O'r Diwedd 2017: Am flwyddyn!


O'r Diwedd 2017: Am flwyddyn!

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Transcript


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-Tudur!

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-Tudur!

-

-In here.

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-OK. What's going on? Google Maps

-directed me to the S4C car park.

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-It's taken me ages to figure out

-that you're actually underground.

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-The S4C nuclear bunker.

-Amazing, isn't it?

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-I have cameras everywhere.

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-Bloody hell. The budget

-keeps getting less and less.

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-Well... it was my idea to film here.

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-Well... it was my idea to film here.

-

-What?!

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-Well, I had one thing to do.

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-The North Korea item.

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-Korea. Yes. I looked into it

-and it's really scary.

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-So I asked to borrow this place.

-It makes total sense.

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-So the rest of the crew

-are coming here?

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-Um... no.

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-No, I only have enough supplies

-for two.

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-This is insane.

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-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

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-Hello,

-and welcome to O'r Diwedd 2017...

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-..with me, Sian Harries...

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-..with me, Sian Harries...

-

-..and me, Tudur Owen.

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-Someone who thinks

-it's quite normal...

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-..to broadcast

-from a very cold nuclear bunker.

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-Somewhere that hasn't been used

-for ages as it's so dangerous.

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-That's not true.

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-Recently, many famous Welsh speakers

-came here...

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-..to avoid that phone call

-from Newsnight.

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-Still to come on the show...

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-Wales celebrating the highest number

-of young people...

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-..applying for an Irish passport.

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-The News at Ten bongs...

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-..to be changed to Vince Cable's

-digital watch beeps.

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-And the Welsh people

-who would rather go naked...

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-..than wear Sports Direct clothes.

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-It was clear that 2017

-would cause some stress.

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-The stress of watching Donald Trump

-calling Kim Jong-un fat on Twitter.

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-The stress of missing a clock.

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-And the stress of watching

-Wyt Ti'n Gem?

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-But the most unexpected stress

-was another General Election.

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-Especially after May denied she

-would call one - and not just once.

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-There's no need for an election.

-The next election will be in 2020.

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-Not twice.

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-Not twice.

-

-I'm not calling a snap election.

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-But five times - before admitting

-that's exactly what she wanted.

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-It's as though she's used to lying.

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-Strange.

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-The Tories published

-a manifesto that wasn't popular.

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-It included the dementia tax...

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-..and trying to make ivory hunting

-trendy again.

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-Labour's manifesto was like a sixth

-form Sociology student's wet dream.

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-Morning, all. Alright?

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-The Lib Dems tried to persuade

-people they were still liberal...

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-..despite Tim Farron being unsure

-if he agreed with homosexual sex.

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-UKIP learnt from the referendum.

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-People will believe any old shite

-if it's on the side of a bus.

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-After calling the blinking thing,

-May didn't turn up to the debates.

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-She sent someone who was grieving

-for her father to take her place...

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-..Amber Rudd.

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-May was busy working on Brexit.

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-Thank goodness for that head start.

-Who knows where we'd be otherwise!

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-Corbyn turned up to the BBC debate

-but didn't go to the ITV debate.

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-That confused Paul Nuttall.

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-I think Natalie's absolutely right.

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-Will you call me Leanne?

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-Will you call me Leanne?

-

-Leanne. Sorry. My fault.

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-You've done it twice now.

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-You've done it twice now.

-

-Have I? I'm sorry about that.

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-To be fair, I think every woman

-with an opinion is the same to him.

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-At least Theresa May

-went on The One Show...

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-..to say she hates

-putting out rubbish.

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-We know that

-from the state of her cabinet!

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-After annoying people

-for not debating her policies...

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-..she turned up

-and offended everyone...

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-..by confusing mental health

-and learning disability.

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-She was nasty to a nurse and told

-her there was no magic money tree...

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-..to pay people like her properly,

-sorry.

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-The night of the election

-was incredible.

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-More women were elected

-than ever before.

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-A huge number of young people

-voted for the first time.

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-And finally, UKIP died a death

-in front of our eyes.

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-But the most brilliant thing

-was watching the Conservatives.

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-With all their swagger and pride,

-they lost seats.

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-May felt a TV debate

-would be undignifying.

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-She was now on live TV looking

-as though she'd been crying...

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-..standing next to a man

-dressed as a chimenea.

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-It was like watching

-You've Been Framed...

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-..when someone falls into a wedding

-cake with their bum in the air.

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-The only reason May called an

-election was to secure a mandate...

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-..to put Brexit through the Commons.

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-What she ended up with

-was fewer MPs...

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-..a more confident

-leader of the opposition...

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-..and a bill of 1 billion after

-begging for the DUP's support.

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-The DUP is so uptight...

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-..they make Jacob Rees-Mogg

-look like someone who enjoys bongs.

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-The election was meant to show...

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-..that Theresa May has the power

-to do what she wants.

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-But all it did

-was show up her hypocrisy.

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-She created a huge series

-of faux pas in public.

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-And now, with members of

-her own party undermining her...

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-..it's becoming clear that the last

-thing Theresa May can promise...

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-..is a "strong and stable"

-government.

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-The 2017 Election saw a large number

-of the people of Wales...

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-..deciding to run into a wall -

-at speed, while screaming.

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-But that's not what Magi and Aron

-Richards from Dolgellau did.

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-Since Theresa May had the idea

-of calling the election...

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-..whilst on a walking holiday

-in Wales...

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-..Magi and Aron

-have opened a museum...

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-..for the most shit ideas in Wales.

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-Oh, yes, hello.

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-I'm trying to get hold of a photo

-of the Tipit production crew.

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-It was Aron's idea originally.

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-He wouldn't shut up

-about Theresa May's terrible idea.

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-Shit.

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-And...um... in order

-to commemorate such a bad idea...

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-..he tried to build a monument,

-but it turned out to be...

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-..shit.

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-So that's why I decided

-to open this place.

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-Since opening the museum...

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-..the business has gone

-from strength to strength.

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-Once we started our research...

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-..it became clear that Wales

-is used to completely crappy ideas.

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-2017 alone was full of them.

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-The idea of holding a film night

-before Aberaeron carnival.

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-The idea of building an iron ring

-in Flintshire.

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-And whoever allowed Conservative

-David Davies to have a Twitter feed.

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-We've left some space here

-for next year's Eisteddfod.

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-It hasn't happened yet but...

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-It hasn't happened yet but...

-

-..it will be shit!

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-There's no maes.

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-And with the mess of Brexit,

-it's going to be a shambles.

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-It was bad enough that Neil Hamilton

-came to live here.

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-Does he have many bad ideas?

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-Does he have many bad ideas?

-

-We've had to knock through.

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-Although 2017 has been a very busy

-year for Magi and Aron...

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-..Wales has apparently

-always been home to bad ideas.

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-I think it's important

-to learn from our mistakes.

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-That's what this place is really -

-a war museum.

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-Although we may have a few more

-Dinas VHS tapes.

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-We have a bit of everything.

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-From historic shit ideas

-that everyone knows about...

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-..like when Welsh people went to

-live in the Patagonian desert...

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-..with nothing but blankets.

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-There are other that are

-less obvious, but just as shit.

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-Like changing the name of Prynhawn

-Da to Wedi 3 and back again.

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-There are lessons for everyone.

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-Like every successful business,

-they've also had setbacks.

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-Aron spent a fortune

-on what he thought...

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-..was a very old example

-of a shit idea.

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-A note by Llywelyn the Last...

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-..saying he was going out

-in the middle of the night...

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-..to meet the King of England.

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-Of course,

-it turned out to be a forgery.

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-How did you find out?

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-Thirty-seven.

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-Nineteen.

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-Sheryl!

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-Sheryl!

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-And finally, thirty-five.

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-Sheryl! Sheryl!

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-We've won! We've won the lottery!

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-Who are you phoning? Your mother?

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-Hello, can I speak to Hefin please?

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-Hi, Hefin. It's Sheryl. You can

-stick your job up your pretty arse!

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-No.

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-I just hate working with you.

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-We all do - me, Rhian, lazy Billy...

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-All the clients

-think you're a prick...

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-..except the one

-who feels sorry for you.

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-That's only because

-he's sleeping with your wife.

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-So I just want

-to hand in my notice...

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-..and I never want to see

-your ugly mug ever again.

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-Home brand deodorant does not

-cover up halitosis symptoms.

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-Go to see a doctor.

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-I've always wanted to do that.

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-What's wrong?

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-The Welsh Lottery.

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-OK.

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-The Welsh Lottery. Be wise!

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-Sorry. Who is he?

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-Gareth Edwards.

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-And this is what S4C would broadcast

-in the event of a nuclear war?

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-Yep.

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-Just this?

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-For hours?

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-On a loop.

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-Every channel has a morale-boosting

-tape if the worst happens.

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-And they haven't updated it

-since 1982?

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-Yes. They reviewed it in 2016.

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-But they decided this was still

-the best thing they had.

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-2017 was the year when

-a scary clown scared us all.

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-He threatened to pull us down

-into the gutter...

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-..and make us live there forever

-with him ruling us.

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-You know where this one's going.

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-I call them IKEA jokes.

-You can finish off yourself.

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-Donald Trump is the punchline.

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-I remember a time when you could

-come out of a horror film...

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-..give a sigh of relief and think

-"Thank goodness it's not true."

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-Jaws wasn't really going to eat us

-on Benllech beach.

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-There's no-one named Freddy Krueger

-on Elm Street.

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-And I even heard that

-Anthony Hopkins is vegetarian!

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-It's not true!

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-Thank goodness for that.

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-But now, we're still scared

-after leaving the multiplex.

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-Fear follows us everywhere.

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-The more scared we are, the more

-determined they are to scare us.

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-Wherever we go, someone or something

-wants to carry out terrible acts.

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-Everyone and everything wants to

-kill us, steal our possessions...

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-..or steal our freedom.

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-No-one is safe anywhere.

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-If you believe the headlines...

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-..something terrible

-is going to happen - any minute.

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-Don't trust anyone or anything.

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-Who are the people

-who moved in next door?

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-They might be terrorists.

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-LOCKS AND BOLTS

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-Don't leave the house at night.

-You never know who might be there.

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-Everyone's drunk

-or off their heads on drugs.

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-There we are. I'm safe now.

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-Half this stuff will give me cancer

-apparently.

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-The other half will give me BSE

-or CJD or DVT...

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-..or KFC - oh, that's not a disease,

-is it?

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-Anyway, no matter.

-Safer not to, I think.

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-Outside London, this town

-in the county of Caerphilly...

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-..has the highest level

-of air pollution in the UK.

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-Aargh!

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-Whoa, whoa. I'm sorry.

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-What on earth do you think

-you're doing?!

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-I'm being paid by S4C.

-They said you'd be cool with it.

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-Well, I'm not. I've been shitting

-myself if you have to know.

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-I'm scared too.

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-I used to do birthday parties,

-Christmas parties...

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-Everyone liked me.

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-Then everything changed.

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-I found there was more money

-to be made scaring people.

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-Do you think I enjoy it?

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-Hey. Hey.

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-Would you like a cuppa?

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-How did we get here? We're all

-scared of one another. No-one talks.

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-The truth is, the only thing we

-should be scared of is fear itself.

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-The world is safer

-than it's ever been.

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-I'm not the only one to say that.

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-Figures show there are

-fewer diseases, fewer wars...

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-..fewer people dying of famine

-on the planet than ever before.

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-We have problems, of course.

-Things aren't perfect.

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-Climate change, extremism,

-Jeremy Clarkson is still on telly.

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-But do we have to live in such fear?

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-Because these and obesity...

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-..are responsible for killing

-thousands every year.

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-But these will never make

-the front pages.

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-I think we need a bit more

-perspective on this fear business.

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-We need to start trusting

-each other.

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-We shouldn't be scared.

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-Do you take sugar?

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-Well, the bastard!

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-.

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-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

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-We've reached the point...

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-..where Tudur was supposed

-to do an item on North Korea but...

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-I didn't bother.

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-I thought either it would have blown

-over or we would have been blown up.

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-Whatever happened, there was no

-point. It's a win-win really.

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-You'll just have to listen to him

-talking about another idiot.

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-Well, America voted.

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-I stayed up all night to watch it.

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-I had no idea what was happening. It

-was like watching Gwyl Cerdd Dant.

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-And Trump won.

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-And the entire world did this.

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-He didn't let us down. S4C said that

-last year's item was a bit drab.

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-They wanted me to keep it light

-as I look back at Trump's year.

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-They want a song!

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-Oh well, if it's a song you want...

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-# In the first month of the year,

-Trump gave to the world

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-# A ban on Muslims

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-# In the second month of the year,

-Trump gave to the world

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-# A big wall in Texas

-and a ban on Muslims #

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-A quick one

-before we go back to the office.

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-Why not?

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-So there's blood on the tap

-in the toilet.

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-The same blood on the car bonnet.

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-And there's blood on the pavement

-outside the house.

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-What's going on, Sergeant?

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-Difficult to know before

-the post-mortem results.

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-Yes?

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-A pint of IPA for me, please.

-Sergeant?

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-Half a lager with lime, please.

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-And cut. That was great but we're

-going to keep rolling, everyone.

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-That's very nice and reset

-for the English-language version.

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-Remember, American market.

-Nothing that won't work Stateside.

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-We're thinking Netflix, HBO.

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-We're going to sell this

-everywhere we can.

0:17:550:17:57

-Where's the cowboy?!

0:17:580:17:59

-We've got a cowboy. Where's...

0:17:590:18:01

-That's it. Bring it in.

-Nice one, lads.

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-We're going to sell this

-everywhere we can.

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-And action!

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-Let's sink a couple of cold ones

-before we head back to the precinct.

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-Sure thing.

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-So we got blood on the faucet

-in the John.

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-We got the same blood

-on the hood of a vehicle.

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-And we got more blood on

-the sidewalk outside the condo.

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-What's going down, honey?

0:18:270:18:29

-What's going down, honey?

-

-Beats me.

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-Guess we'll just have to wait

-for the autopsy.

0:18:300:18:33

-Hey! What can I get you guys?

0:18:330:18:35

-Hey! What can I get you guys?

-

-I'm gonna get a cold Budhouser beer.

0:18:350:18:37

-Sounds good. After all, they're

-the best goddam beers in America.

0:18:380:18:41

-Coming right up!

0:18:420:18:43

-And cut! Yeah, good job, everyone.

0:18:510:18:53

-# In the twelfth month of the year,

-Trump gave to the world

0:18:540:18:57

-# A great big scare, Britain First's

-tweet, no ban on guns

0:18:580:19:01

-# Complaints about Clinton, praise

-for the Nazis, threats for Korea

0:19:020:19:05

-# Global warming, Covfefe!

0:19:060:19:10

-# A good job for his daughter,

-arms for Saudi, a big wall in Texas

0:19:100:19:14

-# And a ban on Muslims #

0:19:150:19:18

-Was that light enough for you?

0:19:200:19:22

-Oh, hello.

0:19:230:19:24

-Women don't usually

-appear on the news...

0:19:240:19:27

-..unlike Theresa May

-who is on the news loads...

0:19:270:19:30

-..for wearing leopard-print shoes.

0:19:310:19:34

-Oh, and as she's the prime minister.

0:19:340:19:36

-However, 2017 was different.

0:19:370:19:39

-To kick things off in January...

0:19:390:19:41

-..many of us had the perfect excuse

-to wear pretty shoes...

0:19:420:19:46

-..to march against the idiot

-that is Donald Trump.

0:19:460:19:49

-We wanted to say that, actually,

-it's not OK to grab women's pussy.

0:19:500:19:54

-Even a dog can understand that.

0:19:550:19:57

-The campaign demonstrated

-that millions of us agreed.

0:19:580:20:02

-It's not OK to treat women

-like a piece of meat.

0:20:020:20:06

-For once, women's issues

-became a mainstream story.

0:20:060:20:10

-What joy to hear that Doctor Who

-is going to be a woman. About time!

0:20:120:20:17

-I'm sure the woman who got the part

-was overjoyed...

0:20:170:20:20

-..until the opened her pay packet.

0:20:210:20:23

-She must have reacted

-in the same way as Alex Jones...

0:20:230:20:26

-..when she realized that she earns

-50,000 less than Matt Baker...

0:20:270:20:30

-..for The One Show.

0:20:300:20:32

-For sitting in the same studio on

-the same sofa, doing the same job!

0:20:320:20:36

-But the lid of the patriarchal

-cesspit was really lifted...

0:20:360:20:41

-..on 5 October

-in The New York Times...

0:20:410:20:45

-..with allegations of sexual

-assault against Harvey Weinstein.

0:20:450:20:49

-A big man

-who doesn't look very nice.

0:20:500:20:52

-Finding Harvey opening the door

-naked and offering a massage...

0:20:530:20:57

-..was not an unusual sight.

0:20:570:20:59

-Here's one of the most powerful men

-in Hollywood.

0:21:000:21:03

-A man who could launch a career

-or destroy it.

0:21:030:21:06

-He's accused by a large number of

-women of forcing himself on them...

0:21:060:21:10

-..in the most perverse ways.

0:21:100:21:12

-And if any woman was brave enough

-to open her mouth...

0:21:120:21:16

-..well, he would pay her

-to keep it shut.

0:21:160:21:19

-These payments can be noted as

-business costs on your tax form.

0:21:190:21:24

-He offered Rose McGowan

-a million dollars.

0:21:240:21:27

-She refused.

0:21:270:21:29

-You can't live in an unequal world

-dominated by men...

0:21:290:21:33

-..and not have situations

-where abuse can happen.

0:21:330:21:37

-The patter, the risque jokes have

-been falling on our heads forever.

0:21:370:21:42

-Since we were young girls,

-we turned the switch to mute.

0:21:420:21:45

-You can't really maintain

-your self-respect...

0:21:450:21:49

-..if you really hear that and

-realize what it's saying...

0:21:500:21:54

-..about you.

0:21:540:21:56

-It's time to stop

-switching on the mute.

0:21:560:21:59

-Unfortunately, there's nothing

-unique about Harvey Weinstein.

0:22:000:22:05

-But then,

-something unbelievable happened.

0:22:070:22:10

-The #MeToo campaign.

0:22:100:22:12

-Within days, millions of people -

-mostly women, but also men...

0:22:130:22:17

-..used Twitter, Facebook

-and Instagram...

0:22:180:22:20

-..to share stories of harassment.

0:22:210:22:23

-Within 24 hours, Facebook said

-that 4.7 million people...

0:22:240:22:28

-..had discussed #MeToo.

0:22:280:22:30

-This became something much more

-than one perverted man.

0:22:300:22:34

-It was about the general attitude

-of men towards women.

0:22:340:22:38

-For once, these powerful white men

-had their shows cancelled.

0:22:390:22:44

-Some of them tried to apologize.

0:22:440:22:46

-Weinstein by saying that this was

-entirely appropriate in the 1970s.

0:22:470:22:51

-As if he was talking about

-wallpaper...

0:22:510:22:54

-..or the fact that Angel Delight

-could be offered to guests.

0:22:540:22:57

-Kevin Spacey just said he was gay.

0:22:570:22:59

-Yeah, that's not why we're angry.

0:23:000:23:02

-Maybe the women who accused Trump

-were silenced...

0:23:030:23:07

-..and maybe some people feel it is

-appropriate to grab our pussies.

0:23:070:23:12

-But as 2017 comes to an end...

0:23:120:23:15

-..it's beginning to become clear

-that pussies can attack back.

0:23:150:23:20

-By the time she'd come back...

0:23:230:23:25

-..I'd dug up the garden and set up

-the hot tub and fitted the helipad.

0:23:250:23:30

-That's when I told him

-it was the Welsh Lottery I'd won.

0:23:330:23:38

-It's not the end of the world.

0:23:400:23:42

-We can still use the big H

-in the garden.

0:23:420:23:44

-Not for a helicopter.

-It's where we park the Hyundai.

0:23:450:23:50

-The Welsh Lottery. Be wise!

0:23:550:23:58

-A chair.

0:24:010:24:02

-A table.

0:24:030:24:05

-A lamp.

0:24:060:24:07

-God, I'm bored.

-No, I can't let them win.

0:24:090:24:14

-Boredom.

0:24:140:24:16

-That's how they get you.

0:24:160:24:17

-I remember thinking that the old way

-of life in Wales was boring.

0:24:190:24:23

-The Tregaron regional round

-of the Eisteddfod, Tipit.

0:24:230:24:27

-I'd do anything

-for a game of Tipit now.

0:24:270:24:29

-It would be idyllic

-compared with this hell.

0:24:300:24:34

-I try not to think about escaping.

0:24:380:24:41

-Especially on ceremony days.

0:24:410:24:43

-A handmaid could never go far.

0:24:440:24:47

-The Handmaid's Tale

0:24:510:24:55

-They make us do everything in pairs.

0:24:560:24:58

-They say it's friendship

-but there are no friends here.

0:24:590:25:03

-Fal-i-ral-i-rwnta.

0:25:080:25:09

-Fal-i-ral-i-rwnta.

-

-Fal-i-ral-i-ro.

0:25:090:25:11

-Ha ha ha. Noson Lawen.

0:25:110:25:13

-How are you, Olwen?

0:25:150:25:17

-Nosy bitch.

0:25:170:25:18

-I'm very well, thank you, Elin.

-Thank you for asking.

0:25:190:25:22

-No-one knows how she lost her eye.

0:25:230:25:25

-Some say that another handmaid

-attacked her...

0:25:250:25:28

-..or that she did it herself.

0:25:280:25:30

-Others say that she's just

-really shit at eating cawl.

0:25:310:25:34

-It's impossible to know the truth.

0:25:350:25:37

-It looks like rain.

0:25:370:25:39

-It looks like rain.

-

-Yes.

0:25:390:25:40

-I've also heard

-that she fancies Huw Chiswell.

0:25:410:25:44

-I don't trust her.

0:25:450:25:47

-Are you here for the ceremony?

0:25:530:25:56

-Sometimes, I think about my former

-life and it's difficult to breathe.

0:26:050:26:10

-To think of a time when women like

-us could come and go as they wished.

0:26:100:26:14

-Ladies and gentlemen...

0:26:150:26:17

-We were chosen

-because of what our bodies can do.

0:26:170:26:21

-Heroes of the Welsh rock scene.

-Our lad, the real lad.

0:26:210:26:25

-# The land of the white Rasta

0:26:280:26:29

-# Back, back, back

0:26:300:26:31

-# To the white Ethiopia #

0:26:320:26:33

-They expect us to keep

-the old culture alive.

0:26:340:26:37

-They say it's a privilege

-but it's not.

0:26:370:26:40

-We are not free.

0:26:410:26:43

-We are not free.

0:26:430:26:45

-.

0:26:470:26:48

-Subtitles

0:26:510:26:51

-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

0:26:510:26:53

-So, six months later...

0:27:010:27:03

-..this is where we are.

0:27:040:27:06

-We're looking for a white,

-middle-aged man. Large build.

0:27:060:27:10

-Short, dark hair.

0:27:100:27:12

-He drives a red Hilux

-with a crew cab.

0:27:140:27:17

-Sergeant.

0:27:190:27:20

-Sergeant.

-

-Elgan Penffridd?

0:27:200:27:22

-What?

0:27:240:27:25

-What?

-

-Elgan Penffridd.

0:27:250:27:26

-I know him. He was in school with

-my brother. He drinks in the Black.

0:27:270:27:31

-What day is it?

0:27:320:27:33

-What day is it?

-

-Wednesday.

0:27:330:27:35

-Pool night. He'll be there now.

0:27:360:27:37

-Pool night. He'll be there now.

-

-Sit down, Sergeant.

0:27:370:27:38

-It's not that simple.

0:27:390:27:41

-It's not that simple.

-

-Yes, it is.

0:27:410:27:42

-There's only one other red Hilux

-with a crew cab.

0:27:420:27:45

-That belongs to Alan Maes Mawr.

0:27:460:27:48

-And he's blond.

0:27:480:27:50

-A shorter than usual episode

-of Y Gwall tonight.

0:27:540:27:58

-So... the adverts.

0:27:580:28:00

-Lots of them.

0:28:010:28:03

-After all the excitement

-of the referendum...

0:28:030:28:06

-..2017 was the time to crack on

-with the business of leaving the EU.

0:28:060:28:11

-This is not like setting a deadline

-for a really boring task...

0:28:110:28:15

-..to make sure you actually do it.

0:28:150:28:17

-It's not like a wife saying...

0:28:170:28:19

-.."Guto, if you don't clear that

-shed by next week, I'm leaving."

0:28:190:28:23

-This task relies on the attitudes

-and agendas of other people.

0:28:240:28:28

-It's as if Guto really wants

-to clear the shed...

0:28:280:28:31

-..but Dewi next door has the keys.

0:28:320:28:34

-Dewi next door wants Guto's wife

-to leave him.

0:28:340:28:36

-He lives in France

-and he thinks Guto's a prick.

0:28:370:28:40

-Every now and then, Theresa May

-tries to make sense of it all.

0:28:400:28:44

-She makes comments like,

-"Red, white and blue Brexit"...

0:28:440:28:47

-.."Hard Brexit

-versus soft Brexit".

0:28:470:28:50

-"Does this lipstick make me

-look less like a mushroom?" No!

0:28:500:28:54

-Some sort of department

-has been put together...

0:28:540:28:57

-..led by Conservative David Davis.

0:28:580:29:01

-He occasionally says something like,

-"It's the EU's turn to compromise."

0:29:010:29:06

-The EU just laughs at him.

0:29:060:29:08

-Nothing is being solved

-because Europe holds all the cards.

0:29:080:29:12

-After 18 months, it feels as though

-we've only just started.

0:29:130:29:16

-There's so much more to do before

-we leave or it will be pandemonium.

0:29:160:29:20

-Planes won't be able to fly,

-lorries won't be able to travel...

0:29:200:29:24

-..the economy is in trouble

-and another thing...

0:29:240:29:27

-No, I'm going to stop you there.

-It's not.

0:29:280:29:30

-What? I can't hear you

-over the tuna chunks.

0:29:300:29:33

-The economy is fine.

0:29:330:29:35

-It isn't. Have you seen

-the state of the pound?

0:29:350:29:38

-Ireland is so expensive, you may as

-well holiday in a service station.

0:29:380:29:42

-You're just being a Remoaner. I read

-about your type in the Daily Mail.

0:29:420:29:46

-You read the Daily Mail!

-You're from North Wales!

0:29:460:29:49

-No deal would be disastrous

-for the rural economy.

0:29:490:29:52

-Yes, well,

-farmers will have to diversify.

0:29:520:29:55

-Airbnb, paintball.

-It might be quite good actually.

0:29:550:29:58

-All the evidence

-says it's disastrous.

0:29:580:30:01

-My evidence says it isn't.

0:30:010:30:03

-How many of those have you had?

0:30:030:30:05

-I have a confession to make.

-I'm a liar. I can't help it.

0:30:070:30:12

-That's how I've been

-since I was a little girl.

0:30:120:30:15

-But I have an excuse

-because I'm a comedian.

0:30:150:30:19

-Lying is more fun than being honest.

0:30:190:30:23

-More often than not, the truth

-just can't compete with lies.

0:30:250:30:30

-That's why you have

-entertainment programmes...

0:30:310:30:35

-..based on people telling lies.

0:30:350:30:38

-Some of you will remember

-Call My Bluff.

0:30:410:30:44

-A programme where people lied.

0:30:440:30:46

-More recently, Would I Lie To You?

-Another show where people lie.

0:30:460:30:51

-There's also the news.

0:30:510:30:53

-Watching the news is now exactly

-like watching one of those shows.

0:30:540:30:58

-It's up to us to decide

-whether the politicians we see...

0:30:590:31:02

-..are telling the truth.

0:31:030:31:04

-Well, let me be absolutely clear

-on this point.

0:31:050:31:08

-We're going to be strong

-and stable...

0:31:080:31:11

-..and what I will say

-is 350 million per week to the NHS.

0:31:110:31:17

-Sounded great, didn't it?

0:31:180:31:19

-It did to most people in Wales.

0:31:190:31:21

-The only thing was,

-it wasn't quite true.

0:31:220:31:26

-Oh, never mind.

0:31:260:31:28

-Better luck next time.

0:31:280:31:30

-But there won't be a next time.

0:31:310:31:33

-Imagine if other professions

-behaved like politicians.

0:31:340:31:38

-If it was up to us to decide

-what they were trying to say.

0:31:380:31:41

-It's up to us to decide

-what the truth is.

0:31:420:31:44

-I'm not wearing these. I've said so!

-I'm not doing it.

0:31:440:31:47

-So what do you think, Doctor?

0:31:490:31:51

-Well, let me be absolutely clear

-on this point.

0:31:530:31:56

-You are strong and stable

-at the moment.

0:31:560:31:59

-So you're saying

-I'm going to be fine?

0:31:590:32:03

-What I will say, and let me

-be absolutely clear on this point.

0:32:030:32:06

-I can guarantee

-that you are not pregnant.

0:32:070:32:13

-Still to come on QV See and Buy...

0:32:150:32:19

-..go wild with Scott Baldwin's

-lion-stopping glove.

0:32:190:32:23

-But first, our star for 2017,

-Catherine Zeta-Jones.

0:32:240:32:30

-Hiya, it's me -

-Catherine Zeta-Jones...

0:32:310:32:33

-..with my own line

-of mega lush homeware.

0:32:330:32:36

-It was going to be mega lush

-until someone told me...

0:32:360:32:39

-..that only poor people, who buy

-pegs and potatoes, watch this.

0:32:390:32:43

-So it's a bit different.

0:32:430:32:45

-So first up, a plate.

-Mega bargain. 3.95.

0:32:460:32:50

-I think we have someone on the line

-already. Hiya.

0:32:500:32:54

-Hello?

0:32:540:32:54

-Hello?

-

-Hello?

0:32:540:32:56

-Welcome to QV See and Buy.

-Do you want to buy a plate?

0:32:570:33:01

-Catherine?

0:33:010:33:02

-Catherine?

-

-Yes, Catherine Zeta-Jones. Hiya!

0:33:020:33:05

-Yeah. Where are my socks?

0:33:050:33:07

-Michael, is that you?

0:33:070:33:09

-I'm looking at the landing

-and I'm not seeing them.

0:33:090:33:12

-I've told you, Michael.

-I'm doing this today.

0:33:120:33:15

-OK.

0:33:150:33:17

-Next up, something I'm told

-is called flannel.

0:33:170:33:20

-Flannelle?

-I think it's French.

0:33:210:33:23

-OK, mega nice flannel.

0:33:230:33:25

-You can pick it up,

-wipe something off your top...

0:33:260:33:29

-..like soup or mash.

0:33:300:33:32

-It's up to you.

0:33:320:33:34

-Maybe you're in Swansea and just

-eaten a big fat bastard breakfast.

0:33:340:33:38

-If you have bean juice on your chin,

-you have to wipe it off...

0:33:390:33:42

-..before they put a photo of you

-on the wall.

0:33:420:33:45

-I think that worked.

-Someone's on the line.

0:33:450:33:47

-Hello? Have you had breakfast?

0:33:470:33:49

-Yes. Where are my meds?

0:33:500:33:52

-Yes. Where are my meds?

-

-Michael, please.

0:33:520:33:53

-I'm doing this today, OK?

-I'll see you later.

0:33:540:33:56

-I need my meds. I can't find them.

0:33:570:33:59

-You're blocking the line.

0:33:590:34:01

-You'll have to get off

-unless you want a flannel.

0:34:010:34:05

-God, no.

0:34:060:34:07

-So get off the phone. Michael!

0:34:070:34:09

-PHONE GOES DEAD

0:34:090:34:10

-Sorry about that.

0:34:110:34:13

-OK, seriously. Whoever is putting

-Michael through, can you stop?

0:34:130:34:18

-If he comes here, don't let him in.

0:34:180:34:20

-If he can't find socks or meds, he

-definitely isn't wearing trousers.

0:34:200:34:24

-Then we'll definitely

-need a flannel.

0:34:240:34:27

-How is Tiddles?

0:34:330:34:35

-Well, let me be absolutely clear

-on this point.

0:34:360:34:39

-Tiddles is strong and stable.

0:34:400:34:42

-Also stiff.

0:34:430:34:44

-Also stiff.

-

-What are you trying to say?

0:34:440:34:46

-What I will say, and let me

-be absolutely clear on this point.

0:34:470:34:51

-You can be absolutely certain

-that Tiddles is not pregnant.

0:34:510:34:56

-.

0:34:590:35:00

-Subtitles

0:35:030:35:03

-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

0:35:030:35:05

-Oh my word,

-these old scripts are fantastic.

0:35:090:35:12

-OK. What comes next?

0:35:120:35:13

-"What do they have to do?"

0:35:140:35:16

-I'm trying to find the code

-for this blinking door.

0:35:160:35:19

-I can't believe

-you don't know the code.

0:35:190:35:21

-No. Bacha Hi O'Ma.

0:35:220:35:23

-Remember?

-Bacha Hi O'Ma with Alwyn Sion.

0:35:230:35:25

-No.

0:35:260:35:28

-Oh! OK, who's this? Who's this?

0:35:280:35:30

-Listen, Meira.

0:35:320:35:34

-It's over, alright?

0:35:340:35:36

-Llew from Pobol y Cwm.

-Sometime in the '90s. Awesome.

0:35:380:35:41

-Just come to help me, OK?

0:35:410:35:44

-Oh! What was it called?

-Helfa Drysor.

0:35:440:35:46

-What was she called again?

0:35:470:35:48

-No, Tudur. Come to help me.

0:35:490:35:51

-The Welsh language is under attack.

0:35:540:35:57

-Sports Direct is trying to force its

-workers in Bangor to speak English.

0:35:570:36:01

-Julian Ruck said on Newsnight

-that too much taxpayers' money...

0:36:020:36:07

-..is spent on the language.

0:36:070:36:09

-Universities in England do not

-recognize the Welsh Bac...

0:36:090:36:13

-..as a real A level.

0:36:140:36:15

-For years, people have been saying

-that the Welsh language is dying.

0:36:160:36:19

-It's not true.

0:36:200:36:21

-We do things differently in Welsh.

-We drink differently.

0:36:210:36:25

-In English, you get shitfaced.

0:36:250:36:27

-In Welsh, we say we get

-as drunk as a pickaxe!

0:36:280:36:32

-People ask me why

-I get as drunk as a pickaxe.

0:36:330:36:36

-I answer, "This way, I can be

-a prick in both directions."

0:36:370:36:41

-I'm very proud to be a Welshman

-who uses the language every day.

0:36:410:36:45

-So, Sports Direct,

-keep your shit tracksuits...

0:36:460:36:50

-..and your medieval behaviour.

0:36:500:36:52

-Julian Ruck,

-call yourself a Welshman?

0:36:520:36:55

-Stupid idiot.

0:36:550:36:56

-To the universities in England that

-don't recognize the Welsh Bac...

0:36:570:37:01

-..keep your courses.

0:37:010:37:03

-Who wants to go to Durham anyway?!

0:37:030:37:05

-Thank you!

0:37:060:37:07

-Oh. Well, there we are.

-We'll see you in the next lesson.

0:37:100:37:13

-Congratulations on completing

-your Learning Welsh course.

0:37:160:37:19

-So, what next?

0:37:200:37:21

-If you want to be

-completely fluent...

0:37:220:37:24

-..it's time to download

-our brand-new app...

0:37:240:37:27

-..Say Something Nasty in Welsh.

0:37:270:37:29

-Say Something Nasty in Welsh is

-the only app that will teach you...

0:37:300:37:34

-..how to have uneasy

-conversations in Welsh.

0:37:340:37:37

-We say the sentences in English

-and you repeat them in Welsh.

0:37:370:37:42

-What a group of dickheads.

0:37:430:37:45

-I wouldn't piss on them

-if they were on fire.

0:37:510:37:54

-Just like other learning apps...

0:37:560:37:58

-..you'll go through different levels

-as your Welsh improves.

0:37:580:38:02

-In Level 1,

-you can respond to Newsnight.

0:38:030:38:06

-Not one of them could speak Welsh!

0:38:060:38:08

-Not one!

0:38:080:38:10

-Goodness me.

0:38:120:38:13

-Fucking disgusting, it was!

0:38:160:38:17

-At Level 2,

-you'll find swear words...

0:38:180:38:22

-..aimed directly

-at those learning Welsh.

0:38:220:38:25

-How difficult is a soft mutation,

-you idiot?

0:38:270:38:30

-Maybe he can speak the language...

0:38:350:38:37

-..but has he sat through prelims

-at the Blaenffos local Eisteddfod?

0:38:380:38:42

-Wanker.

0:38:420:38:43

-At Level 3, you'll learn how to

-criticize other fluent speakers.

0:38:450:38:51

-I'm not sure where Tudur went to.

0:38:540:38:56

-But coming up next,

-the General Election.

0:38:570:38:59

-Oh! Ending a sentence

-with a preposition!

0:39:000:39:02

-That's terrible.

0:39:020:39:04

-So, Say Something Nasty in Welsh.

0:39:070:39:10

-We'll teach you how to use

-the most beautiful language...

0:39:120:39:16

-..in the most offensive way.

0:39:170:39:19

-Following the independence

-referendum in Wales...

0:39:210:39:24

-..leaders of the Yes campaign have

-entered Number 10 Downing Street.

0:39:250:39:29

-They are going to present

-a declaration of independence...

0:39:300:39:33

-..to the Prime Minister.

0:39:330:39:35

-One of the leaders,

-Siencyn ap Siencyn...

0:39:350:39:37

-..told me earlier he didn't expect

-it to be an easy process.

0:39:380:39:41

-They are prepared for weeks,

-if not months, of discussions.

0:39:410:39:45

-Well, here we are.

0:39:510:39:53

-We've been fighting for this

-for centuries. We're making history.

0:39:530:39:57

-I wonder how long he'll be in there.

0:39:580:40:00

-This is only the first day.

-Freedom won't be easy.

0:40:000:40:05

-We've been waiting...

0:40:050:40:07

-Oh, typical. Did she not even listen

-to what you had to say?

0:40:080:40:11

-I knew this would happen.

-We're going straight to the press.

0:40:120:40:16

-No.

0:40:160:40:16

-No.

-

-No?

0:40:160:40:17

-She listened to what I had to say.

0:40:180:40:20

-She listened to what I had to say.

-

-Did she dismiss it?

0:40:200:40:21

-They never listen...

0:40:220:40:23

-They never listen...

-

-No.

0:40:230:40:24

-She said...

0:40:250:40:27

-..OK.

0:40:270:40:28

-She said OK about what?

0:40:290:40:30

-She said OK about what?

-

-Everything.

0:40:300:40:31

-Did you explain our terms?

0:40:310:40:34

-She interrupted me.

0:40:340:40:37

-She said, "I've seen your demands.

-Everything looks fine."

0:40:370:40:41

-Did you explain that we want to be

-totally independent?

0:40:420:40:46

-Did you say we want to collect

-our own taxes...

0:40:470:40:49

-..and that we won't pay them

-a single penny?

0:40:500:40:52

-Did you tell her how much we want

-for the water England gets from us?

0:40:520:40:57

-Yes. She said OK.

0:40:570:40:58

-Did you tell her that we're not like

-Catalonia and we must have freedom?

0:41:000:41:04

-Yes. She laughed.

0:41:050:41:06

-Laughed?

0:41:070:41:09

-Then she said,

-"I know you're not Catalonia.

0:41:090:41:13

-"And with all due respect,

-Cardiff is not Barcelona, is it?"

0:41:130:41:17

-She laughed again, shook my hand

-and said, "Congratulations.

0:41:170:41:21

-"I hope you'll all be very happy."

0:41:220:41:24

-From midnight tonight...

0:41:240:41:27

-..Wales will be totally

-and absolutely independent.

0:41:270:41:32

-She didn't even offer me a cuppa.

0:41:340:41:36

-I'm going to have to ask you

-to leave now, please.

0:41:390:41:42

-You can't just throw us out!

0:41:430:41:45

-Yes, I can. Please leave.

0:41:450:41:47

-Or what?

0:41:470:41:49

-You're going to arrest us

-and throw us in jail without trial?

0:41:490:41:53

-No, I'm going to open the front door

-and you're all going to leave. Now.

0:41:530:41:57

-It wasn't meant to happen like this.

0:41:580:42:00

-We planned a campaign

-to last five years.

0:42:000:42:02

-I'll have to go back to teaching.

0:42:020:42:04

-I'll have to go back to teaching.

-

-I don't even live in Wales.

0:42:040:42:06

-Can she actually give us

-independence just like that?

0:42:060:42:09

-She just has.

0:42:100:42:11

-Did she look carefully

-at the referendum result?

0:42:110:42:14

-What? Why?

0:42:150:42:16

-Only 46% turned out to vote.

0:42:170:42:20

-And only 52% of those voted yes.

0:42:200:42:23

-So you could argue...

0:42:230:42:24

-So you could argue...

-

-..that it's not really decisive.

0:42:240:42:26

-You have a point.

0:42:270:42:28

-It's not as if it's legally binding.

0:42:290:42:31

-What will we do now?

0:42:320:42:34

-Go back in and tell her

-there's been a misunderstanding.

0:42:350:42:38

-I'm going back in.

0:42:390:42:39

-I'm going back in.

-

-I'm afraid that's not possible.

0:42:390:42:41

-The Prime Minister

-is very busy today.

0:42:420:42:44

-I'm not asking you again.

0:42:440:42:46

-I'm not asking you again.

-

-You can't just make us leave.

0:42:460:42:48

-We have rights.

-We're still UK citizens.

0:42:480:42:50

-Yes. You'll have to arrest us.

0:42:500:42:52

-Yes. You'll have to arrest us.

-

-No-one is getting arrested.

0:42:520:42:55

-We can't go out there.

-I don't know what to do.

0:42:560:42:58

-I do!

0:42:590:43:00

-We're receiving reports

-that the leaders from Wales...

0:43:030:43:07

-..have been arrested

-and are being taken into custody.

0:43:070:43:12

-I have no details about

-the accusations against them.

0:43:120:43:15

-It appears that the battle for

-independence for Wales continues.

0:43:150:43:20

-More details as they come in.

0:43:200:43:22

-I'd love a milky latte, darling.

0:43:270:43:29

-How many times have you thought

-it won't happen to you...

0:43:300:43:33

-..or things like that

-don't happen here?

0:43:330:43:36

-Well, think again.

0:43:370:43:39

-The truth is, it does happen.

0:43:400:43:43

-For goodness sake, this menu

-is all in Welsh. It's ridiculous.

0:43:500:43:53

-Um, I think there's

-an English version on the back.

0:43:540:43:57

-What a waste of money.

0:43:580:44:00

-Everybody can understand English,

-for heaven's sake.

0:44:000:44:03

-It's these bloody

-Welsh nationalists.

0:44:040:44:06

-Forcing this ridiculous dialect

-down everybody's throats.

0:44:060:44:10

-Er... excuse me, how dare you!

0:44:100:44:13

-Yes. Language spats.

0:44:150:44:17

-They can happen and they do happen.

0:44:170:44:20

-We must all be ready.

0:44:210:44:23

-There are three important steps to

-remember if you're caught up in one.

0:44:240:44:30

-Run, Hide and Tell.

0:44:300:44:34

-Let's try again.

0:44:340:44:36

-For goodness sake, this menu

-is all in Welsh. It's ridiculous.

0:44:390:44:43

-What a waste of money.

0:44:430:44:45

-Run.

0:44:490:44:50

-Everybody can understand English,

-for heaven's sake.

0:44:500:44:54

-Hide.

0:44:570:44:58

-Meri Huws, Welsh Language

-Commissioner, please.

0:45:000:45:03

-What? She's on holiday?

0:45:030:45:05

-Well, can you put me through

-to the BBC?

0:45:050:45:08

-No! No!

0:45:080:45:10

-Not Radio Wales.

-It has to be Radio Cymru.

0:45:100:45:13

-I want to tell them

-about a language spat.

0:45:140:45:16

-It's happening now. Quick! Please.

0:45:170:45:20

-Tell.

0:45:220:45:23

-Where on earth did everyone go?

0:45:260:45:28

-Let's get out of here. I said

-we should have gone to Scotland!

0:45:280:45:32

-So, if you hear a language spat,

-remember...

0:45:330:45:35

-..Run, Hide and Tell.

0:45:360:45:39

-Keep yourself safe.

0:45:410:45:43

-Strong and stable, you said.

0:45:490:45:51

-Let me be absolutely clear

-on this point.

0:45:510:45:54

-What I will say is that you can be

-absolutely certain...

0:45:540:45:58

-..that you are not pregnant.

0:45:580:46:00

-Um... Dewi Llwyd's birthday?

0:46:030:46:05

-No.

0:46:080:46:09

-The year S4C was established?

0:46:090:46:11

-Sgorio viewing figures?

0:46:140:46:15

-I can't believe I'm going to have to

-spend the rest of Christmas here.

0:46:170:46:20

-It's not that bad here.

0:46:210:46:22

-At least we don't have to worry...

0:46:280:46:30

-..about the awful things

-happening up there.

0:46:300:46:33

-It's S4C's Christmas party tonight.

0:46:330:46:34

-It's S4C's Christmas party tonight.

-

-No, in the world.

0:46:340:46:36

-I heard Rhodri Owen is on the decks.

0:46:360:46:39

-Look, no tweets from Trump.

0:46:390:46:42

-No fuss about Brexit.

0:46:420:46:44

-No need to worry about the third

-series of Deuawdau Rhys Meirion.

0:46:440:46:48

-Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just

-stressed. It's been a hellish year.

0:46:480:46:52

-Hey, Sian. I have something for you.

0:46:520:46:54

-Hey, Sian. I have something for you.

-

-Tuna?

0:46:540:46:56

-Pineapple chunks.

0:46:570:46:58

-Merry Christmas, everyone.

0:46:590:47:01

-Merry Christmas, everyone.

-

-And a happy new year to you all.

0:47:010:47:03

-HE SLURPS THE JUICE

0:47:040:47:05

-Seriously, you have to stop that

-or I'll hit you.

0:47:070:47:09

-OK.

0:47:100:47:11

-S4C Subtitles by Testun Cyf.

0:47:370:47:40

-.

0:47:400:47:41

Etholiad cyffredinol annisgwyl yn arwain at lywodraeth leiafrifol, trafodaethau Brexit - golwg ddychanol ar 2017! Tudur Owen, Siân Harries and the crew take a satirical look back at 2017.


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