I'm All Right, Jack

HE SNORES

CROWD CHEERING OUTSIDE

Sir John! Sir John!

What is it?

The War, Sir John! It's over!

Over? Oh, yes?

Just listen to them out there!

That's another we've come through.

They can't finish us off, can they?

Owens.

Yes, sir?

Close that window, it's chilly.

Yes, Sir John.

'This is the last we shall see of Sir John,

'a JP, Chairman of the Rawton Unionists' Association,

'Honorary Chairman of the Board for the Adjustment of Distressed Gentlewomen

'and sleeping partner in the City and Threadneedle Trust.

'Yes, there goes Sir John,

'a solid block in what seemed to be an ordered and stable society.

'There he goes, on his way out.'

'For with victory came a new age

'and with that new age, a new spirit.'

# I'm all right, Jack, I'm OK That is the message for today

# Count your lolly, feather your nest

# Let someone else worry I couldn't care less

# You scratch my back I'll do the same for you, Jack

# That's the message for today

# Workers and bosses, sweet duet

# Share the gains and the losses, you bet

# Everybody's comrades now

# We're all brothers, and how!

# If there's any fiddle Get in in the middle

# Stack your whack, Jack, while you may

# All pull together, but not too fast

# Help the other fella make the job last

# Trust one another, like Big Brother

# Blow you, Jack, I'm all right!

# We're all makin' history

# The bravest new world you ever did see

# Knock the time-and-a-half up Watch out for the bull

# Be first for the carve-up Be nobody's fool

# Talk about Utopia Don't let 'em soap ya

# Grab your whack, Brother, hold on tight

# Blow you, Jack, I'm all right! #

COCK CROWS

'Britain in the Fifties, facing the challenge of a competitive world.

'After a war in which her wealth had been decimated,

'one man's response to this challenge is the story of a nation.

'This is the story of one man.'

But, Father, industry's crying out for people like me!

University men used to become professionals if they had brains.

If they hadn't, it was the Church or the Army.

I tried the Army, Father.

Oh!

< Yoo-hoo! I say, Mr Windrush?

I'm sorry, but our ball is near the table. Could we have it, please?

Oh, yes. Stanley, get it for her, will you?

Oh, don't throw it, I'm a bad catch!

The Major has such a strong service!

Oh!

Thanks most awfully.

WOMEN GIGGLE

Heavens, is that the local talent?

That's our Miss Forsdyke. Not a natural blonde, of course.

< Thirty love!

I expect you're used to living here, but I'd find it unnerving.

It's a question of attitude. Here we're down to fundamentals.

I wouldn't disagree with that.

Dignity and privacy, Stanley, only exist here.

Not on the tennis courts!

Are you staying to lunch?

I'm got to be at the University Appointments Board.

Anyway, why should a gentleman CHOOSE to go into industry?

I shall be an executive!

Decided where you'll live?

I'm staying with Aunt Dolly.

Bertie's mother? Is she still alive?

Well, she was this morning.

< Yoo-hoo, Mr Windrush!

We've quite worn the Major out!

Could we tempt your son for a game?

Er, no, I'm afraid not. Very sorry!

Father, I must be going. I'll let you know about the interview.

Industry offers many opportunities,

provided you have confidence, intelligence and enthusiasm.

What industry had you in mind?

Something not too heavy, sir.

Not too heavy?

Not a thumping great business like steel!

I see. Light industry, eh?

One near London. With early closing.

With WHAT?!

Well, I thought perhaps one afternoon a week...

You DO expect to work?

Yes, I'm not afraid of hard work!

I'm confident I shall get to the top.

Oh. Well, I hope you're right.

I'll arrange some appointments for you.

I hope you have some luck.

Thank you very much, sir.

And don't forget - intelligence, enthusiasm and confidence.

Above all, an air of confidence!

I won't!

'Industry, with great opportunities,

'spurred by the march of science,

'was working to supply those vital needs for which the people hungered'

# Detto doubles the bubbles! Detto halves all your troubles!

# D-E-T-T-O - that's Detto, better for you! Detto! #

We need chaps like you with a higher education

to stay as one of the great detergent-producing nations!

Before I show you the factory, are there any questions?

You also make Frisko, which costs less. What is the difference?

Basically none! It's the packaging.

Detto has the larger carton, but they contain identical amounts.

Detto is aimed at young housewives.

My great-aunt tried Frisko once, and she got an appalling rash!

Is that so? My babies' napkins have always been washed in Frisko

and no child has had ANY spots!

Oh! Well, of course, my aunt's rash was on her arm.

Next question?

What is the manufacturing cost, sir?

Good question. The cost of the contents of these two packets

is three tenths of a penny,

and the retail price elevenpence, tenpence ha'penny. And therefore...?

A whacking great profit!

Marketing a commodity costs money.

We are giving away teaspoons with four packets of Detto.

Sir, has the firm considered the alternative?

What alternative?

Sell the teaspoons, give away Detto!

Tell me, what is your name?

Windrush, sir.

Well, Mr Windrush,

with your approach there is no future for you, nor for us!

You'd better go. You are not the detergent type!

# Num-Yum's the best bar none So always say "Num-Yum"

# Num-Yum is scrumptious and it's so nutritious

# Num-Yum is food and fun Num-Yum's the best bar none

# Because it's soft and milky and delicious! Num-Yum! #

Hooper, Mr Windrush has come to see about an executive trainee post.

Now show him the whole process.

Thank you very much, sir!

Morning!

Morning! Here, try one!

Very kind of you!

Not at all!

Thank you very much!

Do you like it?

It's our new formula!

Fascinating!

HOOTER BLARES

What's in it?

Eh?

What's in it?

I'll show you!

Here's the first stage of the mixing.

The pipes discharge the ingredients into a rotating barrel inside here.

Go on, eat it up!

The timing of the flow determines the quantities.

A relief valve discharges the mixture out of here into this duct.

BELLS RING

Ah, there she goes!

Come on, taste it, it's quite cool!

Good?

Mm!

Follow me!

Here, air jets cool the mixture to the required consistency, blowing...

MACHINE DROWNS OUT SPEECH

Haven't you finished it yet? You ARE a slowcoach!

Go on, have the lot! Swill it down!

It's more mellow. Right, over here.

SHE SNEEZES

MACHINE MAKES RASPBERRY NOISES

Not here, Miss Hackney, please, dear

Here, try a bit. Now...

This machine stamps out the blocks.

MACHINE MAKES BELCHING NOISES

Here, tuck in!

It cuts 48,000 blocks a day...

You're not eating! Go on!

..at the rate of 2,000 an hour.

From here, we go down here.

This is the enrobing chamber, where the blocks are cooled and decorated.

This is my favourite machine!

I say, anything wrong, old man?

Oh, my hat!

Yes, pretty overwhelming, isn't it?

Here we are - soft, milky, delicious

All ready for a walnut and a cherry.

Now we wrap 'em, pack 'em, dispatch 'em.

Seen everything, my boy?

Course, it isn't easy to digest all at one go!

ANGRY VOICE ON TELEPHONE

Look, I...

I can only say I'm sorry.

I can't do more than apologise!

I'm sorry, but goodbye!

Windrush again! Take this letter, Miss Harvey.

"Dear Windrush, your appointment at the British Corset Company -

"brackets, Foundation of the Nation, close brackets - Ltd

"was your eleventh in ten days."

'Due to their lack of appreciation,

'I doubt whether you and industry are compatible.'

Your Uncle Bertram and a gentleman are here to see you, Master Stanley.

Thank you, Spencer.

Here's your tea, my pretties!

DOOR OPENING

-Ah, here

-is

-Stanley. Hello, darling.

Hello, young fella!

Hello, Uncle!

This Mr De Vere Cox.

We was together in the last war!

Coxie! What are you doing here?

He's a business friend of Bertie's.

We've come to help you!

Really?

More tea, Mr Cox?

Thank you, milady.

I hear you want to go into industry.

Yes, but it doesn't seem very easy to get in!

Well, I happen to be a director of an engineering firm - Missiles.

< Would you like to join us?

Wonderful, Uncle!

Your uncle's firm's just about to land a big arms contract.

It was Cox's idea that I take you on

Thank you! What would I have to do?

I expect you'll supervise. After all, you WERE at Oxford.

First, apply to the labour exchange.

Labour exchange?!

I suggested to your uncle that you might go in on the other side.

What other side?

Become a worker!

A worker?!

Unskilled.

Is Mr Cox suggesting that Stanley join the working classes?!

I certainly am! In management, what sort of money would you expect?

Oh, about...eight pounds a week?

As a worker, your union would see you never got as little as that!

And as a worker, you're important!

Politicians want to make you happy and get your vote.

Can you see Stanley getting sweaty?

No, no, you've got the wrong end of the conception!

These days it's the management who, er, perspires.

Bertie's given himself ulcers trying to make Missiles more efficient,

giving the men bigger wage packets.

And you'd get one, Stanley!

It DOES sound attractive, Aunt Dolly!

But having to join one of those horrid unions!

I don't suppose one HAS to!

I so HATE violence!

That doesn't happen nowadays!

Well, Stanley, what about it, eh?

Would I be able to work my way up?

Of course! In time...

All right, I'll have a go.

But don't mention to anyone that your uncle's a director.

It, er, could disturb the, er, industrial peace.

'The gates opened on a new age, and through them marched the people.

'The prospects were pink and bright,

'as they marched happily to work.

'The British worker had a new sense of the dignity of labour

'to match his age-old tradition of comradeship.'

HOOTER BLARES

FRANTIC SHOUTS

TIME-CLOCK PINGS

'Ere y'are, Knowlesy.

Ta.

A nice little two-shillin' double for today.

Ta, mate.

Did y'do the one I give you Friday?

Aye, and the 'orse is still runnin'!

< Knowles!

Watch it, here comes Creepy.

Knowles, come here!

I'm putting this new man on the trucks with you.

Right, Mr Crawley.

Come on, start work! Get cracking! Come on!

That's a nice smooth bit of stuff!

Got your overalls?

I'm afraid not!

You'll have the Major after you!

The Major?

Old Itchy, the personnel manager.

It's all right for Head Office, they don't have to deal with the workers!

I tell you, they're a positive shower!

But I'm to carry out a time and motion study.

Whose bright idea was that?

Mr Tracepurcel's, I suppose.

Surely the men must know that I...

Know?! They only know what's in their pay packet!

They can break into a sweat merely by standing still!

They can't STAND being stopwatched!

I can help them work within their natural capacity!

The only capacity natural to them is the capacity to dodge the column!

Sorry, I had a punishing night last night.

Did a time and motion study of my own - redhead. Rather athletic.

Quite.

I'll have to find a way for you to do your stuff without them knowing.

Our last time and motion chap tried to pass himself off as a worker.

They rumbled him - he's still in hospital! (LAUGHS)

Up.

Down.

Dead simple.

It looks a jolly efficient little job.

Just remember to plug in here at night

so the batteries are charged next morning.

The man-hours saved must be colossal!

We're on a fixed bonus, so don't flog your guts out.

These trucks must do the work of a dozen men!

Not half, really, don't you know(!)

You're, erm, dead keen, aren't you?

Could you show me again?

It's another one. Go and tell 'im.

Righty-ho, Charlie.

So when he started shooting off about efficiency,

Brother Carter said I should tell the shop stewards.

Very commendable, lad.

If he IS a time and motion bloke,

we'll have to be quick or we'll get tighter schedules for the same pay!

Yes, but we have to play it careful.

We must be fair to the man concerned

yet we don't wish to raise issues which reverberate to our detriment.

This is for dispatch. Start this end

If you don't mind, I'll start down here.

Watch it!

What's your game?

Frightfully sorry!

Who's going to sweep this lot up?

< Sorry!

Berk!

Pay 21.

Pay me.

What the hell are you doing?

Go on, get out of it!

I do beg your pardon. I'm new here.

Bring those back and get up the other end!

You berk!

They're takin' on some proper charlies nowadays, aren't they, eh?

Here we go.

What are you doing?

I say, the most extraordinary thing.

There were some chaps playing cards!

They were furious!

I told you to start this end!

But who are they?

The management wanted to sack 'em,

but we'd go on strike, so they kept 'em on as checkers.

Now come on, get weavin', and only one at a time.

(That's him, Mr Kite.)

Hey, you! You!

What do you think you're doing?

Frightfully sorry, I haven't got this buttoned up yet.

What's your name?

Windrush.

Oh. We're the works committee.

How do you do?

Would you produce your union card?

I can't!

Oh?

You see, my aunt has strong feelings about unions.

There's others with strong feelings.

Is it compulsory?

No, it's not, but you've got to join.

If it's not compulsory, I'll join!

Have you done this sort of job?

I'm afraid not.

So what brought you here?

I'm starting in industrial management.

Industrial management?!

All right, off you get. Alf, call a stoppage of the truck drivers.

Don't do nothing till your case has been gone into.

Come on, get off it.

Welfare state? More like "farewell" state - soldiers' farewell.

Major, trouble - the shop stewards.

Damn! See, Waters, they're onto you!

They always spot a time and motion man!

Take Waters outside and camouflage him.

Is he in?

Mr Kite! He's busy, but he's always pleased to see you!

Er, come this way.

The works committee, Major.

Ah, come in! Take a pew! Cigarette?

Major Hitchcock, the works committee has had to call a stoppage.

Well, what precisely is the trouble?

We feel that the agreement vis-a-vis

time and motion is being contravened.

I don't go behind the unions' backs!

Then explain why we have the new man.

New man? But he hasn't started yet!

Then what's he doing on a f...f...fork-lift truck?

Who?

Windrush. >

Windr... That name rings a bell!

Get his particulars.

He has admitted that he is not a genuine worker.

The management is wilfully jeropurdising the workers' safety.

AND he does not hold a union card.

Here you are, Major.

That damned labour exchange! Henry, he must be sacked immediately!

You see, nowadays they send us anybody! Just anybody!

Thank you for telling me! It IS up to the unions to help us keep out the incompetents

Major, may we withdraw and consult?

By all means!

Thank you.

Phew, I thought they'd got Waters!

What a shower!

I'll get Crawley to pay the man off.

And give him a rocket for employing him!

KNOCK AT DOOR

Come in!

< Ah!

I have one question for you, Major.

Go ahead!

Will you sack this man or not?

Sack him, of course!

That is in breach of the company's agreement with the union.

He's not a union member!

A technicality.

Didn't you say he was incompetent?

We cannot accept the idea that incompetence justifies dismissal.

That's right.

We've been at cross-purposes!

I thought YOU objected to this chap!

That was before we knew the facts.

Well, that's splendid, he can stay on!

That was a most productive morning's work!

We haven't had a stoppage like this since...the week before last!

Terribly sorry about it!

Don't be, it makes a nice break!

HOOTER BLARES

What's up now?

Dinner time. All go today, innit?

Our chairman, who is indisposed, has asked me to say >

how much Missiles value this important arms contract.

We are satisfied to know that in supplying your country with arms,

Missiles are contributing to world peace.

Hear, hear.

I would like to pay tribute to his Excellency Mr Mahommed here,

whose charm as a diplomat is matched by his integrity.

Hear, hear!

The success of these negotiations is entirely due to him.

Thank you!

I am no diplomat, I am a simple businessman.

But we are both simple businessmen!

HE WHISPERS

Would you excuse me? An urgent call

Of course!

Thank you.

Did you enjoy your lunch?

Very much!

Good!

Yes, the deal's just been signed.

CONGENIAL LAUGHTER

Now listen, Cox, leak the story to the papers right away.

By tomorrow our shares will have trebled in value, then we sell them at a huge profit

and carry out the rest of the plan.

Oh, don't worry about that, Stanley started work this morning.

I've been studying his Excellency Mr Mahommed.

I think he'll prove co-operative.

The trouble today is everybody's out for himself.

But in Britain it's different.

Nice of you to say so. It's a matter of mutual confidence, really.

Every man at Missiles knows we're all in it together -

we're all out for the same thing!

It's different in the Soviet Union.

They work for the same thing. It is a classless society.

Here you've got to watch 'em - that's why the workers are solid.

They struck me as being pretty solid.

It's good having intellectuals coming into the working classes.

One has to do SOMETHING!

True. I see you was at Oxford.

Yes, I was!

I was up there meself - Balliol Summer School, 1946.

They do good toast, as you'll know.

No, I didn't.

Pop in on your way home and pay your dues at the branch.

Got far to go?

It takes me about fifty minutes.

I ought to find rooms nearer work.

I might be able to help you there.

Oh?

Mrs Kite takes in occasionally.

Oh, well, er...

No, I'd welcome it. I enjoy good conversation.

Pop in and have a look at the rooms.

Erm, thank you, Mr Kite, but perhaps I could let you know.

Ooh!

Dad, tell Mum I'll be in late tonight.

Very well, Cynthia. On overtime?

Don't be daft! Going up west. Dancing.

My daughter Cynthia. Works here, spindle polishing.

Really?

Quite a job!

Erm, that room you mentioned - it wouldn't be any trouble?

No, Stanley, not a bit!

Perhaps I could have a look at it!

Tomorrow night?

Tomorrow night, yes, capital!

Good!

GRAMOPHONE PLAYS "I'm All Right, Jack"

Call a coloured chap inferior, and what've you got? Cheap labour!

That's how bosses make their profits

Oh, stop being such an old misery!

'Ere, eat this.

I don't like to see our class behaving like the Garadeane swine.

Watch your language, Fred Kite!

Poor Mr Windrush!

That girl with that gramophone AGAIN.

GRAMOPHONE PLAYING LOUDLY

GRAMOPHONE STOPS

MUSIC RESTARTS

MUSIC FROM UPSTAIRS

Here - "Collective Childhood and Factory Manhood".

Oh... Sounds fun...

It's about factories in a workers' state.

But I won't spoil it for you.

Ever been to Russia?

Er, no, not yet, but I'd like to.

All them cornfields and ballet!

I wish I knew as much about it as you.

You ever read any of Lenin's works?

Erm, no, I'm afraid not.

That'll open your eyes!

Is 'e still on about Russia? That's all we ever hear about!

Have another cup of tea, Mr Windrush.

Er, no, thank you.

Care to imbibe? Where's that Australian Burgundy?

No, really.

You sure?

Certain.

Oh, Cynthia, this is Mr Windrush.

He's going to take the room.

We've met already.

Good evening.

There's some tea for you.

I can't stop.

Where you going this evening?

Movies.

Perhaps I could give you a lift.

That would be kind, wouldn't it?

Yes. Ta.

You don't want to go yet, Stanley!

I don't, but I really ought to.

Oh...

Bye, Mum!

Don't be late.

Goodbye. Thank you.

Don't worry, we'll see ourselves out.

What a lovely young fella, eh?

Potentially very intelligent.

I wouldn't know about that.

It's a pity Cynthia don't read.

She's not properly developed.

Whatever on earth are you talking about?

Intellectually, I mean!

She's young, she wants a bit of fun!

And she makes sure she gets it!

Y'know, him living here might make a very good friend for Cynthia.

You can trust his sort. >

Please explain.

It's possible that Missiles will be unable to fulfil your contract.

But peace in the Middle East depends on it!

Cox, perhaps you'll explain to Mr Mahommed.

Well, I own an engineering concern.

Bertie owns the tax losses - only not in his name, of course.

Well, we're not very busy at the moment.

But the contract is with Missiles.

But supposing they can't deliver? That's where my company comes in.

It'll cost your government £100,000 more -

a nice sum to divide between three

Eenie... meenie... miney.

Ah!

I see.

Between simple businessmen even peace is divisible.

But why should you have trouble?

A new worker.

Troublemaker - never knows when to stop!

OWL HOOTS

Stan?

Mmmm?

D'you mind me asking you something?

Of course not!

Cross your heart?

Cross my heart.

Are them your own teeth?

Are they WHAT?

Are them your own teeth?

Of course they are!

I thought so.

Only you keep 'em so nice and white I thought they might be dentures.

Stan?

Mmmm?

I'm so glad you're coming to live with us.

BANGING

CAT WAILS

# Num-Yum is fruit and fun Num-Yum's the best bar none!

# Because it's soft and milky and delicious! Num-Yum! #

What's the trouble?

It won't go!

You forgot to plug in, didn't ya?

We saw that last night! Charlie said, "He'll have a flat battery!"

Why didn't he plug it in?!

Demarcation, Stan!

What the blazes is that?

He mustn't do other people's work!

I thought we workers were all solid.

But, squire, he's in a different union.

He's in the Amalgamated, we're in the General.

Why have two unions?

How would we go on for wage claims?

The Amalgamated gets a rise, so the General puts in for one.

Otherwise we wouldn't none of us get a rise!

I see!

I hate to mention work, but you two get back on the job!

Put it back and plug it in. Get a spare.

Here's the box you installed, sir.

All right, Henry, leave it there.

TYPING

Oh, very good!

Dirty beast!

Major? I CANNOT go on like this.

Oh yes?

I can't time men through binoculars!

Waters, listen, this is VERY good.

"Re that bloodhound with binoculars.

"If he sniffs round the workshops he might lose his testimonials.

"Signed, four dog lovers"!

I don't find that amusing.

You should see the others - pure porno!

Still, if it weren't for this box they'd write on the walls!

PHONE RINGS

Hello? Hitchcock, personnel.

Oh, hello, sir!

Oh, of course, yes, good show!

Henry, come in here!

What? Oh, leave that to me, sir!

Goodbye, sir.

Blast! Henry, a bit of a flap on.

The deputy chairman's bringing down those darkies.

Got to lay on the usual things - speeches, soap in the toilet...

Go on!

Oh, he wants to see you.

Me?

You must report to him.

Oh. Right.

You're simply not doing your job!

Nobody will co-operate, sir.

If you want co-operation, try that new man, Windrush, on the trucks.

He's young, keen, and not corrupted...yet.

I could time the mechanical handling.

Good. After lunch get down to dispatch.

What about the works committee?

Well, what I'm saying in my speech

is bound to provoke a meeting. They'll be out of the way.

Very well. Thank you very much, sir.

Get on with it.

Nice, Bertie, very nice! "Young, keen and intelligent" - blimey!

Don't want the other directors seeing you.

Right. Oh, give 'em the "working damned hard" stuff.

And that "export or die" bunk.

"Export or die" is no empty phrase.

We must sell to be able to buy, or the result is starvation.

Can anyone here put his hand on his heart and truly say, >

"I am doing my best"? >

HE BELCHES

Turn it up, there's enough wind inside.

..a sense of duty - an ideal which many have lost sight of.

< To ensure good trading intercourse with foreign markets, we must sell!

(What's he on about?)

(Commercial intercourse with foreigners.)

..everyone doing an honest day's work for a fair day's pay, for a change.

< We must work with our neighbours,

irrespective of whether they belong to another union or race.

The firm's success is OUR success!

HE BLOWS RASPBERRY

Thank you, everyone, now get back and buckle down to your jobs!

It is so nice to see British democracy in action.

Thank you!

A jolly good speech!

Creep!

I think my speech'll have an effect.

I'd be surprised if it didn't, sir.

HE WHISTLES

Afternoon!

Afternoon!

You in charge here?

No, the dispatch charge hand is - he's at the works committee meeting.

Oh. Handy little machine, that!

Good, aren't they?

I'm new around here.

Haven't been here long myself!

What are you doing?

Shifting the generators for loading.

This machine must save you a lot of sweat.

Yes!

Pity it can't take two at a time.

But it can!

Really?

Shall I show you?

Yes, please!

Righty-ho. Stay here.

Mind your legs, that's the idea.

There we are!

That WAS quick!

I could go faster!

Not with two, surely?

More! Three, four!

Impossible!

All right, I'll show you.

Not keeping you from your work, am I?

Oh, no!

I don't want to get you into trouble!

Not at all. I'm...learning a lot.

Oh, good! Right, watch this!

"Don't want to get you into trouble"!

Brothers, it means trouble. You heard his speech.

It was barefaced provocative of the workers.

ALL: Hear, hear.

I would say we had no option.

We try to help the management, but the co-operation's been one-sided!

They f...f...fight us on every issue.

From now on, no concessions - we have enough on our plate, without having more piled on!

There we are - dead easy!

Splendid! Put them into effect immediately.

Yes, sir. Nobody told me the men had agreed to the job being retimed.

They haven't.

Well, then, sir, this is worthless.

Why?

Well, you must time a man on the job.

A man WAS timed.

A man was... How? Who?

An inexperienced operator.

(I'm not surprised to hear that.)

Windrush.

Windrush? Oh, Windrush.

Sir, I don't want to be a Jeremiah, but these figures are science fiction stuff!

No, Major -in fact, Windrush's work rate was much higher.

But he hasn't got used to the workers' natural rhythm.

It's neither natural nor rhythmic!

I agree.

Oh, absolutely, sir.

Right, get on with it.

That's what I wanted from you - keep it up!

Thank you, sir, I'll do my best.

We'll soon have things moving!

Slice of cake?

What? Turn you stone deaf!

I was skint, then three cross doubles came up!

The boys'll think you're creepin'!

Sorry.

Here, have this on me, or Kitey'll chase you for the rent this weekend!

WHISTLE BLOWS

Told you -he's come to collect.

Fall in, the Church Lads' Brigade.

Thank you, Brother.

WHISTLE BLOWS

Right, Brothers, are we all here?

I wish to lay before you certain facts.

I have been handed this paper by the management.

It purports to contain timings

which affect the rates for your jobs.

This has not been mooted before,

and it is definitely a definite breach of the existing agreements that exist.

-A diabolical liberty!

-(ALL) Hear, hear!

We would've known if they'd timed us.

That brings me to a point that has led us to take a grave view of this.

One of our members DID co-operate with the management.

Brother Windrush, I ask you this,

did you collaborate with the management?

Me? Collaborate? What do you mean?

Was you on loadings yesterday?

Yes.

Brother Charge Hand, where was you?

I was at a shop stewards' meeting.

You was alone, Brother.

Except for the other chap.

Brothers, this so-called "other chap" was, in fact, the new time and motion man.

GRUMBLING

Perhaps you'd make a statement.

Terribly sorry, but he didn't tell me that.

You must be dead stupid - of course he wouldn't tell you!

-He was interested in the truck!

-He's after more work for less money.

But I got the job done in half the time!

Then he'd only need half the drivers!

-It's OK for you -

-WE

-need the money.

So do I! I could do with a bit more.

You're going the right way about getting it!

You s...silly c...c...clot.

GRUMBLING

Your case'll come up tonight before the branch.

I insist that I was not working hard, just quicker.

Must've been working like a black!

That's it! They talked about coloured labour.

They'll have blacks doing our jobs like in Birmingham!

Dirty rotten trick!

You going to call the drivers out?

Brothers, EVERYBODY'S comin' out!

Hey! Has that Windrush gone yet?

Try the car park - he's got a bubble car.

Ah!

Is your name...?

Good Lord! It is! I know you!

I served under you in the Army!

I might have known - you've always been bolshy!

What do you mean?

Don't come the innocent with me - the whole place is on strike!

You're a stinker of the first order!

Ow!

OW!

Come on, we're on strike!

Who said?

Kitey just passed a motion. Come on!

No point us working for nothing, is there?

Here's to the solidarity of the workers. Long live the unions.

The workers won't give in, but my fellow directors may not approve.

If they do not?

I'd have to withdraw the schedules and the strike would collapse.

But I need time to transfer the contract to Mr Cox here!

How long would you like?

Four or five days - at least.

No problem.

You know, Bertie, I think we ought to call the newspapers in on this.

There must be a nice human story here.

Stanley, you can't stop eating just cos you're not working!

My dear boy!

Mr Kite's late.

Soppy branch meetings! I don't know what they find to talk about!

They're talking about me, I think.

Ah, daft lot.

DOOR CLOSING

Ah, there he is. Dad, tea's waiting!

< These two have nearly finished!

Good evening, Mother.

Good evening, Mr Kite!

This is from the branch committee.

Dad. >

Disassociation? What's that?

You have been sent to Coventry.

Nobody'll talk to me for a month?

That is correct, yes.

So YOU'RE not allowed to talk to me, Mr Kite?

Only to inform you of our democratic decision.

Demo... But I wasn't there, Mr Kite!

Unnecessary. We had all the facts.

Good job the wives don't strike. Have you washed your hands?

They're clean enough.

Well, I hope they are.

DOORBELL RINGS

Who's that?

MURMURING

Yes?

Is this Mr Kite's house? We're from the press.

Er, would you wait one moment, please?

(Dad! Dad!)

Eh?

(There's a crowd of reporters outside!)

Oh, they'll want a statement from me.

Don't get yourself in the newspapers.

No, when you're in the public eye, you expect it. Let 'em in.

I must ask those present to retire while I hold a press conference.

Press conference! Who d'you think you are, Diana Dors?

Will you come in, please?

Evening, friends. Please be seated.

Mr Kite?

Correct. I know what you want,

so please be seated and I'll discuss the case.

Now it has always been the union's...

-Could we interrupt you?

-Certainly.

We understand Mr Windrush lives here.

Yes.

Could we see him, Mr Kite?

See HIM? Well, I do not know...

Is he in?

Yes, he's in...

but it may not be convenient.

Would you mind asking him?

Mother!

You're Missiles' chief shop steward?

I am, for my sins!

< You brought the men out?

Technically, that might appear so.

However, it was passed democratically, and...

How many strikes have you called?

That question is not reve-lant to this issue.

Are you in any political party?

My politics are between me and the ballot box!

Are you a Conservative?

The interests of the working class

are diametrically opposed

to the party you have mentioned. What is more, and again I...

May we ask you some questions?

We're told you started the strike.

I'm afraid I did.

By working too hard.

Oh, no!

But you worked harder than the rest?

Not harder, really - just quicker...

What are your mates going to say?

I don't know. They can't speak to me, I've been sent to Coventry.

< For working hard?

I suppose so. I'm not quite sure.

-How do you feel about these mates?

-They're first-class chaps!

-No hard feelings?

-No!

Don't you want to get back to work?

Yes, I need the money!

But the union's stopping you?

It's not really as simple as all that.

There's the negotiated agreement and the question of the black men.

What about them?

I don't understand that myself, but Mr Kite could explain it for you.

But your whole object is to get this big export order completed quickly?

Yes! If we can't export, we shall die of starvation!

We must produce at the right price!

And the human angle - are you the only person living here with Mr and Mrs Kite?

< Apart from their daughter Cynthia.

Oh! And what does she do?

She's at the factory, too.

Then you must see quite a lot of each other.

Yes, well, it's getting awfully late,

and Mr Kite hasn't had his supper.

Could we have a quick picture of you with the ladies?

You don't want to photograph me!

Let me get my apron off, then!

< Put your arms round them.

< Now, Miss Kite, look up at Mr Windrush.

Smile. Thank you!

< "Stanley Windrush did in one hour what his workmates did in seven.

"But his union sent him to Coventry.

"He was working too efficientry...efficiently.

"Does he forgive them? 'They are first-class chaps,' he says.

"Here is an example to us all. The management must back him."

There. Lord Beaverbrook wrote that.

I should never have allowed him to be interviewed.

This is a management stunt!

The Sketch says if Stan was Russian he'd be a hero of the Soviet Union.

You've come out lovely in this one, Cyn. They do look nice together.

Stan looks just like Frankie Sinatra here!

Beats me how you can read that muck!

Muck? YOU sent him into Coventry! They don't say "Salute Fred Kite".

Your press conference didn't help!

Don't be rude to your father.

I'm off.

I thought you wasn't working.

I've got to report to the executive, check the pickets...

You only ever do any work when you're on strike!

There he is!

Mind your backs, please.

Any developments?

Care to make a statement?

Any news?

This strike will be 100% solid, apart from that, I have no comment.

Excuse me. Stand back, please.

Look for Master Stanley's car. The house must be near here.

Very good, your Ladyship.

Would you mind coming out this side?

Yes, I think I'd better. Thank you.

Whatever's going on here?

Good morning. Is my nephew at home?

Nephew?

Mr Windrush.

Who, Stan?

Yes, Stanley.

Ooh! Mum, it's Stan's auntie!

Auntie?

Come in!

Thank you.

MURMURING

I've told Stanley you're here. He's dressing.

Thank you.

Cynthia, you go and get dressed too!

All right, Mum. See you later.

< Perhaps, yes.

I'm sorry, it's my fault - I told Stan he could have a lay-in,

seeing he wasn't working.

I see.

Sit down, I'll make you a cup of tea.

No, I won't have any tea, thank you.

It's no trouble! >

You're very kind, but no, thank you.

I must say, we love having your nephew here.

Yes, he's a nice boy.

He's so considerate and so polite.

I'm glad to hear that. Manners have changed, haven't they?

Sometimes I think the whole world's changed!

It has indeed!

I said to Mr Kite the other day, "It's all right changing things,

"but what're you left with?"

Perhaps I WILL sit down.

That's the ticket.

You make yourself comfortable...

Thank you!

..and I'll make you a cup of tea!

Thank you!

Stanley's side of the family haven't a penny!

I suppose she looks after them.

She looks after the money. That's about all she looks after.

I expect Stanley will get a bit when she goes.

I'm most anxious that Stanley shouldn't be disloyal, worker or not.

Definitely. How d'you like your tea?

Strong and no sugar, if you please.

Family ties count for something.

No-one should forget his upbringing.

Quite.

It's unthinkable that a gentleman should go on strike.

Officers don't mutiny, do they?

No. I see what you mean.

Thank you. That's what I've come to tell Stanley.

That lot won't see nothing, the strike's solid.

Tell 'em to f...f...

..film something else.

Hello, what's HE come here for?

You shouldn't be up here, you're in Coventry.

The fact is, Mr Kite, I've decided to go back to work.

You what?!

You may not understand this, but it's a matter of loyalty.

I should think it is!

I mean, Uncle expects it of me.

What's your uncle got to do with it?

He's Mr Tracepurcel. Though he asked me not to say.

I should bloody well think he did!

Of course, I might have known! I've been blind!

You're an agent provoca-tower!

No, I...

You whited sepulchre!

You was a fifth column in our midst!

Do you mind if I drive on into the factory?

JEERING

Fascists!

Go on in, if you're going.

You traitor, Windrush!

In my own house!

Blackleg - a nice thing!

And me chief shop steward!

Made me a laughin' stock!

It's not right! I mean, I'm easy enough, but there are limits!

DOOR OPENS

Ooh, home at last!

They should put on more buses!

What a journey! Edie sends her love.

Yes, dear, put them down there.

Have you got my present for Stanley?

Here it is, dear.

Oh! Stan not had his supper yet?

No.

Why, isn't he in?

No.

Shall I put it on his plate?

Yes, dear, all right.

When will Stanley be back?

He IS back.

What do you mean?

He's back where he belongs.

'Ere, just a moment.

What exactly do you mean by that?

He's packed up and gone.

Where?

I had no choice. He's a blackleg.

You threw him out?!

(WAILS)

There, darling, don't upset yourself, Cynthia.

See what you've done?

What will I do with his suspenders?

(I could tell you.)

He's got no thought for others!

Now he's ruined my whole life!

I hope you're satisfied, Fred Kite!

It was democratic - I AM chairman of the works committee

Oh, yes, and don't we all know it?

We're sick of it - union this, union that, blasted Soviet Union!

There IS a strike on, Mother.

And the strike's spread to this house from now on!

Cynthia, pack our bags, we're going back to Auntie Edie's!

You wanted a strike, you've got one.

When you feel like working, I will.

And listen, here's another strike that's 100% solid!

DOOR SLAMS SHUT

'This is the BBC Home Service. Here is the 9am news.'

The Transberberite government has cancelled its

one-and-three-quarter-million-pound contract

with Missiles Ltd in view of the strike there.

The contract has been re-allocated to another British firm,

'Union Jack Foundries Ltd of Clapton.

'Mr Sidney De Vere Cox of Union Jack said,

'"Missiles have my sympathy,

'"but I rejoice that this order will not be lost to the Old Country."'

SWITCHES RADIO OFF

(WHISTLES "Rule Britannia")

How far is it, Mr Cox?

We'll be there in twenty minutes.

What a fine morning!

Couldn't be better. It's in the bag.

To quote your proverb, we have the bird by the bush in the hand.

HORN BLARES

Well, here we are.

Where are you going?

We're on strike, guv.

What for?

In sympathy with Missiles.

What about a bit of sympathy for me?

Mr Cox...

SHUT UP!

'Industrial crisis provides a challenge.

'But the nation remains calm,

'because it has leadership

'that is bold, tolerant, yet decisive.'

I see great principles at stake.

As Minister of Labour, I shall not interfere

with those great principles which I deem to be at stake.

The Trades Union Congress has met, and on behalf of my colleagues,

I can say that we are not prepared to endorse the strike officially,

nor to condemn it.

Unions are free to make their own decisions.

But the General Council calls upon employers

to exercise restraint and avoid provocation.

'But other vital forces are at work.

'British respect for the individual,

'allied to a genius for compromise and the unorthodox approach.'

Let's buy 'im off!

Too risky. What's this Kite like?

Sort of chap who sleeps in his vest.

Looks like we'll have to climb down.

But they're not feeling the pinch yet.

Well, I bloody am! I might lose the contract.

Yes, the nation's interests must come first.

Just go back to the old schedules and sack this berk Windrush.

I can't sack him while he has the press behind him.

Will somebody please find out what this Kite will settle for?

Hitchcock, you'll have to go.

KNOCK AT DOOR

MILK BOTTLES FALL OVER

Oh!

Oh! Hello. I thought you might be out on a spree.

And what might you want?

I hope it's not an inconvenient time.

It might be.

I wonder if I could have a word.

I dare say you could, yes.

What a charming little place!

-How's the lady wife and daughter?

-They're on holiday.

I suppose it's hard to get back with the strike on.

I dare say.

I came round to help you settle this strike.

Help?

Of course! I'm on your side in this.

If they'd listened to me, there wouldn't have been a strike!

-I

-never wanted it.

The directors are shockers! They're looking silly now!

Typical!

-Now, they're more likely to listen to what

-I

-say.

I see.

Perhaps you'd care to sit down, Major.

Oh, thank you.

Do you imbibe?

What a splendid idea!

Good!

Supposing I got them to drop the new timings?

No, they would have to admit that these timings was unworkable.

I would agree to the job being timed,

but only under the supervision of the works committee.

-Very reasonable! Cheers.

-Cheers.

Of course, Windrush would have to go.

Get the men back to work, then I'll sack Windrush when this blows over.

No, he would have to go first.

Oh, that IS a snag, isn't it?

Perhaps you'd like a refill, Major.

Oh! If you're twisting my arm!

Windrush is the real problem.

How do we get rid of him and avoid a public stink?

CHEERING OUTSIDE I shan't be able to answer all these!

Put an acknowledgement in the Times' personal column.

Good Lord, Spencer, what now?

Another present just arrived.

Don't bring any more, there isn't room.

Take all the flowers to the hospital.

Yes, ma'am.

"For your fight against the rising cost of living,

"this gift comes from five ladies living on fixed incomes."

How very kind, Stanley!

Jolly kind indeed, Aunt!

Just listen to all that cheering.

How long have they been there?

Hours, dear.

What a nation we British are, once we are stirred!

CROWD SINGS "Land Of Hope And Glory"

..children of Babylon are destroyed and become an abomination...

Three cheers for Mr Churchill and Stanley Windrush! Hip hip...

# We want Stanley! We want Stanley! #

What can you do with women?

Thank you.

Say, you DO appreciate my position, don't you?

Yes, to a degree, but why's the stinker here in the first place?

There. Not exactly invisible, but it'll keep the draught out.

Takes you time to find who your friends are.

Of course, I've been betrayed.

We've all been betrayed, old chap.

Do you think she'll come back?

Mine didn't. Thank God!

I dunno, I always give her the best I could provide,

she's always fit and well.

It ain't as if she's overworked!

You see...

'Ere, that's it, that's it - overworked!

Ill health brought on by overwork!

I thought you said she was fit.

Not her, Windrush! That's how we get rid of him.

He resigns on account of ill health brought on by overwork.

Kite, that's absolutely bang on!

Ill health through working the new schedules!

Yes!

(LAUGHS) The best of British luck!

Will he do it?

He'll trust his uncle.

CHEERING OUTSIDE

But I'm perfectly fit, Uncle!

I know! This is just a formula.

Used every day. Army politics.

Stop worrying. Resignation would be far too easy a way out.

I'm NOT going to let you down now.

I appreciate that, but...

No, no, Uncle, I wouldn't dream of it.

I'm not having you lose the contract AND your principles.

To hell with my principles!

They're still calling for you, Stanley, you MUST show yourself.

Oh, Aunt Dolly, must I?

Indeed, and you too, Bertie.

DOOR OPENS

CHEERING

(Quiet!)

Tonight at 8.30 we are showing our discussion programme Argument.

The subject is the industrial strike.

We'll have some of the leading people connected with the strike.

You'll hear spokesmen for the management, the shop stewards,

and Mr Stanley Windrush, the cause of the strike.

The chairman will be Malcolm Muggeridge,

so don't forget to look in at 8.30.

Hang your things in here, then come down to the make-up room.

Thank you.

That's right, Stan - it's yours.

Coxie! What are you doing here?

That's your cut - my idea.

My cut?

We wouldn't leave you out!

But you must do what your uncle says.

What?

Resign on grounds of ill health.

I've had all this out with Uncle.

Now look, me old Stan, this is a bit delicate.

Bertie wouldn't let me tell you, but if you stay, the strike goes on,

and we all lose 100,000 smackers.

Who's "we"?

Well, there's me, your uncle Bertie and that Mahommed fellow.

Nonsense! Uncle's firm's already lost the contract!

Well, yes, in a way -

to me, Union Jack Foundries.

It's business - high finance and that.

You mean Uncle stirred all this up?

Yes, with your help, don't forget. Only it's got to stop now.

If you wanted to stop the strike, you should have talked to Mr Kite.

We have, Stan. Very amicable, too. He suggested the ill-health lark.

There we are, Mr Kite. >

Thank you, miss.

Ask the girl to find Mr Windrush.

If you blabbed, your uncle would go inside.

Kill your Aunt Dolly, that would. Anyway, I prefer to be honest.

Quite a change for you.

Yes, well, you take my advice, Stan.

On the ol' telly, get up quietly and tell 'em you want to resign.

Ta-ta.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Make-up's ready, Mr Windrush.

Mr Windrush? They're waiting for you.

Oh! Yes, of course.

On in five seconds. Quiet, please.

Four...three...two...one...

THEME MUSIC PLAYS

Argument - the programme that puts YOU in the picture!

Good evening. The subject in everyone's mind is the strike.

'Some think the economy is in danger...'

LAUGHTER

Turn it up!

Others feel the living standards of the workers have been attacked

by the employers, in breach of contract.

We have four people intimately concerned in this unhappy situation.

On my right, his Excellency Mr Mahommed, and Mr Tracepurcel,

then on my left Mr Kite and Mr Windrush.

Before they face the audience, I'll ask each of them for a statement.

Firstly, Mr Kite.

As chairman of the works committee at Missiles, where do you stand?

Oh, yes. Erm, the situation is quite straightforward.

Trades unionists have always been concerned with, er, FOR efficiency,

and for the individual worker.

And it is...

It is for that reason that we oppose the attempt of the management

to overwork the men on the job.

'Ear, 'ear.

It is for that reason that we oppose blackleg labour.

'Ear, 'ear!

And it is for that same reason...

It is for that same reason that we oppose...

Erm...that reason...

we oppose.

'Ear, 'ear!

Thank you, you've made that point.

Now Mr Windrush, a worker at Missiles,

< ..who may be the "odd man in".

Mr Windrush, what have YOU to say?

Mr Windrush!

I'm going to find it pretty difficult

to say what I want to say in a few words.

I'm only just catching on now.

As my friend Knowlesy would have said, I must have been dead stupid.

< I've swallowed everything -

all the phoney patriotic claptrap of the employers,

until my head's reeling with the stink of it all. >

But nobody notices the smell any more...

..and they're so deaf they can't even hear the fiddles - they don't WANT to.