Honeymooner

This film contains strong language

# My girl done gone now

# My girl done gone Oh, yeah

# My girl done gone now

# My girl done gone Oh, yeah

# I really need you

# Need you to lead me through

# I want to know you

# Know you will be so true

# Oh, Lord

# What have I done?

# Oh, Lord

# What have I done?

# Oh, Lord... #

CHILDREN LAUGH AND SHOUT OUTSIDE

MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Hi.

MAN: 'What are you doing?'

I'm trying to sleep.

'Can't sleep all day. Come on. Get up. We're doing some yoga.'

No, thank you.

'Come on. You'll love yoga - so centred, relaxed.'

I just want to be on my own.

'You can't be on your own on your wedding day.'

Thanks, Jon(!)

'You know what? I think this is a really good thing that's happened.'

What, being dumped?

'Yeah. I think that you've got to have faith that the universe is

-'going to look after you.'

-And what book's that from?

'That's Deepak Chopra.'

I'm going back to sleep now.

'Do you want me to come over there and drag you out of bed?'

-No.

-'Because I will.'

-Seriously.

'I'm putting my underpants on now.'

All right, well, I hope your meetings go well.

I'm sure they will.

-OK, and watch that sleazy guy at work, please.

-I will.

-So, do some serious thinking while I'm away, OK?

-OK, I will.

-I mean it, cos you said before you would and you haven't.

-I will.

OK.

'So, will you promise me you'll give me a proper answer when I get back?'

'Promise.'

COUPLE GIGGLES

'See you.'

-I feel really great now.

-It's all your fault.

-What's my fault?

Well, if you and Emma hadn't got engaged then

-I wouldn't be getting all the ultimatums.

-So propose.

Being engaged doesn't mean anything anyway.

-Come on, let's go and do some yoga.

-Can't we just go to the pub?

-No.

-Doing some yoga.

-I really don't want to, Jon.

Well, I'm telling you I need to. Where's my bag?

DRONING SITAR STRUM

Remember that even if you've done this position many times before,

I want you to do it this morning with a real enthusiasm,

as though you're doing it for the very first time.

And try to really enjoy that opening up of your heart.

In the next exhale, I want you to push up and open out.

Uh!

-You OK?

-No.

-What's happened?

-It's my back.

-OK.

You're going to be all right. Back bends can be very uncomfortable.

Bring your arms over your body, elbows together. That's it.

Relax into the lower back. Release the pain.

You're going to be fine. I'll bring you some arnica.

-Thanks, Jon(!)

-It was worth a shot.

-No, it wasn't.

-At least it's taken your mind off Emma.

Oh, fuck off, Rambo.

All right?

-Yeah.

-You look worse than me. What's up?

You know my documentary was on the telly last night?

-Oh, fuck, I missed it. Sorry.

-It's all right.

I sat down and watched it with Jess, right, and at the end of it,

she just turned around and went, "Cool." That was it. Nothing else.

Just the word, "Cool." Didn't even say, "That was cool,"

or, "You're so cool." Just, "Cool."

-You should definitely chuck her.

-My work's important to me.

-You know that. That was six months of my life.

-She adores you.

She doesn't think everything you do is amazing.

-You really are in a bad way, aren't you?

-I'm in agony.

-Why don't you go see a chiropractor?

-Not wasting any more time on quacks.

-I'm on painkillers.

-Well, they're clearly doing the trick(!)

Look at you, you can barely move.

Maybe I shouldn't mix them with antidepressants.

Antidepressants? Why are you taking them?

-They just help me take my mind off women and stuff.

-How do you mean?

-I don't really feel that stuff any more.

-That's fucking awful.

It's been a blessing, to be honest.

-Hey, boys. Hiya.

-Hi.

-Well, I can see why you guys chose this place.

-Why?

Cos it's got the best-looking waitresses.

No, that doesn't bother Fran any more.

-Hey, I told you that in confidence.

-What?

-Nothing.

-Tell me!

It's just a little side effect of the antidepressants

-that he's taking.

-Shut up, Ben!

I thought antidepressants were supposed to make you really horny.

Ow!

I'm only telling her because you shouldn't have got them

-in the first place.

-You're such an asshole.

-All right, I'm an asshole.

-Excuse me. Hi. Are you Ben Rose?

-Yes. Yes, I am.

-Hi.

I saw your show last night and I really liked it.

-I thought it was really good.

-Thank you very much.

I thought it was really nice.

It wasn't patronising, it was really nice.

You spoke to people really nicely.

So, yeah, I just wanted to say well done.

Thank you for talking to me so nicely.

And it was really funny as well. That's the best bit.

Anyway, so, really nice to meet you.

I thought I'd just come and say hi, so, yeah.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-MOCKINGLY:

-I have to say, hi!

-I have to say, erm, Fran, I think you are so amazing.

-Really?

-Yeah!

Like, the way that you run your company,

just, like, knowing what clothes to import and, like, never ordering too

many and never ordering too little, It's, like, just the right amount.

-Thanks.

-Oh, God, and you're so modest too. He's so modest.

-What can I say?

-Oh, no, don't say anything. Oh...

-Oh.

-Ah. Ah.

-Ah!

You love that shit.

Ah...

BEN CHUCKLES

Yeah. I don't know.

Erm...

you know what? I think I'd rather just stay in.

No.

Seriously. Yeah. OK. Bye.

-Hi, Fran.

-Hi.

Listen, I just wanted to ask you whether you've been aware of me

-and Eric having a few arguments recently.

-No, not really.

-He's gone away to have some time to think, so...

-Right, OK.

-Well, I hope it works out.

-Thank you.

-And I'm sorry about you and that girl.

-Yeah, well.

-You OK?

-Not really, no.

-I mean, you look like you've pulled something.

Oh, yeah. I did something to my back

-but now I think I've pulled something in my neck.

-Oh.

Listen, if you want, I could rub it a bit to try and ease the tension.

-No, I think I'll be OK.

-You sure?

-Yeah.

-I'm just going to have a hot bath.

-That can be nice.

-Yeah.

-So I'll see you later.

-See you later.

HE GROANS

I just had a Chinese and we're going for a drink.

I'm thinking, yeah.

I'm being sincere.

I know. Look, I'm in the process, OK?

No, but by haranguing me when I said I would, it's not helping, OK?

I do miss you but I'm enjoying the chance... Not enjoying, I'm just...

Look, you know... I'm just using the chance to think, OK?

Of course I do.

Yeah. It's just difficult, Natalie, because I'm with Fran.

You don't have to put the phone down, I'm just saying that you...

No. Look, you don't have to go. I'm just saying...

I'm trying to explain to you that... OK, fine.

Well, just have a nice meal and then I'll call you later, OK? OK, bye.

You should put her out of her misery and marry her.

No, she's doing that whole passive aggressive pressuring me thing.

Do you want to be the eternal bachelor, having girlfriends till you're 60?

I'm just saying, there are things between me and Natalie

that just aren't that great.

-You think you can do better than Natalie?

-Maybe.

-You think there's this amazing Miss Right for you?

-Maybe, I don't know.

-Well, I'm absolutely certain you'll meet Miss Right.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-But whether she'll want to go out with you is another matter.

-Ha-ha.

Can you feel that? There's something in the air tonight.

-It's probably that girl's perfume.

-Come on. Let's chat them up.

-No.

All right. The girl in the brown dress, she's nice.

I'm sure she's very nice.

Are you telling me that you don't find her attractive?

-Has Ben been talking to you?

-What about?

-It doesn't matter.

-Sorry, did that just go on you?

-It's fine.

-No, it went all over you.

-Trust me, it's the least of my worries.

-Why? What's wrong?

-You want me to tell you?

-Yes.

OK, well, I was meant to have got married a couple of days ago,

but it didn't work out.

Why?

-She changed her mind.

-Oh, my God.

-Yes.

-That's horrendous.

Yes. She said me and her were only 95% right.

-She might have had a reason.

-What, she wanted perfection?

Maybe she was just being polite.

Well, I think she's going to regret it.

Why do you think that?

-I think she has realised she has made a big mistake.

-OK.

-Yes. What?

-Nothing.

-Say it.

-No, I didn't say anything.

-I don't want to say anything.

-You don't know anything about her.

My friend is still cut up about it.

-Yes, I'm getting that.

-Unbelievable.

-What?

A girl like that.

It's the first time I've ever been hit on like that.

We've been hit on before.

Yes, but a girl like that just starting a conversation.

-You're probably right.

-Fuck!

-Do you want another drink?

-No.

Shouldn't you be getting back and ringing Natalie?

-So what have you been up to anyway?

-Not much.

You're single, you've got two weeks' paid leave.

You should be out every night having fun.

I don't want to have fun. I want to be married.

-Oh, God. Have you stopped taking the antidepressants?

-Yes.

-Good.

-How do you feel?

-How do you think?

-It's good to feel bad, isn't it?

-Is it?

Yeah, it makes you feel alive apparently.

-You must be feeling really alive(!)

-Actually I'm feeling a little bit...

What?

Do you remember the girl that came up to me

in the cafe, the one who'd seen my documentary?

The impressionable one who thought you were amazing?

-Yes. She has Facebooked me. We've had a little write.

-About what?

She knows everything about me. She's seen everything I've ever done.

She knows more about me than I do.

-Mm.

-Mm. And she wants to meet up.

-And you said?

I tried to put off for a little bit, but I don't know, in the end,

I like the idea of having a fan.

-How old is she?

-19.

-I'm sure you'll have a very meaningful relationship(!)

-You're jealous.

-No.

-A little bit.

-She's called Rain.

-And the forecast is?

-I'm meant to be meeting her on Friday.

-Have you told Jess?

-Not immediately.

-Seriously, you shouldn't mess Jess about.

-Yes, Dad(!)

-Hiya, Fran. This is...

-Danny.

-Yes, sorry, Danny.

-How are you?

-I'm good.

-Good. Your hair looks nice.

Did you go back to George?

-Yes.

-It's good. You should stick with him.

-I probably will.

-I know this is a nightmare but we will get through it.

-Yeah, I hope so.

We should go.

OK, sure.

It was nice seeing you, Fran.

Yes, you too.

-Look after yourself.

-Goodbye.

-Bye.

-That was fucking fast.

-These things happen, don't they?

-It was fucking fast.

-All right, it was pretty fast.

She said, "Hi, Fran, this is um..." He said, "Danny."

She went, "Oh, sorry, Danny."

She's obviously not that into him if she can't remember his name.

There you go. Take some comfort in that.

I can't believe she moved on so quickly.

Emma was a what? A seven? And you deserve at least an eight.

I'd have been happy with a seven.

You say that now, but it's like when you find a flat that you

really like, but then it falls through and you're really gutted,

but then the next place you find is even better

and you're not gutted any more.

What about that flat in Tufnell Park you told me not to buy?

-The dive?

-Yes, the dive.

It had a little damp problem but I could have solved that.

-And dry rot.

-But you can treat that as well.

-For about £40,000.

It would have cost 10,000 to treat. I would have made 40,000.

-You're kidding me?

-No.

You should have bought it.

HE SIGHS

KNOCK ON DOOR

I'm sorry to disturb you. I've just had some bad news. Eric's left me.

I'm sorry about that.

Are you OK?

No.

Thank you.

-Do you want to come in for a coffee?

-No.

-Are you sure?

-Yes.

Look, I'm really sorry, but you're starting to hurt my neck a little.

-Oh. Is it?

-Yeah. I'm really sorry.

-OK.

It's probably wrong of me disturbing you so late.

-I just wanted to let you know.

-I'm really sorry to hear about it.

-Maybe it's for the best.

-Do you think?

-Anyway, I'm going to leave you in peace now.

-OK. Good night.

Good night.

# I stepped up Got a hold on my pride

# I stepped up Got a hold on my pride

# I do

# But without luck and a chip on my side

# But without luck I could've never retired... #

-It's nice.

-Do you think?

-Yes, you will be fighting them off in that.

-What, off my aeroplane?

-You do not look like an airline pilot.

-I do.

-He does. A little bit.

-It fits you really well. You're very lucky.

-Really?

-Yeah, it shows off your proportions.

-Hey, there you go.

-How much is it?

-My God.

-It's really nice. I think you should get it.

Do you think it makes me like an airline pilot?

No, I think it looks good. It suits you.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-OK, then I'll get it.

-Hey!

-Good. When you're ready, come with me to the till.

Thanks.

-I think she likes you.

-No she doesn't.

-She kept telling you how nice you looked.

She's trying to make a sale.

No, that was going way above and beyond making a sale.

-I'm not asking her out.

-Why not? What have you got to lose?

-No, I'm not convinced.

-Really?

-Uh-uh.

Are you going to wear it to go out tonight?

I don't know what I'm doing tonight. What about you? Are you going out?

I'll probably go home.

I've been working really hard and starting early tomorrow.

All work and no play makes Romina a dull girl.

-Why do you say that?

-It's an expression.

-You're being rude to me.

No, no I wasn't. I was trying to be nice.

What, laughing at me with your friends?

No, it's an English expression.

I'm so sick of you English. So rude all the time.

-No, I wasn't. I was trying to be funny.

-Yeah, yeah(!)

How will you be paying?

Visa.

Here.

I honestly wasn't being rude.

What are you up to tomorrow night?

I'll probably try and kill myself. Why?

How do you fancy coming round to this rabbi's house for a meal with me?

What Rabbi?

Just somebody a mate of mine knows.

Aren't you supposed to be seeing your fan tomorrow night?

Yes, but that's later.

Are you using this rabbi as a cover to see this girl?

No. I genuinely thought you'd enjoy yourself.

Why would I want to spend my Friday night hanging out with a rabbi?

Free food, conversation - what else are you going to do?

Go to some bar.

What, and be around a bunch of young, vibrant, exciting people having a good time(?)

Sold.

So good.

OK, so thank you, everyone, for coming.

It's really nice to see some new faces here tonight.

Hopefully it's not just because of my wife's cooking.

And as today is the Festival of Tu B'Av, which for those of you

who have no idea what that is, is sort of a Yiddish Valentine's Day.

And so it's a good time to talk about love and companionship,

and - don't panic - the institution of marriage.

Sorry, mate.

Now, as the Torah says, one of the pinnacles of human achievement

is to be a creator, like, you know, our own creator.

And the best way to achieve a higher purpose is through marriage

and having children. That's what we've done, anyway...

So what if we never marry?

Sorry, er, what was that, Fran?

Um, I was just wondering, what if you never marry?

Um, it's a good question. Um, what I would say is...

the basis of marriage is a giving, OK?

And so, if you were to give in other ways, like, I don't know,

voluntary work...

teaching little children, helping old ladies to cross the road,

you're still fulfilling God's will and keeping him happy, basically.

-So there's hope for you, Fran.

-Is there?

Yeah, I wouldn't give up just yet.

If you can find any spare time, what with all the hugely important

things that fill your lives these days, like, er, Facebooking...

-LAUGHTER

-Fran's got loads of spare time at the moment.

-Oh, really?

Well, that's great, actually, because my wife, Sara,

she does a lot with a soup kitchen in Camden,

so maybe you could get involved with that.

Do you know how to make noodle soup?

Yeah.

-Um, maybe when I'm feeling a bit better.

-But do you know what?

All happiness comes from pleasing others.

And all unhappiness comes from trying to please ourselves.

SNIGGERING AND SPLUTTERING

Make sure that we've got your details at the end, OK?

Now, enough talk. Let's eat. Good Shabbat.

SNIGGERING CONTINUES

ENGINE STARTS UP

MUSIC PLAYS

-Looks good.

-Thank you.

Thanks.

What's got lower cholesterol -

-Spanish omelette or the eggs Benedict?

-Why?

I went to the doctor the other day. He says I've got high blood pressure AND high cholesterol.

-Um, well, the eggs Benedict is full of cream, so...

-I'm going to ask someone -

you don't know what you're talking about. Excuse me. Hiya. Sorry.

-I was just wondering if you could help. Me and my friend were just having a little dispute.

-Right.

What's got less cholesterol - the Spanish omelette or the eggs Benedict?

And keep in mind the fact that the Spanish omelette is served with fried potatoes and stuff.

-Nicki?

-Definitely Spanish omelette.

-That's one person's opinion.

-Nicki's training to be a nutritionist.

-Wow.

What are the chances of that?

-He'll still probably order the eggs Benedict.

-No, I won't. I won't.

-You will.

-I probably will.

-WOMEN LAUGH

-So do you guys live round here, then?

-Yeah, well, Fran just lives in Kentish Town.

He's got a really nice flat. I'm just in Camden.

-Oh, so you don't tend to share, then?

-Are you kidding?

We lived together for a year after we moved down, and that was enough!

Flooded the place once, nearly burnt the flat down twice,

oh, and I almost caused an electrical fire.

And this is coming from a guy who pays for his groceries

and then always leaves them in the shop.

Jon, that doesn't even compare to anything I've done,

-cos I just keep bringing up stories about you.

-That's true.

-WOMEN LAUGH

So how long have you been together?

What was that?

How long have you been together?

Um, we're not a couple.

At what point in the conversation did you think,

"These two guys are probably gay?"

It's just the way you are together.

-Was it more me, or him?

-Might have been your concern for cholesterol.

That is a completely reasonable question and Nicki will tell you that.

Anyway, I think we'd, er, we'd better be going.

My father died at 54. That's all I'm saying.

Sorry to hear that. Good luck.

-HE SIGHS

-How humiliating.

-You know what, don't worry about it.

-Well, you may not worry about it...

That is just two random girls

meeting us completely out of context.

Somebody give me a hug.

Sit down. What's up with you?

Last night, I went out with Rain.

She came back to mine, stayed over, and we...

Well, I don't need to tell you what we did, but afterwards,

she turned to me and she said, "That was hot."

And I said, trying to be funny, "Hotter Than July,"

and she said, "Hotter than August." So I said,

"You don't know the album, do you? Stevie Wonder album?" It came out

the year I was born. I said to her, "What year were YOU born?"

She goes, "Nineteen-ninety..." Started doing this face, she went, "Nineteen-ninety, um..."

Turns out she's 17.

-It could be worse, I guess.

-Yeah, she could be 15.

So what you going to do?

I don't know. I really like her. I have a really good time with her and she really makes me laugh.

And Jess?

I don't know.

If you're not serious about Jess, you need to tell her.

-Yeah, well, actually, I'm starting to get really quite stressed out about it.

-Join the club.

DOG BARKS

HISSING

I just had this terrifying vision of us 40 years in the future in Happy Days Retirement Home.

-It's a hard score to beat.

-Thanks.

-I'll beat it.

-I don't think you will.

-Bet I will.

-What do I get if I win?

-A prize.

-What?

-I'll tell you in a bit.

-Tell me now.

-Would you stop stressing me out?

-BEEPING

-Sorry, mate. 162 over 96.

It's not good.

-WHISPERS:

-Yes!

What do I get?

Ah, you...get to go on a date with one of Jess' mates.

-I don't want a date with one of Jess' mates.

-Seriously,

she's got this friend called Jehudith and I think you should meet her.

-Forget it.

-She's fit. She's 30, she's in marketing and...

-Jess isn't convinced, but I think you should give it a go.

-Why?

-Getting interested now, aren't you?

-No, I'm not.

-Friend's getting all interested.

-Can you stop talking about her?

-Fine, but you're going on a date with her.

-No, I'm not.

-It's a done deal.

No, it's not. I'm not going on a date with Jehudith.

What does diastolic mean?

CAR DOOR SLAMS SHUT

BEEPING

FAINT MUSIC AND CHATTER

Fran?

-WHILE CRUNCHING ICE:

-Yeah.

-Interesting choice of venue.

-You don't like it?

-It wouldn't be my first choice.

-HE CRUNCHES

So where WOULD you like going out to?

-What, normally?

-Mmm.

-Nicer places than this.

-OK.

-HE CRUNCHES LOUDLY

-So how's your day been?

-Bit of a bad day, actually.

-How bad?

I don't really feel like talking about it, if that's all right.

-How's your day?

-Yeah, it was fine.

God, it seems like the bar staff are on a night out.

It does get busy here.

What's your point?

Just that it gets really busy here later.

I guarantee you, I won't be seeing later.

Excuse me a moment.

HE GROANS

CHILDREN SHOUTING

BUZZER

Hi, cheeky chops.

-Are these for me?

-Mm-hm.

-You've never bought me flowers before.

-Yeah, well,

there's a first time for everything, and I think people should be able

to show their friends just how much they care.

-Are you sure you haven't got a crush on the girl in the flower shop?

-No.

I bought them for you, to cheer you up.

Now, come here, come on. Let's have a little cuddle.

There.

-Now, then, what are you up to tonight?

-Why?

-Well, how would you like to go and see a very exciting gig?

-What gig?

Jess' sister's in this new thrash metal band. They're playing their

-first gig.

-Why on earth would I want to go to that?

-Because,

actually, it's something that I need you to do.

-Oh, I hope this isn't what I think it is.

-Yes, I'm seeing Rain.

She's given me a bit of an ultimatum so I just need to sort it out.

Right. Well, I think I'm going to give you these flowers back.

No, they're for you. I want you to keep them.

-You can't buy me with flowers, Ben!

-I'm not trying to buy you.

-They're a gesture of love.

-Well, I'm not doing it.

-Really?

-Yes.

-Do you want a tea?

-Yes, please.

Got you some DVDs as well.

HEAVY METAL PLAYS

WOMAN SHRIEKING

-WOMAN:

-Yeah!

WOMAN CONTINUES SHRIEKING

-What's that in your ear?

-What?

-What's that in your ear?

-Oh, do you want some?

-Oh, thanks.

-What?

-Thanks!

MUSIC ENDS

CHEERING

WOMAN SHRIEKS

-What did you think?

-Yeah, they were pretty thrashy.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Did you guys have a difficult childhood?

-No, not really.

-It was pretty normal.

-What was Sacrificing Dad all about, then?

-Oh.

-SHE LAUGHS

I guess he did make a lot of sacrifices for us.

Ahh.

-You ever been in a band?

-Not really.

-I was sort of in a band once.

-Yeah?

Well, I say a band - it was more me and a keyboard, wearing a leotard.

-What were you called?

-Um, I never really got as far as a name.

-It didn't last that long.

-Why?

I had to give the keyboard back.

I think that's why the Doors split up, weren't it?

Yeah, yeah - I think that's actually what This Is The End is about.

THEY CHUCKLE

So would you want to come and see them next time they play?

-Who, Scorch? Sure.

-Oh, good. Good, cos I'd love to see them again.

-Yeah.

Hey, how about I print up some Scorch T-shirts?

Ah, that's a great idea - maybe red on black.

How about we just get some T-shirts and set them alight for a while?

-SHE LAUGHS

-That is an even better idea. We can become Scorchers!

Oh, yeah - Scorchers. Fantastic.

And will you...? Will you tell Ben how good they are?

-Cos I don't think he wants to come and see them with me.

-Oh?

No. Maybe I'm being oversensitive -

it's just it seems really hard to get him out at the moment.

-He's a busy boy.

-Yeah.

Anyway, I'd better head back now.

Do you not want to hang out for a bit, catch up with your sister?

-Ah, nah - I'll call her later. I'm just feeling a bit tired.

-Sure.

GENTLE ORIENTAL MUSIC PLAYS

'Nothing is permanent in this world.

'Not even our troubles.

'What is the use of worrying?

'It never solved one problem...

'..or eased one pain.

'Reality is relative.

'WE create the world we want to live in.'

SIREN WAILS, MUFFLED MUSIC THUMPS

And what else can I do? I'd take him to church if I could.

-So how is Natalie?

-We have had terrible arguments.

I told her she was breaking my balls

-and I needed some serious time to think.

-What did she say?

What could she say?

You need to be careful she don't run off with that guy she works with.

Mate, she adores me.

How is it if you treat a woman badly, she adores it,

yet you treat a woman nice and she doesn't want to know?

-You've only just worked that out?

-Do you think it is true?

-I don't know.

Do you think at some point they'll give up the ghost

and want to be with someone who treats them nice?

-Or will they always be pining for the bastards?

-Hold on.

Excuse me, I'm just trying to escape from my friend

because he keeps talking about philosophy to me.

-Sounds a bit heavy for a Saturday night.

-Certainly is.

-How are you doing? I'm Jon.

-I'm Gabby.

-Nice to meet you, Gabby.

-This is Fran.

-So are you the philosopher, then?

-I guess.

-What are you philosophising about?

-The workings of the female mind.

-So what are you up to tonight, then?

-Oh, just hanging out.

Probably go through to that new club Whistle.

-My mate knows one of the DJs there.

-What kind of music?

-Sort of electro house.

-I love electro house!

-There you are, mate.

-Thanks.

-Mmm, so how was the gig?

-Fine.

-See, I knew you would love it.

-Don't push your luck. How is your young friend?

-She's OK.

And what have you decided?

Well, you know me, I find it hard to decide what shirt to wear.

-Well, maybe you need to be a man and make a decision.

-Mmm-mmm.

-But it is hard.

-What, your dick?

God, you really need to meet somebody.

Surely it will never be the same with Jess after you have

-cheated on her?

-I don't know.

-Isn't the point of going out with someone

that you give all that stuff up or you end it?

Yes, that's the theory, but sometimes you get curious.

Who is this girl?

Ben, this is Gabby.

-Gabby has just invited us to Club Whistle.

-Happy days.

I don't want to interrupt the boys' night out.

Oh, no, you don't need to worry about that. It's fine.

You might just want to have a wee catch-up with your mates.

-No, no. We know everything about each other.

-Is that right?

Yeah, and I can assure you that we are not gay.

-Are you sure about that?

-Yeah, they've both got girlfriends.

-Right.

-Mmm.

-Yeah, we are all really girlfriendly here, so...

-Well, my friends are at the bar.

-Excellent, lovely.

What the fuck?

-Come on, she is not really very you.

-What's that to you?

Can you honestly see yourself going out with a yo-yo like that?

-Yeah, why not?

-You don't even know what electro house is.

-You completely fucked that up.

-How many girlfriends do you need?

Just cos Emma left you for some other guy doesn't mean

you can go and fuck it up for the rest of us.

-Emma didn't leave me for some other guy.

-Don't.

What?

Did Emma know this guy before we split up?

Yeah, suppose so.

-For how long?

-It doesn't matter.

-How long?

-Couple of months.

And you knew about it?

-Yeah.

-And you?

Yeah, but...

-It was just before you split up.

-And you didn't bother to tell me?

-It wouldn't have made a difference.

-In your opinion!

-In her opinion.

Mate, it was over.

-Fran.

-Leave me alone.

-Fran.

Fran, come back.

Dick.

Sorry. It slipped out.

PHONE RINGS

-Hi.

-'Hi, Fran, it's me, Jess.

'I'm in Monkey Juice with a couple of girlfriends,

-'so I think you should join us.'

-I'm really not in the mood.

'I think you should join us!' SHE LAUGHS

-I can't take any more blind dates, Jess.

-'No more blind dates.

-'They have all got boyfriends.'

-Well, why can't you ask Ben?

'He's going to Leeds tomorrow. Come! Please!'

-You know what? Another night.

-'But I want to tell you something!'

-What?

'I'm not going to tell you now. You've got to come and meet us!'

-Why can't you tell me now?

-'I'm not telling you over the phone.'

-Hi.

-Hey! Where have you been? Everybody else has gone.

-It didn't take me that long. What is it you wanted to tell me?

-What?

I don't know, you tell me. You wanted to tell me something.

Oh, yeah. I think you should stop being sad.

Well, I'll try.

-And if that doesn't work, then you can always try hypnotherapy.

-Yeah?

I'll call Paul McKenna.

Yeah, if you just think happy then you'll be happy.

I'm going to get us a drink. You're going to love this.

Hi, can I get two more Black Monks, please? Thank you.

-What is a Black Monk?

-You're just about to find out.

So you...?

-So you think that Ben's happy?

-Ben? He's...

Ben is one of the most dissatisfied people I know.

Has he changed at all since he met me?

-What do I know?

-So, no then.

-I didn't say that.

-I don't know if he misses me when he's away.

-I'm sure he misses you.

Or actually, if he even really likes me.

SHE LAUGHS

-Well, what do you think?

-What do you think?

What does he tell you?

Oh, yeah, he says stuff, but...

-it's Ben, isn't it?

-This is between you two. Ask him.

I know. We were supposed to spend last weekend together

but he cancelled on me.

He is busy all the time, though, isn't he?

I know. I just think that if two people like each other,

-they see each other. They don't make excuses.

-Sometimes things come up.

Aw, it's sweet how you guys stick together

but I just want to know what he feels about me.

It's obvious he really likes you. He's just a complicated person.

But...

Right, down it in one.

-Why do you think he doesn't like me?

-Oh, this is getting stupid.

-I'm stupid for asking.

-No, you're not stupid.

So why do you think he doesn't like me, then?

I don't know anything.

-We're both in the same boat, you and me.

-How's that?

Dejected.

-I'm going to get us another drink.

-I don't think that's a good idea.

-Oh, shut up.

-No, seriously, you don't need another drink.

-Yes, I do, and so do you.

-No, you don't.

-Yes, I do. And so do you.

-I'm going to put you in a cab now.

-SHE LAUGHS

-Oh, are you, now?

-Yeah.

Are you always this boring?

Most of the time, yeah.

-Dragging me away from a bar at 10.30.

-You'll thank me tomorrow.

No, I will not. I will never thank you.

Well, I'm sorry for being so boring.

I think you should start to be less boring.

I think it's probably too late.

Yeah, you're probably right, but you never know.

Maybe you should try a parachute jump or something.

Is that before or after the hypnotherapy?

SHE LAUGHS After, I think.

I think I'll have a few problems landing if I'm hypnotised.

Unless you landed in a tree.

Yeah, I doubt that would happen.

Aw, I think you'd be lucky and you'd be saved.

I suspect otherwise.

-Do you know what?

-What?

Only good things are going to happen to you.

You reckon?

-I know they are, you're going to be fine.

-Hmm.

You are.

Uh, excuse me?

Where on Howett do you want?

Um...

Er, no, anywhere here is great, actually, yeah.

Let's just keep this to ourselves, yeah?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Burleigh Street now, is it?

Yeah.

PHONE VIBRATING

HE SIGHS

Oh, sh...

Have you decided yet?

Yeah, could you tell me what soup du jour is, please?

Er, hold on a minute, I'll just go and find out, it's my first day.

Apparently soup du jour is soup of the day.

Would you like one?

Um, could you give me another minute, please?

-Yeah, sure.

-Thanks.

-Hi.

-'Hi.'

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

-'You in Leeds?'

-Yeah.

'How's it going?'

Going fine.

-Are you OK?

-'Yeah, I'm fine.'

I was just seeing what you were doing when you get back.

Going to be busy.

-'Yeah?'

-Yeah.

-Let's speak tomorrow then, see how you're doing.

-'OK.'

-Right then.

-'All right, bye.'

Bye.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Hey, what you doing here?

I wanted to ask you something.

-Can you come back in an hour?

-I want to ask you now.

What?

Well, you told Ben.

-What?

-You know, about us.

Why do you think that?

Because I spoke to him, he knows.

-I didn't mean to tell him anything.

-But obviously you did.

Look, can we talk about this later?

I just wanted to know why you told him.

Um...

because...

because when I... When I called you,

I was feeling really down about me and Ben.

-Yeah.

-And then when I was with you I felt a lot better.

-Right.

Yeah, so I just wanted to be really honest with Ben about it all.

Because?

Because I didn't want to keep anything from him,

because I really, really like him.

So you are planning on staying with Ben?

Of course.

-There was me thinking...

-What?

It doesn't matter.

-This isn't easy, you know.

-No, it's not, you're right.

Four, three, two...

Sarah?

Sarah, is this an "0" or a "6"? I can never read your writing.

-It's an "0".

-That's an "0"? OK. It's an "0".

..05.

PHONE RINGS OVER LOUD MUSIC

Hi, Fran, it's Rabbi Sander here.

Just to remind you that, if you're still interested,

the Camden Centre for homeless people

would love some assistance any time this week, OK?

Let me know what you think. Bye.

KNOCK AT DOOR

-Yeah?

-'It's me, Celine.'

Hi, I just wanted to see you got the cakes OK?

Yeah, yeah. I've only had a couple so far, but they're really nice.

-How are you?

-Oh, don't worry about me, I'm feeling a lot better.

-Yeah?

Yeah. I was just walking around my place tonight and I thought,

you know, this might be a really good thing that's happened,

-and I started to feel really positive.

-That's great.

So, I'm sorry to have burdened you with all that before.

Oh, don't worry about it.

You were so lovely to me.

-But I didn't do anything.

-Oh, you did. You were so kind to me.

No, honestly, I was just being neighbourly.

It was more than that.

And I wanted to say thank you.

Honestly, the cakes were enough.

-Really?

-Yeah, you really don't have to.

But I want to.

I don't think that's such a good idea.

I thought there was something between us.

I'm-I'm sorry.

I feel so stupid.

No! No, no.

It's difficult, all this stuff.

Who am I trying to kid, an unattractive 42-year-old woman?

-Who says you're unattractive?

-Obviously you do.

No, I didn't.

Just-just because we both happen to be single

doesn't mean we're right for each other.

You need someone who really appreciates you.

They're hard to find.

-You'll find one.

-Will I?

Yeah.

You just need to go out with your friends more.

All my friends are either married or divorced

and going through breakdowns.

Well, I think you need to have a little more faith.

I'm just being realistic.

Well, maybe you shouldn't be realistic.

I'd better go back up.

You know I'm here if you need anything.

And you know what, Celine?

I think we're a lot stronger than we think, you know.

Good night.

-I was just in the area so I thought I'd drop by.

-Cool.

-Are you working from home?

-Yeah.

Look, I just thought I'd try and clear the air.

Go on then, give it a go.

I'm really sorry about what happened.

I should have thought it through more at the time.

-It was just one of those...

-I know I was off seeing Rain, right,

but I just think it was pretty low,

you getting Jess pissed and then making a move on her.

-Is that what she said?

-Yeah.

-She really said that?

-Yeah.

Yeah, and I've got to tell you, I was pretty shocked, mate.

-Are you and Jess still together?

-Yeah.

-Are you still cheating on her with Rain?

-No.

And...anyway, that actually hasn't got anything to do

with what you did.

It's not quite like... Do you know what I mean?

It's not quite like...

Look, I know you're having a hard time, right, but...

I just...just didn't think you'd do that. Not to me, anyway.

It's more complicated than that.

And I know that Jess felt sorry for you,

but you've got to stop playing on other people's pity,

it's pathetic.

Right.

Anyway, you moving out, or...?

-No, they're Jess's.

-Yeah?

Yeah, she's got to get out of her flat by the end of the month,

so I said she could move in here.

-For a while or...?

-She's moving in, mate.

So I guess you guys are pretty happy then.

Yeah, I guess.

So hopefully we can put this behind us.

I just think it'd be better

if we don't see each other for a little bit.

-Why?

-You know why.

Let's just give it a bit of time.

OK.

You going to be OK?

Yeah. You?

-Yeah.

-Good.

HE SIGHS

DOOR CLOSES

Excuse me? Sorry to bother you.

-What's that?

-Fennel and beetroot salad.

Nice. Is it good?

Yeah, it is.

So, um...you know, I know a funny story

about beetroot and fennel salad.

-A funny story about fennel and beetroot salad?

-Mm-hmm.

Actually, it's probably not best to tell you while you're eating it

because it might put you off.

Yeah, actually, I don't think I need to know.

-Sorry I'm a bit late.

-That's fine. Are you from France, then?

Yeah. I'll let you get back your friend.

Oh, it's fine, he's all right. Because I went to Paris once...

-Anyway, I need to finish my salad.

-Right.

-She wasn't interested.

-Like Jess?

Can I just say what happened with Jess was absolutely

not like she said?

So what, you got in the back of a taxi together and what, prayed?

No, it was completely the other way round.

-She was really drunk and made a move on me.

-Did she rape you?

-No.

Do you want me to call Rape Crisis?

It didn't happen the way she said it did.

You kissed a friend's girl in the back of a car. It's not great.

I thought I liked her. It was stupid.

Of course it was stupid.

Well, apparently he's very happy now,

so I seem to have done him a favour.

-He's not particularly happy.

-No?

-No, I only think he's with Jess

because the 17-year-old lost interest in him.

-So why are you giving me such a hard time?

-I don't know.

I'm a bit freaked out because Natalie's back tomorrow.

What have you decided to do?

-I'll probably end up proposing.

-Really?

-You don't seem very convinced.

-I know.

Shouldn't you be more convinced?

-I thought you were the big one for compromise.

-Go on, be like Ben.

-I don't know, what else am I going to do?

-Try and buy some more time.

PHONE BEEPS

Time's run out.

Maybe you shouldn't marry her.

-Well, I've got to get back.

-Do you want to meet up later?

-I can't. I'm meeting Ben and Jess.

-Right.

Look, I'll call you tomorrow though.

-Good luck.

-Thanks. Keep the paper.

-So, who do you like?

-No-one.

Oh, come on, there must be someone.

-You tell me who you like.

-Me? I'm-I'm fine.

Come on, you tell me who you like and then you can fix me up.

OK, um...

her over there, she's nice.

-The blonde one?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-What are you doing?

-I'm going to bring her over.

-No, no, forget it.

-Wait here.

-No, Celine...

-Too late.

Please, Celine.

Got to go to Angel, absolute nightmare...

Excuse me? Hi, I'm sorry for disturbing you,

but I've got a really lovely friend with me who has seen you

and was wondering whether you would like to come over and say hi.

-Why can't they come over themselves?

-Because he's a bit shy.

Who is it?

Him over there.

All right, you only live once.

That's great! So, what's your name?

-Dima.

-Dima? My friend is called Fran.

-Fran?

-Yep.

All righty, so, Fran, this is Dima.

Dima, this is Fran.

So what brings you here tonight?

Um...

my friend.

You're from Manchester, aren't you?

-Yeah.

-I've got a couple of friends from Manchester.

-Oh, right?

-From Salford.

-Right.

-Do you know Salford?

-Yeah. Yeah, I do.

You are pretty shy, aren't you?

Yeah. Yeah, sorry.

-Well, I'd best be getting back.

-Yeah. Nice to meet you.

Yeah, nice to meet you.

-It wasn't her.

-Yes, it was.

-No, it wasn't. It was HER!

You nodded at her.

-I pointed to her.

-What are you talking about?

You nodded right at her.

No, that's what you thought.

I thought she seemed very nice.

-I'm sure she's very nice.

-So...?

So, do you want me to fix you up with some random bloke?

I am with a random bloke.

Fran?

Yeah?

We were in the same class.

Oh, yeah. I remember.

What's my name?

-Um...

-Seema.

-Seema, yeah. I haven't seen you since we were about 11.

-I was just talking about you the other day.

-Yeah? Why?

Oh, I'm not saying.

Oh, you can't not tell me.

All right, OK. We were talking about people that we had

-our first crushes on.

-And...?

-No way!

-Mm-hm.

-I had no idea.

-Yeah, I always was good at playing it cool.

-Possibly a little too cool.

Yeah.

Might explain the patchy state of my love life, actually.

-What, someone like you hasn't been snapped up?

-Hard to believe, innit?

Although I nearly did get married last year.

Yeah? What happened?

Changed me mind.

Why?

I just wasn't feeling it.

-Didn't you feel bad about doing that to him?

-Yeah, obviously,

but I didn't love him and he deserved much better.

Sure you're not just telling yourself that?

-Well, he is married to someone else now.

-Just like that?

Just like that.

Why the questions?

Because I was meant to have got married recently.

But she changed her mind.

-Oh. That's got to be hard.

-Yeah, well, you know...

Anyway, I should probably go and load up that van outside.

Um...do you fancy meeting up for a drink,

or something to eat some time?

How recently were you meant to have got married?

Recently.

Um...like when?

Um...

nine...nine days ago.

-Ooh, yeah, probably best not.

-No?

No. But thanks.

Yeah.

-OK.

-See you.

HE SIGHS

STRUMMING ON GUITAR

BUZZER

Yeah?

Oh? Hold on just one minute.

Hi.

Hey!

How are you?

I'm good. What about you?

You know...

Mm-hm.

Things aren't going so well with me and Ben, so...

No? What's the problem?

I don't think it helps

-that I've got feelings for someone else.

-Who?

You.

OK. Well...

Listen, I think it's probably better if you sort it out with Ben.

What about you?

I think you're only here cos you're going through a bad patch with him.

PHONE RINGS

It's not about me. Sorry.

Just hold on.

-Hey.

-'Fran...'

-Yeah.

-'Can you come and meet me, please? I'm in the Arms.'

-Yeah. What's up?

'Can you just come over now?'

-I'll be there in ten.

-'Thanks.'

All right.

-I've got to go and see Jon. He doesn't sound too great.

-Oh.

Listen, I'm really sorry,

-but maybe it's a good thing you're not getting on very well.

-Why?

Maybe you can sort things out properly and move on.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

Take care.

-Right.

-I'll see you.

What's wrong?

I went to see Natalie to ask her to marry me, and she said no.

She said she didn't want to be with someone

who she had to constantly cajole into marry her

and how this prick at work adores her

and he wouldn't think twice about marrying her.

What did you say?

I just begged her,

and she just said no, that she'd already made up her mind

to be with this guy.

-I'm really sorry.

-Mate, what should I do?

I don't think there's much you can do.

It's probably best just to move on.

I don't want to move on.

Maybe she's right.

Maybe if you don't want her, she should be with someone who does.

You don't have to rub it in.

Mate, I just feel terrible.

I'm such an idiot.

-The universe will look after you.

-Oh, shut up.

-Maybe it'll be good to spend some time on your own.

-Are you kidding?

-I can't think of anything I'd like to do less.

-You'll feel better.

-Will I?

-Yes.

-When?

I don't know.

Come here.

Come here!

HE SOBS

# I saw it written and I saw it say

# Pink moon is on its way

# And none of you stand so tall

# Pink moon gonna get you all

# It's a pink moon

# Yeah, it's a pink moon

# Pink, pink, pink, pink

# Pink moon

# Pink, pink, pink, pink

# Pink moon. #

Hi.

It's Fran.

Yeah. How are you?

I'm just at my house.

Well...

SPEECH FADES OUT

# ..I saw it written and I saw it say

# Pink moon is on its way

# And none of you stand so tall

# Pink moon gonna get you all... #

-Hiya. Are you all right?

-Yeah.

# ..Yeah, it's a pink moon

# It's a pink moon

# Yeah, it's a pink moon... #

# Underneath the heat of a heavy grey sky

# I thought about last night

# I thought about last night

# Wind danced your hair over and away from your eyes

# We were all dressed to the nines

# We were all dressed to the nines

# And I wonder what we will make of these days of ours

# In the future, what we will make of these days of ours... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd