Christmas with Val Doonican

# Christmas Eve, time to be at home

# Christmas Eve time to relax

-# Christmas Eve

-If that's what you believe

# Let me fill you in on certain facts

# Tonight, you'll find that you can't unwind

# Till the gifts are wrapped

# And the tags are signed

# You can't let go till the hall's aglow with the fairy lights

# And the mistletoe

# You can't sit back and begin to slack

# Till you've signed the cards there's a fair old stack

# No time for fun till the front door's done

# With a Christmas welcome for everyone

# No, you can't stop work till you've stuffed the turkey

# The duck, the chicken or the goose

# But although you're stuffed and you've had enough

# Even then you can't hang loose

# Don't dare to rest till the tree is dressed

# With a handsome present for every guest

# We mustn't fade till the table's laid

# The crackers set and the names displayed

# Sweet sounds are here to bring good cheer

# With carol singers drawing near

# Their voices ring as children sing a welcome to the newborn king

# Good King Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephen

# No, you can't take leave over Christmas Eve

# It's a time you're not allowed to shirk

# But from now I fear I just can't be here

# Because I've got to go to work

# Tonight for me is no jaunt or spree

# For I'm off to work at the BBC

# I guess that I'll be away a while

-# But at least I'm going there in style.

-#

# Jingle Bells, jingle bells

# Jingle all the way.. #

APPLAUSE

# Christmas Eve and I want you to believe

# That I'm so happy, more than happy

# To spend my Christmas Eve

# With you. #

APPLAUSE

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

Right away, may I wish all of you here in the studio

and all of you at home a very, very happy Christmas.

In a little over an hour from now, it will be Christmas Day,

believe it or not

and so I for one will be getting back on my horse and carriage

and going back home, because I want to spend Christmas with my family.

I don't really like working on Christmas Day but lots of people have to do it, you see.

There's all sorts of special people...all the housewives, for a start and all the mums will be

slaving over a hot turkey tomorrow.

And there will be people like the nurses

and the special services who have to work on this day

and I bet you that at this moment, even somewhere on the M1,

there's a fellow starting to dig a hole just in case anybody

thinks they're getting home for Christmas are going to get

away with it, there's going to be roadworks, I promise you, on the M1.

And of course, the BBC doesn't sort of close down for the day.

There's a skeleton staff here, you know, special people.

The commissionaire will be on the gate down there

and we'll also have the man who puts the shillings

in the meter to keep the transmitter going while you're at home.

And the fellow who keeps an eye on the aerial in case

your picture gets wobbly. And there's one particular...

Incidentally, is there anybody here tonight who works on Christmas Day?

Anybody here who will be working on Christmas Day? One lady.

-What will you be doing, love?

-Pulling pints.

-Pulling pints!

On Christmas Day!

Well done. Anybody else? Up the back? Nobody. Just one. Pretty good.

Pretty good. As I say, as I say, in the BBC,

there's just a few people who work

and I want to talk about a very special lady who on Christmas Day,

year after year, comes on your screen to give you a special

message at Christmas and believe it or not,

she's here as my special guest to start the show tonight.

You think it's the Queen, don't you?

Ladies and gentlemen, the lovely lady who comes to

read your news every Christmas Day, Jan Leeming.

Thank you very much.

APPLAUSE

Thank you.

-Isn't that nice?

-Lovely.

-Lovely to see you, Jan.

-Thank you for asking me.

Now, I've always wanted to know, now you come in on...

-You've done this for years, haven't you, Christmas Day?

-Mhm.

-How many?

-Nine.

-Nine years?

I've worked Christmas and Boxing, or one or the other,

seven years in television and two in radio.

Cos we have visions, you see,

sitting at home and there's just you and who else?

-And probably the weatherman.

-The weatherman.

-So what happens then?

I mean, do you both put on paper hats and have a little party on your own?

Well, there's a small chicken, a mince pie,

one cracker and we fight over the hat!

-And then little party games?

-Oh, yes.

Sardine, charade - yes, it's great fun.

Being quite serious now, there's quite a crew of people

-involved with doing the news, aren't there?

-Yes.

Your bit of Television Centre is like the Marie Celeste but our bit,

-there's almost as many people there as every day of the week.

-Really?

-How many people does it take to do the news?

-Ooh, gosh.

Well over a hundred, I suppose, would be in the building,

then you've got the crews

and the reporters out around the country because the news doesn't

stop and we all just pray that it won't be bad news.

I've looked it up, and the weatherman tomorrow is John Kettley.

-That's right.

-So you and he will be having a party.

-I don't think you know him, do you?

-No!

-Well, you'll know him tomorrow.

-Does he wear his shoes?

-Yeah...pardon?

-Does he wear his shoes?

-His shoes?

-Or does he go round in his socks?

I don't know. You'll have to ask him. You'll get to know all these things tomorrow.

-This is your final year of doing the news, isn't it, Jan?

-Yes.

You're going to have a bit more time at home.

-Well, I'm going to have my weekends at home with my little one.

-Yeah.

-How old is he now?

-Five and a half.

-Good.

So, well, Jan, I just wanted you to come on here tonight

so we can all thank you for putting your very lovely face

on the television with the news for so long and come back on the screen with something else very soon.

-Oh, I hope so. I hope so.

-Meantime, Jan, may I give you this little present from us here

and wish you the very, very best and thank you so much.

Jan Leeming, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Thank you. Thank you.

Well, now.

We've been talking about coming into people's homes over the Christmas.

We're very privileged to be coming to many, many homes.

So this is my way of thanking you.

# You'd be so nice to come home to

# You'd be so nice by the fire

# While the breeze on high

# Sang a lullaby

# You'd be all that I could desire

# Under stars chilled by the winter

# And under an August moon burning above

# You'd be so nice you'd be paradise

# To come home to and love

# It's very nice to go travelling to Paris, London or Rome

# It's awfully nice to go travelling but it's so much nicer

# Yes, it's so much nicer to come home

# And it's very nice to be footloose

# With just a toothbrush or comb

# It's very nice to be footloose but your heart starts singing

# When you're homeward winging across the phone

# And you know your fate is where that old front gate is

# All you contemplate is I'm back and I never will roam

# It's awfully nice to go travelling

# But it's oh, so nice to come home. #

Bye-bye.

# Under stars chilled by the winter

# And under an August moon burning above

# You'd be so nice, you'd be paradise

# To come home to and love

# Pass the slippers, burn my passport

# No more packing, it's oh, so nice

# To come home. #

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Well, I'd like you to meet a very remarkable young lady

and a very delightful young lady, too. She's my first guest tonight.

She's been spending her time travelling around. She's a percussionist.

She plays all the percussion instruments, the marimba,

the xylophone, vibraphone and all the other percussion things.

And she does concerts around the world.

Now, take into consideration the fact that she can't hear

anything that she plays because she lost her hearing

when she was a young lady, when she was 12 years of age and she's - as I say - quite remarkable.

So please meet Evelyn Glennie. Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Now then, I've been talking about going home, Evelyn.

-Are you going home?

-Yes, I certainly am. My family are all up in Aberdeen.

But I hope the M1 workmen let me pass!

You'll just about catch them. You come from Aberdeen. You don't spend much time there now, do you?

Not so much time. I'm just so busy playing that when I do go back,

-I really appreciate just everything.

-Good.

-You know, it's great.

-I love it.

-So where have you been recently?

You play in different parts of the world.

Well, this year I went to Australia and I studied for a while in Japan

and from there I went to America and then I spent a day in Madrid.

-Oh, how nice.

-But it was great.

-Now, it's an amazing choice of instrument, I think,

for a young lady like...you know, playing percussion instruments.

Is there a big repertoire for things like the xylophone and the marimba?

No, not considering the amount of instruments. There are over 600

percussion instruments and hardly any repertoire written for them.

-But um, really, it is gradually expanding.

-Good.

-And I'm not sure whether a lot of it is so pleasing to the ear.

-Yeah?

-But if you don't mind, I really would like to play peacefully tonight...

-Good.

..which is called Robbin' Harry by Laurence Innes

-and I've actually arranged it for xylophone and marimba.

-Lovely.

-Can I play it for you?

-You go and get yourself ready

and I'll introduce you all over again and then give you a welcome.

Right. Ladies and gentlemen, just relax and enjoy the special talents of Miss Evelyn Glennie.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you, Evelyn.

You'll hear Evelyn play again later on in the show.

Now, you got this new xylophone lately, didn't you? Quite recently.

-Really, it's an early Christmas present.

-How lovely.

I'm glad you said that

because we were talking about big Christmas presents.

I've had the most fantastic Christmas present of my life.

I wasn't going to tell you what it was,

I was giving Evilyn a few clues.

-Evelyn!

-Evelyn!

I've done it again!

What is this?

-A corkscrew?

-A corkscrew!

No, look. Here's another clue.

-A saw?

-Oh, come on...

It's very big, it's green and you knock a white ball up and down it.

You haven't been given your own golf course?

LAUGHTER

I have been given... I have been given a snooker table for Christmas.

And I'm very privileged to have a friend

who plays the game quite well.

And he came along to rehearsals last night and we had a great treat.

So, ladies and gentlemen, will you please welcome

the former world snooker champion, Mr Dennis Taylor. Thank you!

APPLAUSE

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you.

It's a pleasure to have you on

as a very special guest for Christmas, Dennis.

Lovely to be here, Val.

I've been such a great fan of yours for a long, long time.

I haven't missed many of your shows.

Well, I missed a few in the early days.

Oh, well, you don't go back that far.

But this is one of my presents, as I mentioned, for Christmas.

A very special present.

I thought, now, what more could I ask than to ask

if you'd kindly come along for a few minutes and give me a few tips.

So, tell me what to do exactly.

Well, I've watched you and you're pretty good.

So what I decided to do was, I thought,

rather than me do all the trick shots,

let's see if you can play a few of the trick shots.

I've got every confidence in you.

So we'll work out a few little shots here for you to do.

A few trick shots.

So we're going to start with a...

-Are you going to show me what to do?

-Come round this side, Val.

-Yeah.

So what am I... This goes in over there, does it?

No, that doesn't go in here.

In fact, believe it or not, you're going to pot the black,

-which is tied up on the top cushion here, into the corner pocket.

-I am?

-It looks impossible, but I have every confidence in you.

-Bless your heart.

-Thank you.

-This is it...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Well, now you've managed to pot the black there.

Now we're going to go on to something even more difficult.

We're going to see if we can get you to pot three balls this time.

-Is this the one you were showing me today?

-That's right.

Right.

-I've got to pot, what, the blue?

-The blue, the pink and the black.

Yeah.

So we put the pink on its spot.

And the black on the blue spot.

And if we just get... Could you just pass us the cue, Val? Thanks.

-Which side do you want me to do it from?

-Do it from this side here.

Right.

So you've got to pot the blue, the pink and the black.

Only, you've got to pot them without moving from the one position.

-From here?

-So you've got to pot all three balls from this position.

Right...

-Well, there goes the blue.

-There goes the blue.

Now, give him a chance, here we go.

Watch this...

There goes the pink.

And there goes the black.

When we were over in Japan, as I said,

they'd never, ever seen snooker before.

In fact, we'll go to this top pocket.

They'd never, ever seen snooker before.

And I put a black over the pocket, and I said...

Can I just borrow your cue, Val?

I said to one of the fellows, "The cues are on the table."

I just says, "Would you see if you can get the black

"into the bottom pocket?"

So the white was there. He walked up to the table.

He obviously didn't know how to use the cues, so he picked them up...

He must have thought they were large chopsticks.

And he's gone like this...

And it was amazing.

He just picked the white up on the two cues like this,

and just suddenly potted the black.

There we are!

Now, what is the most... Seriously now.

What is the most difficult of these shots that you've set up,

these trick shots to do?

Well, probably, I think the most difficult shot

is the one the great Joe Davis,

the late and great Joe Davis, made famous.

It was called the machine-gun shot.

He used to do that with six colours.

Now, I've done it with eight reds on television.

So we might have a go at a little record

to see if we can get nine reds.

And it's never been done on television in this country before.

So we'll have a little go at that, eh?

Well, you're going to give me a record

on my show, are you, for Christmas?

-Wonderful. Wonderful.

-Well, we'll try. We'll try.

It just takes a few seconds to set up this one.

-Come on now, Dennis, concentrate.

-Five, six, seven, eight...

We need another red.

Here we go.

Wonderful!

Now, we're going to finish off with a shot that a lot of people

have seen me playing on the television.

In fact, there was about 14 or 15 million watched this one.

And I'm going to be very, very brave tonight

and let Val finish off with this trick shot.

A very special one.

-Right, you...

-Right, well, I climb up here.

Yeah.

I must be crazy doing this!

Well, if I damage you...

Listen, I'd better take these glasses off.

Because I'll need them again.

OK?

Don't move, whatever you do, Dennis.

And don't laugh.

Whatever you do, don't giggle.

You did this with a...

You did this with a beautiful girl on television, didn't you?

Yeah, well, what I said was, "You've got to be very quiet

"because the last time I played this shot,

"the young lady swallowed the black!"

And you should have seen the shot I played to get the black out again!

OK.

Now then...

If this goes in the hole, Dennis,

there will be a standing ovation, I can tell you.

Right...

Oh, thank you.

Well... What a treat, Dennis. Thank you very, very much indeed.

I had every confidence in you. I knew you were going to do it.

It's been lovely. You couldn't have given me a nicer Christmas present.

And may I wish you and your family a very, very merry Christmas?

Thanks very much, Val. The same to you and your family.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Dennis Taylor. Thank you!

Thank you very much.

Thank you, Dennis Taylor. As I said there, it was quite a treat for me.

That was a delight.

Well, you know it's a long way...

I've been sort of suggesting I got a snooker table for Christmas.

Nowadays, the presents people get are quite alarming, really.

The things we give to our children and so on.

I can remember many, many years ago,

I used to sing a simple little children's song about a toy

that went splat when it moved and tock.

Do you remember that one? You do.

Well, tonight, if I may, ladies and gentlemen,

I'd like to do that little song for old times' sake.

Now, because I did it on the first ever Christmas show I did on BBC television.

Now, when we recorded that song way back in the early '60s,

we had sound effects on it which were very good

and made all the difference.

We haven't got them tonight.

So I'd be grateful if the audience in the studio would do them for me.

They're very simple. You don't have to worry.

First of all, will all of you here simply go splat, like that.

AUDIENCE CHUCKLES

Do be careful of the people in front of you when you do that!

I will count three and I want you all to go splat. Ready?

One, two, three...

AUDIENCE: Splat!

Right...

Well, just if I may, would you just do the three of them for me

so you don't get them mixed up.

I'll go one, two, three and you go splat, tock, whir. Like that.

Ready? One, two, three...

AUDIENCE: Splat, tock, whir.

OK... Now, here's the song. The Marvellous Toy.

A one, a two, a three...

# When I was just a wee little lad

# Full of health and joy

# My father homeward came one day

# And gave to me a toy

# A wonder to behold it was

# With many colours bright

# And the moment I laid eyes on it

# It became my heart's delight

Now!

# Because it went splat when it moved

# And tock when it stopped

# And whir when it stood still

# I never knew just what it was and I guess I never will... #

Don't lose interest now. We've got four verses to go.

# Now the first time that I picked it up

# I had a big surprise

# Right at the bottom were two big buttons

# That looked like big green eyes

# I first pushed one then the other

# Then I twisted its lid

# And when I put it down again

# Well, here is what it did

# It went splat when it moved

# And tock when it stopped

# And whir when it stood still

# I never knew just what it was

# And I guess I never will... #

Do you feel daft?

You look daft!

Third verse.

# It first marched left and then marched right

# Then marched under the chair

# And when I looked where it had gone

# It wasn't even there

# I started to cry my daddy laughed

# He knew just what I'd find

# When I turned around

# My marvellous toy was chugging from behind

# And it went splat when it moved

# And tock when it stopped

# And whir when it stood still

# I never knew just what it was

# And I guess I never will... #

Last verse. Give it everything you've got now.

If you've got anything left.

# Well, the years have gone by too quickly it seems

# My daughter brings me joy

# And yesterday I gave to her

# That marvellous little toy

# Her eyes nearly popped right out of her head

# She gave a squeal of glee

# Neither one of us knows just what it is

# But she loves it just like me

# Because it goes splat when it moves

# And tock when it stops

# And whir when it's stood still

# I never knew just what it was and I guess I never will... #

Everybody!

# I never knew just what it was and I guess I never will. #

APPLAUSE

Thank you.

Thank you very much. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

When we were doing this show and we were talking about being at home for Christmas,

we were trying to think of songs that would sort of suit the situation.

And we came across a song

which is probably one of the oldest songs about home.

In fact, it's called Bless This House.

Very suitable at this time of the year.

And I'm joined on this once again by Evelyn Glennie.

Thank you.

# Bless this house, O Lord, we pray

# Make it safe by night and day

# Bless the walls so firm and stout

# Keeping want and trouble out

# Bless the roof and chimneys tall

# Let Thy peace reign overall

# Bless the door that it may prove

# Ever open to joy and love

# Bless the windows shining bright

# Letting in God's heavenly light

# Bless the hearth ablazing there

# With smoke ascending like a prayer

# Bless the people here within

# Make them pure and free from sin

# Bless us all that we may be

# Fit, O Lord, to dwell with Thee

# Bless us all that we one day

# May dwell, O Lord, with Thee. #

Thank you.

Thank you, Evelyn, very much.

Incidentally, I've got a little present for you. That's for you.

-You're not to open it, though, until tomorrow.

-Thank you very much.

Lovely to have you on the show. Thank you very much.

Thank you.

One of the programmes currently running on BBC television

is the Choir Of The Year series.

And my final guests tonight are featured in that.

As a matter of fact, two days from now,

they will be appearing in the semifinals.

Their choral director, Vaughan Meakins,

has written a lovely little Christmas song.

It's called the Stable Carol.

So here to sing it now are the Arts Education School Chamber Choir.

So let's give them a big welcome. Thank you.

APPLAUSE

# In a stable in Bethlehem long, long ago

# A dove made his home there for he couldn't know

# That there in a manger a child would be born

# Whose name would be Jesus that gay Christmas morn

# A chick in the top-most rafter singing gently to the little child

# Cooooo

# And his father Joseph and his holy mother Mary meek and mild

# Cooooo

# He was one of very many little creatures present at the birth

# Of the child that brought happiness and joy to the earth

# A moth fluttered gaily around the new boy

# He danced in the air near the candles all bright

# The child looked up gladly

# His eyes full of love

# And the moth and the dove in the rafters above

# Flitter, flutter, flutter flitter, flutter, flutter

# Flew the little moth

# Coooo

# Flitter, flutter, flutter flitter, flutter, flutter

# Flew the little moth

# Coooo

# They were two of very many little creatures present at the birth

# Of the child that brought happiness and joy to the earth

# Amongst the straw bales and the sacks of old corn

# Were other small creatures the day Christ was born

# A hen with rich plumage and claws on her feet

# Searched all round the stable for something to eat

# Flitter, flutter, flutter flitter, flutter, flutter

# Peck, peck

# Cooooo

# Flitter, flutter, flutter flitter, flutter, flutter

# Peck, peck

# Coooo

# They were three of very many little creatures present at the birth

# Of the child that brought happiness and joy to the earth

# And there in a corner a hole for his house

# Was a tiny intruder a grey twitching mouse

# He hurries and scurries his joy plain to see

# As he walks round the parlour of the Virgin Mary

# Flitter, flutter, flutter flitter, flutter, flutter

-# Peck, peck

-Cooooo

# Squeak, squeak

# Flitter, flutter, flutter flitter, flutter, flutter

-# Peck, peck

-Coooo

# Squeak, squeak

# They were four of very many little creatures present at the birth

# Of the child that brought happiness and joy to the earth

# And soon the dawn broke and the birds in the trees

# Burst out into song and the swallows with ease

# Flew close to that manger with breathtaking flight

# To view the babe lying there, the world's joy and light

# Soar and soar

# Flitter, flutter, flutter

# Peck, peck La-la

# Squeak, squeak

# Soar and soar

# Flitter, flutter, flutter

-# Peck, peck

-La-la

# Squeak, squeak

# They were some of very many little creatures present at the birth

# Of the child that brought happiness and joy to the earth

# The animal kingdom with joy and rich mirth

# Made great celebration of the blessed child's birth

# And we too with thanks praise and singing our amen

# Join with all those creatures in Bethlehem

# Hallelujah, hallelujah hallelujah, amen

# Hallelujah, hallelujah hallelujah, amen

# Ding-dong, ding-dong ding-dong-ding

# With the bells pealing merrily

# Hallelujah!

# Amen!

# Hallelujah! Amen! #

APPLAUSE

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, girls. And thank you, Vaughan, that was lovely.

Well, since we're nearing the end of the show and, indeed,

we're nearing Christmas Day, I thought it'd be rather nice

if we sang some traditional carols together. The girls will join me.

If the audience in the studio would like to do likewise

and, indeed, you at home. So let the girls start things off.

# The First Noel

# The angels did say

# Was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay

# In fields where they lay keeping their sheep

# On a cold winter's night that was so deep

# Noel, Noel

# Noel, Noel

# Born is the King of Israel

# Then let us all with one accord

# Sing praises to our heavenly Lord

# That hath made Heaven and earth of nought

# And with his blood mankind has bought

# Noel, Noel

# Noel, Noel

# Born is the King of Israel. #

# Long time ago in Bethlehem

# So the Holy Bible say

# Mary's boy child Jesus Christ

# Was born on Christmas Day

# Hark now hear the angels sing

# A new king born today

# And man will live for ever-more

# Because of Christmas Day

# While shepherds watched their flocks by night

# They see a bright new shining star

# They heard a choir of angels sing

# The music seemed to come from afar

# Hark now hear the angels sing

# A new king born today

# And man will live for ever-more

# Because of Christmas Day

# Trumpets sound and angels sing

# Listen to what they say

# And man will live for ever-more

# Because of Christmas Day. #

# Hark the herald angels sing

# Glory to the newborn king

# Peace on earth and mercy mild

# Lord and sinners reconciled

# Joyful all ye nations rise

# Join the triumph of the skies

# With angelic host proclaim

# Christ is born in Bethlehem

# Hark the herald angels sing

# Glory to the newborn king. #

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much.

Thank you. Well, while we're all in good voice, ladies and gentlemen,

I think it would be rather nice if we just finish with probably

what is the most popular Christmas song of all time.

# I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

# Just like the ones I used to know

# Where the tree tops glisten

# And children listen

# To hear sleigh bells in the snow

# I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

# With every Christmas card I write

# May your days be merry and bright

# And may all your Christmases be white. #

Well, Christmas is almost upon us.

As a matter of fact,

Christmas is well upon people down in Australia.

It's Christmas morning there.

They're opening presents and all the surprises, whereas on the other side

of the world, in Dallas in Texas,

it's the middle of Christmas Eve.

It's four o'clock in the afternoon. They're still shopping.

Mind you, they've got so much money over there

that it takes a little bit longer to spend it.

However, wherever it is with you, whether Santa has been or not,

I'd like to wish you all a very, very happy Christmas.

And a very happy New Year.

# I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

# With every Christmas card I write

# May your days be merry and bright

# And may all your Christmases

# Be white. #

APPLAUSE