The Naughty Room

This film contains very strong language

'I hated parties cos they were always full of people trying to have fun.'

Some parents do, I think, have kids before, like,

really thinking about it.

It's like... Fucking shock.

They weren't fucking ready for their fucking massive life change.

And they're fucking torn between their kid,

like loving him, and sort of having a grudge against it

because that kid is the reason why they don't have a life any more.

Yeah.

But all the kid's done is fucking got born and fucking eat

-and shit and cry.

-SNORTS

It's like my phone. I got a contract,

I was happy with my contract,

just like how a parent starts out happy with their kid.

But then I realised I wasn't getting a very good deal. £20 a month,

seeing as I'm skint, is quite a lot.

But by that point, it was too late. I signed a contract, 18 months. I have to go through with it.

I start ringing up Orange customer services daily, giving them shit,

saying this doesn't work and that doesn't work, lying to them,

kept going for weeks and weeks,

and after a while, they feel sorry for me.

And then, they give me all this free stuff, free minutes and everything.

Brilliant.

Orange giving you extra minutes

is the equivalent to a kid acting up, being a little fuck,

and in return doing the fucking dishes to make up for it?!

Yeah, but my kid didn't do anything wrong,

it was just doing what it said on the contract,

which I didn't fucking read.

The stuff I told them was bullshit,

made up so I could have more minutes and a fucking easier time.

Basically...

Just like a parent may be shouting at his kid to shut the fuck up because he wants an easier time.

-Basically...

-The real fucking problem was my contract

and if I didn't fucking like that...

-You shouldn't have fucking signed it.

-You, with your contract,

it explains all the information about that contract.

But you just didn't read it.

But with parents...

...like they don't have a contract.

'My name is Subaru.'

'And my story begins

'on one of many hungover mornings, I suppose.'

'That's my Mum's shit garden.'

'Yeah, this is just me, you know, on a regular day.

'Coco Pops, and smoking a joint.'

KNOCK ON DOOR

'Tom-Tom is what I like to call a functioning addict.

'He liked to get wrecked as much as I did, but at the same time,

'he had a fit girlfriend and a job.

'Could never get my head round it, personally.'

Urgh... Oh!

-You seen my fucking phone?

-No. Why?

-Fuck sake!

-It's got my fucking fucking photos on it.

-You and Becky?

She don't know I fucking took half of them.

-So yeah, I'm fucking working with my uncle now.

-The Eagle?

He had a fucking stroke and so he's now in a wheelchair

so he can't like do anything himself, really.

He just asked me if I'd give him a hand and I said yeah.

I could have a word with Paul, get you a fucking job, sort you out.

He'd definitely give you one. He IS the owner.

-I ain't working at the fucking Eagle.

-You're so fucking up yourself.

-No, I'm fucking not.

-There's no other reason apart from you think you're better than it.

Tom-Tom, stop being such a little bitch. You know what I mean.

Good on you for being less...

proud than me, making a start and shit.

-It would fucking kill me, mate. I wouldn't be up for it. Sorry, mate.

-Don't apologise!

We wouldn't want King Subaru walking round here with us fucking commoners, would we?

-Even if he does still live with his fucking mum.

-It's just not for me, mate.

Subaru, you haven't done fucking anything since we fucking left school, mate.

Apart from get fucking wrecked. You know what you fucking need to do?

You know what you need to fucking do?

Skin up, spark up, hurry up. Come on. Get on with it.

-You get me some free shit?

-You want booze?

I got up to my fucking elbow in your mum last night.

-# Your man can't do what I can do! #

-When was the last time you got laid?

# Well, I'm RedFoo with the big ass 'fro, never wear lenses in my glasses, yo!

-I told you, last night, with your mum.

-# Mix it with the Bull if you wanna get loose! #

Shoot it. Shoot it.

BOTH: Smoking weed.

Morning, Mrs Kennedy.

Fuck!

Fucking help, you ugly cunt!

We're playing PlayStation. Fucking...sit normally.

You look like you're trying to look relaxed.

I'm not relaxed.

Just fucking look natural.

No game. No fucking game. Pass me a fucking game.

What are you up for?

I'm not really up for a driver, more sort of a free-roam game.

-I don't give a fuck! Give it here!

-All right.

-Why can't we just be fucking talking?

-Cos she's not stupid.

-And that's fucking gay.

-You're gay.

-Look at you, you look fucking stoned.

Boys! >

I've made sandwiches.

Come in.

-All right, Mum?

-Yeah, I'm fine, sweetheart.

-What have you been up to them? Hi, Tom-Tom.

-Hiya.

-Not a lot.

-MOANING

-'Yeah, fuck! Oh!'

I just made cheese and lettuce but I've put it on that seeded bread

that's more healthy and a few crisps.

'Fuck me, oh yeah. Oh!'

Sam, not all women will do the sorts of things

that those women are doing. OK?

-If you find yourself with a girl...

-Go away.

-OK.

-I'm just saying, be considerate, OK?

-OK.

-I'll see you at tea.

-You can stop as well, if you like, Tom-Tom.

-Thank you, Susan.

Todd? Come for your plate.

You can come in.

-Made your favourite.

-Thanks.

Yeah. But exercises first.

Up.

Hands.

Right. Here.

Excellent. I think you might deserve some garlic bread with your lasagne.

Damn it! Turn around, face the wall.

And I'll be back in two minutes.

< You know the consequences if you move.

'Sam, I need to talk to you.'

KNOCK ON DOOR

Sam!

Wake up! Wake up!

What the...

'..is this'?

-No.

-Oh, no.

I came up here to ask you...

No, not even that...

'to pitch the idea that perhaps

'you could start helping me out a bit with money.'

I already knew that you sat on your arse all day

at the age of 20 doing nothing.

I already knew that you didn't even try to help me!

I can't do this on my own. That is an extra "fuck you"!

As an extra fuck you to me, I come up here and find you high as a kite,

smoking this shit!

'Because if you can afford that, you can afford to contribute to living in my house!'

'She was a good mum, but when she was bad, she was fucking grotesque.'

I got it for free.

He did, Susan, he got it off Richard Chapman last Tuesday.

He's got a sort of deal going on.

I know you lost your dad and yes,

'that is terrible, but I lost my husband too!

'And that doesn't give you the ticket to sit around here'

with a chip on your shoulder, feeling sorry for yourself!

'Shit does happen -

'to everybody!'

-DOOR SLAMS

-'When your dad was your age, he was out working every hour'

God sends for next to nothing! For me!

Your father would be disgusted with you.

Now leave!

Both of you!

Give me your dirty clothes.

You can go now.

Oh, can I(?)

'Mate, I've heard it before. I know exactly what it sounds like.

' "Oh, Tom-Tom. Get your fucking cock in my fucking asshole.

' "Oh, my fucking god!" '

No!

Hold out your hand.

Now, we don't have open windows when you're in this room, do we, Todd?

No.

I only opened it so you didn't have to smell your old fucking sweat.

Because I'm a good and thoughtful mother.

MUSIC: "Mean Mistreating Mama" by Leroy Carr

# You're a mean mistreating mama

# And you don't mean me no good

# You're a mean mistreating mama... #

I just don't see why I have to sacrifice all personal ambition just to work at the fucking Eagle.

Firstly, what personal ambition?

Secondly, maybe she just wants some fucking money off you. Fair enough.

-Your fucking mum.

-No. The only reason I want it is so I can get my bike.

Get my fucking wheels on the road. Get the fuck out of this shithole.

-Gay.

-You have to work for the things you love.

Like, I love my bike. You know.

What the fuck, what do you want? What do you like?

I like to get stoned.

HEAVY METAL PLAYS

'Seeing Josh and his dad like that

'really made me realise that every day was the same.'

'When you hate the day that means you hate every day,

'you just hate every day.'

-All right, Sam?

-'I hated Emma.'

What? 'She saw straight through me.'

How you doing?

You look like you feel like shit.

Just piss off.

'And the reason why I still hated every day?

'It's cos it still wasn't fair.

'And that still wasn't a good enough reason

'for my dad to be in the ground.'

He was supposed to be staying at mine tonight.

-Fuck's sake. I've fucking lost my phone.

-Here, here. Use my phone.

Nice one. Do you want some of this joint? Yeah, cheers.

Fuck. Answerphone.

WAVES CRASH

CHILD'S CRIES REVERBERATE

SCREAMING

Mum!

KNOCKING

MUM!

MUM!

Stop being angry at me!

Mum!

Mummy!

MUM!

ENGINE STARTS

'When I was five, I knew you were dead. And I got over it.

'I got to about 11, and smoked a little bit of weed,

'so at 14, 15,

'I just realised you were dead all over again.

'It just made me realise, what's the fucking point?

'Life's too short to do anything.

'Don't get me wrong, though.

'I want to want to do something so fucking badly.

'I just don't have any will to do anything any more.'

Now I'm going to spend the rest of my life

down the fucking Eagle with Tom-Tom.

He's a fucking tool.

He doesn't mind doing shit,

just as long as he feels like he's at use.

But that's his right.

He can do whatever he wants. And Mum.

I mean, if you were still around, nailing her three times a week,

I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem.

You know, when I was young and I was naughty,

my parents made damn sure that I was punished.

Damn sure.

I hated them at the time, you know, I thought it was unfair

but I know that it made me a better person and it taught me a lesson...

MUFFLED RANT CONTINUES

Oh, my love.

You do support me, don't you?

With what I'm doing?

Tell me!

God, I miss you so much. Why can't you come home with me now?

Why did you love him so much?

'I really did feel sorry for her.'

Look where it got us.

Look where it got you.

-'I knew exactly how she felt.'

-I love you, Andrew.

'To be so lost, you're looking harder for answers

'in a piece of extremely expensive stone

'than you ever did in real people.'

SHE SNIFFS

RUSTLING

Todd? Got your breakfast.

-How did you get outside?

-It wasn't in a dream.

You know you can't go out, don't you?

You know you're grounded... until we're ready.

I'm not, I'm just telling you about a dream.

I don't, I don't even want to go outside.

-I'm just telling you about...

-Good.

No, but I'm not going to... I don't even want to go outside.

Don't worry, I promise.

You should be grateful, because I'm your mum and I love you

and I look after you and cook you dinner and let you watch TV.

I am.

No, you're not.

I am.

I...

I, sorry.

No, you're not. I've got to go.

-I'll be back at five o'clock, all right?

-OK.

-OK.

-Now, what was it?

-It was just a naughty dream.

-See you later.

-Bye.

-Morning, Mrs Kennedy.

-Morning.

The next morning I headed down to the graveyard

just to see what was getting her so bent out of shape.

'I had fuck all else to do.'

'I wear this mask because in it, I am fucking indestructible.'

DISTORTED HEAVY METAL

ANTIQUES ROADSHOW THEME

-And where were you last night?

-Out.

Me and a couple of mates got together, made some software.

Called it Microsoft. I think we might make an extra couple of quid.

-I got off my nut round Josh's house.

-Get out!

'Maybe Mrs Kennedy can understand me like my mum and Tom-Tom never did.'

'Maybe Mrs Kennedy needed a friend.'

FUCK! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Morning. Right. I'm late.

-See you later.

-Mum.

-What?

I was wondering...

if you could bring

back...

pictures of some ladies.

Oh, right. Erm...

'I woke up at 7:30am for the first time in over half a decade

'to bother what appeared to be a grief-stricken widow.'

I live below with my mum.

I just thought it was quite strange cos I was down there myself.

I was visiting my dad's grave.

I wasn't like laughing or taking the piss or anything,

I was just down there myself.

Thank you very much. That is strange.

How old's your son? Todd?

I just thought, like, you know, how he dealt with it after the whole thing.

He's fine. It all happened a long time ago.

It was the same year my dad died, oddly enough.

I thought I was the only person around here that has a dead dad.

I'd quite like to talk to him

and you and my mum can like start a widow's club or something.

Todd's away at uni. He's been up there for about a year.

Then he's going for a job in America.

That's really, really cool.

I should get on that, really. Moving out and getting a job and stuff.

It's just a bit hard without, like, an old man.

You should mind your own business.

I mean, look.

I live by myself, I, I, I don't want people coming around.

I don't like people interfering.

It's been a pleasure to meet you.

SUSAN: Your father would be disgusted with you.

"How old's your son?" Dickhead.

'As I sat there and sparked up a fat one,

'I was confident Mrs Kennedy wasn't going to say anything to my mum,

'make me sound like an emotional pussy or something.'

'I was confident Mrs Kennedy wasn't going to say anything

'to anyone about anything, ever.

'Cos she's a fucking nutcase.'

'Learning that Mrs Kennedy was a complete bitch

'who didn't want to know me in the slightest,

'whose son was doing something with his life after his dad had died,'

'was a pretty shitty but inevitable surprise.'

'I just needed a fucking smoke.'

'That leaf was me,'

'and all them other leaves were fucking cocksuckers.'

'I remember thinking I needed some harder drugs or something,

'cos I was a fucking mess.

'Or maybe just to get laid. I wondered if there was a brothel.'

"No. No. I live on my own."

'I needed to know whose hand that was

'so I left Subaru on the sofa, feeling sorry for himself.'

KNOCKING

'I had no room in my brain for sorrow any more.

'It was all filled up with marijuana and the knowledge

'there was someone in Mrs Kennedy's house while she was at work.'

'I was Sam Reaux and I had fuck all else to do.'

'Now these, these could've been nothing.

'And if they were, I'd be joining that pathetic piece of shit Subaru

'back on the sofa for another spliff.'

'But I was too busy playing detective.

'I didn't feel like a fucking piece of shit any more.'

KNOCKING

'What was I doing?'

KNOCKING

CONTINUES KNOCKING

-Fucking hell!

-Hello?

-Erm...

'I panicked.'

Just got my ball, mate.

I kicked it on the roof. My lucky ball.

I'm from fucking downstairs.

Can't play without it, mate.

Erm, I'm going.

Don't go! What's your name?

'I was way too stoned for confrontation.'

Subaru.

From downstairs. Sorry, I fucking kicked my ball on the roof.

-I knocked all the doors.

-You play football?

-Sometimes.

Where do you play?

I dunno. Like, my garden or the park.

I don't... Anywhere.

Erm, I'm going.

Don't tell any...people that you are speaking to me.

I don't understand, mate.

-It's cos I'm grounded.

-HE LAUGHS

-Don't laugh, it's not funny.

-'He was odd.'

Sorry, mate.

-Are you, are you actually grounded?

-Yes.

'I thought I was getting a taste of that

'smart-alec university sense of humour.

'The kind you've got to pay £30,000 for.'

-You just visiting?

-Visiting?

-Your mum?

-No, I, I live here.

Your mum told me you were at uni.

-What's a uni?

-'This wanker clearly thought he was being funny.'

University.

-I'm grounded.

-I don't get it.

Can you see the sky?

I'm outside, mate. Obvi... Yes!

-How does it look today?

-Pretty shit.

Do you have some friends?

I don't get it. See you in a bit.

There's still five o'clock till when my mum comes back from work.

-So don't go now.

-'I couldn't tell if he was fucking about.'

Are you being serious? 'Or being genuine.'

Yes, I am very serous.

HE LAUGHS

-I can't see you.

-I can't see you either, mate.

'I had to be sure so I played along.'

All right, then.

Well, how long have you been grounded for then, mate?

Ages and ages and ages and ages.

'I mean...he seemed genuine.'

Righto.

Subaru, can you please,

please throw away my sock?

So my mum won't find it.

-That is fucking rank, mate.

-Sorry.

Why the fuck didn't you use some tissue paper or something?

-Like, come on. Be a professional.

-None left.

-Why don't you throw it in the bin?

-I don't have a bin.

You don't have a bin in your whole fucking house?

No, just in here, in the naughty room.

The naughty room?

What the fuck is the naughty room, Todd?

Don't tell the police!

'Todd would go on to tell me, during a long and confusing conversation,

'about how his mum had had him locked

'in a room she called the naughty room.'

'It was the most fucked-up set of circumstances I'd ever heard of

'and I didn't have a fucking clue what to make of any of it.'

-I'm at work.

-Do you know that Mrs Kennedy?

-I don't have time for this.

I think she's got her 20-year-old son padded up in a room in there.

'He's been there for years and years.

'I just had a couple of words with him then.'

-He made me promise not to tell anyone cos he loves her still.

-Get a job!

Bitch!

'He'd been in there since he was about four and she treated him well

'and fed him and whatever, but she just didn't let him out.

'He hadn't been to school or met anyone apart from his mum.'

'He was weird, but you would be.'

Todd, you can look at that when I'm gone. Todd.

How was your school?

In fact, I'm going to be

the new head of the maths department next term.

That's good. Means I'm finally catching up with lost time.

Today I was thinking, thinking,

thinking about when I'm not going to be grounded.

And how's that going to happen then, Todd?

When you decide for me, erm,

I get forgiven for ruining,

ruining your life.

Is that really what you think you need to do?

-Yes.

-You have to want to be grounded.

No. I care about you so you will,

I care about you so that you will...forgive me.

INAUDIBLE

How the fuck did you ruin her life, exactly?

Whining.

That's what kids do, Todd.

Fuck.

"I think it's fair that you have to stay here

"and pay for ruining my life."

Don't you think it's fair, Todd?

No.

That's what kids do.

No dinner!

Shitty fucking balls.

'I couldn't sleep. I was thinking of doing something.'

'I needed to make friends with Tom-Tom again

'for two different reasons.

'One, he was my best mate

'and I needed his opinion on what I was thinking of doing.'

-All right?

-I'm working now, bit busy. Can't talk.

'And two, his uncle Paul was an essential part

'of what I was thinking of doing.'

Well, when are we going to sort this out?

I'm not sorting anything out with you, mate.

I was shit-faced.

My dad's dead.

'I knew there was no evidence in my favour.'

I'm sorry.

Your dad died when you were fucking four years old, yeah? Get over it.

Like, help your mum. She's a good mum. She's lush.

Man the fuck up.

-Can I speak to your uncle, please?

-Fuck off.

Can I speak to your manager, please?

Ring between the hours of 11 and 11.

Thank you.

PHONE RINGS

Hello, Eagle Tavern. Call back and leave a message.

I don't suppose you would know anywhere to rent

-for hardly any money?

-Why do you ask me?

I don't know anything about it and I would ask my mum

but she's a bit...at the moment.

I just thought maybe you could help out?

Yeah.

'Todd had made it very clear to me that he didn't want anyone

'knowing about his mum or the naughty room or any of that shit.'

-Subaru?

-Yeah, hi.

'I hoped that this Derek Gunn guy

'wouldn't notice anything funny about Todd

'and if he did, I hoped that he'd be OK with it.'

So where's your mate, then? Why ain't he here?

-He's, erm, he's working at the moment.

-Where?

-At the pub.

-What pub?

You know, the Eagle. I'm gonna be working there as well, soon.

Get a discount?

No loud music. I like it quiet at night.

People who don't live here, don't come here.

No animals. No pissing on the toilet seat.

Are you gay?

-No.

-No what?

No...Mr Gunn?

Right, well done. What about your mate, is he gay?

-No. He likes ladies.

-When can I meet him?

-Soon.

-Right. Here's your room.

-Cool.

-Radiators don't work, but you don't mind that, do you?

-This is my room. Stay the fuck out of there.

-Yeah, Mr Gunn.

You don't have to keep calling me Mr Gunn.

-I was fucking around, you twat. Derek.

-Yes.

-"Yes, Derek!"

-Any other questions?

-Er, what about smoking?

What are you smoking?

Bit of weed, but I can go outside...

Just stay the fuck away from my food.

That's all I care about.

Rent includes all the bills apart from heating. Rent will be on time.

Yeah. I'm paying for me and my mate so I'll pay you for both of our rent.

I don't care. As long as it gets here, that's all I worry about.

The room's empty. You can move in whenever you want. Soon as you like.

-OK.

-Happy days.

-So, why do you want to work at the Eagle, then?

-Erm...

To give the customer the most pleasurable,

satisfying and easy experience possible.

Nah, come on.

-Quick money, fast.

-I've run this pub for 20 years.

It's the fucking love of my life, so can I rely on you?

-Yeah, Paul. Yeah.

-All right then, son. Good.

Did Tom-Tom mention anything about me?

Just that you were a cunt.

MUSIC: "Good Citizen" by Cosmo Jarvis.

# I'm a good citizen I'm a good citizen

# I'm a good citizen I'm a good citizen

# You won't catch me as long as I'm alive

# I'll be a good citizen till I die

# You won't catch me as long as I'm alive

# I'll be a good citizen till I die

# You won't catch me as long as I'm alive

# I'll be a good citizen till I die

# You won't catch me as long as I'm alive

# I'll be a good citizen till I die. #

# I'm a good citizen I'm a good citizen

# I'm a good citizen I'm a good citizen

# I'm a good citizen I'm a good citizen

# I'm a good citizen I'm a good citizen. #

What the fuck?

It's just if you're ever going to, you know, give me a sign...

..now would be great.

To tell me I'm doing the right thing.

-He was bought up different to most.

-And?

I'd just appreciate it if you went easy on him.

What do you mean? This is my house.

-Derek...

-I can talk to him how I want.

-Don't give him any shit.

-Yeah, all right.

Look, just get out mate. Shut the door on your way out, will you?

-Subaru.

-Is Tom-Tom in?

Yeah, I'll go and get him. You're a knob.

Nice one.

What do you want?

If you just don't forgive me for being a dick,

I'm just going to tell Becky about all them photos on your phone.

I need you to do me a little favour as well.

Yeah, what's that?

There's this kid called...

..Todd, I'm off to work. I'll see you tonight.

-Wait, Mum.

-What?

I'm sorry for killing Dad.

That's really nice, Todd.

It's lovely to hear you're finally thinking about other people instead of yourself.

But you're not sorry until I say so.

'It was a big day. I mentally prepared myself with a large reefer.

'For every part of me that thought I was needlessly interfering

'in someone else's affairs, there was a bigger part of me saying,

' "Stop being a pussy and do the right thing."

'It might be the only chance I get in my skidmark of a life

'to do something I actually cared about more than getting stoned

'and thinking about how my life would be if my dad was still alive.'

'This was more important.'

INAUDIBLE SPEECH

LOUD CRASH

INDICATOR TICKS

'It was like looking after a fucking baby.'

'I mean, he really didn't have a fucking clue about anything.

HORN SOUNDS

'I've never seen anyone jizz so much over a fucking sunset.'

'Never have a joint when you need one the most.'

Come on, what's the problem?

You broke down the door.

-What?

-Door at my mum's. Door's broken.

-I tried to pick the lock.

-She's going to come home

and then she's going to... I have to go home.

You can go and see your mum whenever, mate.

We have to go now. Come on, let's go.

-Where...

-It's reality, mate.

-My mum!

HE CRIES Oh, shut up.

She's going to be so angry at me.

I told you what I was doing. Shut up.

-Stop being a baby. Stop.

-We have to go home now.

Shut the FUCK UP!

You want to go to your mum's? Go! I'm going this way.

Subaru! Wait!

HE SOBS

All right, Derek. This is Todd.

Todd, this is Derek.

-Hiya.

-Bedroom's just through there, mate.

'I was proud of Derek. I thought he did an all-right job.'

-Bit pale, isn't he?

-Yeah.

You can go and see her whenever. You're not caged up here. You can...

-You can go and see her whenever you want.

-OK.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

'This is your bed. I'll sleep on the floor.'

You need a bed more than I do after sleeping in a bathtub for so long.

Your spine's probably crooked as fuck.

It's an orthopaedic mattress, as well.

800 nicker, this would cost you, brand new.

But that's besides the point.

ELECTRONIC BEEPING

Fucking hell.

-You got a picture on you lady.

-Yeah.

-She's pretty fit, isn't she?

-Yeah.

Yeah.

I'd love to bang her.

Bang!

THEY LAUGH

Tomorrow, what will I do?

Cos I don't know.

What do you want to do tomorrow?

I... I don't know.

'Tom-Tom sorted it out with his uncle to get Todd a job.

'I told everyone he was my cousin with a slight mental retardation

'and an IQ of only 52.'

-Hey!

-All right, mate?

-How's it going?

-All right, bruv?

-Nice to see you.

-All right, cuz?

-How's it going?

-I'm all right, mate. This is Todd.

-Todd.

You all right, mate? How's it going?

-Hey. He's my mate.

-Yeah.

-Well, come in, boys.

-Yeah, yeah. Sweet.

-Sam.

-You all right?

-Good to see ya.

-Yeah, you too.

-Meet, erm, this is Elaine.

-Hello, Elaine.

Cheers for helping me and my mate with the flat.

We would've been fucked else. So I really appreciate it. Thanks a lot.

'I thought it'd be a good idea

'for Todd to meet more people that weren't his mum.

'I figured that if he said anything,

'no-one would understand what he was talking about.

'And everyone in here is shitfaced anyway,

'so it wouldn't be that big of a set-back.'

MUSIC PLAYS AND DROWNS SPEECH

I told you to piss off.

You didn't deserve that.

It was a bit harsh on my behalf.

I'm really sorry.

UPBEAT MUSIC

HE WHIMPERS

'I remember thinking...'

How do you know that?

'..no-one should take a child away from its parent.'

You can go home if you want, like.

'Unless they're qualified, obviously.'

I never meant for any of this, Todd.

'And I definitely wasn't qualified.'

Shit. HE WAILS

'The days that followed were some of the worst days of my life.

'He wouldn't talk to me about anything.'

'He wasn't angry at me either, he was just angry.

'He sort of reminded me of me.'

Want to go for a fag?

Fucking idiot. You said he was a little bit fucking special,

you didn't tell me you fucking kidnapped him.

You would've hated me if I did it.

As his next door neighbour, I felt entitled to break him out.

-And why did you think that?

-I was really fucking high.

He doesn't know what the fuck's going on.

What did you think was going to happen?

I thought he could just meet up with his old dear whenever he wanted.

You know, catch up and that.

This is one of those situations

which makes me think that you should stop smoking weed, mate.

I felt...inspired.

Where does she shit?

-My mask.

-What mask?

My fucking clown mask, so I wouldn't be recognised. Oh, fuck.

I must have dropped it or something.

Do police do suicides? Do they deal with that?

I think they should understand.

What the fuck about Todd?

"Oh! Should we go outside? Get some more inspiration?"

Are you sure?

I don't know.

Don't know.

'Todd wanted to go and visit the house

'he'd been living in for all those years.

'Sort of go and clear his head a bit.'

-They came here?

-They came here. They wanted to know everything.

-What I was doing.

-Did they mention me?

-No. Why would they mention you?

Nothing to do with you, was it?

I lived here when it happened, pretty much.

Oh, I've got your mask, by the way.

I picked it up and thought you might want it back

because you always had it in your bedroom.

I don't know why. It's an ugly-looking thing, really.

-It's signed by six of nine members of Slipknot, Mum.

-Who's that?

Doesn't matter.

-Oh, thank you.

-That's all right, darling.

-Don't leave it so long next time.

-I won't. Promise.

-Come round and have dinner.

-I will.

How did you get up there?

What did she get a new door for?

'She'd gotten rid of the door I smashed,

'and anything else that could lead anyone to the naughty room.'

I guess she just didn't want anyone to find out.

'Even on her last days on this earth,

'Connie Kennedy remained somewhere between a very confused and very evil woman.'

I'm going to go out for a fag.

'I still don't know which.

'If I knew I was going to do myself in, I'd say goodbye

'and maybe even sorry to my only child before getting a door repaired

'that I wasn't even going to fucking use.'

Hello, mate. Look what I just found in the kitchen.

I reckon your mum probably left this out for you to have.

Here you are.

Your birth certificate.

It's proof that you were born.

You're, like, you're on the system.

Like, you could do your art teaching with that.

It's crinkled.

Yeah, but I can iron that. It'll be all right.

If mum wanted me to have it, it would be flat.

I found it in the bin. Shouldn't have lied.

'The fucking naughty room is all she ever gave to Todd.'

'The best part of his shitty existence happened in that room.'

'You can imagine how he felt, seeing his life just gone like that.'

Todd, what the fuck are you doing?

'Cos I suppose he felt like he was gone too, to her.'

Smoking weed.

You just got into the real world, you little shit.

Smoking that's just going to box you right back up again.

'He was worth no more than the door was.'

I like boxes.

Oi, she's gone, mate.

Smoking that might make you forget it tonight but tomorrow it will be back.

Trust me, I'm telling you now. That's not the right way to go about it.

-You smoke it.

-Yeah.

-All the time.

-I know.

I can't remember when I haven't smoked it.

I don't know how to function without it.

You want to have a joint with me 12 months down the line, yeah.

I'm up for that, when you're in a better mood.

But right now, you having this is just going to fuck you up, mate.

And you're already a wee bit special, aren't you?

I want to try it.

All right. I'll quit. I'll quit right now.

Todd?

All right, I'll stop. OK?

-Here's your dinner.

-Thank you.

Here's a can of Coke. Now fuck off in there.

I'm going to teach you how to shave in five minutes, all right?

-Richard Chapman.

-Richard!

-You know that. You got the delivery?

'Yeah, I got it. Thanks, mate.

'The only thing is, mate, you gave it to Todd.'

I had to give it to someone, innit? You weren't there.

I couldn't link you so saw him.

He's a bit of a funny geezer, though. Talks for England, bruv.

'If I'm not in, mate, could you just not drop anything off?

'He's had a rough couple of months.

'I just think he's better off just not smoking anything.'

-How come that girls don't shave?

-Oh, they do shave.

They do.

Just different destinations.

-Armpits.

-Armpits.

-Legs.

I have hairy armpits.

That's all right cos you're a bloke. Girls, it's not acceptable.

Except for in France, but we don't live there.

-It's the same.

-Oh, God.

It's the same!

BELL RINGS

-I think you've got two jobs now, mate.

-Oh!

I thought I had the cheesy lines, Thomas!

"Oh, I've got two jobs now. I'm a single parent. Oh!"

-You know what I fucking mean.

-Mm, yeah.

I know what you mean. Yeah.

What it's worth though, one day,

I think he'll have two jobs as well, you know.

-That's a nice note to end on.

-Good.

-That's nice.

-Good.

'I felt like I had a lot of seriously useful shit to tell him about...'

'and even if he did fuck up my life somehow...'

-I'm going to go and walk over there.

-All right.

'..that still wouldn't have stopped me from showing Todd a few pointers

'because truth is,

'I didn't have much of a life to fuck up in the fucking first place.

'So as my homophobic landlord would say, 'appy days.

'I felt that I was the perfect sort of fuck-up

'to raise this absolute fucking fuck-up.'

I'm going to get stoned.

'I had fuck all else to do.'

MUSIC: "Whatever" by Cosmo Jarvis

# I swear that I won't let you down

# I'm heading some place I ain't even found

# And I don't need to find my way

# As long as I find slipping every day

# When I look behind the eye

# See everything that I could not get by

# And I leave you now really soon

# My faith will be smiling when we do

# Smiling when we do

# I'm just walking through whatever

# To wherever and I'm never gonna stop

# I'm just walking through whatever

# To wherever and I'm never gonna stop

# I don't know if I'm coming back

# But I'll make sure that I'll leave you a track

# And everything is broken here

# I'll fix it only when I disappear

# Only lies can be this tough

# That's why I can never get enough

# One day though I'll turn around

# I'm betting some place that I once have found

# That I once have found

# I'm just walking through whatever

# To wherever and I'm never gonna stop

# I'm just walking through whatever

# To wherever and I'm never gonna stop

# I'm just walking through whatever

# With whoever and I'm never gonna stop. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd