Jules Verne's Rocket to the Moon

MILITARY BAND PLAYS FANFARE

The Queen. God bless her.

Queen Victoria, the symbol of her age -

an age of progress, beauty and virtue.

An age when science blossomed like a magic flower

and all mankind fell beneath its spell.

To this generation, all things seemed possible.

The scientist and the engineer were personally encouraged by royalty

and at the forefront of every experiment were the nobility -

men like His Grace, the Duke of Barset.

-VICTORIA:

-And it is men like our beloved cousin the Duke of Barset

who have done so much to encourage the advancement of science,

thereby enriching the daily life of our subjects

throughout the Empire.

And so, before pulling this main switch,

we would like to congratulate him

on becoming the first man to illuminate his house

completely by electricity.

BELLS CLANG

Fired by enthusiasm,

the Victorians probed ever deeper into the mysteries of science,

and thereby achieved miracles of engineering.

The Trent Suspension Bridge -

crowning glory in the career of that great civil engineer,

Sir Charles Dillworthy.

-VICTORIA:

-And so, it gives us the greatest pleasure

to open this new suspension bridge -

the tenth to be designed and constructed

by Sir Charles Dillworthy.

MILITARY BAND PLAYS FANFARE

HORSES WHINNY

An age of experiment, of trial and error.

And at this hour of trial,

Sir Charles Dillworthy realised his error -

his business partner, Captain Sir Harry Washington-Smythe.

Public works contractor, financial genius, sportsman.

How exactly does it work?

It's quite simple, Captain, really -

electromagnetic bars on each pocket,

you merely switch on with your selector switch here

which pocket you want and you play.

Not with those, Captain.

Centres of sold steel.

Ah-ha...

By Jove, Grundle - it's an absolute corker!

I mean, one can't possibly lose.

And the patent is yours, Captain, for the trifling sum of 50 guineas.

My dear fellow, you will have my personal cheque.

In that case, I shall offer it to the Marquis of Angleby.

Grundle - I tell you what, how about my solid gold watch?

Done.

'Not all the applications of science

'brought such obvious rewards to mankind.

'Applied to less peaceful ends, it resulted in the development

'of new and ever more terrible weapons of war.

'Professor Siegfried von Bulow - explosives expert to the Kaiser.'

Your Imperial Majesty,

I would like to demonstrate for you now...the cannon helmet!

With the aid of this helmet,

every infantryman is converted into a piece of mobile artillery.

WHISTLING NOISE

HE COUGHS

'Thanks to science,

'man's vision of the future was clear and optimistic.

'And nowhere was optimism more apparent than America.

'The New York office of the great Phineas T Barnum -

'great showman, great optimist.'

Congratulations, gentlemen - by joining me in me in this venture,

you've ensured, for each and every one of us, a brilliant future.

We are deeply indebted to you, Mr Barnum.

Oh, no, no, no - don't thank me.

I want you to share with me in the benefits

of this great new enterprise.

And it will be truly great, my friends -

not just an American show,

not merely the greatest attraction in the civilised world,

but a truly terrestrial attraction.

The greatest show on Earth!

Mr Barnum...

CLICKETY-CLACKING

What in the name of tarnation is that contraption?

That, sir, is a teleprinter,

connected directly with my manager's office in Philadelphia.

By means of that machine,

he will keep us informed of our progress.

Entire...show...

..burned...to the ground. Stop.

Fear...you are...

..completely...ruined. Stop.

Advise you...leave the country immediately. Stop.

Hey! Stop!

FOOTSTEPS AND YELLING

Well, General...

In about 15 minutes, we'll meet the Liverpool Packet.

No sign of it yet, Barnum.

Say, what do we do when we get to England?

-Make a fortune.

-Oh. How?

Well, that minor detail we'll take care of when we get there.

CHARLES CLEARS THROAT

Ah, Charles - how nice to see you again.

Yes, Barset.

Usual crowd of fools and charlatans, I see.

-Good evening, Your Grace.

-Evening, Your Grace.

Good evening.

-You heard about my bridge, I suppose.

-Oh, yes, yes.

May I offer you my deepest sympathy. A terrible catastrophe.

I was victimised, Barset. Victimised.

Dishonest contractors, inferior materials...

I was betrayed by the company, Barset. Betrayed!

Yes, yes. Terrible.

Oh...

I'm delighted to meet you, sir. I'm Barset, president of the Society.

Barnum - Phineas T Barnum.

Barnum? Not the great Barnum?

At your service, sir.

LAUGHING: Oh, yes, yes! Of course, wonderful.

And this must by Little Tom Thumb.

GENERAL Tom Thumb.

I do beg your pardon. Yes, of course.

I had no idea you were in England.

We just arrived today, slipped in without any fuss, you know?

-Well, it's jolly nice to see you at our lecture.

-Lecture?

-Yes.

We shall be starting any moment now. Do come this way.

Gentlemen, I think we really must be going in.

And so, with this new explosive substance,

which I call Bulovite - do you understand? BULOVITE.

It is possible that an object could be fired

which would escape completely from the gravitational pull of the Earth

and travel through the upper reaches of the atmosphere.

I continue.

Uh...

LOUD SNORING

Huh?

TOM SNORES

This explosive will revolutionise cannonry as we know it today.

A projectile fired beyond the Earth's atmosphere

would have a range which is infinite.

In fact...

..such a projectile could reach the Moon.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

How would you fire such a projectile, Professor?

From a cannon.

LAUGHTER CONTINUES

You would have to construct an enormous cannon.

LAUGHTER GROWS LOUDER

Please - please, gentlemen.

Professor von Bulow is our guest.

Professor, in your opinion,

could such a projectile carry a human being?

Could a man travel in it?

Yes - if he was a small man.

Naturally, sir.

And of course,

providing the human body could survive such a trip.

Well, sir, speaking as a physician,

I can assure you that the human system

is quite incapable of surviving at such a velocity.

DILLWORTHY: Nonsense!

Are you questioning my medical judgment, sir?

Yes, indeed I am, sir -

when we engineers first constructed a railway, it was you physicians

who said no-one could travel at 20mph and survive.

And judging by the railways you construct, sir, they were right!

That's an attack on my reputation. That's a personal attack.

Let me tell you, for what it's worth,

people are a darn side safer on my railway

than they are in your surgery.

You can stuff that up your stethoscope!

-ASSEMBLY JEER

-Did you hear what that man said?!

I've never been so insulted in all...

Order! Gentlemen, please, order.

Please!

HE WHISTLES

Please, gentlemen, please.

Let us not get overheated, I beg of you.

(Who is this fellow?)

He's not a member, is he?

Gentlemen, may I introduce to you Mr Phineas T Barnum.

CHATTERING AND MURMURING

Gentlemen, gentlemen,

when I received an invitation to this meeting,

I thought perhaps at first there had been some mistake.

But now I discern the hand of Providence

has sent me here this evening.

The professor here has mentioned

the possibility of a journey to the Moon,

a voyage to another planet.

Think upon this, gentlemen...

..perhaps one of us here in this very room

may be the first man to set foot upon the Moon.

Now, who will join me on a committee

to instigate this magnificent adventure?

I'll join you, Mr Barnum. Yes, indeed I will.

Yes, and so will I.

Naturally, I will join that committee.

BOTH: We will!

Thank you, gentlemen.

This meeting will go down in history -

a meeting at which it was first decided

to send a living human being to the Moon!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hurray! Hurray!

Read all about it! Barnum sensation!

Barnum sensation...

Barnum proposes trip to the Moon!

"Sir Charles Dillworthy and the Duke of Barset

"also joined the committee, and there is great speculation

"as to who will be the first person to be sent to the Moon."

I wonder what Mr Gladstone is doing.

Your Imperial Highness, von Bulow is going to the Moon.

Good!

Gaylord?

Gaylord, you must not got to the Moon.

Gaylord?

But Gaylord, you mustn't go up to the Moon

just because of me.

I am not going up to the Moon,

I am merely going over the Channel to England.

Oh. And what about me?

You - that's all you ever think about, isn't it? You.

Well, what about science? Progress? What about me?

Five years I've been working on the plans,

and now over in England,

they're starting to make one without me.

But they're not going to get away with it - no, sir.

The first ship landing on the Moon

is going to be designed by Gaylord Sullivan.

Oh, Gaylord, I do love you.

Then why are you marrying him?

But I love him too.

You can't love both of us.

It just...it just isn't decent.

But I do! This way is best by far, Gaylord.

You see? He is the richest, so I marry him,

but I see you in the afternoons.

It's better than marrying you and seeing him in the afternoons.

Why, Madelaine, I've never heard such a suggestion!

You've got to make up your mind - it's either him or me.

Oh...

Eh? Madelaine!

HORSES' HOOVES APPROACH

-It is him!

-Yes, but who are they?

Oh, they're the guard of honour from the wedding.

Make up your mind quickly. I'm not hanging around to argue

Oh, I come with you.

Oh!

Quick!

GUN CLICKS

Imbecile - you did not load it.

But Monsieur, I did not know it was that kind of a wedding.

Gaylord!

It is me she loves - bring her back!

I'm sorry, Henri - I can't.

I've got to go to England.

Never! Marcel?

Henri! Henri, don't shoot. I love you.

Is it true?

You really love me?

I will always love you, Henri. Always.

Oh...Madelaine...

This is enquiring about rights to mineral deposits on the Moon.

File that under "Prospective Investors."

How do we find out if there's minerals up there?

The man who goes up will have to bring back samples.

Barnum, I've opened over 2,000 letters

and I ain't found one yet from a man who wants to go there.

General, I'm sure there's such a man somewhere -

a man of courage, devotion, loyalty.

Possibly...a military man.

Well, like you always say, there's one born every minute.

Yes. Well, we don't have to worry about that yet a while.

I'm off to Barset House. First meeting of the committee.

-Good day, General.

-Good day.

HE KNOCKS AT THE DOOR

-Good morning, Mr Barnum.

-Good morning, Your Grace.

The others are here. Let's go into the Committee Room.

Anna, this is Mr Barnum.

Miss Anna Lindstrom, my daughter's companion.

-How do you do?

-Charmed.

SOMETHING THUDS

Sorry, Daddy.

This is Mr Barnum, my dear.

My daughter, Lady Electra.

Hello, Mr Barnum.

We're making a lift, Daddy.

Good.

I shan't need the pickaxe now, Anna. I've managed without it.

-Right.

-Both of them are very keen on engineering, you know.

-I encourage them. It keeps them out of mischief.

-Yes...

Hop on, Anna.

I'll just check...

Ready, Anna?

MACHINE WHIRRS

Now, gentlemen, as I see it,

our immediate task is divided into three sections -

first, the construction of the cannon.

Oh, in my head, it is already constructed.

Splendid, Professor.

And secondly, the construction of the projectile.

-You can leave that to me, Mr Barnum.

-Very good, very good.

Third and lastly, raising money for the project.

Ah, yes. That could well be the most difficult part of it.

THEY CHAT AMONGST THEMSELVES

Gentlemen, gentlemen,

this committee will furnish me with an estimated cost of this project,

I will raise the money.

However, however, I will need an assistant to act as Treasurer.

-Yes, and I know just the chap.

-Splendid. Who is he?

My brother-in-law - Captain Sir Harry Washington-Smythe.

No!

Beg your pardon. Very silly of me.

This Smythe, he is of course a completely reliable man?

Absolutely first-rate. He's a gentleman.

-That thing work, Grundle?

-Of course it will.

I knows my trade, you know. I learned it out in the colonies.

Yes, we know.

You laid the first cable from Botany Bay to Van Diemen's Land.

-How does it work?

-Quite simple, really, you know.

This machine is connected to the main telegraph light.

Now, every time a message comes through to the telegraph office,

you reads it first.

That way, you gets advance information on the stocks and shares.

Well, I suppose if the Stock Exchange use the telegraph,

we shall have to do the same thing,

although it won't me half as much fun as intercepting carrier pigeons.

Here - one coming through now.

"Captain Sir Harry Washington-Smythe,

"14 Enterprise Buildings, London, WC1."

That's me! What does it say?

"Come to Barset House immediately

"regarding position of Treasurer to Moonship Subscription Fund.

"Signed, Barset."

What's a moonship?

I don't know what a moonship is,

but I know what a subscription fund is - money.

Come on.

ENGINE CHUGS

-Who on earth is that?

-Miss Anna, from the look of her.

From the look of her what?

From the look of her, I think I better go and help her.

Why must we always meet like this, in secret?

And as Mr Barnum will agree, I'm sure,

we mustn't leave the money idle.

As it comes in, I will invest it -

on behalf of the committee, of course.

I know some excellent companies.

Good. Good.

Well, gentlemen,

do we all agree that Captain Smythe shall act as Treasurer?

QUEEN VICTORIA: 'It gives us the greatest pleasure

'to open this new suspension bridge.'

RUMBLING / CRASHING

Thank you, Sir Charles.

Well, fine, fine.

Now that's settled, Captain, will you sit here?

I'll sit next to Sir Charles, if I may.

I've always been a great admirer of his works.

And now, gentlemen,

I think Professor von Bulow should speak.

Huh? Ja...

Gentlemen...

By this experiment, we see some of the problems

which could trump us.

Bulovite.

Open the window, please.

Watch closely.

THEY COUGH

Ay, ay, ay, ay...

You see, gentlemen, the problem of recoil.

Yes - amazing, Professor, amazing.

That's only part of our problem.

To fire a projectile beyond the pull of the Earth's gravitation,

it would be necessary to construct a cannon

with a barrel measuring 573 feet.

By using Bulovite, however,

I can reduce this length to 310 feet.

The real problem is that it is not possible

to construct a cannon of this size.

The only answer, therefore, is...

No...ah...

The only answer, therefore, is...

..to drill a hole into the side of a mountain...

..and use this for our cannon. Understand?

Then our first task is to find a mountain.

Well, as a matter of fact, let me help you there. We own one.

-Uh...do we, Harry?

-Of course we do, Willie. Caerflwyti.

Oh, yes, of course - the estate in Wales.

Yes. I'd forgotten about that place.

Oh, look - it's Uncle Harry's new gas carriage.

Beautiful...

Miss Anna?

Yes?

Pass me the spanner.

Here.

Dillworthy?

Dillworthy, come back!

Get away from me, Smythe!

Dillworthy, I want a word with you.

It's the voice of the tempter - get away from me!

But Dillers, old chap...

Thou shalt not tempt me, Smythe!

The voice of the tempter has been heard in the land.

The way you're shouting, at sea as well.

No, Smythe, I won't do it - whatever it is, I will not do it.

But I merely wish to offer you a lift back to town

on my new gas carriage.

On your new gas carriage?

Oh...

No, there will be more to it than that. I know you.

Well, I did think we might have a chat on the way back

about this moonship thing, eh?

No, Smythe, no.

I mean, look what happened on the Trent Bridge.

It collapsed - in front of Her Majesty!

The humiliation of it...and it was all your fault.

You supplied the materials.

Well, you took the profit and now you're complaining.

Not very sporting.

I know, but it was me who had to face the enquiry.

You know, Dillers, there could be £5,000 in this for you.

Stop tormenting me, Smythe. Get thee behind me, Satan.

It could be even seven.

Oh, the flesh is weak...but every man has his price.

All right - what is your price?

Ten.

Right. £10,000 today, my company gets the contract for the moonship.

THUDDING

Oh, blast!

What's the matter with the darn thing?

Run out of gas.

Give us a push, will you?

Come on...

There we are.

That's it.

Right, that'll do.

Now, Dillers, chin up and fix this on, will you?

Steady, steady...

Mind the paintwork.

Right, turn it on.

You know, the whole principle of this vehicle is dishonest.

It relies on stolen gas.

That isn't the point.

It's very economical to run.

The committee has acquired this mountain

from His Grace, the Duke of Barset.

The greatest geologist in England

has pronounced it suitable for our purpose,

and so, gentlemen, it is from this spot

Man will journey forth to his conquest of the Moon!

I think we should be going down now. They're ready to start blasting.

-Madelaine, darling?

-Mm?

-I don't know where we are.

Why don't we go down and ask somebody?

Because then we wouldn't have enough gas to get up again.

I should have stayed with Henri. He would've looked after me.

He's just a big, rich, stupid fool - he knows nothing.

At least he knows where he is.

But he doesn't know where you are.

-Oh, Madelaine - I wish we were on the ground.

-Oh!

GAS HISSES

-What are you doing?!

-Going to the ground, my darling.

You've let too much out.

Grundle has placed the charges of Bulovite all round the top

and now we shall discharge them with electricity.

You see, the idea, gentlemen,

is to remove the top of the mountain,

leaving a flat surface into which we will dig our shaft.

-Is this the electric detonator, Professor?

-Oh, no, no, no.

That's my electromagnetic speaking trumpet.

HIS SPEECH IS DISTORTED

Hello - he's off again.

SPEECH IS DISTORTED

What's he saying?

I don't know. He can't be using it properly.

Oh...!

Oh...

Oh!

Gaylord!

Gaylord, take care!

Gaylord, help! Help!

Gaylord?

Gaylord!

Guv'nor, all charges laid.

Grand, grand - you heard my instructions all right?

Oh, yes, yes - every word.

And now, gentlemen, I shall remove the top of the mountain.

Hey there! Help!

Help!

-Hey there!

-Stop!

Thank Heavens it didn't work.

But it should have worked!

HE GRUMBLES ANGRILY

BOOM!

EXPLOSION DIES AWAY

-Are you all right?

-Thank you. Thank you, Barnum.

Oh...

What...?

MUSIC: "Wedding March" by Richard Wagner

Yes? Oh...

-Please, can you help me?

-Is the bridegroom with you?

No, I'm all alone in a foreign country.

-Foreign, but not unfriendly. Do come in.

-Oh, thank you.

Why, it's absolutely incredible!

You must have been working on these plans for years.

It's all I've ever dreamed about.

But how on earth did you get here, boy?

We came by balloon.

The balloon - Madelaine.

I forgot.

MADELAINE: Yes?

You'll find some clothes in there. They belong to Lady Electra.

-< My niece, you know.

-Oh, thank you.

What can we do to find Gaylord? >

Hm? What? Oh...

Don't worry - I'll get my man to organise a search party.

Oh, thank you. You're being very kind.

Perkins? Perkins, I want you to come in here.

-IN A WEST COUNTRY ACCENT:

-"Coming, sir."

Ah, there you are, Perkins.

"Yes, sir. Here I be, sir."

Perkins, there's a young French lady in the next room

whose fiance is lost in the hills.

I want you to organise a search party

and go and look for him.

"Yes, sir. It be getting dark, sir.

"Maybe the young lady, if she wants to come along, will have to hurry."

Careful, Perkins.

No, that won't be necessary, she'll stay here with me.

She'll be perfectly safe here with me.

"That she will, sir -

"you being the finest and most honourable gentleman

"that ever did draw breath."

Well, thank you, Perkins.

Well, off you go, take my horse - no time to lose.

"Aye aye, sir."

Sent my man off.

Care for a spot of supper?

Oh, thank you. I'm just coming.

Oh, dear. The door is jammed.

DOOR RATTLES

Oh. Really?

Well, don't worry, I'll come and help you through the window.

Champagne?

There's no sign of her.

The Duke's hunting lodge - perhaps she's in there.

MADELAINE SCREAMS

GLASS SMASHES

Madelaine!

Gentlemen of the committee,

it gives me much pleasure to show you, for the first time,

a scale model...of my moonship.

Barset, will you kindly assist me, please?

Well?

Well...it certainly is a handsome thing.

You see, I don't know very much about engineering...

Oh, indeed you don't, Mr Barnum.

Yes, well, Sir Charles, as you know, I'm only an amateur engineer.

Yes, I do know, Barset - extremely amateur.

Yes, but it occurs to me

that if this is to be fired from a cannon...

Yes, Barset?

..well, it seems to me

these projections might prevent the air-tight fit in the cannon.

Are there any more questions?

Yes, I have a question I'd like to ask.

Look, Mr Barnum, I can assure you

that this projectile will take a man to the Moon in perfect safety.

Exactly, sir, but how does it bring him back?

I was told to design a projectile to convey a man to the Moon.

Nothing was said about bringing him back.

But he might not like it up there.

Then he'll just have to lump it, won't he?

I mean, the obvious answer

is to find someone who doesn't want to come back.

Well, I can assure you, sir,

that General Tom Thumb will insist on coming back.

Well, then we'll just have to find someone else.

Some fellow out of the workhouse -

some baccy and a couple of shillings, he'd jump at the chance.

Oh, no, no, no - you can't send a man up there to his doom.

Barnum, the public would never permit it.

Even if he is a pauper.

I take it, Sir Charles, you haven't examined this young man's design.

No, I have not,

and I have no intention of doing so, either.

I'll tell you this, it's either mine or nothing.

You can get in touch with me when you've made up your minds.

Oh, dear...

Gentlemen, gentlemen.

Let us not be too despondent.

Gaylord, would you be good enough to show the gentlemen your proposal?

Why, yes.

You see, it was my idea to place rockets in the nose,

so that when it landed on the Moon in this position,

reverse rockets would propel it back to Earth.

-LAUGHING:

-Rockets! Yes, of course, that's the logical answer.

You idiots!

This croaker never designed a moonship - he's a charlatan!

Even so, Sir Charles,

we are prepared to commission a design from him,

and I'm afraid that your services will be no longer required.

Oh...they won't, won't they?

Well, you'll see - you'll be begging for me to come back, begging.

You'll see, all of you!

And he's not pinching my design, either.

Hello, Dillers, old man. Anything wrong?

Why weren't you there, Smythe?

Why weren't you at the committee meeting?

I had to fight them all on my own. No support from anyone.

-Did anything go wrong?

-Everything!

They pushed me off and commissioned that dumb Yank.

Well...I need to talk to Willie about this -

get that Yank, as you say, "pushed off"

and you put back on again.

I mean, it's the only patriotic thing to do.

Besides, it's absolutely vital

we get the contract for that moonship - vital.

We have followed with great interest

the progress of your moonship, Mr Barnum.

We understand that the subscription fund has now reached over £1 million.

Have decided who will journey in it?

Well, Ma'am, we're not releasing the news until later.

But we wish to know now.

-It will be General Tom Thumb, Ma'am.

-Splendid.

We will send him a message

wishing him Godspeed and a safe voyage.

He'll appreciate that, Ma'am.

We have also requested our War Office to give Professor von Bulow

every assistance with his experiments.

Right. Come on, gentlemen. On your feet.

On your feet, all of you.

Come on, Mr Hawkins,

you can have a nice lie down when you get to the mess.

On your feet!

Class, attention!

Class, on the right, dress.

Class, eyes front.

Class, number - one, two, three, four, five.

Hello - one gentlemen absent.

Carruthers - anybody seen Mr Carruthers?

Come on, Mr Carruthers, sir - at the double.

We're waiting for you.

I was blown up, Sergeant.

Yes. But you've come down again, haven't you?

-Yes, Sergeant.

-Then get fell in.

Remember, sir, you're an officer and a gentleman.

When a common gunner gets blown up, he might hang about up there.

But an officer hurries down to get properly fell in.

Ready to continue, sir.

Now we'll try it in the gun and see what happens.

Only this time, we shall double the charge.

A double charge, sir. Yes, sir. I understand, sir.

Double charge, sir?

That's what I said, yes.

These experiments are of vital importance to the moonship.

Double charge...

-Your pass, sir?

-I'm looking for Professor von Bulow.

Oh, him, sir.

Yes, he's over on the north range with a class of officer cadets,

just the other side of that red flag.

Ah, thank you.

Ram home.

Hup!

And now for the Bulovite!

Mr Flood, Mr Hawkins.

SERGEANT YELLS

Sir.

Right - one gentleman to volunteer to ram it home.

Mr Carruthers?

But I did it last time, Sergeant.

Yes. Well, you've got the experience, so to speak, haven't you?

Come on, now.

SQUEAKING

SQUEAKING CONTINUES

What next, sir?

I don't know - we've never got this far before.

-I'll re-examine my notes.

-Might I suggest the projectile, sir?

The projectile - of course. Yes, that's right, that's right.

-Yes...

-Load ball.

Gun loaded, sir.

Good. Good, good.

Now, all we need is a slow fuse.

BARNUM HUMS "POP GOES THE WEASEL"

-All present?

-Yes, Sergeant.

-Shall I touch her off, sir?

-Huh?

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

FUSE CRACKLES

I'd hate to be close to that lot when it goes off.

Professor? Professor von Bulow?

Hey!

-Did you hear something, sir?

-Not yet.

But in 20 seconds,

you will hear the most beautiful sound in the world.

Professor von Bulow, you there?

Ja?

Curses! The blasted thing is on fire.

-What do you want me to do with this?

-Put it out, sir! Put it out!

Excellent fuse you are using.

One can't put it out.

Hey! This damn thing is dangerous.

What do you want, Barnum? You're holding up my experiment.

Professor, the committee is becoming a little bit agitated now.

You must give us precise details

for the digging of that cannon shaft.

Yes, I know, I know.

Fit another fuse, please.

Right. At the double.

We have driven in the subsidiary shaft,

and we can't start working on the cannon shaft

until you give us the precise, uh...diameter.

Yes, I know, but that depends on my experiments.

However, I shall be finished here in one week. Come on, watch this...

No, no, Professor. I must report to the committee.

Come on, hurry up! It's empty.

BARNUM LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

Magnificent!

Oh, there you are, Barnum.

Here - read that telegram, Barnum.

Go on, read it.

Why, it's from Her Majesty, Queen Victoria.

She wishes you every good fortune on your trip to the Moon.

But General, this is wonderful!

Her Majesty has chosen you to travel in the moonship.

And of course, Barnum, you wouldn't know anything about it.

Well, General, I'll have to admit

that I had a slight inkling that they might choose you.

But this is obviously what they call a high-level decision.

Well, I'm making a low-level decision. I ain't going!

You see, Willie, I think it's a bad thing

you should reject Dillworthy's design in favour of this American -

if he is an American.

I mean, for all we know, he may be a spy or something.

It's your shot, Harry.

I see, Harry, you've potted my ball again.

That's four times in four strokes.

Everybody has their special shot. Perhaps this is mine.

Not against the rules, you know.

Besides, you would insist upon having a five-guinea wager on the game.

I didn't - you did.

-Did I, really?

-Yes.

Jolly sporting - you're very good, you know.

Yes - well, next time you do pot my ball,

maybe I should be most annoyed.

Your shot.

Willie, about Dillworthy...

Not now, Harry.

I'm playing a shot. Good gracious...

There's something very peculiar about this table, Harry.

What on earth...?

-Harry!

-Hm?

-This table's magnetic!

-Well...how extraordinary.

I mean, what on earth could have caused it?

A deliberate device to cheat.

Harry, you have perverted the discoveries of science

to your foul and filthy ends.

If you had a spark of decency,

you would go straight down to the gun room!

The gun room, Willie?

You would lock the door.

There would be the sound of a shot.

A housemaid would scream,

and you...you, Harry, will have paid for your despicable action

in the only way left open for a gentleman.

I see. I like the bit about the housemaid screaming.

You're a cad, sir! A cad and a bounder.

And you are no longer welcome in my house.

Furthermore, I shall recommend that your moonship accounts

be audited immediately.

You're perfectly welcome, Willie.

You won't find anything there.

Die, dirty rotten spy!

-Who was he calling a dirty spy?

-I think it was me.

Oh. Good.

Madelaine, darling.

They've approved the plans and we start work building it tomorrow.

Oh, good! And when you finish, we go back to Paris.

But you promised to stay here with me until I finish.

-But of course, my darling. I love you.

-And I love you.

But I also love Henri. Poor Henri. He misses me so.

He says he's not going to eat anything

till I come back come back to Paris.

Ha...he'll be as skinny as a beanpole by then.

How long to do you stay here, Gaylord?

Oh...I'd say about 18 months.

18 months?! Oh, you beast!

HE LAUGHS

SEAGULLS CAW

Charge fired, sir.

Thank you, Sergeant.

That will be all.

My experiments are complete.

Now we know the correct amount of Bulovite to use.

Thank heavens for that, sir.

Stretcher bearers?

File...!

Even if General Tom Thumb doesn't go, it won't affect the design.

I've allowed for plenty of room inside.

How about the deliveries of steel plates?

-Just a moment...

-Barnum!

I've just received the auditor's report.

Captain Smythe has embezzled over £100,000.

What?! How in the world can a thing like that happen?

It's very complicated. Grundle did explain it to me.

They tell me it's quite legal - they can't touch him.

CHATTER AND LAUGHTER

Over here...

Yes, and we'll make more - we've just started.

There we are.

So this is how you invested the moonship fund, did you?

Get your hands off me! How dare you!

You'll regret this, Willie.

I promise you that you'll regret this.

Get off!

Hey! You're a traitor - a rotten, stinking traitor!

May I ask what you mean by that remark?

You know damn well what I mean.

Barnum had bribed you to put the American flag on the Moon.

-You're a traitor.

-You liar!

Strike me again and every patriotic Englishman here

will string you up to the nearest lamppost.

He's right enough there.

We'd string him up as soon as look at him.

Furthermore, Willie, I'll wager you any money you like

you'll never even get that moonship off the ground.

I will not demean myself by wagering with you.

But I will. What odds are you giving?

50-1, Willie. 50-1.

-Done! 200 guineas on it.

-I'll have 500!

-You can't back out of it now.

-I have no intention of backing out.

Let's do this thing properly.

Gaylord will be surprised.

Gaylord - Gaylord, look who is here.

Gaylord, my old friend. How splendid to see you again.

And, uh...how is your great moonship going?

Henri, what are you doing here?

I've come to take Madelaine back to Paris with me.

We are to be married.

Yes, but she's promised to stay until I finish the moonship.

Oh, it is true. I promised.

Monsieur Barnum, how long will it be?

Well, we're held up a little bit for money right now.

We need another £100,000.

Oh, that is no problem. Henri is the richest man in France.

He owns three banks.

Four.

He will lend you the money.

Well, I'm afraid it's not quite that simple, my dear.

However, it is a marvellous opportunity

for a private investor.

Say no more.

I will let you have it.

Well, by George, this is splendid.

We'll get together in the morning and draw up the conditions.

-There is only one condition.

-And what is that, sir?

He must go up in it.

Oh, Gaylord...

Good evening, Smythe.

-I hear you're taking bets, Smythe.

-Yes. £3,400 at 50-1.

Over £150,000?

I say - is that altogether wise?

No.

Therefore, Dillers, I need your expert assistance.

-Oh?

-I want you to ensure

that that moonship never leaves the Earth.

Never...leaves the Earth?

HE CHUCKLES

I say - what a splendid idea!

-When can you do it?

-Oh...I mean...

There's no point in doing it yet. Someone mind find out.

No - the time to do it is when the ship is constructed

and on view to the public.

HE LAUGHS UNCONTROLLABLY

-Never leaves the Earth...

-Champagne?

-You devil!

BRASS BAND PLAYS JAUNTY TUNE

And how long will you have the moonship on display in London?

That depends on the firing lead of the rocket,

which is being determined by the Astronomer Royal...

Oh, yes...

..and the number of people who are willing to pay to come and see it.

How many do you estimate?

Oh, I would say around two million, at five shillings a head.

Half a million pounds, then.

-Not bad.

-Yes.

Come and I'll show you around.

-Morning, Mr Barnum.

-Good morning.

-Mademoiselle...

Shall we?

There it is, Dillers.

Can't do anything about it yet, Smythe. Too many people about.

We'll have to wait until it's dark.

Yes, of course.

I suppose we'll have to stroll about and enjoy the beauties of nature.

And what are these handles for?

-Well, that is the bed.

-The bed?

Mm-hm.

Oh...

HENRI CHUCKLES

And, uh...why do you have a carpet on the ceiling?

Because on the way down, sir, that will be the floor.

What is the purpose of this aspidistra?

To see if the atmosphere can support plant life.

-And the canary?

-Bird life.

This is of course, primarily, a scientific exploration,

but mind you, gentlemen, there may be creatures on the moon -

strange creatures beyond our wildest imagination,

which the public will be most anxious to see on exhibition.

Chloroform.

And these switches control the rocket.

I fire the rocket to bring me back to Earth.

Oh, Gaylord - you are so brave.

To think you're going to go up there all by yourself.

Henri!

What are you doing here?

I've come to take Madelaine back for our wedding.

Oh, no - I don't go to the Moon for months. And she promised...

..that she would stay until the moonship was completed.

And now, it is completed.

Oh - it is true, Gaylord.

Oh, Madelaine, darling. Have dinner with me tonight.

It may be our last time together...on Earth.

Of course I will, Gaylord.

Oh, Bertram - I'm so glad the moonship is finished.

Now you can stop working so hard and spend some time with me.

-Miss Anna.

-Yes, Bertram?

-There's something I'd like to ask you.

-Yes, Bertram?

Would you come behind the bushes with me?

Oh, Bertram!

SHE GIGGLES

Come on...

Miss Anna.

Miss Anna, I knows how you feels about me,

and well...dare I...that is, may I...

Oh, Miss Anna - marry me. Marry me and come and live with me.

Let me take you away from all of this.

Oh, Bertram, I'm so fond of you, but...we can never marry.

Is it because of the differences in our social position?

No, Bertram.

I know...

It's because of the colonies.

ANNA CONTINUES TO SOB

Mademoiselle...

What is the matter? Is there anything I can do?

Oh...love is so cruel!

There, there...

There, now, come. Come.

Sir Perceval?

Tell me, on what date can we fire the moonship?

Well, the whole thing is governed, you see,

by the position of the moon shaft.

Yes...yes, let me see now...

Oh, yes, yes. This is it.

You must fire the projectile on October the 20th

at 11 minutes to 4 o'clock in the afternoon.

-But that's next Sunday.

-So it is, yes.

No, no. That's much too soon. What's the next date?

The next date...yes...

-January the 14th.

-Next year?

Oh, dear, no. Not next year.

January the 14th, 1968.

But Sir Perceval, there must be some mistake.

Oh, no, no. There's no mistake. No mistake.

It's the position of the moon...

..of the moon shaft, you see.

The Moon only comes over it once in every 100 years or so.

But...next Sunday...

Two million visitors at five shillings a head.

Yes. Yes...

All clear. Come on, Dillers.

-Give me that science journal.

-Huh?

-Science journal.

Taxidermy equipment?

-Chloroform? What do they want chloroform for?

-No idea.

Now, according to this, the equipment is kept behind here,

and this is the living quarters,

and the control room must be...up here.

Come on.

Equipment...

-Can't switch it on.

-What are you looking for?

The rocket firing equipment.

DILLWORTHY MUTTERS

-Is that it?

-Yes. Well done, Smythe, well done.

-What will that do?

-I'll tell you.

When the moonship's fired,

the rockets will fire at the same time.

Now, the two pressures will equalise each other

and squash the whole thing flat, like a sixpenny piece.

Unless, of course, it explodes.

THEY LAUGH

Now...

SOMETHING RATTLES BELOW THEM

-It's Madelaine.

-Eh?

How nice to see you again, my dear.

I heard what you said. You're going to murder Gaylord.

You murderers! Murderers!

No, no - we were only joking, weren't we?

No, you were not. You're going to blow it up.

You want to kill him!

No, no, no. You must have misunderstood.

-Don't touch me!

-My dear girl...

-You murderer!

My dear girl, I can assure you

that I have no intention whatsoever of harming you.

But I have...

What is this place, Smythe?

Run by an old friend of mine.

Now, you understand, I will not allow this girl to be harmed in any way.

-Oh, shut up.

-Well, I mean it.

GIRLS YELL AND RAUCOUS MUSIC PLAYS

Sounds like a party.

Wait for us down there.

DOORBELL RINGS

MUSIC STOPS AND GIRLS START SINGING

# All things bright and beautiful... #

I don't like the look of this place. I don't like the look of it at all.

Oh, my...

Oh, ho-ho! It's Captain Smythe.

Hmm...

All right, girls.

We thought it might be one of the governors.

-Uh...Sir Charles Dillworthy.

-Evening.

Pick her up, sir. Bring her into the warm.

What poor creature of the night have you brought us, Captain?

What poor lamb who has strayed so far from the flock?

We found her in the gutter, unconscious.

-We fear she might have been drinking.

-Drinking? Dreadful.

Put her down - gently.

GIRLS WHISPER

We feel that we may have saved her from a fate worse than...

-Worse than death?

-So I'm told.

Oh, it is, Smythe. It is, undoubtedly.

How the blazes would you know, Dillworthy?

I trust that she'll be quite safe here?

Oh, absolutely safe.

We feel she may well attempt to escape back to...

..the life from which you saved her.

Exactly. I therefore look to you to...

-..forestall such a wicked and ungrateful act.

-Precisely.

Very well, gentlemen.

If there's no alternative, I will agree.

Good. Good!

Tomorrow, we will transport the moonship to Wales,

and on Sunday, we will send it on its way.

CROWDS CHEER LOUDLY

Good luck, Mr Barnum. Good luck to the moonship.

Thank you very much.

What's the matter, young man? Worried about going up?

It's not just that.

It's Madelaine - to think that she would go away with Henri now,

without saying goodbye.

MACHINES CLATTER

Hey, come look! Look!

Oh, the moonship is coming! The moonship is coming!

HE LAUGHS HEARTILY

HORN BLOWS

Gather round. Three cheers - hip, hip...

ALL: Hooray!

Hip, hip...

ALL: Hooray!

Hip, hip...

ALL: Hooray!

Ya-hoo!

CHEERING AND YELLING

LAUGHTER AND CHATTER

Thank you.

Well, here's to Sunday and a successful launching.

I hear there's a whisper

Her Majesty may decorate you tomorrow, before you go.

I'm deeply honoured.

But why doesn't she give it to me on my return?

Isn't that the usual thing?

Um...

Course, I'm not normally a drinking man, you understand -

oh, thank you very much indeed -

but it does help one to drown one's sorrows.

I've never told anybody about this before, you realise that?

You mean you were actually transported to the colonies

as a convict?

-Mm.

-But how jolly exciting.

-What did you do?

-15 years.

No, I mean why were you sent there?

I stole a sticky bun.

You see, I was starving, so I nicked this here sticky bun.

Oh, Grundle...

-15 years for a sticky bun.

-Oh, Grundle, what beastly hard luck.

Held my career back something shocking, it did.

But even worse, it's been a barrier between me and the one what I loves.

Oh, Grundle.

-Have you told her of your feelings?

-It's no good, m'lady.

I aspires too highly. Our social differences is too great.

Oh, Grundle. Dear Grundle...

Of course, marriage is out of the question,

but true love knows no social barriers.

Providing, of course...one is discreet.

SHE GIGGLES

Here - it's Miss Anna. With that Henri fella.

Mademoiselle Anna has consented to be my wife.

Your wife?!

Are you some kind of a bluebeard?

What have you done with Madelaine?

What have YOU done with her?

I have not seen her for nearly a week.

-LAUGHING:

-Well, she cannot keep doing this to me.

I am marrying Miss Anna.

You can keep your Madelaine.

-Then where is Madelaine?

-How should I know?

Look - one of the bars is loose.

We can escape. You could be free.

What? Free to work in a rotten pickle factory

at half a crown a week?

No, thank you.

Look, duck, you'll settle down when you've been here for a bit.

Now then, girls, time for our nightcap.

Tea, coffee, cocoa or hot milk.

Ain't you got no gin, Matron?

Not for the junior girls, dear - only for the seniors.

Oh, now, Madelaine -

we're not still sulking for the outside world, are we?

Why can't I make you understand?

While I'm prisoner here, they are trying to murder Gaylord.

He will be killed the moment they fire the moonship.

But you're not a prisoner, dear.

Then why have you got bars on the windows?

Oh, ho-ho. They're not to keep us in.

They're to keep the gentlemen out.

Oh!

If you make me come back, I'll tell.

Goodnight, Jack.

Now, try jumping up and down, old chap.

Ha! Comfortable?

Splendid, old chap. Take off that moon hat.

By the way, when you get to the Moon, don't jump too vigorously.

You could fly off the surface.

Now, let's try out the launching bed.

There we are.

Yes - jolly good. Now, lower the weights.

Can you move?

Oh, no.

Splendid. Splendid.

Now, tell me, Your Grace, what's all this about?

Just a little invention of mine

to make him secure during the launching.

How does he get out from under there with all these heavy weights around?

It's quite simple - when the moonship leaves the Earth's gravity

and the whole thing becomes weightless,

it just floats up off him.

It's quite simple. Can you reach the launching lever?

Oh, yes.

-How much further, Smythe?

-Not far now.

Caerflwyti is just ahead.

I don't know why we had to come here in the first place.

You only want to see the lad killed. You're a ghoul, Smythe - a ghoul.

Not entirely.

I merely want you to go inside the moonship and make quite certain

they haven't discovered any of your clever little readjustments.

Oh.

Psst! Mr Barnum?

I'm Colonel Scuttling of Scotland Yard.

-(May I have a word with you?)

-Why, certainly, sir.

-What is it?

-Shh!

(Not here.)

Mr Barnum, we have received information

that there may be an agent of the tsar in the vicinity.

Now, we believe that this agent may try to sabotage the moonship.

Great thunder and buffalos. What can we do?

I have mounted patrols scouring the countryside.

-Have your fellows keep a strict guard on the ship.

-Certainly, Colonel.

-It's the police, Smythe!

-What?

-The police.

-What about them?

Well, you're exceeding the speed limit

-for a mechanically propelled vehicle.

-Oh, am I?

-You're doing nine miles an hour.

-Am I really?

-Will you STOP?

-Oh...

They're closing in on us, Smythe.

Right, Smythe - four miles an hour, if you please.

-Just a minute, sir.

-Yes?

We're looking for an agent of the tsar.

Have you seen any suspicious persons?

-What does he look like?

-Foreign-looking.

Dressed in black with a tall hat.

Who are you?

I am Sir Charles Dillworthy - British and proud of it.

-Sorry, sir.

-The damn sauce!

Come on.

TRAIN ENGINE RUMBLES

Hey! Why are we stopped? We're late already.

The Royal train's stopped at the station ahead.

We have to wait for it to pull out.

-Is this Caerflwyti?

-Yes.

Hey! You can't do that, miss!

Hey!

CAR ENGINE SPLUTTERS

Put...put the block under the back wheel.

-Run out of gas.

-No gas lamps anywhere, Smythe.

We're stuck.

We're jolly well not.

# We must always trust the stranger

# We must help him on his way... #

SOMEONE KNOCKS AT THE DOOR

Gas company, sir. Checking the pressure.

On a Sunday?

I don't want to alarm the family, sir,

but we've had a lot of explosions.

-Oh, Heaven preserve us! Do come in.

-Thank you, sir.

How do you do?

Thank you.

-How long will it take?

-Oh, just a jiffy.

Hup!

Oh, the humiliation...

Well, do carry on.

# We must always trust the stranger

# We must help him on his way

# We must always try to give a helping hand

# A helping hand

# We must shelter him from danger

# And our trust, he will repay

# And the spirit of love he'll understand

# He'll understand

# If you see a fellow traveller on the wayside

# You must give him all the help and love you can

# The love you can... #

KNOCKING

# You must never have a moment's hesitation

# Or your best attempts to be... #

Oh, please, can you help me? I must get to the moonship.

They're trying to blow it up.

-The moonship? Heaven preserve us! Come in.

-Thank you.

Stop, stop!

This young woman says they're trying to blow up the moonship.

Oh, she does, does she?

Oh!

-Lift it!

-What do you mean, "lift it?"

Ah...

It's that Madelaine. She's escaped. Come on!

Get in.

-We're towing something, Smythe.

-Hm? Oh, shut up!

Can't you go any faster?

ENGINE CLANKS AND WATER GURGLES

Come on! Faster, you sluggard!

Dillworthy? Dillworthy...

Oh!

Oh...I'm sorry, Smythe.

I lost my temper, I deeply apologise.

Yes - you'll have to watch that temper of yours,

it'll get you into trouble one of these days.

We're in trouble now. We've lost her.

We're done for, Smythe, we're done for!

No, we are not. Come on.

CHATTER AND LAUGHTER

-I'm looking for Barnum.

-Where is he?

-There he is, over there.

Ah - Barnum?

Her Majesty's on time. She'll be here in five minutes.

Well, I wish von Bulow was on time. He's still preparing the charge.

491.

Oh - there's one barrel short.

I shouldn't think one barrel would make much difference with that lot.

How do we detonate it, Sarge?

We don't detonate it, lad.

The moonship is dropped from the top of the shaft up there.

It lands on the Bulovite down here,

causing an explosion which launches it up again.

Hurry up with that last barrel.

Oh...!

Argh!

SERGEANT LAUGHS

Stretcher bearers!

-I will not have this girl harmed, Smythe.

-This won't harm her.

It'll just stun her a bit.

Come on, Dillworthy - help me with this rock.

Oh, all right.

-Smythe!

-What?

You'll never stun that lot, Smythe.

She's told them, Smythe. We're finished, we're finished!

We're not - come on!

MARCHING BAND PLAYS TUNE