you never, never knew before	0:17:32	0:17:35
# Like I before E except after C	0:17:35	0:17:37
# Why two plus two makes four	0:17:37	0:17:38
# Now, now, now I'm gonna teach you... #	0:17:38	0:17:42
- Isn't this exciting? - Yeah.	0:17:42	0:17:44
I put together a little road trip kit.	0:17:44	0:17:47
I call it miles o' fun.	0:17:47	0:17:51
We got travel bingo, travel Scrabble,	0:17:51	0:17:55
travel dominos, and for your musical enjoyment...	0:17:55	0:17:59
Daddy-daughter groove machine?	0:17:59	0:18:02
Double Dutch bus.	0:18:02	0:18:04
We used to sing it in the car all the time.	0:18:04	0:18:06
Play it, play it, play it.	0:18:06	0:18:08
We was doin' da da doo...	0:18:08	0:18:10
# Give me a ho if you got... #	0:18:10	0:18:13
Give me a ho! Ha ha ha!	0:18:13	0:18:15
There it is.	0:18:15	0:18:17
# The double Dutch bus going down the street	0:18:17	0:18:20
# And we've got to realise	0:18:20	0:18:22
# If you don't know what you	0:18:22	0:18:24
Ha ha ha!	0:18:24	0:18:26
Oh, I love this song.	0:18:26	0:18:27
I don't remember.	0:18:27	0:18:29
Oh, come on. This was our song.	0:18:29	0:18:31
Sorry. I just don't remember.	0:18:31	0:18:34
Eh, that's all right. We can just talk.	0:18:34	0:18:37
Talk? About what?	0:18:37	0:18:40
Father-daughter talks.	0:18:40	0:18:42
We're gonna get deep, too.	0:18:42	0:18:43
- Deep? - Real deep.	0:18:43	0:18:45
I mean, like, deeper than deep, you know what I mean?	0:18:45	0:18:47
Stuff that only we can get deep about.	0:18:47	0:18:51
Ha ha ha ha!	0:18:51	0:18:53
Deeeep. Ha ha ha!	0:18:53	0:18:55
Yeah. I just hope 700 miles gives us enough time.	0:18:55	0:18:59
Dad!	0:19:01	0:19:02
Oh, my goodness. Look where we are - Northwestern.	0:19:02	0:19:06
Dad, what are you doing?	0:19:06	0:19:07
Nothing. What?	0:19:07	0:19:09
This is supposed to be the Georgetown express.	0:19:09	0:19:11
Mel, you have to see more than one college	0:19:11	0:19:14
on a college road trip. What's the harm?	0:19:14	0:19:16
The harm is we have a lot of ground to cover,	0:19:16	0:19:19
and I've already seen Northwestern.	0:19:19	0:19:21
Not as a potential student.	0:19:21	0:19:23
Come on. Flow with me.	0:19:23	0:19:24
Flow with me, Mel, flow with me.	0:19:24	0:19:26
Ha ha ha ha!	0:19:28	0:19:30
Look at this place!	0:19:30	0:19:31
Oh, look at the trees, the fields!	0:19:31	0:19:36
It's like a four-star resort with some books and learning!	0:19:36	0:19:40
Dad, just don't embarrass me, OK?	0:19:40	0:19:42
# Go, cats, number one	0:19:42	0:19:44
# Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah. #	0:19:44	0:19:46
Unbelievable.	0:19:46	0:19:47
# Oh, yeah, oh, yea... #	0:19:47	0:19:48
Oh, Mel! Cats, baby! Number one! Mel!	0:19:48	0:19:53
MAN: And that's how in 1853	0:19:53	0:19:56
the university named the surrounding town Evanston	0:19:56	0:19:59
in honour of its founder John Evans.	0:19:59	0:20:01
He was a doctor and a builder	0:20:01	0:20:04
and boring, boring, boring. Questions?	0:20:04	0:20:06
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Uh. Mm.	0:20:06	0:20:08
- Are you sure? - Yes. Please, please, please.	0:20:08	0:20:11
Go ahead.	0:20:11	0:20:13
Hi. Doug Greenhut BPT -	0:20:13	0:20:15
booster parent in training.	0:20:15	0:20:18
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!	0:20:18	0:20:20
We're up here from Orlando on our big college road trip.	0:20:20	0:20:23
Oh. This is Wendy, my daughter.	0:20:23	0:20:25
Hi. I'm Wendy Greenhut, CST - college student in training.	0:20:25	0:20:30
You have a question, Tinkerbell?	0:20:30	0:20:32
Oh. I was just wondering, when is parents weekend?	0:20:32	0:20:35
Early November.	0:20:35	0:20:36
What?! That's three months after school starts.	0:20:36	0:20:40
Any other riveting questions?	0:20:40	0:20:43
Uhh!	0:20:43	0:20:46
Yes, Mr School Spirit with the foam finger.	0:20:46	0:20:50
Disregard his sarcastic tone... James.	0:20:50	0:20:53
How does Northwestern compare to other universities,	0:20:53	0:20:56
like Georgetown, for example?	0:20:56	0:20:58
Georgetown? Ha! We're better than Georgetown.	0:20:58	0:21:01
Excuse me. Hypothetically speaking,	0:21:01	0:21:04
if your dad was an overprotective control freak	0:21:04	0:21:06
and lived 40 miles away from Northwestern,	0:21:06	0:21:08
then would you go to Georgetown?	0:21:08	0:21:11
ALL: Yeah.	0:21:11	0:21:12
Who said that? Who said it?	0:21:12	0:21:14
I knew this was a bad idea.	0:21:14	0:21:16
Ohh!	0:21:16	0:21:17
I'm so sorry. Are you OK?	0:21:23	0:21:26
I am now.	0:21:26	0:21:27
Hi. I'm Nick.	0:21:30	0:21:32
I don't think I've seen you around before.	0:21:32	0:21:34
No. I was just checking out the campus.	0:21:34	0:21:38
How about a personal tour?	0:21:38	0:21:40
Personal tour of what?	0:21:40	0:21:41
Uh, Dad, this is Nick.	0:21:41	0:21:44
Nick, this is my dad.	0:21:44	0:21:45
I was just about to show Melanie around campus.	0:21:45	0:21:47
I don't have a problem with that.	0:21:47	0:21:49
- What?! - I trust you.	0:21:49	0:21:51
Besides, something about this school feels safe.	0:21:51	0:21:54
Meet me back at the student union when you're done.	0:21:54	0:21:57
You kids have fun.	0:21:57	0:21:58
Can we see the rest of this beautiful school?	0:21:58	0:22:00
Okey-dokey!	0:22:00	0:22:01
- Okey-dokey! - You go, girl!	0:22:01	0:22:04
LAUGHTER: DOUG: Ah, James,	0:22:04	0:22:06
I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.	0:22:06	0:22:09
Wow! I wish my Dad was that cool.	0:22:09	0:22:12
Huh?	0:22:12	0:22:13
- Shall we go? - Lead the way.	0:22:13	0:22:16
Wow!	0:22:17	0:22:19
Wow! No, I'm serious.	0:22:19	0:22:21
I can't believe that was just the science library.	0:22:21	0:22:24
I'm telling you, this campus is like...	0:22:24	0:22:26
Yeah, I know. It's amazing.	0:22:26	0:22:27
I just kind of want to get away from the nest, you know?	0:22:27	0:22:30
Look, I hear you, but the way I look at it,	0:22:30	0:22:32
you have your whole life to do that.	0:22:32	0:22:34
I mean, my parents live less than an hour away,	0:22:34	0:22:36
and it's awesome.	0:22:36	0:22:37
I mean, I got a place to cram for exams when I need privacy,	0:22:37	0:22:41
free laundry, home-cooked meals whenever I want.	0:22:41	0:22:44
Going to college close to home is where it's at.	0:22:44	0:22:47
You really sound like my Dad.	0:22:47	0:22:49
Well, the Chief's a pretty smart guy.	0:22:49	0:22:50
Hey, Nick. Can you, er...	0:22:53	0:22:55
can you get me a lemonade?	0:22:55	0:22:57
Don't you go changing.	0:22:57	0:22:59
Don't you go changing.	0:22:59	0:23:01
"Chief's a pretty smart guy."	0:23:04	0:23:07
Oh, it's on.	0:23:11	0:23:14
It's on.	0:23:14	0:23:15
So what do you do if you encounter an individual resisting arrest?	0:23:17	0:23:21
Well, er, we have Tasers.	0:23:21	0:23:23
No. Forget a Taser.	0:23:23	0:23:24
It's not gonna subdue any real criminals.	0:23:24	0:23:27
MELANIE: Dad! Dad!	0:23:27	0:23:30
Looks like somebody's having a good time.	0:23:30	0:23:32
Having a good time, Daddy, great time!	0:23:32	0:23:33
It was awesome! It was off the chain!	0:23:33	0:23:35
What have I been trying to tell you?	0:23:35	0:23:37
I don't know why I wasn't listening. So we went to the library,	0:23:37	0:23:40
- but we went to a frat party. - Frat party?	0:23:40	0:23:42
Let me tell you what happened.	0:23:42	0:23:43
I was like, " I don't want to go. I have to think about school," but he was like, "Come on. Let's go."	0:23:43	0:23:47
I said, "OK, for sure!" So we went to the party.	0:23:47	0:23:49
Crazy, man! Crazy!	0:23:49	0:23:50
There was a Jell-o pool, and everybody was just diving in it.	0:23:50	0:23:53
I was like, "I can't take it."	0:23:53	0:23:55
Amazing. Northwestern - this is where it's at right here.	0:23:55	0:23:58
Where's Nick?	0:23:58	0:23:59
He was crumping, and he broke out his back.	0:23:59	0:24:01
You know, like that. It was crazy. NICK: Melanie! Whoo-hoo!	0:24:01	0:24:04
I got your lemonade...	0:24:04	0:24:06
TASER ZAPS Ay, ay, ay, aah!	0:24:06	0:24:09
Sip on that. Sip on that.	0:24:09	0:24:11
Ooh! Pardon me, Ma'am, I didn't see you there.	0:24:11	0:24:13
See, I just transferred from Georgetown university,	0:24:13	0:24:15
where I was stabbed in the eye	0:24:15	0:24:19
at Georgetown!	0:24:19	0:24:21
You've got to be kidding me.	0:24:24	0:24:26
Stuart, she knows. It's over.	0:24:26	0:24:29
Everybody go on about your business. This is done.	0:24:29	0:24:32
Finito. Disperse.	0:24:32	0:24:36
You got to be kidding. We get paid, right?	0:24:36	0:24:38
Are you kidding me?	0:24:38	0:24:40
Hey, how do I get this cast off?	0:24:40	0:24:42
I can't believe you tried to trick me like that.	0:24:43	0:24:46
I am a good girl. I listen to you and Mom,	0:24:46	0:24:49
I do well in school. What's the worst thing I've done?	0:24:49	0:24:51
Dance around with my friends at a party?	0:24:51	0:24:53
Party?	0:24:53	0:24:54
When did you go to a party?	0:24:54	0:24:56
CELL PHONE RINGS Ooh. Phone.	0:24:56	0:24:58
If that's your Mom,	0:24:58	0:25:00
tell her we're having a good time, all right?	0:25:00	0:25:03
OK. Hello?	0:25:03	0:25:05
Oh, my gosh. The cutest guy just drove by us, and Katie was like...	0:25:05	0:25:08
Ooh. And he was like, "Eww."	0:25:08	0:25:09
- And we were like "Whatever." - "Whatever."	0:25:09	0:25:11
So, how's family bonding?	0:25:11	0:25:13
Oh, it's great. Yeah, we just left Northwestern,	0:25:13	0:25:15
and, er, my Dad Tasered one of his own deputies.	0:25:15	0:25:18
GIRLS LAUGHING	0:25:18	0:25:19
Congratulations. Congratulations.	0:25:19	0:25:22
- Nancy says congratulations. - Thank you, Nancy.	0:25:22	0:25:25
He says thank you.	0:25:25	0:25:26
No. He can't hear what you said.	0:25:26	0:25:29
I know. (LAUGHS)	0:25:30	0:25:32
I know! I know. (LAUGHS)	0:25:34	0:25:38
I know! I know!	0:25:42	0:25:46
BEEPING	0:25:46	0:25:47
Oh, girl, my battery's dying.	0:25:47	0:25:48
- Hold on. - Thank you.	0:25:48	0:25:51
Hello? Yes, I'm back.	0:25:54	0:25:56
Ha ha! Where were we?	0:25:56	0:25:58
I know!	0:25:58	0:26:01
Are you serious?	0:26:11	0:26:13
Construction?	0:26:14	0:26:16
Ohh, we're off schedule as it is.	0:26:16	0:26:19
We're never gonna be able to make it to Pitt in time.	0:26:19	0:26:21
- We're gonna have to use the siren. - Absolutely not.	0:26:21	0:26:24
No-one touches my siren.	0:26:24	0:26:25
Dad, desperate times calls for desperate measures.	0:26:25	0:26:29
Mel, getting to a slumber party is not an emergency, OK?	0:26:29	0:26:33
Now reach in my bag and hand me P-GIPS.	0:26:33	0:26:35
What's P-GIPS?	0:26:35	0:26:37
Police global positioning system.	0:26:37	0:26:39
Why don't you just call it police GPS?	0:26:39	0:26:42
Because its name is P-GIPS.	0:26:42	0:26:43
OK, Dad. Here you go.	0:26:43	0:26:45
Ah, there you go. P-GIPS.	0:26:45	0:26:48
Oh, P-GIPS.	0:26:48	0:26:49
P-GIPS, route fastest time to I-23.	0:26:49	0:26:53
HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: Calculating distance to I-23.	0:26:53	0:26:57
Thank you, P-GIPS.	0:26:57	0:26:58
- Thank you. - No. Thank you.	0:26:58	0:27:01
- Thank you. - Ha ha! No. Thank you.	0:27:01	0:27:03
Thank you.	0:27:03	0:27:05
Ha!	0:27:05	0:27:06
# Do do do do	0:27:13	0:27:15
# Do do do do	0:27:15	0:27:17
# Do do do do... #	0:27:17	0:27:19
At the next intersection, turn right.	0:27:19	0:27:21
P-GIPS. Ha ha ha!	0:27:21	0:27:25
At the next intersection, turn right.	0:27:27	0:27:30
# Do do do do	0:27:30	0:27:32
# Why can't we be friends? #	0:27:32	0:27:36
At the next intersection, turn right. GARBLED	0:27:36	0:27:39
BEEPING Turn right. Turn right.	0:27:39	0:27:42
Dad, I think P-GIPS is broken	0:27:42	0:27:43
because my map says that we're supposed to be going the other way.	0:27:43	0:27:46
You're gonna believe a piece of paper or a 40 million satellite?	0:27:46	0:27:49
I bet Grandma's right around the corner. Turn right.	0:27:49	0:27:52
Unh! Oh.	0:27:52	0:27:54
AIR HISSES	0:27:55	0:27:57
WOLF HOWLS	0:27:57	0:28:00
I love what Grandma's done with the place.	0:28:00	0:28:03
P-GIPS: Thank you!	0:28:03	0:28:05
Ah, this is nothing. Don't worry. I'll have this fixed	0:28:05	0:28:08
and we'll be back on the tiny dirt path in no time.	0:28:08	0:28:11
Trey, what are you doing?	0:28:17	0:28:18
Going to DC, you told me to take the note to the secretary myself.	0:28:18	0:28:23
Have you been in here the whole time? Boy, you could have suffocated.	0:28:23	0:28:26
I built an air ventilation system. I could have survived for weeks.	0:28:26	0:28:30
I meant, we could have survived.	0:28:30	0:28:31
You're lucky to survive into next week	0:28:31	0:28:33
once your mother and I get through with you.	0:28:33	0:28:36
No service.	0:28:36	0:28:38
You just bought yourself a stay of execution, boy.	0:28:38	0:28:41
SQUEALS	0:28:41	0:28:42
Ennchhh.	0:28:44	0:28:46
Ccchh.	0:28:48	0:28:49
TREY: Come on, Albert. Dad, what are we gonna do with him?	0:28:56	0:28:59
I have the most important interview of my life,	0:28:59	0:29:01
and I don't want Einstein and Porky along for the ride.	0:29:01	0:29:03
What do you want me to do, Mel? We're in the middle of nowhere.	0:29:03	0:29:07
We could leave them in the woods and a nice family of wolves will adopt them.	0:29:07	0:29:10
Dad, Dad! Oh!	0:29:11	0:29:12
Ohh!	0:29:12	0:29:14
P-GIPS: Thank you!	0:29:18	0:29:20
SIREN WHOOPS AND DIES	0:29:24	0:29:26
Ehh! Ehh!	0:29:26	0:29:27
Dad, what are you doing?	0:29:30	0:29:33
I'm just gonna rock this thing over,	0:29:33	0:29:35
and we'll be on our way.	0:29:35	0:29:37
I just need a little momentum.	0:29:37	0:29:39
One...	0:29:39	0:29:40
Two...	0:29:40	0:29:42
Ohh! Ohh! BACK CRACKS	0:29:42	0:29:43
WHIMPERS	0:29:44	0:29:47
Something popped.	0:29:47	0:29:49
Something popped.	0:29:49	0:29:51
Dad, you need the man girdle thing you wear?	0:29:51	0:29:53
I thought that was Mom's.	0:29:53	0:29:55
ALBERT SQUEALS	0:29:56	0:29:58
- Now what's his problem? - I think he hears something.	0:29:58	0:30:01
What is it, Albert? Do you hear something?	0:30:01	0:30:03
OINK OINK	0:30:03	0:30:04
Is it trouble? OINK OINK	0:30:04	0:30:06
Is it a fire? OINK OINK:	0:30:06	0:30:07
Is Jimmy stuck in the well?	0:30:07	0:30:09
SQUEALING Jimmy!	0:30:09	0:30:13
He's been watching a lot of Lassie reruns.	0:30:13	0:30:15
SNORTING	0:30:15	0:30:16
Albert says there's a road up ahead.	0:30:16	0:30:18
I think I see a road over there.	0:30:18	0:30:20
Aha! Albert was right!	0:30:20	0:30:22
GRUNTING	0:30:22	0:30:24
See, Mel? Told you everything was gonna work out.	0:30:42	0:30:45
This place looks nice.	0:30:45	0:30:47
Oh, no pets allowed.	0:30:49	0:30:50
Looks like Albert has a problem.	0:30:50	0:30:52
But, Dad, Albert's a member of this family.	0:30:52	0:30:54
Not by blood.	0:30:54	0:30:55
Now, this is the only hotel for 30 miles.	0:30:55	0:30:57
We don't have a car, and I'm tired.	0:30:57	0:31:00
WHIMPERING	0:31:00	0:31:02
OK. Do you have any ideas?	0:31:06	0:31:09
I have a thought.	0:31:09	0:31:12
MAN: I am dumping a lot of coin on this wedding!	0:31:12	0:31:14
I was told that they'd be throwing rice	0:31:14	0:31:16
at my little angel.	0:31:16	0:31:18
Yeah, I know.	0:31:18	0:31:20
- Hi. - Hi. How can I help?	0:31:21	0:31:23
We'd like a couple of rooms for the evening.	0:31:23	0:31:26
OK. How many are in your party?	0:31:26	0:31:28
Uh, just me, my two kids, and the baby.	0:31:28	0:31:30
BLLCHH	0:31:30	0:31:32
Oh, somebody's getting hungry.	0:31:32	0:31:34
- I just gave you a bottle. Yes, I did. - I know.	0:31:34	0:31:36
Didn't I just give him a bottle?	0:31:36	0:31:38
He did. That is a hungry baby.	0:31:38	0:31:40
Yeah. He's kind of a pig. OINK	0:31:40	0:31:42
CELL PHONE RINGS	0:31:45	0:31:47
Michelle Porter.	0:31:47	0:31:49
Hey, James, baby.	0:31:49	0:31:51
Trey is where?!	0:31:51	0:31:53
Oh. Congratulations on your dream home.	0:31:53	0:31:56
I'll fax you the paperwork.	0:31:56	0:31:57
Put him on the phone!	0:31:57	0:31:59
- It's for you. - Could you take a message?	0:31:59	0:32:02
Hello?	0:32:04	0:32:06
You are in big trouble, mister.	0:32:06	0:32:08
I hope you know how to build a time machine,	0:32:08	0:32:10
because you are not coming out the house until the year 3000.	0:32:10	0:32:13
I'll draw up some plans with Albert, but I can't promise anything.	0:32:13	0:32:17
Trey, this is the most dangerous thing you've ever done.	0:32:17	0:32:21
I'm sorry, Mommy.	0:32:21	0:32:23
'I know you are, baby.'	0:32:23	0:32:24
'Let me talk to your Daddy. Love you.'	0:32:24	0:32:27
- Hey, baby. - So are all of you all right?	0:32:29	0:32:32
Baby, we just had some trouble with the car.	0:32:32	0:32:34
No more tricks, James.	0:32:34	0:32:36
And feed my kids!	0:32:36	0:32:38
You know, Sigmund Freud said the best way to understand women	0:32:40	0:32:44
is by listening to them.	0:32:44	0:32:45
Yeah, but did he say anything	0:32:45	0:32:47
about understanding ten-year-olds?	0:32:47	0:32:49
Because you and the pig is loopin' me.	0:32:49	0:32:51
I'm confused.	0:32:51	0:32:53
Albert, go start the bath.	0:32:53	0:32:55
GRUNTING	0:32:55	0:32:57
If you need us, we'll be playing chess.	0:32:57	0:33:01
FAUCET TURNS ON	0:33:01	0:33:03
Albert, that's enough bubbles.	0:33:03	0:33:05
Knight takes rook.	0:33:06	0:33:08
Hmm. Interesting.	0:33:10	0:33:13
Used your bishop as a decoy. Smart.	0:33:13	0:33:15
GRUNTING	0:33:15	0:33:17
What are you doing?	0:33:17	0:33:19
Just fixing my hair, about to get ready.	0:33:19	0:33:21
Look, Mel, I know you must be upset about missing the sleepover,	0:33:21	0:33:26
but for whatever it's worth, I was totally cool with it.	0:33:26	0:33:29
Thanks, Dad. Uh...	0:33:29	0:33:32
Whoa. What are you doing?	0:33:32	0:33:33
- Making coffee. - Caffeine is a drug.	0:33:33	0:33:35
You don't take drugs. End of story.	0:33:35	0:33:38
Dad, why do you insist on treating me like a child?	0:33:42	0:33:45
Well, because according to the law, you are one.	0:33:45	0:33:48
How's it going?	0:33:48	0:33:51
DOOR CLOSES	0:33:57	0:33:59
Think you got enough stuff, Melanie?	0:34:02	0:34:05
Passion? She better not be...	0:34:08	0:34:10
BOTTLE SHATTERS	0:34:10	0:34:12
MAN ON TV: '...with consistent showers for the next few days.'	0:34:15	0:34:17
WOMAN ON TV: 'Thanks, Nick. Sounds like we have a rainy week ahead!	0:34:17	0:34:20
'Don't forget your umbrellas. After the break, how coffee makes you smarter.'	0:34:20	0:34:25
SNORTS	0:34:25	0:34:28
CHEWING	0:34:30	0:34:32
APPLAUSE	0:34:33	0:34:35
CHEERING	0:34:35	0:34:36
BAND PLAYS "IT HAD TO BE YOU"	0:34:36	0:34:38
# It had to be you	0:34:44	0:34:49
# It had to be you	0:34:49	0:34:51
10,000!	0:34:51	0:34:52
# I wandered around and finally found	0:34:52	0:34:57
# The somebody who... #	0:34:57	0:35:00
TREY: Dad, Dad! GARGLING	0:35:00	0:35:02
GARGLING What is it?	0:35:02	0:35:05
Dad, it's an emergency!	0:35:05	0:35:07
Where's the fire?	0:35:07	0:35:09
There's something wrong with Albert.	0:35:09	0:35:11
ALBERT SQUEALS	0:35:11	0:35:14
What's up with him?	0:35:14	0:35:15
Just guessing, but he might have eaten all the coffee beans you threw away.	0:35:15	0:35:18
MAN: Room service. I got cookies for the...	0:35:18	0:35:21
GASPS	0:35:21	0:35:23
TREY: Oh, no!	0:35:23	0:35:25
Unh!	0:35:25	0:35:27
JAMES: Trey, stay put. The pig's gone crazy!	0:35:27	0:35:29
< Albert, get back here!	0:35:29	0:35:31
MELANIE: Albert!	0:35:31	0:35:32
Get the pig, get the pig!	0:35:32	0:35:34
Where did he go? Where did he go?	0:35:35	0:35:39
Little Houdini pig.	0:35:39	0:35:41
- Ohh! - Oh!	0:35:41	0:35:43
There he is.	0:35:45	0:35:47
SQUEALS	0:35:47	0:35:49
Ohh! Looks like we got ourselves a wedding crasher.	0:35:49	0:35:52
I'm on it.	0:35:52	0:35:53
Settle down. Settle down.	0:35:53	0:35:56
Thank you, thank you, thank you.	0:35:56	0:35:57
At this time, I'd like to make a toast	0:35:57	0:36:00
to my little angel and my new son-in-law Ted.	0:36:00	0:36:04
And, Teddy, you had better take care of my little girl	0:36:04	0:36:08
because she is an absolute...	0:36:08	0:36:10
- Pig! - Pig.	0:36:10	0:36:12
GUESTS: Ohh!	0:36:12	0:36:13
Excuse me?	0:36:13	0:36:15
SQUEALS	0:36:16	0:36:17
Oh.	0:36:17	0:36:18
LAUGHTER: Ohh...	0:36:18	0:36:20
- Pudding! - Daddy!	0:36:20	0:36:23
Get that pig! Get it, get it, get it!	0:36:23	0:36:24
Get him!	0:36:24	0:36:26
What's wrong with you guys?	0:36:28	0:36:30
No, Albert!	0:36:30	0:36:32
Albert! Albert!	0:36:32	0:36:34
Ted, don't just lay there. Get up and get him!	0:36:34	0:36:36
Albert, get back here!	0:36:36	0:36:37
Aah!	0:36:37	0:36:40
Aah!	0:36:40	0:36:42
GUEST SHOUT ALBERT SQUEALS	0:36:43	0:36:45
Get him down!	0:36:45	0:36:47
My Cinderella wedding is ruined!	0:36:49	0:36:51
I'm sorry, but look, I didn't want a pig.	0:36:51	0:36:53
I told the wife, I said, get a little...	0:36:53	0:36:56
So this is your pig?	0:36:56	0:36:57
Well, it's my little boy's pig. He-he... Albert, down, Albert!	0:36:57	0:37:02
WAHOO!	0:37:02	0:37:03
Get him!	0:37:03	0:37:05
GASPING AND SNORTING	0:37:07	0:37:09
Albert!	0:37:12	0:37:14
Ohh...	0:37:18	0:37:19
Ohh!	0:37:22	0:37:23
SCREAMING	0:37:23	0:37:25
BRIDE: Daddy!	0:37:28	0:37:29
JAMES: # Rise and shine! #	0:37:34	0:37:37
Ah. We got to roll. Time to go.	0:37:37	0:37:42
There's a gas station 40 miles up the road.	0:37:42	0:37:44
Got to get some food in you. Who's up for pigs in a blanket?	0:37:44	0:37:48
SQUEALS What?	0:37:48	0:37:49
(LAUGHS) No. I'm not...	0:37:49	0:37:53
OK. Whatever.	0:37:53	0:37:56
SIGHS What a night.	0:37:56	0:37:58
They gonna have one wild wedding video.	0:37:58	0:38:01
Well, at least we know when times are rough	0:38:01	0:38:04
the Porters know how to rally together, right?	0:38:04	0:38:06
Yeah.	0:38:06	0:38:07
That's right. The Porters will rally.	0:38:07	0:38:10
BELL JINGLES	0:38:10	0:38:11
- Oh, ho ho! - I don't believe it!	0:38:11	0:38:13
Aah!	0:38:13	0:38:15
Shiver me timbers. Ha ha ha!	0:38:15	0:38:17
Hee hee hee!	0:38:17	0:38:18
In the words of my favourite ride ever,	0:38:18	0:38:21
it's a small world after all.	0:38:21	0:38:23
What are you guys doing here?	0:38:23	0:38:25
Well, me and the little cowgirl... BOTH MAKE GUNSHOT SOUND	0:38:25	0:38:28
Just picking up a dozen doughnuts before we hit the ROAD-EO.	0:38:28	0:38:31
What about you?	0:38:31	0:38:32
We just had a little trouble with the car.	0:38:32	0:38:35
- Ohh... - Ohh...	0:38:35	0:38:38
(WHISPERS)	0:38:39	0:38:41
(CHUCKLES)	0:38:41	0:38:43
Well, new friend, your luck just changed.	0:38:43	0:38:47
# Oh, we wish you a Merry Christmas	0:38:47	0:38:49
# We wish you a Merry Christmas	0:38:49	0:38:52
# We wish you a Merry Christmas	0:38:52	0:38:56
# And a happy New Year! #	0:38:56	0:38:58
Oh! Ho ho!	0:38:58	0:39:00
I just love Christmas carols, don't you?	0:39:00	0:39:03
Just give me a chorus of Joy To The World	0:39:03	0:39:05
and I'm as mad as a hatter! (CACKLES)	0:39:05	0:39:07
(They're crazy.)	0:39:07	0:39:09
I know but don't do that.	0:39:09	0:39:10
So, JP, looking forward to the big day?	0:39:10	0:39:13
What day is that?	0:39:13	0:39:15
The day our precious little ones shuffle off to Buffalo.	0:39:15	0:39:17
I got to tell you this road trip has been the greatest experience	0:39:17	0:39:20
for Wendy and I. I mean, there's just so much to talk about.	0:39:20	0:39:23
Yeah. It's like we're getting to...	0:39:23	0:39:25
(BOTH) Know each other all over again.	0:39:25	0:39:27
- Jinx! - Jinx!	0:39:27	0:39:28
# Getting to know you	0:39:28	0:39:29
# Getting to know all about you	0:39:29	0:39:33
# Getting to like you	0:39:33	0:39:36
# Getting to hope you like me. #	0:39:36	0:39:37
- I like you. - I like you, too!	0:39:37	0:39:40
# It was an itsy bitsy	0:39:40	0:39:42
# Teeny weenie, yellow polka dot bikini	0:39:42	0:39:44
# That she wore for the first time today. #	0:39:44	0:39:47
So, Melanie, what other schools are you looking at?	0:39:47	0:39:50
Actually, I have an interview at Georgetown.	0:39:50	0:39:52
Wow! Georgetown! Great school!	0:39:52	0:39:55
So what would you study?	0:39:55	0:39:57
Prelaw. I want to get into the Cooper programme.	0:39:57	0:39:59
The Cooper programme! No way! I always wanted to go to Japan.	0:39:59	0:40:02
J-Japan?	0:40:04	0:40:05
What about Japan?	0:40:05	0:40:07
Oh, sure. You study abroad at their sister school. Tokyo, right?	0:40:07	0:40:09
Tokyo?	0:40:09	0:40:10
Here you go.	0:40:16	0:40:17
Hey, look, Doug,	0:40:17	0:40:20
I really appreciate this. Can I help you out with gas money, anything?	0:40:20	0:40:23
Gas money? Yeah.	0:40:23	0:40:24
We charge hugs in this family.	0:40:24	0:40:27
Ha ha ha ha!	0:40:27	0:40:29
Ho ho ho ho! Ha ha!	0:40:29	0:40:32
Oh, one more for luck. Ha ha ha!	0:40:32	0:40:35
- Thank you. - You mean...	0:40:39	0:40:40
# So long, farewell	0:40:40	0:40:42
# Auf wiedersehen, adieu	0:40:42	0:40:44
# Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you	0:40:44	0:40:47
# Da da da da da da da da	0:40:47	0:40:49
# Da da da da da! #	0:40:49	0:40:50
See ya!	0:40:50	0:40:52
I call shotgun! Ha ha ha!	0:40:52	0:40:54
# Goodbye, goodbye	0:40:55	0:40:57
# Goodbye!	0:40:57	0:40:59
# Goodbye! #	0:40:59	0:41:02
Goodbye!	0:41:02	0:41:04
- Au revoir! - Adios!	0:41:04	0:41:06
- See ya! - See ya!	0:41:06	0:41:08
- Jinx! - Jinx!	0:41:08	0:41:10
THEY LAUGH	0:41:10	0:41:11
So, er, we missed the bus,	0:41:11	0:41:13
but I did manage to get us a seat on a tour bus.	0:41:13	0:41:15
At least there won't be any singing.	0:41:17	0:41:19
# Sister Christian Oh, the time has come	0:41:23	0:41:27
# And you know that you're the only one	0:41:27	0:41:31
# To say OK. #	0:41:31	0:41:35
Yeah. This is much better.	0:41:35	0:41:37
# Where you going, what you looking for? #	0:41:37	0:41:41
It's just one semester.	0:41:41	0:41:43
It's not like I'm getting Japanese citizenship.	0:41:43	0:41:46
You want to go halfway around the world,	0:41:46	0:41:48
and I have to learn about it in a stranger's car?	0:41:48	0:41:50
I'm just disappointed.	0:41:50	0:41:52
We used to be tight.	0:41:52	0:41:55
I'm sorry, Dad. It's just that...	0:41:55	0:41:57
You don't tell me about Georgetown,	0:41:57	0:41:59
you don't tell me about Japan.	0:41:59	0:42:00
You didn't even remember our special song.	0:42:00	0:42:03
I feel like I don't know anything about you anymore.	0:42:03	0:42:07
What are we gonna do about them?	0:42:10	0:42:13
APPLAUSE	0:42:13	0:42:15
Oh, that was great. That was great. Let me just borrow the mic, sir.	0:42:22	0:42:25
I'm next. No. I'm-let me just...	0:42:25	0:42:27
Give me the mic, sir. Let go of the mic, sir.	0:42:27	0:42:29
Hi, everyone.	0:42:32	0:42:33
Hi. Uh, first, thank you so much	0:42:33	0:42:36
for letting us on this bus.	0:42:36	0:42:39
My family and I, we're on a very special trip,	0:42:39	0:42:42
and I'd kind of like to sing a song	0:42:42	0:42:43
that my father and I used to sing	0:42:43	0:42:45
when I was little girl.	0:42:45	0:42:47
Ahem. MUSIC PLAYS	0:42:48	0:42:51
OK. Uh, brother,	0:42:52	0:42:53
I'm gonna need you to give me a little bass on this one, all right?	0:42:53	0:42:56
Like this.	0:42:56	0:42:57
# Bum bum bum dum bum bum bum bum bum	0:42:57	0:43:00
# Bum bum dum bum	0:43:00	0:43:02
# Bum bum bum dum bum bum bum bum bum	0:43:02	0:43:05
Who's next?	0:43:05	0:43:06
# Bum bum bum dum bum bum bum... #	0:43:06	0:43:08
Whoo! That's it!	0:43:08	0:43:09
# Give me a ho if you got	0:43:09	0:43:11
# Your funky bus fare	0:43:11	0:43:13
# Ho # Ho	0:43:13	0:43:14
# Double Dutch bus coming down the street	0:43:14	0:43:17
# Movin' pretty fast	0:43:17	0:43:19
# So kind of shuffle your feet	0:43:19	0:43:22
# Get on the bus and pay your fare	0:43:22	0:43:25
# And tell the driver that you're going	0:43:25	0:43:27
# To a double Dutch affair	0:43:27	0:43:29
# Follow me Fe fi fo fum	0:43:29	0:43:32
# Fe fi fo fum #	0:43:32	0:43:33
# Well, I'll be darn, here it comes	0:43:33	0:43:35
# Well, I'll be darn, here it comes	0:43:35	0:43:37
# The double Dutch bus is on the street	0:43:37	0:43:39
# The double Dutch bus is on the street	0:43:39	0:43:41
# You better get off the curb And move your feet	0:43:41	0:43:44
# Get off the curb and move your feet	0:43:44	0:43:45
# Say ho Ho	0:43:45	0:43:47
# Say, ho ho Ho ho	0:43:47	0:43:49
# Say uptown Uptown	0:43:49	0:43:51
# Say downtown Downtown	0:43:51	0:43:53
# On the count of three, repeat after me	0:43:53	0:43:55
# One, two, three	0:43:55	0:43:57
# Bip bop bip alakazam	0:43:57	0:43:59
# But only when you're moving With a double Dutch man	0:43:59	0:44:01
# Bip bop bip alakazam	0:44:01	0:44:03
# But only when you're moving With a double Dutch man	0:44:03	0:44:05
# Bum bum bum dum bum bum bum bum bum	0:44:05	0:44:07
# Bum bum dum bum	0:44:07	0:44:09
# Bum bum bum dum bum bum bum bum bum	0:44:09	0:44:11
# Bum bum dum bum	0:44:11	0:44:13
# Bum bum bum dum bum bum bum bum bum	0:44:13	0:44:15
# Bum bum dum bum	0:44:15	0:44:17
# Bum bum bum dum bum bum bum bum bum	0:44:17	0:44:19
# Bum bum dum bum	0:44:19	0:44:20
# Everybody scream. #	0:44:20	0:44:22
SCREAMING	0:44:22	0:44:24
And you said you didn't remember.	0:44:27	0:44:29
Well, of course I remember, Dad. It's our song.	0:44:29	0:44:33
All right, now, look. Tell me about this Cooper programme.	0:44:33	0:44:36
Oh, my goodness! It's so exciting.	0:44:36	0:44:38
OK. Let me tell you all about it. Um...	0:44:38	0:44:41
MUSIC PLAYS	0:44:41	0:44:44
JAMES: You're just gonna make a left down Maples.	0:45:16	0:45:18
Three blocks and we're there. Thank you.	0:45:18	0:45:21
Uh, Dad, do you think that Grandma still knows we're coming?	0:45:21	0:45:24
Well, I didn't call her, but it's not like she's going anywhere.	0:45:24	0:45:27
Just remember she's a old woman now.	0:45:27	0:45:29
She's not as light on her feet.	0:45:29	0:45:31
TANGO MUSIC PLAYS	0:45:31	0:45:33
- Ooh! - Ooh!	0:45:35	0:45:36
- Whoo! - Oh, yeah!	0:45:42	0:45:46
MUSIC ENDS	0:45:51	0:45:52
It's my son!	0:45:55	0:45:56
Not the control freak!	0:45:56	0:45:58
Hide!	0:45:58	0:45:59
SHOUTING: Give me some room.	0:46:00	0:46:02
No, not there.	0:46:02	0:46:03
WHIMPERING	0:46:03	0:46:04
Oh! Come on, come on. What's on your mind?	0:46:04	0:46:08
That won't work.	0:46:08	0:46:10
If you're ever in Okinawa!	0:46:10	0:46:12
Bye-bye! Goodbye!	0:46:12	0:46:13
Goodbye!	0:46:13	0:46:15
Ohh. You know they're gonna have that song in their head	0:46:15	0:46:18
for the rest of their life.	0:46:18	0:46:19
Everybody needs a little Double Dutch in their life.	0:46:19	0:46:22
That's right. That's right.	0:46:22	0:46:23
Oh, wow. Here we are. Home, sweet home.	0:46:23	0:46:28
I just hope this surprise isn't too much of a shock	0:46:28	0:46:30
for her fragile heart.	0:46:30	0:46:31
You know, she getting up there in age.	0:46:31	0:46:33
She's 63.	0:46:33	0:46:35
DOORBELL RINGS	0:46:37	0:46:38
One second!	0:46:38	0:46:39
ALL: We're here!	0:46:39	0:46:42
TREY: Hi, Grandma!	0:46:42	0:46:43
Ohh! Ha ha ha!	0:46:43	0:46:45
Not so rough. You'll break her.	0:46:45	0:46:47
Hey, Mama. Good to see you.	0:46:47	0:46:50
Is the coast clear?	0:46:50	0:46:52
Hello? Yoo-hoo!	0:46:52	0:46:55
Now, Mama, I know you like the new security system.	0:46:59	0:47:02
Uh-huh. I-it's lovely.	0:47:02	0:47:05
BEEPING	0:47:05	0:47:08
Watch this.	0:47:10	0:47:12
Check this out.	0:47:12	0:47:13
ANGELIC CHOIR	0:47:18	0:47:20
Floodlights!	0:47:20	0:47:21
- Oh, my goodness! - Pretty impressive, right?	0:47:21	0:47:24
James, it looks like a football field.	0:47:24	0:47:26
KATIE: Melanie!	0:47:26	0:47:28
Oh, my goodness! I can't believe it!	0:47:28	0:47:31
Oh, my goodness! It is!	0:47:31	0:47:33
Oh, my gosh!	0:47:33	0:47:34
What are you doing here?	0:47:34	0:47:37
Yeah. What are y'all doing here?	0:47:37	0:47:39
After you couldn't make it yesterday, we stayed an extra night at my sister's to surprise you.	0:47:39	0:47:42
You can sleep over at my sister's like we planned.	0:47:42	0:47:44
Oh! This is amazing! Amazing!	0:47:44	0:47:46
Oh, this is the best, Dad, isn't it?	0:47:46	0:47:48
Oh, yeah, yeah. Totally.	0:47:48	0:47:50
Thank you. Thank you, guys!	0:47:50	0:47:53
Mwah! OK. Bye!	0:47:53	0:47:54
Come on, you guys. Let's go!	0:47:54	0:47:57
Don't forget. We got a 10am flight to DC in the morning.	0:47:57	0:47:59
Dad, don't worry. I'll be home by eight!	0:47:59	0:48:01
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!	0:48:01	0:48:03
SCREAMING	0:48:03	0:48:04
Good night, James.	0:48:08	0:48:10
You sure you don't want to wait for me to finish this?	0:48:10	0:48:12
I think I'll survive the night.	0:48:12	0:48:14
YAWNING: Albert and I are going to sleep.	0:48:19	0:48:23
Hey. Good night, Son.	0:48:23	0:48:26
You still mad at me for coming on the trip?	0:48:26	0:48:29
Son, no.	0:48:29	0:48:31
No, I could never stay mad at you.	0:48:31	0:48:33
You're my little man.	0:48:33	0:48:35
I love you, Dad.	0:48:35	0:48:37
Love you, too, Son.	0:48:37	0:48:39
Good night. Get some rest.	0:48:41	0:48:42
MAN ON TV: 'The gazelle daughter remains at its father's side,	0:48:49	0:48:52
'seeking protection and security,	0:48:52	0:48:55
'for if it veers off, it becomes vulnerable	0:48:55	0:48:57
'to a myriad of predators.'	0:48:57	0:48:59
What are you doing, gazelle?	0:48:59	0:49:00
Stay with your daddy.	0:49:00	0:49:02
'With out the parents' guidance, the offspring are at the mercy	0:49:02	0:49:05
'of the harsh and unforgiving animal universe.	0:49:05	0:49:08
'Let's watch as the cheetah rips	0:49:08	0:49:10
'the little gazelle's head clean off.'	0:49:10	0:49:14
'Poor little gazelle, you should have stayed with your father.'	0:49:14	0:49:17
HUMMING	0:49:17	0:49:20
CELL PHONE RINGING	0:49:20	0:49:22
COUGHS	0:49:22	0:49:26
DEEP VOICE: Hello?	0:49:26	0:49:28
Who's this?	0:49:28	0:49:29
It's Chris.	0:49:29	0:49:31
Chris? What are you doing there?	0:49:31	0:49:33
Duh! I live here.	0:49:33	0:49:35
Where's Melanie?	0:49:35	0:49:37
'I don't know. I think she's in the shower.	0:49:37	0:49:38
'Hey, Bobbi. Can you check and see if Melanie's in the shower?'	0:49:38	0:49:42
Shower?!	0:49:42	0:49:43
# Oh, oh, yeah #	0:49:49	0:49:50
Aah! Aah! Aah!	0:49:50	0:49:53
# Mr Big Stuff	0:49:55	0:49:57
# Who do you think you are, Mr Big Stuff?	0:49:57	0:50:01
# You're never gonna get my love	0:50:01	0:50:04
# Mr Big Stuff, tell me...	0:50:04	0:50:06
DOORBELL RINGS	0:50:06	0:50:09
# Mr Big Stuff? #	0:50:09	0:50:11
Could I help you?	0:50:12	0:50:14
I need to see my daughter.	0:50:14	0:50:15
Who's your daughter?	0:50:15	0:50:16
Melanie Porter.	0:50:16	0:50:18
She's not a student here. She's just spending the night.	0:50:18	0:50:20
- It will only take a minute. - Who is she staying with?	0:50:20	0:50:23
Katie's sister.	0:50:23	0:50:24
- Katie's sister? - Yeah.	0:50:24	0:50:26
I'm gonna need a little more than that.	0:50:26	0:50:28
Ma'am, it's OK.	0:50:28	0:50:29
I'm a police officer.	0:50:29	0:50:31
Oh, thank goodness!	0:50:31	0:50:33
Where's your badge, officer?	0:50:33	0:50:35
It's back at my Mom's.	0:50:35	0:50:37
Ohh. You still live with your Mom. That's nice.	0:50:37	0:50:41
Look, I know what this sounds like.	0:50:41	0:50:43
Oh. Sounds like you're not getting in my sorority.	0:50:43	0:50:47
Bye-bye, now.	0:50:47	0:50:48
Melanie? Melanie!	0:50:48	0:50:50
Whoo! Oh, yeah!	0:50:50	0:50:52
Oh, yeah!	0:50:52	0:50:53
Melanie! Melanie!	0:50:53	0:50:56
Girls! Girls!	0:50:56	0:50:58
Melanie! No!	0:50:58	0:51:00
It's-ohh!	0:51:00	0:51:01
Fight, fight!	0:51:01	0:51:04
Whoo!	0:51:04	0:51:06
Ow!	0:51:06	0:51:07
(BABBLES)	0:51:07	0:51:10
SCREAMING AND WHOOPING	0:51:15	0:51:18
I got you.	0:51:18	0:51:20
Daddy's coming, baby.	0:51:20	0:51:21
Daddy's coming.	0:51:21	0:51:23
Ohh!	0:51:33	0:51:34
GIRLS SCREAM	0:51:37	0:51:38
GIRLS SCREAM	0:51:54	0:51:55
Oh, my goodness, you guys!	0:52:07	0:52:08
Whoo!	0:52:08	0:52:10
Mel, should I get my hair highlighted?	0:52:26	0:52:28
Ooh. That could be pretty.	0:52:28	0:52:31
Do you think I should get coloured contacts?	0:52:33	0:52:35
Ooh. That could be pretty.	0:52:35	0:52:38
Think I should get sparkly lip gloss?	0:52:38	0:52:40
Ooh. That could be pretty.	0:52:40	0:52:42
I am so glad we had this talk.	0:52:42	0:52:45
Wow! You actually talked to your Dad?	0:52:50	0:52:53
I talked to him about everything, my whole plan.	0:52:53	0:52:56
Major in political science, minor in American history,	0:52:56	0:52:59
and then to the Cooper programme for Japan.	0:52:59	0:53:01
Wow.	0:53:01	0:53:03
He was actually excited to hear about it.	0:53:03	0:53:05
I think I might have misjudged him this whole time.	0:53:07	0:53:11
It's the first time I remember us having a real conversation.	0:53:11	0:53:14
He listened to me.	0:53:14	0:53:16
He treated me like an adult.	0:53:16	0:53:19
I know he's done a lot of crazy things in the past,	0:53:19	0:53:22
but, on the bus it was different.	0:53:22	0:53:25
He changed.	0:53:25	0:53:26
I think he actually trusts me to be on my own	0:53:30	0:53:32
and make my own decisions.	0:53:32	0:53:34
Georgetown!	0:53:45	0:53:46
SCREAMING	0:53:46	0:53:48
POP MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO	0:53:49	0:53:51
SNORING	0:53:51	0:53:53
TURNS OFF RADIO	0:53:58	0:53:59
SNORING	0:53:59	0:54:02
(SCREAMS) Aah! Aah!	0:54:07	0:54:08
Aah! Aah! Aah!	0:54:08	0:54:11
BLOWS WHISTLE	0:54:11	0:54:13
No, no, no. I'm a father. Listen. Calm down.	0:54:13	0:54:15
I knew it.	0:54:16	0:54:18
TASER BUZZES	0:54:18	0:54:20
N-no. This ain't what it looks...	0:54:20	0:54:22
ZAPPING	0:54:22	0:54:24
Where is he? Still no answer.	0:54:30	0:54:32
We're gonna miss our flight.	0:54:32	0:54:34
You got to line up the colours.	0:54:34	0:54:36
CELL PHONE RINGS	0:54:36	0:54:37
Hello?	0:54:37	0:54:39
Yes. This is she.	0:54:39	0:54:41
What?	0:54:41	0:54:43
He's where?!	0:54:43	0:54:46
Oh, I cannot believe this.	0:54:46	0:54:47
For the last time, I have to get my daughter to Georgetown.	0:54:50	0:54:54
Right. Sure. Yeah.	0:54:54	0:54:56
BUZZ	0:55:02	0:55:03
Come in.	0:55:03	0:55:07
Hi. My name is Melanie Porter.	0:55:07	0:55:08
I got a call about my father. Is he OK?	0:55:08	0:55:11
The individual in custody was discovered this morning on campus	0:55:11	0:55:14
sleeping underneath a girl's bed at the Omega Psi Lambda house.	0:55:14	0:55:19
Mel, hey! Baby girl,	0:55:19	0:55:21
you ain't gonna believe what happened.	0:55:21	0:55:24
I tried calling you, and some guy answered the phone,	0:55:24	0:55:27
and it was kind...	0:55:27	0:55:28
This man is not my father.	0:55:28	0:55:29
Melanie Porter.	0:55:29	0:55:31
Because my father would never cross the line like that.	0:55:31	0:55:34
He would trust me to make smart choices.	0:55:34	0:55:36
Excuse me, but I have a flight to catch.	0:55:36	0:55:38
Mel! Mel, don't walk away, Mel!	0:55:38	0:55:42
Roger Wilco. Over and out.	0:55:54	0:55:56
You're free to go.	0:56:02	0:56:03
Someone sprung you.	0:56:03	0:56:05
James.	0:56:12	0:56:13
Mama, what's going on?	0:56:13	0:56:17
And where's Melanie and Trey?	0:56:17	0:56:19
Trey's taking Albert for a walk,	0:56:19	0:56:22
and Melanie's trying to catch her plane.	0:56:22	0:56:24
And you let her go without me?	0:56:24	0:56:26
Sit down, James.	0:56:26	0:56:28
Melanie told me what happened at Northwestern.	0:56:31	0:56:33
I can explain that.	0:56:33	0:56:35
Oh, you didn't want her to go to Georgetown,	0:56:35	0:56:36
so you concocted some ridiculous plan.	0:56:36	0:56:39
I'm just trying to keep everybody safe.	0:56:39	0:56:41
James, you took my home and you turned it into a high-security prison.	0:56:41	0:56:46
You can't even let her spend the night with some friends	0:56:46	0:56:49
without creeping around like a cat burglar.	0:56:49	0:56:51
What do you expect me to do? How am I supposed to know she's safe	0:56:51	0:56:54
if she goes all the way to Washington?	0:56:54	0:56:57
James, how do you think I felt when you left to join the army?	0:56:57	0:57:00
I don't know, Mama.	0:57:00	0:57:01
I was terrified! I worried about you all the time.	0:57:01	0:57:06
I still do.	0:57:06	0:57:07
But you had to follow your own path,	0:57:07	0:57:10
and I had to let you leave the nest.	0:57:10	0:57:12
I wanted you home every day you were gone,	0:57:12	0:57:16
but I had to trust you.	0:57:16	0:57:19
I had to trust that you could take care of yourself,	0:57:19	0:57:21
and I had to believe in you,	0:57:21	0:57:23
so why can't you believe in her?	0:57:23	0:57:26
I'll see you back at home.	0:57:52	0:57:54
Is Mom gonna kill me?	0:57:54	0:57:55
I got your back on this one. Just don't let it happen again.	0:57:55	0:57:58
Good luck. All right.	0:57:58	0:57:59
You'll need this.	0:57:59	0:58:00
Mama, I love you.	0:58:00	0:58:01
I love you, too, son.	0:58:01	0:58:03
Bye, Dad!	0:58:03	0:58:04
Excuse me. The flight to DC, has it left yet?	0:58:08	0:58:12
I'm sorry, sir. I'm afraid you've missed it.	0:58:12	0:58:14
Mel.	0:58:24	0:58:26
Hi.	0:58:30	0:58:31
You missed the flight.	0:58:31	0:58:33
I wouldn't have if you wouldn't have gotten yourself arrested.	0:58:33	0:58:37
Mel, look. I was...	0:58:37	0:58:38
Dad, listen. Georgetown is... It's over.	0:58:38	0:58:42
You know, you're getting exactly what you wanted -	0:58:42	0:58:44
me closer to home.	0:58:44	0:58:46
Baby, that's what I came here to tell you.	0:58:46	0:58:48
I don't want that anymore.	0:58:48	0:58:50
What are you talking about?	0:58:50	0:58:51
You know...	0:58:51	0:58:53
Dads don't know everything.	0:58:53	0:58:56
We just try to do the best we can.	0:58:56	0:58:59
Last night when I came to the sorority house,	0:58:59	0:59:01
I was trying to protect you.	0:59:01	0:59:03
That's what I do. I protect people.	0:59:03	0:59:06
Sometimes I go too far.	0:59:06	0:59:09
In this case, I went way too far.	0:59:09	0:59:11
Dad...	0:59:11	0:59:12
No, baby, look, I love you,	0:59:12	0:59:13
but I was so into what I wanted for you	0:59:13	0:59:16
that I couldn't see what you wanted.	0:59:16	0:59:19
I want what every girl wants.	0:59:19	0:59:22
I want a Dad who loves me, who adores me.	0:59:23	0:59:26
I want you to know that you raised a really good girl.	0:59:26	0:59:30
I want you to trust me.	0:59:30	0:59:32
I guess I still see you as that little six-year-old girl	0:59:37	0:59:41
singing Double Dutch Bus.	0:59:41	0:59:44
I'm not that little girl anymore, Daddy.	0:59:44	0:59:47
I've grown up.	0:59:47	0:59:49
Reality is, you've shown me I can trust you.	0:59:49	0:59:54
You have.	0:59:54	0:59:56
OK, I'll make a deal with you.	0:59:58	1:00:01
No more my plan, only your plan.	1:00:01	1:00:05
Now let's get you to Georgetown.	1:00:05	1:00:08
Deal.	1:00:08	1:00:10
That's right. Oh...	1:00:10	1:00:13
MAN: I don't care if Bob's here or not.	1:00:13	1:00:15
We got to be in DC by 3:30.	1:00:15	1:00:17
DC flow with me, Mel. Flow with me.	1:00:17	1:00:22
Excuse me. Excuse me. Uh...	1:00:22	1:00:25
This plane going to Washington?	1:00:27	1:00:29
Yeah, but it's for team members only.	1:00:29	1:00:32
We got a police emergency. You have to let us on that plane.	1:00:32	1:00:34
You guys divers?	1:00:34	1:00:36
Yeah. Big time. Huge divers.	1:00:36	1:00:40
Sss. Ehhhh.	1:00:40	1:00:42
Since I was a baby!	1:00:42	1:00:45
Well, climb on board.	1:00:45	1:00:46
# You got me running going out of my mind	1:00:58	1:01:01
# You got me thinking that I'm wasting my time	1:01:01	1:01:06
# Don't bring me down	1:01:06	1:01:09
# No, no, no, no, no	1:01:09	1:01:12
# Whoo-hoo	1:01:12	1:01:14
# I'll tell once more before I get on the floor	1:01:14	1:01:17
# Don't bring me down, down, down, down. #	1:01:17	1:01:20
We did it.	1:01:20	1:01:22
Yeah. We did it.	1:01:22	1:01:23
Excuse me. I never heard of a diving team	1:01:26	1:01:30
having their own plane.	1:01:30	1:01:32
It would be pretty hard to do our thing without one.	1:01:32	1:01:35
Ha! I thought all you need is a swimming pool and a bouncy board.	1:01:35	1:01:40
Wrong kind of diving team, man.	1:01:40	1:01:42
Well, what sort of diving team are you?	1:01:42	1:01:45
Aah! Aah!	1:01:50	1:01:54
Rock and roll! Whoo!	1:01:54	1:01:57
Dad, Dad, a skydiving team!	1:01:57	1:01:59
You mean, we're not landing in DC?	1:01:59	1:02:03
We are, but the plane's not.	1:02:03	1:02:06
But we got to get to Georgetown now!	1:02:06	1:02:09
There's only one way that's gonna happen.	1:02:09	1:02:12
# Don't bring me down...	1:02:12	1:02:13
Whoo!	1:02:13	1:02:15
Go, go!	1:02:15	1:02:18
# Don't bring me down	1:02:18	1:02:20
# Don't bring me down	1:02:20	1:02:22
(SCREAMS)	1:02:22	1:02:24
# Don't bring me down. #	1:02:24	1:02:27
SCREAMING	1:02:27	1:02:29
- Mel? - Huh?	1:02:38	1:02:40
We can do this!	1:02:40	1:02:42
OK, Dad. OK?	1:02:42	1:02:43
We got to get to Georgetown!	1:02:43	1:02:44
OK, Daddy!	1:02:44	1:02:46
All right. One, two, three!	1:02:46	1:02:50
SCREAMING	1:02:50	1:02:51
Now, that's a great Dad. Whoo!	1:02:58	1:03:01
# That you're running away	1:03:01	1:03:03
# Don't bring me down... #	1:03:03	1:03:04
Dad, pull the cord!	1:03:04	1:03:06
What?	1:03:06	1:03:08
Pull the cord!	1:03:08	1:03:09
Oh, oh, yeah. The cord!	1:03:09	1:03:12
SCREAMING	1:03:12	1:03:16
# Don't bring me down. #	1:03:16	1:03:19
(CHORTLES)	1:03:20	1:03:23
Sorry about the wedding, Lou.	1:03:23	1:03:25
Nice try, Phil, but you're not gonna psych me out.	1:03:25	1:03:29
After I make this putt, you owe me 20,000.	1:03:29	1:03:33
Happy days are here again.	1:03:36	1:03:39
JAMES AND MELANIE: Look out!	1:03:40	1:03:42
Aah!	1:03:42	1:03:44
Ohh!	1:03:44	1:03:46
That was weird.	1:03:49	1:03:51
What happened?!	1:03:54	1:03:55
Oh! Sorry about that. You OK?	1:03:57	1:04:01
- You?! - Oh, no.	1:04:01	1:04:03
- You! - I'm real sorry about your wedding.	1:04:03	1:04:06
I'm gonna kill you and your little pig!	1:04:06	1:04:08
Got to go.	1:04:08	1:04:10
That way. That way!	1:04:10	1:04:12
- That's my cart! - Move! Move!	1:04:13	1:04:16
I can see the campus right over there!	1:04:16	1:04:19
Ten minutes to spare. Ain't no stopping us now.	1:04:19	1:04:22
Dad!	1:04:22	1:04:23
Surprise!	1:04:23	1:04:24
Are you out of your mind?	1:04:24	1:04:26
(LAUGHS) Hand me the four-iron, Mel.	1:04:26	1:04:28
Take the wheel.	1:04:30	1:04:31
How we looking?	1:04:37	1:04:38
Looking good!	1:04:38	1:04:40
SCREAMING	1:04:40	1:04:43
HORN HONKS Ooh, ooh, ooh!	1:04:45	1:04:48
Aah! Ooh!	1:04:48	1:04:50
Aah! Aah!	1:04:52	1:04:53
SCREAMING	1:04:56	1:04:57
Is this part of the initiation?	1:05:06	1:05:09
Get out of the way!	1:05:09	1:05:11
HONKS HORN	1:05:11	1:05:12
Aah!	1:05:12	1:05:13
Come on.	1:05:13	1:05:14
We got one minute to go.	1:05:14	1:05:15
Go, Mel. Go, Mel! Go, Mel!	1:05:15	1:05:18
Daddy, elevator!	1:05:18	1:05:21
SCREAMING	1:05:24	1:05:26
Wrong door!	1:05:26	1:05:28
Now, go! Go! Go, move!	1:05:28	1:05:31
Aah! Ohh!	1:05:35	1:05:36
I got it. Sorry.	1:05:36	1:05:37
I'm so very sorry about that one.	1:05:37	1:05:39
GRUNTING	1:05:39	1:05:41
Daddy, get it off of me!	1:05:43	1:05:44
GROANING	1:05:44	1:05:47
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ohh! Ohh!	1:05:47	1:05:49
Hi. My name is Melanie Porter.	1:05:51	1:05:53
I have an interview with the admissions committee.	1:05:53	1:05:56
Of course.	1:05:56	1:05:59
Porter, Porter, Port...	1:05:59	1:06:02
You made it just in time, Miss Porter.	1:06:02	1:06:05
They're all waiting for you right in there.	1:06:05	1:06:07
Yes! Yes!	1:06:07	1:06:09
How do I look?	1:06:11	1:06:12
Like an angel.	1:06:12	1:06:13
Aw, thanks, Dad.	1:06:13	1:06:15
All right.	1:06:15	1:06:16
That was horrible.	1:06:18	1:06:19
Aren't you going in?	1:06:24	1:06:25
MAN: Next, please.	1:06:25	1:06:27
Mel, what?	1:06:31	1:06:34
I'm afraid.	1:06:38	1:06:40
Well, guess what.	1:06:40	1:06:42
I was afraid, too.	1:06:42	1:06:44
Dad, what are you afraid of?	1:06:44	1:06:47
I was afraid that if I let you go	1:06:47	1:06:49
that you'd never need your Daddy again.	1:06:49	1:06:52
But I'm always gonna need you.	1:06:54	1:06:56
Mel, this is what you gotta do.	1:06:56	1:06:59
Go in there with all confidence,	1:06:59	1:07:01
keep your head up, and do your best.	1:07:01	1:07:05
All you can do is win.	1:07:05	1:07:08
Yeah. I like that.	1:07:08	1:07:12
And if they don't accept you after that,	1:07:12	1:07:15
it's their loss.	1:07:15	1:07:16
I'm so glad you're my Dad.	1:07:19	1:07:21
Time for you to shine, baby.	1:07:26	1:07:28
I'm gonna let you go now.	1:07:30	1:07:33
Time to go.	1:07:35	1:07:37
Let's go, Trey.	1:07:49	1:07:51
Melanie Porter.	1:07:53	1:07:55
Porter. Here we go. Room 217.	1:07:55	1:07:57
I just checked in your neighbour.	1:07:57	1:07:59
You did, really? Who is it?	1:07:59	1:08:01
- Aah! - Aah!	1:08:01	1:08:03
I don't believe it! Can you believe it?	1:08:03	1:08:05
I'm room 218!	1:08:05	1:08:08
I don't believe it!	1:08:08	1:08:09
Oh, my gosh!	1:08:09	1:08:12
You inspired me to apply here,	1:08:12	1:08:14
and now we're gonna be neighbours!	1:08:14	1:08:17
Ohh!	1:08:17	1:08:18
I have to go get my Dad! He'll be so excited to see you.	1:08:18	1:08:21
Dad?	1:08:21	1:08:22
Surprise! Ha ha ha! Mwah!	1:08:22	1:08:24
James! How are you?	1:08:24	1:08:27
It's so good to see you.	1:08:27	1:08:28
Oh, this is my wife Sugarplum.	1:08:28	1:08:30
Hi.	1:08:30	1:08:32
THEY GROWL	1:08:32	1:08:33
THEY GROWL	1:08:33	1:08:34
My sugarplum, Michelle.	1:08:34	1:08:36
Hello, Michelle. It's so nice to meet you.	1:08:36	1:08:39
Hello, Michelle.	1:08:39	1:08:40
Hi.	1:08:40	1:08:42
So, our daughters are staying in the same dorm.	1:08:42	1:08:44
How crazy is that?	1:08:44	1:08:45
You know what I'm thinking?	1:08:45	1:08:47
Booster club karaoke party!	1:08:47	1:08:49
- Ohh! - Ohh!	1:08:49	1:08:51
JAMES: A little more singing.	1:08:51	1:08:52
A little more singing.	1:08:52	1:08:54
Absolutely! Ha ha!	1:08:54	1:08:55
- Come on, Poopsie. - OK.	1:08:55	1:08:57
DOUG: Ha ha ha!	1:08:57	1:08:59
Hey!	1:08:59	1:09:00
# People	1:09:00	1:09:02
# People who need people	1:09:02	1:09:06
# Are the lu... #	1:09:06	1:09:07
(COUGHS)	1:09:07	1:09:08
HOARSE: I swallowed a bug.	1:09:10	1:09:11
COUGHING	1:09:11	1:09:13
Wait for me!	1:09:13	1:09:15
I can't help it. I like that guy.	1:09:15	1:09:18
Our baby.	1:09:25	1:09:26
This is it.	1:09:36	1:09:39
Come here, baby.	1:09:39	1:09:40
I never thought this day would come.	1:09:58	1:10:00
I did, but I'm proud of you.	1:10:00	1:10:04
Oh, thank you, Daddy.	1:10:06	1:10:07
I love you.	1:10:12	1:10:13
I love you, beautiful.	1:10:13	1:10:16
I'll see you at Thanksgiving, all right?	1:10:16	1:10:18
You gonna be OK?	1:11:31	1:11:33
Where does the time go?	1:11:33	1:11:36
Yeah.	1:11:36	1:11:37
Come on, baby. Let's head home.	1:11:37	1:11:39
JAMES: Trey, five minutes, dinner.	1:11:43	1:11:46
Coming, Dad!	1:11:46	1:11:47
I can't believe it's been three months already.	1:11:49	1:11:51
I just hope she hasn't changed too much.	1:11:51	1:11:54
Well, how changed could she be? You talk to her every week.	1:11:54	1:11:57
SNORTS	1:11:57	1:11:59
Where did Albert get that hat?	1:11:59	1:12:02
# Over the river and through the woods	1:12:02	1:12:04
# To the Porters' house we go. # Ha ha ha!	1:12:04	1:12:06
I love this guy! Oh, what a gas!	1:12:06	1:12:09
Come on, James. The karaoke's all set up.	1:12:09	1:12:10
We're gonna sing, dance.	1:12:10	1:12:13
No, no. Maybe after we eat.	1:12:13	1:12:15
We don't want to start singing without the girls.	1:12:15	1:12:17
- OK. All right. - That was Melanie and Wendy.	1:12:17	1:12:19
They're two minutes away. I can't wait to meet Tracy.	1:12:19	1:12:21
Tracy? Yeah. That's a friend of hers from school.	1:12:21	1:12:25
They're gonna be studying in Japan together next semester.	1:12:25	1:12:27
Now, James. You promised me you're not gonna make a big fuss about Japan.	1:12:27	1:12:32
No. This is the new James Porter,	1:12:32	1:12:34
new and improved. There's nothing I can't handle.	1:12:34	1:12:37
I'm cool.	1:12:37	1:12:38
- We're here! - We're here!	1:12:38	1:12:39
Mel Bear!	1:12:39	1:12:40
Hey! All right!	1:12:40	1:12:42
Wendy Poo!	1:12:42	1:12:43
Look at you!	1:12:43	1:12:45
Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Tracy.	1:12:46	1:12:50
Uh-oh.	1:12:52	1:12:53
Uhh...	1:12:58	1:12:59
Nice to meet you, Mr Porter, Mrs Porter.	1:13:00	1:13:03
- Mmm-mmm. - Mmm-mmm.	1:13:03	1:13:05
Tracy.	1:13:06	1:13:09
- You're a guy. - Mm-hmm.	1:13:09	1:13:10
Yeah. Yeah, I'm a guy.	1:13:10	1:13:12
"Nice to met you." Yeah?	1:13:12	1:13:15
Nice to mee...	1:13:15	1:13:17
Nice to meet you, Tracy.	1:13:19	1:13:20
There you go.	1:13:20	1:13:21
Thanks. Thank you, Sir.	1:13:22	1:13:24
James, I am so proud of you. It takes a good dad to accept anything.	1:13:24	1:13:29
WENDY: I'm so happy you just said that!	1:13:29	1:13:31
Scooter!	1:13:31	1:13:32
Ding-dong.	1:13:32	1:13:34
Dad, everyone, this is Scooter,	1:13:34	1:13:36
and Scooter and I are getting married!	1:13:36	1:13:40
Dad! (WHIMPERS)	1:13:40	1:13:42
# Getting to know you	1:13:42	1:13:44
# Getting to know all... #	1:13:44	1:13:45
Aah!	1:13:45	1:13:47
Aah!	1:13:47	1:13:49
SCREAMING CONTINUES	1:13:49	1:13:50
# Ooh, and it's all right	1:13:57	1:13:59
# And it's coming along	1:13:59	1:14:01
# We got to get right back to where we started from	1:14:01	1:14:04
# Love is good, love can be strong	1:14:04	1:14:07
# We got to get right back	1:14:07	1:14:09
# To where we started from	1:14:09	1:14:11
# Uh-huh... #	1:14:11	1:14:13
# Do you remember that day	1:14:17	1:14:18
# That shiny day	1:14:18	1:14:20
# When you first came my way?	1:14:20	1:14:23
# I said no-one could take your place	1:14:23	1:14:26
# And if you get hurt	1:14:29	1:14:31
# If you get hurt	1:14:31	1:14:32
# By the little things I say	1:14:32	1:14:36
# I can put that smile back on your face	1:14:36	1:14:41
# Ooh, and it's all right	1:14:41	1:14:43
# And it's coming along	1:14:43	1:14:45
# We got to get right back to where we started from	1:14:45	1:14:48
# Love is good, love can be strong	1:14:48	1:14:51
# We got to get right back to where we started from	1:14:51	1:14:54
# It's all right	1:14:54	1:14:56
# And it's coming along	1:14:56	1:14:57
# We got to get right back to where we started from	1:14:57	1:15:00
# Love is good, love can be strong	1:15:00	1:15:03
# We got to get right back	1:15:03	1:15:04
# To where we started from	1:15:04	1:15:06
# All right, it's coming along	1:15:06	1:15:09
# We got to get... #	1:15:09	1:15:11

College Road Trip

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