One Touch of Venus

# Don't look now

# But my heart is showing

# For Venus shines tonight

# The planet of love is bestowing

# Such a bright, romantic light

# I wonder whose body is glowing

# It's Venus smiling above

# The Goddess of Love must be knowing

# That our hearts are such

# We're needing her touch

# Earth is calling for falling in love

# Oh, the trouble

# The trouble with women

# It dates back to no-one knows when

# But from Timbuktu to Kalamazoo

# All the trouble with women is men. #

HE HUMS

HE BANGS LOUDLY

Hatch!

Mr Hatch!

HE MUMBLES

Mr Savory wants to see you.

Mr Savory?

Oh!

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Mr Crest.

You will be. Come on, get going.

Don't keep Mr Savory waiting.

No, sir.

He wants you to work in the art gallery.

Yes, sir. I'll get this done right now.

There we are.

Excuse me, I...

Oooh!

Hatch, get a move on!

There we are.

Now, see, it's all finished now, Mr Crest.

OOOWW!

Oh! Oh, I'm awfully sorry.

Did I hurt you?

Get going, Mr Hatch.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Eddie!

Eddie!

Oh, hi, Gloria.

I was just up to the model home exhibit.

They had the darlingest kitchen.

All electric. Push a button,

and you can cook without knowing how.

No! I'll see you later.

Where you going?

To the fine arts department.

Mr Savory wants me to do a special background.

Mr Savory! Did he pick you?

It's special work. Not everybody can do it.

If you make a good impression,

he might give you a better job.

Well, let's talk about it some other time.

Oh, Eddie,

you do want to get married, don't you?

Oh, of course, Gloria.

I'll...I'll see you later.

Oh, Mr Hatch.

Yes, sir?

Oh, hello, Joe.

Hello, Eddie. Gloria was just up here.

Yeah. I saw her.

Look at the model home. Gloria was crazy about it.

She would be. She's practically in her wedding veil.

One false move, and I'll be on my honeymoon.

Gloria's a wonderful girl, Eddie.

I know, but she's so one-track-minded.

Even when we have dinner, she only eats rice.

BELL RINGS

Holy mackerel! It's closing time.

Joe, I have to work late.

Will you take Gloria to Tony's?

Sure.

I'll get there soon.

And save me some Spumoni.

Closing time, ladies and gentlemen. I'm sorry.

You've been after this Venus statue a long time.

Ever since I opened the art gallery,

I've dreamed of adding the Anatolian Venus to my collection.

What did it cost?

Let's put it this way,

the store will not declare a dividend this year.

Must we talk dollars and cents

about this priceless piece?

The last price was 200,000.

200,000?! Wow!

Is someone going to fix those drapes?

Eddie Hatch. He'll be here soon.

He's been with us for eight years.

Is the statue for sale, Mr Savory?

Hello, Eddie.

Hello, Miss Grant.

Mr Savory sent for me.

He wants you to fix the drapes

in front of the statue.

It jams when the cord's pulled. Is that all?

That's all for now.

Hurry it up, will you?

Miss Grant, may I have one, please?

Oh, certainly. Wait a minute. The good side.

HE HUMS

To Venus, the Goddess of Love.

May she take care of all of us.

To Venus.

< Whitfield, darling!

Hello, Barbara.

What is this about an eligible bachelor

falling in love with a statue?

Perhaps, my dear, she reminds me of you.

Yeah. They both have large pedestals.

Whitfield, you remember my daughter Brenda?

Not little Brenda?

You've, um, grown, Brenda.

Hatch is waiting, chief.

He finished the drapes.

Oh, er, excuse me.

Whitfield hasn't seen Brenda since she was a child.

He used to bounce her on his knee.

Well, I've been his secretary for ten years

and haven't made it yet(!)

Pardon me.

Now we'll see if it works easily.

You see? It jams there.

Yes, sir.

I don't know what could've happened to it.

I want that material to go up smoothly

to reveal the statue dramatically.

I don't want to have to fumble with that rope.

I'll take care of it, sir.

Hurry up.

Yes, sir.

Oh, er, Mr Savory.

Uh, you forgot your, er...

Ahh.

Golly, you're beautiful.

THUNDER ROLLS

HE HUMS

Please. How can I fix this if you don't stand still?

HE CONTINUES TO HUM

Oh, I'm all right.

I'm all right.

Just a little overworked maybe,

but I'm all right.

You're moving!

SHE SIGHS

Was it you who kissed me?

You're talking!

You're alive!

Of course I'm alive.

What did you think I was?

Well, I'm not very bright.

I thought you were a statue.

Excuse, er...

Brandy! Smelling salts!

Spirits of ammonia!

Poor mortal. Are you frightened?

Frightened?

I don't know the meaning of the word.

Why, you darling.

You are frightened.

Well, just from the toes up.

Come here.

Come here to me,

close to me.

Oh, he's wonderful.

Thank you, Jupiter.

There. That's better.

What? How did I get out here?

I brought you out for fresh air.

Oh. Oh, thanks.

I guess I fainted, didn't I?

I...I was working on the draperies

around the statue,

and all of a sudden,

I had the strangest feeling,

some kind of a delirium.

I dreamed that the statue came to life.

It spoke to me. Isn't that silly?

How do you feel now?

Oh, I feel much better.

Just rest. Mmm.

There. Isn't that nice?

Oh, that's wonderful.

Oh, I, er...

excuse me, but I...

get back to my dra...

It was you!

The statue!

Of course.

You came to life.

Don't ask questions. You'll only get confused.

Get confused?

I'm spinning like a merry-go-round.

Look...

Look, let's get this straight.

Just a few minutes ago,

you were cold marble.

Yes, you were. I could feel you.

Please!

And now you're...

And now?

Don't come near me. I'll scream.

Oh, aren't you ashamed?

A big boy like you scared of a girl.

But you're not a girl. You're a statue.

Are you a betting man?

Well...

You WERE a statue.

Oh, look, I don't understand any of this.

Who are you?

I am Venus - daughter of Jupiter, Goddess of Love.

I'm very glad to know you.

My name is Hatch. Eddie Hatch, display...

Goddess of what?

Love.

The word seems to displease you.

No, your Majesty, it's just that...

Call me Venus.

Venus.

Could I go now?

You don't want to stay here with me

in the moonlight

alone?

If you won't think it's impertinent,

frankly, no.

See, er, excuse me.

Some friends of mine

are waiting for me for dinner at Tony's.

They might be worried about me.

Sounds charming. I will go with you.

Oh, no. You wouldn't like it.

They don't cater very much to goddesses.

Well, see you around.

Venus started the Trojan war with "I love you."

LAUGHTER

Some of you may recall the myth

that Jupiter once breathed life

into the chiselled perfection of this masterpiece,

but in the 20th century,

that's not worthwhile discussing.

In fact, the beauty of face and form

which I'm about to reveal

is such that the 20th century

would seem a little unworthy.

Oh, what a nice man.

Yeah. That's Mr Savory.

He's my boss.

He owns the store.

SAVORY: As some of you may know...

There's isn't going to be any statue there.

You're the statue.

But what about Mr Savory?

He left me in charge.

He's going to think I'm responsible.

But no words of mine can do justice

to what I want you now to behold.

My good friends, lovers of art,

the matchless Anatolian Venus.

LAUGHTER

Well, you're just full of surprises.

It's gone.

My statue, it's not here.

This isn't a gag?

Gag? It's been stolen.

Hatch. Hatch!

That's me.

Hatch!

Hatch!

Hatch!

Where's that idiot window trimmer?

Don't be afraid.

You're above mere mortals

like this department store owner.

You're now under the protection of the Olympian gods.

Yeah? Well, supposing he fires me?

What are you going to do,

make me patron saint of the window trimmers?

Shh! They'll hear you.

Mr Savory's timing is off today.

The cart before the horse, so to speak.

I'll let you know when the horse gets back.

We'll have another unveiling.

I'm sorry you made this trip for nothing.

Molly! Coming, sire.

Bye, Shirley.

Call the Kerrigan Detective Agency.

I want their best men.

All right.

No. Mr Kerrigan personally.

It shall be done.

Years of work, endless patient search, fabulous expense,

then it's gone.

Want to advertise a reward for Eddie Hatch?

Not for him.

Just for his head on a pikestaff.

Be reasonable.

You don't think Eddie took that statue?

When I left him, it was on that pedestal.

I hold him responsible.

Hallelujah.

Well, that's that.

Oh, you think so?

Didn't you hear Mr Savory?

He holds me responsible.

What if he takes the price of the statue

out of my pay? Huh?

200,000, and I make 43.75 a week.

Why, that's...

let's see. That's...

87 years.

The twinkling of an eye.

And besides, I shall wait a hundred, a thousand if necessary.

No. You've gotten me into enough trouble.

Just get back up on your pedestal

and leave me alone.

You do not want me?

You're turning me away?

Very well. Go.

Go to your friends.

Oh, I will,

but, er, what about you?

You can't stay out here on the balcony.

You'll freeze in that, er...

in what you're wearing.

I'll be all right.

Why don't you go inside,

get up on your nice, warm pedestal.

I'll stay here.

Well, all right, if that's what you want.

Good night.

Say, Gloria, Eddie may be a long time.

You better eat something.

I can't. I'm too nervous.

I can't wait to find out what's happened.

I bet Mr Savory put Eddie in charge

of window dressing in the store.

Eddie has wonderful ideas.

He didn't get his diploma from correspondence school for nothing.

He's pretty smart, all right.

Joe, you ought to be a success, too.

You work hard.

Someday Mr Savory will notice you,

and you'll get a promotion, too.

Remember, stay in there pitching. You'll get ahead.

I don't know, Gloria.

You do want to be a success, don't you?

Yeah, but...

JOE: Hey, Eddie. Over here.

What happened?

We bet you'd gotten lost or something.

How was the unveiling?

It was awful. The statue disappeared.

I mean Mr Savory thinks it disappeared.

But you weren't responsible, were you?

Who, me?

What's wrong, Eddie?

What's my name?

Tell me! What's my name?

Eddie Hatch.

Oh, that's right. Eddie Hatch.

My name is Eddie Hatch.

I work in the display department

at Savory's department store.

See? I know my name and where I work.

I'm sane!

I'm as sane as anybody.

Of course you're sane, Eddie.

Naturally. Isn't he, Gloria?

I don't know. What happened to this statue?

How did you get mixed up in it?

I don't know. I mean I'm not sure.

Anyway, Mr Savory holds me responsible.

I heard him say so.

But how did it disappear?

A statue doesn't just get up and walk away.

That's right.

Well, it's ridiculous.

I've got nothing to worry about.

I'm in good shape.

Oh! Eddie!

You're in great shape(!)

Your name Hatch?

That's me. Why?

Got to ask you a lot of questions, Hatch.

What's all this?

Police!

Where are you taking him?

Back to the store.

Mr Savory wants to see him

about a little 200,000 statue

that climbed down and walked away.

That's right! How did you know?

Come on.

See you later, Gloria.

See you later, Joe.

So long, Eddie.

Come here to me.

Come close to me.

Ohh...

OK, OK, go on.

But I've already done it a hundred times.

Go on. Go on. Show me from the start.

Oh, for heaven's sakes.

I was here.

Show me again.

How can I fix this if you don't stand still?

Then all of a sudden, I was down here.

You're talking!

You're alive!

Of course I'm alive.

Then - oh! Then I was here.

He's still sticking to that story.

He'll crack.

I've dealt with clever shoplifters before.

Pretty clever.

He pretended a 1,000-pound statue

was an elk's tooth

and just wore it out.

I know he had help.

Probably a couple of elves.

I've got one accomplice lined up.

He had access. He's the ringleader.

Lay off. Hatch couldn't be leader

in ring around the roses.

I'm paying Kerrigan to be the detective.

Buy him some badge polish

and send him home.

Anyone can tell this boy isn't a thief.

Come on, Eddie.

I'll catch you some flies,

and you can pull their wings off.

Go home. Get some rest.

Come here to me.

Come close to me.

Take it easy, Eddie.

I might take you up on that...later.

He's plenty smart, but I'll keep my eye on him.

Pulse is OK.

Let's see now.

Oh...

Temperature's normal.

See, Eddie? You're all right.

Don't pay any attention to that crooked thermometer.

I must have a fever.

Nonsense. You're just upset.

With that Savory and that Dopey detective and...

Oh, I'm so sick.

I'll run a bath for you.

We'll go to Tony's

and get Eddie some nourishing soup.

Minestrone... your favourite.

You didn't have any dinner.

Oh, yeah. I must be weak from hunger.

We'll be right back. Come on, Gloria.

Don't let the water run over.

You...you're talking.

You're alive.

Come to me. Come close to me.

Oh, no!

What are you doing here?

You can't come in. Please.

Why not?

Because my girl's coming right back.

She's very jealous, you know.

Oh, she's like a wildcat when she gets angry.

She's eight feet tall,

and she's got very sharp fingernails.

What can she do to me?

I don't know, but she can do plenty to ME.

Please go away?

You sound hen-pecked.

I'll bet she runs your life like an assembly line.

And how. Why, even...

Nothing of the sort!

She's sweet. She's a very nice girl.

I'm a very nice girl.

Aw, please, please be reasonable, Miss Venus.

I'm not worth bothering about.

I'm not famous. I'm not rich.

I'm not even very bright.

I'm NOT bright.

In fact, there's insanity in my family,

starting with me TONIGHT.

I'm crazy!

Oh, you must have me mixed up with somebody else.

I'm just a good-for-nothing window trimmer.

You can be anything you want to be.

Can I be alone?

I'll leave if you'll go with me.

Oh, no. Please go away.

My landlady wouldn't understand.

She's got a rule.

Against me?

No. About girls being with boys.

Why, there's even a law against it.

PHONE RINGS

Oh, is this your landlady?

Oh, no, no, no.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Gloria.

I was just talking about you.

Uh, that is, er... to myself.

I had a quite a little chat. Me and...and me.

He's talking to himself.

Oh, that's bad.

Look, darling, keep calm.

They're all out of minestrone.

You could have either noodle or spinach.

Uh...noodle or spinach.

Uh, noodle. Spinach.

Noodle. Spinach.

Noodle. Don't bother me!

Who's bothering you?

I'm only trying to help!

Huh? But what do you mean?

I'd be glad to leave you alone!

Gloria!

I heard a woman!

Not in our room.

Well, it wasn't the zoo!

Wait!

I've had enough of this.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Who...who is it?

< It's me. I want to come in.

(It's my landlady.

(Uh, over here.)

KNOCK AT DOOR

Oh, that's no good.

Over here.

< Mr Hatch.

< Mr Hatch!

One moment, Mrs Gogerty.

Mr Hatch.

KNOCK AT DOOR

< Open up this very instant!

Coming, Mrs Gogerty! Coming!

KNOCK AT DOOR

Miss Venus? (Where are you?)

(Here I am. She'll never find me here.)

Aah!

KNOCK AT DOOR

Oh, not in here.

Quick, get up, please. Hurry.

Get behind the screen.

Don't say a word.

I'm coming in, Mr Hatch.

Oh, of course, Mrs Gogerty.

You've got a woman in this room.

Why, what an idea!

You know the rules.

You've got to both get out.

What's behind that screen?

Dirty dishes.

Kindly remove it.

Oh, I had to give her a square meal.

I said to myself,

"Mrs Gogerty, with her kind heart..."

There. You see?

There's nobody here.

Oh, Mrs Gogerty, there's nothing in there

but a sink and a tub.

Uh...

Oh!

So you take them, too?

What?

I adore bubble baths.

I take them all the time,

especially those ones with the lovely jasmine smell.

Mmm. Odour of Pine Tar.

My husband uses that.

Sorry to disturb you,

but one can't be too careful these days.

Well, good night, Mrs Gogerty.

Good night. Good night.

Love that smell.

Yes. Good night.

Miss Venus?

Your Majesty?

Miss Venus!

Here I am. Is she gone?

Oh! Get out of there, quick!

Oh, no! Wait a minute!

And get dressed in a hurry.

KNOCK AT DOOR

GLORIA: Open the door!

Eddie wouldn't do anything like that to you.

And get away with it.

(Hurry. Hurry!)

KNOCK AT DOOR

Come and get your soup!

It's hot!

(Hurr.. Oh!)

Did I help?

(Shhh! Yes, Yes. You were wonderful. Come on.)

KNOCK AT DOOR

Eddie! Open the door!

See, Gloria? There's no woman here.

There's no Eddie either.

That phony,

pretending he's sick just to get rid of me.

Wait till the next time I see him.

He won't have to pretend.

Oh.

Gloria, there wouldn't be anybody in there.

Oh...

Moonlight Madness?

40 an ounce. Smell.

It's worth it.

Worth it?

Oh, now, wait a minute!

Oh, Gloria.

Now, take it easy.

I chase around, worrying about his health, and...

he just chases around. Oh, you don't understand.

A lot of things could have happened.

Eddie... (Shh! quiet!

(You want the watchman to hear us?)

He won't bother us.

(He certainly will.

(Don't you realise I'm breaking into the store?)

(I'll turn him into an owl.)

(A what?)

(An owl.)

(I just go like that, and he's an owl.)

(Oh, come on.)

SHE GIGGLES

(Excuse me.)

HE RATTLES DOORKNOB

Aah.

(It's locked.

(Now what am I going to do?

(Well, haven't you got any ideas?

(Look, it's late.

(You've got to have someplace to stay.

(Don't you ever want to go to sleep?)

Mm-hmm.

You see? I trust you, Eddie.

< FOOTSTEPS

SHE GIGGLES

Shh!

Come on.

What's wrong now?

Aren't you going to carry me over the threshold?

Why do you keep acting

as if we were on our honeymoon?

Oh, all right.

You stay here tonight.

You'll be nice and comfortable.

I'll get you out in the morning.

Oh, it's lovely.

Well, this is the very latest thing.

Everything is operated through this master control.

There's the radio and the bed

and the air conditioning and the kitchen.

Show me how it works.

I'll turn on the radio.

We'll have to wait a little while,

you know, for it to warm up.

The beds.

I must have pushed the wrong button.

Well, I did.

It was marked "radio."

Here. We'll try this one.

Now it should work.

Oh, I...er...

There must be a short circuit someplace.

You know, it's getting late.

You better be getting some sleep.

But I'm wide-awake.

Oh, no, you're not.

You're sleepy.

You're very sleepy.

Close your eyes.

You want to sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

Oh! That's no good.

I'm hypnotizing myself.

Oh, Eddie, you're so cute.

I'm not cute.

Why, I'm a beast.

I'm terrible when you get to know me.

Ask Gloria.

No, no. Don't ask Gloria.

Oh, why are you messing up my life?

I was a dependable, respectable citizen until tonight.

Were you having any fun?

That's all you think about is fun.

That's all right for you,

flying around on Mount Olympus -

or wherever you come from -

without a care in the world,

but down here it's different.

We're practical and efficient.

Why, we've perfected a machine here...

What have I done?

You kissed me.

You made me do that.

That's not fair. You tricked me.

You used some kind of spell.

No, Eddie.

I wouldn't do that.

You mean I wanted to?

I hope so.

Well, as I was saying, the, er...

er, er...

There's another button here

that, er...

Turns on the automatic stove.

Yes, you can cook a whole meal by remote control

just by...

by pushing that button.

How do you fall in love?

In love?

To the music of harps and flutes?

Flutes?

FLUTE MUSIC PLAYS

So that's how you fall in love.

# Speak low

# When you speak love

# Our summer day

# Withers away

# Too soon

# Too soon

# Speak low

# When you speak love

# Our moment is swift

# Life ships adrift

# We're swept apart too soon.

# 'Speak low

# 'Darling, speak low

# 'Love's a spark

# 'Lost in the dark

# 'Too soon

# 'Too soon

# 'I feel

# 'Wherever I go

# 'That tomorrow is near

# 'Tomorrow is here

# 'And always too soon

# 'Time is old

# 'And love so brief

# 'Love is pure gold

# 'And time will keep.'

# We're late

# Darling, we're late

# The curtain descends

# Everything ends

# Too soon

# Too soon

# I wait

# Darling

# I wait

# Will you speak low

# To me?

# Speak low

# When you speak love

# Our summer day

# Withers away

# Too soon

# Too soon

# Speak low

# When you speak love

# Our moment is swift

# Like ships adrift

# We're swept apart

# Too soon

# Speak low

# Darling, speak low

# Love is a spark

# Lost in the dark

# Too soon

# Too soon...

# Time is old

# And love so brief

# Love is pure gold

# 'And time will keep'

# We're late

# Darling

# We're late

# 'The curtain descends

# 'Everything ends

# 'Too soon

# 'Too soon'

# I wait

# Darling

# I wait

# Will you speak low

# Will you speak love

# To me? #

Sunday papers here.

Get your Sunday morning paper.

Get your Sunday papers here.

Papers...

DOORBELL CHIMES

Hello, Stammers.

Where's the Great-White-Father?

Oh, he's with a detective

in the bedroom, Miss.

He'll find plenty of clues in there.

Hi, gumshoe.

Your handcuffs are showing.

Open up, sire.

Come on in, Molly.

Try every school and university in Europe.

The guy I want's an old professor named Ludivici Fisoli.

I met him once in Prague.

Oh, he must be 90 if he's alive.

He's the author of a famous volume

called The Strange Legends And Myths

Surrounding The Anatolian Venus.

What do I care what it costs?

I want action on this.

Right. Keep in touch.

Had a chat with Kerrigan.

He's been looking into Hatch's background.

How'd you sleep last night?

Not a wink.

I didn't think so.

At least it took your mind off cold marble.

What's that supposed to mean?

The little bundle tucked away in the model home.

She should be a sensation

during January clearance sales.

What are you talking about?

I've got to hand it to you.

She's an eyeful.

There's a girl downstairs?

Look, this is Molly.

Wh...who is she?

Somebody I know?

Yeah, Goldilocks.

She ate the porridge,

and now she snoozes under the model sheets

on the model bed in the model home.

We'll see about that.

I'm not running a motel for homeless girls.

DOOR OPENS

Hey, boss, wait for me.

It's no fire, boss.

Just a simple old-fashioned eviction.

She'll still be there.

Only long enough for me to throw her out.

The idea of a woman breaking into Savory's.

So unnecessary.

But what do we...

Shh...

Molly...

that girl, she...

she reminds me of someone.

Yeah?

I wish she reminded me of me.

She's the most beautiful creature I've ever seen.

Molly, I've always been able to count on you.

This time you must not fail me.

On your honour?

Don't wake her.

When she does get up,

her dreams must come true.

Get flowers,

clothes, jewellery,

everything.

Promise me.

I'll be right back.

DOOR OPENS

Good morning.

Oh, hello, Joe.

Where are you going so early?

Out.

Hey, Eddie, what happened last night?

When Gloria and I came back, you were gone.

Where'd you go?

Look, Joe,

there's something I got to talk to you about.

You're my best friend, aren't you?

Well, I'm not so sure.

Well, I can trust you, can't I, Joe?

Look, Eddie...

there's something you've just got to know.

It's Gloria.

Yeah, it's Gloria.

But it... it was the music or something.

Yeah, the music.

It..it did something to you.

All of a sudden for no reason,

you found yourself kissing her.

Yeah, that's right.

But remember, it wasn't her fault.

Oh, yes, it was, Joe.

She does something to you.

She sure does.

Thanks, Joe. You're a pal.

You understand.

You won't tell Gloria anything about it, will you?

Me?

Gloria?

Understand what?

About my kissing the statue.

She wouldn't understand.

Eddie, you kissed a statue?

Yeah, well,

she wasn't a statue then.

Who wasn't?

Venus, of course.

She was here taking a bubble bath.

You gave a statue a bubble bath?

No, she took it herself.

Look, Eddie, I think your fever's coming back.

I've got to get back to the model home

and get her out of bed.

Don't worry about having me come down, Miss Grant.

I don't mind.

Oh, he'd get the sultan out of bed.

Well, I guess these rags are the gladdest.

I hope you won't get into trouble doing things for me.

He told me to give you anything you need.

From where I stand, you don't need a thing.

The funniest thing happened to me last night.

Me, too. I was out with someone.

Oh, your sweetheart?

Oh, no.

That's what's so funny.

He was just a friend.

But...

all of a sudden...

he was the right one.

I just meet the wrong ones.

Oh.

I just can't figure it out.

One day you're out with someone

who isn't anybody special,

and then...

he makes you feel like everybody else is...

Well...

Nobody.

# You know the way you feel

# When there is autumn in the air

# That's him

# That's him

# The way you feel when Antoine

# Has finished with your hair

# That's him. #

That's him.

# You know the way you feel #

# When you smell fresh bread baking. #

The way you feel

when, oh, your aching back stops aching.

# Wonderful world

# Wonderful you

# That's him. #

That's him.

That's him.

# He's simple as a breeze that blows #

# In summer. #

He's natural,

not actory.

He's like a plumber

when you need a plumber.

GLORIA SIGHS

ALL: # He's satisfactory

# You know the way you feel at movies

# When the lights grow dimmer. #

The way you feel when overnight

your hips grow slimmer.

ALL: # Wonderful world

# Wonderful you. #

Say...

say Paree.

Say New York.

Savory.

# In the darkest caves and hallways

# I would know him always

# Cos I would see

# That he's the one for me

# How could I pass by him

# When I'd identify him

# So easily? #

Because...

that's he.

# You know the way you feel about

# The Rhapsody In Blue #

His eyes are blue.

His eyes are brown.

His are on the town.

The way you feel about a hat

created just for you.

That's him.

That's him.

# He's Christmas. #

He's caviar.

# He's a coke with cherry. #

Let's face it, girls.

He's a man.

ALL: # He's necessary

# Wonderful world

# Wonderful you

VENUS: # That's him

# That's him... #

ALL: That's him!

That's that.

Oops. No shoes.

OK, my little quarterback,

you're still carrying the ball.

Shoe department, size four and a half.

Four and a half?

Ridiculous.

Well, the stage is set.

I'll go get Romeo.

Hey, Eddie!

Shh.

Look, look, Eddie,

I don't really think you're...

well, crazy or anything.

I...I just think you're a little overworked.

I'll be all right.

Just as soon as I can get her out.

Why'd you bring a girl here?

I don't know the answer.

You're my pal, aren't you?

Yeah.

If anybody comes, you be my lookout.

Give me a whistle or something.

Look, Eddie...

Venus?

Your Majesty?

Venus?

Where are yo...

This is no time for games.

Of all the dresses you gave me,

I like this one the best.

Dresses? I gave you?

You don't like it?

Of course not.

I'll be fired.

Take it off.

I'm in enough trouble alrea...

< JOE WHISTLES

Take it off?

Hi, Gloria. Where are you going?

To the model home.

Come on.

You've got to...

What are you doing?

< JOE WHISTLES

Wh...what are you doing?

You didn't like it.

Oh, I love it.

Put it on and get out.

< JOE WHISTLES

No.

Hurry! Hurry!

I want to please you.

Oh, you can please me. Just get out.

Do you like this one?

I love it. It's beautiful.

Now, get in there, get dressed,

and don't come out until I call you.

Oh, Eddie,

are you sure you're going to like this one?

Oh, I'm crazy about it.

I'm nuts about it.

You, er, look awfully nice, Gloria.

HE WHISTLES

Thanks, Joe.

You look, er... neat.

Yep.

Real neat.

HE WHISTLES

Look, Joe, do you want to...

SHE WHISTLES

..or do you want to talk to me?

BANGING >

Is that Eddie?

Eddie? Oh, yeah.

That's Eddie. Eddie Hatch.

In there with that girl?

Girl?

There's no girl in there.

Eddie's in there alone.

Eddie's working.

Yep.

Just...working away.

I'll bet.

BANGING >

HE HUMS

Where did she go?

Oh, hello, Gloria.

Where did who go?

Never mind her.

Where did you go?

You look wonderful today, honey.

I like your hair.

You're going to wear your hair short

if you don't explain what happened last night.

Last night? Oh, last night.

Oh, you mean, er, er,

when I left while you were out getting soup?

What soup did you get, honey?

Noodle and spinach.

I didn't want your guest to be disappointed.

Oh, now, Gloria...

if I run into her, she'll wish she hadn't had any spinach.

If you think for one minute

you're going to make a fool of me...

Now, don't get upset. It's not good for you.

I suppose it's good to be stood up

by a two-timing chiseller.

Why, for two cents I'd hit you...

That's breakable. Oh, so is your head.

Gloria! Gloria, please!

Everything here is charged to me.

Let go! Let go!

I never want to see you again, Eddie Hatch!

You can go wherever you please!

Oh, Gloria, wait a minute!

I didn't mean anything by...

Do whatever you want!

I HATE you!

Hey, Eddie!

Eddie, give me the vase.

I think she's mad!

Hey, you're just that guy I'm looking for.

Oh, good morning, Mr Kerrigan.

The strangest thing just...

Yeah, I've got a warrant for your arrest.

Huh?

Mr Big.

Oh, I'm through with him.

Oh, cheer up, Gloria.

You and Eddie will be making up again.

What do you want to bet?

No more dates with him!

There are plenty of other fish in the sea.

Gloria!

Your...

Gloria, your shoe.

You know...

Gloria, if you...

ever need anything...

You can always count on me.

Thanks, Joe.

Well, I'll be seeing you.

When?

We'll see.

See ya.

See ya.

Say, maybe he's in the basement.

We'll give this floor the once-over. Come on.

Well, he ain't in here.

Come on.

Peekaboo, Hatch.

Cover the employees' entrance.

Pardon me.

Uh, we haven't met.

That is, you haven't met me,

but my name's Whitfield Savory II.

The same name as this establishment.

I AM this establishment.

Did you sleep well?

Yes, beautifully, thank you.

Yes, beautifully.

Uh, and the clothes?

Oh, divine.

A mere trifle. Take the whole store.

You can set fire to it if it amuses you.

You are generous, Mr Savory.

Call me Whitfield.

My car's waiting. Shall we go?

We?

I've arranged everything...

lunch at the Mum and Quiet Club,

then to Montauk Point for a candlelight dinner

at the Sand and Surf Yacht Club,

then a moonlit ride to the Adirondacks,

and breakfast at the Crop and Spur Club.

I don't think Eddie would approve.

Eddie? What Eddie?

Eddie Hatch, of course.

Hatch?

Yes. Last night he brought me here.

This morning he surprised me with all these clothes.

Hatch. That clerk?

That 40-a-week window dresser?

FOOTSTEPS

Eddie!

Eddie, where have you been?

Still trying to duck me?

I got questions for you.

Don't blame her. It's my fault.

Have you got the warrant?

Right here, Mr Savory.

Add these charges,

breaking into Savory's and stealing clothes.

Well...well, look,

if you'll just let her go,

I'll pay for everything.

Out of your 40 a week?

43.75!

Come on. One moment.

Does this document give you the right

to put Eddie in jail?

It does.

May I see it, please?

Don't worry about me.

Oh, it's very interesting.

What the...?

I thought you were a big boy now.

Darling, come on.

Wait. Wait.

I'll turn him into an owl.

I don't even understand it.

I don't know who...

whoo whoo.

What are you doing?

Arrest that man. Get going.

Oh, no. No, don't. Don't.

Stop it. Please. Stop it. Go on.

Don't stand there like a dummy. >

Whoo whoo whoo whoo.

Whoo whoo whoo whoo.

Whoo.

What's the matter with you?

I just had a funny feeling,

like I was going to lay an egg.

Got to get out of here - fast!

Wait a minute.

Why am I running away?

I'm not a criminal.

Course you're not.

But that detective thinks I stole the statue,

and Mr Savory accuses me of stealing your clothes,

Gloria's mad at me, Joe thinks I'm crazy,

I'm going to jail and losing my job, all because...

You kissed a statue.

Yeah.

That champagne made me do it.

I'm going to tell them the truth.

You did and they didn't believe you.

Oh, yeah.

You could be my witness.

That's it. You could explain it all to them,

the paper dolls and everything.

Mr Savory will believe me,

and he won't think I'm a criminal.

Perhaps I could persuade Mr Savory.

Oh, no. One of the girls told me all about him.

Did he ask you for a date?

Mm-hmm.

Now, look, your Majesty.

You are the Goddess of Love.

You belong on a pedestal

where people can see you and admire you!

Lots of people, thousands of people.

You want me to go back.

Will you?

I didn't think it was time.

Oh, there couldn't be a better time.

Ah, gee, it sure is swell of you, Miss Venus.

I really appreciate it, too.

Now my life will be just like it was before.

Sensible, orderly, and practical,

and I'll make up with Gloria.

Yup, just like it was before.

HE HUMS

Well...

Er...

will you be happy, er, that is, where you're going?

Oh, we worry a lot about you mortals.

What's it like, hmm?

Uh, have you got big cities like this,

places to go, movies and parks and things?

Gee, it's a shame you didn't get to see everything.

I could at least have taken you to the park.

I've caused you enough trouble already.

Trouble?

What do you mean?

We could see the park if we wanted to.

You don't really want to.

Of course I do.

I know my own mind.

Right now I want to take you to the park.

But I ask you, Molly,

even giving myself the worst of it,

what's this window trimmer got

that I haven't got?

To mention just one thing,

the girl you want.

I can offer her anything she wants,

anything that money can buy.

You did. It wasn't enough.

It doesn't make sense.

"Try to reason about love, and you'll lose your reason."

Old French proverb.

Well, I'm not through yet.

This is a challenge.

When I want something, I get it.

Not this time, I've got a feeling.

For everybody, there's bound to be one thing,

one person that's unattainable.

Well, not for me.

OK, Lord-and-Master.

Whoo hoo hoo...

Whooo...

I love your park, Eddie.

It seems more beautiful tonight

than it ever has.

THEY SING

# If this place is love

# Why didn't somebody tell me?

# Don't look now

# But my heart is showing

# No matter what I say or do

# Can't hide it