Browse content similar to School for Scoundrels. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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DOORBELL RINGS | 0:02:53 | 0:02:54 | |
-Mr Potter? -Come in, you're late. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:04 | |
I'm sorry. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
The, erm, the train. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:07 | |
Punctuality is the politeness of princes, Mr Potter always says. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:15 | |
Mr Potter is just starting his beginning-of-term speech. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:20 | |
You'll have to wait. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:22 | |
..with which sentiment I'm sure you will agree. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:34 | |
You all know that in the beginning, | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
there were Adam and Eve. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
You'll remember that Adam bit into that apple, | 0:03:38 | 0:03:41 | |
at which moment the first loser was born. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:44 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
Yes, the pattern was set, and the world divided, | 0:03:46 | 0:03:50 | |
not into male and female. Oh, no, no, no. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:54 | |
That's just a mere superficial division of minor importance. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:58 | |
No, gentlemen, there is another division, | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
another dichotomy, | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
more basic, more profound. At that fateful moment, | 0:04:04 | 0:04:07 | |
the world was divided into winners... | 0:04:07 | 0:04:10 | |
and losers. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:12 | |
Top men... | 0:04:12 | 0:04:13 | |
and underdogs. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:15 | |
In a word, the one-up... | 0:04:15 | 0:04:18 | |
and the one-down. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:21 | |
Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes, | 0:04:21 | 0:04:22 | |
I can see the question in your hungry eyes. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:26 | |
You want to know, what IS lifemanship? | 0:04:26 | 0:04:30 | |
Well, gentlemen, | 0:04:30 | 0:04:32 | |
lifemanship is the science of being one up on your opponents | 0:04:32 | 0:04:35 | |
at all times. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
It is the art of making him feel that somewhere, somehow, | 0:04:37 | 0:04:40 | |
he has become less than you - | 0:04:40 | 0:04:43 | |
less desirable, less worthy... | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
..less blessed. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:49 | |
Who then, you ask, are your opponents? | 0:04:50 | 0:04:53 | |
Everybody, in a word, who is not you. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
And the purpose of your life must be to be one up on them, | 0:04:56 | 0:05:00 | |
because, and mark this well, | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
he who is not one up... | 0:05:02 | 0:05:05 | |
is one down. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
KNOCK ON DOOR | 0:05:08 | 0:05:09 | |
Come in! | 0:05:09 | 0:05:10 | |
Potter? | 0:05:14 | 0:05:15 | |
Yes. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:18 | |
They sometimes call me Mr Potter, but... | 0:05:18 | 0:05:21 | |
I beg your pardon. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:23 | |
I'm Mr Henry Palfrey. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
Ah! Sit down, Palfrey. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:29 | |
Well? Tell me all about yourself, Palfrey. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
Well, it's like this, Mr Potter... | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
Have a cigarette, Palfrey. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
Thank you, Potter. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
You don't mind my cigar, do you, Mr Palfrey? | 0:05:46 | 0:05:50 | |
Not at all, Mr Potter. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:52 | |
Thank you, Henry. Ha-ha! | 0:05:52 | 0:05:56 | |
My round, I think. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:57 | |
What do you mean? | 0:05:57 | 0:05:58 | |
Never mind, we'll talk about that later. | 0:05:58 | 0:06:01 | |
Now tell me, what first prompted you to enrol in the college? | 0:06:01 | 0:06:05 | |
Well... | 0:06:05 | 0:06:07 | |
frankly, Mr Potter, | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
I'm a failure. | 0:06:09 | 0:06:10 | |
No. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:12 | |
You'll have some tea with me, won't you, Palfrey? | 0:06:15 | 0:06:18 | |
-Thank you very much. -So, you want to be a success. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:21 | |
Well, I think we can help you. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:23 | |
But first, I like to have a clear picture of the background | 0:06:23 | 0:06:26 | |
-of every student. You're in love, of course. -How did you know? | 0:06:26 | 0:06:29 | |
Thank you, Alice. Have a muffin, Palfrey. | 0:06:29 | 0:06:32 | |
Thank you. | 0:06:32 | 0:06:34 | |
-Blonde? -Erm...no, with lemon. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:37 | |
The young lady... is she a blonde? | 0:06:37 | 0:06:40 | |
Oh, I see! | 0:06:40 | 0:06:43 | |
Er, well, not quite. | 0:06:43 | 0:06:46 | |
That could be serious. | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
Now, let's begin at the beginning. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
How did you first meet this not-quite-blonde young lady? | 0:06:50 | 0:06:55 | |
Well, it happened on Tuesday. | 0:06:55 | 0:06:58 | |
Or was it Wednesday? | 0:06:58 | 0:07:00 | |
Yes, Wedn... No, it wasn't, it was Tuesday. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:04 | |
I was on my way to the office in the morning as usual. | 0:07:04 | 0:07:07 | |
Oh! | 0:07:13 | 0:07:15 | |
Oh! Oh! | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
Of all the stupid, awkward... | 0:07:17 | 0:07:19 | |
Clumsy? | 0:07:19 | 0:07:21 | |
..clumsy idiots. Ugh! | 0:07:21 | 0:07:23 | |
I say, I'm most terribly sorry. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
Sorry? Is that all you've got to say | 0:07:29 | 0:07:31 | |
when you knocked me down like a wild... | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
-Uncivilised? -..uncivilised... | 0:07:33 | 0:07:34 | |
-Savage? -Sava... | 0:07:34 | 0:07:36 | |
-No, not really. -Oh, but I am. | 0:07:39 | 0:07:42 | |
Yes, I am permanently uncivilised, I'm... | 0:07:42 | 0:07:44 | |
-Oh! -What's the matter? | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
-My beautiful new stocking's ruined. -Oh! -I'll probably sue you. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:50 | |
Oh, I do wish you would. I'm fully insured, you know. | 0:07:50 | 0:07:52 | |
Personal, property, accident, medical, all that sort of thing. Just take your pick. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:56 | |
No, thank you, but it's very nice of you to offer. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
-Look, give me those, I'm going to be late for work. -Under no circumstances. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
You're probably shaken or bruised. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:03 | |
-The least I can do is to carry them for you. -But then you'll be late for work. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:07 | |
-Work? Oh, work! That old thing! -Well, you do work, don't you? | 0:08:07 | 0:08:09 | |
Well, of course, I do, but they can do without me for a while. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:13 | |
-I'm a...well, I'm an executive. -Oh! | 0:08:13 | 0:08:15 | |
-So, the later the better, really. -Yes, yes, of course. | 0:08:15 | 0:08:18 | |
I say, are you sure you don't want to sue me? | 0:08:18 | 0:08:21 | |
-Absolutely positive. -Yes, well, erm... what about the stockings? | 0:08:21 | 0:08:25 | |
I'll let you into a secret. They weren't new, anyway. | 0:08:25 | 0:08:28 | |
Well, perhaps they had some sentimental value? | 0:08:28 | 0:08:31 | |
Not really enough to sue for. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
Pity, really. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:34 | |
SHE CHUCKLES | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
-Do you always come this way to work? -Yes, yes, I do. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:39 | |
Someone's coming. | 0:08:43 | 0:08:46 | |
OK, it's only the boss. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
HE WHISTLES CHEERFULLY | 0:08:49 | 0:08:52 | |
Good morning! | 0:08:52 | 0:08:54 | |
CRICKET COMMENTARY ON RADIO | 0:08:54 | 0:08:56 | |
-What's the score? -Shhh, I can't hear. | 0:08:58 | 0:09:02 | |
Sorry. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:03 | |
Miss Stevens! Miss Wilson! Appleby! | 0:09:05 | 0:09:09 | |
Yes, if times were normal, | 0:09:09 | 0:09:12 | |
you'd all take a week's notice, but as times are regrettably abnormal, | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
I shall have to content myself with a severe reprimand | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
on my return from Mr Henry's office. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:20 | |
Meanwhile, back to your desks. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
KNOCKS ON DOOR | 0:09:24 | 0:09:25 | |
Good morning, sir. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
Ah, the very man I wanted to see. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
Would you book a table for me at the Camellia Room | 0:09:29 | 0:09:33 | |
for tonight for two, for nine o'clock? | 0:09:33 | 0:09:36 | |
The Camellia Room, sir? | 0:09:36 | 0:09:38 | |
I'm taking someone to dinner. | 0:09:38 | 0:09:41 | |
Taking or being taken, sir? | 0:09:41 | 0:09:43 | |
Taking. | 0:09:43 | 0:09:45 | |
Your late uncle always used to say that the best place | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
for taking was the Hampshire Buttery, sir. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
A very satisfying meal for seven and sixpence. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
Here is the morning's business, sir, | 0:09:53 | 0:09:56 | |
which I had ready on your desk at nine o'clock, | 0:09:56 | 0:09:59 | |
but removed to a place of safety pending your arrival. | 0:09:59 | 0:10:02 | |
Thank you, Gloatbridge. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
Are there any decisions, or are they just signatures? | 0:10:04 | 0:10:07 | |
I think we decided that it should be just signatures, sir, | 0:10:07 | 0:10:10 | |
since you inadvertently... | 0:10:10 | 0:10:12 | |
Yes. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:13 | |
You will remember, I feel sure, sir, just why we decided | 0:10:13 | 0:10:16 | |
it should be just signatures and not decisions. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:19 | |
-Of course. -Yes. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:21 | |
Perhaps these painful memories are best forgotten, sir. | 0:10:21 | 0:10:24 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:10:24 | 0:10:26 | |
Hello? | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
Yes, speaking. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
Douglas, old man! | 0:10:31 | 0:10:33 | |
What? | 0:10:33 | 0:10:35 | |
Tell me, what time is the match on Saturday? | 0:10:38 | 0:10:41 | |
Hmm? | 0:10:41 | 0:10:42 | |
I'm not playing? | 0:10:44 | 0:10:46 | |
I must say I'm a little surprised, yes. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:50 | |
Well, who's in? | 0:10:50 | 0:10:51 | |
Walter? | 0:10:53 | 0:10:54 | |
But good gracious me, I can beat Walter any day of the week. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:59 | |
It was 6-2, 6-3 last time. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
Hmm? | 0:11:01 | 0:11:03 | |
Well, listen, Douglas, | 0:11:03 | 0:11:05 | |
you know I've got absolutely nothing against Walter, | 0:11:05 | 0:11:09 | |
in fact, he is, well, he is one of my best friends, | 0:11:09 | 0:11:12 | |
but it's just that I've been looking forward to the game. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:15 | |
I've made all my arrangements. Yes, Douglas. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:19 | |
Yes, I appreciate that, but... | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
Yes, Douglas. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
Yes, of course. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:26 | |
Goodbye. | 0:11:28 | 0:11:29 | |
Oh, Douglas! | 0:11:29 | 0:11:30 | |
My regards to Walter. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:33 | |
Your morning newspaper, sir. | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
Hmm? Oh, yes. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:42 | |
And just to start you off, sir, | 0:11:43 | 0:11:45 | |
number 23 across is castles in Spain. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:48 | |
Oh, erm... | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
you won't forget that booking, Gloatbridge? | 0:11:51 | 0:11:53 | |
The Hampshire Buttery, for two, at nine. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:56 | |
The Camellia Room, for two, at nine. | 0:11:56 | 0:11:59 | |
Very well, sir. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:00 | |
And number 13 down is Cleopatra's Needle. | 0:12:00 | 0:12:04 | |
Good evening, madam. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:12 | |
Good evening, sir. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:16 | |
-Good evening, sir. -Good evening. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:24 | |
-Madam. -Good evening. -May I take your coat? -Thank you. | 0:12:24 | 0:12:27 | |
Good evening. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:30 | |
-There we are. Shall we go in? -Oh, yes. | 0:12:32 | 0:12:35 | |
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
HE CLAPS | 0:12:38 | 0:12:39 | |
-Yes? -Palfrey. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:43 | |
-Yes? -Table for two. | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
I'm sorry, no table is free. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:47 | |
-Good evening, milady. -Good evening. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:50 | |
Number 27. | 0:12:50 | 0:12:52 | |
-I thought you said you'd booked. -Yes, I did. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:56 | |
Erm, excuse me, I booked. | 0:12:56 | 0:13:00 | |
-Oh? -Erm, Palfrey. Henry Palfrey. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:04 | |
-Well, there's no-one here of that name. -Palfrey. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:13 | |
P-A-L-F-R-E-Y. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:15 | |
My chief clerk booked it for me. | 0:13:16 | 0:13:19 | |
May I see that list? | 0:13:19 | 0:13:21 | |
If you please, sir. | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
He must've have booked at another restaurant. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:27 | |
-Maybe if you gave him something. -Yes, of course. | 0:13:27 | 0:13:31 | |
Erm... | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
Do you think, perhaps, you... might have another look? | 0:13:44 | 0:13:48 | |
-And what did you say the name was, sir? -Palfrey. | 0:13:50 | 0:13:53 | |
We have a Mr Poultry, here, sir, table for two at nine o'clock. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:57 | |
That's me, Mr Poultry. Ha-ha! nine o'clock, Henry Poultry. | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
Unfortunately, sir, it's now 9.15, | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
and tables aren't held beyond the booked time. | 0:14:02 | 0:14:05 | |
If you'd care to wait, I'll see what I can do for you. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:08 | |
Of course. | 0:14:08 | 0:14:10 | |
But look! | 0:14:12 | 0:14:13 | |
There's a table over there. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:15 | |
How discerning you are, madam. | 0:14:15 | 0:14:17 | |
But you see, it's that gentleman's table. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:21 | |
Hail, good innkeeper! | 0:14:21 | 0:14:23 | |
-Hello, Sam. -Thank you, sir. | 0:14:23 | 0:14:25 | |
Rose. | 0:14:25 | 0:14:28 | |
-Good evening, Mr Delauney. -Evening, Skinner. Hello, Ray! | 0:14:28 | 0:14:31 | |
Oh, hello, er... | 0:14:33 | 0:14:36 | |
Palfrey. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:37 | |
Hello, hello, hello. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:42 | |
Where did you find this lovely creature? | 0:14:42 | 0:14:45 | |
Oh, we met quite by accident, as a matter of fact. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:48 | |
I was trying to catch a bus and April was... | 0:14:48 | 0:14:50 | |
Well, do the decent thing, old chap. Fellow club members and that sort of thing. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:53 | |
Yes, of course. Mr Raymond Delauney, Miss April Smith. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:57 | |
What a romantic name. | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
"Oh, to be in England now that April's here." | 0:14:59 | 0:15:02 | |
How do you do? | 0:15:02 | 0:15:04 | |
How do you do? | 0:15:04 | 0:15:06 | |
You two chaps finished dinner already? | 0:15:06 | 0:15:09 | |
We haven't even started. We can't get a table. | 0:15:09 | 0:15:11 | |
Oh, fiddle-de-diddle. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:13 | |
-Skinner, my guests. -Certainly, sir. | 0:15:13 | 0:15:15 | |
Now, tell me, you lovely creature... | 0:15:17 | 0:15:19 | |
Oh, Palfrey, look after Skinner, there's a chap. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:23 | |
Thank you, Mr Delauney. | 0:15:23 | 0:15:24 | |
-Oh! -I'm so sorry, I beg your pardon. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:39 | |
Sir. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:46 | |
Oh, later, later. We'll order the wine first. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:57 | |
I always feel that the food should be chosen | 0:15:57 | 0:16:00 | |
to suit the wine, rather than the other way, don't you? | 0:16:00 | 0:16:04 | |
-Here you are. -Thank you very much. | 0:16:08 | 0:16:11 | |
Erm...number 93 looks... | 0:16:16 | 0:16:18 | |
That little vineyard in the Loire Valley, | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
-across the road from Pouilly. -Carcajanette? | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
-That's it. -The '49, of course. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:26 | |
-Well, if all the '47 is gone. -Very good, sir. | 0:16:26 | 0:16:29 | |
Merci. | 0:16:31 | 0:16:32 | |
Number 93 looked pretty good to me. | 0:16:32 | 0:16:35 | |
Really? | 0:16:35 | 0:16:36 | |
Carcajanette isn't expensive - it's an honest little wine, | 0:16:38 | 0:16:41 | |
especially if it's allowed to breathe for a while, | 0:16:41 | 0:16:44 | |
unless, of course, the grapes have had too much of the | 0:16:44 | 0:16:48 | |
Dordogne wind, in which case they have a tendency to sulk. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:53 | |
-I think you'll like it. -I'm sure I will. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:56 | |
And now for the fodder. | 0:16:56 | 0:16:58 | |
Monsieur. | 0:17:01 | 0:17:03 | |
-Monsieur. -Ah, splendid. | 0:17:03 | 0:17:05 | |
-Shall I order for all of us? -Oh, yes, please do. | 0:17:05 | 0:17:09 | |
Thank you, but I'd like to see what there is. | 0:17:09 | 0:17:11 | |
Waiter! | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
What is tortue Nicoise? | 0:17:15 | 0:17:18 | |
Fried turtle. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:21 | |
The brain of the calf. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:24 | |
The liver of the chicken. | 0:17:24 | 0:17:26 | |
The legs of the frog. | 0:17:26 | 0:17:29 | |
The hoof of the mountain goat in jelly. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:32 | |
Tomatoes. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:34 | |
Perhaps you HAD better order for all of us. | 0:17:34 | 0:17:38 | |
Thank you. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:39 | |
Waiter. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:41 | |
-Tell the chef Mr Delauney would like to see him. -Oui, monsieur. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:45 | |
I simply gritted my teeth to hide the excruciating pain, | 0:17:45 | 0:17:49 | |
and played the next three sets on strategy, | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
determination, and one leg. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:53 | |
How wonderful. | 0:17:53 | 0:17:55 | |
Isn't that wonderful, Henry? | 0:17:55 | 0:17:57 | |
Mm, wonderful. | 0:17:57 | 0:17:59 | |
I play a fair game of tennis myself, you know. | 0:17:59 | 0:18:02 | |
-Oh, do you...? -Oh, yes, I remember once... | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
Oh, yes, he does. Very fair game. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
As a matter of fact, you can see it for yourself. | 0:18:07 | 0:18:09 | |
Palfrey, why don't you invite our little lady | 0:18:09 | 0:18:12 | |
to see you play for the club on Saturday? | 0:18:12 | 0:18:14 | |
-Could I? -Erm... | 0:18:14 | 0:18:16 | |
Well, the fact is they seem to have decided... | 0:18:16 | 0:18:19 | |
Oh, yes, I did hear something about that. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:22 | |
-Hard cheese, old boy. -They say Walter has improved enormously. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:26 | |
Still, there's no reason why our little lady shouldn't see you play. Why don't you and I have a go? | 0:18:26 | 0:18:30 | |
I'm not playing for the club either...the old leg, you know. | 0:18:30 | 0:18:33 | |
Well, if your leg's still troubling you... | 0:18:33 | 0:18:35 | |
Oh, no, it's really quite all right for a friendly game. | 0:18:35 | 0:18:38 | |
We mustn't let a minor thing like that deprive April | 0:18:38 | 0:18:40 | |
of the pleasure of seeing you play, must we? | 0:18:40 | 0:18:43 | |
Just don't tell Sir Humphrey. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
My doctor. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
Three o'clock? | 0:18:47 | 0:18:48 | |
And you must both consider yourselves | 0:18:48 | 0:18:51 | |
to be my guests afterwards. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
-Your guests? -Oh, I insist. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:55 | |
It's only fair seeing that I've been your guest this evening. | 0:18:55 | 0:18:59 | |
We'll wait for you in the lobby. | 0:19:01 | 0:19:03 | |
Sorry. | 0:19:26 | 0:19:28 | |
My gloves, please. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:35 | |
Thank you. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:37 | |
Yes, erm... | 0:19:38 | 0:19:40 | |
Yes, well, er... thank you very much. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:44 | |
Good night. | 0:19:44 | 0:19:45 | |
Taxi, sir? | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
Erm, no, no, erm...no, thanks. | 0:19:52 | 0:19:55 | |
I thought you might like to take a little stroll. Ha-ha. | 0:19:55 | 0:19:59 | |
-So nice out tonight. -Yes, of course. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
I'd like to offer you both a lift, but I've only a two-seater. | 0:20:02 | 0:20:06 | |
That's the most wonderful car I ever saw! | 0:20:06 | 0:20:09 | |
The new Bellini 3.6. | 0:20:09 | 0:20:10 | |
I could offer one of you a lift. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:14 | |
No, thanks. We'll walk. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:16 | |
Pity - nice night for a drive, | 0:20:16 | 0:20:19 | |
wind through the hair, all that sort of thing. | 0:20:19 | 0:20:21 | |
Yes, well, good night, Delauney. | 0:20:21 | 0:20:23 | |
Good night, Mr Delauney. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:25 | |
It's been so nice meeting you. | 0:20:25 | 0:20:27 | |
The Earth shook tonight. | 0:20:29 | 0:20:31 | |
You know, I've often thought of buying a car, but... | 0:20:36 | 0:20:39 | |
Well, then I think, | 0:20:39 | 0:20:41 | |
silly, really. | 0:20:41 | 0:20:43 | |
Buses and undergrounds and... | 0:20:43 | 0:20:45 | |
taxis, erm... | 0:20:45 | 0:20:47 | |
Buses and things. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:50 | |
Yes, I suppose it would be a bit silly, really. | 0:20:50 | 0:20:53 | |
-CAR HORN WHISTLES -I say! | 0:20:53 | 0:20:55 | |
I've just had a brilliant idea. | 0:20:55 | 0:20:57 | |
Why don't I pick up our young lady and drive her to the club tomorrow? | 0:20:57 | 0:21:00 | |
Save her the bus fare. | 0:21:00 | 0:21:02 | |
That won't be necessary. | 0:21:02 | 0:21:03 | |
-You're in the book? -Uh-huh. -2:30? -Delauney! | 0:21:03 | 0:21:06 | |
Don't mention it, old chap, any time. Splendid! | 0:21:06 | 0:21:09 | |
ENGINE REVS, CAR HORN WOLF-WHISTLES | 0:21:09 | 0:21:12 | |
She takes the eye, doesn't she? | 0:22:04 | 0:22:07 | |
She certainly does. | 0:22:07 | 0:22:08 | |
-May I try the horn? -Certainly. | 0:22:08 | 0:22:11 | |
Dudley, gentleman would like to try the horn. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:14 | |
The horn? Oh, yes, certainly, sir. | 0:22:14 | 0:22:17 | |
HORN BLASTS | 0:22:19 | 0:22:20 | |
Yeah, it should give them a fair warning. | 0:22:20 | 0:22:22 | |
Ha-ha-ha! | 0:22:22 | 0:22:23 | |
HORN BLASTS | 0:22:23 | 0:22:25 | |
Beautiful tone, mellow, more mellow than anything. | 0:22:25 | 0:22:29 | |
HORN SQUEAKS | 0:22:29 | 0:22:31 | |
I've got a temporary flex in there. | 0:22:31 | 0:22:34 | |
It's not really wired for excessive use. | 0:22:34 | 0:22:36 | |
Oh, yes, one of the old-type exhaustible horn, | 0:22:36 | 0:22:38 | |
runs on the helical friction principle. | 0:22:38 | 0:22:41 | |
-Oh, what's that? -Too complicated to explain. | 0:22:41 | 0:22:43 | |
I mean, either you know, or you don't. | 0:22:43 | 0:22:45 | |
-Is she fast? -Is she fast? Timed around Silverstone, 112.73 miles per hour, | 0:22:45 | 0:22:50 | |
-and yours truly at the wheel. -And I drove her from Doncaster to Newport, Monmouthshire, | 0:22:50 | 0:22:55 | |
in 2 hours 17 minutes. That's an average of over 70 per. | 0:22:55 | 0:22:58 | |
Oh, but that's impossible. | 0:22:58 | 0:23:00 | |
Not with the four-litre Swiftmobile - twin OHC, you know. | 0:23:00 | 0:23:03 | |
The pioneers of hemispherical combustion chambers, these people. | 0:23:03 | 0:23:06 | |
Well, name me one manufacturer what brought it out previous. | 0:23:06 | 0:23:10 | |
Oh, well, I don't really know. What year is she? | 0:23:10 | 0:23:13 | |
With this sort of car, age is really of no account. | 0:23:15 | 0:23:18 | |
Between you and me, she's a little late for my taste. | 0:23:18 | 0:23:22 | |
If I didn't know the car, I'd have my doubts. | 0:23:22 | 0:23:24 | |
1922 was a really big year. | 0:23:24 | 0:23:26 | |
Erm, how about spares? | 0:23:26 | 0:23:28 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:23:28 | 0:23:30 | |
Spares? You never need them, my man. | 0:23:30 | 0:23:32 | |
Well, is the company still in existence? | 0:23:32 | 0:23:34 | |
They went out of business because they were too good. | 0:23:34 | 0:23:37 | |
You'd never find this kind of quality | 0:23:37 | 0:23:39 | |
-in a company that survived the Depression. -Never. -Never! | 0:23:39 | 0:23:42 | |
Well, I was toying with the idea of buying a new Bellini. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:45 | |
Can't get them into the country, old boy. The Bellini's a good motor | 0:23:45 | 0:23:49 | |
if you have Bellini mechanics around, | 0:23:49 | 0:23:51 | |
-but is it worth the hard cash you have to lay out? -No! | 0:23:51 | 0:23:54 | |
Now, with the old Swiftmobile, she may lose a few inches in sheer getaway, | 0:23:54 | 0:23:58 | |
but open her up on the Great West Road | 0:23:58 | 0:24:00 | |
and you have that lovely soothing roar that will... | 0:24:00 | 0:24:03 | |
How can I call it? ..that swish of wind, that beautiful gentle yell | 0:24:03 | 0:24:07 | |
of the old type of high-point bevel transmission. | 0:24:07 | 0:24:10 | |
When you drive her, you know she's there. | 0:24:10 | 0:24:12 | |
I mean, take that gearbox. | 0:24:12 | 0:24:14 | |
You get the coarse rasp as you change down, | 0:24:14 | 0:24:17 | |
and then the familiar deep-throated grind as you move away. | 0:24:17 | 0:24:20 | |
And a real wonder, the brake snatch adjusted really hard... | 0:24:20 | 0:24:24 | |
Not hard, Dunstan, solid. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:26 | |
A really solid drive. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:28 | |
What are you asking for her? | 0:24:30 | 0:24:32 | |
-Dirt cheap, a sacrifice, sir. -Can't be repeated. | 0:24:32 | 0:24:36 | |
The property of a Maharaja. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:38 | |
The, er, Maharaja of... Fawzigadore, | 0:24:38 | 0:24:41 | |
nephew of the cricketer. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:43 | |
Erm, what are you asking for her? | 0:24:43 | 0:24:45 | |
We had new wheels made to fit all the tyres. | 0:24:45 | 0:24:47 | |
Look at the stuff that's gone into that, sheer metal. | 0:24:47 | 0:24:50 | |
-Yes, but what are you asking for her? -Well, we're just getting down to that. | 0:24:50 | 0:24:53 | |
-Actually, we're selling at a loss. -We spent 750 nicker on her. -Pounds, Dudley. | 0:24:53 | 0:24:58 | |
-Pounds. -Oh, but that means... -Not necessarily. | 0:24:58 | 0:25:01 | |
We like our cars going to good homes, like dogs. | 0:25:01 | 0:25:04 | |
So we're prepared to sell at the ridiculous figure of £725. | 0:25:04 | 0:25:09 | |
Oh, I couldn't possibly. | 0:25:09 | 0:25:11 | |
-715, making £715. -I'm sorry. | 0:25:11 | 0:25:15 | |
Ah, you're weakening, you've fallen in love with her, | 0:25:15 | 0:25:17 | |
-like we did at the start, remember? -Remember? Oh-ho-ho-ho. | 0:25:17 | 0:25:22 | |
700. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
-Well... -695 guineas, and that's the rock bottom. | 0:25:25 | 0:25:28 | |
-All right. -Done. | 0:25:40 | 0:25:42 | |
-Start the car up for the gentleman, Dunstan. -Yep. | 0:25:42 | 0:25:45 | |
Make the cheque out to bearer, if you don't mind. | 0:25:45 | 0:25:47 | |
And please don't cross it, sir, it confuses our books. | 0:25:47 | 0:25:50 | |
ENGINE CHUGGS | 0:26:09 | 0:26:11 | |
CAR BACKFIRES | 0:26:14 | 0:26:15 | |
May 21st. | 0:26:15 | 0:26:16 | |
Hmm? Oh, yes. | 0:26:16 | 0:26:18 | |
OPERA PLAYS ON RADIO | 0:26:24 | 0:26:26 | |
There we are. | 0:26:34 | 0:26:36 | |
-Thank you very much. -Thank you, sir. | 0:26:37 | 0:26:39 | |
-Well, she's all yours. -Here's the logbook. | 0:26:44 | 0:26:46 | |
-Hop in. -Oh, thank you. | 0:26:46 | 0:26:48 | |
Now, there's one point to remember. | 0:26:53 | 0:26:55 | |
Don't hang on to the gear lever after you've changed. | 0:26:55 | 0:26:58 | |
She's liable to kick back. | 0:26:58 | 0:27:00 | |
Don't worry about your exhaust fumes, it's quite normal. HE COUGHS | 0:27:00 | 0:27:03 | |
And when you apply the foot brake, | 0:27:03 | 0:27:05 | |
it is advisable to apply the handbrake as well. | 0:27:05 | 0:27:08 | |
And the floorboards work on the pivot principle. | 0:27:08 | 0:27:10 | |
-It's liable to give you a start when you're not used to it. -Oh! | 0:27:10 | 0:27:12 | |
Well, thank you both very much indeed. | 0:27:12 | 0:27:17 | |
GEARBOX GRINDS | 0:27:17 | 0:27:18 | |
-Bon voyage! -See you again! | 0:27:21 | 0:27:24 | |
GEARBOX GRINDS | 0:27:30 | 0:27:32 | |
CAR BACKFIRES | 0:27:47 | 0:27:49 | |
CAR BACKFIRES | 0:27:54 | 0:27:55 | |
GURGLING | 0:28:04 | 0:28:06 | |
ENGINE SQUEAKS AND BANGS | 0:28:10 | 0:28:12 | |
ENGINE KEEPS RUNNING | 0:28:17 | 0:28:19 | |
HE COUGHS | 0:28:38 | 0:28:39 | |
ENGINE STOPS | 0:28:45 | 0:28:47 | |
GURGLING AND BANGING RESUMES | 0:29:01 | 0:29:04 | |
-I say, I'm frightfully sorry I'm late, April. -Oh, that's all right. | 0:29:09 | 0:29:13 | |
It's very pleasant sitting out here in the sun. | 0:29:13 | 0:29:15 | |
That's all settled. Shall we play? | 0:29:15 | 0:29:16 | |
Erm, yes, of course. | 0:29:16 | 0:29:18 | |
Could I drive you home after the game, April? | 0:29:19 | 0:29:23 | |
-Drive? -I have a surprise for you. | 0:29:23 | 0:29:25 | |
-You haven't bought a car? -Mm. | 0:29:25 | 0:29:27 | |
-Get a move on. -Er, yes, of course. | 0:29:27 | 0:29:30 | |
-Erm, would you care to come down with us? -Mm-hm. | 0:29:30 | 0:29:34 | |
Thank you. | 0:29:42 | 0:29:44 | |
-Call. -Rough. | 0:29:47 | 0:29:50 | |
Smooth. | 0:29:50 | 0:29:52 | |
I'll take this end. | 0:29:52 | 0:29:53 | |
No need to change, is there? | 0:29:53 | 0:29:56 | |
All right. | 0:29:56 | 0:29:58 | |
My serve, then. | 0:29:58 | 0:29:59 | |
-I'm afraid I am a bit out of practice. -So am I. | 0:30:00 | 0:30:05 | |
Would you like 15 start or shall we play level? | 0:30:05 | 0:30:08 | |
Level! | 0:30:08 | 0:30:09 | |
-Good luck. -Ah, no partisanship, little lady. | 0:30:11 | 0:30:14 | |
Wish Palfrey good luck, too. | 0:30:14 | 0:30:16 | |
Aren't you standing rather close to the net? | 0:30:16 | 0:30:18 | |
-No, it's my game. I move back for the second. -All right. | 0:30:18 | 0:30:22 | |
Hard cheese! | 0:30:35 | 0:30:36 | |
Aren't you going to move back a bit? | 0:30:39 | 0:30:41 | |
No, I've changed my mind. | 0:30:41 | 0:30:43 | |
Hard cheese! 0-15. | 0:30:47 | 0:30:49 | |
Hard cheese! | 0:30:58 | 0:30:59 | |
Out, but I'll take it. | 0:31:04 | 0:31:06 | |
-Hard cheese! -Good shot. | 0:31:09 | 0:31:11 | |
-What is it? -0-30. | 0:31:11 | 0:31:13 | |
Didn't deserve it. Rotten stroke. | 0:31:13 | 0:31:15 | |
Hard cheese! | 0:31:18 | 0:31:19 | |
-Oh. -Hard cheese! | 0:31:22 | 0:31:24 | |
0-40. | 0:31:24 | 0:31:27 | |
Service. | 0:31:27 | 0:31:28 | |
Ready. | 0:31:28 | 0:31:30 | |
Out! Hard cheese! | 0:31:30 | 0:31:32 | |
Oh! | 0:31:37 | 0:31:38 | |
So sorry. | 0:31:38 | 0:31:40 | |
Oh, I say, smashing cricket stroke. | 0:31:40 | 0:31:44 | |
Well, that's... 1-0. | 0:31:44 | 0:31:46 | |
-Sure you wouldn't like that handicap? -No! | 0:31:47 | 0:31:50 | |
-Were you ready? -Not really. | 0:31:59 | 0:32:01 | |
-Ready now? -Right. | 0:32:01 | 0:32:04 | |
Good shot, Henry. | 0:32:10 | 0:32:11 | |
Thank you, April. Oh! Oh! | 0:32:11 | 0:32:14 | |
Hard cheese! | 0:32:35 | 0:32:36 | |
15-0. | 0:32:41 | 0:32:43 | |
-Ready? -Right! | 0:32:47 | 0:32:49 | |
WERE you ready? | 0:32:53 | 0:32:55 | |
-Did you say yes? -Yes! | 0:32:56 | 0:32:59 | |
30-0. | 0:32:59 | 0:33:01 | |
Pretty spin you put on them. | 0:33:01 | 0:33:02 | |
No, not really. Court's a bit uneven. | 0:33:02 | 0:33:05 | |
-Oh! -My game. And set. | 0:33:19 | 0:33:22 | |
Sorry to keep you waiting, dear girl, | 0:33:27 | 0:33:29 | |
but we had to get our friend Palfrey here patched up a bit. | 0:33:29 | 0:33:32 | |
-Ready to go? -Yes, erm, shall we go? | 0:33:32 | 0:33:35 | |
Of course, your new car. | 0:33:35 | 0:33:37 | |
I didn't think you'd get one so soon, Henry! | 0:33:37 | 0:33:39 | |
GURGLING AND CLANKING | 0:33:39 | 0:33:42 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:33:46 | 0:33:48 | |
What on Earth's that? | 0:33:48 | 0:33:50 | |
Looks like a Polish stomach pump. | 0:33:50 | 0:33:53 | |
Let's go and look at it. | 0:33:53 | 0:33:55 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:33:58 | 0:33:59 | |
What sort of an idiot would drive a thing like this? | 0:34:01 | 0:34:04 | |
Yes, what sort of an idiot... | 0:34:04 | 0:34:05 | |
Henry, is this...? | 0:34:05 | 0:34:09 | |
Oh, no, no, of course not. | 0:34:09 | 0:34:12 | |
I wouldn't be fool enough to buy a car like that. | 0:34:12 | 0:34:15 | |
Well, where is yours? | 0:34:15 | 0:34:16 | |
Er, well, it doesn't appear to have arrived yet. I... | 0:34:16 | 0:34:20 | |
Well, you can't expect Miss Smith to hang around all day, can you? | 0:34:20 | 0:34:24 | |
Oh, I don't mind waiting. | 0:34:24 | 0:34:26 | |
No, no, no, it doesn't matter. | 0:34:26 | 0:34:28 | |
Delauney is quite right. You mustn't wait. | 0:34:28 | 0:34:31 | |
-But I... -No, no, no, I insist, really. | 0:34:31 | 0:34:34 | |
Splendid! | 0:34:34 | 0:34:35 | |
I know a little place down by the river | 0:34:35 | 0:34:38 | |
-where we might have a swim. Do you like swimming? -Mmm. | 0:34:38 | 0:34:41 | |
Splendid! | 0:34:41 | 0:34:43 | |
I know a charming little pub | 0:34:43 | 0:34:45 | |
where we might have some dinner afterwards. | 0:34:45 | 0:34:48 | |
ENGINE STOPS | 0:35:06 | 0:35:09 | |
ENGINE FAILS TO START | 0:35:12 | 0:35:14 | |
And that's how it happened. | 0:35:26 | 0:35:28 | |
In fact, that's how everything always happens, | 0:35:28 | 0:35:30 | |
and then I saw your advertisement. | 0:35:30 | 0:35:32 | |
Well, what you've just told me amounts to this - | 0:35:32 | 0:35:35 | |
that you find yourself constantly in a one-down position | 0:35:35 | 0:35:38 | |
to the world in general, | 0:35:38 | 0:35:40 | |
and to this young female in particular. | 0:35:40 | 0:35:42 | |
Oh, well, before we go any further, | 0:35:42 | 0:35:44 | |
I think I ought to mention the little matter of fees. | 0:35:44 | 0:35:48 | |
Oh, yes, yes, of course. | 0:35:48 | 0:35:49 | |
Yes, well, these vary, of course, | 0:35:49 | 0:35:52 | |
according to the needs of the individual, | 0:35:52 | 0:35:54 | |
rates of progress and so on, but in all cases, | 0:35:54 | 0:35:58 | |
we ask for a registration fee of £250, | 0:35:58 | 0:36:02 | |
paid in advance, of course. | 0:36:02 | 0:36:04 | |
This fairly substantial sum is the first psychological process | 0:36:05 | 0:36:09 | |
we bring to bear on the student to encourage him | 0:36:09 | 0:36:13 | |
to associate himself with... | 0:36:13 | 0:36:16 | |
with the effort. | 0:36:16 | 0:36:17 | |
It is, in fact... | 0:36:17 | 0:36:19 | |
Well, it's part of the treatment. | 0:36:19 | 0:36:21 | |
I see. | 0:36:23 | 0:36:25 | |
Oh, well, erm... | 0:36:25 | 0:36:26 | |
I'd better write you a cheque. | 0:36:26 | 0:36:28 | |
I'm sorry I haven't a pen. | 0:36:30 | 0:36:32 | |
It's all right. | 0:36:32 | 0:36:34 | |
That's a very handsome one of yours. May I see it? | 0:36:39 | 0:36:42 | |
No, no, no, when you're finished. | 0:36:42 | 0:36:44 | |
Now, I hope you notice that I do not stand hovering over you | 0:36:51 | 0:36:54 | |
with a pen ready whenever I want you to sign a document | 0:36:54 | 0:36:57 | |
in my favour. On the contrary, I get you to use your own. | 0:36:57 | 0:37:00 | |
Erm, excuse me. Could I...? | 0:37:00 | 0:37:04 | |
-What? -The pen. | 0:37:04 | 0:37:07 | |
Well? | 0:37:08 | 0:37:10 | |
Could I have it back, please? | 0:37:10 | 0:37:12 | |
Of course. | 0:37:13 | 0:37:15 | |
-Sorry. -Ah, you're sorry. | 0:37:15 | 0:37:18 | |
That was lesson number two. | 0:37:18 | 0:37:20 | |
I managed to make you feel apologetic and somehow mean | 0:37:20 | 0:37:23 | |
by forcing you into a choice | 0:37:23 | 0:37:24 | |
between losing a valued possession | 0:37:24 | 0:37:26 | |
or indirectly accusing me of trying to steal it. D'you see? | 0:37:26 | 0:37:29 | |
-I see. Yes. -Good, good. | 0:37:29 | 0:37:32 | |
Well, Mr Palfrey, I think you're about ready | 0:37:32 | 0:37:34 | |
to start the course in earnest. Let me see now. | 0:37:34 | 0:37:37 | |
-Yes, you are just in time for the partymanship class. -RINGS BELL | 0:37:37 | 0:37:40 | |
Good afternoon, Palfrey. | 0:37:40 | 0:37:42 | |
Good afternoon. | 0:37:42 | 0:37:44 | |
-Oh, erm, thank you for the tea. -Ah. | 0:37:44 | 0:37:46 | |
Now, one of the basic areas in which a lifeman | 0:37:54 | 0:37:57 | |
must put his lifemanship into play is the social gathering, | 0:37:57 | 0:38:01 | |
or, as it's sometimes called, the party. | 0:38:01 | 0:38:03 | |
Sooner or later during the party, | 0:38:03 | 0:38:06 | |
one person begins to dominate. | 0:38:06 | 0:38:07 | |
That person must be you. | 0:38:07 | 0:38:10 | |
Does anybody know an amusing story? | 0:38:10 | 0:38:13 | |
-I do, sir. -Good. | 0:38:13 | 0:38:15 | |
Well, suppose this were a party, | 0:38:15 | 0:38:17 | |
and suppose that Dingle here has been having rather a success | 0:38:17 | 0:38:21 | |
with his fund of amusing stories. What would the lifeman do? | 0:38:21 | 0:38:26 | |
Leave, and go to another party? | 0:38:26 | 0:38:29 | |
No, Fleetsnod. | 0:38:29 | 0:38:31 | |
The true lifeman would rather die first. | 0:38:31 | 0:38:35 | |
He stops the flow. | 0:38:36 | 0:38:39 | |
To demonstrate... | 0:38:39 | 0:38:41 | |
Dingle, tell us your amusing story. | 0:38:41 | 0:38:44 | |
Well, there was this chap, | 0:38:44 | 0:38:47 | |
had a bit too much to drink, if you know what I mean. | 0:38:47 | 0:38:50 | |
Well, sir, he finds himself walking home | 0:38:50 | 0:38:54 | |
with one foot on the kerb and one foot on the road. | 0:38:54 | 0:38:57 | |
Looks down and says, | 0:39:02 | 0:39:04 | |
"My word, that's funny. When I left home this morning, | 0:39:04 | 0:39:07 | |
"they were both the same length!" | 0:39:07 | 0:39:08 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:39:08 | 0:39:10 | |
Very good, Dingle. | 0:39:12 | 0:39:15 | |
Most amusing. | 0:39:16 | 0:39:19 | |
Where did I leave my pipe? | 0:39:19 | 0:39:21 | |
Sir! | 0:39:24 | 0:39:25 | |
I'm most terribly sorry. | 0:39:28 | 0:39:30 | |
I'd no idea. | 0:39:30 | 0:39:32 | |
It's quite all right, Dingle. | 0:39:32 | 0:39:35 | |
You couldn't have known about this old war wound of mine, could you? | 0:39:35 | 0:39:38 | |
-No, sir. -Feeling bad, Dingle? | 0:39:38 | 0:39:41 | |
Feel like telling another story, Dingle? | 0:39:41 | 0:39:44 | |
You see, gentlemen, the flow has been stopped. | 0:39:46 | 0:39:49 | |
Out! | 0:40:02 | 0:40:04 | |
Now, what's your move? | 0:40:04 | 0:40:06 | |
Did you say in or out, sir? | 0:40:07 | 0:40:10 | |
Well, I thought it was out. | 0:40:10 | 0:40:12 | |
But would you care to have it again? | 0:40:12 | 0:40:15 | |
No, just in future, | 0:40:15 | 0:40:16 | |
would you kindly state in a loud and clear voice | 0:40:16 | 0:40:19 | |
whether the ball is in or out? | 0:40:19 | 0:40:21 | |
Hmm, you're getting it, Palfrey. | 0:40:21 | 0:40:23 | |
Now, suppose you are completely outclassed, | 0:40:23 | 0:40:25 | |
and your one chance is in taking your opponent's eye off the ball | 0:40:25 | 0:40:28 | |
-and keeping it off. Go on. Let's see what you do. -Hmm? Right. | 0:40:28 | 0:40:32 | |
I'm so sorry! | 0:40:41 | 0:40:44 | |
Sweaty hands. | 0:40:44 | 0:40:46 | |
Is it bleeding much? | 0:40:46 | 0:40:48 | |
Let us assume that Proudfoot here has made a break of eight | 0:40:52 | 0:40:57 | |
and looks as if he is going on to make eight more. | 0:40:57 | 0:41:00 | |
Erm, would you mind? | 0:41:00 | 0:41:01 | |
Just a minute. | 0:41:04 | 0:41:06 | |
That's better. | 0:41:09 | 0:41:10 | |
Are they bothering you at all? | 0:41:12 | 0:41:14 | |
Who? | 0:41:14 | 0:41:15 | |
Dingle and Brazier? | 0:41:15 | 0:41:17 | |
I'm sorry. Go ahead. | 0:41:22 | 0:41:24 | |
Shhh! | 0:41:25 | 0:41:28 | |
Bad luck, Proudfoot. | 0:41:28 | 0:41:30 | |
Four to me. | 0:41:30 | 0:41:32 | |
-KITTENISH VOICE: -You mean you do your own cooking? | 0:41:36 | 0:41:39 | |
Oh, yes, and washing-up and all that. | 0:41:39 | 0:41:41 | |
Well, it's quite fun, really. | 0:41:41 | 0:41:44 | |
-Henry? -Mm-hm? | 0:41:45 | 0:41:48 | |
You have a hole in your sock. | 0:41:48 | 0:41:50 | |
Oh, I'm afraid I'm not very good at darning yet, | 0:41:50 | 0:41:54 | |
but I'm learning, you know. | 0:41:54 | 0:41:57 | |
Oh, poor Henry! | 0:41:57 | 0:41:59 | |
It's not right for you to do your own washing and cooking. | 0:41:59 | 0:42:03 | |
I wish I could come and do it for you. | 0:42:03 | 0:42:07 | |
Oh, I do wish you would. | 0:42:07 | 0:42:09 | |
How would tomorrow evening suit? | 0:42:09 | 0:42:12 | |
-MATRONLY VOICE: -That's fine, Mr Palfrey, fine. | 0:42:16 | 0:42:19 | |
You're ready to move on to the next class. | 0:42:19 | 0:42:22 | |
Thank you, Mrs Grimmet. | 0:42:22 | 0:42:24 | |
Well, Palfrey, having used various ploys | 0:42:31 | 0:42:34 | |
with which you are now familiar, let us imagine that here she is | 0:42:34 | 0:42:37 | |
alone with you in your flat. | 0:42:37 | 0:42:39 | |
Her little heart a-flutter and a-tremble. | 0:42:39 | 0:42:42 | |
What then is your next move? Well, we have a little gadget here, | 0:42:42 | 0:42:44 | |
which we developed in our early days at Yeovil. | 0:42:44 | 0:42:47 | |
CREAKING | 0:42:47 | 0:42:48 | |
Ah, there it is. | 0:42:48 | 0:42:49 | |
What your follow-through might be is no concern of mine. | 0:42:49 | 0:42:53 | |
However, it has two serious disadvantages. | 0:42:53 | 0:42:56 | |
First, it smacks a little of impatience, hmm? | 0:42:56 | 0:43:00 | |
And secondly, it is by no means inexpensive. | 0:43:00 | 0:43:02 | |
So, except for our wealthier and less patient students, | 0:43:02 | 0:43:05 | |
we recommend a subtler and more economic ploy. | 0:43:05 | 0:43:10 | |
Well, now, I'll try to give you an example | 0:43:10 | 0:43:12 | |
of what might happen if luck is on your side. | 0:43:12 | 0:43:15 | |
You offer her a drink, which we'll assume she accepts. | 0:43:15 | 0:43:18 | |
A reasonable assumption. | 0:43:18 | 0:43:20 | |
So, let's imagine that this glass is filled to the brim | 0:43:20 | 0:43:23 | |
with some refreshing liquid. | 0:43:23 | 0:43:24 | |
Having made sure that the part she is going to hold it by | 0:43:24 | 0:43:27 | |
has been treated so that it is very, very slippery indeed. | 0:43:27 | 0:43:31 | |
-Why? -Because, Palfrey, | 0:43:31 | 0:43:33 | |
we are hoping for the best of all possible accidents. Barbara. | 0:43:33 | 0:43:37 | |
-Ooh! -Ha ha ha! Palfrey, | 0:43:37 | 0:43:38 | |
your luck is in, look, it has worked. | 0:43:38 | 0:43:41 | |
The glass has slipped out of her hand | 0:43:41 | 0:43:44 | |
and she spilt the stuff all down her dress. You, of course, | 0:43:44 | 0:43:47 | |
are frightfully upset, but the main point is | 0:43:47 | 0:43:49 | |
you cannot let her stand around with a wet dress on now, can you, hmm? | 0:43:49 | 0:43:53 | |
No, of course you can't, so being a gentleman, | 0:43:53 | 0:43:55 | |
you offer her your dressing gown while her dress is drying, | 0:43:55 | 0:43:58 | |
and that, I think, places you quite definitely one up. | 0:43:58 | 0:44:01 | |
If not more. | 0:44:01 | 0:44:03 | |
According to just how much of a gentleman you are. | 0:44:03 | 0:44:06 | |
Well, Palfrey, the dressing gown! | 0:44:06 | 0:44:10 | |
Palfrey, the dressing... | 0:44:10 | 0:44:12 | |
-Palfrey! -Hmm? | 0:44:15 | 0:44:17 | |
Oh, er, yes, dressing gown. | 0:44:18 | 0:44:21 | |
Well, gentlemen, having delivered myself of these | 0:44:26 | 0:44:29 | |
qualified congratulations, I think you are now ready to | 0:44:29 | 0:44:32 | |
move on to the second phase of our work. | 0:44:32 | 0:44:34 | |
From the theory to the practice of lifemanship, | 0:44:34 | 0:44:37 | |
or, as we say here at Yeovil, to the field trials. | 0:44:37 | 0:44:40 | |
Each of you in turn will now proceed to the archives room | 0:44:40 | 0:44:42 | |
where you will find photographic records | 0:44:42 | 0:44:44 | |
of all known anti-lifemen, | 0:44:44 | 0:44:46 | |
and from these you will select your opponents, | 0:44:46 | 0:44:48 | |
and, under the guidance of an instructor, | 0:44:48 | 0:44:50 | |
proceed into the outside world, there to cross swords with them. | 0:44:50 | 0:44:55 | |
Come along, Palfrey, you first. | 0:44:55 | 0:44:56 | |
It's him, that bloke we sold the Swiftmobile to. | 0:45:16 | 0:45:19 | |
-What? Is he alone? -He's got the car with him. | 0:45:19 | 0:45:22 | |
I say, sir. | 0:45:26 | 0:45:27 | |
-Yours? -Yes, yes. | 0:45:28 | 0:45:30 | |
Do you mind if I look inside? | 0:45:34 | 0:45:36 | |
-Thanks. -There we are. | 0:45:36 | 0:45:39 | |
How about that for an engine, eh? | 0:45:39 | 0:45:41 | |
Marvellous job. | 0:45:42 | 0:45:44 | |
-He's waving to us. -No, he isn't. He's shaking his fist. | 0:45:44 | 0:45:47 | |
The, erm... When you get round the other side, | 0:45:48 | 0:45:51 | |
look as if you're making me an offer, will you? | 0:45:51 | 0:45:54 | |
-Anything you say. -Come and have a look at the altimeter. | 0:45:54 | 0:45:58 | |
I don't suppose you'd part with her, eh? | 0:46:01 | 0:46:03 | |
Ah-ha-ha! No, no, no, no. | 0:46:03 | 0:46:05 | |
I've had so many offers for this car, I can't tell you. | 0:46:05 | 0:46:08 | |
-But I'm not selling. -Do you mind if I, er...? | 0:46:08 | 0:46:11 | |
No, no, no, help yourself, by all means, have a good look around. | 0:46:11 | 0:46:13 | |
Good morning, chaps. | 0:46:13 | 0:46:15 | |
Thought I'd bring the old girl back to show you. | 0:46:17 | 0:46:19 | |
-We never guaranteed anything. -No, you can't touch us. We're insured. | 0:46:19 | 0:46:22 | |
What did you say you got out of her? 112? | 0:46:22 | 0:46:24 | |
I never said anything. Dunstan let her out. | 0:46:24 | 0:46:26 | |
-He's not good at figures. -I had her up to 115. | 0:46:26 | 0:46:29 | |
-What?! -Ha! On Western Avenue. Easy. | 0:46:30 | 0:46:33 | |
Raced a brand-new Jag all the way from Northolt to Ealing. | 0:46:34 | 0:46:37 | |
You know, I honestly believe you chaps don't know what that car really is. | 0:46:37 | 0:46:41 | |
She's a Swiftmobile 1924. | 0:46:41 | 0:46:43 | |
-You really believe that? -Yeah. | 0:46:43 | 0:46:44 | |
I mean, you had no idea what it was you were selling me? | 0:46:44 | 0:46:48 | |
Always collects a crowd, she does. | 0:46:48 | 0:46:52 | |
She's not a Swiftmobile 1924. She's one of THE Swiftmobiles, 1925, | 0:46:52 | 0:46:57 | |
a supercharged Ravalli model. | 0:46:57 | 0:46:58 | |
Oh, superficially like a run-of-the-mill '24, I grant you, | 0:46:58 | 0:47:02 | |
but, ha-ha, one look at the valve seats... | 0:47:02 | 0:47:04 | |
Didn't I tell you, Dunstan? | 0:47:04 | 0:47:05 | |
I don't get it. Will you talk English? | 0:47:05 | 0:47:07 | |
Of course, I had a bit of trouble with her at first. | 0:47:07 | 0:47:09 | |
You chaps had been trying to run her on ordinary petrol. | 0:47:09 | 0:47:11 | |
She takes a petrol-meths mixture like the old Borottis. | 0:47:11 | 0:47:14 | |
And then the multi-hydro nuts on the brakes were all oiled up, | 0:47:14 | 0:47:17 | |
and the special two-way camshaft was bent. | 0:47:17 | 0:47:18 | |
Ha! No wonder the steering was all to pieces, ha! | 0:47:18 | 0:47:21 | |
So, I've had her stripped right down and... | 0:47:21 | 0:47:23 | |
well, now I reckon that car is practically priceless. | 0:47:23 | 0:47:26 | |
In fact, I've already been offered almost three times | 0:47:26 | 0:47:28 | |
-what I gave for her by Brassy Digger. -The racing driver? | 0:47:28 | 0:47:31 | |
He had her round the track at Silverstone, lapped at 121.7. | 0:47:31 | 0:47:34 | |
I said to Dunstan. Didn't I, Dunstan? | 0:47:34 | 0:47:36 | |
I said, "I'd like Mr Palfrey to have that car, | 0:47:36 | 0:47:38 | |
"cos he'll know how to handle her, he'll appreciate her." | 0:47:38 | 0:47:41 | |
Yes, that's right, that's why we let you have her cheap. | 0:47:41 | 0:47:43 | |
We like our motorcars to go to good homes, like dogs. | 0:47:43 | 0:47:46 | |
Brassy's coming round here, as a matter of fact, see if you can try and get him one. | 0:47:46 | 0:47:49 | |
Oh, I told him it was absolutely useless. | 0:47:49 | 0:47:51 | |
Only six of them ever made. | 0:47:51 | 0:47:52 | |
Still, you know him, when he's set his heart on a thing, | 0:47:52 | 0:47:55 | |
he's prepared to pay... oh, anything. | 0:47:55 | 0:47:58 | |
Mind you, once you've driven a car like that... | 0:48:00 | 0:48:03 | |
well, you have driven it. There's no getting away from it. | 0:48:03 | 0:48:06 | |
And what an experience it is! | 0:48:06 | 0:48:07 | |
Well, I must be getting along. | 0:48:07 | 0:48:10 | |
Wait a minute, Mr Palfrey, don't be in a rush. | 0:48:10 | 0:48:12 | |
I've been thinking about that car. | 0:48:12 | 0:48:14 | |
It is a shade big for town work. | 0:48:14 | 0:48:17 | |
-Oh, I don't know. -Yes, that's right, sir | 0:48:17 | 0:48:19 | |
That'll be more for a racing driver, like Mr Digger. | 0:48:19 | 0:48:22 | |
I was saying to Dunstan, wasn't I, Dunstan? | 0:48:22 | 0:48:24 | |
-You were, Dudley? -I was saying I'm worried about Mr Palfrey having that car. | 0:48:24 | 0:48:28 | |
I'm worried about him parking it in town. | 0:48:28 | 0:48:30 | |
I'm worried about him being stopped for speeding. | 0:48:30 | 0:48:33 | |
I mean, have you tried driving her under 40, that's all I am asking, have you tried? | 0:48:33 | 0:48:38 | |
Yes, you want something smaller. Something like this, for instance. | 0:48:38 | 0:48:41 | |
More your type of thing altogether. | 0:48:41 | 0:48:43 | |
We can do a straight swap, nothing in the books. | 0:48:43 | 0:48:46 | |
You're not seriously suggesting I should trade a Swiftmobile for one of those? | 0:48:46 | 0:48:50 | |
New one, mind you. Ex-works. | 0:48:50 | 0:48:52 | |
No, no, Dunstan, complete with engine. | 0:48:52 | 0:48:55 | |
-THEY LAUGH -Oh, come, gentlemen. | 0:48:55 | 0:48:57 | |
Why, I could sell it to Brassy myself. | 0:48:57 | 0:48:59 | |
-Ah, a new car and ten pounds. -Guineas. | 0:48:59 | 0:49:03 | |
A new car and 100 guineas would be nearer the mark. | 0:49:03 | 0:49:05 | |
-It's a deal. -Do you want it in cash? | 0:49:05 | 0:49:07 | |
Now, don't rush me. | 0:49:07 | 0:49:08 | |
I shall probably finish up by doing something I regret. | 0:49:08 | 0:49:12 | |
Maybe she is a bit large for town. | 0:49:14 | 0:49:17 | |
-Cash, did you say? -Cash. | 0:49:31 | 0:49:33 | |
-It's a deal. -Done! Dunstan, open the door for the gentleman. | 0:49:33 | 0:49:37 | |
-Thank you. -There we are. | 0:49:39 | 0:49:41 | |
-And believe me, sir, you've made a very shrewd move. -Excellent! | 0:49:41 | 0:49:45 | |
-The ignition key. -Thank you. -Log book's in the pocket. | 0:49:45 | 0:49:48 | |
Thank you, gentlemen. Give my regards to Brassy when you see him, | 0:49:48 | 0:49:52 | |
and don't forget! One of petrol, two of meths. | 0:49:52 | 0:49:56 | |
It's all theirs now, sir. Make them an offer. | 0:50:00 | 0:50:03 | |
I'm sorry, sir, this car is not for sale. | 0:50:13 | 0:50:15 | |
Oh, lucky I'm not interested. | 0:50:15 | 0:50:17 | |
ENGINE GURGLES | 0:50:29 | 0:50:33 | |
CAR BACKFIRES | 0:50:36 | 0:50:38 | |
EXPLOSIONS | 0:50:40 | 0:50:41 | |
Make yourself comfortable. | 0:51:05 | 0:51:06 | |
Mr Gloatbridge, could you come in here for a moment, please? | 0:51:06 | 0:51:10 | |
Unusually early this morning, Mr Henry. | 0:51:10 | 0:51:12 | |
-You know very well the mail isn't sorted until... -I'm not interested in the mail. | 0:51:12 | 0:51:15 | |
Would you kindly come in here and bring the cash ledger with you? | 0:51:15 | 0:51:19 | |
Yes, Mr Henry. | 0:51:19 | 0:51:20 | |
-You just talk a lot of high finance and figures... -KNOCK ON DOOR | 0:51:24 | 0:51:27 | |
-Come! -Some figures. -Thank you. | 0:51:27 | 0:51:30 | |
-Capitalisation... -Just one moment. -12.5? -Very reasonable, I should say. | 0:51:32 | 0:51:38 | |
THEY MUTTER TO EACH OTHER | 0:51:38 | 0:51:40 | |
Ah! | 0:51:41 | 0:51:42 | |
Er...cigarette, Mr Gloatbridge? | 0:51:44 | 0:51:47 | |
-I haven't smoked for ten and a half years. -No? | 0:51:47 | 0:51:50 | |
I've practically given it up myself, | 0:51:50 | 0:51:53 | |
but I still find it helps me at, erm...difficult moments. | 0:51:53 | 0:51:57 | |
You sure you won't change your mind? | 0:51:57 | 0:51:59 | |
No, thank you, Mr Henry. | 0:51:59 | 0:52:02 | |
Gloatbridge... What would you think about a merger with ACI? | 0:52:02 | 0:52:07 | |
A merger, sir? With the biggest firm in the city? | 0:52:07 | 0:52:10 | |
Mr Henry, you can't be serious! | 0:52:10 | 0:52:12 | |
Probably nothing will come of it. I haven't decided yet. | 0:52:12 | 0:52:14 | |
But I've been having some discussions on a very high level | 0:52:14 | 0:52:17 | |
these few weeks I've been away. | 0:52:17 | 0:52:19 | |
Sir John Carruthers, the chairman of ACI, seems very keen. | 0:52:19 | 0:52:23 | |
I can only say, Mr Henry, | 0:52:23 | 0:52:25 | |
that I don't think your uncle would've been very keen. | 0:52:25 | 0:52:28 | |
My uncle, Gloatbridge, being dead, is hardly in a position | 0:52:28 | 0:52:31 | |
to express an opinion, nor is he in full possession of the facts. | 0:52:31 | 0:52:36 | |
-May I see that ledger? -Really, Mr Henry, I always understood | 0:52:36 | 0:52:39 | |
that no major policy decisions | 0:52:39 | 0:52:41 | |
would be taken without consulting me. | 0:52:41 | 0:52:43 | |
I've been with this firm for 32 years now, | 0:52:43 | 0:52:45 | |
and that's a very long time. | 0:52:45 | 0:52:48 | |
32 years. Have you really? | 0:52:48 | 0:52:50 | |
That is indeed, as you say, a very long time, Gloatbridge, | 0:52:50 | 0:52:53 | |
perhaps almost... | 0:52:53 | 0:52:55 | |
Oh, well, may I see the ledger? | 0:52:55 | 0:53:00 | |
Thank you. Just get me last year's as well, would you? | 0:53:01 | 0:53:05 | |
Yes, Mr Henry. | 0:53:05 | 0:53:07 | |
Not bad, not bad at all. I liked the merger idea, | 0:53:17 | 0:53:20 | |
and I also enjoyed the suggestion that I was Sir John Carruthers. | 0:53:20 | 0:53:25 | |
Though the Chairman's name happens to be Abe Spoonforth. | 0:53:25 | 0:53:28 | |
I see you can't use kid gloves with a man like Gloatbridge. | 0:53:28 | 0:53:32 | |
I suppose, you know, there's an obvious move now. | 0:53:32 | 0:53:35 | |
I know. A slight addition... | 0:53:35 | 0:53:39 | |
..here? | 0:53:40 | 0:53:42 | |
Well, of course. | 0:53:44 | 0:53:45 | |
Thanks to your interpolated accountancy class. | 0:53:46 | 0:53:49 | |
Ah. Erm, Gloatbridge, | 0:53:52 | 0:53:54 | |
I may be wrong, but... | 0:53:54 | 0:53:56 | |
just check that total for me, would you, please? | 0:53:56 | 0:54:00 | |
-Yes, of course. -Don't hurry. Take your time. | 0:54:00 | 0:54:04 | |
GLOATBRIDGE COUNTS IN WHISPERS | 0:54:07 | 0:54:09 | |
That's very odd, I... | 0:54:18 | 0:54:19 | |
-I seem to make it... -283? | 0:54:19 | 0:54:22 | |
I...I can't understand it. | 0:54:22 | 0:54:24 | |
But the total entered here is...273. In your handwriting, I believe. | 0:54:24 | 0:54:29 | |
-Correct me if I'm wrong. -But there must be some mistake. | 0:54:29 | 0:54:33 | |
I've never made an error like this | 0:54:33 | 0:54:34 | |
in all the years that I have been with... | 0:54:34 | 0:54:36 | |
Never mind, Gloatbridge, we're all of us human, after all. | 0:54:36 | 0:54:39 | |
I'm not going to suggest that I should check the figures daily. | 0:54:39 | 0:54:42 | |
I still have confidence in you. I want you to understand that. | 0:54:42 | 0:54:45 | |
But I think perhaps that I should keep a firmer grip | 0:54:45 | 0:54:47 | |
on the financial side of the business in future. Would you agree? | 0:54:47 | 0:54:51 | |
Oh, yes, of course, Mr Henry. | 0:54:51 | 0:54:52 | |
But I feel I ought to apologise, I don't quite know what to say. | 0:54:52 | 0:54:55 | |
Don't worry, Gloatbridge. Cigarette? | 0:54:55 | 0:54:58 | |
Oh, thank you, sir. | 0:54:58 | 0:55:01 | |
Now, about this projected merger, | 0:55:12 | 0:55:14 | |
erm, don't mention it to the rest of the staff. | 0:55:14 | 0:55:17 | |
If it happens, it might mean, erm...changes. | 0:55:17 | 0:55:24 | |
I quite understand, Mr Henry. | 0:55:24 | 0:55:26 | |
Ah, yes. Now, I must phone ACI. | 0:55:26 | 0:55:29 | |
Give me a line, would you, please? | 0:55:31 | 0:55:34 | |
Thank you. | 0:55:34 | 0:55:36 | |
Hello, ACI? Boardroom, please. | 0:55:45 | 0:55:48 | |
Hmm? Oh, it's you, Delauney. | 0:55:48 | 0:55:50 | |
Oh, I'm so sorry. Henry Palfrey here. | 0:55:50 | 0:55:55 | |
Oh, that stupid girl on the switchboard | 0:55:55 | 0:55:56 | |
told me it was the ACI call... No, no, just a moment. | 0:55:56 | 0:55:59 | |
There was something I wanted to talk to you about. | 0:55:59 | 0:56:02 | |
Ah, yes, are you free for a return match on Saturday? | 0:56:02 | 0:56:06 | |
Gloatbridge? Right, thank you, thank you. | 0:56:07 | 0:56:10 | |
Hmm? | 0:56:10 | 0:56:11 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:56:12 | 0:56:14 | |
Yes, I suppose I am a glutton for punishment. | 0:56:14 | 0:56:16 | |
Yes, yes, do. That's very kind of you. | 0:56:16 | 0:56:19 | |
I've never ridden in a Bellini. | 0:56:19 | 0:56:21 | |
No, don't worry. I'll be ready. | 0:56:21 | 0:56:26 | |
Quarter to three. | 0:56:26 | 0:56:28 | |
Goodbye. | 0:56:28 | 0:56:30 | |
GLOATBRIDGE COUGHS | 0:56:30 | 0:56:31 | |
What's up with the boss this morning, Mr Gloatbridge? | 0:56:36 | 0:56:39 | |
Mr Henry and I have been discussing important policy matters at a very high level. | 0:56:39 | 0:56:43 | |
I am not at liberty to say any more. | 0:56:43 | 0:56:45 | |
-Oh, Gloatbridge! -Mr Henry. | 0:56:47 | 0:56:50 | |
We'll go into that little matter in greater detail tomorrow. | 0:56:50 | 0:56:53 | |
Yes, of course, Mr Henry, certainly. Anything you wish... | 0:56:53 | 0:56:55 | |
-Good morning, sir. -Miss Stevens, | 0:56:55 | 0:56:58 | |
fetch me all the ledgers for the past five years. | 0:56:58 | 0:57:00 | |
Miss Wilson, bring me up the adding machine, and... | 0:57:00 | 0:57:03 | |
Appleby, get me a cup of tea. | 0:57:03 | 0:57:05 | |
CAR HORN WOLF-WHISTLES | 0:57:19 | 0:57:21 | |
Hello! What are you doing here? | 0:57:39 | 0:57:42 | |
What am I doing here?! We said quarter to three, didn't we? | 0:57:42 | 0:57:45 | |
Quarter to... | 0:57:45 | 0:57:47 | |
Oh, my dear fellow, I'm so sorry! | 0:57:47 | 0:57:50 | |
I forgot all about it. I'll be down in a flash. | 0:57:50 | 0:57:53 | |
Don't be long, we're picking April up on the way. | 0:57:53 | 0:57:55 | |
-April? April who? -Miss April Smith! | 0:57:55 | 0:57:59 | |
All right, down in a minute. | 0:57:59 | 0:58:02 | |
CAR HORN WHISTLES | 0:58:47 | 0:58:50 | |
Coming! | 0:58:59 | 0:59:01 | |
En garde! | 0:59:17 | 0:59:19 | |
CAR HORN WHISTLES | 0:59:20 | 0:59:22 | |
HENRY WHISTLES IN REPLY | 0:59:22 | 0:59:24 | |
-So sorry, old man. -At last. Come on. | 0:59:42 | 0:59:45 | |
I say, what a beautiful day! | 0:59:45 | 0:59:47 | |
For Pete's sake, hurry up! We're late for April already. | 0:59:47 | 0:59:50 | |
Oh, don't worry, she won't be ready. You know women. Ha-ha! | 0:59:50 | 0:59:53 | |
-Ooh! I've forgotten something. -What? | 0:59:53 | 0:59:55 | |
Er, my shoes. I won't be a moment, won't be a moment! | 0:59:55 | 0:59:58 | |
-Here we are. All present and correct. -Get in. | 1:00:11 | 1:00:15 | |
-Oh, just a moment. -What is it now? | 1:00:15 | 1:00:16 | |
My racquet. Er, hang on. Um... | 1:00:16 | 1:00:18 | |
Did I leave it at the club, or is it upstairs under the bed? | 1:00:18 | 1:00:21 | |
-Under the bed?! -I'd better go and look, just to make sure. | 1:00:21 | 1:00:23 | |
Look, get in, you can borrow mine. | 1:00:23 | 1:00:25 | |
-But what are you going to do? -I've got two. | 1:00:25 | 1:00:27 | |
But I can only play with a 16-ounce, and I know your old one is... | 1:00:27 | 1:00:29 | |
Well, you can use my new one. Get in! | 1:00:29 | 1:00:31 | |
Well, that's very decent of you, old boy. | 1:00:31 | 1:00:34 | |
Thank you very much. | 1:00:34 | 1:00:36 | |
I say, you did see that light, didn't you? | 1:00:51 | 1:00:55 | |
I saw the light perfectly. | 1:00:55 | 1:00:56 | |
-You did say April Smith, didn't you? -Yes, I did. -Has she moved? -Why? | 1:01:04 | 1:01:08 | |
Well, if she's still in Oakshades Avenue, you've taken the wrong turning. | 1:01:08 | 1:01:11 | |
Quickest way was to take the last turning left, then first right over the railway bridge. | 1:01:11 | 1:01:15 | |
-Are you sure? -Yes, honestly. It takes minutes off it. | 1:01:15 | 1:01:17 | |
I should turn around, if I were you. Here. | 1:01:17 | 1:01:19 | |
-No, wait a moment. Better still, go left, then left again. -There? | 1:01:19 | 1:01:24 | |
Wait a moment. Hang on. | 1:01:29 | 1:01:31 | |
The second... | 1:01:37 | 1:01:39 | |
No, no, no, no, the third on the right, here. | 1:01:40 | 1:01:43 | |
That's it. | 1:01:46 | 1:01:47 | |
I think. | 1:01:50 | 1:01:52 | |
Turn right. Mind that tree! | 1:01:53 | 1:01:56 | |
A tree in the middle of the road. | 1:02:00 | 1:02:02 | |
-Are you sure you know the way? -Positive. | 1:02:02 | 1:02:04 | |
Turn right, then bear left at the waterworks. | 1:02:09 | 1:02:13 | |
TYRES SCREECH | 1:02:13 | 1:02:15 | |
That's the idea. | 1:02:15 | 1:02:17 | |
-I say, I'm terribly sorry. I... -Sorry? | 1:02:25 | 1:02:28 | |
Trouble is, I'm only used to this shortcut after dark. | 1:02:28 | 1:02:31 | |
-After dark!? -By the way, did I say turn left at the waterworks? | 1:02:31 | 1:02:35 | |
-Yes, you did. -Oh, I am a fool, I meant right. | 1:02:35 | 1:02:37 | |
Why couldn't you keep your ruddy mouth shut and let me go my way?! | 1:02:37 | 1:02:40 | |
But this way is far quicker, old chap. | 1:02:40 | 1:02:42 | |
THUD | 1:02:42 | 1:02:44 | |
Oh, I say, bad luck! | 1:02:44 | 1:02:47 | |
New paintwork, too. | 1:02:47 | 1:02:49 | |
-She didn't wait. -Women. They're all the same. | 1:03:15 | 1:03:17 | |
All that rush for nothing. | 1:03:17 | 1:03:19 | |
I must say, I'm looking forward to trying that new racquet. | 1:03:19 | 1:03:22 | |
ENGINE STALLS | 1:03:23 | 1:03:25 | |
What on Earth was that? | 1:03:27 | 1:03:28 | |
-Can I help, old man? -It's the exhaust. -Oh, bad luck. | 1:03:33 | 1:03:37 | |
You know, it must've happened when you bashed into that brick wall. | 1:03:37 | 1:03:41 | |
Have you got a piece of string? | 1:03:43 | 1:03:46 | |
CAR CLATTERS | 1:03:49 | 1:03:51 | |
-Well, we made it. -No thanks to you. | 1:03:53 | 1:03:56 | |
Whose is that car? I haven't seen it here before. | 1:03:59 | 1:04:02 | |
-Er, oh, it's mine, actually. -Yours? -Yeah. | 1:04:02 | 1:04:05 | |
-What's it doing here? -Er, oh, I had the racing heads taken off. | 1:04:05 | 1:04:09 | |
I knew you were picking me up anyway, so I asked the garage to deliver it here. | 1:04:09 | 1:04:12 | |
Shall we go? | 1:04:12 | 1:04:13 | |
Ah! We've got court two, I see. | 1:04:34 | 1:04:36 | |
All right, I'll get some balls, you get the racquets. | 1:04:36 | 1:04:38 | |
-Aren't you going to change? -Mmm? Oh, only my shoes. | 1:04:38 | 1:04:41 | |
I always think it's a bit pompous | 1:04:41 | 1:04:43 | |
to dress up in whites for a friendly game, don't you? | 1:04:43 | 1:04:46 | |
Oh, I say! You're putting it on a bit, old man, aren't you? | 1:04:48 | 1:04:52 | |
Oh, Mr Delauney. I was just going to give your court to the General. | 1:04:53 | 1:04:56 | |
-It's 3:30, you know. -Sorry, Carpenter. | 1:04:56 | 1:04:58 | |
-3:30, sir, see that? -Sorry, sir. | 1:04:58 | 1:05:00 | |
But Palfrey wasn't quite ready when I made the call for him. | 1:05:00 | 1:05:03 | |
Don't try to put the blame on someone else, sir. | 1:05:03 | 1:05:05 | |
The court was booked in your name and you're 30 minutes late. | 1:05:05 | 1:05:08 | |
-That's all I want to know. -Carpenter, complaints book. | 1:05:08 | 1:05:12 | |
Thank you very much. | 1:05:34 | 1:05:35 | |
-Right, call. -Rough. | 1:05:37 | 1:05:40 | |
Rough, it is. Oh, lucky! | 1:05:40 | 1:05:41 | |
-Side or service? -Oh, I'll serve. | 1:05:41 | 1:05:44 | |
All right, well, I'll take this side. | 1:05:44 | 1:05:47 | |
-You'll have the sun in your eyes. -Well, we're changing, aren't we? | 1:05:47 | 1:05:50 | |
-Huh. -I say! -Hmm? | 1:05:50 | 1:05:53 | |
-Shut the gate, old man, would you? -Shut..? | 1:05:53 | 1:05:55 | |
-Is the net all right? -Mm? | 1:06:02 | 1:06:03 | |
Er, would you like it a little lower? | 1:06:03 | 1:06:06 | |
I'm ready. | 1:06:14 | 1:06:15 | |
I say! | 1:06:18 | 1:06:20 | |
I've just seen the General over there talking to the Secretary. | 1:06:26 | 1:06:29 | |
Do you think I ought to tell him it was my fault we were late? | 1:06:29 | 1:06:32 | |
No! | 1:06:32 | 1:06:33 | |
Right. | 1:06:33 | 1:06:34 | |
No! | 1:06:44 | 1:06:46 | |
Bad luck. 0-15. | 1:06:48 | 1:06:50 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha! | 1:06:52 | 1:06:56 | |
Oh, bad luck! 0-30. | 1:06:58 | 1:07:02 | |
-Have it again. -It was out! | 1:07:05 | 1:07:07 | |
Well, I honestly couldn't see. | 1:07:07 | 1:07:09 | |
The sun was in my eyes. Could quite easily have been in. | 1:07:09 | 1:07:11 | |
-Have two more. -It was out! | 1:07:11 | 1:07:13 | |
All right! | 1:07:14 | 1:07:16 | |
Oh! | 1:07:20 | 1:07:21 | |
Oh, bad luck! Awfully good serve, though. | 1:07:24 | 1:07:27 | |
0-40. | 1:07:27 | 1:07:30 | |
Hard cheese! | 1:07:37 | 1:07:39 | |
1-0. | 1:07:39 | 1:07:40 | |
I say, this is a wonderful racquet. | 1:07:44 | 1:07:46 | |
Your service. | 1:07:46 | 1:07:48 | |
Fault! | 1:07:58 | 1:08:00 | |
-Sorry. -But yours was in. -Was it? | 1:08:03 | 1:08:07 | |
-I thought it was a fault. -It was well in. -Well, I couldn't see. | 1:08:08 | 1:08:11 | |
-I'd have thought you'd have shouted if it was in. -Oh, have it again. | 1:08:11 | 1:08:15 | |
Oh, no, no, no. I couldn't have got your return, anyway. 0-15. | 1:08:15 | 1:08:19 | |
-Have it again. -No, no, no, honestly. | 1:08:19 | 1:08:21 | |
I insist that you have it again! | 1:08:21 | 1:08:25 | |
Oh, all right. | 1:08:25 | 1:08:26 | |
BALL WHIPS PAST | 1:08:31 | 1:08:32 | |
Oh, bad luck! | 1:08:32 | 1:08:34 | |
I feel really bad about that one. 15-0. | 1:08:34 | 1:08:38 | |
CONVERSATION MUTED | 1:09:18 | 1:09:20 | |
5-0. | 1:09:42 | 1:09:43 | |
I say, old chap, I feel I've got rather an unfair advantage. | 1:09:43 | 1:09:46 | |
I do wish you'd swap racquets. | 1:09:46 | 1:09:47 | |
I'm perfectly happy with the one I've got. | 1:09:47 | 1:09:50 | |
No, no, no, I insist. After all, this one is yours. | 1:09:50 | 1:09:52 | |
Let me have a shot with that old one. Ha-ha-ha! | 1:09:52 | 1:09:56 | |
Gently, now! | 1:10:05 | 1:10:09 | |
Don't know your own strength with that racquet. | 1:10:09 | 1:10:12 | |
15-0. | 1:10:12 | 1:10:13 | |
Hello, April! 30-0. | 1:10:19 | 1:10:22 | |
April, I can explain everything. We lost our way and... | 1:10:25 | 1:10:28 | |
There's nothing to explain. You were late, and that's that. | 1:10:28 | 1:10:31 | |
Oh, do get on with your game. | 1:10:31 | 1:10:33 | |
-Lovely day, Henry! -Beautiful! -But, April... -30-0. | 1:10:33 | 1:10:39 | |
-Good shot, Henry! -40-0. | 1:10:51 | 1:10:54 | |
April, you must listen to me. I called for Palfrey... | 1:10:56 | 1:10:59 | |
Young man! You, sir! | 1:10:59 | 1:11:02 | |
Are you or are you not using this court | 1:11:02 | 1:11:04 | |
for the purpose of playing tennis? | 1:11:04 | 1:11:06 | |
I booked this court for four o'clock, it's one minute to. | 1:11:06 | 1:11:09 | |
-40-0. -Oh, nuts! | 1:11:09 | 1:11:12 | |
And we don't tolerate filthy language in this club, sir. | 1:11:12 | 1:11:15 | |
Match point! | 1:11:15 | 1:11:17 | |
-Ha-ha-ha! -Well played, sir! | 1:11:19 | 1:11:21 | |
Well played! Ha-ha-ha! | 1:11:21 | 1:11:24 | |
-Well, shake hands, sir. -Shake? | 1:11:24 | 1:11:27 | |
Not me, you fool! | 1:11:29 | 1:11:31 | |
One thing I can't tolerate, a bad loser, unsportsmanlike. | 1:11:31 | 1:11:34 | |
-Well played, young man. -Thank you, General. | 1:11:34 | 1:11:37 | |
-Best man won. -Thank you, sir. | 1:11:37 | 1:11:39 | |
April, April, let's get this straight, I... | 1:11:47 | 1:11:49 | |
You're playing much better today, Henry. | 1:11:49 | 1:11:51 | |
-What was the score? -Oh, just one set to me. | 1:11:51 | 1:11:52 | |
-Didn't have time for any more. -I mean the score in games. | 1:11:52 | 1:11:55 | |
Oh, it's not important, really. After all, it was only a friendly game. | 1:11:55 | 1:11:58 | |
-It was 6-0. Now, April... -Well, thank you, Raymond. I enjoyed that. | 1:11:58 | 1:12:02 | |
And many thanks for the loan of your racquet. | 1:12:02 | 1:12:05 | |
-You mean to say you beat him playing with a borrowed racquet? -Oh... -No! | 1:12:05 | 1:12:09 | |
I mean, yes. Well, not exactly. | 1:12:09 | 1:12:10 | |
But, April, I can explain the whole thing. | 1:12:10 | 1:12:12 | |
Raymond, I've already told you - there is nothing to explain. | 1:12:12 | 1:12:15 | |
But there is, damn it! | 1:12:15 | 1:12:17 | |
Language, old man, language. Ha-ha! | 1:12:17 | 1:12:21 | |
Oh, just forgotten the balls. Erm... Look, go on, will you? | 1:12:21 | 1:12:24 | |
Join you in a couple of seconds. Ha-ha! | 1:12:24 | 1:12:26 | |
-How well do you know Palfrey, anyhow? -I beg your pardon? | 1:12:33 | 1:12:36 | |
Well, why is it he only knows the short cut to your house in the dark? | 1:12:36 | 1:12:39 | |
I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. | 1:12:39 | 1:12:42 | |
-Congratulations, my boy. You rather excelled yourself. In fact, you have passed with honours. -Thank you, sir. | 1:12:46 | 1:12:51 | |
It was changing the racquets that did it, just as he was getting used to the feel of the old one. | 1:12:51 | 1:12:55 | |
Well, I take it you're eager to get after the young girl? | 1:12:55 | 1:12:57 | |
-That's right, sir. -What I am about to do is usually done in more formal circumstances, you understand? | 1:12:57 | 1:13:02 | |
But, fortunately, provisions have been made for it to be done in the field, | 1:13:02 | 1:13:05 | |
where emergency so dictates. So, just stand where you are, Palfrey. | 1:13:05 | 1:13:10 | |
Take your hands out of your pockets. | 1:13:10 | 1:13:12 | |
Now then, Henry Palfrey. By virtue of the power vested in me as founder and principal | 1:13:13 | 1:13:17 | |
of the College of Lifemanship at Yeovil, | 1:13:17 | 1:13:19 | |
it gives me great pleasure to award you this Certificate of Lifemanship. | 1:13:19 | 1:13:23 | |
-Now, bend your head. -Mm? -Bend your head, Palfrey. | 1:13:23 | 1:13:26 | |
-There, that's all, my boy. Congratulations. -Thank you very much indeed, sir. | 1:13:27 | 1:13:31 | |
Nonsense, my boy. You deserve it. As a matter of fact, I've never said this to a student before, | 1:13:31 | 1:13:35 | |
but I was wondering if you'd consider giving up this girl, | 1:13:35 | 1:13:38 | |
and instead joining me at Yeovil? | 1:13:38 | 1:13:40 | |
Oh, that's terribly flattering, sir, | 1:13:40 | 1:13:42 | |
and don't think I don't appreciate it, but... | 1:13:42 | 1:13:44 | |
-I'm afraid not, sir. -No, I didn't think so. | 1:13:44 | 1:13:47 | |
-Well, up and at her, Palfrey. -Yes, sir. | 1:13:47 | 1:13:50 | |
One last piece of advice, Palfrey. I take it it's your intention | 1:13:50 | 1:13:53 | |
to go out there and lock horns with this other fellow | 1:13:53 | 1:13:55 | |
-about driving the girl home? -Well, I was going to go... | 1:13:55 | 1:13:59 | |
Once you've got your opponent on the ropes, | 1:14:02 | 1:14:04 | |
surely you're in the perfect position for calling into play | 1:14:04 | 1:14:07 | |
the calculated indifference ploy? | 1:14:07 | 1:14:08 | |
Best summed up by a paraphrase of the old nursery rhyme, | 1:14:08 | 1:14:11 | |
"Leave her alone and she'll come home, wagging her tail behind her." | 1:14:11 | 1:14:15 | |
You really think the neglected gambit is the one to use? | 1:14:15 | 1:14:17 | |
-Tried and true. -I've just had a thought, sir. | 1:14:17 | 1:14:20 | |
-What if she doesn't like me? -Well, that's a detail. | 1:14:20 | 1:14:23 | |
Some of the most successful marriages are made up of people who scarcely talk to each other. | 1:14:23 | 1:14:27 | |
-Well, good luck, Palfrey. -Thank you very much, sir. | 1:14:27 | 1:14:30 | |
-Three guineas, please. -Three guineas? | 1:14:30 | 1:14:32 | |
-Well, we use only the best parchment. -Oh, yes. | 1:14:32 | 1:14:37 | |
Really, my dear, it isn't necessary for you to try to make me jealous. | 1:14:41 | 1:14:44 | |
-I'm quite your devoted slave, as it is. -Raymond, I've already told you - | 1:14:44 | 1:14:47 | |
I was not trying to make you jealous. | 1:14:47 | 1:14:48 | |
You're a dear little storyteller, and I absolutely adore you. | 1:14:48 | 1:14:52 | |
What have you done to your car? | 1:14:53 | 1:14:55 | |
I had a bit of an accident, actually. | 1:14:55 | 1:14:57 | |
-Were you hurt? -No, it shook me up a bit. | 1:14:57 | 1:14:59 | |
I... Put me off my game, I'm afraid. | 1:14:59 | 1:15:01 | |
-Raymond, I'm so sorry. I... -Ah, there you are. | 1:15:01 | 1:15:05 | |
I... I've asked Carpenter to phone the garage, Raymond. | 1:15:05 | 1:15:08 | |
-I said you'd had an accident. I thought it sounded better. -Better than what? | 1:15:08 | 1:15:12 | |
Well, it's a bit embarrassing to admit you backed into a wall in broad daylight, isn't it? Cheers. | 1:15:12 | 1:15:17 | |
-Aren't you coming with us? -Oh, no. | 1:15:17 | 1:15:20 | |
Two's company, you know. | 1:15:20 | 1:15:22 | |
Dear sweet girl, do you realise how close you came | 1:15:29 | 1:15:31 | |
-to suffering the consequences of your little game? -Mm? | 1:15:31 | 1:15:34 | |
-He might have accepted and we should have been stuck with him. -What are you...? | 1:15:34 | 1:15:37 | |
-Now, don't worry, little kitten, I would've saved you and got rid of him. -Saved me? | 1:15:37 | 1:15:41 | |
And let that be a lesson to you, my sweet. | 1:15:41 | 1:15:42 | |
You mean...? Now, just a minute. | 1:15:42 | 1:15:45 | |
-In the first place, I am not your sweet. -Oh! | 1:15:45 | 1:15:49 | |
In the second place, despite what you might think, | 1:15:49 | 1:15:51 | |
I genuinely meant that invitation, and I'd have been delighted had he accepted. | 1:15:51 | 1:15:54 | |
In the third place, I have never met such a smug, | 1:15:54 | 1:15:57 | |
self-centred, conceited... | 1:15:57 | 1:15:59 | |
And in the fourth place, goodbye! | 1:15:59 | 1:16:02 | |
Oh, Mr Delauney, the garage people will be here shortly. | 1:16:40 | 1:16:42 | |
Who is that man? He's not a member, is he? | 1:16:42 | 1:16:45 | |
-Oh, no, sir. He came in today as a guest of Mr Palfrey's. -What? | 1:16:45 | 1:16:49 | |
-Are you sure? -Oh, yes, sir. | 1:16:51 | 1:16:53 | |
As a matter of fact, I saw them behaving in the most peculiar manner | 1:16:53 | 1:16:56 | |
-on the croquet lawn just now, sir. -Really? Thanks. | 1:16:56 | 1:17:02 | |
Where to? | 1:17:25 | 1:17:27 | |
Anywhere. | 1:17:27 | 1:17:28 | |
I should think you could use a drink, couldn't you? | 1:18:19 | 1:18:21 | |
Yes, I could. Thank you. | 1:18:21 | 1:18:24 | |
Oh, that smug, conceited... | 1:18:24 | 1:18:26 | |
-Bore? -Yes, bore. | 1:18:26 | 1:18:28 | |
Follow that bus! | 1:18:54 | 1:18:56 | |
I should change before we go out for that drink, shouldn't I? | 1:19:03 | 1:19:06 | |
-Do you mind if we stop off at my place for a moment? -Of course not. | 1:19:06 | 1:19:09 | |
There we are! | 1:19:19 | 1:19:21 | |
Look, this may sound a bit Victorian, but... | 1:19:21 | 1:19:24 | |
if you'd prefer to stay here, I'd quite understand. | 1:19:24 | 1:19:27 | |
You are sweet, Henry. | 1:19:27 | 1:19:28 | |
-Look, why don't we have that drink in your flat? -Fine! | 1:19:28 | 1:19:32 | |
There we are. | 1:19:43 | 1:19:45 | |
Oh, Henry! | 1:19:47 | 1:19:49 | |
-How nice and cosy. -Thank you. | 1:19:49 | 1:19:51 | |
-Erm, sit down? -Thank you. -Now, then... | 1:19:51 | 1:19:55 | |
What's it to be? Whisky? | 1:19:55 | 1:19:58 | |
-Fine. -Good. | 1:19:58 | 1:20:00 | |
-Soda? -Please. | 1:20:08 | 1:20:11 | |
-Cheers! -Thank you. Oops! Ooh! | 1:20:30 | 1:20:33 | |
Oh, I am sorry! Oh, look at the sofa. | 1:20:33 | 1:20:34 | |
-Never mind my sofa, what about your dress? -It's terrible. I'm awfully clumsy. | 1:20:34 | 1:20:38 | |
You can't very well sit around like that, can you? You'll catch your death! Erm... I know. Just a minute. | 1:20:38 | 1:20:42 | |
There. Now, why don't you pop into that, | 1:21:02 | 1:21:05 | |
and I'll dry your dress in front of the fire? | 1:21:05 | 1:21:07 | |
Oh, I really don't think I ought... | 1:21:07 | 1:21:09 | |
Then you can tell your Uncle Henry all about it. | 1:21:09 | 1:21:13 | |
Uncle Henry? | 1:21:13 | 1:21:15 | |
Yes, well, I suppose I better had. | 1:21:16 | 1:21:18 | |
Good. Give me a shout when you're ready. | 1:21:18 | 1:21:21 | |
You are kind and thoughtful, Henry. | 1:21:22 | 1:21:24 | |
Mrs Stringer? | 1:21:34 | 1:21:36 | |
Henry Palfrey here. | 1:21:36 | 1:21:38 | |
When you have a free moment, could you pop up here, please? | 1:21:38 | 1:21:42 | |
Thank you, Mrs Stringer. | 1:21:42 | 1:21:44 | |
You can come in now! | 1:21:53 | 1:21:55 | |
Splendid! | 1:21:57 | 1:21:59 | |
Now, then, we'll just pop these things | 1:21:59 | 1:22:02 | |
on the chair in front of the fire. | 1:22:02 | 1:22:05 | |
They should be dry in no time at all. That's it. | 1:22:05 | 1:22:11 | |
-How do you feel? -Fine, thanks, Uncle Henry. | 1:22:11 | 1:22:14 | |
Good. Let's get you another drink, shall we? | 1:22:14 | 1:22:16 | |
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS | 1:22:19 | 1:22:21 | |
-First to Yeovil, please. -Ah! | 1:22:31 | 1:22:34 | |
There we are! | 1:22:41 | 1:22:43 | |
Now, then... | 1:22:44 | 1:22:46 | |
-How do you feel? -Much more comfortable. | 1:22:46 | 1:22:48 | |
This was a very good idea, Uncle Henry. | 1:22:48 | 1:22:51 | |
-Cheers. -Cheers. | 1:22:51 | 1:22:52 | |
Ah! | 1:22:57 | 1:22:59 | |
Oh, that's much better. | 1:22:59 | 1:23:02 | |
-Ha-ha-ha! -Mm? -Henry, your socks! | 1:23:04 | 1:23:08 | |
So...? Oh! | 1:23:08 | 1:23:10 | |
Oh, dear! | 1:23:12 | 1:23:14 | |
Oh, oh, actually, I usually manage pretty well, but... | 1:23:14 | 1:23:19 | |
Look, I must come in one day and mend it. | 1:23:19 | 1:23:21 | |
DOORBELL RINGS | 1:23:21 | 1:23:23 | |
-Who's that? -Hmm? | 1:23:23 | 1:23:25 | |
Oh, I haven't the faintest idea. | 1:23:25 | 1:23:28 | |
Ah, I say, this is a bit awkward, now I come to think of it. | 1:23:28 | 1:23:32 | |
-Yes. -You being here alone in a man's flat, wearing his dressing gown, | 1:23:32 | 1:23:36 | |
-guzzling whisky. -Yes, it is. -You've got your shoes off too. | 1:23:36 | 1:23:41 | |
DOORBELL RINGS | 1:23:41 | 1:23:43 | |
Better hide. Um... | 1:23:43 | 1:23:45 | |
Quickly. In here. | 1:23:45 | 1:23:47 | |
Won't be a moment. | 1:23:48 | 1:23:49 | |
DOORBELL RINGS | 1:23:57 | 1:23:58 | |
-Ah, Mrs Stringer. -I come up as quick as I could, Mr Palfrey. What is it? | 1:24:00 | 1:24:05 | |
-I'm afraid it was a mistake, Mrs Stringer. -Mistake? | 1:24:05 | 1:24:07 | |
But only just now, you telephoned down and asked me to come up. | 1:24:07 | 1:24:10 | |
Yes, well, I thought I was going to need you, | 1:24:10 | 1:24:12 | |
but I've been able to manage myself. | 1:24:12 | 1:24:15 | |
Telephoning down and then changing your mind. | 1:24:15 | 1:24:17 | |
I suppose you think that's fun for me, to run up five flight of stairs! | 1:24:17 | 1:24:21 | |
You know I wouldn't dare operate the lift in my state of nerves. | 1:24:21 | 1:24:24 | |
I'm very sorry, Mrs Stringer. | 1:24:24 | 1:24:25 | |
-Yes, and I'm sorry too. -There... Ah! | 1:24:25 | 1:24:29 | |
Come on, Queenie. | 1:24:29 | 1:24:30 | |
Just the porter's wife. | 1:24:38 | 1:24:39 | |
-I managed to get rid of her as quickly as I could. -Good. | 1:24:39 | 1:24:42 | |
-Ha-ha-ha! -What is it? | 1:24:44 | 1:24:48 | |
It's amazing how sexless a woman looks in a man's dressing gown. | 1:24:49 | 1:24:52 | |
-Sexless? -Um, well...shapeless. | 1:24:52 | 1:24:56 | |
-Shapeless? -Mmm. A little girlish. | 1:24:58 | 1:25:01 | |
I don't know what it is, it makes a man feel protective. | 1:25:03 | 1:25:06 | |
Just...protective? | 1:25:10 | 1:25:11 | |
Well, paternal. | 1:25:11 | 1:25:13 | |
-Paternal? -Well, no. | 1:25:15 | 1:25:17 | |
Perhaps more like a friend. | 1:25:17 | 1:25:20 | |
-How good a friend? -Oh, a good friend. | 1:25:20 | 1:25:24 | |
A very good friend. | 1:25:27 | 1:25:30 | |
A very... | 1:25:30 | 1:25:32 | |
very good friend indeed. | 1:25:32 | 1:25:35 | |
-No. -What is it? | 1:25:43 | 1:25:45 | |
Put your dress on. I'll take you home. | 1:25:45 | 1:25:47 | |
-But why? What happened? -Get dressed, please. | 1:25:47 | 1:25:51 | |
BANGING ON DOOR Open up! | 1:25:51 | 1:25:54 | |
I know you're in there. Let me in. | 1:25:54 | 1:25:56 | |
Let me in, you cad, or I'll call the police! | 1:25:56 | 1:25:58 | |
Open this door, you cad! | 1:25:58 | 1:26:00 | |
I'll have to let him in. You go in there. | 1:26:00 | 1:26:02 | |
I'll get rid of him as quickly as I can and I'll take you home. | 1:26:02 | 1:26:05 | |
Now, come on. Open the door! Open up, I say. | 1:26:05 | 1:26:06 | |
Come on, you bounder. I know you're in there, you stinker! | 1:26:06 | 1:26:09 | |
Where is she? Come on. I know she is here. Where is she? | 1:26:09 | 1:26:12 | |
-Will you keep your voice down? The neighbours will hear you. -So they should, you spoiler. Come on. | 1:26:12 | 1:26:16 | |
-Where is she? -She's not here. | 1:26:16 | 1:26:18 | |
Oh? These, I suppose, are yours! | 1:26:18 | 1:26:21 | |
April Smith, you can come out now. | 1:26:22 | 1:26:24 | |
This is Raymond. | 1:26:24 | 1:26:26 | |
If this means I'm too late, you rotter... | 1:26:30 | 1:26:33 | |
-Am I, kitten? -No. | 1:26:33 | 1:26:36 | |
You're not too late. | 1:26:37 | 1:26:39 | |
Oh, thank goodness. Well, now do you see where your little jealousies lead? | 1:26:40 | 1:26:44 | |
If it hadn't been for my quick thinking, this man... | 1:26:44 | 1:26:46 | |
This man? This rat. Let me tell you something about your fine-feathered friend. | 1:26:46 | 1:26:50 | |
Do you know what he did? He went to Yeovil, | 1:26:50 | 1:26:52 | |
he went to the College of Lifemanship, | 1:26:52 | 1:26:54 | |
and he learnt all the tricks. All his dirty rotten tricks. | 1:26:54 | 1:26:58 | |
No, no, no, not tricks, my good man. | 1:26:58 | 1:27:00 | |
Arts, science, philosophy, if you like, but... | 1:27:00 | 1:27:03 | |
no, no, no, not tricks. | 1:27:03 | 1:27:05 | |
Well, you can call them what you like. | 1:27:05 | 1:27:07 | |
But all they are are dastardly, low-down devices, | 1:27:07 | 1:27:09 | |
designed to pull the wool over the eyes of innocent, young things. | 1:27:09 | 1:27:13 | |
Look! "Potter's Woo-manship. | 1:27:13 | 1:27:16 | |
"Woo-manship... The art of being one up on women | 1:27:16 | 1:27:18 | |
"without actually marrying them." | 1:27:18 | 1:27:20 | |
"The uncle ploy for trust and confidence." | 1:27:20 | 1:27:22 | |
"From living room to bedroom in three easy moves." | 1:27:22 | 1:27:25 | |
"After the bedroom, what?" | 1:27:25 | 1:27:27 | |
What, indeed? | 1:27:27 | 1:27:30 | |
Henry, is it true? | 1:27:30 | 1:27:33 | |
What on Earth is the matter with you, man? | 1:27:38 | 1:27:40 | |
-Ploy 64... Throw yourself on her mercy. -No, Mr Potter. | 1:27:40 | 1:27:44 | |
It's true, April. | 1:27:47 | 1:27:48 | |
They were tricks. All tricks. | 1:27:48 | 1:27:51 | |
-Ploys, boy, ploys! -Tricks, ploys, what difference does it make? | 1:27:51 | 1:27:55 | |
That's why I... | 1:27:55 | 1:27:57 | |
-That's why you stopped, isn't it? -That's right. | 1:27:59 | 1:28:03 | |
Come, April. Let me take you away from all this. | 1:28:03 | 1:28:05 | |
I love you, April. | 1:28:05 | 1:28:08 | |
Oh, Henry. | 1:28:08 | 1:28:10 | |
I love you too. | 1:28:11 | 1:28:13 | |
Shh. We're witnessing the birth of a new ploy. | 1:28:15 | 1:28:18 | |
-No, Mr Potter. I love April and I want April to love me. -I do. I do. | 1:28:18 | 1:28:24 | |
No... Not, not sincerity, Palfrey? | 1:28:24 | 1:28:29 | |
Just a minute. Something's gone wrong. Stop that, I say! | 1:28:29 | 1:28:33 | |
Kitten, you can't do this to me. | 1:28:33 | 1:28:35 | |
Kitten! | 1:28:36 | 1:28:38 | |
Well, don't just stand there, Mr Potter, do something! | 1:28:38 | 1:28:42 | |
Pull yourself together, Palfrey. | 1:28:43 | 1:28:45 | |
We are not alone! | 1:28:47 | 1:28:49 | |
I do apologise, ladies and gentlemen. | 1:28:52 | 1:28:55 | |
Events seem to have taken a most unfortunate turn. | 1:28:55 | 1:28:58 | |
This sort of calamity, we cannot always guard against, | 1:28:58 | 1:29:00 | |
even amongst our best students. | 1:29:00 | 1:29:02 | |
You see, once...once sincerity rears its ugly head, | 1:29:02 | 1:29:07 | |
-well, Lifemanship is powerless. -ROMANTIC MUSIC | 1:29:07 | 1:29:10 | |
Stop that music. | 1:29:14 | 1:29:17 | |
Orchestra! | 1:29:18 | 1:29:20 | |
Orchestra, stop that infernal din! | 1:29:20 | 1:29:25 | |
Oh, please! No. | 1:29:25 | 1:29:28 | |
Forgive me, I must get back to Yeovil. | 1:29:28 | 1:29:31 |