Kind Hearts and Coronets

BELL RINGING

GATE UNLOCKING

-Evening, Mr Elliott.

-Good evening.

Brr.

-Just sign the book, if you will?

-Yes.

-Been keeping you busy, Mr Elliott?

-Oh, just nicely.

Went up to Manchester on Monday, a poisoner.

Baby-farmer at Holloway this morning.

Very ordinary crimes, both of them.

This one we've got for you tomorrow is something special.

Yes, very much so.

Even after all my years in the profession,

I'm quite looking forward to him.

-Well, I must be getting along.

-Good night, Mr Elliott.

-Good night.

-Usual cup of tea at 7:00?

-Oh, please.

Even my lamented master, the great Mr Barry himself

never had the privilege of hanging a duke.

Yes.

What a finale to a lifetime in the public service.

-"Finale"?

-Yes, I intend to retire.

After using the silken rope,

never again be content with hemp.

-Quite. Well, here we are.

-Oh, thank you.

How will he approach it?

I should think as the calmest you've ever known.

Noblesse oblige, doubtless.

A difficult client can make things most distressing.

Some of them tend to be very hysterical.

So inconsiderate.

Well, Colonel, considering the importance of the occasion,

I shall retire early.

The last execution of a duke in this country was very badly bungled.

That was in the old days of the axe, of course. Yes.

Oh, I... I almost forgot.

Um, you must forgive my ignorance

but when we meet in the morning,

what is the correct form of address?

-Your Lordship?

-Your Grace.

"Your Grace"? Oh.

Thank you.

-Good morning, Your Grace.

-REPEATS TO HIMSELF

-All right. Sit down.

-Ah, good evening, Colonel. Glass of wine?

Good evening, Your Grace. Uh, thank you, no.

I called to inquire whether you had any special wishes for breakfast.

-HE EXHALES:

-Just coffee and a slice of toast, thank you.

Oh, and perhaps a few grapes.

I hate to disappoint the newspaper-reading public

but it'll be too early for the conventional hearty breakfast.

The appointment is at 8:00, is it not?

At 8:00, er, yes.

If I may venture to say so, I am amazed at your calmness.

Dr Johnson was, as always, right,

when he observed, "Depend upon it, sir.

"When a man knows that he's going to be hanged in a few hours,

"it concentrates his mind wonderfully."

Yes. Well, if there is nothing further I can do for you...

Nothing, thank you, Colonel. We shall have the opportunity

of making our adieus in the morning, I presume.

I regret to say, yes.

-Good night, Your Grace.

-Good night, Colonel.

-LOUIS NARRATES:

-'A brief history of the events leading thereto

'written on the eve of his execution

'by Louis D'Ascoyne Mazzini, 10th Duke of Chalfont

'who ventures to hope that it may prove not uninteresting

'to those who remain to read it.'

GUARD SNORES

SNORING CONTINUES

My good man, it is not by my choice that you keep me company.

If you wish to sleep, pray do me the courtesy of sleeping quietly.

'With so little time remaining to complete my story,

'it is difficult to choose where to begin it.

'Perhaps I should begin at the beginning.'

-BABY CRYING

-'I was a healthy baby,

'born of an English mother and Italian father...'

-HE GASPS

-'..who succumbed to a heart attack

'at the moment of first setting eyes on me. In the circumstances,

'it will be understood that I have but slight memory of him.

'The little I know comes from what Mama told me.'

Your father was a very handsome man.

SINGING IN ITALIAN

'Mama was the daughter of the seventh duke of Chalfont

'of Chalfont Castle.

'She eloped with her handsome singer

'and exchanged the medieval splendours of Chalfont Castle

'for the modern conveniences of No 73, Balaclava Avenue, SW.'

SINGING IN ITALIAN

'They were poor, but they had five happy and harmonious years

'before my arrival sent Papa off to join the heavenly choir.

'Reduced to even deeper poverty by my father's death,

'Mama swallowed her pride

'and made an effort at reconciliation with her family.

'They did not even reply to her letter.

'In order to keep us both alive, she was reduced

'to the horrible expedient of taking in a lodger.'

HE SNORTS LOUDLY

'For him, she had to perform the most menial tasks.

'She felt that her family had conspired to cheat me of my birthright,

'and I passed from infancy to childhood

'in an atmosphere of family history and genealogies.

'The dukedom had been bestowed

'by Charles II on Colonel Henry D'Ascoyne

'for services rendered to His Majesty during his exile.

'Later, for services rendered to His Majesty

'after his restoration by the Duchess,

'the title was granted the unique privilege

'of descending by the female as well as the male line.'

Louis.

'It was therefore theoretically possible

'that, via Mama, I might inherit the dukedom.

'Mama scraped and saved

'and sent me to the best school she could afford.

'One little incident of my school days occurs to me as amusing

'in relation to my present situation.'

Lionel Holland.

What is the Sixth Commandment?

Come, come now.

Someone else then.

I know, please, Miss Waterman.

Louis Mazzini. Tell him.

-Thou shalt not kill.

-Quite right, Louis.

The Sixth Commandment is, "Thou shalt not kill."

'No, in those days, I never had any trouble with the Sixth Commandment.

'As to the Seventh, I was hardly of an age to concern myself with it.

'Although I was old enough to be in love.

'So Sibella enters my story.

'Sibella and her brother, Graham, were my only close friends

'and we grew up together. In their case,

'Mama relaxed her objection to my associating with the local children.

'At least their father, Dr Halworth, was a professional man.'

Louis, we must think very carefully about your future.

Well, it should be quite easy to get a job.

Not a job, dear. A career.

I had hoped for Cambridge for you.

The D'Ascoynes always go to Trinity.

And then, perhaps, the diplomatic.

But I'm afraid it's no use looking as high as that.

However, when you've passed your examination

that should equip you for a start in one of the professions.

People of quite good family

go into the professions nowadays, I understand.

Now, who do we know who could help us?

We don't really know anyone, except the family, and they don't know us.

The least we can do is try once more.

I shall write to Lord Ascoyne D'Ascoyne.

He can surely do something in that bank of his.

Bank, Mama? Is that a profession?

This is a private bank, Louis, dear.

They don't pass money over the counter.

'The letter was duly dispatched and this time we did get an answer.'

"Madam, I am instructed by Lord Ascoyne D'Ascoyne

"to inform you that he is not aware of your son's existence

"as a member of the D'Ascoyne family."

Signed by his secretary.

It's very stupid of him, of them all, not to admit your existence

when one day you might be Duke of Chalfont.

It's a very big "might," Mama.

There must be at least 12 people before me

to say nothing of the ones who haven't been born yet.

Stranger things have happened.

I don't wish to be unchristian, but in view of their attitude,

I could almost wish those 12 people should all die tomorrow.

All except one, Mama.

Because you must be Duchess of Chalfont before I'm duke.

It will have to be a job, not a career, after all, Mama.

I'm afraid so, Louis.

SOBBING: A D'Ascoyne in trade.

'Did poor Mama's silly dreaming

'plant in my brain some seed which was afterwards to grow

'into the most sensational criminal endeavour of the century?

'If so, I was not conscious of it at the time

'for there were things of more immediate concern.

'Even potential dukes have to eat.

'Mr Perkins, our lodger for nearly 15 years,

'did his best to be helpful.

'He was employed as shop walker in a local drapery store

'and found employment for me there.

'The possible future Duke of Chalfont

'became what was known as a general assistant at the drapery.

'This humiliation continued for two dispiriting years.

'And then one day, Mama, who had broken her glasses

'and could not afford to have them mended,

'was knocked down by a tram near Clapham Junction

'and fatally injured.'

-WEAKLY: Louis.

-Yes, Mama.

I should like to be buried at Chalfont,

in the family vault.

Yes, Mama.

'I wrote to the Duke informing him of Mama's dying wish.

'His reply was the curtest possible refusal.

'Standing by Mama's poor little grave

'in that hideous suburban cemetery,

'I made an oath that I would revenge the wrongs her family had done her.

'It was no more than a piece of youthful bravado

'but it was one of those acorns

'from which great oaks are destined to grow.

'Even then, I went so far as to examine the family tree

'and prune it to just the living members.

'But what could I do to hurt them?

'What could I take from them,

'except, perhaps, their lives?

'I indulged for a moment in a fantasy of all 12 of them

'being wiped out simultaneously at a family reunion

'by my unseen hand.

'Of the penniless boy from Clapham

'being miraculously transplanted to his birthright.

'I even speculated as to how I might contrive it.

'But there were other more urgent problems.

'Mama's tiny income came from an annuity and had died with her.

'The problem of how to live on 25 shillings a week was solved for me

'by an invitation from Dr Halworth to lodge with them.

'It was galling to accept the status of a poor relation

'but the certainty of seeing Sibella every day

'was too tempting to be refused.'

Louis, I'm so glad you accepted.

It was my idea, you know.

-I've brought you something.

-Oh, Louis, you shouldn't have.

You can't possibly afford it.

CAR HONKING

Oh, what a bother. There's Lionel.

See you at supper.

DOOR CLOSING

CAR DRIVING AWAY

'The next few years brought many such heartbreaks,

'but they also brought promotion.

'Laces and ribbons at 30 shillings a week,

'fabrics at 32 and six.

'Finally, ladies' underwear at 35.'

DOOR OPENING

'I decided that if I was to be a draper,

'at least I would not be a suburban draper.

'So I migrated to a large modern store which had just been opened

'in the West End, at the gigantic salary of £2 a week.

'Every lunchtime, I went to see how my inheritance was proceeding.

'Sometimes, the deaths column brought good news.

'Sometimes, the births column brought bad.

'The advent of twin sons to the Duke was a terrible blow.

'Fortunately, an epidemic of diphtheria

'restored the status quo almost immediately

'and even brought me a bonus in the shape of the Duchess.

'That summer, the Halworths gave a party.'

PIANO PLAYING

PEOPLE CHATTERING

-Good evening, Sibella.

-Hello, Louis.

-You do look nice.

-So do you.

-Doesn't he, Lionel?

-Very.

LIONEL CLEARS THROAT

'Emboldened by her kindness to me,

'made a decision I'd been toying with for some time.'

Well, that's the last of them, thank heaven.

-What an evening.

-I thought it was a very nice evening.

It may have been for you. Oh!

It's awful being a woman, having to dance with a lot of dull men,

laugh at their jokes while they're treading on your feet.

-I didn't tread on your feet.

-You're not dull.

-And your jokes are funny.

-Thank you.

-Sibella?

-Mm-hm?

Sibella, will you marry me?

SHE LAUGHS

Louis, of course not. Do get up. You may be half Italian, but even so,

you do look silly playing the stage lover like that.

-Oh, I look silly, do I?

-Yes. Very.

Do I still look silly?

Now, will you marry me?

No.

-Why not?

-Because I just said I'd marry Lionel.

-You can't.

-Why not?

Well, he's a clod. He's not a gentleman.

Listen to who's talking.

Whoever heard of a gentleman blacking the lodger's boots?

That's a wicked thing to say. Just because Mama was poor.

Lionel will be very rich one day.

-I might be a duke one day.

-Pigs might fly.

No, I might. Really, I might. You see, Mama was the daughter...

YAWNING: Oh, yes. I know.

Well, when you are a duke,

you just come and show me your crown, or whatever it's called

and then I'll feel awfully silly, won't I?

Yes, you will.

Anyhow, I'm going to marry Lionel and now I'm going to bed.

You will.

SIBELLA LAUGHING

'If there was a precise moment

'at which my insubstantial dreaming took on solid purpose, that was it.

'The D'Ascoynes had not only wronged my mother,

'they were the obstacle between me and all that I wanted.

'The more I thought of them, these people whom I had studied

'until I knew their names and histories as well as I knew my own,

'the more they became monsters of arrogance and cruelty

'whose only function in the world was to deprive me of my birthright.

'I had seen Chalfont only as Mama had painted it.

'To pass in through that magnificent gateway, on Visitors Day

'at a cost of sixpence was a humiliating experience,

'but I forced myself to undergo it. I wanted a closer view

'of the target at which I had determined to aim.'

INAUDIBLE

'I little expected to catch a glimpse of the bull's-eye.'

Excuse me, sir.

'There were then some eight people between me and the dukedom

'all seemingly equally out of reach.

'It is so difficult to make a neat job of killing people

'with whom one is not on friendly terms.

'I was almost resigned to its being an impossibility

'when one afternoon, at a moment when my thoughts

'were furthest from the subject, fate took a hand.'

If you've nothing better, those will have to do.

These London shops are so far behind Paris.

Parcel them up quickly, and we'll take them with us.

-Charge them to my account.

-Yes, sir. What is the name?

Mr Ascoyne D'Ascoyne.

'At last, I was face to face with one of them.

'This was the son of Lord Ascoyne D'Ascoyne, the banker,

'whose refusal to help me towards a more dignified career

'had led to my present ignominious occupation.

'What right had this arrogant puppy

'to be standing on the other side of the counter ordering me about?

'In my excitement and anger,

'I listened openly to their conversation.'

I've booked rooms at Cruickshanks' at Maidenhead.

We'll go down late on Friday afternoon.

Are you sure it's safe?

It's the most discreet place. In fact, anonymous.

Hey, you. Get on with that parcel and never mind what we're talking about.

Don't you dare touch me like that!

I'm not interested in your idiotic conversation.

If you want to add impertinence to your eavesdropping,

we'll soon see about that.

'The upshot was that I was dismissed on the spot.

'I decided to repay him in kind

'by dismissing him with equal suddenness from this world.

'His conversation had told me

'where I could probably find the opportunity to kill him.

'Dr Halworth's dispensary had provided me with a means.

'With the week's wages I had received in lieu of notice,

'I invested in suitable apparel for a weekend at Maidenhead.

'It was possible they might remember me

'but I thought it unlikely,

'shop assistants being commonly regarded as an inferior race

'who never emerged from the other side of the counter.

'I decided to take the bull by the horns.'

Forgive me. I wonder if you could oblige me with a match.

-Certainly.

-Thank you.

-Haven't we met before somewhere?

-I don't think so.

Funny, cos I could have sworn I knew your face.

-Were you at Monte last year?

-The year before.

Ah, that must be it. Won't you join me?

Thank you. Not this evening.

We are rather tired.

'I deprecated their retiring so early,

'but it was hard to blame them,

'for weekends, like life, are short.

'The next morning, I waited for them to come down

'and the next afternoon.

'They didn't appear the whole day.

'Nor the morning after.

'I no longer felt sentimental.

'The weekend was nearly over, and I could hardly expect providence

'to offer me so promising a chance again.

'I was in a state of desperation

'and I followed them, hoping for I knew not what.

'I had the poison with me, but they hadn't even taken a picnic basket.

'It was possible, however,

'that they might stop somewhere for refreshment.

'They did stop shortly afterwards,

'but not for that.

'Judging by past experience, they would be there for hours.

'The rest followed automatically.

'I had fortunately learned to swim at the Clapham Municipal Baths

'though I never had occasion to try it underwater.

'I had no wish to surface under their noses,

'though I doubt if they would have noticed me even if I had.

'It was beautifully timed.'

BELL RINGING

'I was sorry about the girl,

'but found some relief in the reflection that she had presumably,

'during the weekend, already undergone a fate worse than death.

'I decided to defer consideration of where and how I should next strike

'until my nerves were thoroughly restored.

'It must be remembered that I was very young

'and, furthermore, I am not naturally callous.

'I suddenly conceived a brilliant idea.

'I would write a carefully-phrased letter of condolence

'to old Ascoyne D'Ascoyne.

'It would be an agreeable feeling of revenge for his cruelty to Mama.

'And, further, it had not failed to occur to me that there was,

'at the moment, a vacancy in the banking house.

'Ascoyne D'Ascoyne duly rose to the bait.'

Please be seated, Mr Mazzini.

How do you do?

My late son.

A great loss.

He was young and foolish

but I believe had he been spared until his maturity...

It was my consciousness of that which led me to presume

-to tender you my sympathy.

-I am glad that you did so.

A loss so tragic serves to put lesser matters in their proper perspective.

If I remember rightly, Mr Mazzini,

some years ago I received a communication

from your mother.

My late mother.

Hello, Louis. You look very pleased with yourself.

-So do you.

-I have news.

-So have I.

-What is it?

-No, yours first.

Lionel and I have fixed a date for our wedding, in two months' time.

My congratulations.

No, I should congratulate him. I compliment you.

-Now yours.

-Nothing as exciting as yours.

I went today to see Lord Ascoyne D'Ascoyne, my cousin, you know.

He has a private banking house in the city.

He offered me employment at once at £5 a week

with excellent prospects for promotion.

Louis, I'm so glad for you.

-Louis, do you remember?

-What?

Once, in this room...

..after my party...

-I kissed you.

-Yes.

And you were horrible to me.

Yes.

I made fun about you being related to the D'Ascoynes.

I'm sorry.

-You'll take it more seriously now?

-Yes.

Louis, kiss me...

..to show you've forgiven me.

No, it would be wrong. You're pledged to Lionel.

I behaved like a cad that night.

I like you when you behave like a cad.

MUSIC PLAYING

You're a person who must dance through life, Sibella,

and I hope Lionel won't tread on your feet too often.

'My new employment was humble enough,

'but I had to test the rungs of the ladder before I could climb it.'

That's very nice.

LOUIS CLEARS THROAT

'The next candidate for removal seemed to be

'young Henry D'Ascoyne, 24 years old, recently married,

'as yet, without issue.

'I had quite an accumulation by now of D'Ascoyne data

'culled from newspapers and periodicals,

'and I looked through it for a possible approach to Henry.

'I found one.

'I bought the necessary equipment, second hand,

'and bicycled down the following weekend.

'I had studied a couple of photographic manuals during the week,

'and found that, in practice, the mysteries of the camera

'demand a little more than ordinary intelligence,

'plus the ability to judge a subject upside-down.

'It was thus, indeed, that I first saw Henry D'Ascoyne.

'My method of approach proved an instantaneous success.'

Excuse me. Isn't that a Thornton Pickard?

Yes. Are you a photographer?

Dabble in it. Got a Sanger Shepherd.

-A Sanger Shepherd?

-Nice little camera.

Focal plane shutter, rapid rectilinear and all that.

Look here. Why not come up to my house and I'll show it to you?

Well, I'd be most interested.

-My name's D'Ascoyne, by the way.

-Mine is Mazzini.

'He seemed a very pleasant fellow

'and I regretted that our acquaintanceship must be so short.'

Had one of the potting sheds fixed up as a darkroom.

Couldn't have suited better if it had been built for it.

Had the equipment sent down from town.

And I must say the results have been absolutely top-hole.

I'll show you some quarter-plates I've taken about the village.

There we are. Absolutely lightproof, except for this.

Everything to hand, developing dishes here, toning bath here, whole-plate enlarger.

-Perfect.

-Not too bad, is it?

Talking of the village, by the by, I don't know if you're thinking

of sending any of your efforts here to some periodical,

but there's just one thing.

I'm sure you're a good fellow, or I wouldn't like to ask.

Ask what?

I'd be most grateful if you'd keep back that last plate you exposed.

-The inn? But it was delightful.

-Yes.

The fact is, my wife has views about such places,

so I never go in them, you understand?

Naturally, I wouldn't dream of embarrassing you.

I knew you were a good fellow. Suppose we drink on it?

Unless you have views yourself, of course.

-None.

-Splendid.

What shall it be? Sherry? Whisky?

LOUIS CHUCKLES

I think a small developer.

'The mental picture of his wife I had formed from Henry's words

'left me unprepared for the charm of the woman I was to meet.

'She was as tall and slender as a lily and as beautiful.'

My dear, this is Mr Mazzini. He has a Thornton Pickard.

Mr Mazzini, my wife.

I'm no photographer myself, Mr Mazzini,

but I share my husband's pleasure in welcoming a fellow enthusiast.

-You'll take some sherry?

-Well, thank you, I...

My husband and I never touch alcohol,

but we see no reason on that account to enforce our views on our guests.

Glass of sherry, Harwood.

I have some printing frames out in the sun.

If you don't mind, I'll just run out and see to them.

Have you been in the neighbourhood long, Mr Mazzini?

A few hours only.

I was cycling through the village

and felt compelled to stop and make a study or two of the inn.

-It looked so charming.

-It does LOOK charming.

But I'm afraid it's, by no means,

an influence for good in the lives of our people here.

The landlord is a former coachman of ours. I have spoken to him

several times about the amount of drinking that goes on there,

but he continues to allow it.

It is, after all, I suppose, his livelihood.

I do not consider he has the right to make a livelihood

by exploiting the weaknesses of his fellow men.

Put as you put it, it does sound deplorable.

It IS deplorable. Will you excuse me a moment?

Harwood.

'I could well understand Henry's visits to the village inn

'and his stock of refreshments in the darkroom.

'Mrs D'Ascoyne was beautiful, but what a prig she was.

'I wondered how to ingratiate myself with her,

'and decided to attack on her own ground and with her own weapons.'

I'm afraid we can offer you only a simple luncheon, Mr Mazzini.

You are most kind, but I feel I should not intrude.

-It is no intrusion.

-I'm afraid it is.

-May I explain?

-Please do.

It was only when your husband told me his name that I realised

that I'd come by chance into the most embarrassing situation.

My mother was a member of the D'Ascoyne family.

She married, as they thought, beneath her.

And from that day, they refused to recognise her

or my existence.

I feel therefore that, although in the circumstances you might hesitate to say so to my face,

you and your husband would prefer not to receive me at your table.

Perhaps you would be good enough to explain matters to your husband for me.

I shall, naturally, leave the neighbourhood at once.

Mr Mazzini, please sit down.

Oh.

You have exhibited the most delicate feelings.

I know nothing of the history to which you refer,

but I have often felt that the attitude of my husband's family

has failed to move with the times,

that they think too much of the rights of nobility

and too little of its duties. The very honesty of your behaviour

would appear to me to prove them wrong.

Was Lord Tennyson far from the mark when he wrote,

"Kind hearts are more than coronets

"and simple faith than Norman blood"?

I hope you will stay to luncheon.

Oh, in that case, I shall be delighted and honoured.

'My impersonation of a man of sterling character

'was such a resounding success that Mrs D'Ascoyne invited me

'to spend the following Saturday-to-Monday with them.

'When I returned to the somewhat contrasting atmosphere of Clapham,

'I found the house in a whirl with preparation for

'Sibella's wedding to Lionel which was to take place next day.

'Before going to bed that evening, I wandered into the old nursery

'to fetch a book I'd left there.'

Penny for them.

SADLY: Oh, hello, Louis.

You're not looking as radiantly happy

as young females in your situation are supposed to look.

I was just thinking of all the fun we've had in this room.

-You and I and Graham.

-And Lionel.

Yes, and Lionel.

CRYING: Oh, Louis, I don't want to marry Lionel!

-Why not?

-He's so dull!

I must admit he exhibits the most extraordinary capacity for middle age

that I've ever encountered in a young man of 24.

However, it's a bit late in the day to think of that, isn't it?

I know. That only makes it worse.

-I always told you you should marry me.

-I know.

That makes it worse too.

PEOPLE CHATTERING

You look more lovely today than I've ever seen you.

You're a lucky man, Lionel. Take my word for it.

'I could not help feeling that even Sibella's capacity for lying

'was going to be taxed to the utmost.

'Time had brought me revenge on Lionel.

'And as the Italian proverb says,

' "Revenge is a dish which people of taste prefer to eat cold."

'The following Saturday, I left London in the middle of the night

'and reached Henry's house just before dawn.'

OWL HOOTING

'It took a mere three minutes to substitute petrol

'for the paraffin in the darkroom lamp.

'And I then repaired to a meadow and took a few hours' sleep

'while awaiting the hour at which I could reasonably arrive at the house.

'The day dragged by in an agony of suspense for me.

'Henry took photograph after photograph, but seemed to have

'no urge whatever to follow it up with a visit to the darkroom.'

Bravo, Edith!

'I began to fear that he had suddenly taken the pledge.'

I think I'll just go and develop these before tea. Care to come?

I would, indeed, but I have a slight headache. The sun, I think.

And I'm afraid the chemicals wouldn't improve it.

Mr Mazzini and I will have tea under the tulip tree.

I've always found that most beneficial for a headache.

I'm afraid Henry will think me a poor enthusiast.

I sometimes think that he is too great a one.

In a way, I am to blame for it.

Before we were married, he had few interests.

He used to spend the greater part of each day at his club.

SOFT EXPLOSION

I felt that such a life was unhealthy

and persuaded him to come and live here in the country.

I hoped that perhaps he would interest himself

in the welfare of our tenantry, as I do.

But he became interested in photography on our honeymoon

and since then it has become the major preoccupation of his life.

-Mr Mazzini...

-Yes?

I hope you will forgive my speaking to you on a personal matter,

but it worries me that Henry should spend so much time on his hobby

that he has little left for any more useful activity.

Am I right to let him go on like this?

'I could hardly point out that Henry now had no time left

'for any kind of activity, so I continued to discuss his future.'

He has never shown any wish for a career in politics?

-None.

-Nor any other ambitions?

One only. To win a prize at the Salon Photography in Brussels.

What is it?

Oh, they're just burning some leaves at the bottom of the garden.

But they can't be at this time of year.

-Henry!

-No. You stay here.

'Needless to say, I was too late.'

BELL TOLLING

'The funeral service was held in the village church at Chalfont,

'prior to interment in the family vault.

'Mrs D'Ascoyne, who had discerned in me

'a man of delicate sensibility and high purpose

'asked me to accompany her on the cross-country journey.'

"To everything, there is a season

"and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

"A time to be born, and a time to die."

'The occasion was interesting, in that it provided me

'with my first sight of the D'Ascoynes en masse.

'Interesting and somewhat depressing

'for it emphasised how far I had yet to travel.

'There was the Duke.

'There was my employer, Lord Ascoyne D'Ascoyne.

'There was Admiral Lord Horatio D'Ascoyne.

'There was General Lord Rufus D'Ascoyne.'

SNORING

-'There was Lady Agatha D'Ascoyne.'

-SNORING CONTINUES

SHUSHING

'And in the pulpit, talking interminable nonsense

'the Reverend Lord Henry D'Ascoyne.'

The life cut short was one rich in achievement and promise

of service to humanity.

'The D'Ascoynes certainly appeared to have accorded

'with the tradition of the landed gentry

'and sent the fool of the family into the church.'

Well, goodbye, my dear.

-Goodbye.

-No fretting now.

After all, one thing to be said, we all have to come to it.

Great thing, you know, family vault like ours.

Constant reminder of one's heritage.

Now, take this new cremation nonsense.

Who wants to see his nearest and dearest put in an incinerator?

I think, sir, Mrs D'Ascoyne should leave. The wind is turning cold.

As Mrs D'Ascoyne thinks best.

Glad we had Cousin Henry to take the service.

Boring old ass, but it keeps the thing in the family.

People getting strange ideas these days.

Had a fellow write to me not so long ago,

wanted to bury his mother here from Tooting or somewhere.

Start letting strangers in, the place will be full up.

No room for us, eh?

'I privately promised him that I would make it my business

'to see there was room for him.'

Uncle Ethelred is not the most tactful of men.

I could gladly have struck him.

Thank you for intervening when you did.

The house will be so empty

and yet he will be in it everywhere.

I find the thought of life there hard to face.

Must you stay there? A new environment...

I must,

for one reason if no other.

They would say I was running away,

-that there was truth in all these rumours.

-Rumours?

In the village.

There's been gossip.

They say that Henry drank in secret.

They even say that that was the cause of the accident.

I'm sure that Henry would never have professed one thing and practised another.

I, too, am sure.

Otherwise, I think I could not survive.

We have a long way to go. Try to sleep a little.

Sleep does not come easily.

Please try.

Allow me.

'I was conscious that a new obsession was about to join the one

'that I should wear the coronet of the Duke of Chalfont,

'that Edith D'Ascoyne should wear that of the duchess beside me.

'Her dignity of bearing at the worst moments of her grief

'had impressed me with the feeling that here was a woman

'whose quality matched her beauty.

'I resolved to embark upon her courtship

'as soon as a decent period of mourning should have elapsed.

'Sibella? Yes, Sibella was pretty enough in her suburban way.

'And, indeed, there was no reason

'why we shouldn't continue to meet on friendly terms.

'But her face would have looked rather out of place under a coronet.'

That, sir, is a list of bills due for redemption this week.

I've marked in red those asking for renewal.

Aitcheson, yes. Pole and Carter, I suppose so.

Knollis Limited, oh, no.

Redbank and Holland...

You have a friend there, have you not?

An acquaintance. I know Lionel Holland.

Would you say that he's sound?

I wouldn't say not, sir.

Hmm. Thank you.

-Mazzini.

-Yes, sir?

I've watched your progress here with great care

and have been gratified to note that it has fully justified my judgement

in inviting you into the firm. In view of that,

and in order that you may be able to adopt a style of living

befitting a member of the D'Ascoyne family,

I have decided to appoint you my private secretary

at a salary of £500 per annum.

-Sir, I cannot begin to...

-Oh, please do not try.

I had intended that my son should occupy the position.

I can only say that I will try to make my occupancy of it

worthy of his memory.

'I left the Halworths' house

'and took a bachelor apartment in St James's.

'Clapham no longer held Sibella's presence to compensate me

'for the tedious journey between the suburbs and the city.'

DOORBELL CHIMING

'Anyhow, it would be vastly more convenient for her to visit me here.'

Now, let me have a look at the beautiful Mrs Holland.

-No, I think I prefer Miss Halworth.

-So do I.

Louis, it's very wrong of me to visit you here.

-Why?

-A married woman calling on a bachelor?

A dangerous bachelor in his apartment.

I? Dangerous?

These things only become wrong when people know about them.

This is a very discreet apartment. That's why I chose it.

So that young women could call on you in safety?

So that one young woman could.

How did you know she'd want to?

I hoped.

-How did you enjoy your honeymoon?

-Not at all.

Not at all?

Not at all.

-And how was Italy?

-Oh, impossible!

Every time I wanted to go shopping, Lionel dragged me off to a church

or picture gallery.

-Said he wanted to improve his mind.

-He has room to do so.

I should reprove you for saying unkind things about him

but I can't.

Louis, I think I've married the most boring man in London.

-In England.

-In Europe!

Oh, the Italian men are so handsome,

but I could never get away from Lionel for a moment.

But I was forgetting, you're Italian.

Half.

Louis...

I can speak frankly to you?

Well, if not to me, to whom?

I shall go mad.

Already when he touches me, I want to scream.

What am I doing?

You know very well. You're playing with fire.

At least it warms me.

I must go.

Lionel's dining at home tonight.

Where is Lionel dining tomorrow night?

With some business acquaintances.

And where are you dining tomorrow night?

Here?

Here.

'Poor little imprisoned bird.

'Well, she was welcome to come and flutter her wings with me.

'I could think of many more disagreeable ways of killing time

'pending the arrival of the moment

'when the conventional decencies would permit me

'to make my declaration to Edith.

'As to the other undertaking, I had not forgotten or forgiven

'the boredom of the sermon at young Henry's funeral

'and I decided to promote the Reverend Lord Henry D'Ascoyne

'to next place on the list.

'I therefore assumed the garb and character of a colonial bishop

'spending his vacation making a collection of brass rubbings from country churches.'

Good evening, my lord.

'It was, for a moment, a shock to be addressed

'by my ecclesiastical title, but I recovered quickly.'

Good evening.

I was just taking a rubbing of this most interesting brass.

An ancestress of my dear late wife.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Henry D'Ascoyne, rector of this parish.

Septimus Wilkinson, bishop of Matabeleland.

I was spending my vacation taking a cycling tour around your beautiful country churches.

-Ah! Have you noticed our clerestory?

-Cle...

Ah, exquisite!

-The corbels are very fine.

-Hmm.

Perhaps Your Lordship would permit me to show you

one or two other things in which we take a pride.

I should be most interested.

Our most notable features, of course,

are the D'Ascoyne memorials.

Every member of the family

to a cadet branch of which I have the honour to belong

is buried here in the family vault.

Here you will see the first duke and his duchess.

The dead watching, as it were, over the living.

The church is exceptionally endowed also

with items of architectural interest.

You will note that our chantry

displays the crocketed and finialed ogee

which marks it as very early Perpendicular.

The bosses to the pendant are typical.

And I always say

that my west window

has all the exuberance of Chaucer

without, happily, any of the concomitant crudities of his period.

Hmm.

Now we approach the font.

'At last he did as I had hoped and invited me to dinner.

'The Reverend Lord Henry was not one of those newfangled parsons

'who carry the principles of their vocation uncomfortably into private life.

'However, he exhibited a polite interest

'in the progress of the Christian faith in Matabeleland

'which I was at some difficulty to satisfy.'

The SPCK have provided us

with a large number of copies of the Good Book

translated into Matabele.

But as none of the natives can read even their own language...

-You speak Matabele yourself?

-Not as a native.

It would be most interesting

to hear a sample of the language.

I'm afraid my Matabele is a little rusty.

Oh, come, my lord.

Daniel cast into the lions' den, for example.

SPEAKING GIBBERISH

It is a colloquial rendering, of course.

Most interesting.

My lord, the port is with you.

Oh.

-How do you find the wine?

-Admirable.

-Courban '69.

-Oh.

No finer year, in my view.

My doctor, though, is of a different opinion.

And what does he favour?

Abstinence.

LAUGHING

Would you care for a cigar?

Thank you.

Yes.

He's continually warning me about the state of my arteries.

But I say to him,

"What possible harm can there be

"in one glass of an evening...

"..or even two?"

What harm, indeed.

-You do not condemn me, then?

-Not in the least.

If I may say so,

without disrespect to my superiors...

..your visit has brought me something

which I could not expect from any churchman in this country.

'I surmised, correctly, as it proved that Lord Henry's doctor

'would assume that he had succumbed to a surfeit of port

'and would politely ascribe death to a heart attack.

'On my return to London, I decided to proceed methodically

'with the elimination of the remaining minor obstacles.

'Lady Agatha D'Ascoyne was a pioneer in the campaign for women's suffrage.'

GLASS SHATTERING

'With the inconvenient consequence that her public appearances

'were invariably made under the watchful eyes of the Metropolitan Police.

'When she was not making public appearances,

'she was in prison and still more inaccessible.

'In fact, before I could learn of a favourable opportunity,

'I had to join the movement myself.

'Secret plans had been made for Lady Agatha

'to celebrate her latest release from Holloway

'by a shower of leaflets over Whitehall and the West End.'

PEOPLE CLAMOURING

'I shot an arrow in the air...

'..she fell to Earth in Berkeley Square.

'Admiral Lord Horatio D'Ascoyne presented a more difficult problem.

'He scarcely ever set foot ashore...

'..and I was beginning to feel this task was beyond even my ingenuity.

'When he was conveniently involved in a naval disaster

'which arose from a combination of natural obstinacy

-'and a certain confusion of mind.'

-WIND HOWLING

'Unfortunate in one of his rank.'

Bring her to port.

-Surely you mean starboard, sir.

-Port!

HORN BLARING

CRASHING

'Both ships sank almost immediately.

'Though, fortunately, all hands were saved, save one.

'Admiral Lord Horatio, obstinate to the last

'insisted on going down with his ship.

'General Lord Rufus D'Ascoyne, on the other hand,

'who never tired of demonstrating how he had fought

'the most calamitous campaign of the South African War

'was a fairly easy proposition.'

At that moment, the concealed enemy emerged from behind the kopje.

I held our guns' fire until we could see the whites of their eyes.

Then I gave the order. "Fire!"

Boom, boom, boom.

'It seemed appropriate that he who had lived amidst the cannon's roar

'should die explosively.'

'I therefore concealed in a pot of caviar

'a simple but powerful homemade bomb

'and, through the post, I sent the caviar to the general.'

HORATIO: I pretended to be deceived by the feint

and sent our horse to meet it.

At that moment, the concealed enemy emerged from behind the kopje.

I held our guns' fire till we could see the whites of their eyes.

Used to get a lot of this stuff in the Crimea.

One thing the Russkies do really well.

'Not an atom of him was left.'

One could almost believe there was a curse

on our unfortunate family, Mazzini.

Indeed, sir, one could.

I don't know if you realise how close this series of tragedies

has brought you to the succession.

-I had not actually given the matter any thought, sir.

-It's time you did.

Do you not realise that you are heir presumptive to the dukedom?

That is to say, in the event of the present duke dying without issue,

I alone intervene between you and the title.

And I am an old man.

I've never really recovered from the first of these calamities.

You mean I might become Duke of Chalfont?

I mean that you almost certainly will.

In view of that, I feel it would be more fitting

that you should cease to be an employee here.

-Oh.

-And become instead my partner.

I am most deeply grateful and honoured.

If you'll come round here, I will make everything very clear to you.

Uh, had she lived, your mother, of course,

-would have succeeded before you.

-'One of my first tasks as partner

'was to interview Lionel, who came cap...

'Or rather, silk hat in hand.'

To save time, I presume you've called to ask for renewal of your bill?

The fact is, old boy, we sold short

and the market hasn't dropped as we expected.

I feel entitled to point out that we here regard our function

as the encouragement of constructive investment

and not the financing of mere gambling transactions.

Now...

'It would have delighted me to refuse him.

'However, a bankrupt Lionel could hardly have continued

'to support Sibella in her extravagances

'and I had no wish to do so myself.'

Very well. We will renew at 3½ percent.

'I judged that the time was now ripe to make a move

'in the matter of Edith D'Ascoyne.'

It's becoming cold. Shall we go in?

I know why you shivered just now.

It was not because you were cold.

No.

I couldn't help remembering.

I know. But do you try to forget?

-I may sound harsh, but believe me...

-Please.

Not there.

Because it was Henry's chair.

It hasn't been used since that day.

Nothing of his.

Everything is just as he left it, his writing desk, his clothes.

I cannot bear that it should be otherwise.

You want this house to be a shrine.

You're wrong. Shrines are not meant to house the living.

I have always respected you, your principles, your courage,

above any woman I've ever met.

It is your duty to yourself and to others,

to Henry even,

to live again in the present, in the future.

What future is there for me?

I am now going to say something presumptuous.

You must order me from your house if you wish.

It is this...

If you should ever feel that

the constant support of a devoted admirer

would be of assistance to you,

I should be most honoured if you would permit me

to offer you my hand in marriage.

Mr Mazzini...

This is a shock.

I'm most touched.

Most grateful,

but I could not consider even the possibility of remarrying.

I have spoken too boldly and too soon.

Please regard what I have said merely as something to draw upon

should you ever feel so inclined.

'Sibella was waiting for me when I got back.

'I was pleased to see her, for while I never admired Edith

'as much as when I was with Sibella,

'I never longed for Sibella as much as when I was with Edith.'

DOOR OPENS

I'm afraid I'm late. Have you been bored?

No.

I've been looking into the fire and thinking.

-What about?

-Oh.

How we used to roast chestnuts round the other fire

and what a lot has happened since.

Such as?

How you told me not to marry Lionel because you might be a duke one day

and how I laughed at you.

And how I married Lionel

and now you very nearly are a duke.

We're much better off as we are, you and I.

It's all very well for you to say that. You're not married to Lionel.

We see each other when we want to.

We're not obliged to see each other when we don't want to.

We don't see each other as often as I'd like to.

-You've been away the whole weekend.

-I had to go.

-Where?

-To see Mrs D'Ascoyne,

the widow of that cousin of mine who was killed.

All your cousins seem to get killed. I really wouldn't be

in the least surprised if you'd murdered them all.

-Oh.

-How clumsy of me.

-Whatever made you say that?

-Just silliness.

Well, if you promise not to tell anyone,

I'll let you in to my guilty secret. I DID murder them all.

CHUCKLES

I've suspected it for a long time.

-What's she like?

-Who?

-Mrs D'Ascoyne.

-Oh, she's tall, slender...

-Beautiful?

-Yes, I suppose some people would call her beautiful.

Would you?

I suppose so. I never really thought about that.

What would you say if she asked you about me?

I'd say that you were a perfect combination of imperfections.

I'd say that your nose was just a little too short,

your mouth just a little too wide,

but that yours was a face that a man could see in his dreams

for the whole of his life.

I'd say that you were vain, selfish,

cruel, deceitful.

I'd say that you were adorable.

I'd say that you were Sibella.

What a pretty speech.

I mean it.

Come and say it to me again.

I'd say your nose was just a little too short,

and your mouth, yes, your mouth just a little too wide.

'Shortly afterwards, my employer had a stroke.

'There was little that could be done

and the doctor gave him a month, at the most, to live.

'I was glad, after all his kindness to me

'that I should not have to kill the old man.

'Soon the only obstacle between me and my inheritance

'would be the Duke himself.

'I could lay no plan for disposing of him

'as the life he led within those great stone walls was a closed book to me.

'I was gloomily examining the problem for the hundredth time

'as I awaited one day the expected arrival of Sibella at my apartments.'

DOORBELL CHIMING

-Good afternoon, Mr Mazzini.

-Mrs D'Ascoyne.

I was passing through St James's

and thought I would take the opportunity to call on you.

Was that wise? Discreet, I mean?

There are some conventions which must be governed by individual circumstance.

Surely it is safe for a woman to visit a man of your reputation.

It is of your reputation that I'm thinking.

Without being inhospitable, I would be happier if your visit were not a long one.

I appreciate the scrupulousness of your motives.

I have, anyhow, only one important matter to speak of.

That is?

I have thought a great deal about what you said at our last meeting

and I have tried to think what Henry's wishes would be.

I remember he said to me once,

"You have too much good in you, Edith, for one man.

"I sometimes wish that others could have a share of it."

I have reconsidered the offer you made to me.

Thank you again for it, and accept it gladly.

You rob me of words.

I think, however, we should make no announcement for three months, at least.

As you think best.

In these new circumstances,

I think it more than ever desirable that your unconventional,

though in its purpose delightful visit should be cut short.

If your attention as a husband is equal of your consideration as a friend,

I shall have made a most fortunate decision.

Do you not think, though, that perhaps Uncle Ethelred,

as head of the family, should be told at once?

Perhaps so. Yes, I'll write to him.

Goodbye, Louis.

Goodbye, Edith.

You leave behind you the happiest man in London.

'This was not a piece of news

'which I was looking forward to breaking to Sibella.

'She had no rights in the matter,

'but women have a disconcerting ability to make scenes out of nothing

'and to prove themselves injured when they themselves are at fault.'

DOORBELL CHIMING

'Anyhow, I had three months' grace before I need face that storm.'

Have you taken to using attar of roses?

-No. Why?

-Thought I could smell it.

I met such a beautiful woman on the stairs just now.

I expect that would be Mrs D'Ascoyne.

-What was she doing here?

-She called in to see me.

-What about?

-Business. Family business.

Let me get you a glass of sherry.

'A day or so later, I received a letter from Lionel.

'He requested an interview with me at his house on a matter of some delicacy.

'I was somewhat perturbed, for nine times out of ten

'what is referred to as a matter of some delicacy

'is, in point of fact, one of extreme indelicacy.

'Two days later, I made the tedious journey to Bayswater.

'It was typical of Lionel that he should live on the wrong side of the park.

SLURRING: Hello, old boy. Have a drink.

No, thank you. Never during the day.

You don't mind if I do? Keep out the cold.

I was about to remark on the warmth of the day.

-Just a joke, old boy.

-Ah, yes.

-Sit down, old boy.

-No, thank you. I would rather stand.

A warm day, isn't it? For the time of the year, I mean.

Distinctly. It's also a very busy day.

May we proceed to the matter about which you wished to see me?

Right. A matter of some delicacy, actually, old boy.

But I said to myself, "Louis is a sport and a man of the world.

-"Always been a sport."

-Thank you.

Always admired the sporting way in which you took to Sibella marrying me and not you.

Some fellows would have taken it very differently.

But "May the best man win," you said.

And when I won, you behaved like a gentleman.

So I thought as you being keen on Sibella at one time

and you and I are old friends, I... I'd ask you to help us.

-Help you?

-I told you some time back business hasn't been going so well.

Since then, it's gone worse. I'm bankrupt.

So I say to myself, "Why not talk to my old pal, Louis Mazzini,

"who we used to have such jolly times with round the old nursery fire

-"roasting chestnuts."

-I'm afraid your memory is deceiving you.

By no stretch of imagination could you and I be described as ever having been "pals".

If I remember correctly, we detested each other cordially

from the first day we met,

with a detestation which increased with our years.

Always thought of you as a pal. Always have done.

That's why I said to myself...

It's only fair to warn you that any further expense of breath

on this subject would be a waste.

You know what you're doing?

-Condemning me to death.

-What do you mean?

Only one way out for me, do away with myself.

If you knew how absurd these histrionics sounded...

I'm insured. At least the little woman will be provided for.

-Oh, don't be ridiculous.

-Louis, I appeal to you.

Not for my sake, but for the sake of the little woman.

Please rise from that absurd position.

SNIFFLING

All I can say is I think you're a cad.

A selfish cad.

Let me remind you of a little not-so-ancient history.

When I was a draper's assistant and you a rich father's son,

you showed me no kindness.

Now our positions are reversed, and you come whining to me for favours.

Draper's assistant. That's right.

Rotten little counterjumper. That's all you are.

Very high and mighty now,

but your mother married an Italian organ-grinder.

-Stand up.

-Huh?

I said stand up.

I will not tolerate hearing my mother's name on your coarse tongue.

If you take my advice, you'll go and put your head under a cold tap.

I refuse to demean myself by fighting with a drunken oaf.

'There seemed no point in prolonging this vulgar brawl

'so I returned to my apartment.'

'I took a bath and decided to relax for half an hour

'and efface this disagreeable scene from my memory.'

DOORBELL CHIMING

'I was not allowed to relax for long.'

Sibella.

Louis, I'm sorry to worry you when you must be so busy

but I have a piece of important news.

Bad news.

CRYING: I thought you ought to know it at once.

Lionel has found out about us.

About me coming here.

-Really?

-Yes.

Oh.

I had the most dreadful scene with him last night.

Well, I suppose even Lionel isn't stupid enough to be deceived forever.

You won't take it so calmly when you hear.

He's going to start divorce proceedings.

How very unsophisticated of him.

There's only one possible way out that I can see.

-And that is?

-Lionel is still in love with me.

My happiness is all he cares about.

He might do the gentlemanly thing and let me divorce him.

If?

If I were in a position to explain to him

that otherwise he will be jeopardising the social position

not only of the future Duke,

but also the future Duchess of Chalfont.

I see.

You're a clever little thing, Sibella,

-but not quite clever enough.

-What do you mean?

I mean that not only do I know that you're blackmailing me,

an ugly word, but the only appropriate one,

but I also know that you're bluffing me.

Call my bluff and see.

I will.

Let me explain.

It must have seemed to you that you hold a very strong hand.

But... A very important "but", it so happens

that I hold a card which you did not even know to be in the pack.

Who's bluffing now?

It so happens that I was with Lionel less than an hour ago.

And it was transparently clear from his demeanour and conversation

that he had not the faintest suspicion that you and I had any relationship

other than that of, as he would probably put it, old pals

who used to roast chestnuts together round the jolly old nursery fire.

So, while thanking you for the honour that you've done me,

I must decline your offer because I have other arrangements

-which make it impossible for me to accept it.

-Namely?

I'm shortly going to announce my engagement to Mrs D'Ascoyne.

May I say that I think you've behaved despicably?

Has it ever occurred to you, Sibella, that we serve each other right, you and I?

Would it be asking too much of your manners to escort me to the door?

'I had suspected that to confide our secret to the Duke

'might be an adroit manoeuvre, and I was proved correct

'for it produced an invitation for Edith and me to spend a few days at the castle.

'I must confess that I could not suppress an agreeable sensation of triumph

'as I approached the castle gateway

'in circumstances so different from those in which I had last done so.

'It was just an informal little house party.

'Our fellow guests were Lady Redpole and her daughter Maud

'who most suitably resembled nothing so much as a red poll cow

'and had little more conversational ability.'

-Did you go to the opera this season?

-No.

'In the afternoon, Ethelred invited me to inspect the castle.

'It was pleasant to stand on the battlements

'and know that the acres which stretched as far as the eye could see would soon be mine.

'And it amused me to cover much the same ground as that of my sixpenny tour.

'I had never been in a building so lavishly equipped

'with the instruments of violent death.'

Feel the weight of that.

Our ancestors must have been fine men, Louis.

'They seemed, however, ill-adapted

'to the discreet requirements of 20th-century homicide.

'And the end of the day found my host still intact

'and myself still without a plan.'

Beautiful woman, Edith.

You're a lucky fellow, Louis.

I never cease to be conscious of that.

-Thank you.

-What do you think of Maud?

A charming girl, though perhaps at times

her conversation is a little lacking in sparkle.

Dullest woman I ever met in my life.

Plain too.

But good breeding stock.

Good breeding stock, the Redpoles.

And they litter a very high proportion of boys.

Do I gather you to mean...

Spoke to old Lady Redpole this afternoon.

Only too glad to get the girl off her hands.

My congratulations.

Duty to the family, really.

And when does the union take place?

Very soon. I'm not growing any younger.

Might not get a son the first time. Quiet wedding, I thought.

Maud's hardly the type for St Margaret's.

We shall honeymoon on the Riviera and then go on to Italy afterwards.

No sense inflicting her on one's friends.

When she's got a family, that'll keep her out of the way.

'This news threw me into such distress of mind

'that had I had poison in my possession

'I would probably have administered it to Ethelred there and then

'and chanced the consequent inquiries.

'One thing was clear, If I did not succeed in disposing of him

'during this present visit to the castle

'I was likely to see the ruin of my whole campaign.'

My best wishes for a successful outcome.

'The next morning, I went out shooting with Ethelred

'or rather, to watch Ethelred shooting for my principles

'will not allow me to take a direct part in blood sports.'

-Been round the traps this morning, Hoskins?

-Not yet, Your Grace.

Sounds as if we've bagged one there.

Ah. Been losing so much game lately,

we've started setting the mantraps again.