Little Shop of Horrors

My name is Sergeant Joe Fink, working the 24-hour shift out of homicide, and this is my workshop -

the part of town everybody knows about, but nobody wants to see -

where tragedies are deeper, ecstacies wilder, and the crime rate is higher than anywhere - Skid Row.

My beat.

The most terrifying period in the history of my beat

began in a run-down florist's shop called Mushnick's.

-Ah, good morning, Mrs Shiva, how's things today?

-Same as usual, Mr Mushnick!

-My sister's nephew Stanley died, in Little Rock, Arkansas!

-What happened?

-Blew up! Who knows how?

That's nice. You would like some flowers for the funeral?

-# Should all acquaintance be forgot And never brought to mind... #

-I thought, possibly,

as I always give you my funeral business, so maybe you should give to me a little cut rate.

Mrs Shiva, what am I, a philatelist?

I sell on Skid Row nothing but cheap carnations, and I can't even afford water for the flowers!

-To my throat I would be giving a cut.

-# I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls

-# With vassals... #

-Shut up in the back!

-Excuse me, Mrs Shiva, but that Seymour...

-He's a nice boy...

-Why don't you let him sing?

What, sing? Here, I got a new customer, in the yellow vest!

I should let the clean-up boy, but I can't even afford to chase him out right away!

PHONE RINGS

Flowers as fresh as the springtime Mushnicks. Hello? Hello, Dr Farb!

-'What can I do for you today?'

-I haven't much time. Send two gladiolas, and a fern.

-Excellent.

-Two dozen glads, one potted fern.

-No, no, no, Mushnick!

-Two gladiolas and one fern.

ARGH!

-You want I put two gladiolas in the pot with the fern?

-One fern. One piece. All together, three pieces.

I need it for my waiting room. HE MUMBLES

-What?

-My filling's come out!

-Good. I'll drill a bigger hole.

-Two crummy gladiolas and one crummy fern?!

It's my flower budget for the week, Mushnick!

-Who'd be a dentist on Skid Row?

-Right, I'll send Seymour now. Who am I to argue with science?!

Make it snappy.

Now you are going to get it! Oh, you are going to GET IT!

Look!

ARGH!

Seymour Kreilboind!

Now, Mrs Shiva, we were talking of the funeral flowers.

-Did you call me, Mr Mushnik?

-No, I called John D Rockefeller to make a loan on my Rolls Royce(!)

-Sorry I said it.

-Now, look, Seymour!

You take two gladiolas, and cut them nice and even,

take fern, wrap them in a package and take them to Dr Farb. Right?

Well, GO already!

-What can I do for you, sir?

-My name is Burson Fouch.

-I am Gravis Mushnick.

-That's a good one!

-Who will get my roses?

-I'll take care of you, Mrs Shiva! Right over here.

-Like some orchids,

-for a nice girl?

-No, I'd like a few dozen carnations.

-Carnations!

-A person can't do anything these days without dropping dead!

-You've had bad luck, Mrs Shiva!

-Bad luck, she calls it! You should have so many people kicked off!

-< What about the carnations?

-For one of your relatives?

-Yes, for Stanley!

< My carnations.

You should see what that Seymour is... Oh! Here are your carnations.

-Wait, I'll wrap them for you.

-It's all right, I'll eat 'em here.

Why not...?

Of course, what else? They are all right?

I've had better. This is a small shop. Big places are full of flowers.

When you raise 'em for looks, you lose food value. I like these out-of-the-way places.

-Such a thing, eating flowers!

-Don't knock it till you try it, huh?

Look what happened.

This is what I was trying to tell you before.

Look on him. Look at the quality of his work! When I fire him, where will he get such a good job?

-I'm fired?

-No, I'm electing you President from the United States.

-YES, you are fired!

-You can't do that!

-Who can't?!

-I didn't mean it.

-You didn't mean it?! You never mean it!

You didn't mean it when you put up the bouquet with the "get well" card in the funeral parlour,

and sent black lilies to the lady in the hospital, but THIS time, I, Gravis Mushnick, MEAN IT!

He means it.

Mr Mushnick, don't I always try to do what's right? And I'm crazy about flowers!

-I like them almost as much as Audrey does.

-Excellent. You're fired!

-Let him resurrect himself!

-I give him a chance to quit!

-I won't!

-Brave boy. You're fired.

That ain't fair, Mr Mushnick! I'm working on a special surprise plant for you -

-one like you ain't never seen!

-I can't even sell THESE plants! Out!

-Wait. If he's got a new plant, you should look at it.

-I don't look on flowers, Mr Yellowvest.

I got ancestors in this business for 200 years, but I got one shop on Skid Row! One stinking shop!

-I don't even like flowers!

-I've eaten in florists everywhere,

and places with weirdest plants do the best business.

-See?

-See?

-See?

-What is this, a tango?

All right. Explain me more.

Well, I remember one place had a whole wall covered with poison ivy. People came for miles to see it,

-and stayed to buy.

-The owner got rich?

-No. He scratched himself to death in an insane asylum.

-Oh!

That was my cousin Harry!

All right! All right!

Go home and get this fancy-schmancy plant, and if Mr Yellowvest Fouch says it's a draw, you got a job!

-If he don't, out you go!

-Don't worry. You'll like it. You'll see!

'This is Radio KSIK. You've been listening to Music For Old Invalids! Our next selection is entitled

'Sickroom Serenade.'

-Seymour, is that you?!

-Yeah, Ma!

Get in here and look at my tongue!

But Ma, I've already seen your tongue!

-No sympathy for your mother, mocking her when she's got one foot in the grave?

-I didn't mean it.

You never do. Look at my tongue.

-A tongue's a tongue. They all look the same!

-Did you stop at Dr Mallard's and get my test results?

-He said there's nothing wrong with you.

-Dr Mallard's one doctor I thought would tell the truth!

-He said you should play fullback for the Rams.

-He wants me dead! I bet he's assistant coroner!

-I gotta...

-And I know my goitre is coming back!

-I feel it every morning after breakfast.

-That's when you... ARGH!

-What you got? A surprise for me?

-Open it up and see.

-All right!

Dr Slurpfatter's famous tonic!

Wait here!

To be taken internally and externally for pain and neuritis, neuralgia, headache...

If hit by a truck, call your physician! Alcohol content - 98%!

Oh, Seymour, you'll never know what this is gonna do for me!

I can feel that surge of warm health going through me already! Hic!

-I gotta get my plant and hurry back to the shop.

-That lousy weed?

-Yeah. If Mr Mushnick doesn't like it,

he'll fire me!

Apparently, my hearing is going out on me.

I get the distinct impression that your job security depends on what Mushnick thinks of that thing!

It looks worse than this morning. What can I do with it?

I'd pitch it out in the trash!

-I don't like my house cluttered with rotten vegetables.

-Can I bring anything?

-Yeah, the Evening News.

They're running a self-diagnosis contest. The winner goes to the Mayo Clinic!

-Bye, Ma.

-Bye, son! I'll see you at the rosy edge of dawn!

# Drink to the old... #

Put this on my bill.

Here it is, everybody.

-What do you think of it?

-Well! It sure is different!

-It looks delicious, but isn't it kinda stale?

-It hasn't been feeling too well.

-Call that a fancy plant?

-Looks like it never had a healthy day in its life!

-I like it anyway.

-You like eating skunk cabbage!

Yeah! ..What kind of plant is it?

I'm not sure. I got the seeds

from a Japanese gardener on Central Avenue. He found them in an order

-from a plantation near a cranberry farm.

-You don't know what it is!

-I named it.

-What name?

-Oh, gee...

-You gave it a dirty name?! You can't even mention it?!

-I named it Audrey Jnr.

-Oh! You named it after ME!

-That's the most exciting thing anyone's ever done to me!

-Poor kid.

-I don't think it's so much I should keep spending 10 a week on your salary.

-He named it after me!

-They'll name it Mushnick's Folly, cos I'll be in jail for non-payment of taxes!

-Are you crazy?

-Who?

-You!

That's probably the only plant of its kind! If he nurses it, people will come from all over!

-You think so, you Fouch?

-I know so, you Mushnick! That's all I'm saying.

Got to get home. My wife's making gardenias for dinner.

-Goodnight!

-See you tomorrow!

-Crazy about kosher flowers!

-He's a nice man.

Maybe he knows what he's talking about. Maybe he's not so stupid. I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll keep you and Dumbell Jnr for a week. If you nurse it back to health, you can stay.

-If you can't, you're both fired.

-Thank you, Mr Mushnick.

-Don't feel sad, Seymour.

-Don't waste your pity on me! I'm not worth it.

-Who says you're not?

Everybody!

Yeah, I know. I think you're a fine figurative of a man,

-and Audrey Jnr will be the sweetest thing in the whole, wide world!

-Well, I don't know!

I've given it every kind of fertiliser and plant food, and distilled water you can buy,

-but it just gets sicker and sicker.

-You'll be another Luther Glendale.

-Pasadena!

-Burbank!

-Goodnight, Seymour.

-Night, Audrey.

What the matter, little plant?

Haven't I done everything I could for you? Where did I goof?!

You're the first little plant I ever tried to grow, and if you die, I dunno what I'll do!

Please don't die! I'll get you some water, OK?

Oh, gee!

You opened up, just like every night at sunset! I wish I knew how to make you grow!

Let me move this, so you can breathe. OW! OW!

Hey, what happened?! How come you woke up?!

BLOOD?! You like BLOOD?!

Ohh...! You must be kidding!

Well, we'll see!

You don't know what I'm doin' for you!

OW!

Oh, who woulda thought it?!

Well, I guess there's just no accounting for people's tastes!

-Seymour!

-My boy!

-You're the most magnanimous person in the world!

-Isn't he beautiful?! Isn't he delicious?

-He got a 2 raise. What happened to your fingers?

-Beestings. How come I'm all of a sudden so wonderful?

-Five bees?

-Ten bees! I'm getting a 2 raise?!

-Correct, my very excellent Seymour!

-What did I do now?

Don't you know what you did?!

Look!

Oh, boy, look at that! It grew!

-It's almost a foot long!

-Isn't it empirical?!

It grows, like a cold sore from the lip! ..Hello, young, pretty ladies!

-What can I do for you?

-We saw your sign outside, about the Audrey Jnr.

-We thought we'd come in and take a look!

-Give a look!

-That's four people today!

Shirley! Isn't that too much?! What is it?

-It's an Audrey Jnr.

-How was it you got in trouble with ten bees?!

-Does it have a scientific name?

-Yes,

-but who could denounce it? Buying something?

-We don't have money.

Except 2,000. But that's just to spend on flowers,

-so we don't have any of our own. A drag!

-2,000 just for flowers?!

-Yes.

-Did the Chamber of Commerce die?!

-We're from the high school. We're building a float for a parade,

made out of flowers. Thousands! And we're on the committee.

Gee, that sure is a mad plant! Wow! Yeah!

-Seymour invented it!

-He didn't! OH!

-Girls, girls, girls!

Don't damage the horticulturalist!

How come you don't buy thousands of flowers from Gravis Mushnick? Mine have something others don't!

-What?

-They're cheap!

-If your shop is good enough to develop the Audrey Jnr, we can get everything we need!

We'll talk to the rest of the committee. Bye!

Bye! Bye, girls!

A son! A son!

-Look, Audrey! I got a son!

-Oh, gee, Mr Mushnick!

-Not Mr Mushnick! Don't call me Mr Mushnick any more! I want you should call me Dad.

-OK, Dad!

-Isn't that beautiful?

-Seymour Kreilboind, come over here, my son.

I want to talk on you about the future. Look on this flytrap!

Look on it. Soon, we got no more Skid Row. We will be rich, us.

I am building for you a giant greenhouse in which you are making impossible flowers,

which, in turn, I am selling at ridiculous prices in my giant new flower saloon in Beverly Hills!

Do you see that big sign in the sky? It is saying,

"Gravis Mushnick", in French.

Isn't it exciting?! And we'll have an orchestra by the cash register,

and Gravis will wave his arms, and the orchestra will play Mendelssohn's Spring Song!

-I'll come out in a gown, and say...

-The carnations are 600 a dozen, two dozen for 1,000!

-It's a bargain!

-Get 'em while they last!

-Stop shouting!

My uncle Mike just passed away in New Jersey!

-Tell me, how much are the carnations today?!

-600 a dozen...

-Why are they letting him run around loose?!

-Excuse my son, Mrs Shiva.

Point at anything and it is yours.

-Anything?

-That's right.

-The cash register?

-Wait a minute!

Here!

Here are several dozen carnations on the house

-courtesy of Gravis Mushnick the balloon tycoon.

-That's my dad!

Thanks very much!

Only, tell me, why are you so happy?

Not only did my uncle die in New Jersey...

You should also give some flowers to that dead plant!

Good morning, Mr Mushnick! Good morning.

Good morning, Mrs Shiva...

-What happened to my plant, Dad?

-Who are you calling Dad?! Who?!

-Oh, no!

-It was so beautiful a few seconds ago!

-Excellent, a few seconds ago I gave away dozens of carnations!

I didn't mean it.

You have, perhaps, an explanation?

-No, but give me a minute and I'll think of one.

-I see it all now.

We are in the poorhouse, that sign in the sky is reading,

"Seymour Kreilboind, rest in peace!" In ARABIC!

-Give him another chance!

-You promised me a week!

I'll sit up all night. It'll be healthy in the morning. I promise.

I promise!

Feed me-e-e!

FEED ME-E-E!

FEED ME-E-E!

Who said that? YOU said that!

-YOU said that!

-MMM, FEED ME!

You said that!

You can talk! I got a talking plant!

-Say it again!

-Feed me.

Oh, boy. I've never been to college and I ain't been around much,

but I'd bet there ain't no such thing as a talking plant!

But I'll take your word for it! Junior, I'd like to feed ya,

-but I used up all my fingers!

-FEED ME-E-E!

Oh...

Look at me! I'm all cut to pieces! Maybe I can find another drop here.

MMM!

-SLURPING

-That's the best I can do!

More! MORE!

-But I'm already anaemic!

-FEED ME MORE!

I'd be happy to give you anything, but I got to keep blood for myself or I'll be in worse shape than Ma!

-Mmm.

-I'm sorry, Junior.

I'll go for a walk. Maybe I'll think of something!

HORN BLARES

Ohh! Oh, my... No!

Daddy, there's somebody out there!

FEE-EED ME!

FEED ME!

-Look, chow-hound, don't bother me! I got problems of my own!

-Feed me!

-Sorry, I'm fresh out of blood! Talk to someone else!

-I'm hungry!

I don't care what you are! I'm knocked out! I just killed a man!

I'm a murderer! Think it's fun to be a murderer? Think it's fun to haul around a sack full of...

-FOO-OOD!

-No! No, Junior, what kind of guy do you think I am?!

I'm starved!

Well...

-Maybe just a snack.

-MMM!

Mmm, that looks GREAT!

GULPING

-LAUGHING

-Now, that is what I call a salad!

-What do you call that salad?

-Nefarious!

-Before the next course,

I'll have a nice cigar.

You would like maybe a cigar?

You don't smoke cigars! What am I thinking about?!

Where are the matches?

-Oh! Oi! You know what I found?

-What?

-I'm looking for the matches,

and I left the money in the other suit.

-Here's your mock chicken leg.

-You don't have any money?

-So what else is new(?)

-All right. All right!

-I made a mistake! After all, a man is entitled!

-Go on. This is your story. I'll wait for the punch.

Don't get smart with me, girlie.

In my shop, in the cash register, I'm having the total day's receipts

which sums up to more than 9! Bring the rest of the food and I'll go to the shop and get THE MONEY!

You're playing my favourite song!

Look here, Buster, one of you will go right now and get the loot,

-while the other one stays here, until the first one gets back, if ya get what I mean?

-Oh, fine!

-In this fancy-schmancy restaurant, you are holding hostages! Right?

-Right!

Excellent(!) Eat up, Audrey.

-I'll be back in a flash with the cash.

-Bye, Gravis!

-MOURNFULLY:

-# 'Tis the season to be jolly

# Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

# 'Tis the season to be jolly

# Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

# 'Tis the season... # OH!

# To be jolly

# Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la! #

-You're flush now, right?

-Bring whiskey, rum, wine, gin, bourbon!

-What?

-Scotch, rye, tequila, sake, manishevitz!

-Did you bring the money?!

-Don't bug me! I got to get drunk! NOW!

-What's with him?!

-I don't know!

-Here, take it. Bring me anything. Bring everything - creme de menthe - everything you've got!

-OK!

-Gravis, what happened?

-Don't ask!

-You look like you've seen a ghost!

-Ghosts, I could handle. Don't ask!

-Maybe I could help you.

-Help?! You couldn't!

Try and eat. It'll calm your agrimation.

Ugh, in mine own shop!

-Audrey, you wouldn't believe it!

-I wish you'd break out and tell me.

-Right after I tell the police!

Mushnick didn't come to the police. If he had, that might have been the finish of the unhappy story.

It was not.

Hi, Gravis!

85 worth of business already, and we've barely opened!

What did I tell ya? Wouldn't be interested in selling a half-interest in here, would ya?

Mr Mushnick! The committee say we could use your flowers on the float!

We'll feature Audrey Jnr!

-Can't you just picture it?!

-I can picture it!

-The people'll eat it up!

-Eat up...

-And she can sit in the big part.

-Who?

-The Queen!

-With her crown and sceptre! You could just eat her up!

-Eat up the girl...

There's SEYMOUR! OH!

Oh, I got a toothache!

-YOU... Come with me!

-I got a toothache! It hurts!

Let go of my jaw!

-Ohh!

-Now, Seymour! Talk on me!

-I got a toothache! What you wanna talk about?

-That plant! Is that a nice subject for to talk?!

-The plant is great - four times bigger than yesterday.

I saw. How come it is now so big?

I don't know...! Look at all them people out there. We've already done 70 worth of business.

85. Now, look, Seymour. You gave this plant a fancy name -

-Audrey Jnr, but I want to know what do just people call it?!

-Well, it's a cross between a butterwort

-and a Venus flytrap.

-Venus flytrap!

-What are its habits?

-The book says it eats insects, three times in its life, then it's full-grown.

-Excellent! How many times is this one eat?

-Well, once or twice.

-You don't remember?!

-It's kind of an unusual type flytrap.

-BUT it's a possibility!

-It may never eat again. I don't see how it could get any bigger.

-You think it don't need any more flies?

-Yeah...

Oh, my tooth is just killing me!

-All right, excellent. Run along to the dentist. I'll take care of things here.

-Thanks, boss.

Gravis! We've got to order more flowers! Tons of them!

I'm making lots of money...

ARGH! ARGH! Please, no! Please! >

PLEASE, NO! >

NO, I can't take any more! ARGH! >

ARGH, no! No, no! >

-That'll teach you to keep your bill up to date, you deadbeat!

-ARGH!

I'm not, you snivelling dog! I'm glad I hurt you! I'm glad!

-Oh! Seymour! Got a bad tooth, huh?

-I thought this was the men's room!

Come back, you bad dog! Get in!

So, you are the young man who ruined my gladiolas, huh? Sit down.

Come on!

-Guess what?

-BOTH: My tooth stopped hurting!

I know! Let's see.

Shut up and open up. Uh-huh.

-ARGH!

-Does that hurt?

-Yeah!

-Good. You haven't felt anything yet! Uh-huh...

-Over here!

Seymour, who is the dentist here?

I'll find that tooth. Mm-hm. Uh-huh.

Look at that stalagmite!

Don't worry. It'll be an easy one. I won't even use Novocaine.

-Argh, you poked the mirror in my mouth!

-Just swallow it!

All right, let's see now, Seymour!

See, I'll have this one, and this,

-and that one, and this one.

-It's only one tooth!

-Are you practising dentistry without a license?

All right. Let's see...

# Seymour, Seymour

-# Don't be... #

-ARGH! ARGH!

Look! Will you look at that, Seymour?

I didn't know you were an elk!

You know, I can't afford an assistant,

so I get this ready instant mix.

Doesn't last very long, but it tastes good. Mmm!

-All right, Seymour!

-Stay away from me! You're gonna kill me!

A duel! Ah-ha!

Is this Dr Farb's office?

Uhh... Just a minute!

Oh... Yeah!

I see it is!

You can come in now!

-My name is Wilbur Force.

-Wilberforce what?

Just...Wilbur Force.

My first name is Wilbur, my last name is Force.

-I don't have a middle name!

-Do you have an appointment?

-No, but you were very highly recommended to me

by one of your patients - a Mrs S Shiva. I do a lot of undertaking for her relatives.

I have a customer now, and I'm all booked up for the rest of the day,

-so come back tomorrow.

-Oh, I couldn't do that! I have three or four abcesses,

a touch of pyorrhea, nine or ten cavities, I lost my pivot tooth, and I'm in terrible pain!

-I can't help you today!

-Oh, that's all right!

I'll just wait outside.

The patient came to me with a large hole in his abdomen...caused by a fire poker used on him by his wife!

He almost bled to death, and gangrene had set in. I didn't give him much of a chance.

There were other complications. The man had cancer, tuberculosis,

leprosy, and a touch of the grippe.

I decided to operate.

-My patient just left. You can come in now.

-Oh, goody!

-I didn't see the other man leave.

-He went out the back door.

You know, most people don't like to go to the dentist, but I rather enjoy it. There's a real feeling

of growth, of, of...progress,

when that old drill goes in! I'd almost rather go to the dentist than anywhere, wouldn't you?

Yeah...

Now, no Novocaine. It dulls the senses.

-This is gonna hurt you more than it is me.

-Oh, goody, here it comes!

DRILL BUZZES ARGH!

ARGH!

ARGH! Oh, my God, don't stop now!

-I made a lot of holes, and now I've gotta fill it with this silver stuff.

-Won't you pull any?

-Well...

Oh, go on!

Well, your mouth!

ARGH! ARGHH!

ARGH! ARGH!

Well, Dr Farb, it's been quite an afternoon. I can truly say I've never enjoyed myself so much!

-I'll recommend you to all my friends.

-Thank you. Bye.

-Bye, now!

FEED ME!

Take it easy, Dracula! What do you think I've got, my dirty laundry?!

-FEED!

-I'm comin'! I'm comin', already!

-This should be enough for anybody!

-MMM! FOOD!

Goodbye, Dr Farb. You were a crummy dentist, but you were a nice fella.

I never meant to kill anybody, and I've killed two in two days.

You asked for it, comin' at me with that knife, and all.

Bon voyage, Dr Farb. ..Want anything else?

IT BELCHES

See ya in the morning!

-Come in.

-It's me, Joe.

-How are ya, Frank? How's the wife, Frank?

-Not bad, Joe.

-Glad to hear it. The kids?

-Lost one yesterday.

-How?

-Playing with matches.

-Those are the breaks.

-Yeah.

-Strange one. Railroad people say they lost a detective the other night.

-Oh, yeah?

-Down by the yards.

-In refrigerator cars.

-Refrigerators?

-Ice thieves.

-How'd it happen?

-Don't know. Vanished, while on the tracks.

-Clues?

-None.

-Anything else?

-Dentist - Farb.

-Dead?

-Missing.

-Clues?

-Got an office.

-Where?

-Skid Row.

-Ideas?

-None.

-Check it out?

-Yeah.

'Now we were on the case - officer Frank Stoolie and me.

'My name is Fink - Sergeant Joe Fink.

'I'm a fink.'

Morning, Mr Mushnick! Oh, boy! Look at that!

-Hi, everybody! Oh, my gosh!

-Ain't it somethin'?!

It's...monstrositous!

-Yeah!

-And to think that YOU did it!

-Gee, Audrey, you don't have to kiss me!

-Don't you like me to kiss you?

-Yeah, but you don't like to kiss me.

-Why shouldn't I?

-Nobody else ever did!

-Well, I do like to.

-You do? you really do?

-You like to kiss me?!

-Sure!

-Would you like to kiss me again?

-OK!

That plant...

Oh, boy, you kiss good, Audrey!

-Well, I guess I just have a good kisser!

-How did it...it...?

-Like to go out on a date with me some night?

-When...?

-Sure I would! Any time!

-Tonight?

-OK!

-Oh, boy!

-About that plant...

We got the list! For the rose parade!

I can't talk to you, girls. Talk on Audrey.

-We got the list!

-Let's see it! OK!

-What's cookin'?

-Look at my plant!

-What a large one.

-Yeah!

Hello, Mrs Shiva. What's new?

-I got terrible news! My nephew Frankie just lost his little boy!

-That's too bad! How'd it happen?

-Playing with matches!

-Would you like to buy some flowers?

-About 50c worth.

-I'll get 'em! Look at my plant!

-I'm looking...

-Gravis Mushnick?

-That's my name.

-We want to ask you a few questions.

-Questions?

-A few questions.

-I didn't do it.

-Do what?

-Whatever.

-Ever see this man?

-Man...

-Why are you so nervous?

-Got a guilty conscience?

-No! Why should I?

-Ever seen this man?

-Dr Farb.

-So you know him.

-He's my dentist. He maybe did something?!

-Disappeared.

-Blood in his office.

-Another too. Blood on the rail tracks.

-Dr Farb is murdered?

-Is he?

-Who knows?! Not me!

-What do you think?

-He doesn't know anything.

-OK, Mushnick. If you hear anything about these men, call our office.

-Glad to co-operate with you!

-Hello, Aunt Siddie.

-Isn't it terrible what happened, Frankie?!

Those are the breaks.

All right, Seymour, now you tell me if that plant is finished growing!

-He's finished.

-You wouldn't kid your father?

-My father came home?

-ME, idiot! A finger of speech!

Now, look! I can't stand any more of that plant. It's growing me out of house and home.

-It won't any more. I promise.

-How can you be so sure?

-It ate three times already.

-Who, I mean, what did it eat this time?

-About a million Japanese beetles.

-So, it don't need no more?

-It's full!

-Gravis! There's a lady from some kind of a committance outside! I think it's important!

Excellent.

By the by, I understand you want to take Audrey out on a date tonight.

That is good with me, because I am staying to keep an eye on that meshugana plant!

-Where we gonna go tonight, Seymour?

-Oh, I just remembered, I don't have any money.

That's OK! We could take a walk along the ocean, or something.

-I got a great idea. We can eat dinner at my house. My mom's a great cook.

-Swell!

-I'll call her later and tell her.

-OK!

Oh, that's remarkable!

You like?

I neither like nor dislike anything! My goodness.

I happen to represent the Society of Silent Flower Observers of Southern California.

-How about that?!

-Tell me,

who created this magnificent bloom?

-I did. Me.

-Oh! And what might your name be?!

-Seymour Kreilboind, with a K.

-Kreilboind?

-Kreilboind.

-Raised it in a coffee can!

This... Well, tell me, Mr Kreilboind,

-is this a freak, or can more be raised?

-We should live so long(!)

-I don't think there will be any more, Miss...

-..Feuchtwanger. Mrs Hortense Feuchtwanger.

-This'll be the only one, Mrs Fishswinger.

-Feuchtwanger.

-Feuchtwanger?

It's probably indigestible anyway.

At any rate, I have the honour to tell you, Seymour Kreilboind,

that you have been selected to receive the annual trophy of the Society of Silent Flower Observers

-of Southern California.

-A trophy?!

-Such is justice(!)

-When will those large buds open?

-According to what the book says about the plants I crossed,

-the day after tomorrow, at sunset.

-Ah! Very well. I shall return at that time to present the trophy.

Good day.

Remarkable!

-Oh, boy, I'll get a trophy!

-Oh, Seymour, I'm so proud of you!

GIRLS: A real trophy! For Audrey Jnr!

Oh, boy!

Don't look at me! I'm a terrible sight! I'm a complete sea hag.

-She always says that.

-It's true.

-I haven't felt very well lately.

-This is my ma, Winifred Kreilboind.

-Ma, this is Audrey Fulquard. She's my girl!

-Hi. Are you hungry?

-Sure am! I could eat a hearse!

-Sit right down, and I'll go get the first course.

-Sit here, Audrey. Want me to take your sweater?

-Oh... Yeah...

Never mind that. Try this!

It tastes like cough syrup!

Dr Phlegm's cough syrup!

-A toast?

-To Audrey Jnr!

-No, to Audrey Snr!

You glutton, you!

Tonight, I keep an eye on you. I don't let nobody get near you!

Got soup. Don't touch it till I get a little flavouring.

Gee, Audrey, you sure look good by candlelight.

-Do I really, Seymour?

-Yeah!

There you are.

Now try it.

-Sure smells different!

-It IS different.

-Some kind of oil, isn't it?

-Cod liver oil! Wonderful for the colon!

And that's sulphur powder on the top.

FEED ME!

FEED ME-E-E!

I'm HUNGRY!

-Open, it is!

-FEED ME!

I didn't hear it!

-FEED ME!

-I heard it!

I WANT FOOD!

-A talking plant, we got.

-I'm HUNGRY!

No... Hungry?!

And other fine kettle of fish!

-Who would you like to have tonight?

-You look fat enough!

Not only a talking plant, but one that makes with smart cracks!

You listen to me, you botanical bum! Food you won't get! Not from Gravis Mushnick!

-I'm STARVED!

-Excellent!

You would unpopulate Skid Row!

Well, you can forget about it. You wouldn't get fed from Gravis Mushnick tonight!

Goodnight.

You'll get yours.

-I kinda like this chow mein!

-If it tastes a little bitter,

it's because it's made of Chinese herbs and flavoured with Epsom salts.

-Ain't another cook like my ma!

-That's what your old man said!

-If you're gonna be married, you gotta be a good cook.

-You can teach me!

-Thinkin' of gettin' married?

-Well, he hasn't asked me yet!

-Who?

-Seymour!

He's too young! A boy's got to go and play around a bit! Go out on the make, and have a ball!

-Ma, I don't wanna have a ball. I wanna be with Audrey.

-No, Seymour!

-You promised you wouldn't marry until you bought me an iron lung!

-You've been breathing for years!

It ain't easy! It ain't easy, son!

DOOR RATTLES

There's nobody here!

Black cats, Friday 13th, stupid superstitions!

-All right, you! Come out of there!

-Don't shoot, Mister!

I'm old and sick! I wouldn't hurt a fly.

Come out where I can see you.

-Come on!

-Please don't shoot.

-Please. I'm only Gravis Mushnick. Don't kill me. Where would you hide the body?

-I won't shoot you!

-Not unless you try something.

-Try something? I never tried anything in my life! Want money? Take it!

-Want me to steal you some more? I'll do it!

-Thank you very much!

I like your brand of hospitality.

-Excuse it isn't more. I'm only a poor florist.

-Yeah, yeah.

You got about 30 bucks here!

Come on, where's the rest of it?

-I was here today. I saw about 30,000 people in here. Where's the money?

-They came to see the plant!

-Audrey Jnr!

-The plant? 30,000 squares didn't just come in here to look at a plant! I want it!

-I don't got no more money! Please!

-OK, let's try this.

One, two, three,

-four...

-I ain't got no more money!

-All right. Other way round. Five,

four, three, two...

-All right! All right!

-OK, where?

In the plant.

-In the plant?

-The big plant, Audrey Jnr.

-Inside the big leaf.

-That's right.

How do you get it open?

Just knock.

In there? In there?

-Inside. In the bottom.

-I don't see anything.

Way inside.

Right at the bottom.

ARGH!

-Oi, what I did!

-BELCH

I don't care you got a date with Audrey tonight! I am no more sitting up with that no-good plant!

-But Mr Mushnick, you don't have to! It's all grown-up now!

-How do you know it don't be hungry no more?

-Because...

-Tonight, YOU stay! Then tomorrow, they give you a trophy,

-and after that, we are getting rid of that plant!

-Why?!

Don't ask why, why! The end! Into the garbage can! ALOHA!

..Yes, Mrs Shiva?

Oh, Seymour! Your wonderful plant!

-Oh, that's all right. I'll grow other plants even more wonderful.

-I know you will!

-Do you know what we'll do tonight?

-Going to a place full of beautiful flowers.

-We have to stay here!

-Yeah.

-Well, never mind.

-We'll have a picnic. It'll be like going to the country!

-Oh, boy!

Pink azaleas, for the arbour,

yellow ones, for the border. And the roses...

-You're going to a picnic at night with that Fulquard girl?

-Don't you like her?

-She's after your money.

-I don't HAVE any money!

-She's a smart one! She'll latch onto ya till ya get some, then goodbye, fortune!

-But Audrey's honest, Ma.

-Never trust a woman who's too healthy!

-But Audrey had a bad cold a few weeks ago.

-A cold? A puny cold!

Get a real female with something like

pneumonoconiosis, or gall stones?

-Maybe she could catch something!

-The only thing she'll catch is you!

And she'll take you to some shady sanatorium, and leave me to chiropractors and faith healers!

I know when I'm not wanted!

Aww, gee, Ma!

Don't feel sorry for me! I'll just find a nice, wet alley somewhere, and curl up and wait for the end.

Please don't die till I get back, Ma! I'll always take care of ya!

-I promise!

-Well...

-Bye!

-Gee, Audrey, I've never tasted food like this before.

-Peanut butter and jelly sandwich!

-What does it cure?

Nothing. It's just a food!

-What good is it if it doesn't clear up pimples or shrink your sinus tissues?

-You're just being silly!

-Seymour, what do you want to be?

-Well, I want to grow things.

I'd go to the South Seas,

-where they grow the most fabulous plants in the world.

-That sounds exciting!

-Yeah.

-I'd like that too!

-There's no reason why you couldn't go.

-Would you take me with you?

-I couldn't go without you!

-Why not?

-Because I'm in love with you, Audrey.

-Oh, I'm in love with you too, Seymour!

FEED ME!

-What did you say?

-I was kidding!

I'm HUNGRY!

-Seymour!

-I didn't mean it!

-Why did you say it?

-Oh, FOOD!

-You didn't even say that!

-Yes, I did.

-I'm looking right at you!

-Well, I'm a ventriloquist.

-You're what?

-A ventrilo...

-FEED ME!

-Seymour, do you feel all right?

-I don't know. I'm not sure.

-Then stop all this nonsense and kiss me!

I'm DYING FROM HUNGER!

-If you're so hungry, eat something, but forget about me!

-Sorry...

-GIVE ME TO EAT!

-If you can't control yourself, I'm going home.

-I NEED SOME CHOW!

Oh, MY EMPTY STOMACH!

-Audrey, please wait! Listen to me!

-I've listened to all the nonsense I wanna hear, Seymour!

-You're a nut! You tell me you love me, then you act like a complete idiot.

-Please listen.

-I'll be able to explain everything soon.

-Why can't you explain now?

Because many things are important! I wanna marry you! But I gotta take care of Mom.

That plant in there will make it come true. Tomorrow they'll give me a trophy and I'll be famous!

-I'll be a big botanist, and we'll go to the South Seas!

-It's nothing to do with what went on in there!

When you're ready to come to your senses, Seymour, I'll talk to you. Goodnight, Seymour.

I'm getting pretty tired of you!

-I NEED FOOD!

-I don't care. Look what ya done to me!

-You not only made a butcher outta me, you drove my girl away!

-SHUT UP, and bring on the FOOD!

Don't tell me to shut up! YOU shut up! Who raised you from seeds? Who fed ya those fertilisers,

and sat up with you when you were sick? You think anyone would have brought you human beings to eat?

Darn right, they wouldn't! I helped you, and you've helped me. Now shut your trap and sleep. I'm tired.

KREILBOIND! TURN AROUND!

Close your eyes.

You are asleep.

Open your eyes.

Now you will do as I say.

-Do you follow me?

-Yes, master.

-You will go out and find me some fo-o-od.

-Yes, master.

Now, be gone! And waste no time.

HORN BEEPS Idiot!

My name is Leonora Clyde.

How's the rain on the rhubarb?

Master is hungry.

Well, hello there.

I got to find food for master.

Food I got to find for master.

For master I got to find food.

Maybe I can help.

-Who are you?

-My name is Leonora Clyde. I love you.

Master wants food.

Let the old goat wait. The night is young. So are we.

Master doesn't eat goat.

Well, what kind of food does he like?

Oh!

That's more like it. Kiss me.

-What's the matter? Don't you like me?

-Too bony.

-Too bony? Nobody ever told me that before.

-Beef is better than veal.

Ah! You're such a dodo.

What do you call this? Chopped liver?

Mmm. SHE LAUGHS

Master would like more fat.

Speak for yourself, John.

My name is Seymour.

-My name is Seymour.

-That's my name, too.

Oh! Are you interested or are you just wasting my time?

-I never thought anybody would volunteer. Do you volunteer?

-Sure I do.

-All right. If you're sure you want to volunteer.

-All right.

-My place or yours?

-I don't care.

Well, flip a coin.

-I don't have a coin.

-Flip anything, silly.

Well, there's a rock.

-Wet or dry?

-Wet.

The search was narrowing and we knew that soon we'd have the killer.

Not that we had any more clues, but we had to tell the chief something.

I had a feeling in my bones that the mystery was drawing to its climax. And I was determined to be on hand.

Out, out, out! Nobody is in.

Today we have a special occasion for Seymour Kreilboind. I want everybody to stay out of the way.

We want Seymour! We want Seymour!

We want Seymour! ..Seymour!

THEY SCREAM

I tell you, this business is worse than being a conductor in a revoluting door!

-I'll be glad when this day is finished.

-But the celebration!

-They're presenting my son with a trophy.

-Did he run away from home?

-Please don't look at me that way, Audrey. I want to talk to you.

-I'm sorry. I don't understand you.

-I'll explain after the ceremony.

-Police? What are you doing here?

-Heard there was something going on.

-Thought we'd keep an eye on things.

-We don't need no eyes kept...

The Society Of Silent Flower Observers has arrived, and sunset is almost upon us.

Welcome, lady and gentlemen. We are honoured for to have you.

-Still working on the disappearances.

-We think they were murdered.

-Look, young man, that's no way to talk.

Let me see your tongue. Mm-hm.

-What you got?

-Just the facts, ma'am.

-Trench mouth.

-I know. I had it.

-Better have that looked into.

-Whatever you say, Joe.

Mr Kreilboind, the sun is going down now and...

you do think those buds are going to open?

-I hope so.

-Because if they don't, Mr Kreilboind, we shall just have to present the award at another time.

Oh, it's starting to open!

Oh, look at this bud!

-Isn't that...?

-The railroad cop. Look at the rest.

A-a-ah!

-What do you think, Frank?

-They're all there, Joe.

-Yes, you're right.

-Mr Kreilboind, how do you explain this?

-I didn't mean it.

-That's right, officer. He didn't mean to kill them.

-Oh!

-Seymour, you promised you'd explain.

-They're getting away, Joe.

Let's catch him!

-Oh, now the float will be perfect!

-Yeah.

You wouldn't find him here with the toilets. Let's go back.

You dirty rat plant. You messed up my whole life!

Feed me!

I'll feed you!

I'll feed you like you've never been fed before.

Best just to give up, gentlemen.

You wouldn't find him tonight.

Look, the door's open, Frank.

He was such a good boy.

Seymour!

I didn't mean it!