Browse content similar to She's Out of My League. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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This film contains very strong language | 0:00:30 | 0:00:34 | |
and some scenes of a sexual nature. | 0:00:34 | 0:00:37 | |
Marnie? | 0:00:41 | 0:00:42 | |
I know we agreed to take some time off. | 0:00:42 | 0:00:45 | |
And I think that was a great idea. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:48 | |
My God. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:49 | |
It gave us both a chance to experiment, if you will, | 0:00:49 | 0:00:53 | |
and meet all sorts of new and interesting, different people. | 0:00:53 | 0:00:58 | |
You did quite a bit more experimenting than I did. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:03 | |
A lot more experimenting. You are like a scientist! | 0:01:04 | 0:01:09 | |
With beakers and... But, obviously, I'm cool with that. Like... | 0:01:10 | 0:01:14 | |
Cos the thing is, I think we're stronger as a result. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:18 | |
But here's the thing, Marnie, it's been two years. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:23 | |
And that's a lot of time off. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
And I'm ready for some time on. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
I miss you. | 0:01:31 | 0:01:32 | |
I miss us. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
I got something for you. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:40 | |
What do you think? | 0:01:42 | 0:01:44 | |
Oh, man! | 0:01:45 | 0:01:46 | |
It's depressing. I mean, it's really depressing. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:53 | |
It's horrible to watch you like this. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:55 | |
I think this is really pretty. How's it work? | 0:01:55 | 0:01:58 | |
What the hell is that? | 0:01:59 | 0:02:00 | |
I got it for Valentine's Day, right before she broke up with me. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:04 | |
Look, Stainer, I know you don't like her very much. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
No. No. I hate her. In fact, the day that you broke up with her, | 0:02:06 | 0:02:09 | |
I marked that down in my calendar as a day of rejoicement. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:12 | |
I'm gonna celebrate it with a cake with her face on it. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
But instead of eating it, we smash it. OK? You can do a lot better. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:18 | |
-You deserve a lot better, Kirk. -Thank you, | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
but I've seen what's out there and I don't think it gets any better. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:23 | |
When have you been out there? When have you left the apartment? | 0:02:23 | 0:02:26 | |
I went out on four different dates. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:29 | |
With three girls... and that guy. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:32 | |
I don't know what his intentions were, but it's fine. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:34 | |
We had a great conversation. He was just lookin' for a friend. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:37 | |
-Know what your problem is? -What? | 0:02:37 | 0:02:39 | |
-You're a moodle. -A "moodle"? | 0:02:39 | 0:02:40 | |
-A man poodle. -Girls, they want to take you out on a walk. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:43 | |
They want to feed you, they want to cuddle you. But, make no mistake, | 0:02:43 | 0:02:47 | |
no girl wants to do the moodle. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:49 | |
-No one'd ever fuck a moodle. -No. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:51 | |
-He's right. -I'm telling you, | 0:02:51 | 0:02:52 | |
if you want to get Marnie back, she has got to believe | 0:02:52 | 0:02:55 | |
that from the second she broke up with you, | 0:02:55 | 0:02:57 | |
your life has been a non-stop snatch parade. | 0:02:57 | 0:03:00 | |
Or you could just be who you are. Why can't that be good enough? | 0:03:00 | 0:03:05 | |
Why don't you put your fucking balls in here, dude? | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
Yeah! | 0:03:12 | 0:03:13 | |
-"Snatch parade. " Really, Kirk? -Yeah, it's been pretty awesome. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:25 | |
I've been raw-doggin' some randoms. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
Usually careful. Mostly careful, though. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
Always using protection. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:32 | |
Double-baggin' it sometimes just to make sure there's | 0:03:34 | 0:03:37 | |
no seepage because... | 0:03:37 | 0:03:40 | |
...gonorrhea, herpes and stuff. I don't want that. | 0:03:43 | 0:03:47 | |
Wow. I am really happy that you are doing so well with the ladies. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:52 | |
But, truthfully, Marnie. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:53 | |
I really just want to give all that up and get back together with you. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:58 | |
Kirk? You know I'm with Ron now. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:03 | |
Raw-doggin' some randoms? | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
Wow, Kirky, sounds like you got some good stuff goin' on. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:10 | |
-Yeah. -Thanks, Ron. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:13 | |
We're kind of in the middle of something right now. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:17 | |
Oh, you want to talk? No problem. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:21 | |
-I'll just be in the other room. -Thanks, buddy. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
Ah, sorry. One more thing. Is there any salsa? | 0:04:23 | 0:04:26 | |
You know what? I'll find it myself. Good luck there, pirate. | 0:04:29 | 0:04:33 | |
Are you kidding me, Marnie? | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
That guy? That guy is an entrepreneur. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:40 | |
-Well, Ron owns a Pizza Hut. -That's a business. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:44 | |
It's not even a real Pizza Hut! It's a Pizza Hut Express! | 0:04:44 | 0:04:47 | |
Working airport security with your dipshit friends | 0:04:47 | 0:04:50 | |
isn't getting you closer to being a pilot. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
I... I got you somethin'. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:54 | |
Remember that time I made you the mix tape of all the Kate Bush songs | 0:04:54 | 0:04:59 | |
I thought applied to our relationship? This is cooler. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:02 | |
Happy Valentine's Day from two years ago. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:08 | |
Hi, honey. Everything OK? | 0:05:08 | 0:05:10 | |
-Yeah. -Oh, God, what is that? | 0:05:10 | 0:05:13 | |
I think it's an ashtray? | 0:05:14 | 0:05:16 | |
-No, it's for your earrings. -Or that. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:20 | |
Kirk, please, don't cause a scene. Everyone's over. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:23 | |
Jesus, Mom, a little privacy here, please? | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
-It's OK, Mrs. Kettner. -OK. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:28 | |
Kirk. You know that I don't get along with my own parents, | 0:05:29 | 0:05:32 | |
and you've been really great about your family practically adopting me | 0:05:32 | 0:05:37 | |
since we broke up. | 0:05:37 | 0:05:39 | |
-I love you. -Marnie, I love you, too. | 0:05:39 | 0:05:41 | |
Just... OK... Let me finish. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:43 | |
I love you like I love... TV. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:49 | |
-I love you like I love pizza. -Superfly Snuka! | 0:05:50 | 0:05:54 | |
-No, Dylan! -You still got it! | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
-Give it to him! -What's up, little bro? | 0:05:56 | 0:05:57 | |
-Fuck you! -Dylan! Leave your brother alone. | 0:05:57 | 0:06:00 | |
-Snap him like a wishbone. -Sore spot? Just let it happen. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
-Yeah! You ain't got shit, you pussy! -I hate you! | 0:06:02 | 0:06:05 | |
Mom! Kirk said he hated me! | 0:06:05 | 0:06:07 | |
OK, let's move out! Movie night! I do not want to miss the previews. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:10 | |
-Here. I got the brews. Let's go! -Comin' with us, pirate? | 0:06:10 | 0:06:13 | |
-No, thanks. -It's Chris Tucker, dude. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:16 | |
Yeah, I think I'll pass. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:17 | |
"Do you see the words comin' outta my mouth?!" | 0:06:17 | 0:06:20 | |
Chris Tucker, right? Mom! I did the Chris Tucker for him. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:24 | |
-That's nice. -I'm just gonna leave this here. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
He's the black guy from Rush Hour. > | 0:06:26 | 0:06:28 | |
-Let's go, go, go! -OK. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:29 | |
-Mom... Yeah. -You know, it's engraved on... | 0:06:29 | 0:06:31 | |
Boarding passes and IDs where I can see them, please! | 0:07:20 | 0:07:24 | |
Let's go! | 0:07:24 | 0:07:25 | |
- Hey. - Hey. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:26 | |
Boarding passes and IDs where I... | 0:07:26 | 0:07:28 | |
Oh, well, well, well. Thanks for comin' in, Kettner. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
Sorry I'm late, Fuller. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
-Yeah? You'd better have a good excuse. -No. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:35 | |
You wanna take a second? Make somethin' up? | 0:07:35 | 0:07:38 | |
-Nope. -Interesting. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
Oh, look at this. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:44 | |
Yes, yes. | 0:07:45 | 0:07:47 | |
Yeah, that's so good. That's great. That's perfect. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
Listen, Mr Friedman, their quote is lower than ours. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:55 | |
So if fake flowers and cheap champagne is how you want to woo your clients, | 0:07:55 | 0:07:59 | |
then feel free to blow us out. I'm sure the event'll be fine. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
Thank you, Mr Friedman. Tomorrow. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:05 | |
Have a nice flight. | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
Boarding passes and IDs where I can see... Hi! | 0:08:09 | 0:08:13 | |
-Hi. -Hay-lo. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:15 | |
Hi-lo. Hello! | 0:08:15 | 0:08:16 | |
New York, huh? Yeah. The Big... City. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:21 | |
Big Apple. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:22 | |
Big Apple City. I get up there a lot, Cos I actually, I gig up there. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:28 | |
I play in a band. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:29 | |
-I'm the lead in a band. -Hey, Stainer. | 0:08:29 | 0:08:32 | |
Did you get the numbers with... For the new procedures regarding planes? | 0:08:32 | 0:08:38 | |
This is Randy. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:39 | |
-What's up? -Hi. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:43 | |
-Well, everything checks out. -Thank you. | 0:08:43 | 0:08:45 | |
-Do you need a hand? -No. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:50 | |
Smooth. Go put this back in the trash. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:53 | |
-It's a memo. -Put it back in the trash! | 0:08:53 | 0:08:55 | |
-Boarding passes and IDs, please! -Next! Oh, ma'am! | 0:08:55 | 0:09:00 | |
-Your shoes. -Oh, sorry. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:02 | |
OK, let's go ahead and strip off that belt too, while we're at it, huh? | 0:09:03 | 0:09:08 | |
You have any piercings you want me to know about? | 0:09:09 | 0:09:13 | |
Anything at all? | 0:09:13 | 0:09:15 | |
All right, I'm really late for my flight. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
Why don't you step on through, we'll see if you set off the machine. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:20 | |
Thank you. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
No, no, no. Not so fast. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:24 | |
I'm gonna have to ask you to step over to the wanding area. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:27 | |
Fuller, why? Well, you never know. I mean... | 0:09:27 | 0:09:31 | |
You just waved the wand over your tie clip! | 0:09:31 | 0:09:33 | |
No, I did not. Yes, you did. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
Well, I am keeping an eye on you. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
Wow. They let guys like that work here? | 0:09:43 | 0:09:45 | |
Yep! | 0:09:45 | 0:09:47 | |
Yes, they, they, they let that guy be my boss. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
Thank you for pissing off your boss for me. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
Oh, yeah, please, anytime. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:56 | |
-Molly! Your boarding pass. -Oh, thanks... Kirk. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:03 | |
Kirk. | 0:10:05 | 0:10:06 | |
Flight six-three to JFK, you're cleared for taxiing on runway two-niner. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:10 | |
Cabin crew, lock doors and cross-check. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:13 | |
Dude! Cut it a little closer, why don't you? | 0:10:13 | 0:10:16 | |
I think I lost my iPhone. I left it in security. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:18 | |
Well, here, calm down. I'll call it. | 0:10:18 | 0:10:20 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:10:20 | 0:10:25 | |
- Hello? - Who's this? | 0:10:32 | 0:10:35 | |
I don't know. Might be the guy with the new iPhone. Who's this? | 0:10:35 | 0:10:37 | |
I don't know. Might be your worst fucking nightmare, you... | 0:10:37 | 0:10:40 | |
-Patty! Stop it! -Sorry. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:42 | |
Hello? Thank God you have my phone. My name is Molly McCleish. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:46 | |
I remember you well. What gate are you at? I'll run it over. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:49 | |
Know what? We're actually pushing back right now. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:52 | |
Excuse me. You're not supposed to be on your phone. | 0:10:52 | 0:10:55 | |
-It's bad for the plane. -Oh, I'm sorry. Are you a plane doctor? | 0:10:55 | 0:10:59 | |
No? So shut the fuck up. Tell you what, | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
I'll just leave it at Lost and Found for you. How 'bout that? | 0:11:01 | 0:11:04 | |
Would you hold on to it for me? I'm coming back tomorrow. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:07 | |
I'm an event planner. I'm having this party at the Warhol Museum. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
-We could meet there. -Yes, of course. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
I know where that is. It's actually | 0:11:12 | 0:11:13 | |
-on my way home from work. -Sir? | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
-She's talking on her phone. -Dude! Go shit in your hand. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:18 | |
I have to go. | 0:11:20 | 0:11:21 | |
Tonight's the night, Kirky. | 0:11:21 | 0:11:23 | |
No. I... Devon, tonight is just a night | 0:11:23 | 0:11:25 | |
where I return some lost property to a fellow human being. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:29 | |
Come on, man, you gotta be positive. | 0:11:29 | 0:11:32 | |
It's exciting! I mean, the night's full of possibilities. | 0:11:32 | 0:11:36 | |
-I can almost smell 'em. -Oh, man. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:39 | |
-You know what this reminds me of? -What's that? | 0:11:41 | 0:11:43 | |
The moment when Aladdin went to meet Princess Jasmine. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:47 | |
What? | 0:11:47 | 0:11:48 | |
You're like a street urchin, and this is the palace! | 0:11:48 | 0:11:51 | |
OK, so then what does that make you? | 0:11:51 | 0:11:54 | |
I'm the Genie. | 0:11:54 | 0:11:56 | |
Why am I so nervous? This is stupid. Let's get this over with, OK? Let's go. | 0:11:56 | 0:12:00 | |
Yeah. Let's go on a magic carpet ride. | 0:12:00 | 0:12:02 | |
No, I think it's good. We have to act positive. | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
-Wendy! -Hi! Congratulations, ladies. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:25 | |
-This party is so amazing. -It is, right? | 0:12:25 | 0:12:28 | |
-Hey. Sorry I'm late. -Nice, Katie. Real classy. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:32 | |
I had a major laundry disaster. This is the only dry bra that I have left. | 0:12:32 | 0:12:36 | |
-Do you want me to take it off? -ALL: No! | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
-Just take a tray and circulate. -Yeah, circulate. Know what that means? | 0:12:38 | 0:12:42 | |
Hey, excuse me. I'm looking for Molly McCleish? | 0:12:47 | 0:12:51 | |
-Are you here to arrest her? -No. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:54 | |
What about you? You gonna search me? | 0:12:54 | 0:12:56 | |
No. No, I'm, I'm not TSA. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:58 | |
I can get you a mad discount on a flight, if you want, though. | 0:12:58 | 0:13:02 | |
Molly's my sister. She's... up there. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:06 | |
-Thank you. -Thanks. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
Hey! | 0:13:08 | 0:13:10 | |
-Hey. -Hey. This is Patty. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:17 | |
Hey. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:18 | |
-Oh, this is my friend, Devon. -Princess Jasmine. | 0:13:21 | 0:13:25 | |
-Here's your phone. -Oh, thank God. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:30 | |
You... Thank you. You saved my life. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:33 | |
Oh, please. It's no big deal at all. I think we're gonna get goin' now. | 0:13:33 | 0:13:37 | |
We're a bit overdressed for this. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:41 | |
-Yeah. -Oh, no! You guys look great. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
You should stay and have a drink, right? | 0:13:43 | 0:13:46 | |
Know what? Excuse me one second. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:47 | |
Get a drink, but don't get it from my sister's tray. | 0:13:47 | 0:13:50 | |
What's up, freckles? | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
...your friend's hot. | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
What'd she just say? | 0:14:03 | 0:14:04 | |
-"I think your friend is hot." -Yeah, right. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:09 | |
Seriously, Kirky, do not josh me. All right? I need this. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:15 | |
Well, Devon, I would never josh you. | 0:14:15 | 0:14:17 | |
She said, "I think your friend is hot." | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
-Yeah? -Yeah. | 0:14:19 | 0:14:21 | |
-Yeah! -Oh, stop. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:23 | |
-Yeah! -No. No. | 0:14:23 | 0:14:25 | |
No, you... Devon, you're happily married. | 0:14:25 | 0:14:27 | |
You and I both know you'd never cheat on Karen. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:29 | |
Yeah, you're right. I don't need to. | 0:14:29 | 0:14:31 | |
Know why? Cos that girl thinks I'm hot. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:33 | |
Know what? Don't tell Karen about this. | 0:14:35 | 0:14:37 | |
-No. -Stuffed mushroom? | 0:14:37 | 0:14:39 | |
-Yeah, sure. -Yeah. | 0:14:39 | 0:14:40 | |
I dropped 'em on the floor, but five second rule. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:43 | |
-Good. Thank you. -It's OK, I'll wait. | 0:14:44 | 0:14:46 | |
Suit yourself. | 0:14:46 | 0:14:47 | |
-What the...? -Shit. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:49 | |
-What the hell are you doing? -I am so sorry, sir. | 0:14:49 | 0:14:52 | |
I... I... | 0:14:52 | 0:14:53 | |
-What? -I don't know. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:55 | |
-Katie! -No, no, no, not Katie. | 0:14:55 | 0:14:57 | |
This is all my fault. I'm very, very sorry. | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
Can I see your invitation? | 0:14:59 | 0:15:02 | |
Can I see your invitation? | 0:15:04 | 0:15:06 | |
Probably not the best thing to say to the museum director. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:11 | |
True, but we should do cultural events like this more often. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:14 | |
Kirk! Oh, my God. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:16 | |
Patty told me what happened. What can I say? I'm so sorry. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:21 | |
My reputation in the arts community may be shot, but I think I'll get over it. | 0:15:21 | 0:15:27 | |
Know what? I'd like to make it up to you. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
-Are you free tomorrow night? -Yeah, yes. Yes. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:31 | |
We handle some of the Penguins events, we've got seats for the Islanders game. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:36 | |
-Do you like hockey? -Do I like hockey? Yes, I do. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:39 | |
Great. There's two tickets. So, maybe, bring a friend. | 0:15:39 | 0:15:42 | |
Wow, thank you so much. That's amazing. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:44 | |
-And the tickets will be at will call. -OK. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:47 | |
-Bye. -Bye. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:49 | |
-Bye. -Good night. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:54 | |
Fare thee well, dear princess. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:57 | |
Until our magic carpets alight from Agrabah to the Cave of Wonders | 0:15:57 | 0:16:00 | |
for a night of romance... and hockey. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:04 | |
-I'm taking Stainer. -Are you serious? | 0:16:06 | 0:16:10 | |
-No. no. No. That's... -Yeah. | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
She's not into me. There are very few things that I am absolutely certain of. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:18 | |
-This chick does not like me. -Oh, don't be such a Laydown Larry. | 0:16:18 | 0:16:22 | |
I'm not being a... "Laydown Larry?" | 0:16:22 | 0:16:25 | |
It's just like me sayin' that I'll never go to the moon, | 0:16:25 | 0:16:28 | |
I'm all right with that, too. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:29 | |
You don't want to go to the moon? Bullshit. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
No, I am saying that I never will go to the moon, | 0:16:32 | 0:16:34 | |
and that's fine because I never expected to. | 0:16:34 | 0:16:37 | |
You don't know that. Technology and stuff. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:39 | |
-You might go to the moon. -He's right. | 0:16:39 | 0:16:41 | |
No. This girl is, like, fuckin' hot! | 0:16:41 | 0:16:46 | |
Yeah, but you said that shit about Marnie and, let's face it, | 0:16:46 | 0:16:49 | |
Marnie was kind of a skank. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:50 | |
-Hi. -Hey. | 0:16:50 | 0:16:52 | |
Marnie. We were just talking about | 0:16:52 | 0:16:56 | |
Marnie, the name... And how it's unfortunate that it's not more common. | 0:16:56 | 0:17:00 | |
Fuck you, Stainer. | 0:17:00 | 0:17:01 | |
You didn't let me finish. More common for skanks. | 0:17:01 | 0:17:04 | |
Hey, Kirk, so are you gonna go to Branson with your folks next month? | 0:17:05 | 0:17:09 | |
-I don't think so. -Cos they invited | 0:17:09 | 0:17:11 | |
me and Ron to come along, and we'd love to go, | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
but not if it's gonna be weird for you. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
Tickets are non-refundable, and I love Branson, but it's totally up to you. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:21 | |
-Yeah, no, you should go. It's fun. -Thanks. OK. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:26 | |
-OK... -I... That's... | 0:17:26 | 0:17:28 | |
OK, so she's taking her new boyfriend to Branson with your parents. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:35 | |
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. | 0:17:36 | 0:17:39 | |
PUBLIC ADDRESS: Penguins are facing off against the Islanders. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:41 | |
What do you think are the keys to the game? | 0:17:41 | 0:17:43 | |
-I got the first one. -Thank you very much. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:45 | |
I got a 20. Four beers, please. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:47 | |
Three? | 0:17:48 | 0:17:50 | |
Two? | 0:17:50 | 0:17:51 | |
-He seemed nice. -That was all of my money. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:55 | |
-Oh, my God. She's here. -What? | 0:17:57 | 0:18:00 | |
That chick, from the airport? | 0:18:00 | 0:18:03 | |
Didn't think she was gonna show. Hi! | 0:18:03 | 0:18:05 | |
-Hey. So you got the tickets OK? -Oh, yeah. Thank you so much. | 0:18:05 | 0:18:08 | |
-Cool. Oh, you remember Patty. -Hi. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
Hi, there. Of course. I didn't think that you were coming. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:13 | |
-I just... This is amazing. -Hey. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:17 | |
Stainer. | 0:18:17 | 0:18:18 | |
I'm sorry? | 0:18:19 | 0:18:20 | |
-Stainer. -What? | 0:18:20 | 0:18:22 | |
-Stainer. -His name is Stainer. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:24 | |
-Right. -Just a non-descript nickname. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:27 | |
Doesn't mean anything, you know. It's like Greg. | 0:18:27 | 0:18:30 | |
You look like someone I went to high school with. | 0:18:30 | 0:18:33 | |
-What high school? Maybe it was me. -No, he's in a coma. | 0:18:33 | 0:18:36 | |
Who brought the good news bear? Somebody give her some fucking honey. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:40 | |
OK, should we just meet you up at the seats? | 0:18:40 | 0:18:42 | |
-Yeah, perfect. -OK. | 0:18:42 | 0:18:44 | |
-Kirk, that Molly girl's insanely hot. -Yeah, I know. | 0:18:46 | 0:18:48 | |
-So you know what's happening. -What's that? | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
She's setting you up with the bitchy friend. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:52 | |
Perfect for you, Cos you like bitches. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:55 | |
Yeah, well, that's fine. | 0:18:55 | 0:18:57 | |
Patty's not a bitch, she's different. | 0:18:57 | 0:19:01 | |
Yeah, different in that she's a bitch and other people aren't. | 0:19:01 | 0:19:04 | |
-Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! -Come on! | 0:19:09 | 0:19:12 | |
Will! Will! Pass it, pass it! | 0:19:15 | 0:19:17 | |
Come on, Averill, play the man, not the puck! | 0:19:18 | 0:19:21 | |
Yeah, come on, dick! | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
I'm sorry, the player that I was screaming at is a forward, | 0:19:23 | 0:19:26 | |
but for some reason he keeps hanging back at the blue line | 0:19:26 | 0:19:29 | |
-with the defensemen. -You realise they're | 0:19:29 | 0:19:30 | |
hanging back cos they're trying to kill a power play. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
That is exactly what's happening. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:39 | |
Damn it, Fox, keep your stick down! | 0:19:39 | 0:19:41 | |
-That felt good. -Yeah. | 0:19:44 | 0:19:45 | |
She knows a strange amount about hockey. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:49 | |
-Yeah, man. -Yeah. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:51 | |
Hey, Mol. | 0:19:53 | 0:19:54 | |
What... Scott Reese knows you? | 0:19:56 | 0:19:58 | |
-A little. -Little bit. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
Come on, Reese, pick it up! You suck today! | 0:20:02 | 0:20:04 | |
-What a save! -Oh, my God, he caught that. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:12 | |
-Fuck you, man! Fuck you! -He's such a freak! | 0:20:15 | 0:20:18 | |
-I'm gonna get some drinks. -OK. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:42 | |
-I'm gonna get some beers, guys. -Oh, OK. | 0:20:42 | 0:20:45 | |
I see what's goin' on. Yeah, I'll get some beers with you. | 0:20:45 | 0:20:48 | |
-You two stay here. You know, talk. -I know. | 0:20:49 | 0:20:54 | |
Hi. | 0:20:59 | 0:21:00 | |
PA: Charlie Slaughter from Brookline. | 0:21:00 | 0:21:04 | |
Ye olde intermission. | 0:21:04 | 0:21:07 | |
Listen, while we have a minute here, Molly's always trying to set me up. | 0:21:11 | 0:21:14 | |
That's why she brought me along, but honestly I'm not interested, no offence. | 0:21:14 | 0:21:18 | |
No offence taken. I assume that I am probably not your type. | 0:21:18 | 0:21:23 | |
I was talking about Stainer. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:25 | |
What? What do you think, we're on, like, a double date or something? | 0:21:25 | 0:21:29 | |
-Well, yeah. -Yeah, but that'd mean that Molly... | 0:21:29 | 0:21:32 | |
-No. -Yes. | 0:21:34 | 0:21:36 | |
Kirk, Molly's into you. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:39 | |
Yeah! It's effortless. | 0:21:45 | 0:21:48 | |
Listen, Kirk, I love you, | 0:21:48 | 0:21:50 | |
but there's no way on the planet that Molly is into you. | 0:21:50 | 0:21:53 | |
Why would she bring a friend and give you two tickets? | 0:21:53 | 0:21:55 | |
Well, Molly brought Patty for you, but Patty thought you were a moron. | 0:21:55 | 0:21:59 | |
OK, now I know you've gone crazy. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:01 | |
You're telling me the hottest chick I've met in my life wants you, | 0:22:01 | 0:22:04 | |
and the Hamburglar wasn't into me? Listen to yourself. Fuck you. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:07 | |
Fuck... | 0:22:07 | 0:22:09 | |
That's a pretty impressive catch, Kirky. | 0:22:09 | 0:22:11 | |
Right. The day that happens is the day that Jack sleeps with your wife. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:14 | |
-What, did that already happen? -We weren't technically dating yet. | 0:22:18 | 0:22:22 | |
My bad. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:23 | |
Are we gonna talk or are we gonna bowl? | 0:22:23 | 0:22:25 | |
All I'm saying is, this girl's too hot. | 0:22:26 | 0:22:28 | |
I mean, no judgment on Kirky, but the guy's just outgunned here. | 0:22:28 | 0:22:31 | |
- Yo, House Ball! - "House Ball?" | 0:22:31 | 0:22:34 | |
Yeah, I was up first. | 0:22:34 | 0:22:35 | |
-OK. OK. My bad. -For fuck sake! Hey! | 0:22:38 | 0:22:43 | |
-What is it with you people? -Hey, he can just wait his turn. | 0:22:43 | 0:22:46 | |
Oh, really? All this noise and shit, | 0:22:46 | 0:22:47 | |
and my best friend is such a distraction in your goddamn peripheral vision? | 0:22:47 | 0:22:51 | |
All right, take it easy. It's all good. Let him do his thing. | 0:22:51 | 0:22:54 | |
Well, fuckin' roll then. | 0:22:54 | 0:22:56 | |
-Bring it, Brunswick! -I'm here. Let's do this, come on. | 0:23:04 | 0:23:07 | |
You feel strong, tough guy? | 0:23:12 | 0:23:14 | |
-Walk! -You piece of shit! | 0:23:14 | 0:23:15 | |
-Get off! -All right, come on. | 0:23:15 | 0:23:17 | |
-TSA, motherfucker! -Don't! He's lucky. | 0:23:17 | 0:23:20 | |
-He's an asshole. -> I'm really sorry. | 0:23:20 | 0:23:22 | |
OK, anyway... I love Kirky, but let's face it, the guy's a five. | 0:23:23 | 0:23:27 | |
Stainer, that's just dirty pool. He's at least a six. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:31 | |
A six? You go ahead and pump rainbows into his asshole, | 0:23:31 | 0:23:33 | |
-but I'm just being honest. -Come on, cut him some slack. Look. | 0:23:33 | 0:23:36 | |
Half a point 'cause he's a nice guy. Right? | 0:23:36 | 0:23:39 | |
And he's funny, so that's half a point each. That brings him to six. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:42 | |
Devon's right. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:43 | |
But he drives a shitbox, deduct a point. | 0:23:43 | 0:23:45 | |
-Take a point off. -What's wrong with my Neon? | 0:23:45 | 0:23:48 | |
I don't know. Except the people that make that car don't even like it. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:51 | |
-So we're back to a five. -Five. | 0:23:51 | 0:23:55 | |
Meanwhile, this Molly is a hard ten. | 0:23:55 | 0:23:58 | |
And that five point disparity, that is a "chazum." | 0:23:58 | 0:24:00 | |
-Chasm? -Yeah. | 0:24:00 | 0:24:02 | |
Chasm. You can't jump more than two points. | 0:24:02 | 0:24:04 | |
Where do you get this shit? | 0:24:04 | 0:24:05 | |
Trust me, Kirk. I can't even get a ten. | 0:24:05 | 0:24:08 | |
-Oh, not even you, huh? -I'm a six, OK? | 0:24:08 | 0:24:11 | |
Bullshit, you're a six! Then what am I? | 0:24:11 | 0:24:13 | |
-You're an eight. -OK, fine, you're a six then. | 0:24:13 | 0:24:15 | |
But I get a one point bump Cos I'm in a band. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:17 | |
Stainer, you're in a Hall and Oates cover band! | 0:24:17 | 0:24:20 | |
-I'm pretty sure that's a deduction. -Adult Education is a tribute band. | 0:24:20 | 0:24:24 | |
So that puts me back at a seven. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:26 | |
On a good day, the best I can bag is a nine. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:28 | |
-What about your crappy car? -Artist's exemption. | 0:24:28 | 0:24:31 | |
I'm expected to have a shitty car. | 0:24:31 | 0:24:32 | |
Is there an artist's exemption for talkin' out your ass? | 0:24:32 | 0:24:35 | |
Yeah. It's called bein' a rock star, Jack. | 0:24:35 | 0:24:37 | |
Look it up in the dictionary. It's there. Next to "Fuck you!" | 0:24:37 | 0:24:40 | |
Guys, I think this system's ridiculous. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:43 | |
All right? If someone really loves you, then you are a ten. | 0:24:43 | 0:24:47 | |
My God. What, are... Are you Hannah Montana? | 0:24:47 | 0:24:49 | |
Because nothing you're saying right now is of any help to Kirk. | 0:24:49 | 0:24:53 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:24:53 | 0:24:55 | |
What?! | 0:24:58 | 0:25:00 | |
Hello? Hello! Hey, Molly. | 0:25:02 | 0:25:05 | |
I'm well, thank you. How are you? | 0:25:05 | 0:25:08 | |
First of all, thank you. Yeah, it was great. It was incredible. | 0:25:08 | 0:25:11 | |
Thank you so much. No... | 0:25:11 | 0:25:13 | |
Kirky, what'd she say? | 0:25:17 | 0:25:18 | |
I think she just asked me out. | 0:25:21 | 0:25:23 | |
Yeah! Way to go, Kirkers! | 0:25:23 | 0:25:25 | |
Hey, did she say anything, you know, about Wendy thinkin' I'm hot? | 0:25:28 | 0:25:32 | |
-Oh, no. -Shoot. I wonder if she's on Facebook. | 0:25:32 | 0:25:36 | |
-Devon, you're on Facebook? -Yeah. I got like 37 friends. | 0:25:36 | 0:25:41 | |
Oh, cool. | 0:25:41 | 0:25:42 | |
Moll, what about this for your date tonight? | 0:25:48 | 0:25:50 | |
Katie, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. | 0:25:50 | 0:25:53 | |
Wait. You have a date with Kirk? | 0:25:54 | 0:25:57 | |
When do you want the bad date bail-out call? | 0:25:59 | 0:26:01 | |
I don't want it. | 0:26:01 | 0:26:02 | |
No, seriously, work emergency or aunt died? | 0:26:02 | 0:26:05 | |
-I'm not gonna need it. -Whatever. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:07 | |
What is your problem with Kirk? | 0:26:09 | 0:26:10 | |
I don't have a problem with Kirk. I have a problem with you dating Kirk. | 0:26:10 | 0:26:13 | |
Why? | 0:26:13 | 0:26:14 | |
You dated Cam and got hurt, so you pick a guy like Kirk because he's safe. | 0:26:14 | 0:26:18 | |
Yeah. Or maybe because he's just a nice guy. | 0:26:18 | 0:26:21 | |
He's great. I just... | 0:26:21 | 0:26:23 | |
You and I know he's not the kind of guy you usually end up with. | 0:26:23 | 0:26:26 | |
Yeah, I know. | 0:26:26 | 0:26:27 | |
Ah, goddamn it. | 0:26:29 | 0:26:31 | |
Way to go. | 0:26:34 | 0:26:35 | |
What happened to you? You look like shit. Besides that. | 0:26:35 | 0:26:38 | |
I got, like, 30 minutes of sleep last night. | 0:26:38 | 0:26:41 | |
What do I even say to Molly tonight? | 0:26:41 | 0:26:43 | |
Like, what, do I just talk about her ridiculous hotness for two hours? | 0:26:43 | 0:26:47 | |
I don't know. You were pretty smooth at the hockey game. | 0:26:47 | 0:26:50 | |
Thanks, man. Well, that's because I didn't think I stood a chance in hell, | 0:26:50 | 0:26:54 | |
but now that she's asked me out I don't get it. It boggles my mind. | 0:26:54 | 0:26:58 | |
Why would she ask me out? | 0:26:58 | 0:27:00 | |
-Are you dying? -What? | 0:27:00 | 0:27:02 | |
You maybe have some rich benefactor in a top hat | 0:27:02 | 0:27:05 | |
who's trying to set you up before you die. | 0:27:05 | 0:27:07 | |
Like Great Expectations. Have you read that book? | 0:27:07 | 0:27:10 | |
-Yeah, man. -It's so weird! | 0:27:10 | 0:27:11 | |
No, Stainer, I'm not terminally ill. Thank you for your concern. | 0:27:11 | 0:27:15 | |
-Then that's a brain-teaser, isn't it? -Tell me about it. | 0:27:15 | 0:27:17 | |
-You know, let's go this way. -Who is that? | 0:27:20 | 0:27:22 | |
What? | 0:27:23 | 0:27:24 | |
Nobody. Just some chick that I boned when I was drunk. | 0:27:24 | 0:27:28 | |
She's a total psycho. Let's go this way. | 0:27:28 | 0:27:30 | |
-It's quicker. Come on. -What? | 0:27:30 | 0:27:31 | |
This place is tremendous. | 0:27:34 | 0:27:37 | |
It's... I'm just trying to think whether or not I've been here before. | 0:27:37 | 0:27:41 | |
Is this real silver? This is gorgeous stuff. | 0:27:41 | 0:27:44 | |
It has this lovely terrace area. | 0:27:46 | 0:27:49 | |
It's open. It's kind of like eating on the Today Show set. | 0:27:49 | 0:27:53 | |
-Are you nervous? -Yes. | 0:27:53 | 0:27:55 | |
So you speak French? | 0:28:10 | 0:28:12 | |
No, barely. I probably just asked for directions to the beach. | 0:28:14 | 0:28:18 | |
That's amazing. Any other hidden talents I should know about? | 0:28:18 | 0:28:22 | |
-I'm a lawyer. -You're a lawyer? | 0:28:24 | 0:28:27 | |
I know. I, well, I'm not real... | 0:28:27 | 0:28:29 | |
Oh, I'm sorry, one second. I... Ma'am? Ma'am, you... Yeah... | 0:28:29 | 0:28:32 | |
I'll be right back. | 0:28:32 | 0:28:34 | |
Excuse me. Ma'am! You forgot your sweater. | 0:28:37 | 0:28:40 | |
-Thank you. -Thanks again. | 0:28:40 | 0:28:42 | |
Oh, no, I don't work there. | 0:28:42 | 0:28:45 | |
I... It isn't... | 0:28:45 | 0:28:46 | |
-I'm just returning your sweater. -Thank you. | 0:28:46 | 0:28:49 | |
-Sure. Have a good night. -Thank you. | 0:28:49 | 0:28:51 | |
-Sorry. -Sorry, buddy. | 0:28:54 | 0:28:56 | |
-Thank you. -Evening. | 0:28:56 | 0:28:57 | |
-Evening. -Evening. | 0:28:57 | 0:29:01 | |
- Evening. - What's up? | 0:29:01 | 0:29:03 | |
-Cam? -Mol! Hey! | 0:29:06 | 0:29:09 | |
-Hey! I... -I'll see you guys there. | 0:29:09 | 0:29:11 | |
-I thought you were still in New York. -Negative. I flew in this morning. | 0:29:11 | 0:29:15 | |
-Oh, hi. -Hi. | 0:29:15 | 0:29:17 | |
-Oh, this is Kirk. -Hey. | 0:29:17 | 0:29:19 | |
-Oh, hey, buddy. Oh, thank you. -Yeah... | 0:29:19 | 0:29:21 | |
-Can I help you? -Yeah, you bet. | 0:29:26 | 0:29:28 | |
I'll take an Armagnac. The lady'll have a dirty martini with three olives. | 0:29:28 | 0:29:32 | |
-Thanks. Her favourite. -I think there's been a mistake. | 0:29:32 | 0:29:35 | |
-Sorry, friend? -He's with me. | 0:29:35 | 0:29:37 | |
Honest mistake. Sorry. There you go. | 0:29:43 | 0:29:46 | |
Please. That's awkward. | 0:29:46 | 0:29:50 | |
-Cam, this is Kirk. -It's great to meet you, sir. | 0:29:50 | 0:29:53 | |
Great to meet you, sir. Cam? Is that short for Cameron? | 0:29:53 | 0:29:57 | |
-No. -Why would it be? | 0:29:57 | 0:30:00 | |
That's funny. Your friend is funny, Molly. | 0:30:00 | 0:30:03 | |
-Thank you so much. -Am I gonna see you next week? | 0:30:03 | 0:30:06 | |
Patty and I are working at the air show and Cam's our liaison guy. | 0:30:06 | 0:30:10 | |
"Liaison guy." Ouch! | 0:30:11 | 0:30:13 | |
We were more than that, huh? You see, Molly and I used to date. | 0:30:13 | 0:30:17 | |
Well, I'm out. It was great to meet you, sir. | 0:30:20 | 0:30:23 | |
-See you, honey. -All right. Bye. | 0:30:23 | 0:30:25 | |
Bye, Cam! He seems great. He seems really great. | 0:30:26 | 0:30:30 | |
-Should we order? OK. -Yeah. | 0:30:30 | 0:30:32 | |
So I was interning at the law firm. studying for the bar. | 0:30:32 | 0:30:35 | |
but I just kept thinking... | 0:30:35 | 0:30:37 | |
Is this what I really want to do with my life? | 0:30:39 | 0:30:41 | |
And then I volunteered to plan the holiday party, and I loved it. | 0:30:41 | 0:30:46 | |
And so I quit the firm, went into business with Patty. | 0:30:46 | 0:30:50 | |
Well, you found somethin' that you love. That's amazing! | 0:30:50 | 0:30:54 | |
Yeah. Yeah, it is amazing. | 0:30:54 | 0:30:56 | |
Anyway, I'm bored of me. What about you? | 0:30:56 | 0:30:58 | |
Oh, me. | 0:30:58 | 0:30:59 | |
Pittsburgh born and bred. | 0:31:01 | 0:31:03 | |
I wanted to go to college, but my dad bought a swimming pool instead. | 0:31:04 | 0:31:08 | |
So my boy, Stainer, hooked me up with my job at TSA | 0:31:09 | 0:31:13 | |
and the rest is rock 'n' roll history. | 0:31:13 | 0:31:16 | |
So TSA today. Is there a tomorrow or...? | 0:31:17 | 0:31:21 | |
Oh, I don't know. | 0:31:21 | 0:31:23 | |
Some days I'll be at work and I'll look out the window | 0:31:24 | 0:31:27 | |
and I'll see all those planes takin' off, goin' places, and I think | 0:31:27 | 0:31:31 | |
I could really do that, you know. | 0:31:31 | 0:31:34 | |
And it wouldn't matter if it was jetliners or cargo planes or whatever. | 0:31:34 | 0:31:39 | |
I just would really love that feeling of freedom. | 0:31:39 | 0:31:44 | |
Yeah. I know what you mean. | 0:31:44 | 0:31:47 | |
So now you know my big secret. | 0:31:47 | 0:31:50 | |
-You should do that, Kirk. -Well, thank you. | 0:31:50 | 0:31:53 | |
It was easy for you to say. You switch jobs at the drop of a hat. | 0:31:53 | 0:31:56 | |
No! No! Not at all! | 0:31:56 | 0:31:58 | |
My parents don't even know I quit the firm. | 0:31:58 | 0:32:00 | |
-What? -Yeah, I know. | 0:32:00 | 0:32:03 | |
My dad's an old-fashioned guy. | 0:32:03 | 0:32:05 | |
He's all about security and steady pay cheques. | 0:32:05 | 0:32:09 | |
And I guess we have a problem with communication, and... | 0:32:11 | 0:32:15 | |
I would like that not to be the case. | 0:32:18 | 0:32:20 | |
And maybe, maybe, one day it won't be. | 0:32:20 | 0:32:24 | |
Yeah. | 0:32:24 | 0:32:25 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:32:25 | 0:32:27 | |
-Do you have to get that? -OK. | 0:32:27 | 0:32:29 | |
-No, you know what? It's fine. -Really? | 0:32:32 | 0:32:34 | |
Yeah. | 0:32:34 | 0:32:35 | |
This is Molly McCleish. I'm sorry I missed your call. | 0:32:36 | 0:32:39 | |
-Please leave a message... -What?! | 0:32:39 | 0:32:41 | |
Never been driven home by a waiter before. | 0:33:17 | 0:33:19 | |
-No. No, nobody usually is. -Oh, right. | 0:33:19 | 0:33:24 | |
-I had a really nice time. -Yeah? | 0:33:25 | 0:33:27 | |
-Yeah. -Thank you. Me, too. | 0:33:27 | 0:33:30 | |
You're not thinking about Cam, are you? | 0:33:34 | 0:33:37 | |
No. "Cam who?" Is how I feel. No... | 0:33:37 | 0:33:42 | |
I've completely forgotten how good-looking he is, | 0:33:42 | 0:33:46 | |
and how beautifully moisturised his skin tones are. | 0:33:46 | 0:33:51 | |
OK. Well... | 0:33:51 | 0:33:53 | |
Oh, my seat belt is screwed up. | 0:33:53 | 0:33:55 | |
Wait, wait. It goes in the goddamn correct... | 0:33:55 | 0:33:57 | |
-Thank you. -You're welcome. | 0:34:11 | 0:34:13 | |
She kissed you. She, with her actual mouth, kissed you? | 0:34:13 | 0:34:19 | |
On purpose? | 0:34:19 | 0:34:21 | |
-Yeah, yeah, man, I know. -I'm so happy for you, Kirky. | 0:34:21 | 0:34:26 | |
I'm not. I'm really nervous. | 0:34:26 | 0:34:28 | |
I mean, it feels like the universe is outta tilt. | 0:34:28 | 0:34:30 | |
You know? One of us is gonna die. | 0:34:30 | 0:34:33 | |
What's the next step here? We gonna take this up a notch? | 0:34:33 | 0:34:35 | |
I'm referring to sexual relations, Devon. | 0:34:35 | 0:34:38 | |
She's comin' to lunch with my parents on Sunday. | 0:34:38 | 0:34:40 | |
What? Why? Why would you do that? | 0:34:40 | 0:34:42 | |
You can't do that, dude. You're jumping six steps! | 0:34:42 | 0:34:45 | |
Well, I... She asked me. I don't know. What was I supposed to say? | 0:34:45 | 0:34:49 | |
That takes care of that. | 0:34:49 | 0:34:50 | |
I mean, 20 minutes with your family and she'll file for a restraining order. | 0:34:50 | 0:34:54 | |
-We're safe. -Hey, did she say anything about Wendy? | 0:34:54 | 0:34:58 | |
You know, like, about me? | 0:34:58 | 0:34:59 | |
OK, move it. Move it, move it, move it, move it. | 0:35:09 | 0:35:13 | |
-That's what I'm talkin' about. -Mom? | 0:35:13 | 0:35:15 | |
-That's what I'm talkin' about. -Oh, hi, sweetie! | 0:35:15 | 0:35:18 | |
-Hi. I'm Kirk's mom. -Hi. I'm Molly. | 0:35:28 | 0:35:32 | |
-Hi! -Nice! | 0:35:32 | 0:35:34 | |
-To meet you. -Yes. | 0:35:34 | 0:35:36 | |
Hi. I'm Molly. Nice to meet you, too. | 0:35:36 | 0:35:38 | |
-Yeah. Thanks. -Where's your restroom? | 0:35:38 | 0:35:41 | |
-Right through there. -Thanks. I'm gonna use the restroom. | 0:35:41 | 0:35:44 | |
-Yeah. -OK. | 0:35:44 | 0:35:45 | |
-Through there? OK. -Yeah, through there. | 0:35:45 | 0:35:48 | |
-Oh, we don't flush number ones. -Sorry? | 0:35:48 | 0:35:50 | |
Nothing! Jesus Christ, Dad! That's... | 0:35:50 | 0:35:53 | |
-What? -She's a guest. | 0:35:53 | 0:35:54 | |
-Thought we'd make one exception? -We got very delicate plumbing. | 0:35:54 | 0:35:57 | |
-I... -Honey. She's really cute! | 0:35:57 | 0:36:00 | |
-She's beautiful. -All that hair! | 0:36:00 | 0:36:02 | |
-Yeah. -You wanna watch the Jap show? | 0:36:02 | 0:36:04 | |
-Nailed it. -Dylan! I... | 0:36:08 | 0:36:11 | |
I was explicitly told that you wouldn't be here today. | 0:36:11 | 0:36:14 | |
I thought you were hangin' drywall or somethin'. | 0:36:14 | 0:36:16 | |
Leroy fired him again. | 0:36:16 | 0:36:18 | |
Whatever. Like that dick never came to work with a buzz on. | 0:36:18 | 0:36:21 | |
I brought a girl with me, so I am begging you, | 0:36:21 | 0:36:25 | |
from the bottom of my heart, please don't be a jerk, | 0:36:25 | 0:36:28 | |
-and I'll do anything you want. -Slap Shot Regatta. | 0:36:28 | 0:36:31 | |
How long was I down there for? What's my time? What's my time? | 0:36:33 | 0:36:36 | |
-Nope. Only 58 seconds. -Damn it! | 0:36:36 | 0:36:39 | |
- Hey, there, pirate! - So, Ron, you're here. | 0:36:39 | 0:36:43 | |
-That means that... -Oh, yeah! | 0:36:43 | 0:36:45 | |
Who wants it? Who wants it? Who wants it? I'll show it! | 0:36:45 | 0:36:48 | |
-I'll show it! -Yeah! | 0:36:48 | 0:36:50 | |
Oh, yeah! Stop it, guys. | 0:36:50 | 0:36:54 | |
-Boner Patrol! -Hey, Kirk. | 0:36:54 | 0:36:57 | |
Hi, there. Everybody, this is Molly. | 0:36:57 | 0:37:01 | |
Molly, this is everybody. | 0:37:01 | 0:37:03 | |
That's my brother, Dylan, his fiancee, Debbie | 0:37:03 | 0:37:08 | |
and my... Marnie and Ron. | 0:37:08 | 0:37:12 | |
Hey, everybody! | 0:37:12 | 0:37:14 | |
-This is when you say, "Hi, Molly. -" | 0:37:19 | 0:37:22 | |
-Who are you? -She's Molly. | 0:37:22 | 0:37:24 | |
- Why is she here? - She came with me. | 0:37:24 | 0:37:27 | |
-You hit her car or something? -Jesus. No, but thank you for asking. | 0:37:27 | 0:37:30 | |
-You his social worker? -Nope. | 0:37:30 | 0:37:32 | |
-Shit, are we being evicted? -No. | 0:37:32 | 0:37:34 | |
-You a hooker? -Dylan! | 0:37:34 | 0:37:35 | |
-Or a prostitute, I mean? -Oh, my God. | 0:37:35 | 0:37:37 | |
Kirk and I were having dinner and he said he was | 0:37:37 | 0:37:39 | |
getting together with his family. It's been a while since I had | 0:37:39 | 0:37:41 | |
a family dinner, so I hope you don't mind. | 0:37:41 | 0:37:44 | |
-I just invited myself along. -Well, come on in for a dip, girl! | 0:37:44 | 0:37:48 | |
-Yeah! -Ron! | 0:37:48 | 0:37:49 | |
-I don't have a bathing suit. -Wear your underwear. | 0:37:49 | 0:37:51 | |
-Yeah. -Like a bikini. Covers the good shit. | 0:37:51 | 0:37:54 | |
-Yeah, underwear is fine. -Ron! | 0:37:54 | 0:37:56 | |
It's like what they did in the old days. | 0:37:56 | 0:37:58 | |
Underwear would be fine... | 0:37:58 | 0:38:01 | |
..if I were wearing any. | 0:38:01 | 0:38:03 | |
-Lunch is ready! > -I'm comin'! | 0:38:10 | 0:38:13 | |
Jeez. | 0:38:16 | 0:38:17 | |
-My mom makes awesome meatloaf. -Oh, cool. | 0:38:22 | 0:38:25 | |
-After you. -Sure you want another one, Dad? | 0:38:27 | 0:38:30 | |
What are you, my sponsor? Hit me! | 0:38:30 | 0:38:33 | |
Ron, honey, I never complimented you on your... | 0:38:34 | 0:38:36 | |
...on your sweater vest. It's something! | 0:38:36 | 0:38:39 | |
Here you go. | 0:38:39 | 0:38:40 | |
Dylan, I think if you just apologised to Leroy, | 0:38:40 | 0:38:42 | |
-he'll take you back. -No, screw him. | 0:38:42 | 0:38:44 | |
He's got a foolproof moneymaker on the way. | 0:38:44 | 0:38:46 | |
You're gonna want to pay attention. | 0:38:46 | 0:38:48 | |
I know how to make any car into a convertible in 15 minutes. | 0:38:48 | 0:38:51 | |
-Wow. -Yeah. You know why? | 0:38:51 | 0:38:53 | |
-No. -Two words: Global warming. | 0:38:53 | 0:38:55 | |
Actually, Dylan, according to The Day After Tomorrow. | 0:38:55 | 0:38:58 | |
the film, the Earth actually gets colder. | 0:38:58 | 0:39:00 | |
Yep. | 0:39:00 | 0:39:01 | |
What's, what's up... with you? Are you...? These days? | 0:39:03 | 0:39:06 | |
What? Want me to help you with the gar...? | 0:39:06 | 0:39:08 | |
Fuck it. You seriously not wearing any underwear? | 0:39:08 | 0:39:10 | |
-Dylan! -We're all thinkin' it. | 0:39:10 | 0:39:12 | |
If you want to plan an exit strategy or leave right now, I won't be offended. | 0:39:12 | 0:39:16 | |
-No, I'm not going anywhere. -What do you do? | 0:39:16 | 0:39:18 | |
-I'm an event planner. -See? | 0:39:18 | 0:39:20 | |
That's a business to get into. That's usin' your head. | 0:39:20 | 0:39:23 | |
-Thank you, Dylan. -No, wait for it. | 0:39:23 | 0:39:24 | |
Book a band, blow up balloons, people pay out the ass for that, don't they? | 0:39:24 | 0:39:27 | |
-Yeah. -Yeah, they do. | 0:39:27 | 0:39:29 | |
SHE COUGHS | 0:39:29 | 0:39:32 | |
I'm not wearing any underwear. | 0:39:39 | 0:39:41 | |
Hey, Molly. Molly. Check it out. So Deb and I are gettin' hitched. | 0:39:45 | 0:39:48 | |
How much cash do you pocket for a wedding? | 0:39:48 | 0:39:50 | |
Any of this striking you as inappropriate? | 0:39:50 | 0:39:52 | |
We're making conversation. Don't get your panties in a wad. | 0:39:52 | 0:39:55 | |
-Jesus. -No, it's fine. | 0:39:55 | 0:39:57 | |
A lot of factors affect the cost. | 0:39:57 | 0:39:59 | |
Check it out. We got about 100 peeps coming. | 0:39:59 | 0:40:01 | |
We're doin' a NASCAR theme in Vegas. | 0:40:01 | 0:40:02 | |
I'm gonna get this kick-ass dress made outta actual chequered flags, | 0:40:02 | 0:40:06 | |
like real tight, then Dylan's gonna be in a wicked orange tux | 0:40:06 | 0:40:09 | |
with a Home Depot logo on the back. What's up, right? Right? | 0:40:09 | 0:40:13 | |
You've never seen anything like that? | 0:40:13 | 0:40:15 | |
-Should be extensive. -What's the damage on that? | 0:40:15 | 0:40:17 | |
My base fee is 15,000. So 100 people... | 0:40:17 | 0:40:20 | |
I mean, I'd ballpark that somewhere around 50 grand. | 0:40:20 | 0:40:23 | |
-Fuck you! -Fuck you. | 0:40:29 | 0:40:30 | |
-What?! -Fuck you! | 0:40:30 | 0:40:32 | |
-Fuck you! -Fuck you. | 0:40:32 | 0:40:34 | |
-Fuck you! -Fuck! | 0:40:34 | 0:40:36 | |
That's a lot of 15 minute convertibles, Dylan? | 0:40:36 | 0:40:39 | |
Wait, so you make a pretty comfortable living? | 0:40:39 | 0:40:41 | |
Sometimes. | 0:40:41 | 0:40:42 | |
You got your head on right. And you don't do underwear. | 0:40:42 | 0:40:45 | |
What the hell are you doin' with numbnuts? | 0:40:45 | 0:40:47 | |
-Dylan! -Honey, what? | 0:40:47 | 0:40:49 | |
-No, hey, whoa, fair question. -That's a fair question? | 0:40:49 | 0:40:52 | |
-Molly, I am so sorry. -It's fine. You know, I mean... | 0:40:52 | 0:40:56 | |
Well, I don't... I don't really know. | 0:40:57 | 0:41:00 | |
No, he makes me laugh. He doesn't try and impress me. | 0:41:00 | 0:41:04 | |
And I can just be me around him. | 0:41:05 | 0:41:09 | |
-Oh, that's sweet. -She's a keeper. | 0:41:09 | 0:41:11 | |
Kirk makes you laugh? You a comedian? I didn't know. | 0:41:11 | 0:41:14 | |
Tell us a joke there, Sinbad. | 0:41:14 | 0:41:16 | |
I totally understand what you're talking about. | 0:41:16 | 0:41:18 | |
The curse of being an attractive woman. | 0:41:18 | 0:41:20 | |
I mean, men are always putting us on a pedestal, | 0:41:20 | 0:41:22 | |
expecting us to be something that we're not. | 0:41:22 | 0:41:25 | |
-"Us?" -Come on, Marnie, get real. | 0:41:25 | 0:41:27 | |
-What? -OK. You know, Molly, | 0:41:27 | 0:41:32 | |
we are taking a big family trip out to Branson on the 31st, | 0:41:32 | 0:41:35 | |
-and I think you two should come. -I think you're wrong. | 0:41:35 | 0:41:38 | |
-Gotta come to Branson. -I don't think that's a good idea. | 0:41:38 | 0:41:41 | |
-You should come! -We don't have room. | 0:41:41 | 0:41:43 | |
-They've got shows. -Kenny Rogers' got his own theatre. | 0:41:43 | 0:41:45 | |
We'll get a ticket. I'll get you a ticket. | 0:41:45 | 0:41:47 | |
-Branson's small. -Branson's a big place! | 0:41:47 | 0:41:49 | |
-Shut up, Ron. -Can we go? | 0:41:49 | 0:41:51 | |
-It's your call. -OK. Well, I'll see what I can do. | 0:41:51 | 0:41:55 | |
-Hey, hot dog! -Result! | 0:41:55 | 0:41:57 | |
All right, relax. | 0:41:57 | 0:41:58 | |
Molly, I think there's something you should know. | 0:41:58 | 0:42:01 | |
Kirk and I used to be lovers. | 0:42:03 | 0:42:05 | |
If you stay with him long enough he'll give you one of these. | 0:42:07 | 0:42:10 | |
-They're great. -Thank you, Dylan. | 0:42:10 | 0:42:12 | |
That's mine. It's for my earrings. | 0:42:12 | 0:42:14 | |
Kirk, you look really good. | 0:42:18 | 0:42:19 | |
Thank you. You look really... Thank you so much. | 0:42:20 | 0:42:24 | |
-It was fantastic meeting you! -Oh, you, too. | 0:42:24 | 0:42:27 | |
You're so special and God, I just... | 0:42:27 | 0:42:30 | |
-Branson, think about it. -OK. | 0:42:32 | 0:42:35 | |
OK? | 0:42:35 | 0:42:37 | |
-She's really great. Later, pirate. -Yeah. Bye, pirate. | 0:42:38 | 0:42:42 | |
< Maybe you could wrap those potatoes. | 0:42:42 | 0:42:45 | |
Come on. You're a guest here. You really don't have to do that. | 0:42:45 | 0:42:48 | |
Oh, I don't mind. | 0:42:48 | 0:42:50 | |
Ready? You and me, downstairs, Slap Shot Regatta. | 0:42:50 | 0:42:52 | |
Man, we're not children anymore. Do we really have to do this? | 0:42:52 | 0:42:55 | |
-Mom! -Kirk, go play with your brother. | 0:42:55 | 0:42:57 | |
-We need some girl time. -Yeah, you promised. | 0:42:57 | 0:43:00 | |
-So pad up, chickenshit! -Yeah, I'll see you down there. | 0:43:00 | 0:43:03 | |
Aw, crap. | 0:43:04 | 0:43:07 | |
Come on. Let's do this! | 0:43:07 | 0:43:08 | |
-Let's focus it up. -Left side. | 0:43:08 | 0:43:11 | |
-That was lucky. -He never saw it, he stopped it. | 0:43:14 | 0:43:16 | |
Come on, Dylan, give it to him. | 0:43:18 | 0:43:19 | |
You think you're Mr Hot Shit now with your new chick? | 0:43:22 | 0:43:25 | |
What? No. Maybe I'm just a bit lucky tonight. I... | 0:43:25 | 0:43:27 | |
-What are you? -You're not better than me. | 0:43:27 | 0:43:29 | |
Take a look. All these trophies say Dylan Kettner. | 0:43:29 | 0:43:32 | |
-First place. First place. MVP. -I don't think I'm better than you. | 0:43:32 | 0:43:36 | |
I never said that. And maybe Molly's a little better looking than I am. | 0:43:36 | 0:43:40 | |
A little? Are you shitting me? | 0:43:40 | 0:43:42 | |
OK, I think we can all agree that Debbie here is one wicked hot box. | 0:43:42 | 0:43:45 | |
Thanks, babe. | 0:43:45 | 0:43:46 | |
This chick of yours makes her look like a pig. | 0:43:46 | 0:43:47 | |
-What? You're an asshole! What?! -See? | 0:43:47 | 0:43:50 | |
This girlfriend of yours is already startin' shit! | 0:43:50 | 0:43:52 | |
Did you see that, Mom?! | 0:43:56 | 0:43:57 | |
One second! Butterfly! | 0:43:59 | 0:44:02 | |
-I want to have another baby! -No, that's OK, sweetheart. | 0:44:11 | 0:44:14 | |
OK, boys, it's a tie. | 0:44:14 | 0:44:17 | |
There are no ties in hockey, as there are no ties in life. | 0:44:17 | 0:44:21 | |
-True. -Last shot. Winner takes all. Go! | 0:44:21 | 0:44:25 | |
OK, come on, you can do it. He's got nothing. | 0:44:25 | 0:44:27 | |
He's got less than nothing. Own it. You can do it. | 0:44:27 | 0:44:30 | |
Come on, Dylan! Get in the zone! You're still my MVP, baby! | 0:44:30 | 0:44:33 | |
Kirk's just a skinny little loser! | 0:44:33 | 0:44:35 | |
-Jesus, Debbie. -Man, I gotta sit down. | 0:44:35 | 0:44:37 | |
You want to do this? Let's do it. | 0:44:37 | 0:44:39 | |
-Damn it! -There's always a next time. | 0:45:13 | 0:45:15 | |
-Fuck it! -Dylan. | 0:45:15 | 0:45:17 | |
This floor's all slippery! And these shoes are fucked for this! | 0:45:17 | 0:45:21 | |
-Dylan, hey! Sportsmanship. -Fuck you! | 0:45:21 | 0:45:23 | |
-Time out. -You guys take a time out | 0:45:23 | 0:45:25 | |
from bein' assholes! | 0:45:25 | 0:45:26 | |
Oh, God. | 0:45:28 | 0:45:29 | |
-I'll get us some wine. -Yeah, cool. | 0:45:41 | 0:45:43 | |
-This place is gorgeous! -Thank you. | 0:45:48 | 0:45:52 | |
This kind of reminds me of my place, except for my place is a total shithole. | 0:45:52 | 0:45:57 | |
This is awesome. How long have you lived... | 0:45:57 | 0:46:00 | |
-My God! What the fuck is that?! -Oh, that's Captain Pickles. | 0:46:00 | 0:46:02 | |
I'm watching him while my folks are on vacation. | 0:46:02 | 0:46:05 | |
What is he? A dog or a fuckin' horse? | 0:46:05 | 0:46:09 | |
Sit down. | 0:46:09 | 0:46:10 | |
Wha... Me or the dog? | 0:46:11 | 0:46:14 | |
You. He doesn't like people standing. | 0:46:14 | 0:46:16 | |
He feels threatened by it. He gets all, you know, angsty. | 0:46:16 | 0:46:19 | |
Hey, angsty, that's... No, hey, I come in peace. | 0:46:19 | 0:46:25 | |
Thank you. | 0:46:28 | 0:46:29 | |
Chin, chin. | 0:46:31 | 0:46:34 | |
OK, wait. | 0:46:51 | 0:46:53 | |
I don't want to move too fast. | 0:46:54 | 0:46:56 | |
I... No, sure, no problem. No problem. | 0:46:56 | 0:46:59 | |
No, don't get me wrong. I mean, once I trust a person | 0:46:59 | 0:47:02 | |
I can experiment and get pretty generous. | 0:47:02 | 0:47:07 | |
Yeah, yeah, no, me, too. Me, too. | 0:47:08 | 0:47:10 | |
I... I'm... I love, love, to experiment, | 0:47:11 | 0:47:16 | |
and I get really generous. I can be very, very generous. | 0:47:16 | 0:47:21 | |
I am quite the charitable lover. | 0:47:21 | 0:47:26 | |
I got... Can we stop for two secs? | 0:47:45 | 0:47:48 | |
No. | 0:47:48 | 0:47:50 | |
DOORBELL CHIMES > | 0:48:13 | 0:48:15 | |
-Honey, you there? -Dad? | 0:48:15 | 0:48:17 | |
"Dad?!" What the...? Oh, dear God! | 0:48:17 | 0:48:20 | |
Are you in? | 0:48:20 | 0:48:22 | |
-Hey! -Hi... | 0:48:24 | 0:48:27 | |
-Hey. -Hey, baby. | 0:48:27 | 0:48:29 | |
-Shit. -Told you we should call ahead. | 0:48:29 | 0:48:30 | |
We decided to come back early. | 0:48:30 | 0:48:32 | |
Thought we'd come by, take the Captain off your hands. | 0:48:32 | 0:48:34 | |
Hope we aren't interrupting. | 0:48:34 | 0:48:36 | |
-Who's your little friend? -Oh, God! | 0:48:36 | 0:48:39 | |
-Well, this is Kirk. -Gerald McCleish. It's a pleasure. | 0:48:39 | 0:48:43 | |
Yeah. | 0:48:43 | 0:48:45 | |
-Nope. Nope. -No? | 0:48:47 | 0:48:49 | |
I don't... God, where are my manners? | 0:48:49 | 0:48:54 | |
You guys must be exhausted from your travels. Please, hey, have a seat. | 0:48:54 | 0:48:58 | |
Put your... Put your feet up. Really get into a groove. | 0:48:58 | 0:49:01 | |
-Thank you. -Sure. | 0:49:01 | 0:49:03 | |
-That's kind of you. -I think I have that same sweater. | 0:49:03 | 0:49:06 | |
Really? | 0:49:06 | 0:49:07 | |
So... that's... | 0:49:12 | 0:49:15 | |
Uh, no. Oh, Lord. | 0:49:17 | 0:49:20 | |
Oh, no, Captain Pickles. No. No, Captain. | 0:49:20 | 0:49:23 | |
Pickles! | 0:49:25 | 0:49:26 | |
-Kirk? -Excuse me. | 0:49:28 | 0:49:30 | |
Thank you for having me. This has been a lovely evening. | 0:49:30 | 0:49:33 | |
Good night. | 0:49:36 | 0:49:37 | |
Awesome. | 0:49:46 | 0:49:47 | |
Devon, I'll give you 50 dollars just to curse once. | 0:50:05 | 0:50:08 | |
-75. Just say "fuck." -I won't, I won't say it out loud. | 0:50:08 | 0:50:11 | |
-I'll write it. -That doesn't count! | 0:50:11 | 0:50:14 | |
-You're gonna what? -I'll write it down. | 0:50:14 | 0:50:16 | |
That doesn't count! You have to say it out loud. | 0:50:16 | 0:50:18 | |
-Why doesn't it count? -Say "shit." I'll give you a 100. | 0:50:18 | 0:50:21 | |
-Hey. -Hey, Kirk. | 0:50:21 | 0:50:24 | |
My shift doesn't start for another half hour, | 0:50:24 | 0:50:27 | |
but I was so excited, so I came early. | 0:50:27 | 0:50:29 | |
Yeah, and it was weird. He said he was really excited and so he came early. | 0:50:29 | 0:50:33 | |
Yeah. That ever happened to you? | 0:50:33 | 0:50:35 | |
You're so excited about something that you come early. | 0:50:35 | 0:50:38 | |
Jesus Christ, you're Fort Knox over here. Thank you very much. | 0:50:38 | 0:50:41 | |
I didn't mean to tell 'em, Kirky. I'm sorry. | 0:50:41 | 0:50:44 | |
Come on, he couldn't help it. It just, you know, slipped out. | 0:50:44 | 0:50:47 | |
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Thank you. | 0:50:47 | 0:50:49 | |
Thank you very much. And go fuck yourselves. | 0:50:49 | 0:50:52 | |
-Hey, guys. -Oh, shit. | 0:50:52 | 0:50:54 | |
Kirk, can I talk to you for a second? | 0:50:54 | 0:50:56 | |
-In private. -There are no secrets here, Marnie. | 0:50:57 | 0:51:00 | |
OK. Well, | 0:51:00 | 0:51:02 | |
I think I made a little mistake, and I see a change in you, | 0:51:02 | 0:51:08 | |
and I really like it, so let's get back together! | 0:51:08 | 0:51:11 | |
Just to try it out. You know? | 0:51:11 | 0:51:13 | |
That's really interesting. | 0:51:16 | 0:51:19 | |
No, I don't think so. | 0:51:19 | 0:51:20 | |
But you broke up with Molly. | 0:51:20 | 0:51:23 | |
-She cornered me. -Jesus, Devon! | 0:51:23 | 0:51:26 | |
Look, Marnie, I moved on like you kept telling me to. | 0:51:26 | 0:51:29 | |
You're here because some other girl has shown interest. | 0:51:29 | 0:51:32 | |
That's not it! Look, Kirk, I'm really worried about you with her. | 0:51:32 | 0:51:36 | |
She seems like kind of a bitch. | 0:51:36 | 0:51:38 | |
So I'm just saying that if you want to get back together, | 0:51:38 | 0:51:41 | |
-like you begged me before... -Shh... | 0:51:41 | 0:51:44 | |
...I am even willing to consider breaking up with Ron. | 0:51:44 | 0:51:48 | |
-What? You're still with Ron. -The pirate? | 0:51:48 | 0:51:51 | |
Yeah. I'm not gonna risk being all alone just cos | 0:51:51 | 0:51:53 | |
Kirk doesn't know what's good for him. | 0:51:53 | 0:51:55 | |
Look, Kirky. Deep down you know it is never gonna work out with you and Molly. | 0:51:55 | 0:52:01 | |
And I just can't stand to see you get hurt. | 0:52:01 | 0:52:03 | |
So if that makes me the bad guy... so be it. | 0:52:03 | 0:52:08 | |
It's embarrassing. | 0:52:12 | 0:52:13 | |
Jesus Christ. | 0:52:16 | 0:52:18 | |
Hey. | 0:52:18 | 0:52:20 | |
Did you just come in your pants again? | 0:52:21 | 0:52:24 | |
You can tell us. We're your friends. Did you? | 0:52:24 | 0:52:26 | |
Hey, why would you tell her I broke up with Molly? | 0:52:26 | 0:52:28 | |
Cos I thought you had. | 0:52:28 | 0:52:30 | |
-No. We're just in a sticky wicket. -A "sticky wicket?" | 0:52:30 | 0:52:33 | |
Yeah, a rough patch. Rough pumpkins. | 0:52:33 | 0:52:35 | |
-How many times have you called her? -Five. | 0:52:35 | 0:52:38 | |
How many times have you really called her? | 0:52:38 | 0:52:40 | |
-17. -It's done, man. Tao of Love. | 0:52:40 | 0:52:43 | |
-What? -That's what I call it. | 0:52:43 | 0:52:45 | |
The Tao of Love. You being with Molly defies, like, forces of nature. | 0:52:45 | 0:52:50 | |
-It's over, man. -No. It's not over. | 0:52:50 | 0:52:53 | |
Frankly, I'm kinda sick of you guys pretending | 0:52:53 | 0:52:56 | |
like you know where I'm comin' from. None of you know what I'm goin' through. | 0:52:56 | 0:52:59 | |
-Tina Jordan does. -Who the hell is Tina Jordan? | 0:52:59 | 0:53:03 | |
-She was my Molly. -You never mentioned her. | 0:53:03 | 0:53:06 | |
I didn't want to jinx it. But she was perfect. | 0:53:06 | 0:53:10 | |
Yeah, perfect. | 0:53:10 | 0:53:12 | |
Freckled shoulders. | 0:53:13 | 0:53:14 | |
Anyway, two months into it, bam, she dumps me. | 0:53:15 | 0:53:18 | |
I shoulda seen it coming, too, cos she was a ten. Like a hard ten. | 0:53:18 | 0:53:22 | |
And I was a six, possibly a seven. Either way, I couldn't cover the spread. | 0:53:22 | 0:53:27 | |
The universe spoke. And I was depressed for months. | 0:53:27 | 0:53:33 | |
That's what that was? You said you had mono. | 0:53:33 | 0:53:36 | |
-Yeah. Mono of the heart. -Oh, my God. How's your vagina? | 0:53:36 | 0:53:40 | |
Shut up, Jack! | 0:53:40 | 0:53:41 | |
Dude, forget Stainer. All right? I think you could get her back. | 0:53:41 | 0:53:45 | |
Why don't you look Kirk in the eyes | 0:53:45 | 0:53:47 | |
and tell him you believe he's gonna end up with Molly. | 0:53:47 | 0:53:49 | |
-Just tell him that. -Fine. | 0:53:49 | 0:53:51 | |
Kirky, I truly believe that... | 0:53:51 | 0:53:54 | |
I mean, I think anything's possible. | 0:53:57 | 0:54:00 | |
-"Anything is possible?!" -Come on! | 0:54:00 | 0:54:02 | |
Like, there's a million examples of guys like Kirky | 0:54:02 | 0:54:04 | |
-endin' up with beautiful women. -Such as? | 0:54:04 | 0:54:07 | |
-Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts. -Right. | 0:54:07 | 0:54:09 | |
Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear. Then he went on to Denise Richards. | 0:54:09 | 0:54:12 | |
Yeah. All recording artists. Normal rules don't apply to those guys. | 0:54:12 | 0:54:16 | |
Kirk, as soon as you record an album and it goes platinum, | 0:54:16 | 0:54:19 | |
you can push your meat into any human being you want. | 0:54:19 | 0:54:22 | |
OK, OK. OK. King Kong and Naomi Watts. | 0:54:22 | 0:54:25 | |
Never consummated. Totally platonic relationship. | 0:54:25 | 0:54:28 | |
Stephen Hawking and his lady nurse. | 0:54:28 | 0:54:30 | |
He's the master of space and time! | 0:54:30 | 0:54:33 | |
He knows about black holes and shit. | 0:54:33 | 0:54:34 | |
What about the President of France | 0:54:34 | 0:54:36 | |
and that girl that went out with Mick Jagger? | 0:54:36 | 0:54:38 | |
He knows about wine. And has a French accent. | 0:54:38 | 0:54:40 | |
Can probably French kiss like a motherfucker! | 0:54:40 | 0:54:42 | |
-Oh, OK, OK... -Wait a second. The Beast. | 0:54:42 | 0:54:44 | |
-Who? -The Beast! From Beauty and the Beast? | 0:54:44 | 0:54:48 | |
Beast won Beauty's love, and he wasn't rich and he wasn't a recording artist. | 0:54:48 | 0:54:51 | |
-Though he did have an amazing voice. -OK, Devon, that's a cartoon. | 0:54:51 | 0:54:56 | |
But, yes, that's one. One out of a million. | 0:54:56 | 0:54:58 | |
You know what, Stainer? All it takes is one. | 0:54:58 | 0:55:00 | |
Man, you... You guys just sit here and talk about relationships, | 0:55:00 | 0:55:04 | |
but the truth is, I'm the only one here that's married. | 0:55:04 | 0:55:07 | |
I'm tired of you guys bustin' my nuggets cos I've only been with one girl. | 0:55:07 | 0:55:10 | |
It's cos she was the right girl! That's why I married her! | 0:55:10 | 0:55:13 | |
So, Kirky, let me tell you, If Molly's the right girl, | 0:55:13 | 0:55:16 | |
that's all that matters. You just... You stand up. | 0:55:16 | 0:55:20 | |
You stand up, you get in front of her. You get right in her grill and you say, | 0:55:20 | 0:55:23 | |
"Hey, I am Kirk Kettner | 0:55:23 | 0:55:26 | |
"and I am right here, standin' in front of you... | 0:55:26 | 0:55:29 | |
"..right here. Here I am. " | 0:55:31 | 0:55:36 | |
-Somethin' like that. -The power of love. | 0:55:39 | 0:55:42 | |
Beautiful. | 0:55:42 | 0:55:43 | |
Very... Perfect. | 0:55:43 | 0:55:44 | |
Thank you. I was in debate, junior/senior year. | 0:55:44 | 0:55:46 | |
I don't know if you guys remember that. | 0:55:46 | 0:55:48 | |
Look at that. | 0:55:53 | 0:55:55 | |
Oh, there she is. | 0:56:16 | 0:56:18 | |
Listen to me, dude. Gotta go, loud and proud, gotta tell her, | 0:56:20 | 0:56:24 | |
-"Hey, I jizzed in my shorts" you know? -All right... | 0:56:24 | 0:56:27 | |
No! "That's what I do. OK? It's how I roll. Deal with it." | 0:56:27 | 0:56:30 | |
You know, I know I don't know... | 0:56:30 | 0:56:32 | |
I don't know much about this, but that can't be good advice, I'm sorry. | 0:56:32 | 0:56:35 | |
-Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. -You have nothing to be embarrassed of. | 0:56:35 | 0:56:39 | |
If anything, you paid her a compliment. Right? | 0:56:39 | 0:56:43 | |
-Yeah. -Trust it. | 0:56:44 | 0:56:46 | |
Here goes nothin'. | 0:56:46 | 0:56:48 | |
Oh, shit, Molly. Six o'clock. | 0:56:50 | 0:56:52 | |
-Hey, Molly. -Hey. | 0:56:55 | 0:56:57 | |
-Did you get my messages? -Yeah, yeah, I got them, Kirk. | 0:56:58 | 0:57:01 | |
What the hell happened the other night? | 0:57:03 | 0:57:06 | |
You act like a freak with Captain Pickles, | 0:57:06 | 0:57:08 | |
you won't shake my father's hand when we had a whole conversation | 0:57:08 | 0:57:10 | |
about how he was old-fashioned! | 0:57:10 | 0:57:12 | |
Yeah, I know. I know. I'm sorry. | 0:57:12 | 0:57:14 | |
I spent a whole day with your entire family, | 0:57:14 | 0:57:17 | |
and you can't even spend 30 seconds with mine. | 0:57:17 | 0:57:20 | |
-I mean, that's a pretty big red flag. -It is not a red flag, Molly. | 0:57:20 | 0:57:23 | |
Oh, Kirk, I can't do this here. | 0:57:23 | 0:57:25 | |
-I'm working, and... -OK. Sorry. | 0:57:25 | 0:57:30 | |
I ejaculated in my pants. | 0:57:40 | 0:57:42 | |
We were getting sort of hot and nasty, you know... | 0:57:53 | 0:57:58 | |
It's not every day that I have a super-hot girl | 0:57:58 | 0:58:02 | |
grinding on top of me, and I got a little too excited and, | 0:58:02 | 0:58:06 | |
before I know it, your parents are in the room and I'm there | 0:58:06 | 0:58:09 | |
with just a big friggin' oyster in my shorts. | 0:58:09 | 0:58:15 | |
Right. Sorry. Sorry. | 0:58:18 | 0:58:22 | |
I mean, I'll say this for him. He's honest. | 0:58:31 | 0:58:34 | |
So thanks for the advice. That went horribly. | 0:58:34 | 0:58:39 | |
Enjoy the air show, boys. I'm going to go... | 0:58:39 | 0:58:42 | |
No guy in his right mind would ever make that up. | 0:58:44 | 0:58:47 | |
Right? | 0:58:47 | 0:58:49 | |
You should probably go talk to him. | 0:58:49 | 0:58:51 | |
-Yeah. -Just wait one second. | 0:58:51 | 0:58:55 | |
And... here she comes. | 0:58:55 | 0:58:57 | |
-Kirk! -Yes! | 0:58:58 | 0:59:00 | |
Yeah. | 0:59:00 | 0:59:02 | |
She told him a joke or somethin'. Something's funny. | 0:59:02 | 0:59:05 | |
They're ki... They're gonna ki... They're kissing! Yes! | 0:59:05 | 0:59:08 | |
-You're like Yoda. -Yeah, I know. | 0:59:08 | 0:59:11 | |
Like Sex Yoda. "The Force is strong with you, Jack." | 0:59:11 | 0:59:15 | |
Trust the system. It takes care of itself. | 0:59:15 | 0:59:18 | |
-Ah, that went well. -Kinda. | 0:59:19 | 0:59:21 | |
She sure is somethin', isn't she? | 0:59:24 | 0:59:26 | |
-It's Kirk, right? -Oh, God. Hi, Cam. | 0:59:28 | 0:59:30 | |
Excellent to see you again, sir. | 0:59:30 | 0:59:32 | |
Listen, Kirk. Can I talk to you for a second? | 0:59:32 | 0:59:35 | |
Yeah, I guess so. See ya. | 0:59:35 | 0:59:37 | |
Listen, Kirk. I understand that fellas, such as yourself, | 0:59:38 | 0:59:42 | |
have uniquely candid relationships with the women that they befriend, | 0:59:42 | 0:59:45 | |
-am I right? -Fellas such as myself? | 0:59:45 | 0:59:48 | |
Don't get me wrong. I have no problem with your lifestyle. | 0:59:48 | 0:59:51 | |
What two or more grown men do in the privacy of their own home, | 0:59:51 | 0:59:55 | |
hell, it's of no concern to me. | 0:59:55 | 0:59:56 | |
I don't know what Molly's told you about me, all right? | 0:59:56 | 0:59:59 | |
If she said anything bad, let's face it, I probably deserve it. | 0:59:59 | 1:00:02 | |
-Actually, Cam, we haven't... -God is my witness, I'll get her back. | 1:00:02 | 1:00:06 | |
Cool. | 1:00:06 | 1:00:07 | |
Can I count on you to put in a good word for me, Elton John? | 1:00:07 | 1:00:10 | |
-Yeah, whatever gets this over with. -You're the man, Kirk. Bring it in. | 1:00:10 | 1:00:14 | |
-Yeah, yeah, you got it. -Oh! You feel that tolerance? | 1:00:14 | 1:00:18 | |
HE SNIFFS | 1:00:18 | 1:00:19 | |
Man, you gays smell good. That's good. | 1:00:19 | 1:00:22 | |
This is awesome! Does anybody have a camera? | 1:00:22 | 1:00:24 | |
-Stainer. -What? | 1:00:24 | 1:00:27 | |
Wait a minute, dude. Does that, does that say...? | 1:00:27 | 1:00:30 | |
Yep, I think it does. | 1:00:30 | 1:00:32 | |
-Jesus, man. Goddamn it. -Did you guys get a picture? | 1:00:32 | 1:00:37 | |
By the way, Kirk, you can do better than these guys. | 1:00:37 | 1:00:40 | |
I mean, this one is kinda cute, but the other two... Oof! | 1:00:40 | 1:00:44 | |
Show some pride, pal. | 1:00:44 | 1:00:46 | |
'Pittsburgh tower. | 1:00:50 | 1:00:52 | |
'Foot Long, you are cleared for takeoff on runway two-zero. | 1:00:52 | 1:00:55 | |
'Roger that, tower. Turn and burn.' | 1:00:58 | 1:01:01 | |
Honestly, I'd have sex with that guy. | 1:01:01 | 1:01:03 | |
Yeah, I would. | 1:01:05 | 1:01:07 | |
TAL BACHMAN: # Cos she's so high! | 1:01:09 | 1:01:13 | |
# High above me, she's so lovely | 1:01:13 | 1:01:17 | |
# She's so high! | 1:01:17 | 1:01:20 | |
# Like Cleopatra Joan of Arc or Aphrodite... # | 1:01:20 | 1:01:28 | |
# She's so high, high above me | 1:01:34 | 1:01:38 | |
# I know where I belong and nothing's gonna happen, yeah, yeah | 1:01:40 | 1:01:46 | |
# Yeah, yeah! | 1:01:46 | 1:01:48 | |
# Cos she's so high! | 1:01:48 | 1:01:52 | |
# High above me, she's so lovely | 1:01:52 | 1:01:56 | |
# She's so high! | 1:01:56 | 1:02:00 | |
-# High above me... -# | 1:02:00 | 1:02:03 | |
So how's your sister doin'? | 1:02:08 | 1:02:10 | |
She turns 21 next week and she's, I don't know, | 1:02:10 | 1:02:13 | |
she still has no sense of direction. | 1:02:13 | 1:02:16 | |
You know? She's coming over for dinner, | 1:02:16 | 1:02:17 | |
and I really want to give her advice, | 1:02:17 | 1:02:19 | |
but I don't know what to say to her, you know? | 1:02:19 | 1:02:22 | |
So what do you... You don't know what to say to her? | 1:02:22 | 1:02:25 | |
She's only 20. She's not 30. And she's not you. | 1:02:25 | 1:02:28 | |
You know? When I was 20, I did not have my act together, man. | 1:02:28 | 1:02:33 | |
I mean, look at this kid now. | 1:02:33 | 1:02:36 | |
I'm in TSA. I am livin' the dream. | 1:02:36 | 1:02:39 | |
You're right. Maybe I am being too hard on her. | 1:02:40 | 1:02:42 | |
And, I'm sorry, but she's comin' over for dinner? | 1:02:42 | 1:02:46 | |
She's turning 21! You gotta throw her a party. | 1:02:46 | 1:02:49 | |
I mean, that's what you do for a living, right? You throw parties? | 1:02:49 | 1:02:52 | |
I can't believe I never thought of that. | 1:02:54 | 1:02:57 | |
-That's a really good idea. -Thanks. | 1:02:57 | 1:02:59 | |
Ten dates and you can't seal the deal? What's wrong with you? | 1:02:59 | 1:03:03 | |
Listen to me. Things with Molly are good, right? They're back on track. | 1:03:03 | 1:03:07 | |
You have gotta recover from your little oopsie-daisy, | 1:03:07 | 1:03:10 | |
little early-bird special. Gotta get back in that ring. | 1:03:10 | 1:03:13 | |
It's just terrifying, frankly, | 1:03:13 | 1:03:16 | |
the idea of me naked | 1:03:16 | 1:03:20 | |
-in front of her... also naked. -But what's to be terrified of? | 1:03:20 | 1:03:25 | |
Because you've done your prep work, right? | 1:03:25 | 1:03:27 | |
Yeah... I think she likes me. | 1:03:27 | 1:03:29 | |
-She really likes you. -Thank you. | 1:03:29 | 1:03:31 | |
That's cute. Yeah, good. But it's not at all what I'm talking about. | 1:03:31 | 1:03:35 | |
A girl like Molly, hot as shit, manicured from fuckin' head to toe. | 1:03:35 | 1:03:40 | |
-Yeah. -Right? -What the hell are you talking about? | 1:03:40 | 1:03:43 | |
-Listen, I'm talkin' about this, all right? -Uh-huh. | 1:03:43 | 1:03:46 | |
-I'm talkin' about this. -Your chin. -And I'm talkin' about this. | 1:03:46 | 1:03:50 | |
-UNZIPS HIS FLY Oh, jeez! -No, no, no! | 1:03:50 | 1:03:52 | |
-Look, guys! -Jack! -This is fine. Cos this is clean. It's organised. | 1:03:52 | 1:03:57 | |
It's kind of Japanese-looking, to be honest. | 1:03:57 | 1:04:00 | |
Whatever you do, don't look directly at it. | 1:04:00 | 1:04:02 | |
I'll bet you Cam's balls look like this. | 1:04:02 | 1:04:04 | |
It's like a baby. It's just smooth. It's a look that says, | 1:04:04 | 1:04:08 | |
"Hey, you can put your mouth here." | 1:04:08 | 1:04:10 | |
-He is... He just moved. -It's just a thought. | 1:04:10 | 1:04:13 | |
Just tryin' to help, that's all. | 1:04:13 | 1:04:15 | |
All right, Stainer, let's get outta here. | 1:04:15 | 1:04:17 | |
-Yeah, I'm hungry. I gotta go eat. -Hey, Kirky. Prep work. | 1:04:17 | 1:04:21 | |
You hear me? Out. | 1:04:21 | 1:04:23 | |
DOOR CLOSES | 1:04:29 | 1:04:31 | |
God. | 1:04:45 | 1:04:46 | |
OK. | 1:04:48 | 1:04:49 | |
Here goes nothin'. | 1:04:57 | 1:04:58 | |
Oh, ow! | 1:05:02 | 1:05:03 | |
Shoot! Kirky! Kirky! | 1:05:03 | 1:05:06 | |
We shoulda done a hot towel. | 1:05:06 | 1:05:08 | |
You know, like those old-timey barbershops? | 1:05:08 | 1:05:11 | |
-Helps raise the hairs. -I don't like this! | 1:05:11 | 1:05:14 | |
Kirk, if you want to abort the mission, that's completely cool. | 1:05:14 | 1:05:18 | |
I don't... I can't really abort the mission right now. | 1:05:18 | 1:05:22 | |
I've shaved approximately one-third of my balls. | 1:05:22 | 1:05:26 | |
I'll look pretty fuckin' stupid if I stop now! | 1:05:26 | 1:05:29 | |
Did you shave one ball and then the other ball, | 1:05:29 | 1:05:31 | |
-or are you workin' top to bottom? -Shut up, shut up! | 1:05:31 | 1:05:34 | |
You shut up. I mean, seriously, just shave it like your face! | 1:05:34 | 1:05:39 | |
I can't do it like my face! | 1:05:39 | 1:05:40 | |
My face doesn't have two testicles sticking out of it! | 1:05:40 | 1:05:43 | |
If it did, I would grow a pretty thick goddamn beard. | 1:05:43 | 1:05:46 | |
Kirk. | 1:05:46 | 1:05:47 | |
Kirk? | 1:05:49 | 1:05:50 | |
-Do you need a hand? -Oh, motherf...! | 1:05:52 | 1:05:54 | |
ELECTRIC RAZOR WHINES | 1:05:54 | 1:05:57 | |
HAIRS CRUNCH | 1:05:57 | 1:05:59 | |
There we go. | 1:06:03 | 1:06:04 | |
So how is this not gay? | 1:06:07 | 1:06:09 | |
I think there's nothing gay about it. The fact that | 1:06:09 | 1:06:12 | |
you're lettin' a straight married man shave your testicles... | 1:06:12 | 1:06:15 | |
I think that makes you one of the most macho guys alive. | 1:06:15 | 1:06:18 | |
There is some logic in that. | 1:06:19 | 1:06:21 | |
Thank you. You know what? Can you pick that up? | 1:06:21 | 1:06:24 | |
Can you pick 'em up for me? | 1:06:24 | 1:06:25 | |
There it is. | 1:06:25 | 1:06:27 | |
That's a lot. OK, drop 'em. | 1:06:31 | 1:06:33 | |
Voila! | 1:06:37 | 1:06:38 | |
Ow, ow, ow! Ow, ow! | 1:06:45 | 1:06:47 | |
Take a look! | 1:06:47 | 1:06:49 | |
What do you think? | 1:06:50 | 1:06:52 | |
Devon! | 1:06:52 | 1:06:54 | |
It looks fucking huge! | 1:06:55 | 1:06:56 | |
# My friends wonder why I call you all the time | 1:07:01 | 1:07:04 | |
# What can I say? Yeah, yeah | 1:07:04 | 1:07:08 | |
# Well, I don't feel the need to give such secrets away | 1:07:09 | 1:07:15 | |
# Well, you think maybe I need help | 1:07:16 | 1:07:19 | |
# Though I know I'm right, all right | 1:07:19 | 1:07:23 | |
# I'm just better off | 1:07:24 | 1:07:26 | |
# Not listening to friends' advice | 1:07:26 | 1:07:31 | |
# When they insist on knowing my bliss | 1:07:31 | 1:07:35 | |
# La, la-la! La, la-la! | 1:07:35 | 1:07:37 | |
# I tell them this | 1:07:37 | 1:07:39 | |
# When they want to know what the reason is | 1:07:39 | 1:07:43 | |
# I only smile when I lie Then I tell them why | 1:07:43 | 1:07:47 | |
-# Because your kiss -Your kiss is on my list | 1:07:47 | 1:07:50 | |
-# Because your kiss -Your kiss I can't resist | 1:07:50 | 1:07:54 | |
# Because your kiss is on my list | 1:07:54 | 1:07:57 | |
# Of the best things in life | 1:07:57 | 1:08:01 | |
# Because your kiss... # | 1:08:01 | 1:08:02 | |
CHEERING | 1:08:02 | 1:08:05 | |
All right, everybody, give it up one more time for Adult Education! | 1:08:09 | 1:08:12 | |
CHEERING | 1:08:12 | 1:08:14 | |
Awesome stuff. They're going to play some more Hall and Oates for us, | 1:08:14 | 1:08:17 | |
and maybe some other old favourites from some other artists? No? | 1:08:17 | 1:08:21 | |
-MAN: -You're kidding me. -Nope. Just...more Hall and Oates. | 1:08:21 | 1:08:25 | |
Everybody, let's raise a glass to Patty and Molly for throwing, | 1:08:25 | 1:08:29 | |
by far, the coolest party I've ever personally been invited to. | 1:08:29 | 1:08:33 | |
Great job, girls. Let's hear it for Patty and Molly! | 1:08:33 | 1:08:35 | |
CHEERING | 1:08:35 | 1:08:38 | |
And now, to the gorgeous birthday girl, Katie McCleish. | 1:08:38 | 1:08:42 | |
You're 21 years old now. | 1:08:42 | 1:08:44 | |
What else can I say? Let life come to you. | 1:08:44 | 1:08:47 | |
-Happy birthday, Katie! -Thank you. | 1:08:47 | 1:08:49 | |
All right, guys, enjoy the party. | 1:08:50 | 1:08:52 | |
-Can you hold this for me? -Why? | 1:08:52 | 1:08:54 | |
Better with my jacket off. Just ditch that somewhere. | 1:08:54 | 1:08:57 | |
What? What am I supposed to do with this? | 1:08:57 | 1:08:59 | |
OK, now we're gonna take it down. A lot. | 1:08:59 | 1:09:01 | |
You're totally gonna jump his bones tonight, aren't you? | 1:09:01 | 1:09:04 | |
I don't know. Maybe. | 1:09:04 | 1:09:06 | |
-# We can solve any problem... # -Hey. -Hey. | 1:09:06 | 1:09:08 | |
I think it's time for you to dance with me. | 1:09:08 | 1:09:11 | |
-SHE LAUGHS -# Why do we lose so many tears? # | 1:09:11 | 1:09:15 | |
Hey, Devon! Wendy, remember? | 1:09:18 | 1:09:20 | |
No. No, I don't. I... Aw, shoot. | 1:09:20 | 1:09:23 | |
I think this is the first time we're meeting. Ever! | 1:09:23 | 1:09:26 | |
-OK. -This is my wife, Karen. -I'm Karen. -Wendy. | 1:09:26 | 1:09:29 | |
BOTH: Nice to meet you. THEY LAUGH | 1:09:29 | 1:09:31 | |
HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY | 1:09:31 | 1:09:33 | |
That's good. | 1:09:33 | 1:09:35 | |
-OK, I'm gonna... -OK. | 1:09:35 | 1:09:38 | |
# Every time you go away... # | 1:09:38 | 1:09:41 | |
What? | 1:09:41 | 1:09:42 | |
# You take a piece of me with you... # | 1:09:42 | 1:09:46 | |
-Oh, there's my parents! -What? | 1:09:48 | 1:09:50 | |
Hey! Hey, let's go meet them. | 1:09:51 | 1:09:54 | |
She's with that fuckin' asshole. | 1:09:54 | 1:09:56 | |
-Hi! -Hi! -Darling! -Hey, baby... -Dad, hi. | 1:09:58 | 1:10:01 | |
-You remember Kirk. -Yeah, how could we forget? Yeah. | 1:10:01 | 1:10:05 | |
-Oh, this time we...? -Hi there. | 1:10:05 | 1:10:09 | |
Mr and Mrs McCleish, from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry. | 1:10:09 | 1:10:14 | |
The last time we met wasn't exactly | 1:10:14 | 1:10:16 | |
the world's greatest first impression. | 1:10:16 | 1:10:18 | |
-No, it certainly was not. -I promise you that I will grow on you. | 1:10:18 | 1:10:22 | |
-I hear this party was all your idea. -No, no. This is all Molly's. | 1:10:22 | 1:10:27 | |
Hey, what line of work are you in, son? | 1:10:27 | 1:10:29 | |
It's kind of a long story. I grew up with my... | 1:10:29 | 1:10:32 | |
-Kirk's in aviation. -Another pilot? -Really? | 1:10:32 | 1:10:34 | |
Oh, Molly likes the flyboys. Just like your mother. | 1:10:34 | 1:10:37 | |
I flew choppers back in Nam, Saigon. Evacuation, April, '75... | 1:10:37 | 1:10:40 | |
He's been pushing Molly to take flying lessons. | 1:10:40 | 1:10:43 | |
-After she passes the bar. -Yeah. Flying! | 1:10:43 | 1:10:47 | |
Hey, now here's a pilot! How are ya?! | 1:10:47 | 1:10:49 | |
-You son of a bitch! -Boy, good to see you! | 1:10:49 | 1:10:51 | |
Good to see you. Lucille, don't you look lovely. | 1:10:51 | 1:10:53 | |
-Hello, Cam. -What? -Kirky! | 1:10:53 | 1:10:55 | |
I didn't think you were gonna be here. | 1:10:55 | 1:10:58 | |
You bet. You know, Ger and Lucille invited me. | 1:10:58 | 1:11:00 | |
- What a pleasant surprise! - Target acquired. | 1:11:00 | 1:11:04 | |
-Cam... How's it going? -Mol. | 1:11:04 | 1:11:06 | |
Have you seen Katie? Let's go see Katie. | 1:11:06 | 1:11:08 | |
-OK. I'm... See you down there. -Good to see you again, kid. | 1:11:08 | 1:11:11 | |
Nice to see you...sir. I'll see you down there. | 1:11:11 | 1:11:14 | |
Mind if I join you? | 1:11:23 | 1:11:25 | |
So Molly just explained all about you two, | 1:11:26 | 1:11:30 | |
and I gotta admit I feel like a jackass. | 1:11:30 | 1:11:33 | |
Don't worry about it, man... | 1:11:33 | 1:11:35 | |
It's all good. I thought you were gay, too. | 1:11:35 | 1:11:39 | |
-Just joking. I'm just joking. -You are funny. | 1:11:42 | 1:11:46 | |
-Thank you. -All right, then... | 1:11:46 | 1:11:48 | |
Take good care of her. She's a special girl. | 1:11:49 | 1:11:52 | |
-Yeah, she's perfect. -Oh, yeah, about that... | 1:11:52 | 1:11:56 | |
Don't really call her that. She doesn't like it. | 1:11:56 | 1:11:59 | |
And, besides, she's not exactly perfect anyway, right? | 1:11:59 | 1:12:02 | |
What do you mean? | 1:12:02 | 1:12:04 | |
All right, listen. | 1:12:05 | 1:12:07 | |
Don't let it creep you out, OK? | 1:12:10 | 1:12:12 | |
I mean, the first time I saw her little defect... | 1:12:12 | 1:12:16 | |
Woof! I'll admit it gave me the willies. | 1:12:16 | 1:12:19 | |
But it might not bother you. Who knows? | 1:12:19 | 1:12:22 | |
All right? And even if it does, just try to be cool, you know, | 1:12:22 | 1:12:26 | |
and you'll get used to it, all right? Good luck. | 1:12:26 | 1:12:29 | |
No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. | 1:12:29 | 1:12:31 | |
Please, this is... This is very important. | 1:12:31 | 1:12:34 | |
-Birth defect? What is it? -I can't tell you that, man. | 1:12:35 | 1:12:39 | |
That's somethin' you're gonna have to figure out for yourself. | 1:12:39 | 1:12:43 | |
I'm out. | 1:12:43 | 1:12:44 | |
Interesting. | 1:12:48 | 1:12:50 | |
-OK, your turn. -Yeah. | 1:13:09 | 1:13:12 | |
Oh, shit. | 1:13:21 | 1:13:24 | |
I haven't really been hittin' the gym as much as I should lately. | 1:13:24 | 1:13:28 | |
It's OK. | 1:13:28 | 1:13:30 | |
Holy Moses. | 1:13:40 | 1:13:41 | |
-Interesting. -What, what? What? | 1:14:06 | 1:14:09 | |
Nothing. Nothing. | 1:14:09 | 1:14:10 | |
What's wrong? | 1:14:18 | 1:14:20 | |
It's been a while and I'm not very experienced sex-wise. | 1:14:20 | 1:14:25 | |
-Kirk, please. Your balls are shaved. -Oh, I know. I know. | 1:14:25 | 1:14:29 | |
It's kind of a new thing I'm trying out. It's a bad idea. It's... | 1:14:30 | 1:14:33 | |
I feel like I'm 11. | 1:14:33 | 1:14:35 | |
What if I show you something I'm self-conscious about? | 1:14:35 | 1:14:38 | |
-Oh, that would be amazing. -OK. | 1:14:38 | 1:14:40 | |
-Promise me you won't laugh. -No, I, I... I promise. | 1:14:43 | 1:14:47 | |
OK. | 1:14:47 | 1:14:49 | |
What am I looking at? | 1:14:54 | 1:14:56 | |
That's it? | 1:15:02 | 1:15:03 | |
-That's your big defect? -Webbed toes is not a defect! | 1:15:04 | 1:15:07 | |
Yeah, no shit webbed toes is not a defect! | 1:15:07 | 1:15:10 | |
I was expecting some kind of pulsating growth | 1:15:10 | 1:15:14 | |
or a cluster of lumps... | 1:15:14 | 1:15:16 | |
..or like a little dick that, I don't know, talked. | 1:15:18 | 1:15:23 | |
All you got is it's inconvenient for you to wear flip-flops? | 1:15:23 | 1:15:27 | |
Who told you I have a defect? Cam? | 1:15:27 | 1:15:31 | |
Well, yeah. And as far as I can tell, | 1:15:31 | 1:15:34 | |
that's the only thing separating you from perfect. | 1:15:34 | 1:15:38 | |
You think I'm too perfect? So you were hoping | 1:15:40 | 1:15:43 | |
there was something wrong with me so you could be with me. | 1:15:43 | 1:15:47 | |
Look at the evidence, Molly. | 1:15:47 | 1:15:50 | |
It's... | 1:15:50 | 1:15:51 | |
I'm unattractive, I'm out of shape, I'm uncoordinated, | 1:15:52 | 1:15:56 | |
I've never been to Europe, I'm not a college graduate, I drive a Neon... | 1:15:56 | 1:16:00 | |
-I like your Neon. -Oh, God, come on, Molly, look at me. | 1:16:00 | 1:16:04 | |
I'm a five. This is a five. Hard five. | 1:16:04 | 1:16:09 | |
You can't jump more than two points. | 1:16:09 | 1:16:12 | |
It's the Tao of Love. Everybody knows that. | 1:16:12 | 1:16:14 | |
Even if you were a nine, and I was in a band, | 1:16:14 | 1:16:16 | |
-but no, you're a hard ten. -What are you talking about? | 1:16:16 | 1:16:20 | |
Do you even know how hot you are? No, you probably think | 1:16:22 | 1:16:26 | |
that everybody gets free shit everywhere they go, | 1:16:26 | 1:16:30 | |
and everybody's happy and nice to each other in shiny, happy Hot Town, | 1:16:30 | 1:16:34 | |
with you and all your hot friends and ex-boyfriends, | 1:16:34 | 1:16:37 | |
but I hate to break it to you, it's not the same for the rest of us. | 1:16:37 | 1:16:40 | |
OK, Kirk. You clearly have some major self-esteem issues. | 1:16:40 | 1:16:45 | |
You lied about me to your parents right in front of me! | 1:16:45 | 1:16:48 | |
-No, I didn't! -"Kirk's in aviation?" | 1:16:48 | 1:16:51 | |
That's like saying the guy who shovels elephant shit at the circus | 1:16:51 | 1:16:56 | |
is in show business. No, he's just the elephant shit guy. | 1:16:56 | 1:17:01 | |
That's me. I'm that guy. | 1:17:01 | 1:17:03 | |
I'm never gonna be a pilot. And I am happy with that. | 1:17:03 | 1:17:06 | |
And I'm fine with that, too. | 1:17:06 | 1:17:08 | |
And I was fine with you up until about three minutes ago. | 1:17:08 | 1:17:12 | |
That's... I'm so glad that you were "fine" with me. | 1:17:12 | 1:17:15 | |
You know what? Maybe you're right. Maybe you are a five. | 1:17:15 | 1:17:18 | |
You know why? No self-esteem, deduct a point. | 1:17:18 | 1:17:22 | |
Every time someone walks into a room | 1:17:22 | 1:17:24 | |
you compare yourself to them, deduct a point. | 1:17:24 | 1:17:27 | |
You're a smart and talented guy who's afraid to do anything with it, | 1:17:27 | 1:17:30 | |
deduct a point. How are we doing? | 1:17:30 | 1:17:31 | |
Oh, yeah. | 1:17:31 | 1:17:33 | |
Hoping that I have a defect that you can work with? | 1:17:34 | 1:17:37 | |
Deduct whatever's left. | 1:17:39 | 1:17:41 | |
I'm outta here. Webbed fucking feet. Are you kidding me? | 1:17:43 | 1:17:47 | |
-Kirk! -Hey, do me a favour. | 1:17:47 | 1:17:48 | |
-Tell Foot Long I said hi. -He's my ex-boyfriend, Kirk. Ex! | 1:17:48 | 1:17:51 | |
-Know why we broke up? -Because you guys couldn't decide | 1:17:51 | 1:17:54 | |
-which one of you was hotter? -No. Because he behaved | 1:17:54 | 1:17:57 | |
exactly like you're behaving right now. He couldn't handle it. | 1:17:57 | 1:18:00 | |
He thought I was perfect, he had me on a pedestal | 1:18:00 | 1:18:03 | |
that I couldn't possibly live up to! | 1:18:03 | 1:18:04 | |
Oh, and one other little thing? He cheated on me. | 1:18:04 | 1:18:07 | |
After that I said to myself, "I won't date guys like that anymore." | 1:18:07 | 1:18:11 | |
Wait... "Guys like that?" So, what, you're just... | 1:18:11 | 1:18:14 | |
-You were gonna date guys like me? -Is that what you wanna hear? | 1:18:14 | 1:18:16 | |
-That I asked you out cos you're safe? -Keep goin'. | 1:18:16 | 1:18:19 | |
That I thought that a guy who looks like you wouldn't hurt me? | 1:18:19 | 1:18:22 | |
Is that what you want to hear, Kirk? Are you happy now? | 1:18:22 | 1:18:25 | |
Yeah, I'm ecstatic. | 1:18:27 | 1:18:28 | |
Kirk! | 1:18:31 | 1:18:32 | |
-NEWTON FAULKNER: -# And I know now | 1:18:38 | 1:18:41 | |
# Who I am | 1:18:41 | 1:18:45 | |
# Yeah, yeah, yeah | 1:18:48 | 1:18:51 | |
# There's a place I go when I'm alone... # | 1:18:51 | 1:18:55 | |
-Fuck! -# Hold it close, won't let this go | 1:18:55 | 1:18:59 | |
# Dream catch me, yeah... # | 1:18:59 | 1:19:03 | |
-SHE SOBS -# Dream catch me when I fall | 1:19:03 | 1:19:08 | |
# Or else I won't come back at all. # | 1:19:08 | 1:19:13 | |
'Six-Delta-Bravo, flight cleared to land. Runway two-two.' | 1:19:16 | 1:19:19 | |
-# Because your kiss, your kiss is on my lips... -# | 1:19:20 | 1:19:24 | |
-List. It's list. -No, it's not. It's lips. | 1:19:24 | 1:19:27 | |
-It's list. -"Your kiss is on my lips." Why'd it be list? | 1:19:27 | 1:19:30 | |
-It's on my list of the best things in life. -Stainer. -What? -Hey. | 1:19:30 | 1:19:34 | |
Oh, hey, Kirk. Where have you been? Here. Tune it. | 1:19:34 | 1:19:38 | |
Oh, shit. | 1:19:41 | 1:19:43 | |
So you're all "Branson bound", huh? | 1:19:43 | 1:19:45 | |
Yeah. They were Marnie's idea. | 1:19:45 | 1:19:50 | |
OK, Kirky, let's go. | 1:19:50 | 1:19:52 | |
-OK, I'll see you guys later. -Relax. | 1:19:52 | 1:19:54 | |
The Branson flight's not for another 45 minutes. | 1:19:54 | 1:19:56 | |
I could just meet you down at the gate. | 1:19:56 | 1:19:59 | |
OK. | 1:19:59 | 1:20:00 | |
WOMAN: Everybody together? Got everything? | 1:20:00 | 1:20:03 | |
Wow, so you're really back with Marnie. | 1:20:04 | 1:20:07 | |
Hey, fellas. | 1:20:08 | 1:20:10 | |
Hand it over, dumb-ass. No liquids over 3.4 ounces. | 1:20:10 | 1:20:13 | |
Good call. Hey, pirate, can you spot me a 20? | 1:20:15 | 1:20:18 | |
I want to get one of those scented neck pillows. | 1:20:18 | 1:20:21 | |
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, of course. | 1:20:22 | 1:20:23 | |
-Here you go. -Thanks, bro. -Yeah, you got it. | 1:20:23 | 1:20:26 | |
Are you kidding me? | 1:20:28 | 1:20:29 | |
This might seem crazy, but he and I actually have a lot in common, so... | 1:20:29 | 1:20:33 | |
-Oh, fuck! -Sorry. | 1:20:33 | 1:20:34 | |
You don't have anything in common with any of those people, man. | 1:20:35 | 1:20:38 | |
Look at me. You OK? | 1:20:38 | 1:20:41 | |
Do you think I really want to be Branson bound? | 1:20:44 | 1:20:48 | |
I don't. | 1:20:49 | 1:20:50 | |
The whole time you told me I wasn't good enough, you were right. | 1:20:51 | 1:20:57 | |
So this is my life. I gotta go. | 1:20:57 | 1:21:01 | |
Marnie's waiting for me. | 1:21:01 | 1:21:03 | |
-See ya, guys. -Yeah. -See you later, Kirky. -See you. | 1:21:03 | 1:21:07 | |
What? | 1:21:10 | 1:21:12 | |
What? | 1:21:14 | 1:21:16 | |
Goddamn it. Tina Jordan. | 1:21:25 | 1:21:28 | |
Here. | 1:21:28 | 1:21:29 | |
That's a large Coke, a fry and some ketchup... | 1:21:34 | 1:21:38 | |
-Mary J Blige! -Hey, Wendell. | 1:21:38 | 1:21:41 | |
Tina, I need to know, right now, why it didn't work out with us. | 1:21:41 | 1:21:44 | |
-I have customers. -This is important, OK? | 1:21:44 | 1:21:46 | |
This is important. I was good to you, right? I mean, I was sensitive. | 1:21:46 | 1:21:50 | |
Remember when you got the flu? I didn't party at all that weekend. | 1:21:50 | 1:21:53 | |
Remember? Remember the leg massages? | 1:21:53 | 1:21:55 | |
Remember when I used to run my hand down your back? Like that? | 1:21:55 | 1:21:59 | |
Remember when I nursed that baby bird to health? | 1:21:59 | 1:22:01 | |
Little Timothy? He died. | 1:22:01 | 1:22:04 | |
Christ on a corndog. Tammy, can you cover for me? | 1:22:04 | 1:22:07 | |
-Yeah, sure. -Thanks, Tammy. | 1:22:07 | 1:22:09 | |
Whatever, Wendell. Can I help the next person in line, please? | 1:22:09 | 1:22:13 | |
I really liked you, but all that stuff about | 1:22:13 | 1:22:15 | |
I'm a ten and you're only a six? | 1:22:15 | 1:22:17 | |
-Seven. -Fine. | 1:22:17 | 1:22:19 | |
But you were all up in my beeswax checking to see if I'd dump you. | 1:22:19 | 1:22:22 | |
But you did dump me! | 1:22:22 | 1:22:24 | |
Why don't you just admit I was never good enough for you? | 1:22:24 | 1:22:27 | |
Wendell, you were plenty good enough for me. | 1:22:27 | 1:22:30 | |
You were just never good enough for you. | 1:22:30 | 1:22:32 | |
Oh, shit. | 1:22:34 | 1:22:35 | |
I'm gonna need some gravy fries when I get back. | 1:22:36 | 1:22:39 | |
Would you put your seat forward, please? | 1:22:42 | 1:22:44 | |
-Tom fuckin' Wopat, bro. Told you. -Tray table. | 1:22:44 | 1:22:47 | |
-Kirky, look at David Archuleta. -Can I help you? -TSA. Excuse me. > | 1:22:48 | 1:22:52 | |
-You have no authority. -You better believe I do. | 1:22:52 | 1:22:54 | |
All right, everybody, listen up! TSA! I apologise. | 1:22:54 | 1:22:57 | |
This guy's drunk as fuck. He shit his pants. It's very embarrassing. | 1:22:57 | 1:23:00 | |
We have to get him off. I'll have to have you come with me. | 1:23:00 | 1:23:03 | |
-Jesus Christ. What are you doin'? -I was wrong about you and Molly. | 1:23:03 | 1:23:06 | |
We gotta fix it. Just act drunk. ..Thank you. TSA. Come on. | 1:23:06 | 1:23:09 | |
Believe it or not, this has nothin' to do with you. | 1:23:09 | 1:23:12 | |
-Sir! -It's not about me. | 1:23:12 | 1:23:13 | |
I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the aircraft. | 1:23:13 | 1:23:16 | |
I'm gonna have to ask you to exit my personal space. | 1:23:16 | 1:23:18 | |
-Stainer! -Fuck off! Sorry, that's yours. | 1:23:18 | 1:23:21 | |
You're gonna get arrested by the Department of Homeland Security. | 1:23:21 | 1:23:23 | |
They're gonna send you to Guantanamo Bay. | 1:23:23 | 1:23:25 | |
Yeah. I like Cuba. I like mojitos. | 1:23:25 | 1:23:27 | |
You don't wanna go to Branson with A-holes! | 1:23:27 | 1:23:29 | |
-He call us A-holes? -Look at them. That one's pregnant. | 1:23:29 | 1:23:32 | |
-That guy's got hair in the front. -Dude... | 1:23:32 | 1:23:34 | |
Sweetheart, remember the baby. | 1:23:34 | 1:23:36 | |
-I'm doin' this for the baby. -Don't be a hero! | 1:23:36 | 1:23:39 | |
-How's this work? Seat belt person! -Stop. We have a... | 1:23:39 | 1:23:41 | |
They are my family. And I'm with Marnie now. | 1:23:41 | 1:23:44 | |
Marnie is an evil bitch. All due respect. | 1:23:44 | 1:23:46 | |
Kirk! Hit him! | 1:23:46 | 1:23:49 | |
-At least say something. -Let's go. | 1:23:49 | 1:23:51 | |
OK. I was right about Molly. She's a ten, OK? A hard ten. | 1:23:51 | 1:23:53 | |
-My God. -I was wrong about you. You're a ten. | 1:23:53 | 1:23:56 | |
-You can't settle for a three. -Two. -Arguably a two. -Come on, let's go. | 1:23:56 | 1:23:59 | |
You're the best guy I know. I won't let you end up with her. | 1:23:59 | 1:24:02 | |
-You're a ten! -Come on. -Listen! You're a ten! | 1:24:02 | 1:24:04 | |
You're a ten! Kirk, don't do it! | 1:24:04 | 1:24:06 | |
I'm not going! I'm not going! | 1:24:06 | 1:24:08 | |
-OK, this is not good. -All right, I'm going. | 1:24:08 | 1:24:11 | |
Whatever. | 1:24:11 | 1:24:12 | |
'Last call for flight four-four-three.' | 1:24:16 | 1:24:19 | |
-Damn it! -'Last call for flight four-four-three.' | 1:24:19 | 1:24:22 | |
MOBILE PHONE RINGS | 1:24:22 | 1:24:24 | |
-Hello? -'Hey, Patty.' | 1:24:25 | 1:24:26 | |
-Who is this? -Stainer. Don't hang up. -How the fuck did you get my number? | 1:24:26 | 1:24:30 | |
-TSA. Moving on... -No. no. no. Let's not move on. | 1:24:30 | 1:24:33 | |
This better not be where you ask me out, | 1:24:33 | 1:24:35 | |
because you confused my hatred for you for some kind of flirtation. | 1:24:35 | 1:24:38 | |
-'I thought I made myself clear.' -No, no, no, you were clear. We're good. | 1:24:38 | 1:24:41 | |
-Cos I genuinely hate you also. -Oh, cool. | 1:24:41 | 1:24:45 | |
Cool. And we're back to talking. | 1:24:45 | 1:24:47 | |
All right. So, Kirk is leaving on a plane with another girl. | 1:24:47 | 1:24:51 | |
Now, I tried to get him off, but they threw me off the plane! | 1:24:51 | 1:24:54 | |
Stainer, your screw-up is not my problem. | 1:24:54 | 1:24:56 | |
No, we both screwed up. We told them that it wasn't gonna work. | 1:24:56 | 1:24:59 | |
They believed us. So now, unfortunately, I need your help. | 1:24:59 | 1:25:02 | |
'Hello? Patty? Goddamn it. You fucking hung up on me!' | 1:25:05 | 1:25:08 | |
-OK, I'll see what I can do. -'Thank you.' | 1:25:08 | 1:25:11 | |
Agh! ..Sorry. | 1:25:13 | 1:25:15 | |
'I have a ground X-ray one radio check. Taxi to one-two. | 1:25:16 | 1:25:20 | |
'EastWest four-three. You're cleared for taxi to runway two-seven.' | 1:25:20 | 1:25:23 | |
So, we are seeing the Dave Coulier tomorrow night, | 1:25:23 | 1:25:27 | |
and on Saturday we're gonna see both of the Elvis tributes, | 1:25:27 | 1:25:29 | |
-and then on S... -No. | 1:25:29 | 1:25:31 | |
-Excuse me? -No, no, no. Stainer was right. | 1:25:32 | 1:25:37 | |
'Flight attendants, prepare for departure.' | 1:25:37 | 1:25:39 | |
-Stainer was right. -What are you doing? Kirk! | 1:25:39 | 1:25:41 | |
Yeah, I'm not going to Branson with you people. | 1:25:41 | 1:25:45 | |
You are my family and I love you, | 1:25:45 | 1:25:48 | |
but really, with the exception of Mom, | 1:25:48 | 1:25:51 | |
you're all a bunch of bloodsucking vampires | 1:25:51 | 1:25:53 | |
who never support anything I do. | 1:25:53 | 1:25:55 | |
I'm going to go find Molly and show her that I am good enough. | 1:25:55 | 1:25:59 | |
So fuck you, Debbie. | 1:25:59 | 1:26:01 | |
Fuck you, Dylan. Fuck you, Dad. | 1:26:01 | 1:26:04 | |
Fuck you...businessman. I'm sorry. | 1:26:04 | 1:26:07 | |
And, most of all, fuck you, Marnie. | 1:26:07 | 1:26:11 | |
Yep. | 1:26:12 | 1:26:14 | |
You never deserved me in the first place, you evil little dwarf. | 1:26:14 | 1:26:19 | |
So fuck you all! Yep. | 1:26:20 | 1:26:24 | |
Sir. You need to take your seat. We're pushing back. | 1:26:24 | 1:26:27 | |
Don't know if you heard my speech, but I need to get off this plane. | 1:26:27 | 1:26:30 | |
Well, if I reopen that cabin door, that's a 25,000 fine for you. | 1:26:30 | 1:26:34 | |
25...? | 1:26:34 | 1:26:36 | |
What do you want to do? | 1:26:40 | 1:26:43 | |
Is there another seat I could take? | 1:26:43 | 1:26:44 | |
We're full. Now, take your seat and buckle up. | 1:26:44 | 1:26:47 | |
Yep. OK. | 1:26:47 | 1:26:49 | |
'Cabin crew, lock doors and cross-check.' | 1:27:01 | 1:27:04 | |
Gonna be a long flight, eh, pirate? | 1:27:04 | 1:27:06 | |
What's going on? What's the emergency? | 1:27:14 | 1:27:17 | |
-Molly, how are you doing? -Fine. | 1:27:17 | 1:27:19 | |
No, I'm actually asking you. How are you doing? | 1:27:19 | 1:27:22 | |
-You have photo ID, right? -Well, yeah. | 1:27:28 | 1:27:31 | |
-Where are we going? -Just buckle up! | 1:27:31 | 1:27:33 | |
'We should be on our way shortly, so just sit back, relax and...' | 1:27:37 | 1:27:40 | |
'The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading...' | 1:27:47 | 1:27:50 | |
You're gonna tell me what's going on? | 1:27:50 | 1:27:52 | |
In ten minutes, Kirk is leaving on a plane for Branson | 1:27:52 | 1:27:55 | |
-with a horrible, horrible girl. -Marnie? -Yes. Let's go. | 1:27:55 | 1:27:58 | |
If Kirk's getting back together with Marnie, I'm not going! | 1:27:58 | 1:28:01 | |
In fourth grade, I peed in my pants. | 1:28:01 | 1:28:02 | |
On several occasions. Everybody started calling me Stainer. | 1:28:02 | 1:28:05 | |
Know how I made it through those dark days? | 1:28:05 | 1:28:07 | |
-Plastic underwear? -In part. | 1:28:07 | 1:28:09 | |
But also Kirk. You see, he told me to own that name. | 1:28:09 | 1:28:12 | |
Call myself Stainer, so that nobody could hurt me. | 1:28:12 | 1:28:14 | |
-What's your point? -Kirk's the best guy I know. | 1:28:14 | 1:28:17 | |
But he's like... He's like a spider. | 1:28:17 | 1:28:19 | |
You know? He's more afraid of you than you are of him. | 1:28:19 | 1:28:21 | |
And he also, he has long legs and... | 1:28:21 | 1:28:23 | |
Look. If you want him, you gotta go get him. | 1:28:23 | 1:28:26 | |
-We're moving. Where is the package? -It's here. | 1:28:32 | 1:28:35 | |
OK, we couldn't get him off the plane, so we've gotta get you on. | 1:28:35 | 1:28:38 | |
Oh, thank you, Stainer! | 1:28:38 | 1:28:39 | |
This is so exciting. Yes! | 1:28:41 | 1:28:44 | |
Oh, shit. Follow me. | 1:28:45 | 1:28:48 | |
-Excuse me! -Hey! | 1:28:50 | 1:28:52 | |
-Come on! -Boarding passes and IDs out. | 1:28:52 | 1:28:54 | |
-Let's keep it moving! -One second. | 1:28:54 | 1:28:56 | |
Whoa, whoa! What the hell are you doing? | 1:28:56 | 1:28:58 | |
Putting her on a plane, that's what. | 1:28:58 | 1:29:00 | |
Well, unless she has a first class ticket, back of the line. | 1:29:00 | 1:29:04 | |
Fuller, you have a choice. You can step aside or you can fight me. | 1:29:04 | 1:29:09 | |
If that's how you want to go, I warn you, I will go dark side. | 1:29:09 | 1:29:12 | |
OK? I will rip out your hair, I'll bite your chin off, | 1:29:12 | 1:29:16 | |
and I will stab you in the eyes with confiscated scissors. | 1:29:16 | 1:29:19 | |
Cos I am an insane motherfucker! | 1:29:19 | 1:29:20 | |
You know that from the break room! What's it gonna be?! | 1:29:20 | 1:29:23 | |
Yes! | 1:29:28 | 1:29:29 | |
'Please check your seat belts. We're preparing for departure.' | 1:29:30 | 1:29:33 | |
Branson! | 1:29:38 | 1:29:39 | |
They've gone. We missed it. | 1:29:40 | 1:29:43 | |
No, no, no. No. No, this is not... | 1:29:43 | 1:29:45 | |
This is supposed to happen. This isn't how this works. | 1:29:45 | 1:29:48 | |
-Yeah? Talk to Jack. -Stop the plane. | 1:29:49 | 1:29:52 | |
Dude, done and done. | 1:29:52 | 1:29:54 | |
Yeah, that's how we roll. | 1:29:56 | 1:29:57 | |
Oh, come here, beautiful. Time to go to work. | 1:29:57 | 1:30:02 | |
'Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Captain. | 1:30:08 | 1:30:11 | |
'We got some kinda light on up here. Some kind of mechanical problem. | 1:30:11 | 1:30:15 | |
'Anyway, we're gonna have to deplane.' | 1:30:15 | 1:30:18 | |
Oh, man! What's "deplane" mean? | 1:30:18 | 1:30:21 | |
Come on, Jack. Come on. | 1:30:21 | 1:30:24 | |
Come on, Jack! | 1:30:24 | 1:30:26 | |
-SHE SQUEALS -That's it! Yeah. Let's go, let's go. | 1:30:27 | 1:30:30 | |
Look, Kirk, I do not know what's gotten into you, | 1:30:33 | 1:30:36 | |
but I just want to say I forgive you and we are going to go to Branson, | 1:30:36 | 1:30:40 | |
and we are going to enjoy it! | 1:30:40 | 1:30:42 | |
OK, you got something off your chest, and that is fine. | 1:30:43 | 1:30:46 | |
And it's over now. We are gonna pretend that it never happened. | 1:30:46 | 1:30:50 | |
Why are you walking so fast? | 1:30:50 | 1:30:52 | |
Kirk! We're solid, baby! | 1:30:54 | 1:30:56 | |
We're... Oh, that is it. | 1:30:56 | 1:30:59 | |
That is it! Motherfucker! | 1:30:59 | 1:31:03 | |
Excuse me. Sorry. | 1:31:03 | 1:31:05 | |
-Sorry. Excuse me. I'm sorry. -I will catch you, Kirk! | 1:31:05 | 1:31:08 | |
-No... -I will catch you! | 1:31:08 | 1:31:09 | |
-Excuse me. -I'm faster than you! | 1:31:09 | 1:31:11 | |
-Sorry. -I will catch you if it's the last thing that I do... | 1:31:11 | 1:31:14 | |
MOBILE PHONE RINGS | 1:31:22 | 1:31:24 | |
-Who is it? -It's Kirk. Kirk, where are you? | 1:31:24 | 1:31:27 | |
Stainer, you were right, buddy. | 1:31:27 | 1:31:29 | |
I just got off the plane. I'm gonna go find Molly. | 1:31:29 | 1:31:32 | |
That's great, except we're right here. I'm with Molly. | 1:31:32 | 1:31:34 | |
What?! | 1:31:34 | 1:31:35 | |
'We came to find you. We're at the gate! Turn around. We're here.' | 1:31:35 | 1:31:38 | |
All right, I'm comin' to you. Comin' to you! | 1:31:38 | 1:31:42 | |
Excuse me! Sorry, sorry! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. | 1:31:42 | 1:31:45 | |
Oh, God. | 1:31:48 | 1:31:49 | |
Hey, wait! Cart, wait! | 1:31:54 | 1:31:55 | |
-Oh, my God! -Go! | 1:32:01 | 1:32:03 | |
Hey! | 1:32:03 | 1:32:05 | |
I think we should see other people! | 1:32:11 | 1:32:13 | |
Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph. | 1:32:20 | 1:32:22 | |
-You OK? -Yeah. | 1:32:24 | 1:32:25 | |
-Hey. -Hey. | 1:32:26 | 1:32:28 | |
-What are you doin' here? -It was Patty and Stainer's idea. | 1:32:28 | 1:32:32 | |
I just... | 1:32:33 | 1:32:35 | |
I just knew that I had to come find you. | 1:32:37 | 1:32:40 | |
-I nearly... -Kirk, shut up. Let me speak. | 1:32:40 | 1:32:43 | |
That's a good idea. | 1:32:43 | 1:32:46 | |
You are out of shape. | 1:32:46 | 1:32:48 | |
-It's true. -Yeah, I know. Not what I thought you were gonna say. | 1:32:50 | 1:32:53 | |
You're uncoordinated. | 1:32:53 | 1:32:54 | |
You're not a college graduate, you've never been to Europe, | 1:32:54 | 1:32:57 | |
and your car really is a shitbox. | 1:32:57 | 1:33:01 | |
-That's good. -You were right. | 1:33:01 | 1:33:03 | |
I did ask you out, because I thought you'd be safe | 1:33:05 | 1:33:08 | |
and I wouldn't get hurt. And, yes, I lied to my parents, | 1:33:08 | 1:33:11 | |
because I was worried what they'd think. | 1:33:11 | 1:33:14 | |
I'm sorry. | 1:33:14 | 1:33:15 | |
But I'm here to tell you that | 1:33:17 | 1:33:19 | |
I don't care if you want to be a pilot, | 1:33:19 | 1:33:21 | |
a TSA agent or shovel elephant shit at the circus. | 1:33:21 | 1:33:26 | |
Because I missed you. | 1:33:26 | 1:33:29 | |
And I just want us to be together. | 1:33:29 | 1:33:34 | |
-Jesus... -Are you really having to think about this? | 1:33:34 | 1:33:38 | |
-Shut up, Patty. -You shut up! | 1:33:38 | 1:33:40 | |
I don't remember what the specific question was, but... | 1:33:41 | 1:33:46 | |
-I do. -You do? | 1:33:47 | 1:33:49 | |
-I will. -You will? | 1:33:49 | 1:33:51 | |
I missed you. | 1:33:51 | 1:33:53 | |
Guys, this is... | 1:34:00 | 1:34:01 | |
It's a tale as old as time, you know? Song as old as rhyme. | 1:34:01 | 1:34:06 | |
Think she's still not wearin' underwear? | 1:34:06 | 1:34:08 | |
-Just stop it. -I heard you. | 1:34:08 | 1:34:10 | |
Seriously, tell me where we're going! | 1:34:34 | 1:34:36 | |
-Nope. -Why won't you tell me? | 1:34:36 | 1:34:38 | |
You won't show me the tickets. I'm gonna find out. | 1:34:38 | 1:34:40 | |
-Just trust me, OK? -Oh, you're so annoying! | 1:34:40 | 1:34:43 | |
Ah, thar she blows! | 1:34:43 | 1:34:45 | |
OK, that is not nearly big enough. | 1:34:46 | 1:34:49 | |
What the hell are you doing? | 1:35:02 | 1:35:03 | |
I've been taking a few lessons lately. | 1:35:04 | 1:35:06 | |
-That's what you've been up to? -Yep. | 1:35:07 | 1:35:09 | |
I should ask you, did you pack your bags yourself? | 1:35:10 | 1:35:12 | |
-Yes, I did. -All right, good. | 1:35:12 | 1:35:14 | |
Everything seems to be in order. You ever been to San Francisco? | 1:35:14 | 1:35:17 | |
-Yes. -Good, cos we're going to Cleveland. | 1:35:17 | 1:35:21 | |
'Pittsburgh tower, November-five-four-five-Charlie-Papa | 1:35:22 | 1:35:25 | |
'requesting takeoff clearance on runway two-niner.' | 1:35:25 | 1:35:28 | |
'Five-Charlie-Papa, you are cleared for takeoff.' | 1:35:29 | 1:35:31 |